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Speaker 1: This is intergalactic John, This is Alien Sam on the

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Speaker 1: International Okay Storytime podcast station, and we have some human

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Speaker 1: stories coming up, not alien, but before we make a landing,

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Speaker 1: stick around for this two minute not alien ad break

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Speaker 1: before we get to these interstellar stories.

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Speaker 2: I stopped my boyfriend's proposal just in time. It was

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Speaker 2: the wrong moment.

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Speaker 3: Oh, this never the wrong moment for matrimony.

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Speaker 2: I've female twenty six and my boyfriend, male twenty five,

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Speaker 2: attended a mutual friend's wedding. That's the wrong moment. They're

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Speaker 2: very close friends to us and brought my boyfriend and

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Speaker 2: me together. My boyfriend and I are coming up on

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Speaker 2: our three year anniversary, and things are getting pretty serious

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Speaker 2: enough so that I very much wanted to marry him.

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Speaker 2: He's sweet, chatty, typically considerate, and empathetic. He's the person

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Speaker 2: who I thought was the first to show me what

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Speaker 2: a truly healthy and compassionate relationship was like real. By

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Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Feeling Camp eighty eight forty seven,

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Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay Storytime suppered it. Fah, run there.

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Speaker 2: He's very serious about us too. We've had a long

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Speaker 2: talks about marriage, and it seems we were in agreement

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Speaker 2: with no formal declaration.

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Speaker 3: We had even.

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Speaker 2: Gotten as far as looking at rings, so the chance

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Speaker 2: of a proposal was more of a when, not if.

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Speaker 2: A few weeks before the wedding, we and the engaged

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Speaker 2: couple of the time were hanging out. The topic of

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Speaker 2: weddings was very prevalent, and my boyfriend had cracked a

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Speaker 2: joke about proposing at our friend's wedding. The two be

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Speaker 2: groom joked back and said that'd be funny as heck.

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Speaker 2: This was followed by me and the two b bride

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Speaker 2: both shutting it down, trying to be serious but also

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Speaker 2: not thinking he was serious. He was Oh was he?

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Speaker 3: Love?

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Speaker 2: Was he?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 2: What? During the reception, everyone had made their speeches and

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Speaker 2: people were getting their food. While our table was waiting,

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend went up to the DJ and after they

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Speaker 2: played my boyfriend and my favorite song to scream, sing

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Speaker 2: in the car together, story of my life by one direction.

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Speaker 2: I look at him, smiling, Wait, you'd be the story

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Speaker 2: of my life, except you can only do ten second

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Speaker 2: monkey murmur.

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Speaker 4: I'm trying to do it, Okay, I was not, so

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Speaker 4: it doesn't get copyrighted. How can they copyright that if

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Speaker 4: there's no word right?

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Speaker 2: Actually, you know that was perfect because I didn't even

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Speaker 2: know you want okay. I look at him, smiling, and

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Speaker 2: he's looking around. All of a sudden, he grabs a fork,

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Speaker 2: stands up, begins clanging on a glass. Immediately, the whole

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Speaker 2: dining room looks over. I stand up and whisper the

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Speaker 2: words not right now. His face drops and he yelso

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Speaker 2: makes a I'm sorry, I'm just joking. After he sat

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Speaker 2: back down, I verbade him said let them have their moment,

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Speaker 2: let's make this our own. He wouldn't even look at me.

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Speaker 2: When it was time to get our food, he immediately

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Speaker 2: goes towards the exit. Oh, don't be a baby, don't.

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Speaker 3: Be a little baby, proposed upset.

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Speaker 2: I follow and tried to catch up to him, but

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Speaker 2: couldn't find him. I texted him twice and called him

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Speaker 2: a couple of times, but got no answer. So I

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Speaker 2: went back to the reception. After not hearing from him

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Speaker 2: for about an hour and a half, he returns, sits

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Speaker 2: down and doesn't even look at me. The rest of

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Speaker 2: the night was terrible. He looked like his dog just

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Speaker 2: passed away and I'm trying to make the best of

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Speaker 2: the night, but felt like I was just in his shadow.

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Speaker 2: I was prepping for a breakdown or maybe a fight

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Speaker 2: in the car, but the only thing he said was

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Speaker 2: I don't want to talk about it right now, and

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Speaker 2: the try was just quiet and awkward. He sent me

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Speaker 2: a long text about how hard it was to get

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Speaker 2: the ring, how he felt rejected by his closest person,

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Speaker 2: and that I embarrassed him. I tried to explain that

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Speaker 2: it's not that I didn't want to marry him. It

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Speaker 2: was our best friend's wedding and they deserve their moment.

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Speaker 2: That we should create our own and not piggyback off thirs.

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Speaker 2: He got offended and said that if I wanted to

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Speaker 2: marry him, I wouldn't have stopped his proposal in front

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Speaker 2: of everybody.

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Speaker 3: That's actually precisely why she stopped you.

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Speaker 2: She does want to marry This situation perplexes me. I've

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Speaker 2: never seen the appeal of proposing at someone else's wedding

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Speaker 2: and tried to handle the situation in a way that

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Speaker 2: I felt was calm and chill. But he's very adamant

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Speaker 2: that I ruined the proposal made him look like an ale,

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Speaker 2: and thus I'm the ale? Am I missing something? Should

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Speaker 2: I admit I was wrong and have just let his

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Speaker 2: proposal go at our friend's wedding? And there is an update.

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Speaker 3: You're the a hole via the transitive property.

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Speaker 2: The transitor property of a holes is because I made

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Speaker 2: myself look like an a hole, and then you stop

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Speaker 2: me from doing that, you now become the a hole.

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Speaker 4: This is He's like, my feelings are hurt and it's

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Speaker 4: not my fault. Yeah, couldn't be my fault. It is

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Speaker 4: his fault.

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Speaker 2: The consensus was not the ahole doy No. Commoners tell

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Speaker 2: her to make him google if you should propose at

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Speaker 2: somebody else's wedding, so he gets a clue just how

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Speaker 2: rude it was notable comments. Proposing at someone else's wedding

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Speaker 2: is incredibly rude. You saved him from embarrassing himself. If

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Speaker 2: he can't be an adult about this and keep sulkan,

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Speaker 2: you have some thinking to do. That he thought it

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Speaker 2: was all right to do it in the first place

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Speaker 2: is a huge red flag. And another commoner says, not

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Speaker 2: the ale. You and the bride shot him down, and

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Speaker 2: he floated this idea. You didn't reject him. You've rejected

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Speaker 2: the timing of the proposal and the location. This was

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Speaker 2: their wedding day, not a day for him to shine

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Speaker 2: a spotlight on you. What he was doing was tacky,

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Speaker 2: and you try to stop him discreetly. If he looks

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Speaker 2: like an ale, it actually is that he is the ale.

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Speaker 2: Own it, dude.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck,

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Speaker 4: just might be a duck.

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Speaker 2: It just might be a duck. This is good news.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, be a duck.

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Speaker 2: We can be ducks. Maybe he's not as awesome and

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Speaker 2: good at healthy relationships as you thought he was. Another

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Speaker 2: person says, girl, I notice you are ignoring the comments

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Speaker 2: telling you that this is a bigger red flag than

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Speaker 2: you think because you want to stay positive and think

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Speaker 2: the best of him. But these people are not wrong.

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Speaker 2: The wording in some of these replies can seem harsh,

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Speaker 2: but that's not because they're all anti relationship or anti ment.

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Speaker 2: It's because, unfortunately, some of us have lived long enough

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Speaker 2: to see how the story ends with guys like this

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Speaker 2: who in the dating phase, ignore your discomfort, do not

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Speaker 2: respect your desires, even after you flat said no oh

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Speaker 2: about something important like big milestones like a proposal, are

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Speaker 2: only about them and what they want, because everybody else

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Speaker 2: they hurt by acting selfish should just get over it.

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Speaker 2: Give you the silent treatment, stonewall you, or blame you

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Speaker 2: when you stand up for what's right. This behavior will

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Speaker 2: only get worse after marriage. I know you're young, so

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Speaker 2: you think you know him better than some internet rando.

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Speaker 2: But if you ignore this now, you will only end

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Speaker 2: up paying a bigger price later. Yeah. I think I

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Speaker 2: don't fully agree with this. Yeah, but I do think

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Speaker 2: this is a big conversation that you need to have

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Speaker 2: and if he still doesn't get it, then it's like

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Speaker 2: something needs to get worked out.

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Speaker 4: Looka, it's a lot of these comments just like, go

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Speaker 4: so far, this is terrible. Over that's such a red flag.

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Speaker 4: I'd never marry that guy and he'll never change. And

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Speaker 4: it's like like the commentary even said, you guys are young, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: of course they can change.

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Speaker 2: Conversation with him. Nothing the thing is right now, nothing

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Speaker 2: irreparable happened, the proposal didn't happen.

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Speaker 4: He's just he's just he's just pouting, really probably embarrassed

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Speaker 4: and faces.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely being immature. But I think before we rush to oh,

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Speaker 2: this relationship's over, he's a demon. Let's go to him.

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Speaker 2: Let's say, hey, we need to talk. I know you

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Speaker 2: don't want to, but we need to talk about this.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't saying no forever, but and maybe, And I

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Speaker 2: think honestly, there was a couple of comments that said, like,

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Speaker 2: look it up, show him that that's not okay, say like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and I honestly I was gonna say, maybe you could

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Speaker 2: talk to the bride and groom. I don't think you

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Speaker 2: need to bring them into it. No one needs to

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Speaker 2: know that he was actually going to propose. Just yeah,

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Speaker 2: just talk to him, say like, hey, here's some information

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Speaker 2: about this. It's really really taboo to or faux path to,

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Speaker 2: you know, what to propose at weddings. I haven't responded

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Speaker 2: to them. Yes, however, they aren't being taken lightly. I'm

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Speaker 2: using this time to really evaluate what I want seeing

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Speaker 2: if I notice any patterns or behaviors that align with

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Speaker 2: what people are saying. His reaction here is really telling

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Speaker 2: of how he may react in the future, and it's

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Speaker 2: something that is really bothering me. Since we've been together,

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Speaker 2: we've had really communicy fights, but nothing ever this big.

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Speaker 2: I mean, if you've had communication in the past, like,

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Speaker 2: try to communicate before we throw everything away, right. I

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Speaker 2: do want to give him time to process and see

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Speaker 2: how this is approached, give him some time to settle.

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Speaker 2: If he doesn't reach out in the next day, I'll

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Speaker 2: reach out to him regardless of how he approaches. I

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Speaker 2: do see that I'm not the a hole here. That's

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Speaker 2: the most important thing. I do expect an apology, and

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Speaker 2: I do expect that he addresses what happened and not dodge.

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Speaker 2: I was really hurt when he came back and ignored

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Speaker 2: me for the rest of the time we were there.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to dance, I wanted to have fun. He

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Speaker 2: was caught up in his feelings over something no one

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Speaker 2: seemed to care much over. Please no, I'm not ignoring

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Speaker 2: out of not seeing any bigger picture. I'm hurting and analyzing.

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Speaker 2: This is almost three years I've committed where the only

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Speaker 2: red flag to me was that he plays you me

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Speaker 2: in League of Legends. Isn't the red flag that he

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Speaker 2: plays League Legends? Ooo oooo.

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Speaker 6: Me?

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Speaker 2: Okay, I don't want to just toss our time and

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Speaker 2: future in the trash over a very crappy timed mistake.

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Speaker 2: Someone responds to this, I'm confused. As to why you

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Speaker 2: think he's sympathetic as you, the person he would be

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Speaker 2: proposing to, told him you didn't want it to happen

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Speaker 2: at your friend's wedding. Somehow he listened to that and decided,

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Speaker 2: screw what she wants.

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Speaker 3: No, this song, their song came on.

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Speaker 2: I think he ate it on that did it really?

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Speaker 2: I think he planned it? Oh? No, My interpretation was

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Speaker 2: that he planned this. He went to the DJ and said, hey,

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Speaker 2: can you play this song? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: This felt like an impulsive thing to me. I feel

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Speaker 4: like it came on and then it was like a oh, oh,

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Speaker 4: I have to do it right now. I think he

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Speaker 4: planned that, and then it's like, we don't, don't do that.

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Speaker 2: I think he asked the DJ. Somehow he listened to

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Speaker 2: that and decided screw what she wants, and now is

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Speaker 2: mad at you. Another commenter says, I will say this gently,

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Speaker 2: but remember that the moment that would start your marriage,

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Speaker 2: he went against your wishes you made clear to him earlier.

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Speaker 2: Then Gray Rock to you after you stopped him, which

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Speaker 2: if he would have initially listened to you, you wouldn't have

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Speaker 2: had to do at your friend's wedding. Then when he

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Speaker 2: finally speaks to you. He plays the victim and refuses

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Speaker 2: to acknowledge how he made you feel and instead seeks

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Speaker 2: for you you to apologize to him. Take this message

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Speaker 2: that the world is giving you before you tie yourself

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Speaker 2: to him legally. And there is an update. But I

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Speaker 2: mean I still have the same thoughts. I think you

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Speaker 2: still need to talk to him and see how he responds. Then,

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Speaker 2: after I got home from the wedding, my boyfriend and

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Speaker 2: I texted back and forth. Why are we texting about this?

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Speaker 2: Just have a talk. After he went to bed, I

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Speaker 2: made my Reddit post because I absolutely felt like an ale.

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Speaker 2: I was second guessing everything and thought the night would

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Speaker 2: have gone better if I had just let him do

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Speaker 2: his thing. After seeing the responses to my post, I

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Speaker 2: am more solidified, and then I made the right decision. Yes,

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Speaker 2: the night was ruined, but I'd be more comfortable with

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Speaker 2: my life moving forward. I gave my boyfriend and myself

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Speaker 2: a day to think about this and come back with

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Speaker 2: clear heads. That was yesterday. I took a lot of

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Speaker 2: people's advice and try to reflect on if this behavior

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Speaker 2: was a grand showing of any small reaction. The stonewalling

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Speaker 2: isn't super new in fights at the start of our relationship,

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Speaker 2: he would get quiet and make a small showing of

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Speaker 2: secluding himself.

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Speaker 3: That's drama.

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Speaker 2: I'd counter this by giving my boyfriend his space and

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Speaker 2: telling him that moving forward to just say he didn't

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Speaker 2: have the words to talk about it, and we can

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Speaker 2: reconvene when we're ready to talk. This worked for us.

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Speaker 2: It gave him time to choose his words. We'd have

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Speaker 2: a good discussion of what went wrong and how we

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Speaker 2: could fix it moving forward. I didn't think that he

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Speaker 2: was overtly trying to make me feel worse by the

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Speaker 2: silent treatment back then. However, ignoring me for the rest

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Speaker 2: of our time at the wedding hurt so much. Not

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Speaker 2: even saying I just need space right now, and rejecting

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Speaker 2: to hold my hand by pulling away felt like he

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Speaker 2: was a pseudo counter rejecting me. This was a first.

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Speaker 2: I felt like he was trying to make me feel

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Speaker 2: worse through his lack of communication. That's all I noticed. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's what he was doing. Yeah, I mean he left you.

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Speaker 2: He like left you for an hour and then.

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Speaker 4: Was like right, so he considered you rejecting or stopping

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Speaker 4: the proposal as like a shot that you took at him,

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Speaker 4: So now he's taking shots back at you by like

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Speaker 4: completely disengaging.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like a little boy. He knows what will hurt you,

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Speaker 2: and that's why he's doing this. That's all I noticed.

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Speaker 2: I've had a partner be verbally harmful to me and

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Speaker 2: another who wasn't willing to talk about things they did wrong,

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Speaker 2: refusing to take any blame. My boyfriend hasn't done any

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Speaker 2: of that. I'm not saying I recognize all patterns, but

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Speaker 2: I'd say I'm versed in a few. There's also been

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Speaker 2: no real history of me catering to him constantly, as

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Speaker 2: others were asking, if either person had strong feelings one

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Speaker 2: way or another in different scenarios, we'd often be fine

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Speaker 2: with that person getting their way otherwise if both didn't

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Speaker 2: care all that much. He loves to use a wheel

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Speaker 2: spinning website to make decisions, and I think that's cute.

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Speaker 2: We met earlier today. He came over and we sat

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Speaker 2: in my living room. He broke down. He vehemently apologized

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Speaker 2: and said he felt like an a hole.

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Speaker 4: Ya.

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Speaker 2: He said he had been reflecting all of yesterday and

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Speaker 2: talking to his dad about the situation. His dad got

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Speaker 2: mad at him and talked him off his ego crash.

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Speaker 2: His words, not mine. He had already sent a message

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Speaker 2: to our friends, now flying to their honeymoon in West Europe,

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Speaker 2: apologizing for making their most important day about him and

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Speaker 2: for not properly celebrating them. I asked why he neglected

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Speaker 2: our conversation from money before. He said that the groom

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Speaker 2: and their group of friends had egged him on in

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Speaker 2: private since not to propose at the wedding, but to

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Speaker 2: do it soon. Okay, that's important, I.

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Speaker 4: Think again, that's like he's proposing for outside of the relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like it's not even No. That's also frustrating secret proposal.

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Speaker 2: He didn't originally plan on doing it at the wedding.

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Speaker 2: He's had the ring with him for about a month,

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Speaker 2: never had any real plan and wanted it to just

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Speaker 2: be spontaneous. He told me he got caught up in

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Speaker 2: the atmosphere for the wedding, so I was best friend

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Speaker 2: with this girl and couldn't stop picturing us in the

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Speaker 2: same scenario. His urge overran his common sense in his terms,

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Speaker 2: and he made a choice he ultimately wishes he could

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Speaker 2: take back it very much. Spiraled from there. I noted

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Speaker 2: that while his heart was in the right place, that

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Speaker 2: doesn't excuse the crapstorm he put me through after I

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Speaker 2: expressed to him that ignoring me really hurt me, that

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Speaker 2: him saying my rejection to his proposal was the reason

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Speaker 2: for his embarrassment and shut down was unfair, especially since

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Speaker 2: we had already established for him not to do that.

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Speaker 2: He accepted this and continued to apologize it was very

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Speaker 2: unfair of him, and that he should have handled his

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00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,640
Speaker 2: emotions and embarrassment better, especially towards me. We had a

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Speaker 2: lull in our conversation after he asked where do we

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Speaker 2: go from here? At this point, I didn't want to

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Speaker 2: just return back to normal. A day where I expressed

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Speaker 2: to him that I felt the prettiest in a long time,

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Speaker 2: expected us to have enormous fun and watch our best

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Speaker 2: friends have their moment to shine turn into a day

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00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,400
Speaker 2: where I was crying in my room reading Reddit comments

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00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,840
Speaker 2: about how I should break up with him. I genuinely

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00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,600
Speaker 2: thought I was the a hole who should have just

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Speaker 2: bit the bullet and accepted a proposal in a way

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Speaker 2: that I and others thought wasn't okay. I told him

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Speaker 2: that if we were to move forward, he needed to

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00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,840
Speaker 2: seek a therapist to help him manage his emotions. True,

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00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,600
Speaker 2: not only from this, but other signs that he may

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00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,800
Speaker 2: have a panic disorder. My mom works for a mental

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00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,600
Speaker 2: health clinic and has offered resources before. I said that

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00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,440
Speaker 2: I needed time to rebuild my trust in him. He

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00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,480
Speaker 2: understood and is going to seek mental health resources through

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Speaker 2: my mom's clinic. Until then, we'll be on a week

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Speaker 2: or so break with an open channel of communication. He's

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Speaker 2: going to find appropriate channels to better himself, and I'm

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Speaker 2: I got to take a mini vacation after the emotional

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00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,160
Speaker 2: rollercoaster that was this weekend. We did talk about what

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00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:09,320
Speaker 2: each other's ideal proposal was. Good, Let's get that out

337
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,960
Speaker 2: in the open so that he has an idea because

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00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 2: the spontaneous is not for this man. Let's build a blueprint. Yeah,

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00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 2: She's like, okay, so this is the day that I

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00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,040
Speaker 2: want and also this is where I want it, and

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Speaker 2: this is the time I want it at coordinates Yeah,

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00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,440
Speaker 2: I want it at these coordinates.

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Speaker 3: Greeze nor seven hundred degrees west.

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00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,360
Speaker 2: You also have to wait until it's at least eighty

345
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Speaker 2: three degrees.

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Speaker 4: And I want to be proposed to at that apex

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00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,240
Speaker 4: of a lunar eclipse.

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00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,600
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, something we should have talked about before the

349
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,000
Speaker 2: trigger was even pulled on it. I said that I

350
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,640
Speaker 2: didn't care for anything fancy. I just prefer it not

351
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,000
Speaker 2: to be public. He said that he wanted to make

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00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,000
Speaker 2: a grand showing of love to me and didn't care

353
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,400
Speaker 2: where or how. He asked if it was okay to

354
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,920
Speaker 2: have friends and family present or if that broke my

355
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,400
Speaker 2: public rule. I said that was fine and was happy

356
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Speaker 2: with the communicated compromise. I also stated that I did

357
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,680
Speaker 2: want to be proposed to you for a while so

358
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,360
Speaker 2: that we could let this situation rest and figure ourselves

359
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 2: out from here. He accepted this. It is interesting his

360
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,000
Speaker 2: like he wants to make this grand showing of love

361
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,920
Speaker 2: to me. I mean, like, I understand that they've made

362
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,320
Speaker 2: this compromise, but I feel like if she says, hey,

363
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,440
Speaker 2: like I want that to be an intimate moment, and

364
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,040
Speaker 2: he's like, I need everyone else there to see what

365
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,720
Speaker 2: I'm doing, Like it feels very It still feels a

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00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:23,120
Speaker 2: little bit.

367
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 4: He's giving vibes like he wants to propose, like at

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00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,239
Speaker 4: a group outing to a go kart track.

369
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,360
Speaker 2: Or something like He's like she said, yeah.

370
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, he really wants to be like guys, guys, I

371
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,440
Speaker 3: did it moment and like, it should not it shouldn't.

372
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 2: It shouldn't be about it. I agree. I mean I

373
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:41,280
Speaker 2: think it shouldn't be about that. Are you getting married

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00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,320
Speaker 2: to your boys? Yeah? Like even the thing about oh,

375
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,960
Speaker 2: the boys all egged him on to propose, Like it

376
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,560
Speaker 2: feels like he needs this outside validation. Marry or bros.

377
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,400
Speaker 2: Marry or Bruce. Something I thought was really sweet that

378
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,080
Speaker 2: I wanted to mention was that before he left, he said,

379
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,160
Speaker 2: I do think I oh you some dancing, and so

380
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 2: we slow danced in my living room for about a

381
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 2: half hour until he left. Gross small a small and

382
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:10,320
Speaker 2: romantic action prov to earn brownie points, But the conversation

383
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,480
Speaker 2: did reassure me that he's willing to try and be better.

384
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,600
Speaker 2: He recognized he was in the wrong and that a

385
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,199
Speaker 2: joyful day was robbed by pride and not rejection. This

386
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,920
Speaker 2: was about as ideal of an outcome as I could

387
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,920
Speaker 2: have hoped. There is a little bit left to this story.

388
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:29,840
Speaker 2: We've almost made it through yep, with absolutely no difficulty

389
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 2: at all.

390
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,879
Speaker 4: I don't know, it sounds like neither of you are

391
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,359
Speaker 4: ready to really get married. You guys are letting a

392
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,960
Speaker 4: wheel spin determine like who's right or wrong in situations,

393
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,280
Speaker 4: which is kind of cute, but also like not really

394
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,680
Speaker 4: like well, I think the most viable solution for marriage.

395
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,000
Speaker 2: I think that was for like things that they both

396
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,040
Speaker 2: didn't really care about. They said it wasn't for like

397
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:48,200
Speaker 2: serious conversations.

398
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Speaker 3: Eh.

399
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,919
Speaker 4: I think before you can get married, you got to

400
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,040
Speaker 4: really know what you want, and it sounds like neither

401
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,360
Speaker 4: of you really know what you want.

402
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 2: I think, I think it's I agree. I think right

403
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 2: now you guys are on the right track in terms

404
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:02,120
Speaker 2: of going to get therapy, not getting proposed to. Right

405
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 2: now taken some time. We don't have to rush, no rush, Yeah,

406
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,840
Speaker 2: but let's keep going finish it off. Thank you all

407
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,040
Speaker 2: for taking time out of your days to reply and

408
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 2: bring me back to earth. Thank you to those who

409
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,200
Speaker 2: messaged me in private to make sure I was okay

410
00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:17,680
Speaker 2: or to give input. While the future is still obscure,

411
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,200
Speaker 2: it's a little clearer than it was a couple days ago.

412
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,520
Speaker 2: I have a clearer understanding now of what I want

413
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,399
Speaker 2: and what's healthy moving forward. I will do every ounce

414
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 2: of weighing before I enter what should be the most

415
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,280
Speaker 2: important commitment you can make to a person you love,

416
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,720
Speaker 2: and I'll keep a more careful eye on his behaviors

417
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,760
Speaker 2: and how he may react to averse situations. I hope

418
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,800
Speaker 2: the best for you all as many have for me.

419
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 2: Thank you, and that's the end of that story. M

420
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:43,080
Speaker 2: there you go.

421
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:48,880
Speaker 3: Indeed, my partner dislikes my eldest child and it made

422
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:49,840
Speaker 3: me resent him.

423
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,879
Speaker 2: Well, I dislike him. Ooh a child.

424
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Speaker 4: I thirty five female, have two daughters fifteen and eleven,

425
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,800
Speaker 4: from my previous marriage, and I've been seeing my partner,

426
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,159
Speaker 4: thirty two male for almost three years, living together for

427
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 4: just over one year. He seemed to hit it off

428
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 4: immediately with my kids, and we spent a lot of

429
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,600
Speaker 4: time together on family outings Initially. He has no children

430
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,800
Speaker 4: of his own, and he seemed to take to being

431
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,399
Speaker 4: a father figure quite well.

432
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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes.

433
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,199
Speaker 4: From user deleted and if you want to submit your

434
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,679
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime suppert So,

435
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,560
Speaker 4: because things started off so well, it took me a

436
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 4: while to notice the crops appearing in his facade when

437
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,520
Speaker 4: we started our relationship, I set only three boundaries. Do

438
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,439
Speaker 4: not discipline my kids without discussing it with me. First,

439
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,240
Speaker 4: do not talk trash about the kids father in front

440
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,520
Speaker 4: of them, and manage your anger.

441
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 2: I think those are pretty good rules.

442
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, these boundaries were primarily due to domestic issues with

443
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 4: the children's father and my desire to keep my children

444
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 4: feeling safe and happy. Slowly, but surely, my current partner

445
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:58,200
Speaker 4: has slowly been whibbling away at these boundaries, getting angry,

446
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 4: shouting and swearing at the slightest inconvenience, telling me.

447
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 2: I'm allowed to be angry that if I asked him

448
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:07,440
Speaker 2: to calm down, frustrating. You are allowed to be angry,

449
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 2: but there are ways, especially around children, that you should

450
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,359
Speaker 2: not be expressing your anger in. And that is definitely

451
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:17,639
Speaker 2: not shouting or swearing at children or around children. We

452
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 2: should not be doing that.

453
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,199
Speaker 4: He talks down about my ex constantly in front of

454
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,199
Speaker 4: my kids, and he thinks it's funny. We also have

455
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 4: a significant disconnect between our approach to discipline for the kids,

456
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,400
Speaker 4: and when I've tried to explain to him the approach

457
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 4: I've been trying to take with the kids, He's called

458
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 4: it bs and told me that he doesn't need someone

459
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,399
Speaker 4: telling him how to be a parent. Hey, so you

460
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,840
Speaker 4: should lead he should be gone now.

461
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 2: So funny because he's not not a parent.

462
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,360
Speaker 4: So as soon as he goes, hey, you don't get

463
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 4: to tell me how to parent your children, that's when

464
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 4: he's gone.

465
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 2: Now bye bye. The thing is that you set those

466
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,159
Speaker 2: boundaries and now you have to enforce them one and

467
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,239
Speaker 2: if he's not going to listen to them, then you

468
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 2: have to say, oh, he's crossing my boundaries. What are

469
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 2: the consequences?

470
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 3: I hate not in relationship with you anymore.

471
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

472
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 4: He has subsequently continued to try to control the disciplining

473
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 4: of the children, but when I've told him that he

474
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 4: needs to stop, he claims he isn't doing anything of

475
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,000
Speaker 4: the sort and demands I provide him with examples of

476
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 4: what he's doing. Recently, he's told me that he thinks

477
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 4: that I'm a crappy parent, that my kids are running wild,

478
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 4: and that he won't be helping me out around the

479
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 4: house with any mess they may because they're not his problem.

480
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 4: He says that my kids will grow up to be

481
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 4: failures as adults because they aren't disciplined enough. His argument

482
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 4: is that if I won't let him discipline them, he

483
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 4: doesn't care about them. My kids have recently been diagnosed

484
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,879
Speaker 4: with ADHD and suspected ASD, and he's also referred to

485
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,680
Speaker 4: them as our slurs every time.

486
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, come on, like, what are we talking about?

487
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:45,159
Speaker 2: The second that someone says that to my kids, They're gone?

488
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 2: They're gone? What are we doing? I am what this is?

489
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 2: We need to well pee, come on, guys.

490
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,399
Speaker 4: Lesson here is we have to have respect for ourselves

491
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 4: and respect for our kids and like respect for the

492
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 4: boundaries that we set with people.

493
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 3: When they like this is easy, they like, don't they don't.

494
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:03,400
Speaker 2: He's not just crossing the boundary.

495
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 4: He's like he's talking of fat loogie on it and

496
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 4: then he's set all boundaries and then he's throwing it

497
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,880
Speaker 4: in the ocean with a dozen car backs.

498
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 2: This is this is now on youop, You have set

499
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 2: boundaries that are being crossed. It's your like your the

500
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,400
Speaker 2: balls in your court. Gotta protect your kids. Yeah.

501
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 4: Every time I try to talk to him about their issues,

502
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 4: he says, I'm making up excuses and I never accept

503
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:30,439
Speaker 4: that they're at fault for anything, even though he was

504
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 4: with me through the diagnostic process for ADHD and agreed

505
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 4: that both of my children experience issues. He's also specified

506
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 4: that he doesn't have an issue with my youngest child,

507
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 4: only the oldest. This is probably because my oldest has

508
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 4: been standing up to my partner more and more in

509
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 4: recent months, piping up whenever we are in an argument,

510
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 4: or just lashing out at him whenever he complains about

511
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,639
Speaker 4: something she's done. Yeah, I bet you she's lashing out

512
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,159
Speaker 4: at him because I bet you he talks to you

513
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 4: the same way he's talking about these kids.

514
00:22:55,920 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry. If your children have to defend themselves

515
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 2: to your partner, then you are failing as a parent.

516
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 2: You are not protecting them. You brought this person into

517
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,400
Speaker 2: their lives. You have to make sure that they are

518
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 2: going to be a good influence and a good person,

519
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 2: because he's not.

520
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,719
Speaker 4: My partner gets angry when my oldest speaks up because

521
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 4: he feels like I should reprimand her in front of him,

522
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 4: But I prefer to talk to her quietly, one on

523
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,160
Speaker 4: one and work out why she's doing it. Even though

524
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,360
Speaker 4: I tell him I've had these discussions with her, it's

525
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 4: unacceptable to him. My eldest daughter has told me that

526
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 4: she hates my partner because in her eyes, he's just

527
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,440
Speaker 4: as bad as her father. She hates her father's behavior,

528
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 4: but feels compelled to put up with it because he

529
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 4: is her father. I've tried telling my partner that he

530
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 4: needs to sit down with my kids and try to

531
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 4: repair the relationship, but he says that because I never

532
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 4: have to put any effort into my relationship with my kids,

533
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 4: he shouldn't have to either.

534
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 2: What he's he doesn't think.

535
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 4: That you having a one on one conversation with your

536
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 4: kid is effort that she don't under Guys, sometimes we

537
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 4: have to leave people.

538
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, and by leave, we have to kick him out

539
00:23:58,359 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 3: of our house.

540
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 2: Like I don't know, you go to your daughter and

541
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,119
Speaker 2: ask her why she's doing this because your partner is

542
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:06,879
Speaker 2: not a good guy. Yeah.

543
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 4: Despite all his nasty comments, he still claims that he

544
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 4: loves my kids because words are so cheap. But I

545
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 4: feel like every time I bring up this conflict with him,

546
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,159
Speaker 4: he flips it back around on me and makes it

547
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 4: my fault. And now he has made out to his

548
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 4: family that my daughters are nasty and disrespectful to him,

549
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 4: and he's just an innocent victim. My daughters are my

550
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 4: number one priority. Are you sure about that?

551
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 6: No?

552
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 4: They're not so, knowing that even one of them is unhappy,

553
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 4: has me feeling unhappy and resentful towards him as well,

554
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 4: and I can't seem to reach a resolution with him

555
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 4: at all. I told him he's an adult, so he

556
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 4: needs to be the one putting in the work to

557
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 4: fix things, but he refuses, and no matter what he's

558
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 4: said or done, he will not apologize to me or

559
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 4: my kids for anything. Even when they overheard his slur comment,

560
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:46,880
Speaker 4: he downplayed it, said he wasn't.

561
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 3: Talking loudly enough for them to hear it.

562
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 4: Is there another way that I could approach this situation,

563
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 4: he claims he would be He would happily go to counseling,

564
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 4: but he's made no effort to organize any and later

565
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 4: told me he can't wait for the counselor to tell

566
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 4: me how.

567
00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 2: Wrong I am about everything. Oh boy, boy, I can't wait.

568
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 3: Oh god, Oh my god.

569
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 2: What's the solution?

570
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 3: What do we do?

571
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 2: Oh my god?

572
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 3: What should we do?

573
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 2: Receive him?

574
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 7: Bye?

575
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 2: Bye? Don't let the door hit you on the way out?

576
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,120
Speaker 4: Let the door hit you on the way out. Yeah,

577
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 4: let the stand right in the path at the door.

578
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 4: I want your face in the path of the door. Please,

579
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:22,400
Speaker 4: thank you, Nay your.

580
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 2: Mutt and I wanted to. I wanted to skip you

581
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 2: like a stone. Oh is that your face of your butt?

582
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 2: I can't tell who because you're a real butt head. Yeah.

583
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 2: So here's the update. So he finally left for good.

584
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 4: His family won't let him come back because they deem

585
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 4: it to be a toxic relationship with both of us

586
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 4: at fault, which, honestly, honestly, in a way.

587
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 2: Yeah good good, I mean best case scenario, well not

588
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,640
Speaker 2: basket scenario, but like a good case scenario. They took

589
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 2: him away, took him out of it, got him out

590
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 2: of there, so you don't have to deal with them.

591
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 4: The crap show unfolded gradually since my last post, and

592
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,639
Speaker 4: right until the end. He still refused to apologize for

593
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,439
Speaker 4: calling my kids names because he felt he shouldn't have to.

594
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 4: He said his relationship with them was fine, and tried

595
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,439
Speaker 4: interrogating my youngest about why she didn't like him. She

596
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 4: was understandably reluctant at first, but honest and ultimately said

597
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 4: that there were lots of things about him she didn't like,

598
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 4: but couldn't find the words to explain it. He never

599
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 4: bothered asking my oldest and never sat down with either

600
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 4: of them to discuss his relationship with them. He made

601
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 4: it out like unless I had specific examples of everything

602
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,400
Speaker 4: he had done wrong with my kids was all bs,

603
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:22,680
Speaker 4: and he.

604
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 3: Had never done anything wrong to them to make them

605
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 3: dislike him.

606
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 4: About a week before he left, he gave me a

607
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 4: half hearted apology because I told him I didn't feel

608
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,920
Speaker 4: like I could have spicy sleep with him anymore after

609
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 4: everything that had gone on. He only apologized because he

610
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 4: wanted to do the horizontal tango and thought that he

611
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 4: could convince me to give it to him if he

612
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 4: did that.

613
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:41,160
Speaker 2: Well, that didn't work.

614
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 3: He threw a.

615
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 4: Tantrum like a little boy, little baby. He told his

616
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 4: family that he was afraid to talk to me about

617
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 4: our problems because I always turned it around on him

618
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 4: and refused to accept any blame. He told me that

619
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 4: I should have approached him to discuss the issues, but

620
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 4: every time we did discuss the issues, it was because

621
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 4: he wanted spicy sleep.

622
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 2: I was told by.

623
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 4: His family that I should have met with him half

624
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,679
Speaker 4: way with my boundaries and I should have abided by his.

625
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 4: He then told his family that he was never allowed

626
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 4: to tell my kids to do anything, when in actual reality,

627
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 4: I told him he was welcome to as long as

628
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 4: he approached it in an agreeable manner. He dismissed my

629
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 4: views on parenting as bs, and since we weren't on

630
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 4: the same page with our views, I wasn't comfortable with

631
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 4: his approach. I let him try things his way on occasion,

632
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 4: but it didn't work, which, of course was my fault.

633
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 4: He basically got everything he wanted. He never put any

634
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,400
Speaker 4: boundaries in place, except for asking me not to talk

635
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 4: to other men. He once stopped me from going on

636
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 4: a girl's night out with a friend because our relationship

637
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 4: wasn't strong enough.

638
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 2: I mean, that's certainly true. Your relationship is trash. Well,

639
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: it's like look, buyer beware.

640
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, when you're in a relationship with somebody and they

641
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 4: start showing you who they are, believe them.

642
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 2: You believe it, Listen to them, believe them. You should have.

643
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 4: There should have been literally a five minute delay between

644
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 4: him slurring your children you get out and him being

645
00:27:58,560 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 4: out of your life.

646
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know why we and you're not. Only

647
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 2: did he say that, your kids heard him say that, right,

648
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 2: just an even crazier layer.

649
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's like a and then it's like, hey, kids,

650
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 4: you know why he's gone because I love you most

651
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 4: you and I care about you most. If he doesn't

652
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,640
Speaker 4: care about you, he's gone gone, as if I had

653
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 4: some kind of track record of being unfaithful. He also

654
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 4: made me promise at the beginning that we were not

655
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 4: allowed to discuss our relationship with friends or family.

656
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:29,440
Speaker 2: H great.

657
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 4: I did break that promise when his behavior was becoming intolerable,

658
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 4: and he was mad as heck when I did.

659
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, because that's a standard.

660
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 4: If your partner ever tells you you're not allowed to

661
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 4: talk about our relationship with your family, leave them. I

662
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 4: told him he was welcome to discuss our relationship with

663
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 4: his friends as well.

664
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 2: I never cheated or stayed.

665
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 4: I rarely talked to other men because of him, but

666
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 4: constantly endured his jokes about just about every man I

667
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 4: ever met wanting to sleep with me. Every time we

668
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 4: went out, he told me that men were staring at

669
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 4: me and if mike clothes showed much, believe it, you dummy.

670
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 4: I wasn't allowed to bend down until we got home.

671
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 4: He also talked about applying for a job at my

672
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 4: workplace so we could work together.

673
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 2: What is this? This guy just wants a He wants

674
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 2: to literally monitor you at all times. He wants a pet,

675
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 2: He wants to turn you into a bee, wants you

676
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 2: to be a bee.

677
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 4: He told me his family thought I was manipulative, and

678
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 4: he told me that I was the reason my ex

679
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 4: was so harmful multiple times. He had me second guessing

680
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 4: myself for a while, hence my prior post. He made

681
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 4: more threats on his way out, sending me messages saying

682
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 4: that he would drag me through court, et cetera, and

683
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 4: demanded access to the house we owned together, as it

684
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 4: was his right. I told him, if he's moving out

685
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 4: and removing his belongings, then he has no reason.

686
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 2: To access the house anymore.

687
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 4: He still told me he had a right to have

688
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 4: access to the house, so I told him I'd be

689
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 4: pursuing a restraining order. He backed off after this, but

690
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 4: I've been put on notice if I pursue a restraining order,

691
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 4: there will be lawyers involved. I'm sure if he doesn't

692
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 4: get his way, this will be the case regardless. There

693
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 4: is a little bit of story left, Sophia. It's are

694
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 4: you Are you getting the restraining order? Are you?

695
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 2: I mean, if we need a but I don't if

696
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 2: we need to.

697
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 4: Honestly, I bet you if you illustrate this case to

698
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 4: a lawyer, you'd find someone who'd be like, I'd do

699
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 4: this pro bono because this guy's going down.

700
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

701
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 4: I've decided to stay single for the foreseeable future. Though

702
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 4: my kids have asked me if I'd considered dating other

703
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 4: men I've been involved with in the past, I've explained

704
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 4: that it's just not an option. I know they want

705
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 4: me to be happy, and I think I'm happiest alone.

706
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 4: We have ongoing counseling and support, and we are all

707
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 4: relieved that he's finally gone. I just wanted to thank

708
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 4: everyone who helped me with my last post. I needed

709
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 4: reassurance to be able to break the stranglehold. And that

710
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 4: is the end of that story. Who Yeah, we have it.

711
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 4: Let that be a cautionary tale to all who have

712
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 4: heard it. Don't let your partner isolate you, don't let

713
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 4: your partner talk bad about your kid. If you set

714
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 4: hard boundaries, keep them hard, your partner just like obliterates

715
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 4: them without a second thought. Yeah, that means consequences need

716
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 4: to happen.

717
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 2: It's true. Can't just let your boundaries be all willy nilly,

718
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 2: or everyone's gonna know that you don't have strong boundaries.

719
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they're gonna walk all over you and your

720
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 4: boundaries don't get walked all over.

721
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 6: And you want to be a deservant role model for

722
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 6: your kids, exactly, don't don't show them that this is

723
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 6: a relationship that's okay.

724
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 2: Exactly your role model. Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

725
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 5: Here.

726
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three

727
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

728
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 4: My friend cried at my engagement party because she was

729
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 4: at the center of it. You always steal the attention

730
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 4: as they're walking down the aisle. I have a friend

731
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 4: of about ten years, let's call her l that I

732
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 4: asked to help with my wedding by being my day

733
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 4: of coordinator. I'm a wedding planner myself. I just need

734
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 4: someone I can trust to pull off the timing. She's

735
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 4: a wedding planner in New York City for high end clients,

736
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 4: so I know just how skilled she is firsthand. She

737
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 4: was thrilled to work with me.

738
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 2: For about eight months.

739
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 4: We met for coffee and chatted every so often to

740
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 4: catch her up on my plans.

741
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 2: It felt like an absolutely perfect fit.

742
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user pretty promen Nod

743
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

744
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 4: to the r slash. Okay, storytime stubbed it, so fast

745
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 4: forward to my engagement party. My maid of honor hosted

746
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 4: the party and my bridesmaids put it all together. It

747
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 4: was a beautiful masterpiece and could not been any better.

748
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 4: Aw it was magical until about one hour before the end.

749
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 5: Oh oh no, you.

750
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 2: Had us in the first half.

751
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 3: All of a sudden, my friend Elle is in tears.

752
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 5: Ok.

753
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 4: She informs me that she remembered that today was the

754
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 4: anniversary of a really traumatic event in her life, and

755
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 4: she was having a panic attack. I was so concerned

756
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 4: for her, and I wanted her to have her privacy

757
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 4: and know that I was there for her. I sat

758
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 4: with her after my maid of honor consoled her, and

759
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 4: we hugged and cried together as I talked her through it.

760
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 2: She said she.

761
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 4: Wanted to rejoin the group, but ultimately ended up leaving

762
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 4: after going to the bathroom without.

763
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 2: Saying anything to anyone.

764
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 4: We sent her some texts, but knew she would need

765
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 4: some time and space before she replied. The next morning,

766
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 4: I wake up to a voicemail from Elle saying that

767
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 4: she'll no longer be my coordinator because she felt unsupported

768
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 4: and betrayed while she was going through a crisis. Oh man,

769
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 4: that's really not what it read like. Read like everyone

770
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 4: was trying to support you and you left. She felt

771
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 4: the party shouldn't have continued and we should have focused

772
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 4: on cheering her up as a group. She also felt

773
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 4: unthanked for planning my party. I was pretty shocked, not

774
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 4: only because of her accusations, but my bridesmaids planned my

775
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 4: party and my maid of honor was the host.

776
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 2: Am I missing something here?

777
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 4: I apologized to her and told her I really thought

778
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 4: I had tried my best to comfort her and help,

779
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 4: but that really was not good enough to her and

780
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 4: sounded like excuses. I can't stop thinking about how I

781
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 4: just feel. I have whiplash about this whole thing. It

782
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 4: was supposed to be and was at first one of

783
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 4: our happiest days leading up to our wedding, but the

784
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,759
Speaker 4: hours and days following it have just felt like a

785
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,880
Speaker 4: dark cloud. Now we are six months away from the wedding,

786
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,919
Speaker 4: with a lot of loose ends and a bruised heart.

787
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 4: Am I overreacting, dude? And there are some relevant comments.

788
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 8: Wait a minute, I was in the shower thinking of

789
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 8: a title for these kind of people, and they're made Zilla's.

790
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:28,799
Speaker 4: Made zillas because this isn't her wife or fiance. I'm

791
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 4: having a mental health crisis. Everything around me needs to

792
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 4: stop and everyone needs to make me priority.

793
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 2: One and only.

794
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 4: And short of that, I will feel like I was

795
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,479
Speaker 4: not taking care of her acknowledged or looked after.

796
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 3: That is an unfair level of expectation.

797
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 4: What the heck, bro, You know, I think you just

798
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 4: got to be like, well, you you process whatever you're

799
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:01,839
Speaker 4: going through at what whatever rate you need to take,

800
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 4: and I'm gonna continue with my wedding.

801
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 2: I don't think you can do anything.

802
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, you gotta take.

803
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 4: Them off, take them off payrol. Anyways, because they tried

804
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 4: to help. It's not like they just put her in

805
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 4: the broom closet. They tried to help.

806
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 8: She took her to the side and worked with like

807
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:20,399
Speaker 8: like prideat of honor.

808
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 2: Consolder.

809
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,879
Speaker 3: Then she consold her is like trying to get you know.

810
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 5: Hey whatever, wild dude, wild.

811
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had to take the glasses off for that.

812
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 2: We had some comments.

813
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 4: Number One, a high end wedding planner should know that

814
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,240
Speaker 4: the wedding festivities go on despite their own feelings. Trying

815
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 4: to hijack your attention from your own engagement party reeks

816
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,399
Speaker 4: of deeper issues. If you feel she deserves one good

817
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,719
Speaker 4: conversation and maybe a chance, it seems reasonable given her

818
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 4: previous reputation. However, if you think separation would ease any anxiety,

819
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 4: you would be well justified. Op says, thank you. I

820
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 4: appreciate you saying that. I guess I just feel guilty

821
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,319
Speaker 4: for resting on. It's my party in a sense, but

822
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 4: maybe I'm boiling it down too much. I didn't try

823
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 4: to convince her to stay because I would be destroyed

824
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 4: if something like this happened again on my wedding night,

825
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 4: As much as I hate to say it, at it

826
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 4: and you make a really great point about being professional,

827
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 4: comment too says not overreacting. Do you think maybe she's

828
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 4: a bit jealous that someone else through an event that

829
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 4: you loved so much that it's her bag and somehow

830
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 4: she resents that the party went well and directed those

831
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 4: emotions towards you. You did nothing wrong, and it would

832
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 4: have been wrong and insanely awkward for everyone else to

833
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 4: stop the party because she was upset. A rational person

834
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 4: would have taken themselves away from the party or even.

835
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,240
Speaker 3: Went home if they were that distressed.

836
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 4: M Opie says, well, I hadn't considered that she was

837
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 4: jealous for that reason, but you could be right. She

838
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 4: had said a few things that seemed off to me,

839
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 4: like they were compliments, but somehow she wasn't happy about

840
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:56,879
Speaker 4: it for me, and I didn't know what to make

841
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 4: of it.

842
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:58,520
Speaker 2: Thank you for saying so.

843
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 4: I tried to put myself in her shoes and felt

844
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 4: sympathy for her, but had trouble reconciling with her conclusions.

845
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 4: Do you think it's worth being honest with her in

846
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 4: any capacity? What I mean is, at our last convo,

847
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 4: she said she needed an apology and to express herself,

848
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:18,800
Speaker 4: and achieved those things, but I was blindsided, so I

849
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 4: can't say I did a good job defending myself or

850
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 4: knowing that I needed to in the first place. Commentar

851
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,879
Speaker 4: three says, I'm sorry after what I'm assuming was over

852
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 4: a period of time worth of discussions about the engagement

853
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 4: party and just friend to friend conversations because that is

854
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 4: what friends do. Since she didn't plan or host it,

855
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,840
Speaker 4: how did it take until one hour before it ended

856
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 4: for her to remember the anniversary of this tragic event.

857
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:46,440
Speaker 8: Why did that not come up beforehand? If it really

858
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 8: bothered her, We'll just do it next weekend.

859
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,920
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, it's I don't know. I can't speak

860
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 4: to that. Yeah, but it is a.

861
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 2: Little a little suspicious.

862
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 4: I'll admit I have some events that have happened in

863
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 4: my life I consider to be tragic. But I'm still

864
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 4: a little shaky on the dates. I may not remember

865
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 4: the exact date, but I know the timeframe, or I

866
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 4: might be consumed by life and not actually realize that

867
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 4: today is that date. But she had to have known

868
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 4: the date of the engagement party and had talked about

869
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 4: it on more than one occasion. How did she never

870
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 4: remember an event that was so tragic to the point

871
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,479
Speaker 4: of having a panic attack was approaching. Let's just say

872
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,960
Speaker 4: that's what happened. Why are you expected to end your

873
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 4: celebration to cater to her? You and others took the

874
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 4: time out to step aside and console her. You gave

875
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 4: her time and privacy to gather herself. She decided she

876
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 4: couldn't handle it and left without notice. How is that

877
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 4: your fault? Did she really expect you to tell your

878
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,839
Speaker 4: guests the party was over because she suddenly remembered a

879
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 4: tragic event that you seem to be unaware of, though

880
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:55,359
Speaker 4: I could be wrong, during the ten year friendship that

881
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 4: you've had, I don't mean to sound harsh, but if

882
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,959
Speaker 4: she didn't need or expect support for this anniversary every year,

883
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 4: why were you expected to put your life on hold

884
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 4: for it that day? I would like to think that

885
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 4: if you'd note about it, you wouldn't have had it

886
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 4: on that day, or at the very least told her

887
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 4: you would understand that she couldn't make it. But how

888
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 4: are you to do this in consideration of something that

889
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 4: happened in her life that she didn't even remember herself. Yes,

890
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 4: that comment very eloquently points out that it's a little

891
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 4: fishy that, after all this time, things have gone down

892
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 4: in this way.

893
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 3: Not to mention, it's unbelievably crazy to.

894
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 4: Expect everyone around you to drop everything going on because

895
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 4: of something that is acutely affecting you alone, which, they,

896
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,880
Speaker 4: to be clear, did take time to take her aside

897
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 4: and try to be like, let's are you okay? Well,

898
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 4: you want to make sure you're okay?

899
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 6: Yeah?

900
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, She literally sat down from her party and consoled her.

901
00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 8: I'm just I'm really really kind of blocked by this

902
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:04,879
Speaker 8: person's maturity, Like, yeah, I don't know if I'm I'm

903
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 8: going through something tough, Like I am going through something

904
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 8: to off right now, and I haven't really shared it

905
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 8: with a lot of people. But I don't focus on that.

906
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,720
Speaker 8: And I know, like different things happen to different people.

907
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 8: But if I'm planning something around this timeframe that I

908
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 8: know something tragic happened to me, I just don't understand

909
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 8: the sense of planning it on that exact day or

910
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 8: we're just whipping it out of our badet just to

911
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 8: get some I don't know, attention. Are we Is this

912
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 8: actually a really big thing to us or are we

913
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 8: seeking attention because I'm I'm hoping this is a really

914
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 8: big thing to her. I'm really sorry that happened, but

915
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:38,800
Speaker 8: I'm hoping.

916
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 5: That's the case.

917
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 3: It seems dubious at best.

918
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's a lot to be said for

919
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,399
Speaker 4: not realizing what day it is. So I won't sit

920
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 4: here and speculate on that. But one thing I will

921
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 4: say is that throughout the past four months that the

922
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:55,359
Speaker 4: party was being planned, she never once mentioned it when

923
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 4: I told her the date, sent her the invitation and

924
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:01,319
Speaker 4: we made plans for her to come to surrounding the day.

925
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 4: Her goal was to attend the party and also make

926
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 4: a weekend out of wedding planning before and afterwards.

927
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 3: About three days prior to the party, four months, yeah,

928
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 3: four month months, which you know, say all of this

929
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 3: is true, Say this is true.

930
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:17,919
Speaker 4: And she really did forget, and she remembered the day

931
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 4: like imagine like, oh, I forgot that that was the

932
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 4: day because I was so focused on it being your.

933
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 3: Party that I forgot about that.

934
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 8: I really hope this isn't something bad where I'm gonna

935
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:29,760
Speaker 8: feel bad for bashing this person.

936
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 2: Over sure. I mean it might be something bad, something bad.

937
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 2: Bad things happen to everybody.

938
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, and I know that comments are gonna be like,

939
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 8: you're such a horrible person, that's what's gonna happen.

940
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 2: But no, O b went the due diligence was done here. Yeah,

941
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 2: regardless of it, if it's.

942
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 3: Real or fake, the right steps were taken to look

943
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 3: after you.

944
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,879
Speaker 4: About three days prior to the party, she did tell

945
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 4: me a story about this traumatic event, but I had

946
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 4: no context for how long ago it happened, or that

947
00:41:58,080 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 4: I should know this weekend was going to be an

948
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,200
Speaker 4: important date in that story, so she.

949
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 2: Did know about it.

950
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 5: She didn't know what happened.

951
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 4: Okay, I felt oblivious to the small details I ended

952
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,439
Speaker 4: up being held responsible for. I'll be honest and say

953
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:15,240
Speaker 4: that I wouldn't move my party if it was already planned,

954
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 4: but I would understand if she couldn't come. OPI clarifies

955
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 4: details on if she was planning to pay l for

956
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 4: doing the wedding planning. Opie says thank you, and yes,

957
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,880
Speaker 4: just for clarity, I was going to cover her costs

958
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:28,360
Speaker 4: for travel, gas, lodging, et cetera as it pertains to

959
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,399
Speaker 4: the wedding coordinating. So since I won't be incurring any

960
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 4: of those, I guess a thank you note will do.

961
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 4: And yes, I think you're right that I can't possibly

962
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 4: have her at my wedding. She wasn't even on my

963
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 4: radar of people to worry about, and I don't need

964
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 4: to knowingly add one, that's for sure. I don't doubt

965
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 4: that something like this would definitely happen.

966
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 2: Again.

967
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 4: I offered to pay, but she insisted it be a gift.

968
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 4: I insisted I at least cover the expenses. Plus she's

969
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 4: the day of coordinator. I am planning the entire wedding

970
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,880
Speaker 4: down to decor and the agenda she would execute, organization schedule,

971
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 4: and directing staff. So you think I deserve to have

972
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,839
Speaker 4: this happen because she insisted on gifting her services. And

973
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 4: I'm curious what you think I could have done differently?

974
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 4: And there's an update here. No, it's I don't even think.

975
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,840
Speaker 8: I feel like a lot of people assume you to

976
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:21,319
Speaker 8: react to something that hasn't happened. I feel like that's

977
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 8: a lot of comment things. This react cause and effect.

978
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 8: This caused, you do an effect. You have a reaction

979
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 8: to what just happened.

980
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 5: All right, yeah?

981
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 3: Cool?

982
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 8: Update? Hey everyone, I have an update. My ex wedding coordinator,

983
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 8: after an apparent deliberation in the past few weeks, is

984
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 8: saying she realizes how selfish she had been and how

985
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:47,800
Speaker 8: poorly she treated me at the surrounding party. All Right, dude,

986
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 8: this is super mature. I feel like my maid of

987
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 8: honor must have said something to her. I know what

988
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,800
Speaker 8: I've been able to gather from her forty five second

989
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 8: voicemails that she been leaving me before they cut her off.

990
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:02,919
Speaker 8: She's seemed to be sincere in wanting to apologize face

991
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 8: to face, and that's okay, I guess, But I'm struggling

992
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 8: with whether or not it's right for me to be

993
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 8: friends with someone like this, even if they're not invited

994
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 8: to the wedding and don't live near me. And how

995
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 8: do you be friends with someone you wouldn't invite to

996
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 8: your wedding. Not because the guest list is frul, but

997
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 8: no matter how long or short the guests will list

998
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 8: was this is a good point. I don't know if

999
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 8: I'd still be friends with this person they pulled this anyway.

1000
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 5: I'd hear her out. Let's hear her out.

1001
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 8: I haven't heard her out yet because she's asking for

1002
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 8: some form of communication with me. I don't even think

1003
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,919
Speaker 8: I'm willing to have a conversation with her to take

1004
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 8: her apology, but probably prefer her to write it to

1005
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 8: me instead, whether that be email, text or if she

1006
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 8: prefers handwriting. I just don't want to be caught in

1007
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 8: a torrent of rebuttals and butts tacked on the end

1008
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 8: of what was supposed to be an apology for me.

1009
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,359
Speaker 8: I'm terrified of getting baited into a conversation where I

1010
00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 8: feel yet again cornered and lead because she turns it

1011
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 8: around on me somehow. My head is in a little spinny.

1012
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 8: Help help Do you think she might turn this on Opie?

1013
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 2: Uh?

1014
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean with everything that's going on, an energy

1015
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 6: vampire for sure. So I'm tired of I'm just tired.

1016
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,760
Speaker 6: I'm I'm drained already.

1017
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, me too.

1018
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:25,240
Speaker 6: And I don't even know this person.

1019
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:27,240
Speaker 5: Dude, imagine knowing this person.

1020
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 2: I don't want to update.

1021
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:29,759
Speaker 3: Two.

1022
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:32,880
Speaker 8: Thank you to everyone that read the post before commenting,

1023
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 8: and thank you for your words of encouragement. Just to clarify,

1024
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 8: I never received any apology in the voicemails she left,

1025
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 8: So whether or not I speak to her again, I

1026
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 8: don't consider it apology accepted.

1027
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 5: She's not forgiven.

1028
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 8: Also, she was never going to be my wedding coordinator

1029
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 8: after the day that she tried to withdraw. There's no

1030
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 8: changing in that. I am an experienced event planner and

1031
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 8: have learned that when a vendor lets you down big

1032
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:01,359
Speaker 8: time the first time, you let them go forever. It

1033
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 8: wasn't going to be that way with our friendship until

1034
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 8: all of this went down. A let her know that

1035
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 8: I did receive her voicemails, but do not wish to

1036
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:11,840
Speaker 8: speak to her and have nothing left to say outside

1037
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,959
Speaker 8: of what my maid of honor likely said to her

1038
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 8: from all the crying I did to her while I

1039
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 8: was still processing all of this. I let her know

1040
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 8: a few more things I felt she should know, and

1041
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 8: that she can write to me, but I won't be

1042
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:29,319
Speaker 8: responding as if it's a back and forth. This isn't

1043
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 8: up for debate. I'll update here again if sush when

1044
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 8: she writes we got a third update, Another one, another one.

1045
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 2: Wow, let's do this last update.

1046
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 4: I got an email from Elle today and she was

1047
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:45,880
Speaker 4: too pissed off at me for unfriend friending slash unfollowing

1048
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 4: her on social media, so she told me that she didn't.

1049
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 3: Have any time for my bs.

1050
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:53,279
Speaker 4: It was as short as that, really, So there's nothing

1051
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:56,439
Speaker 4: left to do or say, and maybe I won't forgive her,

1052
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,799
Speaker 4: but I'll do my best to forget about it. I

1053
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 4: think you should do both those things. Thanks to everyone

1054
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,840
Speaker 4: that commented and was invested. Each of you gave me

1055
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 4: a little support, and there are some comments here. Number one,

1056
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:12,240
Speaker 4: it sounds like you're not really interested in being friends

1057
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 4: with her, which is totally fair, and I'd feel the

1058
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,919
Speaker 4: same way, to be honest, if it was me, i'd

1059
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 4: probably text and say, hey, I got your messages. I'm

1060
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 4: not in a place where I want to be talking

1061
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 4: to you right now and just want to focus on

1062
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 4: wedding planning and events. That you appreciate the apology and

1063
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:28,760
Speaker 4: maybe you'll reach out.

1064
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 2: After the wedding. That's probably what I would do.

1065
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:35,000
Speaker 4: If her apology is genuine, she'll quit bugging you after that,

1066
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,800
Speaker 4: But it sounds like she's got main character syndrome in spades,

1067
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 4: so she might put up a fuss. Then you can

1068
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 4: say you're not looking for drama right now, and if

1069
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 4: she doesn't leave you alone, you'll have to block her until.

1070
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 2: After the wedding.

1071
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,360
Speaker 3: Opie says, you're right, I'm not in it anymore.

1072
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 4: I think at first I felt like it was just

1073
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 4: another lost friendship because I've had to draw these lines

1074
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 4: in the sand before with friends who were the kind

1075
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 4: who were always down on their luck but always making

1076
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 4: decisions to get themselves there. When things would go sideways

1077
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:07,839
Speaker 4: between us, I would always feel guilty, even if I

1078
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:12,360
Speaker 4: was the only one with the grievance. I wasn't emotionally

1079
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 4: mature enough to understand that someone can be mad at you,

1080
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,279
Speaker 4: but it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I was

1081
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:20,759
Speaker 4: never able to tell that before, but now it just

1082
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 4: takes me a while to come around it's a little easier.

1083
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:25,839
Speaker 4: So thank you for your feedback and everyone else here.

1084
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 4: Even if I didn't respond personally. Op needing to make

1085
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:32,759
Speaker 4: sure Elle can't get into the venue on the wedding day,

1086
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 4: Opie says she lives hundreds of miles away. I think

1087
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 4: I'm okay. Oh well, comment number two. You said this

1088
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 4: so perfectly. I'm terrified of getting baited into a conversation

1089
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 4: where I feel, yet again cornered and bullied because she

1090
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 4: turns it around on me somewhere. This does not sound

1091
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 4: like a person you trust anymore, nor would most people,

1092
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 4: I'm guessing not that I know most people. If you

1093
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 4: have to walk on eggshells, if you know she's not

1094
00:48:57,239 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 4: really attuned to you except to figure out out where

1095
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 4: she can make the conversation about her, and if she

1096
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:05,359
Speaker 4: bullies you, then there's not much friendship to be found

1097
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 4: any longer.

1098
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 3: I think you're on the right track.

1099
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 4: To say that you're only comfortable with written exchanges now

1100
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 4: right now is vague, possibly stretching to forever. You already

1101
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 4: know that she is misrepresenting things, and you already know

1102
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:19,360
Speaker 4: that she badgers you let her write it down, because

1103
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 4: then she has a chance to be more thoughtful, and

1104
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 4: you have a chance to hand the unread letter to

1105
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 4: your lovely mother in law and ask her to read

1106
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:28,080
Speaker 4: it and just give you the gist. Just write back

1107
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 4: briefly to say thank you for whatever you want to,

1108
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 4: thank her for wedding wise, thank her for the apology.

1109
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 4: If you want, you could just say I appreciate it

1110
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 4: and say this obviously has come between us, and that's sad,

1111
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:42,359
Speaker 4: but it's for the best that we part. Weighs here

1112
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 4: or whenever you want, fairly soupy if you want, even

1113
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 4: obliviously insincere if you want. You could even do a

1114
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 4: goofy one where you tell jokes if you want, or

1115
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,520
Speaker 4: you could do it in like a pig Latin if

1116
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 4: you want. OPI responds, This was definitely one of the

1117
00:49:57,640 --> 00:49:58,800
Speaker 4: top comments on this post.

1118
00:49:58,920 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1119
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 4: I'm avoiding saying things like I appreciate because I'm sugarcoating

1120
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:03,400
Speaker 4: nothing at this point.

1121
00:50:03,719 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 2: But I have been.

1122
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 4: Cordial waiting on my apology to decide if my mind

1123
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 4: is made up fully, and that is the end of

1124
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 4: that story.

1125
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 3: And look, girl, if you're already not sugarcoating it, then

1126
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:14,880
Speaker 3: do it in person.

1127
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 2: It just rip that freaking band aid off. Okay, that's

1128
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 2: the end.

1129
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:18,840
Speaker 5: Of this hundreds of miles away. I don't think it

1130
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 5: makes sense to go in person.

1131
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,400
Speaker 4: I say, that's right. Well, no, he's not even the

1132
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 4: same state. Yeah, hey it's John.

1133
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 2: You og host here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1134
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 2: But he's a quick three minute break of ass from

1135
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:28,760
Speaker 2: our sponsors.

1136
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 7: My girlfriend's best friend accuse me of being creepy for

1137
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:34,799
Speaker 7: oggling my own girlfriend.

1138
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:35,799
Speaker 2: Well were you?

1139
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 7: I male thirty four have been with my girlfriend, female

1140
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:41,279
Speaker 7: thirty for nine months now. We have just introduced our

1141
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:44,319
Speaker 7: friends to each other and everything is going smoothly. I

1142
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:46,399
Speaker 7: think she's the one to be honest. By the way,

1143
00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 7: this comes from deleted and if you want to submit

1144
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 7: your own stories, go to the our slash Okay storytime

1145
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:53,280
Speaker 7: subprend it. So my girlfriend has a very pretty face.

1146
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 7: It's just perfect. I love watching her. She's also very

1147
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 7: shy and blushes and gets flustered when I look at

1148
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,680
Speaker 7: her for more than a few seconds. She would try

1149
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:02,960
Speaker 7: to evade my eyes or laugh nervously and kiss me

1150
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 7: to break the awkwardness.

1151
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 2: That's so cute.

1152
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 7: But she never made me feel like I was being

1153
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 7: out of line or creepy, and I always thought that

1154
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 7: it's just her shyness that's causing the awkwardness, rather than

1155
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 7: my gaze and creepiness. But I will be honest here.

1156
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 7: Her shyness adds to her charm, and I find it

1157
00:51:18,719 --> 00:51:20,719
Speaker 7: very hot that she's still so shy around me.

1158
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 2: Last night, I was.

1159
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:24,280
Speaker 7: At a restaurant with her closest friends and my girlfriend

1160
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,840
Speaker 7: was telling a story. She was telling the story and blushing,

1161
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:29,200
Speaker 7: and I didn't notice it, but I was probably gazing

1162
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 7: at her, when all of a sudden, her best friend shouted,

1163
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 7: would just stop being so creepy and stop oggling her.

1164
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 7: Can't you say that she's uncomfortable?

1165
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:40,400
Speaker 2: Keep your comments to yourself.

1166
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 7: They're in a relationship, he just in love. The loudest

1167
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,319
Speaker 7: silence followed this, and then my girlfriend said that she

1168
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 7: wasn't uncomfortable at all.

1169
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 2: Good things.

1170
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,360
Speaker 7: She spoke up, but her best friend continued, saying that

1171
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,840
Speaker 7: she had noticed me staring at my girlfriend all evening.

1172
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 2: And thought it was very creepy.

1173
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 7: I told her that she was my girlfriend and that

1174
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:01,520
Speaker 7: I wasn't staring at a stranger. But then all the

1175
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 7: girls said that I was wrong. It is wrong to

1176
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 7: stare like this at a woman, even if she is

1177
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 7: your girlfriend, and then I should have at least noticed

1178
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:12,799
Speaker 7: how my girlfriend was uncomfortable. Another girl's boyfriend told them

1179
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 7: that was ridiculous, and they rounded on him. It turned

1180
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 7: into a spicy related Pestermann discussion, and I felt so

1181
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 7: embarrassed to be accused of being a creepy dude. I

1182
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:24,239
Speaker 7: told them that my impression was that my girlfriend was

1183
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 7: nervous because she was telling a story and everyone was listening,

1184
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 7: rather than being uncomfortable because of me aggling her. My

1185
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:33,399
Speaker 7: girlfriend answered in the affirmative and said that she wasn't

1186
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:36,760
Speaker 7: offended by me. Her best friend didn't want to drop it, however,

1187
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 7: so I just yelled at her to shut up. The

1188
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:42,240
Speaker 7: mood was ruined afterwards, and we went our separate ways.

1189
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 7: I texted my girlfriend that I was sorry for making

1190
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 7: her uncomfortable and that I wasn't being creepy on purpose.

1191
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:49,160
Speaker 3: I just love her face. She told me not to

1192
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:49,839
Speaker 3: worry about it.

1193
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,879
Speaker 7: But the thing is she must have told her friend

1194
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:55,200
Speaker 7: something or they wouldn't react so strongly. She probably thinks

1195
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 7: and has discussed that I'm being a creep or she

1196
00:52:57,600 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 7: hasn't told them anything and they made the assessment all

1197
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 7: on their own, and that's.

1198
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 3: Even more worrying.

1199
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 7: What am I doing wrong here? Common number one says,

1200
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,319
Speaker 7: who am I supposed to look at? When she's talking you?

1201
00:53:07,719 --> 00:53:10,719
Speaker 7: Raises eyebrows skeptically, coming omber twoss, buddy. The best way

1202
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,279
Speaker 7: to approach is to not contextualize the question as much

1203
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 7: and ask her point blank, is there anything that I'm

1204
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,319
Speaker 7: doing or have done to make you uncomfortable? If so,

1205
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 7: can we talk about it? This doesn't allow room for

1206
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:23,839
Speaker 7: the misinterpretation or lies by a mission, which she might

1207
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 7: do if she's incredibly shy. If she says that there's

1208
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 7: nothing making her uncomfortable, then her best friend doesn't sound

1209
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:33,359
Speaker 7: like a friend and more like a hierarchical superior. If

1210
00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 7: they are a close knit group and have little to

1211
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:38,080
Speaker 7: know fluidity in the friend group and honestly sounds more

1212
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 7: like they are insular and the top dog of the

1213
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:43,520
Speaker 7: friend group is trying to assert dominance By contextualizing your

1214
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:47,400
Speaker 7: actions as creepy when it's entirely not her place, she

1215
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:50,360
Speaker 7: likely thinks that it's her place because she's best friends

1216
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 7: with your girlfriend, but it's not. Your girlfriend is an

1217
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:55,799
Speaker 7: entirely independent person from her, and while standing up for

1218
00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 7: your friends is good, she's not doing it for your

1219
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 7: girlfriend's benefit, but rather for her own ego. Someone responds,

1220
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 7: I agree. It honestly sounds like the best friend is

1221
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 7: trying to control your girlfriend and convince her that you

1222
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 7: are bad. It could be just that she's jealous of

1223
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 7: your relationship, or that she doesn't like men past trauma

1224
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:17,000
Speaker 7: or otherwise, or she doesn't like you specifically. Unfortunately, that's

1225
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:20,839
Speaker 7: most likely. Just beware around the best friend, and if

1226
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 7: any other friends are shy like girlfriend, then ask them

1227
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:26,000
Speaker 7: if similar things happen, because if so, it could become

1228
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 7: a major problem. Always look out for your girlfriend's friends too. Yeah,

1229
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:34,120
Speaker 7: that's the thing. Sometimes dating in those friend groups is

1230
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 7: like not great because then you have to basically like

1231
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 7: date the friend group and it's like, well, hang on, no,

1232
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:41,600
Speaker 7: what I signed up for?

1233
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she didn't realize that she had to date

1234
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:44,320
Speaker 2: the household.

1235
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 7: I've been in the friend group situation and it was

1236
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 7: not healthy.

1237
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:50,879
Speaker 2: It's when people in the friend group think that they

1238
00:54:50,920 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 2: have a right to say whatever they want and make

1239
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:57,279
Speaker 2: decisions for your relationship, and that is not the case,

1240
00:54:57,360 --> 00:54:57,839
Speaker 2: not at all.

1241
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 7: Commentary number three says, you did nothing wrong, and I'm

1242
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:03,280
Speaker 7: sure the best friend just feels uncomfortable from random men staring.

1243
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 7: Either that or she feels that you're staring as a distraction.

1244
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:09,359
Speaker 7: That's her problem, not a you problem. Of course, I'm

1245
00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:12,239
Speaker 7: assuming that you're only staring at her face, not eyeballing

1246
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 7: her up and down, checking her front airbags, or wolf

1247
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 7: whistling at her, all of which are really oggling.

1248
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:23,720
Speaker 2: Even then, Honestly, even then, if she's into it, like honestly,

1249
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 2: they have no right to say as long as there's

1250
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 2: not a like insane amount of PDA going on.

1251
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 7: Sure, honestly, it's literally just yes. I've been married for

1252
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:34,840
Speaker 7: over twenty years now and I love when my husband

1253
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 7: does this. It reminds me of being young and how

1254
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 7: far our lives and love have come in that time.

1255
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 7: But if she feels uncomfortable, it's up to her to

1256
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:43,839
Speaker 7: let you know or to ask you not to share

1257
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,960
Speaker 7: in front of her friends. Op says, nah ma'am, I

1258
00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:49,719
Speaker 7: wasn't looking at any parts. Not a fan of PDA either,

1259
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 7: and nor is she since she's so shy. I wasn't

1260
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 7: even aware that I was staring. She was nervous and blushing,

1261
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:58,360
Speaker 7: and I found it endorable. I remember I was smiling

1262
00:55:58,440 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 7: watching her face.

1263
00:55:59,360 --> 00:55:59,839
Speaker 2: That's all.

1264
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 5: I really would love to be in that room, just

1265
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:04,760
Speaker 5: to get an idea. It could be the friends being jealous.

1266
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,480
Speaker 2: I think this is the friends being jealous again, unless

1267
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 2: your girlfriend says I tell my friends and myself this

1268
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 2: all the time. You cannot assume people's thoughts or feelings

1269
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:17,319
Speaker 2: unless you ask them and they say to you their

1270
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 2: thoughts and feelings.

1271
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:20,160
Speaker 7: But guess what, everyone, we have a freaking update.

1272
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 2: You guess it?

1273
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 7: Shall we just roll right into it. Sorry everyone for

1274
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 7: the late update. I stated in the comments that I

1275
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 7: wouldn't make any updates before i'd seen my girlfriend and

1276
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:30,319
Speaker 7: we were conflicting schedules. So today was the first that

1277
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 7: I could see her since dinner. After pizza and chatting

1278
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:34,759
Speaker 7: about our days and what we've been up to, and

1279
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 7: after I oggled her for a while, she opened the

1280
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 7: conversation about the dinner.

1281
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 2: I played it cool, and I was relieved.

1282
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,360
Speaker 7: That she was the one to initiate the conversation. She

1283
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,359
Speaker 7: started by apologizing for how her friends treated me. I

1284
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,319
Speaker 7: asked her if there's any truth to what was said

1285
00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 7: and if she felt uncomfortable with me, because that's all

1286
00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:53,280
Speaker 7: I've been thinking of, and because I would never forgive

1287
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:55,279
Speaker 7: myself if I put her in any situation where she

1288
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:58,960
Speaker 7: fell violated or unsafe. Her eyes were wide with shock,

1289
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 7: and she assured me that she never felt uncomfortable with me.

1290
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:04,600
Speaker 7: So I asked her why her closest friends would think that,

1291
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 7: to the degree that they turned the subject into a

1292
00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 7: spicy related pestermint argument. She said that she was appalled

1293
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 7: by what her best friend had said. When we started

1294
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:15,880
Speaker 7: dating and it got serious between us. She told her

1295
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 7: friends that I always looked at her in a way

1296
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,760
Speaker 7: that made her feel like she's the prettiest in the world,

1297
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 7: and that she felt so insecure because she's not used

1298
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 7: to that. That's so sweet. I feel like another explanation

1299
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:29,880
Speaker 7: of it, which is stupid, because literally the girlfriend is

1300
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:32,920
Speaker 7: telling her best friends like, no, I feel great insecure,

1301
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 7: but it's just good kind of insecure because I haven't

1302
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 7: felt like the prettiest woman in the world before.

1303
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have that kind of doubt in your head.

1304
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 2: You're like, no one's ever said this is he's telling

1305
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 2: the truth.

1306
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 7: So the only other thing I could think of is

1307
00:57:44,120 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 7: like if this best friend is just first of all

1308
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:49,320
Speaker 7: obviously completely ignoring that, and then also had some sort

1309
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 7: of spicy related pestiment like thing in her life happen

1310
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 7: and she's just kind of mad at like everyone, Like, no,

1311
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 7: all eyes need to stay away, which you know is

1312
00:57:57,720 --> 00:57:59,919
Speaker 7: something that you have to work through sometimes. She also

1313
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 7: loved how I even embraced her shyness instead of being

1314
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 7: weirded out by her awkwardness. So I asked if anything

1315
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 7: she told them could have given them the idea that

1316
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:10,200
Speaker 7: I was making her uncomfortable. She said absolutely not. She

1317
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:12,360
Speaker 7: didn't know where that came from. And even when she

1318
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 7: confronted her best friend, she didn't get a real reason

1319
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 7: why her best friend freaked out on this. Her best

1320
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 7: friend just thought I was being creepy and then later

1321
00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:22,040
Speaker 7: told my girlfriend that she thought I was a bully

1322
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:25,160
Speaker 7: who ridiculed her and yelled at her. What Okay, this

1323
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 7: next line is funny. Here's my theory. The best friend

1324
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:30,480
Speaker 7: is to see you next Tuesday. She works hard to

1325
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 7: be in the spotlight. She used me to start an

1326
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 7: argument and steal the show, and probably it was because

1327
00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:36,680
Speaker 7: she couldn't take that my girlfriend was the star of

1328
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:39,480
Speaker 7: the dinner. The dinner was about my girlfriend introducing her

1329
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 7: boyfriend to the group.

1330
00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:43,400
Speaker 2: Way that was the first time you were introduced to

1331
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 2: the group and they're like, you could eat that's wild.

1332
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 2: I hope she'd freaking put them in their place. I

1333
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 2: would not let that slie.

1334
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 5: Well when my boyfriend look at me like that, I don't.

1335
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 7: Have a boyfriend to look at me like that, so

1336
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 7: you shouldn't be looked at like that either. It's not fair.

1337
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:01,480
Speaker 2: That's what you sound like, like a little mosquito buzzing

1338
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:02,400
Speaker 2: around my ears.

1339
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 7: And she was prepared to do anything and go to

1340
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:08,280
Speaker 7: any length, including treating me like a predator. I know

1341
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:09,960
Speaker 7: that I made it worse by making fun of her

1342
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 7: and her ridiculous accusations because it made me look like

1343
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:15,560
Speaker 7: I was making fun of spicy related pesta mint and

1344
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:16,920
Speaker 7: made the other friends pissed.

1345
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:19,120
Speaker 2: But I still don't regret putting her in her place

1346
00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:21,120
Speaker 2: when I told her to shut up. Yeah, that one

1347
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 2: can be debated. Wasn't great.

1348
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:25,320
Speaker 7: I feel like it can happen sometimes in friend groups

1349
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:27,880
Speaker 7: like this, where that like top dog is you know,

1350
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 7: manipulating everyone else and is you trying to control everyone else?

1351
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,280
Speaker 7: I didn't discuss this with my girlfriend. I asked her

1352
00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:36,560
Speaker 7: why she's friends with someone who's so unlike her. She

1353
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:38,400
Speaker 7: thought for a while and so that she loved her.

1354
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 7: They have been friends for so long and while she's

1355
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 7: aware of her bad traits, also she's a kind and

1356
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:46,360
Speaker 7: loyal friend who would be there when you need her.

1357
00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 7: There is a little bit more to the story.

1358
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 2: But I think you need to talk to your girlfriend

1359
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,960
Speaker 2: and say, hey, if you don't believe that, then you know,

1360
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:55,480
Speaker 2: have you already talked to your friends, because seems like

1361
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 2: they really weren't listening to what you were saying.

1362
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 8: Sometimes it's hard to talk to your girlfriend about her

1363
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:02,960
Speaker 8: friends because, like you know, there's like they have history,

1364
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:04,920
Speaker 8: like they go way back. So what's really hard to

1365
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:06,480
Speaker 8: like have the conversation because they may see in a

1366
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:07,960
Speaker 8: different light than you do because you're new.

1367
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:10,480
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I think that's also good because you have the

1368
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:12,840
Speaker 2: outside perspective and can say that wasn't really nice to them.

1369
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 7: I think maybe you know, you can talk to the

1370
01:00:14,640 --> 01:00:17,160
Speaker 7: girlfriend about like you know, just like ask her, like,

1371
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 7: is that someone that you want to be around, and

1372
01:00:19,320 --> 01:00:20,320
Speaker 7: you know, let her figure that out.

1373
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 2: On her own.

1374
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 7: It sucks that you have to be wrapped up in

1375
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:26,480
Speaker 7: that and like immediately disliked for no reason at all.

1376
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:28,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you can also express that you didn't

1377
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 2: feel comfortable in that situation. You can say like, hey,

1378
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 2: that made me feel like bad and uncomfortable.

1379
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:36,920
Speaker 7: Yeah, we're talking about spicy related pester mint is something

1380
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 7: very touchy, and so it's like it's the kind of

1381
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 7: thing that's so disappointing because it's like there's so many

1382
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:46,360
Speaker 7: situations where people do not lie about these things, and

1383
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 7: people like accuse them of lying about these things, and

1384
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 7: so when people actually do lie about these things and

1385
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:54,920
Speaker 7: make these false accusations, it's like, come on, man, you're

1386
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,400
Speaker 7: just making it worse for everyone else, and especially when

1387
01:00:57,400 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 7: you are lying about it. That's such a big thing

1388
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:01,640
Speaker 7: to accuse someone. So I guess I'm going to have

1389
01:01:01,680 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 7: to live with this woman in my life. I will

1390
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:05,160
Speaker 7: try to avoid her as much as I can and

1391
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 7: take everything she says or does with a bit of

1392
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 7: salt or sugar if that's what it takes. By the way,

1393
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:11,840
Speaker 7: for the few that got offended by my love for

1394
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:16,120
Speaker 7: my girlfriend's face and called me shallow, relax, Although I

1395
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 7: love her face. It's not the thing I love most

1396
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 7: about her. It's not even the body part I love

1397
01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:23,200
Speaker 7: most about her. But maybe top five comments come to

1398
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:25,880
Speaker 7: Number one says Ohpi, it's important that your girlfriend sets

1399
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 7: the record straight with her friend. Her friend should apologize

1400
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 7: to you. Your girlfriend should have your back on this,

1401
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:32,960
Speaker 7: otherwise you're not gonna be able to hang with her,

1402
01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:35,760
Speaker 7: or it will be awkward. Your girl's got to step

1403
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:39,200
Speaker 7: up on this, and Opia says she did, but I

1404
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:40,920
Speaker 7: don't think her friend cares.

1405
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:43,840
Speaker 2: TVH. She just wanted to pick a fight and use

1406
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:44,960
Speaker 2: the ogling thing.

1407
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 7: Come tore. Number two says, I believe you will encounter

1408
01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:49,960
Speaker 7: more trouble from the friend, the whisper on how she

1409
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 7: could do better, the I don't know what you see

1410
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:55,320
Speaker 7: in the guy, the oh look, how cute? Those guys

1411
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 7: are just a hunch. But I believe subtle whispers of

1412
01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:01,800
Speaker 7: sabotage are unfortunately in your future, especially because this isn't

1413
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:03,880
Speaker 7: even just the best friend. All of the other friends

1414
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:06,840
Speaker 7: at the table were also blowing up about this. Opie says,

1415
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,080
Speaker 7: what do you suggest? I can't ask her to dumb

1416
01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:11,800
Speaker 7: her friend of ten plus years for me. Someone responds,

1417
01:02:11,920 --> 01:02:14,400
Speaker 7: be a good boyfriend, Never talk badly about the friend,

1418
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 7: don't fall for antagonistic comments and actions, and don't be

1419
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:19,040
Speaker 7: surprised when it happens.

1420
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 2: Lovely story, you and your girlfriend are gut but folks,

1421
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:22,560
Speaker 2: that's the end of that story.