1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,720 Speaker 1: I'm home for the holidays and I have a very 2 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: special guest for this episode of Wide Open, and you 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 1: don't want to miss it. High five, Hello everyone, and 4 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:26,280 Speaker 1: welcome back to Wide Open. I'm your host, Ashlyn Harrison. Today. Woo, 5 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: we have someone special. We're closing out season one right 6 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:35,640 Speaker 1: here in our home, on our couch with Christmas lights 7 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,159 Speaker 1: in the vibes exactly where they need to be, and 8 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,479 Speaker 1: sitting next to me is someone you all know, someone 9 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: you all love, and someone I'm lucky enough to call 10 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: my partner, Sophia Bush. We've never done this before. We're real, 11 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,880 Speaker 1: sit down, just the two of us, honesty, realness, and 12 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: I couldn't imagine ending this for season with anyone else. 13 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: So thank you for being here. This year has been 14 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: absolutely wild, transformative, healing, hilarious, messy, beautiful and all the 15 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:15,760 Speaker 1: things in between. And Sophia, you've been there through a 16 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: majority of it, cheering me on every step of the way. 17 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 1: So today we're talking about roots, We're talking about reinvention, 18 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: we're talking about purpose, partnership, the world we're navigating, and 19 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: most importantly, the home we're building. So grab a blanket, people, 20 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,959 Speaker 1: grab some coco, grab whatever you like to sip on 21 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,199 Speaker 1: for the holidays because we're settling in and we're getting 22 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: wide open. Welcome to the show, my love. 23 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 2: Okay, I need to put my coffee down. Yeah, put 24 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 2: that down. 25 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: Cheers, cheers too, wide open, Thanks for having me cute sucks. 26 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, happy holidays. 27 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: Well to start off, when you think about home, now, 28 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 1: what's the first feeling or image that comes to your mind. 29 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 2: Other than the terror I just felt when I almost 30 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,640 Speaker 2: spelled a goss of red wine on our white Okay, 31 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,680 Speaker 2: the first the first word or image? 32 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, tell me, Like, tell me what you feel right 33 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 1: now and you think of when you think about home 34 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,399 Speaker 1: because you're sitting in it. 35 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,920 Speaker 2: It's really interesting you said word, and I had a thought. 36 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 2: But when you said image, it's a fireplace. 37 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 1: Mmm. 38 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 2: It's warm, it's cozy, it's safe, it's insulated. 39 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,239 Speaker 1: You know. I love that. So tell tell me what's 40 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: been going on. Tell me update, update, are people watching, 41 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:54,079 Speaker 1: people tuning in, the people listening? It's been quite a year. 42 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:58,239 Speaker 1: So before we start diving into all of the brain busters, 43 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 1: I thought of, tell me tell me about where you 44 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 1: are today. How are you feeling? 45 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 2: I feel good? I am, I mean, you know, I'm exhausted. 46 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 2: It's been such a long year. I feel like, no 47 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 2: matter how much sleep, I wake up tired, but I 48 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 2: wake up happy. And let's think on the day we 49 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 2: are recording this, We've just had a long weekend of 50 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 2: being cozy in our home together after a packed holiday, 51 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 2: your work at Surffranche, Thanksgiving with our family, I hosted 52 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 2: Women of Worth for Laoreal and you know, managed to 53 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 2: keep it together live on the carpet for an hour 54 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 2: and didn't cry out of sheer emotion in anyone's face, 55 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 2: which was a really big deal. 56 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: Always a bonus. 57 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 2: I went and spoke at Harvard, which was super cool. 58 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 2: I spent two days with the students at the IOP 59 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 2: there and yeah, now we're home and gearing up to 60 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 2: really shut it down and just be with our family holiday. 61 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 1: I'm really really looking forward to spending This is going 62 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: to be the first Christmas we're together as a family, 63 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: with the kids with their parents, with their closest friends, 64 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: and I'm that's like one of the greatest things I'm 65 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,240 Speaker 1: looking forward to because we haven't done it yet. You know, 66 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:23,480 Speaker 1: everyone's coming, everyone's coming. We've done we have a Christmas 67 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: tree in almost every room. We're really over planning and 68 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:30,800 Speaker 1: over excited, but well, I love a moment, you really do. 69 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 1: And Christmas is about like it's just so cheesy and 70 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 1: we're really committing. Tone look at us. I mean, we're 71 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:43,640 Speaker 1: really committing. But before we get into the holidays, I 72 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 1: really want to peel back some of the layers because 73 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: this is our first time like sitting down and having 74 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 1: a real conversation about you mean for other people, well, yes, yes, 75 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 1: publicly sitting down having a real conversation about where we are, 76 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: what we've been through. Like life has been such a 77 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:06,159 Speaker 1: beautiful journey with you, and I think it's important to 78 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 1: really talk about new beginnings and that's like, really what 79 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: I want to focus on, because I do think having 80 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: the courage and strength to start again and knowing what 81 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: potentially could be on the other side of that is 82 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: absolutely magic and I'm lucky that I have been able 83 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,720 Speaker 1: to experience that type of magic with you and with 84 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: our kids. It's a journey that I think speaks on 85 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: standing ten toes down and going through the pain and 86 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: what comes with reinventing yourself and change. But God, is 87 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 1: it so beautiful on the other side. And I think 88 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: giving that type of message and courage to people that 89 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: at any moment, you should have the freedom to start again. 90 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,720 Speaker 1: And I know you more than anyone, agree with that. 91 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 1: So I want to ask this question, when you look 92 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 1: back at younger Sophia, what part of her still lives 93 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: in you the strongest. 94 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 2: When I think about myself as a kid, I was 95 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:22,920 Speaker 2: always just so curious. I wanted to learn how everything worked. 96 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,719 Speaker 2: I wanted to understand where everything comes from. And I 97 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,800 Speaker 2: think I've managed to hold on to that. I think 98 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,839 Speaker 2: as an adult, I understand why in my childhood I 99 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 2: often felt included but on the outside, like if that 100 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 2: makes sense, I know, my brain works a little bit differently, 101 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 2: and you know, maybe things that I'm sensitive to other 102 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 2: people aren't. I think it's actually why community based fill 103 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 2: in the blank systems organizing anything care matters the most, 104 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 2: because it lets everybody come to the table with their 105 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 2: sort of best skill set, and then together you build 106 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 2: something that's really holistic and considered. I didn't know the 107 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 2: meaning of half of those words when I was a 108 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 2: little girl. 109 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: But. 110 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 2: When I look back, I see a kid who, even 111 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 2: though she often felt like an odd man out or 112 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 2: felt like maybe she was missing something, or like she 113 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 2: knew something and everyone else was missing it. I finally, 114 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 2: I finally think I understand how to carry her with 115 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 2: me and how to let that uniqueness be an additive 116 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 2: and how to let curiosity always be my first foot forward. 117 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 1: That's great and I really feel that. And you know 118 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 1: what I love most about you saying that is your 119 00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: ability to give that to the kids. You guys, really 120 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 1: are so your imagination and your ability just to play 121 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: and be so spontaneous and so creative with them. I think, 122 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 1: as someone who's been a professional athlete and so structured, 123 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: that I've lost a little bit of that being like 124 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: curious the children, and you have really ignited that back 125 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: into my life and we play so much now and 126 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 1: it's so fun and I love that that gets transferred 127 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: down to them because it is really such a magical 128 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 1: time to have a three and four year old when 129 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: they're walking around having conversations with God knows who and 130 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:52,679 Speaker 1: wanting to put stages together so they could perform their imagination. 131 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,679 Speaker 1: They're so curious about everything and we're teaching them to 132 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: keep asking questions. 133 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:00,199 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think it's really interesting though, that you say 134 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,199 Speaker 2: that you think I give that to the kids because 135 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:10,680 Speaker 2: I've learned so much of that from you. Like, yes, 136 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,720 Speaker 2: there's nobody better to read books to them than me, 137 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:17,079 Speaker 2: because I'll do every voice, obviously, and like I'll make 138 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 2: it a full Pixar movie before bed every night. But 139 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 2: something that I really am so amazed with as an 140 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 2: observer and as your partner is that you can take 141 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:35,320 Speaker 2: any situation and flip it to fun. You make learning 142 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 2: lessons fun, You make risk filled with reward for them. 143 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,080 Speaker 2: You know, you are much more regimented as a person 144 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 2: than I am. I'm very used to having to go 145 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 2: with the flow and like making it work no matter what. 146 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,840 Speaker 2: And You're like, I get up at this time and 147 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 2: I eat this thing and it does this for my body, 148 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 2: and then I do this at this time, and then 149 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,320 Speaker 2: I'm like, what nobody's ever asked me like how my 150 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,559 Speaker 2: body felt? Or like if I was a okay at 151 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 2: work and you were learned to like really take that 152 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 2: seriously and to feed yourself and care for yourself in 153 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 2: a way that's so amazing. So like, I'm learning a 154 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:18,559 Speaker 2: lot from you, but I also think it's incredible, And duh, 155 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,319 Speaker 2: the asterisk of what I'm about to say is obviously 156 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:27,600 Speaker 2: toddlers are not rational. Obviously, part of parenting is repeating lessons. 157 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 2: They are genius and creative and so fun and so smart, 158 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 2: and when something triggers a toddler's brain for a meltdown, 159 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 2: no rationality is going to stop the meltdown. And I 160 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 2: don't always know what to do with that, because I'm like, 161 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,679 Speaker 2: but here's the facts. How are we not going to 162 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:48,480 Speaker 2: fix based on reality? And you'll just flip it into 163 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 2: something and this thing that has made them lose their 164 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 2: minds suddenly they're laughing. And it's been this really cool 165 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 2: experience for me in learning to cope with you because 166 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,319 Speaker 2: the things I'm inherently good at they love, and the 167 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 2: things I inherently didn't understand, I've learned to bring what 168 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,680 Speaker 2: I'm good at into so to go, Oh, we're having 169 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:17,839 Speaker 2: a meltdown about the one orange crayon that snapped in half. Well, 170 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 2: you snapped it in half, but you don't seem to 171 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 2: care that you snapped it in half. You care that 172 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 2: it's broken, like we turn it into a game. Yeah, 173 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 2: and nobody's better at an improv game than me. But 174 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 2: I didn't know that until I witnessed you do it. 175 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 2: And I got to watch you do this thing that 176 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:38,680 Speaker 2: for all your achievements, everything you've won, all the records 177 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,880 Speaker 2: that like you know, you set, and all the all 178 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 2: just all the things that a person would write as 179 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 2: your most impressive traits. First, I'm like, no, she's a 180 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 2: literal magician of a parent. Like that's top tier for me. 181 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 2: And so you've given me as an example. You've really 182 00:11:55,920 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 2: given me tools to play as a grown up in 183 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 2: ways I don't think I'd ever given myself permission to. 184 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 2: So now we're parenting these kids, and while we're doing it, 185 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,440 Speaker 2: we're reparenting ourselves. Yes, Like my inner child is like 186 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 2: I always wanted it. She was like a serious little 187 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:19,679 Speaker 2: kid who became an adult very early and never looked back. 188 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 2: And I feel like I'm having a second childhood in 189 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 2: a way because of the kids that in you. 190 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: That's beautiful, and it perfectly segues into this important question 191 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: I want to ask you, speaking of our childhood and 192 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 1: being young and raising very young kids, what is something 193 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: you've outgrown that you're really proud of letting go. 194 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 2: I'm working on it, but I am I am less 195 00:12:55,960 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 2: concerned with other people's opinions. First, of course, I'm human 196 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,040 Speaker 2: and it matters, and we all want to be liked, 197 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 2: we want to be known, we want to be seen truthfully, 198 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 2: which is really hard when you've been in the public 199 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 2: eye and you've been commodified as a thing, and maybe 200 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 2: something that you could be cast as or written about 201 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 2: as is more beneficial to other people and their bottom 202 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 2: line and their pocket so they'll run with it even 203 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 2: if it isn't authentic. That's a painful kind of dissonance 204 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,839 Speaker 2: as a person, especially as a person who's like very 205 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 2: obsessed with truth and justice for better or worse, Like 206 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 2: maybe a little insanely so, but yeah, I'm really learning 207 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:47,679 Speaker 2: to say, yes, I for better or worse. My life 208 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 2: is in this sphere, do what you want in this sphere. 209 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 2: This sphere isn't real. The whole thing is an illusion. 210 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:58,680 Speaker 2: And I actually can prioritize me and my family, me 211 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 2: and my humans, me and the people who know the 212 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:08,600 Speaker 2: whole truth of a fully human life. I don't have 213 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 2: to worry about the noise so much, and it feels 214 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:16,080 Speaker 2: really good to have less of that noise in my 215 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 2: day to day. And it's taken a lot of really 216 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 2: hard work to get there, and. 217 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 1: I think it takes time because what I do know 218 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: is when you listen to women, you know, Hollywood Reporter 219 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 1: just had, you know, Loreel had, Women of worth Hollywood 220 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 1: Reporter did. And what was a common theme for me 221 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 1: as these women who are now approaching their fifties, sixties, seventies, 222 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: even eighties, they're very frank and they're just like, it's 223 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: the greatest era of our life because we genuinely don't 224 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,400 Speaker 1: give a fuck anymore because we're living this for ourselves, 225 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 1: not for the approval of other people. A won't we 226 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: don't know, B will never meet who don't impact our 227 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: bottom line. And being able to release that as a 228 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: woman is hard to do. It really is, because like 229 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: I would love to be able to sit here and 230 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 1: say the same thing. But you know, things do penetrate, 231 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,320 Speaker 1: life does happen. Things are hard, but I think it 232 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 1: is a working progress. E See what I did there. 233 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: It's a nice little plug for my podcast. See what 234 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: I did there? Yeah, but it is that you know, 235 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 1: people know parts of your story, but they don't know 236 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: the entirety or wholeness of what it is. And I'm 237 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: curious what chapter you're ready to close and what chapter 238 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 1: you're really excited. You're excited to open moving into twenty 239 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 1: twenty six. 240 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, there are things. The way I visualize it is 241 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,080 Speaker 2: almost like cleaning out a storage unit. 242 00:15:55,040 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: You love a storage A little bit about I almost 243 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 1: tell the listeners and people watching, how many stores? You know? 244 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: We like to collecting it. 245 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 2: We collect things I've also lived. I've spent twenty years 246 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 2: of my adult life living spread across two states, and 247 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 2: you kind of accumulate. 248 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: I have never met someone with so many old things. 249 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 2: My choch keys, you love a CHACHKEI my choch keys, 250 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 2: and treasures you call. 251 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,480 Speaker 1: It trinkets and trash. 252 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 2: Here we go. We're really working on it. Someday I'm 253 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,120 Speaker 2: going to open a shop and it's going. 254 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 1: To be get it all out gladly. 255 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, like I that's my That'll be one of my 256 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 2: next phases for sure. My like Amber Interiors, Nikki ko life. 257 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 2: I don't even remember what the question was. 258 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: I don't know the metaphor the metaphor. I'm back, I'm back, 259 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: and someone has ADHD deeply. 260 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 2: So when you talk about stuff you want to leave behind, 261 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 2: it's kind of like when you're moving and you think 262 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 2: it's done, like the house is empty or the storage 263 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 2: units empty, and then you go back in for one 264 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 2: more sweep and you're like, fuck, there's four more boxes. 265 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,879 Speaker 2: There's like random magazine pages on the floor. Also, I 266 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 2: have to sweep this out. I can't leave it looking 267 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,399 Speaker 2: like this for somebody else, Like, what is that random 268 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 2: thing in the corner. Hopefully it's a dust bunny. Maybe 269 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:25,720 Speaker 2: it's like a dead rat. Nobody knows. Like the the 270 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 2: work I think we do to process things to move 271 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,359 Speaker 2: them out of our psyche, out of our bodies is 272 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:36,199 Speaker 2: never really over, and I feel like not to go 273 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,960 Speaker 2: so woo woo. But I also think at this point 274 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 2: like that, yes, the Internet can be trash, and the 275 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 2: algorithm is obviously garbage, but sometimes I feel like maybe 276 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 2: it's showing me something over and over for a reason. 277 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 2: And you know, we're exiting the Year of the Snake 278 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 2: and entering into the Year of the Horse, and everyone's 279 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,120 Speaker 2: talking about how twenty six close, twenty twenty six closes 280 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:01,359 Speaker 2: the cycle that started in twenty sixteen, and I'm like, oh, yeah, 281 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 2: nine yearsl Like by twenty sixteen, I was literally so 282 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 2: good at dissociating that I was split intwo. I was 283 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 2: like two humans. I was super professional, show up, do 284 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 2: the thing, pretend like everything's okay, and then like absolutely 285 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,719 Speaker 2: shattered and not knowing how to deal with it or 286 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,879 Speaker 2: what to do with it, so often not doing anything 287 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,399 Speaker 2: with it, turning my back on it. Everything went in 288 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 2: a storage unit. See the whole story does connect, It's 289 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:33,159 Speaker 2: just long. And I really feel like there's a reason 290 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:37,200 Speaker 2: I keep getting served all these things about like burn 291 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,360 Speaker 2: the end of it, get rid of whatever that, whatever's 292 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 2: lingering from that ten years, and enter the new year 293 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,640 Speaker 2: feeling really clean. And that's the work I've been doing 294 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 2: this year. That's what I've been talking to my therapist about. 295 00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,040 Speaker 2: That's what we've been talking about in our home. And 296 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 2: I really feel like I'm just so ready to take 297 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 2: like yes, the good but also the bad and the ugly, 298 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 2: to be gentle with myself for the ways I didn't 299 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,680 Speaker 2: know how to advocate for myself, To be gentle with 300 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,160 Speaker 2: myself for the ways that not knowing how to advocate 301 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 2: for myself probably made me in moments unpleasant for other 302 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:22,440 Speaker 2: people to be around also, and to say like with 303 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 2: grace and accountability for me and for them, it's all good. 304 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 2: Like everybody struggles, everybody gets fucked over, everybody has joy, 305 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 2: everybody gets their heart broken. Sometimes you do the breaking, 306 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:45,639 Speaker 2: sometimes you get broken. It's who we are. And for me, 307 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 2: what I'm really finding is like, oh, yeah, I've got 308 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 2: to get the last four boxes and that random newspaper 309 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 2: out of that storage unit and sweep it out for good, 310 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 2: and then I'm just going to be done with it. 311 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 2: And I will always understand stand like what had been 312 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,919 Speaker 2: in that room, in that box and that baggage is 313 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 2: part of me. You're not the same after something as 314 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:14,800 Speaker 2: you were before it ever happened. But I actually, through 315 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,119 Speaker 2: the growing and through the learning to be accountable and 316 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: also learning to hold other people accountable, and through finding 317 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,119 Speaker 2: grace along the whole spectrum of that journey for me 318 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:29,119 Speaker 2: and everyone else, even people who had classified like my 319 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:34,880 Speaker 2: worst enemy. I like this version of myself so much 320 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 2: better than I ever liked myself before even the hardest 321 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,720 Speaker 2: shit happened. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 322 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:47,880 Speaker 1: I love that. You know, stay tuned. I'll be back 323 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: in just a moment. After this brief message from our sponsors, 324 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: speaking of shaking the dust, when was the moment you 325 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:05,760 Speaker 1: realized you deserved a life that actually felt good, not 326 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 1: just looked good? Heavy? But yeah, writ. 327 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:22,960 Speaker 2: Twenty twenty three. Yeah, I also will say I don't 328 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 2: think I understood that it looked good, but in fact 329 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 2: didn't feel good until I'd put the whole picture together 330 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 2: and I was like, but I did it, Like I 331 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,240 Speaker 2: got one hundred percent on the test. Yeah, I did 332 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 2: the book report, I did every ounce of homework. I 333 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 2: did every ounce of compromise, I did every ounce of coaching, 334 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 2: I did every ounce of therapy. I didn't know it 335 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:53,679 Speaker 2: didn't feel good until I did it, and it didn't 336 00:21:53,880 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 2: feel good. Yeah, And I'm really grateful for the absolute 337 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:09,959 Speaker 2: certainty that doing it, literally doing every step, literally answering 338 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 2: every question, literally putting every piece of the pie together 339 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:18,959 Speaker 2: and then realizing yes, it's whole but hollow. I would 340 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,439 Speaker 2: not have known that and been so sure had I 341 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:26,160 Speaker 2: not tried my best. You know, people will say, well, 342 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 2: why do this, why do that? Why get married? Why 343 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,840 Speaker 2: have another kid? Why? And you go because I wasn't 344 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 2: going to give up. I would always rather be the 345 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 2: person who gets in the arena and literally gives it 346 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 2: my all and goes big and commits with every part 347 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:50,280 Speaker 2: of myself and dedicates to the max, instead of doing 348 00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,480 Speaker 2: it kind of half asked, calling it early, throwing in 349 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,639 Speaker 2: the towel early, and then wondering for the rest of 350 00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 2: my life. And I don't know. I maybe it would 351 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:10,199 Speaker 2: be great to learn faster. I only learn the way 352 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:11,679 Speaker 2: I learn. I only know when I know. 353 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: I think everyone has a process and a journey that 354 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 1: they have to you know, I always say this, there's 355 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,200 Speaker 1: two types of people in life. When you see a 356 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 1: speed bump, you either drive around it or you drive right. 357 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:25,080 Speaker 2: Fucking through it. 358 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:30,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think you are a testament of that. 359 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,439 Speaker 1: You don't go around the hurdles or the obstacles. You 360 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 1: have to go through it to understand it, to unpack it, 361 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,959 Speaker 1: to figure out where it fits in its place. And 362 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,240 Speaker 1: it could bring joy, it could bring grief, it could 363 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 1: bring everything in between. But most importantly, it's not a 364 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,960 Speaker 1: lesson that happened to you. It's a lesson that happened 365 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 1: for you. And the more you can see the value 366 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 1: in that where it's a badge of honor to understand 367 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,720 Speaker 1: I went through this, gave it everything I possibly could, 368 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,919 Speaker 1: and now I am better human and I will be 369 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:08,840 Speaker 1: a better partner, friend, parent, child, whatever it is for 370 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 1: that experience. And I think too many people in this 371 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:18,640 Speaker 1: current landscape are saying, poor me, they're crippled by it. 372 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,919 Speaker 1: But it's really a badge of honor to be pushed 373 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 1: to a level, even if it's a level of breakage 374 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 1: and damage, to put that back together, to rearrange it 375 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 1: in the way you always imagined and understand. That was 376 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,560 Speaker 1: a lesson for me, And it is my choice whether 377 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 1: I view it that way or I do not. And 378 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,960 Speaker 1: I think the growth of which you sitting back and 379 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:50,119 Speaker 1: unpacking it has really made you into the woman you 380 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:54,720 Speaker 1: are today, the co parent you are, the partner you are. 381 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:58,400 Speaker 1: You know, you're creating this beautiful life with bridging this 382 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 1: new type of experience with your your parents you never 383 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:05,960 Speaker 1: thought you could have. Like it's repairing so much of 384 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:10,040 Speaker 1: the young Sophia. Yeah, because you have more clarity than 385 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,680 Speaker 1: I think you've ever had before. Would you agree with that. 386 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,320 Speaker 1: I don't want to speak for you. 387 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:21,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I love having you reflect that back to me. 388 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 2: Thank you. 389 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 1: I'm glad you received it. And you know, you've had 390 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: this wild arc of the Hollywood experience and you're so 391 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: gentle and you're so soft and sometimes I'm like, we 392 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 1: laugh about why you're not chewing your hair in the 393 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 1: corner of every room. It's funny, but it's not. And 394 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,359 Speaker 1: you know, as someone who is so gentle and so delicate, 395 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: you've really picked a really tough career. Hollywood has the 396 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,439 Speaker 1: ability to eat you up and spit you out, and 397 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:58,120 Speaker 1: only the strongest survive. And you continue to choose it. 398 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:03,960 Speaker 1: You continue to show up, you continue to humble yourself 399 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 1: amongst it, and never you always show up and you're 400 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,679 Speaker 1: exactly who you are. There's no other side of the entertainer. 401 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,640 Speaker 1: You bring yourself fully to every room. And I do 402 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:22,399 Speaker 1: think it's such a gift. But I'm curious of what 403 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,160 Speaker 1: part of this career has taught you the most about 404 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:32,040 Speaker 1: your own power. Because you advocate so strongly and so deeply, 405 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,879 Speaker 1: and you have such a fire inside you about standing 406 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: up for what's right. There has to be something along 407 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,399 Speaker 1: the way that has helped you find your voice in 408 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:43,879 Speaker 1: all of this. 409 00:26:49,440 --> 00:27:00,919 Speaker 2: I think finding my voice for us, for our community, 410 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:06,640 Speaker 2: for women, for anyone who's ever been subjugated or oppressed, 411 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,399 Speaker 2: like for community organizing. That is a no brainer to me. 412 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:13,120 Speaker 2: That is so easy for me, that just comes out. 413 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,080 Speaker 2: You know, it's funny that you say, I don't know 414 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,960 Speaker 2: if you said tender or gentle when you started, maybe 415 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:27,120 Speaker 2: you said gentle, Well rewind the tapeancy, but someone said 416 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:31,119 Speaker 2: that to me. So I spoke at the Kennedy School 417 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,399 Speaker 2: on Wednesday night like it's a big deal and you know, 418 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 2: following in the footsteps of some of my heroes. And 419 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,760 Speaker 2: that's recorded for posterity. But then on Thursday I did 420 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,359 Speaker 2: a teaching session with those students and I think there 421 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 2: were like one hundred and fifty students who came. It 422 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,560 Speaker 2: was great, and that whole thing's off the record, and 423 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:47,840 Speaker 2: it's supposed to be an hour, and we went for 424 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:51,600 Speaker 2: almost two hours. And a woman who's a fellow at 425 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:55,520 Speaker 2: a different part of a different department at Harvard came 426 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,680 Speaker 2: and said, when I'm angry about these things, I fly 427 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 2: off the handle. I'm yelling, I'm so furious for me 428 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:06,919 Speaker 2: and for all the women, and you're so calm, and 429 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,719 Speaker 2: you'll make a really heavy point and then you switch 430 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,520 Speaker 2: right into your calmness. And I said, I've done a 431 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:18,560 Speaker 2: lot of work to stay tender. I can jump to 432 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:24,160 Speaker 2: what the like, yelling about policy whatever for people. And 433 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 2: what I've learned is that when something happens to me, 434 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:31,160 Speaker 2: I often go mute. I get really quiet. I don't 435 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,679 Speaker 2: want to make anyone else uncomfortable. So I take the 436 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,800 Speaker 2: discomfort and I figure out how to deal with it later, 437 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,320 Speaker 2: and I figure out how to deal with it in 438 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,280 Speaker 2: the back. And what I've had to learn is that 439 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 2: I actually need to meet in the middle with the 440 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 2: two and I need to give myself at least half 441 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:54,760 Speaker 2: of what I'm willing to give the world, because I 442 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,720 Speaker 2: too deserve to be stood up for. And interestingly, having 443 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,959 Speaker 2: to figure out how to own that has made me 444 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 2: pull back some of the ways that it's so easy 445 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 2: for me to get hot under the collar for community, 446 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 2: because I have to recalibrate the amount of energy that 447 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 2: goes into those things. And so I think this place, 448 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 2: this tone, this willingness to engage at a pace that 449 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,200 Speaker 2: has slowed down for me who learned to walk in 450 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:29,960 Speaker 2: New York City and it's alway running one hundred miles 451 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:30,480 Speaker 2: a minus. 452 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:31,719 Speaker 1: I can't even keep up with her. 453 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,400 Speaker 2: Oh my god, Like we had to have a whole 454 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 2: talk about my airport speed. And I'm really working on 455 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 2: it because you'll lose me in a crowd. That's where 456 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,520 Speaker 2: I think that comes from. And I think that's always 457 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,960 Speaker 2: been really authentic to myself. But I think I had 458 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,680 Speaker 2: to put those halves of myself that I learned to 459 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,960 Speaker 2: split into early in my thirties. I think I had 460 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,600 Speaker 2: to learn how to put them back together, and then 461 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 2: I was able to be like, oh, this, like this 462 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:03,680 Speaker 2: is my center. This feels nice. I chose tenderness after 463 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 2: the intensity of twenty twenty two and twenty twenty three. 464 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 2: I chose tenderness as my word for twenty twenty four, 465 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:17,280 Speaker 2: and it did so much for me that I assigned 466 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 2: it to twenty twenty five as well. I picked one 467 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 2: more because I felt like why not? But I'm I'm 468 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,600 Speaker 2: interested to see what our next like two weeks very 469 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 2: isolated in like the snow globe of our home, will 470 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 2: lead to in terms of how we figure out what 471 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 2: our words are for twenty twenty six. 472 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,160 Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, And what does success look like 473 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 1: to you? Now? Not to the world, not to the 474 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:47,360 Speaker 1: actor Sofia, but the Sofia when you peel back the layers, like, 475 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,120 Speaker 1: what does success look like to you? 476 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 2: Success to me looks like listening to myself, listening to 477 00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:02,400 Speaker 2: my family. You know, I took for the first time 478 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 2: in fifteen years, I took a year off of television production, 479 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 2: and everyone was like, what are you doing? You know, 480 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 2: all my people were like, why would you do that? 481 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,240 Speaker 2: That's such a risk. All the haters were like, look 482 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,239 Speaker 2: at her, She's finally going to be that washed up 483 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 2: actor as we accused her of being. And I was like, 484 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 2: you don't, cunts. I chose this, like how lucky am I? 485 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,720 Speaker 2: Success in terms of how the world defines it and 486 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 2: in terms of what we as humans need, I think 487 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,640 Speaker 2: can be really different. I also think it's important to acknowledge, 488 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 2: like I'm analyzing success with a lot of privilege. I'm 489 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 2: able to think about these things. I was able to 490 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:42,400 Speaker 2: take that time off. I didn't know I was taking 491 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 2: that time off right before the industry went on strike 492 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:48,360 Speaker 2: for two years. But that's a different story, you know. 493 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,360 Speaker 2: I have so enjoyed all the movies I've made over 494 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 2: the last two two and a half. Whatever I'm bad 495 00:31:56,640 --> 00:32:01,360 Speaker 2: at the I'm bad at the annual math years. I 496 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 2: have loved focusing more on film and producing film. I 497 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 2: am excited about the TV stuff. I love the podcast. 498 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:14,080 Speaker 2: Those are things people can name, but for me, for me, 499 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:18,280 Speaker 2: it's what do I need and will I listen to it? 500 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:23,680 Speaker 2: So I don't define success by am I do I 501 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,600 Speaker 2: have a show on the air this year or not? Well, 502 00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 2: what's in development? And do people know about it? I 503 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,360 Speaker 2: don't care what people know about Did people see the 504 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 2: movie or didn't they? Did I love making the movie? 505 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:39,719 Speaker 2: Did I love collaborating with my wonderful director Jeff, with 506 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:45,640 Speaker 2: my wonderful team up in Canada on this recent one, 507 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,160 Speaker 2: you know, working with Mouren? 508 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:48,520 Speaker 1: Like? 509 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 2: Did I love the experience? I define success as being 510 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:59,080 Speaker 2: in love with the experience, not so focused on the outcome. 511 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 2: I'm defining success in terms of listening to myself. And 512 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,640 Speaker 2: when I look at my calendar for the day, am 513 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 2: I saying I have to do this, and I have 514 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,440 Speaker 2: this zoom, and I have this other zoom, and then 515 00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,840 Speaker 2: I have a production meeting, and then I have to 516 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 2: I have to I have to do I look at 517 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:20,880 Speaker 2: my calendar and say, today I get to take three 518 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,720 Speaker 2: zooms with three dope writers do a production meeting. I'm 519 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:29,480 Speaker 2: so excited. I get to brave traffic not only into 520 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:31,720 Speaker 2: the city, but back out to Brooklyn so we can 521 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,120 Speaker 2: go see the Liberty play. I get to I am 522 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:39,520 Speaker 2: so happy that I get to do this stuff and 523 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:44,040 Speaker 2: that shift have to get to for me is a 524 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 2: marker of success that choosing to pay attention to is 525 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 2: proving to be not only really fun, but really helpful 526 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 2: to how I plan the future. 527 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:02,960 Speaker 1: I love that it's very it's very you, and it's true. 528 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:06,560 Speaker 1: It's how we reframe it when you talk about tying 529 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,520 Speaker 1: this in a bow, but like how I am as 530 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:13,880 Speaker 1: a mom and meltdowns, it's always reframing. Yeah, how we 531 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 1: see certain situations. And what this is telling me is 532 00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,880 Speaker 1: it's not that I have to do this, it's I 533 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,239 Speaker 1: get to do this. Yeah, it's a way we need 534 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:29,799 Speaker 1: to start reframing this this world. Like what a privilege 535 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,560 Speaker 1: it is to wake up today to be able to 536 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,960 Speaker 1: do this right, Like what a joy it is to 537 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 1: have another day. And I think what we have to 538 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:43,920 Speaker 1: come to terms with is tomorrow's not guaranteed. Yesterday's already done. 539 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,400 Speaker 1: We're living in the moment and in the present, and 540 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:47,920 Speaker 1: then that's literally all we have. 541 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:52,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, it's why I roll my eyes whenever 542 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:56,400 Speaker 2: I feel a cliche phrase like bubbling up and about 543 00:34:56,440 --> 00:35:00,000 Speaker 2: to jump out of my mouth. But cliches are cliche 544 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:06,480 Speaker 2: because they're so true. And the idea that presence is 545 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 2: the present. I used to roll my eyes like into 546 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,480 Speaker 2: the back of my head when I would hear somebody 547 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,840 Speaker 2: say that and be like, no good, But it's true, 548 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,880 Speaker 2: like to be in your day and enjoy it. I mean, 549 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:26,239 Speaker 2: I'm even I'm sitting here half so into our conversation 550 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 2: and half laughing that there's a whole team of people 551 00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:32,759 Speaker 2: here filming us through this, and you're in your thing. 552 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:37,400 Speaker 2: You're You're in the incredible part of yourself that I 553 00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,879 Speaker 2: love to watch, like on panels or give speeches where 554 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:43,520 Speaker 2: you're just so dialed in to your creativity and your 555 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:47,319 Speaker 2: message for people and your leadership skills, and you're so 556 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,239 Speaker 2: serious and I'm like, oh my god. And then I 557 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,600 Speaker 2: hear myself talking the way I just spoke at a 558 00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:55,840 Speaker 2: university that is a place I so admire, and I'm like, 559 00:35:55,920 --> 00:36:00,080 Speaker 2: I'm being serious too, And it's like, it's how how 560 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,440 Speaker 2: lucky are we that we get to do this, because 561 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,480 Speaker 2: this morning we were like running around with music blasting, laughing, 562 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,759 Speaker 2: making breakfast, and now we're sitting here really being our 563 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,080 Speaker 2: like best selves for people. 564 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:12,719 Speaker 1: Cheers for that. 565 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:13,319 Speaker 2: Cheers it. 566 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,000 Speaker 1: Stay tuned. I'll be back in just a moment after 567 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 1: this brief message from our sponsors. It's so cute, it 568 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,480 Speaker 1: really is, and I think it's a great segue into 569 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:37,040 Speaker 1: our world's colliding. Okay, sports and entertainment. Yeah, you know, 570 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:41,400 Speaker 1: how do you think our worlds Yeah, in sport and 571 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:45,600 Speaker 1: entertainment collide in ways people actually don't expect. 572 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:53,640 Speaker 2: I don't. I guess I can't be sure about what 573 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,360 Speaker 2: people don't expect, right. I think one of the things 574 00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,280 Speaker 2: that we all fall victim too is assuming everyone's working 575 00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:02,600 Speaker 2: with the same set of information that part I was 576 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:06,640 Speaker 2: just talking to us about this in Canada, Like, we 577 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:09,279 Speaker 2: assume everyone's got the same information. So I don't want 578 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,960 Speaker 2: to assume. I think one of the things I find 579 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:19,440 Speaker 2: the most incredible, inspiring, important about our traditional lines of 580 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:24,640 Speaker 2: work is that athletes and artists have always been leaders 581 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:28,920 Speaker 2: for social change. Yes, whether you think about, you know, 582 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:33,160 Speaker 2: the writing of Mary Shelley and the fact that she 583 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,360 Speaker 2: wrote Frankenstein and then like they tried to say a 584 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,080 Speaker 2: man must have written it, and she was like, I 585 00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,640 Speaker 2: wrote this, And also it's an allegory for feminism, Like 586 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:44,040 Speaker 2: what when you think about Jackie Robinson and what he did, 587 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:48,839 Speaker 2: when you think about, you know, the artists who risk 588 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,680 Speaker 2: their lives to go and play blues music in the South. 589 00:37:52,440 --> 00:38:00,640 Speaker 2: Like artists and athletes have changed culture representation, they have 590 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:04,319 Speaker 2: stood up and said this is wrong. And I think 591 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:09,759 Speaker 2: it's because we are inherently like we're pack animals. We 592 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,520 Speaker 2: work in community. We work on a team. My team 593 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 2: is my cast. My team is also my crew. You know, 594 00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 2: your staff that supports a whole team is like your crew. 595 00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:23,080 Speaker 2: We know that we couldn't do what we do best 596 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,600 Speaker 2: without every single person in that room, whether they're on 597 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 2: camera or off, you know, whether they suit up in 598 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:34,320 Speaker 2: a jersey or they're wearing like staff kit, everyone matters. 599 00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:39,280 Speaker 2: I actually think artistry and athleticism is the antidote to 600 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:45,360 Speaker 2: toxic individualism. And I also think the interesting thing about 601 00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 2: it is that art and athleticism being rooted in community 602 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:54,279 Speaker 2: are also examples of exceptionalism. And so I think there's 603 00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:56,480 Speaker 2: immense privilege that comes with that. I think there's a 604 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,000 Speaker 2: big weight on your shoulders that can come with that, 605 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:05,760 Speaker 2: and I think there is also a danger of learning 606 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,560 Speaker 2: to perform at all costs that can make you abandon 607 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,879 Speaker 2: yourself because you have to. It doesn't matter if you've 608 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,399 Speaker 2: had a death in the family, you've got to get 609 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:15,799 Speaker 2: on the field, and you've got to be on set 610 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:20,040 Speaker 2: when they call action. It doesn't matter if you've gotten 611 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,200 Speaker 2: the most horrific news or just have the most horrific 612 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,839 Speaker 2: thing happen to you. You have to keep going. It 613 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,200 Speaker 2: doesn't matter. You learn that you don't matter. 614 00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:29,319 Speaker 1: The show must go on. 615 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,000 Speaker 2: Yes, And so weirdly out in the world, people assume 616 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,960 Speaker 2: if you're a professional athlete or you're an actor, that 617 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,960 Speaker 2: you think the world revolves around you. Literally, we're taught 618 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:42,160 Speaker 2: that we do not matter at all at all. And 619 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:50,120 Speaker 2: so interestingly enough our relationship the way we're so similar, 620 00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:54,120 Speaker 2: but also we were trained so differently, Like you were 621 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:59,120 Speaker 2: trained to respect your body. I was trained to abandon 622 00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:04,840 Speaker 2: mine at all. We both learned to perform at all costs. 623 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:07,520 Speaker 2: And it's really hard to shut that off when you 624 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:08,040 Speaker 2: go home. 625 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,880 Speaker 1: It bleeds into everything. And I think that's what you 626 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 1: don't even know what people don't know you. We don't 627 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:13,680 Speaker 1: even know it. 628 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,279 Speaker 2: But that's what I mean. Yeah, you don't know it. 629 00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:21,800 Speaker 2: You don't know that you are not feeling your feelings. 630 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:23,960 Speaker 2: You don't know that you haven't been in your body 631 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:28,400 Speaker 2: sometimes for years, Like I didn't know it until I 632 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 2: did like a pretty deep, you know, week long experience 633 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,800 Speaker 2: of trauma therapy, and people have heard of like on site, 634 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:44,000 Speaker 2: you know, Hoffmann Institute, like all these places, and I realized, like, oh, 635 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,640 Speaker 2: I don't live below my collarbones. And when I started 636 00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,520 Speaker 2: trying to think about how long I'd felt life from 637 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,800 Speaker 2: here and how long it had been since I'd felt 638 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,880 Speaker 2: all the way to my feet the last time, I 639 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,520 Speaker 2: could really guarantee it. Once that sentence came out of 640 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,720 Speaker 2: my mouth, I could identify a time eight years prior, 641 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:07,319 Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, oh, we got we got 642 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,160 Speaker 2: some work, give some work to do. And so I 643 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,239 Speaker 2: think there's a gift of artistry and athleticism out in 644 00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:16,320 Speaker 2: the world, but the gift of the intersection of artistry 645 00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:23,400 Speaker 2: and athleticism in our house, in our relationship is something 646 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,040 Speaker 2: I don't know that I have the words for. It's 647 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:31,680 Speaker 2: been the most transformative permission granting, illuminating, thoughtful thing in 648 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 2: my life. And it's kind of crazy to me because 649 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:40,480 Speaker 2: like that's how we met at like early days of 650 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:44,320 Speaker 2: what y'all were doing as as our national. 651 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:48,080 Speaker 3: Times up meta like meant all of it, all of it, 652 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,759 Speaker 3: like the way y'all wrote for us when when the 653 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:53,239 Speaker 3: three hundred of us published the me Too letter, the 654 00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:57,960 Speaker 3: Times Up letter, you know in the following in the 655 00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,359 Speaker 3: footsteps of Toronto Burke. 656 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:04,600 Speaker 2: And then and when y'all sued FIFA, well, yous soccer. Sorry, 657 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,120 Speaker 2: I should know that we were watching FIFA this morning. 658 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:08,600 Speaker 2: I was rolling my eyes with them. My brain just 659 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:12,399 Speaker 2: did a little oopsie participation trophies, get the fuck out 660 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,840 Speaker 2: of here. Anyway, when y'all sued you as soccer, it 661 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,359 Speaker 2: was like the most obvious thing for me to say 662 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:22,319 Speaker 2: to all of the women in my industry. By the way, 663 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:26,720 Speaker 2: all of us fans of your industry, like circle up, ladies, 664 00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:29,479 Speaker 2: we write it down, you know, like it's time to go. 665 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:33,719 Speaker 2: And so it's so funny how many years we spent 666 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:42,040 Speaker 2: connected on that front before the completely unexpected, like couldn't 667 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,960 Speaker 2: have predicted it if you paid me, happened, And like 668 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:49,360 Speaker 2: now I look back and go, oh my god, whoa 669 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:54,439 Speaker 2: Like maybe that was our version of invisible string theory. 670 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,719 Speaker 2: The universe kept being I be know each other and 671 00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:59,359 Speaker 2: then like one day you're gonna know why you've known 672 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:00,600 Speaker 2: each other. First it was. 673 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,760 Speaker 1: Crazy and it's like when it clicks, it clicks. 674 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,279 Speaker 2: But I think I always say that. I'm like, I 675 00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:10,240 Speaker 2: don't know how without sounding like an idiot to say 676 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:13,239 Speaker 2: I just didn't see it until I saw it, and 677 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,200 Speaker 2: then I saw it, and then I was like, oh boy, 678 00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:21,480 Speaker 2: oh boy. And I think I walked around my house 679 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,319 Speaker 2: and said that to myself for like two straight weeks. 680 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,640 Speaker 2: I know you're laughing because you heard the story, because 681 00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:27,560 Speaker 2: my friends were like, we didn't know what was going 682 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,320 Speaker 2: on with her. She was like walking around like Rainman, 683 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:34,480 Speaker 2: talking to herself, and I was like, something is in 684 00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:35,000 Speaker 2: my brain. 685 00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:38,640 Speaker 1: Houston, we have a problem. 686 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:42,799 Speaker 2: Well, or Houston, we have like but I've won the 687 00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:49,040 Speaker 2: emotional lottery, but this might be complicated in terms of 688 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,560 Speaker 2: what anyway, what I know and what the world knows. 689 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:53,680 Speaker 2: What I need to talk about. 690 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:57,840 Speaker 1: That what people don't understand is having the courage, having 691 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:02,200 Speaker 1: the strength to come forward and talk about the abuse 692 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:07,120 Speaker 1: that a lot of women in Hollywood suffered. It's very 693 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:10,080 Speaker 1: it's no you know, the me Too times up movement 694 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,840 Speaker 1: happened in the NWSL. There was a lot of abuse 695 00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:17,240 Speaker 1: that came you know, came forward. 696 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,120 Speaker 2: About USA Gymnastics, Yes. 697 00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,160 Speaker 1: Like gym not like so every much of women's sports 698 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:28,400 Speaker 1: because of lack of guardrails, lack of funding, lack of resources, 699 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:32,439 Speaker 1: lack lack lack, lack, lack, black, lack thereof We put 700 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:37,319 Speaker 1: a lot of women in a really compromised situation. And 701 00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:40,839 Speaker 1: when we started speaking up about it, as you know firsthand, 702 00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:45,280 Speaker 1: we started losing endorsement deals. We started in twenty nineteen 703 00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:48,839 Speaker 1: at the World Cup in France. Having the president at 704 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:54,120 Speaker 1: the time, you know, completely disregard us, call us that 705 00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:57,360 Speaker 1: we're trash, that we're not invited to the White House, 706 00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,760 Speaker 1: that they don't have our respect, and all these things. 707 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,799 Speaker 1: I think people don't understand. Yes, we are at the 708 00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:06,360 Speaker 1: forefront of a lot of change, but it is costly 709 00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:10,400 Speaker 1: to us because we are women speaking up about our experiences, 710 00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:15,759 Speaker 1: and a lot of times people don't trust it, they 711 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:18,440 Speaker 1: don't get behind it, they don't support it. But I 712 00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,359 Speaker 1: think I know why, and they weaponize it against us, 713 00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,279 Speaker 1: and it does affect our bottom line, oh absolutely. And 714 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:27,680 Speaker 1: that's what people don't understand is, oh, we can't work 715 00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:31,200 Speaker 1: with her, she's too political. Oh she's got a big voice, 716 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:34,600 Speaker 1: or oh she you know, she checks these boxes and 717 00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:38,400 Speaker 1: she doesn't fall in line, and it's that yes. 718 00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,759 Speaker 2: Oh she's riskier to hire because when something goes wrong, 719 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:46,560 Speaker 2: she'll say something. Yes, when someone gets assaulted, she'll report it. Yes, 720 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:53,920 Speaker 2: when somebody does something inappropriate, she won't look at the floor. Correct. 721 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:56,279 Speaker 2: And I think that's what people don't understand is part 722 00:45:56,320 --> 00:46:00,960 Speaker 2: of the risk. I think people get in certain ways, 723 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:07,040 Speaker 2: like yeah, it's scary to report. What I want is 724 00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:11,279 Speaker 2: for speaking up, standing up, reporting, rather than what we 725 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:15,960 Speaker 2: dealt with where when you report it comes with so 726 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:21,320 Speaker 2: much retaliation. You get punished instead of the abusers getting punished, 727 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:29,720 Speaker 2: and then you lose. You lose all those future opportunities 728 00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:35,160 Speaker 2: because people know you're not a pushover. But until there's 729 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,200 Speaker 2: a whole generation of us willing to bear that brunt, 730 00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:41,880 Speaker 2: it will just continue to happen. And I'm not willing 731 00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:43,919 Speaker 2: to let that happen to our daughter. No, And I'm 732 00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:47,840 Speaker 2: definitely not willing to have a son in a world 733 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,200 Speaker 2: where when he stands up for a woman he gets 734 00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:51,880 Speaker 2: made fun of instead of supported. 735 00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:52,600 Speaker 1: Correct. 736 00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:58,239 Speaker 2: You know, So it's not easy to say, like, yes, 737 00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:02,080 Speaker 2: I'm willing to lose. I'm willing to lose this endorsement. 738 00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:08,920 Speaker 2: I'm willing to put myself in a much more insecure position. 739 00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:14,080 Speaker 2: But I don't think I could sleep at night if 740 00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,000 Speaker 2: I didn't, I don't. 741 00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:21,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think you have such you have so 742 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:26,759 Speaker 1: much fire in you for justice, and people see that 743 00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:30,879 Speaker 1: you're constantly posting, You're constantly speaking on the right side 744 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:35,080 Speaker 1: of history and change. What's the quiet side of your 745 00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:37,360 Speaker 1: activism that no one sees? 746 00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:46,120 Speaker 2: I mean, that's the all day stuff. That's the kitchen 747 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:49,040 Speaker 2: cabinet groups that I'm in that meet regularly on Zoom. 748 00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:51,839 Speaker 2: That's the phone calls in the middle of the night. 749 00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:54,920 Speaker 2: That's the I'm traveling internationally and it's midnight, and I'm 750 00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,600 Speaker 2: going to get on a Zoom call with Los Angeles 751 00:47:57,719 --> 00:48:02,360 Speaker 2: right now because we're planning something that Really it's the 752 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:08,960 Speaker 2: underground group advocacy, you know, the group chats, the signal chats, 753 00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:15,959 Speaker 2: no war plans and ours, the showing up for things 754 00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:20,120 Speaker 2: that nobody sees. It's all the stuff that happens off camera. 755 00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:26,919 Speaker 2: It's the vetting. It's the you know, being lucky enough 756 00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:33,080 Speaker 2: to be asked to join in rooms where a lot 757 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,279 Speaker 2: of women like me or you aren't being asked to 758 00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:39,239 Speaker 2: join because they've proven to not be so trustworthy for 759 00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:42,040 Speaker 2: women of color or for trans women. The places that 760 00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:46,360 Speaker 2: I get to show up and listen and then figure 761 00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:49,279 Speaker 2: out how, on the sliding scale of privilege we can 762 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:56,600 Speaker 2: weaponize ours for good. You know, who can we jump 763 00:48:56,640 --> 00:49:01,279 Speaker 2: in front of at a protest because my body is 764 00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:06,560 Speaker 2: slightly less less at risk than theirs? Who who can 765 00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,000 Speaker 2: we stand next to so that instead of ten people 766 00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,279 Speaker 2: showing up at a town hall, a thousand people show 767 00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:15,040 Speaker 2: up at a town hall. You know. Yeah, that's that's 768 00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:18,320 Speaker 2: community to care for me. And that's that's often very quiet. 769 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:22,359 Speaker 2: Nobody knows about that. They assume that what they see 770 00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:23,839 Speaker 2: on Instagram is all there is. 771 00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:27,719 Speaker 1: There is also a side that is quiet and is 772 00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:36,000 Speaker 1: also dark. I think the way, you know, specially people 773 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:40,040 Speaker 1: like us who are queer, who are this administration is 774 00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:45,080 Speaker 1: constantly attacking every day we you know, are losing people 775 00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:49,799 Speaker 1: in our community to violence, to suicide, you name it. 776 00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:54,799 Speaker 1: And I think there is crippling moments where it impacts 777 00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,080 Speaker 1: you so greatly it is hard for you to get 778 00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,879 Speaker 1: out of bed. It is hard for you. I think 779 00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:05,719 Speaker 1: that side people don't take into consideration of how much 780 00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:10,799 Speaker 1: it penetrates who you are and your energy and your 781 00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,840 Speaker 1: willingness to continue to show up and show up and 782 00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,920 Speaker 1: show up and show up. How do you protect your 783 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:25,480 Speaker 1: heart while you're still in this fight, because unfortunately we 784 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,040 Speaker 1: are only even though we feel like this last year 785 00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:31,399 Speaker 1: has been ten years, we're only a year into this. 786 00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:37,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, we're a year into administration too, and we're ten 787 00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:42,920 Speaker 2: years into the national and global trauma of an authoritarian 788 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:48,799 Speaker 2: who is literally willing to sell every human person in 789 00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:55,240 Speaker 2: America for his own gain, to private prison companies, to abusers. 790 00:50:55,320 --> 00:51:00,360 Speaker 2: Like it's a kind of collective trauma, and I'm not 791 00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:05,480 Speaker 2: sure people are really wanting to interrogate. And I get 792 00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:10,799 Speaker 2: it because it's very painful. I think for me, I've 793 00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,239 Speaker 2: had to figure out how to navigate this in my 794 00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:21,160 Speaker 2: own journey of it. Like getting a a CPTSD diagnosis 795 00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:25,200 Speaker 2: in early twenty eighteen was really hard for me because 796 00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:27,120 Speaker 2: I was always like, no, no, but I can do it. 797 00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:30,319 Speaker 2: I can handle it. I'll fight the guy, I'll do 798 00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:33,440 Speaker 2: the thing, I'll get in front. And I didn't know 799 00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:36,759 Speaker 2: how much in my own individual life that had taken 800 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:42,560 Speaker 2: a toll. And so now you know, years later, doing 801 00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,000 Speaker 2: the work and having the tools, I also know that 802 00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:48,120 Speaker 2: a lot of the work I do, the activism, the advocacy, 803 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:55,799 Speaker 2: triggers those very real internal responses, you know, I know 804 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:58,640 Speaker 2: what it is when my body floods with so much 805 00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:02,960 Speaker 2: anxiety because of so much adrenaline and so much fight 806 00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:07,680 Speaker 2: or flight, that I have like a physical experience of it. 807 00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:14,560 Speaker 2: But what I know, on top of how hard that 808 00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:17,799 Speaker 2: all can be, is that plenty of people have done this, 809 00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:23,040 Speaker 2: that plenty of people have fought harder that if Glorius 810 00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:24,920 Speaker 2: dynam and Audrey Lord did it. I'm not going to 811 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,320 Speaker 2: fucking quit. You know, w Comal Bell, who's the journalist 812 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,959 Speaker 2: we love, and he's just he's the best on all friends, 813 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:35,200 Speaker 2: and his writing's really brilliant, he said recently on his 814 00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,160 Speaker 2: sub stack. He was like, Yeah, when I want to 815 00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:39,680 Speaker 2: give up, the ghost of Harriet Tubman walks it behind 816 00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:42,080 Speaker 2: me and smacks me across the back of the head. Yeah, Like, 817 00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:45,000 Speaker 2: who am I to say I'm gonna quit? Yeah, you know, 818 00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:50,840 Speaker 2: And I think those lessons are really important, And so 819 00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:58,000 Speaker 2: I don't know how to do it well. I don't 820 00:52:58,040 --> 00:52:59,360 Speaker 2: know that I know how to do it in a 821 00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:03,040 Speaker 2: way that is balanced necessarily, But I don't know how 822 00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:10,240 Speaker 2: to stop. And I'm not going to And our kids 823 00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:15,560 Speaker 2: and our friends' kids and everyone's kids, our neighbors kids 824 00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:19,960 Speaker 2: that we know, and we don't deserve better. And when 825 00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:23,759 Speaker 2: I think about shit my grandparents fought through and the 826 00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:27,520 Speaker 2: shit my parents fought through, I just I'm not gonna 827 00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:29,680 Speaker 2: let ours be the generation that gives up on it, 828 00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:34,280 Speaker 2: you know, especially not to some guy who's literally copy 829 00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:39,200 Speaker 2: pasting Hitler speeches like he's original. It's like, so you're 830 00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,799 Speaker 2: totally unriginal and just a total bigot, like you don't 831 00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:43,279 Speaker 2: get to win. 832 00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:44,279 Speaker 1: You know. 833 00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:47,920 Speaker 2: There was an authors who wrote this, and I'm sorry 834 00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,680 Speaker 2: that I can't remember who it was, but it was 835 00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:53,839 Speaker 2: Emma Thompson reading her writing that sticks in my brain 836 00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:55,880 Speaker 2: and I hear it in her voice and she's like, 837 00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:58,800 Speaker 2: I always knew one day we'd watch the world burn. 838 00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,239 Speaker 2: I just didn't know the guy is the people doing 839 00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:06,359 Speaker 2: the burning would be such losers. It's like, yeah, we're 840 00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,160 Speaker 2: just we're not losing to the losers. 841 00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:09,279 Speaker 1: No, No, we're not. 842 00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:11,759 Speaker 2: No, we're not, and I think we're not. 843 00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,640 Speaker 1: I think the important part here for people watching and 844 00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:19,000 Speaker 1: listening is and what we've been learning in real time 845 00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:25,360 Speaker 1: is boundaries. Yeah, we have to have strong boundaries to 846 00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:31,719 Speaker 1: not let the injustice of what we're all experiencing, especially 847 00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:35,800 Speaker 1: you know, yeah, being a queer woman raising a black 848 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:40,600 Speaker 1: and brown children in this landscape, boundaries are so key 849 00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,960 Speaker 1: and what happens outside of the home, we do not 850 00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:48,480 Speaker 1: let penetrate inside of it. And like we do the work, 851 00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:52,600 Speaker 1: we do the fight, we do the things. But I 852 00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:57,440 Speaker 1: do think boundaries are something I'm very set in my 853 00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:01,360 Speaker 1: ways about that you're learning for the first time a 854 00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:02,640 Speaker 1: little bit of forty three. 855 00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:07,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, because boundaries in my industry have always been equated 856 00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:16,759 Speaker 2: to entitlement and undeserved privilege and how dare you and 857 00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:19,880 Speaker 2: who do you think you are? And what I realized 858 00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,200 Speaker 2: is that that's all the language of the abuser or 859 00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:24,200 Speaker 2: the oppressor that makes you think you're not allowed to 860 00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:27,400 Speaker 2: ask for more. And it's like, well, it's not a 861 00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:29,680 Speaker 2: big deal to ask not to get groped by my boss. 862 00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:36,560 Speaker 2: I am entitled to ask that I should be entitled 863 00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:40,279 Speaker 2: to say, I'm so sick, I'm in the hospital. No, 864 00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:43,239 Speaker 2: you can't send someone in here to forcibly remove me 865 00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,120 Speaker 2: from a hospital bed and bring me back to work 866 00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:49,439 Speaker 2: because it's better for your schedule, you know. And those 867 00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:55,480 Speaker 2: were just simply things I didn't understand when I was 868 00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:58,200 Speaker 2: I don't want to say younger, I want to say 869 00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:02,520 Speaker 2: like newer to the world, working world, so desperate to 870 00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:06,359 Speaker 2: be good, so desperate to be like a good work 871 00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:12,759 Speaker 2: or a good soldier, you know. And I think one 872 00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:14,880 Speaker 2: of the most important things we can do when we 873 00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:18,440 Speaker 2: stay in the fight and we pass the baton in 874 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,799 Speaker 2: the relay of activists when we need to, because the 875 00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:24,960 Speaker 2: only way we get through this is together. I think 876 00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:29,120 Speaker 2: it's also really important to know, like not just what 877 00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:31,719 Speaker 2: we're fighting for so we keep fighting, but what we're 878 00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:35,200 Speaker 2: fighting for, so that we return to joy because joy 879 00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:39,640 Speaker 2: is fuel. Delight is fuel. When we've had a crazy 880 00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:43,879 Speaker 2: day with the Human Rights campaign or something insane has 881 00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:46,040 Speaker 2: happened in the Supreme Court and we come home to 882 00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:49,960 Speaker 2: a three and a four year old, they want to party, 883 00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:52,839 Speaker 2: they want to dance, they want to make art, they 884 00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:55,040 Speaker 2: want to do dress up, they want to read books 885 00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:58,120 Speaker 2: and voices. And the greatest thing we can do is 886 00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,239 Speaker 2: to continue to give that to them, and then as 887 00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:07,040 Speaker 2: they age, when it's appropriate, share with them the knowledge 888 00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:11,120 Speaker 2: of what society is and what it can be, of 889 00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:14,760 Speaker 2: what they can build it into, of what they might encounter, 890 00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:19,040 Speaker 2: but what they also deserve. And I think I just 891 00:57:19,080 --> 00:57:26,360 Speaker 2: am excited for our generation of advocates and activists to 892 00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:32,560 Speaker 2: be parenting because of the amount of not to fully 893 00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:33,560 Speaker 2: nerd out, but you know. 894 00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:36,960 Speaker 1: You look at your face. I know, like the white papers. 895 00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:41,600 Speaker 2: We get to read, the psychology, we understand, the research 896 00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,680 Speaker 2: we have on child development, all the shit our parents 897 00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:47,240 Speaker 2: didn't have. Like they were building the plane as they 898 00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:51,800 Speaker 2: fly it, flew it with us. We are kind of 899 00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:54,880 Speaker 2: but like it's halfway done, and I think we're kind 900 00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:58,480 Speaker 2: of the first generation that has that much information at 901 00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:02,560 Speaker 2: our fingertips. And I'm really excited to see whether it's 902 00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:07,280 Speaker 2: an ocean August Frankie, like all these babies grow up, 903 00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:13,360 Speaker 2: they're gonna be the coolest teenagers, Like, oh my god, 904 00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:16,000 Speaker 2: I can't wait to have conversations with them on this couch. 905 00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:19,480 Speaker 1: I agree, Honey, these aren't rapid fast answers. 906 00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:23,760 Speaker 2: I know I'm long winded, which I think, judging by 907 00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,480 Speaker 2: the looks on all your producers' faces, means we're gonna 908 00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:29,480 Speaker 2: have to stop here and come back for part two. 909 00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:40,360 Speaker 1: No one is surprised, Nope. Part two