Speaker 1: And I say, welcome back to another episode of Ugomy this.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Kevin Poll. Yes that Kevin. Yes, we
Speaker 1: do have an auto maniac with us this fine month. Yeah.
Speaker 1: His name is Nicolas and his uh, well, he's the
Speaker 1: funniest German I've ever come in content. I'll just start there.
Speaker 1: Low bar to clear. But I see I was hoping
Speaker 1: one of you would attack his entire homeland and and done.
Speaker 1: But I digress. That's Meekima Shawi in no particular order.
Speaker 1: Let's quickly check in with Craig Atkowski for his two
Speaker 1: my current TV watching review kacao, What am I currently watching? Um?
Speaker 1: I've got the n C Double A Tournament on. UM.
Speaker 1: It looks like Indiana is right now gonna advance. Oh
Speaker 1: you said current? You said current, I should have said
Speaker 1: a reason, Mr, Well, last week, would we we record
Speaker 1: two episodes? I think I watched. I watched like half
Speaker 1: of Inventing Anna during the first episode, and uh, and
Speaker 1: then I finally finished Dune during the second episode, and
Speaker 1: I jumped in for some in pro You know, I
Speaker 1: assure you whatever you were able to watch of Inventing
Speaker 1: Anna in that first episode was all you need to watch. Hey,
Speaker 1: there's Chris Alvarado model modern man. Fill in this blank please.
Speaker 1: The first thing I do when I wake up is blank,
Speaker 1: hug my dog. Now see what had to look in
Speaker 1: the mirror. That's my as your correct answer, but walk
Speaker 1: the dog. Hugged the dog was also, uh, not think
Speaker 1: of your phone. Not just to start hating yourself, just
Speaker 1: to start yeah, not because you're faint you look in
Speaker 1: the mirror. Yeah yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: There are those mornings when you're brushing your teeth and
Speaker 1: you just look at the mirror and you go, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll be I'll be frightened off often in that moment
Speaker 1: with the old funk that's looking back at me through
Speaker 1: the mirror because I'm still looking out of like forty
Speaker 1: one year old eyes. Look out, it's James Haney, Jack, Jimmy.
Speaker 1: What's your third favorite thing to do in Chicago? No,
Speaker 1: we don't have James. Oh no, no, no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking it's just the third Okay, oh god, I
Speaker 1: guess it's just simply to take public transit in Chicago,
Speaker 1: like take the L. I miss it so much. Uh,
Speaker 1: And it's the destinations I end up after taking the
Speaker 1: L are better than taking the L. But the excitement
Speaker 1: of being on the L is great. Uh, it's all
Speaker 1: above ground the L not all of it, but the
Speaker 1: best parts of it. Okay, so you feel like you're
Speaker 1: on the monorail somehow, but like a really like a
Speaker 1: steampunk monorail. I know there's still robberies, probably I haven't
Speaker 1: been on in years. I don't mean muggings. I mean
Speaker 1: like from the oh. I don't think they're I think
Speaker 1: they've gotten I think they've taken care of that kind
Speaker 1: of properties. It's all internal now internal crime. Fair enough,
Speaker 1: and now please welcome back Caroline Cutter looking for Mr Goodpoop.
Speaker 1: What is your favorite location to visit in this country? Well,
Speaker 1: no offense, not to yuck anyone's young, but it's certainly
Speaker 1: not the L train in Chicago. If I had to
Speaker 1: pick a location in like a city like Chicago. Um,
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying that randomly. Um, what's my favorite
Speaker 1: location to visit? I don't know. I remember one time, UM,
Speaker 1: I like some family in um uh, Montana. And one
Speaker 1: time when I was young, I caught a bunch of
Speaker 1: toads and put him in a bucket and that was
Speaker 1: fun for me. And I want to get back to
Speaker 1: that kind of energy. Oh I can dig that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: sorry about the last thirty years and last but guess
Speaker 1: for you if you think him least, it's Mr Mark Gagliari. Hello,
Speaker 1: dr G. What's your favorite attraction at any amusement park? Uh?
Speaker 1: There was a ride uh at Frogs in a Bucket?
Speaker 1: Uh is my favorite carnival game? Uh? My favorite ride
Speaker 1: is called the Blazing Fury at Dollywood. U say, I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's there anymore, but imagine Uh no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, not the Blazing Fury, sorry, the Flooded Mine.
Speaker 1: And they were kind of sister rides. One that there's
Speaker 1: ant look fire and water Man opposites. They're both indoor
Speaker 1: dark rides all uh, kind of a Jankee version of
Speaker 1: Pirates of the Caribbean. One of them is this whole
Speaker 1: southern town is on fire, and the other one is, hey,
Speaker 1: this mine is flooded where this prison is all of
Speaker 1: us prisoners should try to escape. Um. But some of
Speaker 1: the some of the animatronics don't work, like there's uh
Speaker 1: there at one point there's just feet sticking up out
Speaker 1: of water and you're like, what is happening there? Like
Speaker 1: it's it's the long ago. Did you go to Dollywood
Speaker 1: last time? I was in Dollywood I think six years
Speaker 1: ago last time. So it's something you've been several times.
Speaker 1: When I was a kid, I was a I was
Speaker 1: a pass holder for five years. I grew up in
Speaker 1: East Tennessee. Man, it's what you do. You're a kid
Speaker 1: in East Tennessee. You go to Dollywood because she is
Speaker 1: a national, international treasure. And if anyone says anything, Oliver,
Speaker 1: I'll kill them. She's a global treasure. Um. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: Jamie's wanted to go to to Dollywood. Oh, you guys
Speaker 1: should go. Yeah, for ten years she's been talking about it. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you for that. Let's do it, am show all
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Speaker 1: dot com that's talking to this email one patron alcomniac
Speaker 1: Kevin P who wrote, Hello, funny people, I have a
Speaker 1: scene suggestion strangers, good luck. I'm sorry this is a
Speaker 1: line I understand because you walked. You stepped in front
Speaker 1: of me. The line is starts behind me. Hi, UM,
Speaker 1: I am just sorry? Can you not touch me? Can
Speaker 1: you not for me? Out of the cute couple? I
Speaker 1: don't you do have at off by one get one? Uh?
Speaker 1: Does that have anything to do with being in a
Speaker 1: couple because you mentioned it right afterwards? So I just
Speaker 1: it's you guys are so cute. You guys are so cute.
Speaker 1: They didn't get a picture at the end of the ride. Baby,
Speaker 1: maybe we should um take this man up on this
Speaker 1: by one get one fift since we're both here to
Speaker 1: get a phone anyway. Yes, you're right, we're both here
Speaker 1: to get a phone, and there is a ride at
Speaker 1: the phone rising store. I look another satisfied cut. They're
Speaker 1: going to get a picture at the end. I have
Speaker 1: to be Can I talk to you for a second?
Speaker 1: And this is not gonna jeopardize my place in line, right, Chad?
Speaker 1: You two are my top priority. Go ahead, step aside. Okay,
Speaker 1: there's okay, Sorry, So there's something weird about that guy,
Speaker 1: first of all, but also I am not attracted to you.
Speaker 1: I don't like I'm not going to exchange any sexual
Speaker 1: favors for this. But I love a good deal, so
Speaker 1: that's why I'm kind of willing to do this. So
Speaker 1: I meant for this. Okay, we just hold hands as
Speaker 1: we walk up? Absolutely not. Why would we have to
Speaker 1: do that? He already thinks around a couple, don't We're
Speaker 1: not going to How about names? How about names? Exchange names? Okay,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna make one up, because I don't want
Speaker 1: you to know anything about who I actually am. Um,
Speaker 1: my name is cell phone. What's your name, Charles? Is
Speaker 1: that your real name? Yeah? Okay, okay, great, Well let's
Speaker 1: get these Let's get the Bible and get he said
Speaker 1: bio and get one free or holy ship Charles. Hey,
Speaker 1: hey man, how's it going? Whoa, you're already in line.
Speaker 1: You're already in line. We're right at the back. Oh man, Yeah,
Speaker 1: how'd you get up front like this? You must have
Speaker 1: been here for a while, just got here part of me? Um,
Speaker 1: this is I We don't have a threesome thing. It's
Speaker 1: just I'm so. This is just a friend of us.
Speaker 1: We went to Harvard together and he graduated top of
Speaker 1: the class, and now he's very rich and famous and
Speaker 1: I'm at the back of the line. That's how rich
Speaker 1: in famous time. Um, but but sorry to interrupt chat,
Speaker 1: but I just want to say, hold on a second,
Speaker 1: or a cute couple like you too, I'd be willing
Speaker 1: to fudge some rules three the family plan. Oh who
Speaker 1: doesn't like a good family? Are you? Then you could
Speaker 1: just come up to the front of the line. Here
Speaker 1: you can get a picture at the end of the line.
Speaker 1: Is this your goal line? It's just that you know
Speaker 1: he's gotten everything he's always wanted, and I know he's
Speaker 1: told me to hold on a second, so you could
Speaker 1: tell us what your big idea is. But my big
Speaker 1: idea is this is to let him know that even
Speaker 1: though he's got everything and I've got I don't have much.
Speaker 1: I have her. Okay, first of all, I am not
Speaker 1: let me be clear, I'm not like a possession to
Speaker 1: be owned. He doesn't have me. I'm a stranger. We're
Speaker 1: doing this for the deal. Um. Wow, this is really
Speaker 1: good for you, this thing called life. Yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go to the back of the line. Charlie, did you
Speaker 1: get me my android? Then come into your mother's room, Charlie,
Speaker 1: don't love her in the doorway, Charlie. Get in here, Ma, Dad, Hi, yep,
Speaker 1: got to you your cell phone? I charged that turns
Speaker 1: it on? I Um, is this a refurbished Android? No, months,
Speaker 1: it's the newest one. I wanted a refurbished what why
Speaker 1: would she need the newest one. It's not that much
Speaker 1: different that I met someone. What her name is? Cell Phone?
Speaker 1: You our our boy, Dolores, our boy finally met a girl.
Speaker 1: I thought you would meet a girl at Harvard after
Speaker 1: we spent after your father worked night and day to
Speaker 1: put you through the best school in the country. Now
Speaker 1: now he's a late bloomer. It happened. Happens A sit
Speaker 1: in bed with us, Charlie right in the middle, crawling
Speaker 1: out there a well, Mom, she's beautiful, and uh is
Speaker 1: she a person or a cell phone? She's a person.
Speaker 1: She's a person now, Dad, Dad, She she doesn't want
Speaker 1: anything to do with me. Why didn't you tell your
Speaker 1: mother the nice things about her and tell me the
Speaker 1: terrible things? Ever since you were little, you always told
Speaker 1: your mother the nice things that happened to you, and
Speaker 1: you always come to me with problems. She's beautiful, she
Speaker 1: doesn't want me. You want some of these bugles. Don't
Speaker 1: get crumbs in the bed. Did you get a picture
Speaker 1: of you and your girlfriend on the Verizon ride? Yes?
Speaker 1: Actually yes, And that's the only I have to find her, mom,
Speaker 1: I have to find her. Dad. This is gonna be
Speaker 1: a lot of traffic out there today. Why are you
Speaker 1: talking about romantic comedy moments and trying to find her
Speaker 1: with your mother? And I get the traffic report, That's
Speaker 1: what I get, is the you're getting crumbs in the bed.
Speaker 1: Why do I get the traffic report, Dolores, do something
Speaker 1: about this. Don't eat all the bugles Herbert's. That's that's
Speaker 1: our meal for today, the bed. Because your father broke
Speaker 1: his back working hard to put you through Harvard, that's right, idea.
Speaker 1: He's a late bloomer. Don't give him so much grief
Speaker 1: about cell phone. Oh, Chad, hi, Chad, remember me, I
Speaker 1: was here the other day. Yeah, I remember you. Hey, Um,
Speaker 1: I just want to say I took the survey online
Speaker 1: and I gave you all tens because I thought you
Speaker 1: were so great to work with. It's really nice. That
Speaker 1: girlier with she she reported me. I got in trouble.
Speaker 1: She said that I broke the rules and put you
Speaker 1: guys up with the deal. Well, why don't we Why
Speaker 1: don't you give me her information and I'll get her back.
Speaker 1: It's in the computer, i'd have to Well, actually it's
Speaker 1: actually on right now. Yeah, I'm sorry. So you you
Speaker 1: allowed two people in the front of the line to
Speaker 1: add a third and then they decided not to, but
Speaker 1: you still didn't even check to see if these two
Speaker 1: people were a couple, and you gave them It was
Speaker 1: just the third person that wasn't. I didn't realize they
Speaker 1: weren't a couple. The third person wasn't part of the family, right. Well,
Speaker 1: the female of the two reported you to the front
Speaker 1: office with a complaint, even though you did them a solid.
Speaker 1: Somehow she found it in her rights to bring down
Speaker 1: well hell fire, which is what this is. But you
Speaker 1: would never write me up for that, right, I've done
Speaker 1: more than write you up. What you're now an assistant manager? Yep,
Speaker 1: you're going to be working here for a long time.
Speaker 1: Cell boned, cell boned part of me. I know someone
Speaker 1: who lives here. Are you? Where are you yelling? Cell phone? Well,
Speaker 1: she gave me a fake name. I think she's being
Speaker 1: cute and like hard to get and what what flourish you?
Speaker 1: She's three, she's she's in an apartment three or six. Marcy,
Speaker 1: you know, tell me all about her. I want to
Speaker 1: know anything about her. You know Marcy, you know her, Marcy, Marcy.
Speaker 1: She's living the building for like nine months. Oh so
Speaker 1: she's like fairly new to the area. Seems nice. Um.
Speaker 1: Sometimes she gets in real late and like turns up
Speaker 1: her music loud. Oh a party animal. I mean, there's
Speaker 1: like there's a fair amount of dudes that that visit her.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't, I don't, Charlie, Charlie, I
Speaker 1: am so glad I caught you. You've got to abandon
Speaker 1: this mission. I just got promoted to assistant manager. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be there for a long time if you if
Speaker 1: if she's already raised hell for what I've done, this
Speaker 1: is gonna this is gonna be bad. Okay, And I
Speaker 1: just learned her name. What's your name, by the way, sir,
Speaker 1: my name Kurt, Kurt, Kurt with a K Kirk, Kirk.
Speaker 1: This is Chad. Kurt is in front, said Kirk with
Speaker 1: the K like as in, okay, you it's not important. Look, Kurt,
Speaker 1: what are you guys all doing out here? So it's okay,
Speaker 1: I'm Kurt. Just if you ever want to come by
Speaker 1: my rooms three oh six, so any time after two
Speaker 1: am two am would be perfect. Okay, Okay, what are
Speaker 1: you doing? And what how did you find where I live? In?
Speaker 1: My name? And Chad, what are you doing here? And
Speaker 1: it looks like you have a new uniform on. Well,
Speaker 1: this is what they call the boss uniform. Marcy Marci
Speaker 1: is here. Oh, I have to go fund this person.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Oh my god, Mom, Guess who I
Speaker 1: found outside? Guess who I found outside of the woman's
Speaker 1: place that I love? Dad was there? Dad was there?
Speaker 1: What this? I got up this morning and he wasn't
Speaker 1: in the beard. I he must have gone somewhere, and
Speaker 1: that's seen one. I just needed another hour to fix this.
Speaker 1: You did have a need to fix it, didn't you? Always? Always? Yeah, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: I can take it. Yeah seem too. Comes from listener Atlas,
Speaker 1: who wrote, Hello keV Maister and the Gang. It is
Speaker 1: the Swede Atlas here, I am truly a man. There
Speaker 1: was some confusion about that last time a few years ago.
Speaker 1: Well it's nice to know you let it go anyway.
Speaker 1: My suggestion as a man is trying to find the
Speaker 1: love of his life but always picks really bad locations
Speaker 1: when dating. Kind regards or whatever you say when ending
Speaker 1: an email nowadays, By ah, so this is a Denny's.
Speaker 1: I hope you are comfortable here. I mean they have
Speaker 1: a very diverse menu. What are you in the mood for?
Speaker 1: I can pretty much promise you they have a lackluster
Speaker 1: version of it. Um, Honestly, I was thinking candlelight. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: did you bring any candles. No, I I honest, I
Speaker 1: didn't know I was gonna need to bring my own candles.
Speaker 1: I was thinking, you know, like called being proactive. But
Speaker 1: if you want to point fingers, that's fun. I'm okay,
Speaker 1: I'm okay, but that well, it's not really pointing fingers.
Speaker 1: Is there is there somewhere around here, maybe a little
Speaker 1: more romantic, that's less lit by fluorescence. Folks walking to
Speaker 1: Denny's start off with bucket of toads. All those are
Speaker 1: good if you haven't had a bucket of toes. Let
Speaker 1: me just say we start there. Oh it's like French
Speaker 1: like prog legs or yeah, I'll have a bucket of toads.
Speaker 1: I guess. Hey, hey, Randall, is that right? Is that
Speaker 1: your name Randall? Yeah? Randall? You don't need to fix this, Okay,
Speaker 1: just let the man and trust me. Bring a bucket
Speaker 1: to see. That's I don't know if I do though, six,
Speaker 1: nine or twelve toads. Let's start out with twelve and
Speaker 1: see where we go. That's the maximum. I'm sorry, I
Speaker 1: I don't. You're unbelievably fast. Can I just say that
Speaker 1: the way your mind works? He gave us three numbers
Speaker 1: and you instantly pinpointed which one was the lodges? Could
Speaker 1: could you not tell the twelve? Are you and counting? Hi?
Speaker 1: Randall Um, Hi Max Max. So this is interesting, starting
Speaker 1: at a starting at a cemetery that seems spooky but fun. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I I the last guy that I went
Speaker 1: out with it was it was a little too fluorescent
Speaker 1: lit for me. So I thought I thought that, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe we'd do something a little moonlight. You know, this
Speaker 1: is nice. Yeah, anyway, this one's my ancestors. I mean
Speaker 1: it's there, like specifically their crypt, the whole crypt. You know,
Speaker 1: you knew that this is like your thing, like your
Speaker 1: family thing. Yeah, well, come on, silly. I mean I
Speaker 1: told you I moved fast. I wanted to meet my family.
Speaker 1: That's funny. That's funny. I don't know, it just doesn't
Speaker 1: seem as romantic anymore. Here, hold this candle. Hold this candle,
Speaker 1: I carry him with me. Now I'll hold this one
Speaker 1: and I'll stand on the opposite end. Okay, okay, I'll
Speaker 1: stand on this end of the crypt. Okay. Now look
Speaker 1: on the bottom of the candle and just read what
Speaker 1: it says ou tomo Asa. Oh oh my god. So
Speaker 1: this is my family from us. This happens all the time.
Speaker 1: He was cute. I know he was cute. They're all cute.
Speaker 1: But I bring him to you, and it's like, I
Speaker 1: just don't know what to do. Do you think it's
Speaker 1: my top? I mean it's really only half a top. No,
Speaker 1: well use me. Look that might have that might have
Speaker 1: thrown them off a little. You try being buried and
Speaker 1: having little creatures and rats and other stuff caught a
Speaker 1: trump away and your clothes. Yeah, I guess it will
Speaker 1: happen one day. I just can't wait for that day
Speaker 1: to be there with all of you. You must beat Randal. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you you must be sore. I am sore. I am sore.
Speaker 1: You're you're very strong. Thank you. Um, I'm sorry. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry. I didn't mean to derail this particular train
Speaker 1: we were on. No, no, it's just very crowded on
Speaker 1: the train. Uh you know this is Uh? Are we
Speaker 1: just gonna are we just gonna go around? The nine
Speaker 1: am on the l seemed like a terrible idea to freeze,
Speaker 1: fucking freeze, Give me your money, give me your wallets, Jesus,
Speaker 1: oh god, oh god, it's an old timmy. It's an
Speaker 1: old time to hold up. It's a it's a bandit.
Speaker 1: I didn't know the bandit still existed. Just put it
Speaker 1: inside this big bag with the money sign on it.
Speaker 1: Reach for the sky, Tommy, Sorry you free that's a
Speaker 1: new one by me. Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: You heard him reach for the Yeah, I was reaching.
Speaker 1: I'm reaching. Here's my wallet. Actually, do you want to
Speaker 1: get out of Wabash. I need to get off at Wabash.
Speaker 1: But put your ballet into it talking to you. I
Speaker 1: was talking to my date. Yes, let's get off at Wabash. Wait,
Speaker 1: get you left your partner on the train, Tommy, What
Speaker 1: the hell? He just got off right there? Sorry, folks,
Speaker 1: I'll be mosing on to the next car. Do you
Speaker 1: think I did good over there with the exception of
Speaker 1: the freeze thing? Well, you back when we were on
Speaker 1: the train, Okay, I gotta be completely honest. My mind
Speaker 1: is I got scared, and when I get that scared,
Speaker 1: I lose track of work. Voice said, wabosh, and you
Speaker 1: jumped off the train. Tommy, that I got it. Then
Speaker 1: I got back in the other doors because they didn't.
Speaker 1: But I thought the other couple split up, left partner
Speaker 1: I guess I wonder how that must have gone. Well,
Speaker 1: Thank goodness, we made it out. Oh jeez, it's one
Speaker 1: of the robbers. I'm getting back on. Ye. I mean,
Speaker 1: there must be an alternate version of this life where
Speaker 1: we both got off the train together, and then there's
Speaker 1: probably another version where you got off with one of
Speaker 1: the robbers and I stayed on the train with another
Speaker 1: of the robbers. And it's just interesting, like the different
Speaker 1: divergent paths that that's why you have to see a
Speaker 1: couple's therapists to kind of talk about this. It's a
Speaker 1: multi verse all day long. It's all they want to
Speaker 1: talk about is our personal multiverse. The Randall and hansa verse.
Speaker 1: Kind of catchy, but that makes you mad. The idea
Speaker 1: of multi versus makes you mad. It's not the idea
Speaker 1: of multi verses. It's about the idea that the life
Speaker 1: that we're living together isn't the best life that we
Speaker 1: could possibly have. Sure again that there are other lives
Speaker 1: that are better. I understand, and I just want to
Speaker 1: keep in mind, um your request you made at the
Speaker 1: start of this couple's counseling session, which you said, although
Speaker 1: it's a couple's counseling session. I also want this to
Speaker 1: be a romantic date, so I'm trying to honor that
Speaker 1: UM as best I can. Well, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: Luckily I know now to bring my own candles and
Speaker 1: cloth and waiter. Yes, um. And they've all signed NBA.
Speaker 1: So anything you say here, UM, they cannot share it
Speaker 1: with you. So think about what you want for appetize
Speaker 1: with anything we say, they can't share with us. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I can't share that with you. Hey, Look, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Look I served you guys the cheese, right, I did
Speaker 1: a good job with that. I gave you guys the chicken.
Speaker 1: I just can't talk about what I heard in there
Speaker 1: with you. But I I just wanted to recap what
Speaker 1: we talked about. I mean, haunts. You don't remember in
Speaker 1: any of anything we talked about. I don't remember any
Speaker 1: of the things we talked about. So we thought maybe
Speaker 1: you could help us, and maybe there's a version of
Speaker 1: this life where God chicken and God damn it, and
Speaker 1: then everything diverged from there. Look, I'm just waiting for
Speaker 1: the brown line, brown line like everybody else. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: that's it. I'm actually had an old town. Oh yeah's familiar. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we also live in Chicago. Okay, go oh yeah, you'll
Speaker 1: talk about anything else, hey, Chris, or did you make
Speaker 1: any friends on the L platform today? I know that's
Speaker 1: where you're going to try to meet some new people.
Speaker 1: Yes and no? Okay, Okay, Like I met people, but
Speaker 1: then it was one of those scenarios where I ended
Speaker 1: up working for them and then I had to send
Speaker 1: an NDA where I couldn't discuss the things we talked about.
Speaker 1: And yeah, so it's like where do we go from there?
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, I think you should try to meet
Speaker 1: people and like not be a freak about it, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I think the way you are
Speaker 1: approaching people just hon at sub excuse me, L platform
Speaker 1: is very um it's kind of jarring. You know. You
Speaker 1: would say that because you take the Red Line to Belmont. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I love taking the Red Line to Belmont. I
Speaker 1: I honestly prefer it to living in this apartment. If
Speaker 1: I could stay on the Red Line to Belmont every
Speaker 1: day seven, then I would I think my life problems
Speaker 1: would be solved. Yeah, well, um they're not. So anyway,
Speaker 1: back to us being roommates, you know, we could we
Speaker 1: could cross that we could, we could, you know, we
Speaker 1: could go somewhere from being roommates. There's two, there's two,
Speaker 1: there's other levels. There's a real friendship. I think it's
Speaker 1: right above roommate day you want to look into Okay, okay, great, Um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back into my room. Thanks for telling
Speaker 1: me about your day. One last thing one listening. But
Speaker 1: the two people I didn't meet, the archemy here for
Speaker 1: a day tonight. What okay, whatever, Just don't don't knock
Speaker 1: on my door. Don't like get me involved. As long
Speaker 1: as they don't use the router is in your room,
Speaker 1: So if you can make sure it's like by the door. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll make sure the routers by the door and bumping.
Speaker 1: As for your request, it's Randall and Hans. Hi. Hey,
Speaker 1: hi guys. Hi. It's a great place you have. What
Speaker 1: a nice place? Yeah? For two? Yes? So do you
Speaker 1: guys come to Wrigleyville often? Um, you know, every now
Speaker 1: and again. I wish I came more. I mean I
Speaker 1: wish I was on the red line to Belmont all
Speaker 1: the time. But you know it's not every day. Oh.
Speaker 1: I think that's a euphemism for having your period. Oh
Speaker 1: that is seen to month month. Scene three comes to
Speaker 1: us from Patreon Michael A, who wrote, I gotta say
Speaker 1: we all learn a lot about you all when there's
Speaker 1: a guest host. I think this is the third time
Speaker 1: Chris has hosted, not on that, but every time he does,
Speaker 1: he goes deep. Plus he trails off and reminiscence. Just
Speaker 1: fun to see where his mind goes. Would love to
Speaker 1: see Carla come back for a few episodes. Got another
Speaker 1: scene suggestion considering the last one you all knocked out
Speaker 1: of the park with Joey's Pirates story. The suggestion is
Speaker 1: all the ship keeps falling apart. That's it. Love you all,
Speaker 1: Michael in Joshua Tree. Did you get the year four
Speaker 1: palets loaded yet? Uh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got the
Speaker 1: it's loaded because I got six more that I need loaded.
Speaker 1: So all right, we'll get the six loaded. Look, how
Speaker 1: for many palets you have? That's how many we'll get loaded.
Speaker 1: That's well, this is what I would be told about you.
Speaker 1: It didn't matter how many palets I need loaded, You're
Speaker 1: going to load them. It's written faster. It's written on
Speaker 1: the side of the truck. It's written on the side
Speaker 1: of the truck while you gotta get out of town
Speaker 1: so fast. Are you asking me to look at your truck? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I could see what's written on the side. I'm
Speaker 1: just pointing out that it's written on the side of
Speaker 1: the truck we loaded, the one that says we load
Speaker 1: as many palets as you want. Okay, I see we
Speaker 1: load as many bags as you want. That's not yours,
Speaker 1: that's not us. We load as many nail guns as
Speaker 1: you want. That's definitely not ours, not yours. No, no, no.
Speaker 1: But behind it's behind that the then there's then there's
Speaker 1: the smoothie truck. Then there's a right. Can I take
Speaker 1: your word and would just move forward? Yeah? I mean
Speaker 1: it's you're you're dymes all on your time, terrific. So
Speaker 1: six more pallets, six more pallets? All right? Answer my question,
Speaker 1: though it's just out of curiosity. I'm just being friendly
Speaker 1: while you gotta get out of town so fast. I
Speaker 1: have things pressing. If you need me to be more general,
Speaker 1: I could, Yeah, more general than that would be nice.
Speaker 1: I have thoughts in my head. Okay, Okay, you know
Speaker 1: I have thoughts in my head sometimes too. You want
Speaker 1: to share three? Sure, I don't know why, butter is
Speaker 1: always so hard. Then back to one. Yeah, oh, you
Speaker 1: only want one more. That was only one of the thoughts.
Speaker 1: The butter one jumped. I jumped to two in the
Speaker 1: list of three. I don't know because the butter one
Speaker 1: was the third most important. Number one is definitely thinking
Speaker 1: about pallets. Pallets. Wow, you're good. Oh man, I don't
Speaker 1: even need to know what number two is. How about that?
Speaker 1: Are you fish talking to me? Yeah? Hyah, No, no no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, I hold that box. Okay, hold that box.
Speaker 1: I need to look inside that box before I loaded
Speaker 1: into this truck. Okay. I will load as many nail
Speaker 1: guns as you want, unlimited, but I will not put
Speaker 1: anything in here that I don't know what is going
Speaker 1: in there. You understand. Yeah, but these are nail guns.
Speaker 1: I mean all those other boxes had nail guns. This
Speaker 1: one has nail guns in it. Just put it in there.
Speaker 1: Why is it a different color? Is it? I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I guess maybe you know my uncle's color blind.
Speaker 1: He get those glasses. You know, we did one of
Speaker 1: those YouTube videos and when viral is fuck. I have
Speaker 1: no idea what you're talking about. Let's just put this
Speaker 1: one into it. So imagine, imagine all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I get you glasses right, and you start seeing the
Speaker 1: world the way we all see it. But for you,
Speaker 1: it's a whole new It's like it's like technicolor for you.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? What what say? If what
Speaker 1: if somebody lied about being colored bying and they put
Speaker 1: those glasses on it? No different, dangerous, no difference. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, sorry missing me and my friends couldn't help.
Speaker 1: But notice you're the guy whose uncle is color blind.
Speaker 1: It was in that viral video, right, love that video.
Speaker 1: We can quote it. We quote it all the time.
Speaker 1: You go, oh my god, I love faking this. These
Speaker 1: are colors. You're telling me that's red. Yeah, he goes,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm not faking this. And he goes,
Speaker 1: he goes, you're telling me that's red. Yeah, Hey, sound
Speaker 1: just like him. Sounds like why don't you put this poo?
Speaker 1: She put this box and the guns on the truck?
Speaker 1: Then I love I look up that video. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: look it up. Look it up, look it up. You
Speaker 1: should look it up. Anyway, we're gonna go. We're not
Speaker 1: supposed to spend too much time with adults. Wait wait wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on, hold on, did you know? Did
Speaker 1: you know that that was my first time ever shooting
Speaker 1: a video? Yeah, it was. Your hand was really shaky. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was how amateurish it was, because that was the
Speaker 1: kid I was trying to I was going to recreate
Speaker 1: it and do another viral video. But it's hard. It's
Speaker 1: harder to do this. Oh man, good luck going viral again.
Speaker 1: Huh you kids ever go viral? Yeah? Yeah, we've got
Speaker 1: like one point three million followers. Yeah, that's on that's
Speaker 1: on TikTok though, on Instagram we got like twenty million. Oh.
Speaker 1: We mostly do like food reviews and excuse me, excuse me,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I was. I was loading pallets over here.
Speaker 1: You are you those two kids who who do food
Speaker 1: reviews and watch other people's videos and then uh and
Speaker 1: then hit him up on the streets for money. Yeah. Yeah, wow,
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of you guys. Big thing, guys.
Speaker 1: I just loading pallets over here. It's always funny how
Speaker 1: you guys do that. You find someone out of Bible video,
Speaker 1: take all their money, and then just avoid the state
Speaker 1: you've left some of those people in. Holy moly, we're
Speaker 1: gonna need you to sign an NDA by the way
Speaker 1: because we've been filming all of this. Oh okay, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna tell you guys about anything back over at
Speaker 1: my palates. All right, well we have to go. We
Speaker 1: kind of got um. Thank you so much. Nice meeting you, guys,
Speaker 1: nice meetings. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: Good luck with everything. Yeah, thanks, thanks? How about those kids? Huh?
Speaker 1: Okay you too. Sweeth Hot Food review of the Pizza
Speaker 1: Cupcake Take three, four, five six Pizza Cupcake more like
Speaker 1: a cupcake man, pizza. Oh, it was so good like
Speaker 1: you to cramp on that pizza flavoring into one cupcake
Speaker 1: sized bit, brush it in your face. It's so good.
Speaker 1: It burned my tongue so bad my mom had to
Speaker 1: rush me to the emergency room. And they said that
Speaker 1: they were going to cut out my whole tongue and
Speaker 1: replace it with a new one. But then they didn't.
Speaker 1: They didn't. That would have been cool though. Well, Mrs Jenkins,
Speaker 1: we have two options. We can cut out your daughter's
Speaker 1: tongue or or not. Oh my right, So really it's
Speaker 1: up to you. I personally would recommend cutting out the tongue. Well,
Speaker 1: let's think about it. Cutting out decision. But the other option.
Speaker 1: So what would be the after effects of either of these?
Speaker 1: If you cut out her tongues, you won't have a
Speaker 1: tongue anymore. Um, but let's think. Let's let's walk that
Speaker 1: one through. No tongue means no, means no sass, no
Speaker 1: sas nos zero sass back goorf front. But leaving her
Speaker 1: tongue in her head, does she do anything with a
Speaker 1: tongue to make a living? I certainly hope not. It's
Speaker 1: like make videos with twenty million views? Oh oh gosh,
Speaker 1: well yeh did you think man? Hey, hey you you hey.
Speaker 1: I opened that box you gave me earlier. Found this
Speaker 1: little kid in there yours? Oh that that's probably a
Speaker 1: different box. There's no this is hey kid. Do you
Speaker 1: know this guy? I mean he put me in the box.
Speaker 1: All right, so I got I got really a neutral
Speaker 1: looking face. I mean it's a lot of people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: I think I know you're from somewhere, and like so
Speaker 1: many of those nail guns for you. Okay, I took
Speaker 1: him all over the city, all right. Everyone was happy
Speaker 1: with the ship man's this one box ago? Where does
Speaker 1: this go? Where does this go? There's no there's no label.
Speaker 1: I opened it. This young man pops out and he says,
Speaker 1: he says, he says, where am I? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. You don't know where you are? He
Speaker 1: probably knows now. I brought him back the front. I
Speaker 1: let him sit in the front and the way back.
Speaker 1: I'm not a mon. Shouldn't have done that. You should
Speaker 1: have done that is dangerously some secret agent who knows
Speaker 1: how to kill people and stuff. That's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1: But you gotta be careful as long as you don't
Speaker 1: say the wrong trigger word. He's got a certain word
Speaker 1: that they've been planted in his head and he becomes
Speaker 1: like weapon X. This little guy comes up weapon X. Yeah,
Speaker 1: even I don't know what the trigger word is. I
Speaker 1: hear it starts, what are you trying to do here? Stopt?
Speaker 1: I want to see this kid turn into a weapon X.
Speaker 1: Fiona Fiona apples and Fiona Apple. Oh god, I'll miss
Speaker 1: Fiona Apple. It's it is surprisingly a very rare word
Speaker 1: to use, so you're probably not gonna say it. I
Speaker 1: bet I know it. It's five letters though, he's five letters.
Speaker 1: How did you know that he's been working on it?
Speaker 1: That's four letters. Don't do anymore any more? Loved. No,
Speaker 1: al right, Okay, you got the first letter in the
Speaker 1: wrong place. You've got the fourth letter in the right place.
Speaker 1: You stop it ships first, Um, have you read the
Speaker 1: book by about where Grover says there's a monster at
Speaker 1: the end of this book. Yeah, well there's a half
Speaker 1: ending there. There's not a happy ending here when he
Speaker 1: turns into weapon X blood. Yeah, I'm gonna kill both
Speaker 1: of you, probably me too, Yeah, both of us. Do
Speaker 1: you know the word me? Of course? I was told
Speaker 1: so that I never say it whispered to me. I
Speaker 1: really shouldn't because if I do whisper to you, I
Speaker 1: know what you're gonna do with the word. I don't
Speaker 1: want to die. I got things to live for. I
Speaker 1: again that ease in fourth place. And there's an L somewhere. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm genuinely working on this. I believe you are at
Speaker 1: this point. I don't think you know the word you could? Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: what are the clues? Give me the clues? Give me
Speaker 1: one set Mark? Hey, Mark, it's me. Yeah, I used
Speaker 1: to I used to live next to you. Yeah. Yeah, hey,
Speaker 1: good to see you. Quick question man, quick? Yeah, what
Speaker 1: is it? Pal? A five letter word? Uh? Fourth letters?
Speaker 1: Has is the E. And there's an El somewhere in there.
Speaker 1: You've got something for me, Yeah, Bagel b A Holy shit? Yeah, Man,
Speaker 1: Mark God, who's this kid coming through my window? Die?
Speaker 1: It was worth it? Mark? Hi, I'm sorry. I have
Speaker 1: a complaint. Someone activated my son using a very rare word. Okay,
Speaker 1: and what would you? Uh so let's start with that.
Speaker 1: The complaint is what the complaint? Mr? What? I don't
Speaker 1: know what your job here is at the c I A.
Speaker 1: But thank you for finally returning my emails and my
Speaker 1: phone calls in my text But you must know my
Speaker 1: son Malcolm. Oh yes, we're quite aware of that. He's done.
Speaker 1: He has killed because of you. Half of his brain
Speaker 1: has been reprogrammed to be a killing machine when the
Speaker 1: trigger word is said. We can't deny or confirm that
Speaker 1: we are involved in any way with your son's killing
Speaker 1: spreezing that are connected to a word that we implanted
Speaker 1: in his head. There's a manual that was delivered with
Speaker 1: my son after he came back from camp and it
Speaker 1: said your name from the CIA signed. So that is
Speaker 1: a confirmation part of me, ma'am. We just want to
Speaker 1: let you know we just replaced Malcolm's tongue with a
Speaker 1: cybertronic tongue. Okay, thank god, because my son makes his
Speaker 1: money with that tongue. And wait, what what are you
Speaker 1: thinking of? I'm folks, it's going to be just a
Speaker 1: few minutes. Looks like the Verizon ride has broken down.
Speaker 1: But in the meantime, please enjoy a complementary bagel. Well,
Speaker 1: they just dropped these things from the ceiling. That's kind
Speaker 1: of yeah, weird that they just had those up there. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I I do believe in that thing where it's like
Speaker 1: you can only get a good bagel in New Jersey
Speaker 1: or Oh my god, I'm so sorry, what is happening?
Speaker 1: This is freaking that I cell phone? Why is he
Speaker 1: calling you? Marcy? I don't know. I don't know this guy.
Speaker 1: Um Derek Um, but yeah, I'm cell phone, that's my name.
Speaker 1: And let's just enjoy these bagels. Just enjoy these dry
Speaker 1: bagels in peace. Okay. It's like obsessed with me. I mean,
Speaker 1: he's running along the track to this rod that seems
Speaker 1: really unsafe. I know, hopefully he'll get hurt along the way.
Speaker 1: That's the best we can hope for. What was that
Speaker 1: someone saying? I think I think I missed that part
Speaker 1: is a part of the ride. I don't know it's
Speaker 1: I think it's from the room behind. Oh man, thank
Speaker 1: you everyone for me is here today. Now it turns
Speaker 1: out um Our Young Malcolm has malfunctioned after he replaced
Speaker 1: his tongue with a cybertronic tongue. He activates to the
Speaker 1: word bagel. Well, in fairness, he has to be in
Speaker 1: the location where the trigger words that the word bagel
Speaker 1: has said. Otherwise Einstein's would be out of business by
Speaker 1: now because it would be a blood path anytime within
Speaker 1: five miles of a single location. Well, this would be
Speaker 1: helpful information to have had earlier. Well, it's all in
Speaker 1: the manual signed by the c i A. Moving on
Speaker 1: to the second issue of the day. Five letter word. Okay,
Speaker 1: m hmm, I need help with it. Just any five
Speaker 1: letter word. You have any clues or anything anywhere with five?
Speaker 1: Because I thought love and I'm trying to put love
Speaker 1: every which way is four letters. That's my issue. That's
Speaker 1: my issues. So I'm looking for one with five to clarify.
Speaker 1: Your issue is that you can't count? That's probably one
Speaker 1: of them. Sure, Okay, what about um Solve? It has
Speaker 1: those letters from love in it? Oh that's good. Damage,
Speaker 1: she's good. Wait do you guys hear that the room
Speaker 1: shaking a word for another? I feel it, I don't
Speaker 1: hear it. Oh no, well no, a murder reactivated kool
Speaker 1: aid you all did, so thank you for returning the
Speaker 1: kool Aid Man costume. You had seventy two hours on
Speaker 1: the checkout and it's now been nineties six, So there's
Speaker 1: an extra day charge of seven dollars. How would you
Speaker 1: like to hey that? Oh? Well, I see, I'm I
Speaker 1: don't have any extra money I was counting on. I
Speaker 1: guess I thought daylight savings time was gonna it's saving?
Speaker 1: Is that blood on the cost No? No No, no, this
Speaker 1: is okay. So you you parted koolaid on the kool
Speaker 1: Aid costume. Huh? Why don't you just try running the
Speaker 1: card I gave you a second time and see if
Speaker 1: it comes through. Maybe that'll work. Sure, just give me
Speaker 1: the card and I'll running again. Oh you need the
Speaker 1: physical car. You can't just pull it up from what
Speaker 1: I paid before. Lick it, lick your costume if you
Speaker 1: think it's no way it? Well, I'm not licking it, honey.
Speaker 1: Can you not what I'm trying to? Maybe you should
Speaker 1: make him get babel it's cool and he would want
Speaker 1: to lick it. If it's blood, he wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: lick it. I'm so good at business. Just let me
Speaker 1: be allergic to cool aid, otherwise I would my lover
Speaker 1: would appreciate it. If you could just lick the costume, please,
Speaker 1: so we can all confirm that it is in fact cool.
Speaker 1: A part of me. I'm his agent. Uh. He makes
Speaker 1: his living with his tongue. He doesn't just use it
Speaker 1: wherever he wants to. So card again please, yeah, would
Speaker 1: you lick it, sir, because we just need confirmation that
Speaker 1: it's that it's cool because it looks like blood. You
Speaker 1: take a look at it. Okay, all right, now you're
Speaker 1: assuring me this is cool it right? Can I talk
Speaker 1: to you privately, like a little further away from them, boy,
Speaker 1: that doesn't raise suspicions. Yeah, go ahead, you two go
Speaker 1: over there and talk. It's blood. I uh my trigger
Speaker 1: word was said that this ship keeps falling apart with
Speaker 1: you man, Just it's just lick it. It's just blood,
Speaker 1: all right, fine, fine, fine, fine, okay, Well we were
Speaker 1: able to determine that I will lick it because it
Speaker 1: is in fact kool aid. Okay, great, there we go.
Speaker 1: Here we go. So I am looking to hire a
Speaker 1: hit man. Can you tell me a little bit about
Speaker 1: the last job that you did? Well? Uh uh, I
Speaker 1: can't really because I signed a lot of sure, sure,
Speaker 1: but in generalities, well, let's just say I made a
Speaker 1: hell of an entrance and it was quite a splash. Okay, listen,
Speaker 1: like you crashed through the wall like the kool Aid man. Well,
Speaker 1: I can't say it because of the N d A.
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't lick my costume. That's for damn sure. Um,
Speaker 1: So you had a costume and was this and I
Speaker 1: used my tongue to make money. If you're interested, okay,
Speaker 1: we are. We are interviewing a number of people today. Well,
Speaker 1: well hold on, let me step in. I'm his agent. Here,
Speaker 1: I'm his agent. Look, I'm telling you here, this is
Speaker 1: the one you want to go with. Okay. You need
Speaker 1: people dead, they're dead. You need people missing, they're gone.
Speaker 1: I mean, this guy doesn't does it all? Okay, we
Speaker 1: don't provide We don't provide costumes, by the way, you'd
Speaker 1: you'd be on your own for that. You know. We
Speaker 1: get a mom and pop shop, we get we get
Speaker 1: all our costumes from okay, okay, we will we will
Speaker 1: reimburse up to on costume rentals. Very nice, very nice,
Speaker 1: very nice. And will there be a plus ten percent
Speaker 1: for agent V? That's not standard? No, I know, but
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, since you get right, there's scale and
Speaker 1: then there's this is scale. This is Hitman scale. Although
Speaker 1: although you ever find sometimes agents still take which is weird, right,
Speaker 1: noticed that it's like it's like it's ten percent, like,
Speaker 1: oh no, of the whole thing. Yeah, well, do you
Speaker 1: have any questions for me? Is that your truck out front,
Speaker 1: the one that says, uh delivers all all the smooth them. No, no,
Speaker 1: mine is the one that says, uh delivers all the ruffies.
Speaker 1: Oh we it's fish orange ruffie. You know I've got
Speaker 1: a fish delivery business. I'm bad at reading, so I
Speaker 1: thought that was something completely different. Oh what did you
Speaker 1: think it was? I don't want to say something burst right. Well,
Speaker 1: it's just spelled very similar to a drug. I didn't
Speaker 1: all you said it. I didn't say it. Oh god,
Speaker 1: oh god, I never thought about that anyway. That brings
Speaker 1: me who I want to kill, which is my my
Speaker 1: partner in the fish delivery business. Oh and so I
Speaker 1: was thinking that you'd wear a fish costume and then
Speaker 1: we'd issue you a trigger word that whenever it said,
Speaker 1: the fish would crash through the wall. And so I
Speaker 1: not only do I want him dead, I want him
Speaker 1: to think that a giant fish is getting a venge
Speaker 1: against him and his in his last moments alive. Let's
Speaker 1: crown on my thing. I doubt you'd find someone, all right, Turtling,
Speaker 1: you can pick one, either one goldfish or turtle. It's
Speaker 1: up to you. Um um, oh, I don't know. Um,
Speaker 1: I'll do a goldfish. Okay, let's ask this gentleman for help. Hi. Hello,
Speaker 1: gold fish for the little lady? Is that what I heard?
Speaker 1: All right? Let me get my stick, pull it down
Speaker 1: here and it's a little batt You have water. Here's
Speaker 1: your gold fish, young lady. Take good what I was
Speaker 1: trying to give you. Oh no, how are we ever
Speaker 1: solved this problem? I want that my mom, I want
Speaker 1: that one. I don't think that's possible. Can we buy
Speaker 1: this one? Which one? I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted
Speaker 1: by the chill. I'm sorry. Apparently the fish costume made
Speaker 1: it so it was impossible to kill. They got away
Speaker 1: and he said the trigger words stick five letters, like
Speaker 1: I busted through the wall. They were just more disappointed
Speaker 1: at me and wanted a different goldfish. Did at least
Speaker 1: scare the ship out of him? Not even a bit,
Speaker 1: not even a bit. Okay, well we are still requires No,
Speaker 1: we're not doing that. We're not good, try though, good
Speaker 1: try Okay, Well what did we say? Yeah, you're still
Speaker 1: gonna pay me? Oh, I was really coming in here
Speaker 1: for a big disappointment. Thank you. No, no, I'll pay
Speaker 1: you the one twinnie. And how much was the fish costume?
Speaker 1: It was? It was like it was. It was a
Speaker 1: little more than cover. So that's two fifty for the
Speaker 1: But here's the problems. I'm still losing. So you know
Speaker 1: you could rent the fish custom right, you don't need
Speaker 1: to buy it. I mean, if you buy it, it's
Speaker 1: five But if you rent it, it's twenty four dollars
Speaker 1: a day. But when I brought the coolid customer, you
Speaker 1: charged me a lot. Well because it was covered in blood.
Speaker 1: But listen, if you right, so, uh, you wanna purchase
Speaker 1: because we've only got one fish costume. It's pretty popular,
Speaker 1: so we don't like to sell it. That's why it's
Speaker 1: so crazy expensive. I got a deal where I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have somebody else pay for half of it, so it's
Speaker 1: kind of like, you know, worth it for me, honey,
Speaker 1: what every fucking day? You know, it's the same thing
Speaker 1: I want to watch. I want to watch this man
Speaker 1: click the fish costume. You're never gonna find someone who's
Speaker 1: making a living with their tongue. It's just never gonna happen.
Speaker 1: I want to watch this man lick the fish costume
Speaker 1: with this. If you do do issues asked, I'm knock, yeah,
Speaker 1: will you still make the receipt for five? And that
Speaker 1: is our show? He gets a deal and screws a partner.
Speaker 1: All right, let's thank all of our alchemists please, starting
Speaker 1: with Mr Chris Alvarado. Chris, boy, this is fun, I
Speaker 1: gotta say. James said, can you run that card again?
Speaker 1: And and and I was. I was instantly sent back
Speaker 1: to just this morning at a nine am haircut appointment,
Speaker 1: very early for a haircut appointment. First time I've ever
Speaker 1: gone to this person. Um, I had an idea of
Speaker 1: how much it was gonna be based on the website.
Speaker 1: When we're all done, he says, I can take your
Speaker 1: card to do right here. Oh, very nice MC cash
Speaker 1: as you do. Came home. It's a long story. But
Speaker 1: then my wife and I go out to walk the
Speaker 1: dog and you want to talk about the haircut and
Speaker 1: how was the Oh nice guy is how much was it?
Speaker 1: I go, it's this much. She says, oh, okay, that's
Speaker 1: a little price. It's okay. Then I go, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: he sent me the receipt much more. Well, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say, Okay, can I
Speaker 1: just say, is it weird to say? I need to
Speaker 1: sit all the way down? So I thought I was.
Speaker 1: I thought I was paying sixty five for a haircut,
Speaker 1: which is like, okay, that's that's pricey. But what you
Speaker 1: can you get what you pay for. You're going to
Speaker 1: a good place. I'm going to good place. The haircut
Speaker 1: was ninety No, no, no, that's not right. Maybe because
Speaker 1: it was nine am. I started thinking it's good that
Speaker 1: I tipped him heavy on thet because that would have
Speaker 1: been a week cash tip on the nineties. Can I
Speaker 1: can I say one thing about the oddness of the
Speaker 1: nine am haircut? Yes? That time? Um, this morning, before
Speaker 1: we started, I reached out to our haircut fella and
Speaker 1: asked h if he could take me anytime this week,
Speaker 1: and he wrote, Wow, that's crazy. I'm saying it's a
Speaker 1: little crazy. It's crazy enough. And thank you Chris, thank you,
Speaker 1: James Zeeney, thank you, thank you. Well. I'm just so,
Speaker 1: I mean, the coincidences in the world really strike me.
Speaker 1: And I've never been able my my hair cut places
Speaker 1: an open till ten. I could bang on the doors
Speaker 1: all I want, couldn't get it. Maybe if you maybe
Speaker 1: if you licked the door. Um. Anything you'd like our
Speaker 1: listeners and or viewers to know about, well, I would
Speaker 1: like to remind them that on April, uh third, I
Speaker 1: believe it's what it is. Maybe it's there's a show
Speaker 1: in April at the west Side Comedy Theater And if
Speaker 1: you go to west Side Comedy dot com it's listed
Speaker 1: on their calendar. It's I think the it might be
Speaker 1: the ten. It's the third. Wow, it's coming up so soon. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so come out and see a show. It's at eight
Speaker 1: p m. Come and see Alchemy just live on stage.
Speaker 1: Excellent plug. Caroline Cotter, thank you so damn much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thanks for having me, always a pleasure, and um, thank
Speaker 1: you for performing at the last Alchemy this live show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was pretty wild. I would say things got pretty
Speaker 1: left up. I don't like to curse, but it was
Speaker 1: a little bit different. So so there's a ringing endorsement
Speaker 1: if ever I heard one, And thank you for participating
Speaker 1: in that, in this and in those. Mark Gagliardi, Yes, hi,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, Thank you so much, buddy, oh Man,
Speaker 1: I always love to come and play. I also got
Speaker 1: to play at that, like the really weird Dark Alchemy
Speaker 1: this last live show we had. We probably shouldn't talk
Speaker 1: about really anything that happened that night. I heard the
Speaker 1: term freaky deeky for the first time. Yea, if they
Speaker 1: come to the April show right, here's helping fingers crossed
Speaker 1: as well. Thanks for having me, sure man, Craig Atkowski, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I should say that. I ran into Jackie Gonzalez do
Speaker 1: Ruthie in the Wild recently and I said, Hey, did
Speaker 1: you do that live Alchemy show? And she said no,
Speaker 1: did you uh, which if the answer was yes, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been asking if you were if you were
Speaker 1: in it. Also, I pulled up a recent haircut haircut
Speaker 1: appointment of my own. Can we see this? Nine? Am?
Speaker 1: I what else? Would you go? You go right when
Speaker 1: they get your haircut done, and then you're done for
Speaker 1: the day. Like James might never be able to speak again.
Speaker 1: We've we've blown his bacon. Let's thank your engineering producers
Speaker 1: to the stars. Mr dubeam find folks, did I hurt media?
Speaker 1: I'm you host Kevin pokerminding you to please be kind
Speaker 1: of each other. Thanks for supporting the show and watching
Speaker 1: and telling everyone you've ever met. Until next time, it
Speaker 1: shan be a football.