WEBVTT - Selects: Is birth order important? 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:05.720 Hey, everybody, Chuck here with this week Saturday Select. That's 0:00:05.760 --> 0:00:10.880 when Josh and I curate specially selected episodes to rerun 0:00:10.960 --> 0:00:13.039 that may be a few years old. They may be 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.560 oh heck, they may be ten years old, maybe even older. 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:18.520 You never know, because a lot of people don't know 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:20.600 these episodes even exist. So that's why we do this. 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:24.319 So anyway, this one's on birth order. It's called is 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:28.400 Birth Order Important? I believe this was originally a Chuck 0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:31.000 idea to begin with. This is from April twenty three, 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:35.360 twenty nineteen, and I am just pretty obsessed with birth order, 0:00:35.479 --> 0:00:37.000 and so that's why I picked it to begin with, 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:39.240 and that's why I'm picking it again right now. 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:52.720 Welcome to Stuff You Should Know, a production of iHeartRadio. 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:56.200 Hey, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Josh Clark. There's 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:59.600 Charles Aby, Chuck Bryant, there's Jerry over there, and this 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:04.200 is Stuff If you Should Know. Jerry cast Jerry, were 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:09.840 you a uh what was your birth order? Oh, Jerry's 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:13.119 a middle child two of two or two of more. 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:14.559 So you're the baby. 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:15.920 You don't know this? 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:18.400 No? Did you? Sure? 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:21.560 No? I've know Jerry for like thirteen years. Hey, So 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:24.680 have I, Well, not that long twelve years, so have I? 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:25.720 No no comment? 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:29.200 What am I? 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:32.680 I don't know? That's right, I know what I'm the baby, 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:33.080 you know that. 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:35.360 Yeah, I didn't ask what you were. I know you 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:36.679 know what you are? What am I? 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:41.480 This isn't quiz not You're not gonna just yeah, yeah, 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:43.520 I wasn't calling you out. Oh well I was calling 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:45.440 you out. You were in a humorous way, and I 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:48.880 called you out. It's hard not to look at this 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.360 stuff through your own lens though, of your own family. 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:54.040 You know, are you changing the subject? 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:56.800 Well, no, I'm getting on with it. Oh okay, because 0:01:56.840 --> 0:01:59.880 as the youngest of three and all of us have 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.320 three distinct personalities, it's hard not to kind of like 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:05.760 think about birth order right and if that's a thing right, 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:08.600 And it may be and it may not be. Yeah, 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:11.680 depends on which scientist you're asking. 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:16.160 I tend to think like, there's just no way it 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:17.520 doesn't have any effect. 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:20.200 Now there, I think it definitely has an effect. But 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:23.400 as we will see, it is one part of a 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:24.760 huge pie. 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:25.880 Yes, that. 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:31.359 Indicates what kind of person and personality you might have. Well. 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:37.079 Plus also it's devilishly tricky to analyze to study because 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.800 of how big that pie is. Yeah, there's so much 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:44.119 going on with your personality that to just pinpoint one thing, 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:46.840 even a big thing like that where you're born in 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:50.880 a family, but it's just tough to pin down. So 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:55.519 you're the youngest, right, good guess, Yes, I am. I 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:58.959 knew you were the youngest. I'm like, I wear that 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:00.480 on my sleeve. 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:02.079 I feel like I kind of do too. 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.120 Mmy, I guess in some ways, but like I was 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:09.560 reading this checklist for the youngest. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:11.560 I guess. So let's let's let's do it. 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.520 Should we go over that that stuff first? 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:14.880 Yeah? Totally all right. 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:18.760 So this is like the sort of macro view of 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:24.359 how a lot of people think of birth order pop psychology. 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:28.240 Yeah, so if you were born into a family, there's 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:31.600 basically four ways that you can be born in some 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:34.880 sort of order. You can be the first born, you 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:39.160 can be a middle child, or you can be the 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:43.400 last born. And then if you're a real outlier, Okay, 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.640 you're right, so there's five or triplet. Oh god, yeah, 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:50.400 get me started. Let's just say a multi okay, a multi, 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:54.560 or you can be an only child too, sure, and 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:58.760 all of them have distinct personalities, again according to pop psychology, 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.280 but also according to every person who's ever been born 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:06.240 into a family, especially and so with the firstborn. The 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:10.800 whole theory of basically birth order, where you're born into 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:13.680 the family unit that you're born into, and what effect 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:17.040 that has on your personality and how it develops, It 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:20.360 all seems to come down to this idea that you 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.960 are born into a family where there is a finite 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:28.120 resource called parental attention, and then that is a pie 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:32.120 that gets increasingly divided up into smaller and smaller pieces 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:34.920 the more and more children that are born, because your 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:38.880 parents can't possibly give five kids the same amount of 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:41.919 attention that they could give an only child. It's just 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:45.400 not possible. And so what dynamics are created in the 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:48.600 personality of the kids born into that family depending on 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.479 how many others are born and depending on where they 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:54.719 fall in that birth order. That's kind of the premise 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:56.960 of the whole thing. And over time people have said, well, 0:04:57.000 --> 0:04:58.719 this is what the firstborn's like, this is what the 0:04:58.720 --> 0:04:59.840 middles like, this is what. 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:02.400 The yeah, and there were I mean a lot of 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:05.880 this are these are generalizations, but they are generalizations. Like 0:05:05.920 --> 0:05:07.880 you said, that kind of everyone who's ever been in 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:10.840 a family can kind of say, yeah, that's kind of true, right. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:15.560 You know, when you have an only or your first kid, 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:19.760 they this article references as that first sort of experiment. 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:23.760 You don't know what you're doing yet You're probably going 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:26.640 all in, depending on how lazy you are, how motivated 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.679 you are as a parent with this, you know, being 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:33.839 a super parent. And then if supposedly as you have 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:38.040 more children you get it's not only as your attention divided, 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:41.240 I think, but there's the notion that you also are like, 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:44.360 you know, I probably don't need to be as crazy 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:48.000 with number two and number three, leave them to their 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:51.320 own devices as a third kid. I'm not going to 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:55.360 get into too many depressing details of my family growing up, 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:59.120 but like by the time I was ten and eleven, 0:06:00.839 --> 0:06:04.760 my parents had other things going on. Yeah, and I 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:05.760 wasn't fair with. 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:08.960 Other kids on the side. 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:12.200 Not exactly. I wasn't fair old by any means, but 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:15.400 I was. I did not have rules imposed on me 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:17.360 like my brother and sister did. I did not have. 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:20.440 I was allowed to go to Panama City for spring 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:23.240 break and they weren't. I was allowed to kind of 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:26.120 do my own thing, and I was trustworthy, so that 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:27.839 probably had a lot to do with it. Yeah, if 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:29.200 I would have been a real problem, they might have 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:31.000 clamped down a little more, or maybe not. 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:33.760 And they probably wouldn't have necessarily clamped down like we 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:36.400 need to give Chuck way more attention and guidance than 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:38.839 we have been. They would have probably been. 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:39.800 Like crime and punishment. 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:41.880 They would have been like we're sending Chuck to rehab 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:43.840 or whatever, you know what I mean, Let rehab take 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:46.599 care of her, reform school or something like that. Because 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:49.440 once you get X number of kids in, you're just 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:53.560 so tired. Yeah, so tired. And you're older too. Sure, 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.800 like when you're chasing a little kid around in like 0:06:56.880 --> 0:07:00.000 your forties or fifties, that's different than when you're chasing 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:01.679 a little kid around in your mid twenties. 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:04.640 I can't imagine a world of difference. 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:08.600 You know. So there's there's there's a lot of resources, 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:12.040 not just you know, parents' attention, but also their time, 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:16.360 intellectual attention that they'll give a kid, like and say 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:18.640 like hanging out, teaching the kid to read that kind 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:23.440 of stuff, and just attention in general, and also financial resources, 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:27.440 the family's resources in general, are a pie that must 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:28.520 be divided among. 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:34.240 All the financial, emotional, all that stuff instructive. So generally speaking, firstborn's, 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:39.000 people say, tend to be very conscientious and structured and 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:42.680 reliable and achieve high achievers. 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:48.200 Yeah, because their parents are focusing like a laser on them. 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:51.440 They know everything that kids got going on, maybe a 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:55.040 little too much, and the kid is responding to this 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:59.240 by basically becoming a perfectionist and really wanting to be 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:01.960 around their parents and. 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:03.640 Their parents' friends. 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:07.160 More mature, very much mature, because they're all of the 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:09.000 people are most of the people are hanging out with 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:10.520 are adults. 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:11.040 Yep. 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:15.360 Okay, so that's a firstborn typically, right, everybody knows it. 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:16.560 Don't try to deny it. 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:22.280 Middles in general are people pleasing, which is so my brother. 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:25.960 That's weird to me because when I think of middle children, 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:28.080 I think of jam Brady and Jan Brady was not 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:31.280 a people pleaser. She was just you know, a lump, 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:33.600 like a lump with a cloud over head. 0:08:34.200 --> 0:08:34.720 Poor Jan. 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.840 But that's true, Like I would not characterize jam Brady 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:41.600 as a people pleaser, would you know? Like she was 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.040 going to burn something down eventually. If the Brady bunch 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:45.520 had stayed on the air long enough. 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:48.400 Was also a blended family. So what was uh yeah, 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:52.000 who was the It was Bobby and then Peter was from. 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:54.520 The lateral, I guess you'd call it was he was 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:59.840 he a people pleaser or just Jan more than Jan. 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:03.600 But blended families do confound things. We'll get into that 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:04.200 yet for. 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:08.720 Sure, but people pleasing, somewhat rebellious, which is not my 0:09:08.800 --> 0:09:12.480 brother at all, large social circle, not really my brother, 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:16.040 and a peacemaker, totally my brother. He's the best, He's 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:21.880 the best. And then the youngings, youngies young'in's like us, 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:31.200 most free spirited, fun loving, uncomplicated, manipulative. I've been called 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:35.160 some of these things severing degrees, self centered, attention seeking and. 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:37.520 Outgoing check and check. 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.080 But combined you and I and we're sort of like 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:43.160 the proto youngest uncomplicated. 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:47.199 Though I'm like, I don't get that. I'm exquisitely complicated. 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:49.520 I'm on the surface you wouldn't think it, but I'm 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.480 pretty complicated, sure, as we all know in this room. 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:57.320 But that's the only one that I'm like that I question. Yeah, 0:09:57.400 --> 0:09:59.040 all the rest of them are like, yeah, that makes sense. 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:01.640 It's like the Chinese zodiac. You look at that menu 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:03.520 and you're like total dog. 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:06.800 Yes, and movie guy pant sounds great right now? 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:12.400 Only no siblings. You are what they call almost like 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.080 a super firstborn. 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:15.360 So sounds scary. 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:20.920 All the traits of a firstborn on steroids, very much perfectionists, 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:26.640 very much more mature for your age, conscientious, diligent, prone. 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:28.719 To be leader, can leap over tall buildings. 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:32.920 And then this is where it gets interesting, and this 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:33.960 sort of starts. 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:36.760 To finally, everybody, this is where it starts to get interested. 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:38.280 Well, this is where it gets in a little bit, 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:41.800 like how complicated it can get because there's so many 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:47.040 factors at play, Like what if you're in a blended family, 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:50.800 because that kind of throws it all out of whack. Yeah, dude, can. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:55.640 If you're born a firstborn and you your parents, your 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:57.920 parents get divorce and you go with your mom who 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:00.000 gets remarried to a dude who has. 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:03.719 Brady Yes to a smashing cool architect. 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:07.720 For sure, and he has a kid that's a little 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:11.600 older than you, Greg, Greg's the firstborn. You're not the 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:14.200 firstborn anymore. The best you can hope for is to 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.000 form some sort of confederacy or alliance with Greg to 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.760 rule the rest of the siblings. But you're not the 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:23.200 head honcho anymore. You're not in charge. That's a big deal. 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:27.000 I can't imagine many more traumatic experiences, especially when that 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.640 follows closely on the heels of your parents divorce or 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:33.120 the death of like your other parent. That's got to 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.160 be one of the most traumatic things a kid can 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:39.800 go through is to lose their identified perch in the 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:40.680 family order. 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:44.079 Yeah, and that's we were talking about, like the firstborn, 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:46.079 like the baby of the family. If all of a 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:49.960 sudden there's a younger, no good, no, Like I remember 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:53.760 my parents for some reason talking about adopting a kid. 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:56.280 I can't remember how old I was. I must have 0:11:56.360 --> 0:12:01.000 been about seven, and I remember breaking down and crying 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:04.199 and just being like, you can't do this, you cannot 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:07.880 bring it someone younger and cuter right than me. And 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:12.600 that happens blended family. All of a sudden, you have 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:16.600 be a younger or god forbid, a baby. Just forget 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:16.920 about it. 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:17.880 I can't compete with that. 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:19.240 You gotta kill that baby. 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:23.800 Well, that's what happened too. When Brady Bunch started to 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:27.600 lose ratings. Apparently your family was losing ratings. So they 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:30.280 brought in cousin Oliver a new baby, and I don't 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:32.200 think Bobby was very happy about that either. 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:34.400 No, but just think about jan it all makes a 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:36.640 little bit more sense. Like she was like, I'm the 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:38.640 middle child, and then they brought in three more and 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:39.880 she was like, I'm even more. 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:43.360 Middle Yeah, you're deluded. The middle child is deluded. And 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:45.880 if you have multiple middle children, forget about it. 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:49.199 That's right. However, here's the thing with blended families. They 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:51.760 say by about the age of five that a lot 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:54.640 of your personality is set. So if you're older than 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:57.280 five and all of a sudden your family is blended, 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:00.600 they say, it may not make that much of a difference. 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.520 No, no, No, that's where it's trouble. If you're younger than 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:07.400 five and you your personality is a little more plastic. 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:10.240 If you were born a baby of the family and 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:12.640 suddenly you're a first born or you're not there, or 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.240 you're a middle kid, yeah, you'll adapt to that a 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:17.400 lot better than you would if you're like older and 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:19.760 you're you're more solid in your birth order. 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:23.040 Yeah. I didn't mean not trouble. What I meant was like, 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:28.840 if you're like twelve years old and the family blending happens, 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:32.720 it's trouble, but it's not like your personality is like 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:37.080 all of a sudden, I'm the youngest or you know 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:38.800 what I mean, Like, you don't all of a sudden 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:42.600 swap to a different birth order personality, I don't think. 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:44.360 Right, But if you're younger and it happens, you. 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:47.680 Do right under the age of five, which. 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:49.160 Goes to show that if this is a thing, and 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:51.680 we'll talk about whether it is or not soon. Yeah, 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:55.760 it has nothing to do with biology, has everything to 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:59.360 do with with nurture, not nature, because a kid can 0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:02.520 adapt depending on when this happens, they can adapt to 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:05.679 a change in birth order if they're young enough. Yeah, 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:07.920 that means it has nothing to do with biology. It's 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:11.960 all the environment you're raised in, which is the most 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:14.599 boneheadedly obvious thing on the planet. 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:17.199 And then before we take a break, there are also 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.920 gap children. Supposedly, if there's at least a five year 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:23.480 gap between births, then it just sort of resets. 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:25.560 That was like me and my oldest sister. She was 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:28.960 thirteen years older than me, right, she was just like 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:33.040 this older, cool person, but not like an old, older sister, 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:36.640 not at all overbearing, like really like for me, I 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:39.560 guess a little bit, yeah, or like a second mom 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:41.480 kind of to an extent. 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:43.640 Because that does happen too if there's a big gap 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:46.520 or a big family. Like I dated a girl in 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:48.400 New Jersey that had that was like six or seven 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:52.280 of them, and by the time she came around, she 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:55.280 was kind of fully being raised by her siblings. 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:58.680 Right, right, So what happens when there's enough of a gap, 0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:01.920 a new family birth order forms. So like if you 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:05.640 have an oldest and then there's multiple years, like say 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:08.800 ten years between your oldest and your middle and then 0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:11.960 two years between your middle and your baby, the middle 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:14.440 and the baby are going to form a firstborn and 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:16.800 a last born type relationship. 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:18.760 Yeah, and the last born is always going to be 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:21.920 the last born, yes, regardless of gap. 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.080 But then twins, like you were saying, is one last 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:31.480 confounding thing. They twins or triplets multiples as you call them. Yeah, 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:35.360 I think so. They form their own family unit within 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:39.040 the family two with each other. And apparently no matter 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:42.400 where they're born, twins never act like middle kids. They 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:45.280 always act like the firstborn or the baby, but to 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:46.240 one another. 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:49.240 Right, and I think they generally come together to kill 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:50.200 the parents. 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:52.920 Basically, right, they hold hands, it's like an elevator of 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:54.320 blood washes around them. 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:59.800 And then finally, with adoption, they say that depending on 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:02.840 when your child has adopted, the same kind of scenario 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:06.720 scenario happens as in like with gapped and blended. 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:10.240 Families, Whereas, if the kid's young enough, he or she 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:14.920 will tailor their their their birth ordered to the family 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:18.480 that they're adopted into. But if they're older, there'll be trouble. 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:20.520 All right, that's a good overview, I think. 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.840 I think it was a great overview, Chuck. We're glowing 0:16:23.880 --> 0:16:24.240 from it. 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:29.760 We're gonna you do have that overview, glow. We're gonna 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:33.760 take a break, and we're gonna talk about science right after. 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:56.520 This, all right, Chuck, as promised, we're going to talk 0:16:56.520 --> 0:17:00.240 about science, because, like I said, this is so owe 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:02.480 headed and obvious that every single person who's ever been 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:07.159 born into a family, everybody knows the stuff. But as 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:11.080 far as science is concerned, this is not proven that 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:15.359 birth order effects as they're called, actually exist. That science 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:19.800 is saying, hold your cell, your role, everybody. We can't 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:24.600 actually prove that what everybody knows is actually true. Some 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:27.320 studies show that, yes, there is such a thing as 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:30.399 birth order effects. Other studies show that there is no 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:34.640 birth order effect whatsoever. And then some studies suggest that 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:38.600 if there are birth order effects, they're so small that 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:41.200 they are basically a blip on your personality. That all 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:44.760 the other factors that form your personality, things like the 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:49.280 socioeconomic status of the family you're born into, your racial background, 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:54.760 your gender, all the other stuff that is what really 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:58.920 forms your personality, not the order you're born into your family. 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:01.680 That's kind of science's position right now. 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:04.679 Yeah, But what they all agree on is that it 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:05.520 is therapy. 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:10.320 Cash cow right, that, yes, it's a good it's a 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:13.200 useful framework to approach psychotherapy from it. 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:16.879 They all want to talk about it at high hourly rates. 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:19.439 See. To me, I'm like, this is sure, this is 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.639 exactly what forms your personality. But I get science's position. 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:23.359 I respect it. 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:25.800 So if we go back in time to the early 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:29.439 nineteen hundreds, it was a man named Alfred Adler. He 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:32.080 was a part of a He was a contemporary of Freud, 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:34.480 and this is when all these dudes were getting together 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:38.000 to talk about all this stuff. In this burgeoning science, 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:40.600 and they all thought they were so cool and important, 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:47.240 And he was one of the only ones among his 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:50.320 peers though at the time, that was talking about birth 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:53.840 order that early. And he went on to form what 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:59.680 we know is Atlarian psychology or individual psychology, and it's 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:04.520 based therapy based on how you perceive your own level 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:08.760 of power in your family, at your workplace. 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:12.320 In the world at large in general, like your perceived power, 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:14.080 place of position, or status. 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:17.920 Right. Yeah, And if he believed in birth order having 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:21.120 a significant influence on your personality, then that in turn 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.920 would influence how powerful you may or may not feel. 0:19:24.000 --> 0:19:27.320 Yeah, Because the Adler, if how you perceived your own 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:29.720 power not necessarily how powerful you were, but your own 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:34.200 perception of power was the driving force of like how 0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:38.440 you interacted with the world your personality, birth order would 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:41.879 make total sense because birth order, as everybody knows, is 0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:47.080 nothing but positions of superiority or inferiority. Yeah, And it's 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:49.600 as simple as that. Because when you're born and you're 0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:51.679 a little kid, and you're born into a family with 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:54.680 an older sibling, they are a couple of steps ahead 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:56.560 of you because they've already been through a bunch of 0:19:56.560 --> 0:19:59.639 stuff Yeah, so they're inherently superior to you. They can 0:19:59.680 --> 0:20:02.159 also beat you up on a very basic level. They 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:04.119 can twist your arm behind your back until it feels 0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:06.080 like it's going to break. And Maria, how many times 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:10.679 you say uncle, uncle? Uncle? They won't stop until they're satisfied. 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:13.560 Or protect you, like my big brother did. That's great 0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:16.600 from his friends that were jerks to me. Right, he 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:17.520 wouldn't stand for it. 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:18.720 No, a couple of. 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:20.720 We went at it too, you know, we were brothers. 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:24.400 But sure he never picked on me. No, you know why, 0:20:25.080 --> 0:20:27.000 because you chuck and he's Scott. 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:27.480 Right. 0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:30.840 In the eighties is when, I mean, there were always 0:20:30.880 --> 0:20:33.879 studies starting since Adler and freud'stein, but in the nineteen 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:37.840 eighties is when it really blew up thanks to the 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:43.360 Big Five in cocaine, the Big Five personality trait view 0:20:43.400 --> 0:20:47.040 of things, and that's when things in the eighties, that's 0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:49.439 when everybody was just like eating the stuff up. 0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:53.080 Yeah, because so the Big Five personality inventory is we've 0:20:53.080 --> 0:20:57.399 talked about it before, but basically it is a self 0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:01.080 reported measure that is actually valid. It actually works, like 0:21:01.160 --> 0:21:04.639 you can say this person is highly neurotic, or this 0:21:04.720 --> 0:21:09.120 person is extroverted or well three others that I can't 0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:11.400 bring to mind right now. But these things are also 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:14.200 kind of broken into subcategories, like these are big umbrella 0:21:14.320 --> 0:21:19.040 terms have more specific subcategories. But it's actually valid, Like 0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:21.879 somebody who fills this survey out, it's going to be 0:21:21.920 --> 0:21:24.840 an accurate assessment of their personality. So if you have 0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:29.120 somebody's personality, that's huge, Right, you can say, all right, 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:32.560 if this person's neurotic, they're highly neurotic. Let's see what 0:21:32.600 --> 0:21:34.920 birth order they are. Oh, they're a middle child. Let's 0:21:34.960 --> 0:21:37.240