1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,960 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 2 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:08,280 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 3 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here. 4 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,560 Speaker 1: Back for another episode as we of course break down 5 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: the psychology of our twenties. So this episode today, it 6 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,919 Speaker 1: was inspired by an article I saw the other day 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 1: essentially commemorating the five years since the beginning of the 8 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: COVID nineteen pandemic. And the article was basically a series 9 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 1: of photos from that time. Pretty fascinating. But what was 10 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: really really interesting in what really inspired me so much, 11 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: were people's reactions to this article, because it was honestly 12 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: such a full spectrum of grief, confusion, frustration, but specifically 13 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: a lot of people who were quite frankly shocked that 14 00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: it had been so long since COVID had begun, because 15 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: a lot of them reported a lot of them were 16 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 1: saying they felt kind of frozen in time at the 17 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: start of twenty twenty, and those five years didn't feel 18 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:16,560 Speaker 1: like the typical five years that we would actively experience. 19 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 1: It's this weird sense that, yes, life has moved on, 20 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 1: we are no longer in an active pandemic, but it 21 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: feels like a distinct before and after, Before COVID and 22 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 1: after COVID, and a lot of us inevitably missed out 23 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: on experiences, missed out on opportunities and time because of 24 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: that chapter, and to this day we still feel like 25 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 1: we haven't really caught up or made up for the 26 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:48,279 Speaker 1: experiences and milestones we skipped over because of those years. 27 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: And that reaction, that reaction to the big five years 28 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 1: since the pandemic is what I really want to examine 29 00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 1: today because many, many of my fellow twenty something things 30 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: have been in my dms with questions about this idea 31 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 1: of the pandemic skip, feeling as if we have missed 32 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 1: out on so much and are we ever going to 33 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: be able to make up for that lost time or 34 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: will it just forever be a chapter in our lives 35 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 1: that we have to grieve we in society at large, 36 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,639 Speaker 1: I think we talk a lot about the long term 37 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 1: consequences of COVID, and we talk about it in terms 38 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: of the loss of precious lives and the children falling 39 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: behind in school and the lingering economic impact. All of 40 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: those are really significant and important, But what we don't 41 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: consider is the everyday impact of feeling like time has 42 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: stood still and that we are still behind, especially for 43 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 1: people in our twenties, because this time is so sacred 44 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: and we are constantly being told these are like the 45 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: best years of your life, like don't waste them, don't blink, 46 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 1: or they'll be over. But you know, that time was 47 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 1: take from us, even though it wasn't our choice, and 48 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 1: we're still trying to adjust, you know, not to sound dramatic, 49 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: but we did undergo a collective trauma. COVID was a 50 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,200 Speaker 1: collective trauma, and many of us between the ages of 51 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 1: eighteen to thirty four experienced that very differently from other 52 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,799 Speaker 1: groups and other I guess age brackets in the population. 53 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,119 Speaker 1: So what are the consequences of that bin for our 54 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: social development, our emotional development, also just our general sense 55 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: of life satisfaction. But also how do we overcome this 56 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 1: sense of bitterness, maybe resentment, indignation, sadness over the time, 57 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: the experiences, the opportunities that we lost. This is really 58 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 1: what I want to discuss today. We can acknowledge the past, 59 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: we can say this is just awful that this happened, 60 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: but what next? How do we overcome that? So, without 61 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 1: further ado, my lovely, lovely listeners, let's talk about the 62 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 1: psychology of the pandemic skip. So the pandemic skip this concept. 63 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:22,320 Speaker 1: It refers to this sense that our mental age is 64 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,839 Speaker 1: a lot younger than our chronological age because the pandemic 65 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: has caused us to miss out on very important life 66 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: experiences that were essential for our development. So essentially we 67 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 1: feel for azen in time and we feel like our 68 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,480 Speaker 1: development is delayed. So you might be twenty seven, but 69 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 1: you still feel twenty three or twenty four, which in 70 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: our twenties is actually quite a huge jump, you know, 71 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 1: even if in the grand scheme of things, three years 72 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: is not that large. In our twenties, you know, I 73 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,840 Speaker 1: know people who are now married at twenty seven who 74 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,719 Speaker 1: had not even met their partner at twenty three. We 75 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:07,680 Speaker 1: can have entirely different jobs, live in entirely different places, 76 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: have entirely new friends. I really do believe that a 77 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: year in our twenties is five years any other time, 78 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: and that really goes to show. I just think how 79 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: much could change and maybe should have changed during that 80 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: period of the pandemic where we were in lockdown, we 81 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 1: couldn't travel, just we were experiencing a global emergency. So 82 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: pandemic skip pandemic pause, it's all the same thing. Essentially, 83 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:38,239 Speaker 1: there was this isolation and almost break from reality caused 84 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: by COVID that has resulted in a lot of long 85 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 1: term developmental shifts and also grief, grief for many of us. 86 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: So why does this happen? Why do we feel frozen 87 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: in time? What's the long term reaction to this? Well, 88 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: I have three psychological explanations for why you feel like 89 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: you cannot move on from these years and you feel 90 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 1: like you cannot move on from the lost time. The 91 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 1: first is that traumatic experiences tend to give us a 92 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: warped sense of time. Now, the COVID pandemic and the 93 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 1: ensuing lockdowns, that wasn't just thirty seconds of trauma. That 94 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: wasn't even a few days of trauma or even a 95 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: few months. It was for some people years years of 96 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,839 Speaker 1: going through something where every single day you had no 97 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,360 Speaker 1: idea what was happening, case numbers were rising, you had 98 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 1: no idea you know what the government was going to 99 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 1: say you needed to do, if toilet people was going 100 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,040 Speaker 1: to run out, you know, if you would be able 101 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: to see your friends. That is traumatic because it is 102 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: so deeply uncertain and threatens our core sense of security. 103 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 1: There was one study done during that time that surveyed 104 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,480 Speaker 1: thousands of Americans in the first six months of the pandemic, 105 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,719 Speaker 1: and they found that for a lot of them, time 106 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,919 Speaker 1: for like it had either sped up or slowed down. 107 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: This cognitive reaction, this warped sense of time, is actually 108 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: quite common after some kind of unprecedented collective trauma, like 109 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: a natural disaster or a global pandemic. So the pandemic 110 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: also had the effect of really stripping away external markers 111 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: of time. So things like birthday celebrations, you know, a 112 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,760 Speaker 1: lot of them took place over zoom that didn't feel 113 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: as important. Job transitions, life transitions like moving from graduate 114 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 1: into your first full time job, commutes, social events, all 115 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: things that would give us a sense that time was passing, 116 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 1: they disappeared. And that has led to what some psychologists 117 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:52,559 Speaker 1: will now call the groundhog Day effect. Groundhog Day after 118 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: the very famous movie with Bill Murray where his day 119 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,200 Speaker 1: just feels like it's repeating and repeating and repeating, something 120 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,760 Speaker 1: that I think a lot of us experience during the pandemic. 121 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: So without the usual kind of milestones to differentiate days, weeks, 122 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 1: and months, time became a blur, and many people if 123 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: they're asked to recall an event and I say, did 124 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: that happen in twenty twenty, twenty twenty one or twenty 125 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 1: twenty two, they don't. They don't know. It's just one 126 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: big lump of years to us, with no events, situations, 127 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: ways to distinguish. There is also this interesting interaction that 128 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 1: some researchers are pointing to in our age group of 129 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: people experiencing accelerated aging but stunted growth. So a lot 130 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 1: of us might feel like we actually aged faster during 131 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: the pandemic because of stress and uncertainty, having to skip 132 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: important milestones and just enter the next chapter unprepared. That's 133 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: leading to, you know, a sense that we've aged faster. 134 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 1: But then on the other side, we also feel like 135 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: we have paused our personal growth, so we are back 136 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:10,319 Speaker 1: to living with our parents. We were stuck in stagnant jobs, 137 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 1: stagnant relationships because we had nowhere else to go, And 138 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: that duality has created an unsettling experience of being both 139 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: too young and too old for where you are in life. 140 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 1: You feel like, oh, you know, I'm too old to 141 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: be going out partying all the time, but also I 142 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: still feel young enough to be doing those things because 143 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: I missed out previously. So there's another term for this. 144 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: It's called arrested development. Not the TV show, although what 145 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 1: a brilliant TV show, But the term really refers to 146 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,439 Speaker 1: young adults, people in their twenties, who are mentally stuck 147 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:50,679 Speaker 1: at a younger emotional age than their chronological age and 148 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 1: are not developing mentally at the expected rate because of 149 00:09:56,080 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 1: Normally it's trauma or some kind of really intense hence 150 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: stressor in this case, that stress of that trauma was 151 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:09,199 Speaker 1: the pandemic, and so there is a stunted growth within 152 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 1: young adults like you and me that maybe society doesn't 153 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: recognize at large, but we definitely feel okay. So the 154 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 1: second psychological reason for the pandemic skip. The pandemic took 155 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 1: away our sense of agency and it made us feel powerless. 156 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 1: We haven't gotten that back yet. Now this matters a 157 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: lot for people in their twenties. Having a sense of agency, 158 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: feeling like you can direct your own life is really 159 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 1: really important to develop during this time. This period of 160 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,559 Speaker 1: our life is really the period where we flex that 161 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: independence muscle, we flex that agency muscle, and that is 162 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: represented by really big moments like moving out of home, 163 00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 1: solo traveling, earning your own money, dating freely. The pandemic 164 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 1: limited all of those activities, limited all of our choices. 165 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 1: It made us more dependent on our parents, and we 166 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: also just you know, as a result of the lockdowns 167 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 1: of wanting to be safe, we felt very caged and 168 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: very locked away, and very much like our freedom. The 169 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: freedom that was promised to us during this decade was 170 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: something that was taken from us. Now, this diminished sense 171 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: of agency and freedom against circumstances beyond our control, specifically 172 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:38,400 Speaker 1: circumstances that are unpleasant or frustrating, it can create a 173 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:43,960 Speaker 1: psychological state known as learned helplessness. Now we've spoken about 174 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 1: this before on the podcast, but learned helplessness is essentially 175 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: a state we get into where we feel like no 176 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: matter what, we cannot change our circumstances. We cannot change 177 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: our fate. Any bad thing that happens to us is 178 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,080 Speaker 1: a given. We cannot escape that, and even to some extent, 179 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: anything we want from life, no matter how how we 180 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 1: work for it, we aren't going to get it because 181 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 1: it's only fate and destiny that allows it. This makes 182 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: us incredibly pessimistic because we get into the mind frame 183 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,199 Speaker 1: of why even try, Like, why would I even bother? 184 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 1: This could be taken away at any moment, and we 185 00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: start thinking about, you know, how free am I really 186 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,800 Speaker 1: as a human? How free am I really is a soul? 187 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: You can kind of see the spiral that can very 188 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: quickly get us into. A twenty twenty three study found 189 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: that COVID had a particularly profound impact on how in 190 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,560 Speaker 1: control we felt over our lives, and it's led to, 191 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:54,640 Speaker 1: as a result, very naturally higher levels of uncertainty, vulnerability, 192 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 1: and self consciousness when it comes to making decisions. Finally, 193 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 1: the final explanation for the pandemic SKIP comes down to 194 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 1: this long term grief that a lot of us are experiencing. Now, 195 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 1: grief we know this. It comes in many, many forms. 196 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:16,160 Speaker 1: A lot of us, unfortunately did actually lose people during 197 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 1: the pandemic. I'm one of those people. I lost my 198 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: granddad during COVID, and because of the way that lockdowns 199 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 1: and border control was happening in Australia, I actually I 200 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to go 201 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:35,680 Speaker 1: to the funeral. I went to the funeral over zoom, 202 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: which was just it's still to this day so surreal, 203 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 1: and I didn't really have a support network at the time. 204 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 1: I wasn't living in the same state as my family, 205 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: and so here I was completely alone in my college room, 206 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 1: not even my college room as like my sharehouse room, 207 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: having to mourn someone. And that still hurts. It still 208 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,599 Speaker 1: really hurts that I didn't get to say goodbye, and 209 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 1: I felt like my grief was really really stagnant. I 210 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 1: don't know it, just like I felt guilty for not 211 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 1: being able to mourn quick enough because I just felt 212 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: so detached from when it actually happened. And I will say, like, 213 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 1: this is a common experience, and you can say, I 214 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 1: know that lockdowns were vital, I know that all those 215 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: health measures were incredibly important. I get that. But still 216 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: it did hurt me emotionally, and there were things that 217 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 1: I missed out on that have had a lifelong impact 218 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 1: on me. You can believe both of those things at once, 219 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 1: and you can feel sad for the version of you 220 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:40,600 Speaker 1: that did really really miss out. It's this idea actually 221 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: of disenfranchised grief, grief that society might not really understand 222 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: that well, might not be quick to accept, might not 223 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 1: think is appropriate. But if you're feeling it. It is 224 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 1: appropriate just because your grief isn't about the death of 225 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,359 Speaker 1: a loved one. It's about the loss of an experience, 226 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: loss of a potential experience that you were promised that 227 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: is still painful. You can still grieve the things you 228 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: missed out on at a really formative juncture in your life. 229 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 1: And let's think about what we did miss out on. Firstly, 230 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 1: the big one. We missed out on travel. You may 231 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 1: have missed out on exchanges. You missed out on in 232 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: person graduations. You may have missed out on moving out. 233 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:32,160 Speaker 1: You missed out on job opportunities. You missed out on dating, 234 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: You missed out on making friends. You missed out on 235 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:40,400 Speaker 1: just being able to be outdoors and socialize and build 236 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 1: community and to be honest. At the most simple, simple 237 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: form of this, you missed out on the potential to 238 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: make memories. You may not have even known you were 239 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 1: going to make, the spontaneous kinds of memories. I think 240 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 1: we missed out primarily in three distinct ways. We've missed 241 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: out on experience, so the fun stuff, the dating, the travel. 242 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 1: We also missed out on the loss of connection. And 243 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 1: we know that loneliness can be as deadly and dangerous 244 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 1: as smoking ten cigarettes a day. So what's the long 245 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,880 Speaker 1: term health consequence going to be of being isolated for 246 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 1: two to three years and only connecting with people through Netflix, 247 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 1: Watch Party, and Zoom and TikTok. Like, that's the first 248 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: thing we really missed out on. We missed out on milestones, 249 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 1: so the graduations, the academic opportunities, the professional opportunities, the 250 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 1: twenty first birthday parties, the thirtieth birthday parties, the eighteenth 251 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:42,440 Speaker 1: birthday parties, the anniversaries, all those kinds of things. One 252 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:47,160 Speaker 1: report from twenty twenty one actually found that the number 253 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: of non employed college graduates went up by almost twenty 254 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 1: percent during that time. A lot of us haven't been 255 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: able to come back from that, and we still feel like, Okay, 256 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: so I'm, what twenty six now going for the same 257 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,239 Speaker 1: jobs that people who are twenty two and twenty one 258 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 1: are going for, and I feel like I'm behind. I 259 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: feel like I'm behind because I couldn't do anything during 260 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 1: this period. One final thing that we missed out on, 261 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,919 Speaker 1: and it's not so much that we missed out, but 262 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,880 Speaker 1: we stayed. We stayed in situations that we didn't want 263 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 1: to be in. Let me explain this a little bit more. 264 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 1: I was talking to a friend about this the other 265 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 1: day who was dating someone during COVID, and she said 266 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: to me, you know, if COVID hadn't have happened, I 267 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,200 Speaker 1: would have broken up with him, and yet I stayed 268 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: in this relationship for another two to three years, I 269 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: think another two years because of the fact that we 270 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,399 Speaker 1: were living together and because of the fact that I 271 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,840 Speaker 1: needed him. This was my support network. I couldn't leave 272 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 1: him during this time. And now I'm twenty nine and 273 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: she's almost thirty, and she's like, well, I feel like 274 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 1: I got to have my like fun, little flirty period, 275 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 1: but now I'm thirty, but I feel like I'm twenty seven. 276 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm ready to settle down. But I 277 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 1: almost feel like I've missed the boat. I've missed the 278 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,239 Speaker 1: boat because I wanted to go about this in my 279 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,359 Speaker 1: own time, take my own timeline, and it was actually 280 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,879 Speaker 1: a really profound conversation where she was like, if COVID 281 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,680 Speaker 1: hadn't have happened, maybe I'd be married now because I 282 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: would have broken up with that person three years earlier. 283 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 1: I would have done my fun dating period three years earlier. 284 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 1: I would have met the love of my life three 285 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,800 Speaker 1: years earlier. So it's very complex, and I think that 286 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,120 Speaker 1: that is a situation that a lot of us can 287 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 1: really relate to. So what is the outcome of this? 288 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 1: What is the outcome of this disenfranchised grief, this warped 289 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:43,160 Speaker 1: sense of time, this sense of regrets that meant I think, firstly, 290 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 1: we get really stuck in our brains, We get really 291 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,160 Speaker 1: stuck in this thought spiral of this is so unfair, 292 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,119 Speaker 1: and you know what, it is unfair. But we feel 293 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 1: resentful and upset, and that lingers, and we have no 294 00:18:56,840 --> 00:19:01,440 Speaker 1: one to blame, and so we end up feeling really sad, 295 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:06,960 Speaker 1: and eventually we can become really depressed about it, really 296 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,399 Speaker 1: depressed about the fact that there is this thing we 297 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: can't change. If we linger on it for too long, 298 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 1: it takes over our life. We also experience a sense 299 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 1: of displacement, you know, this fractured reality, like I should 300 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 1: be in two places at once, I should be here, 301 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 1: but I'm here. I can't really tell what happened these 302 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 1: last few years. There's this big chunk of time that 303 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 1: right I just feel like who even was I? And 304 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 1: there's a rise in catch up mentality I have to 305 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,120 Speaker 1: do the next three four years of my life at 306 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: two time speed. We also forget how huge this thing was. 307 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 1: It was a massive thing we went through. And what 308 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,679 Speaker 1: we end up doing is we project a sense of 309 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: personal failure for feeling behind, not realizing that the entire 310 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: world through you know, went through this with us. We 311 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: are not the only ones who are behind. And when 312 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 1: we feel this way, it can be incredibly isolating and 313 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:11,440 Speaker 1: incredibly damaging for our self esteem and our self concept. 314 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: So this brings me to the skip part. We skipped 315 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 1: some of our twenties, important periods of our life because 316 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 1: of the pandemic. We didn't have proper time to live 317 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,639 Speaker 1: our twenties actively and richly and fill it with the 318 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:30,399 Speaker 1: experiences that we wanted That cannot define us for the 319 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,679 Speaker 1: rest of this decade, nor for the rest of our life. 320 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: So how do we ensure that we can still make 321 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,520 Speaker 1: the most of this precious time and let go of 322 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:44,800 Speaker 1: any indignation or grief or sadness that continues to linger. 323 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 1: We're going to talk about all of that and so 324 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:58,400 Speaker 1: much more after this shortbreak. When we feel deep resentment, bitterness, 325 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 1: indignation towards a situation that can really infect our mind 326 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:08,440 Speaker 1: and make it such that we see the world differently. 327 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 1: We gain an entirely new perspective on how unfair the 328 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:15,919 Speaker 1: world is, how awful life is. It can also just 329 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: lead us to become quite obsessive and continually focused on 330 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,879 Speaker 1: everything that isn't working out for us rather than the 331 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:29,440 Speaker 1: things that are. You know, that unfairness that we've all experienced, 332 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: it's quite a toxic feeling, and it's one that you know, 333 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:39,119 Speaker 1: sometimes our brain finds quite satisfying and enjoyable to self 334 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: pity and to say, God, that was so unfair and 335 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 1: this is so awful. I think there is a time 336 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: and a place for that. There is a time and 337 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,159 Speaker 1: a place to acknowledge that the pandemic really sucked and 338 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:55,880 Speaker 1: has left long term impacts. But there is a stage 339 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,880 Speaker 1: where you have to realize that you can either let 340 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,520 Speaker 1: go or be dragged. Either let your thoughts about how 341 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: unfair the pandemic was continue to infiltrate the next five 342 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: years of your life, or you can find a way 343 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 1: to live with it. And I think the healthiest kinds 344 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:17,360 Speaker 1: of people's healthiest kinds of people psychologically and emotionally and mentally, 345 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,000 Speaker 1: it's not that bad things don't happen to them. It's 346 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: that they understand how to hold complex emotions at the 347 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:29,679 Speaker 1: same time, they understand how to still be excited and 348 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 1: happy and also nostalgic and sad. It's definitely a fine 349 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:38,920 Speaker 1: line between honoring your emotions and also not allowing them 350 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,800 Speaker 1: to pull you down. But I think the really important 351 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,960 Speaker 1: attitude to adopt is one of a stoic adopt some 352 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:51,119 Speaker 1: of the principles of stoicism and stoicism is this important 353 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: philosophy around acknowledging and observing your circumstances and the bad 354 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,640 Speaker 1: things that have happened to you, and not letting them 355 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: influence you deeper than you would like them to. So 356 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,440 Speaker 1: it's basically about being a ship in a really big storm, 357 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 1: riding the waves, riding with the rocking of the ship, 358 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,560 Speaker 1: knowing that there are some things you cannot change, but 359 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 1: you can endure them, and you can't You can come 360 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: out the other side if you don't invest too much 361 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,439 Speaker 1: emotionally in them, if you don't invest too much in 362 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:28,879 Speaker 1: your sense of injustice or unfairness. In terms of recovering 363 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 1: from the sense that you've missed out, I think some 364 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 1: of the best tips that I found have actually come 365 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: from people who have experienced chronic illness. So people who 366 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 1: have found themselves trapped in a body, trapped in a life, 367 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 1: struggling with a condition that has meant that they can't 368 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,959 Speaker 1: do all the things that are sold to them as 369 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: the glamorous parts, the romantic parts of being in your twenties. 370 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: So they've had some kind of major health setback. They 371 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 1: have been inside for six months because of illness. They've 372 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,960 Speaker 1: been hospitals when other people have been out partying, They've 373 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 1: been exhausted when other people have been out dating. A 374 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,960 Speaker 1: lot of people with chronic illness actually do have remarkable 375 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,919 Speaker 1: tips for those of us struggling with pandemic SKIP and 376 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: so I actually asked some people, I said, you know, 377 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: from your learnings, what would you wish other people would know? 378 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,120 Speaker 1: What do you wish what do you think would help 379 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 1: other people. Some of the tips people gave me were 380 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 1: to manage and prioritize quality over quantity. So really create 381 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:38,200 Speaker 1: a list and be quite particular about what experiences are 382 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 1: really important to you. What are the big experiences that 383 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,760 Speaker 1: you really do feel like you missed out on. How 384 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: can you prioritize them with the time that you do 385 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,400 Speaker 1: have with the resources that you do have. Some other 386 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,879 Speaker 1: tips was don't compare your timeline to others. Of course, 387 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:59,320 Speaker 1: so powerful. Anytime you find your thoughts, your eyes, your attitude, 388 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 1: worrying and clasping onto someone else's life and saying that's 389 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 1: evidence that my life isn't good enough, please direct it 390 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:11,439 Speaker 1: back inwards. Try and find something about your life, small 391 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 1: things that you are grateful for and that you are 392 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:17,199 Speaker 1: joyful for. Try not to ruminate on the past was 393 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,159 Speaker 1: another one, and I loved this one in particular. This 394 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 1: one I actually found online, and it was to be 395 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:28,240 Speaker 1: spontaneous with your good days. So when you know you've 396 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 1: got a day off, when you're feeling amazing, when everything 397 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:37,040 Speaker 1: is working out, take advantage of it. Don't do the 398 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: things that you need to do. You know, don't say, oh, 399 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,360 Speaker 1: it's a beautiful Sunday, but I have to do my chores. 400 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,679 Speaker 1: Embrace the spontaneity and the opportunity of good days, of 401 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 1: free time, of the time that you do have. So 402 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,359 Speaker 1: I love those tips. I think they're wonderful. We can 403 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,479 Speaker 1: learn from the experience of so many other people. I 404 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 1: do have some of my own, and my first in 405 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 1: that same line of stoic philosophy is to really come 406 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,959 Speaker 1: to terms with and accept the fact that you cannot 407 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,199 Speaker 1: make up for that time. And I know that's scary, 408 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 1: and I know that's upsetting, but please take take I 409 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,919 Speaker 1: don't know, take what you need from this. Take what 410 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 1: you need from the fact that you weren't the only one, 411 00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:24,159 Speaker 1: and you weren't the only person who lost it. So 412 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: this is something that's always very comforting for me is 413 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,399 Speaker 1: knowing that anything I've been through I did not experience 414 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,240 Speaker 1: in isolation. Someone else has gone through this. Someone else 415 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: is probably also feeling just as behind and confused as you. 416 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 1: In fact, I can give you evidence for that. I 417 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 1: have thousands of dms to prove that a lot of 418 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 1: us are struggling with this. The thing is, yes, nothing 419 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,679 Speaker 1: I say is going to give you back that time, 420 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,000 Speaker 1: but I can tell you how to use the time 421 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: you do have better. I think that you need to 422 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 1: take a gap year now. Who cares if you're twenty 423 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 1: seven of your twelve It's better to take a gap 424 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: year now than forty eight. You know the urge is 425 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 1: still going to be there. What is holding you back? 426 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: It might be that you don't want to disappoint people. 427 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,120 Speaker 1: You want to stay ahead in terms of your career goals, 428 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,920 Speaker 1: You want to stay on track. Who cares? Like, genuinely, 429 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 1: who cares. It's a career, it's a profession, it's a job. 430 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,920 Speaker 1: That's not the entire point of your life. The point 431 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,640 Speaker 1: of your life is to make good memories and actually 432 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 1: enjoy your experiences and to just be alive. So if 433 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,680 Speaker 1: you want to take a gap year now, honestly, who 434 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 1: cares what anyone else thinks? Who cares if it's not 435 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:43,440 Speaker 1: the right time, Who cares if you're too old? Like, genuinely, 436 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 1: the people who might say that to you, Gosh, how 437 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: miserable are they? How miserable are they to never accept 438 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,480 Speaker 1: when we go off the book or we go off 439 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 1: the timeline, and we just have to give up on 440 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 1: those experiences that were promised to us at a certain period. 441 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,680 Speaker 1: You don't want to be like them. You want to 442 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,920 Speaker 1: be like you. So take the gap year. Now, do 443 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,040 Speaker 1: the things you wanted to do back then. Now. I 444 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:11,240 Speaker 1: would also say, create a bucket list, so all those 445 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,160 Speaker 1: things that you really thought you were going to get 446 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,440 Speaker 1: done between twenty twenty and twenty twenty two, twenty twenty three, 447 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,359 Speaker 1: make a bucket list now of the things you really 448 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 1: want to do, things you really want to see in 449 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: the next two years, and actually commit to ticking them off, 450 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:30,960 Speaker 1: Like make a visual or make something tangible of what 451 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 1: it really is that you felt you missed out on. 452 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: See if you can bring those into your life now. 453 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,080 Speaker 1: Make it a priority, make it a goal to get 454 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:42,240 Speaker 1: those things done. I also think that it's important that 455 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 1: we all sit down for a second and rethink the 456 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 1: goals that you set for your twenties before the pandemic happened. 457 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 1: I am guilty of this. I set a lot of 458 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 1: goals for myself, and I came out of the pandemic 459 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 1: expecting me to still be able to complete them in 460 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 1: the time that I had given myself at nineteen and twenty. 461 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,200 Speaker 1: And the thing is is that that was no longer possible. 462 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,880 Speaker 1: There was a huge spanner in the works, There was 463 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: a huge barrier to completion. That doesn't mean I failed. 464 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 1: People face setbacks all the time. It just meant that 465 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 1: I needed to adjust my goals a little bit to 466 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:24,200 Speaker 1: make up for just this extraneous external thing that came 467 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 1: in and kind of ruined the day. So if you're 468 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:31,640 Speaker 1: feeling the pressure of the catch up mentality you're feeling behind. 469 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,880 Speaker 1: I would really ask you, do your goals need revising 470 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 1: based on what has occurred? Do they need to be 471 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: modified a little bit? There's no shame in that. They're 472 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 1: your goals. It's not like anyone else has a list. 473 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:48,040 Speaker 1: It's not like anyone else knows what they are. They're 474 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 1: your goals. You can complete them in your own time. 475 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:55,400 Speaker 1: And I also want you to remember timelines are literally fake. 476 00:29:56,440 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 1: There is no universal timeline. In fact, I can promise you. 477 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 1: I promise you I'm going to put one hundred bucks 478 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 1: on the table right now. You can get one hundred 479 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,640 Speaker 1: twenty something year olds. If you can find two people 480 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,360 Speaker 1: with the same timeline, I will literally give you one 481 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 1: hundred dollars. Like it to the It's just impossible. It's 482 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:20,560 Speaker 1: literally just impossible. Everybody is doing things differently. They're starting 483 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,720 Speaker 1: UNI at different ages, they're graduating at different ages, they're 484 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:27,120 Speaker 1: taking different internships, jobs, they're doing trades. They're not going 485 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,920 Speaker 1: to UNI, they're you know, pausing studies, going part time 486 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:32,800 Speaker 1: for a little bit, going back to full time. Like 487 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 1: every single person has a unique path through life. I 488 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:41,920 Speaker 1: really want you to ask yourself the grand perfect timeline. 489 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:46,200 Speaker 1: Who set that up? And who do you know that's 490 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:51,360 Speaker 1: actually meeting it? And are they happier than you? Are 491 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,640 Speaker 1: they happier than you? You don't know? And can you 492 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,320 Speaker 1: promise me that you would be just as happy as 493 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,000 Speaker 1: them if you did it the way they do it? 494 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,959 Speaker 1: Answer is probably not, because you have your own unique preferences, 495 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 1: you have your own unique desires for what you want 496 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 1: to do with these ten years. I also think it's 497 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 1: totally okay to feel like you can tap a few 498 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,239 Speaker 1: extra years onto the end part of your twenties and 499 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,880 Speaker 1: keep calling yourself twenty nine if you really want to, 500 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 1: and continue to feel like you're mad, and continue to 501 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 1: really be selfish and to be I don't know, possessive 502 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,959 Speaker 1: with the time that you want to take to experience 503 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 1: the things that you wanted to experience in your twenties. 504 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 1: I'm also going to say this, don't forget to pause. 505 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:43,080 Speaker 1: Don't forget to just enjoy the moment you're in now 506 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,720 Speaker 1: as well, instead of trying to relive and make up 507 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:50,280 Speaker 1: for lost time. This period is just as important as 508 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:55,040 Speaker 1: the periods that have come before. This focus on all 509 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 1: the depths of experiences that you're having right now. Really 510 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,320 Speaker 1: sink into the moments that you were having right now, 511 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,960 Speaker 1: how important it is to be here, and the fact 512 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 1: that you know things have maybe worked out not in 513 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:11,360 Speaker 1: the way that you wanted them to, But how do 514 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 1: you know it would have been any better if there 515 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: is just a couple of things that you were grateful 516 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,440 Speaker 1: for that you have in your life at this instance, 517 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,360 Speaker 1: know that you may not have had them if the 518 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: pandemic hadn't have happened. It's not me trying to be 519 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,280 Speaker 1: all toxic positivity on you, you guys know, I hate that. 520 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,360 Speaker 1: It's more than I just want you to make sure 521 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,120 Speaker 1: you have a balance between yeah, feeling a little bit 522 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:37,200 Speaker 1: upset about it every now and again, and also appreciating 523 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,680 Speaker 1: the present moment so that you're not constant in like 524 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:45,520 Speaker 1: a constantly in like a delayed not delayed like a 525 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,560 Speaker 1: delayed happiness cycle, like can only feel happy about that 526 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 1: moment in three years time, or I'm constantly trying to 527 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 1: catch up. I'm never going to feel at that point again. 528 00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 1: At some point you really just have to say, Okay, 529 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:03,280 Speaker 1: it happened, but I'm here right now and I don't 530 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,680 Speaker 1: want to miss out on this moment. So that's really 531 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,280 Speaker 1: how I've thought about it. I hope you can relate 532 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,480 Speaker 1: to it as well. But that's my best kind of 533 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:15,400 Speaker 1: pieces of advice for dealing with this, like which, what 534 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:20,760 Speaker 1: is a very very very strange emotional experience, one that 535 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:24,120 Speaker 1: we will probably never go through again. Now let's have 536 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,719 Speaker 1: some like, let's have a bit of grace and pause 537 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 1: for that, Like it was traumatic. We're never gonna hopefully 538 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,680 Speaker 1: go through something like that again. So now you can 539 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 1: really get to living. You can exit survival mode, you 540 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 1: don't have to be hyper vigilant, and you can start 541 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:45,160 Speaker 1: making up for those experiences by prioritizing the quality, really 542 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,600 Speaker 1: beautiful experiences that you always wanted to have and having them. Now. 543 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 1: Oh right, I think it's time that we turn to 544 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:56,080 Speaker 1: our listener questions, because you guys flooded my dms with 545 00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:00,400 Speaker 1: so many brilliant, brilliant questions that you want to ask answered. 546 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,600 Speaker 1: So we're going to take a quick pause, but we 547 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:12,000 Speaker 1: will return it shortly, so stay tuned. So this is 548 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 1: a new thing that we are trying out on the 549 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 1: podcast where for each topic that I do each solo episode, 550 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,520 Speaker 1: I do ask you guys to share your questions to 551 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: share some of the things that you want answered. You know, 552 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,160 Speaker 1: I do my best to really cover as much as 553 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,600 Speaker 1: I can, as much as the psychology and you know, 554 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:32,960 Speaker 1: some of the science and the ideas behind these topics. 555 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,920 Speaker 1: But sometimes you guys just have such a brilliant ideas 556 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 1: and brilliant questions about things that are quite niche or 557 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,960 Speaker 1: are quite specific. So this is what this little section 558 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,959 Speaker 1: is for. Make sure you are following me on Instagram 559 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:50,840 Speaker 1: at that Psychology podcast. Two weeks before an episode goes live, 560 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,200 Speaker 1: I do put out the polls slash question boxes to 561 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:57,160 Speaker 1: get your questions on the topics that are coming up 562 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,880 Speaker 1: in the future, so stay tuned for those. Let's talk 563 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,239 Speaker 1: about this first question. This first question says, is it 564 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:10,399 Speaker 1: valid to identify with a younger age because of pandemic Skip. Yeah. Absolutely. 565 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,480 Speaker 1: I have this ongoing joke with all my friends that 566 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,839 Speaker 1: I'm still twenty two because I still feel twenty two. 567 00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 1: Like if I don't know, I don't think it's bad 568 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,719 Speaker 1: to just like have a little joke about it, but 569 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 1: also to just seriously be like, Okay, I'm I can 570 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,319 Speaker 1: tell myself what I want to feel like if it's 571 00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,759 Speaker 1: gonna make you feel better about the pandemic and what 572 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,840 Speaker 1: you may have missed out on saying to yourself, Okay, 573 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,719 Speaker 1: yes I am twenty one. Now I'm still twenty one. 574 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,759 Speaker 1: I'm still twenty two, I'm still twenty three, and I'm 575 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,560 Speaker 1: going to live my life as if I actually am 576 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:44,239 Speaker 1: this age. If that works for you, please please go 577 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 1: for it. I think that's fine. I'm sure someone's gonna say, 578 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:50,319 Speaker 1: you know, oh, but that's going to create this like 579 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:54,360 Speaker 1: complex relationship with aging, and it might make us stunted. 580 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:57,880 Speaker 1: I think that if that's gonna be a problem, you 581 00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,759 Speaker 1: can fix it when you get to it. For now, 582 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,360 Speaker 1: if this is your biggest issue and the biggest source 583 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,440 Speaker 1: of mental distress is feeling younger than you actually are 584 00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:08,840 Speaker 1: and feeling like you've missed out, you can literally just 585 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 1: tell yourself you're younger than you actually are. I give 586 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:15,360 Speaker 1: you permission. So this is the next question that I received. 587 00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 1: I really like this question. Should I feel guilty for 588 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 1: desiring that unstructured free time again? I miss being myself? 589 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,719 Speaker 1: Was this not one of the best parts of the pandemic. 590 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,400 Speaker 1: There was a lot of really awful stuff and a 591 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 1: lot of really terrible experiences, but the free time that 592 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:38,799 Speaker 1: we had that unstructured time was incredible. Think about all 593 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,960 Speaker 1: the different challenges we were doing. What was that like 594 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:45,359 Speaker 1: cream coffee that we were making all the time, We 595 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,840 Speaker 1: had to do arts and craft projects, to deep clean 596 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:52,960 Speaker 1: our house, to read, to watch TV. It was just 597 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:57,200 Speaker 1: complete leisure. And of course sometimes that became problematic because 598 00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:58,680 Speaker 1: it got a little bit boring and it got a 599 00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:02,480 Speaker 1: little bit toxic and felt yuck sometimes because we've been 600 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: doing it for so long, and maybe you did kind 601 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,000 Speaker 1: of miss the discipline at the time. But I do 602 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:11,479 Speaker 1: think that some element of what we were doing during 603 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,520 Speaker 1: the pandemic and all that free time is how we're 604 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,360 Speaker 1: meant to be living now. We are actually meant to 605 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,759 Speaker 1: have more free time. We are actually meant to have 606 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:27,239 Speaker 1: more unstructured time for creativity, for curiosity, for play, just 607 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,520 Speaker 1: for making things. So no, I don't think you should 608 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,600 Speaker 1: feel guilty for it. I actually think it is entirely normal, 609 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,080 Speaker 1: because there were parts of it that were actually quite good. 610 00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,240 Speaker 1: I do understand also that your guilt is maybe referring 611 00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,680 Speaker 1: to the fact that you know, people did lose their 612 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 1: lives and people did get really sick. Maybe you feel 613 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,160 Speaker 1: bad for saying to people I kind of enjoyed it. 614 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,719 Speaker 1: Just because there is an experience that someone else had 615 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:55,840 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that your experience is completely invalidated, and it 616 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,720 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that your experience doesn't also count for something. 617 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:03,360 Speaker 1: It's not saying that you are glad that that happened, 618 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,960 Speaker 1: by no means you're saying, in my little corner of 619 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,880 Speaker 1: the world for what this did to me, I'm not 620 00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,400 Speaker 1: entirely ungrateful for it. So that's my answer to your question. 621 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,880 Speaker 1: This next question is something we've only loosely discussed, So 622 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,760 Speaker 1: I am really glad that someone asked this. What effect 623 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:27,319 Speaker 1: has the pandemic SKIP had on dating? Dating is one 624 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,680 Speaker 1: of the I think one of the big challenges of 625 00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:33,280 Speaker 1: our twenties and the things that we think about most, 626 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,680 Speaker 1: you know, thinking about love and am I going to 627 00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,920 Speaker 1: meet the right person? It's something hugely on our minds. 628 00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:43,520 Speaker 1: I think that the pandemic has made it harder. I'm 629 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,320 Speaker 1: not going to sugarcoat it. It's made it harder. People 630 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,080 Speaker 1: are less likely to commit, but we're at the age 631 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:53,800 Speaker 1: where society wants us to commit, and it's mismatched. Right, 632 00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:59,919 Speaker 1: So again, you maybe twenty seven, twenty eight, maybe twenty nine, 633 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:03,200 Speaker 1: maybe in your thirties, and you know, there is this 634 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,200 Speaker 1: real pressure of like, oh, I haven't met anyone yet. 635 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,719 Speaker 1: I haven't met anyone yet, Like oh, I'm getting older, 636 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,120 Speaker 1: I'm getting older, which is to completely bullshit, by the way, 637 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,800 Speaker 1: it's just this whole societal game, but you do feel 638 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:19,200 Speaker 1: that way. And then there's this also other, equally compelling 639 00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,440 Speaker 1: sense of I want to take my time because I 640 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,320 Speaker 1: probably took a break from dating for a huge chunk, 641 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,319 Speaker 1: a huge period, and I still feel like I want 642 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,080 Speaker 1: to have the experiences of casual dating and getting to 643 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,760 Speaker 1: enjoy myself and meeting more people. And so the chapters 644 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,080 Speaker 1: don't align. There's these two versions of you who are 645 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,200 Speaker 1: battling it out for kind of what to do with 646 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,799 Speaker 1: your heart, I guess, And I think that can especially 647 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:47,800 Speaker 1: cause frustration. When two people are dating, or two people 648 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,480 Speaker 1: are you know, courting each other, who are in different 649 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,320 Speaker 1: who are the same age but in different phases, someone 650 00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:58,840 Speaker 1: has experienced this pandemic pause, pandemic skip. The other person 651 00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,279 Speaker 1: hasn't the other person pushing for commitment, and the first 652 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,839 Speaker 1: person is saying I'm not ready. It makes it very 653 00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:09,000 Speaker 1: very hard. I also think that it's probably created a 654 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,520 Speaker 1: little bit of social anxiety within us. You know, dating 655 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:16,800 Speaker 1: and socializing and making friends and connection. I truly believe 656 00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,960 Speaker 1: that it's a skill, and it's something that we build 657 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:23,360 Speaker 1: with practice and we get better at, especially during our twenties. 658 00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:26,120 Speaker 1: But if, of course, you didn't get the opportunities to 659 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,719 Speaker 1: practice and to go on dates, you might be feeling 660 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:33,200 Speaker 1: a little bit rusty. I'll just say this, love is 661 00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:36,840 Speaker 1: not something you need to rush. It's also most certainly 662 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,720 Speaker 1: not something that you need to put a million rules 663 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,239 Speaker 1: on of when I should meet someone and how it 664 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:46,800 Speaker 1: should go and all these things. It will happen. Please 665 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:51,000 Speaker 1: find a way to make it as the most enjoyable 666 00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,200 Speaker 1: and fun that it can be for you did an 667 00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:56,360 Speaker 1: episode recently on how to reclaim your power in dating. 668 00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,799 Speaker 1: I think if you're struggling with that, that episode is 669 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:05,040 Speaker 1: exactly what you need to hear. Okay, one final question, 670 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,040 Speaker 1: how do you come to terms with the fact that 671 00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:12,799 Speaker 1: you missed out on the iconic chapter of your life? Now? 672 00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,560 Speaker 1: I chose this question because we've really kind of already 673 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,600 Speaker 1: talked about this, but we haven't talked about this language, 674 00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:22,279 Speaker 1: this language of the iconic chapter. I just want to, 675 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,600 Speaker 1: you know, maybe give you a bit of like hard love. 676 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,920 Speaker 1: But I think it's company. You actually haven't missed out 677 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,719 Speaker 1: on your iconic chapter you have it, You've only missed 678 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,400 Speaker 1: out on a couple of years. I think that it 679 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,360 Speaker 1: can feel like there's a lot more magnitude to it, 680 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,319 Speaker 1: and can feel a lot bigger because every single year 681 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,239 Speaker 1: within this period really counts, But you haven't even missed 682 00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:46,840 Speaker 1: out on a third of it, Like you have so 683 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,319 Speaker 1: much more time on either side to really push out 684 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:55,080 Speaker 1: those experiences. I also think that as as a collective, 685 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:58,319 Speaker 1: as a society, we need to be better at acknowledging 686 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,799 Speaker 1: that your twenties are probably not the best years of 687 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:04,319 Speaker 1: your life. Sure they're iconic. You know, Sex and the 688 00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,800 Speaker 1: City only began when everyone in that everyone in that 689 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,520 Speaker 1: TV show was thirty two. That's and like, that's such 690 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,960 Speaker 1: an iconic TV show of like exploration and fun and 691 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:17,480 Speaker 1: career success and love and heartbreak and what and glamour. 692 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:19,680 Speaker 1: Like I really think we need to get over this 693 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:23,920 Speaker 1: idea that you turn thirty and you know your debt, 694 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,200 Speaker 1: like your whole life is over and you've never had more, 695 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,640 Speaker 1: You're never gonna have fun again. The people I know 696 00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:30,520 Speaker 1: who are in their thirties are having a lot more 697 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,640 Speaker 1: fun than the people I know in their twenties, and 698 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:34,799 Speaker 1: they're hotter, and they do it better, and they have 699 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,160 Speaker 1: more money, and they feel more secure, and they're just 700 00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:41,680 Speaker 1: having the best time. And again with this myth that 701 00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:43,839 Speaker 1: you've missed out on an iconic chapter, I do get 702 00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:45,839 Speaker 1: the grief, and I feel like some of the other 703 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,719 Speaker 1: advice I've given can definitely help with that. But you know, 704 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,000 Speaker 1: there was another study from twenty eighteen, and I talk 705 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:54,080 Speaker 1: about this study a lot that actually found that your 706 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,239 Speaker 1: twenties are not the best chapter. The best decade. What 707 00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,000 Speaker 1: we tend to think is the best decade of our 708 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,560 Speaker 1: lives is the one that we are currently in. So 709 00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,040 Speaker 1: if you're in your twenties, of course you're thinking, oh 710 00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:05,759 Speaker 1: my god, this is the best year of mine, these 711 00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,680 Speaker 1: are the best years of my life. In your thirties, 712 00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:09,840 Speaker 1: You'll think the same in your forties, in your fifties, 713 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:13,759 Speaker 1: in your sixties. So appreciate, make the most of the 714 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:17,319 Speaker 1: time you still have during this decade. But know that 715 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:21,360 Speaker 1: there is not a single experience during this decade that 716 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:25,560 Speaker 1: is confined or you know, restricted by age. You can 717 00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:27,239 Speaker 1: come back and do the things you missed out on 718 00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,120 Speaker 1: at seventy. If you really want, you have heaps and 719 00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,680 Speaker 1: heaps of time. And that's really the sentiment that I 720 00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:35,600 Speaker 1: want to finish the episode on. You have so much time, 721 00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,600 Speaker 1: even if it feel like even if it feels like 722 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,880 Speaker 1: you've missed out, there's so much good stuff coming. The 723 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,520 Speaker 1: pandemic was awful, and God, we're out of it, But 724 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:46,920 Speaker 1: don't let it ruin your life. Don't let the remnants 725 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,600 Speaker 1: of that emotional traumatic experience to find the rest of 726 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,680 Speaker 1: the many, many, many brilliant years you have in front 727 00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:56,640 Speaker 1: of you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. 728 00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:59,439 Speaker 1: If you have made it this far, I want you 729 00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:03,120 Speaker 1: to h You know, I love living an emoji. At 730 00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:09,120 Speaker 1: this point you can do like the virus emoji. Maybe yeah, 731 00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,840 Speaker 1: I feel like the virus emoji is cute in like 732 00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:15,640 Speaker 1: a weirdly morbid way. I love knowing how many of 733 00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:17,920 Speaker 1: you really listen all the way to the end. And 734 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,480 Speaker 1: you know, I love also hearing your questions, your feedback 735 00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,319 Speaker 1: on this episode. Anything that I haven't talked about that 736 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,840 Speaker 1: you think you could contribute, Drop it in the comments. 737 00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,840 Speaker 1: Other people might agree, maybe they won't, but it's just 738 00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,480 Speaker 1: such a great way to see this conversation continue, make 739 00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:36,160 Speaker 1: sure that you are following me on Instagram at that 740 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,319 Speaker 1: psychology podcast. Obviously, you know the book is coming out 741 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,160 Speaker 1: so so soon, so if you don't want to miss updates, 742 00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,200 Speaker 1: make sure you are following me there and follow along 743 00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,200 Speaker 1: wherever you're listening. Leave a five star review only if 744 00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:51,000 Speaker 1: you feel cool to do so, of course, and until 745 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:55,080 Speaker 1: next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself, 746 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:57,239 Speaker 1: and we will talk very very soon