1 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:08,119 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome to stephone. Never 2 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:19,640 Speaker 1: told your production of I Heart Radio. It is Thursday, 3 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: which means it is time for another happy hour, happy hour, 4 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 1: or maybe another unhappy hour because he's unhappy hour. Here 5 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: we go. I took this idea that was supposed to 6 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: be a very uplifting, relaxing space and was like, let 7 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 1: me vent do you you know what happy hours to me? 8 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,159 Speaker 1: Like I told you, my friend and I used to 9 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: do the bitch and wine session because it would be 10 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,240 Speaker 1: us having wine and just talking about whatever has gone 11 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 1: wrong that week or that month. That's the thing happy 12 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: hours or four whatever it needs to be. I think 13 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: that's true. I think it. There is happiness to be 14 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 1: found in camaraderie and relaxing with someone that you feel 15 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: comfortable with and talking about whatever is on your mind. Yeah. 16 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: I'm just happy to be in your presence too. What 17 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 1: bemoan whatever happened or celebrate what might have happened. Yes, 18 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 1: well today we're doing a lot of bemoaning. Yes, let's go, 19 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 1: and as always, drink responsibility if you so choose. If 20 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,680 Speaker 1: you are looking to drink something non alcoholic, we support 21 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 1: whatever you want to do. To relax and wind down 22 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: with us in these happy hours, even if that is 23 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 1: just sitting down, taking your breath and hopefully I don't know, 24 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: I don't know if participating is correct, but commiserating and 25 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: feeling that type of camaraderie. There you go. Yeah, So 26 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: what are you sitting on, Samantha. I am actually doing 27 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: a hard Selser today, and I'm keeping it real low 28 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 1: key with the truly mm hmmm, I think that's the 29 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 1: That's the original hard Seltzer, right, is it? White Claw? Truly? 30 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 1: White Claw is probably the original. I have no idea, 31 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 1: but I'm keeping as simple because I've also run out 32 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,799 Speaker 1: of a lot of the beers and we do have 33 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: some things coming up and I'm saving those for us 34 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:28,720 Speaker 1: to feature these different beverages. So right now, being is 35 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: it the word basic when it comes to brand Seltzer's, 36 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 1: I mean that that actually could be. We could unpack 37 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: that in a whole episode about what's basic means and 38 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 1: who it's been used against why, And you know, because 39 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 1: Seltzers are popular, I feel like a lot of things 40 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 1: like that that get popular but are associated with women 41 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:57,239 Speaker 1: do get branded as this like almost worthless or embarrassing 42 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: thing to like right, I will say our local brewery, 43 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: Monday Night Brewery is offering free twelve pack Seltzers that 44 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: they have made for those who are vaccinated through the 45 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:16,079 Speaker 1: month of April. So if you're in Atlanta, coming through 46 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:20,080 Speaker 1: Atlanta and you have a vaccination card through April, they're 47 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: offering this is not sponsored, and they probably wouldn't love 48 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,519 Speaker 1: the fact that we're telling a lot of people do, 49 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:29,239 Speaker 1: but not a lot of our audiences in Atlanta. But 50 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: if you do come through Atlanta, apparently they're offering a 51 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: twelve pack of their salts are hard Selzer, which are delicious, 52 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: are called nar waters, very adorable, and they're offering it 53 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: for free, So kudos. Hey, I get my second shot 54 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 1: next Wednesday. So not only can you go grab yourself 55 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: a hard Sealzer, you can grab yourself that donut. Donut. 56 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: And what was the other thing I heard? Oh? Sam 57 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: Adams is also doing beer? Are they? Okay? I'm not 58 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: I'm not suing the details of that one, but I 59 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 1: just heard still specifically at the breweries. Yeah, possibly possibly. Well, 60 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: I am drinking what I call a quagone gin and tonic, 61 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: which is the gin and tonic with lemon and cranberry 62 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: juice delicious, A little bit, just a tad bit, yeah, 63 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 1: just a splash. Because he was a very like meditative, 64 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: peaceful prisons. He was also wrong. He was wrong in 65 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,839 Speaker 1: some ways and right in other ways. Okay, sure, that's 66 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: another you don't want me to go down that I 67 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 1: would like to say. I feel like this is pertinent 68 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:46,360 Speaker 1: that I actually because if we had those useless superpowers, 69 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: mine is recognizing people off of different shows in different 70 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,679 Speaker 1: movies and connecting them. That I was able to answer 71 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 1: a question before Annie was. But it was for the 72 00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 1: prequels and the upcoming Disney show with Obi Wan Kenobi. 73 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: But I was very proud. I was also very confused, 74 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: thinking that you were trying to trick me when I 75 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 1: was like, you don't know this, and knowing that I 76 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: was the one who knew yes the cast lineup, I 77 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: was also very proud. It was shocking turn of events, 78 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: but I appreciated them. It's about the casting of brew 79 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,920 Speaker 1: and the Kenobi show for Disney plus if anyone's curious. 80 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 1: But I was just like one of those who have 81 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:31,039 Speaker 1: been rooting for me in learning these worlds. I was 82 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 1: on top of this one. Y'all. Definitely she was I 83 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: was not getting around. I did not know. That actually 84 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,119 Speaker 1: is a good segue into what we're talking about today, 85 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: which is something that I have been has been on 86 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: my mind and I've actually discussed in therapy lately, which 87 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:52,040 Speaker 1: is feeling pathetic so fun times, and I do want 88 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: to put in here a lot of these unhappy hours. 89 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 1: I just want to recognize that I I realized these 90 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 1: are small, all our issues, but there are things that 91 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 1: I think about and deal with, and I think that 92 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: a lot of women and marginalized people do. So that 93 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 1: being said, there is something kind of inherently intimate about 94 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,559 Speaker 1: podcasting and I hope that doesn't make you feel weird, 95 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: Samantha or listeners, but to me, there is because, especially 96 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 1: on the show like this, you're being very open with 97 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: your story and your personality and just these pieces of 98 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 1: yourself and then you listeners are taking that in and 99 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: reacting to that and maybe connecting with it and maybe not. 100 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:51,600 Speaker 1: But when you're open about your life, it can be scary. 101 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 1: And we've talked about that, and there are some things 102 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 1: that are obviously vulnerable and frightening, right and all of you, 103 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:05,599 Speaker 1: as always have been amazing and supportive. You continue to be. 104 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 1: I can't thank you enough for that. So this isn't 105 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: like I never want this to come across the criticism 106 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: of like the audience, because it's not. This is my 107 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: insecurity because I am I'm very open about being a nerd, 108 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 1: very open about it, and I'm usually pretty secure about 109 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: the fact that I'm a single woman. I'm a nerd. 110 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: But there are times when I share, like my love 111 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: of cinnamon rolls, as I did on the Happy Hour, 112 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 1: just a fan fiction trip that I love that actually 113 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 1: makes me really nervous um and sometimes I get my 114 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,239 Speaker 1: head about it and that it's a really pathetic thing 115 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 1: and stupid and not worth talking about. And now everyone 116 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: knows it's important to me and they can pick on 117 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 1: me about it, and it's it's a really stupid thing, 118 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: and it's my insecurity and it's hard to shake, and 119 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: it's I've talked about before, like it's especially when it 120 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: comes to something like that. It is so important to me, 121 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: and it's so near and dear to me, and it 122 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 1: has helped me get through trauma. And I'm someone who 123 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 1: is very much like I connect to fictional characters and 124 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: stories and I use them to help me get through things, 125 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 1: and I've used them to help me get through very 126 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: difficult things. But on the surface, they're they're pretty frivolous, right, 127 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:36,080 Speaker 1: and they're easy to make fun of. So yeah, it 128 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:40,200 Speaker 1: makes me really nervous because it feels like, you know, 129 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: if if you're connecting with something that you you do 130 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: identify with so much and didn't get you through some 131 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 1: traumatic event and people like cut it down or dismiss it, 132 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 1: that they're dismissing you or trauma you went through, caveat like. 133 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:06,240 Speaker 1: Of course, people can have disagreements and entertainment and you 134 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 1: know that's that's a whole part of it, and that 135 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 1: can be a fun, lovely part of it, is getting 136 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 1: in those kind of arguments, right, But it's it's just 137 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: odd to me that after that episode came out, how nervous, right, 138 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,439 Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think it's odd. I think it's 139 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 1: absolutely when you start sharing bits of yourself and and 140 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: things that you love and things you hold and protect 141 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: m as part of your personality, it's hard. Especially again, Yeah, 142 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: you and I are in an industry, and I've talked 143 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 1: about this many times as in fact, recently we had 144 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 1: our own meeting within our company and I was more 145 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: nervous for that than anything else I think I've ever done. 146 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 1: And one of the big things that I talked about 147 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,319 Speaker 1: was the fact that I'm seeing for the first time. 148 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 1: We've talked about this on our podcast many a time, 149 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:56,679 Speaker 1: where I really like not being seen. I like being invisible. 150 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,600 Speaker 1: That's kind of what I've worked through. That's kind of 151 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: the whole trope of being model minority is being not 152 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 1: seen and not starting up the pot, which is a 153 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 1: complete fallacy in itself, and it is degrading in and 154 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 1: what that's ideal is anyway, But when it comes to 155 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: something that you love or something that you hold personal 156 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 1: and true for you, and then feeling like you're just 157 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:23,839 Speaker 1: opening up a door for people to bring in every 158 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 1: darkness and whether that's like a criticism or judgment on you. 159 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: And you've been through some hard times in general where 160 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 1: you've been raped over the colds for something you've loved, 161 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: so therefore you're already triggered automatically and all the defensive. 162 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,880 Speaker 1: And that's a huge thing. And it's not just you, 163 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: it's a lot of people in general, and especially if 164 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 1: you've lived in a world of fantasy to distance yourself 165 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 1: from the trauma that's even more vulnerable because at least 166 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 1: that world protects you. You know, this is just a 167 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 1: whole big layer of conversation. And we've talked about this before. 168 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 1: I lived in a world of trauma where I didn't 169 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 1: know how to distance myself. I lied a lot. That 170 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: was my distancing and trying to get away from something 171 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,679 Speaker 1: or get out of something, and that was my trauma. 172 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: And I felt like I wasn't a child, which is 173 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 1: really unfortunate, which is why I didn't get into the 174 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: fantasies of all of these things at a young age. 175 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 1: And so my reaction was almost the opposite and doing 176 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,600 Speaker 1: whatever like I had to do to survive. But that 177 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: meant to grow up quickly with the loss of the 178 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 1: childhood essentially and forcing myself to realizing, oh, I'm not 179 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 1: a normal kid. I have to pretend like a kid. 180 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 1: This is not normal. I think there's a lot to 181 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 1: be said about what it looks like and the fact 182 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 1: that we've talked about this, like when we do get 183 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 1: hit with criticism, we take that as if it was 184 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: worth ten times more than someone's love for us. And 185 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 1: we have such amazing fans and we have so many 186 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 1: amazing people like when I came out with our conversation 187 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,320 Speaker 1: about Atlanta shooting. The love that I got was beautiful, 188 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,680 Speaker 1: but all I could see was, oh, but people didn't 189 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 1: respond as much to this as they did did this, 190 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: So that means obviously I made them uncomfortable and they 191 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: didn't accept me, which is nothing to do with that. 192 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: But that did not happen. No one said anything to me, 193 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,959 Speaker 1: no one did anything to me, you know. But it 194 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 1: is this vulnerability makes us automatically feel like a as women, 195 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: as as people of the marginalized community within like l 196 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: g B two Hugh trying to find ourselves even that 197 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,200 Speaker 1: allowing ourselves to be ourselves. If someone doesn't accept it, 198 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,280 Speaker 1: we see that as a bigger picture than the result 199 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 1: of everyone else who has John loved us, and it's 200 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: it's a lot. Oh yeah, absolutely, And that again, that's 201 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: why I keep making the point, at least with in 202 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 1: my case, That's what I'm talking about right now. It 203 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 1: is my insecurity and I know it, and it is 204 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 1: like my trauma, and I know that there is also 205 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:51,320 Speaker 1: a layer of societal expectations around women and singleness and 206 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: what you should be doing and what is weird. But 207 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:01,599 Speaker 1: it's mostly yeah, my insecurity and trauma. And that's why 208 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 1: I have talked about it in therapy. Because I did, 209 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 1: it was easier for me to connect to a fictional 210 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 1: character and perhaps write a fan fiction of them going 211 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: through a trauma, or even writing a story which has 212 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 1: a character that is essentially me but not me and 213 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 1: going through that trauma because I had that like separation, 214 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,960 Speaker 1: and that allowed me. In my case, it felt like 215 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:31,800 Speaker 1: a safer way of dealing with this, and also like 216 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: in my mind, if this fictional character that I love 217 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,719 Speaker 1: could go through this and people could still love them, 218 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: then it's possible for me. And I do think yeah, 219 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: because I mean, generally I'm fine about being the older, 220 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,880 Speaker 1: single lady who's a nerdy. Generally it doesn't bother me. 221 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,840 Speaker 1: But I worry that people look at me or listen 222 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: to me and think, wow, what is a single lady 223 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 1: who doesn't realize how pathetic she is or that something 224 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 1: must be wrong because I'm still single still in heavy 225 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 1: quotes um And we've talked about that a lot. We 226 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 1: talked about that pressure before, especially for women. Most days 227 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 1: it's like not, it's so not on my radar. I 228 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,680 Speaker 1: don't even think about it. But Occasionally people will ask 229 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: me or make it of a conversation about it, and 230 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: it just becomes clear to me how much that is 231 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: still like the standard, and how much of an outlier 232 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: that it makes me an oddity almost And these these 233 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 1: conversations are almost always well intentioned, but they do make 234 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 1: me feel like there's this moment of like, oh, yeah, 235 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: oh yeah, And that's when I worry, like, oh, people 236 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: think I'm pathetic? Are that they will? Or like, yeah, 237 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 1: I'm having fun now, but soon she's gonna realize her 238 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,240 Speaker 1: mistake and it's be too late and she's gonna be 239 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 1: sad alone and a nerd. And how pathetic well being 240 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: alert A it's not bad so that you can just 241 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: show that at the window because you're a nerd and 242 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: it's beautiful. However, I think that's to me such a 243 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: weird idea. I think, because I'm with you again, being 244 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 1: at this age, I've had maybe two to three serious 245 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: relationships in my entire life, maybe just too like I'm 246 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,040 Speaker 1: party to really put Calvin in my hands, and I 247 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 1: don't think there's not many. And in my expectation in 248 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: my life that I was going to be the single 249 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 1: one the entire time and I was okay with it 250 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 1: and understanding that I'm a different individual and it is 251 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 1: what it is. Of course, I still think about at 252 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: this point, I'm thinking about, Okay, I'm not having children. 253 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: It's too late for me. It's come to the point 254 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: that you know, it could be a risk. And I 255 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: still don't think I won't want children. And that's at 256 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: forty so you know, we're coming to the bit of like, 257 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,160 Speaker 1: it's kind of hard at this point, and but am 258 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: I going to miss out on something? I know, I 259 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 1: definitely have that moment of like, am I missing out 260 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: on something? But I mean, as we talked about earlier, 261 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,640 Speaker 1: I feel good it of where I am now then 262 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 1: where I was five years ago. You know that I 263 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,600 Speaker 1: feel at least healthy in my state of mind. And 264 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: you and I did our first very first episode was 265 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,840 Speaker 1: are we failures? Have we failed because we don't want 266 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 1: these things or we haven't gotten these things? But absolutely 267 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 1: also come to the point that these are our choices, 268 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 1: and to me feels like good choices, you know, no 269 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: matter where where we are. And I think when I 270 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: see you, I see you happy, You're happy. I think 271 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 1: you're the happiest you've been since when I first met you, 272 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,800 Speaker 1: which you were questioning a lot of things and and 273 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: trying to figure out your own place, and like trying 274 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 1: to figure out your sexuality, and trying to figure out 275 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 1: who and what you are and how and what you 276 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: wanted to be outside of just what you were known for. 277 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 1: And that's beautiful. This quarantine has been rough, but it's 278 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: been fun to watch you fall in love with what 279 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 1: you love like that is something that I get caught 280 00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: up with you and I love teasing you. But it's 281 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 1: so fun to ride that coattail of what you love 282 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,480 Speaker 1: and how much you love it, and the fact that 283 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 1: you love it because it's personal to you is even better. 284 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 1: It's so fantastic and and honestly, I don't know for 285 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: the listeners, but I do kind of know because they've 286 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: sent those responses, which has been amazing. When you get excited, 287 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,479 Speaker 1: I get excited. I may not like what you like, 288 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,280 Speaker 1: but I am excited with you. Like the whole journey 289 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 1: of Star Wars. We keep talking about it, and I 290 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,159 Speaker 1: keep teasing about the fight. Holy crap, the amount of 291 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,479 Speaker 1: Star Wars I've watched in the last year is unreal, 292 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: especially never have watched any of them until this last year. 293 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: But it's because of how much you love it that 294 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,439 Speaker 1: it makes me excited. It's because of how much you 295 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: love it that makes me excited to talk about these 296 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 1: drinks that we're gonna make indoor, what's gonna happen with 297 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 1: dragon Con or what's not gonna happen with dragon Con? 298 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,679 Speaker 1: And your love of your costumes are like, let's make 299 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 1: it this way, you know, bring into reality is almost 300 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: just as satisfying for me as it is for you, 301 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 1: because you get so excited and it's a beautiful thing. 302 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 1: I don't think I'm I'm never once in my mind 303 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,199 Speaker 1: thought it was pathetic. And I say this as an 304 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 1: outlier of never loving these things. Oh, that's one of 305 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: my favorite things about you, Stanpa. And you've been very 306 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 1: supportive of me and and it's I think it's probably 307 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 1: clear to you now, but I don't know if it 308 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,159 Speaker 1: wasn't to you in the beginning. But these are very 309 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 1: important to me, and it is like my love like 310 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: worson for you to support me. It's been very meaningful, 311 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,439 Speaker 1: very very meaningful to me. But that is one of 312 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,159 Speaker 1: the things that jump started this, Like, oh, I should 313 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: probably talk about this on a happy hour is. I 314 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 1: was somebody said, how are you going to remember your quarantine? 315 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 1: What did you accomplish? And I was like, I watched 316 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:47,399 Speaker 1: a lot of Star Wars the joint that you have 317 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,160 Speaker 1: brought to your friends, Like you have a large group 318 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: of people your love of the Star Wars stuff as 319 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 1: well as D and D as well as the Marvel Like, actually, 320 00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 1: you made more connections with the relationship us that have existed, 321 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,160 Speaker 1: you know, such a deeper level. It's it's really ridiculously 322 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,520 Speaker 1: fled to watch where where I've like kind of drifted 323 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 1: And it was like, I'm kind of talking to you, 324 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: so I'm just not going to participate in this group 325 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:16,880 Speaker 1: text Like that's where I am. And I can talk 326 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,920 Speaker 1: about the fact that I've actually gone to see people 327 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,120 Speaker 1: because people are being vaccinated and are able to travel more, 328 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,159 Speaker 1: got to see family because we're vaccinated now. But I 329 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: was like, man, that's exhausting. Oh, this is gonna be 330 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 1: a long adjustment for me. But like the deeper level 331 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 1: of the people that you play D and D with, 332 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 1: the people you are working with, the people you love 333 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,679 Speaker 1: that you haven't necessarily seen, that you keep connected your 334 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 1: close friends from school. I think it's really fun to 335 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: watch because I feel like you have made a personal 336 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 1: connection that couldn't have been done if we were out 337 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: and about all the time. Like it's a different thing, 338 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:56,600 Speaker 1: and but it has everything you love. Yeah, whether it 339 00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:01,200 Speaker 1: is making a fake Star Wars world for D n 340 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 1: D or whether it's continuing that your tradition with Sunday 341 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,359 Speaker 1: Sunday Sunday, which became one thing, has now become another 342 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 1: thing and your friends all love it with you. Yeah, 343 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:17,439 Speaker 1: you're a trend story. I've never thought of myself as that, 344 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,800 Speaker 1: but yeah, you really are from my perspective. Between the 345 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,120 Speaker 1: Last of Us and the Star Wars stuff, you've become 346 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,720 Speaker 1: a trendsetter. If we talked about the switch, I would 347 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,680 Speaker 1: have never bought one had it not been for you, 348 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,879 Speaker 1: I would have not really played any games. And my 349 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,679 Speaker 1: partner is so excited that you brought that around. And 350 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 1: I do think that that's a I mean, ultimately having 351 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,840 Speaker 1: that good support group is I'm and key right that 352 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: I I do have people that are into it, are 353 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,280 Speaker 1: are at least there with me and happy to see 354 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 1: me happy. And I didn't mean to turn this into 355 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:55,160 Speaker 1: a building, but no it's not. But I think everybody 356 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 1: wants to know that what they love is okay. And 357 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: that's that's for me. Like I laugh and my partner 358 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,680 Speaker 1: laws about my repeat of like what what are you 359 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,320 Speaker 1: watching now? You're watching one of these three shows apps 360 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:09,639 Speaker 1: so freaking loutly that or I'm watching the same movies 361 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 1: over and over again because that's what I know, that's 362 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:15,840 Speaker 1: what I do, and that's how I comfort myself. And yeah, 363 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 1: I kind of have a shame factor and at the 364 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,679 Speaker 1: same time like, no, this is how I care for 365 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:24,120 Speaker 1: myself and this is where we are and that's okay, 366 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 1: and that's okay, you know, and that's the end. It's 367 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 1: like giving yourself permission to understand even if other people 368 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,320 Speaker 1: do think that's pathetic. Thank god, we're in a space 369 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: where it's like that's who are you that you don't 370 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,800 Speaker 1: have to do it, so move on and that's the end. 371 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: And at the same time, like I have now in 372 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 1: my generation and our generation, we have more friends who 373 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,679 Speaker 1: are single, we have more friends who are not having children, 374 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 1: where I have more friends who are in different types 375 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,480 Speaker 1: of relationships where we can all kind of celebrate it 376 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: instead of being ashamed of it. And I'm it's we're 377 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,440 Speaker 1: still very far along at the same time, at least 378 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,960 Speaker 1: we've gotten to that point that we're not all expected 379 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: to be forty thirty five two children in the house 380 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 1: doing these things being the housekeeper or whatever, or being 381 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: the homemaker, which is such a weird conversation, but or 382 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 1: choosing to do that and still being okay. And that's 383 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 1: the overall thing, is our owner securities lead us to 384 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,160 Speaker 1: wonder what we're doing wrong, when in actuality, that's nothing 385 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,200 Speaker 1: that you're doing wrong, as long as you're being considerate 386 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,880 Speaker 1: of others and finding joy and allowing people to find 387 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: joy as well. Yeah, and I think there's a lot 388 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: we could unpack and what you just said in a 389 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 1: future episode perhaps of just expectations society and on ourselves, 390 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 1: but also I think in the United States and probably 391 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: a lot of other countries, but particularly United States, productivity 392 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,159 Speaker 1: is almost a moral thing, right right. It is like, oh, 393 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 1: you are rewatching Star Wars when you could be doing 394 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 1: this you own that third business hustling, Yeah, exactly, which 395 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 1: is a bigger conversation that perhaps we'll have of I 396 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,639 Speaker 1: did what I end with this text exchange that I 397 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,920 Speaker 1: because I was really depressed and I couldn't sleep a 398 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,880 Speaker 1: few weeks ago and I texted Katie, you've not heard 399 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: on the show, um, one of my best friends, And 400 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 1: I said, do you think I will be an old 401 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,480 Speaker 1: lady who still obsessed with Star Wars and Thursday after 402 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:21,720 Speaker 1: Luke Skywalker? She said yes. I said do you think 403 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,040 Speaker 1: that's weird? And she said no. And then I said 404 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:30,600 Speaker 1: I don't deserve Mark Cammell and she said, yes you do, which, 405 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 1: by the way, I again don't have a cush on 406 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: Mark Cammell. I have a crush on Luke Skywalker, Mark Camll. 407 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,919 Speaker 1: I think Mark Camil will say yes you do. And 408 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:45,200 Speaker 1: the question is does anyone deserve Luke Skywalker the Cinnamon Roll? 409 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 1: And the answer is no, no one does. You're right 410 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 1: you've heard. But I remember the first time when I 411 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 1: was telling you about that fan fiction, I was like, 412 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 1: so it's Edra Bridger and Luke Skywalker, but I'm not 413 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,159 Speaker 1: sure Edro deserves Luke. Can you gave me the US 414 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:06,720 Speaker 1: look like? I was also very confused about who Bridge was. 415 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:13,359 Speaker 1: That's fair, that's fair. You'll know soon enough. I do 416 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 1: know now I started those series. Yes, yes, look what 417 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:23,480 Speaker 1: you have done, Look what I have Rach Well, thank 418 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,639 Speaker 1: you as always for letting me have this space to 419 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: bringing it and cheers Happy Thursday. I hope everything Yeah, 420 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,760 Speaker 1: I hope everything's going well for you listeners, and we 421 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 1: always truly love hearing from you. Do you like the 422 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,040 Speaker 1: email as you can? Our email is Stuff Media mom 423 00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 1: Stuff at I Heart media dot com. You can find 424 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 1: us on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You, are 425 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always to 426 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 1: our super producer, Christina, and we adore you as well 427 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 1: we do, and thanks to you for listening Stuff I 428 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: Ever Told you the prodection of I Heart Radio. For 429 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,640 Speaker 1: more podcasts from I Heard Radio, Visit That I Heard Aradio, 430 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,320 Speaker 1: app podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. 431 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:20,680 Speaker 1: M