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Speaker 1: Buggalup, hold on tie strawberry letter. All right, this is

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Speaker 1: a long one. The subject my ex girlfriend is a

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Speaker 1: huge problem. Dear Stephen Shirley, I have a big problem.

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Speaker 1: Two years ago, I relocated for work. Before I moved,

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Speaker 1: I had a special lady that I enjoyed spending time with.

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Speaker 1: She was a big, fine woman, thick in all of

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Speaker 1: the right places. It had been a year since I

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Speaker 1: had seen her, and I was missing her good loving

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Speaker 1: so I called her and told her I was sending

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Speaker 1: her a bus ticket to come visit me. Yes, a

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Speaker 1: bus ticket, because a brother ain't rich. What The weekend

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Speaker 1: finally came and I was so excited to see her.

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Speaker 1: But oh my goodness, when this woman got off the bus,

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Speaker 1: I swear I barely recognized her. She had almost doubled

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Speaker 1: in size in the paths year. Don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 1: I like big girls, but she should have told me

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Speaker 1: that she gained a lot of weight. I didn't say anything,

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Speaker 1: and I tried not to look shocked. As soon as

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Speaker 1: we got in the car, she pulled out a bag

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Speaker 1: of snacks and offered me a brownie. I always loved

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Speaker 1: her cooking, so I ate a brownie. When we got

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Speaker 1: to my apartment, I ate another brownie. Then I realized

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Speaker 1: something wasn't quite right. Oh, I was high as heck.

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Speaker 1: She admitted that the brownies had weed in them, like

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Speaker 1: it was no big deal. I was sitting on the

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Speaker 1: couch trying to get myself together when all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: she climbed on me and said she was going to

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Speaker 1: give me exactly what I'd been missing. All I could

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Speaker 1: do was lie there, pinned to the couch. She took

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Speaker 1: advantage of me for what seemed like hours. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to yell out for her to stop, but nothing came

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Speaker 1: out because I was too high. I ended up passing

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Speaker 1: out on the couch. The next day. I told her

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Speaker 1: that I felt violated. She said she could tell that

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Speaker 1: I had had a problem with her weight, so she

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Speaker 1: took matters into her own hands. I couldn't wait to

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Speaker 1: get this big, wild woman out of my house. Now

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Speaker 1: she keeps calling and texting me, and I don't want

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Speaker 1: anything to do with her. How can I get rid

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Speaker 1: of her without hurting her feelings? This is a huge problem. Well,

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Speaker 1: be careful of what you ask for. Humhu, you know

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Speaker 1: what though, I'm really sorry, Yeah, you do. It's a

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Speaker 1: long letter. I'm really sorry that you know you feel violated.

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Speaker 1: I really am. And it's not talked about a lot,

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Speaker 1: but men do get violated, and in this case, you

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Speaker 1: were violated if you felt that way, Um, you know,

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Speaker 1: if this, if this situation were reversed, we probably have

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Speaker 1: a completely different answer for you. But I will tell

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Speaker 1: you this. She is out of your house, she's out

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Speaker 1: of town, so you don't have that to worry about.

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Speaker 1: As far as the phone is concerned. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to answer her calls, I mean, or you can just

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Speaker 1: simply tell her it's not going to work out. You

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Speaker 1: didn't appreciate what she did and all of that. But

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Speaker 1: maybe as a man you don't feel like you should

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Speaker 1: tell her all of that, But I think you should.

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Speaker 1: I think you should be honest with this woman and

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Speaker 1: let her know that what she did is wrong and

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Speaker 1: how you felt about the situation. And please do not

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Speaker 1: send her another bus ticket. All right, that's in your

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Speaker 1: best interest, Steve. Well, it's so much to this letter.

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Speaker 1: Should I just break it down line by line? Because

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Speaker 1: I used so many angles in this letter. It is Shirley,

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Speaker 1: my ex girlfriend is a huge problem. Dear Stephen, Shirley,

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Speaker 1: I have a big problem right there, you damn show

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Speaker 1: do and it's about to step down off a buff's

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Speaker 1: the whole time. Two years ago, I was okay for

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Speaker 1: a movie. I had a special lady I enjoyed spending

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Speaker 1: time with. She's a big fan, thicking all the right places.

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Speaker 1: It's been a year since I've seen her, and I

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Speaker 1: was missing her good loving. So I called her and

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Speaker 1: told huh that I was sending her a bus ticket

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Speaker 1: to come visit me. Yes, a bus ticket, because a

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Speaker 1: brother ain't rich. Two things here, when you busting them in,

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Speaker 1: when you busting on the end, we are already dealing

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Speaker 1: with low budget loving. The man you busting them me

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Speaker 1: and they bust kids to sleep, They bust freedom riding,

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Speaker 1: were busting boycott it. You don't do that in modern David,

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Speaker 1: But you somehow manage to bring that all the way up.

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Speaker 1: We stopped busting back a long time ago. You still

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Speaker 1: doing it now. Because this is low budget loving. You

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Speaker 1: must deal with another old saying you get what you

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Speaker 1: pay for, all right. M See, First of all, what

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Speaker 1: woman you know willing to get up on the bus.

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Speaker 1: I don't know Southwest? Come on now, yeah, ye spirit

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Speaker 1: one seat, come on train. Something we can't finally came.

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Speaker 1: I was excited to see it. But oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: when this woman got off the bus right there, you

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Speaker 1: keep here that sign. When this woman got off the bus,

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Speaker 1: Now what you expect you've seen bus riders? Last time

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Speaker 1: you've seen the finance bus rider? Stupid? And you are

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Speaker 1: talking about with looks. I ain't talking about every day

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Speaker 1: like you know, commuting on the train and nothing. It's

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Speaker 1: fine women all day on trains and but I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about the carter bus from staying cross state line. When

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Speaker 1: the last time you've seen a fine as bus rider

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Speaker 1: cross state lines? I challenge you. This woman got off

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Speaker 1: the bus. I swear I barely recognized she had almost

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Speaker 1: doubled in size from the past year because she missed you.

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Speaker 1: So she been eating. You like big women. Don't get

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Speaker 1: me wrong, I like big girls. Okay, well we're gonna

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Speaker 1: get to like it. But she should have told me

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Speaker 1: that she had gained a lot of weight. You didn't ask.

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Speaker 1: Your cheap ass just sent the bus to you. Didn't

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Speaker 1: ask because she didn't have to volunteer. Oh you want

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Speaker 1: to see me here? I come. I didn't say anything,

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Speaker 1: and I tried not to look shot. His I didn't

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Speaker 1: say anything, and I tried not to look shot. You

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Speaker 1: can't take that look off your faith when a big

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Speaker 1: ass person getting down off a bus, because the whole

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Speaker 1: side and the bus go down. When she stepped on

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Speaker 1: that last step and you saw that bust looked like

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Speaker 1: it was coming to our it's hard not to look

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Speaker 1: shock when somebody finding turnover a damn bus. All right,

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Speaker 1: hang on, My ex girlfriend is a huge problem, real summer.

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Speaker 1: Just a man used the data woman a year ago

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Speaker 1: missed to love and he liked fine, thick women. He

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Speaker 1: sent for a bus ticket. She got on the bus,

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Speaker 1: and when she got off the bus, all hell. He

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Speaker 1: couldn't believe it. She had doubled inside. So that's where

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Speaker 1: we are, okay. But I want to bring to your

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Speaker 1: attention is show me the last fine person you've seen

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Speaker 1: on a bus crossing state lines. That's my challenge to you.

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Speaker 1: People that ride the bus looked like they ride the

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Speaker 1: bus de terminal. In the terminal, you know who they

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Speaker 1: in him? Yeah, it's a different crew. They don't have luggage.

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Speaker 1: They have clothes, laundry baskets with closed stuff to them

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Speaker 1: and duct tape that's how they travel. All they closed

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Speaker 1: in grocery bags and hafties, zip locks, hefty number one.

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Speaker 1: That's that's it. Yeah, no luggage all right. Now she

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Speaker 1: had gained a lot of weight. I ain't say anything,

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Speaker 1: and I tried not to look shocked. It's hard not

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Speaker 1: to be because you say little stuff to yourself, like

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Speaker 1: what Jesus good Lord, what the hell she's gonna tell him?

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Speaker 1: I do? I ain't got no extension for the seat, ben,

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Speaker 1: it's half offing to kill herself about slam on the break. Well,

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Speaker 1: at least she don't need that bag. Yeah, this is

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Speaker 1: the little stuff, he said. He As soon as we

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Speaker 1: got in the car, she pulled a lot of bags

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Speaker 1: of snatch and offered me a brownie. I always love

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Speaker 1: to cook, and so I ate a brownie. When we

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Speaker 1: got to my problem and I ain't another brownie, then

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Speaker 1: I realized some wasn't quite right. I was high as hell. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and she knew it too. She gave you the brownie

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Speaker 1: to get you off your game. Yeah she didn't. Brownies

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Speaker 1: got you looped. Now after she did that, she admitted

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Speaker 1: that her brownies had weed in them, but like it

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Speaker 1: was no big deal. I was sitting on the couch

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Speaker 1: trying to get myself together, when all of a sudden

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Speaker 1: she climbed on me and said she was gonna give

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Speaker 1: me exactly what I had been missing. This about your

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Speaker 1: bus to he I am a fit to bring it now.

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Speaker 1: Brain at Uma got something for You're gonna get it

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Speaker 1: to you. Then, what you want to do? What your

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Speaker 1: buss did? It is? All I could do was lie there,

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Speaker 1: pin to the couch. You damn right, your pin. She

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Speaker 1: doubled the size. She whipping your hands. Actually, actually, what's happening.

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Speaker 1: You're in the middle of last woman. You don't even

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Speaker 1: know it. She can pinned you. You're the rest of

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Speaker 1: the match. You'd have been out. She took advantage of

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Speaker 1: me for what seemed like hours. Anytime you want to

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Speaker 1: you don't want to do something. It seemed way long.

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Speaker 1: You're probably in there about eight minutes, felt like any

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Speaker 1: high big armor just getting it to you know what

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Speaker 1: the hell going on? I wanted to yell out for

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Speaker 1: her to stop, but she couldn't. You know why, because

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Speaker 1: she had your pin. She cut your wind off. Big

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Speaker 1: people know how to work they weight. She got just

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Speaker 1: wing on. You tried to yell out, but every time

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Speaker 1: you take a deep breath, she it cave in your

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Speaker 1: chest mold, so now you can't even take a deep breath.

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Speaker 1: Then not that's pressed up. So you tried to yell out,

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Speaker 1: but her big ass had your pin. Nothing came out

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Speaker 1: because I was too high. I ended up passing out

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Speaker 1: on the couch. You got choked out, is what happened

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Speaker 1: to you. Boy, You got passed out because you got

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Speaker 1: put out out. Next day I told I felt violated.

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Speaker 1: She said that she could tell that I had a

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Speaker 1: problem with her weight. You know when she could tell

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Speaker 1: when she's get down off that bus because you try

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Speaker 1: not to look shocked, but your ass was. You know

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Speaker 1: when you first see your woman. Whoe lord ain't ain't

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Speaker 1: a good statement? Whoa lord? Not? Whoa? Whoa? Mean? Stop?

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Speaker 1: Now she keeps calling and texting me, and I don't

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Speaker 1: want anything to do with her. How can I get

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Speaker 1: rid of her without hurting her feeling? This is a

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Speaker 1: huge problem, You damn right, it's a huge problem. But

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Speaker 1: he is the first thing you do. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to have anything to do with her. How can I

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Speaker 1: get rid of her without hurting her feeling? You can

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Speaker 1: block her number, or you can just get a whole

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Speaker 1: new phone that you got to get drafted because big

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Speaker 1: people don't give up each tell you right now to

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Speaker 1: get people wear your ass down. So now what you

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Speaker 1: want to do is you want to block her and

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Speaker 1: you want to get a new number. Only a problem.

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Speaker 1: You can do it. First, all you got to stop

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Speaker 1: buying bus ticket. Don't buy another damn bus ticket. Busting

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Speaker 1: her in is the first beginning of all your problems. People,

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Speaker 1: was getting off the bus before her, didn't it clue

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Speaker 1: you in dam looking at it? People? So when she

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Speaker 1: got off the bus, what you thought she was just

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Speaker 1: fing to be this rere light jumping down off the

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Speaker 1: same a ray of light. Yeah, you thought some angel

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Speaker 1: were gonna come out of this bust. No, hear her

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Speaker 1: big ass come Steve. She would double the size you see, Shelley,

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Speaker 1: you a fine sister. You can't double though. Ain'tybody fing

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Speaker 1: to do you in double? Carl And you can't double Monica.

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Speaker 1: You can't double. You can't double. We deal with we,

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Speaker 1: We we work with you where you're at. Everybody got

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Speaker 1: it going on. But what you can't do with double

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Speaker 1: I can't all of a sudden be three hundred pounds

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Speaker 1: expect to keep my ass on TV. Ain't that much

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Speaker 1: damn camera sitting up in here swollen? Now I'm looking

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Speaker 1: like Keenan. Keep look at the clap. You see what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. I can't all that weight. I'm fat, fat

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Speaker 1: ass board three hundred pound. Now I'm doing Keenan on

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Speaker 1: Saturday Night Live. Oh my damn show ye what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Yes he is, and I told him man. All right,

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Speaker 1: Well is that your reponse? Okay, that's your response to

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Speaker 1: today's Strawberry letter by no more damn bus tickets? Yeah, yes,

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Speaker 1: and call it and Monica. Next time we travel, just

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Speaker 1: know that y'all ass will be coming in on the bus,

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Speaker 1: all right. See, we gotta get out of here. Email

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Speaker 1: us or Instagram. That's your thoughts on today's Strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: At my Girls, Shirley, you're listening see the same Horday

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Speaker 1: Morning Show.