Speaker 1: How do you tell someone they gave they give toothy
Speaker 1: head without being rude. I don't need an amateur mistake.
Speaker 2: You know, you.
Speaker 1: Should say what you do want and not like, because
Speaker 1: if you say, oh, I don't like that, you know
Speaker 1: it's not great. But if you say, oh, I love
Speaker 1: when you do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's yes, like.
Speaker 1: Sexy. You know what we do here destroy shame around
Speaker 1: sex by talking about sex. Now, let me tell you
Speaker 1: something messy. Hi, Okay, I want to know something messy
Speaker 1: as not it's not sexually messy, but like, I am
Speaker 1: in New York still, but I'm recording. I forgot that
Speaker 1: I had to record this opening and I had taken
Speaker 1: an edible So maybe we are an hour into your
Speaker 1: messy mom on edible edible Camino Chill. Shout out to Camino.
Speaker 1: I'm about to do this messy Monday's opening, which who
Speaker 1: knows what it is. I'm in the closet it too,
Speaker 1: because I had to travel with the mic and the
Speaker 1: mic quality was off. So I'm in the closet, which
Speaker 1: you know is not my favorite place to be. I'm
Speaker 1: out in proud girl, but I'm back in this closet
Speaker 1: under a blanket like a little fort trying to get
Speaker 1: this mic quality correct for y'all because I love you,
Speaker 1: because you know I love you. So what MESSI thinks
Speaker 1: gonna tell you, It's gonna probably be a bunch of
Speaker 1: little things because I didn't have I've been in New
Speaker 1: York for the last two weeks, and you know, one
Speaker 1: of my friends message, You're like, are you have you
Speaker 1: been getting a lot of dick? I said, girl, I've
Speaker 1: been writing. I've been in rehearsals. I have not been
Speaker 1: perusing the New York UH collection, the New York options. Girl.
Speaker 1: You know, I've just been focused on the writing. But
Speaker 1: New York has been wonderful. I will tell you that
Speaker 1: recently I had I had some money come over UH
Speaker 1: and we you know, had us a great little night.
Speaker 1: But then after after I had to sage. And I
Speaker 1: want to say this to you, don't be a right
Speaker 1: to sage after a partner leaves, because sometimes the thing
Speaker 1: about sex, it's energetic and people bring a lot of
Speaker 1: their energies. You bring your energies. I don't want this
Speaker 1: to sound too woo woo, but to the witchy girls,
Speaker 1: stand up, you know, to the girls who loved Motilla,
Speaker 1: stand up, you know, but like people come in, you
Speaker 1: know to no punitendive. People come to your place or
Speaker 1: you go to their place, and you are in each
Speaker 1: other's energy, you know what I'm saying. And so after
Speaker 1: a hookup leaves to this hook up left and it
Speaker 1: was a great time. By the way, listen, I was
Speaker 1: turned every which way but loops, amen somebody. But then
Speaker 1: afterwards I was going to bed and I could not
Speaker 1: get to sleep, and I remembered that like the conversation
Speaker 1: that me and this person have, it was just a
Speaker 1: little energy was a little lower, you know, the vibes
Speaker 1: were a little lower. And so I was like, I
Speaker 1: wonder if like they were just low energy a little bit.
Speaker 1: So I had to sage. I got out of my bed,
Speaker 1: I lit the sage, I walked around the apartment. Then
Speaker 1: I lit the let some incense, you know. I said
Speaker 1: a prayer to my grandmother. My grandmother knows what I
Speaker 1: do these days now, and then I went back to
Speaker 1: bed and I slept like a baby. But before I
Speaker 1: there was so much unrest. So I just want to
Speaker 1: say to you that if you after a hookup that
Speaker 1: might have gone perfectly well, if you're not feeling settled
Speaker 1: that's that's so, that's not uncommon, that's not like a
Speaker 1: what I want to say, don't don't blame it on yourself.
Speaker 1: Like there just might be energies might be a little
Speaker 1: off and you might just need to save your incense
Speaker 1: or do a little meditation or a little breathing, put
Speaker 1: on a little music, get up and dance, whatever your
Speaker 1: thing is, whatever your version take a walk, whatever your
Speaker 1: version of cleansing this space is. Don't be afraid to
Speaker 1: do that for yourself, because you know, sex and energy
Speaker 1: is a real fucking thing. What else can I tell you? Oh,
Speaker 1: so I did my show. This a presentation of my show.
Speaker 1: So you know, I'm doing ho Church, which is my
Speaker 1: like solo show all about you know, my path to
Speaker 1: sexual liberation and my time as a pastor's kid. My
Speaker 1: grandmother was a minister, my mom is born again Christian,
Speaker 1: all these things, and so I do this show that
Speaker 1: is storytelling. Also like Puppets, there's a pussy puppet, a
Speaker 1: butt wole puppet, and Floppy who is an emotional penis
Speaker 1: who can only get hard when he's emotionally connected. As
Speaker 1: well as like activities and all these things that I
Speaker 1: do on the show, But one of the things that
Speaker 1: I do with pussy Puppet actually butt w hoole Puppet
Speaker 1: is we teach people how to identify their turn ons.
Speaker 1: And I wrote about this on Subsack, So if you're
Speaker 1: following on subsack, you probably saw this on Monday. But
Speaker 1: you know, one of the common questions that I would
Speaker 1: get here on the pod here are messy mondays, would
Speaker 1: be like, how do you know how to identify or
Speaker 1: how do you identify your turn ons? How do you
Speaker 1: begin to articulate what turns you on? A lot of
Speaker 1: people go, I don't know what turns me on? And
Speaker 1: so I wanted to create a little acronym or a
Speaker 1: learning tool that helped me. Sorry, I am girl a reminder.
Speaker 1: I know I might sound real coherent right now, but
Speaker 1: this edible is whooping my ask and it's whopping my
Speaker 1: Asopa gets his as because I'm trying to burn anyways,
Speaker 1: So I wanted to go up with a learning tool
Speaker 1: that could help us identify what our turn ons are,
Speaker 1: which first and foremost, if you don't know what your
Speaker 1: turn ons are, that is also a beautiful place to start.
Speaker 1: I always say that I don't know in any situation
Speaker 1: is a beautiful starting ground. So being able to articulate
Speaker 1: for yourself when you go, oh, I don't know how
Speaker 1: I feel about this, or I don't know what my
Speaker 1: turn ons are, I don't know gives you space to
Speaker 1: figure it out. Whereas if we pretend like we do know,
Speaker 1: then we don't actually get to the truth of a thing.
Speaker 1: So saying I don't know is really honest and truthful,
Speaker 1: and that is the perfect first step to figuring out
Speaker 1: what you do like or what you do want. And
Speaker 1: so then after that I basically use this term bema.
Speaker 1: So bima is actually, you know, in ancient Athens is
Speaker 1: where orators would speak to citizens communication. We love that
Speaker 1: word here, tell me something messy, and so I use
Speaker 1: it in ho church as like a reference point for communication.
Speaker 1: In how you identify these turn ons which are bima, body, environment, mood,
Speaker 1: acutrams because we fancy, we fancy hosts h ga ux
Speaker 1: never forget, so I divide it into categories. So thinking
Speaker 1: about your body, where on your body do you like
Speaker 1: to be licked, touched, sniffed, kissed, And then moving into environment,
Speaker 1: which is where do you want to have sex? Where
Speaker 1: the locations and then mood what are the vibes. What
Speaker 1: helps you create the vibes and then Accoutremont would be
Speaker 1: the props that you need, the things that you need
Speaker 1: for your sex. And so with when we when you
Speaker 1: feel it the categories, I encourage you to be as
Speaker 1: specific as possible. So with body, I'll use examples that
Speaker 1: people gave in the show. It was like having your
Speaker 1: nipples sucked, having your neck licked, having your armpits sniffed,
Speaker 1: having your foot rubbed. Like right, because let me double back,
Speaker 1: it's the when we sometimes when we ask they're turn ons,
Speaker 1: they immediately go I like a blowjob, I like having
Speaker 1: my ass eaten. I like to get fucked, which are
Speaker 1: fabulous things. But the point of this section of the show,
Speaker 1: and that I like to impress upon anyone, is right,
Speaker 1: sex is not about penetration, or it's not just about penetration.
Speaker 1: And there are so many many more components to come
Speaker 1: opponents to sex than and to pleasure than your genitals
Speaker 1: and what includes two genitals. So identifying other parts of
Speaker 1: your body that are sensitive and that enjoy being played with,
Speaker 1: I think is important. Environment E. Where do you like
Speaker 1: to have sex? You know? So is that in the bedroom,
Speaker 1: is it in the kitchen. Is it in you know,
Speaker 1: the steam room? Is it in the back of the car.
Speaker 1: You know? Somebody at the show said in an elevator,
Speaker 1: which go off sis. Somebody else said a rooftop, which
Speaker 1: come on wealth, come on rich? The text break it
Speaker 1: was showing out, Okay, the rooftop, we would have mercy.
Speaker 1: But you know, so identifying where you like to have sex.
Speaker 1: Mood is the vibes, so I've learned from myself. I
Speaker 1: love a scented candle, or I like to say sometimes
Speaker 1: about the color of the light air. You want a
Speaker 1: blue light, you want to read light? You want a
Speaker 1: pink light? Or playlist? You know? And who we fucking to?
Speaker 1: Is it Victoria Bonet? Is it DiAngelo? Is it Ambro Mark?
Speaker 1: Is it? Is it some K pop? Is it? Uh?
Speaker 2: Rock?
Speaker 1: Like? You know what is the music that you What
Speaker 1: is how you want to set the vibe? How do
Speaker 1: you want the mood in the coutrements which are one
Speaker 1: of the props. Do you need a strap on? Do
Speaker 1: you need a cock ring? Do you need lube? Yes
Speaker 1: you do? Do you need uh sex sheets? Uh? Do
Speaker 1: you need things for you know, blindfolds? Like what are
Speaker 1: the things that turn you on thetremos that you want
Speaker 1: in your sex. So you know, if I would go
Speaker 1: through this, I would put this in your notesapp body, environment, mood, autremoles.
Speaker 1: You don't have to figure this all out at once.
Speaker 1: You can, you know, as you pose this question of
Speaker 1: what are your turn ons and you figure something out,
Speaker 1: or you experience me, oh I like this or I
Speaker 1: love that, then write it down, you know. So like
Speaker 1: if you if you're with a partner tonight or this
Speaker 1: week and they you know, start flicking your nipples and
Speaker 1: you go, oh, I actually love that, then write that
Speaker 1: down on the body I like my nipples flicked. They
Speaker 1: start licking in your ears. Some people hate that, some
Speaker 1: people love that. If you discover that you love it,
Speaker 1: put it in your list. I love my my ears licked.
Speaker 1: If you experience yourself having sex in a in a
Speaker 1: room that is incredibly dirty, This happened to me once
Speaker 1: and you're like, wow, I can't concentrate, then you might know, oh,
Speaker 1: a clean room is what turns me on. A dirty
Speaker 1: If a dirty room turns you on, that's great as well.
Speaker 1: Or you might you know, discover that I really love
Speaker 1: fucking in a hotel room there's which that is a
Speaker 1: personal one for me. A hotel room bait b ooh girl,
Speaker 1: A different kind of horror comes out of me. Okay,
Speaker 1: I never got a slut. I different got a hole
Speaker 1: comes out of me. And I'll tell room for your vibes.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, you go to somebody spot or
Speaker 1: they come over and they introduce you to some new
Speaker 1: music at that that artist or that genre to your
Speaker 1: to your list where you're like, oh wow, they had
Speaker 1: a rotating colors of lights. You know, I went from
Speaker 1: the pink to the blue to the red or it
Speaker 1: was in sync with the music, and that really turns
Speaker 1: you on. Write that down andremons again like what are
Speaker 1: the props? You know, whether it's I want handcuffs and
Speaker 1: or I want I want a swing, I want a
Speaker 1: fuck machine, I want madildo's, I want cock rings, I
Speaker 1: want you know, hey, gay's poppers. Like what do you want?
Speaker 1: What do you need? Write that down and then you
Speaker 1: can bring that to I guess, the the the table,
Speaker 1: the sex table, if you will ahead of time and
Speaker 1: set yourself up for a really pleasurable experience. So be
Speaker 1: my body environment mood at gutamles. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I did with the accent like that. I wanted to
Speaker 1: feel fancy a trements accouterments, How I say in New York,
Speaker 1: can't accouterment, Yeah, it would go accoutrement. You gotta know
Speaker 1: you'll get all this education on this this here messy opening,
Speaker 1: especially with this edible with my ass. Okay, I'm actually listen.
Speaker 1: I'm impressed with myself because wow, by the way, welcome
Speaker 1: to the show. This is tell me something messy. I'm
Speaker 1: your host, Brandon Kyle, a good man. Some people call
Speaker 1: me messy mom, but you could call me, uh a
Speaker 1: hold you cater, Okay, a stone ju cater? Yes, baby,
Speaker 1: what's that term? A pothole? That's the term they use
Speaker 1: for a stoned bottom. The more you hope that's just random,
Speaker 1: the more you know, Ring the doorbell, I gotta get
Speaker 1: out of here. Ring the doorbell. Maybe you know what
Speaker 1: that means. It's time for I guess now why they
Speaker 1: get situated. We'll get our messy. Kikey started with a
Speaker 1: how manifesto, repeat after me, lo or in your head,
Speaker 1: Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage
Speaker 1: to heal, the wisdom to know that sex is not
Speaker 1: just about penetration, the audacity to advocate for my pleasure
Speaker 1: and boundaries, the strength to not call my ex that
Speaker 1: fuck boyfuck girl, or fuck bay. For it is better
Speaker 1: to masturbate by myself in peace than to let someone
Speaker 1: play in my motherfuck her face. That the community say, wolujah.
Speaker 1: I am so excited to have Liza Traeger on the show.
Speaker 1: Lisa is a stand up comedian, podcaster, actress based in
Speaker 1: New York City. You can catch her on Netflix's Survival
Speaker 1: of the Thickest and in twenty twenty five, her own
Speaker 1: hour comedy special, I'm so excited for that. She likes
Speaker 1: spending money, going out to eat, watching TV, smoking weed,
Speaker 1: and being in bodies of water. Oh y'all, please help me.
Speaker 1: Welcome Lisa, I said, Oh, because some bodies of water
Speaker 1: not for me, but everything else, Lisa, I'm here for right.
Speaker 1: This is the first time like meeting. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like I know you can. I tell you the which
Speaker 1: is the reason I fell in love with you? Or
Speaker 1: when I fell in love with you? Was actually maybe
Speaker 1: ten years ago, ten or eleven years ago. And here's
Speaker 1: what happened. I was randomly in Brooklyn. My best time
Speaker 1: friend at the time lived in Williamsburg and she invited
Speaker 1: me to Michael Chay's show, and I think Jay Farrow
Speaker 1: was there and you were also performing, and then I
Speaker 1: followed you immediately because you were the funniest of the night,
Speaker 1: and I was like, dyang, does that sound right?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Chase, one of the reasons I moved to New York.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, it makes sense that I was doing
Speaker 3: all his early early fun Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think I feel like he might have just
Speaker 1: joined us and now. But anyways, you were hillaeous. I
Speaker 1: can't tell you what you talked about, but I remember
Speaker 1: being like.
Speaker 3: I've been talking about the same things for a decade,
Speaker 3: which is what weed. Yeah, come yeah, being an immigrant.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, that's why we love. That's why I love you.
Speaker 2: There we go.
Speaker 3: Every time it's new material, it falls under the same weed.
Speaker 1: I love that beautiful, I know. And that's why I
Speaker 1: still love all your stuff, because it's always like, yes,
Speaker 1: let's have this conversation. I don't want to talk to
Speaker 1: your kids.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and now I only talk about the same
Speaker 3: five things off stage too. It's like Taylor Swift, Soul cycle,
Speaker 3: weed again, housewives, Yeah, welcome your.
Speaker 1: Home so, Lauren, No, those are very exciting things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we could just talk about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me give you these messy mandates, so things
Speaker 1: get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared have
Speaker 1: the right to evolve, shift or change today, tomorrow, ten
Speaker 1: years from now. And if during the kiki something you
Speaker 1: know unintentionally offends, we say boos ball. That's our safe word,
Speaker 1: which gives us a chance to stop address accordingly.
Speaker 2: Do you still do messy Mondays?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Can I get messy Mondays?
Speaker 1: By every Monday? I just did it. We were till
Speaker 1: today or yesterday, whenever recorded. We talked about loads and
Speaker 1: pushing loads out of Somebody said their pussy was so
Speaker 1: full and they needed help pushing it. How somebody else?
Speaker 1: What else was there?
Speaker 3: It's cool Like other people we talk about have losers
Speaker 3: as fans, and you have seated sectually liberated.
Speaker 1: They're getting yes and they're happy when you're getting fucked
Speaker 1: more or like having the kind of sexy you want
Speaker 1: to have. You're just living I think a freer life.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people just need some good sex.
Speaker 1: Shall we start with a loop breaker?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Fuck Mary Block? Yes, okay, so fuck Mary Block. Playing
Speaker 1: with breasts, playing with ass, playing with feet.
Speaker 3: Okay, feet are dead blocked, okay blocked.
Speaker 2: I don't want to look at a foot.
Speaker 1: Really, I love a foot.
Speaker 3: No, I actually don't care about but really either, which
Speaker 3: is like crazy.
Speaker 2: So I'm marrying boobs and I guess I'll like funk a.
Speaker 1: Butt okay, And you're blocking the feet.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, okay.
Speaker 1: Do you have trouble with feet?
Speaker 3: Is there like a they just aren't for I just
Speaker 3: don't want to see it. And when I see like
Speaker 3: a foot in the mouth and it takes me out,
Speaker 3: you out really obsessed me.
Speaker 1: I love to suck a toe. It's great, no, I know,
Speaker 1: but it's tough.
Speaker 2: It's tough for me. Okay, I am going to I
Speaker 2: don't even think I've touched a foot.
Speaker 3: Really accept a baby baby your own? Yeah, I get petty.
Speaker 3: I've be getting pettigers in high school.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, beautiful feet And you don't like.
Speaker 3: Feet, well, I mean my mom, it's so funny genetics.
Speaker 3: My mom, me and my niece all have the same foot.
Speaker 3: And that was really funny.
Speaker 2: Described like why like wide? I guess yeah, like a
Speaker 2: wide uh chunky foot? No?
Speaker 1: No, no, beautiful, gorgeous the nails and.
Speaker 2: Yeah they're okay.
Speaker 3: I get like, I know, I get gel polished on
Speaker 3: my toes, so it's like it's yeah, so you're.
Speaker 1: Always like ready you can slip into a sandal and
Speaker 1: stunt on the girls. Yeah yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I wouldn't because.
Speaker 1: I'm going to fuck playing with feet and all block
Speaker 1: playing with breasts. I love a breast, but you know,
Speaker 1: for obvious reasons, that's just not my forte. I'm not
Speaker 1: great at it. But I do love a titty.
Speaker 2: When I was, I loved it.
Speaker 1: I was, you know, I was. I've always been gay,
Speaker 1: never not been gay. But when I was in high
Speaker 1: school and still thinking that was straight, my favorite thing
Speaker 1: to do was to suck on titties.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like the girlfriends that I had, I loved. Okay, this
Speaker 1: one says, oh sorry, this fu Mary Block is so fun.
Speaker 2: I love games.
Speaker 1: Games are the best. Fuck Mary Block, giving head, receiving
Speaker 1: head a million.
Speaker 2: Dollars, that's so tough. I'm taking a million dollars. I
Speaker 2: don't care.
Speaker 1: You're marry a million dollars.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm marrying a million dollars.
Speaker 1: I want it same.
Speaker 3: I want to go to Costreika. I guess, hey, you
Speaker 3: need a million dollars for that. But in my head,
Speaker 3: I'm taking my whole family, taking.
Speaker 1: A whole family, which also less than a million.
Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: This is gonna be controversial.
Speaker 3: I'll fuck giving head and then I'll block getting head
Speaker 3: because I prefer to get fingered. Oh I like fingers,
Speaker 3: so I'll do that.
Speaker 1: That's such a flip most people. I hear people say
Speaker 1: fingers are okay, which you prefer the fingers?
Speaker 2: I like fingers way more.
Speaker 1: Wow, I love that. Okay, I'm going to marry giving head.
Speaker 1: Uh nope, that's a lie. I'm gonna marry a million
Speaker 1: dollars talking about I want the millionomy. I want to
Speaker 1: marry the million head. I'm gonna invest in and make
Speaker 1: it a lot more. I'm going to uh fuck giving
Speaker 1: head and block receiving head. I prefer to give head
Speaker 1: and receive it. I love receiving it, but I love
Speaker 1: giving head and eating ass more than receiving it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's not that weird.
Speaker 1: It's not that weird. I guess. Yeah, we're just givers.
Speaker 1: We're just givers. Last one Doggie style reverse cowgirl missionary.
Speaker 3: I'm going to fuck doggy style, dog style Marry Missionary,
Speaker 3: And I'm going to get rid of reverse cowgirl, Okay,
Speaker 3: because you have to look at a foot.
Speaker 2: I'm not interested in that.
Speaker 1: That's the best reason I've ever heard to block it.
Speaker 2: I'm just like, because I don't want to be moving
Speaker 2: around that much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll hang out you. I'm gonna I will block
Speaker 1: reverse Cowgirl. Not because I don't want to see feet,
Speaker 1: because I love a foot, but because I always find
Speaker 1: that it's like it takes a second to get into
Speaker 1: that position, and like depending it's just it's a little
Speaker 1: more acrobatic. There's a little more work that needs to
Speaker 1: happen around it.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm sure it works for a lot of people,
Speaker 3: but I feel like it's a poor and propaganda position.
Speaker 1: Now one thousand is something that's just like, oh, we're fancy.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make it.
Speaker 2: They have to but up for the camera, Like that's why.
Speaker 1: I face the camera when you see that face, don't
Speaker 1: block your face. Yeah, that's what it is.
Speaker 3: And it suddenly came into the homes of people. But
Speaker 3: it's like it's for the screen unless it really works.
Speaker 1: That's a perfect take, that's a perfect take. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: with you. I'm going to marry missionary because at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, I want to be able to
Speaker 1: kiss you. And I'm going to fuck doggy style, because
Speaker 1: that's how I like to start. I really like an
Speaker 1: ass in my face. I like to eat it and
Speaker 1: then slide in. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Oh see, I want I always want to end in doggie.
Speaker 2: It is my favorite.
Speaker 3: But it feels inappropriate to marry you gotta fuck.
Speaker 1: It, So yeah, it makes more than to marry the missionary,
Speaker 1: like the Romantic Romantics classic. At the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you know, by the way, you won the game. Congratulations.
Speaker 1: If y'all have prompts, you can email tell me something
Speaker 1: messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which, Liza, will
Speaker 1: you tell me something messy? Can you tell me something messy?
Speaker 1: Messy store?
Speaker 3: No, I cause a lot of problems. That's yeah, that
Speaker 3: was messy. Someone was telling me a secret recently and
Speaker 3: I had to do a whole why but I already
Speaker 3: knew the whole story and blocked that person already or
Speaker 3: on followed them because I was so annoyed about hearing
Speaker 3: this on behalf of someone. And then when they finally
Speaker 3: told me what went down. I'd act like I didn't know,
Speaker 3: but I had already. I already already defended their honor
Speaker 3: in my head.
Speaker 1: But you had to tell me. You had to act
Speaker 1: like you didn't know it already.
Speaker 2: Correct, because it would break the confidence of the person who.
Speaker 1: Told me, Wow, you're loyal.
Speaker 2: I Well, it's not loyalty, it's manipulation.
Speaker 3: So, because if you keep secrets, you get more secrets,
Speaker 3: you have to prove to people you're trust housewives.
Speaker 1: You need to be on housewives. That's how it works.
Speaker 3: You have to be trustworthy to get people to tell
Speaker 3: you stuff.
Speaker 1: You're like, this is my way to get more tea,
Speaker 1: more gossip.
Speaker 3: Yeah, got it, because I enjoy gossip and hearing stuff.
Speaker 3: But to keep people coming back, you can't screw people over.
Speaker 3: You can't have someone call and be like, did you
Speaker 3: fucking tell her?
Speaker 2: I told you not.
Speaker 3: You can't do that, So you have to be really
Speaker 3: on it. So when she started telling me about this
Speaker 3: girl what she did, I.
Speaker 2: Just said to be like, are you I can't believe
Speaker 2: she would do that.
Speaker 1: I love it. What's like the messiest secret that you
Speaker 1: can Like?
Speaker 3: I got someone fired on accident? What do you mean,
Speaker 3: I got involved. I got involved what I shouldn't have,
Speaker 3: and I got kind of swept into like because I
Speaker 3: never want to fuck with someone's money.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, it's never it and they're fine.
Speaker 3: And actually I was hanging out with this person yesterday
Speaker 3: and the person who ended up firing them.
Speaker 1: So we're all okay, okay, but I what happened? Are
Speaker 1: you allowed to tell us what happened?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Like she kind of revealed information as someone that I
Speaker 3: thought was wrong, like that it was confidential to the job.
Speaker 3: And I confided in the wrong person, who's like, we
Speaker 3: need to tell the person in charge. And I was like,
Speaker 3: we really don't have to. We don't have to, and
Speaker 3: she was just like, this is against the rule, this
Speaker 3: is bullshit. It fucks up this and that, and I go, okay,
Speaker 3: you're right, you're right, it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 3: But then the girl got fired and I was like,
Speaker 3: I actually don't even care this much.
Speaker 1: Did you tell her that you're the reason she got by?
Speaker 1: Does she knows? Oh?
Speaker 2: She knows.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I've apologize. I apologize all the time. Actually,
Speaker 3: because she's like, you could have just come talk to
Speaker 3: me first.
Speaker 2: I go, that is a good point.
Speaker 1: Valid. Valid. I could have told her yes, but in
Speaker 1: housewives lore, you're supposed to tell somebody else, do not.
Speaker 1: You never come to the person with your conflict. You
Speaker 1: end up going elsewhere and telling more people.
Speaker 3: And then and then it just got and then I
Speaker 3: had to tell the other person's like, thank you for
Speaker 3: letting me know it's important, And I was like, no,
Speaker 3: it's like telling the vice principal, like I don't want to.
Speaker 2: Be some.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I believed that it was like the right
Speaker 3: thing to do at the time.
Speaker 2: But the right thing to do is to mind my business.
Speaker 1: Drink your water, mind your business.
Speaker 3: That's I'm working on a new joke. As like a
Speaker 3: white woman, you know the Karens inside of you, and
Speaker 3: you gotta keep her at bay, like you don't know
Speaker 3: when she'll pop out.
Speaker 2: You have to be vigilant as you age.
Speaker 1: I think that somebody really needs to hear that, because
Speaker 1: not even foreco.
Speaker 3: But like I was in a separate uber they saw
Speaker 3: a car accident happen.
Speaker 2: I made him stop, I got out.
Speaker 3: I stood with the guy I called on when I
Speaker 3: was like this, and this driver was like, they're gonna
Speaker 3: blame why are you doing this? I was like, you
Speaker 3: shouldn't have I'm wasted. Why would you tell me? Of
Speaker 3: course I'm getting involved, and so it's bad. You really
Speaker 3: have to, like.
Speaker 1: You have to, like I have to work urge.
Speaker 2: This is how my mom was.
Speaker 3: My mom would always scream at people at work and
Speaker 3: come home be like this bitch, like she quit.
Speaker 2: Like as you screaming on the way out.
Speaker 1: Wow, as you get older, do you sometimes like I
Speaker 1: feel like as I'm getting older, I feel my mother
Speaker 1: like appearing it like inside, like whether it's what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: the jokes that I'm making, like just like my mom
Speaker 1: is taking over my body.
Speaker 2: Oh, my sister and I just had this.
Speaker 3: I was performing at Zanni's in Chicago and Schneider's Deli Delicious.
Speaker 3: They wanted to send over meats and bread and like
Speaker 3: food for us. But then at the end of the
Speaker 3: night it was us dividing the food. Who's going to
Speaker 3: take what home? And we both were like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: we're our parents.
Speaker 2: Nothing is waste. Who's getting these pickles? You get this?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yes, you defend your whole like twenties and like trying
Speaker 1: to avoid and rebel against your parents, and then you
Speaker 1: just end up.
Speaker 3: Becoming always knew I fly off the handle like my mom,
Speaker 3: I act crazy, and I also what she does that
Speaker 3: I see myself doing. My niece does this too sometimes
Speaker 3: where you're punishing yours, well, then I won't go and
Speaker 3: it's like you're only punishing yourself.
Speaker 2: But I see the ice that comes out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like the justice, the like I'm going to take
Speaker 1: a stand, but it's also for what Yeah yeah, gotcha.
Speaker 3: No, but I flip out and then but I've had
Speaker 3: to learn, you know, with comedy, it's tough because your
Speaker 3: social life is your job, and like the separation isn't
Speaker 3: as clear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I had to.
Speaker 3: Really learn over years, cause I started at twenty one
Speaker 3: that like some of these people are colleagues, okay, it
Speaker 3: says it's not your true whole world.
Speaker 2: And I needed time to get over that.
Speaker 3: So I would get so riled and upset and try
Speaker 3: to change people's minds and spend time and then you
Speaker 3: kind of learn to.
Speaker 1: Yes, get over it, get over it. Yeah, just like then.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter. You don't have to like, you don't
Speaker 3: have to stand up for you don't have to scream
Speaker 3: like I can't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my mom, like stop going to the holiday parties
Speaker 2: at are job.
Speaker 1: Like I also did that, and it's the most liberating
Speaker 1: thing to be, Like, I'm not going to spend my
Speaker 1: time where I'm not getting paid around people that I
Speaker 1: work with more for what like unless I'm getting I
Speaker 1: don't know, free stuff, Like I don't know why I'm
Speaker 1: It's not where I feel softest or happy.
Speaker 2: Well, because in the nineties, those Christmas parties that were better,
Speaker 2: we got.
Speaker 1: Many, oh my god, back in the day, like when
Speaker 1: the Christmas parties were really popping, they would send you
Speaker 1: home with swag bonus chicks like it was a thing.
Speaker 1: Like I remember I worked at Flywheel. Our original Christmas
Speaker 1: parties were the fanciest, most fabulous fucking things. And then
Speaker 1: like as you like, you.
Speaker 3: Know, the during lunch in the room, like like.
Speaker 1: We got you Subway sandwiches. Okay, girl, Like I'm not,
Speaker 1: I'm not coming to that, So I'm with you, Okay.
Speaker 1: Shall we do some messy mail?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So as always, your your submissions and stories remain anonymous. Okay,
Speaker 1: this one says, but I.
Speaker 3: Always wonder about that because people are dming you a
Speaker 3: lot of the secrets.
Speaker 2: Yes, you see who.
Speaker 1: It is, I see it.
Speaker 3: How do you like a therapy? How do you have
Speaker 3: these ethics?
Speaker 1: So I see it. I never so like when when
Speaker 1: people submit things on their messy mondays show me their screen,
Speaker 1: their their screen name, their handle, and their submission, but
Speaker 1: I never click on their handle, like I never I
Speaker 1: never go to their page. I never look at who
Speaker 1: they are. And I also just never reveal it. So
Speaker 1: even if I have to send it over, send like
Speaker 1: submissions over, I don't send their handles.
Speaker 3: But you've never like seen someone you know write something
Speaker 3: and they have to like hide it in your brain
Speaker 3: when you see them all the time.
Speaker 1: But like I feel like if people know me and
Speaker 1: they're submitting it, they gotta know that I'm gonna see
Speaker 1: who it is. But I will never share who it is.
Speaker 2: I always wonder about that.
Speaker 1: I always see the names, but I never Yeah, I
Speaker 1: never will reveal it.
Speaker 3: There was a recent there's another pod I love listening to.
Speaker 3: It's these two Australians Tony and I forgot the guy's name.
Speaker 2: They're just like fun.
Speaker 3: They're always in my feed but they do messages. And
Speaker 3: it was basically a therapist and her client was talking
Speaker 3: about having an affair with someone and then that night
Speaker 3: her husband left the therapist for her client, for a patient,
Speaker 3: but she can't tell anyone because she's a therapist and
Speaker 3: that's her patient.
Speaker 1: I feel like that. I feel like that's the moment
Speaker 1: you can break code, can't you.
Speaker 2: I don't know. That's why she wrote to this podcast.
Speaker 3: She's like, you're the only people I could tell anonymously, Like,
Speaker 3: I don't know what to do if my patient.
Speaker 1: It's gone, that covenentality is gone. I'm dragging no, yeah.
Speaker 2: But then you don't have a career.
Speaker 1: But I feel like you gotta go to the board
Speaker 1: and be like, listen, here's what I have. And she
Speaker 1: took my man and I'm not here for that.
Speaker 3: I don't know, but she thinks that like the mistress
Speaker 3: didn't know, but everyone in the comments was like, bitch,
Speaker 3: she knew, and she gave me one purpose.
Speaker 1: So that's dark and I bet she did. I bet
Speaker 1: she did. She looked up, she was fucking your husband.
Speaker 1: She looked you up and said, oh, I'm gonna come
Speaker 1: with my Now. No one know like how many weeks
Speaker 1: she was going to her, how long?
Speaker 3: I know, it's so fucked the confidentiality. I wouldn't be
Speaker 3: able to do a job like that doctor therapist. No,
Speaker 3: I gotta tell people or even getting excerpts on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Like I gotta say that. So I've always been I've
Speaker 1: always for whatever reason, my brain has always worked like
Speaker 1: a vault. Like if you tell me it's a secret,
Speaker 1: you can't tell anybody, I immediately forget. If you tell
Speaker 1: me it's like just how it is. Or my best
Speaker 1: friend and I in college, we would uh say no
Speaker 1: judgment before we say anything. And if you say no judgment,
Speaker 1: it was literally I literally would not judge. You could
Speaker 1: tell me that you did the worst thing. Okay, cool,
Speaker 1: and that's.
Speaker 2: How it was murdered.
Speaker 1: It depends on if your how close a friend we are,
Speaker 1: and I would ask for the reasons. Okay, but then
Speaker 1: I might report you, but I but I'll let you know.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, hey, I gotta report you. I would.
Speaker 1: I would keep it transparent, yea, unless I felt like
Speaker 1: my life was in danger, and then you know, then
Speaker 1: I gotta run. Then you gotta run. Okay. This one
Speaker 1: says went to a party and my friend and I
Speaker 1: took turns giving head in the bathroom that had no lock.
Speaker 1: We hate the host. Okay, have you fucked a party.
Speaker 3: At a bar, but not a part oh Apple College.
Speaker 1: Would you. I couldn't tell if they were fucking in
Speaker 1: the bathroom because they hate the host.
Speaker 2: Well, they wanted someone to walk in on it, which
Speaker 2: is a kink.
Speaker 1: Like to get you know, to like possibly get caught.
Speaker 1: But I thought it was so interesting for them to
Speaker 1: say we hate the host, and it's like, oh, so
Speaker 1: I hate somebody go to their party and.
Speaker 2: Fuck is more steal? I would steal.
Speaker 1: I would steal, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would go to
Speaker 1: the house and take something.
Speaker 2: I like taking stuff.
Speaker 3: What kind of things do you like to take knick knacks,
Speaker 3: treat trinkets, But I I hour I ask, like I
Speaker 3: like having memories to like someone like and on setside
Speaker 3: do this like at where I'll be like, I want
Speaker 3: to take that when I leave, and I'll make sure
Speaker 3: I'll mention it to props.
Speaker 2: I'll mention it. Yes, this is just like I'll just.
Speaker 3: Start planting the seeds so then when it's time, everyone's like,
Speaker 3: did you get it? Yes?
Speaker 1: I know. I love taking clothes from uh set because
Speaker 1: like they're in your size, and especially shoes, Like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I did a movie and this character was just very
Speaker 1: fashionable and I said, I want those sneakers. I want
Speaker 1: so after the movie was wrapped, whatever, they mailed me
Speaker 1: all of the things.
Speaker 3: I forgot the other actresses, but Reese Witherspoon in her
Speaker 3: contract she keeps all the clothes Foreverny movies.
Speaker 2: She does.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you think they do with it? Because
Speaker 3: I think about archives. That's all the legally blonde stuff.
Speaker 2: It's archives.
Speaker 1: And you because like she has very museums. Uh oh, churning, Okay,
Speaker 1: because Celine Dion has a massive archive. Obviously, Beyonce is
Speaker 1: an archive. I'm just like you just have like a
Speaker 1: warehouse with everything you ever warned. That would stress me
Speaker 1: out as an organ, as.
Speaker 2: Like a Marie. You wouldn't be in.
Speaker 1: That would be the third settle down, she says, settle down,
Speaker 1: that's not your that's not your text racket. Somebody else
Speaker 1: would do. You're right, somebody else will take care of it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would just my marine condo brain would just be
Speaker 1: like get rid of it, like what is it doing?
Speaker 1: But whatever? Real? Yeah, I'd feel like I don't It's
Speaker 1: just like this is so much stuff, like why is
Speaker 1: it here?
Speaker 2: Yeah? But when you're Beyonce, you know people are gonna
Speaker 2: want that.
Speaker 1: That's fair.
Speaker 2: People are gonna want that stuff.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm always like, if you ever, if
Speaker 1: you ever found yourself falling on hard times, if you're
Speaker 1: Beyonce Jenna Lyons.
Speaker 3: That's why my friends are saying that she probably is
Speaker 3: going broke. Why are you selling your closet and only
Speaker 3: a portion going to charity?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Hot, take I don't think rich. I don't think rich
Speaker 2: people do.
Speaker 1: That, don't they? But like I feel like rich peoill
Speaker 1: like money.
Speaker 2: So yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1: They're just like making money. Like I feel like they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is good business, let me make some money.
Speaker 3: I think her lash company was not the success she
Speaker 3: thought it was gonna be.
Speaker 1: Jenna.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, when I think about Jenna, I don't think about lashes.
Speaker 1: But if she did like ties or sunglasses, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: or jackets, I would be all in. But I'm not
Speaker 1: getting lashes. No no, no, no, no, okay some Portia Williams.
Speaker 1: Yeah like that, that's that's the vibe, okay. Or she's
Speaker 1: so beautiful, she's stunning, she's stunning. Okay. This one says
Speaker 1: my BF dumped me in front of my friend, so
Speaker 1: I fucked his friend that day.
Speaker 2: Nice.
Speaker 3: Nice, Right, that's what's cool about men.
Speaker 2: They have no loyalty. You can fuck your man's friend.
Speaker 1: Wait, no, break that down, like if they they betrayed you,
Speaker 1: or you're saying in general, if.
Speaker 2: If someone.
Speaker 3: Like if my friend dumped somebody and they came and
Speaker 3: tried to fuck me and be like, that's my friend,
Speaker 3: get the fuck away from me. Yes, but a dude
Speaker 3: will fud like, they will.
Speaker 2: Ruin their friendship.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say yes because the amount of times
Speaker 1: that this scenario gets submitted, where like somebody's their boyfriend's
Speaker 1: ex friend or their boyfriend's friend reaches out is kind
Speaker 1: of quite common. It's a common submission.
Speaker 3: I have a crush on this important podcaster named Ryan,
Speaker 3: but he was dating like, you know, like a playboy
Speaker 3: kind of girl for a long time and they broke up.
Speaker 3: Then they got back together and she goes, do you
Speaker 3: want to see all the dms of your friends who wanted.
Speaker 2: To try to fuck me?
Speaker 3: And now he has like no friends left because everyone
Speaker 3: the moment they broke up were like, what's up, what's up?
Speaker 2: What's up? What's fuck? And she showed him everyone.
Speaker 1: God, yeah, that's crazy. Oh my God, I would just
Speaker 1: be so afraid.
Speaker 3: I remember his stories. He's like, fuck La, you fake motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Everyone tried to fuck her?
Speaker 1: Is that?
Speaker 2: But can I?
Speaker 1: And you might have answered this, But I'm just wondering
Speaker 1: if that's specifically white men, because where I grew up,
Speaker 1: you get fucked up for that shit, Like that's not
Speaker 1: like we we don't play like that from Queens We're on,
Speaker 1: Like you would just get fucked up, Like you're not
Speaker 1: gonna try and fuck your homies. Girl, that just doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense. Yeah, it feels dangerous.
Speaker 2: Maybe you would get beat up.
Speaker 3: But I think the whites are murdering the way they're
Speaker 3: putting people in a wood chipper.
Speaker 2: But but are you watching forensic files? Girl?
Speaker 1: But they're not scared of it. Clearly if they're a
Speaker 1: d M, they don't care. No, they don't think nothing
Speaker 1: will happen to correct. That's what it is, the privilege
Speaker 1: of thinking nothing gonna happen to you. That's why I'm
Speaker 1: always like, it's always funny to me, like the Karens
Speaker 1: and the What the John's, where you're just like you
Speaker 1: step to the wrong person and you're gonna get fucked
Speaker 1: up like that woman Like especially when I see the
Speaker 1: Karens step into like a black woman, I'm like, she
Speaker 1: can fuck you up like this that woe is my mom?
Speaker 1: Like my mom would fuck you up. Be careful, be careful. Okay.
Speaker 1: This one says, how do you tell someone they gave
Speaker 1: they give toothy head without being rude? I don't know
Speaker 1: how to do this, So I was gonna ask, if
Speaker 1: you like, if somebody's giving you toothy head, how would
Speaker 1: you how would you tell them without being rude? I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I know I don't need an amateur mistake, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess. I like so just like thinking
Speaker 1: about the episode we did with the doctor Vanessa Marin
Speaker 1: and like how you communicate, and you know, when we're
Speaker 1: talking about bad kissing, she was saying that you should
Speaker 1: say what you do want and not like because if
Speaker 1: you say, oh, I don't like that, you know it's
Speaker 1: not great. But if you say, oh, I love when
Speaker 1: you do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's your teeth, yes, like.
Speaker 3: Sexy, I maybe you could just go, oh this is
Speaker 3: a little rough, I like it more gentle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or or you just say like not so much teeth.
Speaker 2: That's what I was thinking. But that's not like some
Speaker 2: sexy way.
Speaker 1: But but it's so kind, Like if you said see
Speaker 1: it with the right tone, not so much teeth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: is that good?
Speaker 2: You could be like, I think that your last person
Speaker 2: likes teeth, but not me. We're different.
Speaker 1: That's it's what you want to fight now, Oh, your
Speaker 1: last person like teeth not me. Just seems like, let's
Speaker 1: get into it. That's that's a housewife answer, and I
Speaker 1: love it. I'm here for it. Okay, this one's.
Speaker 3: Bite them back, see how they feel because I bet
Speaker 3: they don't like.
Speaker 1: It, and that's great advice.
Speaker 2: More that could be. Yeah, let's experience.
Speaker 1: Bite them back. That's the name of this episode. Bite
Speaker 1: them back.
Speaker 2: That's actually a messy thing I did.
Speaker 3: Did you guys in school have like the fake babies
Speaker 3: they would give people fath No?
Speaker 1: I saw them save by the bell, but no.
Speaker 3: So I didn't sign up for it because I knew
Speaker 3: I did. That was I didn't never want to children,
Speaker 3: So I was like, I don't need to learn this lesson.
Speaker 3: But this girl I didn't like, and I do feel bad.
Speaker 3: She didn't deserve it, but she went to the lunchline
Speaker 3: and left her baby at the table, and I put
Speaker 3: its head back, you like around like because every time
Speaker 3: the head leans back, you get in trouble.
Speaker 2: You know, it's a baby, oh right.
Speaker 1: Because it's like, yeah, crying, wow, the pettiness.
Speaker 2: But she didn't deserve it.
Speaker 1: Why shouldn't you deliver it?
Speaker 3: Because she was you know, because people weren't nice to me,
Speaker 3: so then she was the one I could pick on.
Speaker 2: But we should have just the bully.
Speaker 1: You should have just formed an alliance and we'll up together. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know what, I remember that movie Valentine. It's with
Speaker 1: the guy who was on God, who was on Buffy.
Speaker 1: He played Angel, I think, yeah, David Borie, honest, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: So that movie I remember came uphen we were in
Speaker 1: middle school and basically all these girls end up getting
Speaker 1: killed and it turns out that it's him because they
Speaker 1: bullied him when he was younger, and then he ends
Speaker 1: up killing them all for Valentine's na And so then
Speaker 1: I I remember we had this girl in our class
Speaker 1: who everyone was mean to, and it was just like
Speaker 1: a do not be mean to people, because revenge is
Speaker 1: a long fucking leash and I'm not trying to get
Speaker 1: killed by nobody. Now. One thing I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: do is get killed. Okay, all right, this one says,
Speaker 1: oh this one okay, got fingered by my BF in
Speaker 1: his hospital bed. His appendix burst. What's the wildest place
Speaker 1: you've been fingered?
Speaker 3: I think just out and about, like out about, like
Speaker 3: I said, like bar par probably a car, oh, definitely
Speaker 3: a park, yeah, but nothing out nothing like like.
Speaker 1: Like like you know the movie airport check in lounge
Speaker 1: or like uh no, but I like that, right, that
Speaker 1: sounds fun, the lounge, Like, yeah, you check into the lounge.
Speaker 3: I've like never flown with someone that I'm in a
Speaker 3: relationship with.
Speaker 1: Oh, how I have, now that I'm thinking about it, well,
Speaker 1: I guess I have.
Speaker 2: We weren't doing well though.
Speaker 1: So that so we weren't getting fingered. Yeah, but on
Speaker 1: the list now to fly and get fingered, which I.
Speaker 3: Mean like I've masturbated in my plane seat from Australia
Speaker 3: because the seats.
Speaker 2: Were so wide.
Speaker 1: Cause tell me the story.
Speaker 3: I just met someone and we were going to date
Speaker 3: long distance for the future. But I was just wrapped
Speaker 3: up and we had we finally it's up. But then
Speaker 3: I had to fly back to America, and so I
Speaker 3: was just you know, you know, when you just had
Speaker 3: a hookup, it's like what, you have a whole flight
Speaker 3: to think about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so I love it.
Speaker 3: They didn't believe me, and I was like, well, no,
Speaker 3: these this isn't this is a big plane. It's different
Speaker 3: and it's like two floors.
Speaker 2: It's quantus. You know, there's space, there's space. But the
Speaker 2: lounge I never thought of. And I love the lounge.
Speaker 3: The lounge JFK, no one goes out and the outdoor
Speaker 3: area like at the lax one they do, but not
Speaker 3: here us life Hack.
Speaker 1: So getting fucked outside of the JFK lounge, yeah gorgeous.
Speaker 1: I would love that. I want that to be on
Speaker 1: your bugget list and the next time you're on the show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got it.
Speaker 3: Done because I met airport so much. Yeah, jobs like nothing,
Speaker 3: nothing that wild.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I fucked in my trailer once, which was pretty
Speaker 1: wild to me. It was the the cost one of
Speaker 1: the costume designers, and I had a little came in
Speaker 1: too like fit me, and then oh my god, and
Speaker 1: then he okay, this one says, uh.
Speaker 3: I wish society let gay men kind of lead a
Speaker 3: little more.
Speaker 1: Queer people should just lead in general.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but with sexual freedoms and doing stuff and still
Speaker 3: being in love with someone but then fuck it or
Speaker 3: like just a quick dick suck at work. That's not
Speaker 3: really part of hetero culture at all.
Speaker 1: Friend, in the steam room, like the gays are in
Speaker 1: the steamroom, you.
Speaker 3: Would be going to sex attic meetings. Yeah, someone would
Speaker 3: be upset.
Speaker 1: No, for we call it liberation, you know, yeah, sexual
Speaker 1: There probably is a fine line between sexual liberation and addiction.
Speaker 3: And the hetero men don't realize if they treated women
Speaker 3: with equality about it, then talk about it, they could
Speaker 3: be getting everywhere talk about it if you didn't call
Speaker 3: women slucks and throw rocks at them like you could
Speaker 3: also would be getting fucked at work in the middle
Speaker 3: of the day.
Speaker 1: If you created a space that was emotionally and physically safe, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: if you could make somebody feel emotionally, spiritually and physically safe,
Speaker 1: you would fuck a lot more.
Speaker 3: Because I think the classic kind of cliche joke straight
Speaker 3: to do. It's like the gay pridearade. Look how happy
Speaker 3: they are. It's because they don't have a dumb wife.
Speaker 3: And it's like the life you're upset about is not
Speaker 3: the women's fault. It's they are not creating this safe
Speaker 3: slutty space for women period.
Speaker 1: I went to a sex party recently that was mostly heterosexual,
Speaker 1: which is a wild experience for Mike Wrass to be there.
Speaker 1: But what I loved was the women were in charge.
Speaker 1: Like it was like the women were clearly in charge
Speaker 1: of how this thing went down, and you felt it. It
Speaker 1: was just like it was about the women's pleasure and
Speaker 1: the guys were getting off, but it was like on
Speaker 1: the woman's clock, which meant my clock, I mean on
Speaker 1: her terms, which just felt like, yeah, we all win
Speaker 1: here when it's on the there sometimes tends to be
Speaker 1: like a lack of interest in the mutual pleasure, but
Speaker 1: in this space, it was like, no, it's about the
Speaker 1: mutual pleasure. Yeah, it changes everything.
Speaker 2: They don't get. With more respect, they would get all these.
Speaker 1: Hellos Hello, No, they just want what they want. Anyways,
Speaker 1: this says, I think I need to break up with
Speaker 1: my bestie. We've been best friends since middle school, but
Speaker 1: over the last few years it feels like we can't
Speaker 1: get on the same page. We argue, bicker, and our
Speaker 1: interests don't really align anymore. I love them, but I
Speaker 1: find our hangouts to be increasingly more draining. How do
Speaker 1: I tell them, I don't think we should be friends anymore.
Speaker 3: I don't think if it's from junior high. This could
Speaker 3: be a lifelong friendship and you could take a break
Speaker 3: for a few years. There's no reason to fully end
Speaker 3: a friendship. You might need each other. You might have
Speaker 3: to go to a sad like a funeral in your hometown. Like,
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's that's necessary. Could just be
Speaker 3: less and less hangs the natural and then you'll see it.
Speaker 3: You'll see each other party and you can have a
Speaker 3: great time. Like expectations of each other could change the
Speaker 3: way the friendship is can change, and if you truly
Speaker 3: want them out, it could be a slow burn, Like
Speaker 3: I just don't think it's necessary unless she wants to
Speaker 3: or this person wants to mend it and get.
Speaker 2: Back to a certain place. But well that's okay for shifting.
Speaker 1: That's interesting because it's like, well, what what what do
Speaker 1: you want out of the friendship? Can you let it?
Speaker 1: Can you let it evolve?
Speaker 2: And she just let's say this, her friend voted for Trump.
Speaker 2: Let's say yes. Then it's like, oh, I actually don't
Speaker 2: this is the reason?
Speaker 1: Yes, what you like? That makes sense? To me or
Speaker 1: you you do not care about my interest or my communities. Interesting,
Speaker 1: so I understand that hard line.
Speaker 3: Or if they start dating someone you really hate, but
Speaker 3: then you have to stays even stronger to be honest
Speaker 3: because I know. I think bad partners do it on
Speaker 3: purpose to isolate, like they're so shy, and then they're
Speaker 3: shitty to your friends so that you don't you Sometimes.
Speaker 1: You have to stay strong absolutely.
Speaker 3: But I've had a lot of friendship breakups and I
Speaker 3: used to feel really bad about myself because of it.
Speaker 3: So like I get ending friendships and I have sent
Speaker 3: a text being like I don't want to be your
Speaker 3: friend anymore.
Speaker 2: It's just I don't find it necessary, I think because.
Speaker 3: To send that text, I was like, oh, you're a
Speaker 3: psych like, you're a compulsive liar, psycho.
Speaker 2: You are unsafe. It's the unsafe.
Speaker 3: I didn't feel safe with that Personeah, I'm like, uh, Basically,
Speaker 3: I'd been living with people and I found out one
Speaker 3: of them was lying to both of us to turn
Speaker 3: us against each other.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you gotta go.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: If the relationship is just toxic and the person is
Speaker 1: like not good or safe, then that makes sense to
Speaker 1: end the friendship. But if it's kind of we're growing apart,
Speaker 1: then I hear.
Speaker 2: You like you might see her on Thanksgiving break.
Speaker 3: Yes, and you get to have one like blackout Wednesday
Speaker 3: night and then not see her for a year, but
Speaker 3: maybe that's your night. Yeah, and it's okay, and they
Speaker 3: could still be in your life unless you really don't
Speaker 3: want it.
Speaker 1: Sounds like the suffering is wanting it to be what
Speaker 1: it was, and like, especially if you've been friends with
Speaker 1: somebody since middle school, right, the amount of versions of
Speaker 1: yourself that has emerged since middle school till your twenties
Speaker 1: your thirties is a lot, and so it's fair that
Speaker 1: you might not be aligned with that person anymore. But
Speaker 1: I think you trying to hold them or you or
Speaker 1: the relationship to what it was in middle school. It's
Speaker 1: probably what's going to keep you unhappy.
Speaker 2: But also if you don't like this person, that's fine,
Speaker 2: that's fine too.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm just wondering if it has to be such
Speaker 3: a cutoff or not. Because I have one friend we
Speaker 3: were close to our high school, a little bit of college.
Speaker 2: We didn't speak for.
Speaker 3: Probably five years, so and now we're back to every
Speaker 3: time I'm home, we see each other.
Speaker 2: We hang out, you know, so.
Speaker 1: So it can move, it can shift, it can change
Speaker 1: exactly do you think you should communicate the shift?
Speaker 3: Like if you're like I feel like these hangars are
Speaker 3: more dreamed, I don't feel as easy.
Speaker 1: It's as easy.
Speaker 3: It's not as easy because I get I have some
Speaker 3: friends where it's no social battery at all. We could
Speaker 3: lay on our phones next to each other and it's fine. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And then there are friends where it's like, I'm not
Speaker 3: going to be the fullest version of myself and if
Speaker 3: I'm censoring whatever and it's exhausting, it'll be less.
Speaker 2: But then if we're mutual party hang we could hang.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I wonder.
Speaker 3: If the cutoff is necessary or not. But if you
Speaker 3: think it is, then it doesn't matter what this person thinks.
Speaker 3: You could just be as harsh as you want.
Speaker 1: Really, yeah, this is making me think about I actually
Speaker 1: have a friend that I used to be really really
Speaker 1: close with and then I found them to be draining
Speaker 1: over time, and I moved, so like our relationship naturally,
Speaker 1: because I moved, we weren't forced to be in the
Speaker 1: same space. But there is a bit of guilt that
Speaker 1: I had because I never I was never able to
Speaker 1: communicate why I was being more distant, and then I
Speaker 1: finally was like, oh, I'm being more distant because every
Speaker 1: time I'm in conversation with this person, I feel like
Speaker 1: not great. At the end of it, I don't feel unsafe,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, there's just a lot happening and I
Speaker 1: don't know how to manage this. And then it's been
Speaker 1: enough years and I'm like, I don't know how to
Speaker 1: communicate that. So now like we see each other, and
Speaker 1: we see each other, we're so friendly, but we were
Speaker 1: so close at one point, and then the disc there's
Speaker 1: just been no conversation about how we went from being
Speaker 1: bosom buddies to just saying hi once.
Speaker 2: Every anything there was an incident or anything, or it
Speaker 2: was just with time.
Speaker 1: I think it was just with time. I don't think
Speaker 1: there was one specific incident. Obviously, moving will add a
Speaker 1: strain to any relationship that becomes more work to stay connected.
Speaker 1: But then I think it was as we were trying
Speaker 1: to stay connected, it just felt like this is so
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like my other relationships, even the
Speaker 1: long distance once feel easier and this does not feel easy,
Speaker 1: but I don't but it's not one particular thing other
Speaker 1: than it's like your life feels like it's a little
Speaker 1: too much, but that then feels like, well that's not
Speaker 1: you know, everyone's life gets to become too much at
Speaker 1: a certain point, like that's not a reason to not
Speaker 1: be friends. But then I think maybe it was more
Speaker 1: about I'm processing this in real time. Maybe it was
Speaker 1: about I don't mind if my friends. I don't of course,
Speaker 1: don't mind if my friend's life is crazy. That's what
Speaker 1: friends are for, Like, your life is shitty right now,
Speaker 1: lean on me. But there never seemed to be a
Speaker 1: mutual exchange or the mutual exchange start to go away
Speaker 1: where it's like I'm always navigating your shit, but there's
Speaker 1: no interest in like what my shit is. And so
Speaker 1: then it becomes well, now I'm just taking care of
Speaker 1: you in a way that isn't like reciprocal. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: so then I think that's where the distance came in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the reciprocity, that's real.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's not about counting, but it is when
Speaker 3: someone disappears when you have shit, and it's not the
Speaker 3: other way around. And just with age, you just realize
Speaker 3: that shit, Like after a while you're like, oh, you've
Speaker 3: never asked me a question.
Speaker 1: Yes, You're like, you've never asked me how I am?
Speaker 2: But my favorite this girl wrote me up, so she texted.
Speaker 2: I didn't respond to her. It was like annoying, She's
Speaker 2: always asking me for shit.
Speaker 3: And then I got a text on my birthday that
Speaker 3: said happy birthday. Hey if I did anything to upset
Speaker 3: you about them, So I'm like in the birthday text.
Speaker 1: Like turning it around?
Speaker 2: Could even wait a day. I'm like, I'm not dealing with.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, don't give me the things to deal with
Speaker 1: right now, just say happy birthday.
Speaker 3: I'm obsessed with Daniel Bayard Jackson. She's a more female
Speaker 3: friendship expert. She's a friendship expert, and I'm obsessed with her.
Speaker 1: Daniel Bayard Jackson beautiful.
Speaker 3: She is so smart and cool. She has a book
Speaker 3: coming out, but she's it's a new thing. She was
Speaker 3: a teacher and then she was a PR person and
Speaker 3: she realized that her high school students and the PR
Speaker 3: girlies all had the same.
Speaker 2: Kind of friendship issues.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and she saw a pocket because people make it
Speaker 3: seem like friendship should just be easy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And if it's not easy for you, it's you
Speaker 2: you're a freak.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's like, no, it's a relationship that's pretty
Speaker 3: complicated and worth the effort. And it's like how we
Speaker 3: admire we admire long term friendships.
Speaker 2: Yes, what if it's unhealthy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you're friends with the four girls you knew
Speaker 3: in junior high and now you're forty five and still
Speaker 3: in the same weird patterns. So it's like, but we're like, wow,
Speaker 3: since junior high.
Speaker 1: We focus on like the length of time as opposed
Speaker 1: to the quality.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or what's going on. So she kind of dives
Speaker 3: into hanging out. What friendship looks like changing, Oh maybe
Speaker 3: friendship and hanging out is me coming and watching you
Speaker 3: do laundry, uh huh and just sitting And that's our friendship.
Speaker 1: Friendship, the intimacy of just like be here.
Speaker 3: We don't need to put the rest of prose. And
Speaker 3: so she's really cool. If anyone needs friendship stuff, I
Speaker 3: really like that.
Speaker 1: Okay, So our advice would basically be if it's toxic,
Speaker 1: get out, but if not, then there's probably other and
Speaker 1: flows let those friendship shift.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because if you're just not seeing each other that much,
Speaker 3: then it's fine. It could just be fine. She might
Speaker 3: be this person might be feeling the same way of
Speaker 3: like I don't. I think less is better. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: then maybe you'll have one moment or you'll need someone
Speaker 3: or it's the issue that you're gonna need this person for.
Speaker 1: The other thing I would add is tell her and
Speaker 1: like just then maybe have a conversation to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is how we're feeling.
Speaker 3: You're like, our friendship's not the same and it's bothering me.
Speaker 2: I missed what we had, but I don't want to
Speaker 2: force it. How do you feel?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, and just like you might be able to
Speaker 1: get on the same page.
Speaker 2: And that looks about life.
Speaker 3: Clear communications the answer to ninety percent of life problems.
Speaker 2: And yet it's the hardest thing because.
Speaker 1: We are all in our own stories and then put
Speaker 1: stories on other people. And if we would just talk
Speaker 1: to each other, we would actually figure out what the
Speaker 1: fuck is going on, but we don't. We don't, And
Speaker 1: so yes, that's so there's a There are three versions
Speaker 1: of advice, which is, if it's toxic, let it go,
Speaker 1: allow shifts and flows, but also communicate and see what happens.
Speaker 3: Because I definitely had a friend where in our midt
Speaker 3: I was like I'm just done girl, and I still
Speaker 3: feel that way, and they still try to.
Speaker 2: Come around in the wild.
Speaker 3: I want to give a shit, but I was like no,
Speaker 3: But then when something bad happened to her.
Speaker 2: I showed up. Yes, I showed up at the hospital,
Speaker 2: you know, like it is.
Speaker 1: And that's okay, that's still a friendship. Yeah, Lisa, thank
Speaker 1: you for being here.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Fun. I'm so glad we to me. I know, I
Speaker 1: know we're talking to you like I've known you forever,
Speaker 1: but it's the first time in person.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of evils online.
Speaker 3: But I think the cool thing is, you know, being
Speaker 3: able to follow someone's day life.
Speaker 1: Yes, all the good people will be like, oh those
Speaker 1: are good vibes, and you were always good vibes on
Speaker 1: the internet. And I'll see you soon.
Speaker 2: Yay.
Speaker 1: Well, you know we are hose here, but hose with heart.
Speaker 1: So before we go, let me speak to yours. I
Speaker 1: love me some, Lisa. Lisa had me cackling, had me screaming.
Speaker 1: She's so funny and truly one of my one of
Speaker 1: my favorite comedian and so be sure to check her
Speaker 1: out everywhere, including her special uh and on Survival of
Speaker 1: the thickest. I'm just plugging you, Lisa. I'm just plugging
Speaker 1: you because I love you so much. So what did
Speaker 1: I learn? I learned that Lisa doesn't like feet, and
Speaker 1: you know, I famously love the feet, but she don't
Speaker 1: like the feet as so you know, I still care.
Speaker 1: I still care for you, Lisa, but Lisa don't like
Speaker 1: that feet and I my toxic trait is like, let's
Speaker 1: get to the bottom of that. Let's unpack that. What's
Speaker 1: that about? But you know, everyone to each Oh, we're
Speaker 1: all allowed to have the things that we love and
Speaker 1: we don't love, like we don't like. But I just
Speaker 1: know that I Brandon Kyle Goodman love to suck some toes. Okay, period. Amen. Amen. Somebody.
Speaker 1: By the way, just in case you worn't clear, I'm
Speaker 1: recording this section also in New York, and the edible
Speaker 1: is still the edible is still in me. Uh so
Speaker 1: here we are. I really love this distinction of no
Speaker 1: need to cut off a friend unless it's unsafe, you know,
Speaker 1: because I think any of we can all relate to
Speaker 1: ebbs and flows and shifts in our friendships, especially those
Speaker 1: friendships or even just relationships with family members. You know,
Speaker 1: people that you have been close with since you were young,
Speaker 1: and so the relationship had a certain dynamic. But then
Speaker 1: as you grow, the relationship shifts and do you want
Speaker 1: it to be what it was? Are you going to
Speaker 1: allow it to turn into what it is turning into?
Speaker 1: And I think that distinction of well, is it unsafe
Speaker 1: or is it just not what it used to be?
Speaker 1: And that kind of being a way that do delineate
Speaker 1: if you need to have a friendship breakup or if
Speaker 1: you can just kind of let the relationship morph into
Speaker 1: something new. Of course, if you have a gut instinct
Speaker 1: that the fridship needs to end and that's what you
Speaker 1: would rather, then of course do that. But as Lisa
Speaker 1: also says, you know you can communicate if you feel
Speaker 1: something is off, because ninety percent of life's problems can
Speaker 1: be solved with clear communication. I couldn't agree more. I
Speaker 1: feel like ninety nine percent of life's problems could be
Speaker 1: cleared up if we would just communicate and say, oh,
Speaker 1: this is how I feel about this, or getting curious,
Speaker 1: you know, asking a question, hey, do you feel like
Speaker 1: something's off? Like I'm feeling this, but like, how are
Speaker 1: you feeling about this? Because maybe it's just me, or
Speaker 1: maybe we can meet in the middle here. You know,
Speaker 1: our tenants here are curiosity, communication, and compassion. So you
Speaker 1: can always communicate these things. Then it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be with anger or devastation or you know, in panic.
Speaker 1: It can be compassionate and it can be curiously. You know,
Speaker 1: we especially in our friendships. Again, unless somebody's actions are
Speaker 1: are are actually harmful. I believe in in our friendships
Speaker 1: and our families and our romantic relationships and assuming best intent.
Speaker 1: That I'm going to assume your best intent, and so
Speaker 1: I'm going to approach you not as though you were
Speaker 1: trying to hurt me, but like say, hey, this thing
Speaker 1: did hurt, but let me let me learn more about
Speaker 1: what you were thinking or why you did what you did,
Speaker 1: or if you even noticed that you did what you
Speaker 1: did or set what you said. Sometimes that that is
Speaker 1: a softer and more productive approach. Again, you know the
Speaker 1: difference between somebody who is always disrespecting you or you
Speaker 1: don't feel safe around versus somebody who you always feel
Speaker 1: safe around and you always feel good with. But something
Speaker 1: is shifted and you need to bring that up. You
Speaker 1: can do it compassionately and curiously and with with love.
Speaker 1: I love Lisa's life hack, which is, you know, if
Speaker 1: you want to get more secrets, you gotta keep those secrets. Hello,
Speaker 1: you got you gotta you gotta show that you're loyal,
Speaker 1: You got to show that you're trustworthy. You keep secrets,
Speaker 1: you get more secrets. I think that is so the
Speaker 1: Real Housewives of it All. But you know, T TGT,
Speaker 1: you know, are on a larger, larger scale. It's about
Speaker 1: you know, I think that trust and confidence is important,
Speaker 1: and so there are times where people do say things
Speaker 1: to us and you need to act on it, and
Speaker 1: of course do so. But the value of keeping confidence.
Speaker 1: We were saying this and jests, but obviously they're I
Speaker 1: don't know, there's something here in Los Angeles. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say the thing, but there are some ways in which
Speaker 1: I see I'm let me say this. I've not experienced
Speaker 1: this in my friend group, and I'm very grateful, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm very particular about who I keep around me. But
Speaker 1: it's something that I've heard from people in other friend groups,
Speaker 1: and I just think it's so interesting where people feel
Speaker 1: like they can't trust their friend group or feel like
Speaker 1: their friend group is safe. And I've heard this enough
Speaker 1: times from enough different people who are not connected that
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, this must be this must be something
Speaker 1: that's real where there are people who are and you
Speaker 1: might feel this listening people who are in friendships that
Speaker 1: are not safe or where there isn't confidence and there
Speaker 1: isn't trust, And so to that, I say, and I
Speaker 1: might have said this already on the show. I never
Speaker 1: know if I say things on the show, if I said,
Speaker 1: it's somebody in person, but I'm gonna just say it again.
Speaker 1: Actions do speak louder than words, and your gut is
Speaker 1: is an important tell, an important barometer. So if you
Speaker 1: are not feeling safe in your friendships or in any
Speaker 1: of your relationships, if you don't feel like you can exhale,
Speaker 1: if you feel like you have to police what you're
Speaker 1: saying to people that you're calling your best friends because
Speaker 1: you don't know if they're going to tell other folks,
Speaker 1: I would take notice of that, and I would offer
Speaker 1: to you that there is a different version of friendship
Speaker 1: out there that you might want to seek out. There's
Speaker 1: a different version of relationship that you want to seek out,
Speaker 1: which is there are people who are loyal and who
Speaker 1: you can be loyal to and who want to protect
Speaker 1: you and keep you safe, and who you want to
Speaker 1: protect and keep safe. Those relationships do exist, and I
Speaker 1: wouldn't stop until I found those relationships. So if you're
Speaker 1: currently in relationships with people that you can't trust and
Speaker 1: you feel like, oh, they are going to tell my
Speaker 1: business or they will betray me, they will not hold
Speaker 1: my trust sacred. If those relationships you're in, whether it
Speaker 1: is with family, it is romantic, or it's friends, please
Speaker 1: please please look at that. Take that seriously, and I
Speaker 1: want to affirm for you that there are and there's
Speaker 1: another version of friendship. There's another version of relationship that exists,
Speaker 1: one where you are safe you or there is mutual respect,
Speaker 1: mutual reciprocity when it comes to the loyalty and the trust.
Speaker 1: And you deserve that. You deserve to have a friend
Speaker 1: or two friends. Listen, I might not be everybody, but
Speaker 1: you deserve to have two or three friends. Maybe you
Speaker 1: got four or five friends, but you deserve to have
Speaker 1: a close community, the inner council, as we might call it,
Speaker 1: your kitchen table friends as we might call it, where
Speaker 1: you can fully exhale and be yourself and trust that
Speaker 1: what stays at the table, what happens at the table,
Speaker 1: stay at the table, what happens to Vegas stays and
Speaker 1: Vegas vibes? You understand? Okay, Well that's all I got. Listen.
Speaker 1: I love you so much. You can find me on
Speaker 1: Instagram as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find
Speaker 1: our podcast at tell Me Something Messy, and you can
Speaker 1: join our community on the Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe,
Speaker 1: you'll get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and self and
Speaker 1: so much more. Also, I want to hear from you,
Speaker 1: so send your topic ideas, your messy stories, your submissions,
Speaker 1: your game ideas to tell Me Something Messy at gmail
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Speaker 1: Really really helps the show out, all right. Until next time,
Speaker 1: ask about the politics of that dick before you make
Speaker 1: it spin, make sure they eat the kitty buffore they
Speaker 1: beat the kittie before fucation or sucation communication. And in
Speaker 1: case you haven't heard it yet, today you are so
Speaker 1: deeply loved. I love you, ye, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: for listening to Tell Me Something Messy. If you all
Speaker 1: enjoyed the show, send me episode to someone else who
Speaker 1: might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced
Speaker 1: by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins, and Yours Truly. Our producer
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