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Speaker 1: Chip Chip Chip Day. Happy Friday. Well, it's technically what

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Speaker 1: day is it? Today is Thursday for the people we

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Speaker 1: record before Friday because we have to put this out

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Speaker 1: on Fridays, But as you are listening, it may be

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Speaker 1: Friday for you. It maybe Saturday, and maybe Monday, maybe

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Speaker 1: next Thursday. Yeah, we have no idea, but we're going

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Speaker 1: to bring a big Friday energy into this today, yeah don't.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I feel as though we have had a

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Speaker 1: lot of serious podcasts lately, and um, you know what's

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Speaker 1: interesting about that. I was actually like making notes about

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Speaker 1: this earlier because I was gonna say, people have been

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Speaker 1: very positive about us taking the narrative that we've taken

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Speaker 1: on issues like the gun laws and things like that.

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Speaker 1: And I know it's a shift sometimes, especially for this

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Speaker 1: edge podcast, to kind of be a little more serious

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Speaker 1: and not so lighthearted. The thing that I thought, though,

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Speaker 1: is like life is kind of fucking serious right now.

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Speaker 1: Like it's not like we're just floating around and there's

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Speaker 1: not anything to be talking about or working through or

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Speaker 1: anything like that. And it has been that way for

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Speaker 1: a couple of years, and so it feels a little

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Speaker 1: off to just be ignoring that and trying to operate

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Speaker 1: from this completely playful place as if nothing is serious

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Speaker 1: as happening, right, I mean, yeah, we we we would

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Speaker 1: be ignoring. You know. It's this even sounds lofty to say,

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Speaker 1: but like some sort of social responsibility to not look

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Speaker 1: I am all about fun, Like that's all I want

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Speaker 1: my life to be. Aren't you a seven on the angiogram?

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like a seven strive for only having fun.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like I've designed my life to

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Speaker 1: be pretty fun, you know, but I cannot ignore suffering,

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Speaker 1: you know, I can't ignore watching a train about to

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Speaker 1: like fall off the track and not want to do something.

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Speaker 1: You know. It's like in the same way that like

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Speaker 1: you know, the not to compare apples to oranges, but

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Speaker 1: like the climate crisis scares the ship out of me too.

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Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot there's a lot of small

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Speaker 1: things that like I do in my life to like

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Speaker 1: try and be better to help, you know, in the

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Speaker 1: environmental crisis is unfolding, um, and you know, I would

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Speaker 1: be remiss or we would be remiss not to like

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Speaker 1: do the smallest thing we can to help the gun

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Speaker 1: crisis resolved. And if that's just talking about it then

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Speaker 1: I feel good about it. You know. It's like, so

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Speaker 1: we can get back to having fun exactly, and like

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Speaker 1: that's that's sort of the idea here is. It's not

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Speaker 1: like we just want to be like Debbie down or whatever.

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Speaker 1: And we also understand there's a million other topics we

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Speaker 1: could pick to really like harpin on and try to

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Speaker 1: educate people and um do things about out. For me,

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Speaker 1: it's like the first things first, like I have to

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Speaker 1: focus on one, make some strides and like see things change,

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Speaker 1: and then I go to the next thing, you know,

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Speaker 1: and like for me right now, it's sort of like okay,

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Speaker 1: like we can't change anything or help anyone if we're

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Speaker 1: all dead. So maybe this gun control issue is a

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Speaker 1: little bit of a place to start. And the more

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Speaker 1: we dove in, the more I realized that this has

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Speaker 1: been happening for as long as it has, like these

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Speaker 1: mass shootings, and nothing has changed, Like nothing has changed

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Speaker 1: in columnne I mean I was like in high school

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Speaker 1: when that happened. It's crazy think about how much like

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Speaker 1: change in other arenas of your life have happen, We've

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Speaker 1: circled back to the fashion of that time because it's

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Speaker 1: been that long, you know what I mean, Like Internet

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Speaker 1: is real, you know what? Right, We're not just AI phones.

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Speaker 1: You have a have a Zack Morris cell phone thing

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Speaker 1: far like or whatever. At well, my boyfriend had a beeper.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, we're so awesome. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like I know where you're gonna You're gonna let me

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Speaker 1: know where you are at all times now, Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: then he would he would buzz you or you would

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Speaker 1: like send your number to his page or like call me.

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Speaker 1: I like how annoying would page or be? Right now?

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Speaker 1: You know a page or is the equivalent to like

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Speaker 1: when someone texts you call me a phone call? The

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Speaker 1: worst thing to me that people do isn't they call

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Speaker 1: you and then they text you? Just called you no

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Speaker 1: fucking ship. I'm like, no ship. Sherlock saw it, couldn't answer,

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Speaker 1: didn't want to answer. Usually I want to. It's it's

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Speaker 1: people that I know. But I mean, I'm always just like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know, like I have a cellphone, how to use it?

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Speaker 1: We've done anyway? Um, So I wanted to we will

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Speaker 1: talk a little bit more about the feedback that we

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Speaker 1: got from you guys on the gun Laws podcast, but

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Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you just We didn't really talk

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Speaker 1: about the theme this month, mostly because I lost the

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Speaker 1: sheet of paper that I've written down on it. I'll

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Speaker 1: send it to you. And I should have asked you.

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Speaker 1: You have asked me to type this up how many times? Well,

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Speaker 1: now that I have a photo, I don't need it.

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Speaker 1: Well you also were like, can you do like a spreadsheet?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh what me? Do you even know

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Speaker 1: me if you asked me to do a spreadsheet? Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not corporate? Um So, anyway, the theme of this

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Speaker 1: month was set yourself Free and that was an interesting one.

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Speaker 1: I talked about it a little bit last week on

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Speaker 1: the podcast or this week actually was the Wednesday podcast

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Speaker 1: with my dad of how you set yourself free in

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Speaker 1: your own life or what your journey has been after

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Speaker 1: this winter hibernation, you come into spring, you were kind

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Speaker 1: of blooming, and then this is the place, this is

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Speaker 1: the time, it's summer, You go out, you live, You

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Speaker 1: set yourself free. And if there's moments in your life

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Speaker 1: that you can think back to where you did the

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Speaker 1: work or you did something specific to set yourself free,

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Speaker 1: send those into us because we love hearing from you guys.

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Speaker 1: You can always DM me at Velvet's Edge and Chip

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Speaker 1: is at Chip DOORSH P D R s H. Now,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's funny. I feel like I exaggerated. I

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Speaker 1: don't remember how it even got there. I probably was

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Speaker 1: just like C H I P D R s H

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Speaker 1: like it was more of a pause than an inflection.

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Speaker 1: But now it's like a real like exaggeration on stage.

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Speaker 1: I mean you raised your voice on the P I know,

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Speaker 1: I like, yeah, yeah, I mean no, It's not that

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Speaker 1: I didn't do it, but I think I was doing

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Speaker 1: it for a different reason. What was your motivation take us?

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Speaker 1: Just like us through between P and D, between Chip

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Speaker 1: and Doors shows like d RS. It's now I'm like

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Speaker 1: doing it to like really like drive it home. You

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Speaker 1: know that? So deep I go, I just want more.

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Speaker 1: It's I mean, people do message speaking. This is a

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Speaker 1: listener emails podcast, so speaking of most of the messages

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Speaker 1: that we get, every time someone references you, they put

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Speaker 1: C H I capital. Everyone loves it, the people of

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Speaker 1: this We love you guys for that. Um So, I

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Speaker 1: was going to ask you, Chip, if there was something

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Speaker 1: that you could reflect back on this month from the podcast.

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Speaker 1: We've had so many amazing podcast um as a moment

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Speaker 1: of that tied into the theme of setting yourself free

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Speaker 1: or just one moment that you really walked away from

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Speaker 1: learning something that really stuck out for you. Well, I

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Speaker 1: mean in our conversation with Jillian Tarecki. Um, you know

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Speaker 1: I mentioned on that, like, let's talk about Jillian TURRECKI

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Speaker 1: did the Dating and Relationships podcast this month, and she

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Speaker 1: is a coach, a relationship coach. I love her. Did

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Speaker 1: you follow her on Instagram yet? I did, but she

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Speaker 1: hasn't shown I feed all her pictures a second getting

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Speaker 1: that algorithm, but yees, she's super motivating. If you guys

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Speaker 1: haven't listened yet, She's actually going to even be back

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Speaker 1: next month because so many people wrote in with dating

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Speaker 1: and relationship questions for her, and her insight is incredible.

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Speaker 1: So okay, you were saying that what I was saying,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's I even talked about a little

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Speaker 1: bit during that episode. But like hearing her story and

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Speaker 1: like how her life just exploded is literally like hearing

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Speaker 1: what happened to her that she had to live through

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Speaker 1: is an example of the fear that I live in

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Speaker 1: that prevents me from trying to chase a relationship because

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Speaker 1: it's like you're scared of that happening. So it was

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Speaker 1: like really beautiful to like see how she took that

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Speaker 1: experience and kind of set herself free, Like it put

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Speaker 1: her on a path to like what she does now

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Speaker 1: and helps people, and so it was just like a

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Speaker 1: really nice reminder to like, you cannot get where you

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Speaker 1: want to go without facing your fears and taking risks

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Speaker 1: and putting yourself out there being willing to like I mean,

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Speaker 1: what the greatest moments of learning is like when you

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Speaker 1: get when you get told no, when you make mistakes, um,

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Speaker 1: when you hurt you know, it's like, um, so you

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Speaker 1: know it's for me. It was just like a nice

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Speaker 1: sort of reminder like not everything's gonna work out the

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Speaker 1: way that you like want it. You cannot control at all,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes there's like really beautiful surprises to like not

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Speaker 1: everything is going to be bad that you don't expect,

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Speaker 1: Like some really good things can happen if you just

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Speaker 1: kind of put yourself out there and and let your

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Speaker 1: life just sort of take the path it's going to take,

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Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, And we kind of touched on this

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Speaker 1: in that podcast, but it's so interesting how fear driving

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Speaker 1: you can actually end you up in a more pain experience,

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Speaker 1: Like if you're running from the pain, you actually end

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Speaker 1: up causing yourself more pain because you get stuck there. Right,

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Speaker 1: all of that attempt to avoid actually becomes more painful.

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Speaker 1: Like if you just are not feeling your feelings around

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Speaker 1: something hard, or as you said, maybe not putting yourself

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Speaker 1: in a place to actually live your life out of

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Speaker 1: fear of something that could happen, You're causing yourself more

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Speaker 1: pain where the only fear, the only experience you get

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Speaker 1: is the fear. Like you, it's like, look, I'm reading

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Speaker 1: this book called toxic positivity right now. I've heard of that,

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Speaker 1: and um, it's it's a little different. You know, I'm

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Speaker 1: the worst reader because I'd like to read at night

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Speaker 1: and then I fall asleep. So yeah, it take me

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Speaker 1: a lot longer than it should. But and it's different

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Speaker 1: than what I expected I expected it to be. Um,

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Speaker 1: if I had written it, it would have been like,

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Speaker 1: it's okay not to just like like why why do

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have to be happy all the time?

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Speaker 1: It's kind of but the point that it's making is

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Speaker 1: that we live in a world that um has um

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Speaker 1: created the idea that we need to be happy all

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Speaker 1: the time and something and um that we can and

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Speaker 1: and it's it's hard. It's it's driving home the message

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Speaker 1: of how important it is that like feeling sad sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's really important, you know, like there's a reason why

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Speaker 1: it's a major emotion that we experience, and to rob

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Speaker 1: ourselves of that kind of emotion is really unfair because

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Speaker 1: it gets you through to the other side and makes

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Speaker 1: you really understand what true happiness is and it gives

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Speaker 1: you know, it's given a few examples and what I've read, like, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, if your friend loses their job, well, you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't say to them, you shouldn't use the opportunity to

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Speaker 1: make yourself comfortable by being like it's okay, think of

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Speaker 1: all the free time you're going to have, like your

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Speaker 1: friend just yeah, you should allow them to grieve what

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Speaker 1: has just happen then you and you know, a better

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Speaker 1: response would be like, man, I know it sucks, like

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Speaker 1: I'm here to talk if you want to talk about it,

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Speaker 1: because then they get to experience what they're meant to

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Speaker 1: feel and you're not projecting like your own uncomfortableness with

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Speaker 1: the fact that your friend has lost their job just

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Speaker 1: to make them feel happy again and automatically. Um. And

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Speaker 1: something in it too that resonated with me is like,

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Speaker 1: and my mom is guilty of this. She's always said,

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Speaker 1: like when i'm she'll say, like all I care about

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Speaker 1: in life is that my children are happy. And she

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Speaker 1: said it since I was a young kid, which is like,

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Speaker 1: in theory, a really beautiful thing for a parent to say.

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Speaker 1: But um, the problem with it is is it tells

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Speaker 1: you that you're not allowed to be unhappy. Oh I

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Speaker 1: didn't even think about that, you know, like when really

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Speaker 1: what a parent should say. It's like, you know, like, look,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna feel a lot of things. And if there's

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Speaker 1: if you're feeling sad, I want you to talk to

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Speaker 1: me about it. If you're feeling angry, I want you

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Speaker 1: to talk to me about it. Um. I would love

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Speaker 1: for you to be happy all the time, but you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be sad and that's okay. So um, you know

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Speaker 1: it's I look back at my life while reading this

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Speaker 1: book and it's just like it. It explains a lot

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Speaker 1: to me, Like I fear being sad, I fear rejection,

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Speaker 1: I fear all of these things. And so you know,

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Speaker 1: um I do I there's avoidance techniques you know that

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Speaker 1: I've gotten really good at and I mean thankfully I'm happy,

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Speaker 1: but like I also like there are definitely holes in

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Speaker 1: my life that I know need filling, and it's those

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Speaker 1: weird things that keep me from doing it. So just

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Speaker 1: you know, long story short, like hearing Jillian's story and

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Speaker 1: how she sort of came through on the other side, Um,

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Speaker 1: it's really was inspiring. So it's like, you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to challenge myself to try and be just more

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Speaker 1: open and let myself get hurt, you know. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: mean in my experience, you only feel the depth of

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Speaker 1: how happiness to the depth that you felt pain. And

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Speaker 1: so in some capacities, like if you have been in

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Speaker 1: a really dark place or you've allowed yourself to feel

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Speaker 1: the feelings around it. I'm not saying like go purposefully

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Speaker 1: cause yourself pain, but if you open yourself up to life,

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Speaker 1: the human experience is painful, it just is um and

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Speaker 1: but if you have felt deep pain, you also see

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Speaker 1: joy on the other side of it. So you take

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Speaker 1: you take it so differently, I guess, or you take

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Speaker 1: it in so differently because you've been so dark and

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Speaker 1: you've been so hurt. Then then you find these gratitudes

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Speaker 1: and this joy and this happiness after the fact, that

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Speaker 1: feels so much more deep and pure and exciting, and

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Speaker 1: the happiness is just explosive. And so I don't know

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Speaker 1: that's been my experience at least with that. But I

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Speaker 1: do understand wanting to avoid pain. I think we all do.

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Speaker 1: I think, especially in our culture, as we said in

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Speaker 1: that podcast with Jillian and the American culture were very

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Speaker 1: pain adverse, and we just want everything to be easy

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Speaker 1: and happy and positive. Like you said, realistic, right, it's

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Speaker 1: not realistic. It's I mean, wouldn't it be amazing if

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Speaker 1: that's how life works, But it's just not realistic. But also,

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Speaker 1: wouldn't we just walk around like a bunch of assholes

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Speaker 1: because we'd be we would think we deserve that all

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Speaker 1: the time instead of being really full of gratitude when

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Speaker 1: we get that, right. Yeah, No, it's true. It's we

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Speaker 1: kind of we kind of need the negative to really

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Speaker 1: appreciate the positive. Well, when I thought about this month

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Speaker 1: and setting myself free, um, I think that's a lot

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Speaker 1: of what I've been doing the past eight months is

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Speaker 1: just doing a lot of really deep, hard inner work.

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Speaker 1: Um that ultimately is to set myself free from old patterns,

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Speaker 1: old patterns of thinking, old pains that I was holding

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Speaker 1: onto and not processing. UM And a big part of

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Speaker 1: my journey lately has been to include flower essences in that.

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Speaker 1: And so I did a podcast with the girl who

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Speaker 1: makes my custom flower blends and I talked all through

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Speaker 1: what that is. It's a tincture that I use every

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Speaker 1: day UM and a lot of what that has looked

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Speaker 1: like this month is tears. I have cried so intensely

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Speaker 1: it is like crazy. But like on the heels of

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Speaker 1: what we just said, I think a lot of people

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Speaker 1: would be like, well, I don't want to cry. I

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Speaker 1: have gotten to where I'm not scared of crying at all.

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Speaker 1: It feels like the most beautiful release. It's almost like

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Speaker 1: an emotional shower. Like once I cry, I really release something.

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Speaker 1: So I'm releasing these old pains and this old anger,

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Speaker 1: this old fear and all this stuff and it just

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Speaker 1: comes out in the version of tears. And the flower

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Speaker 1: essences have helped me to do that. UM. But I'm

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Speaker 1: actually releasing the toxic energy as well, and so it

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Speaker 1: feels so good and it definitely has put on me

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Speaker 1: a new piece and a new freedom that I don't

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Speaker 1: think I have felt in a really long time. So, um,

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Speaker 1: if you haven't listened to that podcast yet and you're like,

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Speaker 1: what is she talking about, I'm all talking about like

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Speaker 1: psilocybin journeys and flower essences. Um, but it has been

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Speaker 1: an integral part of my healing journey as of this

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Speaker 1: last year. And I know it's not for everybody, but

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Speaker 1: the essences are not drugs by the way. If you're like,

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Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, it's actually flowers that are ground up

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Speaker 1: into this blend and yeah. So anyway, Um, that was

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Speaker 1: the one for me that really I felt, I felt

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Speaker 1: like setting myself free. It's really interesting when you go

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Speaker 1: and look back at all the topics how they actually

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Speaker 1: do fall in line with the themes, even when it's accidental,

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Speaker 1: like the gun control. So we on our last pop

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Speaker 1: Culture UM podcast, Chip and I typically talk about celebrity

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Speaker 1: gossip or things like that, and it just felt really

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Speaker 1: out of line because there's just way too much going

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Speaker 1: on in our country and we felt like we were

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Speaker 1: not doing our part with a platform like this to

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Speaker 1: not talk about small things that we can all do

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Speaker 1: to do our part and to keep the conversation going,

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Speaker 1: like It really was torturing me that after a week

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Speaker 1: after that you've already shooting, everyone was just going back

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Speaker 1: to normal programming. Like to me, that is like okay,

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Speaker 1: so then we're just gonna what this is gonna happen again?

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Speaker 1: And like whoever else is gonna send their kids to

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Speaker 1: school and their kids are gonna get shot? Like when

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Speaker 1: it involves children, it hits me in a whole new level.

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Speaker 1: And so I cannot just not keep talking about this

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Speaker 1: until something changes. And um, there's a lot of laws

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Speaker 1: that are being worked through the Senate right now. Hopefully

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Speaker 1: something does start to change. But we did bring it

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Speaker 1: up and we mentioned every town dot com um in

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Speaker 1: that or is it every town dot org? Google? Every

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Speaker 1: just said dot com accidentally, but um yeah. We actually

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Speaker 1: will have an interview up next month with one of

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Speaker 1: the volunteers that works with every every town and Mom's

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Speaker 1: demand action and she was super informed of She's also

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Speaker 1: a gun owner and was in the Army and really

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Speaker 1: fully believes in not taking away people's guns. So that's

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Speaker 1: not what this is about. That's what she's also dealt

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Speaker 1: with loss a lot of us. She's also gone through

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Speaker 1: her own gun violence. Yes, a lot I was shocked

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Speaker 1: by the way if you type in every town dot com,

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Speaker 1: it takes you to dot org. So okay, great, so

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Speaker 1: every town if you guys are just sitting here and

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Speaker 1: you're like feeling helpless, so I wanted to mention some

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Speaker 1: of you guys are not some of you. All of

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Speaker 1: the feedback that we got was one thank you for

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Speaker 1: using this opportunity to keep talking about this. Um. We

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Speaker 1: actually got some emails from survivors of gun violence who

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Speaker 1: are saying that too because they feel forgotten, which I

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Speaker 1: thought was really really sad, you know, like it is

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Speaker 1: it's the way our culture works. It's you're a huge

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Speaker 1: deal for a week and everyone wants to help and

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Speaker 1: they're going to post on their Instagram and then everyone

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Speaker 1: just goes back to life even if nothing's changed. And so, um,

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Speaker 1: we did get some thanks for you for you guys,

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Speaker 1: but I want to keep spreading that word as well

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Speaker 1: as like, let's not forget all of these lives that

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Speaker 1: have been lost and in this scenario specifically, it literally

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Speaker 1: could happen to anyone. Like that was the big message

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Speaker 1: we got that you guys will here next month, was

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Speaker 1: it can happen to anyone, and it can happen anywhere.

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Speaker 1: And so if you're just sitting here thinking like you're safe,

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Speaker 1: like we're not. And that's the unfortunate reality that we

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Speaker 1: have to keep talking about this for that reason because

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Speaker 1: we're not right now, and um, no one is trying

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Speaker 1: to take guns away. That's not where we're arguing. We

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Speaker 1: just really want more safety around who can buy guns

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Speaker 1: and how easy that processes. So that's what we talked about.

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Speaker 1: You can go visit every town dot org to do

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Speaker 1: a simple it's a simple text that you They will

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Speaker 1: put you in touch with your senators to help get

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Speaker 1: these bills passed and keep that ball moving so we

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Speaker 1: can actually see real changes and hopefully save some lives. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I think what's cool about it is like, you know,

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Speaker 1: for anyone who is praising us for using this platform,

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Speaker 1: you know, we might be able to speak to more

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Speaker 1: people through this than you can through your phone. But

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Speaker 1: like literally every call, every text matters. So if all

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Speaker 1: you're able to do is send a text to your

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Speaker 1: senator or leave them a message or speak to a

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Speaker 1: secretary or something, then that's huge. It's not even us.

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Speaker 1: That's all you can do, that's that's all anyone's amazing

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Speaker 1: at this point. Yeah, um right, and it doesn't. That

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Speaker 1: wasn't saying just to be clear that we using this

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Speaker 1: platform so like tut our own horn, we I feel

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Speaker 1: like it's a responsibility with something like this, So anyway,

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Speaker 1: that's why we're doing it. Um. We will go back

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Speaker 1: to the Jillian podcast, which we kind of mentioned already

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Speaker 1: what that is if that's a sex and there wasn't

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Speaker 1: any sex talk this month, but it was dating and relationships,

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Speaker 1: which I think everyone can relate to. She really really

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Speaker 1: has some great insight on just how to have a

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Speaker 1: healthy relationship and also like what is okay to ask

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Speaker 1: for I think a lot of times, I know as

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Speaker 1: a woman, you can get in your head a lot

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Speaker 1: like oh am I being too much? Or is this

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Speaker 1: a reasonable request? And Jillian has such good insight on that.

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Speaker 1: So if you are in a position where you feel

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Speaker 1: like you're asking these questions either around dating or the

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Speaker 1: relationship that you're in, definitely check out that podcast and

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Speaker 1: check out her work at Jillian's Treky on Instagram. We

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Speaker 1: did get a question that said, what makes a relationship last?

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Speaker 1: I'm actually we have a ton of questions to still

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Speaker 1: go through with Jillian will save that for the podcast

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Speaker 1: next month. Today, though, I got a question that says,

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Speaker 1: what makes a relationship last? And I thought we would ask.

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Speaker 1: We would go ahead and you and I answer, which

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Speaker 1: is also hilarious because we're both single. So what do

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Speaker 1: you think, Chip, what makes a relationship last? I think communications? Okay,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I, it sounds like a really broad term,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like when people are in sync and

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Speaker 1: communicate clearly, it leaves the door open for you to

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Speaker 1: be yourself. You know. It's like if you can um,

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Speaker 1: if you can just communicate your wants, your desires, your dreams,

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Speaker 1: your fears, all of those things clearly with a partner,

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Speaker 1: it lets them know you in a very holistic way.

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Speaker 1: But I think keeps can you know, it keeps a

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Speaker 1: relationship healthy, like UM, because at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's staying together as a choice. You know,

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Speaker 1: like if you get married, staying together you have to

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Speaker 1: wake up every day and she's to still be married

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Speaker 1: to that person, and it takes work, you know, dating whatever. UM,

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Speaker 1: And I feel like the choice, yes, because I feel

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Speaker 1: like the choice is much easier when you know who

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Speaker 1: you're waking up next to. Every day and you really

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Speaker 1: know who you're waking up next to every day. So, um,

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Speaker 1: and if the choice is to make it not continue,

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Speaker 1: then at least you have a better understanding of like

430
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 1: why you're not going to continue seeing this person that

431
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 1: just being like I don't know, like my guts telling

432
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 1: me like run for the hills, you know. Like So,

433
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: I just think if there's always a million factors that

434
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,199
Speaker 1: are going to influence your relationship, and some of them

435
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 1: are so beyond your control. It could be someone that

436
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 1: bumps into your significant other at a bar and it's

437
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 1: electric and the thing that you can do to keep

438
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:37,159
Speaker 1: that from from happening. But um, the one thing that

439
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: you can control is being just really open and honest

440
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 1: about everything in your life, you know, and hopefully that

441
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: is enough to um, you know, keep the person in

442
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:50,120
Speaker 1: love with you. Okay, I think that's a good answer. Communication.

443
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 1: I actually I thought about this question for a second

444
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,359
Speaker 1: earlier and I was like, yeah, I think this is

445
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 1: a kind of per programming that as I move into

446
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: my forties, and I don't know that I want to

447
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 1: kind of spread or I want to kind of work

448
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,679
Speaker 1: against in my own head like that our relationship is

449
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: only successful if it lasts forever um. Because not only

450
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,959
Speaker 1: has that not been my experience, but but I'm not

451
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 1: saying it for that reason. I think that there are

452
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: beautiful relationships that can last forever if people want want that,

453
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 1: or want to get married and all those things. I

454
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 1: think communication would be a huge factor in that. I

455
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 1: am starting to operate under a different mindset of like,

456
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: we we bring in whatever relationship we need to grow

457
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: and evolve, and so um, whatever is brought in stays

458
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,719
Speaker 1: for as long as it is supposed to teach us

459
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:49,400
Speaker 1: the lessons that we need. And if that is forever wonderful,

460
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 1: that's great. If that's for a season, okay, if that's

461
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 1: for a month or whatever it is. Um. But I

462
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,640
Speaker 1: think that can work with the same thing of like

463
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 1: the growing and evolving, Like if it comes in and

464
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 1: you find yourself, then you're not growing and evolving anymore,

465
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: becomes toxic and it's not working, then yes, the relationship,

466
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 1: And I don't think that has to mean it wasn't

467
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: successful for some reason, especially if you use what you

468
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 1: learned in that relationship to change or heal old things

469
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: that need to be healed. I could see a relationship

470
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 1: lasting longer or forever or whatever, if you have the

471
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: capacity to grow and evolve together. Like that seems to

472
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 1: me when I look at other like relationships that are

473
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 1: super long term, the thing that they have is that

474
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,439
Speaker 1: they challenge each other in ways and they're open to

475
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 1: continuing to grow and evolve. So I look, I think

476
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:50,199
Speaker 1: that's great advice. Like I think that a mistake that

477
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 1: we all make is putting the expectation of every relationship

478
00:26:56,359 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 1: being forever totally. I mean it's a huge us too,

479
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: Like we've talked about that, Like I'm going into forty

480
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: and this is the first time I'm actually not putting

481
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,400
Speaker 1: my pressure, the pressure on myself of like I've never

482
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 1: been married for some reason. That was like such a big,

483
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: huge thing, especially as a woman from the South. And

484
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,920
Speaker 1: it's like why I'm the happiest I've actually ever been

485
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 1: in my life, probably right now. And that's not to

486
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 1: do anything with a relationship or lack of relationship. It's

487
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: because I'm actually finally comfortable in my own skin. You've

488
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: taken the last few months to really get to know yourself,

489
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 1: and so it's like I think you've probably um quieted,

490
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 1: you've hushed the external communication that was telling you you

491
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: needed to get married. Yeah, and you're able to hear

492
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 1: your own voice. It's like, no, I want to get

493
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 1: married when I want to get married, you know, I

494
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: guess I want to get married. You want to get married,

495
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 1: you know. Um, so yeah, I think it's I think

496
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 1: it's a really great advice because, um, you know again

497
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 1: it's fear, you know, like exactly it should be okay

498
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 1: for a relationship to end if it wasn't meant to be,

499
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: you know, And um, and you learn you'll learn beauty

500
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 1: as long as you go into it like being willing

501
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 1: to like learn and grow from every experience. Then um,

502
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 1: you know, then it makes a breakup. Okay, it doesn't

503
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 1: mean I mean, it's not pain and you're not going

504
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 1: to feel pain. But I think, you know, like it

505
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: teaches you what you don't want right or what you

506
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: don't need or so yeah. Um. The other podcast that

507
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 1: really got a lot of feedback from you guys is

508
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: the one I just did with my dad. Um this

509
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: I got so many messages, like so many and I'm

510
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 1: still getting them actually, which makes me, honestly really emotional

511
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: because it was, um such a personal podcast. My dad

512
00:28:54,920 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: came on and told his story of alcoholism and finding sobriety,

513
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: getting in recovery, and we just talked through basically the

514
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: journey of that for him, which includes my whole life,

515
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 1: and so um he asked me to kind of reflect

516
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: back to him the impact that some of the stuff

517
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 1: in my childhood had had on, like some of his

518
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 1: behaviors that had had on me, and so it was

519
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: a really like deeply healing experience. I had heard most

520
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: of the points of the story, but um, I have

521
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: not heard them. I hadn't heard them in sequence the

522
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: way that he told them, and so it really did

523
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: kind of click a lot of things for me that

524
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: maybe some missing pieces as to why I've had certain

525
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: reactions to certain things as an adult. And you know,

526
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 1: we're so driven by what happens in our lives as children,

527
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: and even just like the dynamics that he and I

528
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: had relationally are really significant to the ways that I

529
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 1: interact with people, especially people I've dated, And so it

530
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 1: was really, really really feeling. I was so proud of him,

531
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: um for his vulnerability and honesty. I think it's you know,

532
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: it's obviously a hard story to reflect on and look

533
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: back to, and he did it with such grace and

534
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 1: um just openness and that was it was so beautiful.

535
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 1: So you guys have been so amazing in those messages.

536
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: I appreciate every single one of them. And if I

537
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 1: haven't responded to you, I promise you I will. I'm

538
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 1: just navigating through all of that. But um, one note

539
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: is a lot of you said it's so cute that

540
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,719
Speaker 1: he calls you pumpkin, and I was just gonna correct it.

541
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: It's punkin with an inch and I have to admit

542
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 1: I haven't listened to it yet, So yeah, it's really

543
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 1: cute because I'm literally going to be forty in two

544
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: weeks and my dad still calls me that, like if

545
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: he calls me Kelly. It's weird actually, but he says

546
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 1: it a lot in the podcast, and a lot of

547
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 1: people were like, oh, that's so cuty. Calls you pumpkin,

548
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: but it's punkin. Um, so you get it right. My

549
00:30:56,040 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 1: mom calls me dolin, but when she as me a

550
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 1: voice failt You know how iPhones like, well they typed

551
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 1: it out for you. It says like hello dog or

552
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: hello doll, but dog funny dalent. I like that. Um

553
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 1: one question, I was going to get to is let

554
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:25,040
Speaker 1: me see, sorry I lost it. So this one says,

555
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 1: I was really moved by your interview with your father.

556
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 1: My dad is also sober, but our relationship is not good.

557
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: I keep him at a distance, but he has never

558
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 1: owned up to how his actions have affected me. Do

559
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: how did you, guys, um navigate healing your relationship? So

560
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 1: we talked a little bit about this in the podcast,

561
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 1: But I have to give my dad the credit of like,

562
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 1: I don't think we would have healed our relationship if

563
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: he didn't do the recovery work that he's done. And

564
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: he's been sober now for thirty almost thirty two years,

565
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 1: and um, it was a process. Like it wasn't like

566
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: he just got sober stopped drinking and everything was great,

567
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 1: like he mentions it in the podcast. But he had

568
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: to grow up with me and my brother because he

569
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 1: was a really emotionally immature and a lot of alcoholics

570
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 1: are because when you're drinking, you kind of stunt your

571
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:22,360
Speaker 1: emotional growth and so, um, you know, there was a

572
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: lot of times in my childhood where I remember telling

573
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 1: him what to do or if, like my mom would

574
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: go out of town. Um, I was the one kind

575
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 1: of running the ship, which is a lot for a

576
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: ten year old or whatever. Um, and so and we've

577
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: had to really work through that and navigate that, and

578
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 1: we do have a really great relationship now. Um. But

579
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: it it's you know, it ebbs and flows in like

580
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 1: in that we have to have constant communication about things

581
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: that we need and just like anything else. And so

582
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,479
Speaker 1: I would say that the way we've navigated healing is

583
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: we've both done a lot of our own work, Like

584
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 1: he has done a ton of recovery work and he

585
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 1: still does very active which helps. Um. Actually it's everything.

586
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: And then it set me on my own journey and

587
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: recovery and my own healing journey in general. And so

588
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: we both have gotten tools that we just didn't have

589
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 1: and we didn't know how to navigate relationships in certain ways, um,

590
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 1: either of us because he wasn't taught, and then he

591
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: couldn't teach me. And so I think for all of

592
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: us it's been a big learning experience. So lots of forgiveness,

593
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: lots of grace as we all do it, and then

594
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 1: just continuing to show up for each other and doing

595
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 1: your own work so that you are more equipped for

596
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: relationships in general, and just showing up. I think it's

597
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 1: hard when you know, like you were doing the work

598
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: but someone else isn't. So I don't know. I'm reading

599
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: this question a little bit like maybe the dad is

600
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: sober from alcohol but not really looking deeper than that,

601
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,479
Speaker 1: and that would be really hard. So I think a

602
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 1: lot of that becomes about taking care of yourself and

603
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: detaching in ways that you can. And I've had to

604
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: do that in certain relationships and it's really fucking hard.

605
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 1: So I'm not saying that lightly, but um yeah, always

606
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: taking care of yourself first and loving yourself first seems

607
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:12,800
Speaker 1: to be like the right answer. I love that pumpkin.

608
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:18,759
Speaker 1: Oh gee, thanks? Was there anything else that we didn't go?

609
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not going to do a ton of

610
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 1: questions today. I just like to kind of reflect back

611
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:23,919
Speaker 1: on the month and kind of do a little wrap

612
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: up and tell you, guys what you may have missed

613
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: if you haven't been fully listening every week. There were

614
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: some really good ones this month. I field I always

615
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 1: say that though work, So I mean, actually what you

616
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: always say is right when we finish, You're like, what's

617
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 1: that bad? And I was like, no, I actually think

618
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 1: we had a good funt this week. And then you'll

619
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 1: listen back and you're like, oh, okay, it was fine,

620
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 1: I'm not critic. Then there's me who never listens. I

621
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: can't do my own voice. Really does it bother you?

622
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,280
Speaker 1: It does? I hate when I hear like voicemails and stuff.

623
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 1: I think I've just gotten so used to mine. Yeah, yeah,

624
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: is what it is. My And one of the last

625
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 1: emails that I will mention that we got was someone

626
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 1: writing and saying that you know what she missed? What

627
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 1: me messing up the ending of this podcast? Oh my gosh.

628
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 1: And I was like, you know, it's really hard because

629
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 1: I fucking nail it now so well. But you know what,

630
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: on some of the interview ones we haven't haven't been

631
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 1: doing we don't even do it. Okay, Well, how ridiculous

632
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 1: does it feel to be like, hey, let's talk about

633
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: gun laws? And then you're like, you know what, as

634
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 1: you guys go into the week, so dumb? I keep

635
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: do it. On those the more serious ones, maybe if

636
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 1: we start warning the people we interview that we're going

637
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: to do a weird innit, well, I guess there is

638
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 1: nothing casual about like gun laws, but right, like, what

639
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: would we say as you go into this weekend and

640
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 1: you go vote to tell your senators to pills. Don't

641
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: you dare act casual? I'd have the same ring to it.

642
00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 1: Do you want to try to come up with a

643
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 1: new one for the serious podcast? Serious life is serious, y'all?

644
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Speaker 1: It could just be take action, take action now, I'll say,

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Speaker 1: you say take action now. That's about all I can

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Speaker 1: handle in a new ending. We all know I'm going

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Speaker 1: to mess it up. Okay. People are lost, they're like well,

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Speaker 1: they're like what this is the wrap up of a lighthearted,

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Speaker 1: reflective podcast. So you know what I would like to

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Speaker 1: say to you, guys, is as you go into your

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Speaker 1: weekend and you're living on the edge, I hope you

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Speaker 1: always remembered too casual. I'm sorry. I can't mess it

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Speaker 1: up anymore. I'm just too good. That's what's a pro here,

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Speaker 1: all right. Bye,