1
00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:05,560
Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio.

2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,880
Speaker 2: And welcome back George Nori with you. Michelle Phillips with Us.

3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:12,600
Speaker 2: A celebrated leadership coach, keynote speaker, author of Energize Your Happiness,

4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:17,799
Speaker 2: a transformative new book that blends neuroscience, behavioral psychology, and

5
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:21,840
Speaker 2: spiritual wisdom to help people elevate their energy and shape

6
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,520
Speaker 2: their destiny. Now with more than twenty five years of

7
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:28,840
Speaker 2: experience working with Fortune five hundred companies, Michelle has inspired

8
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:33,360
Speaker 2: thousands to create motivating beliefs, powerful habits, and lives filled

9
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,519
Speaker 2: with purpose. She's the founder of the Key Performance He's

10
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,440
Speaker 2: sat after consultant known for her Write Your Outcome methodology,

11
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,160
Speaker 2: and the host of the podcast by the same name.

12
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:47,120
Speaker 2: Our website is linked up at coastocoastdam dot com. Michelle,

13
00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:49,120
Speaker 2: Welcome to the program. First time for you.

14
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,040
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm so excited to be here.

15
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,880
Speaker 2: George looking forward to this. Do you sometimes, though you're

16
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:59,680
Speaker 2: much younger, do you sometimes get confused from Michelle Phillips

17
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,200
Speaker 2: from the mama's and the papas.

18
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:02,480
Speaker 4: All the time.

19
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,399
Speaker 3: Sometimes people tag me on Facebook, but it's really meant

20
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:06,720
Speaker 3: for her.

21
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,680
Speaker 4: So you got Mackenzie is all things.

22
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,800
Speaker 2: I met her about seven months ago in Los Angeles. Greatly.

23
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,520
Speaker 2: They had some great music in their day, didn't they.

24
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,160
Speaker 3: Yes, they did. I love the mamas and papas too,

25
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,440
Speaker 3: and I always say I will sing after a glass

26
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:22,720
Speaker 3: of wine.

27
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,039
Speaker 4: I'm happy to do my impressions.

28
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,479
Speaker 2: I might have you do that later on in the show.

29
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,759
Speaker 2: Your new book, Energize Your Happiness. How did you write this?

30
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,959
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. I just published my first book back

31
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,280
Speaker 3: in twenty fourteen, called Happiness Is a Habit, and that

32
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,639
Speaker 3: was based in the research on the habits of happy

33
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:47,840
Speaker 3: people what they did differently. So I was very excited.

34
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,800
Speaker 3: I was at the Jacob Javits book show and my

35
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,880
Speaker 3: publisher was there and I got to meet the owner

36
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,440
Speaker 3: of the publishing company and I ran up to him

37
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,400
Speaker 3: very excited, you know, wanting to go on a speaking tour,

38
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,120
Speaker 3: and I said, I've just written this great book. What

39
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,800
Speaker 3: I'll do anything? What can I do next to promote it?

40
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,840
Speaker 3: And he said to me write another book, and I

41
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,200
Speaker 3: was like, uh wanh wanh. I didn't want to write

42
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:13,119
Speaker 3: another one. So at the time I felt like that's

43
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:16,040
Speaker 3: when the you know, ten years ago, the social media

44
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,240
Speaker 3: was just really the squeeze was on. We were just

45
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:23,240
Speaker 3: being squosed together, the social divides, the political divides, the

46
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,640
Speaker 3: violence was erupting. So I wrote like a two hundred

47
00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:28,960
Speaker 3: and fifty page really journal because I just wanted to

48
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,840
Speaker 3: help people be happier and stop focusing on all this stuff.

49
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,440
Speaker 3: But I was out of alignment, so I wrote it,

50
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,320
Speaker 3: and then it sat on the shelf for almost ten

51
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,520
Speaker 3: years until I got myself and my own energy back

52
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,880
Speaker 3: into alignment where I can live in a world that's

53
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:44,800
Speaker 3: sometimes often in chaos.

54
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,480
Speaker 4: So that's the quick answer to your question.

55
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,680
Speaker 2: What does happiness mean to you, Michelle?

56
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:57,320
Speaker 3: Happiness is not a place to arrive, but it's an energy.

57
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,440
Speaker 3: And I think of our you know, if I think

58
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,359
Speaker 3: of our emotions on a ladder, and if you think

59
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:07,040
Speaker 3: of the lowest emotions that human can have, you know, depression, grief, despair,

60
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:11,519
Speaker 3: there's no energy in that, and the depressed person can't

61
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,720
Speaker 3: doesn't have the energy.

62
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,240
Speaker 4: To get out of bed and get dressed.

63
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,520
Speaker 3: And then you have let's go to the top of

64
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:21,040
Speaker 3: the emotional ladder, the high energy like joy and exuberance

65
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,320
Speaker 3: and love, and there's so much beautiful energy there and

66
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:28,079
Speaker 3: what happens is when people are in the lower rungs,

67
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,320
Speaker 3: they want to get to the higher rungs and they

68
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,639
Speaker 3: don't want to take each step to get there, so

69
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:38,960
Speaker 3: we turn to addictive behaviors like drinking and drugging and

70
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,400
Speaker 3: shopping and internet, so we want that quick high. And

71
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,680
Speaker 3: what I think happiness is is learning how to get

72
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:50,360
Speaker 3: yourself into that beautiful feeling of joy with your own thoughts, beliefs,

73
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,280
Speaker 3: and emotions.

74
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,320
Speaker 2: And can we get there easily or is it difficult

75
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,360
Speaker 2: with practice?

76
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:02,640
Speaker 3: The saying you know, you know relief is a thought away,

77
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,280
Speaker 3: I truly believe in that. I know you're a seeker.

78
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,680
Speaker 3: I know you, you know you talk about these subjects

79
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,600
Speaker 3: all the time. So it's our brains are set up

80
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,520
Speaker 3: to keep us safe. So they're always looking for the

81
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,720
Speaker 3: what we don't want, what we don't like, and they're

82
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,320
Speaker 3: just danger, danger, danger, you know, they're always you know,

83
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,440
Speaker 3: fight and flight is turning on. But when we learn

84
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,880
Speaker 3: to focus our where we were putting our focus.

85
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,320
Speaker 4: I equate it to the sun.

86
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,280
Speaker 3: If I went outside on a sunny day with a

87
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,159
Speaker 3: magnifying glass and a pile of leaves, I take all

88
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,520
Speaker 3: that energy of the sun and I start a fire.

89
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:41,560
Speaker 3: We have each of every single person listening has all

90
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,800
Speaker 3: this beautiful energy in them, but we're scattering it all

91
00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:48,600
Speaker 3: over the place. We're sloppy with our thinking. It's we're worrying,

92
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,720
Speaker 3: we're you know, doom's day, doom scrolling they call it now,

93
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,280
Speaker 3: and we're not focusing our energy on what we want

94
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:59,480
Speaker 3: and where we're going, and that leads to overwhelm anxiety.

95
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:05,760
Speaker 3: So my mission is to help people calm themselves self

96
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:10,080
Speaker 3: soothing so that they can experience more days of joy

97
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:10,839
Speaker 3: than misery.

98
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,400
Speaker 2: Michelle, there was a report that came out a few

99
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,040
Speaker 2: days ago that basically warned parents do not give a

100
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,720
Speaker 2: smartphone to a kid twelve and under. They will grow

101
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:25,640
Speaker 2: up to be depressed, anxiety, maybe overweight, all kinds of problems.

102
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,719
Speaker 2: Why is that?

103
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,080
Speaker 4: It's what do they call?

104
00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:33,039
Speaker 3: You know, these little terms are there's a term for

105
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,360
Speaker 3: it now. But we can compare and despair that's the

106
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,960
Speaker 3: term they use, compare and despair every You know, I'm

107
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,920
Speaker 3: an older woman and I always tease.

108
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:42,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know.

109
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,480
Speaker 3: It takes me about five minutes to go on social

110
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:45,880
Speaker 3: media and then start to feel bad.

111
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:46,520
Speaker 4: About my life.

112
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,400
Speaker 3: I'm not an eight year old so until and then

113
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,039
Speaker 3: I know I know enough to go. Michelle, You're going

114
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,800
Speaker 3: down that rabbit hole compare and despair and you know

115
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,719
Speaker 3: everyone shows you the highlight reel, not that behind the scenes.

116
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,280
Speaker 3: But a young child doesn't know that, and girls, especially,

117
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:06,120
Speaker 3: the research has shown it's I heard the author of

118
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,279
Speaker 3: there's a book called The Anxious Generation. I can't remember

119
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,479
Speaker 3: the author, but he said giving a teenage girl a

120
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,400
Speaker 3: cell phone is like giving her a gun. And that

121
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,279
Speaker 3: quote like hit me hard in the heart.

122
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,200
Speaker 4: I was like, whoof you know?

123
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,360
Speaker 3: It's so damaging to them. Boys are a little different

124
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:25,200
Speaker 3: big time.

125
00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:27,800
Speaker 2: You also talk about happiness is energy. What do you

126
00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:28,440
Speaker 2: mean by that?

127
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, same thing with the you think about energy. You

128
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,120
Speaker 3: don't need a I could give you the science and

129
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,479
Speaker 3: the research, but you don't need you know, numbers to

130
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,840
Speaker 3: know that when you feel joyful, you feel light. It's energy.

131
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:44,240
Speaker 3: It's this light energy. And when you could walk in

132
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,080
Speaker 3: a room and know that there's bad energy, right, you

133
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,760
Speaker 3: can cut the tension with a knife. You can meet

134
00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:52,320
Speaker 3: someone and say, oh my god, I feel like I've

135
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:56,560
Speaker 3: known you my whole life. So we are always communicating

136
00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,880
Speaker 3: without talking, and our energy is going before us. So

137
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,000
Speaker 3: people are feeling us. So my thing is I want

138
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:08,320
Speaker 3: people to feel to regulate those feelings. When you're focus

139
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,480
Speaker 3: on what you want and where you're going, your energy

140
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,000
Speaker 3: is lighter versus focusing on what you don't want and

141
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:13,720
Speaker 3: what you don't like.

142
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:19,240
Speaker 2: What are the episodes, Michelle that create happiness? Are there

143
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,520
Speaker 2: any key things that you need to have?

144
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:28,080
Speaker 3: So again, research shows so think of like a stool

145
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,160
Speaker 3: and if the legs of the stool are mental, physical, spiritual,

146
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:34,920
Speaker 3: emotional well being, and if one of those legs goes

147
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,880
Speaker 3: off the four legged stool, the stool is going to

148
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,760
Speaker 3: fall over. So each of us, you know, looking at

149
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:45,800
Speaker 3: our habits, what are your habits physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

150
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,600
Speaker 3: The new book deals more with emotional habits, where the

151
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,880
Speaker 3: first book dealt with you know, eating right and exercise.

152
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,800
Speaker 3: But your energy comes not just from eating right sleeping.

153
00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:02,400
Speaker 3: It comes from the way you're thinking, thinking of thoughts

154
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,840
Speaker 3: of doom and gloom and worry, and you know, watching

155
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,360
Speaker 3: the news all the time. You know you're you're literally

156
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,920
Speaker 3: creating that heavy energy. So research has shown when you

157
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,840
Speaker 3: do things for yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally on

158
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:20,480
Speaker 3: a regular basis you feel better. It can be as

159
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,240
Speaker 3: simple as taking a walk in the woods with a

160
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:23,800
Speaker 3: loved one.

161
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:24,760
Speaker 4: You hit all four.

162
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,640
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be difficult.

163
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,680
Speaker 2: How important is laughter to this equation?

164
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,960
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I'm a serious person, so I know

165
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,559
Speaker 3: how important it is. It just you know, it breaks

166
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,280
Speaker 3: down all your sense, you know, it breaks you up.

167
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,080
Speaker 3: It and it it releases. It's a release. It laughters

168
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,360
Speaker 3: like tears. Tears are just as good. So it just

169
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,640
Speaker 3: releases the energy. It lets you go up the emotion

170
00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:48,400
Speaker 3: what I call the emotional ladder. But we become a

171
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:53,240
Speaker 3: very serious and very sarcastic culture. So and even the

172
00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,280
Speaker 3: programming we watch, you know, the things we ingest on,

173
00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:59,240
Speaker 3: you know, whatever we're streaming. I always say, you know,

174
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,160
Speaker 3: you have to have something that's going to lift you

175
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,280
Speaker 3: and make you feel better about the world, and laugh

176
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,400
Speaker 3: and laugh at yourself, laugh at myself. I got up

177
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,679
Speaker 3: yesterday for the show, showered and got ready, and that

178
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,120
Speaker 3: the show was today, So I had a good laugh

179
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,120
Speaker 3: at myself yesterday.

180
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,600
Speaker 2: You're a day ahead on yourself, right, it was, Well,

181
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:21,720
Speaker 2: you can't prepared, that's for sure. Give us a story

182
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:28,080
Speaker 2: of somebody who was not happy, who became happy, you know.

183
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,600
Speaker 3: And that's the thing too, And I don't want to

184
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,120
Speaker 3: I don't want to make light of this. So some

185
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,840
Speaker 3: people have been clinically diagnosed with things where they need

186
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,960
Speaker 3: pharmaceuticals or they need, you know, things to help them.

187
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,199
Speaker 4: That is not what I'm talking about.

188
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,360
Speaker 3: What I want to do is talk about the person

189
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:50,199
Speaker 3: who's just become complaining and pessimistic. And what I love

190
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,440
Speaker 3: about it is the research shows that optimism.

191
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:53,960
Speaker 4: Can be learned.

192
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,640
Speaker 3: So if you think about our brain, I'm thinking of

193
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,920
Speaker 3: a woman in my head, which I haven't told you

194
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:03,320
Speaker 3: about her yet, but what happens is I've had a

195
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,760
Speaker 3: woman who just cares deeply about everything in life. And

196
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:10,040
Speaker 3: when you care so deeply about everything, when you see that,

197
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,520
Speaker 3: you know, the atrocities that get played out of the news,

198
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,040
Speaker 3: when you see people not doing the right thing at work,

199
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,839
Speaker 3: whatever you see rudeness, you really it upsets you because

200
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,439
Speaker 3: you just have this sense of fairness. You want things

201
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,320
Speaker 3: to be right, you want people to be good to

202
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,319
Speaker 3: each other. So when you see rudeness on the street,

203
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,199
Speaker 3: you get it gets you upset. So I started working

204
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:31,320
Speaker 3: with this woman who is just very upset with all

205
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,240
Speaker 3: the injustices and all the things that were happening. And

206
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,520
Speaker 3: what we do is we look at what's in our control.

207
00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:42,040
Speaker 3: Everybody listening to me right now, this is like the

208
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,920
Speaker 3: this is the gold nugget right here. When you stop

209
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,440
Speaker 3: giving your attention to things you don't control, you do

210
00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,760
Speaker 3: better in all areas of your life. And you could

211
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,680
Speaker 3: say it's a serenity prayer. You could say it's I

212
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,200
Speaker 3: call it write your outcome. It's I have control over

213
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,960
Speaker 3: how I show up. I have control over what I folks.

214
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,280
Speaker 3: I don't have control over whether the person on the

215
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,680
Speaker 3: train is rude or the guy cuts me off in traffic.

216
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,160
Speaker 3: But when I let go of that, and when someone

217
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,560
Speaker 3: cuts me off in traffic, and I say, write the

218
00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:12,560
Speaker 3: outcome and show what's the outcome I want. I want

219
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,800
Speaker 3: to get where I'm going and be calm. Then I'm

220
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,679
Speaker 3: not going to lose it. I'm in New York, so

221
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,079
Speaker 3: I could. I used to be the president of the

222
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:22,480
Speaker 3: road Rage Club, and I let the person go and

223
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,199
Speaker 3: I write a new outcome, and my nervous system relaxes

224
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:29,440
Speaker 3: and I feel happier. So teaching this person these skills,

225
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,959
Speaker 3: So there's a lot of methods I teach and little

226
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:36,520
Speaker 3: tricks and perspectives with your brain that you know, I

227
00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:38,680
Speaker 3: get emails, you know, a couple months later saying, oh

228
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,840
Speaker 3: my gosh, like this crazy thing happened at work, or

229
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,360
Speaker 3: I got looked over for a She said, I got

230
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,960
Speaker 3: looked over for a promotion, but didn't knock me over

231
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,920
Speaker 3: for a month or three months like it used to.

232
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,240
Speaker 3: All Right, it still hit me. It's still hurt, but

233
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,960
Speaker 3: you recover quicker. So even her boss is, Wow, she's

234
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,880
Speaker 3: so much happier. She's you know, doing her work. She's

235
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,800
Speaker 3: not complaining as much. So it's like you don't realize

236
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,360
Speaker 3: that all these things are within us and the world

237
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,720
Speaker 3: is still the same. People are still rude and stuff

238
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,240
Speaker 3: is still happening. But her perspective changed.

239
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,280
Speaker 2: My theory of road rage, as you brought up, Michelle,

240
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:14,400
Speaker 2: is that the person who does the raging is having

241
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:18,080
Speaker 2: a bad day and is confronted by a bad driver

242
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,960
Speaker 2: and considerate driver or just a bad driver, and then

243
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,760
Speaker 2: the road rager who's having a bad day can't handle it.

244
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:30,000
Speaker 2: What I've tried to teach myself is because I've really

245
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,400
Speaker 2: never been a road rager, but I try to laugh

246
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,440
Speaker 2: at it. Assuming the guy's not out to kill somebody.

247
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,319
Speaker 2: You will by being such a bad driver. And that's

248
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,480
Speaker 2: really one way of overcoming it. Somebody cuts you off,

249
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,080
Speaker 2: don't chase them, just kind of back off and go,

250
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,160
Speaker 2: oh boy, what a day they're happening, or something like that.

251
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,840
Speaker 3: That's your perspective, right, so you have a really healthy

252
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,400
Speaker 3: perspective where other person would say, oh, they did it

253
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,360
Speaker 3: on purpose, or you know, they're you know, they take

254
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:04,200
Speaker 3: it person, and you remove yourself from the situation, give

255
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,360
Speaker 3: them a little grace, and that's you know, I know,

256
00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:10,320
Speaker 3: that's transcendence. When you can transcend a situation and see

257
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,400
Speaker 3: it from the other person's perspective and still not be

258
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,000
Speaker 3: mad at them.

259
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,640
Speaker 4: That's beautiful what you're doing.

260
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,560
Speaker 2: Did you see the movie Unhinged with Russell Crowe?

261
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:20,959
Speaker 3: I feel like I just saw that.

262
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,319
Speaker 4: Remind I know, you know what, I just watched Nuremberg

263
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,760
Speaker 4: at Russell Crowe. What's Unhinged?

264
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,319
Speaker 2: It's about he's a road rager. You got to you

265
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,160
Speaker 2: gotta get it. He's a friend of a friend that

266
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,559
Speaker 2: he's a friend of ours.

267
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,280
Speaker 3: And I used to be a road raider.

268
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,960
Speaker 2: So he stopped, he stopped at the light and he's

269
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:41,480
Speaker 2: waiting and the light turns green and the lady behind

270
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:44,960
Speaker 2: him is in a rush and he hasn't picked up

271
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,400
Speaker 2: on the green yet. He didn't get to change. Some

272
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:51,520
Speaker 2: people are daydreaming, right yep, she haunks, not a little

273
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:57,280
Speaker 2: beep beep, but a way kind of rude, but to

274
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,600
Speaker 2: try to wake the guy up. He was into this

275
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,040
Speaker 2: road rage. And the whole movie is based on him

276
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:07,000
Speaker 2: being unhinged. I mean, he does things. I'm not gonna

277
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:11,960
Speaker 2: give away the movie, but he obviously was having an

278
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,920
Speaker 2: unhappy day, don't you think.

279
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:15,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

280
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,880
Speaker 3: I always say happy confident people make you feel happy

281
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:22,200
Speaker 3: and confident. So and that's where you know, we have

282
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,040
Speaker 3: these we have these personalities in our head. You know,

283
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:28,400
Speaker 3: Devil Angel, she's his voice in my head that is

284
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,920
Speaker 3: just absolutely ruthless, and she's nasty and she's judgmental, and

285
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,520
Speaker 3: she tells me I'm not good enough and I'm not

286
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,640
Speaker 3: worthy enough, and I'm not doing the right thing and

287
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,400
Speaker 3: I could be better. But then I have Grace, who's

288
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,760
Speaker 3: my angel, who tells me I'm doing everything I can.

289
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:41,960
Speaker 4: I'm a loving person.

290
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,520
Speaker 3: So all of us have these kind of alter egos

291
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,800
Speaker 3: in our brains. And when our fight and flight system

292
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,080
Speaker 3: gets turned on, such as the horn beeps he's having

293
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,640
Speaker 3: a bad day. Your heart starts to race.

294
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,600
Speaker 4: Am I in danger?

295
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:57,000
Speaker 3: Fight?

296
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,320
Speaker 4: Fight? Freeze?

297
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:03,680
Speaker 3: All of my energy energy, blood goes to my arms

298
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,960
Speaker 3: and legs. Am I gonna fight or flee? And your

299
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:12,400
Speaker 3: brain literally stops working as well. So that's what happens

300
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,680
Speaker 3: to each of us. This burst of adrenaline or I'm

301
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,960
Speaker 3: not sure the chemicals. Ye, it's adrenaline that comes out

302
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:22,040
Speaker 3: of your body causes our brain to stop working because

303
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,960
Speaker 3: all our energy is I need to survive. And what

304
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 3: the research has shown is in ninety seconds that energy

305
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:35,120
Speaker 3: is dissipated, but we keep it alive by talking about it.

306
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,600
Speaker 4: That guy cut me off and I.

307
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,680
Speaker 3: Couldn't believe she beeped her horn, And who does she

308
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 3: think she is? And we're either talking out loud to

309
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:45,240
Speaker 3: someone or we're fighting with someone in our head. And

310
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,760
Speaker 3: when we're doing this, we're reconnecting to it, and it's

311
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,360
Speaker 3: like poof. We keep blowing that. I imagine purple smoke coming

312
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:55,600
Speaker 3: out of my head. But if I tell myself in

313
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,720
Speaker 3: ninety seconds, it's gone. Michelle, take a walk, count to

314
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,360
Speaker 3: ten and re seapid or all those things we say

315
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 3: it all works.

316
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 2: Some of the waders have even chased people with guns.

317
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:09,440
Speaker 4: It's out of control.

318
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,680
Speaker 3: And that's why my message of this book is so important.

319
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,960
Speaker 3: Because we are at this meltdown. People's emotions are simmering

320
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,720
Speaker 3: on the edge. People are overwhelmed, they're frustrated, they're stress,

321
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:25,800
Speaker 3: they're fearful, they're anxious. And learning to regulate your nervous

322
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:29,280
Speaker 3: system and your emotions and soothe yourself just like you

323
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,560
Speaker 3: would sue the crying baby is one of the best

324
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,720
Speaker 3: things people can learn to do for themselves.

325
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,920
Speaker 2: Well, the bottom line, Michelle is they're not happy.

326
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,680
Speaker 3: Or they're not connected, right, they're disconnected from it. It's

327
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,720
Speaker 3: still in there, That's what I want people to you know,

328
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 3: it's still in there.

329
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:52,200
Speaker 2: How important is being raised a happy child for developing

330
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,000
Speaker 2: happiness as you become an adult.

331
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,800
Speaker 3: I don't The research isn't coming to my brain right now.

332
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,480
Speaker 3: But my belief is is everything that any one of

333
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,040
Speaker 3: us got and this, Mico, I'm trying to say this

334
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,359
Speaker 3: the right way. We all got what we needed to

335
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:11,359
Speaker 3: be the strong, confident person we are. So I believe that,

336
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,840
Speaker 3: you know, if I had a rough you know, time

337
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,560
Speaker 3: with my dad growing up sometimes like my dad was.

338
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,199
Speaker 3: I loved my dad so much, and he was a

339
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,520
Speaker 3: rough guy and he you know, he he he was.

340
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,920
Speaker 3: He was rough, but he he loved hard and he

341
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,080
Speaker 3: fought hard. But and when he passed away two years ago,

342
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,399
Speaker 3: I thought, oh my god, he was the He was

343
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,960
Speaker 3: the what do you call it, the the rock to

344
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 3: my pearl, so to speak. He his toughness and all

345
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,639
Speaker 3: this stuff I didn't like about him, and all the

346
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,879
Speaker 3: fights we had growing up and all the you know,

347
00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 3: it's it really shaped me. So I love him dearly

348
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,760
Speaker 3: for the lessons he taught me. He taught me what

349
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,439
Speaker 3: I want to be, but he also taught me what

350
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:54,320
Speaker 3: I don't want to be. So he was very He

351
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,480
Speaker 3: liked to hear, He drank, he yelled and screamed and

352
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,560
Speaker 3: through things. He was so loving. But when his brain clicked,

353
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,520
Speaker 3: right when as doctor jekyl Or came on, he would

354
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:07,360
Speaker 3: be volatile. So I adopted that early in life. Yelling, screaming,

355
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,720
Speaker 3: throwing things, you know, yelling at waiters and you know,

356
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 3: service people. I just thought, you know, I could have

357
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 3: the power. And when I saw when I learned this work,

358
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,480
Speaker 3: I studied with Jack Canfield out in Santa Barbara in

359
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:23,440
Speaker 3: ninety seven. It really knocked me over because I realized

360
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:27,639
Speaker 3: I had so much more control over my future. My

361
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,680
Speaker 3: past is done. So whatever happened in childhood, yes, it

362
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,800
Speaker 3: it matters. I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but it's not.

363
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,280
Speaker 3: You can't. You can now you're an adult. You can

364
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:41,600
Speaker 3: make the choices, so you still have options as an adult.

365
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,679
Speaker 3: You don't have to drag your past with you. You

366
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:44,760
Speaker 3: can use it to help you.

367
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 4: That's I guess what I'm trying to say.

368
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 1: Listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at

369
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:53,040
Speaker 1: one a m. Eastern and go to Coast to coastam

370
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,160
Speaker 1: dot com for more