WEBVTT - Ep. 121 — Parental pressures 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:21.120 Day. Hey, Hey, it feels weird taping on a different day. 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:23.160 How are yah? Yeah, I'm not a fan. 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:26.720 Oh by the way, Hi, I'm Tiffany. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:28.640 Except y'all Mandy, and. 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:33.240 This is around ambition. Yeah, I don't feel like weird. 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:36.040 I'm like, wait, it's not Tuesday. What's happening? 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:39.800 This is my I've been doing. My Sundays have been 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:42.879 my I get my writing done day. It's the only 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:44.440 day of the week when I can actually do anything. 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:46.760 But today I was all messed up. I had back 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:52.040 to back bridal showers this weekend. Really, yeah tis the season. Yeah, 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:53.960 they just happened to be on the on the same weekend. 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:57.120 So one yesterday in Brooklyn and one today. It's a 0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:59.720 lot of fun. But I did overdid it on the 0:00:59.720 --> 0:01:03.680 sham pain just a little bit, just a little bit. 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:06.800 I can't even I can't even overdo even like a sick. 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:09.600 My body is so I don't drink at all so 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:11.760 I can smell alcohol and be on the floor. 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:14.720 I just love a nice bubbly on a Sunday, okay, 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:16.479 with a little little poached egg. 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:17.760 It was quite nice. 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:21.959 I came for my my my niece's first birthday and 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:24.760 my dad was like, no alcohol beverages. I'm like, Daddy, 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:26.880 it's a one year birthday party. 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:30.720 Listen, I've been to some lit one year old birthday party, 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:33.480 so some some parents know how to party. There was 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:35.560 there was there a bounty castle. What was the I 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:37.280 feel like birthday parties are so wild. 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:39.959 She had it at our We have a zoo, a 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:43.240 cute little zoo called Turtle Black Zoo, and like everything 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:45.640 was animal themed, and then afterwards we took a little 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:46.320 tour of the zoo. 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:48.680 Soo knewer, couldn't know that. 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:51.120 No, well, no, it's actually West Orange, which is like 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:52.520 maybe like two towns over. 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:54.480 Okay, yeah, but it's really cute. 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:55.760 And I was like, oh, this is a cute little 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:57.520 I mean, of course she cared nothing for it because 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:01.000 you know, she's one, but yeah, yeah, it was. It 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.000 was fun because I was like, oh, this is nice 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:07.040 because sometimes people go really really super big for first birthdays. 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:09.680 And I feel like, I mean, who knows when I 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.000 have a baby, if like what I'm gonna do, But 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:14.160 I feel like I'm gonna be like come to the house. 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:15.680 We're cutting cake and there'll be some pizza. 0:02:15.880 --> 0:02:17.880 It's a lot of pressure. It's not just like the 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:20.160 financial like that it costs a lot of money to 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:23.160 just throw a party. But then I've been to a 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:26.440 first birthday party that felt more like a wet bridle 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:27.960 shower where there were like. 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:30.359 Centerpieces and buffet and open bar. 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:33.919 And I've been to and then there's the ones where 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:35.840 it's not just the party itself, but you have to 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:38.520 they have first birthday photo. 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:42.000 Shoots now where no they don't. Yeah, no you haven't 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:42.440 seen these. 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:45.000 I must have like half a dozen cards that I 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:47.000 get in the mail from first birthday photo shoots. 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:47.240 Yeah. 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:49.320 You like you pay a photographer and you go to 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:52.040 a studio and you put them in a ridiculous outfit 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:55.800 and then they there's like the cake smash video where 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:58.480 you actually like prepare it, like the photographer includes a 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:00.880 cake in it and it's just photos of the baby 0:03:01.040 --> 0:03:05.000 like smashing the cake apart, and then just like sometimes 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:07.720 crying or whatever. Yeah, it's the first like how does 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:09.040 how much does this cost? 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:09.400 Dang? 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:12.200 Like my dad would just take some pictures on his camera, 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:15.000 you know at the most, well. 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:16.400 Your dad, your dad's also a really good. 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.919 Time so okay, you know he had a nice camera, 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:21.400 But I mean it's just it's and you know, it's 0:03:21.480 --> 0:03:23.400 you know, if that's your thing, that's totally fine, that's 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.080 how you want to capture your child's But it just 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:27.880 feels like everyone's doing it now and more like, you know, 0:03:27.919 --> 0:03:31.040 once that becomes the trend, then like you don't want 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:33.160 to be that one. I guess it's like that pressure, 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:37.800 that social pressure to have that fantastic first birthday cake, 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:39.440 smash photo and all that names. 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:41.880 We'll just call her fancy girl. But one of my friends, 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:44.840 when her son turned one, she had like a logo 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:47.640 maid and it was like monograms on his cupcakes. It 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.560 was now She's like, yeah, I might have one over 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:55.880 now he's three now, but she's this is is this 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:59.920 a logo? It was it's his first, middle and last initial. 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:03.760 It was team two damn much. I was like, girl, 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:05.920 She's like, I look back at it now. Meanwhile, like 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:09.200 he just turned three and like literally she's like, come 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:11.000 to the house with cutting cake and there'll be some pizza. 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:14.360 She's like, I've learned, I'll be on that point right now, 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:19.000 which I thought was hilarious. But yes, a logo a logo. 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:23.200 It's hard enough keeping a tiny human alive. All the 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:26.360 other extra stuff and like and then I mean, I 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:28.080 don't know, I don't know if I'm ready for this, 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:32.359 the whole like culture of mommyhood parenthood these days. You know, 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.720 the playdates and you know, you get invited to their party, 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:36.480 then you gotta invite them to your party and oh, 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:41.040 it's like keeping up with the parent Jones is. Yeah, 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:43.400 I got a couple We got a question from someone 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:45.440 actually who are not It wasn't even any question, it 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:47.839 was just a response to you know, last week we 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:51.039 had Ontasha Danielle who talked about her debt freedom story, 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.120 you know, debt free by age thirty. She paid off 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:56.520 eighty thousand dollars in debt, and one woman had written 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:59.239 in and said that, you know, if you're a single 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:01.640 parent is even harder and that you know, she feels 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:03.760 like a lot of which doesn't. I mean, I think 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:06.280 there are some really good debt stories of families who 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:08.920 got in out of debt. She she was just mentioning 0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:10.640 how she felt frustrated because she felt like a lot 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:13.000 of advice was geared toward or a lot of success 0:05:13.000 --> 0:05:16.480 stories were also people who you know didn't have kids 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:19.440 or you know, you know, earned a decent earned a 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:21.599 decent income, and she was like, I don't feel like 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:23.320 my situations represented. 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:28.240 We don't who know who talks about that though, Emma, 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:30.840 I think Emma Johnson. She actually has a brand called 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:34.800 Wealthy Single Mommy, where she she kind of like that's her, 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:38.440 that's her things, Like, you're right that that's not typically represented, 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:41.000 and she was like, no, like I was a single mom. 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:43.960 I believe Emma has two kids and got a divorce 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:48.159 and you know, just struggled financially and figured you know, 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:50.880 figured it out, you know, the hard way. And then 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:52.400 since then she's like, I'm going to come back for 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:55.240 all my single mom's sisters, and so you might want 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:57.480 to look into that, because you're right, you know that 0:05:57.480 --> 0:06:01.279 that's often that's not often the story the success story 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:03.240 that you hear, but they're out there, you know. Wealthy 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:05.919 Single Mommy definitely. And she's dope, and she's irreverent and 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:09.040 she's hilarious. She actually has a book, but yeah, she's 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:11.440 hilarious and she cuts and busses and I think she's 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:15.599 just she's like super a super fun, off the cuff 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:16.640 financial expert. 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:17.600 Yeah. 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:21.640 Her book is called The kick Ass Single Mommy. No, yeah, 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:23.920 kick ass single mom. I think that's what the book 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:27.560 is called. But there we had also on maybe we 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:29.520 should do this, we should run this episode again. We 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:33.200 had Aja McClanahan on the show a year or two ago. 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:35.599 She was from Chicago and her and her husband have 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:37.960 two young girls, and they had paid off an enormous 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.080 amount of debt. I think it was, I don't know 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:41.920 it was. It was tens of thousands of dollars of 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:45.200 debt while you know, purchasing a house and all that 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:46.760 kind of stuff. So the stories are out there. But 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:48.520 I see what you're saying with peel you. I was 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:52.240 raised by a single mom. I know the struggle. Keep 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:54.800 hanging in there. It's it's if it's hard enough on 0:06:54.839 --> 0:06:56.640 your own, obviously, it's a lot harder when you have 0:06:57.200 --> 0:07:00.600 a tiny human who doesn't care about your budget. Yeah, 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:03.840 to take care of definitely. But thanks you for thanks 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:04.400 for your email. 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:09.720 You know who inspired me a lot. So Kevin Matthews 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:11.800 the second. He's one of our financial friends. He's a 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.320 brown brown is like, we have a group of financial 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:19.680 we have a group of financial folks. We have a 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:22.600 Facebook group of financial folks, and we collectively kind of 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:24.720 get together and talk about how we can serve our 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.760 community better as it relates to financial education. And we 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:30.560 call ourselves the Browns because everybody in the group is 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:34.880 some level of brown, like you know. And so he 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:36.880 just had a baby, and literally, while his wife is 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.800 upstairs in labor, he comes downstairs to do a quick 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:42.560 video and says, Hey, my son's being born at this 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:45.560 very moment, and I have decided that I want to 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:47.800 make sure that by the time he retires, he will 0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:49.880 be a millionaire. And here's how I'm going to do it. 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:53.760 I was like, ooh, tune in, and he had a wait. 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:58.120 While his wife's in labor upstairs. I mean, listen, I know, 0:07:58.240 --> 0:08:00.280 Kevin Cousin could be with your wife. We know you. 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:02.400 We know you didn't just decide labor. 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:03.960 So she hadn't quite starved, but she was at the 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:04.760 hospital ready to get it. 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:07.440 Still, I would snack that phone out of his hand. 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.760 It's nice, though, nice feeling, nice, nice thought. 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:12.800 In the room with her. But he had some really 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:16.360 great advice. And his advice he showed this chart that 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:18.600 I've seen before. I think we If you ever spoken 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.040 to a financial advisor, they almost always show you the chart, 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:24.080 which is it's a It's a chart that kind of 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:27.920 shows the power of compounding interest where if you start 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:31.480 investing early versus later, versus later versus later, how much 0:08:31.520 --> 0:08:34.640 you have to save. So here's how the chart works. 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:38.040 If so, this is what Kevin's doing, Like on average, 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:40.480 the market does about eight percent you know, over I 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:44.040 don't know a thirty year span. So he said, if 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:48.040 he sets aside starting now at birth, two thousand dollars 0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:50.160 a year for his son, So that's about one hundred 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:52.719 something dollars a month, two thousand dollars a year for 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.880 a son, he could literally stop contributing to that custodial 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:59.679 account at age ten, he said, between ten and fifteen, 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.720 and then by the time his son was ready to retire, 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:06.280 that money will have grown too, about a little over 0:09:06.320 --> 0:09:08.679 a million dollars. And I was like, what he just 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.719 did a really quick It wasn't like some super in 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:12.839 depth lesson, but he was showing the chart. And I 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.160 remember seeing that chart when I was twenty something and 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:17.840 a financial advisor was trying to show me, like, if 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.560 you start putting aside two thousand dollars a year now, 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:24.400 the difference between if I waited five years or waited 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:28.080 ten years that you actually have to put aside much 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:31.960 more money longer in order to reach the same the 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:34.080 same goal of a million dollars by the time you're 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:36.720 sixty five. That if you start when your child is 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:39.640 like literally an infant, you don't have to put as 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:41.160 much and you don't have to put as much for 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:44.040 its long So I just thought that, you know, aside 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:46.040 from the fact that he probably should have been upstairs, 0:09:46.080 --> 0:09:47.679 I just thought, like, you know what, it's just great 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:49.960 that there are parents out there who are starting to 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:52.480 think about that early. That if I can put aside 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:56.319 some money now, then I can set up my child's 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:59.240 teacher and start building generational wealth. And you know it 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:01.200 just things like know, a lot of people don't even 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:03.920 know that there's something called the custodial account. I know 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:06.280 parents like a Sandy from Yes I Am Cheap and 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:11.640 Dominique Brown, who is another financial expert, they they actually 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:15.840 have roth iras for their kids. And the way they 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:17.680 do it because they both are entrepreneurs, so they quote 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:21.079 unquote hire their kids and then their kids don't get 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:25.000 the income. Instead, their income goes into a retirement account 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:28.640 that gets to grow tax deferred. No, well, yeah, it 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:31.280 gets to grow now not even tax deferred, tax free, 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:33.920 because the taxes are preyed beforehand. That's what a roth 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.720 ira is. And it's just I love seeing parents really 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:39.080 figuring out the system so that way their kids don't 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:40.240 have to struggle financially. 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.800 Yeah, and there's there's five to nine plans, which with 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:45.679 the tax reform, one of the benefits of that is 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:47.680 that now you can use it for It's sad because 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:50.400 in some in some in some cities it's like New 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.680 York City, like public schools are difficult to get into, 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:55.959 and then even then might could still cause tuition or 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.280 money or whatever. But now with the tax reform, you 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:00.120 can use your five two nine plan, which used to 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:02.079 be just for college expenses, and actually use it for 0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:03.520 K through twelve expenses too. 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:06.840 So it's like, yep, yep, you can. 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.080 I think it's up to ten thousand or I forget 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:10.800 now ten it's ten thousand dollars a year. 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:11.360 I think you. 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:17.280 Could put toward K through twelve tuition and fees. Although 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:18.960 I still think it's crazy to pay for, you know, 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:22.160 for school for your kid. But it's just a little 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.320 Georgia me who just went to the school down street. 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:27.000 Yeah, exactly. I'm like, yeah, and I'm like maybe I'll 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:28.599 feel definitely when I have kids. 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.560 But I'm sure, yeah, I'm sure. 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:35.000 You know, sure, man, What else happened this week? 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:36.400 The Fed? Oh, the Fed. 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:39.120 You guys probably read this headline, and if you're like me, 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:41.280 it took you several years before you finally were like, 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:42.040 what does that mean? 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:43.880 Excuse me? 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:47.080 The Fed, the Federal Reserve raised the federal funds rate 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:50.240 this quarter, and they're planning on raising it every quarter 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:50.640 this year. 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:51.560 That's what's predicted. 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:54.960 And I just thought, I thought that's worth mentioning, especially 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.080 as you know, we were when we were buying our 0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:01.800 getting our house, getting that process underway, we were trying 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:03.600 to get a mortgage, we were getting like, you know, 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:06.679 pre approved for mortgages and comparing rates and stuff, and 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:08.840 in the back of my mind, you know, I'm thinking, man, 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:12.480 mortgage rates are going up, like not just day by day, 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:16.000 but hour by hour right now. And that was a 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:18.680 big reason why I you know, it was it was 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:20.720 a little bit of a nudge just to like, go ahead, 0:12:20.720 --> 0:12:23.760 lock in your mortgage rate now because rates are getting higher. 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:26.520 And sure enough, the FED raised the Federal funds rate, 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:28.840 and this is the baseline target interest rate that the 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:32.520 FED sets. So like if your if your you know, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.960 your credit card, for example, is tied to the federal 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.600 funds rate, when the federal funds rate goes up, your 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:39.520 credit card rate's probably going to go up a little bit. 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:44.160 Mortgage rates also go up. Those are the negative things, 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.480 so basically the cost of borrowing gets more expensive. On 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:50.640 the plus side, savings rates go up. So you may 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:52.640 have noticed if you have like like me, I have 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:56.120 that Ally and Capital one three sixty Marcus, all these 0:12:56.120 --> 0:13:00.320 online credit sorry online savings accounts over the last several 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:02.960 months have been inching their rates up. It feels like 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:05.040 once a month or something, just you'll get a little 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.720 bit of a bump up. And that's also because the 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:10.600 federal funds rate is getting higher, so they have their 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:14.640 sort of passing on that higher rate return to customers, 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.520 which is a plus side. So there's like pros and 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:19.280 cons to it, but it's just something to think about, 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:23.439 especially if you're you know, you're thinking about getting a mortgage, 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:25.720 if you're ready to get a home and you're looking 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:27.880 for a mortgage, you know, it's just a little bit 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:31.720 more of a reason to to to maybe to start 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:34.200 comparing rates now before they go up even higher, because 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:36.200 that is certainly where they are headed. 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:42.360 I'm just, yeah, they are Hey, I think that. Sometimes 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:45.680 I'm like, oh, like, just how do people have? Like 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:48.080 how does somebody get ahead? I just know so many 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:51.760 people who are struggling financially. It's almost like you know 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:55.080 that person that's like, but I am exercising and I 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.840 am eating better and I'm not losing weight, you know, 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:00.920 And I feel like that would find nasus zero Pepe. 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:02.760 There's so many people who I know they're like, but 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:04.319 I do work, and I don't have cable, and I 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:06.480 don't get my hair and I don't go out, and 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:09.719 I say, you know, and it's like, but I'm still struggling. 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:15.120 And it's hard because it's true that you can do 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:17.079 all the right things and still have a hard time. 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:21.280 You know, absolutely, there's so many things that are there's 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:23.680 so many circumstances in your life that aren't necessarily in 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:27.400 your control that will that will you know that will 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:31.320 and manifest themselves themselves in your life later as an adult, 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:33.240 when you're earning things that you do, like where you live, 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:36.880 who your parents are, what their socioeconomic status was, man, 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:40.080 there was this there was this really amazing, amazing slash 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:42.800 sad New York Times infographic. 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:44.440 I think it was up last week. 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.840 And you can see you can see basically was it 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.920 was a It was a comparison of African American men 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:55.360 and women, but mostly specifically men who grew up in 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:58.200 a higher income household versus white men who grew up 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:01.320 in a higher income household. And you saw the infographic, 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:04.480 the dots representing both black and white men in higher 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:07.680 income households. You saw them move across the screen, and 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:10.400 then you saw the black men dropping down, because that's 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:12.640 the trend, like, even if black men are born into 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:16.360 a higher income household, they're more likely to drop off 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:19.200 until lower, like more likely to become poor later in life. 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:24.360 And women there was no women, sorry, African American women 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.480 versus versus white women in higher income households or wasn't 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:28.560 much You didn't. 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:29.720 See that major drop off? 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:32.520 Yeah, just I mean, it's just one more reminder that, 0:15:32.920 --> 0:15:34.520 you know, it's hard to put your finger on what 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:37.440 it is, but to me, that's just more proof that 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.440 to be an African American men in this country, you're 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.000 just born with a disadvantage. 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:42.360 It is. 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:47.080 It's sad and true, but you can't look at someone 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.800 and just say, oh, you know, you can't look at 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:51.640 someone who's struggling and just be like, oh, you must 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.440 have done something wrong. You know, it's your fault. Yep, 0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:57.160 you need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Yeah, 0:15:57.680 --> 0:15:59.760 in some cases that's true. But in a lot of cases, 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.200 you know, it's just not sorry for being brown, like 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:05.200 sorry for being black, sorry for being a man in 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:05.760 this country. 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:08.560 Really, what I remember, it was never more poignant to 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:11.200 me than when I started teaching in Newark, because I 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:12.840 mean all my life i'd gone so like, you know, 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.000 for the most part, I mean when we were really little, 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:19.360 you know, we were probably like poverty level, but you know, 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:22.480 I would say lower middle class and then middle class 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:26.800 eventually and so and you know, I didn't realize just 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:32.800 how how little resources other communities had until like I 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:36.040 went from Westfield and that's where I mostly grew up, 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:38.440 and I started teaching in Newark, and I was just like, wait, 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:41.800 like the three and four year olds, I remember being like, 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:47.000 how do you function in this dysfunction? Like just walking 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:50.920 down the street was like, I mean I would walk 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:53.800 down the street and like my uniform was a nursing uniform, 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:56.760 like where you had to wear scrubs because you're playing preschoolers. 0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:58.200 They wanted to do not to worry about your clothes. 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:00.320 So I'd walked down the street like during my lunch 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.480 break in my scrubs, and men would proposition me and 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:07.479 assume I was a prostitute in my scrubs and I'm like, 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.320 wait what because where I work was the area was 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:16.680 really just not a good area and just hearing gunshots 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:18.879 and having to run inside with the kids. And I 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:21.440 remember us playing at the park and one little boy said, 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:25.280 miss Tiffany, Miss Tiffany, I got poked. And I was like, oh, oh, 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:27.479 that's okay, you want to catchen boo boo. He said no, no, 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:30.200 I got poked by a needle. And I looked at him, 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:32.480 like wait. My heart started racing. I'm like, well, maybe 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:34.639 he doesn't know, maybe it's a stick. And then I 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:38.600 remember his mom worked at the clinic, and like he 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:39.960 just might know what it I need to look like. 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:42.480 And so he pulled me over and I looked at 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:46.439 his little finger and the little spot of blood that 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:48.439 came up was like a perfect circle that wasn't a 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:50.679 scrape or a scratch, and sure enough he showed me 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:52.920 that there's this needle on the ground, that this is 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:55.520 where at night at the park, this is where folks 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:57.720 shot up and someone had left their needle and this 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:01.320 little boy got poked. I I wanted to like, I 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:04.000 didn't even know what to do. We raced him back 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:06.440 to the school, called his mother, called the emergency. I 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:08.000 didn't know what to do, so for like, I don't 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:10.960 I mean, I don't know. I you know, he got 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:12.879 tested right away, but he has to get tested for 0:18:12.920 --> 0:18:14.840 the next or he had to get tested for the 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:16.880 next couple of years out of his life. But can 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:19.159 you imagine, like you can't tell me that that's a 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:23.560 fair start, you know, And so it's just it was 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:25.800 too much. After ten years, I was like, okay, I 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:28.320 can't do this, you know. It was like a total 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:30.280 on my spirit. But I had a choice not to 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:32.920 be there anymore. And a lot of these kids don't 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:35.000 have these choices not to be there. A lot of 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:36.760 their parents don't have the choice not to be there. 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:41.119