WEBVTT - Checking In w/ Heather Thompson Day 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.000 Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:19.400 iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. What do you do when 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:23.320 it seems like everybody else is getting their dreams and 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:29.000 you're not well. I'm so excited about our next guest today, 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.360 Heather Thompson Day. She's going to tell you right here 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:40.400 on another episode of Checking In. Heather Thompson Day is 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:44.280 an associate professor in the Department of Visual Arts, Communication 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:48.360 and Design at Andrews University in Baryon Springs, Michigan. 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:50.239 She runs an online. 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:53.519 Community called I'm That Wife and hosts the Viral Jesus 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:58.200 podcast and entered Denominational speaker. Heather is the author of 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:02.240 books including Confession of a Christian Wife and How to 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:05.759 Feed the Mediavore and her newest book, It's Not Your Turn. 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:10.360 She's also a contributor for Religion News Service, Newsweek, and 0:01:10.520 --> 0:01:14.920 The Barner Group. And she previously taught at Colorado Christian University. 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.880 And It's Not Your Turn it's her newest release which 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:23.960 I had the pleasure of contributing just aligne for her book. 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:27.160 And when you first hear the title It's Not Your Turn, 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:31.440 it can sound like stop, it is not your turn versus. 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:35.039 But what's on the cover of the book is a 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:38.560 traffic signal that we all need because if we don't 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:41.800 have that traffic signal, we would just crash. 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:43.119 You know, some of us. 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:46.279 Haven't learned what the right away means. So your book 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:49.760 is not your turn what to do while you're waiting 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:51.520 for your breakthrough. 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:56.440 Heather, welcome to checking out in. I am so excited 0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:58.880 to be here. Thanks for having me listen. 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:02.880 When about maybe was it two years ago, because that's 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:03.760 kind of how long. 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:05.040 It takes on it's your book. 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:09.440 Me and you had some contact via social media. I 0:02:09.480 --> 0:02:11.839 can't can't remember if it was Twitter or Instagram. First, 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:14.640 it might have been Twitter. I was following you. I 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:16.880 think some of your posts have gone viral in a 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:20.680 good way, and one of your most recent viral posts 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:23.560 was about when your father walked you down the aisle. 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:25.520 Yeah that's right at your wedding. 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:31.440 But we got in contact because of your book and girl, 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:34.520 maybe even a connection or two of love connection. 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:37.120 We can talk about that, but I got cold feet. 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:38.160 Let's talk about it now. 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:42.240 Tell them Michelle, because so one of my things I 0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:45.799 am a professor, but also I'm a matchmaker. I love 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:48.440 setting people up, and I was trying to set you 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:51.919 up and you never followed through. Just let them hang, 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:52.960 loft them unrid. 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:57.880 Well, if they're listening to this, you can reach out 0:02:57.919 --> 0:02:59.920 to them, Heather, And I'll let you know in this 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:04.800 episode Airs, I got cold feet. Okay, when you know 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:08.200 at the time you think you're ready because you know 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:11.400 you're like, okay, I'm ready, but I got cold feet 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:14.840 and maybe I wasn't ready. And I want to encourage 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:18.320 people that that's okay when you think you're ready, and 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:22.680 you know, just follow that, follow follow your heart, follow wisdom, 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:26.079 following discernment, like, eh, I'm gonna put a stop to it. 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:29.200 I'm not ready, and I wouldn't want to waste anybody's time. 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:31.760 You know, it's more than just letting them because I 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:34.360 love a good ribbi and it's more than just enjoying 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:38.240 a ribbi. It's not wasting someone's time, right, So I'm 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:40.320 not in the business of that. At least I pray 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:43.240 that I have not intentionally wasted anyone's time. 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:48.760 So, yeah, ladies and gentlemen that are listening, Heather tried 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:50.200 our best. Was it about two or three? 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:54.480 And listen, I got three of the most eligible bachelors. 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:59.160 I knew, just top notch cream of the crop, got 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.200 them so excited that they would be hearing from you, 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:02.720 and then nothing. 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.560 But it's okay. You weren't ready. Did I not respond 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:07.800 to either of them? I don't. I don't think you did. 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:11.960 One was like. 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:16.880 An owner of a team. It's fine, it's fine. He 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.200 wasn't he's an owner of a team? Or was he 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:20.200 one coaches? 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:24.360 He had like a high level, like a vice president 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:28.880 of a sports team. No. We I was scouring for 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:31.960 the top notch people, put them together. I had like 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:33.520 a bio sheet ready for. 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:38.080 You, and then we passed. But it's okay. I'm sorry 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:41.279 to read. Are they still eligible? You know? I'd have 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:43.560 to follow back up on that now it's been over me. 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:48.039 Be like Michelle might not Michelle wasn't ready for you, 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:51.560 but she might know two or three folks that are. 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:57.200 Can we Is that okay? Guys, if you're listening, we're 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:01.640 gonna circle back. So oh yeah, yeah. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:03.560 I think I was. I don't know if I was 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:07.159 lonely or being sentimental or maybe in that place. 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:08.880 Like I said, I thought I was ready for a 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:12.119 relationship and it just did not work. 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.720 Out that way and you're so busy. So you're so busy, 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:16.640 that's perfect. 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:19.760 And I'm not gonna even say it's busy. You do 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:22.560 make time for what you're ready for and what you want. 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:25.320 I just knew when I look back. I just I 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:27.680 thought I was ready, but I wasn't, especially when you 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:31.120 finally are are, when it's put in front of you. 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:33.240 I could have easily maybe. 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:36.840 Press respond or whatever the app was, Instagram sign think 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:39.560 I do recall some DMS? Yes I do, okay, And 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:42.719 I just was not ready. I just was like, I'm 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:44.640 not ready, but I respect not. 0:05:45.279 --> 0:05:48.279 Okay, all right, okay. 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:52.799 Well meaning, And it wasn't their turn, right, it wasn't 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:53.440 their turn. 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:56.360 It is not my turn. It wasn't our turn. 0:05:56.839 --> 0:06:01.560 So what to do while you're waiting for your breakthrough 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:06.520 is an amazing, phenomenal book. I was able to get 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:10.560 a copy beforehand, and I think then, I think an 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:14.359 actual book that was sent that consumers actually get in 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:14.920 their hands. 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:18.120 So thank you, thank you, thank you. Was that your 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:19.240 own experience? 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:23.040 That was absolutely my experience. It was something I started 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:26.279 saying to myself. I couldn't find a job after I 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:30.240 felt like I had done everything right. Academically, and at 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:32.479 the exact same time, one of my best friends named 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:36.240 Jule calls me and she gets hired by NASA, and 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:40.760 I was like, wow, I'm so happy for you, and 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:43.760 I was happy for her. I was just also incredibly 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:46.120 sad for myself. And that was probably the first time 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:48.080 I felt like the Holy Spirit said, hoether, it's not 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:50.800 your turn, but it's hers, and so you clap for her, 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:52.000 show up for her. 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:52.720 And that's what I did. 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:55.839 So it became something I started repeating to myself when 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:58.400 other people were getting the things I was praying for. 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:00.160 I just started saying, it's not your turn, it's not 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:01.679 your turn. It's not your turn, but it's her turn, 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:03.239 and so you show up in you clap. 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:06.279 So that is a real thing, whether or not you 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:10.280 have a solid relationship with God. You know, you are 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:16.200 a professor, you know you write for amazing popular magazines, 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:20.080 but you still find yourself in that position, like this 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:23.520 person has what I'm praying for, and it's a human thing. 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:27.200 You know, now, as you told us. 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:30.040 What you did from the human perspective, how did you 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:31.480 handle it spiritually? 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:33.760 M How am I. 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:37.840 Still handling it spiritually? It's funny it's like I've not graduated. 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.040 And I think I had thought when I wrote this book, 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.640 I was going to have graduated. I would no longer 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:47.400 struggle with insecurity, I would no longer feel jealous of 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:50.480 somebody else. And it hasn't been the case. And I 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:53.440 feel like what I am really good at now is 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:55.320 just giving it to God. 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:55.880 Immediately. 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:58.760 I will go up in my room somebody has a 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:00.560 New York Times bestseller, which is alway been my dream. 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:02.880 I'll go up in my room and just say to God, like, hey, 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:04.600 I this is hard for me. 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:05.920 I'm struggling with this. 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.760 And I am I've been freed though, because it's like 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:11.880 I don't have to be perfect or have the perfect responses. 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:13.920 I just have to be honest right and try to 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:16.240 stay in the relationships. And so that's kind of been 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:17.440 more of my focus now. 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:20.800 That's so good being honest and like you said, taking 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:24.560 it to God in prayer, yes, versus going to social 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:28.320 media about it or acting away to the friend or 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:31.480 or that peer that has that book on the New 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:33.000 York Times bestseller list. 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:35.040 You know, I'm with you on that. 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:37.960 I was like, I just know my book is going 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:40.320 to be a New York Times bestseller. We are doing 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:42.920 the right things and it just didn't hit and you're 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:43.480 soul right. 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:47.240 I had to sit in that and sit in disappointment, yeap. 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:50.960 And a part of me also had to sit in 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:53.679 was a part of me feeling entitled. 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.360 Let's talk about that, because I think that's where I've 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:02.040 come to right now. But this has been a progression 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:03.960 for me. I have now gotten to a point where 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:06.760 I have to say, Heether, do you want anything God 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:08.080 himself has not given you? 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:12.000 I don't, right, But that has been a progression. 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:14.559 I think I went most of my years feeling a 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:17.240 little bit entitled because I felt like I'd done so 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:17.760 much work. 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:20.760 Yes, right. That's the thing when you actually do the word, 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:21.680 do the work. 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:26.400 You're prepared, everybody's given you accolas. 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:29.520 Yeah, and you're like, I didn't. 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:32.000 Get the results I wanted. But it's like, what if 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:35.520 you got the actual result that God wanted you. 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:36.280 To have exactly? 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:41.320 And how do we defer to God being actual lord 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:42.080 over our lives? 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:44.760 That's the human experience, that's the journey. 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:50.760 And how we define what success is or what impact is. 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:53.920 Would I have felt that I made impact because it 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:57.679 was on the bestseller list or am I excited? I 0:09:57.720 --> 0:10:02.480 did a podcast recording before you and not knowing the 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:06.319 young lady has my book and she's referring to chapters 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:08.080 in my book that have. 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:09.440 Helped her on her journey. 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:14.360 She's an expert in finance, and I'm never thinking that 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.120 someone who seems to be an expert at what they're 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:18.679 doing would be holding a book in my. 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:19.560 Hand to me. 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:24.600 Yeah, yes, that is impact, and it is impact I 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:28.679 believe in the way God desires for it to have impact. 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:32.040 Yeah, that's so essentially The entire book for me came 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:36.199 down to this sentence. Who we are when we perceive 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:38.959 it to not be our turn is actually more important 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:40.320 than who we will be when it is. 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:43.000 It's very easy. 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:47.040 I was just speaking for university campus last week and 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:48.880 I told them it is not hard to get up 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:50.679 and speak in front of several thousand people. 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:52.200 That's really easy easy. 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:54.040 What's hard to do is show up when you don't 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:55.080 know if anyone's coming. 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:58.720 That's hard. That's integrity. And I really think we need 0:10:58.720 --> 0:10:59.640 a generation. 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.600 Of people who are going to hit the podcast button 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:05.479 on when I don't know if anyone's gonna listen. That's integrity. 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:08.880 I'm in this because of the mission, not because of 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.080 the reward. And who we are when it's on our 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:12.800 turn is more important than who we will be when 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:13.160 it is. 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:16.440 And not only that, like you said, doing the event 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:19.040 if you feel like anyone will come. Also, what about 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:22.760 posting that post when you feel like, okay, but no 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:23.640 one's gonna see it? 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:24.840 Am I gonna have one? 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:25.240 Like? 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:30.320 But I'm telling you your people will see it in 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:31.959 the right people when it's time. 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:34.079 Like you said, when is your when it's your turn? 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:36.520 A lot of people have gone viral out of the 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:40.560 blue based out of the obedience of what they felt 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:41.920 like they were supposed to do. 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:46.200 Tabitha Brown is such a great example, yes of. 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:48.640 Her saying at that time, I've got a cell phone, 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:51.960 I feel obedient, feel I feel like I'm let to 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:58.240 post things about cooking and inspirational moments and this girl 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.520 is on fire, you know, just based off of that. 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:09.880 So thank you for that while you wait, Like you said, 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.760 when it's not your turn yet, do you feel like 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:14.000 that's who you really are? 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:17.680 I think that's when we decide who we are, okay, 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:19.079 is when it's not our turn? 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:20.560 Right? 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:26.440 When does David become King? David is anointed king. 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:32.160 For years before it's ever in his circumstances, right, So 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:35.040 when does David actually feel like king? 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:35.880 He has to. 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.920 Believe the vision that's been spoken over his life long 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.319 before anybody else is even able to confirm it. 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:46.440 So when you're saying he was anointed king long before 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.960 he felt was that the early days of imposter syndrome? 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:50.760 Right? 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:53.640 And how do we keep showing up in those spaces 0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:57.960 when nobody's cheering for you when nobody the truth is. 0:12:57.880 --> 0:12:59.320 Nobody would even care if you didn't. 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:04.000 How do we keep showing up when nobody else would 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:06.240 even notice? And I had to come to a point 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:09.880 where I realized, this is actually when it matters. My 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.120 life doesn't start. It's a metaphorical there. Once I get there, 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:14.600 that's when my life start. 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:15.440 No, my life starts. 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:17.520 Martin Luther King Junior has this really fantastic quote. He 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:21.080 was speaking to a group of high school seniors. This is, 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:25.400 I really think like a life transforming quote. And essentially 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:27.840 what he says is if all you ever do when 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:31.040 you leave here is become a street sweeper, then you 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:34.199 sweep those streets with so much passion and so much 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:38.280 intention and so much charisma that all of heaven has 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:42.120 to stop and say, oh my God, look at the 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:42.920 street sweeper. 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:45.440 So good. I want to live my life like that. 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:49.559 So good, so good, showing up to my own life. 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:53.680 When you said that your friend, you know, got this job, 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:57.240 and was that NASA? Is it something that she posted 0:13:57.320 --> 0:14:00.240 on social media or did you just find doubt? 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:01.040 Was it a text? 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:03.640 No, she called me, she said, you're not going to 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:05.480 believe this. And at the exact same time, so this 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:08.120 is about this is almost ten years ago. At the 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:10.880 same time, I am applying for jobs left and right. 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:13.120 I've been in school. I graduated high school in two 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.880 thousand and five. I never took a summer off. I 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:17.920 stayed all the way through my PhD. And I thought, 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:20.000 surely I'm going to get a job right away, and 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.480 I didn't. And I applied and I applied and I 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.680 applied it and nothing was opening for me. I'm adjuncting 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:27.920 at like five different schools, trying to just make enough 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:30.960 money to pay for diapers. And at the exact same time, 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.440 my friend, who did not do all the right things right, 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.400 just totally did her own path, gets hired at NASA. 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:38.960 And she calls me, she's like, I'm not going to 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:41.320 believe it, and I'm like, oh my god, what She's like, 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:45.280 I just got hired at NASA, and I'm like, wow. 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:47.120 This is great. 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.479 And I had to like, I just think it's okay 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.280 for both things to be true. It's okay that this 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.360 is really hard for me and also that I'm actually 0:14:56.440 --> 0:15:00.800 genuinely happy for you because I always was right, yeah, yeah, 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:03.040 and allowing myself to just say that out loud, this 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.960 is a botha and situation. I am sad for me, 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:08.280 but I'm also really happy for you. But in this moment, 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:11.400 how they do not let your sadness for you obstruct 0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:13.360 what you could say to her? And so I told her, 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:15.040 I'm so happy for you. We're going to clap for you, 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:16.680 We're going to go to dinner. This is amazing because 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:19.880 it was right. And so when I had to free 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:23.080 myself of feeling like a bad person for also being sad, 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:25.400 like I had to go through that walk and I'm 0:15:25.440 --> 0:15:27.800 still going through that walk. I'm still on that journey. 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:33.800 Okay. Do you think social media makes this feeling worse, Michelle? 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:34.760 I know it makes it worse. 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:39.120 We know statistics. I teach social media. This absolutely has 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.160 been exasperated. It used to be that we compare ourselves 0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:45.680 like to our neighbors. Well, now I compare myself to 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:50.840 several thousand people at a time, right, my closest quotations, friends, 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:55.160 and often it's people that honestly have like a literally 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.680 totally different life experience than me, but they're showing up 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:01.600 on my feed and feeling behind on a race that 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:05.000 I was never in, right, I was never in that race. 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:07.520 And so yeah, then we look at our own lives, 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:09.840 we see everybody else's highlights, and it's. 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:12.560 Hard to feel good about where you are. 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:20.520 Absolutely, absolutely the comparison we compare ourselves to absolute total strangers. 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:25.400 Yeah, I remember about a year or two ago, Tasha Cobbs. 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:28.400 Leonard posted something I think she had gotten a plaque 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.080 or something, and she said she almost didn't post it 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:37.760 because of that reason. She didn't want anybody to feel 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:43.840 like she was showing off and you know, gloating her success. 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:47.240 And you know, but then at the same time, it's like, 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:50.640 I'm so excited about an accomplishment that I have, which 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:52.680 is the total opposite of like you said, you were 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.120 happy for the person, but you weren't happy. But then 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:59.240 the other side of things are people actually won't post 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:04.240 the highlights as well because of how it might make 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:10.000 people feel. Then you have people who will post their 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:14.240 highlights to literally make people jealous. I want my co 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:16.400 worker to know I got the promotion and they did 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.560 it right, just to be petty and I'm sorry. I 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:22.640 feel like you're gonna reap that if that's the attitude 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:26.480 in which you post something. But how do you feel 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:29.720 now about posting like your highlights? 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:31.879 That's a good question. 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:36.400 And you know this because it's it's not just me, right, 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:38.919 So I have an agent that's saying you need to 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:41.200 make sure that people understand this, and I have other 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:43.720 people that are telling me make sure that. So that's 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:49.240 a really really good question, and they're at some point 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:53.080 social media. As much as it's a reflection of us, 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:58.239 it also becomes a reflection of other people's work too, right, 0:17:58.400 --> 0:17:59.320 that are helping me. 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:02.199 In whatever this brand is. 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.280 I hate to use that word, but that we're trying 0:18:04.320 --> 0:18:06.639 to put out there that are that I mean. So 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:09.359 here's here's a real conversation that I just had with 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:13.760 my agent. You should be putting doctor Heather Thompson day 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:16.560 in your in your actual name so that people know. 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:19.119 Wait a minute, what what? 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:21.480 Wait a minute, Wait a. 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:25.200 Minute, doctor Heather Thompson Day. 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:26.600 So you see, this is a thing. 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:29.800 So this is the thing I don't I don't do it, 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.320 I don't put it, and so it's I have a 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:36.360 lot of different feelings about that because I don't make 0:18:36.400 --> 0:18:38.439 my students refer to me as that I. 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:40.120 Hate a minute, I gotta do a whole intro again, 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:44.560 doctor Heather Thompson Day. I promise you don't an associate 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:47.240 professor in the Department of Visual. 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:50.679 Arts doctor now. 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:53.520 So this is a thing, right, So people say you 0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:55.639 have to be very careful because you want people to 0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:56.920 see you in a certain way. 0:18:57.240 --> 0:19:00.680 Yeah, it's hard sociality, is it because you want them 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:04.040 to be eye level with you or to receive you 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:06.399 from an organic down or earth. 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.439 I think for me it's because I'm still in the 0:19:08.440 --> 0:19:11.560 classroom and so because I'm with real students. 0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:11.920 Every single day. 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:14.680 I have found in my own experience with this generation, 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:19.320 they do better or a student is more likely to 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:23.760 when it's just Heather, they might be too afraid to 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:26.359 ever stay after if it's doctor Heather Tomp's day. So 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:31.040 I've just kind of allowed myself to be myself without 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:36.280 necessarily titles although conversations I have with other people, or 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:36.720 should we. 0:19:36.760 --> 0:19:40.520 Keep doing that? Should we do this differently? Okay? All right? 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:44.960 Is it in your bio your Instagram bio line? Yes, 0:19:46.520 --> 0:19:48.920 I think it might be. I know, it says professor. 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:50.760 You know, there's only so many characters that allows you 0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:52.120 to have in those little bios. 0:19:52.480 --> 0:19:54.120 And I know, and we have some. 0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:56.720 I know my first name, middle name, and last name 0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:57.840 is way too low. 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:02.879 Let me make sure headther' Thompson day. Nope, it is not. 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:06.359 I don't have it in there. See yeah, Nope, it's not. 0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:10.000 It just says Heather Thompson Day. You know. And listen, 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:11.919 I just did a post about. 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:13.680 My uncle for a Black History Month and I felt 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:16.840 like I call him uncle Charles, but in certain settings 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:20.560 I must call him doctor Washington, you know, to let 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:23.159 him know that I honor, you know, around because I 0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:25.280