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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Angie, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors to keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My husband repeatedly broke my boundaries then ask me to

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Speaker 3: sympathize with them.

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Speaker 4: Don't sympathize with him.

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Speaker 3: I'm currently pregnant with my second child. I found out

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Speaker 3: three days before Christmas and told my husband the following day.

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Speaker 3: He was pleased, myself excited, but more than a little nervous,

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Speaker 3: a big mixed bag of feelings. By the way, this

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Speaker 3: comes from Okay Establishment seventy three fifty eight, and if

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Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 3: r slash Okay Storytime subured it.

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Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we are here to give good.

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Speaker 3: Advice googly, but we don't have all the answers. We

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Speaker 3: only know what we do, so let us know what

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Speaker 3: you would do in the comments and OHP says. For

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Speaker 3: this and other reasons, I asked my husband if we

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Speaker 3: could keep the news between us for a while and

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Speaker 3: let me process and adjust to this new reality before

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Speaker 3: sharing with our friends and family. His response, I'm so excited.

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Speaker 3: Can I just tell work friends?

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Speaker 4: What didn't you get? What didn't you get from? Don't

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Speaker 4: tell anyone knew?

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Speaker 3: I repeated that I would prefer to keep it between

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Speaker 3: us for now and at least to get through the

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Speaker 3: holidays without all the focus on us if you were.

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Speaker 3: Then ten minutes later, he says work phone is super

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Speaker 3: happy for us, and I told other friends. She says, congrats.

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Speaker 4: So you tell two people now, that's crazy. You know

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Speaker 4: what's going to happen. It's good tell other people too.

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Speaker 3: I let him know I was disappointed, and I thought

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Speaker 3: his behavior was super disrespectful and crappy. But whatever, it's

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Speaker 3: out of my hands now. He assured me that he

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Speaker 3: wasn't going to tell anyone else. Fast forward through the

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Speaker 3: weeks falling Christmas, during which he pestered and pressured me

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Speaker 3: to tell his family members before I was ready. Again,

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Speaker 3: we had his parents casually over for coffee one night,

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Speaker 3: and he let it slip without my consent because he's

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Speaker 3: just so excited.

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Speaker 4: He didn't just let it slip.

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Speaker 3: I meant to do that. Yeah, repeat this process with

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Speaker 3: a few other friends and family members. For whatever reason,

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Speaker 3: he hasn't yet let it slip to his paternal grandparents.

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Speaker 3: Because of this, his dad has been pressuring him to

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Speaker 3: call them today. His dad gave him an ultimatum he

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Speaker 3: would say something before the end of the day if

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Speaker 3: my husband didn't.

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Speaker 4: Why no, wait, why no grandparents right now?

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Speaker 3: Literally no. Husband comes home in a super disagreeable mood

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Speaker 3: and proceeds to vent to me about his dad's total

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Speaker 3: lack of consideration and how angry is over this ultimatum.

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Speaker 3: I calmly listen to him and I agree. It's not

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Speaker 3: a nice thing to do.

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Speaker 5: It's not his.

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Speaker 3: Dad's news to share. It isn't considerate. But this is

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Speaker 3: where maybe I'm the a hole. I love you, but

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Speaker 3: does this maybe give you some context for how it

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Speaker 3: felt when you did the same thing to me. He

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Speaker 3: then gets even angrier and tells me that it's not

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Speaker 3: the same situation at all, criticizes me for making it

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Speaker 3: about myself, says I have a victim mindset.

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Speaker 6: He just needs support from me and not.

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Speaker 4: Whatever this is soone's a little baby be I know

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Speaker 4: it's the holidays.

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Speaker 3: He can't keep a secret.

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Speaker 4: He sounds like a little kid for like open person?

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Speaker 4: Now can a person? Now?

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Speaker 5: Can I do it?

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Speaker 4: Can I do it? I do? It was an accident,

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Speaker 4: I accident some of it, So I guess I just.

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Speaker 3: Have your You know what would have prevented your dad

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Speaker 3: from giving you an ultimatum about telling your grandparents.

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Speaker 4: Not telling it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, pretty simple.

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Speaker 3: I then also blew up at him defending myself, and

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Speaker 3: we've hardly spoken for the rest of the night. I

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Speaker 3: can't wrap my head around him wanting sympathy from me

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Speaker 3: after repeatedly hurting me with almost the same behavior. But

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Speaker 3: is it not the same situation? Is he right? Should

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Speaker 3: I have put my own resentment aside to help him

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Speaker 3: feel better? Did I selfishly make it about me? Maybe

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Speaker 3: he would have made the connection without me pointing it out,

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Speaker 3: Or maybe he would have been more receptive if I

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Speaker 3: just gave him a hug and let him calm down

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Speaker 3: for a while.

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Speaker 6: I don't think so. I'm still livid.

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Speaker 3: Well, please tell me what you think outside observer and

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Speaker 3: there are some comments, but do you have any comments

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Speaker 3: of your own?

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Speaker 7: My?

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Speaker 4: My, my? How the tables have turned?

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Speaker 3: Oh? The tables of tables?

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Speaker 5: Literally?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? Does it suck? He caused this and you told

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Speaker 4: him to wait?

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Speaker 3: It is all your fault. Dude, everything that you caused.

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Speaker 4: I mean the fact that you told him blatantly, hey,

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Speaker 4: don't tell anybody. He's like, can I just tell my

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Speaker 4: work friends? And you said no, And he told his

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Speaker 4: work friends and he's like, oh, that's the last people

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Speaker 4: I'll tell. Yes, I get it. He's very excited.

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Speaker 3: Sure, but if your partner says, hey, give me like

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Speaker 3: a little bit of time. Time, And also just generally

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Speaker 3: it is more common for people to wait to tell

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Speaker 3: people because of complications.

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Speaker 4: Wait a little bit. What's wrong with waiting just a

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Speaker 4: tiny bit? I get it. Everyone's really excited. Yeah, I

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Speaker 4: guarante you. Op was super excited and want to tell everybody,

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Speaker 4: but they were just like, can we just let things

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Speaker 4: pass first and then, you know, ease into it.

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Speaker 3: Come on, man, comments comment one, not the a hole.

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Speaker 3: Your husband is a hypocrite. Get the exact same thing

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Speaker 3: to you, and now he's shocked when his dad does

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Speaker 3: it to him. He needs to learn to respect your boundaries,

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Speaker 3: just like you had to learn to respect his. You're

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Speaker 3: not being selfish or allowed to be Upset replies, says,

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Speaker 3: interesting that his dad is treating him the same way

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Speaker 3: he is treating her.

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Speaker 4: Apple doesn't fall.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he learned it from somewhere. Common two says, and

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Speaker 3: this isn't even touching the surface of how twisted that

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Speaker 3: relationship must be with your in laws. Slash cannot imagine

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Speaker 3: someone threatening to share something so personal.

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Speaker 6: I would immediately.

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Speaker 3: Explain to the father in law that they will be

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Speaker 3: on an information diet. There is no trust anymore, and

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Speaker 3: boundaries are broken. The husband and the in law is

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Speaker 3: sound awful. Common three says, criticizes you for making your

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Speaker 3: pregnancy about yourself. Did I effing read that correctly?

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Speaker 6: Not the Ale?

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Speaker 3: And I seriously hope this is just a brain fart

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Speaker 3: on his part and not a part of a pattern

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Speaker 3: of how he treats you.

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Speaker 6: And your feelings.

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Speaker 3: That first part made me lol, says op also lolling,

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Speaker 3: because it totally is a pattern.

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Speaker 4: Ah, don't laugh at that pattern. Uh oh, that's a

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Speaker 4: really bad pattern.

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Speaker 3: Common Force is not the Ale. You are correct. He

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Speaker 3: is a man baby. You should be even more angry

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Speaker 3: than the initial betrayal because he clearly hates it being

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Speaker 3: done to him, but is fine with doing the same

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Speaker 3: thing to you. Reconsider marriage and pregnancy, Opie says, this

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Speaker 3: is the part that has my head spinning the most.

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Speaker 3: He cleterarally feels it's inappropriate behavior, but not when he

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Speaker 3: does it to me and then things, I'll actually feel

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Speaker 3: sorry for him. It's actually insane. It makes me worry

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Speaker 3: about his mental health that he doesn't see how bad

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Speaker 3: crap this logic is and mine. If I were my

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Speaker 3: friends seeking advice, I would be having some words with me. Update.

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Speaker 4: Yike, I'm worried. Yeah, I'm worried.

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Speaker 3: You're about to have a baby. Your husband has totally

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Speaker 3: ignored everything that you've asked of him.

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Speaker 4: And this is a common pattern.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and you've already said this is a pattern. I'm

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Speaker 3: not feeling too confident. But maybe maybe y'all can work

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Speaker 3: it out and he'll realize because his dad's treating him

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Speaker 3: like this that.

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Speaker 6: He was in a lie.

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Speaker 4: Do you think he'll understand that? Or he'll just still

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Speaker 4: be a man baby and like I didn't know, you're wrong,

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Speaker 4: He'll just like keep pointing the finger at ope.

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Speaker 6: I think he might still be a man baby.

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Speaker 4: And when we still haven't addressed a big elephant, Well,

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Speaker 4: there's two big elephants in the room.

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Speaker 5: Is that?

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Speaker 4: And then the other one is again the parent the

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Speaker 4: in laws? Yeah, threatening, threatening him threatening, I would not.

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Speaker 6: Want to tell them anything. Yeah, that was the behavior.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Update.

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Speaker 3: I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl in early August.

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Speaker 3: The birth, yeah, congratulations. The birth itself was mildly traumatic,

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Speaker 3: but that's a whole other story. She's the best baby ever,

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Speaker 3: tied of course with my first, who's equally awesome. So

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Speaker 3: many of you reached out with resources about self absorbed people,

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Speaker 3: and I was deep in denial that it could be

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Speaker 3: happening to me. Now that I've learned more about what

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Speaker 3: it looks and feels like, I'm not so sure anymore.

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Speaker 3: Our relationship is not happy, and parenting with this man

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Speaker 3: is exhausting. I'm doing what I can to preserve the

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Speaker 3: relationship and protect my kids, but I truly don't know

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Speaker 3: how this story ends. I see a therapist when I

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Speaker 3: can afford it, we go to couples counseling when it's

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Speaker 3: logistically possible, and I'm slowly working toward being self sufficient

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Speaker 3: in case it's not safe to stay. Anyone got leads

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Speaker 3: on online employment for sociology grads. I'm being intentionally vague

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Speaker 3: because I'm a real person going through this in real time,

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Speaker 3: doing my best for myself and my incredible children. Please

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Speaker 3: remember that I'm deeply grateful to everyone who helped me

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Speaker 3: realize that I'm allowed to ask for help. In some ways,

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Speaker 3: I'm doing better than ever. My confidence is slowly building

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Speaker 3: back up, for one thing, But honestly, life with this

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Speaker 3: man is miserable right now, at least I can laugh

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Speaker 3: about it kind of.

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Speaker 4: Oh man, that's.

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Speaker 3: A lot of people in the original comments condemned me

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Speaker 3: for having children with him.

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Speaker 4: How was she.

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Speaker 3: Supposed to know? Why are you attacking her? She didn't know.

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Speaker 4: I mean the pattern was before.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, but you don't really know how bad the

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Speaker 3: pattern is until he gets real bad.

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Speaker 6: And I'm assuming it wasn't that bad until now.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, probably, trust me.

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Speaker 3: I beat myself up for that almost every single day.

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Speaker 3: But at the same time, I don't know.

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Speaker 5: Maybe some of you haven't.

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Speaker 3: Had much personal experience with toxic people. Believe it or not,

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Speaker 3: I'm not just some bumbling idiot who decided to make

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Speaker 3: everyone's life miserable and let some guy walk all over me.

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Speaker 3: I met a man who, buy all appearances, was my

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Speaker 3: perfect match, and it really felt that way for years

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Speaker 3: and years into our relationship. Then things started to change.

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Speaker 3: I still love him very much. I think I was

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Speaker 3: overly permissive with them and brush things aside or ignored

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Speaker 3: early red flags because I have a high level of

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Speaker 3: understanding and optimism and I always want to see the

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Speaker 3: best in people, sometimes obviously to my detriment.

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Speaker 4: Dang, it seems like you're trying to do everything you

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Speaker 4: can to navigate this relationship with him as a partner

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Speaker 4: and as a father. Yeah, but I mean you're doing

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Speaker 4: couples counseling, you're doing therapy for yourself. I hope. Maybe

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Speaker 4: he's doing therapy for himself. I don't know, and things

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Speaker 4: are just not working. I don't know if that's really

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Speaker 4: the case, and you're just not happy. I was gonna say,

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Speaker 4: where's your family involved in this? Like maybe you can

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Speaker 4: stay with them, take some time apart to like really

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Speaker 4: just sometimes you just need to just get away from

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Speaker 4: each other before it just gets, you know, claustrophobic in

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Speaker 4: a sense.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: It sounds like it seems like you tried.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she's kind of done with him.

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Speaker 4: It seems like you're at your wits end, and yeah,

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Speaker 4: you've tried everything and nothing is working.

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Speaker 3: I guess that's just like he takes a lot of

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Speaker 3: an individual therapy op. He continues, he's still dealing with

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Speaker 3: the trauma of his own childhood, but I'm slowly learning

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Speaker 3: that it's.

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Speaker 6: Not my job to own that. But that's enough.

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Speaker 3: That's none of your business. What I'm trying to say

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Speaker 3: is that people and relationships are complex, and it would

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Speaker 3: all be a little easier if we looked out for

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Speaker 3: each other with love and support. Don't fall into the

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Speaker 3: typical black and white thinking. Touch grass, as they say

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Speaker 3: to everyone who reached out with kindness or empathy, thank you.

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Speaker 3: You want me to start to see myself and my

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Speaker 3: situation more clearly. I still have a long, hard road

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Speaker 3: to walk on, but it might have taken me years

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Speaker 3: to get to this point on my own. So I

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Speaker 3: truly appreciate you.

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Speaker 6: And that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 4: I suspected my wife of an affair, but I know

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Speaker 4: she can never do it.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what's true anymore.

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Speaker 4: We had a whirlwind romance in twenty nineteen and got

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Speaker 4: married in twenty twenty. She's thirty two and I'm thirty five.

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Speaker 4: She's the only woman I've been with. She's had a

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Speaker 4: few boyfriends and partners, during her school and college phase,

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Speaker 4: but I didn't really think anything of it. Our five

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Speaker 4: year anniversary is coming up this month, by the way,

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Speaker 4: This comes from user PhD Peep and if you wants

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Speaker 4: tomit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 4: storytime supper at it. I'm key On, I'm Sophia, and

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Speaker 4: we're here to give good advice Googly, but we don't

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Speaker 4: have all the answers. Unfortunately, we only know what we do,

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Speaker 4: so please let us know what you do in the comments.

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Speaker 4: As Opie says, our marriage has suffered from multiple issues.

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Speaker 4: I have a low libido. Her business failed, and she

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Speaker 4: refuses to find a job because working a nine to

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Speaker 4: five is beneath her and putting effort into the business

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Speaker 4: is difficult for her. We have temper issues from both sides.

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Speaker 4: I smoke. She constantly threatened divorce from the very beginnings

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Speaker 4: of our marriage. She has issues keeping the house and

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Speaker 4: kitchen clean. She's a total slob, to the point where

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Speaker 4: eating food from the kitchen without me cleaning it is

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Speaker 4: a legitimate health hazard. This made me feel like she

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Speaker 4: wasn't invested in the marriage. Back in May, we had

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Speaker 4: a particularly nasty fight that ended up with us not talking. Eventually,

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Speaker 4: I texted her to avoid another argument, explaining how she

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Speaker 4: refuses to understand my pain. Suddenly that flipped a switch

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Speaker 4: in her head. Literally the next morning, she wanted a divorce.

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Speaker 4: I thought, oh god, she's doing it again. Okay, man,

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00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,560
Speaker 4: she's upset. Calm her down, smooth things over. You're going

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Speaker 4: to compromise on your needs. Let her feel comforted and safe.

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Speaker 4: She'll calm down eventually and we can move past this.

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Speaker 3: This is not compromising if you just every time she

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Speaker 3: gets mad at you, go, well, I guess I'll.

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Speaker 4: Roll over the fact that you're just like all right,

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Speaker 4: I'll just roll with the one too's and just like

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Speaker 4: you know, give her what she wants and we'll just

296
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Speaker 4: circle this again.

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Speaker 3: Not compromise.

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Speaker 4: Nope, she was adamant. She put her foot down and

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Speaker 4: demanded a divorce. No discussions, no mediation, no visiting the

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Speaker 4: therapist who always supports her side. We still went to

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Speaker 4: therapy because she felt at ease. She demanded I give

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Speaker 4: her a divorce by mutual consent immediately, saying she wouldn't

303
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Speaker 4: ask for anything from me in return. I told her

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00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,520
Speaker 4: that wouldn't be possible. Immediately, she asked why, and I

305
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,240
Speaker 4: reminded her of a situation I'm currently going through. I

306
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,760
Speaker 4: won't reveal deep, but I am applying for something for

307
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,840
Speaker 4: career advancement that looks better if I'm married on paper. Oh,

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00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,720
Speaker 4: p oh pie, you just I'm sorry.

309
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Speaker 3: You just said for my career, we have to stay married.

310
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Speaker 5: Please please? I know, yeah, I know.

311
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,959
Speaker 3: Our marriage sucks, but like, just give me a minute

312
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:16,600
Speaker 3: and then you.

313
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Speaker 6: Can divorce me.

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Speaker 4: The fact that's what you're you were banking on this

315
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,760
Speaker 4: marriage was no, no, no, not for me, but for

316
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,800
Speaker 4: my job advanced mob. Yeah, this is not looking good.

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00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,200
Speaker 4: She then told me to leave the house and separate.

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Speaker 4: The house we live in is in her mother's We

319
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Speaker 4: moved to one of the floors to support my mother

320
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Speaker 4: in law since my father in law passed away during

321
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Speaker 4: the pandemic. At times when I wanted to leave, mother

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Speaker 4: in law would emotionally manipulate her into staying because she

323
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Speaker 4: is a helicopter parent who can't accept decisions others have made.

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Speaker 4: Prior to the separation, I had a few talks with

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00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:50,160
Speaker 4: her to understand her mentality behind the divorce. I mean,

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00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,679
Speaker 4: you listed so many.

327
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like we understand.

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00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,480
Speaker 4: I believe we could work through this and not throw

329
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:59,720
Speaker 4: away our marriage. She's spoke in vague sentiments. I've poured

330
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,000
Speaker 4: so much love and too you that I've lost myself now.

331
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,679
Speaker 4: I need to be selfish. I need to find myself.

332
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,520
Speaker 4: I need to discover myself. This is my journey of

333
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,800
Speaker 4: self healing. I can't be weighed down by the social

334
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,840
Speaker 4: contract of marriage, she said, without giving details of what

335
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,880
Speaker 4: exactly her issue with marriage was. I had never treated

336
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:19,960
Speaker 4: her badly, never restricted her. She had friends and access

337
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,440
Speaker 4: to her car. Eventually, she refused to give me anything

338
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,040
Speaker 4: beyond that. She proposed divorcing, staying apart for two to

339
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,760
Speaker 4: three years, and if progress was made, getting back together,

340
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,440
Speaker 4: not in her marriage, but with love or something and

341
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,920
Speaker 4: having a child together. What No, who is this woman?

342
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,680
Speaker 4: What is this relationship?

343
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,280
Speaker 3: This is so bizarre.

344
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,600
Speaker 4: I told her being married is important. If I want

345
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,920
Speaker 4: a child, I won't put a child through a life

346
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,640
Speaker 4: split between parents. Weekly. This went nowhere. I prepared for

347
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,440
Speaker 4: the separation. I asked for some time, and after searching

348
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,120
Speaker 4: and finding nothing, decided to move to my father's place

349
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,360
Speaker 4: across the city. The separation happened in early June. I

350
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,840
Speaker 4: took this as a life lesson and began working on myself.

351
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,920
Speaker 4: I went to therapy to work on my temper, started

352
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,280
Speaker 4: working out to improve my libido. I quit smoking and

353
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,760
Speaker 4: made affirmations. I provided regular updates to her about my progress,

354
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 4: but she remained adamant about divorce. She said she would

355
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,840
Speaker 4: help me with the application, but afterward she still wanted

356
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,640
Speaker 4: the divorce. She continued with the big sentiments about self

357
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,720
Speaker 4: healing and discovery. I had suspicions, but chose to believe

358
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:20,360
Speaker 4: in my wife.

359
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:24,160
Speaker 3: Well, thanks, wife, Why why are you choosing to believe

360
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:24,440
Speaker 3: in her?

361
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,560
Speaker 4: I think it's because this is Opie's.

362
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:32,120
Speaker 3: First That's so true. I forgot this is his first relationship.

363
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,360
Speaker 4: So he doesn't know how to handle things.

364
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,480
Speaker 3: Oh, this makes so much sense. Yes, this is first relationship.

365
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,080
Speaker 4: I think truly. Ope, from what I've been reading, it

366
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 4: could be a sense of codependency. Yeah, from both ends.

367
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,480
Speaker 3: But like I mean, this is your first love and

368
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:48,840
Speaker 3: you can't let her go.

369
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,400
Speaker 4: As she absolutely hates cheaters. We had to even confront

370
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,040
Speaker 4: in a distant acquaintance for stepping out on his marriage

371
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,200
Speaker 4: the previous year. Two weeks prior to this post, she

372
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,320
Speaker 4: asked me to watch the houses she wanted to visit

373
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:03,960
Speaker 4: a nearby city with a friend. Hmmmm, I agreed. I

374
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,800
Speaker 4: noticed the house was a mess as usual, and began

375
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,040
Speaker 4: cleaning the kitchen, the dining room, the hall, my old

376
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,520
Speaker 4: office room. In our bedroom, I noticed the side table

377
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,600
Speaker 4: darwers were messy, so I opened and sorted them. That's

378
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:22,640
Speaker 4: when I found two spicy rappers. Oh no, wait where

379
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,920
Speaker 4: they opened or were they?

380
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:24,320
Speaker 1: Yeah?

381
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,720
Speaker 3: Yeah? Were they were just in there?

382
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:26,160
Speaker 4: Yeah?

383
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,640
Speaker 3: Why would they put used ones in there?

384
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,520
Speaker 4: It's weird. Maybe she's trying to learn how to make

385
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:31,240
Speaker 4: balloon animals.

386
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,240
Speaker 6: Not a good sign.

387
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,000
Speaker 4: We don't use spicy Rappers. We've been trying for a

388
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,920
Speaker 4: child for the past year. Moreover, this brand is one

389
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,440
Speaker 4: I never buy. Alarm bells ring.

390
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's pretty suspicious.

391
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,160
Speaker 4: Rot row raggy. I messaged my younger brother, who lives

392
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,840
Speaker 4: halfway across the country, and we agreed there was no

393
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,520
Speaker 4: good explanation. She could pass it off as a friend

394
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,160
Speaker 4: dropped it, but I needed more evidence. Fast forward to yesterday.

395
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,120
Speaker 4: I visit her at a part time place she was

396
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,040
Speaker 4: subbing for her friend. She was going on a vacation

397
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,080
Speaker 4: with a friend, so I was set to pets at

398
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,360
Speaker 4: the cats. She asked me to fix one of her apps.

399
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,040
Speaker 4: I noticed the opportunity. I asked her to get me water,

400
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,680
Speaker 4: and while she stepped out, I opened her message app

401
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,119
Speaker 4: and found unfamiliar men's names.

402
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,240
Speaker 3: Okay, maybe she's got it.

403
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 6: I don't know. A plumber, a plumber.

404
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,119
Speaker 5: A pool guy, a pool you know, you don't know.

405
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,760
Speaker 4: Maybe he want Maybe it's a yoga instructor who's to say,

406
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,200
Speaker 4: let's talk to me. Maybe he's helping her stretch out.

407
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,399
Speaker 4: I sing her WhatsApp to my laptop browser and closed

408
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 4: it before she saw anything. Look at you, you're a

409
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 4: little hacker. You'll in the system. I quickly headed home

410
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 4: and opened my laptop.

411
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,119
Speaker 5: There it was.

412
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,359
Speaker 4: She's been using a thread for sleezbag subreddits, posting photos

413
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:44,320
Speaker 4: of her private areas and verifying herself.

414
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:49,920
Speaker 3: I'm sorry you're verifying yourself while posting that is very dangerous.

415
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,840
Speaker 4: She had at least four partners. She told them she

416
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:56,320
Speaker 4: divorced last December, called me in capable, impotent, and awful.

417
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,680
Speaker 4: For the record, I never let a finger on her.

418
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:03,560
Speaker 4: I recorded what I could using screencap software, dates, times, numbers, locations,

419
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 4: spicy hobbies, voice notes, plans and SDD tests. She gloated

420
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,320
Speaker 4: about posting her body on that said thread site and

421
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:14,639
Speaker 4: receiving hundreds of dms. The timeline confirmed it. The earliest

422
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 4: text was from June eighth, the day I left the house.

423
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 4: Prior to that, WhatsApp was set to disappear messages. The

424
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:24,000
Speaker 4: first escapade began two days later. The browser crashed, and

425
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,640
Speaker 4: when I relaunched it, I saw I'd been punted out.

426
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,800
Speaker 4: She called immediately, demanding to know if I sink her WhatsApp.

427
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,840
Speaker 4: I played it off, saying I was tired from the

428
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,239
Speaker 4: sun and I was asleep. She seemed to believe it,

429
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:38,760
Speaker 4: but suspecially so you said you didn't sink. Oh, okay, good.

430
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,359
Speaker 4: For a minute there, I was thinking the worst of you.

431
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:46,359
Speaker 4: She said, what what we're all? She's not even hiding it.

432
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, She's like, oh, that's good that you didn't sink

433
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,320
Speaker 3: and find all of that stuff that I had in there.

434
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,199
Speaker 4: I knew I had to keep a cool head and

435
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,200
Speaker 4: not confront her immediately.

436
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 5: Why what are we doing?

437
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,200
Speaker 3: Do you mean you had to keep a cool head.

438
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 3: You have all the evidence for divorce court.

439
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,680
Speaker 4: I called my best mates over. They rushed in, listen,

440
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,879
Speaker 4: took me out for food in a movie and are

441
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,679
Speaker 4: checking on me every few hours. She called earlier today

442
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 4: from her vacation, saying she missed me, loved me, but

443
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,639
Speaker 4: the divorce reality is sinking in pick a lane. While

444
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,080
Speaker 4: still going through with it, she praised lessons for me

445
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:24,040
Speaker 4: about punctuality, cleanliness, and discipline. I rolled my eyes and

446
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 4: pretended to be open for reconciliation. She brought up preserving

447
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,119
Speaker 4: our genetic material for a child. I firmly told her

448
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 4: I will not have a child out of wedlock. Marriage

449
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,159
Speaker 4: may be archaic for you, but it is sacred for me.

450
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:36,640
Speaker 3: Then why are we with her?

451
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 5: Are we still talking?

452
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 3: Why are we talking to her? The old So what

453
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,600
Speaker 3: we're talking about is divorce and what times we're meaning

454
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 3: at the court.

455
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 4: Why are you guys still talking to each other? Obviously,

456
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,000
Speaker 4: you guys are just not a good.

457
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 3: Match, terrible match.

458
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 4: I continue to say, I refuse to raise a child

459
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 4: when parents are separated. If divorce is what you want,

460
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 4: I'll give it to you, but I won't give you

461
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 4: a child. She scoffed.

462
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:03,160
Speaker 3: I advice, Yeah, that's it. I have no other words.

463
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 3: The bort stubborts stuarts.

464
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 4: What are we doing?

465
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 6: I don't know.

466
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,280
Speaker 3: It's first relationship, but like, we can't.

467
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,120
Speaker 4: Also, why are we just not confronting her?

468
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 3: Literally from day one of your marriage? She said, I

469
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 3: want a divorce?

470
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 4: Why are you waiting to activate this trap card or

471
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 4: this trump card over her? When one she said, oh,

472
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:23,920
Speaker 4: that would have been really bad.

473
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,359
Speaker 3: She said, oh, thank goodness, you didn't see all the

474
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 3: cheating I did on there.

475
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,399
Speaker 4: Let's finish up the store. After more small talk, she

476
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 4: ended the call. I now maintain a straight face when

477
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,200
Speaker 4: lined her. Why are we still lined her? My friends

478
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,919
Speaker 4: in sure I extricate myself safely from her so she

479
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 4: can't ask me to watch your cats. I know that

480
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 4: last time I found the the Spicy Rapper and she

481
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 4: met a partner in another city. I must keep my

482
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 4: head down and play the part until I can safely

483
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 4: extricate myself. Flashes of confronting her arise with her family present,

484
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 4: But I know I must stay the villain for now.

485
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 4: You're not a villain?

486
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 3: Not a villain? What is going on?

487
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 5: A doing?

488
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,520
Speaker 4: There's an edit? I discovered the threadsite that she was

489
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 4: posting from, confirming it occurred on our marital bed edit too.

490
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 4: Upon reviewing recordings, it started earlier than June eighth, WhatsApp

491
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:15,160
Speaker 4: disappearing messages were turned off afterward, showing she felt confident

492
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 4: after I left the house. We have some comments come

493
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 4: in Number one. The situations that some people attempt to

494
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 4: bring babies into absolutely blow my mind. She's a slob

495
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 4: to the point that it's a health hazard, and you're

496
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 4: intentionally trying to impregnate her. My brother in Christ, please, please, please,

497
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 4: please please don't do that, regardless of what happens with

498
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,879
Speaker 4: your relationship. Op He responds with she's a slob, but

499
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 4: I've always made the house clean and clean up after her.

500
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 4: I'm kind of a eat freak, but now that I'm

501
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 4: no longer living in the house, it's back to being

502
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 4: a pig sty. There's no chance for a baby anymore.

503
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 4: I'll go childless and live alone for the rest of

504
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,199
Speaker 4: my life, but I won't have a child with her anymore.

505
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 4: Comment number two, Dude, why the f is that career

506
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 4: crap so important over your life? This woman is doing

507
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,399
Speaker 4: more damage to your life than that career opportunity. Stop

508
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,879
Speaker 4: chasing greed. You can find a bit job. Leave her. Also,

509
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,159
Speaker 4: you said till December. Dude, how the f or you

510
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 4: got to last? You got to play it extremely safe,

511
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 4: take screenshots, document everything. If you are still adamant about

512
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:15,680
Speaker 4: going after the job, speak carefully consult a divorce lawyer.

513
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 4: Also hope he responds with I'm not chasing you for

514
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 4: the money, to be honest, it's more of a fresh

515
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 4: start for me. I am documenting everything. I have a

516
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,879
Speaker 4: local copy on my personal laptop and a private cloud

517
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 4: on an account she knows nothing about. Files are authentic,

518
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 4: no editing, no altered metadata. My best mates are offering

519
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 4: me to gratuate their place to help me out, so

520
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 4: I might take them up on that offer. I am

521
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 4: meeting a divorce lawyer today and it's a family friend.

522
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 4: And that is the end of that story.

523
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,160
Speaker 3: I caught my wife planning a weekend with another guy,

524
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:49,160
Speaker 3: and I know there's more, How much more? I thirty

525
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 3: eight mail caught my wife, thirty five female, texting and

526
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 3: planning a weekend away with another man she met online.

527
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 3: My suspicions arose when she claimed she got a nanta

528
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 3: for a rich family and would be needed for an

529
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 3: entire weekend and the money sounded great. I was excited

530
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 3: for her and us, as we could use the huge

531
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,880
Speaker 3: amount of money they offered By the way, this comes

532
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,200
Speaker 3: from Alarming Break twenty ninety eight, and if you would

533
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:14,959
Speaker 3: have spent your own stories, go to the r slash

534
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 3: Okay storytime subbured it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we're

535
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 3: here to give good advice Goofily, but we don't have

536
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we'd do, So

537
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the comments,

538
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 3: and op says. Then I saw the texts on her phone.

539
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,880
Speaker 3: It was to another much older man and she had

540
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 3: sent lingerie pictures to him. She was lying at the

541
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 3: entire nanny job and was going to go away for

542
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 3: the weekend with him. I confronted her as soon as possible,

543
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 3: and she broke down, crying and apologizing. She claimed she

544
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 3: had met him online and had only met him for

545
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 3: coffee once. We have three young kids and have been together.

546
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 6: For thirteen years.

547
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 3: Dang well, marriage hasn't been perfect. I've always been there

548
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 3: for with whatever she needed, time alone, sleeping in, kid

549
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 3: pick up, et cetera. My suspicions were up even before this.

550
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,400
Speaker 3: She had been extra volatile toward me over small things

551
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 3: like laundry or work. For background, She's a stay at

552
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 3: o Mom and I work remotely and travel twice a

553
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,680
Speaker 3: month for work. She had a few temper dantrums when

554
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 3: I would ask extremely nicely if everything was okay, or

555
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 3: what I could do if she seems sad or overwhelmed.

556
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 3: The kicker here is that I love her more than

557
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 3: life itself. When she broke down crying, I comforted her.

558
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,640
Speaker 3: She swore she wasn't really gonna go. She's the biggest

559
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 3: flaker on things like this, so it wasn't a stretch,

560
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 3: and so she was just doing it for tention. I

561
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,680
Speaker 3: was initially angry and not sad. We talked and hung

562
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 3: out that entire day, and she said this had made

563
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 3: her realize how much I loved her and how much

564
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 3: she loved me.

565
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 4: I don't know, man, how you realized how much you

566
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 4: love each other?

567
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 5: Is you got?

568
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 3: She the next two weeks for the best two weeks

569
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 3: of my life. She was loving, caring, supportive, and I

570
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,440
Speaker 3: honestly was so happy. I forgot about it most of

571
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 3: the time. Then I realized she had lied about how

572
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 3: long it had been going on almost a full year

573
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 3: though they only met at once. She claimed it was

574
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 3: only a few weeks and said she forgot because it

575
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 3: didn't mean anything to her.

576
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, she forgot.

577
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 4: She it didn't mean anything to her to try and

578
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 4: get a nanny, like, just fake it all out and

579
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 4: make this hypothetical mmmm.

580
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,680
Speaker 3: I also checked the cell phone records, could only see

581
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 3: non I message texts and saw numerous calls and texts

582
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 3: to random cell phones. She couldn't explain two to be exact,

583
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 3: I did a search and found out who they were.

584
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 3: She is adamant that they must be spam, even though

585
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 3: she spoke with one on the phone for twenty minutes

586
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 3: at nine pm a few months ago. She also brought

587
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 3: up a family that offered to fly her on vacation

588
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 3: to nanny for them a few months back, but we

589
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 3: couldn't make it work. She claims that was a legitimate

590
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 3: job and not the same guy or another guy. After

591
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 3: this revelation, I will be honest, I got pretty needy.

592
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 3: I'm extremely confident, borderline cocky, and asked her to try

593
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 3: and show her love and support for me. Shed a little,

594
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,119
Speaker 3: but whenever I asked what was wrong? For example, I

595
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 3: worked all day, picked up the kids and made dinner

596
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 3: while she laid down, she told me I was suffocating her.

597
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 3: I took that to heart and gave her space even

598
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 3: when asking simple questions about the kids or any events

599
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 3: we had going on.

600
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 4: Wait, you gave herm space after giving her space?

601
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, double space. So much space you don't know what

602
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 3: to do with yourself. She changed access on our cell

603
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 3: carrier website so I can't check usage, so I don't

604
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 3: ever think things. Oh, come on, I'm gonna be doing

605
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 3: illegal stuff in this room, but I'm locking the door.

606
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:36,919
Speaker 3: I'm not doing anything in there. Oh, I know you

607
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,640
Speaker 3: like caught me doing a legal stuff in there. I'm

608
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 3: not doing it, So don't even look in the room.

609
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 3: That's what you sound like.

610
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 4: Take off those roast six glasses, my guide.

611
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 3: I'm doing something bad, but like, don't don't even look,

612
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 3: and that way, it doesn't even seem like.

613
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:48,200
Speaker 6: I'm doing it.

614
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 4: She she's got a lying problem too. She sounds like she.

615
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 3: Loves it, a big old liar, and I haven't looked

616
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 3: at her phone since I found out she lied about

617
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 3: how long it had been going on. No way she'd

618
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 3: let me. It's been three months since the initial revelation,

619
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 3: and it honestly feels like before she's pushing me away,

620
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,359
Speaker 3: doesn't want to spend any time with me, which is

621
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,679
Speaker 3: the only thing I've asked for, just for us to

622
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 3: spend solo time together. I'm running out of options. I

623
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,439
Speaker 3: love this woman more than anything, and I love the

624
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 3: life we've built with our kids as well. But it

625
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 3: seems like she doesn't care that this whole situation has

626
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 3: completely broken me more than I ever thought possible. She

627
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 3: pretends it never happened. I brought up marriage counseling, absolutely not,

628
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 3: and suggested we talk to work things out, but apparently

629
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 3: and that's suffocating her. I don't want to split up

630
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 3: my family, and I love her and want to be

631
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 3: with her, but I'm totally lost. Any advice, please, and

632
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 3: there is an updates.

633
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 4: All I'm getting is how much you love her and

634
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 4: how much of a good parent you are from what

635
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,679
Speaker 4: you yes, But guess what she ain't. It ain't the

636
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 4: same for her.

637
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 3: She cheated on you, she's gaslighting you, she's lying to you.

638
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 4: Dump in the fact that she's always going back on

639
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 4: your suffocating me with when you're not suffocating her whatsoever.

640
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 4: And the trust issues between you have been broken because

641
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 4: of her, like beyond repair. Opie, take off those rose

642
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 4: tinted goggles. Meg Guy.

643
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:16,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, update since my initial post. I took a lot

644
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 3: of advice from the comments. I demanded that she'd be

645
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 3: open with her phone, phone history, and passwords. That was

646
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 3: shut down before words even came out of my mouth.

647
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 3: I told her she needed to work on rebuilding my

648
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 3: trust in her, and she said I was starting to

649
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 3: act crazy, all because I wanted to know the truth.

650
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,360
Speaker 3: That night, we sat down and she told me we

651
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 3: need to work on ourselves, et cetera, same old bs

652
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:38,479
Speaker 3: as before I caught her.

653
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 6: I explained that I felt as.

654
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 3: Though, initially the love bomb, I thought things would be great,

655
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 3: but since then she had reverted to not caring about

656
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 3: me or what she did whatsoever. Since that conversation months ago,

657
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 3: here are some of the things she's yelled at me.

658
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 3: Just get over it. I didn't cheat, move on, but

659
00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 3: you Yes you did cheat, Yes you did. And why

660
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 3: are you looking for more dart on me? You're acting

661
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 3: christ eight.

662
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 4: Because you already have dirt, so much dirt.

663
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 6: You're coveing dirt.

664
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 3: You're like a freaking tree.

665
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 5: You're dirty.

666
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,719
Speaker 3: I stopped trying to find anything else on her. I

667
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 3: know there's more, as she still hides her phone and

668
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 3: can't explain certain things, like why she would talk to

669
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 3: someone for more than a year and only meet once.

670
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 3: Anytime I confronted her, she made it seem like I

671
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 3: was the crazy one. How can I be over it?

672
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 3: She hasn't apologized truthfully since her love bombing, maybe because

673
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 3: she was cheated on before me with someone else and

674
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 3: it didn't destroy her like this did to me. She

675
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 3: still claims the two people that were messaging her were spam, but.

676
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 4: You found out one of them wasn't spam yet.

677
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: I look the numbers up. They're both cell phones registered

678
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 3: to actual people, very similar to the guys she got

679
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 3: caught with. I know I've been overly, probably ridiculously lenient

680
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 3: with this, but I don't know what else to do.

681
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 3: I bring up divorce and she pretends she'd be fine

682
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 3: with it, but she doesn't work, so she couldn't afford

683
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 3: anything on her own, and I do everything around that

684
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 3: for the kids. I've given hard deadlines and she usually caves.

685
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 3: I filled out paperwork and left it for her to

686
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 3: fill out, but nothing gets filled out, Nothing substantial she

687
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 3: claims she'll do, and regards to splitting up, she won't do.

688
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 3: Something tells me she knows she couldn't handle everything without.

689
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 4: Me, op opop, What are we doing here?

690
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 3: What are we doing? Let's get out of there, Let's

691
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 3: get outle becuz we can't be doing what we're doing here.

692
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 4: This isn't a partner, this isn't someone that loves you

693
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 4: and cares for you. They obviously don't care. And you

694
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 4: got to do what's best for you. And this is

695
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 4: obviously trying. You tried, You've tried everything, it seems like,

696
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 4: and all you're getting is lies and uh, you know,

697
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 4: lies and deceits. Yeah, exactly, So why are we still

698
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 4: putting up with this?

699
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 6: No clue?

700
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 3: Say what you want about me being a husband. I

701
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 3: know for a fact I am a great dad to

702
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 3: our three kids. I feel like I'm just floating in

703
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 3: the ether. Don't have a really high highs or super

704
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 3: low lows anymore, and don't want us not see my

705
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 3: kids fifty percent of the time. But at the same time,

706
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 3: I'm human and deserve to be treated as such, not

707
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 3: just an ATM and babysitter. I'm in a constant state

708
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 3: of despair if after all I've done for the last

709
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 3: ten plus years together and what I've done since the incident,

710
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 3: isn't good enough for then what chance do I have

711
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 3: back out in the pond with everyone else. I feel

712
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 3: like I've fought as hard as anyone else would fight

713
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 3: for their marriage, but it may be time to raise

714
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 3: the white flag. I think I'm going to stay with

715
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 3: some friends to tell her it's over and restart the

716
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 3: process of paperwork. Hate to sound like this, but I

717
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 3: can only take so much. If there's anything else people

718
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 3: think I could do, please let me know. And it's

719
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 3: mostly just people saying, you know, divorce.

720
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's time to grow that that spine, Opie, do

721
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 4: what's best for you. I know you don't want to

722
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 4: do it, but at the end of the day, she's

723
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 4: a stay at home mom and you're doing everything you

724
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 4: can to be the best husband, the best father, and

725
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 4: she's not even doing remotely. Maybe she's a great mother,

726
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 4: but at least not a great wife. No, and not

727
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 4: being fair to you. You deserve more than this.

728
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 3: Absolutely so I yeah, yeah, get out of there, Get

729
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 3: out of there.

730
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

731
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 4: to the next one.

732
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're

733
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 2: gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes

734
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 2: of ads from our sponsors.

735
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 4: My partner's mother spread lies about me and my stepdaughter,

736
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 4: so I cut her off as you should. So I

737
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 4: twy seven female, have been with my fiance thirty seven

738
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 4: mail for nearly six years. I'm currently eight months pregnant

739
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 4: and we also share two small children, both under three,

740
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 4: and I have three step children, all teams from my

741
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 4: partner's first marriage. By the way, this comes from user

742
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 4: unapologetically me twenty eight And if you want to submit

743
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

744
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 4: separated where this story was submitted. This is one of

745
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 4: our own, one of our ours, so shout out to you.

746
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 4: Hope you're listening to this. I'm Keon and I'm Savannah,

747
00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 4: and we're here to give good advice goof lee. But

748
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 4: we don't have all the answer. We only know what

749
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 4: we do, so please let us know what you would

750
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 4: do in the comments, especially for one of our own

751
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 4: Opie says for context, we have custody of all the children,

752
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 4: so all our babies are under one roof. We don't

753
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 4: have a huge home, but it can't accommodate us with

754
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,960
Speaker 4: more than enough room. Our oldest two boys share a

755
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 4: room and our two smallest boys share a room, leaving

756
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 4: our baby girl with her own bedroom. Recently, my partner's mother,

757
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 4: sixty five female, can't stay with us while waiting for

758
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 4: her new apartment to be ready for moving in, and oh.

759
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 5: Boy, was it a mistake.

760
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 6: It always is.

761
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 4: Within the first week of being at our home, she

762
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 4: began rearranging my daughter's bedroom while she was at school,

763
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 4: claiming it needed to be cleaned better, called me a

764
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 4: terrible and lacking mother because I answered a FaceTime call

765
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 4: while nursing my baby. The first major problem began when

766
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 4: my partner's brother, forty three male, also decided to come

767
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 4: visit us for a few days, more like two months

768
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 4: of him coming and going as he pleased, treating my

769
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,040
Speaker 4: home like a motel. He's known for being unable to

770
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 4: a job and overstaying his welcome, but because it's his family,

771
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 4: I kept my opinions to myself and let my partner

772
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 4: handle the situation. Sounds like he didn't handle it. One morning,

773
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 4: I woke up to my partner's mother in the kitchen

774
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 4: cooking his brother breakfast so he could go out and

775
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 4: look for work. She offered me a plate, to which

776
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 4: I politely declined, stooding I wasn't that hungry, but I

777
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 4: did ask what she made. She said she used the

778
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 4: hamburger meat and eggs in the fridge and some tortillas

779
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 4: we had in the pantry. She asked me if I

780
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 4: needed the hamburger meat for anything, to which I answered, well,

781
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 4: I was gonna make spaghetti later for the kids, but

782
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 4: it's fine. I can see what else we got in

783
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 4: the freezer. Apparently, in the two minutes it took to

784
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 4: answer the question, I completely offended her and was food

785
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,959
Speaker 4: watching and being greedy with our food because she was there,

786
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 4: and I made her feel like a burden, and I

787
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 4: made her and her oldest feel unwelcome. This was never

788
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 4: a conversation she had with me. This was all brought

789
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 4: up to my partner, and I was the only one

790
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 4: made to wear. After she and her son left and

791
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 4: went to visit her daughter, thirty nine female for a

792
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 4: few days to get away from the drama. What that's like.

793
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 7: It's like your house. You didn't even overstep. If anything,

794
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 7: she's overstepping by moving everything around and then also being like, oh,

795
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 7: by the way, did you need this? Like after already

796
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 7: like using it and then like has the audacity to

797
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 7: be like, she's annoying, she's you know, watching me do everything.

798
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 6: The name.

799
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's her house, and she asked to feed you know,

800
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,280
Speaker 7: everring one in that house.

801
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,760
Speaker 4: So yes, also extremely rude to use people's food without

802
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 4: asking first.

803
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 3: It's true.

804
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 4: I find that genuinely rude. If she asked you and

805
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 4: you're like, yeah, you can use it, great, but she

806
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:38,240
Speaker 4: cooked it without even asking.

807
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, I also find that like rude.

808
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 4: I was so lost at how she came to that

809
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 4: conclusion from the two sentences I set until my partner

810
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:50,320
Speaker 4: explained her reasoning. His mother grew up in a dysfunctional household,

811
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 4: ended up in foster care with all her siblings, and

812
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 4: from childhood to adulthood, when she would stay in other

813
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 4: people's homes, they would constantly tell her not to touch

814
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 4: their food, oh, or use their thing, and even make

815
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 4: her leave the home when they weren't there. So she

816
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 4: constantly has that in the back of her head. I mean,

817
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:11,320
Speaker 4: that's also genuinely fair if she asked to use somebody

818
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 4: else's food. I like, if you're living in a house

819
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 4: and you bought that food, it's your food. But if

820
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:19,359
Speaker 4: you're living with people. I don't know. The foster care

821
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 4: is one thing, but I think it's just a genuine consideration.

822
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 6: And you're also just like staying there for free. You know.

823
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 7: I understand, like maybe she was cooking a meal for

824
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 7: everyone or whatnot, but I mean like still, like, I

825
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 7: just feel like.

826
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 6: You still you're still a guest.

827
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,040
Speaker 7: You have to ask you didn't pay for this food

828
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 7: unless you're giving them like money or something in order

829
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 7: to like be like, hey, you know, I know I'm

830
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 7: staying for free, and I know I'm a burden, so

831
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 7: like here's you know, something to help out and whatnot.

832
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 6: That then that makes sense.

833
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 7: But if you're not actually paying for it and then

834
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 7: just taking it and then just being like is this

835
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 7: all right after you already did, it's like, okay, well

836
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 7: obviously you don't care, so why even ask?

837
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 4: I don't know. Sounds like the mom has some unresolved

838
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:02,840
Speaker 4: trauma that uh needs to be looked at, maybe a

839
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 4: therapist or something. So I took her feelings into consideration

840
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 4: and allowed her to come back and hopefully start fresh.

841
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 4: Bigger mistake. Oh no, After she came back, it was

842
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 4: a constant issue. If I don't do enough around the house,

843
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 4: or I don't cater to the kids as much as

844
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 4: she would like, or I don't cater to her son,

845
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 4: and I don't do enough for him when he gets

846
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 4: home from work. Mind you, I'm pregnant eight months, by

847
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 4: the way, and constantly and also constantly chasing two toddlers

848
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 4: around the house. The occasion that really caused the rift

849
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 4: was when I asked my daughter for help with the dishes.

850
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 4: We have a pretty normal routine where my baby girl

851
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 4: does the simple dishes, plates, cups, bowls, and silverware, and

852
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 4: I do the pots and pans. Then we finish the

853
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 4: rest of the kitchen. We follow this routine daily and

854
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 4: it helps us keep up with everything without feeling overwhelmed.

855
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 4: My daughter had just came home from school, and as usual,

856
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,360
Speaker 4: I reminded her, Hey, baby doll, don't forget when you

857
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 4: get comfortable and finish your school work, you have dishes

858
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 4: to do. My partner's mother decided to insert herself and

859
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 4: ask she just got home from school, why can't you

860
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 4: just do it yourself and let her relax? Why don't

861
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 4: you just get out of the house, mother, Yeah.

862
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:20,319
Speaker 7: There's a routine happening, and also like it's really not

863
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 7: like that's actually really responsible of her to like, you know,

864
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 7: be like get your stuff done, you know, do whatever

865
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 7: you need to do, and then when you have time,

866
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 7: you know, come do what the family needs you to do.

867
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:30,839
Speaker 6: Come do your part.

868
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 4: It's a daily routine that and that's a very cute

869
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 4: routine that you and your daughter are doing dish together

870
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 4: and you have set this amount. I set this up.

871
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't see anything wrong with it.

872
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 4: If she came home from work and you yelled at

873
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,360
Speaker 4: your daughter, that's one thing. But it seemed like it

874
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 4: was very very fine.

875
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just like a hey, when you have time, like,

876
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 6: you know.

877
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 4: Just do what we always do, like, yeah, you did

878
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 4: you go do your school work, We'll do dishes and

879
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 4: we'll hang out later. I don't know where this mom

880
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,280
Speaker 4: has the audacity. I was taken aback because we've always

881
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,800
Speaker 4: had this route and my daughter has never complained. So

882
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 4: I stated, because I'm currently dealing with two screaming toddlers

883
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 4: who need to take a nap, and I could use

884
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 4: my daughter's help. She doesn't have to do it right away,

885
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 4: but she knows that she has a chore to do,

886
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 4: just like her older brothers and myself. This is my home,

887
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 4: and if I ask my child to do her chores,

888
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 4: I don't need a reason for her to handle her responsibilities.

889
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 6: Wow, well said mom, Well said.

890
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 4: And I guarantee you fiance's mom is gotta be.

891
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 5: Upset with that.

892
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, there's no way she's gonna.

893
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 3: Be like you know, you're right.

894
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 4: My older boys have chores as well. My oldest son,

895
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 4: nineteen mail, handles the dogs, My second oldest son, eighteen mail,

896
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 4: handles the trash, and on occasion, will clean their bathroom

897
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 4: with this sister's help. My daughter thirteen, female, only has

898
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 4: to do her half of the dishes, and all three

899
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,279
Speaker 4: keep up with their own bedrooms. When I respond to

900
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 4: my partner's mother, she blew up at me, yelling that

901
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 4: I'm using her granddaughter to clean so that I can

902
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:00,880
Speaker 4: be lazy and just deal with the babies instead of

903
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 4: being a good woman and handling all of the cooking

904
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 4: and cleaning and children like she did. I didn't respond

905
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 4: at first and let her continue yelling at me as

906
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,800
Speaker 4: I secretly dialed my partner's phone number. He heard about

907
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 4: three to four minutes of her ranting and judging me

908
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 4: before I finally raised the phone up to my year

909
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 4: and said, okay, so you heard all of that, right,

910
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 4: and I hit the speaker button. Instantly, the mood changed

911
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 4: and she began backtracking, saying, why would you call him

912
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,360
Speaker 4: at work? You're being so dramatic and rude. I was

913
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 4: talking to you. I started talking, only did my partner

914
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 4: on the phone, saying that on multiple occasions she has

915
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 4: spoken to me disrespectfully and constantly belittled me, and I

916
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 4: wanted him to finally hear how I'm spoken to you

917
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 4: in my own home.

918
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 7: And he blew up, as he should, because that's crazy

919
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,959
Speaker 7: and honestly, good for you, op for being like.

920
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 6: Uh, yeah, you heard all that. Yeah, go ahead, like

921
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:53,560
Speaker 6: he's here.

922
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 4: Too, going because keep going. Yeah, I'm worried. Hopefully we're

923
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 4: like this is all good. But he said as he

924
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 4: blew up, he didn't say who he blew up towards to.

925
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 1: That's true, and also in front of like the kids

926
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 1: might be a little like much.

927
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 4: Also, hey, mother in law, future mother in law, if

928
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 4: you don't want to see the you know, the kids

929
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:18,399
Speaker 4: doing the dishes, why don't you help out a little bit?

930
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 6: You know, you got her there, you got her there.

931
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 4: Oh oh it looks like it's gonna be positive. He

932
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,879
Speaker 4: told us mother we would all talk when he got home,

933
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 4: and she continued to try and minimize the conversation, saying

934
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,840
Speaker 4: that was so uncalled for. We could have just talked.

935
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 4: You don't need to involve my son. You're so hormonal.

936
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 4: There's nohey to get worked up. You just can get

937
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 4: stressed out of the baby. I ignored her and hung

938
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 4: up the phone, grabbed my toddlers, and walked to my bedroom,

939
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 4: locking the door behind me. My partner arrived about an

940
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 4: hour later, and within a few hours she was packed

941
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,880
Speaker 4: in going to visit her daughter again to get some

942
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 4: space from me. All right. Eventually she moved into her

943
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,919
Speaker 4: new apartment and we all went to help her unpacked. Well,

944
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 4: as luck would have it, the apartment she found was

945
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 4: actually in our apartment complex. She was over nearly every day.

946
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 7: Oh no, they didn't know, like at all. They didn't

947
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 7: ask like, oh where are you moving? Where you know whatever?

948
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm nearby, like a couple of minutes like a's drive.

949
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 5: No, No, like down crawl.

950
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 4: I'm a couple of minute of crawl down down the hall.

951
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 6: You don't even have to take the elevator just walk

952
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 6: two flights.

953
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 4: Boy. I was hearing to my next door neighbor, and suddenly,

954
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 4: after one day she spent with my partner's mother, she

955
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 4: stopped talking to me and started talking about how fake

956
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 4: I was as a friend, causing a huge confrontation. Apparently

957
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 4: she was told by my partner's mother that I was

958
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 4: talking behind her back, and now she refuses to speak

959
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 4: to me. This was not even remotely true. After this,

960
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 4: they started hanging out constantly, excluding me completely. She even

961
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 4: started asking my partner to not bring me around when

962
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:56,880
Speaker 4: he would go over there, not to bring me to

963
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 4: the store with them when she needed to go, or

964
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:02,239
Speaker 4: just to take her then come back for me. She

965
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 4: even asked him to bring the kids over to her

966
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 4: apartment but leave me at home push My partner refused,

967
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,840
Speaker 4: telling her that it's not respectable to me, as the

968
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,320
Speaker 4: kids's mother, to bring them somewhere I'm not welcome. Eventually,

969
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 4: my kids his bio mom picked her up to spend

970
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 4: a weekend with her and the older kids, but when

971
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 4: she brought them back, the kids's bio mom said she

972
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:23,840
Speaker 4: needed to speak with me and my partner. Hmm. She

973
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 4: came inside and started screaming at me accuse me of

974
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 4: calling my daughter a little B word and mistreating her.

975
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 4: None of this ever happened.

976
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 6: That's crazy. Where is this going?

977
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:40,439
Speaker 4: Apparently his mother heard from our neighbor that I called

978
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 4: her out of her name all the time and forced

979
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,840
Speaker 4: her to clean the house against her will. I've never

980
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 4: called my daughter out of her name, and my daughter

981
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 4: even clarified that to her bio mom while on their visitation.

982
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,399
Speaker 4: But my partner's mother kept egging her on, asking her

983
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 4: why her friend would lie about something so horrible. We

984
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 4: all talked and finally came to the conclusion that she

985
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 4: was starting problems to create a break in our healthy

986
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:07,280
Speaker 4: co parenting relationship because her son was obviously not taking

987
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,880
Speaker 4: her side. After talking to her, we just left it

988
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 4: at where all the parents and we shouldn't let other

989
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 4: people start drama in our arrangement. We thankfully got past

990
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 4: the situation, and that enraged his mother, so she then

991
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 4: began involving her daughter partner sister, who called me, accusing

992
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,320
Speaker 4: me of trying to alienate her mother from her own son.

993
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:31,799
Speaker 1: This is like, like, I, oh God, there's too many

994
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 1: levels to this.

995
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 4: First of all, how do we allow the mother to

996
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:36,480
Speaker 4: live in the same complex as everyone.

997
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, like the mom like moving in literally probably like

998
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 1: you know, a few doors down or like upstairs, downstairs

999
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:43,919
Speaker 1: whatever that.

1000
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 6: Plus then you know biomm coming over and being.

1001
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 7: Like oh like someone's toe or the mom obviously telling

1002
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 7: her or hearing whatever, but then also involving the neighbor,

1003
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 7: and then also involving Biomom's sister.

1004
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 6: Like it's just there's how many people involved for no reason.

1005
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 7: Like just this stays between like family and I just

1006
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 7: like don't understand why everyone's getting involved.

1007
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:12,440
Speaker 4: I would talk to your fiance, op and be like,

1008
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 4: you see what she's doing right, Like can we straighten

1009
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 4: this out with everybody? I feel like we should just

1010
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 4: have like a you know, just a list ready to

1011
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 4: go of like or just like a you know, just

1012
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 4: a paragraph. It was like, all right, to whom this

1013
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 4: may concern. She dies a lot. Stop believing what she says.

1014
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 4: We have it on like recordings or like witnesses. Stop this.

1015
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 4: Don't listen to her. Not worth your time. She's a liar.

1016
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 4: Apparently her mother called her crying that I was turning

1017
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:45,399
Speaker 4: her son against her and no one would listen to her.

1018
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 4: I wonder why she told the same story to her

1019
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 4: daughter about me calling my daughter out of her name,

1020
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 4: and I don't want my kids around any of them.

1021
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 4: I've never had an issue with my partner's sister until

1022
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 4: this point. Everything I told her was, in her opinion,

1023
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,279
Speaker 4: an excuse and deflecting from the fact that I just

1024
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,279
Speaker 4: didn't want her mother around than when I refuse to

1025
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 4: entertain the narrative. She complained that at my son's birthday party,

1026
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,439
Speaker 4: I didn't speak to her enough and spend more time

1027
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 4: with my own mother than her and hers.

1028
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: Well, yes, I don't understand. That's her family, and maybe

1029
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 1: she doesn't see her mom often. And now you know

1030
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 1: mother in law is you know now sitting right next

1031
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: to her every day.

1032
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 4: Well, get ready for this. Oh no, I hardly ever

1033
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 4: see my mother, whereas his family's closer and we see

1034
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 4: them more often. So I was just trying to spend

1035
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:36,960
Speaker 4: more time with.

1036
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 5: My own mom.

1037
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 4: I called it all said as she sees it. Then

1038
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 4: it became an issue of I'm pushing their mother away

1039
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 4: because I don't want her in the picture. I naturally

1040
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 4: just wanted to keep my distance to avoid the stress

1041
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 4: it was causing me during my pregnancy.

1042
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 1: I thought I completely forgot I did too. I forgot

1043
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 1: she was pregnant, and that's just sick.

1044
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 5: The's sick.

1045
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: Do someone walder literally having a baby creating life inside

1046
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: of them.

1047
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,520
Speaker 4: She's just creating more stress for you. We hung up

1048
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 4: with little to no resolution. That point, I decided to

1049
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:14,239
Speaker 4: cut off all communication with his mother. Past forward about

1050
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,879
Speaker 4: two months to October. Our oldest son is a father

1051
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:20,800
Speaker 4: of a beautiful baby girl do female named Jade. Jade

1052
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 4: was having a birthday party on Sunday, but my partner's

1053
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 4: sister was hosting a birthday dinner for herself at her

1054
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:30,240
Speaker 4: son Carlo's house on Saturday night. Carlow contacted my partner

1055
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 4: to invite us, which we contemplated for a day before

1056
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 4: my partner decided he wasn't comfortable going and bringing me

1057
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 4: and the kids around his mother yet and called to

1058
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 4: let his nephew know we wouldn't make it, but we

1059
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 4: would see them at Jade's party the next day. They

1060
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 4: were all invited to Jesu's birthday, so we would have

1061
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 4: to see them at the party, but my partner said

1062
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 4: that party would be less intimate and we'd have a

1063
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 4: better chance of avoiding drama. Our oldest son kept asking

1064
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 4: if my partner's family was still coming, and that's when

1065
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 4: we realized the party was almost over and they still

1066
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 4: weren't there.

1067
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 6: Whatever, good riddance.

1068
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:06,919
Speaker 1: Honestly, I'd be like, Okay, cool, you just made it

1069
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: like a lot nicer a a party.

1070
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, less drama. So my partner stepped outside to call

1071
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:15,360
Speaker 4: and check on them, and that's when the floodgates open

1072
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 4: with chaos. Oh no, Apparently I somehow convinced my nineteen

1073
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 4: year old not to bring his siblings and girlfriend and

1074
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:26,919
Speaker 4: their daughter to the last minute birthday party they held

1075
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 4: the night before Jade's birthday party, and that's why no

1076
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 4: one showed up. Mind you, this was my son and

1077
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,319
Speaker 4: daughter in law's first time throwing a birthday party for

1078
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,840
Speaker 4: Jade without any help from us. We were scrambling to

1079
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:40,960
Speaker 4: get our favors, decorations, and all of our outfits together.

1080
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 4: So we just decided to focus on getting ready for

1081
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:46,719
Speaker 4: Jades's party the next day, and when we got back home,

1082
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 4: the kids said they decided to do the same because

1083
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 4: the next day would be hectic if nothing was done

1084
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 4: and we tried to do it all last minute. Somehow,

1085
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,360
Speaker 4: that decision paired with the fact that the older kids

1086
00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 4: didn't call to inform them they weren't going to make

1087
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 4: It was enough to convince them that I made them

1088
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 4: stay home to be spiteful and didn't allow them to

1089
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 4: go to the dinner party. My son has his own

1090
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,920
Speaker 4: car and phone, and we trust him to make his

1091
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 4: own decisions on where he goes as long as he

1092
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:15,919
Speaker 4: as long as he checks in. However, somehow I kept

1093
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 4: them from going to be petty and ruined her birthday dinner.

1094
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 4: Throwing into retaliation, they skipped Jade's second birthday party. So

1095
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,400
Speaker 4: these are just all petty people.

1096
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, just seems like they really don't care for others,

1097
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 7: especially like even.

1098
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 6: You know, family or whatever. You know.

1099
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 7: I don't know if they consider you family or whatever,

1100
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 7: but like you know, it just seems like they really

1101
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,799
Speaker 7: just care about themselves and are just like, eh, well,

1102
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 7: you know, she always causes problems.

1103
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 4: This side of the family. Sounds so exhausting. Ope, my partner, sister,

1104
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 4: their mother, his nephew and wife, and kids all skip

1105
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 4: the birthday party and didn't call to tell anyone they

1106
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:00,320
Speaker 4: weren't coming. My son was beyond hurt and I felt

1107
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,840
Speaker 4: so heartbroken that they ghosted him and his daughter but

1108
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 4: we didn't dwell on it. Long ended up having a blast,

1109
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:09,680
Speaker 4: and she loved her party regardless. When my partner came

1110
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 4: back from the call with his sister, he was nearly

1111
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:15,240
Speaker 4: in tears and mad beyond belief that they would ghost

1112
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 4: our granddaughter on her birthday and then try to turn

1113
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 4: it on me, making it my fault. They decided to

1114
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 4: be heady back when no one was trying to be

1115
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,120
Speaker 4: petty at all and we just wanted to focus on

1116
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 4: making her party perfect. It was at this point he

1117
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 4: cut off his sister as well, and since then we

1118
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:34,279
Speaker 4: have had no contact with both. Gonna be a lesson learned.

1119
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,799
Speaker 4: Now the whole family is accusing me of turning my

1120
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 4: partner against them and using my kids as ponds to

1121
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 4: hurt them because I'm preventing them from creating a bond

1122
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 4: with my boys, and I most likely won't give them

1123
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 4: a chance to meet our new child when he arrives.

1124
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:50,360
Speaker 4: My older kids still go visit their grandma. I just

1125
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:52,800
Speaker 4: don't send the babies because they can be a handful

1126
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 4: with the terrible twos, and I don't want to make

1127
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 4: my kids have to deal with them alone. Because I

1128
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:00,360
Speaker 4: refuse to go my partner agrees with me keeping the

1129
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 4: babies at home. But am I they a whole for

1130
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 4: refusing to be around my partner's family or bring my

1131
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:09,839
Speaker 4: kids around them. No, No, not at all, not at all,

1132
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:14,799
Speaker 4: especially for your sanity and how toxic they are and manipulative.

1133
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:16,960
Speaker 4: You don't want to have that environment or raise your

1134
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 4: kids in that environment to show like, you know, like

1135
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 4: this is not a healthy environment to be around. So

1136
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 4: I don't think you are in a hole. And from

1137
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,879
Speaker 4: what we've heard from UOP, you already have so much

1138
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 4: on your plate and they're adding like fifty other plates

1139
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:36,480
Speaker 4: to it. Not worth it. And that's the end of

1140
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,439
Speaker 4: this story. We're going on to the next one.

1141
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and.

1142
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 6: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

1143
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:48,400
Speaker 6: a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

1144
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:53,720
Speaker 1: I started questioning my marriage and everything, so I left.

1145
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you're you're going through

1146
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:56,799
Speaker 5: a lot.

1147
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 1: I was raised and grew up in a very conservative,

1148
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 1: very real religious household and community. It was to the

1149
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 1: point where everything and everyone's purpose was to serve our

1150
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 1: religion in our community. I was home schooled all the

1151
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:10,280
Speaker 1: way up until college, and then the college I attended

1152
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 1: was a small school run by members of the same group.

1153
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,719
Speaker 1: To say I was sheltered is very much an understatement.

1154
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Tiff Tested And if

1155
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1156
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,880
Speaker 1: r slash Okay storytime, separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Dakota,

1157
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:26,440
Speaker 1: and we're here to give you good advice.

1158
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 6: Goofy. But we don't have all the answers. We just

1159
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 6: know we would do in this situation. So let us

1160
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:32,840
Speaker 6: know what you would do in the comments. So Op says.

1161
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 1: I met my husband there, another devout believer like me,

1162
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 1: and we dated, which mostly consisted of attending prayer services

1163
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:43,320
Speaker 1: together until we finished school, and then we immediately married.

1164
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 1: I became a school teacher and his work required occasional travel,

1165
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 1: but we made a happy life together and never really

1166
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 1: leaving the confines of our community. A little over a

1167
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 1: year ago that was all turned upside down. My husband

1168
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 1: was offered a very high paying job in the suburbs

1169
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 1: of a fairly major city. It would require him to

1170
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 1: travel a bit more, but we would be substantially better off.

1171
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: We talked about it and decided to do it, especially

1172
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 1: since there was also an opening at a school in

1173
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 1: the area where we were moving, so we set it

1174
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,360
Speaker 1: all up. He took the job, we bought a new house,

1175
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:19,240
Speaker 1: and I was hired to teach at this new school.

1176
00:53:19,719 --> 00:53:22,360
Speaker 1: Once I started working there, I was hit with quite

1177
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: a bit of a culture shock. All sorts of new ideas, people,

1178
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:29,440
Speaker 1: beliefs were coming at me quicker than I really had

1179
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:33,000
Speaker 1: time to process. It was very overwhelming at first, especially

1180
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:35,360
Speaker 1: since I had rarely ever had to deal with someone

1181
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:36,800
Speaker 1: even outside.

1182
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 6: Of our religion.

1183
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 1: So to shorten this up a little bit and get

1184
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 1: to my point, Eventually, I started to come around to

1185
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:44,160
Speaker 1: question some of the things that I had been taught

1186
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 1: and I had believed all growing up. Specifically, I met

1187
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 1: a male colleague who was just very different. He was charming, confident, witty, intelligent,

1188
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 1: and honestly attractive, and he believed none of what I did.

1189
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:02,360
Speaker 1: We had amazing discussions and debates during our shared lunch together.

1190
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: I realized eventually that I was not really sure how

1191
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:06,480
Speaker 1: much of what I believed.

1192
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:09,760
Speaker 6: I was not sure if I had ever.

1193
00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: Really thought hard about it, And now that I was

1194
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: I was questioning. I found myself talking about subjects I

1195
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 1: had never talked about laughing at jokes that would have

1196
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:21,799
Speaker 1: horrified previous me. But I also found myself happier than

1197
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 1: I was, even though I had thought I was happy.

1198
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:28,080
Speaker 1: All of this was, of course, without my husband's knowledge.

1199
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:31,360
Speaker 1: He is, was, and always will be a true believer.

1200
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:34,239
Speaker 1: Recently it had made me think less of him, both

1201
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 1: intellectually and physically. On top of that, I think I

1202
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:39,400
Speaker 1: also have a crush on my coworker.

1203
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:40,280
Speaker 6: Uh oh.

1204
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,480
Speaker 1: When I posted this to another sub, people were quick

1205
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 1: to say that I'm having an emotional affair, but.

1206
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:46,879
Speaker 6: I just don't think I am.

1207
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:50,840
Speaker 1: I'm not seriously considering cheating on or leaving my husband.

1208
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 1: So I'm posting here to see what other women have

1209
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 1: to say about my situation and what might be some

1210
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 1: good steps moving forward.

1211
00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:58,880
Speaker 4: And we do have an update.

1212
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:02,760
Speaker 6: But yeah, what do you think some good steps moving forward?

1213
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 4: Hmm?

1214
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 1: I think if you feel like you have a crush,

1215
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:12,279
Speaker 1: then maybe you need to distance yourself because at the

1216
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:14,400
Speaker 1: end of the day, that isn't good.

1217
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:16,720
Speaker 5: It's just a lot.

1218
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 8: When it's like, what are the next steps after my

1219
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 8: entire perspective in worldview has been rocked and shifted? It's

1220
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 8: like I think really you kind of just got to

1221
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 8: keep leaning into that.

1222
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 2: But man, you're you're bubbled.

1223
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 6: You're bubbled up, bubbled up, your bubble boy, bubble girl.

1224
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 5: You're bubbled out right now.

1225
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:37,840
Speaker 7: And I.

1226
00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:43,760
Speaker 8: Think maybe a good resource would be like finding stories

1227
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:47,239
Speaker 8: of other people who have had similar experiences to you,

1228
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 8: whether it's on you know, Redditor or wherever you're going

1229
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:55,879
Speaker 8: for these, you know, find a community of people who

1230
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 8: are like, yeah, I was raised in this sort of

1231
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:01,680
Speaker 8: religious bubble and when it popped, this is how I

1232
00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 8: dealt with it, This is how I moved forward.

1233
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:04,360
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1234
00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of people with a

1235
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 1: very similar similar experience.

1236
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 6: But we do have an update.

1237
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 1: I talked to my coworker and told him everything that

1238
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 1: was going on with me in my marriage and that

1239
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:18,839
Speaker 1: I had to stop chatting and eating lunch with him.

1240
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,800
Speaker 1: He was disappointed, but said that he would respect whatever

1241
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:24,720
Speaker 1: I decided. He also said that he was never intending

1242
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 1: to break up my marriage or cause me to leave

1243
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:29,400
Speaker 1: my religion, and he just genuinely enjoyed talking to me

1244
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 1: and enjoyed my company. He also said if I ever

1245
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:34,880
Speaker 1: needed anything, I could still come to him with no worries.

1246
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 1: I also decided to talk to my husband. So I

1247
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:39,719
Speaker 1: sat down with my husband at dinner two nights ago.

1248
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 1: We had just finished telling each other about our day.

1249
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 1: I told him that I had to tell him something

1250
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:46,560
Speaker 1: he was probably not going to like, but I would

1251
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 1: appreciate if he did not get upset. He agreed to

1252
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,439
Speaker 1: sit and just listen. So I laid it all out

1253
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 1: for him. My coworker and I have bonded with him

1254
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: my struggles with our faith and then with our marriage.

1255
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 1: I struggled to figure out who I am everything. To

1256
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 1: his credit, he'd ever once seemed mad at me. He

1257
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 1: almost seemed to laugh off by bringing up my coworker.

1258
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:12,759
Speaker 6: He did not say oh right, okay, he.

1259
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:15,080
Speaker 1: Did not say so, but when he talked to me

1260
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 1: about it, he almost condescendingly made it sound like a

1261
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 1: schoolgirl crush, And perhaps he is right about that. He was, however,

1262
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 1: mostly concerned with my struggle with my faith.

1263
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 6: This upset him quite a bit.

1264
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 1: Not upset and anger, but upset that I might now

1265
00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 1: be going to spend all of eternity in heck, well,

1266
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 1: here you go.

1267
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 5: I, oh no, the vehicle of control is showing.

1268
00:57:37,840 --> 00:57:38,240
Speaker 3: Oh no.

1269
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 1: I suggested that perhaps I needed to see a therapist,

1270
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 1: or that maybe we needed couple's therapy. He was not

1271
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 1: receptive or amenable to either of those ideas. Again, his

1272
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 1: main concern was my soul.

1273
00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:50,479
Speaker 6: Well, I feel like if.

1274
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 1: You want to go to therapy, that's not really up

1275
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 1: to him he agrees or not, but anyway, he suggested

1276
00:57:57,320 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 1: that we set up an emergency zoom meeting and possible

1277
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 1: regular meetings with our pastor from back home.

1278
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 6: I really did not want to do that. I knew

1279
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 6: exactly what was going to happen.

1280
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 1: I knew I would be guilted into retracting everything I

1281
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: had talked about with my husband, made to feel ashamed

1282
00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 1: for having a lack of faith, and if all else failed,

1283
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 1: potentially requested to quit my job and possibly even move

1284
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:20,720
Speaker 1: back home. My husband was insistent that we have this

1285
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 1: conversation with our pastor. I could tell that he was

1286
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 1: not going to agree to anything else unless I did so.

1287
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 6: I agreed.

1288
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:29,920
Speaker 1: My husband called him, and within twenty minutes we were

1289
00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 1: all in a zoom meeting together. It was awkward and

1290
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 1: it was uncomfortable for me. It went exactly how I

1291
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 1: suspected it would, since I had already told my husband

1292
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 1: about my doubts and my feelings. There was no lying

1293
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 1: to our pastor no way to wiggle around what I

1294
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:46,840
Speaker 1: had already admitted. He was not understanding. I do not

1295
00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:48,760
Speaker 1: want to get into too many of the details of

1296
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 1: what he said, but my doubts, concerns, and feelings were

1297
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 1: not treated with legitimacy, and I was made to feel

1298
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 1: embarrassed and ashamed for even entertaining them.

1299
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,640
Speaker 6: It was awful. I saw the writing on the wall,

1300
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:02,640
Speaker 6: and so I did not push back. I relented.

1301
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 1: I gave in and prayed and asked for forgiveness. And

1302
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,480
Speaker 1: it makes me feel gross to think and talk about.

1303
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:11,280
Speaker 1: I wish I had a better update on this, I

1304
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:14,280
Speaker 1: really do. I am now not sure at all what

1305
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:16,320
Speaker 1: I want to do or what I should do.

1306
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:19,800
Speaker 6: And we do have a second update. But hikes, dude,

1307
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:20,920
Speaker 6: that is tough.

1308
00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, you know, but that's just what happens when people

1309
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 8: like really believe that.

1310
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 5: It's like, well, you have to do this.

1311
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:33,320
Speaker 8: Or your immortal soul will be punished for all eternity.

1312
00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:34,280
Speaker 6: Right right.

1313
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 1: And it's like, I think it's important too, because I

1314
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 1: don't know what religion she's a part of. But it's

1315
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 1: interesting because I feel like some people they see these

1316
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:47,080
Speaker 1: bad examples of religion and they're like all religion bad

1317
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:49,600
Speaker 1: because of that, you know, And it's like, well, I mean, yeah,

1318
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 1: that's terrible.

1319
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:52,360
Speaker 6: This is absolutely terrible what they're doing to her.

1320
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,600
Speaker 1: But I wonder if like she can eventually find a

1321
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:58,120
Speaker 1: space where like she's maybe you know.

1322
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 6: Like maybe you'll find some day that you're like still chill.

1323
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 1: With this religion, just not the way they do it,

1324
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 1: you know, and maybe not, And that's fine too, Like

1325
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:12,720
Speaker 1: it's just so sad, yeah, when people have to get

1326
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 1: guilted into believing something right, like.

1327
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 5: And that you're at a place now where you kind

1328
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:21,040
Speaker 5: of realize I've never become my own person.

1329
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:25,440
Speaker 8: Yeah, I've never had this space right to think for myself.

1330
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:28,280
Speaker 5: It's like, and I don't know what I think anymore.

1331
01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't understand how like you could be

1332
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 1: okay with being a part of a religion where it's like, no,

1333
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:38,440
Speaker 1: you're not allowed to think for yourself.

1334
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, You're you're not allowed to do that.

1335
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:43,240
Speaker 1: And like, like wouldn't it be valued to be able

1336
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 1: to think for yourself and still believe in this religion?

1337
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 1: Like wouldn't that be even stronger than just not exploring

1338
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:52,160
Speaker 1: anything else like whatever.

1339
01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 6: We have a second up date.

1340
01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:56,640
Speaker 1: We have not been fighting about our differences, but I

1341
01:00:56,680 --> 01:00:59,400
Speaker 1: have been questioning my faith and unhappy with our marriage

1342
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 1: and my religion beliefs for some time. When I first

1343
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 1: went to him to try to work through these issues,

1344
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 1: he suggested that I have a zoom meeting with our pastor.

1345
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 1: I felt shamed and coursed into abandoning all the questions, concerns,

1346
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 1: and doubts that I was having. I went to talk

1347
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:14,440
Speaker 1: with my husband one more time before I made my decision.

1348
01:01:14,640 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 1: I asked him what he would think if, hypothetically I

1349
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 1: still was unsure about our religion and the dynamics of

1350
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 1: our marriage. His response was something that I had been

1351
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:25,280
Speaker 1: fearing in the back of my mind. He said he

1352
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:28,160
Speaker 1: had been worried ever since we moved that I might

1353
01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 1: not be able to handle living away from our families

1354
01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:33,439
Speaker 1: in our community. He also said that he had been

1355
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:36,480
Speaker 1: missing his own family anyway, and that at the end

1356
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 1: of the semester, I'm a teacher.

1357
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:41,160
Speaker 6: He wanted us to move back home.

1358
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 1: Once we were back home, he said we would be

1359
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:45,800
Speaker 1: better able to work through my problems.

1360
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 6: It was the absolute last thing I wanted to hear.

1361
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:50,800
Speaker 1: I love my job, I love my students, and I

1362
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:53,400
Speaker 1: love all the non religious aspects of my life.

1363
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:56,160
Speaker 6: I decided to take some of the advice I received

1364
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:56,880
Speaker 6: on here earlier.

1365
01:01:57,600 --> 01:02:00,520
Speaker 1: I pretended, I pretended that I was okay with that decision,

1366
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 1: and I pretended to pray with my husband about it.

1367
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:05,960
Speaker 1: The next day, I went to my coworker, who I

1368
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,240
Speaker 1: have become close soon and good friends with some online

1369
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:10,200
Speaker 1: commentaris have suggested too close with.

1370
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:12,240
Speaker 6: And told him what happened.

1371
01:02:12,640 --> 01:02:15,000
Speaker 1: He asked me what my thoughts were about all of it,

1372
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:18,200
Speaker 1: and I kind of emotionally unloaded on him. I even

1373
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:20,360
Speaker 1: cried a little, which was a bit embarrassing.

1374
01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:22,880
Speaker 6: He was perfect, though. He and I came up with

1375
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:25,360
Speaker 6: the plan knowing I get paid every two weeks.

1376
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:27,920
Speaker 1: After my next paycheck came, he helped me set up a

1377
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:30,120
Speaker 1: new bank account with the direct deposit of my check.

1378
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:32,520
Speaker 1: He talked to his sister and her and her husband

1379
01:02:32,560 --> 01:02:34,400
Speaker 1: are going to let me stay at their house while

1380
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,280
Speaker 1: I save up enough money on my own to afford

1381
01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:39,360
Speaker 1: a temporary place. He helps me talk to the administration

1382
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:42,080
Speaker 1: at my work about what was going on and to

1383
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 1: not let my husband or anyone They did not know

1384
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:47,560
Speaker 1: have access to the building or to my information. He

1385
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:50,080
Speaker 1: also put me in contact with a divorce lawyer, and

1386
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:52,680
Speaker 1: I have just begun that process. I have also spent

1387
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:54,880
Speaker 1: the last few days sneaking out some of my clothes

1388
01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,880
Speaker 1: into my classroom so that when I do finally leave

1389
01:02:57,920 --> 01:03:00,800
Speaker 1: next week, I will not have to have left everything behind.

1390
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:03,240
Speaker 1: My husband leaves her a work trip on Monday for

1391
01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:05,720
Speaker 1: a day in half, I will be leaving him a

1392
01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:07,080
Speaker 1: note and moving out then.

1393
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:09,280
Speaker 6: I'm nervous. I'm scared.

1394
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:12,720
Speaker 1: I know I will have to have absolutely no contact

1395
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:15,000
Speaker 1: with my family and my friends back home. I know

1396
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:18,040
Speaker 1: my husband will be upset and probably even blindsided. I

1397
01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:20,040
Speaker 1: know some people will see this as a cowardly way

1398
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 1: to go about leaving my husband, and some of you

1399
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:23,800
Speaker 1: will be disappointed that I am not making more of

1400
01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:25,880
Speaker 1: an effort to work it out with him. But I

1401
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,000
Speaker 1: really think this is the best for both of us.

1402
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,040
Speaker 1: I will be working to save up enough money to

1403
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:32,160
Speaker 1: get a new place to live and to begin therapy

1404
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:33,240
Speaker 1: as soon as I can.

1405
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:36,280
Speaker 6: And we do have a third update from four months later.

1406
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:37,720
Speaker 5: Oh my god, Hey, so.

1407
01:03:37,680 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 6: We're going through with this plan. I like this plan.

1408
01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:41,080
Speaker 5: I don't think you're being cowardly.

1409
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 2: I think you're being realistic with what would work.

1410
01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:44,800
Speaker 8: I think if you tried to tell him you were

1411
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:46,520
Speaker 8: going to do this, I think he would prevent you

1412
01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:48,760
Speaker 8: from from making the moves that you.

1413
01:03:48,680 --> 01:03:49,600
Speaker 6: Would need to do it.

1414
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:51,880
Speaker 1: I think this is like the least cowardly thing that

1415
01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:53,960
Speaker 1: you could do. I feel like doing this is so

1416
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:56,880
Speaker 1: much more scary than just staying like doing what your

1417
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:57,520
Speaker 1: husband says.

1418
01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's that is true. It's taking a lot of

1419
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:02,080
Speaker 8: braver to do. Yeah, you're doing right now.

1420
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:05,800
Speaker 1: Totally, because she's still gonna be dealing with, like processing

1421
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 1: the different world that she's part of now, Like that's

1422
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:10,960
Speaker 1: still gonna be a huge part of her life after this,

1423
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:14,480
Speaker 1: and then in addition to like the grief of leaving the.

1424
01:04:14,440 --> 01:04:15,520
Speaker 6: People that you knew behind.

1425
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:16,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, totally.

1426
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:18,600
Speaker 1: It's a hard situation.

1427
01:04:18,720 --> 01:04:21,200
Speaker 6: But we have a third update from four months later.

1428
01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:24,120
Speaker 6: Let's go, Oh my gosh. I do not know if

1429
01:04:24,120 --> 01:04:25,680
Speaker 6: this is the conclusion to everything.

1430
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,360
Speaker 1: I suppose that all depends on how my ex and

1431
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:31,000
Speaker 1: my family decide to behave moving forward. If you do

1432
01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 1: not know, remember my story, it's all my profile. It

1433
01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:36,520
Speaker 1: is long and tedious. ELI will don't worry about that.

1434
01:04:36,520 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 1: I'll be just know that I left my husband, my family,

1435
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 1: and my religion. I do have an update to where

1436
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:44,040
Speaker 1: I am right now. Though I moved out of my

1437
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:47,480
Speaker 1: coworker's sister's house. I got my own car, my own things,

1438
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:51,000
Speaker 1: my own apartment. I also started and I'm still going therapy.

1439
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:53,040
Speaker 6: Let's freaking go to freaking go.

1440
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 1: I am so grateful and thankful to him and his sister.

1441
01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:00,520
Speaker 1: They are truly amazing people. I spent the hall with

1442
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:02,680
Speaker 1: all of them, and it was honestly the best holidays

1443
01:05:02,720 --> 01:05:05,000
Speaker 1: that I've ever had. Even though I know I am

1444
01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:07,720
Speaker 1: in a better place physically, mentally, and emotionally, it has

1445
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:11,360
Speaker 1: not all been great and amazing. I have felt tremendously

1446
01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:14,200
Speaker 1: lonely many days and nights. It does not make me

1447
01:05:14,320 --> 01:05:16,120
Speaker 1: want to go back to any of it, but it

1448
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:19,280
Speaker 1: is not always easy. I tried making some online friends

1449
01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:20,600
Speaker 1: and it has been.

1450
01:05:20,560 --> 01:05:21,640
Speaker 6: Hit or miss overall.

1451
01:05:22,280 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 1: I think I might be ready to start dating, but

1452
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:26,400
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if I am or how I would

1453
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:29,400
Speaker 1: even go about doing it yet. In the meantime, on Friday,

1454
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:31,360
Speaker 1: to start off my new life in the new Year,

1455
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:35,439
Speaker 1: I was given my finalized divorce papers. My husband has

1456
01:05:35,480 --> 01:05:37,640
Speaker 1: not tried to contact me. Since the first week when

1457
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:40,640
Speaker 1: I left him, I have not heard anything from or

1458
01:05:40,680 --> 01:05:41,280
Speaker 1: about him.

1459
01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:42,280
Speaker 6: Wow, that's crazy.

1460
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 1: So in the long run, I know I'm doing and

1461
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:47,520
Speaker 1: did the right thing and the best thing for me,

1462
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:50,720
Speaker 1: even though it has been hard and confusing at times.

1463
01:05:50,960 --> 01:05:53,560
Speaker 1: Thanks to everyone on here who gave me support and advice.

1464
01:05:53,800 --> 01:05:55,280
Speaker 1: Many of you are wonderful people.

1465
01:05:55,400 --> 01:05:57,760
Speaker 6: And we do have a fourth update. Oh my goodness,

1466
01:05:57,880 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 6: we've got more information.

1467
01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:01,080
Speaker 5: Let's go, let's go.

1468
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:04,760
Speaker 6: This is one year later now, Oh my gosh.

1469
01:06:05,240 --> 01:06:08,160
Speaker 1: I am happy to report that it has been basically

1470
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:11,160
Speaker 1: one year since I started the process of getting away

1471
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:15,240
Speaker 1: from both, and oh my goodness, I could not be happier.

1472
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:15,440
Speaker 5: Now.

1473
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:21,200
Speaker 6: Yes, there is a little bit more to the story,

1474
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:22,160
Speaker 6: but I love where this is.

1475
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:22,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, I do.

1476
01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:24,880
Speaker 8: And I think you know, you don't have to worry

1477
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:27,360
Speaker 8: about them reaching back out to you because they've probably

1478
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:31,320
Speaker 8: been informed by whatever that culty pastor is is like, well,

1479
01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:32,960
Speaker 8: we don't want you talking to her because what if

1480
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:33,520
Speaker 8: she could.

1481
01:06:33,440 --> 01:06:35,800
Speaker 5: Somehow, yeah, corrupt your soul?

1482
01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:39,400
Speaker 1: Right, you must be the night she has been taken

1483
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:40,560
Speaker 1: over by the devil.

1484
01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:42,200
Speaker 3: Probably, Yes, she's a demon.

1485
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 6: Now do you not speak to her?

1486
01:06:43,680 --> 01:06:44,120
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1487
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:46,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, like they're probably having like a whole town

1488
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:47,600
Speaker 1: meeting about this.

1489
01:06:47,720 --> 01:06:50,760
Speaker 5: Yes, town meeting. A woman has begun thinking.

1490
01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:54,800
Speaker 6: Oh, how terrible and evil, evil.

1491
01:06:54,480 --> 01:06:55,880
Speaker 5: You simply cannot have that.

1492
01:06:56,280 --> 01:06:56,440
Speaker 4: No.

1493
01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:00,400
Speaker 1: I have been happily living in my own place, which

1494
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:03,160
Speaker 1: admittedly was not so happy at first. I have a

1495
01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: fully furnished apartment, my own car, my own friends.

1496
01:07:06,200 --> 01:07:07,880
Speaker 6: And essentially my own life.

1497
01:07:08,240 --> 01:07:11,680
Speaker 1: I am even dating someone casually for now, taking things slowly,

1498
01:07:12,280 --> 01:07:14,200
Speaker 1: and my job is paying for me to start grad

1499
01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:16,160
Speaker 1: school and take classes towards my master's.

1500
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:19,000
Speaker 6: That is not to say my life is perfect.

1501
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:21,240
Speaker 1: I do still sometimes miss my family, but I have

1502
01:07:21,320 --> 01:07:24,000
Speaker 1: surrounded myself with so many amazing and supportive people that

1503
01:07:24,040 --> 01:07:25,440
Speaker 1: those moments are short lived.

1504
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:27,200
Speaker 6: Thank you everyone who.

1505
01:07:27,080 --> 01:07:30,120
Speaker 1: Was so supportive It gave me such amazing advice. My

1506
01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:34,040
Speaker 1: thanks in this post cannot possibly express my gratitude. I

1507
01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:36,360
Speaker 1: would also like to pay it forward. If anyone ever

1508
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:38,600
Speaker 1: need support or someone to listen to them, please know

1509
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:39,640
Speaker 1: that I'm always here.

1510
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:42,480
Speaker 6: That's so sweet. Would you look at that?

1511
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:44,720
Speaker 5: Would you give that a gander?

1512
01:07:44,800 --> 01:07:47,000
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, can you imagine?

1513
01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:48,160
Speaker 5: That is just that?

1514
01:07:48,240 --> 01:07:50,640
Speaker 6: Must be really hard to leave your family too, But.

1515
01:07:50,760 --> 01:07:55,280
Speaker 8: Yeah, sure it was horrifying and scary and isolating for

1516
01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:57,120
Speaker 8: a while, But now a year later, you're on the

1517
01:07:57,120 --> 01:07:58,560
Speaker 8: other side of it and it's better than ever.

1518
01:07:58,640 --> 01:08:00,000
Speaker 6: You've got your chosen family.

1519
01:08:00,760 --> 01:08:03,160
Speaker 5: There you go, there you go, and that's the end

1520
01:08:03,200 --> 01:08:03,800
Speaker 5: of this story.