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Speaker 1: The Hookup is a production of iHeart Podcasts, Blumhouse Television

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Speaker 1: and Ember twenty. Listener discretion is totally advised.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Ludlok Cafe. Can I take your order?

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Speaker 1: Hi? Can I please get a large cold brew with

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Speaker 1: a shot of espresso?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely?

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Speaker 1: Your name Damien?

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Speaker 2: Anything else?

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Speaker 1: What do you want?

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Speaker 3: Just a black coffee.

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Speaker 1: And the black coffee please? The name on that one

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Speaker 1: is Santi.

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Speaker 2: Great and you're actually all set on payment?

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Speaker 4: The person before you took care.

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Speaker 5: Of your order?

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Speaker 1: What really really?

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Speaker 4: The last twenty or so cars, I've been passing it

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Speaker 4: on paying for.

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Speaker 1: The next person. Oh okay, in that case, I'll also

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Speaker 1: take an almond croissant and everything bagel and one of

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Speaker 1: those little cake lollipops.

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Speaker 6: Oh are you sure you don't want to pay for

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Speaker 6: the next person's order to keep the chain going?

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Speaker 1: Okay? Okay, so hear me out. Oh boy, if every

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Speaker 1: car receives one order and pays for one order, isn't

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Speaker 1: it essentially the same as everyone just paying for their own?

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Speaker 1: I mean, is buying the next person's drink really altruistic

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Speaker 1: if you didn't even buy your own to begin with? Moreover,

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Speaker 1: the first person's kindness ultimately doesn't achieve anything until someone

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Speaker 1: finally accepts the gift without passing it on. So, if

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Speaker 1: you think about it, that first person isn't able to

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Speaker 1: collect on their good deed until someone stops the chain, right,

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Speaker 1: I yes, so I knew you'd understand.

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Speaker 3: Jeez, Duane, any orphans you want to run over while

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Speaker 3: we're here?

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Speaker 1: Am I wrong?

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Speaker 3: I think you're missing the point.

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Speaker 1: Boo, boyo.

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Speaker 3: The gesture isn't about receiving money.

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Speaker 7: It's about making someone smile, passing on something to be

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Speaker 7: happy about, even if it's.

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Speaker 3: Just for a moment.

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Speaker 1: Order for Damien and Santa, that's us. Well, boyo, I

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Speaker 1: feel momentarily happy about my free drink, So I guess

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Speaker 1: it worked. Hey, this isn't what I ordered. I'm awake.

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Speaker 1: I'm awake.

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Speaker 3: It's Matteo. Let me in.

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Speaker 1: Matteo dropping by unannounced. We met like a week ago,

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Speaker 1: one sec.

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Speaker 3: Damien, come on, open.

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Speaker 1: Up, good grief, mataio chill. I prefer to be medicated

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Speaker 1: before receiving visitors. Is there anything better than movie characters

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Speaker 1: who take a lot of nondescript hills for some nebulous

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Speaker 1: mental illness were never told about. It's like she's tough

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Speaker 1: and complex. I'm coming.

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Speaker 7: Him sorry for dropping in My ball landed in your backyard.

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Speaker 1: And all my irritation at Mateo melts away when I

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Speaker 1: see him. It's unclear these days whether that's because of

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Speaker 1: him or his resemblance to Santy, but I'll take it

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Speaker 1: either way. I like your dorm, Clifton Hall. Baby. The

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Speaker 1: only thing more laid back than the RAS is the

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Speaker 1: fire safety Protocol.

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Speaker 3: How many times have you used that one? Are you

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Speaker 3: ready for the midterm?

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Speaker 1: Mid term? He says, midterm?

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Speaker 3: You say yes, ethics and journalism.

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Speaker 1: I'm really not too worried. I mean, how hard could

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Speaker 1: ethics in journalism be? Just like, don't be a dick? Wait,

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Speaker 1: I feel something. It's it's a joke for me, don't

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Speaker 1: be a dick dick. Dick also means detective, private dick.

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Speaker 1: There it is private dick. I'm solving a mystery through

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Speaker 1: sex and haven't made a private dick joke until now. Ah,

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Speaker 1: but what's the actual joke? Mmm mm hmm. You need

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Speaker 1: a little help, Joma activate.

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Speaker 4: I've told you many times, please do not call me Joma.

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Speaker 4: I am joke machine Model three point one three.

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Speaker 1: Good to have you back, Joma. All right, so can

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Speaker 1: you help.

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Speaker 4: Me out analyzing private dick for humor potential? Please check

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Speaker 4: back later.

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Speaker 3: Hello, any went home?

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Speaker 1: Ah ha?

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Speaker 3: Hi?

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Speaker 1: What were you saying.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna regret not studying?

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Speaker 1: Who said I didn't study? I've been deep in research mode.

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Speaker 3: Have a look porn? How is that studying?

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Speaker 1: It's not just any porn Mateo's threesome porn?

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Speaker 3: Is this medieval freesome porn?

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Speaker 1: Heck? Yah, I think it's like a king Arthur Lancelot

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Speaker 1: Merlin thing.

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Speaker 8: I've brought kings twice your size to their knees offer,

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Speaker 8: and I shall do it.

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Speaker 2: I can't.

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Speaker 1: All Yon Nagels good shit, right and perfect research for

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Speaker 1: tonight's carnal tryad. Okay, here we go. Fifteen second recap.

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Speaker 1: I've been trying to question the bell boy from the

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Speaker 1: lead the lodge motel turned apartments, but per our metal chats,

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Speaker 1: he's only looking for threesomes. But then Matteo said he'd

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Speaker 1: be willing to be the third, even though I just

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Speaker 1: threatened him with broken glass and anyway, that night I

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Speaker 1: DMed bellboy, hey, you still looking for a three way?

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Speaker 4: And he said sure, you got someone in mind?

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Speaker 1: And I said sure, do. When are you free? So

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Speaker 1: he said Thursday, And I said, well, I guess we'll

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Speaker 1: all go to the grave, wondering what I said next,

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Speaker 1: You dare test me, foul wizard past thou bull witness

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Speaker 1: to my heaving meat sword excalibur.

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Speaker 2: Heed my warning, lest I make the mice.

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Speaker 7: Wild about the threesome thing. The more I think about it,

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Speaker 7: the more unlikely. It seems that the bell boy is

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Speaker 7: somehow connected to some system appearance and or your stalker.

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Speaker 1: Hey, do you want to borrow my fuzzy socks real quick?

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Speaker 3: What?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 3: Why?

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Speaker 7: No?

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Speaker 1: I thought they might help with with your cold.

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Speaker 4: Feet calculating cold feet joke score seventy one percent sick.

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Speaker 1: I tell you, I'm so sorry. That wasn't nice. I

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Speaker 1: just like genuinely wonder if I have impulse control issues sometimes, Oh,

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Speaker 1: are you mad?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 7: I wish you wouldn't always use humor to deflect difficult conversations.

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Speaker 1: It's not the first time I've heard that, and I'm

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Speaker 1: sure it won't be the last. Santy felt similarly. And

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Speaker 1: I know that when multiple people give you the same feedback,

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Speaker 1: you should take it to heart. But honestly, I find

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Speaker 1: that critique annoying. And choose to remain indignant, Like if

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Speaker 1: I wasn't born so naturally funny and personable, I would

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Speaker 1: just have found a different way to deflect. Okay, ignoring that,

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Speaker 1: so you're not confident that bell Boy is a worthy

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Speaker 1: candidate to be my stalker, and let me put your

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Speaker 1: a little heart at ease. Exhibit A. Bell Boy was

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Speaker 1: at the hotel the night Santy went missing. Exhibit B.

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Speaker 1: After the motel, his place of employment, was turned into

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Speaker 1: an apartment complex, the bell Boy became a resident there.

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Speaker 9: So what hotel employees probably got a discounted rate. Besides,

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Speaker 9: your stalker had a Crosswick bad midten hoodie, meaning they're

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Speaker 9: likely a Crosswick student or alum. If bell Boy is

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Speaker 9: the stalker when you have recognized him from school, I.

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Speaker 1: Mean, I think you overestimate how many people here I

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Speaker 1: actually know. Anyway, Exhibit C. Twice now twice has bell

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Speaker 1: Boy asked if I've tried the hookup?

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Speaker 3: Okay, case closed.

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Speaker 1: That's suspicious. I mean, I mean, what if the hookup

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Speaker 1: is the code name for some secret new drug and

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Speaker 1: then Santy found out about it and then he got silenced. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know, Hey, if you don't want to go through

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Speaker 1: with this. That is totally fine. Really, there's no pressure,

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Speaker 1: I promise.

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Speaker 3: I appreciate that. But no, it's fine. I'm just psyching

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Speaker 3: myself out. Can we at least get dinner.

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Speaker 1: First dinner, before our first threesome? I mean, obviously, should

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Speaker 1: we invite the other guy too quick?

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Speaker 3: We must consummate the triad of ex caliber, whilst the

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Speaker 3: nights of the round table their witness. Can we turn

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Speaker 3: that off?

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Speaker 1: You don't want to know how they consummate the triad

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Speaker 1: of ex caliber.

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Speaker 7: I'm more focused than the triad of Ludlow Hills right now.

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Speaker 7: Anything else you can tell me about this bellboy guy

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Speaker 7: an exhibit D.

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Speaker 4: I'll show him my Exhibit D joke score below ten

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Speaker 4: percent initiating forced sleep protocol.

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Speaker 1: Hey, that's not fair. I didn't even say it out loud.

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Speaker 3: This is the Ludlow Lodge.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, home to some of my favorite life altering tragedies.

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Speaker 3: And it was just renovated this past summer. It looks io.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think renovation with a very soft r. The

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Speaker 1: only real addition they made was the pool.

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Speaker 3: Their pools new.

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Speaker 5: M hmm.

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Speaker 7: I was just thinking that kind of wet cement construction

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Speaker 7: could make.

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Speaker 3: For easy body disposal, especially for someone with.

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Speaker 7: Easy access like a bell boy. Oh oh shit, I

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Speaker 7: didn't mean that Santhia's body would need disposing of. I'm

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Speaker 7: sure the only thing under that pool is the Native

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Speaker 7: American burial grounds.

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Speaker 3: We with this albatross hospitality? Yeah, yeah, cheer up, boyo?

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Speaker 1: What did you just call me?

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Speaker 5: Boyo?

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Speaker 1: Where'd you hear that.

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Speaker 3: From?

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Speaker 1: You?

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Speaker 3: You called me that the other day?

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Speaker 1: Did I? I guess it's possible.

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Speaker 3: Here we are, Room three ten.

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Speaker 1: Take this is this mace? You brought mace to our threesome?

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Speaker 3: Duh?

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Speaker 7: You suspected this guy might be your stalker and you

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Speaker 7: didn't bring any protection?

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean I brought m never mind.

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Speaker 3: Wow, you were just about to make a condom joke,

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Speaker 3: were you?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 1: What if I was, I'd be making a Spanish inquisition

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Speaker 1: joke right now too, if I wasn't afraid it might

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Speaker 1: be offensive.

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Speaker 3: What I'm not Spanish?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why it would be offensive.

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Speaker 7: We're walking into total uncertainty. But I'm glad you're having fun.

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Speaker 1: Oh great? So is this the Damien uses jokes to

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Speaker 1: deflect from opening up and being vulnerable. Bit again, your

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Speaker 1: words not mine? But yes, hey, Damien, hold on bell Boy.

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Speaker 1: That is so unfair, Mateo, How can you accuse me

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Speaker 1: of not opening up to you when you're literally the

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Speaker 1: only person I've told about sansum about my situation.

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Speaker 3: Because as far as I know, you only told me

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Speaker 3: so I join you in this.

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Speaker 1: Three okay, Hi, sorry about that. I was just enjoying

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Speaker 1: some beguiling repartee with my friend Mateo, fire, come on in.

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Speaker 1: Unlike my chiropractor friend fake Tal, who lives just a

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Speaker 1: few floors up, bell Boy has done next nothing to

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Speaker 1: turn this hotel room into an apartment. He even kept

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Speaker 1: all the nautical hotel art. Yeah. Can I get you

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Speaker 1: boys a drink? Sure?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? No thanks. I like to keep my wits about me,

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Speaker 3: all right.

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Speaker 1: A beer for Damien and some wits for Matthew m

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Speaker 1: he could use some wit, all right.

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Speaker 3: So is this be legid or part of some like

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Speaker 3: role play thing?

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Speaker 7: The only roleplay Damien likes involves medieval times.

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Speaker 8: And mad respect little man. I think you'll appreciate these

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Speaker 8: then boom medieval weapons, print boxer breeves pretty fire right.

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Speaker 1: Be still my throbbing. All that studying is about to

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Speaker 1: pay off. They're magnificent. Fuck well, I mean you must

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Speaker 1: be a real weapons expert. I wonder, though, are you

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Speaker 1: trained in the art of the shoust?

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Speaker 8: I will have you off your horse and on your

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Speaker 8: back before you can say malonde.

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Speaker 3: So uh, yeah, how long have you lived here?

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Speaker 1: Mattyo's right, can't lose sight of the investigation?

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Speaker 3: What uh since the summer?

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Speaker 1: I don't, I guess. And this was a hotel before that, right? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I actually worked as a.

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Speaker 8: Bell boy here when it was brought out to become apartments.

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Speaker 8: They offered me discounted rent if I stayed on working maintenance.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, Mateo flashes me, and I told you so.

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Speaker 1: Glance and honestly that's fair.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what's with all the questions? Shit, wait a minute,

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Speaker 3: I know who you are.

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Speaker 1: Who I am? I don't even know who I am? Still,

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Speaker 1: I don't want him recognizing me From the night Santy

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Speaker 1: disappeared behind bell boy. I catch Mateo slowly reaching for

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Speaker 1: his mace.

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Speaker 3: You're the guy I ran into last week out in

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Speaker 3: the hallway.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh, was that you? Small world? I brought condoms?

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Speaker 1: Should we use them? I mean that would be the idea.

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Speaker 1: I'm not on prep right now.

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Speaker 6: Or should we keep it a secret? What it could

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Speaker 6: be an experiment. You don't know who's wearing one and

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Speaker 6: who's not. Why would we do that Schrodinger's rubber, It'll

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Speaker 6: be like we're protected and.

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Speaker 1: Bareback followed I'm sure by Schrodinger's burning sensation, well peeing, uh.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, thank you? Yeah, maybe next time?

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Speaker 1: Hey, can you two hold down the fort for a sec?

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Speaker 1: I have to use the en suite.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, watch out for the lamp cord.

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Speaker 1: Okay, if I was a clue, where would I be?

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Speaker 1: I'm not even really sure what I'm looking for at

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Speaker 1: this point. I mean, Bell Boys seems pretty innocuous, and

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Speaker 1: I'm sure Mateo would have said something if he recognized

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Speaker 1: him from the badminton team. Also, I do acknowledge my

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00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:56,400
Speaker 1: compulsion to criticize other people's homes, but this bathroom is

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Speaker 1: heinously nautical. They're literal starfish on the wall, farfish. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's see toothpaste, Boss Carling wand oh cordless, Hi tech,

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Speaker 1: Hey Joma, any progress on the private Dick joke?

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Speaker 4: Joe's still invaded dead things. Please check back later.

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Speaker 1: Sweet. I'm pretty much ready to declare this lead at

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Speaker 1: dead end, but there's one more thing about Bell Boy.

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Speaker 1: I want to check off the hookup? What is that?

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Speaker 3: Which I didn't even know was possible.

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Speaker 8: I thought syphilis was mythical like camel up.

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Speaker 1: Hey, bell boy, who's up?

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Speaker 3: Little squire.

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Speaker 1: On metal? You said you have the hook up? Do

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Speaker 1: you think I could get hooked up higher?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,160
Speaker 1: I thought you'd never ask. Okay, we're it up with.

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Speaker 1: Here we go and there it is the hookup.

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Speaker 3: Poppers, Oh, poppers?

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00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, but I mean these aren't just in me poppers

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00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,320
Speaker 8: and this is the hook up?

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00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,040
Speaker 2: Oh fuck?

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00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,640
Speaker 1: Ellboy throws his head back, his face suddenly all red

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Speaker 1: and flush, and the veins all over his body start

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00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:26,520
Speaker 1: to literally like pulse. I lock eyes with Potato as

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Speaker 1: if to say, is that what poppers normally do? He

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00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,720
Speaker 1: shakes his head and widens his eyes and concern, as

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Speaker 1: if to say, not like this.

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Speaker 8: Oh man, Oh, it's like drinking from the Holy Grail.

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Speaker 8: Here you guys drive dry before my rush words off.

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00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, we're okay, thanks for real.

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Speaker 8: Come on, it'll make fool like the best sex you

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Speaker 8: ever have.

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Speaker 1: Right, it's just having the best sex of my life

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00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 1: at twenty seems like I'm setting myself up for a

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Speaker 1: lot of future disappointments. How fuck does that sound? Was that?

303
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:04,720
Speaker 1: Let us his neck?

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00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 3: Don't be a web. Take a fucking web.

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00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:15,120
Speaker 1: God, you are going to regret that. Hell boys either

306
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:17,440
Speaker 1: are bleeding now, like in a really not good way,

307
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,119
Speaker 1: but they're still wide open, like completely unfazed.

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00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:27,560
Speaker 3: Amien, watch the lamp cordmen.

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Speaker 5: Damien, Damien, Damien.

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Speaker 4: You hit your head. You've been out for six minutes.

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00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,639
Speaker 4: Lasting brain damage will be significant, but you like we

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00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:51,720
Speaker 4: won't notice the difference.

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Speaker 1: Why am I in the bathroom? Why am I tied

314
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,639
Speaker 1: up in the bathroom?

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00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,400
Speaker 4: I believe you're a sailant wanted you momentarily and disposed

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00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,880
Speaker 4: so he could focus on Mateo.

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00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,679
Speaker 3: Just take away and I will let you go.

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Speaker 1: Fuck Matteo, go Matyo. Well, okay, focus, How do I

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00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:22,879
Speaker 1: get out of this twine? Is like boy scout nodded, No,

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00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,000
Speaker 1: I'm getting that untied, but I think my hand can

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00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 1: just barely reach the sink behind me. Uh toothpaste, dental flossy?

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00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 1: What's this?

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Speaker 5: Yes?

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00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:45,960
Speaker 1: Of course, the curling wand my own as caliber heating up.

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00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 1: Come on, I need to be out of his bathroom.

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00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:56,960
Speaker 1: These goddamn starfish are mocking me, locked and loaded. Okay,

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00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,560
Speaker 1: if I can get the wand up against the big

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00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 1: knob between my hands. I should be able to see

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00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 1: her through the twine and get free. The only issue

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00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,359
Speaker 1: there is that my range of mobility is mind. I

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00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 1: can't get the wand to touch the knob without also

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00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:21,120
Speaker 1: pressing into my wrists. Yeah, okay, Damien, be brave. Oh

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00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 1: my god, fuck I can smell my flesh burning. This

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00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 1: is so fucked up. Sho much distract me, tell.

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00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 4: Me joke understood. The curling one isn't actually touching the

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00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:40,200
Speaker 4: twine and you're burning your arm for nothing, just kidding?

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00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 3: Did I get it?

338
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 1: Don't look at it. Don't look at it, don't look

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00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:52,399
Speaker 1: at your Holy fuck, I can see bone, Jamien, you

340
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,040
Speaker 1: starfish coming with me?

341
00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:09,240
Speaker 2: Just an alex, your tight.

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00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,640
Speaker 1: D don't bother. We are checking out.

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00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,280
Speaker 3: What wait?

344
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 1: How did you slam bellboy from behind the honey and

345
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 1: he gets an ugly wallpaper sliding the starfish out of

346
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 1: my pocket with my free hand. My experience at the

347
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,960
Speaker 1: Ludlow Lodge this evening has sucked ass, and for that

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00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 1: I give you one.

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Speaker 4: Star, calculating one star joke score plus ten percent for

350
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 4: the hotel reference, plus ten percent for the starfish stabbing

351
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:40,440
Speaker 4: one star connection.

352
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 1: Joema, you don't have to explain my joke. Now it's

353
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 1: like a thing and the moment is gone and it's

354
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:53,679
Speaker 1: like uncool. But what's the score? Nine fire? Come on mateyo,

355
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 1: we have to go get up. Come on, I got you?

356
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Speaker 3: Oh my head.

357
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 1: Hey no, don't worry. Beat red and veiny is gonna

358
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 1: be a very good look on you.

359
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 5: He was right?

360
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 3: What when he said the hookup was like drinking from

361
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:15,959
Speaker 3: the Holy Grail?

362
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, let's get back to campus. I don't get it.

363
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,680
Speaker 1: Why didn't you turn into a rage monster?

364
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 3: I don't know. Maybe Bell Boys Hoopers was unrelated to

365
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:35,600
Speaker 3: the hookup.

366
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: So then the hookup is just normal poppers?

367
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 3: Then no, no, they're not normal poppers. I don't even

368
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,360
Speaker 3: know how to describe it. When I inhaled the hookup,

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00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:56,200
Speaker 3: it was like nothing I've ever felt. I was unbreakable,

370
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 3: and my lust to test that power was insatial.

371
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 1: Sorry, that was just for the before everything went wrong

372
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:11,160
Speaker 1: segment of your intervention episode. Oh and don't even start

373
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:15,159
Speaker 1: with the using humor to deflect nonsense. I almost seared

374
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 1: my arm off today saving you.

375
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 3: Oh come on, okay, your arm's not that bad.

376
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 1: He's actually kind of right. I may have exaggerated earlier

377
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,160
Speaker 1: when I said I could see bone.

378
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 7: Besides, I was only in danger because of your stupid

379
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 7: threesome in the first place.

380
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,359
Speaker 1: I said you didn't have to go through with it, Mateo.

381
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: You had a choice.

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00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, two great choices.

383
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 7: Put my life in danger or spend all night thinking

384
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 7: about the guy I like sleeping with someone else.

385
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,200
Speaker 3: I didn't know you still had metal on your phone.

386
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 4: Fuck, I'm mateyo, Damien, the private dick joke is ready?

387
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 1: What you've been working on that all this time?

388
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 4: Can I wait negative for a maximum jokes for it?

389
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 4: It must be deployed now.

390
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 1: This is bad, way bad. Like I know this is

391
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 1: a moment where I'm supposed to reassure Mateo and gently

392
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 1: remind him that we're not dating or exclusive, and yet

393
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 1: I just can't resist.

394
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:13,880
Speaker 4: It's requesting permission to deploy joke.

395
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: I'll fuck it deploy. There's a lot you don't know

396
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 1: about me, Mateo. I guess you could say I'm something

397
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: of a private dick. Are you kidding me? Joma, that's

398
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 1: the joke you've been working on all day? I just

399
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 1: fire bombed my relationship with Matteo for that.

400
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 4: Perhaps you don't understand you're private because you don't open

401
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 4: up a lot.

402
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Joma, don't explain your jokes ever, Miteo. Fuck,

403
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I don't know why I said that.

404
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 1: It's that thing.

405
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 3: I just forget it, Damien, just forget about it. I

406
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:49,400
Speaker 3: can take a hint.

407
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 7: I'm a smart guy. I helped you with your little

408
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 7: threesome question. Now you're done with me.

409
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,880
Speaker 4: Perhaps a joke would lighten the mood, Joma, power down.

410
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,959
Speaker 1: I don't get why you're acting like that, Like, if

411
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 1: you have an issue with my sense of humor, why

412
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 1: are you even hanging out.

413
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 3: With me for other reasons? Damien. God, people aren't friends

414
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 3: with you because of your jokes. They're friends with you

415
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 3: in spite of them.

416
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, then why are people friends with me, Matteo.

417
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 3: I don't actually think they are.

418
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 1: Hold up, what's that.

419
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 3: In the drawer? This photo strip?

420
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 1: Hm? Oh yeah, I forgot that was in there. It's

421
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,399
Speaker 1: from a photo booth at this lame pop up bar.

422
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,920
Speaker 1: I went to a son with Santy.

423
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 3: He looks just like me.

424
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 7: Well fuck.

425
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 1: Written and directed by Noah Feinberg.

426
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 5: That's Me.

427
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: Sound design and score by Jeremiah Zimmerman. Starring Noah Feinberg's

428
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: Me as Damian Ray Santiago as Santy and Matteo, Nico

429
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 1: Greatham as Wade, Augustus Prue as Elias, Scott Evans as

430
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 1: Big Talk, Jeffrey Self as Bell Boy, Tina Majorino as

431
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: Doctor Wiley, Obi Abiley as PM, Peter Gabriel Ruiz as Joma,

432
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: Sadie Dickinson as Meg. Additional voices by Megan Taylor, Harvey,

433
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: Susan C. Bennett, Verona, blue Mark Bramhall, Bryan Daniel Porter,

434
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 1: Chris Dickey, Aaron Cooker, Christopher Corbin, Kiff, Vanden Hoavel and

435
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 1: Rhys Griffin. Opening theme by Alex Yoder, Casting director Sonny

436
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 1: Bowling and Meg Mormon. Executive producers from iHeart, Trevor Young

437
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: and Matt Frederick. Executive producers from Blumbhouse, Chris Sticky and

438
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 1: Noah Feinberg. That's Me. Executive producers from Mber twenty David

439
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 1: Thwaites and Jimmy Jellina. Supervising producer Rachel Foley, Editor Noah Feinberg,

440
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 1: That's Me,