Speaker 1: If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
Speaker 1: was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
Speaker 1: the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
Speaker 1: crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich
Speaker 1: pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
Speaker 1: break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
Speaker 1: Mallarck starts right now. Yes it does. I'll be doing well.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the magic podcast machine, The Fifth Hour with
Speaker 1: Ben maller Back. Eight days a week. That's our new slogan.
Speaker 1: Now eight days a week, this podcast or the radio
Speaker 1: show podcast is available because four hours are not enough.
Speaker 1: We have upped the podcast game, as you if you
Speaker 1: have not noticed yet, as we pat ourselves on the back.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we're doing three a week. We did one
Speaker 1: a week for a long time. We're doing three a week.
Speaker 1: The ratings are up, The listenership is up eight percent,
Speaker 1: which means no one was listening before and now people
Speaker 1: who are listening, which is pretty good. And you've already
Speaker 1: found the podcast. That's great. If you have not subscribed yet,
Speaker 1: bad job by you. Correct that right now, that's right.
Speaker 1: Get your phone cook that little button right there is
Speaker 1: to subscribe. That helps us out a lot, and tell
Speaker 1: a friend you guys have been doing it. Apparently this
Speaker 1: is working. The word of mouth advertising, which is the
Speaker 1: most effective advertising next to radio advertising, is word of
Speaker 1: mouth advertising. So tell your friends, tell your friends, tell
Speaker 1: your enemies. Whatever, one minutes all we need. We get
Speaker 1: support and we're available on the I Heart podcast network.
Speaker 1: But wherever you get your podcast, they can find it.
Speaker 1: It's not hard to find. Just tell him fifth Hour
Speaker 1: with Ben Maller and that's how you do it. And
Speaker 1: yet again we are joined by not the man of
Speaker 1: the people, the man of the West, of the four
Speaker 1: oh five crab, the elitist, the one per centers academia,
Speaker 1: David gues I'm excited to be here and do a
Speaker 1: lot of the heavy lifting for this podcast. And it's
Speaker 1: always always a great day when you acknowledge who's in
Speaker 1: the house with you, Ben Maller. A little bit different
Speaker 1: from your show when it's up and down and usually
Speaker 1: dropped off the air, but you know, I mean here,
Speaker 1: it's no signs of a collapse on this podcast, and
Speaker 1: you can thank me well so far and we've had
Speaker 1: no signs of a collapse, so you should actually thank me,
Speaker 1: as we talked about the previous episode of the Fifth Hour,
Speaker 1: I saved the day. I should win an I Heart
Speaker 1: Media Engineering Award because I was able to do it.
Speaker 1: I was able to fix the equipment. Of course, they
Speaker 1: walked me through it and held my hand. Um, but
Speaker 1: but you yet again, and and this is another sign.
Speaker 1: I want to make you relatable. I want you to
Speaker 1: be relatable to the working class. How do I do that? Um?
Speaker 1: Maybe not play applause sound effect and I say your name,
Speaker 1: and it's the only sound effect. You play your soul.
Speaker 1: There's no other sound effect that you play. Right. You
Speaker 1: are like the ultimate Prima Donna. You're the ultimate draw
Speaker 1: the queen. I mean stop. I know yourself absorbed. I
Speaker 1: know you're an attention whore, but try to show a
Speaker 1: little grace. How about that. I'll think about it. You'll
Speaker 1: consider it. I'll consider it. I mean I don't have
Speaker 1: as much airtime as you. I don't have a stop watch.
Speaker 1: So whenever someone takes a little bit of time off
Speaker 1: the microphone from me that I have to cut them off.
Speaker 1: But you know, to teach their own And it's Ben
Speaker 1: Maller and this is David Gascon. So nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: Nothing wrong. We are in the industry about talking about
Speaker 1: ourselves and being about herself like that part of it.
Speaker 1: I don't like that. That's one part I don't like.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me right now? I don't? Oh well,
Speaker 1: I mean, how do I I'm nor I'm not like that.
Speaker 1: I'm not you're compare me to some of these other blowhards.
Speaker 1: But I mean, you can always rebrand your show. You
Speaker 1: can rebrand it to a different name. It's the Ben
Speaker 1: mallor show, right, you could call it something else. I mean,
Speaker 1: you call your employees the Benny's. You call them the Benny's. Like,
Speaker 1: what kind of hack job is that? The knees? What
Speaker 1: the is that? Let me explain something. It is goofing
Speaker 1: on award shows and goofing on me. Dummy, Emmy's Benny's.
Speaker 1: You see how that works? Stupid Emmy's Benny's. It's the same.
Speaker 1: It's flowers your moron out there. You. Let's tell you
Speaker 1: something I got. I got a story that popped in
Speaker 1: my head about the names of the show. I remember
Speaker 1: when I got one of my first big breaks. I
Speaker 1: was a radio stringer and I was getting a talk
Speaker 1: show for the first time in Los Angeles. Man, this
Speaker 1: was a big break in my career. And I had
Speaker 1: a conversation with Biff Elliott, late great Biff Elliott from
Speaker 1: CBS News Radio, a sports reporter whose brother was a
Speaker 1: legendary sportscaster in New York, Win Elliott. And when Elliott
Speaker 1: was a legend, and Biff had been an actor and
Speaker 1: some movies and whatnot. It was a good friend of mine.
Speaker 1: He was a very elderly gentleman at that time when
Speaker 1: I knew him, and I was a young guy in
Speaker 1: my my twenties, but I really loved the stories he
Speaker 1: told about the business and all that. And remember one
Speaker 1: day I showed up in the Dodger Stadium press box
Speaker 1: and I had a conversation with him. I said, if
Speaker 1: I'm getting I'm getting a new a new show, and he's, oh,
Speaker 1: that's great, Ben, and and I told him, I said,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to call it, though, I don't
Speaker 1: know what the name of it, you know, And he
Speaker 1: gave me this whole speech how he's like, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter what you call the show. If it sucks, no
Speaker 1: one's gonna listen to it. And if it's good, people
Speaker 1: are gonna listen to it. Who the who the funk
Speaker 1: cares about the name of a show, It's irrelevant. He's
Speaker 1: absolutely right. He's bit was so old and had been
Speaker 1: there for so long covering the Dodgers. I think he
Speaker 1: had covered the team since, like you know, like Jackie
Speaker 1: Robinson in Brooklyn, you know that that he was a lot.
Speaker 1: You know, there's no cheering in the press box. He
Speaker 1: was allowed to cheer. He was allowed to cheer because
Speaker 1: he had he had the exemption, and it was it
Speaker 1: was pretty funny. He's a great guy. And I ran
Speaker 1: into him after he retired, and I ran into him
Speaker 1: at adults in this bar I used to hang out
Speaker 1: at all the time in Burbank. It's just no longer
Speaker 1: there on Riverside Drive, beautiful Burbank, right across from Warner Brothers,
Speaker 1: and Bif comes up to me kind of, you know,
Speaker 1: he kind of waddling a little bit. You know. He
Speaker 1: was a pretty petite guy at this time, fragile. Uh.
Speaker 1: And he comes up there, he says, hey, Ben, you
Speaker 1: probably thought I was dead. Pretty morbid, right, What a character?
Speaker 1: I was always told. I mean, whether it's for a
Speaker 1: show or any kind of brand that you always want
Speaker 1: to have your name or a name attached to it
Speaker 1: because it keeps the audience, like it keeps that product
Speaker 1: or that individual in the front of a person's mind
Speaker 1: when they're subscribing to Well, everyone loves hearing their name, right,
Speaker 1: that's the most what's the Remember the book? What was
Speaker 1: the book? The famous book about being relatable? Would you
Speaker 1: read how to Make Friends? Right? And remember that famous
Speaker 1: book from back in the front book I read is
Speaker 1: the Alchemist ben Man? Anyway, Yeah, the sweetest sound in
Speaker 1: the language is your name. You people love hearing their name.
Speaker 1: And a little cheat code for you guys. On dates
Speaker 1: they say that the way to get into a woman's
Speaker 1: heart if you're dude, is to say her name and
Speaker 1: shut up and let her talk. People like to be
Speaker 1: the star. They want to be the star. They don't
Speaker 1: want to I never wanted to be the star. I
Speaker 1: never like to talk. I was always more comfortable when
Speaker 1: the other person was talking speaking of what you know.
Speaker 1: You talked about this a few days ago on your show.
Speaker 1: But if you ever needed a hype man, I would
Speaker 1: definitely take Howard Finkel at the Parli Gate and he
Speaker 1: passed away a couple of days ago. At the age
Speaker 1: of sixty nine. But man, we were talking about this
Speaker 1: a couple episodes ago about the w w F and
Speaker 1: WWE and that dude I would take over Bruce Buffer
Speaker 1: Michael Buff for anybody else, and you were talking about
Speaker 1: life and death obviously with with a former pro in
Speaker 1: the game. But Howard Finkel Man, like Third Finkel, his
Speaker 1: career is a great testament. This guy started in nineteen
Speaker 1: seventy five with Vince McMahon's dad. He started working with
Speaker 1: Vince McMahon's dad at Worldwide Wrestling Federation w WWF, and
Speaker 1: then he just stayed with the company and he was
Speaker 1: the ring announcer since in eighteen seventies seven. God, what
Speaker 1: a run. And it reminds me of like, you know,
Speaker 1: how like Chris Berman got in at es Man early
Speaker 1: and just stayed there forever. And you know, Tom Bob
Speaker 1: Lee and some of those early guys that got in
Speaker 1: before ESPN blew up. And like Howard Finkel, you know,
Speaker 1: he was good. He was a legend, uh and so
Speaker 1: he deserved it. But he got in early and and
Speaker 1: he was able to stay there. And what an amazing
Speaker 1: run he had in wrestling. Yeah, iconic, that is a
Speaker 1: great hot man I have I I I mean Bruce
Speaker 1: Buffer obviously is iconic for what he does, you know,
Speaker 1: at the UFC, and then of course his brother, and
Speaker 1: I said, for boxing, and those guys are our beasts.
Speaker 1: But no, wonder how many miles he put on, how
Speaker 1: many flyer frequent flyer miles he compiled over his career
Speaker 1: traveling around. For me, I was, you know, I love Finkel,
Speaker 1: but I was mean Gene Oakerland guy. I was mean
Speaker 1: Gene all the way because he was tied together was
Speaker 1: that he was an old radio guy, right yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: But I just I know he would do the interviews
Speaker 1: and I would watch the promos and he would do
Speaker 1: the commercials for the w W E ice cream sandwiches
Speaker 1: and all that, you know, or w W F ice
Speaker 1: cream sandwiches, and so I I saw him a lot
Speaker 1: as a kid, you know, with macho man Randy Savage
Speaker 1: screaming and oh yeah, you know that kind of nonsense. So,
Speaker 1: I mean, Jane was my guy, and he died last year,
Speaker 1: and now a body you're you're a few months ago,
Speaker 1: and then now a year later we lose Howard Finkel,
Speaker 1: who wasn't even seventy. It seems you know, it seems
Speaker 1: a little young. I had my my memory refreshed when
Speaker 1: Ossie guy hit him me up so politely a couple
Speaker 1: of days ago about the Montreal screw job. But no,
Speaker 1: it was it was fascinating to retrace those steps. I mean,
Speaker 1: you remember this in the in the nineties. These guys
Speaker 1: were traveling and they still do now. But the workload
Speaker 1: that they had, like Brett the Hitman, Heart was getting paid,
Speaker 1: but he was working like almost three hundred days a year,
Speaker 1: and the Undertaker, I mean everybody that was They didn't
Speaker 1: worry about concussions and they didn't worry about health. They
Speaker 1: had the show must go on, right, Yeah, but it
Speaker 1: was just amazing to watch the transition from guys like
Speaker 1: Hogan and Nash that went to the w c W
Speaker 1: formed nw OH and then the guys that stayed with
Speaker 1: w w E, like you know, Brett the Hitman, Hard
Speaker 1: obviously the Undertaker, and something like Seawan Michaels. So it's
Speaker 1: pretty wild. But yeah, those guys mean Gene and and Finkel,
Speaker 1: I don't forget them at all because they were just
Speaker 1: as good like JR. Was was fantastic. Grilla mon Soon, Um,
Speaker 1: you know, Jesse Ventura was great on the mic. There
Speaker 1: was a lot of guys that were just great showmen
Speaker 1: back in the day. Yeah, yeah, And you know, part
Speaker 1: of it, as I've always said, is because you're of
Speaker 1: a certain age. For me, it's it's that period between
Speaker 1: like nine and twelve where everything's great and like the
Speaker 1: rest of my life. I always judge wrestlers as to
Speaker 1: how they you know, how I remember it when I
Speaker 1: was nine and through the eyes of a child. But
Speaker 1: now I'm a cynical, a schmuck of an adult. So
Speaker 1: you know, it's a lot different now in the place
Speaker 1: I'm out of my life than I was when I
Speaker 1: was a kid. But everything like baseball players. Uh, you
Speaker 1: know Mel Allen. I I talked in a previous episode
Speaker 1: love Mel Allen because I was I was nine, ten, eleven,
Speaker 1: twelve watching Mel Allen. I learned baseball from Mel Allen,
Speaker 1: and uh, I have great memories of that. So that's
Speaker 1: a very important part of your life. And and whoever
Speaker 1: was in that window, you know. I love when kids listen.
Speaker 1: I have some guys listen to that are that are
Speaker 1: in the Mallemlitia that they grew up listening late at
Speaker 1: night to the radio. And now these guys are in
Speaker 1: their twenties and thirties or whatever, and it's cool man
Speaker 1: like for them in some way the show means that
Speaker 1: much to them because they grew up as as kids
Speaker 1: listening to it, which is really cool. Which is a
Speaker 1: really special thing that that you know, you can you
Speaker 1: can have that and carry that through because a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff I remember with that age, everything's gone, everyone's dead,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: like it's all it's all over with. Speaking of which,
Speaker 1: you're you got your birthday coming up in What are
Speaker 1: we gonna do to celebrate that? Since I'm gonna I
Speaker 1: think I told my wife, We're gonna go on a vacation.
Speaker 1: We're gonna go sleep in a different room. We're gonna
Speaker 1: can experience a different part of the house. Maybe we'll
Speaker 1: camp out in the backyard, have a little outdoor birthday party. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: what are you gonna do? Isn't what? Is she gonna
Speaker 1: get some candles and put them on top of some
Speaker 1: raising canes. That was there? You happy birthday, Eat some
Speaker 1: Friday chicken strips. There you go, and I'll be like,
Speaker 1: I'm all for that. That would be. That would be
Speaker 1: a wonderful meal. No, maybe I'll maybe I'll venture I
Speaker 1: don't want to hope Mayor Garcetti is not listening. But
Speaker 1: maybe I'll go to like, uh, you know, make a
Speaker 1: food run, pick up a sandwich in our favorite deli,
Speaker 1: their langu Langers, pick up pistromi sandwich or something like that,
Speaker 1: or go to Fat Styles get a big sandwich something
Speaker 1: like that. Of course I got to get it to go,
Speaker 1: which sucks, and probably have to eat in my car,
Speaker 1: but so be you know, why not? Nothing wrong with that? Alright,
Speaker 1: So we have on this edition of the Fifth Hour,
Speaker 1: which is already well underway. As you know, we have
Speaker 1: the mail bag, and we also have don't Stick to Sports,
Speaker 1: which I think we should do first. And before we
Speaker 1: get to don't stick to Sports, have you I learned
Speaker 1: a new term. I like to learn new things. One
Speaker 1: of my food gazing things is in addition to covering sports,
Speaker 1: which there's no sports to cover now, so I have
Speaker 1: more free time. Uh, and I like to I like
Speaker 1: to learn random odd things. And when I used to
Speaker 1: work with Looney Tunes, we would go back and forth
Speaker 1: trying to one up each other on random fun facts.
Speaker 1: In fact, the Blitz on the weekends used to just
Speaker 1: become us trying to impress each each other with amazing
Speaker 1: factoids about you know, the um whiteout was invented in
Speaker 1: Dallas and the Rangers, by the way, are leading the
Speaker 1: the Astros, you know, seven to two in the fifth
Speaker 1: inning or something like that. So were you guys better
Speaker 1: at one upping each other or you guys better at
Speaker 1: sports cliche interviews during the Blitz? Oh yeah, we gotta
Speaker 1: get Luney on this podcast at some point. But those
Speaker 1: are some of my favorite memories. We we would do
Speaker 1: for seven years, we did this NFL show and we
Speaker 1: had the guys from Fox would come on the pre
Speaker 1: game and sometimes the post game who did the games,
Speaker 1: and then we would interview athletes. The players, like the
Speaker 1: players of the game would come on into the interview
Speaker 1: and it was such bad radio was horrific. The players
Speaker 1: half of them couldn't talk, the other half didn't want
Speaker 1: to talk that could talk, and it was just a
Speaker 1: total ship show every week and we dreaded it. We
Speaker 1: were like, we didn't want to put these guys on,
Speaker 1: and then at one point we're like, ah, fuck it.
Speaker 1: We would always worry about asking these great questions, you know,
Speaker 1: because we wanted to really seem like we knew we
Speaker 1: were talking about out And then at some point Looney
Speaker 1: figured out, through the brilliance of Looney, then if you
Speaker 1: ask the dumbest possible question, that the hackiest sports cliche
Speaker 1: question you could possibly ask, you get the greatest answer.
Speaker 1: It's unreal and it worked every time. Like Loony Looney
Speaker 1: would ask a question of like Ben Jarvis green ellis
Speaker 1: so what I'm just using him as an example. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that he's I just remember having him on
Speaker 1: uh and something like that, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you know, we get this amazing answer, you know, and
Speaker 1: it would be like, what that, I can't believe it,
Speaker 1: you know, And it got to the point where, you know,
Speaker 1: Looney would be like, uh, you really brought your a
Speaker 1: game today, dan'ya you know, something like that, and he
Speaker 1: turned the mic up and started laughing, and then we
Speaker 1: get this amazing long answer, you know, all right, people,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, hey, you know, you were really on
Speaker 1: your game today, weren't you. And then you know, we
Speaker 1: get to, you know, a forty second answer. It was unbelievable.
Speaker 1: Here we are you just gotta dumb it down. Sometimes
Speaker 1: you gotta dumb it down. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, Um, but
Speaker 1: one of the things I was gonna get through, uh terms.
Speaker 1: One of the terms I learned this week. And I
Speaker 1: guess this has been around for a while. I didn't
Speaker 1: know it. It's benign masochism. You ever heard of the
Speaker 1: term benign masochism. Well, I've heard of masochism and I've
Speaker 1: heard of benign, but never on the same page. Now,
Speaker 1: all right, So this was a term that was credited
Speaker 1: to some professor at the University of Pennsylvania. It describes
Speaker 1: how human beings enjoy negative sensations and emotions when they
Speaker 1: are assured that no harm will come to them. For example,
Speaker 1: these things considered safe threats, right, Like roller coasters, Right,
Speaker 1: roller coasters. You go on a roller coaster, like off,
Speaker 1: it's scary, but you know you're gonna be okay. Right,
Speaker 1: Spicy food People eat spicy foods because they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's okay. Scary movies, Uh, those kind of things, So
Speaker 1: that they say that's benign masochism. Interesting, Yeah, I'd say
Speaker 1: former football coaches would be under that category to uh that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you put some in there all right, we have don't
Speaker 1: Stick to sports? What do we have on the menu
Speaker 1: for Don't stick to be sure to catch live editions
Speaker 1: of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
Speaker 1: eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio app. Pretty excited about a few of these,
Speaker 1: and I know you are too. Stimulus checks were submitted
Speaker 1: and sent out to quite a few people earlier this week.
Speaker 1: I think got in yours. I have not. My dad
Speaker 1: got his? Oh did he? Now? Dad hasn't worked in years,
Speaker 1: so this is like a botus for him. This is great.
Speaker 1: So did he immediately cash the check to go buy cheese? Uh? Well,
Speaker 1: I gotta be careful because my dad's occasionally listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast now, so I have to be careful he
Speaker 1: might be listening. But didn't you say he went out
Speaker 1: for like one random chip. Yes, he went to the
Speaker 1: store to buy parmesan cheese. Chest the cheese, just the cheese,
Speaker 1: because he needed cheese with his pizza. So here to
Speaker 1: buy parmesan cheese. And I was like, you know, I
Speaker 1: was like, Dad, you probably shouldn't be doing that, you know,
Speaker 1: I tell him every day, And uh, for a while
Speaker 1: he was just going out to get coffee, and then
Speaker 1: then he bought a coffee machine, so I thought, well,
Speaker 1: that would end it. But now he's still finding reasons
Speaker 1: to go. Like he's got to pay a bill. Most
Speaker 1: people just do it online or whatever. He's like, I
Speaker 1: go to the bank, you know, because he learned a
Speaker 1: few years ago that if you you go to the bank,
Speaker 1: it'll show up right away. And so he's like, I'll
Speaker 1: do that, you know, And it gives him a reason
Speaker 1: to leave the house, which he likes. And uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean he's he just loves fighting reasons to go play,
Speaker 1: and he gets bothered. He got kicked out of a
Speaker 1: drug store this week because he didn't have a mask. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I said, well, you know, I've told you every
Speaker 1: day to wear a mask when you go out. You know,
Speaker 1: he's well. A couple of these stories actually could be
Speaker 1: dedicated to, uh to Papa Mallary. The first one is
Speaker 1: this UM so I believe it was eighty million people
Speaker 1: here in the United States were providing a stimulus check
Speaker 1: so far UM. A volunteer firefighter by the name of
Speaker 1: Charles Calvin in Indiana went to his a t M
Speaker 1: a few days ago and he had a stimast check
Speaker 1: that was deposited into his bank, but when he wanted
Speaker 1: to take out some cash, he had a total account
Speaker 1: balanced ban of eight point two million dollars. That's quite this,
Speaker 1: that's pretty generous of the president. I mean that is
Speaker 1: he must have gone above and beyond the call of duty. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not stimast. That thing was irrect. That's exactly what has
Speaker 1: been eight point two million dollars a couple of days later.
Speaker 1: I've got the exactly right now. I guess the bigger
Speaker 1: question was something like that would be what happens if
Speaker 1: you tried pulling out an excess amount and you were
Speaker 1: charged with overdraft fees? You go to jail. People have
Speaker 1: done that. People that this happens every once in a while,
Speaker 1: and if you spend the money you they eventually they
Speaker 1: will find it the error and you will go to jail.
Speaker 1: You will be charged with the crime. This actually happened.
Speaker 1: Not only the guy in Indiana. There was a woman
Speaker 1: in Florida that got eight and a half million lillion
Speaker 1: dollars in her bank account while withdrawing the the stimulus check.
Speaker 1: Ye now see he he got seventeen hundreds So obviously,
Speaker 1: different states, different income brackets as well. But what's the
Speaker 1: state that pays the eight million, because I'd like to
Speaker 1: go to that states Indiana eight in Florida eight point
Speaker 1: five millions. Alright, I got a great I got a
Speaker 1: great idea for your dad. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: he's on social media, but this could be a lot
Speaker 1: of fun. There was on Facebook. Is this that's his playga? Alright?
Speaker 1: So an older gentleman in Scotland was caught, not caught,
Speaker 1: but he was posting up when he went into a store. Um,
Speaker 1: he wore a peculiar mask. He actually is an older gentleman. Um,
Speaker 1: rather than use a regular mask, he actually wore a
Speaker 1: sanitary towel used for for women during that specific time
Speaker 1: of a month. Um. Obviously not a tampon, but it
Speaker 1: was a pad he was at work. Is that like
Speaker 1: an M ninety five mask? He's a similar But it
Speaker 1: looked at his name, it looked pretty damn close. Um,
Speaker 1: when you looked at it from a distance or a
Speaker 1: quick glance, but obviously up close it's a little bit different.
Speaker 1: Of the future. But yeah, my friend J sent me
Speaker 1: a bunch of photos that people have been taking. There
Speaker 1: was a guy the tampon is pretty good. But this
Speaker 1: guy had a half a coconut and he put a
Speaker 1: string attached it and he covered his nose in his
Speaker 1: mouth with a coconut shell. That's pretty good. There's an
Speaker 1: old guy somewhere on the East Coast while riding the subway,
Speaker 1: had sliced an orange and gutted an orange and then
Speaker 1: added some strings around the orange and had that covering
Speaker 1: his nose and his mouth. I don't know if these
Speaker 1: are photoshopping. They appeared to be real, so I'm believing them.
Speaker 1: And then there was a woman on a subway train
Speaker 1: that had put you know, like a big tupperware container,
Speaker 1: had put that over her head. Yeah, so people are
Speaker 1: putting some weird ship on there. I've gone out to
Speaker 1: the store a couple of times with man dance. Fortunately,
Speaker 1: my brother sent me. My brother in Wisconsin he made
Speaker 1: some mask his wife and sent me masks with me
Speaker 1: and the family here, so we have official masks now,
Speaker 1: which that's good. I saw I saw a woman actually
Speaker 1: in a grocery store. She wore you know when you
Speaker 1: buy either a down comforter or you buy pillow casings
Speaker 1: and they come from like bed bath and beyond, and
Speaker 1: it's the Clear. It's the clear packets, the clear like
Speaker 1: giant like almost like a suitcase kind of case that
Speaker 1: would have all your your your better tire in there.
Speaker 1: She wore over her entire It looked like it covered
Speaker 1: her entire torso like it went over her head, over
Speaker 1: her shoulders, and she just looked like she was frozen stiff.
Speaker 1: But she was wearing that and instead of a grocery store,
Speaker 1: and so I was pretty good. Wow. Yeah, I was
Speaker 1: at Walmart last week. I put some photos on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Follow me on there. Ben Maller on Fox US. So
Speaker 1: one of the employees at Walmart was greeting customers wearing
Speaker 1: a t Rex cost you know, the full body t
Speaker 1: Rex outfit. Yeah, they had that on and that was
Speaker 1: that was It was a prehistoric confrontation, is what it was. Now,
Speaker 1: you and your better half are fans of Tiger King. Um.
Speaker 1: I have no idea why, but there's a story out
Speaker 1: on Daily Mail TV that Joe exotic. Everything has to
Speaker 1: be intellectual, gascun. I know that you think everything has
Speaker 1: to be a high brow and all that, but not
Speaker 1: everything needs to be high brow. Occasionally you can let
Speaker 1: your hair down and just have a good time. And
Speaker 1: enjoy some rednecks and some white trash goofing on each Ye.
Speaker 1: So Joe Exotic, he he's a fat of beastiality. Um.
Speaker 1: Apparently he used to stuff animals as sex toys. Um,
Speaker 1: and he had to protesters bodies buried in his zoo.
Speaker 1: So who doesn't do this? Come on, Gasco and I
Speaker 1: know your history with sex toys, Please appreciate that. I
Speaker 1: don't believe anything like because this they are rivals, right,
Speaker 1: this guy is the guy's name again? Uh, what is it?
Speaker 1: Joe Exotic and Jeff Low, Yeah, Jeff Low. These Jeff Low.
Speaker 1: You know, he's been trashed because of the documentary, So
Speaker 1: now he's trying to trash Joe Exotic. It's got My
Speaker 1: theory is he's got to be really annoyed because Joe
Speaker 1: Exotics the star of the show, and Joe Exotics in
Speaker 1: jail right now, and this guy is like, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I ain't in jail. What the funk this guy's And
Speaker 1: maybe he doesn't. Joe Exotic obviously is probably the biggest
Speaker 1: perv out there or whatever, but each of the oh,
Speaker 1: I don't care what he does with the stuffed animal.
Speaker 1: Better that than harmon animal. Or or some human being
Speaker 1: or whatever. I guess, but it's pretty pretty well. I
Speaker 1: don't know. You think that's a common thing, using stuffed
Speaker 1: animals guessing, and you think that people are understand I
Speaker 1: know that there's the Furries, right, the furies or that, right,
Speaker 1: there's some weird ship out there, especially right now the
Speaker 1: coronavirus going on and people are in quarantine. What's your
Speaker 1: weirdest thing? Um my weirdest thing? I don't know. Look
Speaker 1: can talk about that, certainly, you're not not gonna share all.
Speaker 1: I don't know how a big recall on something like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of you block it out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's somatic. Yeah, I mean sexual fetishes. I don't know
Speaker 1: if they should be out here on the platform. But
Speaker 1: you're not. You're not being tied up anymore. That's the
Speaker 1: rumor before. Never happened before, I didn't really happen. Trying
Speaker 1: to defame me on on a national podcast. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Stop seeing the Dominatrix exactly. That's another show you need
Speaker 1: to watch as Billions. By the way, that's a great show. Paul.
Speaker 1: Paul Giamatti's dad was a commissioner of Major League baseball,
Speaker 1: the saason Pete Rose will never get back into baseball.
Speaker 1: Bart Giamonti died in baseball. Is convinced that Bartie Matty
Speaker 1: died as the stress of Pete Rowe see so Giamati,
Speaker 1: his son Paul Giamatti, and Damian Lewis, who actually started
Speaker 1: in Homeland. There their co leads and billions, and that's
Speaker 1: a really good show. I would highly recommend that. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you have the time, but yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, the Sopranos were on season two of the Supranos,
Speaker 1: will probably get to like season four by the end
Speaker 1: of the weekend. And then Breaking Bads on my list
Speaker 1: ahead and watched that one, so I'll check that one out.
Speaker 1: And uh, well the goodness this is Quarantine is gonna
Speaker 1: go probably to at least June, so we got another
Speaker 1: solid month plus to watch shows. Would you ever consider
Speaker 1: changing your child's name for any reason? Uh? Yeah, like
Speaker 1: if you named your kid and then the name became
Speaker 1: synonymous with like a horrible illness, Like if your name
Speaker 1: was Corona, and you might want to change your name
Speaker 1: if you had a child, you know, if you could
Speaker 1: still do it when the kid was like under two
Speaker 1: years old or something like that. You would consider that
Speaker 1: or like I I told the story on the radio
Speaker 1: that before World War Two, the name ate Off and
Speaker 1: the name Hitler, that that was a surname. There were
Speaker 1: other families name that had the surname Hitler, and there
Speaker 1: were there were other people obviously a lot of people
Speaker 1: ate Off and whatnot, and then there were a bunch
Speaker 1: of people had to change their name because Adolph Hitler
Speaker 1: became synonymous with death and doom and being an anti
Speaker 1: Semitic and all those things and racist and all that,
Speaker 1: and so then it changed their name during World War two.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's like something like that happened. You change
Speaker 1: the name other than that your name. You come up
Speaker 1: with a name and that's it. You leave it. Well,
Speaker 1: I bring that up because Amy Schumer, she's a celebrity.
Speaker 1: She's a big fan of hers. By the way, you
Speaker 1: love Amy Schumer. You always Gascott every time she would
Speaker 1: go on tour back in the day, Gasco, how man,
Speaker 1: we should go see Amy Schumer. I would never say
Speaker 1: that there's like nothing good about her content, but then
Speaker 1: she like steal out of her content to I don't know.
Speaker 1: There's been accusations that she's ripped off lines and bits
Speaker 1: from people, well every comedian at some point, I mean
Speaker 1: kind of reminded. What's the name of the Mexican comedian
Speaker 1: has always been accused of that, like has been a
Speaker 1: big thief? George Lopez? Is it him? Or Carlos Mencia?
Speaker 1: I don't know one of them. I forget which one
Speaker 1: is always being accused of ripping off other people's bits.
Speaker 1: I mean it reminds me of talk show host in sports,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, yeah, people still my stuff all
Speaker 1: the time. That's a good point. And it's still the
Speaker 1: Golden Ticket. Yeah, well I was Danny gs creation. Yeah
Speaker 1: was it Danny Geese? Yeah, Danny Jesus, I just called
Speaker 1: the Golden Ticket. I don't know. There's a guy that
Speaker 1: used to work for Premier back in the day that
Speaker 1: did something like that. Yeah, well I'm sleeping when that
Speaker 1: guy's on. So anyways, Amy Schumer changed her eleven month
Speaker 1: old son's name. His original name was gene Autel Fisher,
Speaker 1: and she had to change it after she realized that
Speaker 1: her name her son's name. If you just threw it
Speaker 1: all out, it would it would say genital. Oh well,
Speaker 1: she afraid of son is not gonna have proper genitals
Speaker 1: or something like that some celebrities. Let's let me tell
Speaker 1: you something, all right. The sickest bastards in the world
Speaker 1: are on elementary school playgrounds, all right, and they will
Speaker 1: attack No matter what your fucking name is, They're going
Speaker 1: to attack it. So what are you worried about? You
Speaker 1: know they're gonna find You're gonna find some way to
Speaker 1: bilittle you. That's what kids do, so big deal. Be
Speaker 1: sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show
Speaker 1: week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Well
Speaker 1: younger and how about older? A British woman who's um,
Speaker 1: According to The New York Post, she's in a love
Speaker 1: affair long term relationship with a ninety two year old chandelier,
Speaker 1: has been told this. I lovely love romance. I love
Speaker 1: that She's been told that her love affair with an
Speaker 1: antiques fixture is not a protected sexual orientation. Oh is
Speaker 1: that right? Not a protected sexual orientation? That's not right.
Speaker 1: If you want to marry a chandelier, you should be
Speaker 1: allowed to marry a chandelier. Imagine the dating every night
Speaker 1: is a candle light dinner, right, just really light up
Speaker 1: her day on to be head over chandeliers and love. Right,
Speaker 1: people that like marry their pets. What's the courtship like
Speaker 1: when you date a chandelier? Like, how does that work? There?
Speaker 1: Do you? You get in the corner there and the
Speaker 1: pheromones come out and you're just a couple of love
Speaker 1: birds going at it, you know, canoodling and all that. Uh,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of power that could be behind their
Speaker 1: their their rendezvous in bed too, right, especially when one
Speaker 1: gets inserted into the socket. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. Now, Now,
Speaker 1: cann a chandelier give consent? Uh, chandelier? Let me ask
Speaker 1: you this. Does a chandelier have to be over a
Speaker 1: certain age to be able to give a certain wattage?
Speaker 1: What the chandelier goes out, one of the light fixtures
Speaker 1: goes out? Yeah, yeah, that's uh, that's true. Man. But
Speaker 1: that's good. I'm sure she's uh, she's got no mental
Speaker 1: illness at all. Right, I'm sure she's she's good. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The world we live in right now, is that right?
Speaker 1: You can't say that you're not I'm supposed to say that. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not a fan of ages. M I
Speaker 1: know you are, and uh, you know it's fine. I
Speaker 1: mean as I think if you're Smith with an automate
Speaker 1: inanimant object, Uh, good for you knocked yourself out. That's uh,
Speaker 1: that's not puppy love. That's chandelier love is what that
Speaker 1: is there, light love, that's what it's called. Well, that
Speaker 1: is what we have today as we don't stick to sports. Okay,
Speaker 1: very good, Let's get to the mail bag. We will
Speaker 1: get as many of these as we can in the
Speaker 1: time that we are a lotted on the Fifth Hour podcast.
Speaker 1: These are actual questions from actual listeners to the show,
Speaker 1: submitted to our Facebook page. We call it the mail bag,
Speaker 1: rab bag, etcetera, etcetera, or inbox, whatever you want to
Speaker 1: call it. This one comes from our friend Fats in Philadelphia. Good,
Speaker 1: he says, Ben, I like this, guy says. Nicknames have
Speaker 1: always been a staple of baseball. What are some of
Speaker 1: your favorite nicknames of players? Pastor? President says I always
Speaker 1: enjoyed Lonnie Skate, Smith, Bob Pig, Horner, Randy Big Unit Johnson,
Speaker 1: Willie E. T McGhee, and of course Lenny Nails dikest Um.
Speaker 1: And that says I'll go first year guestcon so again,
Speaker 1: going back to my younger day in the Atlanta Braves
Speaker 1: had a picture and he bounced around baseball a little
Speaker 1: bit named Terry Forster. And Terry Forster's nickname was the
Speaker 1: Big Tub of Goo. And I always thought that was
Speaker 1: great for a fat baseball player to be named the
Speaker 1: Big Tub of Goo. I thought that was wonderful. And
Speaker 1: then the nickname that actually was he was known by
Speaker 1: this nickname, Dennis Boyd, better known by his nickname oil
Speaker 1: Can Boyd for the Red Sox in the eighties. How
Speaker 1: great is it to be known as oil Can? And
Speaker 1: uh some otherwise, Mike Hargrove, the human rain delay. That
Speaker 1: was cool. I patted my game in baseball when I
Speaker 1: was in Little League. After Steve Balboni, his nickname was
Speaker 1: Bye Bye Boboni. That's a pretty good nickname. Who else?
Speaker 1: How about Shane Victorino not that long ago, a flying Hawaiian. Ye,
Speaker 1: that's pretty good. And since he mentioned et, since Fats
Speaker 1: mentioned DT Fats. How about his teammate with those eighties Cardinals,
Speaker 1: Vince Coleman. You remember what Vince Coleman's nickname was, v
Speaker 1: Van Go. Is that great? That is outstanding? That's that's it.
Speaker 1: I'm out of nick names. What about you just across
Speaker 1: baseball or did you like anything? Well, he said baseball,
Speaker 1: So you don't know baseball not I mean, babe, Babe
Speaker 1: Ruth has always had a handful of him. The Sultan
Speaker 1: a swat, the great bat. You know, Um, was it
Speaker 1: Teddy ted Williams is what Teddy ball? Game? Yeah? Oral
Speaker 1: Herschaizer was what bulldog? Bulldog? That was sort of named
Speaker 1: him bulldog. And remember what he named the penguin because
Speaker 1: he said he ran like a penguin. How upset must
Speaker 1: Ron say? That's stuck? You know, of all the dumb things.
Speaker 1: The stick that's funny, that's pretty solid. Yeah, those are good.
Speaker 1: Another one, Um, here's another old baseball reference. You heard
Speaker 1: of Satchel Page. You know the name Satual Page. Vinsculla
Speaker 1: used to tell this story back in the day when
Speaker 1: he was doing the dodging games. But Satchel Page, that's
Speaker 1: not his real name. Is real name. He was born
Speaker 1: Leroy Robert Page. He got the nickname when he was
Speaker 1: toting bags at the train station and he said he
Speaker 1: was not making enough money at a dime a bag
Speaker 1: he was making, so he used a pole and a
Speaker 1: rope and he built this Fugais contraption thing, and that
Speaker 1: gave him the ability to cart like four bags at
Speaker 1: once so he can make more money. And then one
Speaker 1: of his rivals, one of these other kids that was
Speaker 1: trying to do the hustle, said you look like a
Speaker 1: walking satchel tree. And then he became Ken Griff Jr.
Speaker 1: That was the kid. K Griff Jr. Was the kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right, Yeah, I thought you were. No. I mean
Speaker 1: I always remember that because I thought of you know,
Speaker 1: back in the day, it was always Ken Griff Jr.
Speaker 1: Was the kid. And then Mike Tyson was always called
Speaker 1: Kid Dynamite. Like I thought that was a great nickname.
Speaker 1: Iron Mike, No Iron, Mike Tyson, Yeah, Iron, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just referred because Mike Tyson's punch Shot, that was his nickname.
Speaker 1: And there it wasn't Iron Mike, it was Kid Dynamite.
Speaker 1: So one of the great video games, Mike Tyson's punch
Speaker 1: Shot outstanding. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk
Speaker 1: lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at
Speaker 1: Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app. Search f s R to listen live. Al Right,
Speaker 1: next up on the mail bag says if you can remember.
Speaker 1: This is from Andrea and Nashville. He says, if you
Speaker 1: can remember when you took your driver's AJAM and had
Speaker 1: to do the parking task, what did they make you do?
Speaker 1: Parallel park? Are back into a space? Uh? And this
Speaker 1: is really more for you, guess than me, because we
Speaker 1: all know your reputation here. Did you actually have to
Speaker 1: take the driver's test or did they just send you
Speaker 1: the driver's license in the mail? It was pretty easy.
Speaker 1: They drove around the block a couple of times and
Speaker 1: I parked in an empty parking spot in the DMV center.
Speaker 1: That was it. I didn't have to do anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I learned how to drive. My mom taught me
Speaker 1: how to drive, and then she was she thought maybe
Speaker 1: I needed a little more fine tuning, so she hired
Speaker 1: a driving instructor. This old dude who took me around,
Speaker 1: took me on the freeway and he he explained to
Speaker 1: me it's safer to drive on the freeway than it
Speaker 1: is on the intersection because cross traffic on the freeway.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, whatever. Uh. And then but
Speaker 1: they scared the ship out of me before the drivers
Speaker 1: and they were, oh, you're gonna have to parallel park
Speaker 1: and have do this that and the other thing. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I was like ship my pants.
Speaker 1: I was like this is terrible. But then it wasn't
Speaker 1: even that bad. Like it was like pretty harmless. They
Speaker 1: were just trying to get through as many people as
Speaker 1: they could get through. Like I don't I don't believe
Speaker 1: I had a parallel park. I got it back into
Speaker 1: a space. But it was and that was before backup camps.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't that bad. There was no but no
Speaker 1: other cars around like when you did it, And yeah,
Speaker 1: it was pretty harmless. Parallel parking at art. I know
Speaker 1: you can't do it that well, especially with your car,
Speaker 1: but I got a backup cam. I'm a great parallel parker.
Speaker 1: In fact, my wife says, I parked like a police
Speaker 1: officer should always back into spaces and things like that.
Speaker 1: You know, police usually back in so they make a
Speaker 1: quick exit. I back in back when we left our house,
Speaker 1: I would back in. Kennon Toledo writes, and he says,
Speaker 1: how many shows, Ben have you done from your remote
Speaker 1: home studio in the buff uh Ken. That's a great question,
Speaker 1: you know. I for years before I got into radio,
Speaker 1: I was a nudist. I grew up in a family,
Speaker 1: the nudist colony, the Mallard family. Uh No, I've I've
Speaker 1: closed on so I have done shows wearing pajamas. I've
Speaker 1: done that. Um, but I've always had clothes on. I
Speaker 1: don't know why. I don't really need to, but but
Speaker 1: I have. Corey from Iowa says, what is the craziest,
Speaker 1: strangest story you have had with a co worker? Any
Speaker 1: stories come to mind, guest Gan, you want to share
Speaker 1: with the class about co workers that have things that
Speaker 1: have happened. Corey is dying to know. I can tell one.
Speaker 1: I will not name the guilty because I don't want
Speaker 1: to get suited. Years ago, I was doing a show
Speaker 1: on the weekends and I came in and let's just
Speaker 1: say well known professional athlete had been doing the show
Speaker 1: before me, and uh, I turned on the hit the
Speaker 1: button on the computer and he had not cleared out
Speaker 1: his websites that he was looking at and he was
Speaker 1: on adult FriendFinder dot com. Yes, it's going for a
Speaker 1: little Uh. I don't think his wife would have approved
Speaker 1: of that, but you know he was enjoying life with
Speaker 1: the hell. Good for him. Who am I to judge? Right,
Speaker 1: that was that was a little awkward. It was slightly
Speaker 1: you gotta close out. And then there were other people
Speaker 1: that were so paranoid, like Pat O'Brien used to turn
Speaker 1: the entire computer off, and and at work at the studios,
Speaker 1: the main studio, you gotta walk in the back and
Speaker 1: turn the computer back on. It's not you can't just
Speaker 1: turn it on from the where you're sitting in the
Speaker 1: in the studio. So it's a big to do. And
Speaker 1: we the shows, we have about two minutes three minutes
Speaker 1: to change over. And if you got to go turn
Speaker 1: the computer on, it fox everything up. I think for me,
Speaker 1: the oddest story that I have, at least working in
Speaker 1: the entertainment world, um, for me personally, was that I
Speaker 1: was working on a show on the weekends and this
Speaker 1: is the same year that Baker Mayfield and Josh Rosen
Speaker 1: like all those guys were getting drafted, you know, Sam Donald.
Speaker 1: And there was a host, Steve Hartman was working on
Speaker 1: this show with a co host that used to play
Speaker 1: in the National Football League, and don't you name the host,
Speaker 1: I'm Steve Hartman. Um. So I'm a big fan of
Speaker 1: make sure that when you're on a show what's his name?
Speaker 1: You have support, so like you always acknowledge Roberto and Eddie,
Speaker 1: um Coop and whoever else. And so what happened was
Speaker 1: is that co host really took it for Grant to
Speaker 1: sit in the chair and be on the show. So
Speaker 1: he at times was aloof and other times it was
Speaker 1: kinda he talked down to everyone else that helps support him.
Speaker 1: And one day he was like, Oh, we just need
Speaker 1: to go and get this like update guy over and
Speaker 1: done with. And I was on work in the updates,
Speaker 1: and this was just before he had this take about
Speaker 1: Josh Rosen Baker Mayfield and like throwing the stuff out there.
Speaker 1: And I was like, man, yeah, I guess we gotta
Speaker 1: get through this thing because we go back to your
Speaker 1: garbage hot take. And I said that on the radio
Speaker 1: before my update. After the update was over and we
Speaker 1: went to commercial break, he made a beadline pass Bob
Speaker 1: Gara and into my studio and he got my face
Speaker 1: and so he's like, don't you fucking disrespect me? Da da? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I was sitting down. I was sitting down. I
Speaker 1: was like that very personally, very proud a lot of
Speaker 1: my cheese mode there. Yeah, And I was like well,
Speaker 1: you know what, like do you even know who I am,
Speaker 1: because I'm just the update guy that's just here to
Speaker 1: like serve you and serve this show. And then he
Speaker 1: just kept yelling and yelling, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I got up and I got back in his face,
Speaker 1: and I was like, don't fucking come here and like
Speaker 1: try to disrespect me or anybody else that's here to
Speaker 1: help you out support you in this show. Like I
Speaker 1: was fucking piste after that, because yeah, I just you know,
Speaker 1: like you're on a show, you were with an entire crew,
Speaker 1: and like everyone has the responsibilities and everyone has their roles,
Speaker 1: and so I'm not here to like dismiss anybody. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what their role as host, board of I've
Speaker 1: always said that people that are like so full of themselves,
Speaker 1: like you know, the funniest jokes are usually self deprecated.
Speaker 1: You can't google on yourself. You're a hard oh, And
Speaker 1: I don't want you in my life. I don't want
Speaker 1: to listen to you on the radio. You know who
Speaker 1: wants that. I don't want especially when you're working together
Speaker 1: with someone for like three or four hours at eight
Speaker 1: time on the show, Like there should be some good ribbing.
Speaker 1: You know, it doesn't matter men, women whoever. It is like,
Speaker 1: you gotta have fun on this format because if you don't,
Speaker 1: you take yourself way too seriously. That should will get
Speaker 1: flat real quick. Let's do a few more questions. This
Speaker 1: is the mailbag portion of the pit the podcast. You
Speaker 1: know that already. Dr Goopy from Maine says, where was
Speaker 1: William Shatton? Where's William Shatner been during this whole social
Speaker 1: distancing thing? And have you bothered to check in on him?
Speaker 1: And if you did talk to him, what would you say?
Speaker 1: Can I answer that for him? Yeah? I've been watching
Speaker 1: a ton of YouTube clips with William Shatner as Denny
Speaker 1: Crane on Boston Legal. He was so good on that
Speaker 1: show of James Spader. He was fantastical enemy You just
Speaker 1: he was fantastic in that role, and he was a
Speaker 1: brilliant actor. And and obviously, uh, these days are gone
Speaker 1: and being on that platform, but man, I missed that guy.
Speaker 1: Uh To answer Dr Goopy, I have not talked to
Speaker 1: Shatner since we ended the spats with Shats victorious one
Speaker 1: of the great underdog stories of our time. You talked
Speaker 1: David versus Goliath a dope overnight sports talk radio show
Speaker 1: against a pop culture icon, the Mallar Militia versus the
Speaker 1: Trek Eas and the Mallard Militia. One we knocked out
Speaker 1: William Shatner. He said, no, Moss, it's wonderful. God, they
Speaker 1: should have made a movie about that. Would that would
Speaker 1: actually be a pretty good movie, wouldn't It would be
Speaker 1: like a porn film where you guys are just grabbing ankles.
Speaker 1: You and the Mallar Militia. You again with grabbing ankles.
Speaker 1: I don't want to whatever you do in the comfort
Speaker 1: of your own home, I don't need to hear about
Speaker 1: all right. Which Simpson character do you most identify with?
Speaker 1: This is from Matt in Mansfield, Texas. Well. For me,
Speaker 1: it's either Homer Simpson or Krusty the clown. Uh Gascon's
Speaker 1: Mr Burns. There you go right now, you're Mr Burns.
Speaker 1: Grandpa Simpson. You could be like Grandpa Simps. I could
Speaker 1: see his Grandpa was a Devin when I was a
Speaker 1: kid that was trouble all the time. You could be Mo,
Speaker 1: you know, you could be Mo. I could see his Mo.
Speaker 1: Or Barney you're like Barney in the Alcoholic could be
Speaker 1: like Barney. I don't have a gut like that. Could
Speaker 1: be the comic book guy. You know that guy's the
Speaker 1: Groudoo's comic book all time. All right, Carlos in Houston says,
Speaker 1: since you know Yiddish and this is a podcast, can
Speaker 1: you tell us some curse words that you learned in
Speaker 1: the length? I give a shot? Uh, schwantz means dick?
Speaker 1: Uh what is it? I'm trying to remember a shit?
Speaker 1: Drek means piece of shit. That's what that means. Stoop
Speaker 1: means fuck in Yiddish. Uh what else? Kish mine took
Speaker 1: us means kiss my ass. That's a good one. Uh, nafka.
Speaker 1: I believe that's how you said horror? That means horror. Uh?
Speaker 1: What is it? Guy? Cucking often yam? I believe that
Speaker 1: means go ship in the ocean. I think that's what
Speaker 1: them I got. There's a few. It's broken Yiddish. It's uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I I don't know those words as well. Uh.
Speaker 1: For cocked, that means like fucked up beyond belief for cocked?
Speaker 1: All right? You know what a Yiddish guess I do not, though, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you didn't have a Yidish grandfather, you got a lot
Speaker 1: of hoots. You know, there's some Yiddish that's like that.
Speaker 1: Kutsas a word that's kind of gone mainstream. But kiss
Speaker 1: is a Yiddish word. People use that a lot. Klutz
Speaker 1: is a Yiddish word for clumsy. You're a big fan
Speaker 1: of horn schwoggle. Yeah, that's I don't think that's a
Speaker 1: Yudish word. I know, But I'm just saying, like words
Speaker 1: that should I do. Like I like fun words. I
Speaker 1: like because all I have is words. We don't have photos.
Speaker 1: All we have on radio's words. I like mixing in
Speaker 1: fun words like they're they're fun to listen to. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like getting a cookie. It's like get a
Speaker 1: little cookie or something like that. It's pretty cool. Uh well,
Speaker 1: thank you Carlos for listening, even though you're in Houston.
Speaker 1: Let's see. Uh. Eric in q C says, how is
Speaker 1: Bella dealing with you being home at the house with Uh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Bella doesn't give a funk. Bella is more concerned about
Speaker 1: my wife and my wife's number one in the house,
Speaker 1: and she still goes to work at the police station,
Speaker 1: so doing her nine one one thing. So Bella kind
Speaker 1: of ignores me. Although when I'm doing the show. Sometimes
Speaker 1: Bella will give me odd looks like why the funk
Speaker 1: are you still talking? Shut up? That kind of thing,
Speaker 1: and uh so there's a lot of that. Well, she's
Speaker 1: pretty good. She sleeps about twenty hours a day and
Speaker 1: then about four hours she's crazy. But then for the
Speaker 1: rest of the time she's like laying down sleeping most
Speaker 1: of the time. Uh. This one's from a moving man,
Speaker 1: Matt in Boston. Why is gag On such a bitch?
Speaker 1: All talk and no action? H isn't that what the
Speaker 1: job is the podcast with the radio show is to
Speaker 1: be all talk. Well, he's accusing you of being a
Speaker 1: fake tough guys? What do you say? Why would it
Speaker 1: be a fake tough guy? How can I be a
Speaker 1: fixture of fraud compared to who him? Yeah? This guy's
Speaker 1: guy's moving guy from Boston. What does he do? This
Speaker 1: guy would he would treat you like play dough and
Speaker 1: just be terrible for you? Moving Matt Matt would turn
Speaker 1: into a tomato can. That's exactly what he would be. Uh.
Speaker 1: There's another question for you, guests, go on. This is
Speaker 1: from John. He says, why is the good Old USA?
Speaker 1: Why are they not a world power? And team handball.
Speaker 1: They're fucking awful handball there. Well, you know what, the
Speaker 1: same reason why we're not good in soccer, at least
Speaker 1: on the men's set of things. We're fucking awful and
Speaker 1: soccer we're awful and handball. He's another one from us.
Speaker 1: See here a guy in Bakersfield, Jason and Bakersfield says,
Speaker 1: what's your most unpopular food opinion? Also, you mentioned a
Speaker 1: poutine play in Bakersfield last week. What's the name of
Speaker 1: the restaurant? Uh? Yeah, Jason, I'll give you the name.
Speaker 1: It's uh, it's called Saunder s O N D E R.
Speaker 1: Baker's Field. I think they're closed right now because of
Speaker 1: the pandemic, but they should open up hopefully when this
Speaker 1: is over. A Saunder Bakersfield dot com is the website.
Speaker 1: Great poutine. It's a restaurant my wife loves and we
Speaker 1: always stopped there in Bakersfield when we passed through Big
Speaker 1: What did you go down? It sounds good right now? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty good. It's good restaurant. Uh. Well, let's see
Speaker 1: what's your most unpopular food opinion. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: never I don't like coffee. I'd ever drink coffee. People
Speaker 1: get upset about that. Your worst food opinion, Your your
Speaker 1: worst food opinion is having your steak well done. No, no,
Speaker 1: that is fucking awful. Man. Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: No man, the president, Donald J. Trump, the President of
Speaker 1: the free world, burn steak. All right, that's the proper
Speaker 1: way to eat a piece of meat. Burn it up,
Speaker 1: burn baby, burning lamb? What sucking lame do you have?
Speaker 1: What do you like? Burn? Hammer? Well done meat? I
Speaker 1: like it? Well none, No, it's it's depressing because then
Speaker 1: you eat it, it's just you're like you're eating charcoal.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what it tastes like, and then you just
Speaker 1: got black all over your teeth. It's just it's not
Speaker 1: good at all. You get no taste, no flavor. No, No,
Speaker 1: it's wonderful. It is so great. And I really like
Speaker 1: when I used to go to restaurants in order the
Speaker 1: food well done, because it would really upset the guys
Speaker 1: in the kitchen. They would be so upset by that,
Speaker 1: and they'd be like, oh, this is not right, this
Speaker 1: is blasphemy. How dare you eat a burn steak? You know?
Speaker 1: This is that elitist what's your part of the elitist class?
Speaker 1: I know what's good? I know what's good? Okay, what
Speaker 1: else do we have here? Do we have anything from
Speaker 1: blind Scott? Uh? I did not see the quoite why
Speaker 1: he said he sent a question or something. I'm just curious.
Speaker 1: I mean the actual people that are legit worthy of
Speaker 1: the matter, militia like I'm a pilot Terry in UK,
Speaker 1: Blind Scott. Also, the people that enjoy you this and
Speaker 1: just those are the Mount Rushmorrow, Jason and Rocky Mount
Speaker 1: Virginia says, Hey, guys, if you had to be quarantined
Speaker 1: with one of these two, who would you choose? Angry
Speaker 1: Bill or Justin in Cincinnati? I think justin Cincinnati for sure,
Speaker 1: because I would beat you get the CORONAVIU. I would
Speaker 1: beat the funk out of him every single day, like
Speaker 1: just everywhere. I'd beat his ass like a pinata like that,
Speaker 1: just little twerp. I would just fuck him up. Angry Bill.
Speaker 1: Angry Bill you would be okay with because you wouldn't
Speaker 1: have to look at him because he has that white
Speaker 1: hood on all the time, so he wouldn't have to
Speaker 1: see his face all that. We'd have that, and he'd
Speaker 1: probably going to clan meetings all the time, so all
Speaker 1: the way about seeing him very often, so he wouldn't
Speaker 1: really be there justin you'd be guaranteed to get the coronavirus.
Speaker 1: And according to you, justin Um travels around the country
Speaker 1: to to go on dates, so that according to me,
Speaker 1: I only heard that he flies across I never heard that.
Speaker 1: I heard that he flies across the country to go
Speaker 1: try sleeping with your old colleagues ex girlfriends. Really yeah,
Speaker 1: and then he gets to the coronavirus that way, That's
Speaker 1: just what I heard, Like I heard it on a
Speaker 1: love like it's mallow Militia. There's a branch of the
Speaker 1: Mallem Militia that are just totally funked up beyond belief.
Speaker 1: And they all tell these stories like it's like junior
Speaker 1: high school or high school about everyone else. I don't
Speaker 1: even know if they're true or not. They just bullshit
Speaker 1: their parasites. That's call them all right, that's enough, right,
Speaker 1: We're good, Yes, very anything else you want to add,
Speaker 1: guest on or you know, I'm I'm really happy though
Speaker 1: about the downloads, the reviews and the responses on like Apple,
Speaker 1: iTunes and Spotify and all those platforms does a lot
Speaker 1: for obviously us, so I appreciate it even during these
Speaker 1: tough times. Yeah, it helps, man, trust me. And like
Speaker 1: I've told you before, the management looks at those numbers.
Speaker 1: We have ratings on radio and those come out every
Speaker 1: so often, but the real time streaming numbers are a
Speaker 1: big part of the business right now. And so if
Speaker 1: those numbers are strong, the show is doing well, then
Speaker 1: I think we're all in good shape and it's good
Speaker 1: for everybody, and so we think. And it's free. You
Speaker 1: don't have to pay for it, which is great. Right's
Speaker 1: one thing in life you don't have to pay for
Speaker 1: you just listen. Simple. It's free for them, and it's
Speaker 1: free forever. That's right. I mean we're in the same bow.
Speaker 1: I'm not getting paid to do this. You're not getting
Speaker 1: paid to listen to this, So it's all it's all
Speaker 1: the same. It's pro bono work, guest, it's pro boon work.
Speaker 1: And who would want to interfere with pro bone or work.
Speaker 1: We were on medal with that, right, not during this
Speaker 1: time anyway, of course. Not all right, listen, stay healthy.
Speaker 1: Follow me on Instagram at Ben Maller. On Fox follow
Speaker 1: me on Twitter at Ben Maller. And again, if you
Speaker 1: want to send questions for our mail bag segment, which
Speaker 1: we do once a week on one of our three
Speaker 1: fifth hour podcasts, and we do the podcast eight days
Speaker 1: a week, but you can send me a message. Ben
Speaker 1: Mallard's show on Facebook and guest gons on social media.
Speaker 1: Also Yeah Twitter at David J. Gascon book and no
Speaker 1: Dice Instagram at Dave Gascon. All right, have a great day.
Speaker 1: Back on the radio on the overnight of course, you
Speaker 1: know when, same time, same station. We'll catch you next time.