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It's 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:44.240 incredible to see all your comments and we're just getting started. 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:46.319 I can't wait to go on this journey with you. 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:49.040 Thank you so much for subscribing. It means the world 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:49.240 to me. 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:51.640 The number one health and wellness. 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:59.440 Podcast, Jay Sheety Jay Shetty Nay shet Hey, everyone, welcome 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:03.240 back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for reconnecting 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:07.520 every day every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:09.480 One of my favorite things to do is to sit 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:14.120 down with people and understand their mindsets, understand how they 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:17.720 became who they are, and understand what they go through 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:21.080 in order to create the work they do today's guest 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.480 is someone that I'm excited to connect with to understand 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:28.840 more about his mindset, his approach, and his upbringing. The 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:33.000 guest is Lil nars X or Montero, a twenty four 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:37.240 year old award winning rapper singer songwriter from Atlanta, Georgia. 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:42.400 Dubbed an internationally recognized phenomenon by Billboard, Little naz X 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:45.680 rose to fame in twenty nineteen when he released Old 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:50.000 Town Road and Shattered jenre Norms, disrupted the charts and 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:54.200 went viral worldwide. The song's remix with Billy Ray Cyrus 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:57.880 became the longest running number one single in Billboard Hot 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:02.280 one hundred history, and his recordized with numerous awards, including 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:06.359 two Grammys. After a highly successful EP and several multi 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:09.880 platinum songs, Nas went on to release his critically acclaimed 0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:14.760 and Grammy nominated debut album, Montero in September twenty twenty one, 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:19.160 which featured the culture shifting six times platinum hit Montero 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:22.480 Call Me by Your Name. Following the release of his 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:26.840 following the release of Lil narz K's latest single, Jay Christ, 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:31.240 his beautiful new documentary Lil nars X Long Live Montero 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:35.280 debuted this weekend on HBO and is available to stream 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:39.640 now on Max. Please welcome to On Purpose Montero, Lil 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.360 naz X, thank you so much for being here. 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:44.520 I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to talk about stuff. 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:46.440 I'm happy to talk about stuff too, And I wanted 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:50.840 to start off with I know that you love time travel. Yeah, yeah, 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:52.760 I heard you were obsessed with time travel, and when 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:54.960 I heard that, I was like, that sounds like something 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:56.840 I'd love to hear more about. Where does that obsession 0:03:56.880 --> 0:03:57.160 come from? 0:03:57.200 --> 0:03:57.960 Where they come from? 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:01.280 I love the idea that you can go and change 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:05.160 anything in the past or go to the future, like 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:08.400 to see what's going on. I guess it's it's like 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:12.440 a form of escapism that I just really enjoy, you know, 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:14.320 and I like to explore it in my art a lot. 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:18.120 Yeah, where have you explored changing things in the past? 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:20.720 Like what what would be fascinating for you to visit 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:21.640 in the past. 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:24.479 You know, when I was younger, I always thought like 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:26.800 that's something I would want to do. But as I 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:28.880 grow older, I don't think I want to change anything 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:31.520 in the past. I guess I want to go to 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:34.520 the future and maybe ask myself, like what do I 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:36.240 do now? I mean, I guess that's kind of like 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:38.120 where I'm at in my life right now. It's like 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:41.280 what did you do to get to where you are? 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.400 So I know I'm in that place, but I'm not 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:45.240 there right now? 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:48.440 Yeah. Yeah, Where did the fascination come from? Where did 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:49.440 it originate from? Like? 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:50.520 Where did it originate from? 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:52.880 I say, the Back to the Future to movie, not 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:56.000 the first Love but the second one, and a lot 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:59.000 of Family Guy episodes from Brian and Stewie, like go 0:04:59.120 --> 0:04:59.760 to the Past. 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.560 Yeah. One of the things you said in the documentary 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:07.520 was you said that Lil nas X helped you understand 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:12.000 more about Montero, And you know, the documentary is called 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:15.279 Long Lived Montero. I wanted to understand from you who 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:17.919 is Montero and who's Little nas X. 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:25.360 I think Montero was at first like this very shy, 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:32.520 super insecure kid and you know, had big dreams. But 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:35.520 I guess I was just very afraid of like even 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:39.479 being like himself and me becoming little nas X. It 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:42.600 was almost a persona, you know, and he could kind 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:45.880 of just do whatever he wants and he can do anything, 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:49.080 and he can move on to the next thing and 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:52.720 not really be pigeon held to like anything, you know, 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:55.960 and he helped Montero. 0:05:56.960 --> 0:06:00.720 Morph into that person. If that makes sense. 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:03.000 Yeah, it does make sense. And with Little nas X, 0:06:03.400 --> 0:06:06.839 even if not by name, was that a character and 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.560 energy that you harnessed when you were young? Was that 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:11.159 a feeling you had when you were young or was 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:13.039 it something that evolved through time. 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:16.640 I think it's something that evolved through time, like through music. 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:22.440 I think my enthusiasm or just like my hunger to 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:27.440 grow musically like pushes me to do things in my 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:30.760 personal life that I would not do. And it's like 0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:33.200 not even just my personal life anymore, because it's like 0:06:33.440 --> 0:06:36.039 public now, and I know if I'm not able to 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:40.080 do those things, I can't continue to be Little nas X, 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:41.880 or at least that's how it works in my head. 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:43.840 Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people can 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:46.480 relate to that. I think we all have the little 0:06:46.839 --> 0:06:50.920 kid inside of us that's insecure and anxious and doesn't 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:52.600 know how people are going to react. And I think 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:55.200 we all feel like we wish we had an alter 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.680 ego or a version of ourselves that was stronger and 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:02.400 bolder and more caregeus what kind of qualities does little 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:04.760 nas X have that you love in the door? 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:08.040 I feel like Lil nas X knows how to navigate 0:07:09.120 --> 0:07:12.240 any situation. He knows how to find his way out 0:07:12.240 --> 0:07:16.640 of things that may seem like very like dark and daunting, 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:20.080 and he helps Montero do that. And I feel like 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:23.320 that's one of the reason why I call it Long 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:28.280 Live Montero, because I still hope that innocent little boy 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:33.040 inside of me like remains, you know, because I think 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:36.880 you need that balance of you know, that courageous and 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:40.920 you can do whatever, and still like scared, like fearful, 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:42.960 but excited, you know. 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:45.680 Yeah. So it's not like you're trying to remove the fear. 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:48.800 You just you actually want to protect that innocence. 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:50.840 I want to protect that innocence, and I don't. I 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:53.040 think it's less like removing the fear and more so 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:55.560 being able to do things. 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:56.400 Even when they're fearful. 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:59.920 And it's like I'm showing the younger me that exists 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.680 within me, like you can do this, you can do this, 0:08:04.000 --> 0:08:07.080 we can do this. It's going to be scary, but 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:08.080 but let's. 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:09.120 Go for it and see what happens. 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:11.440 So there was this quote in the documentary where you 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:14.360 said my mind is hardwired since I was a kid, 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:16.400 that if you f up one time, you have to 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:20.640 quit the whole thing. And my question is, when have 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:22.720 you felt that you've done that in life or have 0:08:22.800 --> 0:08:26.120 you ever felt that kind of fear and then pushed through? 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:27.640 Because Little nas X came. 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.680 Through, you know, after the success of like Old Town 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:36.319 Road and whatnot, I had like this dark like period 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:39.800 of like, oh God, like what do I do? And 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:43.280 I put out like my song Holiday like before, like 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:48.400 right before Montero came out, and it just wasn't living 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:52.360 up to what I had hoped for, and like I 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:54.520 was in a hotel room and I was just like 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:59.560 telling myself, like how much like I hate myself, you know, 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:02.000 just like how did you let this? How did you 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:04.920 mess this up? And how did you get here? And 0:09:06.280 --> 0:09:08.520 like it's nothing we can do now, Like there's no 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:10.840 reason for us to be here. And I guess that's 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:15.719 like the childish like brat inside of me that it's 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:19.600 not comfortable working from the ground up, you know, And 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:24.079 in my introduction to the music industry, was already at 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:28.400 the top, you know, like it's a hard thing to 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:29.440 live from. 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:30.400 In a sense, you know what I mean. 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:34.520 Absolutely. Yeah, So that's the hardest thing to follow up 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:40.000 with one of the most successful drops of all time. Yeah, 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:41.480 how did you process that? 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:45.080 I knew I was going to do it, I didn't 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:46.800 know how. I didn't know how I was going to continue. 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:50.880 But what it took was me bringing out another side 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.640 of myself, which was like Montero called me by her name, 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:58.319 and with that though, I had to let go of this. 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:03.120 It's like child like innocence, like the public hat with me. 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:06.240 I guess yeah, I want to dive into your childhood 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:07.319 at you. I was going to ask you, like, what 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:11.000 would you believe would be your favorite memory growing up? 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:12.959 Like if you were to close your eyes right now 0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:17.840 and think about Atlanta, Georgia, what's the vision or the 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:21.839 visual that comes to mind or your heart that resonates 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:23.440 and connects with love. 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:25.760 I went immediately to this one, but I don't even 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:30.320 know if it's mine. But it's like me in front 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:34.480 of my like Grandma's house, and I'm just like running 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:37.000 around the tree like I don't. 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:37.840 Know, that's beautiful. 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:42.079 I feel like that's one of my first memories, you know. Yeah, 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:45.280 And it's just like bliss, where was. 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:47.280 That like, where was the house? What did it look like? 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:47.920 What do you say? 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:51.839 It was actually an apartment and it was it was 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:54.959 in bank Head Courts, Atlanta. It was like basically the hood, 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:58.880 you know what I mean. But at that time, you know, 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:00.000 everything felt all right. 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:02.880 So yeah, and how old are you in this memory 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:03.480 of this? 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:06.240 I feel like I was maybe like five. It was 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:11.079 right before the tree got cut down too. Yeah, kind 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:12.040 of symbolic in a way. 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:14.679 In what way, I don't know. 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:15.280 I guess. 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:23.440 Life increasingly became more like real things started to happen 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:28.360 within like you know, my family life, and also at 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:32.720 that time recognizing even at that age, like you know. 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:36.120 My sexuality and whatnot, and I feel like it, you know, 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:36.760 became like. 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:40.720 A rocky like ship from that moment. 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:43.320 Is that when you started to become more aware of 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:46.760 your sexuality? Was that an age that it started to become? 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:49.360 Yeah, I mean, because that was the age I started 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:51.880 to become like aware of myself. And it was also 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:54.280 like becoming aware of the world around me, you know, 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:58.880 and it's like, oh, this thing that's really bad that 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:02.640 nobody seemed to lie. I happened to be that thing. 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:07.120 But maybe, you know, maybe it's not that bad. But 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:10.200 also you know, God's like probably super mad at me, 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:14.319 and I don't got to think I'm like being disrespectful anythink. 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:17.440 And it's like, you know what I mean, all those 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:20.280 things that I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:20.640 it like. 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:24.000 Six, Definitely, that's a lot that's heavy to be thinking 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:27.200 about at six. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot, I think 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:30.280 for anyone to be processing at six years old, it's 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:32.480 a lot of things to be questioning. I mean, you 0:12:32.600 --> 0:12:35.640 in that memory you talked about your grandmother, and I 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:38.840 know that you're when your great grandmother passed. That was 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.360 the first person that was close to you that you lost, 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.760 and that was when you leaned into music. How old 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:48.480 were you when that happened? Considering that memory you have that, 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:51.360 you just visualize how old were you when that happened? 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.199 And how did that make you lean into music? 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:53.720 You know? 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:57.200 I actually that actually happened when I was maybe eighteen 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:01.720 sow But at that time my dad had already had cussy. 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:04.000 Because I used to live with my grandmother from like 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:09.640 when I was like like five until like eleven, and 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.000 I was just like the golden child. I was like 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.360 spoiled and like I got so much love, and I 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:18.000 was like, you know, I was the baby of the family. 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:20.440 So once my dad got cussy of us, you know, 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:24.120 he played like much more like hardball kind of vibes, 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:26.720 and I didn't see my grandmother as much, but she 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.319 was still like number one person in my heart when 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:34.040 I like thought about like love, and you know, around 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:36.840 sixteen or so, like I was told she had cancer 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.120 and it was it was like it was like this 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:42.240 thing that I was like, oh, it can't be true, 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:44.360 and I kind of just like try to forget like 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:44.880 it exists. 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:47.520 I'm like, well, she's still alive, Like you know, maybe 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:49.319 that was just like denial. 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.319 Yeah, I think it was like a lot of now, 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:53.480 even like when I was around her, like you know, 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:57.520 noticing that she was like getting skinnier and like like 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:01.320 looking different, and she would like say things like, you know, 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:03.840 I like, Grandma, I love you, and she like, you know, 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:07.319 like I don't love myself and stuff like that, and 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:10.520 it was just it was really hard to like hear 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:14.080 and listen to this person that you have so much 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:14.600 love for. 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:19.720 Like lose like faith in life and just like the 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:20.480 world in general. 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:23.240 And it's like it's also the person that has took 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:27.320 on a role of being the back of the family 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:29.880 for so many people, like you know, the person, you know, 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.160 the grandmother, Like she has like the family reunion, she 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:35.240 has everybody over for thanksgiven. She watches the kids like 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.960 that's like a big thing in the black community and whatnot. 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:41.880 And and now like you know, she, I guess, like 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:44.400 feel cheated by life. 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:45.760 And you know, I guess I. 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:48.760 Could feel that through the way she would carry herself 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:51.520 at that time. And so it was really hard once 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:53.720 she passed, and it was something I tried to like 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:54.280 brush over. 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:59.000 Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. I actually lost my uncle when 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:01.240 I was around her your age at that time, and 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:05.240 he was he also was diagnosed with throat cancer. And 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:07.240 I was really close to my uncle. He was He 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:10.080 taught me how to drive, He helped me get my 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.080 first job. He used to own like a news shop 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:14.160 and you know, sell newspapers and stuff. So he would 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.240 like let me work out and work in the shop 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.040 and make a little pocket money. And then when he died, 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:21.560 it was really interesting for me because I was getting 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:23.520 more into spirituality at the time and he was really 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:26.600 angry that I was getting into spirituality, and so he 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:28.440 was so mad at me, and like, you know, when 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:31.480 he was really really unwell, he'd be like, I hope 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:33.560 you're not going to get spiritual, and I hope that's 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:35.520 not going to be your path. And so he was 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:38.880 kind of losing that positive spark. He was always like 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:40.800 this positive energy and then towards the end of his 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:46.120 life he was more angry than anything else. And it was, Yeah, 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:50.080 it was an interesting experience going, you know, going from 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:52.880 someone that again loved me so much, helped me so much, 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:55.840 someone that I was very close to to then feeling 0:15:55.920 --> 0:16:00.320 like he actually didn't like who I was becoming. How 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:02.920 did you feel your grandmother's love evolved for you? 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:04.720 Sorry? Sorry about that? 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:07.800 Oh no, thank you you. You inspired me to be 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:10.600 vulnerable and share it back with you, because yeah, I 0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:12.320 guess we both lost someone that we cared about a 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:16.320 similar time. But yeah, how did your grandmother's love evolve 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.920 for you from that five to eleven age when you 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:21.320 were living with a Like, how do you how do 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:22.760 you think she loved you that stayed with you? 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:26.160 I guess that's like afterwards five oh, like during the 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:30.760 time both you know, my grandmother's like one of those 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:34.440 things that that she really loved when you know, life 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:38.000 I guess wasn't like great like where we lived and 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:43.080 you know, our like financial situation and just like you know, 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:46.360 the what comes with you know, getting older in life. 0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:48.200 You know, I got, I got all the love. 0:16:48.240 --> 0:16:50.880 I got all the love, and you know, sadly my 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:55.360 siblings got the other end of that stake, I guess. 0:16:56.280 --> 0:17:00.840 And you know, around the time my I got custody 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:05.919 of us, I didn't feel like that special child anymore, 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:07.400 which is probably good. 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:11.080 For my young ego, you know, like feeling like I 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:12.879 had to be like that one all the time. 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:16.600 And I guess I kind of stop seeing my grandmother 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:19.240 as much. I'd go over there like a lot of 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:21.600 the weekends and whatnot, but you know, it was just 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:22.400 like the thing. 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:24.400 That I can't be there anymore. 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:27.960 And then eventually, like she passed away, and it was 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:30.480 just like just very confusing. 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:33.760 Do you remember the first song that you made after 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:36.240 her pausing or anything that any music that came from that. 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.119 I made a song called like carry On, and it 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.440 was pretty much about how I like felt like very 0:17:42.480 --> 0:17:48.359 selfish about not being there when she passed away, when 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:50.679 I was supposed to be there that day, you know, 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:55.800 but I was so stuck on social media, you know 0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:59.000 what I mean. And I was so like really like 0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:02.600 into Twitter and trying to you know, build that even 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:05.119 though I know my grandmother's like on her last days, 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:07.000 and it was just like I just felt like very 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:10.800 selfish because it was, you know, like this person that 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:13.720 showed you so much love, shown you so much love, 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:17.240 and you're not there because you're like. 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:22.800 Trying to get these people's attention online. Yeah. 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:24.960 I think a lot of people can relate to that too. 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:29.720 You get so obsessed with your career or a direction 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:32.760 or a path and it's working and it's winning, and 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:36.000 there's momentum, and we all kind of you know, and 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:38.199 you were young when that happened for you, But a 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:41.840 lot of people into their thirties, forties, fifties will you know, 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:43.800 attest to that and put their hand up and say, 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:47.000 you know they've done that where they've over prioritized their 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:50.280 career to their relationships. How's that shifted how you've lived 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:53.520 since then? Like that reflection or realization that you've had. 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:57.439 I'll be honest, I'll say I was still kind of 0:18:57.520 --> 0:19:00.440 like that way up until these last like maybe two 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:04.720 years of I guess my break from like music or whatnot. 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:09.560 I've started to really actually like cherished. 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:11.320 Like being with my family and stuff, because it's like 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:14.439 these people are growing up so fast like that, like 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:17.040 that my nieces and nephews and you know, you see 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:18.919 that on TV and you feel like it's like cliche 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:21.639 and whatnot, but it happens like so fast, and I 0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:24.399 feel like the older I get, the faster these years 0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:26.160 like somehow go by. 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:29.879 And yeah, yeah, pretty. 0:19:29.680 --> 0:19:32.040 Much, that's a wise realization to have a twenty four 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:34.640 I'll tell you that, Like, that's that's early. I think 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:38.040 most people that I speak to again, like you're saying, 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:40.720 we hear the cliche, we see it, but I say 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:43.000 most people don't get to that realization until they're like 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:46.520 thirty forty, maybe even later on in life. You know, 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:49.640 it's it's a weird one because you kind of feel 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:52.720 like you'll be the exception. Yeah, right, Like everyone feels 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:55.560 like they'll be the exception. Maybe their life will go slower, 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:58.840 they'll have time for everything. There was another line in 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:00.760 the documentary that really read with me. There were so 0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:03.919 many things that I can't wait for. Everyone wants the documentary, honestly, 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:07.399 because as someone who knew your music was aware of you. 0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:11.000 I felt like I got really invited into your stream 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:16.439 of consciousness during it, and I so appreciated. I found 0:20:16.520 --> 0:20:21.280 your thinking out loud to be extremely comforting, even though 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:23.280 we've never met each other and we don't know each other. 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:25.360 And there were so many things that you said where 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:27.040 I was like, oh, I can relate to that in 0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:30.119 some way. And this was another one. You said a 0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:32.800 lot of the times when I'm scared, it's when I'm 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:35.959 about to do something that will change my life drastically. 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.240 And I was going to ask you what scares you 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:40.600 the most right now or what do you feel fearful 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:43.119 about right now that you think might be on the 0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:44.919 verge of changing your life drastically. 0:20:46.560 --> 0:20:49.040 I think, just like my place right now in my 0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:53.480