Speaker 1: The Hookup is a production of iHeart Podcasts, Blumhouse Television
Speaker 1: and Amber twenty. Listener discretion is totally advised. I don't
Speaker 1: understand what you're not getting, Santi. They are one thousand
Speaker 1: percent gay.
Speaker 2: I hear you, boy, though, I just think you're describing
Speaker 2: a little too much meaning to a children's book.
Speaker 1: Who said anything about meaning? I am just stating the
Speaker 1: fact that Frog and Toad are gay. I don't mean
Speaker 1: anything by that, It's just how it is. Every night
Speaker 1: Frog drills Toad fact. I mean, haven't you ever gotten
Speaker 1: like a foot job from a guy with webbed feet?
Speaker 1: It just hits different. So Toad is the bottom I
Speaker 1: would have guessed it was Frog, a common misconception which
Speaker 1: causes Toad a good deal of grief. See Toad feels
Speaker 1: insecure because as the older man dating a strapping, young
Speaker 1: twunk like Frog, the societal expectation is for Toad to
Speaker 1: be the agro top Zadi type. But that's simply not
Speaker 1: the case, and it explains why Toad is kind of
Speaker 1: such a grumpy cuck all the time. All that bottom
Speaker 1: shaming has really gone to him over the years. Are
Speaker 1: you going to finish your onion rings?
Speaker 2: By all means, hey, while we're on the topic, can
Speaker 2: I ask you something he may when you and Wade fucked?
Speaker 2: Who is the frog and who is the toad?
Speaker 3: Damien?
Speaker 1: This is Wade. I'm confused. So this Wade, he was
Speaker 1: the real person. You lost your virginity too. You told
Speaker 1: me it was santy to what you know about Wade?
Speaker 4: I know about everything. Boy, you.
Speaker 1: Who's there? You did this to me, Damien Wade.
Speaker 4: You're a wicked boy.
Speaker 1: Damien, I'm not. I'm not wicked.
Speaker 4: You betrayed my trust after I opened up to you. Acker,
Speaker 4: you opened up for me too.
Speaker 1: Ever, since I met with doctor Wiley the other day
Speaker 1: and reopened those older wounds, all I can dream about
Speaker 1: now is wide. I mean, I thought the Sandy dreams
Speaker 1: were bad, but this. I'm not sure what the frog
Speaker 1: and toad part was about, though, that was weird. I mean,
Speaker 1: I outed someone. He may have been like a barrel
Speaker 1: of waste, but still that's really bad form. So try
Speaker 1: as I might to focus on the conversion popper hive
Speaker 1: mind conspiracy at hand, Lately, I keep hearing this steady
Speaker 1: thump wherever I go, Like the guy in the Telltale Heart.
Speaker 1: You know, tormented by the heartbeat of the man he
Speaker 1: dismembered and hit under the floorboards. Okay, I don't know
Speaker 1: if he like dismembered him. I might have made that
Speaker 1: part up, except instead of a heartbeat. Once upon a
Speaker 1: Tuesday dismal, while I mourned my own abysmal sins against
Speaker 1: a gentleman who wronged me, yet I wronged him worse.
Speaker 1: While I lay there, glum and gloomy on my own,
Speaker 1: no man nor roomy. I fucked up. I know, So
Speaker 1: sue me, Sue me for my crimes perverse. I hear
Speaker 1: the haunting, rhythmic, thrusting phantoms of my crimes perverse echo
Speaker 1: like a telltale curse. Since yester when I hit afraid
Speaker 1: espying him the boy called Wade, whom not two years
Speaker 1: ago I outed. When circumstances grew adverse, the guilt inside
Speaker 1: has reawakened a deep remorse. I want no stake in
Speaker 1: the smell of shame, like mourning bacon, pungent, like the
Speaker 1: porker's curse. Perhaps I must atone, I mutter, should I
Speaker 1: seek to shed this curse from which I'm forced to
Speaker 1: speak in verse as I started gently flapping my phone
Speaker 1: produced a high pitched wrapping. It's just a pop up
Speaker 1: bed for a sex shop called Chalk Full of Nuts.
Speaker 1: The customer comes first. Ugh. Sex shops have been using
Speaker 1: that slogan since Pilgrim Time in Metal is a ghost
Speaker 1: town these days. There's like hardly anyone on here anymore.
Speaker 1: Have they all turned straight like Matteo? Ugh take cover
Speaker 1: guilt approaching. Speaking of the paupers plan, I've set my
Speaker 1: sights upon the man whose craven scheme I do believe
Speaker 1: has brought the end so niish and furthermore to raise
Speaker 1: the ante. Perhaps he also murdered Santi with fava beans
Speaker 1: and nice KIANTI how he truly seemed the shyest. I
Speaker 1: mustn't get bamboozled, for the wildest men are off the shyest.
Speaker 1: I'm onto you, my sweet Elias. Okay, But at the
Speaker 1: same time, what do I actually know about this alias kid?
Speaker 1: I know he somehow ended up at PM Peter's game
Speaker 1: Night of the Damned. I know he and Santy were
Speaker 1: competing for a prestigious research grant, evident by the photo
Speaker 1: I found of them in the science building yesterday. And
Speaker 1: and I know he's kind of cute. He reminds me
Speaker 1: of how in high school I had this imaginary boyfriend
Speaker 1: named Cotton who I'd visit on his family's farm in
Speaker 1: Oklahoma and we'd bang on bails of hey as a sunset.
Speaker 1: But I digress. So how does one go about finding
Speaker 1: this elusive Elias. Well, for starters, one needs to be
Speaker 1: an adept cyberstalker. Crustwick University Elias Crustwick University, Elias Research grant. Nope,
Speaker 1: farm boy, barnyard porn, that's for later. I mean, you'd
Speaker 1: think with a name like Elias, he'd be easier to
Speaker 1: pin down, but I'm not worried. I swiped the photo
Speaker 1: of Elias and Santy from the lab reverse image search.
Speaker 1: This is a handy tool I used to find a
Speaker 1: guy's socials based on his dating Appics can form an
Speaker 1: extreme opinion without ever having to meet him. You just
Speaker 1: upload a photo and boom, I knew it. The first
Speaker 1: result is a LinkedIn profile for one Elias Laski. That's
Speaker 1: twenty first century sleuthing for you, man. I am so
Speaker 1: crafty and relatable. Okay, let's see Originally from Iowa Studies
Speaker 1: Medical Science at Crestwick u oh and works weekends at
Speaker 1: the Crestwick Student Clinic as an assistant prep nurse. Wait,
Speaker 1: nobody talk to me. I feel a plan coming together.
Speaker 1: Some sort of accidental meet cute at the student clinic
Speaker 1: mayhap lull him into a false sense of security, so
Speaker 1: he tips his hand. I hatch deployed. It must succeed
Speaker 1: to boil this here centipede. I've stalked him, and I
Speaker 1: don't believe our pallid purpose, pure and pious. He works
Speaker 1: part time at our scholastic clinic, getting pre med practice,
Speaker 1: handing out free prophylactics meant to quell the HI virus.
Speaker 1: I'm overdue, in any case, to go on PRAP to
Speaker 1: stop the virus. I'll bury you, friend, so call me eyelish. Okay,
Speaker 1: that one wasn't my best work. Hi, I have an
Speaker 1: appointment for Damien Hurst. Mm hmmm.
Speaker 5: And what's the purpose of your visit to go on prep?
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 5: I'll need to ask you a few questions.
Speaker 1: First.
Speaker 5: Are you sexually active?
Speaker 1: Believe it or not? I am a virgin? Really, yes, really,
Speaker 1: I'm saving myself for Jesus. I hear he likes him tight.
Speaker 1: I will stand by that joke until my dying breath.
Speaker 1: Which might be soon.
Speaker 5: Have the following. Which types of sex do you practice
Speaker 5: vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex.
Speaker 1: Anal and oral but not like combined? You know, I
Speaker 1: mean not yet?
Speaker 5: And uh when it comes to anal sex, do you
Speaker 5: practice insertive, receptive or both both?
Speaker 1: I mean historically I fancied myself at top, but some
Speaker 1: recent expirations have raised the question of whether I really
Speaker 1: do prefer it or if I'm just like you know,
Speaker 1: pray to the bottom shaming stigma in the k community.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
Speaker 5: Receptive? All right, have a seat in your student nurse.
Speaker 4: Will be right with you.
Speaker 3: Thanks, and don't forget to visit the Barnacle boutique. Just
Speaker 3: stock up on Crestwick spirit gear for tomorrow's badminton Championship.
Speaker 3: On the heels of last year's crushing defeat against the
Speaker 3: Saint Bartholomew Bulls, the Crestwick Crustaceans are poised to reclaim
Speaker 3: the gold in tomorrow's game. Thanks Anna, I'll be sure
Speaker 3: to show my crustation pride.
Speaker 5: Damien, you can head on back to the exam room now.
Speaker 1: Seatful pretense as aside, I am overdue to be on prep,
Speaker 1: especially now that I have to worry about catching heterosexuality too.
Speaker 1: I just don't have the capacity for much else.
Speaker 4: All right, mister hurt Damien Elias, Huh do you work here?
Speaker 1: That's a bizarre coincidence.
Speaker 4: I don't believe in coincidences.
Speaker 1: Shit, he's onto me already.
Speaker 4: Everything happens for a reason, So if the universe brought
Speaker 4: us back together, it's no coincidence.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, I'm glad you made it out of p
Speaker 1: and Peter's Townhouse of Terror in one.
Speaker 4: Piece, barely, are you okay?
Speaker 1: I mean in a severely traumatized kind of way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was a really intense game of Werewolf. U.
Speaker 1: I was referring more to Peter and Big Top going insane,
Speaker 1: but yeah, werewolf too.
Speaker 4: Did you see what happened to that other guy, the
Speaker 4: one who hated you, Big Top, the other one right him?
Speaker 4: Is he okay?
Speaker 1: He escaped?
Speaker 4: That's good. So you're here to get on prep right?
Speaker 1: Huh? All right, I guess we're done talking about that.
Speaker 4: Uh yeah, have you taken it before?
Speaker 1: I've sort of been putting it off, just never felt
Speaker 1: like I needed it.
Speaker 4: Life begins outside your comfort zone.
Speaker 1: M Life begins screaming, covered in afterburth.
Speaker 4: Fine, but going on prep isn't some admission off to
Speaker 4: pravity or loose morals? Say?
Speaker 1: Ah uh, I know that, and you know that, but
Speaker 1: the ovarmin flight on my head that dictates my self
Speaker 1: wealth hasn't got m mallow. Why'd you throw the swab away?
Speaker 1: Isn't that part of the exam?
Speaker 4: Oh? No, I was just testing your reflexes, testing my Oh,
Speaker 4: lift up your shirt.
Speaker 1: In hey, Okay, okay, that's enough of that. The stethoscope
Speaker 1: was really cold.
Speaker 4: You're cute when you're flustered, Damien.
Speaker 1: Focus. There's time to get dicked down later. Right now,
Speaker 1: we need to shift this conversation towards Santy and the
Speaker 1: Ashcroft Inlet research grant. Careful now, I just might fall
Speaker 1: for you, cute, funny future doctor.
Speaker 4: Not quite. My major's actually medical science. I just like
Speaker 4: to volunteer at the clinic to help people get on prap.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I can work with this right, medical science?
Speaker 1: So is that like a lot of research and stuff?
Speaker 4: Yep? I'm actually part of our whole research grant program.
Speaker 4: Give me your.
Speaker 1: Arm rad tell me about it.
Speaker 4: Really, it's not that interesting.
Speaker 1: I think everything about you is interesting.
Speaker 4: Elias okay, wow, your research project that will make me
Speaker 4: eligible for a huge grant when I graduate.
Speaker 1: Way cool? Uh what are you researching?
Speaker 4: It's a chemical compound. I underestimated the commitment though. I've
Speaker 4: had practically no free time since I started the program
Speaker 4: yoga dating. I even had to quit the badminton team
Speaker 4: this year to make time.
Speaker 1: By code red, Elias was on the badminton team. That
Speaker 1: means he owns a crust big badminton hoodie, which makes
Speaker 1: him supremely eligible to be my stalker.
Speaker 4: Anyway, How are you with needles?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry?
Speaker 4: Are you squeamish about needles for drawing blood?
Speaker 1: Oh? Oh uh no, no not really.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, so brave?
Speaker 1: Do I get a lolly?
Speaker 4: We'll see.
Speaker 1: Wait, that wasn't me flirting. I really want a lollipop.
Speaker 1: I bet you looked good in the badminton uniform.
Speaker 4: I looked great, but my partner on the grand project
Speaker 4: went a wall, so I had to quit the team
Speaker 4: to pick up the slack awall.
Speaker 1: What happened?
Speaker 4: Oh, it was bizarre. The guy his name is Santiago,
Speaker 4: just disappeared one day.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I remember hearing about that. I didn't know him.
Speaker 1: Were you too close? You ask a lot of questions,
Speaker 1: but think of all the things I know because I asked.
Speaker 4: Can't argue with that. It was a weird situation. Santi
Speaker 4: and I were working side by side for hours every day,
Speaker 4: but only one of us would receive the grant upon graduating.
Speaker 1: And there it is who remembers the word of the
Speaker 1: day mony, gotcha?
Speaker 4: But now that Santy is Mia Santi, are you guys
Speaker 4: on nickname? Basis? Now?
Speaker 1: Shit? Careful dame?
Speaker 4: It feels a little morbid to talk about. But well,
Speaker 4: the truth is, as long as Santi was in the picture,
Speaker 4: I never stood a chance at winning.
Speaker 1: How's that?
Speaker 4: Well? Key and I were evenly matched in terms of
Speaker 4: brain power, work ethic, but Santi had the big d diversity.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, optics wise, Santiago Ramos was the more desirable winner. Ah,
Speaker 1: I just feel like there's something wrong with that sentiment.
Speaker 1: I don't know, you had the whole gay thing going
Speaker 1: for you. Doesn't that count?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Well, I guess Santi was gay too, so it cancels out.
Speaker 4: Didn't you hear? Gay's not diverse anymore?
Speaker 1: Right? So nobody's heard from him, not since.
Speaker 4: He went missing the night of last year's championship game.
Speaker 4: So I guess it's almost exactly a year ago.
Speaker 1: Time flies when you murder your rival for academic gain.
Speaker 1: But wait, shit, that's right. It was the night of
Speaker 1: the Bad Mitten game and Elias was still on the
Speaker 1: team at that point, which means Elias has an alibi.
Speaker 1: So I rescind my battle cry. It seems his only
Speaker 1: crime is of a nature hippocratic and keeping with the
Speaker 1: mockery and paltry sleuth ad hockery, this mysteries debauchery remains
Speaker 1: as ever enigmatic to better sleuth than me. Perhaps it's
Speaker 1: not so enigmatic, nor hide wager.
Speaker 4: So traumatic not done. Now, let's talk band aids. We've
Speaker 4: got Batman, Pokemon or I stand with.
Speaker 1: Ukraine, I mean Pokemon.
Speaker 4: Please, once we get the results back on your blood work,
Speaker 4: we'll go ahead and call in your prescription.
Speaker 1: That easy, huh.
Speaker 4: I do have one more question, He's told totally about
Speaker 4: to ask me out.
Speaker 1: I'm flattered.
Speaker 4: How didn't you know Santy was gay?
Speaker 1: Uh? Huh?
Speaker 4: Earlier you mentioned something about Santy being gay. How do
Speaker 4: you know that?
Speaker 1: Uh? Are you sure you must have mentioned it first?
Speaker 4: No, I'm pretty sure I didn't. Fuck right?
Speaker 1: Oh, you know what I actually did vaguely know Santy.
Speaker 1: We never met or anything. I was just like aware
Speaker 1: of a gay kid named Santy that goes to school here.
Speaker 4: Gotcha, No you didn't. You said you didn't know him.
Speaker 1: Okay, we've hit a wee fork in the road here,
Speaker 1: leaving me with two options. Option A would be to
Speaker 1: keep lying my way out of this. That's historically been
Speaker 1: my knee jerk reaction, although it is also how I
Speaker 1: twisted myself into this knot so maybe it is time
Speaker 1: for option B. The truth. Well, okay, and a bridge
Speaker 1: version of it. You're right, Elias, I haven't been completely
Speaker 1: honest with you. The truth is I did know Santi.
Speaker 1: I knew him a lot.
Speaker 4: Were you guys together?
Speaker 1: It was confusing and complicated, but yeah we were.
Speaker 4: So this whole routine where you pretend to run into
Speaker 4: me under the pretense of a prep appointment was just
Speaker 4: to pump me for information because you knew he and
Speaker 4: I were competing for the grant and that made me
Speaker 4: a suspect, which.
Speaker 1: I now know you're not because you have an alibi.
Speaker 1: You were playing in the badminton game. See problem solved? Yay?
Speaker 4: Wow?
Speaker 1: Are you mad?
Speaker 4: Are you mad. You thought I was a murderer.
Speaker 1: Well, to be fair, somebody wearing a Crustwit crustacean hoodie
Speaker 1: has been following me lately, so I actually thought you
Speaker 1: might be a murderer and a stalker. Needless to say
Speaker 1: that sentence did not achieve the intended effect.
Speaker 4: Definitely needless, and your logic doesn't even track. You say
Speaker 4: your stalker plays on the babminton team, and you also
Speaker 4: think your stalker is Santy's kidnapper. But since Santy was
Speaker 4: taken during the babminton game, then theoretically everyone on the
Speaker 4: team would have an alibi, which means nobody could have
Speaker 4: committed the crime.
Speaker 1: Wow, he's right. How did I miss that? So then
Speaker 1: you're saying that the kidnapper and stalker have to be
Speaker 1: two separate entities.
Speaker 4: No, what I'm saying is my life coach once came
Speaker 4: up with something that I think would be pertinent to
Speaker 4: this situation. She said, the simplest solution is often the
Speaker 4: most likely.
Speaker 1: Is your life coach a thirteenth century philosopher use Otherwise,
Speaker 1: pretty sure she didn't come up with.
Speaker 4: That, You know, Damien, for someone with so much dysfunction
Speaker 4: in their life, I'd expect you to be more accepting
Speaker 4: of a little help.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, I'm just saying you're very.
Speaker 4: Cynical, and based on the general disarray of your life,
Speaker 4: I'm not sure you have the right.
Speaker 1: To be Wow, okay, And had it occurred to you
Speaker 1: that the general disarray of my life is exactly what
Speaker 1: gives me the right to be cynical, I'm sure if
Speaker 1: my biggest problems were being too white and deciding which
Speaker 1: holistic healing crystal would summon the goddess of self care,
Speaker 1: I'd be doctor optimists too. And honestly, what even is
Speaker 1: your point about the simplest solution being the right one?
Speaker 4: My point is that there probably is no killer Santy
Speaker 4: left you. Ah, I'm sorry, Demian shouldn't have said anything.
Speaker 1: No, No, You're right. It's a very real possibility, isn't
Speaker 1: it fucked up? How the outcome and which Santy wasn't
Speaker 1: murdered is the one I'm more afraid of.
Speaker 4: Wow, when you find Santy, we can just keep that
Speaker 4: between us.
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry, Elias. I didn't mean to come after
Speaker 1: you like that. I'm just so frustrated, like every lead
Speaker 1: only leads to a dead end. It's like I'm shackled
Speaker 1: to square one and I what I know, this isn't
Speaker 1: what matters right now, But I think I might be
Speaker 1: a kind of shitty detective.
Speaker 4: Hey, that's not true. You tracked me down here, didn't you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess I am pretty crafty and relatable.
Speaker 4: Besides, I doubt you'll have many more mysteries like this
Speaker 4: is sold in your lifetime, so you should be fine.
Speaker 1: I'm majoring an investigative journalism.
Speaker 4: Oh right, have you considered switching majors? There is something else?
Speaker 4: And I'm not sure if I should say anything, because
Speaker 4: the last thing I'd want is to desecrate your memory.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? Tell me I wasn't just.
Speaker 4: Being cagy before. Ashcroft inlet is conservative with the information
Speaker 4: they share. When Santi and I were initially selected for
Speaker 4: the grant program, we were told the bulk of our
Speaker 4: research would be testing various biochemical interactions against a specific
Speaker 4: drug they were developing.
Speaker 1: Now streaming on exposition plus.
Speaker 4: The people from the Foundation called it agent M and
Speaker 4: it's apparently such a groundbreaking medical advancement that we aren't
Speaker 4: allowed to know what it really even is.
Speaker 1: Yet that sounds shady.
Speaker 4: I know, it's just it's been so exciting to be
Speaker 4: part of something important. I may have willfully overlooked some
Speaker 4: red flags, but Agent M is I mean, it's remarkable,
Speaker 4: even without knowing its intended purpose. Just watching the way
Speaker 4: it manipulates and reshapes organic matter is mesmerizing.
Speaker 1: Well, if there was any doubt that Agent M became
Speaker 1: a hookup, I'd say it's now entirely dispelled.
Speaker 4: But the point remains. Earlier, when you asked about the
Speaker 4: actual objective of the project, you weren't told. Well, I wasn't,
Speaker 4: meaning not long before Santy disappeared, he started having a
Speaker 4: lot of closed door conversations with our supervisors. At the time,
Speaker 4: I just assumed it meant he was the front runner.
Speaker 4: But then I'd started catching him at the lab, but
Speaker 4: weird hours sneaking around hying about it, and when I
Speaker 4: raised the issue with the Foundation, they completely shut me down.
Speaker 1: So you think Santy found out what Agent M is?
Speaker 4: Obviously I can't know for sure, but definitely felt that way.
Speaker 1: Do you think do you think the Foundation did something
Speaker 1: to him?
Speaker 4: I did at first, but I can't make it make sense.
Speaker 4: He was their golden boy. I do think Santy was
Speaker 4: involved in something on Savory. I just can't imagine how
Speaker 4: it factors into his disappearance.
Speaker 1: If what Elias is saying is legit, then not only
Speaker 1: was Santy helping develop a conversion drug, he was on
Speaker 1: board with it.
Speaker 4: I know about everything.
Speaker 1: Boy, you no, there's no fucking way the Santy I
Speaker 1: knew would never do that. Though maybe the Santy I
Speaker 1: knew wasn't the real Santy at all.
Speaker 4: I feel sick. I'm so sorry, Damien, and none if
Speaker 4: this even means anything I could have misinterpreted or no,
Speaker 4: I'm glad you told me this. You know, it takes
Speaker 4: forty three muscles to frown, but only seventeen to smile,
Speaker 4: So when you think about it, it's really much easier
Speaker 4: to just put on a happy base.
Speaker 1: Oh me a fucking break.
Speaker 4: But life snow foam when you take the easy way out.
Speaker 4: So I say it's a ok to cry.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right. Did your life coach tell you that?
Speaker 4: Worse it was in today's horoscope? Anyway, enough sad talk,
Speaker 4: it's my turn, your turn for what to say?
Speaker 1: Ah ooh what do you just like that? His mouth
Speaker 1: is open while I get lucky. Here's to hope him
Speaker 1: up and down. He bobs on me, his torso twisting
Speaker 1: like a screw. But do I find him still suspicious? Gaming?
Speaker 1: M you taste delicious between the gulps and gags and kisses.
Speaker 1: I've warmed up to this rendezvous. I know I'm on
Speaker 1: a mission and it's not the time for rendezvous, but
Speaker 1: I surrender Waterloo. But just as I'm about to bust again,
Speaker 1: I hear that haunting thrust, a telltale guilt for what
Speaker 1: I did to wade. The won't leave me alone. I
Speaker 1: try to focus on the oral, casting out these pesky morals.
Speaker 1: Sick of this internal quarrel. Fine, I'm ready to atone.
Speaker 1: I'm terrified to face him, though I have no choice
Speaker 1: but to a tone. But first I've got to lose
Speaker 1: this bone. Nor stop stop stop.
Speaker 4: What I I thought you were down? I'm sorry, I was.
Speaker 1: I am. There's just something that's been weighing on me,
Speaker 1: and I have to go deal with.
Speaker 4: It right now. Okay, can I help? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Keep an ear to the ground. If the Ashcroft inlet
Speaker 1: is playing mad scientist, I want to know about it.
Speaker 4: Okay, will I see you again?
Speaker 1: I can't recommend it. Bad things tend to happen to
Speaker 1: the people in my orbit. Just trust me, Elias. I'm
Speaker 1: a whole lot of drama that you want no part of.
Speaker 4: I don't mind a little drama. All the world's at
Speaker 4: stage right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: But with my luck probably stage crew. Goodbye, Elias. The
Speaker 1: Japanese have this term kenjataimu, referring to the mental and
Speaker 1: emotional clarity felt immediately after sex without any carnal desires
Speaker 1: to impede judgment. This period is supposedly when the answers
Speaker 1: to all life's problems becomes clear. Well, I call bs.
Speaker 1: In the fifteen minutes it takes me to cross the
Speaker 1: quad and reach wades on campus apartment, my questions have
Speaker 1: only amplified. What if Wade won't forgive me? Could Santy
Speaker 1: really have been involved in creating the hookup? Why was
Speaker 1: I rhyming to the poetic meter of the raven while
Speaker 1: I was thematically referencing the telltale heart. All of these
Speaker 1: questions and more permeate my mind as I approach Wade's door.
Speaker 1: But for a moment, I'm weirdly grateful to be here.
Speaker 1: Since my investigation into Santy and the hookup has stalled,
Speaker 1: there's an unexpected comfort to at least knowing what steps
Speaker 1: I have to take with Wade. May be a shoddy
Speaker 1: detective and an even shoddier poet, but at least I
Speaker 1: have the tools to not be a shoddy person. Speaking
Speaker 1: of poetry, let's wrap this shit up. Once upon a
Speaker 1: Tuesday dismal while I mourned my own abysmal memories of Santy,
Speaker 1: who I thought I knew. But I'm the fool. They
Speaker 1: say the world is all a stage and we're just
Speaker 1: actors off the page. I disagree. We're in a cage.
Speaker 1: Who knew that life would be so cruel? When everyone
Speaker 1: I've dated thinks I mean and weak and cruel? Have
Speaker 1: I shat in the dating pool? I flew like wind
Speaker 1: across the quad. No feet of man nor act of
Speaker 1: God could stop me from confronting Wade and trying to
Speaker 1: make amends. Toss me a bone and let me catch it.
Speaker 1: Dig me a hole to bury the hatchet, Thread me
Speaker 1: a needle so I can patch it up before the
Speaker 1: bitter end. Forgive me, Wade. I wanted to bring this
Speaker 1: painful chapter to its end and reap the closure I intend.
Speaker 1: Written and directed by Noah Feinberg. That's me, sound design
Speaker 1: and score by Jeremiah Zimmerman, starring Noah Feinberg Me as Damian,
Speaker 1: Ray Santiago as Santy, and Matteo, Nico Greatham as Wade,
Speaker 1: Augustus Prue as Elias, Scott Evans as Big Tough, Jeffrey
Speaker 1: Self as bell Boy, Tina Majorino as Doctor Wiley, Obi
Speaker 1: Abailey as PM, Peter Gabriel Ruiz as Joma, Sadie Dickinson
Speaker 1: as Meg. Additional voices by Megan Taylor, Harvey, Susan C. Bennett, Verona,
Speaker 1: blue Mark Bramhall, Brian Daniel Porter, Chris Dickey, Aaron Coker,
Speaker 1: Christopher Corbin, Kiff Danden Wavel, and Rhys Griffin. Opening theme
Speaker 1: by Alex Yoder, casting director, Sonny Bowling and Meg Mormon.
Speaker 1: Executive producers from iHeart, Trevor Young and Matt Frederick executive
Speaker 1: producers from Blumbhouse, Chris Sticky and Noah Feinberg. That's Me.
Speaker 1: Executive producers from Mber twenty David Fwaitz and Jimmy Jellina,
Speaker 1: supervising producer Rachel Foley, editor Noah Feinberg.
Speaker 4: That's Me,