WEBVTT - MENTAL HOSPITAL FOOD 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:01.200 Hey, folks, it's Lyle. 0:00:01.360 --> 0:00:03.320 Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:05.720 to you guys about a new thing I'm doing where 0:00:05.760 --> 0:00:09.560 you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:14.360 premium member of this podcast over at Therapy Gecko dot 0:00:14.480 --> 0:00:19.240 supercast dot com. Premium members, or gek Legends, as I 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:21.560 call them, we'll be able to get every new and 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.759 existing episode of Therapy Gecko completely ad free. They'll also 0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:28.920 get a bonus podcast episode once a month, a bonus 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:31.560 live show episode once a month from all of the 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:34.400 live shows I've been doing around the world, a member's 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:37.720 only live stream once a month. Plus you'll also support 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:41.040 my ability to continue, hopefully doing this podcast for a 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:44.640 long time, doing it around the world, and also supporting 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:49.519 my ability to occasionally go eat a slice of pizza. 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:53.600 Go to Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com or find 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:56.920 the link in the episode description to become a gek 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:58.200 Legend today. 0:00:58.480 --> 0:00:59.960 All right, let's get into the episode. 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:04.760 Hello, Hey, Hi, what I'm talking to you right now? 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:06.240 My boyfriend's gonna freak out. 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:11.360 Oh well, well, what's well? I can't believe I'm talking 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:14.800 to you too. I can't believe technology has advanced far 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:16.080 enough to get us to this point. 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:16.959 It's pretty crazy. 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:19.760 I believe technology exists. 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:22.000 What's your name? 0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:23.400 Salem? 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:24.680 Uh? 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.600 Salem h? Like the witch stuff? 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:32.080 Yeah, like the witch stuff and like the cat from 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:33.559 Sprainton a teenage twitch. 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:38.959 Well, Salem, do you are you? I don't know. I 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:40.440 feel like, you know, I want to ask you about 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:41.120 which stuff? 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:43.800 But I feel like it it would be hacky of 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:46.520 me because you probably can ask that stuff all the time. 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:51.000 Not really, but I mean, I I don't know why 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:52.120 should talk about it? 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:56.440 Well, is there a reason that it's okay? If not, 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:57.760 we can find something. 0:01:57.800 --> 0:01:59.560 But is there a particular thing you you wanted to 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:02.160 talk about up from bike with calling in? 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:07.640 There's so many things going on, so you know we 0:02:07.720 --> 0:02:10.119 could figure something out. 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:14.280 Okay, Uh, tell me one of the things that is 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:14.799 going on. 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:18.720 I was recently in a mental hospital. 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:23.200 Oh okay, what's the food like in the mental hospital? 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:26.760 Well, I have celia, so they had to make all 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:29.840 my food in a microwave, like just frozen meals from 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:30.680 the grocery store. 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.080 It sounds like what you've been eating in the mental 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:36.519 hospital is very similar to what I have just been 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:38.160 eating in my apartments. 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:39.520 Yeah, it was. 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:42.240 Honestly, my food looked better than a lot of the 0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:43.639 other biggest food in there. 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:46.320 What was the best frozen meal? You had? 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:51.160 Probably just some mac and cheese. I normally have that 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:52.839 my house anyways. 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:59.280 And I feel like I've talked to people about this before, 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:03.240 but like is it are you are you solitary or 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:07.440 are there other folks in the hospital that you Well, 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:09.320 I was in. 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:14.079 A detox and crisis center because it's one of the 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:18.800 only like available facilities near me. So a lot of 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:21.720 the people are on drugs or coming off of drugs. 0:03:21.880 --> 0:03:25.919 But I was alone because of that. But there's like 0:03:26.880 --> 0:03:28.520 hourly meetings that. 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:31.680 You have to go to, So you were alone because 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:33.560 the only other people that they didn't mix you in 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:35.600 with the people who are detoxing on drugs. 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:38.960 Well, like for like the daily meetings they did, but 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:41.240 they didn't make me stay in the room with someone 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:43.680 that was like coming off of fentanyl. 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:48.240 Why was that like a danger to you or a 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:49.520 danger to them? 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:53.080 It could be, And I mean I was there because 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:56.240 I had been having like really bad panic attacks where 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:59.600 I thought I was dying for like like probably twenty 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:03.120 a couple of days. So I was like I need, 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:06.960 I need some help, So they probably thought that, like 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:11.080 watching someone the talks probably wouldn't be the best for 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:11.960 my anxiety. 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:15.400 Yeah, I feel like if you're anxious about dying, watching 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:18.840 somebody who's like, you know, kind of kind of dying 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:19.880 is bad. 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:20.520 Yeah. 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:24.279 Yeah it was. It was a lot just being in there. 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:27.960 But I mean I have like family members that are 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:31.080 addicted to drugs or have recovered from drugs, so I 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:34.080 wasn't as shocked as I think someone else would be. 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:35.760 Do you have TV? 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:39.320 There was a TV in the day room. 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:42.320 I watched it on TV. 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.280 Yeah, and I brought a lot of books. 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:50.800 Which was you watched what did you watch the Hunger Games? Okay? 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:53.839 I also I feel like, not a good movie to 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:55.760 watch if you're afraid of dying, because it's just it's 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:57.560 about kids dying. 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:01.679 Well it was. It was only on Netflix for a month, 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:03.760 and I didn't know how long it was going to 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:05.719 be in there, so I was like I might as well. 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:09.200 You were like, I can't wait for my death anxiety 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:11.479 to get better to watch this movie about the kids. 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:13.200 Well I just got to watch it now. 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:19.840 My anxiety was about like me having like an aneurysm 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:23.760 and like it was like fictional death. And I'd seen 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:26.560 the Hunger Games before, so I knew. I knew it 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:27.279 was gonna happen. 0:05:28.360 --> 0:05:30.640 How long ago were you in this facility? 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:34.560 I was only in there for four days. I was 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:36.480 supposed to be in there a week, but there was 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:38.360 some weird stuff that happened. 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:42.200 All right, did you now in this anxiety? 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:45.960 Like I don't want to, you know, but I was 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:48.680 on the fucking Wikipedia page. 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:49.240 Dude. 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:50.760 I've been in some just weird. 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:57.560 Wikipedia loops lately and they and it's just having anxiety 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:02.640 and unfiltered internet connection is a horrible mix. I was 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:10.160 on the Wikipedia page for for aneurysms, like, uh uh 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.800 a few days ago, just randomly, when you were going 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:15.880 when you were anxious, were you like on the internet 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.160 looking at web md and like just gone. 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:22.440 I have done that when I'm really paranoid, because I 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:26.839 get paranoid about my health a lot. But I was 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:30.719 specifically worried about aneurysms because my mom was really worried 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:33.440 that I was having one, and her aunt died from 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:35.880 one and her mom has one, and I think my 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:39.960 great grandmother has a couple, so it was like, it's 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:42.320 it's possible. That I could have one. 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:46.480 What did your why was what was your mom saying 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:47.160 to you? 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:50.680 Like, well, she was just like I couldn't eat or 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:54.599 like do anything for the whole time, so she was 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:55.880 just also really worried. 0:06:55.920 --> 0:07:00.000 I was saying, Okay, uh, well, how I know you 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:01.159 You said you were in there for four days. 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:02.680 But how long ago was this? 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:07.599 Oh it was in March. It was like in the 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:08.400 middle of March. 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:12.720 Okay, what did you What would you talk about at 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:15.320 these meetings? 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:18.840 I mean I feel like I didn't have as much 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:24.120 to talk about as some of the other people because 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:28.320 a lot of it was more like like rehab oriented 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.880 and like trying to get people to recover. But I 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:34.600 mean I've been in A meetings a lot as a kid, 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:39.120 so I at least like I didn't feel super uncomfortable 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:39.920 in that situation. 0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:43.160 The you said you've been in AA meetings a lot 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:49.080 as a kid, Oh yeah, with your parents. Is that 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:52.320 a thing parents bringing their kids to a meetings? 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:56.560 I mean, if they like, if one of the parents 0:07:56.600 --> 0:08:00.440 have to work and you really need to go to meeting, 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:03.920 you know, there's normally like a little area for kids 0:08:04.000 --> 0:08:06.680 to be in. But I'm the oldest of my siblings, 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:09.680 So I was paying attention to the meeting. 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:11.960 Do you kind of ask your question? 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:17.280 And like I is, when you go to these when 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:20.800 you're at these meetings, and I know that it's people 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:24.320 who are dealing with something different from you, But does 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:29.040 any part of you, and maybe this is one of 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:32.640 the points of group meetings and stuff, like, does any 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:33.280 part of you go? 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:35.800 Okay? Well, at least I don't have I'm not dealing 0:08:35.840 --> 0:08:36.960 with that, you know. 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:37.600 Oh no, I. 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:41.800 I've been addicted to drugs. I've just never gone to 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:44.040 like rehab for meetings for it. 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:46.520 Okay, are you are you? 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:47.240 Are you? 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:49.600 Are you under digited to drugs? Now? 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:54.240 I I'm pretty reliant on weeds, but that's because I 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:56.800 have a lot of health problems and like chronic pain. 0:08:57.800 --> 0:09:00.160 But I'm not addicted to like hard drugs like I 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:01.240 was when I was younger. 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:03.640 Is it uh? 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:06.120 Uh? 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:09.079 Is it like medically prescribed weed or you just buy 0:09:09.080 --> 0:09:10.760 it from like a dispensary recreationally. 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:15.679 Well, I don't live in a state where weed is 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:19.319 the most legal. It's the criminalized here and they're trying 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:21.560 to get medical So I'm going to get a med card, 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:26.160 but currently I can't really tell you how I get weed. 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:28.520 Oh, look I have. 0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:31.200 I have picked up weed from the Red Robin parking 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:32.920 lot many times, so I've been there. 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:37.000 It's a little it's a little less legal than that. 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:39.400 It's a little bit less legal than that. 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:46.240 Yeah, I mean it, you know, I don't know, it's 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:51.600 really it's kind of crazy, the uh dichotomy of like 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:58.120 there's there's I live, you know, I'm in California right now, and. 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:01.600 You can walk into these like fucking. 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:05.880 Apple store type places where we'd is completely legal and 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:09.480 like a smiley salesman will walk you all around the 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:12.520 store and like show you everything. And there's like, you 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.360 know states where people are doing that versus you know, 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:17.839 the Red Robin parking lot States or whatever it is. 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:18.400 That you're going to. 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:23.680 Yeah, that's true. I lived in Colorado for most of 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:28.000 my childhood, so I was used to like seeing places 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:29.960 like that, and now I live in the South and 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:33.480 it's just weird because when I started smoking, I was 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:38.280 like fourteen, and so I would like go to dispensaries 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:41.760 with people that could get wheat and get it from them. 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:44.199 So like I was pretty used to that, and moving 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:47.360 here was kind of a shock that it's so hard to. 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:52.120 Get Okay, so you were how's your health anxiety? 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:56.200 Now? Did the uh bend the hospital visit help? 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:00.840 I mean not one hundred percent. I think it was 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:03.800 just good to like it's right next to an er, 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:07.440 so I think like it made me feel safer that like, hey, 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:10.760 if I actually am dying, like I'm directly next to 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:15.600 hospital and then they up my medication and that that 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:16.320 helped a lot. 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:20.040 Are aneurysms genetic? 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:22.800 Yeah, they can be hereditary? 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:27.480 Okay, what like what kind of I's fucking off to 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:28.679 tell me? If you want to be like, what kind 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:29.959 of what kind of medication are you take? 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:30.040 It? 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:30.360 Is it? 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.000 Is it like just for anxiety? 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:38.600 Yeah, it's called hydroxycine. My psychiatrist wants to get me 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:43.800 off it eventually because I'm on mood stabilizers too, and 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:46.760 she said that those should probably help us by anxiety 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:50.000 when they like start working, because I have to like, 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:53.720 uh get up to the dose where they're going to 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:57.679 start working. So it's not the best medication to take 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:00.160 for anxiety, but it's working for me. And I was 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.400 addicted to Benzo's in the past. 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:07.160 I was, I was, I had a I've said kalanapin 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:10.000 for a little bit. Is that similar to that with 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:11.880 I know that there's a different word for it, but 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:13.920 I get lost in all the words. I think. 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.840 I think klanpin is a benzo. I've taken that a 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:21.480 several times. But I was. I was prescribed d X 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:25.520 when I was thirteen, which is not good to do 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:28.840 when you have family members that are drug ant. Sure 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:29.520 drug at it? 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.439 Sure, I don't really, I wouldn't. 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:35.360 I wouldn't recommend anyone doing this. But I did have 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:39.160 one night where I took both. I was I was sick, 0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:44.440 and I took both niquill and klanapin, and I think 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.440 I might have slept for a whole day, and I 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:51.200 had dreams about creatures that I cannot even describe. 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:54.480 That that sounds really scary. 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:58.960 No, it's I mean, it was it it. 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.760 It fucked up the entire next day, But you know, 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:05.320 I mean it was worth a experiment. 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:06.720 I wouldn't recommend it. 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:09.720 I love I love niquil though it is it is. 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:12.400 I mean, that's a great drug. I wish they have 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:14.600 well they have Zz's e quill that you can take 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:16.080 when you're not sick. 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.679 Yeah, I feel like being reliant on something like that 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.199 like Nightly though it is probably not the. 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.319 Best because no, it's a terrible idea. 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.920 Yeah, I think there's a bunch of chemicals, especially in 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:31.120 like the liquid night quotes. 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:35.839 I have to say, I don't I try to do 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:36.360 like a chat. 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:39.880 But somebody said, dude was on that loved crafty and combo, 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:43.480 and that is exactly what it was. That is like, 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:45.800 that is what he was on when he came up 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:46.480 with Cthulhu. 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:47.200 Was Nike, Will and. 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:52.000 Klonopin probably I don't know if they had clump in then, but. 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:58.680 Well, well all right, so what how is you? What's 0:13:58.760 --> 0:13:59.440 your like? 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:03.800 How so it got bad enough that you had to 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.560 go to a mental hospital and then it got I 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.280 suppose good enough that you left it early. 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:16.400 Yeah, kind of it was more like situational. Okay. There 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.680 was a weird guy that's like my dad's age that 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:24.640 was hitting on me and I'm I just turned so 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:28.680 I thought that was really creepy, and I didn't I 0:14:28.880 --> 0:14:31.400 just turned eighteen like two months ago at that point, 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:33.160 m M. 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:35.680 And he was like. 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:40.480 Forty, So what's your so? I mean, you're pretty young, dude, 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:44.240 what's your like? Are you about to go to college. 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:47.640 What's your like next life step. 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:53.320 I'm getting my ged and then I want to go 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:53.880 to college. 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:56.440 M h what do you what do you try to 0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:56.800 go for? 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:02.800 I really want to be like a scriptwriter and eventually 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:08.480 a director for movies and like. But it's a hard 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:12.640 industry to get into. It's very competitive and a lot 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:14.080 so it's a little scary. 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:16.920 Can I tell you something because I went to film school? 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.920 Mm hm, well okay, where are where are you trying to? 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:22.560 Are you like trying to You're trying to go to 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:28.400 film school pretty much? Like yeah, okay, what I don't 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:30.920 know how much you know information how to get out, 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:32.640 But is there like a school in particular that you're 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:33.240 trying to go to. 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:38.560 I'd like to go to one in the state, And 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:41.240 I mean I'm not in like the best state for 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:46.240 film school. But my dad's a veteran and there's a 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:47.160 thing where you can. 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:48.800 Get like free college if. 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:51.080 You're a veteran and he's giving it to his kids. 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:53.600 Oh oh, then go to college. 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:55.840 Yeah, yeah, no, if you could, because that was because Okay, 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.680 what I was going to tell you was if like 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:02.360 don't go like, don't go into like, don't go into 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:05.280 fucking debt to go to film school, because like I have, 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:07.800 I have, you know, yeah, don't go to debt to 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:09.960 go to film school. But like if no, if you're 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:11.960 if your dad has like a thing with the government, 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:13.640 we can pay it. Then yeah, let me go crazy, 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.400 but do that. But do this, No, go ahead, you 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:17.600 tell me what you're gonna say. 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:19.520 I was just gonna say. I think it has to 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:21.360 be in state, which is why I want to go 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:21.960 to school. 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:26.240 Yeah, I mean, if you're in you're in the summon. Yeah, 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:29.000 it doesn't you can, you can go. But I think. 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:33.040 If you go to film school, make sure you're making 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:37.080 make Like if I were you, I would make sure 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:43.440 you're making stuff outside of just like what they. 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:45.600 Get, what what. 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:48.960 Your your coursework is, because if your film school is 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:50.760 anything like my film school, it's like they're gonna make 0:16:50.800 --> 0:16:54.440 you watch movies and write essays, which is not it's 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.720 not gonna be helpful to you in any way, shape 0:16:57.760 --> 0:16:59.280 or form at all. 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:02.080 Things. 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:04.360 Yeah, yeah, I mean some of you know, I'm sure 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:06.639 there'll be classes where you know, I don't know. I mean, 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:08.879 I'm cynical. There's people that I you know, went to 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:10.800 the same film school as me that had a great time. 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.359 But uh, you know, I mean, make sure you're like 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:17.440 making stuff outside of class, right especially now because you 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:20.880 get because you got fucking you know, TikTok and YouTube 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:24.479 and uh I you probably have a computer that has 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:26.639 iMovie on it and share like you have all the 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:30.480 tools to just to just start making stuff. So I wouldn't, 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:34.440 Uh I would, I would. I would while doing your coursework. Also, 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:37.840 just you know, God and film ship on your phone 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:38.800 and computer. 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:39.320 And just make it. 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:41.240 That's good advice. 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:42.760 I try to now. 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.959 I feel like it definitely would be harder with like 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:49.960 a whole courseloads, But I'll definitely do my best. 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:51.800 But you said you try to. What do you What 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:53.439 do you make movies about? 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:58.080 I'm not making movies. I'm just like writing scripts and 0:17:58.240 --> 0:18:02.240 stuff like that because I don't have like the best 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:07.040 camera to film on. But yeah, although I don't have 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:07.919 anyone to help me. 0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:10.800 Well, okay, you your ice are you? 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:13.800 You're holding an iPhone right now as you're talking to me, right. 0:18:14.560 --> 0:18:16.359 Yeah, it's just not the best camera. 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:17.520 Okay. 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.600 I mean, look, man, it's like people are on I mean, 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:22.040 I don't know if you've ever seen my show, but 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:26.159 it looks like shit and it didn't matter, you know. Well, 0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:28.240 I mean, if you go on TikTok, everything is there 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:30.080 is filmed with an iPhone, so I wouldn't. 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:31.840 I don't let that stop you from making ship. 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:33.960 That's true. That is true. 0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:37.199 Okay, do you want to get a film school? What 0:18:37.280 --> 0:18:39.520 kind of what? Like? Like, what kind of script do 0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:39.920 you write? 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:40.040 Like? 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:44.159 Funny shit? Serious shit? What do you write scripts about? 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:48.439 I think funny scripts are easier to do, just because, 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:52.639 like you know, it's not as serious. But I like 0:18:53.160 --> 0:18:55.959 writing scripts base based off of some of my like 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:59.800 mental health experiences, because I think that is also fairly 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:03.760 need to do. But yeah, sometimes I just look up. 0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:04.760 Prompts and do that. 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:08.760 Have you ever seen one Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest? 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:13.119 I haven't, but my mom talks about all the time. 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:17.160 I haven't either, but I know it's about. 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:21.480 That about a mental hospital, I think, so. 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:23.760 I haven't seen I certainly have even brought it up, But. 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:29.359 It's about someone that's not crazy acting crazy to like 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:32.080 be in a mental I think they're trying to hide 0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:34.760 from like the law or something, but they're hiding in 0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:42.960 as it was made a while ago, though, so I 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:46.600 don't know if it's the best representation of hospitals. 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:47.880 Well, there we go. 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:50.320 Well that's the thing. Maybe you watch it and it 0:19:50.400 --> 0:19:52.800 inspires you. You're like this guy, this guy didn't get 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:55.320 it right, you know, And now you can go and 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.600 you can make the next great American. 0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:01.280 Mental hospital movie. 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:05.040 Thank you. That's that's gonna be my legacy. 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:10.000 Look, what's your name again? Salem? Salem? You shall prevail 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:11.960 against all odds. I believe in you. 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:13.320 Okay, thank you. 0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:14.520 I really appreciate that. 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:17.879 All right, you have a good night, you too. 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:25.440 All from Hello, Hey man. 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:27.240 What's up? What's your name? 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:31.520 Griffin? I'm in your chat. I'm Rogus. 0:20:34.320 --> 0:20:37.000 Jogan. Have we ever spoke before Rogus Jogan? 0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:43.119 Never ever? My man? First time? Yeah, you got it? 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:47.280 But ripping like Peter Griffin jogas. What's up? 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:52.040 Man? Not too much? Brother? How's the stream going? What's 0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:53.639 going on with you? Let's get into it? 0:20:55.240 --> 0:20:57.399 If I like you already, man, let's get into it. 0:20:57.560 --> 0:20:58.760 What do you want to get into. 0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:00.760 Let's get into it. 0:21:00.880 --> 0:21:05.520 Dude, John Cena on the phone, Hello, that was that was? 0:21:05.880 --> 0:21:12.200 That was a confident tall guy. Laugh. You just did. 0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:21.720 My man? Yo, I got like in high school I 0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:25.840 met this girl right seven eight, ten years ago? Christ 0:21:25.920 --> 0:21:30.479 I don't know. And buddy, we were together for five years. 0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:36.200 We went through, traveled the world. She's a Canadian. I'm Canadian, 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:41.800 you know. But she was being the means and man, 0:21:42.560 --> 0:21:45.359 things went real sideways. She found some pictures on my phone. 0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:48.280 I screwed up. Trust was gone, you know what I mean? 0:21:49.240 --> 0:21:51.879 And ever since then, I've just been self sabotaging, like 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:56.680 a like a like a big old dummy. M kam. 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:02.239 You were how old were you when you when you 0:22:02.680 --> 0:22:03.400 fucked this up? 0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:14.560 Oh? Crazy, lose a loose grasp on time. Man, I 0:22:14.600 --> 0:22:16.880 don't know. Probably it would have been five six years ago, 0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:22.800 so probably nineteen twenty. I'm only twenty six now. I'm 0:22:22.800 --> 0:22:24.400 a young man still, all right. 0:22:24.880 --> 0:22:25.239 All right? 0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:27.480 So you you fucked up and then you say that 0:22:27.560 --> 0:22:30.240 you ever since then, these past six years, you've you 0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:31.720 say you've been self sabotaging. 0:22:31.760 --> 0:22:32.400 What does that mean? 0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:39.600 Well? I had this one girl who was super into me. 0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:42.240 He's a great, great person. She was a pastor's daughter, 0:22:42.320 --> 0:22:44.840 you know, a good, good person, volunteer at all of that, 0:22:45.040 --> 0:22:49.479 super talented. Yeah, And I mean I wasn't so good 0:22:49.520 --> 0:22:50.679 to her. I didn't give her the time of day. 0:22:50.720 --> 0:22:52.400 I didn't give her the respect she needed. She still 0:22:52.400 --> 0:22:57.399 stuck with me for like three years. And then buddy, 0:22:57.440 --> 0:23:00.640 when she got pregnant, Holy cow, I messed a big time. 0:23:01.359 --> 0:23:02.800 You got a kid? 0:23:03.119 --> 0:23:04.680 Yeah, holy shit. 0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:08.480 Okay, you know, let's get serious with it, man. Yeah. 0:23:08.480 --> 0:23:09.159 Oh no, I'm with you. 0:23:09.200 --> 0:23:09.600 I'm with you. 0:23:09.720 --> 0:23:10.080 Keep going. 0:23:12.280 --> 0:23:14.840 Yeah. And I was like, I'm not ready like financially 0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:20.320 or emotionally or like spiritually or fucking anything for a child. Yeah. 0:23:20.560 --> 0:23:22.800 So I told her. I was like, I can't have 0:23:22.840 --> 0:23:24.600 a kid. I was like, if you have a kid, 0:23:24.640 --> 0:23:27.280 I can't be there for the child. I told her. 0:23:27.280 --> 0:23:30.280 I was like, I'm going to leave put on extradition 0:23:30.400 --> 0:23:34.399 country and we'll never talk again, which is a terrible, 0:23:34.520 --> 0:23:39.479 terrible thing to say. Mm hmm. And then well, anyway, 0:23:39.560 --> 0:23:42.800 she aboorded that baby, which is fucked up or not 0:23:42.880 --> 0:23:43.959 depending on your viewpoint. 0:23:44.000 --> 0:23:47.359 I guess, well, okay, was it like, well, how did 0:23:47.400 --> 0:23:48.119 the conversation go? 0:23:48.200 --> 0:23:52.119 Did she like really like really want to have the baby? 0:23:52.840 --> 0:23:55.440 She was a religious girl, man, her father was a pastor. 0:23:57.480 --> 0:23:57.880 Mm hmm. 0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:01.000 Well what were her feelings? 0:24:01.080 --> 0:24:01.240 Right? 0:24:01.280 --> 0:24:04.119 Because I mean shit, man, like, if neither of you 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:05.800 guys are ready to have the baby. 0:24:06.480 --> 0:24:08.399 No, we weren't, but I think like she felt like 0:24:08.440 --> 0:24:10.720 she had like a moral obligation or you. 0:24:10.680 --> 0:24:16.639 Know, Okay, do you still talk to this girl? 0:24:17.440 --> 0:24:18.000 No? 0:24:18.000 --> 0:24:20.880 No, okay, how long ago was that? 0:24:23.560 --> 0:24:25.840 Uh, that would have been like three years ago. 0:24:27.400 --> 0:24:30.919 I mean, that's it' that's a that's a tough and 0:24:30.960 --> 0:24:32.160 then from them and it's just. 0:24:34.119 --> 0:24:35.200 That's a tough situation. 0:24:36.400 --> 0:24:40.600 Yeah. Man, people keep telling me I need therapy, and 0:24:40.600 --> 0:24:42.640 I get real defensive, you know what I mean, which 0:24:42.680 --> 0:24:44.200 is probably not a good thing either. 0:24:44.800 --> 0:24:46.760 Why do you why do you get defensive when people 0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:48.120 tell you you need therapy? 0:24:48.640 --> 0:24:51.240 Because I don't know. For me, I have an association 0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:55.200 like therapy is for people who are like weak or 0:24:55.240 --> 0:24:57.359 you need someone to lean on, but also like at 0:24:57.400 --> 0:24:59.040 the same time, like you know, we're not always so 0:24:59.119 --> 0:24:59.920 strong on our own. 0:25:00.680 --> 0:25:01.080 M hmm. 0:25:01.520 --> 0:25:03.480 Well yeah, I mean, look, did you you're out here, 0:25:03.600 --> 0:25:07.440 you know, you're you're like reckoning with yourself and being 0:25:07.480 --> 0:25:10.360 like I fucked up here, I fucked up there, And 0:25:11.200 --> 0:25:13.760 I mean, look, it's good to reckon with yourself, right. 0:25:13.760 --> 0:25:15.640 People go through their whole lives sucking up and they 0:25:15.680 --> 0:25:20.800 never reckon with it. So I mean that I think 0:25:20.880 --> 0:25:24.280 I think it's good to look at yourself. I've done 0:25:24.280 --> 0:25:26.119 this before, you know, it's good to look at yourself 0:25:26.160 --> 0:25:29.520 and be like, oh, here's some character flaws that I 0:25:29.560 --> 0:25:36.439 should you know, address, and uh, I think doing that 0:25:36.520 --> 0:25:41.720 with a therapist. There's nothing about that that is uh weak. 0:25:42.920 --> 0:25:49.359 Yeah mm yeah, maybe it's something I need to come 0:25:49.400 --> 0:25:51.080 to terms with. Man. I don't know. It's so self 0:25:51.080 --> 0:25:52.359 reflection at the end of the day, but it is 0:25:52.400 --> 0:25:54.080 good to talk about it, you know. And I'm a 0:25:54.080 --> 0:25:55.520 big fan of the channel. I'm a big fan of 0:25:55.520 --> 0:25:55.760 what you do. 0:25:55.960 --> 0:25:57.080 So well, thanks man. 0:25:57.119 --> 0:26:00.920 All Right, so you got all these things in your life, situations, 0:26:00.960 --> 0:26:02.919 things that you're not proud of, things where you're like, 0:26:04.000 --> 0:26:06.159 things where maybe you can see why you made the 0:26:06.200 --> 0:26:10.119 decisions you made, Things where you're like, no, I was 0:26:10.200 --> 0:26:16.520 just totally acting out of selfishness or whatever. It was 0:26:16.520 --> 0:26:18.880 like looking back on it and being like. 0:26:18.880 --> 0:26:21.080 Yeah, there's a logical reason behind it, but it was 0:26:21.200 --> 0:26:23.480 purely for self serving interests. 0:26:23.760 --> 0:26:28.719 Okay, well here you are now, you're twenty six, you 0:26:28.880 --> 0:26:33.920 are not in jail, and you didn't die. You're a 0:26:34.000 --> 0:26:39.480 human being on the earth with an opportunity. Some could 0:26:39.560 --> 0:26:44.879 even say an obligation to, you know, go and become 0:26:44.920 --> 0:26:47.239 the best version of yourself that you can be in 0:26:47.320 --> 0:26:52.359 spite of things that you're ashamed of from your past. 0:26:52.840 --> 0:26:54.119 And I think that you should have the. 0:26:56.080 --> 0:26:58.960 Right to go and figure out the best way for 0:26:59.040 --> 0:27:03.160 yourself to do that. So, uh, when you think about that, 0:27:03.320 --> 0:27:04.960 what what? What do you what do you think about? 0:27:05.000 --> 0:27:06.320 How do you how do you want to? 0:27:07.280 --> 0:27:09.680 I get where you're coming from. And I understand that, 0:27:09.760 --> 0:27:11.720 like you hear the self reflection and everything and the 0:27:11.760 --> 0:27:13.960 good ursus is good. But at the same time, my man, 0:27:14.040 --> 0:27:17.400 I have this whole urge, this inclination, this desire to 0:27:17.440 --> 0:27:23.439 stay oh so toxic reflection. Sometimes it's appealing to get worse, 0:27:23.600 --> 0:27:23.880 you know. 0:27:24.640 --> 0:27:29.200 Okay, all right, tell me more, tell me more about this. 0:27:29.680 --> 0:27:32.240 Why do you have the desire to stay toxic? 0:27:33.119 --> 0:27:36.359 Christ I don't know, man, So like sometimes I just 0:27:36.400 --> 0:27:38.919 do destructive things that aren't even self destructive. They're just 0:27:38.920 --> 0:27:41.639 destructive to other people's joint happiness. That's not good, you know, 0:27:41.760 --> 0:27:44.680 Like I got some issues. Who knows the reason. 0:27:45.119 --> 0:27:47.880 I'm gonna tell you this. You should go. I'm down 0:27:47.920 --> 0:27:49.000 to talk you see. 0:27:48.840 --> 0:27:52.240 You know, uh, you the fact that we are having 0:27:52.280 --> 0:27:56.360 this conversation right now indicates to me that you are 0:27:56.960 --> 0:28:01.480 capable of, you know, self reflection, and so I want 0:28:01.520 --> 0:28:02.639 to talk to you about all this stuff. 0:28:02.640 --> 0:28:04.840 But you should totally go see a real therapist too. 0:28:05.200 --> 0:28:07.880 Yeah. No, you're probably right, man, Like I would give 0:28:07.920 --> 0:28:09.920 you more in depth answers if I could, about a 0:28:09.960 --> 0:28:12.399 lot of this stuff, but i'd like the reasons for something. 0:28:12.440 --> 0:28:14.399 Some of my actions sometimes just gave me to you 0:28:14.440 --> 0:28:14.920 know what I mean. 0:28:15.960 --> 0:28:20.320 Okay, So well, here's the thing. Is like, you're looking 0:28:20.320 --> 0:28:22.879 back at shit from five years ago, and it's okay 0:28:22.960 --> 0:28:25.080 to look back at yourself from five years ago and 0:28:25.160 --> 0:28:27.239 be like, yeah, I fucked up. 0:28:27.400 --> 0:28:28.600 I'm you know, was not. 0:28:29.119 --> 0:28:31.000 Perfect and I want to improve, I want to change. 0:28:31.080 --> 0:28:34.720 But you're telling me that that that you're looking back 0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:37.360 at yourself from the past and you're ashamed of it, 0:28:37.680 --> 0:28:40.360 but yet you still have the desire to, as you say, 0:28:40.440 --> 0:28:41.240 stay toxic. 0:28:42.200 --> 0:28:45.440 Yeah, okay, what tell me about that? What is that? 0:28:46.640 --> 0:28:49.040 Maybe almost two minds man, That's really what it comes 0:28:49.040 --> 0:28:52.200 down to. I guess right, I was deciding what path 0:28:52.320 --> 0:28:58.480 you want to walk at the end of the day, Like, buddy, 0:28:58.480 --> 0:29:00.000 I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really think we were 0:29:00.080 --> 0:29:01.920 going to get this deep. When I started the phone call, 0:29:01.920 --> 0:29:04.880 I didn't even think I was going to get through. I. 0:29:05.560 --> 0:29:08.720 Look, if you we can't, we can. We can keep going. 0:29:08.720 --> 0:29:10.440 We can go deep if you want to. 0:29:10.880 --> 0:29:12.920 You know, I don't want to. We don't have to. 0:29:16.680 --> 0:29:24.080 Why not? Yeah, no, honestly, man, Probably it's self sabotage. 0:29:24.120 --> 0:29:27.160 Probably it's it's looking at myself in the mirror and saying, 0:29:27.160 --> 0:29:29.080 because I did these things in the past, I don't 0:29:29.120 --> 0:29:31.959 deserve to have good things in the future, and burning 0:29:32.360 --> 0:29:38.840 and whatnot, that that probably I shouldn't be yeah, myself 0:29:38.880 --> 0:29:39.880 to other people, you know. 0:29:40.120 --> 0:29:42.440 So you look at yourself and you're like, Okay, because 0:29:42.440 --> 0:29:46.920 I've done these things in the past, I'm not deserving 0:29:47.720 --> 0:29:52.240 of uh a life where I improve myself. And therefore, 0:29:52.960 --> 0:29:56.560 fuck it, Let's just keep going down the path of 0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:59.840 evil and darkness, because why not be fund of redemption? 0:30:00.640 --> 0:30:02.560 So let's just. 0:30:02.000 --> 0:30:07.440 Dive deep in the deep in right, that's how you're feeling. Okay, hmmm. 0:30:08.840 --> 0:30:13.320 But here's the But from my perspective, From my perspective, 0:30:14.320 --> 0:30:14.880 and and. 0:30:15.280 --> 0:30:21.000 I would say this, anyone who's done anything right is like, Okay, 0:30:21.120 --> 0:30:26.720 if you've reached this point of self awareness that that again, 0:30:26.800 --> 0:30:28.480 I can tell you have because you and me are 0:30:28.480 --> 0:30:30.160 having the fucking conversation right now. 0:30:30.280 --> 0:30:37.960 If you've reached this point of self awareness, you have 0:30:38.080 --> 0:30:40.920 the ability to move forward positively in your life. And 0:30:41.000 --> 0:30:43.040 why would I don't. I don't. 0:30:44.200 --> 0:30:52.600 I don't see why you're throwing yourself out uh so preemptively. 0:30:53.600 --> 0:30:55.840 I don't see any logical reason why you're doing that 0:30:56.400 --> 0:31:02.800 when you could decide right now, in spite of whatever 0:31:03.400 --> 0:31:07.400 transpired in the past, that you want to do the 0:31:07.400 --> 0:31:09.480 best you can moving forward and to just. 0:31:09.440 --> 0:31:10.480 Go go do that. 0:31:10.600 --> 0:31:13.000 What what is logically preventing you from that? Is this 0:31:13.080 --> 0:31:15.600 feeling that you don't deserve it? 0:31:16.440 --> 0:31:17.400 You know that. 0:31:17.400 --> 0:31:18.960 I don't. I don't even like what. I don't even 0:31:18.960 --> 0:31:19.320 know what that. 0:31:19.320 --> 0:31:22.480 Means, what to deserve it or not. It's like, you're 0:31:22.520 --> 0:31:28.280 a dude on the planet Earth. Go figure figure. 0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:29.000 Out how you can. 0:31:31.280 --> 0:31:33.160 Figure out how you can fucking make your life better 0:31:33.200 --> 0:31:35.880 and the lives of people around you better. I don't 0:31:35.880 --> 0:31:38.600 see why anything you've done in the past should prevent 0:31:38.680 --> 0:31:39.720 you from doing that. 0:31:41.320 --> 0:31:45.400 Yeah, no, you're not wrong, my friend. You're not wrong. 0:31:45.800 --> 0:31:48.160 You have a very good point. I should I should 0:31:48.200 --> 0:31:50.200 always try to be better in all things. 0:31:49.960 --> 0:31:54.360 Right, Yeah, so go ahead in the way that people. 0:31:54.400 --> 0:31:56.360 Maybe I'll find some redemption in that, who knows, But 0:31:56.480 --> 0:31:59.240 I can't. I can't tone for my sense my past, 0:31:59.280 --> 0:32:01.360 you know, like they're there are things that we can 0:32:01.400 --> 0:32:04.640 never make amends for. That Like, even if I want 0:32:04.640 --> 0:32:06.440 to apologize for the wrongs that I've done for the 0:32:06.480 --> 0:32:08.440 awful things of other people, those people don't want to 0:32:08.440 --> 0:32:10.600 have contact with me because of the bridges that I've burned, 0:32:10.640 --> 0:32:11.200 you know what I mean. 0:32:11.400 --> 0:32:15.560 Okay, Well, so I mean, look, let's to that point, 0:32:16.240 --> 0:32:24.680 right you You can accept if you fuck, if you fucked 0:32:24.760 --> 0:32:28.440 up in some way, you can accept, like, I'm not 0:32:28.440 --> 0:32:29.920 going to reach out to this person because this person 0:32:29.920 --> 0:32:33.320 probably don't want to hear from me, And even if 0:32:33.320 --> 0:32:37.120 I did reach out to them, they could reject my apology, 0:32:38.080 --> 0:32:40.280 and that that'd be okay. 0:32:40.320 --> 0:32:41.240 You just got to deal with that. 0:32:41.560 --> 0:32:41.760 You know. 0:32:41.840 --> 0:32:44.560 That's okay That that person rejecting your apology or that 0:32:44.600 --> 0:32:48.680 person not wanting to hear from you again doesn't to 0:32:48.800 --> 0:32:54.720 me negate your ability to move forward in some positive 0:32:54.760 --> 0:32:55.800 direction in your life. 0:32:56.520 --> 0:33:01.520 Mm hmm. You know, yeah, Well, at the end of 0:33:01.520 --> 0:33:03.840 the day, man, it's probably you're right. And it's something 0:33:03.840 --> 0:33:07.160 that I gotta work on, something that I gotta work on. 0:33:07.320 --> 0:33:09.880 I gotta I gotta do a little bit more introspection, 0:33:09.960 --> 0:33:13.960 more self reflection and find a way to I don't 0:33:13.960 --> 0:33:17.280 know that go of some of this ship that career, 0:33:17.320 --> 0:33:18.920 right mm. 0:33:18.800 --> 0:33:23.240 Hmmm, because it's not doing anyone any good, something you 0:33:23.320 --> 0:33:25.120 any good, it's not doing anyone around you any good. 0:33:25.360 --> 0:33:30.200 To just be like to to to. 0:33:31.280 --> 0:33:35.400 Beat the ship out of yourself and decide to stay toxic. 0:33:35.560 --> 0:33:36.240 I think it's a good. 0:33:36.280 --> 0:33:38.040 It's a god, it's always it's a good idea to 0:33:38.080 --> 0:33:41.880 reflect on your actions and reflect on your life and go, Okay, 0:33:41.880 --> 0:33:46.000 here's parts where that just wasn't good, and here's parts 0:33:46.040 --> 0:33:52.840 where I fucked up, and uh like, guess that's a healthy, 0:33:52.840 --> 0:33:58.120 good thing to do. But again, you said it yourself. 0:33:58.120 --> 0:34:02.040 You're a young guy moving forward. You could have you got, 0:34:02.120 --> 0:34:06.080 you know, forty five fifty more years ahead of you 0:34:06.200 --> 0:34:11.080 of positive action in the universe that you're just throwing 0:34:11.160 --> 0:34:13.200 away for for for no reason. 0:34:14.040 --> 0:34:18.400 Hm hm hm. 0:34:18.600 --> 0:34:21.200 And people have varying ideas, and people have varying ideas 0:34:21.280 --> 0:34:23.920 and philosophies about these things, and I respect that. You know, 0:34:26.040 --> 0:34:29.080 some people would agree with you, there's certain things that 0:34:29.120 --> 0:34:31.960 are beyond redemption. 0:34:33.440 --> 0:34:35.960 But I don't. 0:34:37.200 --> 0:34:41.040 I think as long as you're alive and you've and 0:34:41.120 --> 0:34:43.680 you're you're self aware to the point. 0:34:43.520 --> 0:34:46.799 Where you know that you can change yourself, then you should, right. 0:34:47.040 --> 0:34:51.440 Yeah, like, and that doesn't that doesn't mean that, that 0:34:51.440 --> 0:34:54.640 doesn't mean that anyone like owes you any kind of like, 0:34:56.040 --> 0:34:59.000 you know, accepting of any apologies or anything. But it 0:34:59.040 --> 0:35:04.080 doesn't mean that or you're you're you're entire you're entitled 0:35:05.239 --> 0:35:09.680 to fix yourself and to pick yourself up and to 0:35:09.760 --> 0:35:10.480 go all right. 0:35:10.920 --> 0:35:12.760 I cannot change the past. 0:35:13.000 --> 0:35:13.200 I can. 0:35:13.320 --> 0:35:16.880 I'm going to reconcile with it, and I'm going to 0:35:16.960 --> 0:35:22.600 make an intentional decision to uh do better in the future, 0:35:22.680 --> 0:35:24.640 especially with how fucking young you are. Like I said, 0:35:24.640 --> 0:35:29.560 you have fifty forty five more years of you know, 0:35:29.719 --> 0:35:33.880 good life ship ahead of you that you're again that 0:35:33.880 --> 0:35:35.040 you're throwing out for no reason. 0:35:36.680 --> 0:35:44.400 Yeah, no, I you there's a lot to think about. Man, 0:35:44.480 --> 0:35:47.080 You're you're you're not wrong in any of what you're saying. 0:35:47.160 --> 0:35:50.120 It's easier to agree with than to actually put into 0:35:50.160 --> 0:35:52.799 practice in my life, though, right, So, I mean, I 0:35:52.840 --> 0:35:56.279 will I'll be thinking about this for the next little while, 0:35:56.320 --> 0:35:59.439 my friend. Then I will I'll see what, if any 0:35:59.440 --> 0:36:02.400 progress can make the defeatistatude. 0:36:02.400 --> 0:36:05.960 I'm sure it doesn't help, you know, you said, the 0:36:05.960 --> 0:36:08.520 defeatist attitude, the attitude attitude. 0:36:08.560 --> 0:36:10.719 I gotta think more positively about this whole thing, you 0:36:10.719 --> 0:36:11.200 know what I mean? 0:36:12.000 --> 0:36:13.600 Mm hmmm, mm hmmm. 0:36:15.719 --> 0:36:17.919 I guess I'm just lost on that. I guess I'm 0:36:17.960 --> 0:36:24.040 just like lost on this idea that your unhappiness with 0:36:24.200 --> 0:36:28.120 how you've acted in the past it led you to 0:36:28.120 --> 0:36:29.880 some point where you're like, well, fuck it, let's just 0:36:29.960 --> 0:36:32.120 keep acting like that, you know. 0:36:33.600 --> 0:36:35.800 I guess it's such a precedent and it kind of 0:36:35.840 --> 0:36:38.080 shapes how you see yourself as a person. Like if 0:36:38.080 --> 0:36:40.160 I did these things, I must be this way, you 0:36:40.200 --> 0:36:40.680 know what I mean. 0:36:42.880 --> 0:36:46.400 Right, but but but but I think I think people 0:36:46.400 --> 0:36:53.040 are more complicated and uh bigger than like labels. Right, Yeah, 0:36:53.120 --> 0:36:55.680 the world is not white, right because you're just like, oh, 0:36:55.719 --> 0:36:57.160 I did this, I must be that way. 0:36:58.640 --> 0:36:59.160 But I don't. 0:36:59.200 --> 0:37:03.320 I think that's just you like boxing yourself in and 0:37:03.400 --> 0:37:05.719 labeling yourself when but our action is. 0:37:05.640 --> 0:37:08.080 Not sometimes also a true reflection of our nature, like 0:37:08.120 --> 0:37:08.880 a true reflection. 0:37:10.200 --> 0:37:12.520 No definitely. Yeah, but you can, you can change your 0:37:12.560 --> 0:37:14.920 actions and therefore change your nature. Would you not agree? 0:37:15.640 --> 0:37:20.440 Yeah? No, fair enough. So then having changed my actions 0:37:20.440 --> 0:37:24.560 over the past four years roughly and worked to better 0:37:24.600 --> 0:37:26.640 myself as a person and you know, be a more 0:37:26.680 --> 0:37:29.719 upstanding member of society, I should still be able to 0:37:29.800 --> 0:37:32.080 let go of this all. But you know, and and 0:37:32.080 --> 0:37:35.360 then say, you know, I've made progress and that counts 0:37:35.360 --> 0:37:37.640 for something, But that doesn't that still doesn't erase the 0:37:37.640 --> 0:37:39.040 sense of the past. I don't know. 0:37:40.680 --> 0:37:45.799 I don't think the goal is to erase them, right, Okay, 0:37:46.200 --> 0:37:48.880 come to Yeah, yeah, I think the goal is to 0:37:48.880 --> 0:37:53.640 come to terms with them and to figure out how 0:37:53.680 --> 0:38:00.480 to move forward positively in your life despite them. You know, 0:38:01.760 --> 0:38:06.080 mm hmmm, because why that? Why should it again? You're 0:38:06.120 --> 0:38:08.880 just you're throwing you're throwing out you know, fifty years 0:38:08.920 --> 0:38:12.799 of of uh, you know, good good stuff you could 0:38:12.800 --> 0:38:17.920 be doing just because you wanna you know, wallow. 0:38:18.800 --> 0:38:23.920 Mm hmm, yeah, pretty anybody, You're not wrong, Crace, I 0:38:23.960 --> 0:38:26.080 got some issues a buddy, All right, Well, you know. 0:38:26.040 --> 0:38:29.279 What are you gonna go to? You should you should look? 0:38:29.640 --> 0:38:33.160 Look, look, man, I I think you should be less defensive. 0:38:34.600 --> 0:38:36.840 I mean I'm just a fucking gecko guy. You should 0:38:36.840 --> 0:38:37.439 talk to a pro. 0:38:38.160 --> 0:38:40.160 Yeah, yeah, I know you've convinced me I might. I 0:38:40.200 --> 0:38:42.920 might benefit from passing this all out with somebody who's 0:38:42.920 --> 0:38:46.480 got some degrees and whatnot, because even this conversation has 0:38:46.480 --> 0:38:48.319 helped me. Man, I appreciate why you do what you do. 0:38:48.480 --> 0:38:48.680 You know? 0:38:49.000 --> 0:38:50.040 Okay, good, good. 0:38:50.120 --> 0:38:54.879 I do have a question before. Why isn't the face red? 0:38:55.760 --> 0:39:00.880 You're really pushing yourself here. I take back everything I said. 0:39:00.880 --> 0:39:06.000 You're your dear nor. Alright, what's your name? What's your name? 0:39:06.080 --> 0:39:07.240 Man? Griff? 0:39:07.320 --> 0:39:08.360 Griff like Peter Griffin? 0:39:08.960 --> 0:39:09.280 Griff? 0:39:09.440 --> 0:39:11.560 Okay, well, Griff, look, good luck to you. I think 0:39:12.080 --> 0:39:13.879 I believe in you. I think you're going to figure 0:39:13.920 --> 0:39:18.920 this out. And you know, keep think about all the 0:39:18.920 --> 0:39:19.799 ship we talked about. 0:39:20.840 --> 0:39:22.840 Yeah, no, one hundred percent. I'm thinking about it. 0:39:22.920 --> 0:39:23.040 Man. 0:39:23.160 --> 0:39:23.719 I appreciate it. 0:39:23.800 --> 0:39:25.520 Hey, cool man, all right, man, I'll talk to you soon. 0:39:25.640 --> 0:39:36.759 Letter on, Thank you, sir, aw from Andrew Andrew. 0:39:38.320 --> 0:39:39.520 Oh, it's the therapy, geck. 0:39:39.719 --> 0:39:40.000 Let's go. 0:39:40.880 --> 0:39:43.680 What's up? How are you doing good? How are you 0:39:44.640 --> 0:39:45.840 doing all right? What's happening? 0:39:46.880 --> 0:39:48.640 I have a proposition for you? 0:39:49.840 --> 0:39:52.600 Uh, a proposition? You say, okay. 0:39:53.480 --> 0:39:56.799 I want to count you to a singular game. 0:39:57.560 --> 0:40:00.920 Okay, big tactoe okay. You want to play it in 0:40:01.040 --> 0:40:01.960 our minds right now? 0:40:03.000 --> 0:40:05.520 Yep, no, no paper, just mentally. 0:40:05.680 --> 0:40:06.640 Let's let's just do it. 0:40:07.080 --> 0:40:08.319 You want to be you want to be. 0:40:11.760 --> 0:40:12.840 All right, I'll be O's. 0:40:14.000 --> 0:40:16.080 Okay, I'll be O's. You want to go first or second? 0:40:16.600 --> 0:40:20.000 I want to go first, okay, all right? 0:40:21.160 --> 0:40:21.560 All right? 0:40:22.320 --> 0:40:23.640 Bottom? Left? I put an O. 0:40:25.040 --> 0:40:30.759 Okay, bomb left. I guess I'll put an X in 0:40:30.920 --> 0:40:31.759 the center. 0:40:33.520 --> 0:40:37.360 Okay, upper left, I put an O. 0:40:38.680 --> 0:40:42.239 Okay, we'll go left, I'll put an X. 0:40:44.320 --> 0:40:46.440 Okay. Right, I put an O. 0:40:48.719 --> 0:40:51.680 Okay, I'll go bottom. I'll put an X. 0:40:53.280 --> 0:40:53.600 Okay. 0:40:53.880 --> 0:40:54.000 Uh. 0:40:55.160 --> 0:40:56.120 Top, I put an O. 0:40:57.960 --> 0:40:59.799 Okay, top right, I'll put an X. 0:41:00.880 --> 0:41:07.680 Okay bottom right up? Put Now? Well that was fun. 0:41:07.840 --> 0:41:10.040 What's your name again, Andrew? 0:41:10.800 --> 0:41:12.919 Andrews? Anything particularly called in to talk about? 0:41:14.160 --> 0:41:18.040 Nope, that was it. That was fun. I hope you 0:41:18.080 --> 0:41:21.719 have a good night. Hope chat's doing well. Watching. I'll 0:41:21.760 --> 0:41:23.239 keep watching and I'll see you guys around. 0:41:23.760 --> 0:41:25.879 Well, I mean, is that is that all you want? 0:41:25.960 --> 0:41:27.520 We could do? Look, we can do more. 0:41:27.719 --> 0:41:29.000 I mean we I don't want to do any more 0:41:29.040 --> 0:41:31.440 games of TikTok toe because my brain would explode. 0:41:31.480 --> 0:41:32.680 But I mean, who are you? 0:41:33.680 --> 0:41:33.960 That was? 0:41:34.080 --> 0:41:35.520 That was mentally draining? 0:41:36.280 --> 0:41:36.640 It was. 0:41:39.000 --> 0:41:46.360 I'm just chilling right now, you know, Wednesday night. I 0:41:46.400 --> 0:41:50.040 don't know. I mean, I'm pretty pretty satisfied with this call. 0:41:51.120 --> 0:41:53.040 That's all. I really just wanted to just, you know, 0:41:53.719 --> 0:41:55.440 play around, have some fun, what. 0:41:57.360 --> 0:41:57.680 You know what. 0:41:58.680 --> 0:42:00.160 I respect that and I'm gonna let you go. 0:42:01.400 --> 0:42:02.680 Thanks, have a good night, Lyle. 0:42:02.960 --> 0:42:04.520 Soya you too? Take care? 0:42:07.280 --> 0:42:07.440 Wait? 0:42:07.560 --> 0:42:09.000 Did I win all? 0:42:09.120 --> 0:42:10.319 From Peter? 0:42:11.560 --> 0:42:11.840 Peter? 0:42:13.239 --> 0:42:13.520 Hello? 0:42:14.680 --> 0:42:15.239 Hey man? 0:42:15.800 --> 0:42:16.319 How's it going? 0:42:16.400 --> 0:42:16.520 Man? 0:42:17.239 --> 0:42:17.879 It's going good. 0:42:17.920 --> 0:42:19.600 How are you? Oh? 0:42:19.719 --> 0:42:20.560 Not too bad at all? 0:42:23.840 --> 0:42:27.160 Well, Peter, what's happening? 0:42:28.440 --> 0:42:31.919 I'm just watching your stream, hanging out, playing a little 0:42:31.920 --> 0:42:35.239 bit of video games. Just got off of work, not 0:42:35.360 --> 0:42:36.240 doing much of anything. 0:42:36.320 --> 0:42:39.480 Really, is there anything particular that you called in to 0:42:39.520 --> 0:42:39.959 talk about? 0:42:41.800 --> 0:42:46.560 No, not really, kind of just hanging out and wanted 0:42:46.560 --> 0:42:51.000 to talk to somebody that wasn't on a bachelorette party. 0:42:52.480 --> 0:42:54.319 What do your bachelorrett party? We're talking about? 0:42:55.000 --> 0:42:58.160 My fiance is at a bachelor her bachelorette party, and 0:42:58.840 --> 0:42:59.800 I have no one to talk to. 0:43:01.239 --> 0:43:03.840 Oh, okay, so you wanted to call? 0:43:04.040 --> 0:43:07.440 You wanted to call me, I mean, who else am 0:43:07.480 --> 0:43:08.279 I going to call? Really? 0:43:08.880 --> 0:43:09.680 Do you have any friends? 0:43:10.760 --> 0:43:13.200 I have plenty of friends. Yeah, but they're mostly asleep. 0:43:13.239 --> 0:43:14.800 They all work the morning shifts and stuff like that. 0:43:15.680 --> 0:43:18.479 Oh okay. Have you ever tried to just like dive 0:43:18.560 --> 0:43:20.320 into being alone being lonely? 0:43:21.160 --> 0:43:21.319 Oh? 0:43:21.360 --> 0:43:23.479 I do that all the time. Yeah, it's great. 0:43:24.520 --> 0:43:28.879 Yeah, you weren't feeling it tonight though? 0:43:29.840 --> 0:43:32.960 No, no, not not tonight. I wouldn't feel a nice. 0:43:32.840 --> 0:43:35.320 Okay, why were you? Why weren't you feeling it tonight? 0:43:35.400 --> 0:43:37.480 What was upsetting about that idea? 0:43:39.640 --> 0:43:44.640 Maybe it's just a lack of options, you know, having 0:43:44.960 --> 0:43:47.440 nobody else, uh, nobody else available? 0:43:49.640 --> 0:43:50.040 Mm hmm. 0:43:51.480 --> 0:43:53.520 Just I couldn't choose to be alone. 0:43:54.760 --> 0:43:59.080 So I almost I almost feel like i'm, you know, 0:43:59.200 --> 0:44:02.760 the idea of like you're a second choice. I almost 0:44:02.800 --> 0:44:08.319 feel like I'm like a second choice to yourself. 0:44:10.080 --> 0:44:12.320 Well that's not necessarily true, you're. 0:44:13.719 --> 0:44:15.759 I know, I don't, but it's a funny idea to 0:44:15.840 --> 0:44:20.000 think about, I'm the second choice to yourself. 0:44:20.239 --> 0:44:23.239 You were bored with yourself or it's. 0:44:23.400 --> 0:44:26.360 Or it's it's like you didn't you didn't want to 0:44:26.400 --> 0:44:29.080 hang out with yourself, so you're like, all right, I 0:44:29.160 --> 0:44:33.640 guess I'll hang out with the gecko guy. So it's 0:44:33.719 --> 0:44:36.520 like I'm the second option because you didn't want to 0:44:36.560 --> 0:44:37.000 hang out with you. 0:44:38.040 --> 0:44:40.040 Well, I mean, I'm kind of bored of me, if 0:44:40.040 --> 0:44:41.959 I'm being honest with you, Like what what am I gonna? 0:44:43.200 --> 0:44:46.320 So you can't really talk to yourself without feeling a 0:44:46.360 --> 0:44:49.439 little bit crazy, I feel like, and you can't really 0:44:50.120 --> 0:44:54.480 hang out with yourself at least I can't without doing something, 0:44:54.680 --> 0:44:58.279 and I'm kind of tired of all the things that 0:44:58.400 --> 0:45:02.040 I was doing. Can burn out? 0:45:02.640 --> 0:45:03.600 Look what were you doing? 0:45:04.760 --> 0:45:05.000 Well? 0:45:05.480 --> 0:45:07.359 I was playing a couple of video games and then 0:45:07.440 --> 0:45:10.000 just none of them felt good to play. 0:45:12.040 --> 0:45:17.800 At least I'm a third option. Sure it was you 0:45:18.760 --> 0:45:21.080 the video games and then me, what video games are 0:45:21.120 --> 0:45:21.480 boring you? 0:45:23.320 --> 0:45:26.160 I play a lot of like management simulator games. So 0:45:26.440 --> 0:45:27.839 if you've ever heard of like room World? 0:45:28.680 --> 0:45:29.560 What is room World? 0:45:30.320 --> 0:45:33.480 Room World is kind of like have you ever seen 0:45:33.600 --> 0:45:38.680 the one hundred? The TV show? I? No, Okay, Well 0:45:38.920 --> 0:45:42.200 that doesn't help. Room World is kind of like this 0:45:42.400 --> 0:45:46.680 thing where you have these colonists that you're managing, where 0:45:46.800 --> 0:45:50.719 they're trying to survive and anything could happen from like 0:45:51.560 --> 0:45:55.960 raids from other quote unquote factions or just plague. 0:46:01.640 --> 0:46:02.640 That sounds boring. 0:46:04.360 --> 0:46:05.520 Well, the correct moment, it is. 0:46:05.680 --> 0:46:08.120 Yeah, yeah, I almost didn't. I actually didn't. 0:46:08.640 --> 0:46:10.600 I tuned out when I when you first started telling 0:46:10.640 --> 0:46:12.160 me about it, and then I tuned back in and 0:46:12.239 --> 0:46:19.080 I just heard you say the word plague. What about 0:46:19.400 --> 0:46:21.080 I mean, there's good video games out there, man, what 0:46:21.200 --> 0:46:27.160 about like? Uh no, yeah, you're right, I see what 0:46:27.239 --> 0:46:27.640 you called me. 0:46:27.840 --> 0:46:30.239 Okay, yeah, yeah, there's nothing good out right now? 0:46:30.640 --> 0:46:33.120 All right, well, your wife's aid a bachelorette party. Why 0:46:33.160 --> 0:46:35.959 is the wait, why is it her friend's bachelor party? 0:46:35.960 --> 0:46:36.840 Her friend's getting married. 0:46:37.880 --> 0:46:41.440 No, my fiance is uh at her bachelorette party. It's her, 0:46:41.560 --> 0:46:42.120 it's her party. 0:46:42.320 --> 0:46:44.920 Oh oh, so you guys are getting married. 0:46:45.280 --> 0:46:46.600 Yeah, we're getting married in two months. 0:46:48.000 --> 0:46:49.880 Oh so this is okay, wait a minute, so this 0:46:50.040 --> 0:46:54.880 is like your time. You know what's funny is you're 0:46:54.880 --> 0:46:56.759 gonna get married, right, and I'm sure this is gonna 0:46:56.760 --> 0:46:58.680 be great. You guys are a great time. You're gonna 0:46:58.680 --> 0:47:03.239 be happy that you're with somebody that you love. But 0:47:03.400 --> 0:47:08.600 I'm sure every now and then you will miss being 0:47:08.920 --> 0:47:11.080 alone and bored in your apartment. 0:47:12.280 --> 0:47:16.400 I miss being alone even when I'm not alone, if 0:47:16.440 --> 0:47:19.759 that makes sense, Like I can be I can be 0:47:19.880 --> 0:47:23.000 alone and already miss being alone when I haven't even 0:47:23.040 --> 0:47:28.400 gone anywhere yet. I'm going somewhere. But I like being alone, 0:47:28.440 --> 0:47:29.719 I think maybe a little too much. 0:47:31.040 --> 0:47:32.040 Oh what makes you say that? 0:47:33.600 --> 0:47:36.719 Well, I would almost refer to being alone then going 0:47:36.800 --> 0:47:38.600 and doing anything with really anybody. 0:47:40.400 --> 0:47:40.680 Really. 0:47:41.800 --> 0:47:42.640 Yeah, I'm. 0:47:45.120 --> 0:47:48.719 I'm I'm I'm like that too. I I'm like that too. 0:47:48.800 --> 0:47:54.560 I understand that. Yeah, so why are you getting married? 0:47:55.239 --> 0:47:56.800 That's like the opposite of being alone. 0:47:59.680 --> 0:48:02.480 Okay, so this is where it starts to get interesting. 0:48:03.239 --> 0:48:06.640 I don't like being alone when I don't have the 0:48:06.800 --> 0:48:10.920 choice of being alone. Oh. When I don't. When I 0:48:10.960 --> 0:48:17.279 don't have a choice, it is extremely lonely and it's 0:48:17.360 --> 0:48:21.959 not fun. But when you have the choice of going 0:48:22.000 --> 0:48:24.800 out with friends and you're just kind of not feeling it, 0:48:25.480 --> 0:48:28.680 that's when I can really kind of relax and just 0:48:29.040 --> 0:48:29.600 be alone. 0:48:30.640 --> 0:48:36.640 See, it's like being being ditched by your friends is awful. 0:48:37.880 --> 0:48:40.239 Ditching your friends is great. 0:48:41.640 --> 0:48:43.879 In a sense. Like I don't I don't ditch them. 0:48:44.080 --> 0:48:47.960 But you know, if I have the choice of being like, ah, guys, 0:48:48.120 --> 0:48:50.919 you know, not tonight, I'm not really feeling that great. 0:48:51.040 --> 0:48:52.480 It it just feels better. 0:48:53.560 --> 0:48:56.279 Yeah, yeah, I know, it's you know what, it's weird. 0:48:56.320 --> 0:48:59.000 It's like totally bizarre, but I know exactly what you're 0:48:59.000 --> 0:49:02.040 talking about. Yeah, being alone because being alone because you 0:49:02.080 --> 0:49:09.640 have no options feels so much lonelier than being alone 0:49:09.640 --> 0:49:10.520 because you want to be alone. 0:49:10.520 --> 0:49:11.360 That feels empowering. 0:49:11.680 --> 0:49:16.040 That feels like I'm making an intentional decision to that 0:49:16.080 --> 0:49:18.000 could be with myself right now. 0:49:18.160 --> 0:49:19.560 That feels good. It feels confident. 0:49:20.440 --> 0:49:22.759 Yeah, that that feels like you've got your own individual 0:49:22.960 --> 0:49:24.399 personality outside. 0:49:24.080 --> 0:49:28.120 Of your friends, right, It's like who are you and 0:49:28.239 --> 0:49:32.520 your that's when you go to do you go to things? Okay? 0:49:32.640 --> 0:49:37.320 Do you like to go to stuff alone? And like like, 0:49:37.400 --> 0:49:39.440 would you go to like a party alone or go 0:49:39.560 --> 0:49:41.040 to a or do you just like to be alone? 0:49:41.040 --> 0:49:42.360 And when you're alone, do you just like to be 0:49:43.080 --> 0:49:45.000 like completely and utterly alone in your house? 0:49:47.080 --> 0:49:48.520 Kind of a mix of both. I don't like going 0:49:48.560 --> 0:49:50.680 to parties alone. I've done that a lot and that's 0:49:50.719 --> 0:49:55.040 not fun. I do, however, like running errands alone. That's 0:49:55.480 --> 0:49:57.040 so much fun because I can just get in the 0:49:57.080 --> 0:50:00.880 car and listen to music and I can just be 0:50:02.600 --> 0:50:05.160 my kind of my truth to self if that makes use. 0:50:05.239 --> 0:50:07.840 Yeah, how do you feel now that you're going to 0:50:07.880 --> 0:50:09.560 be going on errands with your wife all the time? 0:50:11.480 --> 0:50:14.800 That's that's some different thing, because that's that's fun because 0:50:14.880 --> 0:50:17.279 we can you know, kind of have good conversations in 0:50:17.360 --> 0:50:21.400 the car or throw you know, loud to ask music on, 0:50:22.080 --> 0:50:27.040 or just hang out in silence. Sounds is fine with us. 0:50:27.200 --> 0:50:31.320 But I think I'll still want to do. You know, 0:50:31.560 --> 0:50:33.200 Eron's alone every once in a while, and I think 0:50:33.200 --> 0:50:35.960 she would understand that. She understands that because she likes 0:50:36.000 --> 0:50:36.600 being alone too. 0:50:38.400 --> 0:50:39.680 M hm hmm. 0:50:40.080 --> 0:50:44.360 We'll like two cats. We like being in each other's space. 0:50:45.080 --> 0:50:46.239 We don't want to talk to each other. 0:50:47.520 --> 0:50:50.200 Oh, that's the you know, that's the best. It sounds 0:50:50.239 --> 0:50:52.120 like you found the right person for you. That's the best. 0:50:52.160 --> 0:50:54.040 When you're like being alone, you find somebody else who 0:50:54.120 --> 0:50:56.360 likes being alone and you can be like two cats. 0:50:56.400 --> 0:50:57.200 That's perfect. 0:50:57.600 --> 0:50:58.840 Yeah, we can be alone together. 0:50:59.000 --> 0:51:03.320 No pun intended saying it's perfect, But that's stupid. Shouldn't 0:51:03.320 --> 0:51:05.520 say that. Where's her bachelor party? 0:51:06.840 --> 0:51:07.120 Sorry? 0:51:07.920 --> 0:51:09.719 Where is her bachelor party? Is it like at a 0:51:10.719 --> 0:51:14.640 I don't know, a fucking strip globbers on no, I think. 0:51:14.520 --> 0:51:16.879 They went to an Airbnb and they're doing this whole 0:51:16.920 --> 0:51:21.800 like girl's weekend or something or other they're gonna do 0:51:22.000 --> 0:51:22.480 like they're talking. 0:51:22.520 --> 0:51:23.840 Do you think they're talking about you? 0:51:25.080 --> 0:51:25.200 Oh? 0:51:25.280 --> 0:51:27.799 Absolutely, If they are, I'd be disappointed. 0:51:28.239 --> 0:51:29.440 What do you think they're saying about you? 0:51:31.640 --> 0:51:36.000 That's a good question. Honestly, My fiancee is probably bragging 0:51:36.040 --> 0:51:38.120 about me to her friends because I'm like the only 0:51:38.200 --> 0:51:41.400 one of them, Like we're the only like one of 0:51:41.480 --> 0:51:44.359 her friends that is in any sort of good relationship. 0:51:46.120 --> 0:51:46.440 Really. 0:51:47.440 --> 0:51:49.439 Yeah, so one of her. 0:51:49.400 --> 0:51:54.560 Friends is definitely not great with men and does not 0:51:54.719 --> 0:52:02.560 know how to pick them how so, so she she 0:52:02.840 --> 0:52:06.680 is a very religious person. You know, she works at 0:52:06.719 --> 0:52:10.759 a church, but she likes to pick guys that are 0:52:10.840 --> 0:52:15.080 like super tattooed and you know, kind of like that 0:52:15.280 --> 0:52:19.000 punk guy kind of kind of vibe, not really into 0:52:19.080 --> 0:52:20.799 the whole establishment kind of thing. 0:52:21.440 --> 0:52:24.360 I fall there's a little part of her trying to 0:52:24.680 --> 0:52:27.000 like escape this this. 0:52:29.520 --> 0:52:32.680 You know, they tried to escape this establishment that she's 0:52:32.760 --> 0:52:36.560 tied herself to, and that would. 0:52:36.440 --> 0:52:39.239 Make sense if it ever worked. 0:52:39.000 --> 0:52:47.640 Out, right, Yeah right, huh, Well, well, no, I can 0:52:47.719 --> 0:52:49.320 tell why, you guys, you know, I can tell you 0:52:49.360 --> 0:52:51.920 guys work well together because you both like being alone. 0:52:52.719 --> 0:52:56.400 It's really perfect. I mean the opposite. It sounds like, 0:52:56.960 --> 0:52:59.960 sounds like a fucking nightmare. You know, you both cannot 0:53:00.239 --> 0:53:04.359 live without each other. That sounds like it would get 0:53:04.520 --> 0:53:09.360 uh what the real the the fancy schmancy real therapists 0:53:09.360 --> 0:53:11.120 out there call that codependency. 0:53:12.560 --> 0:53:15.279 Yeah, I would. I would say though that I I 0:53:15.360 --> 0:53:17.400 wouldn't know what my life would be like without her, 0:53:18.440 --> 0:53:20.440 But I do like being alone with her. 0:53:21.400 --> 0:53:26.960 Like I like being alone with her. That's that's beautiful. 0:53:27.040 --> 0:53:30.839 Man, like being alone and not we don't. We don't 0:53:30.840 --> 0:53:33.440 ever really whenever I'm alone with her, we don't like 0:53:33.560 --> 0:53:35.719 talk to each other. I'm in my other room, I'm 0:53:35.800 --> 0:53:38.000 hanging out, and I can just pop in because she 0:53:38.160 --> 0:53:40.239 likes to read a lot, so she'll just be, you know, 0:53:40.800 --> 0:53:43.480 on the couch reading, So I'll pop out of my 0:53:43.719 --> 0:53:45.640 out of my little man cave thing that I have 0:53:46.480 --> 0:53:50.319 and I'll just say hello, or you know, fake beat 0:53:50.360 --> 0:53:52.600 her up, or you know that the thing that people 0:53:52.680 --> 0:53:56.520 do where they're like swing, but not really swing. They're 0:53:56.560 --> 0:53:58.480 just kind of like poking fun at them and then 0:53:58.480 --> 0:53:59.200 I just walk away. 0:54:03.680 --> 0:54:04.000 All right. 0:54:04.200 --> 0:54:08.000 Well, that sounds sounds sounds like you guys got a 0:54:08.040 --> 0:54:08.840 healthy thing going on. 0:54:10.400 --> 0:54:11.000 Well, I would hope. 0:54:11.040 --> 0:54:14.319 So, So if I end this call right now, are 0:54:14.360 --> 0:54:16.399 you gonna go baut A You're gonna be lonely again? 0:54:17.960 --> 0:54:18.000 No? 0:54:18.160 --> 0:54:20.520 Probably not. I'll probably just tune back into the stream 0:54:20.560 --> 0:54:22.239 until it's over and then probably go to sleep. 0:54:23.960 --> 0:54:25.479 You know, you goeah a cool life, man, You should 0:54:25.480 --> 0:54:25.920 be grateful. 0:54:27.200 --> 0:54:28.520 You know, people tell me that a lot. 0:54:33.440 --> 0:54:35.280 What how do you react to that? Usually? 0:54:36.960 --> 0:54:38.800 I don't know how to react to that because I 0:54:38.880 --> 0:54:41.080 don't feel like I had that cool of a life. 0:54:41.160 --> 0:54:42.720 I feel like my life is pretty mundane. 0:54:43.640 --> 0:54:44.480 What do you do for work? 0:54:45.760 --> 0:54:46.839 Probably work at those right now? 0:54:47.120 --> 0:54:50.600 I'm in school, so okay, well already in school to. 0:54:50.640 --> 0:54:53.839 Do aviation administration. 0:54:55.320 --> 0:54:57.320 It does sound kind of boring, Yeah. 0:54:58.080 --> 0:54:59.759 A little bit. It's a little bit boring. I would 0:54:59.840 --> 0:55:01.839 like for administration. 0:55:02.440 --> 0:55:04.160 Can I just say that? Can I just say this? 0:55:04.440 --> 0:55:06.839 And I'm this is I'm saying this to myself. It's 0:55:07.040 --> 0:55:10.080 a fucking honor to live a boring life. I mean, 0:55:10.239 --> 0:55:11.640 Jesus Christ, look at you. 0:55:11.760 --> 0:55:13.879 Oh absolutely, you're You're a king? 0:55:14.360 --> 0:55:14.719 All right. 0:55:16.880 --> 0:55:19.400 There there was some Greek quote where it was like 0:55:20.440 --> 0:55:23.719 it's it's like a curses to you, whoever it is. 0:55:23.840 --> 0:55:26.439 It's like I wish that you would live an interesting life, 0:55:26.480 --> 0:55:29.200 and it was meant to like be an insult to 0:55:29.280 --> 0:55:33.000 whoever was this being was being directed at. 0:55:37.480 --> 0:55:38.680 Is it is there more to what you were going 0:55:38.719 --> 0:55:39.000 to say? 0:55:39.480 --> 0:55:41.200 Nope? Does it okay? 0:55:42.680 --> 0:55:42.839 Well? 0:55:43.080 --> 0:55:44.880 I trail I randomly trail off. I don't know. 0:55:45.760 --> 0:55:48.520 Well, no, you said that the guy. The guy was 0:55:48.800 --> 0:55:50.680 saying to another guy, you should live an interesting life. 0:55:50.719 --> 0:55:52.680 I thought that the guy who wasn't interested living an 0:55:52.719 --> 0:55:55.840 interesting life would have a rebuttal. But I guess that 0:55:56.000 --> 0:55:59.640 his rebuttal was to say nothing because he was boring, 0:55:59.719 --> 0:56:02.280 and so he was being boring in protest. 0:56:04.320 --> 0:56:08.840 I guess, so yeah, maybe, yeah, it's an honor. 0:56:08.640 --> 0:56:08.960 To you know. 0:56:09.000 --> 0:56:11.360 I mean, look, you're a guy, You're alive, you have 0:56:11.480 --> 0:56:15.040 all your fingers and toes, you ate stuff. Today, you 0:56:15.160 --> 0:56:17.560 work at Low's, you get to go outside and stare 0:56:17.600 --> 0:56:23.120 at the sun. There's a lady who thinks you're cool 0:56:23.239 --> 0:56:25.680 enough to live with you. I mean, you got a 0:56:25.719 --> 0:56:29.000 great life. You're you're, you're, you're a god. Right now 0:56:29.200 --> 0:56:34.880 you're living in your life, playing video games, working at Low's, 0:56:35.480 --> 0:56:38.880 and occasionally looking at your wife in the face is 0:56:39.200 --> 0:56:40.799 a psychedelic masterpiece. 0:56:41.040 --> 0:56:43.000 And I hope you look at it like that every day. 0:56:44.719 --> 0:56:47.239 You know what I really needed that actually. 0:56:47.800 --> 0:56:54.080 Good good, good good. I needed them too. 0:56:54.800 --> 0:56:56.520 That was that was lovely. Thank you for that. 0:56:57.680 --> 0:56:59.239 Thank you man. You have a good rest. Is there 0:56:59.239 --> 0:57:00.439 anything what's your name him? Again? 0:57:01.320 --> 0:57:03.600 Uh? Peter, you can call me Peter, Peter. 0:57:03.680 --> 0:57:05.200 Peter's anything else you want to say to the people 0:57:05.239 --> 0:57:06.200 of the computer before we go? 0:57:08.520 --> 0:57:11.080 You know, love your people. If you have people, love 0:57:11.120 --> 0:57:12.839 your people. And if you don't find somebody to love. 0:57:14.400 --> 0:57:15.719 Oh, you're beautiful, hey Peter. 0:57:16.880 --> 0:57:18.600 Yeah, I love you man. 0:57:19.240 --> 0:57:19.880 I love you too. 0:57:19.960 --> 0:57:25.040 Geck you take care all right? You know I forgive 0:57:25.080 --> 0:57:27.160 you for me being the third choice of thing to 0:57:27.240 --> 0:57:27.680 do tonight. 0:57:29.160 --> 0:57:31.120 Well, next time you'll be my first. 0:57:32.280 --> 0:57:32.680 Take care. 0:57:34.000 --> 0:57:36.280 See what a guy? 0:57:36.320 --> 0:57:37.320 I stopped. 0:57:37.600 --> 0:57:39.600 I stopped saying I love you back to people. But 0:57:40.720 --> 0:57:43.800 sometimes when the moment hits, it's just blind passion talking, 0:57:43.920 --> 0:57:44.080 you know. 0:57:45.840 --> 0:57:46.080 It is. 0:57:46.120 --> 0:57:48.640 I believed everything I said. It's a psychedelic experience, just 0:57:48.720 --> 0:57:51.479 being alive. I was at the I was eating bread, 0:57:51.560 --> 0:57:54.080 I was I remember a moment. But I used to 0:57:54.160 --> 0:57:55.960 do the show out of my mom's basement. That's where 0:57:55.960 --> 0:57:57.640 I started it, And I remember there was a moment 0:57:57.680 --> 0:58:01.360 where I was like it was breakfast time and I 0:58:01.480 --> 0:58:05.880 was just watching my stepdad like read the paper while 0:58:05.920 --> 0:58:08.760 my mom ate breakfast. And I was like, you know, 0:58:08.920 --> 0:58:14.400 eating breakfast in the kitchen and like looking at the 0:58:14.560 --> 0:58:17.440 lights and stuff. It's a psychedelic experience to be alive. 0:58:18.040 --> 0:58:20.640 It's really it's pretty weird. It's snarley. I don't have 0:58:20.680 --> 0:58:25.120 any deeper way to phraser than that, but yeah, I'm 0:58:25.160 --> 0:58:27.880 a get Goop. 0:58:27.240 --> 0:58:30.400 Goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. 0:58:30.800 --> 0:58:32.680 Never Beacon goes to and to ride. 0:58:32.720 --> 0:58:35.760 Who's teaching you cloud in the interview life, But he's 0:58:35.840 --> 0:58:37.440 Not really an expert.