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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My mom warned she disowned me if I went on

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Speaker 3: the trip she forbid me to go on.

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Speaker 2: Well, better own that trip, then, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Better be a good trip. Let me start by saying

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Speaker 3: that I am financially independent from my parents, working seventy

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Speaker 3: miles away from their house, living in my own apartment,

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Speaker 3: paying off my student loans and car loan by myself,

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Speaker 3: although I still go to them for life advice and

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Speaker 3: value their opinions. By the way, this comes from Gwilgue,

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Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to our slash Shoaking Storytime suffered it so. I have

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Speaker 3: a very close relationship with my parents. I love them,

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Speaker 3: respect them, am grateful for everything they've done for me,

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Speaker 3: and recognize how lucky I am. But as I get older,

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Speaker 3: it gets harder and art to put up with their

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Speaker 3: over protective tendencies and their emotional manipulative ways. Here's the situation.

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Speaker 3: My friend invited me to go to SF with her

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Speaker 3: and some friends for a couple of days, just to

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Speaker 3: explore and hang out. We'd been driving from LA and

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Speaker 3: we wouldn't be able to leave LA until the afternoon,

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Speaker 3: which puts us in SF pretty late at night. Now,

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Speaker 3: I've never been on a multi day road trip with

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Speaker 3: my friends before because my parents have never let me,

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Speaker 3: giving reasons like young drivers are not safe drivers, the

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Speaker 3: drive is too far. A group of girls shouldn't be

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Speaker 3: traveling alone unless there are at least eight of them.

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Speaker 3: What why does it have to be eight?

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Speaker 2: That's a very arbitrary number.

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Speaker 3: When I first told them about the trip, my parents

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Speaker 3: seemed to think I was asking for permission. They said,

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Speaker 3: it's not safe for us to be driving at night

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Speaker 3: for so long, so I'm not allowed to go. No

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Speaker 3: op's financially independent and an adult. I had anticipated that

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Speaker 3: my parents would try to pull this and had resolved

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Speaker 3: that this was it. I was going to draw a

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Speaker 3: line in the sand and establish that it's not up

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Speaker 3: to them to make decisions for me anymore. So I

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Speaker 3: told them I was going to go on the trip anyway,

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Speaker 3: reassuring them that I would be careful and that I

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Speaker 3: would text them periodically to let them know where I

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Speaker 3: am and what I'm doing, and then is expected. Things

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Speaker 3: didn't go well, my mom, who was incredibly stubborn and

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Speaker 3: quick to anger, started screaming at me. She said that

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Speaker 3: if I really loved her, I wouldn't be making her worry.

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Speaker 3: She said that if I were a good daughter, I

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Speaker 3: would have told my friend that I wouldn't go in

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Speaker 3: the first place, because I knew my parents wouldn't feel

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Speaker 3: comfortable with the night drive. She said that she's doing

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Speaker 3: this for my own benefit, for my own safety. I

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Speaker 3: explain that I'm not trying to hurt her or make

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Speaker 3: her worry. I just think that she's overly concerned, and

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Speaker 3: really it's not her place to give permission anymore. And

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Speaker 3: that's when she said it. If you go, don't come home,

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Speaker 3: don't call me mom. You're not my daughter anymore. Do

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Speaker 3: you understand your mom's crazy.

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Speaker 2: There's two types of narcissism that I'm aware of. There's

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Speaker 2: the one type where it's like, Oh, I'm the greatest

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Speaker 2: in the world, and then there's the type where it's like

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Speaker 2: the world is out to get me, like everything is

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Speaker 2: out to get me like you're actively against me. Why

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Speaker 2: are you trying to hurt me? And this is what

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Speaker 2: it's giving. It's giving heavy, heavy narcissism vibes and.

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Speaker 3: Also just like not understanding that your child is grown

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Speaker 3: and an adult and capable of making their own decisions

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Speaker 3: and you no longer have a say in what they

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Speaker 3: do and you can advise them against you can say

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Speaker 3: that's not safe. You know, it really scares me. You

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Speaker 3: can't disown them for going on a trip that's incredibly silly.

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Speaker 2: You can, but it's just like not the proper way

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Speaker 2: to go.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you're gonna regret it. You're gonna have lost

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Speaker 3: your daughter because of your behavior.

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Speaker 2: Like for me, like I'm planning a trip to go

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Speaker 2: to Japan in October. It's like the first time I've

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Speaker 2: gone on a trip like not with my family or

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Speaker 2: not for like traveling for like school competitions and stuff.

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Speaker 2: And it's like I don't know how to tell my

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Speaker 2: parents that because it's like are they gonna try to

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Speaker 2: pull this stuff on me? The biggest thing was just

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Speaker 2: like why are you going for so long? Do you

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Speaker 2: know how much that's gonna cost you? And it's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: this is going a lot better than I thought it

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Speaker 2: was gonna go. So it's like they only care that

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Speaker 2: I'm being, according to them, financially irresponsible.

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Speaker 3: I told that I was gonna be cro climbing outside

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Speaker 3: and she's like, what, No, you can't. She's like, you promised.

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Speaker 3: I was like, no, I didn't. She was like, but

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Speaker 3: you said that you would only climb indoors. It's like

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Speaker 3: you're gonna die.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, mom, real quick before we move on.

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Speaker 2: This reminds me when I was just getting out of college.

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Speaker 2: I had an internship lined up with Rity magazine that

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Speaker 2: I was stoked over the moonfloor, and then I called

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Speaker 2: my mom to tell her, Like as soon as I

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Speaker 2: found out, like, hey, I got the internship, she started

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Speaker 2: crying because she's like, you told me you were going

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Speaker 2: to take the l SAT. You lied to me. And

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Speaker 2: it's like, yo, I just got the dream, paid internship

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Speaker 2: of a lifetime. I have no interest in law school.

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Speaker 2: I just said that to make you stop bothering me

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Speaker 2: in college. And like she's here crying on the phone.

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Speaker 2: It's like, great, this was supposed to be a happy memory,

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Speaker 2: but isn't that.

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Speaker 3: My dad was a lot calmer during this conversation, although

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Speaker 3: I'm sure he doesn't feel the same degree of concern

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Speaker 3: that my mom does about the night drive, he kept

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Speaker 3: reiterating that since the trip is not important to me

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Speaker 3: and my mom is so concerned about it, I shouldn't go. No,

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Speaker 3: if you continue to let your parents think that they

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Speaker 3: have a say over everything that you do and control

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Speaker 3: over your actions as an adult, they're going to keep

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Speaker 3: pulling stuff like this. You have to set boundaries. Honestly,

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Speaker 3: probably setting boundaries is going to improve your relationship with

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Speaker 3: your parents, even though it may not seem like that

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Speaker 3: in the short term. There will be plenty of other

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Speaker 3: trips in the future that I could go on. Throughout

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Speaker 3: the conversation, my dad kept saying that he and my

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Speaker 3: mom aren't trying to control me. Gradually, as I get

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Speaker 3: older and have more experience, my opinions will weigh more

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Speaker 3: than their concerns.

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Speaker 2: Not trying to control you. That's exactly what you're doing

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Speaker 2: right there.

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Speaker 3: It's exactly what you're saying, either you don't go on

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Speaker 3: this trip, or we disown you.

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Speaker 2: And it's also like, if not this trip, then what

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Speaker 2: trip you're gonna say the next time? No, don't go

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Speaker 2: on this trip, you go on the next one, go

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Speaker 2: on the next one. It's never going to happen. Once

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Speaker 2: you go on the one, then that gives you the

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Speaker 2: out and the door, and that gets you through it.

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Speaker 3: I pointed out that this process still has to happen

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Speaker 3: on their terms, and his response was, yes, of course

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Speaker 3: it does. You have to keep in mind that were

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Speaker 3: your parents, and it's not easy for us to just

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Speaker 3: let go to do whatever. It has to be gradual. Hey,

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Speaker 3: look at your friends and heavy their independence, but you

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Speaker 3: have to remember that every family is different. There are

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Speaker 3: some things that they have that we don't have, and

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Speaker 3: some things that we have that they don't have. That's

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Speaker 3: a stupid conversation. I would understand if OPI was not

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Speaker 3: financially independent and was living at home like that would

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Speaker 3: maybe a different story. Opie does not live with her parents,

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Speaker 3: does not rely on her parents for money. Why are

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Speaker 3: you letting them control your life?

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Speaker 2: Just real quick? Are you the sibling that I didn't

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Speaker 2: know about? Because like, why are you telling me my life?

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Speaker 3: I don't know how to get through to them. They

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Speaker 3: can't keep using their concerns as reasons to get me

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Speaker 3: to behave and when I try to go against their wishes.

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Speaker 3: They can't keep screaming and making me feel guilty and

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Speaker 3: small until I agree with them. Every time we have

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Speaker 3: a conversation like this, I ended up caving in, and

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Speaker 3: I hate myself for it. I feel pathetic and embarrassed

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Speaker 3: and weak, and I don't know how much longer I

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Speaker 3: can deal with his self flagellation for not being able

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Speaker 3: to stand up for what I want. This is the

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Speaker 3: first time my mom has ever threatened to disown me,

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Speaker 3: and it hurts so much. I know she feels like

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Speaker 3: I'm the one who's doing all the hurting, But how

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Speaker 3: do I make her see that? And since she's so stubborn,

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Speaker 3: I feel like she would make good on her threat,

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Speaker 3: never giving in until I come around and beg for forgiveness.

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Speaker 3: I can't live a life without my parents. It would

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Speaker 3: tear me apart inside every day. But I don't think

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Speaker 3: it's right for me to keep living my life on

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Speaker 3: their terms. I don't want to be unfair to them.

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Speaker 3: My parents didn't pick my major, school, boyfriend, etc. Although

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Speaker 3: I know that they didn't one hundred percent agree with

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Speaker 3: my choices in those areas. But even for small things

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Speaker 3: like going on vacations with friends. I don't think it's

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Speaker 3: up to them to decide, and they can't seem to

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Speaker 3: understand that I otherwise have a great relationship with my

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Speaker 3: parents and that's what's at stake here. Do I want

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Speaker 3: to throw it all away to prove a point? The

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Speaker 3: trip itself isn't important to me. The independences, I guess

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Speaker 3: I'm just looking for some perspective. Have any of your

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Speaker 3: parents disowned or threatened to disown you because they didn't

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Speaker 3: like a decision you made? How did you handle it?

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Speaker 3: Did your parents come around? I hate that I have

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Speaker 3: to play chicken with my mom, and I don't know

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Speaker 3: if it's worth it. I'm feeling so hurt and upset

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Speaker 3: and unsure about what to do. So Annie would be

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Speaker 3: really appreciated. Thank you so much. And I'm not sure

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Speaker 3: how much context this will provide. But I am Asian

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Speaker 3: American and grew up learning that a good love and

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Speaker 3: grateful daughter is an obedient daughter. I recognize how ridiculous

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Speaker 3: this is, but it's really difficult to shake the mindset,

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Speaker 3: and there is an up da I.

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Speaker 2: Was gonna ask. I could feel the Asian American in there. Somehow,

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Speaker 2: It's like I can't just be thinking this. There has

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Speaker 2: to be some reason why I'm feeling this. A lot

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Speaker 2: of it is the culture, because a lot of the time,

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Speaker 2: like Asian American families are very like familial centric. There's

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Speaker 2: not that same level of independence that like you have

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Speaker 2: in Western culture. So I don't know if this ope's

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Speaker 2: family is like from Asia come to America maybe, or

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Speaker 2: if they were raised here, but it's such a trademark.

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Speaker 2: The deference to your elders and that they will continue

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Speaker 2: to make decisions for you and that they'll like slowly

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Speaker 2: wean you out of the family kind of a thing.

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Speaker 2: It brings very Filipino to me. I'm listening to this

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Speaker 2: and it's like, not just me, but a lot of

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Speaker 2: people that I know who have grown up in a

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Speaker 2: similar environment. Is He's like, all right, that person would

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Speaker 2: relate to this. This person I know, yet they relate

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Speaker 2: to this part. It's very difficult to kind of get

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Speaker 2: out of that because you do want to keep your

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Speaker 2: parents in your life. You do want to maintain that

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Speaker 2: relationship with your parents. It's never an easy way to

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Speaker 2: kind of get out of it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was wondering. I'm like, honestly, I think one

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Speaker 3: solution would be you need to stop listening to your

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Speaker 3: parents and like say, like, you know, put your foot down.

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Speaker 3: But also, you know, it is a little bit different

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Speaker 3: in this situation. You're saying that you don't want to

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Speaker 3: lose your parents and stuff, which is maybe something we

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Speaker 3: have to go to therapy for and think about, like

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Speaker 3: how to deal with parents like.

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Speaker 2: That culture doesn't like therapy.

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Speaker 3: I think maybe another solution is you just don't tell

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Speaker 3: them that you're doing these things. You know, like you

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Speaker 3: went to them and offered up that information that you

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Speaker 3: were going on the trip. Just don't tell them. Just

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Speaker 3: do it, you know, because I feel like there's also

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Speaker 3: this kind of need to get permission. I think there

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Speaker 3: is that. As much as OP saying I don't need it,

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Speaker 3: I'm independent, I think there is also this thing that's

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Speaker 3: kind of been drilled into our that she has to

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Speaker 3: ask permission and has to have her parents' approval. So

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Speaker 3: I'm like, just maybe just don't tell them so much.

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of it might be fear response

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Speaker 2: or the fear tactic when raising a kid, Like it's

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Speaker 2: fear of consequence, and I feel that that's what's here.

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Speaker 2: There's the fear that's instilled in op that they can't

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Speaker 2: quite shake because it's so deeply instilled in them. But

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Speaker 2: it's also like with what you said about like not

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Speaker 2: telling the parents, Like I went to Vegas one time

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Speaker 2: in college, and like, I know my parents wouldn't have approved,

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Speaker 2: but it's like I was going with camp friends and

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Speaker 2: we were like, you know, this is our like our

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Speaker 2: big hurrah before we actually go do camp. I didn't

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Speaker 2: tell my parents where I was going, Like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm going on a retreat with the camp folks. I'll

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Speaker 2: be safe. I'll tell you when I'm there and when

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Speaker 2: i'm home, And that's what I did.

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Speaker 3: It's like, honestly, if this is the type of relationship

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Speaker 3: you have and they're gonna continue to behave like that

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Speaker 3: and you still don't want to lose that relationship, that

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Speaker 3: is just like don't tell them. First off. I want

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Speaker 3: to thank everyone who commented, especially those of you understood

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Speaker 3: how it's not so easy for me to just say

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Speaker 3: f off, mom, I do what I want. I wouldn't

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Speaker 3: even want to handle that way. After stressing over it

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Speaker 3: for days, seriously, I think I literally made myself sick

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Speaker 3: with stress. I decided that I was going to go

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Speaker 3: to SF. I told my mom, I've thought about it

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Speaker 3: a lot, and I've decided that I am going to

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Speaker 3: go on this trip. I know it worries you, but

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Speaker 3: I don't think driving at night should be a big

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Speaker 3: concern to keep me from going.

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Speaker 4: I love you, and I'll keep you updated throughout. Surprisingly,

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Speaker 4: my mom did not erupt. She just asked, why do

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Speaker 4: you have to go this weekend?

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Speaker 3: Is f SEF gonna disappear if you don't go this weekend?

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Speaker 3: Is your friend going to pass away? You act like

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Speaker 3: this is the only chance that you have to go

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Speaker 3: on this trip, and you know how much it would

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Speaker 3: worry me. You guys would be driving at night, when

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Speaker 3: you would be tired, in visibility would be low. I

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Speaker 3: told her, no, of course not. I know that SF

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Speaker 3: is always going to be there and that friend's name

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Speaker 3: isn't going anywhere. But the opportunity is here now and

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Speaker 3: I want to go, and I think that's a good

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Speaker 3: enough reason. And without warning, my mom broke down in tears.

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Speaker 3: She could barely get the words out. She just kept repeeding,

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Speaker 3: you broke my heart, You broke my heart. We're still

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Speaker 3: she told my younger sister, who was also on the line,

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Speaker 3: and if you agree with your sister, then you broke

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Speaker 3: my heart to She got so upset that she couldn't

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Speaker 3: talk anymore, and she just walked away from the phone.

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Speaker 3: It was on speaker At this point. My dad took

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Speaker 3: over and gave his perspective some of his key points,

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Speaker 3: all of which he claim explained very calmly.

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Speaker 4: You know, it's not like we don't want you to

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Speaker 4: be happy or have fun. Your mom is just really

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Speaker 4: worried about you. She loves you.

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Speaker 3: Think about how.

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Speaker 4: Much your mom has done for you. There are something

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Speaker 4: she does for you now that even I don't understand

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Speaker 4: why she does them cook food for me to bring

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Speaker 4: back to my apartment, considering how much of herself she

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Speaker 4: gives to you. If your mom feels very strongly about something,

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Speaker 4: you should really take that into consideration. It's not often

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Speaker 4: that she feels very strongly about something. If I had

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Speaker 4: any opportunity to make my parents happy, I wouldn't do

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Speaker 4: it every time. I understand where you're coming from, but

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Speaker 4: you have to understand where we're coming from. We're not

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Speaker 4: American parents. We show our love and concern in different ways.

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Speaker 4: You say that you're not trying to hurt us, But

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Speaker 4: your a tent doesn't matter whether or not you were

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Speaker 4: trying to We're already hurt. Look, you're an adult and

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Speaker 4: you have to make a decision at this point in

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Speaker 4: your life. Is this trip you're independence more important to

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Speaker 4: you than what it would do to your mom? If

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Speaker 4: you feel like you need this right now, like you

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Speaker 4: need to make a sudden break from us instead of

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Speaker 4: letting it happen gradually, then do it. What up until

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Speaker 4: this point, you've been letting it happen gradually?

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Speaker 3: Right, You have to.

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Speaker 4: Decide what's more important, your family or yourself. If you

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Speaker 4: go on this trip, would you even really enjoy yourself

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Speaker 4: given everything that's really happened, knowing that your mom feels

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Speaker 4: like this, and if you enjoy it, what kind of

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Speaker 4: person does that make you. I'm not trying to make

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Speaker 4: you feel guilty. I'm just saying, oh, yes you are, ooh.

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Speaker 4: I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I'm just

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Speaker 4: reminding you I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.

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Speaker 4: I just want you to know, dang, that was a

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Speaker 4: whole bunch of guilty for not trying to make you

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Speaker 4: feel guilty.

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Speaker 2: Are you Filipino? Please tell me. This is a conversation

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Speaker 2: that I've definitely had with my parents on multiple occasions.

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Speaker 2: You could see my face when I was doing that,

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Speaker 2: but I was reacting like, oh wow, this is something

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Speaker 2: that I've heard several times over, and it doesn't stop.

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Speaker 2: Even if they don't do it on this occasion, they'll

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Speaker 2: find another thing they're doing on It doesn't stop until

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Speaker 2: you make it stup, until you prove that this area

335
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,080
Speaker 2: of false logic is not gonna work on you. You

336
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,680
Speaker 2: have to stand up for yourself again. It's the fear tactic,

337
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Speaker 2: the fear of your going to lose their love and affection.

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Speaker 3: I didn't say much during this. The conversation ended with

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Speaker 3: my dad telling me to take some time to think

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Speaker 3: about it and to let them know the next day,

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Speaker 3: which was the day I would have left for the trip.

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Speaker 3: The next morning, I got this text from my dad.

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Speaker 3: I've waund your mom away crying in bed this morning.

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Speaker 3: Her eyes are swollen because of how much she cried.

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Speaker 3: If you think you're grown up, love us and appreciate

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Speaker 3: what we did for you, then you know what to do.

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Speaker 3: Call me. If you don't, you have sacrificed so much

348
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Speaker 3: for you over your life. Ask yourself how much you

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Speaker 3: have done in return. Action speak louder than words, especially

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Speaker 3: in times of need. Ask yourself what you value most

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Speaker 3: in your life. I know my mom was overreacting, but

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Speaker 3: I couldn't handle knowing that my actions had caused her

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Speaker 3: so much pain. I couldn't handle knowing that my mom

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Speaker 3: was sitting there thinking that I didn't give a crap

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Speaker 3: about her and everything she's done for me. And if

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Speaker 3: I went on the trip, well, she probably wouldn't have

357
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Speaker 3: sown me. She'd take my decision to mean that I

358
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Speaker 3: cared more about myself and hanging out with my friends

359
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Speaker 3: than her, and that would cut her so deep. I

360
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Speaker 3: don't know if our relationship would ever be the same.

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Speaker 3: So I decided not to go. It's not a decision

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Speaker 3: that I'm happy with, but really, none of my options

363
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,920
Speaker 3: would have made me happy. Every five seconds, I flipped

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Speaker 3: between feeling really upset at my parents for their emotional

365
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Speaker 3: manipulation and anguishing over whether I really am an unappreciative

366
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Speaker 3: daughter for being so dismissive about my parents' concerns. It's

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Speaker 3: all I've been able to think about for the past

368
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Speaker 3: few days, and it's really taking an emotional toll on me.

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Speaker 3: By the way, what maybe we'll relieve some of that

370
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Speaker 3: emotional toll is listening to full episodes of stories just

371
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Speaker 3: like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or iHeartRadio

372
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,600
Speaker 3: and search a focus story time. There's a little bit left,

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Speaker 3: but I'm sure you have a lot of thoughts.

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Speaker 2: I have so many thoughts. It's the narcissism tactic that like,

375
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Speaker 2: because you want to do something, it means something against them.

376
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Speaker 2: It's always about them, and like you've shown that it works.

377
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Speaker 2: I feel for op so hard on this because it's like,

378
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Speaker 2: I know what that feeling is, Like I've been in

379
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:11,040
Speaker 2: so many of those conversations and it hurts because you're

380
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Speaker 2: not trying to hurt someone. The hard part is that

381
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Speaker 2: they ascribe it to them, and no matter what you

382
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,600
Speaker 2: say that it's not about them, they're never going to

383
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Speaker 2: allow that. I don't know if they believe it, or

384
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Speaker 2: if they've told themselves the lie enough so long that

385
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Speaker 2: they do believe it at that point. But OPI's in

386
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 2: a real tough spot. OPI has to find a middle

387
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,960
Speaker 2: ground at some point or take a stand because it's

388
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,560
Speaker 2: just gonna breed resentment over and over again. Over the years,

389
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 2: they're actively sabotaging your own happiness, Like you're not happy

390
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,280
Speaker 2: with this decision. You wouldn't be happy with that decision,

391
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Speaker 2: but at least you would have gone on the trip.

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Speaker 3: I feel like you're saying, like, oh, like I wouldn't

393
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,280
Speaker 3: have been happy if I went on the trip, and

394
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Speaker 3: you probably would have had a lot of feelings of

395
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,080
Speaker 3: guilt and sadness and stuff, But I think it would

396
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 3: have been a step in the right direction in terms

397
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,360
Speaker 3: of showing them that you know, you're living your life

398
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,520
Speaker 3: and stuff. But also, like, this is something that's like

399
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Speaker 3: super hard and like supercultural.

400
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Speaker 2: Now, this is more deep seated than you could possibly

401
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 2: hash out over a single trip. There's a lot to

402
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,480
Speaker 2: unpack here between you and your parents. Part of it

403
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 2: is that, like it's the idea that respect is demanded,

404
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,760
Speaker 2: Like not that you shouldn't respect your parents, but it's

405
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,280
Speaker 2: like they expect you to do whatever they say because

406
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,560
Speaker 2: they're your parents and because they demand that respect.

407
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Speaker 3: I don't know how to proceed from here on out.

408
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,760
Speaker 3: I'll be seeing my parents this weekend, and my dad

409
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,280
Speaker 3: has already started pretending like everything's hunky dory. The good

410
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:27,200
Speaker 3: news is my mom seems to be happy now, according

411
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Speaker 3: to my dad's text, I haven't talked to her myself.

412
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Speaker 3: I feel like I need to have a conversation with

413
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Speaker 3: them about this, but I'm not really sure how it

414
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,320
Speaker 3: would go, since I don't see any possibility for compromise

415
00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:40,320
Speaker 3: when it comes to my desires versus their legitimate concerns

416
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Speaker 3: quote unquote Reddit, I just need some general advice. How

417
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,760
Speaker 3: can I help my parents understand that when I make

418
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Speaker 3: a decision they don't like, it doesn't mean that I

419
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,919
Speaker 3: don't respect and love them. And if they were being

420
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Speaker 3: emotionally manipulative, how can I explain.

421
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Speaker 2: This to them?

422
00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:55,520
Speaker 3: I find myself for playing the discussions I had with them,

423
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,119
Speaker 3: and since I can't come up with cogent arguments that

424
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,840
Speaker 3: I can see them understanding, I start doubting whether or

425
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,600
Speaker 3: not I'm in the right. And that's it. That there's

426
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 3: no more to that story. My final thought is, you

427
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:07,880
Speaker 3: just need to start doing it.

428
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,760
Speaker 2: Tell them when you're on the trip, like you're already leaving.

429
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Speaker 3: But that is the end of that stories.

430
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Speaker 2: My sister took my credit card without asking, so I

431
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:22,919
Speaker 2: warned her with legal action. Sure this sisters asking for disaster,

432
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,600
Speaker 2: My sister Amanda and I have never been close siblings.

433
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,720
Speaker 2: We are polite to each other and get along well

434
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,360
Speaker 2: and know little bits and pieces of each other's lives,

435
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,600
Speaker 2: but we're not super close. We're both married and I

436
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,679
Speaker 2: have children. By the way, this comes from the sister

437
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 2: has a mister and if you want to submit your

438
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,080
Speaker 2: own stories, just go to the Okay story time subreddit.

439
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,520
Speaker 2: I frequently travel for my work, and I have a

440
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:50,040
Speaker 2: company card for expenses, which I use when I travel.

441
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,639
Speaker 2: I also have a personal debit card for personal expenses,

442
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,040
Speaker 2: but when I'm traveling, I don't use it very much.

443
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 2: Last week, I was going over my debit card statement

444
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,320
Speaker 2: when I noticed charges that were out of place. The

445
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,000
Speaker 2: total for the charges was well over one thousand, which

446
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,639
Speaker 2: alarmed me. I knew I didn't make them. I was

447
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,120
Speaker 2: traveling at the time, and my husband had no idea

448
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 2: where they came from. The charges were airfare and accommodation,

449
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 2: and at first I thought I made a mistake in

450
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 2: charging my personal card instead of my company card, but

451
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,959
Speaker 2: when I crosschecked, I didn't make any mistakes.

452
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,679
Speaker 3: And that's when you freaking cancel your credit card and

453
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:28,480
Speaker 3: you call your bank.

454
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,119
Speaker 2: I called it my bank and disputed the charges. My

455
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,879
Speaker 2: husband told me to file a police report if I

456
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 2: was worried about having my identity stolen or having my

457
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 2: credit rating go down. In the midst of this, my

458
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 2: sister called and I mentioned the card fraud and that

459
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 2: I was contemplating filing a police report. She became very

460
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 2: upset and told me that she would be over immediately.

461
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,359
Speaker 2: When she came, she told me that she was the

462
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,680
Speaker 2: one who used my card. First, she tried to pass

463
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 2: it off as my forgetfulness. Oh, I told you I

464
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,600
Speaker 2: needed to use my card, and you said okay and

465
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,479
Speaker 2: gave it to me. But I asked her when I

466
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 2: said that she gave me a date when I was

467
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 2: out of town. I told her it would have been

468
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:10,120
Speaker 2: impossible for her to have spoken to me then because

469
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 2: I had been out of the country. She became silent

470
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 2: and would not answer when I asked her why she

471
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 2: did that? All right, real quick, what do you think?

472
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 2: Why do you think she did that?

473
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,359
Speaker 3: She wanted to steal your money.

474
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 2: I was beyond frustrated and annoyed, and I told her

475
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 2: I wouldn't file a police report if she paid me.

476
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,360
Speaker 2: She became very agitated at this, and the truth came

477
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,200
Speaker 2: out She's been cheating on her husband for some time

478
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:36,639
Speaker 2: now electronically and it had finally turned physical. Since she

479
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:41,400
Speaker 2: doesn't work, she couldn't afford to buy tickets to see him,

480
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 2: so when they'd come over for my son's birthday, she

481
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 2: had taken my card details and used it to buy

482
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 2: plane tickets and a hotel room. I asked her how

483
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 2: she got around her husband, and she said he was

484
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,800
Speaker 2: out of town, so it was easy for her to

485
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 2: leave without suspicion. Wow. To be honest, I felt as

486
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 2: if I was talking to a complete stranger, and I

487
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,920
Speaker 2: was disgusted. Maybe I am wrong for feeling this way,

488
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,479
Speaker 2: but that's how I am. I told her that if

489
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 2: she told her husband about the affair and paid me back,

490
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 2: I would not file a report. She wept and told

491
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,680
Speaker 2: me that if she confessed, her marriage would be over.

492
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 3: Oh no, well, maybe you shouldn't have cheated.

493
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,679
Speaker 2: Well well, well, and if it isn't, the consequences of

494
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:23,639
Speaker 2: your own actions.

495
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 4: Literally.

496
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,399
Speaker 2: I told her that she made that choice when she

497
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 2: chose to cheat, and that I would give her till

498
00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 2: Wednesday this week to decide. Since then, she has called

499
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,879
Speaker 2: me up daily to beg plead then her abuse at me.

500
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 2: She has done it to my husband as well. She

501
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,119
Speaker 2: has told our parents too, and they sided with her

502
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 2: at first, but then when the whole truth came out,

503
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 2: they said they are staying out of the matter. My

504
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,439
Speaker 2: mom did say that maybe I should be kind to

505
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 2: her and not make her tell her husband that she

506
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,119
Speaker 2: has learned her lesson. No, but in my view, she

507
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,400
Speaker 2: has not learned her lesson, and she is just throwing

508
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 2: this tantrum to get her way, i e. Not repaying

509
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: the fraud she committed, not confessing to doing wrong to

510
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,159
Speaker 2: your significant other. I've been told that I can be

511
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 2: too harsh at times, and I wonder if I'm doing

512
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 2: it this time. There's an update.

513
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,159
Speaker 3: No, you're not being too harsh. It's not even like

514
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,119
Speaker 3: you're like, I'm immediately gonna go tell her husband. You're

515
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 3: giving her the opportunity to come clean to her husband.

516
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 3: So that's already a lot of consideration.

517
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 2: She can do it on her own terms at this point,

518
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 2: like she's getting off incredibly easy.

519
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,560
Speaker 3: Exactly, you said, pay me back for the money you

520
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 3: stole and tell your husband that's it. You could have

521
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 3: gone straight to the police.

522
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 2: Report, like had she filed the police report before calling

523
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 2: the sister and talking to her sister be over, over

524
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 2: and out, like there's no going back from that, because

525
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 2: once the police reports filed, you, I don't think you're

526
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 2: allowed to take it back. So this is op gletting

527
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 2: sister off so easy. Thank you so much for all

528
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 2: your advice and comments. I also had a few very

529
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 2: supportive private messages, and believe me when I say that

530
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 2: you all help me stay sane. Today was supposed to

531
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,879
Speaker 2: be the deadline that I gave her to make a choice,

532
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 2: but things have gotten so much messier. Amanda discovered yesterday

533
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 2: she is pregnant.

534
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,160
Speaker 3: From the fair partner.

535
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 2: What would be worse the affair partner or the husband?

536
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 2: What do you think?

537
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 3: Well, maybe it would be worse for the husband if

538
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 3: it was his kid, because you know, he can't make

539
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:22,920
Speaker 3: a clean break.

540
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 2: Because yeah, that's still his kid, and if he splits,

541
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,440
Speaker 2: that's still his kid. If he splits him, it's the

542
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 2: affair partner, he doesn't.

543
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 3: Have to worry about the kid anymore, So maybe that's

544
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 3: less complicated.

545
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 2: She was overjoyed and called our parents to let them know,

546
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,719
Speaker 2: who in turn called to inform me of the good news,

547
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 2: which in turn led to them trying to persuade me

548
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 2: to forgive her and let it go. Why. I mean,

549
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 2: I get they want to protect their daughter, but also

550
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 2: you're hurting your other daughter in this, like she's not

551
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:50,439
Speaker 2: gonna learn her lesson.

552
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 3: You're being bad parents.

553
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 2: I told them I would think about it and hung up.

554
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 2: To be honest, I was troubled because I didn't want

555
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 2: my actions to affect a child, so I wanted to

556
00:23:59,359 --> 00:23:59,919
Speaker 2: sleep on it.

557
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:04,680
Speaker 3: They aren't your actions, they are your sister's actions. She's

558
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 3: just getting consequences. You're literally not doing anything.

559
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, she did this against you. Remember she did this

560
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,679
Speaker 2: against her husband. She stole your money. And just the

561
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 2: only reason she's upset at all of that is because

562
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 2: she got caught. Otherwise, she'd wait till you're out of

563
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:21,360
Speaker 2: town again.

564
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 3: Probably would have kept doing it.

565
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, she would have gone, waited till you're out of

566
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 2: town again, waited till the husband's out of town again,

567
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 2: done the same thing because she had your information, she

568
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 2: had that credit card number. So what's to stop her

569
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,119
Speaker 2: at this point? Nothing except that felony slap. This morning,

570
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 2: I got a call from her husband Jack. I didn't

571
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 2: mention it in my previous post. But Jack is very

572
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 2: close to my husband and I and I would actually

573
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 2: consider him more of a sibling than I do. Amanda,

574
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,680
Speaker 2: than you need to tell him if she doesn't. He

575
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 2: asked if he could meet me sometime in the morning.

576
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 2: I said okay, and we met up at a coffee shop.

577
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 2: I congratulated him on the good news, and he looked

578
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 2: very troubled. As it turns out, he doesn't know how

579
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 2: she got pregnant.

580
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, because she got pregnant from the affair partner.

581
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,200
Speaker 2: Oh, this is MESSI. He confessed that they've been having

582
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 2: relationship issues for some time now and haven't had spicy

583
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 2: sleep for almost half a year.

584
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 3: I feel like.

585
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 4: She's relying on everybody in her life to be idious,

586
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,679
Speaker 4: like she was relying on op to not look at

587
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,680
Speaker 4: her credit card and noticed that there were giant charges,

588
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 4: and as she's relying on her husband to not realize

589
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 4: that they weren't sleeping.

590
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:32,360
Speaker 3: Together for a year.

591
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,919
Speaker 2: I don't think Amanda's very good at math, and I

592
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 2: think she thinks she's a lot more slick than she

593
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 2: really is. She's watched one too many spy movies. He

594
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 2: had kept asking her to go for counseling, but she

595
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 2: had consistently been refusing. He told me, I know she's

596
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 2: your sister, and I hate to say this, but I

597
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 2: think she's been cheating on me. That child can't be mine.

598
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:56,959
Speaker 2: I was furious at this because this meant that she

599
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,440
Speaker 2: had lied to me about the trip she took. Being

600
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 2: the first time, I was just sick of her deception

601
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 2: and lies, and I realized that she really didn't care

602
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 2: who she hurt. I reacted impulsively, but I ended up

603
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 2: telling Jack everything about the card and her confession to cheating.

604
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 2: I told him she'd been contacting me trying to get

605
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 2: me to back off, and showed him all the texts.

606
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,159
Speaker 2: Jack was completely silent when I was talking, but the

607
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 2: heartbreak on his face made me so much angrier at

608
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 2: my sister. Finally, he asked about whether she had repaid me,

609
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 2: and I told him about the deadline and the new developments.

610
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 2: He told me he would repay me, despite me telling

611
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,879
Speaker 2: him I did not want him repaying me for horror cheating.

612
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 2: He wouldn't take no for an answer and wrote out

613
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 2: a check. I haven't cashed it I might not depending

614
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 2: on how things go. He asked me to file a

615
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 2: police report without taking any action. I said I would

616
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 2: look into it, but his point was if there was

617
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 2: a report on her, he stood a better chance of

618
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 2: gaining custody of the children. I called my husband up

619
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: and told him everything that had transpired. Bless the man,

620
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 2: he remained calm while I was freaking out. He first

621
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 2: called into work and took the day off and made

622
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 2: me do the same. He took me to the police station,

623
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 2: where I filed a report, but I told the officers

624
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 2: that I do not want to take any action. Next,

625
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 2: I called up my bank and told them that I

626
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,719
Speaker 2: know where the transactions came from, which they appreciated, so

627
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,360
Speaker 2: I think I won't have any issues from that direction.

628
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 2: They did say they would monitor my card activity more

629
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 2: closely for the next three months. Finally, we went over

630
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,719
Speaker 2: to my parents' house, where I told them everything. I

631
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 2: mean everything. I also told them that I was incredibly

632
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 2: disappointed at how they reacted. That they were so quick

633
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 2: to defend her when they thought she was the victim,

634
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 2: but chose to remain mute when I was the victim.

635
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 2: There's a little bit of favoritism here. I started crying

636
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 2: a bit at this point, and my husband took over

637
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 2: and essentially told them that as long as they were

638
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 2: willing to back up Amanda's unforgivable behavior, we would no

639
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 2: longer tolerate them, and that they were no longer welcome

640
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 2: to our house. He also told them that they were

641
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 2: still welcome to see their grandkids, but only when we

642
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 2: were around. They were greatly taken aback at this, and

643
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 2: they really protested quite angrily. But my husband can be stubborn,

644
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 2: and he refused to budge God to love the spite response.

645
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 2: Turns out, my family thought I was a push over,

646
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 2: so this reaction of mine came as a huge surprise

647
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 2: to them.

648
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 3: Of course they did. They were like, oh, don't file charges, OPI.

649
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 3: Don't tell her husband, OPI, And they just expected OPI

650
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 3: to do it.

651
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,119
Speaker 2: And then Obi was like, you know what, noow common

652
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 2: theme that I've noticed in like siblings. Whenever they fight,

653
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 2: the parents always are trying to save the other by

654
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 2: forcing the one something that's been hurt to just sit

655
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 2: in the hurt.

656
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, to just get over it.

657
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 2: There's no accountability.

658
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 3: Ever, It's like, come on, you have to apologize and

659
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 3: actually make amends.

660
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 2: They have to realize that they have more than one kid.

661
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 2: In this scenario, two kids are being affected. You know

662
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 2: what else can be an effective way to like spend

663
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 2: time with your siblings, listening to full episodes just like

664
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 2: this one, going on Spotify, Apple Podcast, any other of

665
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 2: your favorite platforms and just searching. Okay, story time, there's

666
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 2: an update coming up. But any final thoughts, Sophia.

667
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 3: My final thoughts is that honestly, you might need to

668
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 3: go probably no contact honestly with your sister because she

669
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 3: again scam do you she'd done her husband lied about it,

670
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 3: continued to lie to you. I think that it probably

671
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 3: will be able to still be in contact with, you know,

672
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 3: your brother in law and the kids, So that's something.

673
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 2: I mean, they're the niece and nephew, so there is

674
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 2: still a connection there. They're incredibly closely said, but there's

675
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 2: also the aspect of like the shame of it all,

676
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 2: and like does he feel like he can show his

677
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 2: face around.

678
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: I think Op and her husband will show that they're

679
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 3: there for him.

680
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 2: I mean at least she told him, so there's still

681
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 2: very able to may think maybe at some point salvage

682
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 2: his trust in them, Like if she hadn't told it all,

683
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 2: I don't think he could have trusted her again Amanda

684
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 2: has been blowing up my cell phone inland line all day.

685
00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 2: I read a couple of her texts, and most of

686
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 2: them rants and swearing at me, and how I'm going

687
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 2: to pay for ruining her life?

688
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 4: You ruined your own life, dude, if.

689
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 2: It isn't the consequences of your own actions. I'm sitting

690
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 2: here completely exhausted and numb. I know I've broken all

691
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: ties with my sister, and it feels like my family

692
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 2: has chosen to side with her.

693
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 3: Why she's the favorite child, she's the golden child.

694
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 2: Clearly I feel abandoned right now and guilty that I

695
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 2: may have made a huge mistake towards that unborn child

696
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 2: she's carrying. Hopefully things will all work out in the

697
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 2: near future.

698
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 3: Don't let anyone guilt you into thinking that you made

699
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 3: a mistake. You told the truth to her husband, who

700
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 3: almost was like freaking tricked into raising his child that

701
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 3: wasn't his.

702
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 2: Like, you're not the one who booked that hotel, You're

703
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 2: not the one who stole that money. You're not the

704
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 2: one who had the affair. You're not the one who

705
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,239
Speaker 2: tried to bury it all to try to deceive this

706
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 2: man like this isn't on you. And I understand that

707
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 2: you're replaying all the scenarios in your mind, Opee, But

708
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 2: at what point did you do anything against your sister

709
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 2: that she did not initiate like she wronged you? And

710
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 2: you're not wrong for wanting her to face the music

711
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 2: of her own actions like she did this. She's gotta

712
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 2: see it through. But unfortunately that's the end of that one.

713
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 3: That is the end of that story. Hopefully OPI figures

714
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 3: out that they didn't do anything wrong and they distanced

715
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 3: themselves from this very bad family.

716
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 2: Here's John ere og host here. We're gonna get back

717
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 2: to the stories, but here's a quick three minute break

718
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 2: of ass from our sponsors.

719
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 3: My husband passed away suddenly.

720
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 4: My mother in law says, it's my faults.

721
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. A few days ago I lost my husband.

722
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 3: I still cannot believe it. I'm still hoping that I'll

723
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 3: wake up tomorrow and realize it was all just a

724
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 3: bad dream. He came back from work the other day

725
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 3: and after being at home for half an hour or so,

726
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 3: he suddenly collapsed. By the way, this comes from Londa,

727
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 3: And if you want to smit your own story is

728
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 3: gonna r slash okay, storytime supparate it, So of course

729
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 3: I called the emergency number immediately and they sent an

730
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 3: ambulance to her house. They told me to give him

731
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 3: a CPR, but even though I tried, I probably didn't

732
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 3: do it properly because I never learned it. But also

733
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure like the statistics of people successfully doing

734
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 3: CPR pretty low. It's not your fault, is my point.

735
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 3: You know, my husband basically passed away in my arms.

736
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 3: It happened so fast, it was a matter of minutes.

737
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 3: Then the ambulance arrived only to confirm his passing. Then

738
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 3: the police came to and asked me a lot of questions.

739
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 3: The medics took the body away, and they told me

740
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 3: an autopsy would be required because there was no obvious

741
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,959
Speaker 3: reason for his passing. I agreed, of course, Even if

742
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 3: they hadn't said it was necessary, I would have requested

743
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 3: it myself because I had to know why it happened.

744
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 3: In my head, nothing made sense because he was just

745
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 3: twenty three years old. He was young, he was healthy.

746
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 3: I couldn't imagine any reason that would make him just

747
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 3: drop passed away. After they all left, I was in

748
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 3: a state of shock. It felt as if I was

749
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 3: losing my mind. I cried, I talked to myself, talked

750
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 3: to God, even though I've never been religious. Then I

751
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 3: pulled myself together enough to call my mother in law

752
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 3: and tell her what happened. My mother in law has

753
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 3: never liked me from the moment we got introduced to

754
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 3: each other. She didn't like me. I have no idea

755
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 3: what I did to make her hate me. I've always

756
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 3: been polite to her, so I don't know what her

757
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 3: problem is. I know she tried to talk my husband

758
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 3: out of marrying me, and after we married, she had

759
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 3: as little contact as possible with us. When I told her,

760
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 3: she couldn't believe it at first, and then she started

761
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 3: to blame me. She was yelling that it's my fault

762
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 3: that I unlived her son, that she's going to make

763
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 3: me pay for it. Oh my gosh. I never thought

764
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 3: that she'd support or comfort me, but I also wasn't

765
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 3: expecting something like this. The next day, a doctor contacted

766
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 3: me and told me that the first results of the

767
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 3: autopsy revealed the cause of his passing, a pulmonary embolism,

768
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 3: a blood clot that had blocked the main pulmonary artery.

769
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 3: The doctor basically told me that my husband had no chance.

770
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I could have done nothing, and even

771
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 3: that the ambulance had been right there with us, they

772
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 3: could have done nothing either. I got a copy of

773
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 3: the results and called mother in law again. We agreed

774
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 3: that she'd come to my house that evening to talk

775
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 3: about the funeral and everything. She arrived and she had

776
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 3: the police with her. We live in a quite small

777
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 3: town with only one police station, and those were the

778
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,800
Speaker 3: same officers who came to my house the day had happened.

779
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 3: They remembered me, and mother in law started telling me

780
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 3: that I was an unlibry, that I had aliveter son,

781
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 3: that I planned it all. She really thought they would

782
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 3: arrest me. I showed the police the copy of the

783
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 3: autopsy and they tried to explain to mother in law

784
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 3: that I didn't do anything, that her son passed away

785
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 3: from a medical condition that no one could have caused.

786
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 3: She started arguing that they shouldn't believe that paper, that

787
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 3: anyone could fake and print such document these days. The

788
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,800
Speaker 3: officers were really nice to me, told me not to worry,

789
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 3: and then left because obviously there hadn't been a crime.

790
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 3: Mother in law was furious about it and swore that

791
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 3: she'd put me in prison one day. I'm not worried

792
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 3: about her words because I know I'm innocent and the

793
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 3: authorities know it. The next thing is the funeral. My

794
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 3: husband and I never really talked about death because we

795
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 3: were young and we weren't planning to pass away anytime soon. However,

796
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,319
Speaker 3: I remembered that we attended a funeral last year and

797
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 3: my husband said he'd like to be cremated instead of

798
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,319
Speaker 3: buried when he passed away, And that's what I'm gonna do.

799
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 3: I'll cremate him. Mother in law wants to give him

800
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 3: a traditional burial, and she started yelling at me again

801
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,399
Speaker 3: when I said he'd be cremated instead. She was like, oh,

802
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 3: you just want to get rid of the body so

803
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 3: there would be no more evidence, right, you plan this?

804
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:22,320
Speaker 4: This is crazy? Oh my gosh, imagine this tragedy happening,

805
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,399
Speaker 4: and then there's just this like you can't even wrap

806
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 4: your head around what has happened, and now you're getting

807
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 4: blamed for this.

808
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 3: Totally unacceptable to give the mother unexcusable. She is also

809
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:36,840
Speaker 3: going through what I can imagine, you know, terrible, terrible grief.

810
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,719
Speaker 3: But that doesn't mean that you have to put up

811
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 3: with this. So I feel like just blocking her number,

812
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 3: you know, saying like here, this is the date of

813
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,960
Speaker 3: the funeral, this is what it's going to be happening.

814
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 4: I'm glad that the police know the truth of the situation,

815
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 4: and then nothing is actually gonna happen to Opie because

816
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:54,720
Speaker 4: of the accusations.

817
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you just let her know what's going

818
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 3: to be happening to her son, give her those details,

819
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 3: and you know, don't respond to anything else, because you

820
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 3: don't deserve that. However, she's going through her grieving process,

821
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 3: should not, you know, affect you. She also said that

822
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 3: she's a Christian and that Christians don't cremate anyone, that

823
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 3: it's wrong, and that a person has to return to

824
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 3: the ground that God made them from. That's complete bs

825
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 3: to me. I won't give into this at all. If

826
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 3: he wanted to be cremated, he will be cremated, and

827
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 3: that's it. That's the last thing I can do for him.

828
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 3: If she wants to bury something so badly, she can

829
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 3: bury the ashes. She's also reproaching me that I allowed

830
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 3: them to butcher her son, meaning the autopsy. I was like,

831
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 3: what do you mean, Butcher, that was a necessary procedure.

832
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 3: You don't want to know what your son passed away from. Weird? Yeah,

833
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 3: I mean she's accusing you of having something to do

834
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,919
Speaker 3: with it, and then you get proof and she's like, wow,

835
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 3: you shouldn't have done that. Yeah what. I don't even

836
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 3: have the time to mourn. I've to organize the funeral

837
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 3: and I've to fight with her because she's interfering with everything,

838
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,839
Speaker 3: the music, the place, the coffin. She even didn't want

839
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,160
Speaker 3: several people to come, and I was like, no, oh,

840
00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 3: it's a funeral. Everyone who wants to say goodbye to

841
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,840
Speaker 3: him is welcome, and I won't push anyone away.

842
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 4: I've had this huge pressure on me. She's still accusing me.

843
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 3: She believes that her son would have lived if he

844
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 3: had married me, that he passed away because of the

845
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 3: life with me. I understand that she's hurt, she's a

846
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 3: mother and she's lost her son, but I don't deserve

847
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 3: this attitude. I loved him too. I don't know how

848
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 3: I'll manage the funeral with her being there. And I

849
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 3: also just wanted to remind you, guys, cherish your loved ones,

850
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 3: tell them every day how much you love them, how

851
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 3: much they mean to you. Never take them for granted,

852
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 3: because one moment they're here and the next moment they

853
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 3: might be gone. We were married for two years only.

854
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 3: He was the love of my life, and I thought

855
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,720
Speaker 3: that we were going to growl together, but unfortunately something

856
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 3: greater than us had other plans. And there is an update.

857
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 4: So sad, this is so sad. Oh my god, I

858
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 4: think that you have to go to therapy one. I

859
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 4: really hope that you have some other support systems here,

860
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 4: Like if there's any possible way that you have, like

861
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 4: parents or friends or something that could talk to the

862
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 4: mother in law instead of you having to do it

863
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 4: that directly, right and you having to be like the

864
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 4: only one that's dealing with her, Yeah.

865
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 3: Because this is just unacceptable behavior.

866
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,439
Speaker 4: Yeah. I wonder if there's still a father in law

867
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 4: in the picture. If there was, that would probably be

868
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:18,800
Speaker 4: like the best person to go.

869
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 3: To, any other family member that they have that you

870
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 3: can say, hey, I'm gonna send you this information over.

871
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 3: I don't want to talk to her though. Update. I've

872
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 3: finally found the time to make a small update about

873
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 3: what's going on in my life after I recently lost

874
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 3: my husband and had many problems with my mother in law.

875
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 3: I'd also like to thank everyone for your kind words

876
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 3: and advice and all the support I've received in my

877
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 3: previous post and in my private messages. I've never thought

878
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 3: that strangers could comfort me that much. The funeral was

879
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:49,440
Speaker 3: really hard for me, even though it went fine, if

880
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 3: you can say that about a funeral. It turned out

881
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 3: to be bigger than I had planned because many people

882
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,879
Speaker 3: loved my husband and wanted to say goodbye to him.

883
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 3: The funeral director was amazing, very patient and hell One

884
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 3: of the police officers who came to my house the

885
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 3: day my husband passed away was also there. I explained

886
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 3: the whole situation with my mother in law Jim, and

887
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 3: asked if he could watch over the funeral in case

888
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 3: she decided to start a scene. He was so nice that,

889
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,320
Speaker 3: even though I was willing to pay him, he refused

890
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 3: to accept any money from me. He said it didn't

891
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 3: feel right to make a business out of something so tragic.

892
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 3: Mother in law was also there, but fortunately she didn't

893
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 3: make a scene. She didn't yell or do anything inappropriate. However,

894
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,319
Speaker 3: she was glaring at me the entire time, whispering to

895
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 3: some other women, obviously talking badly about me. Still, she

896
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 3: didn't try to ruin the funeral. I guess she realized

897
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 3: that it was the last time she could see her son,

898
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 3: so she held back because she knew I'd throw her

899
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 3: out the moment she started anything. The cremation took about

900
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 3: two hours. During that time, I approached mother in law

901
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 3: to talk about what we were going to do with remains.

902
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 3: I wanted to reach out to her and take her

903
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 3: wishes into considerations since he was her son. I remember

904
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 3: that she wanted a burial instead of cremation, and I

905
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,919
Speaker 3: understood that she might want a place where she could come,

906
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 3: put flowers or just sit and remember him. So I

907
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,280
Speaker 3: asked her what she'd liked to do with the ashes,

908
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 3: and offered to bury them if she wanted. What she

909
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 3: said next made me realize that I never ever wanted

910
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 3: to speak to her again. She turned to me and said,

911
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 3: shove them up your butt. Oh wow, how can you

912
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 3: just be such a despicable person after your son passes away?

913
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 4: Like, come on, even if you're just trying to like insult,

914
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 4: like Opie is still your son that you're suggesting?

915
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 3: What's your son's ashes? Oh? My goodness, then she continued,

916
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,760
Speaker 3: saying that she would make my life a living heck,

917
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 3: that I'd never be able to sleep peacefully again, and

918
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 3: that she would make sure I got the punishment I

919
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 3: deserve for unliving her son. She is just illusional. She

920
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 3: asked how I even dared to speak to her. I

921
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 3: was like, if I really got alive my husband, don't

922
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 3: you think i'd be arrested already. The police told her

923
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 3: I was innocent, The doctors told her I was innocent.

924
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 3: The autopsy report said I was innocent. If she doesn't

925
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 3: believe professionals, then I don't know what to tell her.

926
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 3: I have no idea what I've done to her, Because

927
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 3: you don't hate someone out of thin air. You need

928
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:01,720
Speaker 3: a reason. All I ever did was love. I mean, yes,

929
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 3: you need a reason, But sometimes with crazy people, they

930
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 3: don't really need a reasonable reason.

931
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're gonna come up with problems and create their

932
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 4: own reasons.

933
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:12,879
Speaker 3: And especially with someone who's in.

934
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 4: Crazy denial of this happening or whatever you would call this,

935
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 4: I guess I don't know what stage of grief this

936
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,959
Speaker 4: would fall into. Especially when someone's in this state of mind,

937
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 4: it's like there's not any reason coming into play.

938
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 3: Here at all, since she refused to do anything with

939
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 3: the ashes, I have them with me now. I don't

940
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 3: know what I'll do with them yet. I like the

941
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 3: ideas from my previous post about jewelry or planting a tree,

942
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,360
Speaker 3: but I haven't decided. Now that everything is over, it

943
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 3: seems she has decided to turn the whole town against me.

944
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 3: When I return home today, my next door neighbor, a

945
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 3: very nice, elderly lady, approached me. She told me that

946
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:50,320
Speaker 3: people were saying horrible things about me. Like I said before,

947
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 3: I lived in a small town where everyone knows everything

948
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,359
Speaker 3: about everyone. I hated here, and my husband hated it too.

949
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:58,479
Speaker 3: We were saving money to move to a big city

950
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:01,359
Speaker 3: where no one would know Usen was twenty three. I'm

951
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 3: twenty five, and I'm already attracting attention as the youngest

952
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 3: widow they've seen in a long time. In small towns,

953
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,160
Speaker 3: rumors spread like wildfire. My neighbor told me that people

954
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,279
Speaker 3: were saying I unlive my husband, that I bribed the

955
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 3: police and that's why I wasn't arrested. People don't know

956
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 3: how bribes work. This is crazy. Sorry, you can't just

957
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 3: bribe the police form unaliving. They claimed. Mother in law

958
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 3: came to my house and found medicine that causes blood

959
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:30,399
Speaker 3: to clot abnormally, which is how my husband supposedly got

960
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,799
Speaker 3: his embolism. They say it was green maated, just to

961
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 3: get rid of all the evidence. They even claimed I

962
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 3: had been hitting him all the time, just complete lies.

963
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:40,759
Speaker 3: I think most people don't believe it, but there are

964
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 3: definitely some who do. Of course, such rumors don't start

965
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 3: by themselves. Someone has to spread them, and I can

966
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 3: only imagine one person who would want to do this

967
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 3: mother in law. I can't prove anything, but she did

968
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:54,359
Speaker 3: say she'd make my life miserable, and that's exactly what

969
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,080
Speaker 3: she's doing. I'm planning to move anyway. I don't want

970
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,880
Speaker 3: to live in this house anymore because everything here reminds

971
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 3: me of the day my husband passed away, and it's

972
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 3: really hard for me. But it's still disgusting that she's

973
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,920
Speaker 3: making people think I'm not aliver. And then there's some news,

974
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 3: this time something more pleasant. Okay. Once the funeral was over,

975
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 3: I tried to return to my everyday life. I realized

976
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,800
Speaker 3: my period was late. At first, I thought it was

977
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 3: because of all the stress I had been through over

978
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 3: the past weeks. But it turns out that I'm pregnant.

979
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 3: I'm having mixed feelings about this. Yeah, oh my goodness.

980
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 3: I'm happy because now it doesn't feel like my husband

981
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 3: is completely gone. I'm going to have a part of him.

982
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 3: I know he would have been happy too. He passed

983
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 3: away without even knowing we were going to have a child.

984
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 3: But this is my first pregnancy, and I'm really scared.

985
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 3: I don't know what to expect. I'm worried I won't

986
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 3: be a good mother, that I won't make it through birth,

987
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 3: that I won't know how to take care of a baby.

988
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 3: I've never even held one before. I also didn't know

989
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,360
Speaker 3: I was pregnant, so I drank a few glasses of

990
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 3: wine at the meal after the funeral. Now I'm terrified

991
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 3: that I might have seriously hurt the baby. You have,

992
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 3: Not drinking a couple glasses of wine is not going

993
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 3: to hurt your baby, don't worry. It's more about drinking

994
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 3: a lot of wine while you're pregnant. And now the

995
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 3: question is do I tell mother in law about the baby?

996
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 3: Should I tell her that I'm expecting her grandchild?

997
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,720
Speaker 4: Honestly, no, yeah, at this point, especially not this early.

998
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am incredibly worried that she's going to try

999
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 3: and do the grandparents' rights thing. Leave the town. The

1000
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 3: thing is that you don't want to have any contact

1001
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 3: with her anyway, So like, what would telling her about

1002
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 3: the child do other than her trying to take custody.

1003
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 4: Maybe when you're like much further along in the pregnancy

1004
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 4: or something just kind of like telling like the whole

1005
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 4: family on his side or something like that. I don't know,

1006
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 4: I mean, especially about this early, because you wouldn't want

1007
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 4: to do it this early anyway. But oh my goodness, Yeah,

1008
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 4: she's definitely gonna try something crazy.

1009
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, you wouldn't want to wait until you've got like

1010
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,800
Speaker 3: a solid job, place to live, so she can't say anything.

1011
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 3: I cannot hate for a long time. I'm just not

1012
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 3: that kind of person. I don't expect it to make

1013
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 3: our relationship any better. But if I move away to

1014
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 3: live somewhere else, she'll never know that she has a grandchild.

1015
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 3: But it's the child of her son. She's the grandmother,

1016
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:02,359
Speaker 3: and maybe she should have the rights to know about

1017
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 3: the existence of her grandchild. Whether or not she wants

1018
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 3: to be in their life would be her choice, and

1019
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,399
Speaker 3: wouldn't it be unfair to the child to prohibit them

1020
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,919
Speaker 3: from knowing her? I have no parents anymore, so she's

1021
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 3: their only living grandparent. By the way, you can listen

1022
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 3: to full episodes of stories just like this. Just go

1023
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 3: to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or iHeartRadio and search a Pokey

1024
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 3: story Time. But there is a little bit left of

1025
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 3: the story. I mean, maybe later she deserves to know.

1026
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 3: But you got to be so so careful because I

1027
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,359
Speaker 3: think if she found out now, she would absolutely try

1028
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,399
Speaker 3: and get grandparents' rights and take your baby away. Yeah.

1029
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 4: I think it's definitely important to find some sort of

1030
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:41,279
Speaker 4: like support group or something people that can help you,

1031
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 4: especially if you don't have any parents anymore, if you

1032
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,320
Speaker 4: don't have like much family at all, maybe like find

1033
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 4: people that can be there for you and support you

1034
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 4: and be in this journey with you, and then establish

1035
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 4: that and then maybe tell her. Hopefully you have enough

1036
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 4: money to also move away to do that. But you know,

1037
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:03,320
Speaker 4: babies are so who knows, but wow, oh my goodness.

1038
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,000
Speaker 3: But again, like she's been really really awful too. I

1039
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:10,800
Speaker 3: think realizing that her finding out will not improve your relationship.

1040
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I mean think about it, like, if you

1041
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 4: guys already decided to cut no contact, like before he

1042
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 4: passed away or anything like that, then she wouldn't need

1043
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 4: to know about the baby that way, So I think

1044
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 4: it could work the same way.

1045
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 3: She didn't want to be a part of your life

1046
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,840
Speaker 3: when your partner was alive. So from the other side,

1047
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 3: she's been treating me so horribly and she's been so

1048
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,560
Speaker 3: mean to me that I honestly don't want anything to

1049
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 3: do with her. Also, I'm worried that she might tell

1050
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 3: the child the same thing she's been telling the whole

1051
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 3: town that I unlived their dad. I don't want her

1052
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 3: to put those lies in their head. My friend said

1053
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 3: that with this attitude, she doesn't deserve a grandchild. What

1054
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 3: would you say? And there are some comments coming. One

1055
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 3: says she deserves nothing. What a horrible, cruel person. I'm

1056
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 3: so sorry for your loss and that you can't grieve

1057
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,840
Speaker 3: properly due to her antics. She doesn't deserve to know

1058
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 3: her grandchild, and I hope your child brings you comfort

1059
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 3: in these trying times. I know I lost my fiance

1060
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 3: when I was twenty one in a motorcycle accident, and

1061
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 3: subsequently the child I was caring two months later, take

1062
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 3: care of yourself now, that is what's most important. Bless you.

1063
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 3: Please post when you can and let us know how

1064
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 3: you are. I'll be thinking of you. And that is

1065
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:15,040
Speaker 3: the end of the story.

1066
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, so many tragedies.

1067
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, prioritize you and

1068
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 3: your baby's health. Anything that would bring you stress, do

1069
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:22,719
Speaker 3: not do.

1070
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 4: That will cause complications. But oh my goodness, what a

1071
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 4: crazy story.

1072
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam' your og host here. Bring it back

1073
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 1: to the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

1074
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,479
Speaker 4: My mother in law won't stop showing up at my home.

1075
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 4: I refuse to let her in.

1076
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:41,200
Speaker 3: You shall not pass.

1077
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,920
Speaker 4: Hi there, longtime lurker, first time poster, Just wanting to

1078
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 4: vent about what happened yesterday and open to advice on

1079
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,760
Speaker 4: how to handle things going forward. I see the advice

1080
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 4: all the time of just don't answer the door if

1081
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 4: they show up. So that's what I did yesterday. By

1082
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from whoe one WHOA And if

1083
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 4: you want to submit your own story, just go to

1084
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 4: the our slash Okay storytime sepreddit. So for brief background,

1085
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 4: it's been a long and hard road with mother in

1086
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 4: law She was always distant but domineering when I would

1087
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:13,399
Speaker 4: have to see her, but became unhinged and controlling once

1088
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 4: I became pregnant, which often seems to be the case.

1089
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 4: As a result of her behavior, I will absolutely not

1090
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 4: be alone with her now and will not host her

1091
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,719
Speaker 4: for visits unless my partner is there. I also have

1092
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:28,720
Speaker 4: pushed back on her contacting me via phone by referring

1093
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 4: her back to my partner. She believes that she is

1094
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 4: entitled to weekly visits with grandchild, even though prior to

1095
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 4: this she did not have that type of relationship with

1096
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 4: her son. They would only see each other for birthday

1097
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 4: dinners and other obligatoria holidays. So yesterday I was at

1098
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 4: home with my baby. My partner was out for the day,

1099
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:48,440
Speaker 4: and he messaged me, Mom wants to come over. I

1100
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 4: text back, advising him just to say that doesn't work

1101
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 4: for us. I asked what time she was aiming for

1102
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 4: so I could be alert just in case. He told

1103
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 4: me he had said no, and that was that or

1104
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 4: would have been with a norm About forty five minutes

1105
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 4: before when she wanted to visit, I noticed out the

1106
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 4: window what I was pretty sure was her car parked

1107
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 4: too far away from me to be sure, but on

1108
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:13,400
Speaker 4: an angle looking over into our window. She's just like

1109
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 4: prime spot for a spying.

1110
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 3: She's got binoculars and she's like, I'll be there soon.

1111
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

1112
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 4: Hard to describe, but it was just up a connecting

1113
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 4: side street, if that makes sense. I thought, surely not,

1114
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,720
Speaker 4: but lowered the blinds just in case.

1115
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 3: I went about my business.

1116
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:32,080
Speaker 4: It was nap time, so I got the baby down

1117
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 4: for that not easy for us at the moment, and

1118
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 4: then went back out to our living area. I spied

1119
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 4: out the window and could see the car was still there.

1120
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,399
Speaker 4: I felt creeped out and lowered the blinds a bit more.

1121
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:44,720
Speaker 4: I sat on the couch and got onto some admin

1122
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 4: I needed to. About fifteen minutes after, when she wanted

1123
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:50,760
Speaker 4: to come over, there was a loud knock at the door.

1124
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,720
Speaker 4: I froze and ignored it. There was a knock again, louder.

1125
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 4: I ignored it and ducked down completely. The blinds were

1126
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 4: open about an inch now, so I hid out of

1127
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,760
Speaker 4: the view of that and stayed down. After the knocking,

1128
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,120
Speaker 4: I could see the shadow of someone walking along the

1129
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 4: window up and back, I assume trying to see in

1130
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 4: I knew it was her, and I was certain that

1131
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 4: she was trying to wake up the baby with her knocking,

1132
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:17,720
Speaker 4: thinking that that was her ticket in. Miraculously, the baby

1133
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 4: stayed asleep, faver nice. I texted my partner what is

1134
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,320
Speaker 4: happening and waited until it sounded like she had left,

1135
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:27,959
Speaker 4: and then Commando crawled to another window for a better view.

1136
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 4: I watched her move her car, driving past the front

1137
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,720
Speaker 4: of my house to park on the other side, still

1138
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 4: on my street, but where I think she would have

1139
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 4: thought she was out of view. It was so creepy.

1140
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 4: I called my partner and asked what he said to

1141
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 4: his mom. He said that he told her not today.

1142
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 4: I said, well, she's definitely here anyway. He said that

1143
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,879
Speaker 4: he said that he wasn't there, and that he didn't

1144
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 4: know what myself and my baby were up to, so

1145
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,480
Speaker 4: we might be out or doing nap time or whatever,

1146
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 4: but that it wasn't a good day. You'll note this

1147
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 4: is way more detail than he should have shared. She

1148
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,319
Speaker 4: has then started texting him, asking what is going on

1149
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 4: and complaining that she was knocking and no one answered.

1150
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:09,759
Speaker 4: My partner says that he repeated that it wasn't a

1151
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 4: good day to visit. She apparently got angry and so

1152
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:14,799
Speaker 4: that she was too upset and distraught by this to

1153
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 4: even discuss it, and that they would be talking about

1154
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 4: it when he got back. She's gonna wait at their

1155
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:20,439
Speaker 4: house until he gets back.

1156
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 3: She's like, fine, I've been here for ages, and he's

1157
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 3: like I'm not there, and she's like, okay, I'll just

1158
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 3: be in my car. I'll wait.

1159
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 4: A one small win. My partner said that he could

1160
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:32,080
Speaker 4: see that this was manipulative. I felt violated and outraged.

1161
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 4: She was upset by what she was told. No tried

1162
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:39,279
Speaker 4: to barge in anyway and didn't get in. She would

1163
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 4: have known I was home because I suspect that she

1164
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 4: was surveilling us before I realized, which is just so unsettling.

1165
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:50,120
Speaker 3: What is she a PI? What's going on here? Just

1166
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:51,840
Speaker 3: also to clarify, so she was.

1167
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,959
Speaker 4: Supposed to come over Originally she asked if she could

1168
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,880
Speaker 4: come over. Originally they said no, but she's probably said like,

1169
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,319
Speaker 4: I'll be over at this time, yeah, and then the

1170
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,439
Speaker 4: husband was just like no, it's not a good day,

1171
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 4: like they'll be working home and then just like naptime

1172
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 4: and stuff like that, and she's like okay. So that

1173
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 4: tells me that they're gonna be home and they can

1174
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 4: hear me and they will accept me anyway. Maybe she

1175
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:15,560
Speaker 4: was assuming that there wasn't any communication between Opie and

1176
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 4: the husband.

1177
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:18,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe she's like partners don't talk.

1178
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 4: He said no, but she'll be fine with it. She'll

1179
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 4: have to be.

1180
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:24,319
Speaker 3: It's like mom said no, but austad. I wish I

1181
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 3: could say this ended here.

1182
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 4: Two and a half hours later, I was on a

1183
00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 4: FaceTime call and finally felt okay putting the blinds up again.

1184
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 4: I am mid conversation and who should drive past again?

1185
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:38,320
Speaker 4: But mother in law with the biggest crap eating grin.

1186
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:42,399
Speaker 4: My heart rate instantly jumped, and I felt panicked. I

1187
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 4: had to get out of there.

1188
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 3: Freaking Freddy Kruger right now. It's terrifying.

1189
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 4: I packed her stuff up and we left. There is

1190
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 4: so much wrong with this. The manipulation to say to

1191
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 4: her son how upset she is, yet drive back past

1192
00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:02,359
Speaker 4: again practically cackling is unhi hinged. The prolonged stalking of

1193
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:05,640
Speaker 4: me in my own home is unhinged. The refusal to

1194
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 4: accept a no unhinged.

1195
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:11,040
Speaker 3: A lot of unhinged. Yeah, she's very unhinged.

1196
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:14,319
Speaker 4: Get those doors checked anyway, I now feel shaken and

1197
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,720
Speaker 4: paranoid and kept my blinds down today. I'm not looking

1198
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:21,520
Speaker 4: forward to seeing her more than usual. My partner I said, well,

1199
00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 4: we need to tell her what she's doing wrong, because.

1200
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 3: She doesn't know.

1201
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 4: She does know, though she is very conniving and adapts

1202
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 4: her behavior to the audience, so clearly on some level

1203
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 4: she knows something is wrong. I've also found any time

1204
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 4: I have to address anything, it gets nowhere. Thanks to

1205
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:39,680
Speaker 4: the sub I've now learned not to engage in just

1206
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 4: a by argue, defend, or explaining behaviors with her. I

1207
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:45,719
Speaker 4: guess any advice on what to say to her that

1208
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 4: is firm and doesn't let her play the victim and

1209
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 4: this would be helpful. Obviously, my partner has not been

1210
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 4: ideal in this. We've had to come a long way

1211
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 4: from him saying that's just how mom is to acknowledging

1212
00:53:57,080 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 4: this behavior is unreasonable. Also, advice on how to make

1213
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 4: it clear to someone who doesn't listen that we will

1214
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 4: not be seeing her as much as she wants to

1215
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,240
Speaker 4: see us. I cannot stomach weekly visits with this woman.

1216
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:10,400
Speaker 4: Monthly or obligatory occasions is the best I can do,

1217
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 4: and given everything that's happened. That is more generous than.

1218
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 3: I'd like to be.

1219
00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:17,000
Speaker 4: Sorry for such a ramble. Thank you for reading, and

1220
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 4: also thank you to this sub It's been a real

1221
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:22,240
Speaker 4: lifeline in difficult times and a great source of advice.

1222
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 4: But there is an update. So how would you handle

1223
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 4: with a woman like this mother line?

1224
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 3: Move countries? You gotta leave the country truly and change

1225
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 3: your name. I don't know. I feel like the husband

1226
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 3: needs to handle all this, you know, like, what are

1227
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 3: you supposed to do? You're trying to take care of

1228
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 3: a baby and this mother in law is freaking you out.

1229
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,480
Speaker 3: Beyond getting a restraining order, I feel like the husband

1230
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 3: needs to set down the law of the land absolutely honestly,

1231
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 3: Like you put up security cameras, that's a good thing

1232
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 3: to do. Put up security cameras, you have proof, and

1233
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,839
Speaker 3: then see her parked car just like full time job

1234
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,239
Speaker 3: stocking you guys, and then be like, if you keep

1235
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:57,760
Speaker 3: doing this, dude, I'm gonna call the police. You gotta

1236
00:54:57,840 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 3: really get the law involved.

1237
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 4: There is an update, so let's see what they ended

1238
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 4: up doing. I am very emotional writing this, so apologies

1239
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:07,960
Speaker 4: in advance for my rambling. It's been a long and

1240
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 4: very hard road with this mother in law. Firstly, thank

1241
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,719
Speaker 4: you to everyone who replied. I read every response and

1242
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:15,400
Speaker 4: appreciated them all deeply.

1243
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 3: As that was my first read a post.

1244
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:20,400
Speaker 4: I didn't realize it would be locked so soon and

1245
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 4: I wouldn't be able to reply to anyone, so apologies

1246
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:25,560
Speaker 4: for that. I took some time to digest it all.

1247
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 4: My update isn't great. My partner got back from work

1248
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 4: and was distant and not very communicative. I thought, okay,

1249
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 4: it's tired. I'll give them some time to rest before

1250
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:39,240
Speaker 4: we discuss. Days of this awful silence rolled by twice

1251
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 4: in this time, I said, is there anything you want

1252
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:44,880
Speaker 4: to discuss with me? To no avail. If the shoe

1253
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:46,840
Speaker 4: was on the other foot and my parents had behaved

1254
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:48,719
Speaker 4: this way to him, I would not need to be

1255
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:50,840
Speaker 4: asked to deal with it. I would be calling my

1256
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 4: parents and saying what the bleep was that immediately. I

1257
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:59,120
Speaker 4: am Australian by way of explanation. Anyway, I have felt

1258
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 4: lonely and ice living alongside someone barely talking to me

1259
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:05,960
Speaker 4: and checked out from helping me with anything until today.

1260
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 4: Today I was working from home and he had the

1261
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 4: day off. When I had a lunch break and baby

1262
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:13,360
Speaker 4: was in daycare. I gave him another opportunity to address things.

1263
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:15,719
Speaker 4: He said that he had spoken to his dad this

1264
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 4: morning about the situation, and his dad was surprised to

1265
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:20,279
Speaker 4: hear that there was any issue with his mom. He

1266
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:24,200
Speaker 4: was shocked at how these perceptions of her behavior. I

1267
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:26,680
Speaker 4: did not witness the phone call, but would not be

1268
00:56:26,719 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 4: surprised if my partner threw me under the bus for

1269
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:29,239
Speaker 4: all of it.

1270
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:30,640
Speaker 3: He asked if his dad.

1271
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 4: Would mediate and speak to his mom about the problematic behavior,

1272
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:37,000
Speaker 4: but he refused and said no, my partner would need

1273
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 4: to That his dad was in complete denial about her

1274
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 4: is shocking but not surprising. I've had many suggestive comments

1275
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:46,759
Speaker 4: from his family suggesting that there is an awareness that

1276
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:50,319
Speaker 4: mother in law can be bossy and controlling. Exact examples

1277
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 4: being a sister of hers describing her as a very

1278
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:55,920
Speaker 4: a type personality and likes things a certain way. This

1279
00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:58,560
Speaker 4: was the first time I met her. Another example from

1280
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:00,759
Speaker 4: a different sister being well, well do you know how

1281
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 4: she is? In response to my partner to talking about

1282
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 4: some overbearing behavior during my pregnancy. From my partner and

1283
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 4: his siblings, I've heard that they regularly witness their mother

1284
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:13,760
Speaker 4: yelling and screaming at their dad growing up, that corporal

1285
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 4: punishment was used, that silent treatment was regularly used if

1286
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 4: they questioned anything, and that she can never admit that

1287
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:24,120
Speaker 4: she is wrong. Wow, So I guess that my partner's

1288
00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 4: dad is a victim of all of this too, a

1289
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 4: frog in boiling water, so to speak. It is not

1290
00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 4: surprising that he escapes to play golf so much now

1291
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,360
Speaker 4: that he is retired. But still, this was.

1292
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 3: Very disappointing to hear. Oh my goodness.

1293
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 4: So literally everyone is like experiencing this manipulative and you know,

1294
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 4: possibly abusive woman, and they're just kind of like, well,

1295
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:45,720
Speaker 4: that's mom.

1296
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,320
Speaker 3: That's just mom for you. You know what mom is.

1297
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 3: She's just terrible. No one likes her.

1298
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:52,960
Speaker 4: Like, if that's just how mom is, we should know

1299
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:56,320
Speaker 4: that this is easy to believe that she's doing this stuff. Anyway,

1300
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 4: to move to more disappointment, my partner then shifted blame

1301
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 4: over to me. No, he said that I am the

1302
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:06,800
Speaker 4: one with the problem with her and that he doesn't

1303
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 4: want to assassinate her character.

1304
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 3: This is the problem, This was always the problem. The

1305
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:15,919
Speaker 3: problem is that you are experiencing a lot of weird

1306
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,440
Speaker 3: behavior and a lot of boundary crossing behavior from your

1307
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 3: mother in law. And honestly, it probably would be fine

1308
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 3: if your partner's on your side, but your partner has

1309
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:24,760
Speaker 3: not been on your side.

1310
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean the partner is obviously like also a

1311
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:30,200
Speaker 4: victim to this manipulation and everything, but it's like that

1312
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 4: still doesn't mean that you have to succumb to that

1313
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 4: and like also be a victim, like you can stand

1314
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 4: up for yourself.

1315
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:38,080
Speaker 3: Still, Oh my goodness.

1316
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:40,160
Speaker 4: Therefore I am the one who needs to have a

1317
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,520
Speaker 4: talk to her about all of this. I think that

1318
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 4: the fact that two men who have been around her

1319
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 4: for a long time are afraid to have a conversation.

1320
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 3: With her speaks volumes.

1321
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:51,440
Speaker 4: Apparently, his dad said that they assumed we had broken up,

1322
00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 4: and that's why my partner has no control of when

1323
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 4: they can visit, what like, saying like, oh, we just

1324
00:58:57,560 --> 00:59:00,720
Speaker 4: assumed that you guys had broken up, because otherwise your

1325
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 4: husband would be able to allow let us come and

1326
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:06,200
Speaker 4: visit the baby. Yeah, which is a wild thing to

1327
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 4: come out with if you ask me, though of course

1328
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 4: not the most wild. When I was pregnant and began

1329
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 4: to avoid mother in law's controlling when she would talk

1330
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 4: to me about having a miscarriage, which is beyond shocking,

1331
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:22,440
Speaker 4: and I believe some subliminal desire or threat she was expressing.

1332
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 4: I wish this wasn't the case, but it was. I

1333
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 4: didn't even know how to respond at the time. I

1334
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:30,760
Speaker 4: was so caught up guard. Oh my goodness, that is

1335
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 4: beyond wild. Oh my gosh. My partner accused me again

1336
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 4: of wanting him to cut his family off, which is

1337
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 4: not the case. Given the circumstances, I think maintaining their

1338
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 4: traditional family contact of around birthdays occasions only is more

1339
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:46,720
Speaker 4: than fair. I have also encouraged him to go and

1340
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 4: visit them without me if that was normal for him,

1341
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:51,920
Speaker 4: but he won't do it, not even phone calls. He

1342
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,640
Speaker 4: justifies this saying that they don't have the same interest

1343
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 4: and that they don't want to see him, only our baby.

1344
00:59:57,480 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 4: We're getting so many mixed signals from this husband. I

1345
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 4: know he's like, I don't know. Yeah, it's like, is

1346
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:06,480
Speaker 4: this some sort of like subconscious thing that like he

1347
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:09,000
Speaker 4: just doesn't want to see these people but doesn't really

1348
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 4: know or recognize that feeling.

1349
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like, I don't like my parents, but no,

1350
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:14,320
Speaker 3: I love them.

1351
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 4: It's just because, like they don't want to see me,

1352
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:19,200
Speaker 4: they just want to see baby. There's something wrong with them.

1353
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 4: I just don't want to be around them. He's not

1354
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 4: fully computing a boy. Everyone needs therapy, yeah, big time.

1355
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 4: But if the fact that he won't spend time with

1356
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 4: them alone isn't a red flag, I don't know what

1357
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 4: is I should mention if this isn't unique to him.

1358
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 4: His siblings also have to be bullied into contact with

1359
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 4: mother in law. It regularly comes up that they couldn't

1360
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:41,360
Speaker 4: meet with her because of stomach aches. Again, I am

1361
01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 4: talking about adults in their thirties here, the tummy aches

1362
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:48,920
Speaker 4: or avoidance to have three children and all avoid you

1363
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 4: with the exception of obligation. Oh, he says again, red flag.

1364
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:56,640
Speaker 4: It absolutely is a red flag. Anyway, Suffice to say

1365
01:00:56,640 --> 01:01:00,560
Speaker 4: that I'm extremely distressed. I had trouble breathing early, like

1366
01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 4: a panic attack, and that it's not usual for me.

1367
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:05,440
Speaker 4: It is just shocking to me that my partner is

1368
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:08,640
Speaker 4: making out like I am the problem. When I feel

1369
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:10,920
Speaker 4: like a victim in this, I feel uncomfortable in my

1370
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 4: own home.

1371
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:11,959
Speaker 3: Now.

1372
01:01:12,440 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 4: I've reminded him that I am on his team and

1373
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 4: that I want to find a solution. I understand that

1374
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,240
Speaker 4: it is not a good situation, but it seems to

1375
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:21,680
Speaker 4: be for nothing and it gets worse.

1376
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:27,120
Speaker 3: No, stop getting worse. Please. His parents were him to

1377
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 3: come over and visit today again. If the husband is

1378
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 3: using the word and it's not seeing a problem, yeah,

1379
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 3: he's like my parents keeping me and hope. He's like, okay, well,

1380
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:39,240
Speaker 3: let's set up bounderies. Like no, I love them, They're great.

1381
01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, make it make sense. I thought they

1382
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,720
Speaker 4: were coming from their home an hour away. After a

1383
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:46,600
Speaker 4: lot of back and forth, I said to my partner,

1384
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:48,919
Speaker 4: if it would make his life easier, maybe we could

1385
01:01:48,960 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 4: meet briefly in a neutral location. But I wanted the

1386
01:01:51,760 --> 01:01:55,800
Speaker 4: stocking incident addressed directly. He said that he had already.

1387
01:01:55,440 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 3: Told them to go home. Interesting.

1388
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:00,720
Speaker 4: Unbeknown to me, they were waiting at a cafe just

1389
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:03,240
Speaker 4: around the corner from us, about one hundred and fifty

1390
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 4: meters away, close, and they were pushing to come over.

1391
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,000
Speaker 4: Of course, they had an excuse for being in the area,

1392
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:13,320
Speaker 4: but I don't buy it. This is as very triggering.

1393
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:16,160
Speaker 4: After feeling like I was being hunted in my own

1394
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:19,680
Speaker 4: home by them just the other day, to provide more detail.

1395
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,480
Speaker 4: I have recently started back at work and anticipated my

1396
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 4: mother in law would try and take over once I returned,

1397
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 4: also that she would try and steamroll my partner. I

1398
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 4: negotiated to work from home with my work, and she

1399
01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 4: attempted to direct me to attend the office full time. Yes,

1400
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:37,400
Speaker 4: she did, of course, when my partner was not. Because

1401
01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 4: of this, I organized for the baby to be in

1402
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:41,960
Speaker 4: take care. I'm glad I trusted my intuition on that

1403
01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 4: because I think this is what happened today. She thought

1404
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 4: I would be away and she could force her way

1405
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:51,200
Speaker 4: in to ignore my boundary. She has always been desperate

1406
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:52,800
Speaker 4: to have my baby alone.

1407
01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 3: Which is very concerning for me.

1408
01:02:54,600 --> 01:02:56,880
Speaker 4: Me too, if a person's crazy like this and they

1409
01:02:56,920 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 4: want to be alone with your child, yeah, I would

1410
01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:01,000
Speaker 4: be like, no, you're never gonna be alone with my baby.

1411
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:01,960
Speaker 3: Sorry, weird.

1412
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 4: My partner's response to this has been more distressing than

1413
01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:08,800
Speaker 4: I imagined. I guess based on conversations we had pre baby.

1414
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 4: I thought we were on the same page when creating

1415
01:03:11,520 --> 01:03:14,000
Speaker 4: this family unit, but that is not the case. A

1416
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:17,440
Speaker 4: hard reality to confront. I'm not someone who has high

1417
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:21,160
Speaker 4: conflict relationships or is unreliable so to not be believed

1418
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,600
Speaker 4: when I'm saying to him, hey, there is a big

1419
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 4: issue here is very hard. I've only skimmed the surface

1420
01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:30,120
Speaker 4: with these posts, but there is an extensive list of

1421
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:33,040
Speaker 4: behavior and boundary stomping from her that has gotten us

1422
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:35,240
Speaker 4: to this point. Thank you if you've read my ven

1423
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:37,480
Speaker 4: this far. And I guess if things are coming to

1424
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:39,920
Speaker 4: a crunch, I'm the one left standing to have a

1425
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:43,160
Speaker 4: conversation with my mother in law. So what do I say?

1426
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 4: How do I approach this? I have kept her blogged

1427
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:49,320
Speaker 4: on my phone since the stalking incident. And by the way,

1428
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:52,720
Speaker 4: how you can approach listening to full episodes with my

1429
01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 4: stories like these is just going to your favorite podcast app.

1430
01:03:56,240 --> 01:03:59,920
Speaker 4: Just go to iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever you choose

1431
01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 4: in such okay, story time and there is a little

1432
01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:05,040
Speaker 4: bit more. But what would our answers be so far

1433
01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:08,000
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, like your motherland's crazy,

1434
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:10,080
Speaker 4: But you don't have a mother in law problem so

1435
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:12,440
Speaker 4: much as you have a husband problem. And you guys

1436
01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:14,840
Speaker 4: need to get on the same page and either go

1437
01:04:14,880 --> 01:04:18,360
Speaker 4: to like therapy have a conversation, because if you.

1438
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 3: Can't get on the same page, if he can't be

1439
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:23,600
Speaker 3: like rooting for you, standing up for you, then it's

1440
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 3: not an effective partnership.

1441
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:30,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, because if like at first he was still using

1442
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 4: the excuses of like uh stashius, and then you've done

1443
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 4: a lot of work to get him to the point

1444
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:39,400
Speaker 4: of recognizing the manipulation. I wonder how long it took

1445
01:04:39,520 --> 01:04:41,120
Speaker 4: to get from point A to point view with that,

1446
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:44,560
Speaker 4: because then also too, like it obviously seems like you know,

1447
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:47,560
Speaker 4: maybe he recognizes it but doesn't quite know what to

1448
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 4: do when he's in that situation and kind of is

1449
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:52,840
Speaker 4: used to the dynamic that he's had his whole life

1450
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:55,480
Speaker 4: of like just dealing with it and just going along

1451
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:56,040
Speaker 4: with it, you know.

1452
01:04:56,120 --> 01:04:58,840
Speaker 3: So he's definitely has an issue and.

1453
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:03,200
Speaker 4: Needs to learn how to stand up and work around

1454
01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:05,560
Speaker 4: this manipulation. So I don't know what you would say

1455
01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:08,760
Speaker 4: to her, but maybe just what's on your thoughts and

1456
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:11,160
Speaker 4: just like trying to level with them. But there's a

1457
01:05:11,160 --> 01:05:13,600
Speaker 4: tiny bit more to note. I am aware my partner

1458
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:17,000
Speaker 4: has failed catastrophically to protect my baby and I in

1459
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,720
Speaker 4: this I love when they listen to us instead, we

1460
01:05:19,800 --> 01:05:22,920
Speaker 4: are being offered as his meat shields to someone even

1461
01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:25,480
Speaker 4: he doesn't want to spend time with. It is devastating

1462
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:27,720
Speaker 4: to beg for understanding from him and be met with

1463
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:30,640
Speaker 4: I don't know why you're so emotional about this. I've

1464
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:33,400
Speaker 4: had this woman playing her at COVID games and with

1465
01:05:33,520 --> 01:05:36,640
Speaker 4: me since pregnancy. I feel like with people like this,

1466
01:05:36,840 --> 01:05:40,080
Speaker 4: like people who are just so like manipulative, for any

1467
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:41,840
Speaker 4: sort of argument, they have a clad back even if

1468
01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:43,640
Speaker 4: it doesn't make sense, They've got something to say. So

1469
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 4: I feel like, I mean, depending on the person, it

1470
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 4: probably won't help in a lot of cases.

1471
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:49,880
Speaker 3: But like if with some people, if you just like.

1472
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:53,040
Speaker 4: Calmly talk to them and try your best, even though

1473
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:55,960
Speaker 4: it doesn't make sense, to just like try to see

1474
01:05:56,240 --> 01:05:59,600
Speaker 4: their thought process, not trying to believe them or anything

1475
01:05:59,600 --> 01:06:02,360
Speaker 4: like that, but just to hopefully explain it in a

1476
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:05,160
Speaker 4: way where they can maybe see how crazy it is

1477
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:08,160
Speaker 4: and just explain themselves back to them.

1478
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:09,600
Speaker 3: That sometimes helps.

1479
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:12,320
Speaker 4: But if you come out swinging, it's never gonna end,

1480
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:14,400
Speaker 4: So you gotta start calm at least.

1481
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:16,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, my advice is just kind of try and get

1482
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:18,960
Speaker 3: through to your husband. But that is the end of

1483
01:06:18,960 --> 01:06:19,600
Speaker 3: that story.