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Speaker 1: Hey guys, this is Matt Rogers. I'm sitting here with

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Speaker 1: my best friend in the world, Bowen Yang, and we

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Speaker 1: are the duo that serves the Last Cultures podcast. He's

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Speaker 1: trying to cut me off right there. I'm sorry, but

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Speaker 1: that's the dynamic. But here's the thing. I have to

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Speaker 1: be here for business right now because I have an

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Speaker 1: important thing to talk about. It's our live show I

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Speaker 1: Don't Think So Honey Live, which is going to be

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Speaker 1: at the Bellhouse on November eighteen at ten pm. Is

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Speaker 1: part of bo Podcast Festival. So I don't cut a

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Speaker 1: bit off. I'm so sorry, but look, I was just

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Speaker 1: so excited to talk about our next live show, I

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Speaker 1: Don't Think So Honey Live on November eighteenth at ten

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Speaker 1: pm at the Bell House. That's part of the Brooklyn

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Speaker 1: Podcast Festival. Is it because we have amazing people like

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Speaker 1: Francesco Ramsey, Jill Kim Booster, Achilla Hughes, Brandon, Scott Jones,

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Speaker 1: Sarah Tola, Mush, Mike Kelton in so much more, all

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Speaker 1: serving one minute rans on culture. It is. And it's

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Speaker 1: so funny because I was going to say that same

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Speaker 1: exact thing. That's because that's what's on the paper in

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Speaker 1: front of us. We don't have a paper in front

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Speaker 1: of us. Who's right, Who's wrong? Find out at the show. Now,

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Speaker 1: this next battle our Southern bells, the Southern Bells, Now, Matt,

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Speaker 1: why don't you describe your your contestant. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I'm so fucking excited to bring my contestant to the stage.

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Speaker 1: My contestant is on the mod team of the Classic

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Speaker 1: and is a veteran of characters. Welcome, and guess what,

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Speaker 1: She's a fucking teacher at the UCB. So if you

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Speaker 1: want to fucking learn something, you better open your goddamn

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Speaker 1: dumbass eyes and peel them and stick it up here.

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Speaker 1: Stick your eyes up here. That's what I said. This

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Speaker 1: motherfuck Chris is Chrissy Shacob. Motherfuck Chris has shacks. There's

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Speaker 1: some thirsty gays just up on this stage. The gays.

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Speaker 1: We're up here. And now a thirsty Southern bell And

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Speaker 1: now my contestant, my Southern bell hailing from the great

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Speaker 1: state of Georgia, is coming up here. And listen. She

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Speaker 1: and I have been in the trenches together. We've stuffed

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Speaker 1: food in each other's mouths as a bit on stage

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Speaker 1: at the now defunct over the eight mean, she rests

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Speaker 1: and she is someone who books the house down boots.

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Speaker 1: You see her all over the fucking city. She's iconic.

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Speaker 1: I love her. She's in Atlanta, Queen, please welcome. Chill

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Speaker 1: was sharp. Oh my god, you're gonna if you're gonna, now,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna. Now. You got it all right? So the

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Speaker 1: Great State of Texas is gonna stick. Take the stage first.

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Speaker 1: Chrissie is up, Bowen, Are you ready to give her

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Speaker 1: a damn? This is Chrissy Shackleford. I don't think so, honey.

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Speaker 1: Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who

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Speaker 1: don't know how to act in a Starbucks, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: am talking to all of you. Brooklyn A drink local coffee,

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Speaker 1: go funk yourself. When you go into a Starbucks, learn

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Speaker 1: how to act. I see you walk in there, like,

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Speaker 1: where's the line? Bitch? All the Starbucks look exactly the same.

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Speaker 1: The lines are by the little snacks. And then you

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Speaker 1: go to the register, you order your coffee, you pay

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Speaker 1: for it, and then you wait at the register for

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Speaker 1: your coffee. Are you stupid? I'm standing behind you, ready

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Speaker 1: to order my skim caramel latte. Thank you watching the

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Speaker 1: wait and you are standing in front of the register,

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Speaker 1: not knowing to get your dumb mass down to the

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Speaker 1: counter where they're gonna call your fucking name. Okay, you

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Speaker 1: Brooklyn Wednesday, Adam's Halloween costume. Bitches, come into my basic

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Speaker 1: Heaven Starbucks and Buck shut up. I'll see you while

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Speaker 1: I'm watching. This is one but this is us, all right,

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Speaker 1: here we go. It's time, It's time for sale. Was

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Speaker 1: sharp your I don't think so, honey. Time starts now.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. People who assume I know

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Speaker 1: how to twork fucked up. I know how the ass looks,

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Speaker 1: I know it's big, but I'm not here to teach

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Speaker 1: you how to do with Becky. I'm not doing it.

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Speaker 1: I don't do line dances. Quit asking me to start

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Speaker 1: the electric slide. I don't do it. That's fucked up.

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Speaker 1: I come from a time when all you had to

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Speaker 1: do was look good in your genes. You didn't have

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Speaker 1: to then move it like you're nervous all the goddamn talk.

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Speaker 1: What is scared off? Me and j Lo? We don't twork.

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Speaker 1: Check it out. Watch that video she made with one

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Speaker 1: of them, one of them flower bitches. The Australian one

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Speaker 1: with the long blonde hair. All they're doing is just

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Speaker 1: nothing meat together. They're not actually talking. She didn't have

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Speaker 1: to twork, She teasing red lips, a tight jean, a

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Speaker 1: high heel. That's what I do. I don't shake that

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Speaker 1: ship funk all of y'all. I don't think so, honey.

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Speaker 1: I'm not teaching you all the stick a girl. Mom

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Speaker 1: boons are internal. I think you'll dick in half, but

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Speaker 1: I stuff to break your dick in half. Cho Wow,

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Speaker 1: let's throw it over to the go for a comment

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Speaker 1: from Joel can booster our judge? Wow, Um, this one's

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Speaker 1: gonna hurt me. I have so much deep respect for

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Speaker 1: both of you women. Um, I really don't know which

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Speaker 1: one I'm going to go with at this time. Starbucks

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Speaker 1: is it culture? It is food culture. I guess drinking culture,

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Speaker 1: line culture, that sort of thing. I like your call

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Speaker 1: the snacks. My one critique for you, Chrissie is, um,

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like you showed up to work dressed

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Speaker 1: to work today? Can I fucking tell you? Bitch? I

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Speaker 1: have not a penny to my name, and I do

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Speaker 1: not wear red. I'm waiting for a paycheck to come in,

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Speaker 1: and I could not go out and buy a shirt.

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Speaker 1: It's he was in saying to me that you don't

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Speaker 1: know own any red. Um. And then over here we

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Speaker 1: have um a sort of oriental inspired dress, which does

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Speaker 1: feel directly like it's attacking me. I don't feel attacked,

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Speaker 1: don't I have to say I don't. I don't feel attacked.

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Speaker 1: I'm an immigrant. I'm an immigrant. I don't speak for

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Speaker 1: the entire community. I don't speak for the entire community,

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Speaker 1: but I will say I was taken aback, you know.

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Speaker 1: So it's sort of startorial. Lee is sort of a

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Speaker 1: draw for me in that way. Um, but god, I

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Speaker 1: loved it. I loved I think it's the first I

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Speaker 1: don't think so honey about dance. And I loved that,

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Speaker 1: um because again a big pillar of culture dance. Yeah, alright,

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Speaker 1: let's start over to Michelle Collins. Michelle, Okay, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: make this pick just kidding. You are adorable. UM. I

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Speaker 1: love Starbucks. I get I have a hundred and twenty

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Speaker 1: five points in my account every day. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I spend a lot of money there, and I agree,

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Speaker 1: But also that's kind of the fun of Starbucks, isn't it.

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Speaker 1: That it's like a big wild West and like getting

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Speaker 1: to watch people if not know what the funk they're doing,

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Speaker 1: and it gets very confusing. They're ordering like these Suvie

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Speaker 1: egg bites. If you want an order of each, meaning

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Speaker 1: two of each, you have to say no, two of

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Speaker 1: each because other ways I'll be like, we don't split

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Speaker 1: them up. It's confusing. No one gets it. Okay, listen,

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Speaker 1: you'll try them, you'll order it. It's fine, Um and

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Speaker 1: SHELI what I have to tell you that I am

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Speaker 1: changing my tender bio to My moves are internal, so

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Speaker 1: I'm forever indebted to you. I am also I have

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Speaker 1: a big old ass. I also don't work. I also

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Speaker 1: do an exercise. It's not the point, but I, Um,

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Speaker 1: I really felt connected to both of your stories and

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Speaker 1: I want to thank you for sharing them with us today. Okay,

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Speaker 1: beautiful Tyler Coone. Um, you know, I think your your

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Speaker 1: piece was so direct and and you got I mean

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Speaker 1: you got there so quickly, and you stayed with it,

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Speaker 1: and I respect it and I just loved it. And

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Speaker 1: with I think with this was your Starbucks story. It

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Speaker 1: is a story. It's a it's a true one act

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Speaker 1: play in a minute, you know, and I think that

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Speaker 1: you know. It gave you a place, it gave me

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Speaker 1: a setting. But you know what, I could see the

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Speaker 1: people that you were talking about, whether my my home,

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Speaker 1: neighborhood of Park Slope children, or if I was in

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Speaker 1: the Starbucks in Times Square, just Europeans who have no

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Speaker 1: idea what's going on. And I just loved that. I

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Speaker 1: saw the full spectrum. So again, as JULSOI very tough

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Speaker 1: for me beautiful Okay, so we have a tough race again.

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Speaker 1: These ladies killed it. I am going to ask for

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Speaker 1: the reveal of the votes in three two one go

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Speaker 1: babies across the sh advances to the next round. Thank you, La,

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Speaker 1: get it up for Chrissie Shackle, for everybody Christie at Wow.

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Speaker 1: Let's keep things going, shall we, Matt, what's this next one?

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Speaker 1: Well learned? Well learned? All right? This next, this next

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Speaker 1: round is the art queers. You can see these queers

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Speaker 1: fucking around with some art. I want to welcome up

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Speaker 1: to the stage right now you're about to be receiving

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Speaker 1: some true fire from Gabe Gonzalez. Come on, baby, give

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Speaker 1: out for game Gunzal. Here we go from my side.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome they have a show at Carolines on Broadway

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Speaker 1: as part of the festival this week. You can see

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Speaker 1: them up from all over town. Please welcome to the stage.

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Speaker 1: Peter Smith, Peter, all right, Gabe, you are first bone.

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Speaker 1: Let's get time on the clock. Let's get time on

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Speaker 1: the clock for Gabes. I don't think so, honey, Gabe

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Speaker 1: gonzalez Is. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. People who have told me

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Speaker 1: to stop speaking Spanish in public, kick and get out

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Speaker 1: that may And if you couldn't understand it, that's your

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Speaker 1: fault for phone to get in during Miss Sandra seventh

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Speaker 1: grade Spanish class and assuming the English lang would you

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Speaker 1: would booie your mediocre mono lingual Anglo ass into the century.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. And news flash for you,

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Speaker 1: Miss Becky bow Bundy sits up there to me and

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Speaker 1: my grandma out of Walgreens in Tampa, Florida. You look

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Speaker 1: like a bitch, And you look like a bitch because

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Speaker 1: you're mad because I'm bilingual and at least I have

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Speaker 1: a few options, and you also look like a bitch.

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Speaker 1: For scream and get a lady who came before for

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Speaker 1: Puerto Rico with five kids and learned your basic ass

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Speaker 1: language with contradictory grammatical rules, so she could buy your

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Speaker 1: flavorless food and put her kids in the second world

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Speaker 1: school system in the country. But you know what, they

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Speaker 1: still speak better English than you because your inbred ass

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Speaker 1: keeps tripping over. There's tim bacgrawl lyrics. So I have

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Speaker 1: said it by that one, don't they so jump and

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Speaker 1: sucking on honey Stow lyrics? Alright, Peter Smith, take god,

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Speaker 1: what the fucking theatrics? Dank? He's you're listening at home?

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Speaker 1: I just sat down your I don't think so, honey

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Speaker 1: begins now, I don't think so, honey. Duke of Cornwall,

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Speaker 1: son of Queen Elizabeth, the second heir to the throne,

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Speaker 1: Prince Charles. How dare you? You were married to the

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Speaker 1: epitome of glamor. The glamorous is the most beautiful woman

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Speaker 1: in the world and you ruined it. Thirty seconds you

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Speaker 1: she hit with Camilla Parker balls. Your face looks like

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Speaker 1: popped gum. You want to die so that your son

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Speaker 1: can do all the work for you and you can

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Speaker 1: just get the paychecks. This is show bizbaby, fucking plate.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know he's had a rough go just kidding.

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Speaker 1: Check your privilege, bitch. I don't think so, honey, popped

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Speaker 1: gum ass face die. That is one minute Sater said

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Speaker 1: it was stunning, fantastic, stunning. I don't think so, honey. Wow,

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Speaker 1: a lot of carnage. Having two amazing takes, two different takes.

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Speaker 1: Here we go to the judges. You know, I feel

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Speaker 1: like I just watched like an R and B artist

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Speaker 1: and a country artist. Computer. You couldn't have been too

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Speaker 1: completely different energies that we were getting. Um, Gabe definitely

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Speaker 1: giving me a culture in that I find bilinguals like

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Speaker 1: uh six, Um, I thought I loved that. I loved

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Speaker 1: it was like when Shakira was a joy a void

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Speaker 1: the judge on the voice and people came and Spa

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Speaker 1: saying Spanish songs for her. I speak Spanish, so I

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Speaker 1: felt like it was for me. Um, you're one of

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Speaker 1: the I am on the verge of a stroke. Um, Peter,

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Speaker 1: when you who sat down, you made the people come

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Speaker 1: to you. Um, you made them come to you, and

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Speaker 1: I respect the hell out of that. So I don't

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Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna do. Wow, all right, um, Okay,

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Speaker 1: well let's start. I'm gonna start with Peter because I

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Speaker 1: feel like let's mix it up a little bit. Peter,

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Speaker 1: First of all, the look beyond, I mean just to

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Speaker 1: die for those listening at home, I look great, genuinely,

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Speaker 1: and I do feel like your energy is like otherworldly

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Speaker 1: in a way that intrigues me so much that I

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Speaker 1: never want to not look at you. I'm like, tell

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Speaker 1: me everything about you, like right, like the sitting and

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Speaker 1: the looking. It's just you. You have such an elegant

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Speaker 1: aura and I really really appreciate that about you. And

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Speaker 1: also I agree about Camilla. So let's move it. If

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Speaker 1: you really want to laugh after the show, google uh

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Speaker 1: Kim Miller, Parker Horse Like, just google it and I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you laws for days you'll die. And then now, Gabe,

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Speaker 1: you really triggered me a little bit because I failed

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Speaker 1: my college Spanish class. And um that's a fact at

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Speaker 1: Bernard Ideal it Um my professor was the sister of

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Speaker 1: Lalo Schiffrin who rode to the Mission Impossible the same theme.

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Speaker 1: So also funck that movie and show. Um am I

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Speaker 1: with you guys, Okay, I'll just stop. The point is

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Speaker 1: you did great. Thank you thanks Tyler code. Tyler, I

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Speaker 1: gave your soap bold and you made me triggered me

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Speaker 1: to to uh high school when I was taught Spanish

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Speaker 1: by uh this woman from Virginia who was very white

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Speaker 1: and very southern. So this very class a uh you know,

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Speaker 1: tango like I don't. I lost all of it. So

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Speaker 1: you know that's my failure. Um, I got seized the

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Speaker 1: entire time. And Peter, you know, I feel like I

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Speaker 1: was watching an episode of the Crown. So much happened, well,

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Speaker 1: so little happened, but I so much. But still it

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Speaker 1: made me want I need to go on Wikipedia to

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Speaker 1: verify everything. I want to go on a journey for

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Speaker 1: my own sake. And you know that's that's the stuff

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Speaker 1: that cultures made of. All right, let's put it to

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Speaker 1: a vote for the judges on the count. Let's get

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Speaker 1: the results of that vote. One, two, three judges. Let's

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Speaker 1: take a look. We've got Peter's across the bard. Peter

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Speaker 1: Smith advances to the next round. It's okay, white people

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Speaker 1: will always pickle onialism. I'monialism, fine, it's fine. I'm royalty

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Speaker 1: in my heart. Royalty can't get it up anybody. Wow.

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Speaker 1: All right, let's keep going. This is a crazy one.

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Speaker 1: This is a nuts and one. This one is called

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Speaker 1: Facebook shaker uppers. And now we're going to bring them

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Speaker 1: to the stage. God put him the wholesome miss Andrew

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Speaker 1: and Marcia and Ray Sanny, Marshall Belski. Here we go, Darling,

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Speaker 1: here we go. Now let's welcome up my contested my

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Speaker 1: teammate Nicole Silverberg. Thank you all right, So get time

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Speaker 1: on the clock. Bowen, this is Marshabowski's I don't think so, honey.

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Speaker 1: Her time starts now. I'm going on the nose. I

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Speaker 1: don't think so, honey, Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Zuckerberg, you wease

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Speaker 1: a lot to face, fake perm piece of shit. I

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Speaker 1: don't think so. I wish al Gored never invented the Internet,

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Speaker 1: and I wish God had never invented you. I don't

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Speaker 1: think so, honey, Mark. Freedom of the Internet. Your Internet

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Speaker 1: maybe free. My Internet is a prison of my own making. Mark,

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Speaker 1: you are Joseph Gerbel's Mark. Do you understand that this

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Speaker 1: is my impression of Mark Zuckerberg. Do you want to

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Speaker 1: buy an ad for Russia? I will not tell. I

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Speaker 1: will not tell. Listen, Mark, if you're the first Jewish president,

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Speaker 1: I will undo my b mitzvah. Okay, I will cancel

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Speaker 1: birthright for everyone. Knock knock, who's there? Me? Mark always? Honey,

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Speaker 1: that's one to knock me, Mark always. Now, let's get

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Speaker 1: time on the clock for Nicole Silverberg. Nicole, your time

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Speaker 1: starts now. I don't think so, honey. Jane Goodall, Bitch,

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Speaker 1: the monkey thing is weird. I don't care that you

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Speaker 1: wrote all these books. I don't care that you did

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Speaker 1: all this research about chimpanzees. No matter what, your Christmas

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Speaker 1: card is the saddest one in your friend group. Okay, bitch,

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Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, Jane Goodall, Okay, listen, bitch,

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Speaker 1: you were married twice. The last time you were married

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Speaker 1: and ended in nineteen eight, and the whole reason you

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Speaker 1: were even married to that fucking guy would be he

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Speaker 1: had like power in Tanzania to make you fucking do

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Speaker 1: your research without getting caught like, bitch, you have to

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Speaker 1: move away from the monkeys. You call yourself a humanitarian.

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Speaker 1: Very easy to do when you haven't met a human. Okay,

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Speaker 1: but Jane Goodall, I don't buy your whole thing. I

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Speaker 1: don't think it's noble. I don't think it's smart. You

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Speaker 1: know what a chimp is really the least good human

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Speaker 1: and that's my smart contribution. Bitch, I don't think so, honey.

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Speaker 1: Jane Goodall's very good, beautiful. That was that was amazing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, I'm going to u Joel. That

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Speaker 1: was some culture around there. That's truly an honor to

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Speaker 1: judge two titans of white feminism. Truly, I'm not even sure. Um. Marcia,

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Speaker 1: I loved your fire. You bring passion to everything you do,

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Speaker 1: and that's what I love about you. I will say

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Speaker 1: I did one sleep with one of the original developers

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Speaker 1: of Facebook, so I did feel personally attacked. And Nicole,

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Speaker 1: U mean you really went I was. It was really

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Speaker 1: like left field. I did not expect it. I did

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Speaker 1: not see it coming. I don't think I've ever heard

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Speaker 1: Jane Goodall bitch um spoken like. I'm not sure Jane

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Speaker 1: Goodall has ever been called a bitch, And it just

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Speaker 1: reminded me that I love We're living in a cultural

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Speaker 1: moment where bitch is just kind of a punctuation, Marca,

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Speaker 1: and I love that about you. So I don't know

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Speaker 1: what I'm gonna do. Alright, Michelle, Hi, guys, all right, Marcia,

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Speaker 1: great energy, hi. Um. I also hate Facebook and I'm

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Speaker 1: every day on the verge of absolutely deleting it because

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Speaker 1: even like my very sad fan page is just racists.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, they're fans. No, Like I guess there's

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Speaker 1: so mean like it is truly the garbage dump of America.

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Speaker 1: I agree, it's it's awful. Um. That being said, I like,

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Speaker 1: you know, getting legs and hearts, so whatever. I'm very

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Speaker 1: I'm a simple girl, but I get it. But also,

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Speaker 1: don't cancel Birthright. What a great journey we've all been

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Speaker 1: on now, Um, I mean, really did you do birthright? Um?

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Speaker 1: I did, like a birthright type thing, let's hook ups.

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Speaker 1: We went to type thing, let's hook ups. I'm through, okay,

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Speaker 1: but that's the whole point of Birthright is the hanicaps

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Speaker 1: and like the clubs and telling vive Okay, Pine Cole,

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Speaker 1: I really have to disagree with you here, Jane Goodall,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. My dream is to have a chimp rip

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Speaker 1: my face off? Are you kidding me? How chic is that?

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Speaker 1: That woman over? I was like, what a star? Better

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Speaker 1: after the surgery? Okay? You never know? And the chimps

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Speaker 1: are so fucking cute? Are you kidding me, like scooping

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Speaker 1: your little go online and you watch videos of Cocoa

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Speaker 1: the Gorilla playing guitar with Betty White and you tell

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Speaker 1: me if that's not your fucking dream, Okay, because all

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Speaker 1: I want to do is hang with Coco. Sorry I

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Speaker 1: said this was so sad for me. It's very sad

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Speaker 1: for me. I know I'm sad. Well. I think our

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Speaker 1: votes just change. We're back, um anyways, that being sad,

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Speaker 1: I love monkeys, thank you. Tyler Bowen is wiping up

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Speaker 1: beer that he's spilled with his cape. Horrible. He's horrible, horrible.

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Speaker 1: I hate monkeys. Suck up literally fucking can. I mean

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Speaker 1: they're your uncle's please. I don't like my uncle's either,

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Speaker 1: so that's mistaken. I'm prony who's pro monkey? You animal?

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Speaker 1: You're all animals for not being pro monkey? My uncles

349
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Speaker 1: are on Facebook and I hate Facebook two anyway, so

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Speaker 1: fuck monkeys. I never again true surprise, however, you know

351
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Speaker 1: I love it. Um, she needs new friends, that's friends.

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Speaker 1: Let's I agree with everything you said, and Marshall, obviously

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Speaker 1: I agree with everything you say. I do wish it

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Speaker 1: was a surprise, That's all I'm gonna say that that's

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Speaker 1: all right, all right, okay, so now count of three.

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Speaker 1: Let's have our judges right down. We're gonna you have

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Speaker 1: a slow countdown from three, three, two one. Reveal Nicole,

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Speaker 1: Nicole is Nicole? Forgot to Nicole, get it up for

359
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Speaker 1: Marcia balls full takes it. So so far we have

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Speaker 1: Bowen has five and I have three. Bow I believe you,

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Speaker 1: I believe I have I have five. You're right, yes, okay, guys,

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Speaker 1: this for this round, don't match a further round. Let's

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Speaker 1: do it. Let's go. Yes, all right, please welcome to

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Speaker 1: the stage, I mean, the Queen of my heart, Michelle bo. Yes,

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Speaker 1: come on fence, Oh, come on, come on, Michelle Wow,

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Speaker 1: and please welcome. She's gonna make an entrance in some

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Speaker 1: way in the Queen of my heart. Annie Dodley. Where

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Speaker 1: is she coming? Where? Oh no, no, clean mind the

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Speaker 1: plus size want she getting married? What the funk she doing?

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Speaker 1: Is this? Cats? Is this? Cats? What is this? Cats?

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Speaker 1: Were here? We go? Let's do it. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: it's time for Michelle girl taking my motherfucker's space. Ya

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Speaker 1: claiming my time, claiming my time times. I don't think so, honey,

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Speaker 1: time starts now, I don't think so. The motherfucker that

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Speaker 1: decided a mirror was a cute idea across from the

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Speaker 1: toilet in the fancy hotel I'm staying at. I sat

377
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Speaker 1: down on the toilet, I looked at myself and I

378
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Speaker 1: was like, I don't think so, honey. Okay, if I

379
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Speaker 1: want to see what I look like sitting down naked,

380
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Speaker 1: I would have made a sex tape. Bitch. I don't

381
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Speaker 1: think so, honey. This douche architect, motherfucker, American psycho, entitle

382
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Speaker 1: white motherfucker that was just like, oh, yes, you gotta

383
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Speaker 1: look at yourself. Ship, you gotta be cute. I blame

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Speaker 1: the patriarchy for this ship. I do not think so, honey.

385
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Speaker 1: I mean, look, I have not found my belly button

386
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Speaker 1: when I sit down since I was twelve years old.

387
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Speaker 1: I'm not trying to start, Okay, Jenny Craig, don't care.

388
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Speaker 1: My husband don't care. I sit on his face. We

389
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Speaker 1: make it fucking happen five seconds. I don't give a

390
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: fuck who you is. Okay, you could be Idris Elba,

391
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Speaker 1: Jason Momoa, George Clooney, The Rock, The Fat Rock, Lisa Bone,

392
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Speaker 1: Lisa bow Hey, Holle, Barry Beyonce, salon. Okay, I don't

393
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,440
Speaker 1: give a funk who you are. You are not you

394
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Speaker 1: when you take a ship. If you want to see

395
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 1: what you look like taking a ship, get over and

396
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 1: say to you, motherfucker. Okay I I oh, how did

397
00:24:56,119 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: you even hear it? I didn't hear it. I gotta

398
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 1: camel toe to the thirty fives like wow, she didn't

399
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 1: even care. You're too weak. You're too weak to stop

400
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 1: for your two week Sorry. You gotta be loud like

401
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 1: Steve hard, like Steve Harvey. She said, this is this

402
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 1: is Diva delox is the title this matchup and CA's

403
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 1: safe before and please welcome my deep Annie. Don lady

404
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 1: unwill Annie? Your time starts now? I don't think so, honey,

405
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 1: Steve Harvey, with all your dating books for women, bit

406
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 1: and like a woman, think like a man? What think

407
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 1: like a man? Am I supposed to think about writing

408
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 1: a memo to my coworkers. Do not distort me when

409
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in my makeup chair. Do not approach me

410
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 1: in the hallway. A man, don't talk that way. Face

411
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 1: is Steve, You're a diva. Be thirty seconds what he seconds?

412
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: I will never ever for as long as I live.

413
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,920
Speaker 1: Yet what you did to those women in the miss

414
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Speaker 1: you knows seconds. I know that you are a man

415
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: of God, Steve, so I sulcerely hope that you are

416
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:37,479
Speaker 1: somewhere five seconds. Ship, that's one minute, right, that's one minute.

417
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 1: Just think fresh up. Oh my word, this motherfucker's um

418
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 1: Joel feedback. This is humiliated. Annie Donnelly just humiliated every

419
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 1: gay person in this room, in this competition. She just

420
00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 1: gave us more drag than anybody else ever could. Here's

421
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: the thing, though, I'm not sure I understood where that

422
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:10,359
Speaker 1: she screamed, Um, I know is about Steve Harvey and

423
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 1: it was full energy. Um. Who is this person? I've

424
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: never seen him in my life. Michelle the just the

425
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,159
Speaker 1: baddest bitch. I think it takes such guts to go

426
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,399
Speaker 1: thirty seconds over the prescribed one minute, and then to

427
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: claim you've con here. I think it is a real

428
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 1: bosss move. That is your white jumpsuit. Um, that is

429
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: what you brought to this. So God bless you. I

430
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,440
Speaker 1: love you. But Michelle Collins, I'm actually going to piggyback

431
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: off that and say you deserve those thirty seconds, because

432
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 1: that rocky entrance was at least three minutes. Dam time.

433
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 1: I loved it, but I was there for you, and

434
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 1: I said. Now that being said, I also agree with

435
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 1: you about toilet mirrors. Um. I don't like it. I

436
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 1: don't like seeing it. And it also makes me realize

437
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,400
Speaker 1: how much roommate take up. When I sit on the subway,

438
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh god, I'm like, no wonder. So I

439
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,960
Speaker 1: felt that it really I spread is real, Michelle, It

440
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: really really is. It's my man's reading now, Annie, Uh,

441
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 1: you can look at me? Okay, what she won't She

442
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 1: won't look at me. Is this like a Steve Harvey

443
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: like homage? Yes, it's just it's her nails. Oh my god,

444
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Is this a personal thing? I'll kill her? Anyways?

445
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: Al Right, well, great job. I guess that's it. My

446
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 1: dad owns a Jack as Steve Harvey jacket from Sears,

447
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: so that's all I have to say that that's true.

448
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 1: But you look great. You look great. Um. I was

449
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: terrified about this matchup from the start, and my expectations

450
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: were not as high as they should have been. Um.

451
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 1: I will start with Michelle. Every time you get up

452
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: to a microphone, I mean, you could be pulling everything

453
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: out of your ass at that moment. But it sounds

454
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 1: like you wrote it, revised it, revised it again. It's

455
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: fully formed, it's thought out, and I think you were

456
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: planning to take that time and I respect that. Um. Annie,

457
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: you fucking scare me. Um And I respect that too

458
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 1: because I like being spooked. So I have that for you.

459
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: Amazing feedback from the judges. What around? What a matchup?

460
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 1: This is crazy, but you have to make a choice.

461
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 1: Goes I. Count of three, slow, countdown, three to one.

462
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 1: Let's get our names in and it is Michelle Michelle

463
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 1: Route takes it home. There we guys, Annie Dunley, give

464
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: it the funk up for this queen. Now now it's

465
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: fine of say my second one was short, dick Man,

466
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 1: Well you might have said that too soon, Annie, Annie Donney.

467
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: There is a twist for round two. Each Bowen and

468
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: I get to redeem someone and steal someone who has

469
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: lost from the other team. Bowen, we'll go to you first,

470
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 1: since you were winning as of right now. Who is

471
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: your redemption? My redemption will be Oh, this is so

472
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,479
Speaker 1: so hard. Okay, you know what I have to redeem.

473
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: Michael Hartney. Michael Hartney is bathroom the back of the

474
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: mess back of the next Michael Harney, Matt, what about you?

475
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: My redemption is going to be Pat Reagan because I

476
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 1: believe in you and I believe that you can get

477
00:30:55,320 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 1: up here and stand where you're supposed to fucking stand. Bowen,

478
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: Who will you steal out of the people that have

479
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: failed from my team to win? And move tons around? Two?

480
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to steal Elease Morales. Elie Morales is back

481
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: in the max. Elease You're back in. That's an amazing choice.

482
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: I'm really proud of. I'm really happy with that choice.

483
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 1: And I steal Anti fucking Doddy bitch. There we go host.

484
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 1: All right, you guys, we're gonna take a quick ten

485
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: minute break. We know we're gonna take a five minute break.

486
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: Right back here, drink Hi, everybody. This is Matt Rodgers.

487
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here with Bone Yang and we're the co

488
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: host of the Last Cultures podcast, and we're so excited

489
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: because we have a beautiful, amazing, wonderful live show that

490
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: we want you, yes, you to be at. It's called

491
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: I Don't Think So Honey Live. It's our third installment

492
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 1: of the show and it's all going down at the

493
00:31:56,200 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: Bellhouse on Saturday, Novem ten pm is part of Brooklyn

494
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: Podcast Festival. Now. I am so excited for all of

495
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 1: these guests. We picked out fifty brand new comedians who

496
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 1: have not done and I don't think so, Honey live

497
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: been one of our live shows before, to take something

498
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: to task and culture that's bothering them and this is

499
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 1: so fun. We're so excited to be part of the festival,

500
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: to do our first show at the Bell House, and

501
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: we hope you come out. It's always such a fun

502
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 1: time and who knows, maybe you might get called up

503
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 1: to do your own. I don't think so. There will

504
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 1: be a raffle, and if you win the raffle, not

505
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,840
Speaker 1: only will you be heralded for giving to charity, pails

506
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: will be able to do it. I don't think so, Honey,

507
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 1: of your own, that's right, an interactive show, you bitch bit.

508
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think you should really think about

509
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: coming out to this. I think you're gonna have a

510
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 1: good time, a lot of good talent, a lot of

511
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 1: good friends. Possibly you know what general drinks to choose

512
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,959
Speaker 1: from from the bar? Yeah, they have their liquor license.

513
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: That's always number one. Gotta have the liquor license, and

514
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: then number two stage a stage and number three the

515
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: cabaret laws are gone. You can dance all you want. Now, wow, Well,

516
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 1: don't answering the show because you know there's a show

517
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: going on and people want to be focused on that.

518
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: But you know you wouldn't go to prison if you dance.

519
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 1: We would just not not appreciate it. And that's what

520
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 1: America is all about. See what the show by. We're

521
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 1: gonna keep things rolling. We know, we know that this

522
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 1: is gonna be a fucking marathon, but you know what,

523
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 1: it's all worth it for the cultural stuff. Then awards,

524
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 1: we're gonna streamline things a little bit. Guys, this is

525
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 1: gonna be so fun. Matt, explain to everybody what's gonna happen. Now,

526
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: here's what's gonna happen. We have thirteen contestants left. What

527
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 1: you're about to see is thirteen I don't think I

528
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 1: don't think so Honey is right in a row. Our

529
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: judges are gonna be watching closely, and at the end

530
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 1: of the I don't think so honey is, they are

531
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 1: each going to choose one contestants to move on to

532
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 1: the finals. We are then going to have a final three,

533
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: and they will duke it out based on a trollbal

534
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 1: suggestion topic from the judges. You can do anything you want.

535
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, any topic it alright, So

536
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 1: we are going to be starting. I'll tell you all

537
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: the order right now. We're gonna go, Tim Murray, Annie Donnley,

538
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:11,800
Speaker 1: I hope your costume changes over. Pat Reagan, Michael Hartney,

539
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 1: Elsa Morales, Greta Titleman, Michelle Bluteau, Peter Smith, Chill with

540
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 1: Sharp Ray Sonny, Nicole Silverberg, Dylan Maron, Dave Mazzoni. Alright,

541
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: let's go. Let's do Who's ready, Who's ready? Who's ready? Yes?

542
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 1: How here we go. Tim Murray, please make your way

543
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 1: to the stage. Annie Donley, you are on deck all right.

544
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:39,799
Speaker 1: This is Tim Murray, who is on Team Matt, Team

545
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:44,839
Speaker 1: Matt and his I don't think so, honey. Time starts now.

546
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. College theater programs, why are

547
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: these even still a thing? There are no jobs in theater.

548
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 1: We need to stop teaching young white blonde girls two

549
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 1: time step. They need to fill out ball, change their

550
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 1: major to business. There are eight hundred seventy four hundred

551
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 1: and six young white blonde women majoring in musical theater

552
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 1: this year. And there are three jobs and one of

553
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 1: them is Hamilton's. They're not gonna be in that, at

554
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: least I hope not. And what what what? What? Why

555
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 1: are we even distill doing this? There? We need doctors,

556
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: we need lawyers, we need people in the Peace Corps.

557
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 1: We don't need another bitch belting the end of astonishing

558
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 1: a half stopped flat that gets your sag eligibility will

559
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 1: not save the world, you know, I will save the world.

560
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:44,719
Speaker 1: Nothing the programs. Fine, I don't think so. I need

561
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:51,240
Speaker 1: to get a job. That's why. Minute. That was him, Murray, everyone,

562
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: Mury next, please welcome to patriganzl on deck. But please

563
00:35:55,680 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: welcome Annie Dolly back stage. And here it's raining, it's raining,

564
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 1: it's raining. Any timely, here we go. I'm t Matt.

565
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: Now this is one minute. Time starts now. I don't

566
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: think so, honey. The judges commentary on the first round, like,

567
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 1: could it be any longer? Hey, this is at your

568
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,320
Speaker 1: comedy said problem anymore? Honey. This show is for Bowen

569
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 1: and Maud and the performers. Michelle monologue, Enough, honey, time

570
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: to make some friends, Honey, time to go outside and

571
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:51,960
Speaker 1: talk to somebody. Honey, you got fifty of the audience

572
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: leaving because y'all motherfucker's gonna shut the funk up. We

573
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: are powder, bitch, we are tired, We want to go home.

574
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 1: We want you to make it seconds, oh fifty seconds. No,

575
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep a brief. I don't think so, honey.

576
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: Fuck you judges. I know we said we were gonna

577
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,800
Speaker 1: have at it, and I will just share with you.

578
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 1: Matt texted me last night and I quote, it's hard

579
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: because the crux of our entire show is the judging panel.

580
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 1: And also, why was I the only fucking one who

581
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 1: got called that? Joel's not talking for a just Pat

582
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 1: Regan Michael Harney on Tech. This is Pat Reagan on

583
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 1: Team Matt Team. His time starts new. I don't think so, honey.

584
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 1: People who always come for Selina Gomez to just get

585
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 1: the funk off of her job. She's like, not a

586
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 1: great singer. That's not her fucking job. She's fun and

587
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 1: she's breathy, and she speaks sings and she has fun

588
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,320
Speaker 1: hair like I feel like she's being a fucking gambit.

589
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: Medical Nightmare is like Captain Taylor Swift's fucking freezer, like

590
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 1: Justin Bieber like, and people come for her like because

591
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 1: she's not amazing, like it was Britney spears so fucking

592
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 1: great at singing, at singing things, so honey, like we

593
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 1: have seen Selena and the Pantine commercials. She found her voice.

594
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,839
Speaker 1: And you know what, I fucking still to this day,

595
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 1: to this moment, ship Selena and Justin, and I love

596
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 1: that she's going back and I love that they went

597
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: to church not once but twice together. And then she

598
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: took Sunday off and had some coffee by herself. And

599
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: guess what, like I think like she like took some

600
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: time and was strong, and I think she was fun

601
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 1: in her bed act and Saturday Night Live. That was

602
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 1: fun to me. And I liked the men who snapped

603
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: around her. And that's one at least her house is

604
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: on deck. But now please welcome my Michael, my heart

605
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:51,320
Speaker 1: to stitch. Here we go, Michael Hartney, Uh, your time

606
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 1: starts now. I don't think so, honey. Having to consolidate

607
00:38:55,719 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 1: my content, I don't think so, honey. Restaurants serve that

608
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: little bottle of diet coke. We're gonna need a bigger

609
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 1: boat bitch, I don't think so, honey. Bear face. That's

610
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 1: that thing where gay men of size and hair make

611
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: this face in the selfie. Oh that's what we need

612
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 1: a Chelsea cub for your face to look rounder. I

613
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. The People's improv Theater, Honey, that

614
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,880
Speaker 1: place is like if a participation trophy had three stages

615
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 1: and ten dollar beers. I don't think so, honey. And

616
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 1: that my god, Michael Harty, I, oh my god, Michael

617
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 1: Harney needing a real run for it in the finals.

618
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:03,400
Speaker 1: And now at least on come on this one. And

619
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 1: this was my steel. I'm proud of stolen her. This

620
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:09,320
Speaker 1: is her time starting now. I don't think so, honey.

621
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,800
Speaker 1: When you're talking about nuclear war with your friends and

622
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:16,800
Speaker 1: somebody says, um, I'd rather go out in the first blast. Okay,

623
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 1: I hear you. I respect you. I will fucking eat

624
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 1: you to survive. Do you understand I am not going

625
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: down in this ship. I will be one of those

626
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 1: fish that changes from male to female just to adapt

627
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,879
Speaker 1: to its situation. I'm gonna be fucking my melted ask

628
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 1: is gonna survive this ship. You'll be talking to my

629
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 1: shadow in the ground don't you misunderstand me? Okay? And

630
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: so I hope, I hope that you are okay with

631
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 1: me taking your fillings out and using it as currency

632
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 1: and the mad Max government to come because that ship

633
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,759
Speaker 1: is happening. I'm robbing you, I'm taking your clothes. You're dying.

634
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 1: That's amazing. But I am fucking done with you. I

635
00:40:54,600 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: do not think so, honey, and I'm done. Wos imagine

636
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 1: this a show was pacing showing on Michelle Please welcome

637
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 1: gret a title. There we go. Oh you know? Okay,

638
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:20,280
Speaker 1: and this is credit time starting now. I don't think so, honey.

639
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 1: Mandy Moore playing an old person on this is okay, bitch.

640
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,879
Speaker 1: That job should go to an old lady, not your

641
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: dumbass and bad makeup. Okay. Also, you look like a

642
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,360
Speaker 1: fucking turtle. Do you want to know what make me?

643
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 1: But made me feel uncomfortable? You dressed as a seventy

644
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,840
Speaker 1: five year old walking down the block with your adopted

645
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:45,280
Speaker 1: black son in a fedora. Okay, bitch, you are not old.

646
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: You should not be playing old. You should be counting

647
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 1: your lucky fucking stars. And someone was like, maybe we

648
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 1: should put Mandy Moore in this insane television show. So like,

649
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: just be lucky, be blessed, bitch, okay, because I think

650
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 1: the old person is just a bit of an ask

651
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 1: that seconds. There we go. Peter Smith is onto unbelievable.

652
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: And now please welcome Michelle. Michelle. Here we go. Bo

653
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,879
Speaker 1: time starts. Now I don't think so, honey. Drunk men

654
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 1: who want to take their little dick's out and pain

655
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 1: the fucking street, I know you have to go to

656
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,359
Speaker 1: the bathroom. We all have to go to the motherfucking bathroom. Okay.

657
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: Are you a dog? Are you an animal? Do you

658
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 1: know how to go to the bathroom? Do you know

659
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,759
Speaker 1: how to use a toilet? Do you know how to

660
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:46,919
Speaker 1: ask if they have a toilet, then use a motherfucking toilets.

661
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 1: Who are these drunk bitches taking their little fucking pick

662
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: dicks out for everybody to see like it's fucking normal.

663
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,279
Speaker 1: What are you a human sprinkler? Not gotta breathe in

664
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 1: your urbin bacteria? No, motherfucker no, I'm just saying, if

665
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: it's cool for dudes to whip their dick out and

666
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 1: pee and relieve themselves, then women should have their tits out.

667
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: No brawl, breast speeding, people, even if they don't have babies,

668
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: bread speeding their dogs, doing whatever the funk they gotta do.

669
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: Because if you're dick out is normal than my geiographic

670
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 1: fucking brown titty the right ones bigger I call it,

671
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: John McCain. That ship should be out to out in

672
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: the streets me squatting me pee and that's not a

673
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 1: big deal either. Okay, fuck you. I don't think so, honey.

674
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: When your small tick, but that's a twelve sackey. She

675
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 1: took the time with the only people that didn't use

676
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 1: their time. There you go. That's how that works on

677
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 1: jac was sharp. But now please welcome Peter. No props

678
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 1: need at this time, Peter Smith, your time starts now.

679
00:43:56,239 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Shrimp sometime in nighties something

680
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 1: people said, oh, shrimp healthy seafood, biggest lie I ever told.

681
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:11,840
Speaker 1: Shrimp is not healthy. Shrimp is the ocean's vacuum. Do

682
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: I want to deep throat my vacuum? No? If I

683
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 1: wanted to put a bottom feer in my mouth, I

684
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 1: would read download grinder, baby, And you're thinking, oh not, Peter, Peter.

685
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,240
Speaker 1: Protein see food is protein, know as protein, come as protein?

686
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 1: I want do I want to come on my salad. No,

687
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:32,320
Speaker 1: if I wanted to come all over my salad, I

688
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: would read download grinder baby, and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

689
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 1: you know what else it's filled with, filled with carcinogens,

690
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 1: unregulated waters people. If I wanted something that is cancerous,

691
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 1: bad for me, yeah, turns pink when it gets hot,

692
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:53,800
Speaker 1: I would read download seeking Arrangement, And I get a

693
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 1: seven to year old sugar daddy with heart disease and

694
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 1: lung cancer. And that's what I just want to stay

695
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 1: really quickly more and Keuter show Sunday at am at

696
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 1: Carolines on Broadway. Carolines Sense Peter ray Sony is on

697
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 1: deck and now we have who would have helped and

698
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: didn't see you? I don't think so, honey. Her time

699
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,239
Speaker 1: starts now. I don't think so, honey. Two pats of

700
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 1: butter for a whole bread basket. What the funk are

701
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 1: y'all doing? Do you seen me? Do you seen me?

702
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:35,760
Speaker 1: I am by myself. I'm asking if you have bread.

703
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:39,239
Speaker 1: That means I'm gonna need butter. Don't give me this too.

704
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 1: I don't know why you think I'm healthy. I'm by

705
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:45,399
Speaker 1: myself asking for brett. I got issues I need all

706
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 1: the funny you have. What the funds are, Pat, that's

707
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 1: not even in any kind of Betty Crocker book of measurement.

708
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 1: I need more, butter. Don't make no decisions. Give me

709
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: the salt and pepper two. I don't know what y'all

710
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 1: doing back there. I know you ain't got no ghetto

711
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 1: or are in salt, so I know it's not gonna

712
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: be enough. Give me salt, Give me butter. In fact,

713
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 1: don't even bring your food. Why am I here because

714
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 1: I don't feel like eating a rotisserie chicken from Cape

715
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 1: Foods over my kitchen shink anymore. You don't bring me

716
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,839
Speaker 1: the goddamn butter. I don't think so. With these two

717
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:21,959
Speaker 1: little pats, she'll have a shot Shan the Calleri Sack.

718
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 1: And now on deck is the call Silverberg. And up

719
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 1: right now it's Ray Sunny. This is Ray Sanny's. I

720
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I don't

721
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 1: think so, honey. My big black African lives being dry

722
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:42,920
Speaker 1: as fuck as soon as October, saying there's just so

723
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 1: much surface area for wind. It's terrible, no matter how

724
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 1: many times I stick my face into a rosebud tin

725
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:56,399
Speaker 1: I'm dry as ship like a crackhead before I get

726
00:46:56,480 --> 00:47:00,840
Speaker 1: to fifty ninth Street. The ship sucks. I have plenty

727
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:05,920
Speaker 1: of other reasons to be dehydrated. I drink, I use

728
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 1: adderall irresponsibly. I'm not sandas right now, but that's not

729
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 1: fair that you see that ship before I get to

730
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 1: take it seconds. My parents came all the way from

731
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:27,800
Speaker 1: West Africa to America, work hard to get me into

732
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 1: the best schools, and niggas couldn't find a good batch

733
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 1: of Bird's beach. That's one minute. Dylan Marin is on deck, unvoiable?

734
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 1: On deck is Dylan Marin? Up? Now is Nicole sillermon

735
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 1: on team? Nicole? I don't think so, honey, Her time

736
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 1: starts now. I don't think so, honey. Special saw bitch

737
00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 1: your thousand Island dress, saying, okay, you show me one

738
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 1: fucking special sauce isn't hinds and Hellman's mixed together with

739
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:09,359
Speaker 1: a little bit of yellow mustard. Okay, bitch, you put

740
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 1: in a little bit of onions. Do you think that

741
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: this would do well on a cooking show? You think

742
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 1: that a chef would look at this and go, oh wow, Yes,

743
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 1: that's very special, very unique. Can you fucking imagine being

744
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: the most pathetic bitch in the world, be like, oh

745
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 1: my god, special sauce on a sandwich that looks amazing.

746
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 1: I I wonder what it's gonna bring, literally to the

747
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:36,759
Speaker 1: table and then taking a bite and going wow, I

748
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: have no idea what this is. Fuck you, fuck you

749
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:45,440
Speaker 1: special sauce. I don't think so, honey. Tell me if

750
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 1: that was an island dressing, be real with me. This

751
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:58,440
Speaker 1: is okay, I don't And that's one minute, Nicole vital

752
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 1: person on deck tables only. But now please welcome Till

753
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 1: and Mary and the Prince. Alright, his time starts now.

754
00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. T S a pre check. Okay.

755
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 1: It is the verified check, the elitist verified check of

756
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 1: the skies. I don't think so, honey. Okay. I'm sitting

757
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 1: in line with my little coach ticket, okay, because I

758
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:26,359
Speaker 1: don't have it together to get t S a pre check,

759
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: and I'm jealous of all the people passing by. And

760
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 1: you know what, today I went to JFK to get

761
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:35,240
Speaker 1: t S a pre check. And you know what, Christina,

762
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:40,280
Speaker 1: my new friend, told me, of people get approved five percent.

763
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 1: Don't why, I asked Christina, I don't know. Randomly people

764
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,720
Speaker 1: get turned away for t S A pre check. Also,

765
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 1: you know those big X ray machines that pass over

766
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:53,880
Speaker 1: you for us people who don't have t S A

767
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,440
Speaker 1: pre check, The pump carcinogens into your body. So what

768
00:49:57,719 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 1: is this the American healthcare system? Because the poor are

769
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:06,720
Speaker 1: getting sick? And that's one minute, very unbrands, very unbrand

770
00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 1: for you. Gotta keep gotta stick to that brand. Oh

771
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 1: but he doesn't. We're all a little smarter, but a

772
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 1: little sadder. No, thank you, dad, We're the better Horry.

773
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 1: And now we have Dave Mazzoni with a special surprise

774
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:29,800
Speaker 1: for Bowen. It is Bowen's birthday one, two three, Happy

775
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 1: birthday to you, hippyirthday, happy and we love you, my

776
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 1: best friend, rad Doll that you alright, Luca, bitch? Do

777
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 1: you this is Dave Azzoni's I don't think so, honey.

778
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:05,799
Speaker 1: His time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Live photos?

779
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: What is this meaningless technology? Why do I need it?

780
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: If I wanted to see myself, we will wobble in

781
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 1: at the Dream Hotel trying to make myself look cute

782
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 1: in five seconds for this photo, I would have flipped

783
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: up in a Harry Potter newspaper and looked at my

784
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 1: goblin ass. This is Harry Potter technology. It is unnecessary.

785
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: So the other day it was the first for me.

786
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 1: I received my first live dick pit. Anybody got one

787
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:43,640
Speaker 1: of these yet? So you press in hold and you

788
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 1: see that motherfucker squeezing and pulling it out on the toilet. Bitch.

789
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:52,839
Speaker 1: I see your prior moment, and I understand you, Queen.

790
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:56,479
Speaker 1: You cannot hide anything from me. I don't think so, honey.

791
00:51:56,560 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 1: Live photos this technology, bitch, that's the same. There we go,

792
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:08,440
Speaker 1: do everything. Now, got the fun of this stage? Sunk

793
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:10,959
Speaker 1: off the stage. Oh my god. Now we have seen

794
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 1: thirteen I don't think Johnny. Seven of them our team

795
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 1: Bow and six of them are Team Mad. We are

796
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:18,319
Speaker 1: now going to go to the judges, who are clearly

797
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:21,879
Speaker 1: deliberating and find out who the top three. I don't

798
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,839
Speaker 1: think think so, honey, yours are Now. First, we're gonna

799
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: go to Tyler. We're gonna mix it up a little bit. Tyler,

800
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:33,000
Speaker 1: who have you selected to move on? And why I'm

801
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 1: gonna bring back Annie Donalding Annie Final, who's spin in

802
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:40,719
Speaker 1: the face of the judges has been brought back by

803
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:43,360
Speaker 1: the judges. She is the she is in the finals, alright,

804
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:45,240
Speaker 1: to the finals. Alright. She was gonna be the bigger

805
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,320
Speaker 1: person to pick Annie, but Tyler, you have it. No.

806
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:49,759
Speaker 1: I'm happy though that I didn't, because also like fuck her,

807
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:51,200
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Now, I'm kidding, but I

808
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 1: like I'm a I'm an adult, but you know what

809
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 1: fun that? So no, I'm not picking Annie. Um, But

810
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:00,520
Speaker 1: don't come from me again, Annie, because i I'm sensitive

811
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: on a cancer. Okay, another monologue, Adams, You're welcome. I'm

812
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:11,440
Speaker 1: gonna go with Dave Dame and Annie Donney and Dave

813
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 1: Mazzoni both Team matt are in the finals. Joel, who

814
00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 1: have you selected to compete in the finals. Wow, I

815
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 1: didn't think about the teams when I was That's why

816
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,200
Speaker 1: you don't have to keep thinking about it. Um. So

817
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 1: this person, if these two hags are the steamboat Willie

818
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 1: who created the first the Originals, I believe this person

819
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 1: is the lion king, the beauty and the beast who

820
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 1: brought the form forward, who really made it his own,

821
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 1: and I'm bringing back the ultimate Pat Regan. Well that

822
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:52,120
Speaker 1: is that means that I have one culture war. Sorry

823
00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:55,759
Speaker 1: day I want to give a fut of applause to

824
00:53:55,920 --> 00:54:00,359
Speaker 1: all my fucking teammates. You guys turned to the suck out.

825
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: I want to thank any troup. Will not not any over, Peter,

826
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 1: specially with shirt Michael Hartney meats are too hard, Sad Tagger,

827
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:13,760
Speaker 1: great Titleman, and Dylan Maron. Now in the meantime, let's

828
00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:18,520
Speaker 1: get Pat, Annie and Dave up here on the stage.

829
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:24,439
Speaker 1: All of you know this is too much. Waits, there's

830
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 1: another there's another entrance. Oh my god, this is chaos iconic.

831
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 1: Al right, now, Anny, you, why don't you take center?

832
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,719
Speaker 1: And Pat, why don't you be stage right? We can

833
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:42,239
Speaker 1: figure this out right, all right. So now here's the

834
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:45,760
Speaker 1: way it's gonna work. Each judge has a troll bowl

835
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:50,360
Speaker 1: topic that is engineered to fuck you all up. You

836
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 1: will have to I don't think so, honey, this topic. Now, Annie,

837
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:58,879
Speaker 1: you have already begun to stand center stage, So why

838
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 1: don't you start? Joel can Booster it was gonna go

839
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 1: second and Tyler Coates you are ready with your trothball topic.

840
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 1: I'm ready, all right. So by the time you say it,

841
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:17,200
Speaker 1: Bowen will hit the clock. All right, Dolly, pardon this

842
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 1: is Annie Donney's I don't think so, honey. Trouble for

843
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:23,279
Speaker 1: Dolly pardon her time starts now. I don't think so.

844
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 1: Dolly Parton's shaking those who has making all the girls

845
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 1: feel less of a woman. Dolly. I have something for you.

846
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: It's called as Honey, get some of that batch. But

847
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:42,280
Speaker 1: you are such a diva having your own Dollywood honey.

848
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,160
Speaker 1: And I like you're like a like a blue color

849
00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:49,320
Speaker 1: comedy tour guy. Like you're so obsessed with your brand, Dolly,

850
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 1: Like seriously, and also I just have to say that

851
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:57,279
Speaker 1: you pander to white uh supremacist. I just have to say.

852
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:02,439
Speaker 1: I just have to say, boot scoot, boogie your way

853
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,720
Speaker 1: on back to the south pitch, and don't your trala

854
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:09,279
Speaker 1: law in the North, honey, because nobody wants your sequence

855
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:16,600
Speaker 1: and cowboy hats up here, honey, I'm not asking. Also,

856
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 1: what the fund is? What the judges here? Honestly, seriously,

857
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:24,800
Speaker 1: I hope like Tyler Coats, I don't think so, honey,

858
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: who is that? I don't think so? You know what,

859
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 1: that's one minute. You can't argue, you can't. All right,

860
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:35,880
Speaker 1: Dave take center stage. Shave takes center This is David Zoni's,

861
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:39,480
Speaker 1: I think, honey, fucking whole thing. Michelle picked Dave to

862
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 1: Michelle will assign No, Joel is Joel is Michelley alright, good,

863
00:56:45,360 --> 00:56:47,440
Speaker 1: I only want you to do this. That's actually I

864
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:51,879
Speaker 1: picked you already, all right, so let's give already. Oh god,

865
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 1: I ruined. I actually didn't. I didn't hear better. Okay,

866
00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 1: I want you to do and I don't think so

867
00:56:56,719 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 1: honey on the view. Gells old employer Davil zonies Dave's

868
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey on the view. Time starts now,

869
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey the view, So tell me

870
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:16,280
Speaker 1: the pitch, like, put me in the pitch meeting. So

871
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 1: it's four girls and they kind of their friends, like

872
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:25,920
Speaker 1: their husbands work together, but like they all sit and

873
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:28,320
Speaker 1: they talk, and each one of them kind of has

874
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 1: like their own perspective, their own their own view. And

875
00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:36,680
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just think it could be really

876
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 1: great to like, like you know, talk about issues and

877
00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 1: sell products. And also we could bring on celebrity guests

878
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 1: and they could sell products. Um, we could also have

879
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:51,560
Speaker 1: lots of commercials in between for different Clorox products. Clorox

880
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 1: give us a hundred thousand dollars so we can set

881
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:57,960
Speaker 1: up a coffee table for Rose O'donald Wooby Goldberg and

882
00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:02,200
Speaker 1: the rest of them to sit and chats. Honestly, the

883
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:05,960
Speaker 1: gig I dreamed for gave you. Let's make it happen logo.

884
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 1: Where are you put me on a couchs bitch? I

885
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 1: want this gig. I deserved this gig. And that's one minute.

886
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: He deserves this gig. That gig in particular, this David Zoni.

887
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: Everybody wow, and finally we have this is the Lost

888
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:28,840
Speaker 1: Culture he says, I kind of would winner, and if

889
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,280
Speaker 1: he wins tonight, it just means we should never fucking

890
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:34,800
Speaker 1: ever have a contest again, because clearly there's already a

891
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 1: Lost Culture Icon Award. And all comes down to this moment,

892
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 1: Joel pat I really thought, what would be the hardest

893
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:44,720
Speaker 1: one for you to do? What's outside your wheelhouse? What

894
00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 1: would be hard for the audience to get on board with?

895
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:48,160
Speaker 1: And I would like to hear and I don't think so,

896
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 1: honey on Hillary Clinton. This is pattery again. I don't

897
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,560
Speaker 1: think so honey on Hillary Clinton. Time starts now. I

898
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 1: don't think so honey, Hillary Clinton, like on no offense,

899
00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:03,960
Speaker 1: but like zero start quality. I feel, where is the present?

900
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 1: Where is that pass? As? Like I don't know, go

901
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 1: like get some camp, like I maybe would be in

902
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:11,280
Speaker 1: a different spot as like a country. I know that's

903
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:13,360
Speaker 1: not there, And like if she was a man would

904
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 1: be be asking does she have presence? Honestly probably and

905
00:59:19,520 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 1: I don't know, like for me, for me, for me,

906
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 1: and like this is some coming from someone who really

907
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 1: doesn't know how to engage with my hair, Like I

908
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 1: just think, change your hair every once in a while,

909
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 1: just for you, like have fun with it. And I'm

910
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 1: like wondering where is she? Where is she? Never? Like

911
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,480
Speaker 1: I want to see what she's doing. I want her

912
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 1: to be like kind of publicly blogging and I don't

913
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:35,920
Speaker 1: I don't want to read what happens, but I do

914
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 1: want to know, Like I look, she's like instructing us

915
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 1: spins class somewhere, and I want to see that, you

916
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:43,440
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I just think she got a

917
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:45,240
Speaker 1: fresh start, and like I just think that she should

918
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:49,480
Speaker 1: be like fun or I don't think so, honey, Hill

919
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:52,280
Speaker 1: really climed ahead and that's one minute from cal Wow,

920
00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:58,640
Speaker 1: the judges deliberate. Now, I just want to say that

921
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 1: every single person who's done, and I don't think so, Honey,

922
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:06,240
Speaker 1: tonight has been absolutely amazing. Give it up for everyone, everybody, everybody.

923
01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:10,240
Speaker 1: The finalists are Dave Marazzoni, Pat Reagan, and Annie Donley.

924
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,040
Speaker 1: We want to thank our judges, Tyler Coat, Michelle Collins

925
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 1: and Joel Kim Booster. Want to thank you guys all

926
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:19,040
Speaker 1: so much for coming. Yes, it appears that we have

927
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 1: arrived at a decision. Do we have a third place,

928
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,560
Speaker 1: second place, first place or do we have a first

929
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 1: place winner? I think we have We're gonna do first

930
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:30,440
Speaker 1: place because you know what, it's fucking late, all right, Um,

931
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not going to keep you guys into spense.

932
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:35,320
Speaker 1: I think the answer is clear. The winner, as always

933
01:00:35,480 --> 01:00:44,560
Speaker 1: is Patrigan. Play the trap. If I dream, this is

934
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:47,960
Speaker 1: a make your speech, make your speech. I have very

935
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 1: little to say. I just want to say that awards

936
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 1: are so silly, or it's are very silly, but thank you.

937
01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:57,600
Speaker 1: This was too much fun. And I do identify as

938
01:00:57,760 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 1: having bombed, but as identify as having bombed, And yet

939
01:01:02,560 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 1: here he is the winner of the last culture it's

940
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:10,640
Speaker 1: just Icon Award for a second time and one dollar

941
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 1: Venmo Prize a count but he's gonna he's gonna take

942
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,160
Speaker 1: that a long way. He well, he want to change

943
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 1: my financialscape. Everyone, thank you so much for coming to

944
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:25,560
Speaker 1: coach you have a great night. Go see the rest

945
01:01:25,560 --> 01:01:27,480
Speaker 1: of the shows this week at the festival. Thank you

946
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:29,920
Speaker 1: to the New York Comedy Festival. Have a great now.

947
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:37,000
Speaker 1: This is so much filling, Pat take your moment. This

948
01:01:37,200 --> 01:01:41,120
Speaker 1: has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Boham,

949
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:46,240
Speaker 1: Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please

950
01:01:46,360 --> 01:01:50,080
Speaker 1: visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our

951
01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 1: shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

952
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:57,800
Speaker 1: Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following

953
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 1: us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and

954
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 1: liking out page on Facebook.