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Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, It's Andrea Gunning. Before we start this episode,

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Speaker 1: I want to let you know that we will be

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Speaker 1: talking explicitly about the realities of domestic violence and sexual assault,

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Speaker 1: so please be mindful with this episode.

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Speaker 2: I came up with my plan, which was I'm going

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Speaker 2: to buy a gun. That's my way out. I still

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Speaker 2: remember walking into this gun store thinking that I cannot

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Speaker 2: believe this is my life. I can't believe this is

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Speaker 2: my life.

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Speaker 1: I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about

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Speaker 1: the people we trust the most and the deceptions that

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Speaker 1: change everything.

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Speaker 2: I have a thick skin. You're not going to be

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Speaker 2: able to offend me. I don't ever give off a

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Speaker 2: vibe of it's okay to mess with me.

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Speaker 1: That's Crystal Harris.

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Speaker 2: Her story is.

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Speaker 1: One of an intimate and personal betrayal, but it's also

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Speaker 1: a story of an institutional one. Crystal grew up in

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Speaker 1: the seventies in southern California, which.

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Speaker 2: At the time was all orange groves. We lived out

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Speaker 2: in the middle of nowhere, and my parents were hippies.

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Speaker 1: From an early age, Crystal was confident.

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Speaker 2: I have pictured myself as an adult since I was little,

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Speaker 2: I mean five years old, and the vision that always

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Speaker 2: came to me was a quote business woman. You know,

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Speaker 2: I saw myself with a briefcase and high heels.

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Speaker 1: She's always been the kind of person who visualizes what

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Speaker 1: she wants and makes it happen.

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Speaker 2: I had my life all planned out. Just as I

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Speaker 2: saw myself as a business woman, I also saw myself

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Speaker 2: as a wife and mother. My plan was to graduate

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Speaker 2: at twenty one. Hopefully I would have met my husband

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Speaker 2: at some point in college, and we would get married

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Speaker 2: around twenty three after I started my career, and then

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Speaker 2: I wanted to have kids when I was thirty. That

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Speaker 2: was my plan.

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Speaker 1: Crystal's parents divorced when she was eight and she moved

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Speaker 1: in with her dad.

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Speaker 2: I saw my mom after the divorce. She didn't really

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Speaker 2: have a profession. She had married my dad when she

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Speaker 2: was eighteen, and she never went to school, and so

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Speaker 2: she had to like scramble a little bit. And it

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Speaker 2: made me realize I would never want to be left

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Speaker 2: in that position where I had to rely on someone

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Speaker 2: else for my financial security. So I entered my high

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Speaker 2: school in college years thinking I've got to have a skill,

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Speaker 2: I've got to know how to do something. It was

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Speaker 2: a formative lesson for Crystal. I was sixteen years old

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Speaker 2: and I said, I'm going to be a financial advisor.

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Speaker 2: And so once I graduated from high school, I got

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Speaker 2: accepted to college and chose finance as my major and

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Speaker 2: was off from there.

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Speaker 1: During her last summer of college, Crystal was at home

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Speaker 1: in southern California working as a server at a restaurant.

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Speaker 1: One day, a new guy showed up at work.

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Speaker 2: There was this buzz in the restaurant. One day, everyone

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Speaker 2: kept going, oh, my gosh, Sean is back. Sean is here?

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Speaker 2: Have you seen Sean? And I was like, who's Sean.

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Speaker 2: I finally see him over at the bar, and I

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Speaker 2: was just blown over. I thought he was gorgeous. He

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Speaker 2: was so good looking. He was strong, tan and blonde

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Speaker 2: and must skiller.

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Speaker 1: Sean quickly became one of her favorite coworkers.

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Speaker 2: I was a waitress. He was a bus boy, and like,

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Speaker 2: if I was just standing at a table with a

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Speaker 2: cup or a plate in my hand, he'd come up

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Speaker 2: and take it from me. He would never let me

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Speaker 2: walk all the way to the dishwasher.

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Speaker 1: He was her type, and he caught her attention. An

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Speaker 1: all American boy and a former college athlete.

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Speaker 2: He attended a private college and he was on their

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Speaker 2: baseball team. He was the pitcher, and I was impressed.

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Speaker 2: And then I learned that he was a math major,

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Speaker 2: and I was impressed by that too, because I thought, well,

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Speaker 2: you can't fudge it, and being a math major, I

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Speaker 2: respected it.

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Speaker 1: Crystal and Sean spent the whole summer flirting.

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Speaker 2: One night, we all decided to go out after work.

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Speaker 2: We had been dancing all night and we'd been hanging

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Speaker 2: out with our other friends from work, and we were

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Speaker 2: kind of bar hopping and there's a little bench outside

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Speaker 2: and we were sitting on it and he just kissed me.

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Speaker 2: That led into us having this really cute, fun, almost

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Speaker 2: magical relationship that first year.

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Speaker 1: Crystal still had a year of college left. She drove

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Speaker 1: the hour home every weekend to spend time with Sean.

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Speaker 2: I would race down after school on Friday and it

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Speaker 2: would just be like, oh my god, I missed you.

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Speaker 2: It felt like every weekend was a vacation.

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Speaker 1: Every time she was around Sean, I.

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Speaker 2: Was totally smitten. He was different. I had never dated

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Speaker 2: anybody that I thought was smarter than me, but I

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Speaker 2: thought he was smarter than me.

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Speaker 1: After she graduated from college, Crystal turned her attention to

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Speaker 1: her next goal, getting a job. She'd gotten her degree

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Speaker 1: in finance and she wanted to be a financial advisor.

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Speaker 2: I really worked hard at getting my foot in the

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Speaker 2: door somewhere. I interviewed everywhere, all the major firms on

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Speaker 2: Wall Street.

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Speaker 1: Then she found a firm who gave her a chance,

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Speaker 1: but she would have to work for it.

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Speaker 2: They said, if you can open twenty five accounts and

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Speaker 2: bring in five hundred thousand dollars in assets, then we'll

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Speaker 2: put you into our actual training program. And I said, okay,

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Speaker 2: fair enough. I worked my ass off and I was

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Speaker 2: able to get that done within four months, and so

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Speaker 2: I got hired.

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Speaker 1: The firm had a branch in her and Shawn's town,

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Speaker 1: but before she started working there, they sent her to

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Speaker 1: New York City for a training program. Sean and Crystal

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Speaker 1: had been dating for two years, and Sean visited her

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Speaker 1: in New York when he could.

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Speaker 2: They would do New York for the weekend as tourists.

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Speaker 2: At some point we were up at the top of

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Speaker 2: the Statue of Liberty, like in the Crown, and that's

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Speaker 2: where he proposed to me. I quickly said yes, and

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Speaker 2: I can remember saying we can get married when like

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Speaker 2: next week or a year. He said, whatever you want.

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Speaker 1: She planned their wedding in six months. Everything was falling

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Speaker 1: into place.

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Speaker 2: I felt totally sure. I love him, he loves me.

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Speaker 2: We're starting life together, and I was really in a

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Speaker 2: happy place in my life.

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Speaker 1: Her wedding day was picture perfect.

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Speaker 2: It was lovely, beautiful. I was happy to be married,

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Speaker 2: but it just it felt like, of course I'm getting married,

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Speaker 2: like this is what I do, it's my plan, this

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Speaker 2: is a day that's supposed to come. It's here, let's

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Speaker 2: do it next on the list. We got married in January,

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Speaker 2: and by that June we purchased our first condo. It

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Speaker 2: started us like building our life.

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Speaker 1: Shawn's dad owned a used car our dealership in town,

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Speaker 1: and you got a job working there. But Sean's career

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Speaker 1: would be temporary. Early on, the couple made an agreement

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Speaker 1: when they were ready to start a family, Crystal would

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Speaker 1: be the breadwinner and Sean would stay at home with

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Speaker 1: the kids.

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Speaker 2: Neither of us believed in daycare, so he had always

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Speaker 2: said he'd be happy to stay home with them. And

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Speaker 2: I just thought to myself, Wow, great, that lets me

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Speaker 2: have my career but I could still have kids.

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Speaker 1: Knowing Sean would be a stay at home dad when

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Speaker 1: the time came, allowed Crystal to focus on building her career.

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Speaker 2: The stock market opens at six thirty am West Coast time.

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Speaker 2: It was my job to manage people's portfolios, to figure

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Speaker 2: out what a client needed, what their goals were, what

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Speaker 2: their risk tolerance was, and invest appropriately. You either make

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Speaker 2: it or you don't, and so I always liked that

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Speaker 2: aspect that the sky was the limit.

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Speaker 1: Her husband supported her career wholeheartedly.

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Speaker 2: Sean literally from the time we first met. He seemed

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Speaker 2: so proud to be with me. He just loved that

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Speaker 2: I was ambitious and that I knew where I was going.

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Speaker 2: I'd close some new account and I'd come home and

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Speaker 2: he would be just as happy as I was. We

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Speaker 2: would totally celebrate together.

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Speaker 1: They were a regular couple in their twenties, spending weekends

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Speaker 1: with friends. They even joined a Rex softball team together,

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Speaker 1: which was especially fun because Sean could show off his

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Speaker 1: college baseball skills.

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Speaker 2: We played every Wednesday night, and then we would always

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Speaker 2: go for pizza and beer after. It gave me a

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Speaker 2: chance to watch him be amazing, because he really was

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Speaker 2: athletically amazing. He could run faster than any man. He

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Speaker 2: could hit the ball further. I was like, Wow, I

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Speaker 2: know he loved me, and I loved him very much.

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Speaker 2: That was the base of everything at home.

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Speaker 1: He was affectionate, doting, and for a while things were

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Speaker 1: really great living together. She began to notice they had

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Speaker 1: two different approaches to conflict.

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Speaker 2: I'm the type of person if I'm mad at you,

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Speaker 2: I will tell you right now, but one minute later,

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Speaker 2: I'm fine, it's out, it's over. But Sean would do

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Speaker 2: things where let's say he got off work at six,

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Speaker 2: he wouldn't come home until like nine or ten or whatever,

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Speaker 2: and he finally just like strolled through the door and

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Speaker 2: I go, what the hell, why are you late? And

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Speaker 2: he would be like, well, do you remember last Wednesday

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Speaker 2: when you said such and such to me? I've been

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Speaker 2: really mad about that.

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Speaker 1: Cristel had never seen someone hold onto resentment the way

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Speaker 1: that Sean did. Two years into the marriage, one of

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Speaker 1: their cars broke down, so for a week, Kristal and

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Speaker 1: Sean had to share a car. They both needed it

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Speaker 1: to get to work. Cristal started her job at six

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Speaker 1: point thirty in the morning. She would take a break

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Speaker 1: around eight thirty to pick Sean up and take him

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Speaker 1: to his job at the dealership. Within just a few days,

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Speaker 1: the car became a source of tension.

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Speaker 2: Every day he'd say, come pick me up, let's say

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Speaker 2: eight forty five, and I would get there and he

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Speaker 2: would still be in bed, or still in the shower,

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Speaker 2: whatever it was. He was nowhere near ready every day,

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Speaker 2: and I had had it. I was pissed. I didn't

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Speaker 2: like how he was just so dismissive of my time.

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Speaker 1: But one day the fight over the car became something different.

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Speaker 2: We got in a big fight over it. Eventually we

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Speaker 2: get in the car and I'm driving him to work

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Speaker 2: and we're still fighting. He's in the passenger seat. Next

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Speaker 2: thing I know, he took his left hand, it was

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Speaker 2: in a fist, and just sort of balked me in

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Speaker 2: my eye, on my cheek, and I just was reeling.

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Speaker 2: I pulled the car over, and I'm trying to get

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Speaker 2: my head together, trying to figure out what just happened.

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Speaker 2: I had never been hit before by a man in

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Speaker 2: my life. I just remember thinking, get him to work,

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Speaker 2: and then you're on your own. You've got the car,

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Speaker 2: You've got the safety of the office. Don't provoke him anymore.

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Speaker 2: I just shut my mouth, not fighting anymore.

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Speaker 1: She had an instinctual reaction, which was to stay calm

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Speaker 1: and get him out of her car. Once she was alone,

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Speaker 1: she knew what she had to do.

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Speaker 2: Get back to the office, Call the police, call an attorney,

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Speaker 2: Call my mom. This is huge and my marriage is over.

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Speaker 2: That is what I did. I told everybody, and I

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Speaker 2: hired a divorce attorney and filed a police report. I

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Speaker 2: did everything I ever said I would do if a

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Speaker 2: man hit me.

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Speaker 1: When Crystal got home that day.

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Speaker 2: He had broken the whole sliding glass door.

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Speaker 1: But Sean wasn't home. He'd been arrested for assaulting Crystal.

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Speaker 1: She wanted to be far away from.

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Speaker 2: Him, and I got a restraining order. By the end

225
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Speaker 2: of that day, he was not allowed to come in

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Speaker 2: the house.

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Speaker 1: They were separated for some time. About a month or

228
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Speaker 1: so went by. Then Crystal got a call from Sean's dad.

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Speaker 2: I respected his dad very much, and he was telling

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Speaker 2: me how devastated Sean is and how this was such

231
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Speaker 2: a huge wake up call for him. He knows he

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00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,880
Speaker 2: did wrong. His dad kept saying, you know you're a

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00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:30,080
Speaker 2: part of this family. We love you. Sean's already going

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00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:35,920
Speaker 2: to anger management classes. I remember thinking, that's great that

235
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:40,640
Speaker 2: they have such a thing. It was court ordered, and

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Speaker 2: it just seemed official.

237
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Speaker 1: This was nineteen ninety eight, when court ordered anger management

238
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Speaker 1: was still new. This was Crystal's first time learning about it,

239
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,560
Speaker 1: and she was relieved to hear he was getting help.

240
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Speaker 1: Despite what Sean had done, anger management sounded like it

241
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,080
Speaker 1: was just what he needed.

242
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,960
Speaker 2: I really thought that could be the key to us

243
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,000
Speaker 2: getting back together.

244
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,800
Speaker 1: After talking to his dad, she was open to hearing

245
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Speaker 1: Sean out. She wanted his apology.

246
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,400
Speaker 2: I was willing to talk to him on the phone.

247
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,960
Speaker 2: Was trying to get a sense of if he understood

248
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:24,240
Speaker 2: how bad what he did was. He really seemed like

249
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:30,440
Speaker 2: he was sorry and he did wrong. I thought, I

250
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,480
Speaker 2: love him, he loves me. I love him. All he

251
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,880
Speaker 2: needs is a little bit of help to figure out

252
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:40,040
Speaker 2: why he did that and we can still have our

253
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Speaker 2: life together.

254
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,760
Speaker 1: But she wanted to let him know he'd messed up

255
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,200
Speaker 1: and he would be held accountable for what he'd done.

256
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,320
Speaker 2: I slowly let him back in the house. It took

257
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 2: two or three months. We had our divorce proceeding in

258
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:05,440
Speaker 2: a I dropped everything except what I did not drop.

259
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:10,400
Speaker 2: Was the actual police charge. He did it. He hit me,

260
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:15,080
Speaker 2: and it was important to me that that stand. So

261
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:20,080
Speaker 2: he was prosecuted and pled guilty, and that did go

262
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 2: on his record, and.

263
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,560
Speaker 1: The consequences he faced were long lasting.

264
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:30,000
Speaker 2: He was on probation for three years, and I felt

265
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:35,600
Speaker 2: sufficiently satisfied that he was getting that help he needed

266
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:36,880
Speaker 2: and that we were going to be okay.

267
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,600
Speaker 1: That moment in the car felt like an outlier, and

268
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 1: there otherwise steady relationship.

269
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,680
Speaker 2: There's not like an infidelity issue. There was not even

270
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,640
Speaker 2: a jealousy issue. I thought that was good. We never

271
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:55,640
Speaker 2: fought about money. He was not a drinker, never took drugs,

272
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:59,200
Speaker 2: didn't smoke, and I just thought that's a great foundation

273
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,320
Speaker 2: for a good mayor mage and we loved each other.

274
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:07,360
Speaker 1: Over the next three years, they slowly rebuild trust. Crystal

275
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,560
Speaker 1: fell grounded, and her relationship with Sean.

276
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,600
Speaker 2: I just remember thinking we should start thinking about having kids,

277
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,600
Speaker 2: and it was part of my plan anyway. So the

278
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:20,120
Speaker 2: following January of two thousand and two, I went off

279
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 2: the pill and we started trying to have a baby,

280
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,280
Speaker 2: and I got pregnant immediately.

281
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 1: Crystal was thrilled.

282
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,440
Speaker 2: I couldn't wait for Sean to get home and tell

283
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,600
Speaker 2: him in person, Like I call him immediately and I'm like,

284
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,919
Speaker 2: I am pregnant. He was happy. He was so happy.

285
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,840
Speaker 1: Sean and Crystal found out that they were going to

286
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,959
Speaker 1: have a boy. They felt really connected through her entire pregnancy.

287
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:49,240
Speaker 2: He's treated me great. It was a very sweet time

288
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:50,240
Speaker 2: in our relationship.

289
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,080
Speaker 1: And in two thousand and two their son was born.

290
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:59,560
Speaker 2: Sean was there. He was crying and loving and proud

291
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,640
Speaker 2: of me and cheerleading and being perfect.

292
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:09,040
Speaker 1: Their son became their whole world. That's when Sean quit

293
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,080
Speaker 1: his job and, like the couple had planned, became a

294
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 1: stay at home dad.

295
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,239
Speaker 2: He was home with the baby and I was on

296
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,160
Speaker 2: maternity leave for like four months and then I went back.

297
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,920
Speaker 2: I thought our plan was working out pretty well.

298
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,600
Speaker 1: But once he quit working, something changed in Sean.

299
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,720
Speaker 2: The whole thing about putting me in my place and

300
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,919
Speaker 2: the passive aggressiveness and that kind of stuff seemed to

301
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,400
Speaker 2: pick up a lot. When Sean and I would fight,

302
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:42,440
Speaker 2: it would be bigger, things would escalate further than they

303
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:47,080
Speaker 2: ever had. It just got to a different level after

304
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,400
Speaker 2: our first son was born.

305
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 1: Like one time a fight got so intense that Crystal

306
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,440
Speaker 1: had to escape to her neighbor's.

307
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:59,399
Speaker 2: House, and he followed me. He comes in there, he

308
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,959
Speaker 2: grabs me. He opens their fridge and takes milk out

309
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,399
Speaker 2: of the fridge and just pours it all over me,

310
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:06,720
Speaker 2: right in front of them.

311
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,359
Speaker 1: He had humiliated her in front of her friends, and

312
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:14,720
Speaker 1: he didn't care. Crystal felt exposed because up until this

313
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 1: point she had been living with Sean's escalation in private.

314
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:23,919
Speaker 2: After I took Sean back, I never told anyone in

315
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:28,400
Speaker 2: my family that my life was anything but perfect. Part

316
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,120
Speaker 2: of it was not even just protecting Sean, was protecting

317
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 2: my own ego.

318
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 1: Crystal wouldn't dare engage Sean after an explosive fight. She'd

319
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,640
Speaker 1: wait for him to cool down, but sometimes that would

320
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,320
Speaker 1: take days or weeks.

321
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:48,320
Speaker 2: I wasn't happy, but I felt like I could tolerate

322
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,919
Speaker 2: a lot to keep my family together for my kids,

323
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 2: like I could put up with the bullshit.

324
00:19:55,600 --> 00:20:00,480
Speaker 1: Incidents like this started happening more frequently, and oftentimes Crystal

325
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 1: will get the police involved to help deescalate the situation.

326
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 2: Never did I get physically assaulted. It was just like

327
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 2: more scary stuff, and I called the police a number

328
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 2: of times.

329
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 1: Things went on like this for two years, and then.

330
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 2: Shawn's dad got lung cancer and died a month before

331
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:30,040
Speaker 2: our second child was born, and it sent Sean into deep,

332
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:36,879
Speaker 2: deep depression. He was playing video games all night and

333
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,359
Speaker 2: then he would sleep all day, even though he's the

334
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 2: one home with the kids.

335
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,359
Speaker 1: Crystal was doing everything she could to hold their family together,

336
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 1: but it was getting harder.

337
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 2: As time went on. I would throw out the divorce

338
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 2: word pretty often, just because I would say I can't

339
00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 2: live like this. My intention in doing that was to

340
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 2: hopefully have him go, well, oh my gosh, I don't

341
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,120
Speaker 2: want to lose her. I better straighten up.

342
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,040
Speaker 1: Christel was still in love with Sean. She wanted to

343
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,360
Speaker 1: fight for their family and hope that things could be different,

344
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 1: and she held on to that hope for five years.

345
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 2: The shit was happening more and more and more, and

346
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,360
Speaker 2: finally it gets to the point, early fall of two

347
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 2: thousand and seven, something happened. We got in a fight.

348
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 1: After the altercation, Sean left the house. He didn't come

349
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,119
Speaker 1: back for days. Christel had no idea where he was

350
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 1: or what would happen next. Eventually he showed back up, and.

351
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 2: When he came back in the house, he was different,

352
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 2: so calm. It was like he had been meditating on

353
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: this whole new plan to keep me in line. He

354
00:21:55,840 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 2: came in with intent. He tells me that he is

355
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 2: sick of me calling the police on him. He is

356
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:11,199
Speaker 2: sick of me threatening to divorce him, and that is

357
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 2: all ending now. That's never going to happen again. And

358
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 2: if I ever do it again, he's going to kill me.

359
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 1: He was serious, and it was terrifying.

360
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:27,119
Speaker 2: I believed him. I had never felt so helpless in

361
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 2: my life. Usually I could come up with a plan.

362
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 2: I had no plan that decisive, planned out person who's

363
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 2: got her act together found herself in a box.

364
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 1: After Sean lost his father, he mentally started to unravel

365
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 1: worse than before. Verbal abuse was a constant in the

366
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:16,360
Speaker 1: Harra's household. When things escalated, Crystal would often call the cops.

367
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 1: But after one particularly explosive altercation, Sean left the house

368
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 1: and after a few days, Sean came back with a

369
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: clear message he was in control and if she challenged him,

370
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 1: he would kill her.

371
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 2: I remember just trying to play it cool at first,

372
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 2: thinking maybe he's still really mad, but whenever I went

373
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 2: to revisit it days later, weeks later, months later and

374
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 2: just say, like, you didn't mean that, You're just mad.

375
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,399
Speaker 2: He would double down on it and say, no, that

376
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 2: is what I mean.

377
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 1: So Crystal fell in line. She avoided doing anything that

378
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:55,920
Speaker 1: could upset him.

379
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 2: I thought, I'm going to be so nice to him.

380
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 2: If I'm so nice to him, how could he be

381
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 2: mean to me? But then he said, the meaner I

382
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 2: act to you, the nicer you act to me. Anything

383
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 2: she did to try and regain control backfired. She needed support.

384
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 2: For the first time in my life, I start going

385
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:22,479
Speaker 2: to church because I am out of answers, I have

386
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 2: no plan. I feel helpless.

387
00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: Crystal leaned on the church and its community. There she

388
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 1: felt less alone. A few months later, the church was

389
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 1: hosting an Easter egg hunt. Crystal wanted to take her sons.

390
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 1: They were five and two at the time.

391
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,479
Speaker 2: I begged Sean to go to this thing with me.

392
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 2: Is like, the kids will have so much fun, do

393
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 2: it for them, and he did not want to go.

394
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,160
Speaker 2: He finally, super begrudgingly agreed to come.

395
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: The whole time, Sean was miserable. He would wander off

396
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 1: or snap at her. What was the supposed to be

397
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: a fun holiday event ended up being really stressful. After

398
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 1: the event, Crystal and Sean were pulling out of the

399
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: church parking lot. Crystal sat in the passenger seat, exhausted,

400
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 1: with the two boys in the back.

401
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 2: Sewn is starting to like flip off these cars and stuff,

402
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed because

403
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,119
Speaker 2: these are people I go to church with. I just said, Sean,

404
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 2: do not flip these people off. And I had a

405
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 2: snow cone in my hand and I was looking out

406
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,920
Speaker 2: the passenger window. Next thing I know, the whole thing

407
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 2: just explodes because Sean's hand has come across and whacked

408
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 2: it out of my face and hit my face a

409
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 2: little bit too, and then he takes his finger and

410
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 2: he puts it right in the soft part of my throat,

411
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 2: like right in the front, and he just starts pushing

412
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 2: really hard, and I'm trying to back up, but I'm

413
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 2: crying and I'm yelling and I'm him to stop. And

414
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 2: my son is diagonal from me, and my other son's

415
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 2: behind me and hearing all this. The oldest one he's

416
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 2: telling his daddy to stop. Nothing had ever happened in

417
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 2: front of the kids before. And I just realized at

418
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 2: that moment, how delusional I had been thinking that I

419
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 2: could keep any of this under control.

420
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 1: She needed to get out, but she was afraid for

421
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: her life, and now she was afraid for her kids' lives.

422
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 1: In that moment, Crystal made a decision.

423
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 2: I'm gonna buy a gun. That's my way out to

424
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 2: get out of this marriage and stay alive because I

425
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 2: knew he would come after me. Let's say I called

426
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 2: the police that moment. Like that night, I truly believed

427
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 2: that he would just be out the next day and

428
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,919
Speaker 2: come and kill me. I felt like I could not

429
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 2: make any moves for safety until I had that gun.

430
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,439
Speaker 2: It just felt like a lifeline to me.

431
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: Crystal wasted no time I went.

432
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 2: That very same night, I still remember walking into this

433
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 2: gun store thinking that I cannot believe this is my life.

434
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 2: I can't believe this is my life.

435
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: In California, there's a ten day waiting period between purchasing

436
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 1: a gun and taking possession of it, So for Crystal,

437
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,120
Speaker 1: it was just a matter of getting through those next

438
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 1: ten days. Once she did pick up the gun, she

439
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 1: would take her and her boys and leave Sean forever.

440
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 1: But within a few days Sean started threatening her again.

441
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: She wanted evidence of the threats and violence against her

442
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 1: in case she would ever need it in court. This

443
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: was two thousand and eight, before iPhone's remainstream. Crystal had

444
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:52,400
Speaker 1: to be resourceful.

445
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,360
Speaker 2: I thought, I'm going to need proof this is happening

446
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:58,239
Speaker 2: to me. So I decided I was going to get

447
00:27:58,280 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 2: a tape recorder.

448
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 1: As a note for listeners, Crystal is about to describe

449
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: an instance of graphic domestic violence. If you'd prefer not

450
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: to hear this, you can fast forward three and a

451
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:11,199
Speaker 1: half minutes.

452
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 2: And so we get to Friday and I get home

453
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:20,640
Speaker 2: from work and he immediately says to me, I can't

454
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 2: stand to be around you. Either you need to leave

455
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 2: or I do. I still had my high heels on

456
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,719
Speaker 2: and my business suit and my nylons and everything, and

457
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 2: I just was like, okay, fine.

458
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 1: Crystal decided to give Sean some space. She went up

459
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 1: to her bedroom she'd stay out of his way for

460
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: the rest of the night.

461
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 2: I had just gotten in bed, and next thing I know,

462
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 2: he comes strolling in the room and wants to have sex.

463
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 2: And I said, no, no, we're not having sex. And

464
00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 2: he starts in on me like, well, we are married,

465
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 2: aren't we, And then he starts saying this is not

466
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 2: up for negotiation. I can remember a flood of adrenaline

467
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 2: going through my body, like, oh my god, what is happening.

468
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: I'm not able to talk my way out of it.

469
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 2: He's two hundred and twenty pounds. I was one hundred

470
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 2: and twenty pounds. I couldn't hurt him if I tried,

471
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 2: whereas he could kill me. And as I realized I'm

472
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: not getting out of this, I remembered I've got that

473
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 2: tape recorder nearby. I couldn't physically stop this from happening,

474
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 2: but I could at least have proof that it was happening.

475
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 2: And so I started begging him to let me go

476
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 2: to the bathroom. And it took me a little bit,

477
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,479
Speaker 2: but he finally let me go to the bathroom. And

478
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 2: as I came out of the bathroom, I stopped at

479
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 2: my underwear drawer and acted like I was getting something out,

480
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 2: and I hit that play in record button and then

481
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 2: I closed the drawer, and then I decided to just

482
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 2: try and act like maybe you didn't mean what you

483
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 2: were saying before I'm gonna go check on the kids,

484
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 2: like I was just trying to like get out of

485
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 2: there like put this off in some way, shape or form,

486
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 2: and he got super mad that I didn't come back

487
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 2: to the bed. Then I tried to leave, and he

488
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 2: jumped over the bed and grabbed me by the arm

489
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 2: and womped me upside the head and started choking me

490
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 2: and pulled me back to the bed.

491
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 1: He raped her that night.

492
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 2: When he's finished, I'm thinking he's maybe gonna feel bad.

493
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm walking to the bathroom to clean

494
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 2: up and get a hold of myself, and I'm still

495
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 2: reeling from what happened. But I said something like I

496
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,719
Speaker 2: can't believe you just fucking raped your own wife. He

497
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 2: comes into the bathroom and he hits me again upside

498
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 2: the head, and he's like, don't fucking lie to me.

499
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 2: I kept saying, okay, I'm sorry. I was confused, okay,

500
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 2: And he's like, you're not confused. I'm gonna carve that

501
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 2: on your head when I dump your fucking body in

502
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 2: a ditch. And he even starts to taunt me about

503
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 2: calling the police. He's like, are you gonna call the police?

504
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,719
Speaker 2: Go ahead, I wish you would. Please do give me

505
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 2: a reason.

506
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 1: Later that night, she checked the tape recorder to see

507
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 1: if that I captured anything.

508
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:37,360
Speaker 2: The audio quality was shit, but it was there. Not

509
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 2: only did it catch the rape on tape, it caught

510
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 2: his death threat, but caught everything. I kept it like

511
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 2: it was the most precious jewel ever. I didn't leave

512
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 2: it anywhere in the house. It would go with me

513
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 2: wherever I went.

514
00:31:56,200 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: Now Crystal had proof this was a serious escalation in violence.

515
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: Wednesday was five days away, and that's when she could

516
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 1: pick up her gun. In the meantime, she was trying

517
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 1: to lay low and survive.

518
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 2: I'm just going to be super nice to him and

519
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 2: just get to Wednesday. The next day, I take the

520
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 2: kids to Lego Land. That day was fine. I had

521
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 2: no interaction with Sean. Sunday, I took the kids to

522
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 2: where my mom lived and visited with her. And that

523
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 2: was the first time I told anyone what happened, because

524
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 2: now I have a plan, Like now I can tell

525
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 2: her this is what's been happening to me, but don't worry,

526
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 2: I've caught it under control. And so of course she

527
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 2: didn't want me to go home to him that day,

528
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 2: but I said I have to. I just have to

529
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: play along until I get this gun. On Wednesday, and

530
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 2: she agreed.

531
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 1: She went back home and went to work on Monday.

532
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 1: The day passed without much interaction between her and Sean.

533
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: I want to mend here again that Krystal is going

534
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 1: to describe a final escalation in violence. If you'd prefer

535
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: not to hear this, you can fast forward a minute

536
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 1: and a half.

537
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 2: Tuesday. I had a long day just in the office,

538
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 2: and when I got home at like six six thirty,

539
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 2: he just started in on me immediately, like where have

540
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 2: you been all day? What have you been doing? And

541
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 2: he tells me that he was tracking my phone that

542
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 2: day and that I'm a fucking liar, And he just

543
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 2: put his hands around my neck and he started choking

544
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 2: me so hard and so long, and he would not

545
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 2: let go. I kept having this thought process in my head,

546
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 2: like is he trying to kill me? Is he gonna

547
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 2: accidentally kill me? Either way, I'm dead? And his eyes

548
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 2: were black. He did not care at all what I

549
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 2: was saying. Nothing I said mattered.

550
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 1: He raved Crystal again. This time he was even more

551
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 1: violent than before.

552
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 2: He finally finishes and I just remember getting up completely

553
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 2: naked and just walking like a zombie almost to the

554
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 2: bathroom and just getting in the shower and crying like

555
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 2: the most I've ever cried in my life, because I just.

556
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:31,080
Speaker 3: Candn't believe all this happened to me. I also had

557
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 3: like a complete revelation, which was I'm not gonna die

558
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,840
Speaker 3: if I leave. I'm gonna die if I stay.

559
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 1: Crystal was right to believe that her situation was life threatening.

560
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 1: A report from the Journal of Emergency Medicine in two

561
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,080
Speaker 1: thousand and eight shows that strangulation is one of the

562
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 1: the strongest predictors of future lethal violence. Victims who have

563
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,360
Speaker 1: been strangled by a partner are seven hundred and fifty

564
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: percent more likely to be killed by that same partner.

565
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 1: Crystal was violated, almost died. Sean seemed unbothered, as if

566
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 1: it was any other night. He logged onto play video

567
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 1: games with his friends.

568
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 2: Sean was playing this online role playing game called World

569
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 2: of Warcraft.

570
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 1: He always played on the third floor wearing headphones, so

571
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: Crystal hoped he wouldn't be able to hear.

572
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,560
Speaker 2: What she was doing. He thought, I was going to

573
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 2: bed like normal. I put pillows in the bed, then

574
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 2: I just walked out the front door. I went all

575
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 2: the way out of our gate and I hid in

576
00:35:48,920 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 2: some bushes and I called nine one one.

577
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: After surviving multiple violent attacks at the hands of her husband, Sean,

578
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 1: Crystal knew she needed to act quickly. That night, while

579
00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 1: Sean played video games, Crystal snuck out of the house,

580
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: hid in some bushes in her neighborhood, and called nine

581
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 1: one one.

582
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 2: I had left the door unlocked, and I gave him

583
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 2: permission to go in, and I told them where he

584
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 2: was and they just went up there to the third

585
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:37,800
Speaker 2: floor and arrested him.

586
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: Crystal called the police at nine PM, but her night

587
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,839
Speaker 1: wouldn't end until noon the next day.

588
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 2: I was with the police and we were waiting on

589
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 2: search warrants and we were getting the kids out to

590
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 2: my parents. I had to go to the hospital that

591
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 2: night for a sexual assault rape test.

592
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 1: After finishing a medical exam and filing a police report,

593
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,879
Speaker 1: Crystal's attention turned to her kids. They'd been home during

594
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: both attacks, but they were in their bedrooms. Crystal was

595
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: confident that they hadn't seen or heard the attacks, but

596
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,800
Speaker 1: they had been in the car a week earlier after

597
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: the Easter egg hunt.

598
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:20,240
Speaker 2: Immediately, when I'm back with them, I tell them the truth,

599
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 2: because here's the thing. My son who saw Sean hit

600
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 2: that snow cone out of my face and kind of

601
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 2: choked me. Kept saying, are you gonna do something? We

602
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 2: need to call the police, but I kept telling him like,

603
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 2: Mommy has it under control. So this is now like

604
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 2: a week and a half after that, and now his

605
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 2: dad's in jail, and I just linked him. I just said,

606
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 2: remember when daddy hurt mommy. He's in jail. He hurt mommy,

607
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 2: And it just made complete sense to him. He was like, Okay, yeah,

608
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have hurt you then.

609
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: And Cristel had to tell the rest of her family

610
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,800
Speaker 1: and close friends what she had been through.

611
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 2: My dad was just devastated. Everyone just couldn't believe the

612
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 2: way that my life had been for so long.

613
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 1: With Sean and jail. Christel felt relieved, but she was

614
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 1: surprised to find that there was another emotion, grief.

615
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:29,439
Speaker 2: I made vows to this man. I spent my whole

616
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 2: adult life with him, I made children with him. I

617
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:37,360
Speaker 2: actually mourned for quite a long time after he was arrested,

618
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,439
Speaker 2: the life I thought I was going to have with him.

619
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: In order to cope, Cristel threw herself into work.

620
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 2: Work was keeping me sane and things were so crazy

621
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 2: every day at work.

622
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: Cristel had always been the breadwinner in her marriage with Sean.

623
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:57,800
Speaker 1: She managed the family's finances, so when Shawan's bail was posted,

624
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 1: Cristel was the one in control.

625
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 2: When they first arrested him, I canceled all of his

626
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 2: credit cards, so it made whatever was in his wallet

627
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 2: not work. Because I thought his bail would probably be

628
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 2: like twenty five grand or ten grand or something. He

629
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,360
Speaker 2: had like a million three point fifty bail. I felt

630
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 2: safe with that.

631
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 1: Shawn's criminal trial took multiple years.

632
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 2: The worst thing that happened during those two and a

633
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:30,920
Speaker 2: half years is Sean finally did make bail. He's living

634
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 2: with his mom. He becomes a cab driver.

635
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,120
Speaker 1: While they waited for the criminal trial, Crystal and Sean

636
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 1: were duking it out in family court negotiating custody of

637
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 1: the kids. And on top of that, Sean was demanding money.

638
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:49,720
Speaker 2: Sean wanted spousal support, and we haven't had the criminal

639
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 2: trial yet, and so my word is the only evidence

640
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 2: in the case at that point. In family court, the

641
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 2: judge rules that yes, there was domestic violence and rape

642
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 2: in this case. That's just one factor, though, and the

643
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,800
Speaker 2: bigger factor is that I'm the breadwinner and it would

644
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 2: be sexist if I don't order some spousal support for

645
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 2: the husband. I was just so outraged. I remember leaving

646
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 2: court that day. Sean passed me in the car and

647
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 2: had a number one sign like he's the winner. He

648
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 2: rubbed it in my face. He would like laugh when

649
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 2: we got out of the courtroom, and I kept saying,

650
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,399
Speaker 2: he's a violent rapist.

651
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,800
Speaker 1: According to the family court judge, Crystal would have to

652
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:44,720
Speaker 1: pay the man that raped her, violated her, the man

653
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 1: that almost killed her. At the next hearing, the judge

654
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 1: ruled on how much Crystal would pay Sean espousal support.

655
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 2: Sean normally would have been awarded maybe three thousand dollars

656
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:01,200
Speaker 2: a month, but because of the domestic violence finding in

657
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 2: this case, the judge said, I'll knock that down to

658
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 2: one thousand dollars a month. And I remember someone saying,

659
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 2: what is that the rape discount? And not only did

660
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 2: I have to pay espousal support, I also was ordered

661
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 2: to pay half of his attorneys. He's another forty seven

662
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 2: thousand dollars.

663
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:27,560
Speaker 1: Crystal knew this wasn't right. Survivors shouldn't be forced to

664
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 1: pay their abusers.

665
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 2: Around that same time, I had happened to see a

666
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 2: dateline where a woman in California was ordered to pay

667
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 2: spousal support to the man who was convicted of attempting

668
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 2: to murder her.

669
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: This woman had to pay the man that wanted her debt.

670
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: But instead of accepting the ruling, she had work to

671
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 1: change the law in California. Crystal thought that survivors espousal

672
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: rape deserved the same protections, and it got her thinking.

673
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: The next time she was.

674
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:05,439
Speaker 2: In court, I can remember saying to the judge, I said,

675
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 2: if you order me to pay this, I am going

676
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 2: to get the law changed. And he was like, you're

677
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 2: going to change the law.

678
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,760
Speaker 1: When Crystal sets her mind to something, she gets it done.

679
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 1: She got to work right away.

680
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 2: I went to my local assemblymen and when I went

681
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 2: into the office, I said, I'm a constituent of yours,

682
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 2: and I just told them what happened.

683
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: After hearing Crystal's story, her local representatives agreed the law

684
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:40,319
Speaker 1: needed to be changed to better protect survivors. They began

685
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 1: the process of writing a bill and sharing crystal story

686
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 1: with other California lawmakers.

687
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 2: Every single person that we've talked about it to would

688
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 2: just be horrified and stunned to find out that this

689
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,800
Speaker 2: could even happen to someone, that they could be forced

690
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 2: to pay their own rapists spousal support.

691
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: The bill quickly gained track.

692
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 2: Almost immediately. There was like twenty different lawmakers that had

693
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 2: their name on this bill. The district attorney also agreed

694
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 2: that this law should be changed and volunteered to write

695
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 2: the law. The fact that the district attorney wrote the

696
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 2: law and it was backed by the entire California District

697
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:25,840
Speaker 2: Attorney's Association lended a huge amount of weight.

698
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 1: But the process of introducing the new bill and changing

699
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: California law would take time. While Crystal and Shawn's family

700
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 1: court case dragged on, John's criminal trial finally began. Crystal

701
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:41,240
Speaker 1: gathered all the evidence she had, including the tape recording

702
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 1: of Sean's violent attack.

703
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,720
Speaker 2: I don't know what I expected. I kind of maybe

704
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 2: expected just to go in and be like, here's the tape,

705
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 2: and ask me whatever you want and just have them

706
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 2: believe me.

707
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: During the trial, Crystal discovered a horrible truth.

708
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,879
Speaker 2: When you are a rape victim, you are on trial too,

709
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 2: your cross examined, and every move you made, every decision

710
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 2: you made, is scrutinized as much as his.

711
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 1: Crystal thought the trial would be quick because she had

712
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: a recording of the attack, and on that tape, Sean

713
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 1: could be heard making explicit threats against her life. The

714
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 1: recording was played in her trial.

715
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 2: The fact that I taped what happened to me, just

716
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 2: for that same reason where I'm thinking, God, how is

717
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:37,120
Speaker 2: anybody going to believe this? It just was like Wow.

718
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 2: In two thousand and eight, it was just not done. Nowadays,

719
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 2: everybody tapes everything.

720
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 1: As for Shawn's legal defense, what's.

721
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:50,959
Speaker 2: The only defense you can come up with if there's

722
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 2: an audio tape? Oh, we were role playing, of course,

723
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 2: you know, that's his defense that he goes with. Their

724
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 2: defense was so insulting to me.

725
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 1: Sean was facing three very serious charges.

726
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:11,400
Speaker 2: He was charged with for storal copulation, spousal rape, and sodomy.

727
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 1: When the verdict finally came down, the jury only found

728
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 1: him guilty on one of those three charges.

729
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 2: The jury convicted him of the forur storal copulation, which

730
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:27,440
Speaker 2: is on tape.

731
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 1: But the jury was deadlocked on the two other charges

732
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 1: saw toom me by force and forceable spousal rape. Even

733
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 1: though those acts were caught on tape two. The jury

734
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:39,800
Speaker 1: wasn't fully convinced, so the court ultimately dismissed the charges.

735
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 2: I was mad. I was mad at that verdict.

736
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 1: It raises the question if Crystal hadn't recorded the attacks,

737
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,840
Speaker 1: would there have been a trial at all Because she

738
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 1: was married to her rapist. Christel felt like the courts

739
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: treated her case differently. After the verdict, he was sentenced

740
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 1: to six years for the crime, and.

741
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 2: I remember thinking, what am I going to do when

742
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 2: he gets out, because like it all starts again, my

743
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 2: fear of him killing me, my worry for my kids, everything,

744
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,240
Speaker 2: it just will begin again.

745
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 1: She started thinking of ways she could protect herself when

746
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 1: that day came, and.

747
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 2: So I got a security protection trained German shepherd. He

748
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 2: was amazing that moment on I knew I was safe,

749
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 2: like between all the other stuff I had, but the dog,

750
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 2: like I knew Sean couldn't be hiding in my house.

751
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,439
Speaker 2: It finally gave me peace of mind.

752
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 1: Sean would be locked up for five years. While he

753
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 1: was still behind bars, she worked hard to change the

754
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 1: law so she wouldn't have to pay him spousal support

755
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:51,319
Speaker 1: once he got out in twenty twelve, after a year

756
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 1: of lobbying, California passed a bill which introduced exceptions to

757
00:46:55,680 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 1: spousal support payments in cases of spousal rape. The bill

758
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: protects spousal rape victims whose abusers have been convicted in

759
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:08,800
Speaker 1: criminal court from being financially obligated to their attackers. Cristel

760
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 1: was instrumental in getting this legislation passed. She told her

761
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 1: story again and again to help lawmakers understand.

762
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 2: If they can't put a face to the bill, it

763
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:21,800
Speaker 2: doesn't mean anything. For some reason. You can't just introduce

764
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:24,719
Speaker 2: this in theory like this could happen. No, you have

765
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:26,959
Speaker 2: to be like, no, it happened to her, and she's

766
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 2: sitting right here at the end of it all, I'm

767
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 2: so proud of what I've done and what I've been

768
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 2: able to get done.

769
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 1: But the story doesn't end there. Six years after Shawn's release,

770
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 1: Kristal got a call from the District Attorney's office.

771
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 2: The deputy district attorney was sort of like, I'm so

772
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 2: sorry to bother you. I know this might be upsetting,

773
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,480
Speaker 2: but I wanted to let you know that Sean Harris

774
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:54,320
Speaker 2: has been arrested.

775
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 1: After Sean got out of prison, he was arrested for

776
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 1: raping another woman and sexually abusing that woman's underage daughter.

777
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 1: Cristal felt like she'd been telling the courts for years

778
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:09,799
Speaker 1: about how dangerous Sean was. She was enraged that it

779
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: took him harming two other people for his violence to

780
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:14,239
Speaker 1: be taken seriously.

781
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 2: He is a fucking criminal rapist, and he did it

782
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:22,360
Speaker 2: to someone else. But here's the thing. When Sean was

783
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:25,240
Speaker 2: arrested in twenty twenty one again for the same crime

784
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 2: and charged with five felonies in that case, this time

785
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,840
Speaker 2: he was sentenced to one hundred years to life. Because

786
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 2: the conviction in my case was in the record, it

787
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 2: all counts.

788
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:44,640
Speaker 1: If Crystal hadn't pressed charges or hadn't documented his crimes,

789
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: Sean's sentence could have been much lighter.

790
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,879
Speaker 2: You have to get it on the record. Abusers they

791
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:56,240
Speaker 2: don't stop. They're gonna keep doing it, and they're gonna

792
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:58,879
Speaker 2: get worse. They're gonna escalate, and they're gonna get caught,

793
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,520
Speaker 2: and you need to have it on the record all

794
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 2: along the way so that they can finally get what

795
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 2: they deserve, like Sean finally has any sentence to one

796
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 2: hundred years to life.

797
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 1: That sentence gave Crystal a sense of relief to live

798
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 1: the rest of her life without fear.

799
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:21,800
Speaker 2: I'm not sure I would be where I am mentally

800
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 2: today without that, because there's just this level of I

801
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 2: would never ever have let my guard down if he

802
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 2: was out ever, and that's just a hard way to live.

803
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: Crystal never expected to become an advocate for survivors espousal

804
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,320
Speaker 1: rape and domestic violence.

805
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 2: At this age of fifty three. I just have a

806
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 2: compassion that I didn't have when I was young. Life

807
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 2: is hard. I've learned like everybody has something, and it's

808
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:59,239
Speaker 2: shocking how many people have this, have domestic violence or

809
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:04,360
Speaker 2: some aspect of domestic violence in their life.

810
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 1: After she left Sean, she needed a break. She wanted

811
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 1: to prioritize herself and her kids, so she decided not

812
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 1: to think about dating until her kids were at least eighteen.

813
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 2: I ended up going twelve years without dating. In twenty twenty,

814
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:23,400
Speaker 2: I let myself go on a dating app for the

815
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 2: first time, and I met an amazing man. We're married

816
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 2: today and he could not be a better person.

817
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: In the past few years, Crystal has been thriving. She

818
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 1: and her husband lived together on a beautiful hillside in

819
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 1: southern California.

820
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:49,840
Speaker 2: We've got ten acres and built a custom house. We

821
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 2: can see all the way to the ocean, all the

822
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 2: city lights below. It's amazing. I feel like the life

823
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 2: I have today is everything I sacrificed and planned for

824
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 2: four years ago.

825
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: We end every episode with the same question, why do

826
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,920
Speaker 1: you want to share your story?

827
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 2: I loved him, I wanted everything with him. And the

828
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:22,240
Speaker 2: fact that that same man is the one who made

829
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:30,359
Speaker 2: me so afraid from my life, that's the betrayal. I

830
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 2: feel like women are not that well served by the

831
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 2: common advice that's given of just just get out. I

832
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 2: feel like that's too simplistic. You have to have a

833
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:48,279
Speaker 2: shield of some sort when you get out, and that

834
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 2: shield is documentation. You have to think like a chessboard,

835
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 2: think all the way to the end. I just feel

836
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:01,440
Speaker 2: like women need to hear that they're not told that

837
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 2: by the official sources, because it's a little bit counter

838
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 2: to safety. Sometimes you could get hurt doing the recording.

839
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 2: You could get hurt by staying long enough to get

840
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 2: the documentation. And it's like not the legal thing to say,

841
00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 2: but I'm just telling you that's what you need if

842
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 2: you are victimized the way that I was, and the

843
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 2: way that so many people are. You should not be

844
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:28,720
Speaker 2: the one who is living in fear.

845
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 1: On the next episode of Betrayal Weekly.

846
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 4: We pull out of our house. We get about two

847
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 4: blocks from the old house, and he looks at me

848
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 4: and he says, I think I'm getting ready to be arrested.

849
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 4: Within seconds of that coming out of his mouth, the

850
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,399
Speaker 4: squad car let us sap and pulled us over.

851
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,240
Speaker 1: If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal

852
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 1: team or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email

853
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod

854
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:20,439
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com, or follow us on Instagram at

855
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 1: Betrayal Pod. You can also connect with me on Instagram

856
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: at It's Andrea Gunning. To access our newsletter, view additional content,

857
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:32,759
Speaker 1: and connect with the Betrayal community, join our substack at

858
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 1: Betrayal dot substack dot com. We're grateful for your support.

859
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 1: One way to show support is by subscribing to our

860
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 1: show on Apple Podcasts and don't forget to rate and

861
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 1: review Betrayal. Five star reviews go.

862
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 2: A long way.

863
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 1: A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal

864
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 1: is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass

865
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:55,320
Speaker 1: Entertainment Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is

866
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fasin, hosted and

867
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 1: produced by me Andrea Gunning. This episode was written and

868
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:06,840
Speaker 1: produced by Olivia Hewitt and Monique Leboard, with additional production

869
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:11,840
Speaker 1: from Ben Fetterman, casting support from Curry Richmond. Our iHeart

870
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 1: team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krincheck. Audio editing and

871
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 1: mixing by Matt del Vechio. Additional audio editing by Tanner Robbins.

872
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:25,359
Speaker 1: Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bain's music library provided by

873
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:29,040
Speaker 1: mybe Music and For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the

874
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