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Speaker 1: Hey, folks, it's Lyle.

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Speaker 2: Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk

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Speaker 2: to you guys about a new thing I'm doing where

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Speaker 2: you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a

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Speaker 2: premium member of this podcast over at Therapy Gecko dot

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Speaker 2: supercast dot com. Premium members, or gek Legends, as I

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Speaker 2: call them, we'll be able to get every new and

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Speaker 2: live shows I've been doing around the world, a member's

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Speaker 2: only live stream once a month. Plus you'll also support

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Speaker 2: my ability to occasionally go eat a slice of pizza.

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Speaker 2: Go to Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com or find

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Speaker 2: the link in the episode description to become a gek

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Speaker 2: Legend today.

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Speaker 1: All right, let's get into the episode.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Hey, Hi, what I'm talking to you right now?

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend's gonna freak out.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, well, what's well? I can't believe I'm talking

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Speaker 2: to you too. I can't believe technology has advanced far

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Speaker 2: enough to get us to this point.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty crazy.

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Speaker 3: I believe technology exists.

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Speaker 1: What's your name?

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Speaker 3: Salem?

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 1: Salem h? Like the witch stuff?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like the witch stuff and like the cat from

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Speaker 3: Sprainton a teenage twitch.

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Speaker 1: Well, Salem, do you are you? I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: feel like, you know, I want to ask you about

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Speaker 1: which stuff?

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Speaker 2: But I feel like it it would be hacky of

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Speaker 2: me because you probably can ask that stuff all the time.

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Speaker 3: Not really, but I mean, I I don't know why

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Speaker 3: should talk about it?

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Speaker 1: Well, is there a reason that it's okay? If not,

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Speaker 1: we can find something.

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Speaker 2: But is there a particular thing you you wanted to

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Speaker 2: talk about up from bike with calling in?

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Speaker 3: There's so many things going on, so you know we

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Speaker 3: could figure something out.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Uh, tell me one of the things that is

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Speaker 1: going on.

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Speaker 3: I was recently in a mental hospital.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, what's the food like in the mental hospital?

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Speaker 3: Well, I have celia, so they had to make all

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Speaker 3: my food in a microwave, like just frozen meals from

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Speaker 3: the grocery store.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like what you've been eating in the mental

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Speaker 2: hospital is very similar to what I have just been

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Speaker 2: eating in my apartments.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, my food looked better than a lot of the

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Speaker 3: other biggest food in there.

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Speaker 1: What was the best frozen meal? You had?

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Speaker 3: Probably just some mac and cheese. I normally have that

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Speaker 3: my house anyways.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like I've talked to people about this before,

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Speaker 2: but like is it are you are you solitary or

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Speaker 2: are there other folks in the hospital that you Well,

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Speaker 2: I was in.

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Speaker 3: A detox and crisis center because it's one of the

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Speaker 3: only like available facilities near me. So a lot of

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Speaker 3: the people are on drugs or coming off of drugs.

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Speaker 3: But I was alone because of that. But there's like

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Speaker 3: hourly meetings that.

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Speaker 2: You have to go to, So you were alone because

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Speaker 2: the only other people that they didn't mix you in

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Speaker 2: with the people who are detoxing on drugs.

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Speaker 3: Well, like for like the daily meetings they did, but

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Speaker 3: they didn't make me stay in the room with someone

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Speaker 3: that was like coming off of fentanyl.

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Speaker 2: Why was that like a danger to you or a

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Speaker 2: danger to them?

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Speaker 3: It could be, And I mean I was there because

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Speaker 3: I had been having like really bad panic attacks where

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Speaker 3: I thought I was dying for like like probably twenty

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Speaker 3: a couple of days. So I was like I need,

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Speaker 3: I need some help, So they probably thought that, like

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Speaker 3: watching someone the talks probably wouldn't be the best for

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Speaker 3: my anxiety.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like if you're anxious about dying, watching

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Speaker 2: somebody who's like, you know, kind of kind of dying

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Speaker 2: is bad.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it was. It was a lot just being in there.

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Speaker 3: But I mean I have like family members that are

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Speaker 3: addicted to drugs or have recovered from drugs, so I

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Speaker 3: wasn't as shocked as I think someone else would be.

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Speaker 1: Do you have TV?

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Speaker 3: There was a TV in the day room.

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Speaker 1: I watched it on TV.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I brought a lot of books.

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Speaker 1: Which was you watched what did you watch the Hunger Games? Okay?

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Speaker 2: I also I feel like, not a good movie to

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Speaker 2: watch if you're afraid of dying, because it's just it's

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Speaker 2: about kids dying.

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Speaker 3: Well it was. It was only on Netflix for a month,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't know how long it was going to

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Speaker 3: be in there, so I was like I might as well.

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Speaker 2: You were like, I can't wait for my death anxiety

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Speaker 2: to get better to watch this movie about the kids.

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Speaker 1: Well I just got to watch it now.

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Speaker 3: My anxiety was about like me having like an aneurysm

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Speaker 3: and like it was like fictional death. And I'd seen

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Speaker 3: the Hunger Games before, so I knew. I knew it

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Speaker 3: was gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: How long ago were you in this facility?

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Speaker 3: I was only in there for four days. I was

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Speaker 3: supposed to be in there a week, but there was

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Speaker 3: some weird stuff that happened.

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Speaker 1: All right, did you now in this anxiety?

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Speaker 2: Like I don't want to, you know, but I was

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Speaker 2: on the fucking Wikipedia page.

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Speaker 4: Dude.

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Speaker 1: I've been in some just weird.

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Speaker 2: Wikipedia loops lately and they and it's just having anxiety

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Speaker 2: and unfiltered internet connection is a horrible mix. I was

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Speaker 2: on the Wikipedia page for for aneurysms, like, uh uh

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Speaker 2: a few days ago, just randomly, when you were going

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Speaker 2: when you were anxious, were you like on the internet

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Speaker 2: looking at web md and like just gone.

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Speaker 3: I have done that when I'm really paranoid, because I

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Speaker 3: get paranoid about my health a lot. But I was

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Speaker 3: specifically worried about aneurysms because my mom was really worried

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Speaker 3: that I was having one, and her aunt died from

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Speaker 3: one and her mom has one, and I think my

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Speaker 3: great grandmother has a couple, so it was like, it's

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Speaker 3: it's possible. That I could have one.

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Speaker 1: What did your why was what was your mom saying

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Speaker 1: to you?

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Speaker 3: Like, well, she was just like I couldn't eat or

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Speaker 3: like do anything for the whole time, so she was

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Speaker 3: just also really worried.

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Speaker 2: I was saying, Okay, uh, well, how I know you

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Speaker 2: You said you were in there for four days.

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Speaker 1: But how long ago was this?

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Speaker 3: Oh it was in March. It was like in the

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Speaker 3: middle of March.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what did you What would you talk about at

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Speaker 2: these meetings?

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Speaker 3: I mean I feel like I didn't have as much

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Speaker 3: to talk about as some of the other people because

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Speaker 3: a lot of it was more like like rehab oriented

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Speaker 3: and like trying to get people to recover. But I

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Speaker 3: mean I've been in A meetings a lot as a kid,

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Speaker 3: so I at least like I didn't feel super uncomfortable

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Speaker 3: in that situation.

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Speaker 2: The you said you've been in AA meetings a lot

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Speaker 2: as a kid, Oh yeah, with your parents. Is that

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Speaker 2: a thing parents bringing their kids to a meetings?

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Speaker 3: I mean, if they like, if one of the parents

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Speaker 3: have to work and you really need to go to meeting,

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Speaker 3: you know, there's normally like a little area for kids

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Speaker 3: to be in. But I'm the oldest of my siblings,

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Speaker 3: So I was paying attention to the meeting.

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Speaker 1: Do you kind of ask your question?

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Speaker 2: And like I is, when you go to these when

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Speaker 2: you're at these meetings, and I know that it's people

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Speaker 2: who are dealing with something different from you, But does

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Speaker 2: any part of you, and maybe this is one of

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Speaker 2: the points of group meetings and stuff, like, does any

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Speaker 2: part of you go?

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Speaker 1: Okay? Well, at least I don't have I'm not dealing

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Speaker 1: with that, you know.

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Speaker 5: Oh no, I.

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Speaker 3: I've been addicted to drugs. I've just never gone to

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Speaker 3: like rehab for meetings for it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, are you are you?

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Speaker 4: Are you?

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Speaker 1: Are you under digited to drugs? Now?

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Speaker 3: I I'm pretty reliant on weeds, but that's because I

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Speaker 3: have a lot of health problems and like chronic pain.

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Speaker 3: But I'm not addicted to like hard drugs like I

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Speaker 3: was when I was younger.

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Speaker 4: Is it uh?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 2: Is it like medically prescribed weed or you just buy

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Speaker 2: it from like a dispensary recreationally.

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Speaker 3: Well, I don't live in a state where weed is

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Speaker 3: the most legal. It's the criminalized here and they're trying

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Speaker 3: to get medical So I'm going to get a med card,

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Speaker 3: but currently I can't really tell you how I get weed.

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Speaker 1: Oh, look I have.

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Speaker 2: I have picked up weed from the Red Robin parking

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Speaker 2: lot many times, so I've been there.

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Speaker 3: It's a little it's a little less legal than that.

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Speaker 1: It's a little bit less legal than that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it, you know, I don't know, it's

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Speaker 2: really it's kind of crazy, the uh dichotomy of like

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Speaker 2: there's there's I live, you know, I'm in California right now, and.

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Speaker 1: You can walk into these like fucking.

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Speaker 2: Apple store type places where we'd is completely legal and

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Speaker 2: like a smiley salesman will walk you all around the

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Speaker 2: store and like show you everything. And there's like, you

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Speaker 2: know states where people are doing that versus you know,

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Speaker 2: the Red Robin parking lot States or whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: That you're going to.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. I lived in Colorado for most of

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Speaker 3: my childhood, so I was used to like seeing places

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Speaker 3: like that, and now I live in the South and

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Speaker 3: it's just weird because when I started smoking, I was

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Speaker 3: like fourteen, and so I would like go to dispensaries

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Speaker 3: with people that could get wheat and get it from them.

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Speaker 3: So like I was pretty used to that, and moving

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Speaker 3: here was kind of a shock that it's so hard to.

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Speaker 2: Get Okay, so you were how's your health anxiety?

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Speaker 1: Now? Did the uh bend the hospital visit help?

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Speaker 3: I mean not one hundred percent. I think it was

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Speaker 3: just good to like it's right next to an er,

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Speaker 3: so I think like it made me feel safer that like, hey,

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Speaker 3: if I actually am dying, like I'm directly next to

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Speaker 3: hospital and then they up my medication and that that

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Speaker 3: helped a lot.

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Speaker 1: Are aneurysms genetic?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they can be hereditary?

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Speaker 2: Okay, what like what kind of I's fucking off to

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Speaker 2: tell me? If you want to be like, what kind

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Speaker 2: of what kind of medication are you take?

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Speaker 5: It?

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Speaker 4: Is it?

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Speaker 1: Is it like just for anxiety?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's called hydroxycine. My psychiatrist wants to get me

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Speaker 3: off it eventually because I'm on mood stabilizers too, and

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Speaker 3: she said that those should probably help us by anxiety

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Speaker 3: when they like start working, because I have to like,

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Speaker 3: uh get up to the dose where they're going to

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Speaker 3: start working. So it's not the best medication to take

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Speaker 3: for anxiety, but it's working for me. And I was

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Speaker 3: addicted to Benzo's in the past.

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Speaker 2: I was, I was, I had a I've said kalanapin

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Speaker 2: for a little bit. Is that similar to that with

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Speaker 2: I know that there's a different word for it, but

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Speaker 2: I get lost in all the words. I think.

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Speaker 3: I think klanpin is a benzo. I've taken that a

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Speaker 3: several times. But I was. I was prescribed d X

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Speaker 3: when I was thirteen, which is not good to do

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Speaker 3: when you have family members that are drug ant. Sure

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Speaker 3: drug at it?

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Speaker 1: Sure, I don't really, I wouldn't.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't recommend anyone doing this. But I did have

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Speaker 2: one night where I took both. I was I was sick,

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Speaker 2: and I took both niquill and klanapin, and I think

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Speaker 2: I might have slept for a whole day, and I

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Speaker 2: had dreams about creatures that I cannot even describe.

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Speaker 3: That that sounds really scary.

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Speaker 1: No, it's I mean, it was it it.

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Speaker 2: It fucked up the entire next day, But you know,

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Speaker 2: I mean it was worth a experiment.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't recommend it.

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Speaker 2: I love I love niquil though it is it is.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's a great drug. I wish they have

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Speaker 2: well they have Zz's e quill that you can take

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Speaker 2: when you're not sick.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like being reliant on something like that

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Speaker 3: like Nightly though it is probably not the.

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Speaker 1: Best because no, it's a terrible idea.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's a bunch of chemicals, especially in

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Speaker 3: like the liquid night quotes.

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Speaker 1: I have to say, I don't I try to do

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Speaker 1: like a chat.

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Speaker 2: But somebody said, dude was on that loved crafty and combo,

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Speaker 2: and that is exactly what it was. That is like,

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Speaker 2: that is what he was on when he came up

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Speaker 2: with Cthulhu.

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Speaker 1: Was Nike, Will and.

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Speaker 3: Klonopin probably I don't know if they had clump in then, but.

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Speaker 1: Well, well all right, so what how is you? What's

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Speaker 1: your like?

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Speaker 2: How so it got bad enough that you had to

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Speaker 2: go to a mental hospital and then it got I

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Speaker 2: suppose good enough that you left it early.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of it was more like situational. Okay. There

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Speaker 3: was a weird guy that's like my dad's age that

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Speaker 3: was hitting on me and I'm I just turned so

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Speaker 3: I thought that was really creepy, and I didn't I

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Speaker 3: just turned eighteen like two months ago at that point,

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Speaker 3: m M.

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Speaker 5: And he was like.

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Speaker 2: Forty, So what's your so? I mean, you're pretty young, dude,

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Speaker 2: what's your like? Are you about to go to college.

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Speaker 2: What's your like next life step.

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Speaker 3: I'm getting my ged and then I want to go

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Speaker 3: to college.

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Speaker 1: M h what do you what do you try to

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Speaker 1: go for?

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Speaker 3: I really want to be like a scriptwriter and eventually

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Speaker 3: a director for movies and like. But it's a hard

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Speaker 3: industry to get into. It's very competitive and a lot

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Speaker 3: so it's a little scary.

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Speaker 2: Can I tell you something because I went to film school?

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Speaker 2: Mm hm, well okay, where are where are you trying to?

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Speaker 2: Are you like trying to You're trying to go to

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Speaker 2: film school pretty much? Like yeah, okay, what I don't

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Speaker 2: know how much you know information how to get out,

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Speaker 2: But is there like a school in particular that you're

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Speaker 2: trying to go to.

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Speaker 3: I'd like to go to one in the state, And

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Speaker 3: I mean I'm not in like the best state for

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Speaker 3: film school. But my dad's a veteran and there's a

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Speaker 3: thing where you can.

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Speaker 5: Get like free college if.

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Speaker 3: You're a veteran and he's giving it to his kids.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh, then go to college.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, if you could, because that was because Okay,

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Speaker 2: what I was going to tell you was if like

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Speaker 2: don't go like, don't go into like, don't go into

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Speaker 2: fucking debt to go to film school, because like I have,

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Speaker 2: I have, you know, yeah, don't go to debt to

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Speaker 2: go to film school. But like if no, if you're

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Speaker 2: if your dad has like a thing with the government,

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Speaker 2: we can pay it. Then yeah, let me go crazy,

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Speaker 2: but do that. But do this, No, go ahead, you

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Speaker 2: tell me what you're gonna say.

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Speaker 3: I was just gonna say. I think it has to

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Speaker 3: be in state, which is why I want to go

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Speaker 3: to school.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, if you're in you're in the summon. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't you can, you can go. But I think.

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Speaker 2: If you go to film school, make sure you're making

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Speaker 2: make Like if I were you, I would make sure

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Speaker 2: you're making stuff outside of just like what they.

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Speaker 1: Get, what what.

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Speaker 2: Your your coursework is, because if your film school is

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Speaker 2: anything like my film school, it's like they're gonna make

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Speaker 2: you watch movies and write essays, which is not it's

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Speaker 2: not gonna be helpful to you in any way, shape

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Speaker 2: or form at all.

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Speaker 3: Things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean some of you know, I'm sure

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Speaker 2: there'll be classes where you know, I don't know. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm cynical. There's people that I you know, went to

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Speaker 2: the same film school as me that had a great time.

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Speaker 2: But uh, you know, I mean, make sure you're like

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Speaker 2: making stuff outside of class, right especially now because you

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Speaker 2: get because you got fucking you know, TikTok and YouTube

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Speaker 2: and uh I you probably have a computer that has

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Speaker 2: iMovie on it and share like you have all the

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Speaker 2: tools to just to just start making stuff. So I wouldn't,

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Speaker 2: Uh I would, I would. I would while doing your coursework. Also,

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Speaker 2: just you know, God and film ship on your phone

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Speaker 2: and computer.

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Speaker 1: And just make it.

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Speaker 3: That's good advice.

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Speaker 5: I try to now.

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Speaker 3: I feel like it definitely would be harder with like

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Speaker 3: a whole courseloads, But I'll definitely do my best.

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Speaker 1: But you said you try to. What do you What

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Speaker 1: do you make movies about?

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Speaker 3: I'm not making movies. I'm just like writing scripts and

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Speaker 3: stuff like that because I don't have like the best

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Speaker 3: camera to film on. But yeah, although I don't have

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Speaker 3: anyone to help me.

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Speaker 1: Well, okay, you your ice are you?

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Speaker 2: You're holding an iPhone right now as you're talking to me, right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just not the best camera.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: I mean, look, man, it's like people are on I mean,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if you've ever seen my show, but

364
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Speaker 2: it looks like shit and it didn't matter, you know. Well,

365
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Speaker 2: I mean, if you go on TikTok, everything is there

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Speaker 2: is filmed with an iPhone, so I wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: I don't let that stop you from making ship.

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Speaker 3: That's true. That is true.

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Speaker 1: Okay, do you want to get a film school? What

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00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 1: kind of what? Like? Like, what kind of script do

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Speaker 1: you write?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 1: Funny shit? Serious shit? What do you write scripts about?

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Speaker 3: I think funny scripts are easier to do, just because,

375
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:52,639
Speaker 3: like you know, it's not as serious. But I like

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Speaker 3: writing scripts base based off of some of my like

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Speaker 3: mental health experiences, because I think that is also fairly

378
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,760
Speaker 3: need to do. But yeah, sometimes I just look up.

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Speaker 5: Prompts and do that.

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00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen one Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest?

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00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,119
Speaker 3: I haven't, but my mom talks about all the time.

382
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Speaker 1: I haven't either, but I know it's about.

383
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 3: That about a mental hospital, I think, so.

384
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 1: I haven't seen I certainly have even brought it up, But.

385
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:29,359
Speaker 3: It's about someone that's not crazy acting crazy to like

386
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Speaker 3: be in a mental I think they're trying to hide

387
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Speaker 3: from like the law or something, but they're hiding in

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Speaker 3: as it was made a while ago, though, so I

389
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Speaker 3: don't know if it's the best representation of hospitals.

390
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:47,880
Speaker 1: Well, there we go.

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Speaker 2: Well that's the thing. Maybe you watch it and it

392
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Speaker 2: inspires you. You're like this guy, this guy didn't get

393
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 2: it right, you know, And now you can go and

394
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 2: you can make the next great American.

395
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,280
Speaker 1: Mental hospital movie.

396
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 3: Thank you. That's that's gonna be my legacy.

397
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: Look, what's your name again? Salem? Salem? You shall prevail

398
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,960
Speaker 1: against all odds. I believe in you.

399
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Speaker 5: Okay, thank you.

400
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 3: I really appreciate that.

401
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,879
Speaker 1: All right, you have a good night, you too.

402
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:25,440
Speaker 4: All from Hello, Hey man.

403
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,240
Speaker 1: What's up? What's your name?

404
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 4: Griffin? I'm in your chat. I'm Rogus.

405
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 1: Jogan. Have we ever spoke before Rogus Jogan?

406
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 4: Never ever? My man? First time? Yeah, you got it?

407
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 1: But ripping like Peter Griffin jogas. What's up?

408
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 4: Man? Not too much? Brother? How's the stream going? What's

409
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 4: going on with you? Let's get into it?

410
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,399
Speaker 2: If I like you already, man, let's get into it.

411
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 2: What do you want to get into.

412
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 4: Let's get into it.

413
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 1: Dude, John Cena on the phone, Hello, that was that was?

414
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 1: That was a confident tall guy. Laugh. You just did.

415
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 4: My man? Yo, I got like in high school I

416
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 4: met this girl right seven eight, ten years ago? Christ

417
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:30,479
Speaker 4: I don't know. And buddy, we were together for five years.

418
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 4: We went through, traveled the world. She's a Canadian. I'm Canadian,

419
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 4: you know. But she was being the means and man,

420
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 4: things went real sideways. She found some pictures on my phone.

421
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 4: I screwed up. Trust was gone, you know what I mean?

422
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 4: And ever since then, I've just been self sabotaging, like

423
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 4: a like a like a big old dummy. M kam.

424
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:02,239
Speaker 1: You were how old were you when you when you

425
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:03,400
Speaker 1: fucked this up?

426
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 4: Oh? Crazy, lose a loose grasp on time. Man, I

427
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 4: don't know. Probably it would have been five six years ago,

428
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 4: so probably nineteen twenty. I'm only twenty six now. I'm

429
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Speaker 4: a young man still, all right.

430
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Speaker 1: All right?

431
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,480
Speaker 2: So you you fucked up and then you say that

432
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 2: you ever since then, these past six years, you've you

433
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 2: say you've been self sabotaging.

434
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:32,400
Speaker 1: What does that mean?

435
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 4: Well? I had this one girl who was super into me.

436
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 4: He's a great, great person. She was a pastor's daughter,

437
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 4: you know, a good, good person, volunteer at all of that,

438
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:49,479
Speaker 4: super talented. Yeah, And I mean I wasn't so good

439
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 4: to her. I didn't give her the time of day.

440
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 4: I didn't give her the respect she needed. She still

441
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:57,399
Speaker 4: stuck with me for like three years. And then buddy,

442
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 4: when she got pregnant, Holy cow, I messed a big time.

443
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 4: You got a kid?

444
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, holy shit.

445
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 4: Okay, you know, let's get serious with it, man. Yeah.

446
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:09,159
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm with you.

447
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 4: I'm with you.

448
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 1: Keep going.

449
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 4: Yeah. And I was like, I'm not ready like financially

450
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 4: or emotionally or like spiritually or fucking anything for a child. Yeah.

451
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 4: So I told her. I was like, I can't have

452
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 4: a kid. I was like, if you have a kid,

453
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 4: I can't be there for the child. I told her.

454
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm going to leave put on extradition

455
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 4: country and we'll never talk again, which is a terrible,

456
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:39,479
Speaker 4: terrible thing to say. Mm hmm. And then well, anyway,

457
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 4: she aboorded that baby, which is fucked up or not

458
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:43,959
Speaker 4: depending on your viewpoint.

459
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 2: I guess, well, okay, was it like, well, how did

460
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 2: the conversation go?

461
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 1: Did she like really like really want to have the baby?

462
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 4: She was a religious girl, man, her father was a pastor.

463
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:57,880
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

464
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: Well what were her feelings?

465
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 4: Right?

466
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 2: Because I mean shit, man, like, if neither of you

467
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 2: guys are ready to have the baby.

468
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,399
Speaker 4: No, we weren't, but I think like she felt like

469
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 4: she had like a moral obligation or you.

470
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:16,639
Speaker 2: Know, Okay, do you still talk to this girl?

471
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 4: No?

472
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,880
Speaker 1: No, okay, how long ago was that?

473
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 4: Uh, that would have been like three years ago.

474
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,919
Speaker 2: I mean, that's it' that's a that's a tough and

475
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 2: then from them and it's just.

476
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 1: That's a tough situation.

477
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 4: Yeah. Man, people keep telling me I need therapy, and

478
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,640
Speaker 4: I get real defensive, you know what I mean, which

479
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 4: is probably not a good thing either.

480
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 2: Why do you why do you get defensive when people

481
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:48,120
Speaker 2: tell you you need therapy?

482
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,240
Speaker 4: Because I don't know. For me, I have an association

483
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 4: like therapy is for people who are like weak or

484
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 4: you need someone to lean on, but also like at

485
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 4: the same time, like you know, we're not always so

486
00:24:59,119 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 4: strong on our own.

487
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 1: M hmm.

488
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 2: Well yeah, I mean, look, did you you're out here,

489
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 2: you know, you're you're like reckoning with yourself and being

490
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,360
Speaker 2: like I fucked up here, I fucked up there, And

491
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 2: I mean, look, it's good to reckon with yourself, right.

492
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:15,640
Speaker 2: People go through their whole lives sucking up and they

493
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 2: never reckon with it. So I mean that I think

494
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 2: I think it's good to look at yourself. I've done

495
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 2: this before, you know, it's good to look at yourself

496
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,520
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, here's some character flaws that I

497
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:36,439
Speaker 2: should you know, address, and uh, I think doing that

498
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 2: with a therapist. There's nothing about that that is uh weak.

499
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 4: Yeah mm yeah, maybe it's something I need to come

500
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 4: to terms with. Man. I don't know. It's so self

501
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,359
Speaker 4: reflection at the end of the day, but it is

502
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 4: good to talk about it, you know. And I'm a

503
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 4: big fan of the channel. I'm a big fan of

504
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 4: what you do.

505
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: So well, thanks man.

506
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 2: All Right, so you got all these things in your life, situations,

507
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,919
Speaker 2: things that you're not proud of, things where you're like,

508
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 2: things where maybe you can see why you made the

509
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:10,119
Speaker 2: decisions you made, Things where you're like, no, I was

510
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 2: just totally acting out of selfishness or whatever. It was

511
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,880
Speaker 2: like looking back on it and being like.

512
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a logical reason behind it, but it was

513
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 4: purely for self serving interests.

514
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:28,719
Speaker 2: Okay, well here you are now, you're twenty six, you

515
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 2: are not in jail, and you didn't die. You're a

516
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 2: human being on the earth with an opportunity. Some could

517
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 2: even say an obligation to, you know, go and become

518
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,239
Speaker 2: the best version of yourself that you can be in

519
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 2: spite of things that you're ashamed of from your past.

520
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 1: And I think that you should have the.

521
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 2: Right to go and figure out the best way for

522
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:03,160
Speaker 2: yourself to do that. So, uh, when you think about that,

523
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 2: what what? What do you what do you think about?

524
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 2: How do you how do you want to?

525
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 4: I get where you're coming from. And I understand that,

526
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 4: like you hear the self reflection and everything and the

527
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 4: good ursus is good. But at the same time, my man,

528
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 4: I have this whole urge, this inclination, this desire to

529
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 4: stay oh so toxic reflection. Sometimes it's appealing to get worse,

530
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:23,880
Speaker 4: you know.

531
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, tell me more, tell me more about this.

532
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 2: Why do you have the desire to stay toxic?

533
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 4: Christ I don't know, man, So like sometimes I just

534
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,919
Speaker 4: do destructive things that aren't even self destructive. They're just

535
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,639
Speaker 4: destructive to other people's joint happiness. That's not good, you know,

536
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,680
Speaker 4: Like I got some issues. Who knows the reason.

537
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you this. You should go. I'm down

538
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 1: to talk you see.

539
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 2: You know, uh, you the fact that we are having

540
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,360
Speaker 2: this conversation right now indicates to me that you are

541
00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 2: capable of, you know, self reflection, and so I want

542
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:02,639
Speaker 2: to talk to you about all this stuff.

543
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 1: But you should totally go see a real therapist too.

544
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,880
Speaker 4: Yeah. No, you're probably right, man, Like I would give

545
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 4: you more in depth answers if I could, about a

546
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 4: lot of this stuff, but i'd like the reasons for something.

547
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,399
Speaker 4: Some of my actions sometimes just gave me to you

548
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:14,920
Speaker 4: know what I mean.

549
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 2: Okay, So well, here's the thing. Is like, you're looking

550
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 2: back at shit from five years ago, and it's okay

551
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 2: to look back at yourself from five years ago and

552
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,239
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, I fucked up.

553
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 1: I'm you know, was not.

554
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 2: Perfect and I want to improve, I want to change.

555
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 2: But you're telling me that that that you're looking back

556
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,360
Speaker 2: at yourself from the past and you're ashamed of it,

557
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 2: but yet you still have the desire to, as you say,

558
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 2: stay toxic.

559
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, what tell me about that? What is that?

560
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 4: Maybe almost two minds man, That's really what it comes

561
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 4: down to. I guess right, I was deciding what path

562
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 4: you want to walk at the end of the day, Like, buddy,

563
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really think we were

564
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 4: going to get this deep. When I started the phone call,

565
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 4: I didn't even think I was going to get through. I.

566
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 2: Look, if you we can't, we can. We can keep going.

567
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 2: We can go deep if you want to.

568
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to. We don't have to.

569
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 4: Why not? Yeah, no, honestly, man, Probably it's self sabotage.

570
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 4: Probably it's it's looking at myself in the mirror and saying,

571
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 4: because I did these things in the past, I don't

572
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,959
Speaker 4: deserve to have good things in the future, and burning

573
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 4: and whatnot, that that probably I shouldn't be yeah, myself

574
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 4: to other people, you know.

575
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 2: So you look at yourself and you're like, Okay, because

576
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 2: I've done these things in the past, I'm not deserving

577
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 2: of uh a life where I improve myself. And therefore,

578
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 2: fuck it, Let's just keep going down the path of

579
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 2: evil and darkness, because why not be fund of redemption?

580
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 4: So let's just.

581
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: Dive deep in the deep in right, that's how you're feeling. Okay, hmmm.

582
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 1: But here's the But from my perspective, From my perspective,

583
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 1: and and.

584
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 2: I would say this, anyone who's done anything right is like, Okay,

585
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 2: if you've reached this point of self awareness that that again,

586
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 2: I can tell you have because you and me are

587
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 2: having the fucking conversation right now.

588
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 1: If you've reached this point of self awareness, you have

589
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: the ability to move forward positively in your life. And

590
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 1: why would I don't. I don't.

591
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 2: I don't see why you're throwing yourself out uh so preemptively.

592
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 2: I don't see any logical reason why you're doing that

593
00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 2: when you could decide right now, in spite of whatever

594
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 2: transpired in the past, that you want to do the

595
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 2: best you can moving forward and to just.

596
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 1: Go go do that.

597
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 2: What what is logically preventing you from that? Is this

598
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 2: feeling that you don't deserve it?

599
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 4: You know that.

600
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't even like what. I don't even

601
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 1: know what that.

602
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 2: Means, what to deserve it or not. It's like, you're

603
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 2: a dude on the planet Earth. Go figure figure.

604
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 1: Out how you can.

605
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 2: Figure out how you can fucking make your life better

606
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 2: and the lives of people around you better. I don't

607
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 2: see why anything you've done in the past should prevent

608
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 2: you from doing that.

609
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, you're not wrong, my friend. You're not wrong.

610
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 4: You have a very good point. I should I should

611
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 4: always try to be better in all things.

612
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, so go ahead in the way that people.

613
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 4: Maybe I'll find some redemption in that, who knows, But

614
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 4: I can't. I can't tone for my sense my past,

615
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 4: you know, like they're there are things that we can

616
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 4: never make amends for. That Like, even if I want

617
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 4: to apologize for the wrongs that I've done for the

618
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 4: awful things of other people, those people don't want to

619
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 4: have contact with me because of the bridges that I've burned,

620
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 4: you know what I mean.

621
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, so I mean, look, let's to that point,

622
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 2: right you You can accept if you fuck, if you fucked

623
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 2: up in some way, you can accept, like, I'm not

624
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 2: going to reach out to this person because this person

625
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 2: probably don't want to hear from me, And even if

626
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: I did reach out to them, they could reject my apology,

627
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 2: and that that'd be okay.

628
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: You just got to deal with that.

629
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 4: You know.

630
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 2: That's okay That that person rejecting your apology or that

631
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:48,680
Speaker 2: person not wanting to hear from you again doesn't to

632
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 2: me negate your ability to move forward in some positive

633
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 2: direction in your life.

634
00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 4: Mm hmm. You know, yeah, Well, at the end of

635
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 4: the day, man, it's probably you're right. And it's something

636
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 4: that I gotta work on, something that I gotta work on.

637
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 4: I gotta I gotta do a little bit more introspection,

638
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 4: more self reflection and find a way to I don't

639
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 4: know that go of some of this ship that career,

640
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 4: right mm.

641
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 2: Hmmm, because it's not doing anyone any good, something you

642
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 2: any good, it's not doing anyone around you any good.

643
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 1: To just be like to to to.

644
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 2: Beat the ship out of yourself and decide to stay toxic.

645
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 1: I think it's a good.

646
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 2: It's a god, it's always it's a good idea to

647
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 2: reflect on your actions and reflect on your life and go, Okay,

648
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 2: here's parts where that just wasn't good, and here's parts

649
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 2: where I fucked up, and uh like, guess that's a healthy,

650
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: good thing to do. But again, you said it yourself.

651
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 2: You're a young guy moving forward. You could have you got,

652
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 2: you know, forty five fifty more years ahead of you

653
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 2: of positive action in the universe that you're just throwing

654
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 2: away for for for no reason.

655
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 5: Hm hm hm.

656
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: And people have varying ideas, and people have varying ideas

657
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 2: and philosophies about these things, and I respect that. You know,

658
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 2: some people would agree with you, there's certain things that

659
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 2: are beyond redemption.

660
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 1: But I don't.

661
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 2: I think as long as you're alive and you've and

662
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 2: you're you're self aware to the point.

663
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: Where you know that you can change yourself, then you should, right.

664
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, and that doesn't that doesn't mean that, that

665
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that anyone like owes you any kind of like,

666
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 2: you know, accepting of any apologies or anything. But it

667
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that or you're you're you're entire you're entitled

668
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 2: to fix yourself and to pick yourself up and to

669
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 2: go all right.

670
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:12,760
Speaker 1: I cannot change the past.

671
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 4: I can.

672
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 2: I'm going to reconcile with it, and I'm going to

673
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 2: make an intentional decision to uh do better in the future,

674
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 2: especially with how fucking young you are. Like I said,

675
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 2: you have fifty forty five more years of you know,

676
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:33,880
Speaker 2: good life ship ahead of you that you're again that

677
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 2: you're throwing out for no reason.

678
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I you there's a lot to think about. Man,

679
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 4: You're you're you're not wrong in any of what you're saying.

680
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 4: It's easier to agree with than to actually put into

681
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,799
Speaker 4: practice in my life, though, right, So, I mean, I

682
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:56,279
Speaker 4: will I'll be thinking about this for the next little while,

683
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:59,439
Speaker 4: my friend. Then I will I'll see what, if any

684
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 4: progress can make the defeatistatude.

685
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 2: I'm sure it doesn't help, you know, you said, the

686
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 2: defeatist attitude, the attitude attitude.

687
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 4: I gotta think more positively about this whole thing, you

688
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 4: know what I mean?

689
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:13,600
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, mm hmmm.

690
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:17,919
Speaker 2: I guess I'm just lost on that. I guess I'm

691
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: just like lost on this idea that your unhappiness with

692
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 2: how you've acted in the past it led you to

693
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 2: some point where you're like, well, fuck it, let's just

694
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 2: keep acting like that, you know.

695
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 4: I guess it's such a precedent and it kind of

696
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 4: shapes how you see yourself as a person. Like if

697
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 4: I did these things, I must be this way, you

698
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 4: know what I mean.

699
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 2: Right, but but but but I think I think people

700
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 2: are more complicated and uh bigger than like labels. Right, Yeah,

701
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 2: the world is not white, right because you're just like, oh,

702
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 2: I did this, I must be that way.

703
00:36:58,640 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 1: But I don't.

704
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:03,320
Speaker 2: I think that's just you like boxing yourself in and

705
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 2: labeling yourself when but our action is.

706
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 4: Not sometimes also a true reflection of our nature, like

707
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 4: a true reflection.

708
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 1: No definitely. Yeah, but you can, you can change your

709
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 1: actions and therefore change your nature. Would you not agree?

710
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 4: Yeah? No, fair enough. So then having changed my actions

711
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 4: over the past four years roughly and worked to better

712
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 4: myself as a person and you know, be a more

713
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 4: upstanding member of society, I should still be able to

714
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 4: let go of this all. But you know, and and

715
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 4: then say, you know, I've made progress and that counts

716
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 4: for something, But that doesn't that still doesn't erase the

717
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 4: sense of the past. I don't know.

718
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 2: I don't think the goal is to erase them, right, Okay,

719
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 2: come to Yeah, yeah, I think the goal is to

720
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 2: come to terms with them and to figure out how

721
00:37:53,680 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 2: to move forward positively in your life despite them. You know,

722
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 2: mm hmmm, because why that? Why should it again? You're

723
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 2: just you're throwing you're throwing out you know, fifty years

724
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 2: of of uh, you know, good good stuff you could

725
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:17,920
Speaker 2: be doing just because you wanna you know, wallow.

726
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 4: Mm hmm, yeah, pretty anybody, You're not wrong, Crace, I

727
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 4: got some issues a buddy, All right, Well, you know.

728
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 1: What are you gonna go to? You should you should look?

729
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 2: Look, look, man, I I think you should be less defensive.

730
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 2: I mean I'm just a fucking gecko guy. You should

731
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:37,439
Speaker 2: talk to a pro.

732
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I know you've convinced me I might. I

733
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 4: might benefit from passing this all out with somebody who's

734
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 4: got some degrees and whatnot, because even this conversation has

735
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 4: helped me. Man, I appreciate why you do what you do.

736
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 4: You know?

737
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: Okay, good, good.

738
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:54,879
Speaker 4: I do have a question before. Why isn't the face red?

739
00:38:55,760 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 2: You're really pushing yourself here. I take back everything I said.

740
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: You're your dear nor. Alright, what's your name? What's your name?

741
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:07,240
Speaker 5: Man? Griff?

742
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:08,360
Speaker 4: Griff like Peter Griffin?

743
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:09,280
Speaker 1: Griff?

744
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 2: Okay, well, Griff, look, good luck to you. I think

745
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:13,879
Speaker 2: I believe in you. I think you're going to figure

746
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 2: this out. And you know, keep think about all the

747
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 2: ship we talked about.

748
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, one hundred percent. I'm thinking about it.

749
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 5: Man.

750
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 4: I appreciate it.

751
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 1: Hey, cool man, all right, man, I'll talk to you soon.

752
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 1: Letter on, Thank you, sir, aw from Andrew Andrew.

753
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 6: Oh, it's the therapy, geck.

754
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 5: Let's go.

755
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 1: What's up? How are you doing good? How are you

756
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 1: doing all right? What's happening?

757
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 6: I have a proposition for you?

758
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 1: Uh, a proposition? You say, okay.

759
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,799
Speaker 6: I want to count you to a singular game.

760
00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 1: Okay, big tactoe okay. You want to play it in

761
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: our minds right now?

762
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 6: Yep, no, no paper, just mentally.

763
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 4: Let's let's just do it.

764
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 6: You want to be you want to be.

765
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:12,840
Speaker 1: All right, I'll be O's.

766
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 6: Okay, I'll be O's. You want to go first or second?

767
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: I want to go first, okay, all right?

768
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 4: All right?

769
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: Bottom? Left? I put an O.

770
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 6: Okay, bomb left. I guess I'll put an X in

771
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 6: the center.

772
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 1: Okay, upper left, I put an O.

773
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:42,239
Speaker 6: Okay, we'll go left, I'll put an X.

774
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 1: Okay. Right, I put an O.

775
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 6: Okay, I'll go bottom. I'll put an X.

776
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 1: Okay.

777
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 4: Uh.

778
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: Top, I put an O.

779
00:40:57,960 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 6: Okay, top right, I'll put an X.

780
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 1: Okay bottom right up? Put Now? Well that was fun.

781
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 6: What's your name again, Andrew?

782
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,919
Speaker 1: Andrews? Anything particularly called in to talk about?

783
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 6: Nope, that was it. That was fun. I hope you

784
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 6: have a good night. Hope chat's doing well. Watching. I'll

785
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 6: keep watching and I'll see you guys around.

786
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,879
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, is that is that all you want?

787
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 1: We could do? Look, we can do more.

788
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 2: I mean we I don't want to do any more

789
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 2: games of TikTok toe because my brain would explode.

790
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 1: But I mean, who are you?

791
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 4: That was?

792
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 6: That was mentally draining?

793
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 4: It was.

794
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:46,360
Speaker 6: I'm just chilling right now, you know, Wednesday night. I

795
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 6: don't know. I mean, I'm pretty pretty satisfied with this call.

796
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 6: That's all. I really just wanted to just, you know,

797
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 6: play around, have some fun, what.

798
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 4: You know what.

799
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 1: I respect that and I'm gonna let you go.

800
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 6: Thanks, have a good night, Lyle.

801
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 1: Soya you too? Take care?

802
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 4: Wait?

803
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 1: Did I win all?

804
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 6: From Peter?

805
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 4: Peter?

806
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 5: Hello?

807
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 1: Hey man?

808
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:16,319
Speaker 5: How's it going?

809
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 2: Man?

810
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:17,879
Speaker 1: It's going good.

811
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 4: How are you? Oh?

812
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 5: Not too bad at all?

813
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: Well, Peter, what's happening?

814
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,919
Speaker 5: I'm just watching your stream, hanging out, playing a little

815
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 5: bit of video games. Just got off of work, not

816
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:36,240
Speaker 5: doing much of anything.

817
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 1: Really, is there anything particular that you called in to

818
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:39,959
Speaker 1: talk about?

819
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 5: No, not really, kind of just hanging out and wanted

820
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 5: to talk to somebody that wasn't on a bachelorette party.

821
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 1: What do your bachelorrett party? We're talking about?

822
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 5: My fiance is at a bachelor her bachelorette party, and

823
00:42:58,840 --> 00:42:59,800
Speaker 5: I have no one to talk to.

824
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:03,840
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, so you wanted to call?

825
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 5: You wanted to call me, I mean, who else am

826
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 5: I going to call? Really?

827
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: Do you have any friends?

828
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 5: I have plenty of friends. Yeah, but they're mostly asleep.

829
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:14,800
Speaker 5: They all work the morning shifts and stuff like that.

830
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:18,479
Speaker 1: Oh okay. Have you ever tried to just like dive

831
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:20,320
Speaker 1: into being alone being lonely?

832
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:21,319
Speaker 4: Oh?

833
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,479
Speaker 5: I do that all the time. Yeah, it's great.

834
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:28,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, you weren't feeling it tonight though?

835
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 5: No, no, not not tonight. I wouldn't feel a nice.

836
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,320
Speaker 2: Okay, why were you? Why weren't you feeling it tonight?

837
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 2: What was upsetting about that idea?

838
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 5: Maybe it's just a lack of options, you know, having

839
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 5: nobody else, uh, nobody else available?

840
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

841
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 5: Just I couldn't choose to be alone.

842
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 2: So I almost I almost feel like i'm, you know,

843
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:02,760
Speaker 2: the idea of like you're a second choice. I almost

844
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 2: feel like I'm like a second choice to yourself.

845
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:12,320
Speaker 5: Well that's not necessarily true, you're.

846
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 2: I know, I don't, but it's a funny idea to

847
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 2: think about, I'm the second choice to yourself.

848
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 1: You were bored with yourself or it's.

849
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 2: Or it's it's like you didn't you didn't want to

850
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 2: hang out with yourself, so you're like, all right, I

851
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 2: guess I'll hang out with the gecko guy. So it's

852
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 2: like I'm the second option because you didn't want to

853
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 2: hang out with you.

854
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 5: Well, I mean, I'm kind of bored of me, if

855
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,959
Speaker 5: I'm being honest with you, Like what what am I gonna?

856
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:46,320
Speaker 5: So you can't really talk to yourself without feeling a

857
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,439
Speaker 5: little bit crazy, I feel like, and you can't really

858
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 5: hang out with yourself at least I can't without doing something,

859
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 5: and I'm kind of tired of all the things that

860
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 5: I was doing. Can burn out?

861
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 1: Look what were you doing?

862
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 3: Well?

863
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:07,359
Speaker 5: I was playing a couple of video games and then

864
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 5: just none of them felt good to play.

865
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:17,800
Speaker 1: At least I'm a third option. Sure it was you

866
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: the video games and then me, what video games are

867
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: boring you?

868
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,160
Speaker 5: I play a lot of like management simulator games. So

869
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 5: if you've ever heard of like room World?

870
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: What is room World?

871
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 5: Room World is kind of like have you ever seen

872
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 5: the one hundred? The TV show? I? No, Okay, Well

873
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 5: that doesn't help. Room World is kind of like this

874
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 5: thing where you have these colonists that you're managing, where

875
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:50,719
Speaker 5: they're trying to survive and anything could happen from like

876
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 5: raids from other quote unquote factions or just plague.

877
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 1: That sounds boring.

878
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 5: Well, the correct moment, it is.

879
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I almost didn't. I actually didn't.

880
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 2: I tuned out when I when you first started telling

881
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 2: me about it, and then I tuned back in and

882
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 2: I just heard you say the word plague. What about

883
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 2: I mean, there's good video games out there, man, what

884
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 2: about like? Uh no, yeah, you're right, I see what

885
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 2: you called me.

886
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, yeah, there's nothing good out right now?

887
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 2: All right, well, your wife's aid a bachelorette party. Why

888
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,959
Speaker 2: is the wait, why is it her friend's bachelor party?

889
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 2: Her friend's getting married.

890
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 5: No, my fiance is uh at her bachelorette party. It's her,

891
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 5: it's her party.

892
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,920
Speaker 1: Oh oh, so you guys are getting married.

893
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're getting married in two months.

894
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 2: Oh so this is okay, wait a minute, so this

895
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 2: is like your time. You know what's funny is you're

896
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 2: gonna get married, right, and I'm sure this is gonna

897
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 2: be great. You guys are a great time. You're gonna

898
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:03,239
Speaker 2: be happy that you're with somebody that you love. But

899
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 2: I'm sure every now and then you will miss being

900
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 2: alone and bored in your apartment.

901
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 5: I miss being alone even when I'm not alone, if

902
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 5: that makes sense, Like I can be I can be

903
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 5: alone and already miss being alone when I haven't even

904
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 5: gone anywhere yet. I'm going somewhere. But I like being alone,

905
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 5: I think maybe a little too much.

906
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: Oh what makes you say that?

907
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 5: Well, I would almost refer to being alone then going

908
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 5: and doing anything with really anybody.

909
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 1: Really.

910
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm.

911
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:48,719
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm like that too. I I'm like that too.

912
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: I understand that. Yeah, so why are you getting married?

913
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:56,800
Speaker 1: That's like the opposite of being alone.

914
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 5: Okay, so this is where it starts to get interesting.

915
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 5: I don't like being alone when I don't have the

916
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 5: choice of being alone. Oh. When I don't. When I

917
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:17,279
Speaker 5: don't have a choice, it is extremely lonely and it's

918
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:21,959
Speaker 5: not fun. But when you have the choice of going

919
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,800
Speaker 5: out with friends and you're just kind of not feeling it,

920
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 5: that's when I can really kind of relax and just

921
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 5: be alone.

922
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 2: See, it's like being being ditched by your friends is awful.

923
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 2: Ditching your friends is great.

924
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:43,879
Speaker 5: In a sense. Like I don't I don't ditch them.

925
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:47,960
Speaker 5: But you know, if I have the choice of being like, ah, guys,

926
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:50,919
Speaker 5: you know, not tonight, I'm not really feeling that great.

927
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 5: It it just feels better.

928
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know, it's you know what, it's weird.

929
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 2: It's like totally bizarre, but I know exactly what you're

930
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 2: talking about. Yeah, being alone because being alone because you

931
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 2: have no options feels so much lonelier than being alone

932
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 2: because you want to be alone.

933
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 1: That feels empowering.

934
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 2: That feels like I'm making an intentional decision to that

935
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 2: could be with myself right now.

936
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 1: That feels good. It feels confident.

937
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, that that feels like you've got your own individual

938
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:24,399
Speaker 5: personality outside.

939
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 1: Of your friends, right, It's like who are you and

940
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 1: your that's when you go to do you go to things? Okay?

941
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:37,320
Speaker 2: Do you like to go to stuff alone? And like like,

942
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 2: would you go to like a party alone or go

943
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 2: to a or do you just like to be alone?

944
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:42,360
Speaker 2: And when you're alone, do you just like to be

945
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 2: like completely and utterly alone in your house?

946
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 5: Kind of a mix of both. I don't like going

947
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 5: to parties alone. I've done that a lot and that's

948
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 5: not fun. I do, however, like running errands alone. That's

949
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 5: so much fun because I can just get in the

950
00:49:57,080 --> 00:50:00,880
Speaker 5: car and listen to music and I can just be

951
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 5: my kind of my truth to self if that makes use.

952
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:07,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you feel now that you're going to

953
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 2: be going on errands with your wife all the time?

954
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,800
Speaker 5: That's that's some different thing, because that's that's fun because

955
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 5: we can you know, kind of have good conversations in

956
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:21,400
Speaker 5: the car or throw you know, loud to ask music on,

957
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:27,040
Speaker 5: or just hang out in silence. Sounds is fine with us.

958
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:31,320
Speaker 5: But I think I'll still want to do. You know,

959
00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:33,200
Speaker 5: Eron's alone every once in a while, and I think

960
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,960
Speaker 5: she would understand that. She understands that because she likes

961
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 5: being alone too.

962
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 1: M hm hmm.

963
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 5: We'll like two cats. We like being in each other's space.

964
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:46,239
Speaker 5: We don't want to talk to each other.

965
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 1: Oh, that's the you know, that's the best. It sounds

966
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 1: like you found the right person for you. That's the best.

967
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 2: When you're like being alone, you find somebody else who

968
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 2: likes being alone and you can be like two cats.

969
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: That's perfect.

970
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, we can be alone together.

971
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:03,320
Speaker 1: No pun intended saying it's perfect, But that's stupid. Shouldn't

972
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: say that. Where's her bachelor party?

973
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:07,120
Speaker 5: Sorry?

974
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:09,719
Speaker 2: Where is her bachelor party? Is it like at a

975
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 2: I don't know, a fucking strip globbers on no, I think.

976
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:16,879
Speaker 5: They went to an Airbnb and they're doing this whole

977
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:21,800
Speaker 5: like girl's weekend or something or other they're gonna do

978
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 5: like they're talking.

979
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 1: Do you think they're talking about you?

980
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 4: Oh?

981
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 5: Absolutely, If they are, I'd be disappointed.

982
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 1: What do you think they're saying about you?

983
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 5: That's a good question. Honestly, My fiancee is probably bragging

984
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 5: about me to her friends because I'm like the only

985
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 5: one of them, Like we're the only like one of

986
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:44,359
Speaker 5: her friends that is in any sort of good relationship.

987
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 1: Really.

988
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, so one of her.

989
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 5: Friends is definitely not great with men and does not

990
00:51:54,719 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 5: know how to pick them how so, so she she

991
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 5: is a very religious person. You know, she works at

992
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 5: a church, but she likes to pick guys that are

993
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 5: like super tattooed and you know, kind of like that

994
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 5: punk guy kind of kind of vibe, not really into

995
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 5: the whole establishment kind of thing.

996
00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:24,360
Speaker 1: I fall there's a little part of her trying to

997
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 1: like escape this this.

998
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 2: You know, they tried to escape this establishment that she's

999
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 2: tied herself to, and that would.

1000
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 5: Make sense if it ever worked.

1001
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 2: Out, right, Yeah right, huh, Well, well, no, I can

1002
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:49,320
Speaker 2: tell why, you guys, you know, I can tell you

1003
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:51,920
Speaker 2: guys work well together because you both like being alone.

1004
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:56,400
Speaker 2: It's really perfect. I mean the opposite. It sounds like,

1005
00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 2: sounds like a fucking nightmare. You know, you both cannot

1006
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:04,359
Speaker 2: live without each other. That sounds like it would get

1007
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:09,360
Speaker 2: uh what the real the the fancy schmancy real therapists

1008
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 2: out there call that codependency.

1009
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would. I would say though that I I

1010
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,400
Speaker 5: wouldn't know what my life would be like without her,

1011
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 5: But I do like being alone with her.

1012
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 1: Like I like being alone with her. That's that's beautiful.

1013
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:30,839
Speaker 5: Man, like being alone and not we don't. We don't

1014
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 5: ever really whenever I'm alone with her, we don't like

1015
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:35,719
Speaker 5: talk to each other. I'm in my other room, I'm

1016
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 5: hanging out, and I can just pop in because she

1017
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 5: likes to read a lot, so she'll just be, you know,

1018
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 5: on the couch reading, So I'll pop out of my

1019
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 5: out of my little man cave thing that I have

1020
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 5: and I'll just say hello, or you know, fake beat

1021
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 5: her up, or you know that the thing that people

1022
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 5: do where they're like swing, but not really swing. They're

1023
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 5: just kind of like poking fun at them and then

1024
00:53:58,480 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 5: I just walk away.

1025
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 3: All right.

1026
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:08,000
Speaker 1: Well, that sounds sounds sounds like you guys got a

1027
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:08,840
Speaker 1: healthy thing going on.

1028
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 5: Well, I would hope.

1029
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:14,319
Speaker 1: So, So if I end this call right now, are

1030
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,399
Speaker 1: you gonna go baut A You're gonna be lonely again?

1031
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 4: No?

1032
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 5: Probably not. I'll probably just tune back into the stream

1033
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 5: until it's over and then probably go to sleep.

1034
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:25,479
Speaker 1: You know, you goeah a cool life, man, You should

1035
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:25,920
Speaker 1: be grateful.

1036
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 5: You know, people tell me that a lot.

1037
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:35,280
Speaker 1: What how do you react to that? Usually?

1038
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 5: I don't know how to react to that because I

1039
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 5: don't feel like I had that cool of a life.

1040
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:42,720
Speaker 5: I feel like my life is pretty mundane.

1041
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:44,480
Speaker 1: What do you do for work?

1042
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:46,839
Speaker 5: Probably work at those right now?

1043
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:50,600
Speaker 1: I'm in school, so okay, well already in school to.

1044
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:53,839
Speaker 5: Do aviation administration.

1045
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:57,320
Speaker 1: It does sound kind of boring, Yeah.

1046
00:54:58,080 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 5: A little bit. It's a little bit boring. I would

1047
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:01,839
Speaker 5: like for administration.

1048
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 1: Can I just say that? Can I just say this?

1049
00:55:04,440 --> 00:55:06,839
Speaker 2: And I'm this is I'm saying this to myself. It's

1050
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 2: a fucking honor to live a boring life. I mean,

1051
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ, look at you.

1052
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:13,879
Speaker 5: Oh absolutely, you're You're a king?

1053
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 1: All right.

1054
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:19,400
Speaker 5: There there was some Greek quote where it was like

1055
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 5: it's it's like a curses to you, whoever it is.

1056
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:26,439
Speaker 5: It's like I wish that you would live an interesting life,

1057
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:29,200
Speaker 5: and it was meant to like be an insult to

1058
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:33,000
Speaker 5: whoever was this being was being directed at.

1059
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 1: Is it is there more to what you were going

1060
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 1: to say?

1061
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 5: Nope? Does it okay?

1062
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:42,839
Speaker 1: Well?

1063
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:44,880
Speaker 5: I trail I randomly trail off. I don't know.

1064
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 2: Well, no, you said that the guy. The guy was

1065
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 2: saying to another guy, you should live an interesting life.

1066
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 2: I thought that the guy who wasn't interested living an

1067
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:55,840
Speaker 2: interesting life would have a rebuttal. But I guess that

1068
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 2: his rebuttal was to say nothing because he was boring,

1069
00:55:59,719 --> 00:56:02,280
Speaker 2: and so he was being boring in protest.

1070
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:08,840
Speaker 5: I guess, so yeah, maybe, yeah, it's an honor.

1071
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 3: To you know.

1072
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:11,360
Speaker 2: I mean, look, you're a guy, You're alive, you have

1073
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 2: all your fingers and toes, you ate stuff. Today, you

1074
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:17,560
Speaker 2: work at Low's, you get to go outside and stare

1075
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 2: at the sun. There's a lady who thinks you're cool

1076
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 2: enough to live with you. I mean, you got a

1077
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:29,000
Speaker 2: great life. You're you're, you're, you're a god. Right now

1078
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:34,880
Speaker 2: you're living in your life, playing video games, working at Low's,

1079
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 2: and occasionally looking at your wife in the face is

1080
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:40,799
Speaker 2: a psychedelic masterpiece.

1081
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,000
Speaker 1: And I hope you look at it like that every day.

1082
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:47,239
Speaker 5: You know what I really needed that actually.

1083
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 1: Good good, good good. I needed them too.

1084
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:56,520
Speaker 5: That was that was lovely. Thank you for that.

1085
00:56:57,680 --> 00:56:59,239
Speaker 1: Thank you man. You have a good rest. Is there

1086
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:00,439
Speaker 1: anything what's your name him? Again?

1087
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 5: Uh? Peter, you can call me Peter, Peter.

1088
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 1: Peter's anything else you want to say to the people

1089
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 1: of the computer before we go?

1090
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 5: You know, love your people. If you have people, love

1091
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 5: your people. And if you don't find somebody to love.

1092
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 1: Oh, you're beautiful, hey Peter.

1093
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I love you man.

1094
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:19,880
Speaker 4: I love you too.

1095
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 1: Geck you take care all right? You know I forgive

1096
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,160
Speaker 1: you for me being the third choice of thing to

1097
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 1: do tonight.

1098
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:31,120
Speaker 5: Well, next time you'll be my first.

1099
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 1: Take care.

1100
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 5: See what a guy?

1101
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 1: I stopped.

1102
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 2: I stopped saying I love you back to people. But

1103
00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:43,800
Speaker 2: sometimes when the moment hits, it's just blind passion talking,

1104
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 2: you know.

1105
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 4: It is.

1106
00:57:46,120 --> 00:57:48,640
Speaker 2: I believed everything I said. It's a psychedelic experience, just

1107
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,479
Speaker 2: being alive. I was at the I was eating bread,

1108
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:54,080
Speaker 2: I was I remember a moment. But I used to

1109
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:55,960
Speaker 2: do the show out of my mom's basement. That's where

1110
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:57,640
Speaker 2: I started it, And I remember there was a moment

1111
00:57:57,680 --> 00:58:01,360
Speaker 2: where I was like it was breakfast time and I

1112
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:05,880
Speaker 2: was just watching my stepdad like read the paper while

1113
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 2: my mom ate breakfast. And I was like, you know,

1114
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 2: eating breakfast in the kitchen and like looking at the

1115
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 2: lights and stuff. It's a psychedelic experience to be alive.

1116
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 2: It's really it's pretty weird. It's snarley. I don't have

1117
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 2: any deeper way to phraser than that, but yeah, I'm

1118
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 2: a get Goop.

1119
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 4: Goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.

1120
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 2: Never Beacon goes to and to ride.

1121
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 1: Who's teaching you cloud in the interview life, But he's

1122
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:37,440
Speaker 2: Not really an expert.