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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, the winds are in the small, consistent things you do,

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Speaker 2: and so even if you struggle for that, making a

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Speaker 2: list and just saying what are the things that bring

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Speaker 2: me joy, big and small, and then prioritizing spending even

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Speaker 2: five minutes a day doing.

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Speaker 1: That thing, Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you. We're your hosts Doctor Dominique, a college

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Speaker 3: professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 4: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where

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Speaker 4: black women can just b.

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Speaker 5: Hey lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 5: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 5: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 5: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

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Speaker 6: That's d R D O M I N I q

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Speaker 6: U E b R O U ss ar d dot

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Speaker 6: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation.

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Speaker 5: I look forward to hearing from you.

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Speaker 4: All right, lady, we have a very special guest today

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Speaker 4: and a topic that is probably close to many of us,

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Speaker 4: so we're just going to jump on in so you

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Speaker 4: can hear about our amazing guest. Kelly Bonner is a

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Speaker 4: licensed therapist, an expert company culture strategist, award winning podcaster,

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Speaker 4: and founder of burn Bright Consulting. Her work has been

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Speaker 4: featured in Business Insider, Fast Company, and National Association of

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Speaker 4: Social Workers. Kelly's mission is to help transform workplaces by

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Speaker 4: reducing burnout and bias, resulting in increased innovation and inclusion.

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Speaker 4: Wait for this, y'all. She has been called revolutionary by

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Speaker 4: Anita Hugh and a benchmark in her field by the Pentagon. Okay,

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Speaker 4: Kelly provides a framework for leaders to understand the deeper

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Speaker 4: organizational issues that lead to symptoms of burnout and how

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Speaker 4: to solve them at their core. Kelly, welcome to Cultivating

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Speaker 4: her Space. So happy to be here.

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Speaker 7: Yay, We're so happy to have you.

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Speaker 8: Yes, we are definitely looking forward to this conversation. And

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Speaker 8: so I will give us our quote of the day.

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Speaker 8: But what happens when you work hard at something unfulfilling.

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Speaker 8: It drains your spirit. It robs you of your life force.

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Speaker 8: You end up depleted, depressed, and angry. That quote comes

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Speaker 8: to us from Auntie Oprah, and I'm going to repeat

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Speaker 8: that for the folks in the back to make sure

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Speaker 8: that you really heard this. And you're sitting with this

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Speaker 8: quote of the day. But what happens when you work

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Speaker 8: hard at something unfulfilling, It drains your spirit. It robs

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Speaker 8: you of your life force. You end up depleted, depressed,

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Speaker 8: and angry. Now, Kelly, when you hear our quote of

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Speaker 8: the day and you think about all of the work

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Speaker 8: that you do, what's coming up for you, is there

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Speaker 8: anything in particular that's gonna be resonating with you about

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Speaker 8: this quote?

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Speaker 2: Well? Yeah, I think a lot. I think there's a

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Speaker 2: direct line. I think Oprah is drawing this line between

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Speaker 2: you know, job satisfaction, Like the more happy you are

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Speaker 2: with your job, the more centered you are, grounded you

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Speaker 2: are about the work that you do it's not your

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Speaker 2: life's work, right, the less likely you are to burn out.

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Speaker 2: And that is like the science paths up what Oprah

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Speaker 2: already knew with our life and what she does, which

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Speaker 2: is that people who hate their jobs tend to it ripples, right,

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Speaker 2: It creates anger. It's like if you work isn't everything,

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Speaker 2: but it's like if there's one air of your life

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Speaker 2: that you really are not loving, it's going to show

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Speaker 2: up other places. And that anger isn't going to log

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Speaker 2: off just because you said I'm done with work at five.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm going to be this amazing person for the

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Speaker 2: rest of my day. Like there's this direct line with it.

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Speaker 4: Good point, and we spend so much time at work,

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Speaker 4: you know, for those of us that do have some

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Speaker 4: type of work that we do, so it's like you

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Speaker 4: might as well love the work, right, So, Kelly, we

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Speaker 4: would love to know your origin story. We're gonna dive

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Speaker 4: in a bit deeper on burnout and work and all

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Speaker 4: that good stuff, But can you tell us your origin

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Speaker 4: story and how you became the Kelly Honor you are today.

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Speaker 2: We don't get enough time for that, but I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: give you the condensed There's a lot of zigzags with

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Speaker 2: how I ended up where I am, but I will

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Speaker 2: give you the condensed version about how I came to

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Speaker 2: do the work that I do in the sense that

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Speaker 2: I experienced burnout right away in my first professional job,

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Speaker 2: and I call it like a spectacular burnout where I

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Speaker 2: really just was unable to do what I love. And

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Speaker 2: the story that I tell that really kind of captures that. Is.

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Speaker 2: When I grew up, I wanted to work in prison systems.

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Speaker 2: And I acknowledge that's not every person's dream, that's probably

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Speaker 2: like two point five people's dreams, but I was one

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Speaker 2: of them, and I really wanted to work work in

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Speaker 2: doing mental health. I'm a therapist as a background, and

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Speaker 2: I wanted to do mental health in the prison system.

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Speaker 2: And within three years, I mean, I got the job

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Speaker 2: I wanted, the place I wanted to live. Everything you

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Speaker 2: could think of, even maybe outfits I had brought that

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Speaker 2: I had visioned I had and in three years, I

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Speaker 2: tell people, I ended up on a puddle on the floor,

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Speaker 2: hysterically crying, having what came to me now what I

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Speaker 2: know to be like a panic attack for the first

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Speaker 2: time in my life. And I knew then. I said, oh,

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Speaker 2: I can't do this work anymore. And I tell people, like,

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Speaker 2: not being able to do the thing you love is heartbreaking.

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Speaker 2: It's its own form of heartbreak. And I quit months later,

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Speaker 2: not as quickly as I should have in hindsight, but

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Speaker 2: it was not knowing the language took me years. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I jumped from one job to the next job, and

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Speaker 2: it was way better than the job at the prison

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Speaker 2: system for reasons you can probably imagine, but still the

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Speaker 2: same kind of feelings would show up. And then before

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Speaker 2: I got to spectacular burnout, I would just jump right

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Speaker 2: And it wasn't until about close to a decade later

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Speaker 2: I learned what even I had experienced, and so I

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Speaker 2: then learned this term burnout. And I mean, there were

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Speaker 2: other things happening with that, there's some traumatic stress that

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Speaker 2: keep occurring, but burnout resonated with me, and it was

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Speaker 2: learning that language that maybe even more passionate to want

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Speaker 2: to teach others. And I really do believe that in

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Speaker 2: order to rest and recover. You need to recognize it.

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Speaker 2: So my goal is, like, I want you to recognize

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Speaker 2: so therefore you can recover and understand what burnout is

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Speaker 2: and prevent people from losing the ability to do the

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Speaker 2: thing that they love.

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Speaker 8: Thank you for sharing that, And oh so many questions

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Speaker 8: came up that I was like, Okay, I want to

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Speaker 8: circle back to like five different things, but I'm going

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Speaker 8: to keep us on track here. And you mentioned like

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Speaker 8: it took you ten years to recognize that what you

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Speaker 8: had experienced was burnout. We don't want our listeners to

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Speaker 8: have to wait ten years to be able to identify

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Speaker 8: what those burnout symptoms are. And so can you tell

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Speaker 8: us what are some of the key signs of burnout?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean the first thing I tell people is

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Speaker 2: a burnout. To understand what it is is a simple equation.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not a math person. That's why I do

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Speaker 2: social work, so trust me, this is simple. It is

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Speaker 2: simply when more, It's like more is demanded of you

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Speaker 2: than you have the resources to give, so more is

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Speaker 2: asked of you than you can give, and when it

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Speaker 2: happens over and over again, it creates burnout, and then

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Speaker 2: burnout itself has three kind of key signs that like,

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Speaker 2: you know you are burned out. One is this kind

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Speaker 2: of mental and physical exhaustion. People talk about being tired,

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Speaker 2: and it not just being physically tired or being physically

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Speaker 2: tired and related to like just showing up to work

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Speaker 2: or doing a task related to work. The second component

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Speaker 2: is just being you know, I called it permanent side

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Speaker 2: eye for the work that I did, like I just

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Speaker 2: couldn't like I would just be annoyed, detached, cynical, you could.

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Speaker 2: I was really just disconnected and really upset at my management,

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Speaker 2: at myself, at the organization I worked at. And then

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Speaker 2: the last piece is decreased performance. And I love this.

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Speaker 2: One way that I learned about burnout is that they

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Speaker 2: said it was like a loss of elegance to do

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Speaker 2: the work that you do. I think a lot of

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Speaker 2: people miss diagnose themselves and say, oh, I don't have

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Speaker 2: burnout because they're a top performer and they continue to perform.

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Speaker 2: But the difference between being like a person who performs

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Speaker 2: and gets it done, which a lot of people are doing,

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Speaker 2: and burned out, but are you able to do it

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Speaker 2: with the type of like elegance, are you able to

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Speaker 2: do it with like the word elegance. To me, it's

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Speaker 2: like I think about like people who write cursive, like

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Speaker 2: really pretty handwriting. Right, It's like, if you can do

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Speaker 2: your work in that way, if it gets expressed that way,

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Speaker 2: people lose that and so they're not able to bring

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Speaker 2: that to the work that they do, especially if they

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Speaker 2: love it.

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Speaker 4: That's a really great way to kind of visualize it.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for sharing that with us. And I know

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Speaker 4: we've been aware of the fact that many women are

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Speaker 4: describing increased levels of burnout. Can you talk to us

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Speaker 4: about why that might be happening now?

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Speaker 2: I think for women it's because it's so many other things.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 2: One of the taglines for the work I do is

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Speaker 2: I always say it's bigger than burnout, even though I'm

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Speaker 2: a burnout, you know, expert in the sense that so

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Speaker 2: many women have dual roles. There are multiple hats that

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Speaker 2: women wear in their lives, and it's just default. Like

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Speaker 2: we live in a world that assumes gender comes with

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Speaker 2: a certain job, and I mean like washing dishes, taking

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Speaker 2: care of children, right, taking care of elderly parents. Women

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Speaker 2: are seen as caregivers. Women often assume multiple roles even

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Speaker 2: within a job they're more likely to want a mentor,

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Speaker 2: and when they mentor, they go all in on the mentorship, right,

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Speaker 2: So they're often balancing multiple roles. That adds to it.

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Speaker 2: And if you add anything else that makes you marginalize,

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Speaker 2: if you're a black woman, if you are differently able,

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Speaker 2: if all those things that where you're creating, you also

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Speaker 2: are experiencing microaggressions or just the ways people are minimizing

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Speaker 2: you and the work that you do, which women do

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Speaker 2: experience more than men. It leads to burnout. So it's

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Speaker 2: all those things that kind of bring down your resistance

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Speaker 2: and make you more likely to have to be burned out.

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Speaker 4: Hey, lady, it's Terry here, dom and I want to

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Speaker 4: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 4: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 4: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 4: what's important to us.

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Speaker 7: So tell us what you think about this.

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Speaker 9: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 9: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your

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Speaker 9: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine

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Speaker 9: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can

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Speaker 9: connect with like minded black women like you and share

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Speaker 9: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 9: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 9: the exclusive Cultivating her Space Sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 9: your day and week, you are conversing with us about

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Speaker 9: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and.

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Speaker 10: Or personal wins. How does that sound? Hopefully this is

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Speaker 10: up your alley, lady, because we are taking things to

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Speaker 10: the next level of this year, and we're doubling down

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Speaker 10: on investing in our community.

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Speaker 7: That means you.

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Speaker 4: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

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Speaker 4: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

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Speaker 4: push our culture and movement forward. We launched this podcast

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Speaker 4: in twenty nineteen, and to date we have not missed

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Speaker 4: while working full time and navigating our own ups and downs.

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Speaker 4: We release fresh new content every single Friday, light clockwork,

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Speaker 4: and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that

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Speaker 4: can really help you up level your life. So if

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Speaker 4: you love our mission or you've gotten value from us,

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Speaker 4: this community effort forward. Visit herspacepodcast dot com and click Patreon.

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Speaker 4: You can learn more about our goals and exclusive offerings

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Speaker 4: one time with us. We also have an option for

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Speaker 4: you to donate on a one time basis if that

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Speaker 4: meets your needs. Again, herspacepodcast dot com and you can

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Speaker 4: click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady, we'll

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Speaker 4: hop right back into the conversation. This is already getting

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Speaker 4: so good, Kelly, and we're going to dive into more questions,

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Speaker 4: but really quickly. We just want to shift up the

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Speaker 4: energy of this conversation, so, Kelly, because we recognize, appreciate,

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Speaker 4: and celebrate the multifaceted woman, and we hear on cultivating

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Speaker 4: her space. We believe it it's okay to be boot

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Speaker 4: classy and ratchet, and we believe that you can still

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Speaker 4: be elegant and dance to strip club music if you

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Speaker 4: so choose. So, Kelly, we would like to invite you

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Speaker 4: to the oh U Blatchet segment?

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Speaker 7: Do you take on the challenge?

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Speaker 2: I am, I'm ready, I'm ready.

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Speaker 7: Oh so we love that. All right, we got her down.

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Speaker 4: So now we're going to tell you what to expect, Kelly.

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Speaker 4: So we have three questions for you. We have three

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Speaker 4: sentence completions, and then we have three photos of you

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Speaker 4: pulled up on our big screen that we have found

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Speaker 4: in our research on social media. And your facial expression

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Speaker 4: is hilarious.

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Speaker 2: Right now, I'm terrified. I am terrified right now.

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Speaker 7: These are very cute pictures, I will say.

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Speaker 4: And so what we want you to do for the

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Speaker 4: last portion of the segment is choose a number out

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Speaker 4: of one in three and we'll show you that particular photo.

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Speaker 7: And then if you can tell us some.

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Speaker 4: Context about the photo that we wouldn't know just by

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Speaker 4: looking at it, that'd be great.

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Speaker 7: So we're going to jump on in with the first question.

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Speaker 7: Don do you want to take this first question?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 8: So, Kelly, what is the best piece of wisdom or

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Speaker 8: advice you've ever received?

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Speaker 2: What is my favorite piece of wisdom or advice that

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Speaker 2: I have ever gotten? There's so many to choose from.

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Speaker 2: I mean, there's always like the classic Miya Angelo, when

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Speaker 2: someone shows you who you are, believe them the first time.

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Speaker 2: I think that one is has really helped me a lot.

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Speaker 2: I've had people in my life. Tell me about there's

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Speaker 2: a famous character in a book. A lot of my

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Speaker 2: wisdom comes from books or not, so I'll use Zora

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Speaker 2: Neil Hurston. My favorite book is The Rise Were Watching God,

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Speaker 2: and she talks about finding her soul a home and

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Speaker 2: kind of coming home to herself. And so I always

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Speaker 2: kind of think about where can I find my little

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Speaker 2: piece of life? And it's not necessarily a place, but

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Speaker 2: like an experience. So I would say those two things.

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Speaker 7: So beautiful and so whole.

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Speaker 4: Some I love that, Kelly, cause this next question I

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Speaker 4: have for you, it's not wholesome. Well it might be,

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Speaker 4: I don't know. It depends on your perspective. I just

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Speaker 4: have four words for you, Kelly. Okay, twerk or two step?

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Speaker 7: What you're gonna choose?

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Speaker 2: Bro, I can't t work. I'm so sad about it.

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Speaker 2: I'm so sad about it though, Like I my brother's like,

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Speaker 2: it's in your knees, it's in your knees. He's out

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Speaker 2: here trying to coach, which is not you know. I

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Speaker 2: don't know how wholeme that is. But I'm two step

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Speaker 2: in all the way. I can't do it. I think

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Speaker 2: I got bad knee.

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Speaker 7: Yes, that's okay. There's nothing wrong with There's nothing wrong

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Speaker 7: with the two steps.

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Speaker 4: And we actually we just hosted a lot and meant

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Speaker 4: Kelly for our podcast and we had a church. A

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Speaker 4: twork instructor came in and was teaching us all how

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Speaker 4: to throw that thing in a circle and do all

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Speaker 4: the things. And she was like, yeah, I felt very

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Speaker 4: I was struggling a little bit, but she did really well. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: so you can learn. It's okay, we got you got this.

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Speaker 4: But there's nothing wrong with a two step.

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Speaker 8: Yep, we love we love a two step as well. Okay,

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Speaker 8: And so what is the sexiest item that you own?

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Speaker 2: I have a pair of shoe heels that are like

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Speaker 2: five inches. I'm quite short, and they are just they

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Speaker 2: Wedges are not usually associated with being sexy. I mean,

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Speaker 2: we can say that out the gate all the time, right,

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Speaker 2: but these ones are really cute. They're high, they're kind

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Speaker 2: of like this fake snake skin, they're cold hants, they're

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Speaker 2: really comfortable to I know, I'm ruining the sexy piece,

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Speaker 2: but I think there's nothing less sexy than being uncomfortable

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Speaker 2: and doing it just for somebody else. And some people

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Speaker 2: can look at you. So I'm like, look, I gotta

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Speaker 2: be comfortable, but they're gorgeous. They're really gorgeous, they're shiny,

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Speaker 2: they catch the light, they really go. You could dress

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Speaker 2: them up or down. I would say that that sounds amazing.

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Speaker 4: It's the versatility and the comfort for me because we're

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Speaker 4: not trying to be on comfort. Yes, right, so Kelly.

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Speaker 4: Now we're going to move into the sentence completion. So

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Speaker 4: the first sentence completion we have for you is one

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Speaker 4: question or topic.

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Speaker 7: I wish people asked me about more often.

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Speaker 2: Is Okay, this is not related to work at all,

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Speaker 2: and I should stop telling people this. But I love

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Speaker 2: celebrity gossip. That is my toxic trait. Okay, I if

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Speaker 2: you want to know about a celebrity, I'm like, just

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Speaker 2: tell me. Let's get into it. I want to talk

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Speaker 2: about it. Nobody asks me about that, obviously for many reasons.

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Speaker 2: But anytime I get a chance, I'm like, well that

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Speaker 2: that's where I'm going to be. I'm gonna be like

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Speaker 2: ready to answer.

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Speaker 8: Well, it's so wild, go ahead, so so wild, because

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Speaker 8: wouldn't you know that our next sentence completion is about

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Speaker 8: celebrity gossip? Like yeah, Terry and I you know we

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Speaker 8: we love to be in the note and so the

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Speaker 8: next sentence completion is the one piece of celebrity gossip

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Speaker 8: that is taking up my brain space right now is

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Speaker 8: I would say the one piece of celebrity gossip.

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Speaker 2: Hailey. Bailey's boyfriend DDG just wrote a song and there

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Speaker 2: were rumors that he had created a whole fake profile

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Speaker 2: on Twitter Control the White Man from The Little Mermaid

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Speaker 2: because he was uncomfortable with their dynamic, and then he

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Speaker 2: wrote a song that pretty much felt like it confirmed

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Speaker 2: it because he wrote this Setty, this man is a

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Speaker 2: Z lister. I have no problem going in on him,

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Speaker 2: and I reserve judgment and public for other people. But DDG,

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Speaker 2: get therapy, get healing.

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Speaker 1: You are not.

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Speaker 2: He wrote a whole song like one of the lines

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Speaker 2: is like, I'm you know, she's getting she's doing really well.

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Speaker 2: I got to ruin it. She's got a platform. I'm

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Speaker 2: feeling insecure. I think I'll ruin it. It's so sad

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Speaker 2: to see Haley, who seems so beautiful and sweet and wholesome,

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Speaker 2: and then you see this man. You're like, what boy,

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Speaker 2: what are you going on?

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Speaker 7: That was Kelly. I looked at the lyrics too, that

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Speaker 7: was It's pretty. It feels pretty pathetic.

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Speaker 4: He needs to share that with this therapist versus trying

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Speaker 4: to bring her down in her palm when she's pop it.

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Speaker 2: It's like Man Week, Like then Future came out. It's like,

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Speaker 2: I think it's like just the toxicity of men this

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Speaker 2: last week, like Future song about Russell Wilson. It's like, bro,

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Speaker 2: it's been ten years, you look so small and petty

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Speaker 2: and you're giving you know, the smallest of smallest energy

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Speaker 2: right now. That came out, and then Jonah Hill weaponizing

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Speaker 2: therapy and saying boundaries means don't talk to nobody, and

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Speaker 2: it's like, Jonah, look at yourself, what are you that?

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Speaker 2: That whole clump of like men acting wild? The commerce

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Speaker 2: man that was just they came for him. I mean

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Speaker 2: they gathered him so madly. He but he feels like

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Speaker 2: he's like a resistor. I don't know who this man is.

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Speaker 2: It's like, she pays your bills, sir, do not get

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Speaker 2: on the Twitter and talk about her unless you are

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Speaker 2: paying rent, which it doesn't appear you could do. When

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Speaker 2: living with Kiki Palmer, why are you speaking? Like, why

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Speaker 2: do you have comments on Twitter? I don't understand. I

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Speaker 2: would be just sitting at home. I'm thrilled that Kiki

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Speaker 2: Pama was paying for my life.

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Speaker 7: Where whatever you.

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Speaker 4: Want, Okay, So, Kelly, we will be dming you about

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Speaker 4: celebrity culture moving forward after this interview. So we appreciate

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Speaker 4: the fact that you are down for this as well.

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Speaker 4: Our last sentis of completion for you, Kelly. Is what

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Speaker 4: I love most about myself.

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Speaker 2: Is that I center joy now in my life. I

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Speaker 2: tell people all the time that what when people ask me, oh,

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Speaker 2: you you know, work for yourself now. I left behind

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Speaker 2: working in like a corporate government kind of institution, and

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Speaker 2: they ask, what are you most proud of? And I

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Speaker 2: think people are expecting like a revenue number or that

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Speaker 2: you know, nobody tells anyone to get up or whatever

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Speaker 2: that is in my own boss. And I think the

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Speaker 2: thing that I'm most proud of and what I love

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Speaker 2: about myself now is that I cent your joy. And

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Speaker 2: I like myself more than I've ever liked myself before.

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Speaker 2: I tell people me and me is a vibe. And

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Speaker 2: at this point, if you can't beat me and me

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Speaker 2: and I mean like my friends, I mean like in partnership,

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Speaker 2: then that's it me and is gonna be all right?

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Speaker 2: Because I really enjoy myself. I enjoy who I am.

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Speaker 2: I enjoy the life that I'm creating for myself, and

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Speaker 2: I think that's the thing I'm most proud of.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, vibe, I'm writing that down. Me and Me is

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Speaker 7: a vibe.

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Speaker 4: Okay, Yes, that should be on T shirts. Okay, y'all

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Speaker 4: make sure you credit Kelly for that. Now, Kelly, before

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Speaker 4: we move on to more interview questions, we have some

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Speaker 4: photos pulled up of you, and so what we want

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Speaker 4: you to do is choose a number out of one

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Speaker 4: in three and then for those that are only listening

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Speaker 4: to the episode, you can describe the photo first and

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Speaker 4: then give us some additional context about the photo that

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Speaker 4: we would not know just by looking.

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Speaker 7: At the photo. So what number are you going with? Kelly?

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Speaker 2: Again, I am terrified I would say number two. We'll

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Speaker 2: go number two.

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Speaker 4: Okay, this is a great photo. I think you're going

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Speaker 4: to love it. So let's go ahead and put it

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Speaker 4: on the big screen.

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Speaker 7: It'll show up in five or three. Two.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh, I do love this picture. Okay, this is

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Speaker 2: a picture of me. I'm holding it. I'm just like

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Speaker 2: a selfie and I'm looking at a beach like there's

434
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 2: a beach in some water kind of behind me. It

435
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 2: was taken in Thailand, and for me, this was just

436
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 2: a great trip all the way around. I love Thailand.

437
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 2: It's the I think it's the Pep Islands. They close

438
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 2: them now that's even more special because it's the islands.

439
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 2: From long time ago, Leonardo DiCaprio had a movie called

440
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 2: The Beach and it was filmed there, and people come

441
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 2: all around the world to see this place, and they

442
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,159
Speaker 2: closed it because of tourism. It was getting to be

443
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 2: too much, like it's causing kind of environmental impact. But

444
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 2: what's so cool about this picture. I love to travel

445
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 2: one but I have a fear of flying, like a

446
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,800
Speaker 2: really bad fear of flying. I hate flying, and this trip,

447
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 2: I think the caption says, like I decided I forget

448
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 2: what age I turned. The caption said, I turned thirty five.

449
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 2: Oh those are the day. So anyways, I turned thirty

450
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 2: five and I went to Thailand and I took seven

451
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 2: planes and spent twenty eight hours in the air, is

452
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 2: what the caption says. And for me, I was really

453
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 2: proud of facing It was like facing my fears and

454
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,880
Speaker 2: embracing joy. And it was gorgeous. I loved it, and

455
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 2: I now I still fly, but it's like every time

456
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 2: I tell myself, okay, you love this, get on that plane.

457
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 2: I also take medication. Take medication, don't struggle. For those

458
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 2: of viewers, struggling like plane fear. So that's the picture.

459
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 2: It was like me smiling because I made it to

460
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 2: Thailand despite all the fears to get there.

461
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 7: That is so amazing And what a way to face

462
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 7: your fears.

463
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 4: You didn't say not one flight, but you take seven

464
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 4: flights and in the air for twenty eight hours.

465
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 7: Come on, that's beautiful. That's amazing.

466
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 4: Thank you so much for indulging us and playing along

467
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 4: for the ou Blatschest segment. We're going to jump into

468
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 4: more questions now. And one of the things that we

469
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 4: love to know we learned about you that you took

470
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:55,360
Speaker 4: a month long retreat in Bali to recharge. Speaking of Bali, right,

471
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,639
Speaker 4: and so if you can just tell us what are

472
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 4: simple things that someone can do at home if they

473
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 4: can't afford a month long retreat in Bali.

474
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think the way that I think. First of all,

475
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 2: we make wellness, so like elite, like you have to

476
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 2: have a certain amount of money, you have to have

477
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 2: a certain kind of outfit routine like wellness has been

478
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,359
Speaker 2: kind of co opted and whitewash and like made to

479
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 2: be this thing like well the only way you get

480
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,719
Speaker 2: better is if you take a retreat. And I think

481
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 2: that there are so many things that you can do

482
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 2: that are small that fill your life. I think what

483
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,400
Speaker 2: makes people actually happier in the long term has nothing

484
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 2: to do with retreats and everything to do with doing

485
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 2: one thing a day that brings you joy. What is

486
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 2: one thing, and it doesn't have to be big, Like

487
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 2: for a long time, even the worst jobs. I'm a

488
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 2: music person, and when I would drive to work, I

489
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 2: would just be like, I have my work playlist and

490
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 2: I would get a song on and it didn't matter

491
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 2: how bad the day is. I'm singing that song. If

492
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 2: I'm singing that song and I'm like singing it and raged,

493
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 2: I'm singing it angry, if I'm singing it sad, whatever,

494
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 2: I'm singing it happy. But I would always have something

495
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 2: it would help me decompress. And so I think people

496
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 2: think it's got to be bigger, but honestly, the winds

497
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 2: are in the small, consistent things you do. And so

498
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 2: even if you struggle for that, making a list and

499
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 2: just saying, what are the things that bring me joy

500
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 2: big and small, and then prioritizing spending even five minutes

501
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 2: a day doing that thing.

502
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 8: I love that, like looking at the things big and

503
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:27,400
Speaker 8: small and making sure to spend five minutes a day

504
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 8: doing that. And So when we think about coming back

505
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:39,640
Speaker 8: from the pandemic, right, and we look at the amount

506
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 8: of output that companies expect and we see that it

507
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 8: has doubled or tripled in some instances, right, and we're

508
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:52,439
Speaker 8: thinking about how we can prevent burnout for ourselves. What

509
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 8: can be done at the employee level to kind of

510
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 8: push back on this higher expectations of productivity. How can

511
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 8: we set boundaries within the workplace so it can start

512
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 8: This is a great question.

513
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 2: It can start in some things you do internally and

514
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,919
Speaker 2: then some things you do externally as an employee. Right,

515
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 2: So some things you just set with yourself, like boundaries

516
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 2: you set with you, and then we'll talk about boundaries

517
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 2: you set with your employer. And one of it could

518
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 2: just be you know, I'm not going to have my

519
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 2: personal email on my work email on my personal phone.

520
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 2: What I mean to say, I am going to put

521
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 2: an out of office that you know, at five o'clock,

522
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,160
Speaker 2: let's at your day ends that time, just putting out

523
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,479
Speaker 2: to office us as I'll be answering calls the next day,

524
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 2: or I'll be taking emails the next day, something simple

525
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 2: like that. Also, it's really getting clear about getting your

526
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 2: to do list finished and everything checked is sometimes impossible.

527
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 2: And honestly, the nature of work is that, like there's

528
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 2: always going to be a to do list. That's why

529
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 2: we have jobs. If our jobs had like a finish point,

530
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,200
Speaker 2: we would just work for a month and then ever

531
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 2: work again. So the to do list is never ending.

532
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,400
Speaker 2: So you need to have satisfaction not in how many

533
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 2: things you get done in the day, but if you're

534
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,600
Speaker 2: able to express your values or the things that most

535
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 2: matter to you, why are you in the work that

536
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,239
Speaker 2: you're in. So really coming back to that and centering that,

537
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 2: it's like if you are in a helping feel and

538
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 2: so compassion is important to you, or are you compassionate today?

539
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 2: Is a better to do list to check off than

540
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 2: is that I get all these things done? You know,

541
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 2: if you want to be competent, is there something I

542
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,679
Speaker 2: did that demonstrate my competence?

543
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 7: Check?

544
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 2: So I think those are the internal things you can do,

545
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 2: and then externally with your employer. A lot of the

546
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 2: things that I teach people is the language to use

547
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 2: with employers because they honestly, like, let's be real, they're

548
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 2: not all here for you, being like I choose me

549
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 2: and I you know, have boundaries, right, But the language

550
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 2: of employers that will help you. It's talking about like

551
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 2: innovation and process improvements that like, oftentimes people are asking

552
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 2: you to do three times of work, but you're like,

553
00:28:58,240 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 2: it's you and your mind be like, it's going to

554
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 2: be slow, I'm going to hate everybody. Nobody in this

555
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 2: team talks to each other. How are we going to

556
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 2: get from here to here? Or this task is ridiculous,

557
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 2: the system doesn't work, And I think making it about

558
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 2: the systems, like I want to be innovative, I have,

559
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 2: you know, an idea of how we can do this

560
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 2: can allow you. But pushing for tools to help you

561
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 2: be more innovative and better utilize your time is the

562
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 2: conversation is the road in to talking to your employers

563
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 2: about the boundaries that you want to set, that you

564
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 2: want to have more meaning in your work. And I

565
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 2: think those kinds of conversations are usually more productive than

566
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 2: talking to a manager who also feels probably stretch tooth

567
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 2: in and saying, oh, I got to set some boundaries.

568
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 2: This is ridiculous. I can only do one person's work.

569
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 2: All of that is true, but the conversation, the way

570
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 2: into that conversation is talking about can we improve a

571
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 2: process and can we brainstorm that with you? Like, I

572
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 2: just want to make sure this is done really well

573
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:55,959
Speaker 2: so we don't all burn out.

574
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 4: That is so powerful And it's the techt for me, right,

575
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 4: Like you're saying the same thing but you're saying it

576
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 4: in a different way where it can be more well received.

577
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 7: So thank you for that. Oh wow.

578
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 4: Now one of the other things, Kelly, we often hear

579
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 4: people say when someone is on the verge of burnout

580
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 4: or experiencing burnout, is well, just.

581
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 7: Reduce the stresses in your life. And it's like, yeah, great, yeah,

582
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 7: I can do that.

583
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 4: But it sounds good and theory, but what are practical

584
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 4: ways that someone can actually put that into practice, especially

585
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 4: when this person is wearing multiple hats or they just

586
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 4: have a full plate in a really busy life.

587
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 7: How do you reduce stresses? What does that look like

588
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 7: in action?

589
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 2: So the smallest thing you can do is like the

590
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 2: smallest thing is like stay hydrated. I just start there,

591
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 2: like one in doubt, take a sip of water or

592
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 2: you know, I mean at this point, if you're starting

593
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 2: starting a juice, I'll take whatever I got my water

594
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 2: here too, where I'll got our water, Take a sip

595
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 2: of water if nothing else, and or something that is

596
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 2: nourishing that you can eat or drink. Like start there,

597
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 2: because once our bodies are at a wax, stress is

598
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 2: just it's going to happen art with the body. But

599
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 2: then the second thing, the second small thing I tell

600
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 2: people to do is have a morning routine. And I

601
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 2: meet a morning routine that's less than fifteen minutes. I mean,

602
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 2: you see these people like influenc thing like I get

603
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 2: up at four point thirty and I you know, read

604
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 2: and journal and dream for an hour and then you know,

605
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 2: I stretch and do yoga and then I twirl and

606
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 2: you know, call on the divine and it's like, well

607
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 2: that's nice. I have kids screaming in my face or

608
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 2: if we're like man, I don't got no children, but

609
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 2: I like my bed. So I'm not getting up a

610
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 2: fourth thirty in the morning. To be a better version

611
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 2: of myself. Right, So I just say I have a

612
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 2: fifteen minute morning routine. I use an app and it

613
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 2: walks me through a coaching session. I like, it's three

614
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 2: minutes long to ask me thought provoking questions. I drink water,

615
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 2: I have water by my bed. I make sure drink

616
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 2: a couple ounces of water. I make my bed while

617
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 2: listening to either the coaching session or some music I like, like,

618
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,960
Speaker 2: I keep it really simple, and then I celebrate. The

619
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 2: app makes me celebrate the morning. So I use the

620
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 2: Fabulous App and it's done and within I think any

621
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 2: we're from like seven to fifteen. It depends on the

622
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 2: day and how slow I am. But I notice the

623
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 2: difference when I do that then when I don't.

624
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm going to look that up the Fabulous app.

625
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 4: That's most I love that routine, and I love that

626
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 4: you emphasize the less than fifteen minutes.

627
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 8: Yes, yes, because I think you know, like you said,

628
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 8: there are some people who are juggling like children or

629
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 8: parents and having to their their time is not just

630
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 8: their time in the household in the morning, and you

631
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 8: got to get folks out out of the house. That's

632
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 8: not just you, And so I love that fifteen minutes, right,

633
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 8: What about winding down in the evening? What are some

634
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 8: things that you would recommend for folks to kind of

635
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 8: because they've been at let's say they've been working all day,

636
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 8: whether they're in person or remote, but they've been working

637
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 8: all day and now it's time to wind down for

638
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 8: the evening. What are some small things that they can

639
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 8: do in the evening to kind of of help bring

640
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 8: them some peace and get them into a relaxed space

641
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 8: space before going to sleep.

642
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a variety of things. We're gonna go with

643
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 2: the smallest and then build on up to the stuff

644
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 2: that no one wants to hear. But the smallest thing

645
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 2: I can tell someone is like, when you're getting ready,

646
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 2: everyone's got to, you know, brush their teeth or whatever

647
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 2: they're doing. Take some time to just keep your phone

648
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 2: out the bathroom while you're doing that, and just take

649
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 2: some really deep kind of cleansing breasts. Like, think to yourself,

650
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 2: I'm going to take the biggest breath I've taken all

651
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 2: day today. Take about five to eight of those, you know,

652
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 2: and that's kind of like breathing in for you know, five,

653
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 2: holding for seven, breathing out for a kind of exercise.

654
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 2: That is the smallest thing you can do to get

655
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 2: yourself ready for bed. The hardest thing to do, and

656
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 2: be honest, even I struggle with it is not having screens.

657
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 2: Not looking at a screen for minimally, like an hour

658
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 2: thirty minutes is probably cutting it close really honestly, two

659
00:33:56,680 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 2: hours they say before bed. I have the same. If

660
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 2: you do need your phone near you, I use an

661
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 2: app again to get me wound down for bed. And

662
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 2: I have routine. I like to shower at night a lot,

663
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 2: so that helps me, or put on a lotion that

664
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 2: you like that is calming. There's a lot of those

665
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 2: ones that have a nice calming sense. Make a routine.

666
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 2: Your body needs to know through habit it's bedtime. And

667
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: so just like you do with babies, Like when we

668
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 2: have children, they have the same thing they tell you, like,

669
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 2: have a routine for their bedtime because it bath story,

670
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 2: you know, hugs and cuddles and then off to bed.

671
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 2: You still need that as an adult, you need some

672
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 2: version of that to prompt your body to know it's bedtime.

673
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 2: It's disconnect time. And if you are you know tiktoking

674
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,760
Speaker 2: like me and scrolling like even though it's like maybe

675
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 2: positive things you're looking at, you are stimulated, and so

676
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 2: you're still kind of awake, and if you're giggling and laughing,

677
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 2: Like I tell people, read a book that's not like

678
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 2: a suspense thriller that you're gonna want to Like me,

679
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 2: I'm immature. I'm gonna be turning that page or it's

680
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,720
Speaker 2: too entertaining, because you'll be so into it, you'll still

681
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 2: stay up. Like read something that's a little more are thoughtful,

682
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 2: or solo or paste that can get your body regulated.

683
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 7: You are just dropping Jim after Jim. I'm over taking notes.

684
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 7: I got the fabulous at pulled up over here. Thank

685
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 7: you for this, Kelly.

686
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 4: Okay, so the next question, I want to share a

687
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 4: quick little personal story then dive into the question. So

688
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 4: one of the things I noticed about myself when I

689
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 4: get stressed or I'm on the verge of burnout is

690
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 4: I will have this endless to do list, and I

691
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 4: have these meati tasks that definitely need to get done,

692
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 4: but they feel too daunting, and so I procrastinate and

693
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 4: then I tackle the easy ones, like oh you know,

694
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 4: I don't know, look at my calendar for next week,

695
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 4: all the easy stuff, and then at the end, I

696
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 4: feel a little accomplished because they're completed. But then I'm like,

697
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 4: damn myself to do all these big tasks. So my

698
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 4: question for you is how do you prioritize or what

699
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 4: are some best practices on prioritizing?

700
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 2: Okay, so I have two suggestions on how to prioritize.

701
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 2: And first I want to say a word about procrastination.

702
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 2: So I'm also a procrastinator and I teach about procrastination.

703
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 2: I tell people news procrastination can be resolved fifty percent

704
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 2: if you actually know what's causing it, and that procrastination

705
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 2: falls into like three categories, like I bucket them. There's

706
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 2: things underneath it. But it's like you're procrastinating because maybe

707
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 2: you're a perfectionist and you feel like you can't do

708
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 2: the task well, it's out of your wheelhouse, so you're

709
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:21,320
Speaker 2: nervous or insecure about your ability to complete the task.

710
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 2: The other reason like you procrastinate you talked about, is

711
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 2: you don't know where to start, so you have like

712
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 2: priority confusion. You're like, what, there's ten things on us

713
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 2: to do with this, they all feel like they're number one.

714
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 2: I don't know which one to pick, So I'm just

715
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 2: going to go watch Netflix like me. And then the

716
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 2: third thing is boredom or you hate the task. Right,

717
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:43,120
Speaker 2: I'm a person that's not really I don't love details.

718
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,360
Speaker 2: Once you start telling me the details, I get sad

719
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 2: and I'm so things that are administrative I don't like

720
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 2: to do, and so I put them off because they

721
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 2: bore me or I just don't like them. And so

722
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 2: in that case, then if you hate the task or

723
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 2: bored by it, consider delegating it, Like just consider rearranging

724
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,399
Speaker 2: funds or finding a person who loves Oh, I love

725
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 2: doing this kind of thing and be like, swap, okay,

726
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,280
Speaker 2: I'll do this task. You do this task with your partner,

727
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 2: with friends, whatever, right, if it's task priority. What I

728
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 2: tell people is to think about the tasks that have

729
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,839
Speaker 2: the most impact. So list the ten things that you

730
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,399
Speaker 2: have to do, and you think I use something called

731
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 2: the Peretto principle, which is like it tells you to

732
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 2: spend most of your time on the most important thing.

733
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 2: So like they say the eighty twenty pool, and so

734
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 2: the way you determine what's most important is like, what

735
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 2: is going to bring me the most impact? And it

736
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 2: can be something small Let's say I'm traveling. It's summertime

737
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,319
Speaker 2: now when we're recording this, I'm going on vacation. What

738
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,280
Speaker 2: is the one task that will have the most impact

739
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 2: on me getting out the door in time to travel.

740
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 2: That's now, it's not the most important maybe, but it's

741
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 2: the most impactful. I'm going to start there down to like,

742
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 2: if I have a person that's forgetful, it's like, oh,

743
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 2: I've got to put my medicine in there. That's the

744
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 2: most impactful things. If I don't have it, vacation's going

745
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 2: to be ruined or whatever. Where that is, right, So

746
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 2: that's how you tackle that when it comes to that,

747
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 2: And when it's perfectionism, it's just about taking deep breaths

748
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 2: and knowing that it's not perfect if there is no

749
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 2: such thing as perfection when it comes to people, and

750
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 2: starting to kind of chip away at the different tasks

751
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 2: using those other suggestions.

752
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 8: Thank you for that. I love that response. And so

753
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 8: we've talked a lot about what we can do on

754
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 8: the individual level, right, but we also know that oftentimes

755
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 8: the bigger crux of the issue is not within us

756
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 8: at the individual level. It's in the system, right, And

757
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:49,240
Speaker 8: so how can leaders acknowledge and remedy burnout while still

758
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,359
Speaker 8: making sure that they meet their bottom line, right, because

759
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 8: we know that at the end of the day, that's

760
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 8: what they're focused on, is the bottom line. But if

761
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 8: you have folks who are burned out, your bottom line

762
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 8: is not going to get me. And so how can

763
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 8: leaders acknowledge and remedy the burnout?

764
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love this question because I think a lot

765
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 2: of the conversation is it's either or, and I always

766
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 2: think burnout is like as both. It's a dual responsibility.

767
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 2: We need to take care of ourselves, but the workplace

768
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 2: needs to take care of us in the appropriate ways.

769
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 2: You know, I language burnout and I'd say it's a

770
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 2: conversation really about betrayal and for it's about the ways

771
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 2: that we betray ourselves and engage in like self violation

772
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,320
Speaker 2: and don't respect our boundaries and don't take care of ourselves.

773
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,439
Speaker 2: But it's also a conversation about the way that work

774
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 2: as a system betrays us, how it tells us these

775
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: lives like if you work harder, you're going to get

776
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 2: a promotion. If you you know, you work now, live

777
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 2: later kind of philosophy. When you retired, that's when you're

778
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 2: going to really have lived the life of your dreams

779
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,040
Speaker 2: and then and then begins to chip away at that

780
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 2: little by little with people just giving all and not

781
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 2: getting back. And so for organizations, it's really important that

782
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 2: they redefine what work is in their organization, Like make

783
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 2: sure that you're clear on what work is, what actually

784
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 2: is your bottom line? A lot of companies don't know.

785
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 2: They're like, I know, I do a thing, but they

786
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 2: cannot articulate what is your bottom line? What do you

787
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 2: need to get done? What do you want your workplace

788
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 2: to be? And so they're not clear on that. So

789
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 2: one get clear on like what the vision or the

790
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 2: mission of your organization is. But then also give really

791
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 2: practical tools on how to make people better at their jobs. Right,

792
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 2: give practical tools, give trading that's impactful. Think about innovation

793
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 2: as not something that people in the tech field do,

794
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 2: but something that everybody does. But innovation and psychological safety

795
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 2: concepts in the work place are things that actually make

796
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 2: the bottom line better, Like you get to your bottom

797
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 2: line quicker with less mistakes. When people feel safe, one

798
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 2: provide a level of safety like physical safety for folks,

799
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,480
Speaker 2: and people can kind of give ideas without feelings they're

800
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 2: going to get shut down. You get the best versions

801
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 2: of your people. And the third thing I would say

802
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 2: is provide resources. And that doesn't mean like the calm app, Like,

803
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 2: don't just give people an app and say there you're better.

804
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 2: And at the same time, understand that you are not

805
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 2: people's you know, mamas, You're not the therapist. This is

806
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 2: a place of business. But give them the tools for

807
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 2: them to identify, like I, this is something that is

808
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 2: not work related, but here's our you know, employee assistance program.

809
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 2: Make sure you have something like that right, Have really

810
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 2: great accommodations for people to meet them where they're at.

811
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,840
Speaker 2: Create hybrid work environments, figure out what people need to

812
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 2: feel seen and productive in the workplace, and provided have

813
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 2: an outlet. It doesn't necessarily need to be you as

814
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 2: a leader, because I get it, that's not your role.

815
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,719
Speaker 2: But make sure that there's a place for people to

816
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 2: turn to. When those three things are in place, people

817
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 2: don't leave their work. They report hire job satisfaction and

818
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 2: oh they're actually better at it, and the companies thrive

819
00:41:58,520 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 2: a to the men.

820
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 7: I feel that needs to be a whole another episode.

821
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 4: We may need to have you back on Kelly to

822
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 4: talk about that whole conversation, because wow, wow, wow, wow.

823
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,919
Speaker 4: Now this has been super valuable and you've already dropped

824
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 4: so many gems. Is there anything that we haven't covered

825
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,879
Speaker 4: or any question that we haven't asked that you may

826
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 4: want to provide insight on.

827
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 2: I think the last thing I'll tell people on an

828
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,439
Speaker 2: individual level is just to center joy in their life.

829
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 2: I mean we started kind of that conversation with that.

830
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 2: I what I do when I on my podcast right,

831
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 2: I ask people always like how they have joy in

832
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 2: their lives. And everybody who's taken like a joy centered

833
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:39,680
Speaker 2: approach to their life has I've never found them homeless.

834
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 2: I've never found them, you know, with not a friend

835
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 2: in the world and regretting that choice. Everybody who says,

836
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 2: I need to rework my life and I need to

837
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 2: rework it from the perspective of joy, which isn't not

838
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 2: the same as happiness, right. Joy is like this internal

839
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 2: grounding that you get, right, Happiness comes and goes. Those

840
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:02,839
Speaker 2: folks are six, Those folks are having the lives that

841
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,439
Speaker 2: they want, the lives of their dreams, and I think

842
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:07,839
Speaker 2: we think, oh, that'll come later. I'll do all these

843
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 2: things first, and then the joy will show up in

844
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 2: my world. And that's just not how it works. I've

845
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 2: learned this from trial and error. It's just that not

846
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:16,240
Speaker 2: going to happen.

847
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:20,839
Speaker 8: Well, Kelly, thank you so much for dropping all these

848
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 8: amazing gems with our audience. And I know you mentioned

849
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 8: you have a podcast, and so you mentioned you'r therapist,

850
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 8: So tell us want about your podcast, tell us how

851
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 8: folks can find you.

852
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. So my podcast is called the Black Girl Burnout

853
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:41,320
Speaker 2: Podcast and it's across all major streaming platforms. It comes

854
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 2: on three times a week, short and sweet, so it's

855
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 2: a nice compliment to this podcast. Right, I give you

856
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 2: healing practices and just thoughts to consider, specifically for black

857
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 2: women about how to reshape the way we live our

858
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 2: lives and how to let go of the cultural myths

859
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,400
Speaker 2: that keep us, I believe, locked in struggle instead of

860
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 2: living lives of joy. And then you can connect with

861
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 2: me across all social media at Kelly A. Bonner and

862
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 2: Black Girl Burnout as well, across all those platforms.

863
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 4: Right, lady, make sure you go out and support Kelly.

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Speaker 4: This was such an amazing episode. We can't wait to

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Speaker 4: staye connect it with you and have more great conversations. Kelly,

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Speaker 4: and I just want to say, three times a week,

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Speaker 4: kudos to you because having a podcast.

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Speaker 2: Okay, suppoorators, I'm a preaching to the core here, but like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's a lot.

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Speaker 7: Yes, we appreciate you.

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Speaker 4: We appreciate the work that you're doing and just the

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Speaker 4: conversations that you're having.

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Speaker 7: So thank you so much for your work. Thank you,

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Speaker 7: thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 4: We'll make sure to add links in the show notes

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Speaker 4: so folks can go out and support and again, we

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Speaker 4: appreciate you.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for having me, Thanks for.

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Speaker 3: Joining us today. Please note that our show may contain

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00:44:55,320 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 3: conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health,

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00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 3: but is by no means meant to be a substitute

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00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:09,240
Speaker 3: for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider.

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00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 3: If you are someone you know is in need of

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00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:16,360
Speaker 3: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls

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00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 3: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

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00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

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Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website at Herspace podcast dot

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Speaker 4: com and be sure to click the Patreon tab to

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00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 4: get access to video content bonuses in our weekly after

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00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 4: show and before we meet again, Repeat after me, I

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Speaker 4: am worthy of a happy life.