WEBVTT - Ed Mylett ON: How to Break Down Your Goals Into Achievable Steps & Simple Ways to Create Positive Daily Habits 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.040 You know, I think most people think Jay, everyone else 0:00:02.120 --> 0:00:04.720 is going to die. I'll get around to be unhappy. 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:07.400 I'll get around my drink, and then it's another day 0:00:07.440 --> 0:00:09.960 and another day, and they keep it in the distance. 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:13.520 You only understand the power of one day when you're 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:16.040 threatened with never having another. One the best selling author 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:22.639 and post the number one healthy wellness podcast. Hey everyone, 0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:26.080 welcome back to Unpurposed, the number one health podcast in 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:28.040 the world. Thanks to each and every one of you 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:31.800 that come back every week to become happier, healthier and 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:34.199 more healed. And actually I need to start saying every 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:35.640 day because I know so many of you listen to 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:38.760 episodes every single day. So thank you so much for 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:42.440 our daily, weekly, monthly, yearly listeners. And I am so 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:45.440 excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:49.040 My new book Eight Rules of Love is out and 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:52.000 I cannot wait to share it with you. I am 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:54.960 so so excited for you to read this book, for 0:00:55.000 --> 0:00:57.280 you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.880 If you haven't got it already, make sure you go 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:03.600 to eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:07.399 anyone who's trying to find keep or let go of love. 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:10.399 So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:13.240 or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:15.559 And I'd love to invite you to come and see 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:19.280 me for my global tour Love Rules. Go to Ja 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:24.760 shettytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:27.360 and more. I can't wait to see you this year 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:31.240 and today. I am so excited for this because last 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:34.520 time he was on the show, you Guys went nuts, 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.399 like the response was unbelievable and I had so much 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:41.120 phenomenal feedback from this conversation. And today I'm going to 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:43.399 be talking to you about his new book, which I 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:45.160 want you to go and grab. It's already sold a 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:48.600 million copies, so it's tried and tested. This book is 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:52.000 called The Power of One More, The Ultimate Guide to 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:56.520 Happiness and Success by the one Only Ed my Let, 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:58.880 the host of Max Out. Make sure you go and 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:01.400 read that book as well if you haven't already and 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:03.720 listened to the podcast. And before we dive in, I 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:06.600 just want to say about Ed that Ed is one 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:12.440 of the strongest, toughest and kindest people I know, and 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:14.960 I think that balance is just so unique. If you 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:17.720 saw him, you'd be like, this guy's gonna like beat 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:20.440 me up. But then you get to know his heart 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:23.160 and you're just like, wow, I didn't know you could 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:26.800 have both, and you have both. So I'm so you 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:29.680 have a strong heart too. But I appreciate and I'm 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:31.560 so excited to talk about this, and I'll tell you why, 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:37.160 because as I was looking through this, this resonates so 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:42.040 deeply with someone who's always had to do the power 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:46.359 of one more and I don't I don't know many 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:49.760 people who know this. So when I first started, I 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:52.840 had a video series idea that I was pitching to 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:56.240 lots of top execs and top companies and they all 0:02:56.320 --> 0:03:01.240 said no one cares about meditation mindfulness based content, so rejected. 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:05.840 Then I ended up pitching to editors in chief and 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:08.480 I started miss meeting all these people and networking at events, 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:10.440 trying to get them to notice me and see what 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.600 I could do. And they all said you're too old, 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:18.200 or you're too young, you're too overqualified, or you're too underqualified. 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:20.320 There were all of these statements, So then I was 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:23.160 out there that didn't work. I then ended up at 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:27.320 an ethnic minority TV training day in the UK and 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:29.079 they were training. I walked into this room were just 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:31.640 six brown and black people and they were teaching us 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:34.880 how to be TV presenters. And I went there to 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:37.480 just check whether I even had good skills to present, 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:41.040 because I was starting to doubt myself at the end 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:43.200 of it. At the end of it, they were like, Jay, 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:44.960 you've got some many good skills. I was like, awesome, 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:46.920 Like give me a job, Like, give me anything. I'll 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:49.920 start like fifteen thousand pounds a year. Like I don't care. 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:53.640 They said, Jay, there's no jobs in media. And so 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:54.760 I was like, well, what do you want me to do? 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:57.400 And they would like start a YouTube channel and I 0:03:57.480 --> 0:03:59.200 was like, well that works for Justin Lee, but like 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.040 that's like for one billion people, It's not going to 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.400 work for me. And it's really interesting. I read it 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:06.800 Thomas Edison quote, and this is why this book is 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.560 just this book is this quote I'm about to share 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:11.760 with you. But with every tactic, with every skill, with 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:14.600 every tip, quotes are beautiful, books are life changing. Right, 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:18.560 This quote by Thomas Edison said, when you feel you've 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:25.479 exhausted all options, remember this you haven't that that's the 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.920 power of one more. And so I have lived this 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:31.920 book in my life like I have lived this mindset 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:34.560 and it has changed my life because I've always been 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:38.520 just one step away, one habit away, one mindset away 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:42.040 from this amazing life that I'm grateful and blessed to live. Well, 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:44.000 that's the truth, right, You're right, And I think the 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:47.360 great lie in life is that I you know, some 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.600 scriptures say, well, where there's no vision, the people will perish. 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:53.240 Whatever your scriptures are, really, do you have no vision? 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:54.640 If you ask the average person you want to be 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:56.440 happy or sad, what's your vision? They'd say I want 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:58.000 to be happy. You want to be rich or poor? 0:04:58.080 --> 0:04:59.560 Most people say I'd like to be rich. Do you 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:02.000 want to contr tribute or make no difference in the world. 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:04.200 I want to contribute. Do you want beautiful memories or 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:06.839 no memories? I want memories. So there's a vision. Our 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:10.720 issue is depth perception. We think it's further away than 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:13.600 it is. And because we think it's so far away, Jay, 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:16.839 we create patterns and behaviors in our life that perpetually 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:19.680 keep it there. Oh, and that's what we do in 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:22.240 our life. But what if that's the great lie of life? 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:26.279 And what if the truth is that you're one relationship away, 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:30.960 one meeting away, one conversation, one podcast, one interview, one 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:34.680 new thought, one new emotion, one new tactic or strategy 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:39.279 away from completely changing the trajectory of your life. And 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:41.320 everyone that you and I know that we both work 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:43.200 with it were blessed to work with in our lives. 0:05:43.560 --> 0:05:46.600 The truth is it was one decision, one meeting, one 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.880 extra rep, one more phone call, one thing they did 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:53.000 that change their trajectory, and then the question then becomes 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.720 how do I do it? And so the strategies are 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:58.560 in the book, but conceptually that's one hundred percent how 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:01.080 you change your life. Yeah, and you're you're so right. 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:04.360 I was thinking about this this morning. Last year, I 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:08.640 had a double honeya surgery on the front, so I 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:13.039 couldn't walk for about a month. And when I second walk, 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:16.080 I mean like I literally couldn't move. It was like 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:18.080 I was like I felt like I was teaching myself 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:20.440 to walk again. Like that's how it felt. It's really 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:23.000 interesting what you just said about how we perpetually push 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:26.800 it far away. I would wake up every morning and 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:30.159 my mind, or my initial mindset was like it will 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:32.920 be gone today. It must have gone today, Like today, 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.320 it will be fully healed. I'll be fine today. And 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:39.120 I would wake up and I wouldn't be and I 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:43.520 would feel like healing was so far away. Yes, it 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:46.640 would be like eighty percent away. That I was missing 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:50.080 out on the one percent change since yesterday. You got it, 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.960 Since yesterday I made one percent change I was. I 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:55.400 wasn't feeling the same pain in my nerves. I was 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:59.000 able to be flexible by one percent more, and I 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:01.440 was missing out on all of that because I'm so 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:03.839 obsessed with how far I was. That's the journey, and 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:07.080 what happens is when you live with an expectation that 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:10.680 these one mores exist, the reticular activating system in your 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:13.520 mind filters them into your awareness. I call it the 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:15.680 matrix in the second chapter of the book. When you 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:17.960 wake up believing, hey, I'm one decision away, I'm one 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:21.720 meeting away, one relationship away, that's not hokey. Your mind 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:25.360 begins to filter the people, places, and things into your awareness. 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:29.320 You've developed something called sensory acuity. You hear conversations you 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:31.360 weren't hearing. We've all had that experience. Work. We're on 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:33.720 on your point. I can't stop hearing these people over here, 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:35.320 or you walk in a loud room, but you can 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:38.040 hear your own name auditorially over all the other names 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:41.360 in the room. That's because it's important to you, and 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.680 it matters you see things. And so when something becomes 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:47.800 important to you and you believe it to be true, 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:51.240 the RAS goes to proving it for you. And where 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:53.120 I learned this ironical I talk about in the book 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:56.600 is my father was an alcoholic and had tried to 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:59.200 get sober many many times, and I'll never forget it. Jay, 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.520 we are driving to baseball game of mine or my 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:04.080 dad started crying. I'd never seen my dad cry before. 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:07.160 And he pulls the car over and he still isn't 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:08.960 looking at me, but he's crying, and he says, Eddie, 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:11.400 and then he turns to me and he goes, I'm 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:14.560 gonna try to get sober, and I'll never forget this. Brother. 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:19.960 He goes one more time, and I said, really, Daddy. 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:23.520 He goes, I'm gonna give it one more try. And 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:25.200 I said to him, I said, why would this be 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:27.920 any different this time? And he said, never said this 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:31.280 to me before he goes. Because I love you and 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:33.440 you deserve it. Father, You can be proud of and 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:35.840 you can't be proud of me right now. And I 0:08:35.880 --> 0:08:38.280 think every great thing we do in life is one away, 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:42.160 but it's also born from love. To talk about your book. 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:45.440 When you love people or you love something so deeply, 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:48.360 if that love is greater than what the obstacles might be, 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:50.320 now you've got a shot to do it. Then my 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:53.160 dad gets sober, he comes home from rehab. I say, Daddy, 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:55.880 are you never gonna drink again? And he said, I 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.000 can't promise you that. I can promise you I'm not 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:00.560 going to drink for one more day at a time. 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:03.719 And he lasted the rest of his life stacking those 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:05.880 one more days up. And so I know the power 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:08.080 of one more and jay the other thing. I also 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:11.080 know humans can change. I watched my hero do it. 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:14.920 I watched my dad live my first fifteen years. I 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:17.120 saw him in a lot of fights, a lot of 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.280 line a lot of difficult times, and then I saw 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:23.480 this man transform. And in life, we're most qualified to 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:26.400 help the person we used to be. And we think 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:28.560 in life, and I hope everybody gets this, we think 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:31.520 that things were most ashamed of, embarrassed by our divorce, 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:34.000 our bankruptcy, or maybe We've just always been average in 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:39.000 ordinary this disqualifies me from being successful and happy. If 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:41.679 that's not true, What if the hardest things of your 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:44.160 life are the very things that qualify you. I'll give 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:46.480 you an example. You know, my dad got sober. Somebody 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:49.080 helped him. My dad was going to take his life 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:50.800 or lose his family, and I didn't know who it 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:53.760 was till months ago, some precious human being whom I 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:56.880 didn't know, and my dad's darkest hour of his life, 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.360 Jay said, I'll help you. I'll help you. Little to 0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:03.079 that person know, I'd be his son and I'd help 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.160 millions of people, and I'd be on Jay Setty Show, 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:07.800 and we both helped millions of people. And the more 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:09.880 ironic thing that this person helped my dad is what 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.400 qualified them to help my dad. They were a drunk, 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:16.480 they were an alcoholic. They at one time, we're a 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:18.920 drug addict. They at one time, we're lying and stealing 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:21.240 and living in the shadows. The very thing that person 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:24.920 probably figured that disqualifies me from having a successful life 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:28.560 was the one thing that did qualify them to help 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:30.120 my dad. So if you're listening to this and you've 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:33.040 had something you're ashamed of or a failure or a setback, 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:35.600 you're most qualified to help the people you used to be. 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:38.880 And that person that alcoholism they suffered with their drug 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:42.520 addiction helped my dad live those one more days forever. 0:10:43.240 --> 0:10:48.000 That is the best explanation I've heard of how pain 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:51.320 tends into purpose. Right, the thing that brought you down, 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.240 that broke you down, that made you feel like you 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:58.000 are losing everything that's right gave you back everything when 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:00.720 you use that to save the people that we're struggling 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.120 with it, and then then there's a purpose. And you know, 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.200 if you can survive the temporary pain in your life, 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.360 and all pain is temporary. I watch my father pass 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:11.160 away last year. He was in tremendous pain. Even our 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:14.400 bodies are only our souls are permanent. If you can 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:17.440 survive the temporary. On the other side of temporary pain, 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:20.800 you meet another version of yourself, another insight about yourself. 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:22.640 And that's why it's so important to grow as a person, 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:24.439 because the more we grow and become a new person, 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:26.240 we can help those that used to be like us. 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:28.160 And that's why you and I are so addicted to 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:31.080 growing and learning, and we're curious because if you used 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:33.600 to be a broken person, and you no longer are 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:35.959 quite as broken. You can help broken people. If you 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:38.839 used to be broke financially and you no longer are, 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:41.040 you can help people. Whatever you do for a living, 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.080 at one time you didn't know about it, and now 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:45.240 you do, you can help those who need to know 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:49.040 about it. And so you're immensely qualified if you understand 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:51.320 the power of doing one more. Oh, I love it, 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:53.560 I love it. Tell me about so let's say, and 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:56.200 you probably come up against this all the time. A 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:58.280 lot of the people say, Okay, I'm going to practice that. 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:01.080 I'm with you, Ed, I love you, Jay, I'm listening, 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:03.320 and I go, yes, I'm going to practice the power 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:06.040 of one more. Now what I find And this is 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:09.000 why you're so great at teaching this, because you're not 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:12.760 teaching it as a gimmicker glitch. You're like a little 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:16.520 a little affirmation. This is like real, it makes sense, 0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:20.520 like it works. People get so tied to the result 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:23.839 that when they try it the next day and the 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:27.160 sales meeting doesn't go their way or the pitch doesn't 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.480 go their way, they go, oh, it doesn't work, it 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.760 doesn't work. Why didn't it work? And how should we 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.400 respond when we fail or get rejected them, well, it 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:37.600 didn't work because you're so attached to the outcome. I 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:39.559 coach a lot of athletes. I know you do as well. 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:41.440 And one of the things that's a really nuanced thing 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:43.480 in life. It's great to have goals. You should have goals. 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:45.240 I want to do this or that, But in the 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.040 moment of execution, you have to separate from outcome in 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:51.679 the moment that you're executing and just be present and exist. 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:53.679 I talk about this in the book. Here's what I 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:57.160 would say if you're gonna win long term. Ninety five 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.760 percent of people have an operating system in their mind. 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.880 They operate out of history and memory. Oh I like that, 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:07.240 And about five percent of humans operate out of vision 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:10.040 and imagination. So the reason we're so much happier, I 0:13:10.040 --> 0:13:12.480 believe when we're children is we have no history in memory, 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:16.160 so we operate of imagination, in dreams and vision. But 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:18.520 at some age, some people it's five years old, Sum 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:21.480 it's eight, s it's eighteen, Sum it's twenty eight. They 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:25.079 create a history and that history then becomes the operating system. 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:27.680 So even if they take on a new behavior or tactic, 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.800 they're operating out of a pattern of thought and belief 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:34.320 that's historic and memory based. And so the number one 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:36.160 thing I would say is begin to operate out of 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:39.920 your imagination again, out of your vision again, create from 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:43.400 that place. If you create from that place, now you're 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:45.520 not tied to the result in that moment. You're giving 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:49.439 yourself space to imagine and create something new in your 0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:52.360 life that I've never heard that in that language. Man, 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:56.440 that is so powerful. I you're so right about his kids. 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.200 That we don't have any memory or history, so we 0:13:58.200 --> 0:14:00.200 don't have any blocks, we don't have any min and 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.280 begin to listen to the people around you. People say, hey, 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.320 you're the product of who you hang around. How do 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:06.760 I know if they serve me or not? Here's way 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:08.840 one way to just deduce this, because they could be 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:11.559 beautiful people who care about you, and they might even 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.600 support you. But when you're with them, what are you 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:16.560 either of those friends you're with them, you're like you 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:19.800 remember when you remember you remember, remember that party, remember 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:22.520 that thing. And if your friends are constantly bringing you 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:26.880 to the filtration system of memory and history all the time, 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:30.200 think this through. How often are those friends saying, hey, 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:32.760 what are you working? On now, where are you going? 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:34.680 What's your vision? What do you want to create? And 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:37.000 maybe that sounds hokey, but you and I have some 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:39.200 of the some of our both our friends have the 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:41.920 most amazing histories, and you can't get them to talk 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:44.000 about them. You have to work because what are they 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.760 still doing. They're talking about now and where they're going. 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.560 Their viewpoint in their life is being present and having 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:54.160 a vision for the future. A formula for misery, a 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:58.040 formula for lack of creativity. Lack of productivity is constantly 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.600 being history and memory. Even if it's good, it doesn't 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:04.320 serve us and for most of but it's is not good, 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.040 and we keep living from it or trying to move 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:10.160 away from it. Create a new future. Don't move away 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:14.840 from the past. Create a brilliant, imaginative, curious, vibrant vision 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:17.440 for your life. Oh I love that. Yeah, we're always 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:21.000 trying to create the same past, yes, as opposed to 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:23.680 a new future future. And I find that what's really 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:27.760 interesting about that. All the studies show that nostalgia makes 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:31.680 us believe that the past was more phenomenal than it 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.520 actually was. If you remember that party you went to 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.920 a college, it's better in your memory than it actually was. 0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:40.720 If you actually could have gone back and remembered how 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.160 you felt hungover and what you broke a bone or 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:46.480 whatever happened. But now in your memory, it's beautiful, beauty. Right, 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:49.200 So our memory also is slightly warped of the past, 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:51.400 no question. You can make things feel much better or 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:54.800 much worse sometimes, no question. But what's really coming out 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:58.080 for me right now is this idea that it's something 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:00.320 you said a couple of moments ago, and it's a 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:04.400 thought for me. I remember the story that Vanessa Brian 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:07.800 told about Kobe Bryant after he passed away. I was 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:10.400 fortunate enough to interview him about three months before it, 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:14.640 before his tragic passing, and she told this story, and 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:18.680 she said that Kobe would play through every injury, He 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:22.120 would play through every pain, He would play through everything, 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:24.880 even when the doctors and his coaches would say stop playing. 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:29.080 And she asked him, she said, once, why he still plays? 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:33.239 Right again, going back to our curiosity, it's not assuming 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:37.000 you know your partner, She asked him, why do you 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:39.320 still play? And this is just her and him, there's 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:42.160 no cameras, there's no she's telling this story. But at 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:44.840 the time it was just them too. He said, it's 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:49.640 because there's someone who's paid for a ticket today. They 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:53.120 saved up and this is the only time they're ever 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:55.200 going to be able to calm. Maybe a son's boy, 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:58.040 maybe a dad's brought his kid, maybe someone's come to 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:01.120 the game. They're a lifelong fan, and day came today, 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:02.600 and today is the only day they're gonna get to 0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:05.320 see me. And if I say I'm injured, they won't 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:09.480 get to see me. So I'm gonna play that one 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:11.439 person he gets to see me play. And then he 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.800 goes and wins yes. And it's like, that's love. That's 0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:17.280 that's what you were saying. Love for something is in 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:20.600 the present moment also, right, Love is not just for 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:24.280 the past. And it's funny how important one day is. Man, 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:27.240 When my dad got sick, my dad got cancer. When 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:28.960 he first got sick, he goes, hey, my dad was 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:32.480 a dude. He goes, look, I'll fight this one time. Okay, 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:34.960 I'll do your little chemo and your surgery, but I'm 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:37.000 not gonna pour poison into my body. I'm not gonna 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:38.880 lose my hair, I'm not going to deteriorate. I'll give 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:40.880 this thing a shot once. If it doesn't work, I'm out. 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:45.520 That led to eight years have been fighting it wow, chemo, radiation, 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:49.760 proton therapy, surgery, surgery, chemo, experimental chemo. And he did 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:52.280 lose his hair and he was in pain. And I'd 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:54.520 say to my dad. I say, Dad, you're suffering so much. 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:56.840 He said, you wouldn't suffer. He said, no, Eddie, I'm 0:17:56.880 --> 0:18:01.479 in pain, but I'm not suffering. I choose not to suffer. 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:03.800 And I'm not suffering because I get to see my 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:05.840 grandkids again. And I am. I just said, Dad, why 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:08.560 are you doing this? And he said, you only understand 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:12.080 the power of one day when you're threatened with never 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:16.040 having another one. I'll do anything for one more day. 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:18.879 Get to be with you one more time, give your 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:20.719 mom a kiss, one more time. Maybe I'll see one 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.439 of my granddaughters get married. And he goes, I'll do 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:26.239 anything for one more day. The beautiful thing is I 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:30.000 was actually with Kobe a week before he passed away. 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:34.959 We're in the same gym our daughters played volleyball, and ironically, 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:38.480 that day I watched Kobe walk out of the gym. 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:40.400 There's only a couple of dads left. It was late 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:43.040 at night, he stayed and I stayed, and he had 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:46.199 his youngest daughter in his arm, and he was rubbing 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:49.040 his other daughter's back, and I remember taking note of 0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:50.919 it because I was with Belle at the other end 0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:53.440 of the gym, and I remember thinking, I don't hug 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:56.760 Bella enough. I need to hug No joke, bro, it's 0:18:56.760 --> 0:18:59.120 in the book. I went, I gotta hug Bella one 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:02.119 more time every day, not just once a day, plus 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:04.400 one more time every day. My daughter's gonna get extra 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:07.359 hugs because Kobe does that. What if I could have 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:09.680 said to Kobe when he got in his car, Kobe, 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:15.480 you have one more week, brother. Tell those to you 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:18.719 love you, love him, get it right. Whoever matters to you, 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:21.280 make it right. Call your dad, make it right, Call 0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:24.640 your mom, call your family. What if the day before 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:29.000 you could have said, Kobe, have one day left, and 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:31.080 my dad same thing. I was with my dad when 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:32.720 he had one day left. I was with my dad 0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:34.679 when he had one hour left. I was with my 0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:38.040 dad when he had one breath left. And when we 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:40.919 begin to think of our life that way, the power 0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:43.800 of right now and having one more moment and one 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:47.560