WEBVTT - Your Fertility Questions Answered 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.359 Swine Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:07.120 He never gets told. 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:10.560 Mark is spicy today? 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:11.159 What do you do? 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:14.560 He's spicy. That's the best word I can say for 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:16.040 him right now. He's just spicy. 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:17.480 It's ready to battle. 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:19.119 You are? What's up with you? 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:21.560 It's been a long week and it's only Tuesday morning. 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:28.440 I mean, what do you doing? That stings it? Okay, technically, 0:00:28.680 --> 0:00:29.920 you know, Monday not bad? 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:32.480 Four thirty, normal, normal day. 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:36.880 Mark. Mark is the producer of the Ryan Sea Crush Show, 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:41.880 and he has the pleasure of doing our show, the privilege. 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:45.920 It is a pleasure. It's a delight to each week. 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:47.559 Well, I just I like it when you're spicy. 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:48.320 Thank you. 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:51.159 Just I don't know. You just have a little too 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:53.279 too you and I like it. I appreciate that. 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:55.960 Yeah. 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:57.880 No, we were talking about that on the way here. 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:01.640 I said, if I ever have an assistant, I just 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:04.800 the thing for me is I'm I'm always like five 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:07.440 steps ahead. Yeah, so it's hard for someone to be 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:08.840 six steps. 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:11.759 You naturally kind of expect people to. 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:19.440 Read your mind. I get my timelines. My timeline is 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:22.080 just different than most people. So I like to just 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:24.399 I want to do it. I want done now, which 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:27.000 is what we get on each other for sometimes Again, 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:31.720 if you sat down, like, for example, we're just going 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:34.960 through our house stuff right now with the builds. Oh, 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:36.920 by the way, that cough, I'm gonna talk about that 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:41.200 in a second. Right, No, no, no, we're on this one. 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:44.760 So we're going through the house thing and we have 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:47.160 to change something with our builder. So I was like, 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:49.880 are you going to call Justin? He's like, y'all call him. 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:53.800 Two seconds later, I'll call Justin. I'll call him. He's like, no, 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.040 I'll call him. I was like, why isn't your phone 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:58.120 in your hand, because again, it. 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.600 Can give me two minutes just finished processing my thoughts 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:04.240 or what we were looking at. You're like, oh, well 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:07.520 I can call him, like easy, Tiger, Like, I got it. 0:02:08.360 --> 0:02:09.079 I'll just call him. 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:11.600 It's really good, ridiculous. 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:16.400 I know my timeline is just now and then that cough. 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:19.360 Literally at three o'clock in the morning, it's like he 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:23.600 wanted to wake me up. Because at three o'clock in 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.440 the morning, I see his face in my face and 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:30.360 he goes and I'm like, oh, good morning, hello, I 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:32.959 guess I'm up. I guess I'm up. Now I don't 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:34.519 know what it is. Did you just want me to 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:34.960 wake up? 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:39.240 No, I thought I was dying. Yeah, I can breathe. 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:42.720 He's had this thing. Actually I'm kind of concerned. Go ahead, 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:45.000 but what you can't breathe in the middle of the night. 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:46.400 Well, it happened like once where I got up in 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:48.840 the middle of the night and I was having chest 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:51.960 pains and I could not catch I couldn't catch my breath. 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:53.680 I couldn't and I was like up by the door, 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.480 like hit him in the wall because I was like, 0:02:57.040 --> 0:02:59.480 and Jane's like, are you okay? And I wanted to say, 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:02.560 like shut up, like I'm dying, but I couldn't. So 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:05.720 it was really weird. It was actually really scary. And yeah, 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:09.440 last night I kind of had the feeling of similar 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:11.840 where I'll take a deep inhale when I get to 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:13.320 the top of my breath, i'd kind of start to 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:15.679 feel that again. I'm like, what the hell is going 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:16.120 on with me? 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:18.639 It sounds like anxiety is what I told you this one. 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:19.839 This is like a physical thing. 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.520 This doesn't seem like an anxiety is physical. It's not 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:24.520 just in your head, even though you think it's always 0:03:24.600 --> 0:03:27.040 just in my head. This isn't just in your head. 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:30.079 I mean, it could be anxiety, it could be physical, 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:32.200 could be both. I had a roommate who was actually 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:34.720 still a good friend and godfather of one of my kids. 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:37.080 He had an issue when he would wake up in 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:38.960 the middle of the night and whatever position he was 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:41.640 in that would cause this and his throat would close. Oh, 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:43.520 and so you would wake up to him literally running 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:48.400 around the house going It was almull and scary, but 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:50.080 he'd be running your own making that noise. And the 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:51.720 first time it happened, we didn't know what was going on, 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:53.920 and then we kind of got used to it, unfortunately, 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:56.240 but it's a scary thing, like what would you do? 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:58.800 He would have to run around, run around the house, 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:02.600 so I don't think that's necessary. He would call and 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:05.360 eventually he would the panic would subside and it would 0:04:05.360 --> 0:04:06.920 he would calm down, and then it would start to 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:07.720 get better. 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:09.119 Oh my gosh, terrifying. 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:10.160 It was terrifying. 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:14.120 Die, Well, you need to figure that out. But I 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:16.800 think in that moment, whenever I've had anxiety, if whether 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:19.279 it's anxiety or not, but breathing to open up your lungs, 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:21.560 you put your arms up so for your daughter too. 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:24.320 For some reason, you're having anxiety or anything like that, 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:25.440 you put. 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:25.880 Your hands up. 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:28.240 He put your hands up and your lungs open up. 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:31.400 Apparently that's what someone told all right, well I probably 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:32.120 read in Cosmo. 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.080 I'll try it. But yeah, I mean so we've been up. 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:38.839 Really we got Easton and Mark beat because we've been 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:39.800 up since like three. 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:44.480 That's true. Yea, guys. The cough because the cough, the cough, 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:46.600 And I said thank you because I have not been 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:48.120 able to go to bed because then I was up, 0:04:48.160 --> 0:04:50.360 and then Jay started crying, and then I was I 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:53.880 had the middle of the night feed. So yeah, go 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.719 team Go, go team girl. So fun, So it's up. 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:01.039 I had an interest saying, so I saved this. You 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:02.799 know you always talk about save it for the podcast. 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.480 So are we going to get in a fight. I 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:08.080 really don't want to fight. I'm in a great mood. 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:11.360 I really like you right now Valentine's Day, Like it's 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:12.880 all good, all. 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:16.320 Right, we'll scratch that for next week. No, no, no, no, 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:17.599 it's it's not it's not a fight. 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:19.920 It's oh no, it's something about it. 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:22.520 It's it's introspectives. What's what that's what we talk about, 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:27.760 give the people what they want to hear. So when 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.520 we were up in Monterey right at the golf tournament 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:34.240 this past weekend, we got home from the tournament and 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:39.839 we were kind of winding down. Pun intended, you're welcome. 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:42.359 Wait back home to the hotel or like home to the. 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:46.719 House at the hotel. Okay, okay, and you in the 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:47.720 bathroom start a bath. 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:48.880 Yeah okay. 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:52.240 As soon as you did that, I immediately started to 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:55.240 get anxiety, really because. 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:56.719 It's so funny, because I have something to say around this. 0:05:57.000 --> 0:06:02.719 I just assumed that I anticipated you saying, hey, like, 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:04.320 I'm drawing a bath, do you want to come in? 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:08.359 And my initial thought was like no, like no, like 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:10.760 I'm gonna have to say no to her. That was 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:12.760 my thought is I'm gonna have to say no to you, 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:16.080 and then you're gonna, you know, get upset and be 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:19.080 like you don't want to be intimate and blah blah blah. 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:23.240 But by allowing you just to do that and me 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.479 stay in the other room and I got to go 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:28.839 to the bathroom while you were in there, you have to. 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:32.000 Take a boop. We're a relaxing bubble bath. 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:35.440 You gotta do no, that time I didn't. I still 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:37.279 had to, but that time I did. So I go 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:39.400 into the bathroom and I was like nervous to go 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:40.840 in the bathroom because I'm like, she's gonna see me, 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:42.320 she's gonna be like, hey, come in the bath with me. 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:45.359 So I get in and get out safe, like I 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:48.920 made it out safe and alive without without you asking. 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:51.320 So I was like, okay, anxiety gone. But then sitting 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.720 in bed, I was like, you know what, I kind 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:56.560 of want to go in there. But it was because 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:00.160 but it's weird. It's but that's how I felt. It 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:04.400 was because you did not ask me. I didn't feel 0:07:04.400 --> 0:07:07.280 the pressure ultimately to not do it, like I just 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:11.040 ended up doing it because I wanted to. But it's 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:13.880 like it's something with me. When it's someone else's idea 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:18.600 or someone else's you know, motivate, it's I'm uncomfortable with 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:22.520 it for whatever reason. And that could even be sometimes 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:24.400 when you asked me if I want to work out 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:27.760 because it was your idea, I'm like, actually, I'm okay 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:30.200 right now, But if I had the idea before that, 0:07:30.440 --> 0:07:32.680 then I wouldn't go work out, Like I'm completely motivated. 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:33.600 Where does that come from. 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.320 I don't know, but it's just something I've I've noticed 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:39.960 more in different kinds of situations, whether again it's something 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:42.360 intimate like the bath or something as stupid as working out. 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:45.960 That's so interesting. I mean even that probably correlates to 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:47.400 with them, we're in bed and you felt like we 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:48.840 had to have sex, and then that's when you leave 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:50.840 your head because it was always the routine. 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:53.240 In the past two months, we've had more sex, yeah, 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:54.720 and than we have in the last year. 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:59.840 Give us a sound real, that's it. 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:06.720 Yeah, It's like, if it wasn't my idea, then it 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.560 doesn't feel like I don't know, it's just weird. It's 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:10.760 just something that came up for me. 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:14.000 I'm super curious to see what your therapist and where 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:14.680 that comes from. 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:17.440 I know, I mean, you know me, I've always had 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:18.120 an issue. 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:19.560 With well you don't like yeah, you don't like that, 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:21.240 But this is different. This is may being like, hey, 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:22.280 spend some time with me. 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:24.600 I know, but it's like, because it wasn't my idea, 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:26.480 I get uncomfortable. 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:29.960 Wow. Yeah, do you want to know something funny around 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:33.400 the bathtub thing? Though? This is so funny that you 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.680 brought this up. I was actually annoyed that you came 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:41.040 in the bathtub. Oh I was, because it almost like 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:45.920 this is my time. Oh that's it's so funny. That's 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:47.600 why I started laughing when you brought this up, because 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:51.800 I'm like, man, you know, I know I was. I 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:54.040 was initially because that's why I didn't ask you, because 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:58.000 I didn't want you to come in. I genuinely wanted 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:00.120 to just relax on my own. We just spent and 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.040 you know, the entire day walking around a golf course, 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:04.920 you know, for you, and I just wanted to have 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:07.720 my moment to just be in the bath and relax. 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:09.840 The lavender, you know, bath salts and. 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:12.160 That is hilarious. 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:13.720 And you know what's so funny is I almost said 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:15.719 some into you, like babe, don't feel pressured to come 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:17.320 in the bath that because I actually wanted to be 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.040 in the bath by myself. So that's how I didn't ask. 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:22.120 And then when you came in, I almost said something 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:24.120 like no, no, you're you're good, like you don't have 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:26.480 to come in. But then I was like, well, he's 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:28.440 he's trying because he probably feels like he has to 0:09:28.800 --> 0:09:31.480 so and then ended up being a great bath. 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:33.400 Girl. 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:37.400 But initially I was annoyed when you got in. That's 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:40.680 so funny, it is, isn't it. That's interesting. 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:44.079 And what's interesting is say I say I didn't come 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:46.839 in right, and I would have I would have I 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:48.360 would have thought the rest of the night. I would 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:50.080 have been like, you know what, she wanted me in 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:52.920 the bath and I didn't go in. So even if 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:56.440 you wanted to be intimate later that night, I probably 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:59.440 would have been a little bit more uncomfortable because knowing 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:01.160 in the back of my head that I probably disappointed 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:02.600 you that I didn't come in the bath, and now 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.520 you're trying to be intimate now, and I just play 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:07.360 those games in my head. It's just it's weird. 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:10.640 But if she had said to you before you got it, 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:12.240 if she had said, by the I'm gonna take a bath, 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:13.679 but don't feel like you need to come out. I 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:15.439 really just want to spend him alone time, would that 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:17.440 have been fun. It would have been like, it. 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.920 Would have been totally fine, but I would have had 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.040 the same feeling I ultimately had, where it's like, well, 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:24.120 I kind of want to get in the bath because 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:26.520 she told because I was off the hook, right and 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:29.280 there's no pressure at all. It would have been one 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:33.240 hundred percent my idea because I want to come into 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:33.640 the bath. 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:36.000 I probably would have so funny. 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:37.840 I probably would have wanted to, but I would I 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.120 wouldn't have, but I would have been like, you know, 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:41.080 I want to come in. 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:44.720 But this is so funny. I love this. 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:47.760 It's the beauty of this podcast. Yeah yeah, it's what 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:50.479 were you thinking all this week in our married interactions? 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:52.439 Yeah right, and this is what. 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:54.440 And the one time you don't want me to be 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:55.040 intimate or. 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:58.400 Join you, I just wanted to relax. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:00.480 We didn't do to that. 0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:08.280 Oh that's funny. Well I can't wait to will you? 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.920 Will you keep our podcast listeners up to date on that. 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:16.200 I'm sure they're going to be dying to find out. Yeah, yeah, 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:19.600 I mean I will. I'll check in with Aron about 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.040 it and get back to you. 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:25.520 Love it, okay. 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Go to joybird dot com slash 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:38.760 Jana and receive an exclusive offer for twenty five percent 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:43.480 off your first order by using the code Jana. Okay, 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:49.520 so everyone has been asking dming commenting, Where's Jen, Where's Jen? 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:50.760 What's going on with Jen? Jen? 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:55.120 I'm here, I'm here, I'm out of my office. 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:56.800 Out of the office. So Jen is the producer of 0:12:56.800 --> 0:13:00.800 the Ryan Seacrush Show. Well, well, whoops, Mark. 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:04.480 Is the executive producer. I was on here with Ryan seacrast. Yes, 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:08.120 I sort of oversee the National Show and American Top 0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:11.600 forty and then the branding that comes in for the shows, 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:14.760 which can be really demanding at the end of the 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:16.480 year and the beginning of the year. 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:19.160 Yeah. So Jen is she's a busy lady, so that's 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:22.400 why she's been absent for a little while. But we 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:26.080 love her. And she's a wine downer, so she's you know, whenever. 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:26.720 Yes, whenever. 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:27.640 How is Rocco? 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:32.480 He's great. Yeah, he's so much fun. He is really 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:36.719 getting into sports right now. We went to Hawaii and 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:39.160 the first day we were there, we were at the 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:43.280 beach and I through the football for two and a 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:47.440 half hours and at one point, I thought to myself, 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:50.080 I'm not going to be able to move my arm tomorrow. 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:54.280 And I woke up the next morning I couldn't move 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:57.520 my right arm. So of course he wakes up and 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:01.120 he says, let's go play football. And I was like, 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:03.760 I can't move my arm. He goes, just use the 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:08.440 other one. So I'm out there and I'm trying to 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:11.959 throw with my left arm, which I can't even really 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:15.680 throw football anyways, let's be honest, and he's like that's 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:19.920 not good enough. And I was like, whoa, do you 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:23.760 know what. I'm gonna go wake your uncle up. He 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:24.960 can throw the football with you. 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:29.880 So was the man there. No, no, he grays anymore. 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:30.560 No, we're together. 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:31.040 Okay. 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:34.720 But he goes to the East coast to visit his parents. 0:14:35.400 --> 0:14:39.400 And this was a trip with my sister who doesn't 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:40.720 have children and. 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.160 Oh that's sister, like your sister sister. How you guys 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:43.760 aren't like. 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:48.800 Into her husband? And then Rocco and me and it 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:52.200 was an incredible trip. We went to Maui. We have 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:55.280 this like fancy because I call him the fancy cousin, 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:59.720 and he has a house there, so he he was like, 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:01.880 just I'll use it it's not being and we went. 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:06.000 It was incredible and it was fabulous and I played 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:06.480 a lot. 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.160 Of football a lot holidays. 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:14.720 That was over the holidays. Then we got back Christmas night, 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.240 like at eleven o'clock at night, and I opened the 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:21.560 gate and there was water everywhere, and I was like, wow, 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:23.600 it must have rained here today. And then all of 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:28.000 a sudden I looked at the garage and I was like, wait, 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.480 the water was coming out of the garage. And then 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.680 I went upstairs in the hole. All the walls were 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:34.480 all bubbles. 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.880 It was like Home Alone. It was yes, remember yes, 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:43.720 Home Alone too New York. Yeah, The Old Man, No, 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:46.440 which almost that wasn't it was the first one? Was 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:46.880 it the first? 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.240 I don't know, I've watched all three of those. 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:50.960 The House, The House, Yeah, but. 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:54.120 It Yeah, it was pretty much. That was it. So 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:56.720 then that was a three week affair and I was 0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:57.800 in an airbnb. 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.320 Jeez, even like going through it. 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:05.280 Crazy goodness, crazy, But I just roll with it, you know. 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:09.280 And you're happy with the guy. Everything's good, he's great. Love. 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:09.760 Yeah. 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:11.640 So between all that, I don't know how you haven't 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:13.520 had time to come on the Show's. 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:15.520 Cool, Yeah, busy at all. 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:20.040 All the contractors. It was like, you know, schedule after schedule, 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:20.960 Yeah yeah. 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:24.880 Coming off with that, today we have special guests doctor Kristin, 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:28.480 who's here to talk about lovely subject of fertility. Hey, 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:31.400 doctor Kristen, A nice to be here. 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:33.200 Thank you. Where's your office? 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:33.960 Downtown? 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:34.640 Downtown? 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:39.120 Okay, we're in a like right off of the one 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:40.840 ten or good same hospital. 0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:45.280 And then Gen, you've shared your your fertility issues on 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:45.680 the show. 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:47.840 Have they have I I'm not sure? 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:48.560 Refresh us. 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:53.120 Okay. So I've never been on birth control my ever 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:54.200 cut never. 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:56.720 Okay, never, not once okay. 0:16:56.840 --> 0:17:02.360 And I was married for twelve years before I even 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:06.240 you know, got pregnant, which is a very long time 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.080 to be you know, it was, and we weren't careful. 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:14.240 It's a very long time. So when I was starting 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.520 to get older, I thought, I, you know, well, we 0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:18.480 have to get serious about this. So I bought one 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:23.480 of the digital ovulation calculators and I started going to 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:27.399 acupuncture twice a week in the beginning, and I drank 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:31.000 this weird tea three times a day that I really 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.080 I have no idea what was in it. I probably 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:38.959 should have asked, but it took about six to seven months, 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.119 and then I finally got pregnant. And it's really funny 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:46.840 because I knew immediately. It was like two weeks pregnant, 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:50.520 and I knew. I was at a like a summer 0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:55.359 pool party and was drinking a ton of tequila. And 0:17:55.400 --> 0:18:00.359 the next morning I just got d and ike up 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:05.120 the next morning and I was like, wow, I feel awful, 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:09.920 like not normal awful. It was like, there's I must 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:13.399 be pregnant. So I got like, I got ready for work. 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:17.200 I was launching the Oprah Winfree Network, and I stopped 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:19.840 at the right aid and got a bunch of pregnancy 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:25.359 tests and went to work, went into the bathroom and 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:28.399 started taking pregnancy tests. So I found out I was 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:31.960 pregnant in the open Windfree Network bathroom. And it was 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:32.800 like two weeks pregnant. 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:37.240 How did you tell you're so hungover? Like nothing, I 0:18:37.280 --> 0:18:40.480 did drink now that day to get the hangover over. 0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:42.000 No, because I was pregnant. 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:44.760 It was like that first day. I know, every time 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:46.240 I always did, I'm like, I'm so. 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:48.520 There has to be more to this than just being 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:50.719 on over. This is not normal. 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:56.360 It was so crazy. So I never officially found out 0:18:56.520 --> 0:19:01.520 if I had fertility issues, but I just suspected, yeah, 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:04.920 because it was I had to make it my job. 0:19:06.200 --> 0:19:09.800 Yeah, I mean twelve years without using any protection, not 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:13.160 really paying attention. Right, at some point along the way, 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:14.639 you would have thought that you would have got pregnant 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:15.520 at least once. 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:18.160 At least once, right for sure? 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:21.159 Are there a lot of women though, that have chemical 0:19:21.200 --> 0:19:23.919 pregnancy chemical losses so that they actually get pregnant, but 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:24.959 they just think it's their period. 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:28.960 Absolutely. I think that in the first couple of days after, 0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:32.680 like when you're periods supposed to come, you can't even 0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:35.920 pianistick because it'll still be negative. Oftentimes we can see 0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:37.480 it in our office if someone comes in for a 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:40.399 blood test, but if you're two three days late, some 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:44.040 of those women could be having biochemicals and they just 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:46.080 there's not really any way to tell when you're at. 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:49.320 Home, Right, do you recommend or would you recommend? Because 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.040 I know when Jane and I started to try to 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:54.919 get pregnant, and we just kind of started trying just 0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:57.679 on our own, and then finally we weren't having success, 0:19:57.680 --> 0:19:59.320 so then we went in to see here Obi and 0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:04.320 ultimately had to get some things done to maximize the 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:05.639 possibility of having a child. 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:06.840 Was it the historioscopy? 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:10.439 Yeah, historioscopy. I mean, do you think that's something that's 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:13.120 beneficial where if a young woman wants to start looking 0:20:13.200 --> 0:20:15.000 at that, where she just starts off by going to 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:17.280 see her doctor and be like, hey, I'm thinking about 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:20.480 having kids, let's try to check everything right now so 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:23.320 they're not quote unquote wasting time or because. 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:25.640 We had that HSG test where we would have been 0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:27.880 trying for years and I would have gotten pregnant because 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:31.000 I would have never known that my tubes were blocked. 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:33.240 Yeah, yeah, I think that's a great point. And I 0:20:33.240 --> 0:20:36.119 actually do think it's a wonderful idea for women to 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:38.600 think about that one, because there are so many things 0:20:38.640 --> 0:20:41.400 that probably need to be checked out before you're even 0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:44.400 thinking about fertility. Things are you immune to chicken pox? 0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:47.520 And you have medical issues that maybe need to be 0:20:47.680 --> 0:20:51.040 managed before you get pregnant. So it's always a good 0:20:51.040 --> 0:20:52.960 idea to talk to an obi Juan. And then a 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:54.960 lot of people don't really understand the timing of when 0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:57.840 is the right time have sex in order to get pregnant, 0:20:58.080 --> 0:20:59.600 and so if you're not educated on that and you 0:20:59.600 --> 0:21:01.840 don't want to read on it online or something like that. 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:04.919 You can talk to your obijui in about that. In 0:21:05.040 --> 0:21:09.560 terms of actually just jumping in and doing fertility diagnostic 0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:13.840 testing before you've even tried, I think it's reasonable, certainly, 0:21:13.840 --> 0:21:17.080 depending on what your ages. Most couples are going to 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:19.280 get pregnant in those first three months. We think about 0:21:19.280 --> 0:21:21.320 half of them are going to get pregnant, and then 0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:24.320 in six months it's probably about seventy percent. So if 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:27.040 you're at three months and it hasn't been working and 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:29.040 you're nervous about it, and it's just going to give 0:21:29.080 --> 0:21:31.040 you some peace of mind that you can just kind 0:21:31.040 --> 0:21:34.240 of keep on trying on your own without intervening necessarily. 0:21:34.520 --> 0:21:36.400 I think it's fine to go see your doctor and say, hey, 0:21:36.760 --> 0:21:38.640 you know, I don't you know, if my insurance doesn't 0:21:38.640 --> 0:21:40.040 pay for it, I'm happy to pay for it out 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:41.760 of pocket. But it just kind of it would make 0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:43.600 me feel a lot better and make me a little 0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:46.639 bit more common this process, because it can be so stressful. 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:48.840 Especially when you're trying have a baby. That's you know, 0:21:48.840 --> 0:21:51.000 We've had friends that just try for years and it's 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:52.760 like when you actually try. Who were just talking to 0:21:52.960 --> 0:21:55.560 last night, We're talking to my friend Cherry, and it's like, 0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:58.480 when you actually try to have a baby, it's so hard. 0:21:58.640 --> 0:22:01.399 Yeah, And I think that most I think many women 0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:06.000 really aren't seeking treatment when they need to. Right, They've 0:22:06.000 --> 0:22:09.840 been trying for six months, a year, two years, and 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:13.520 they haven't seen anyone yet. And you're absolutely right. For 0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:15.360 those women, there could have been something that we could 0:22:15.400 --> 0:22:18.600 have identified in the beginning that could have just saved 0:22:18.640 --> 0:22:21.000 them all that time and all that enguish and grief. 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:24.960 Does any of that have to do with maybe a 0:22:25.000 --> 0:22:27.600 young woman is fearful of maybe what they might find 0:22:27.600 --> 0:22:28.080 out or is. 0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:30.800 It just more of absolutely really right? 0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:32.960 Or I didn't know if it was more of just like, 0:22:33.240 --> 0:22:36.040 h no, I'm just you know, I'll get pregnant, just 0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:36.720 over confidence. 0:22:36.760 --> 0:22:39.520 I guess I just thought I would get pregnant at 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:43.679 some point, although as I got older, I knew that 0:22:44.040 --> 0:22:47.959 I had to be proactive and I was going to 0:22:48.440 --> 0:22:51.000 go to the doctor at some point if I didn't, 0:22:51.359 --> 0:22:54.040 you know, if I didn't get pregnant with the holistic 0:22:54.240 --> 0:22:57.119 approach that I took. And I will tell you, you know, 0:22:57.359 --> 0:22:59.400 I think I've talked about my ex mother in law 0:22:59.640 --> 0:23:03.280 a little, but have it I Yeah, she's fun It 0:23:03.359 --> 0:23:07.200 was really funny because as soon as I was announcing 0:23:07.320 --> 0:23:10.639 that I was pregnant, she took full credit for it, 0:23:11.440 --> 0:23:14.360 which I thought was fantastic because she said, oh my god, 0:23:14.480 --> 0:23:18.640 it's been twelve years and you have never gotten pregnant. 0:23:19.520 --> 0:23:26.159 I spent all day five months ago praying, which I 0:23:27.000 --> 0:23:29.359 love that she was praying and that energy is great. 0:23:30.680 --> 0:23:34.160 I want to support that. But it was she took 0:23:34.200 --> 0:23:38.440 full credit. And it could be I don't know, maybe 0:23:38.440 --> 0:23:42.199 it wasn't the acupuncture and tea, you know, whatever, but 0:23:42.720 --> 0:23:47.080 I just you know, she took full credit for the 0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:50.440 baby before she did. It's fantastic. 0:23:50.600 --> 0:23:54.040 I think young women are so much more aware of 0:23:54.160 --> 0:23:56.320 fertility issues now, and a lot of that is just 0:23:56.400 --> 0:23:58.520 a lot of the press with egg freezing and that 0:23:58.600 --> 0:24:01.480 they know that that's an option, and because egg freezing 0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:04.320 is out there and yeah, a lot of young women 0:24:04.400 --> 0:24:08.520 are doing it. I think more young women are aware 0:24:08.640 --> 0:24:12.120 of the fact that ages sometimes and oftentimes an issue 0:24:12.160 --> 0:24:15.199 as you get older, and so because of that are 0:24:15.240 --> 0:24:18.880 more proactive. So, for example, at my office, we have 0:24:19.200 --> 0:24:22.600 a diagnostic testing program, so you can come in and 0:24:22.720 --> 0:24:25.560 have some levels checked and have an ultrasound I'm not 0:24:25.600 --> 0:24:26.800 going to be able to predict if you're going to 0:24:26.800 --> 0:24:28.520 be able to get pregnant next month if you try, 0:24:29.080 --> 0:24:32.640 But I certainly can sometimes identify issues that may be 0:24:32.720 --> 0:24:35.560 problematic later so that you can kind of get a 0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:37.840 jump on it and maybe do egg freezing if that's 0:24:37.880 --> 0:24:40.719 something that you're considering, or just kind of plan up 0:24:40.760 --> 0:24:45.159 more thoughtfully how you're going to manage when you're going 0:24:45.200 --> 0:24:46.959 to get pregnant, depending on how many kids you want, 0:24:47.080 --> 0:24:47.640 how old you. 0:24:47.600 --> 0:24:50.800 Are, What age do you recommend that women start freezing 0:24:50.840 --> 0:24:51.400 their eggs? 0:24:52.720 --> 0:24:55.480 Well, for best start to do it. Yeah, early thirties. 0:24:55.720 --> 0:24:57.560 It makes the most sense because you want to do 0:24:57.600 --> 0:24:59.960 it under the age of thirty five, but you don't 0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:03.120 want to necessarily do it too young. Where a bunch 0:25:03.200 --> 0:25:05.639 of twenty one year olds are going around freezing their eggs, 0:25:06.160 --> 0:25:07.320 they're never going to use them. 0:25:07.640 --> 0:25:10.479 What happens to those eggs? Are they donated? Can people 0:25:11.680 --> 0:25:12.639 we adopt. 0:25:12.280 --> 0:25:15.280 That We so we had an embryo that we were 0:25:15.320 --> 0:25:17.359 freezing for a while, we end up using it, got pregnant, 0:25:17.400 --> 0:25:20.760 but lost it. But on that sheet, Jennet says, like 0:25:21.280 --> 0:25:22.919 if so if he dies, or if we break up, 0:25:23.000 --> 0:25:24.480 or if I die or whatever what we can do 0:25:24.520 --> 0:25:26.640 with the embryo. So either we give it away for 0:25:28.320 --> 0:25:32.000 adoption adoption essentially, or it goes to testing, or they 0:25:32.119 --> 0:25:37.200 unthought and it goes away. It's it's very weird. Wow, yeah, 0:25:37.440 --> 0:25:39.560 because because you're to us when we were saying that, 0:25:39.560 --> 0:25:42.040 I'm like this, but this is a child, right, But 0:25:42.040 --> 0:25:43.880 they're like, no, it's a petri dish of a child. 0:25:43.920 --> 0:25:45.639 I'm like, no, but it's a it could be a child. 0:25:46.080 --> 0:25:46.320 Yeah. 0:25:46.480 --> 0:25:49.080 You humanize it a little bit to be like, all right, 0:25:49.160 --> 0:25:52.879 well do we want you know, spawn of us around 0:25:52.920 --> 0:25:55.680 if we're not around? It was weird. 0:25:56.520 --> 0:25:58.960 That's a really difficult decision to make. 0:26:00.160 --> 0:26:00.840 It's really hard. 0:26:00.840 --> 0:26:02.720 I think there are I mean, there are some places 0:26:02.760 --> 0:26:06.880 where you can donate embryos to other couples. It's not 0:26:07.640 --> 0:26:10.760 incredibly common, but it definitely happens. I think we haven't 0:26:10.800 --> 0:26:12.800 faced the issue of what's going to happen if we 0:26:12.840 --> 0:26:16.199 have a bunch of leftover eggs at some point. I 0:26:16.280 --> 0:26:19.600 do think that just like with embryos, there will be 0:26:19.680 --> 0:26:22.520 something set up someday that those eggs could be potentially 0:26:22.560 --> 0:26:25.720 donated to someone else. But we haven't really crossed that 0:26:25.800 --> 0:26:28.119 threshold because We're just starting to get to the point 0:26:28.200 --> 0:26:31.000 where women who froze their eggs eight years ago are 0:26:31.080 --> 0:26:33.240 finally coming back. And that's what I'm seeing in my practice, 0:26:33.280 --> 0:26:34.240 which is really exciting. 0:26:34.440 --> 0:26:36.879 Do you think it's like, obviously, as we're seeing in 0:26:36.920 --> 0:26:41.159 society the trend of couples getting married later having children 0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:43.760 later in life. Do you think that's more of just 0:26:43.840 --> 0:26:46.480 kind of monogamy going downhill or is it? Or is 0:26:46.520 --> 0:26:50.800 it or honestly or in divorce rates increasing or is 0:26:50.840 --> 0:26:53.920 it also women being more successful in more careers and 0:26:53.960 --> 0:26:56.639 their more careers driven nowadays and they were, you know, 0:26:56.920 --> 0:26:57.600 decades ago. 0:26:58.960 --> 0:27:00.800 What are you saying, Mike, career driven? 0:27:02.200 --> 0:27:06.960 Because society is giving women more opportunities to be more 0:27:07.000 --> 0:27:09.840 careers driven. So I was just curious if you thought 0:27:09.840 --> 0:27:11.240 it was more one than. 0:27:11.160 --> 0:27:13.480 The other, or I mean, from the patients that are 0:27:13.480 --> 0:27:16.560 coming into my office, I think it's probably a little 0:27:16.560 --> 0:27:20.360 bit of both. Probably more that they are very focused 0:27:20.400 --> 0:27:24.280 on their careers and so they're not as focused necessarily 0:27:24.359 --> 0:27:26.880 on getting married and having babies right away. I think 0:27:26.880 --> 0:27:30.320 there is definitely a different mentality with some of the 0:27:30.359 --> 0:27:33.879 millennials about their outlooks on marriage, and that's evolving and 0:27:33.960 --> 0:27:37.800 changing to the age at where women are having their 0:27:37.840 --> 0:27:41.720 first baby is getting trending up in the United States 0:27:41.920 --> 0:27:42.400 a little bit. 0:27:42.480 --> 0:27:46.000 So I'm thirty five, we have two kids, but if 0:27:46.280 --> 0:27:48.400 we were to have another one and then we've had 0:27:48.560 --> 0:27:52.920 a handful of miscarriages, so our chances of having a 0:27:52.960 --> 0:27:55.760 miscarriage again would be significantly high, right because we've had 0:27:55.760 --> 0:27:59.080 so many or and then also with my age in 0:27:59.119 --> 0:27:59.520 to with. 0:27:59.480 --> 0:28:02.720 That, so all those things can contribute to that. So 0:28:02.800 --> 0:28:05.479 your age is probably actually the most important predictor in 0:28:05.560 --> 0:28:10.840 terms of having a miscarriage, yes, because as women get older, 0:28:11.320 --> 0:28:15.000 they're embryos right, are more likely to be chromosomely abnormal. 0:28:15.119 --> 0:28:19.480 Just means that the number of chromosomes is off, there's 0:28:19.520 --> 0:28:22.760 either too many or too little, and so that happens 0:28:22.760 --> 0:28:26.359 more commonly as you get older, and those chromosomal abnormalodies 0:28:26.560 --> 0:28:29.840 account for seventy percent of miscarriages. So age is a 0:28:29.920 --> 0:28:33.960 huge predictor in terms of miscarriages. If you've had a 0:28:33.960 --> 0:28:36.639 couple of miscarriages before, then you are a little bit 0:28:36.680 --> 0:28:40.040 more likely to have another miscarriage. But even if you've 0:28:40.040 --> 0:28:42.760 had two miscarriages in a row, the chance that when 0:28:42.760 --> 0:28:44.280 you get pregnant the next time that you're going to 0:28:44.320 --> 0:28:48.280 have a baby is seventy percent. It's really high, and 0:28:48.360 --> 0:28:51.400 especially if in your situation where you've had losses and 0:28:51.480 --> 0:28:54.400 then you've had pregnancies after, then it's even a little 0:28:54.440 --> 0:28:55.240 bit higher. 0:28:55.680 --> 0:28:59.360 Okay. I've had a lot of people talk about endometriosis. 0:28:59.360 --> 0:29:01.960 They've always asked questions because because we have done two 0:29:02.040 --> 0:29:05.600 rounds of IVF. So this was from Keisha. She said, 0:29:05.640 --> 0:29:07.960 I haven't started IVF yet, but I have been through 0:29:07.960 --> 0:29:10.920 many cycles of medicines and three failed cycles of IUI, 0:29:11.160 --> 0:29:13.480 do you have any tips on getting pregnant with endometriosis 0:29:13.480 --> 0:29:14.520 before trying IVF? 0:29:16.360 --> 0:29:17.440 Ermetriosis is tough? 0:29:17.960 --> 0:29:21.440 What is that exactly? Because everyone I email them. 0:29:21.280 --> 0:29:23.480 Like, yeah, what it is? 0:29:23.800 --> 0:29:24.160 Okay? 0:29:24.280 --> 0:29:26.920 So inside the theaters there's the cavity, right, and the 0:29:26.960 --> 0:29:30.160 cavity is where the baby grows, and it's this potential 0:29:30.200 --> 0:29:33.560 space and it has a lining, and so each month 0:29:34.040 --> 0:29:37.000 when you're getting your period, you're shedding that lining. Okay, 0:29:37.320 --> 0:29:39.800 that makes sense, Yeah, okay, yeah, so we're following that. 0:29:39.840 --> 0:29:42.600 So what happens for all women is that sometimes some 0:29:42.640 --> 0:29:45.760 of those cells go backwards through the fallopian tubes and 0:29:45.800 --> 0:29:48.520 then they land and they abdomell the cavity. Now what 0:29:48.640 --> 0:29:51.280 happens if you don't have endometriosis is those cells just 0:29:51.320 --> 0:29:53.040 recognize they're in the wrong place and they go away. 0:29:53.160 --> 0:29:55.880 But if you have a new metriosis, then for whatever reason, 0:29:56.240 --> 0:29:59.680 they stick and they cause problems depending on where they 0:30:00.320 --> 0:30:02.720 So if they land on the nerve fibers right behind 0:30:02.720 --> 0:30:05.240 the uterus, then they cause women to have really bad pain, 0:30:05.280 --> 0:30:07.840 and so that's one of the hallmark symptoms of endometriosis. 0:30:08.240 --> 0:30:11.080 If they land on the Filippian tubes, right, they can 0:30:11.240 --> 0:30:14.560 cause scarring and block the Filippian tubes. They land on 0:30:14.600 --> 0:30:17.080 the ovaries, they can actually get into the ovaries and 0:30:17.160 --> 0:30:20.160 decrease the number of eggs right, and then all of 0:30:20.200 --> 0:30:24.160 the cells that are there create this environment that's actually 0:30:24.200 --> 0:30:26.560 not really great for the eggs, and so it can 0:30:26.600 --> 0:30:28.680 decrease the quality of the eggs. So it can cause 0:30:28.720 --> 0:30:34.040 many different problems. In terms of treatment for endometriosis, the 0:30:34.040 --> 0:30:38.120 most common treatment is medications, but they're hormonal medications and 0:30:38.160 --> 0:30:40.640 they're not really compatible with trying to get pregnant at 0:30:40.640 --> 0:30:43.280 the same time. So, for example, the first line treatment 0:30:43.440 --> 0:30:45.880 is birth control pills. You can't take birth control pills, 0:30:46.600 --> 0:30:49.560 you're trying to get pregnant, it doesn't work. So you 0:30:49.600 --> 0:30:52.680 can do surgery, right, and we know from some studies 0:30:52.760 --> 0:30:55.960 that doing surgery can improve your odds of getting pregnant. 0:30:56.400 --> 0:30:58.560 But when you're doing surgeries, we have to operate on 0:30:58.640 --> 0:31:02.040 twelve women and treat they're endometriosis, where we basically go 0:31:02.160 --> 0:31:05.080 in with surgery and burn all the little lesions right 0:31:05.200 --> 0:31:08.920 that are there. You have to treat twelve women in 0:31:09.000 --> 0:31:12.040 order to get one pregnancy. And so with the fertility 0:31:12.040 --> 0:31:15.840 treatments that we have with intuterine inseminations and whether IVF, 0:31:16.080 --> 0:31:20.080 we can replicate those successes without having to do surgery. 0:31:20.320 --> 0:31:23.320 So most of the time now, unless there's another indication 0:31:23.400 --> 0:31:25.680 to do surgery, if it's just that you're having a 0:31:25.680 --> 0:31:27.840 hard time getting pregnant, most likely you're just going to 0:31:27.920 --> 0:31:30.320 go to the fertility treatments and so there isn't anything 0:31:30.440 --> 0:31:31.760 extra that we can do. 0:31:32.440 --> 0:31:34.840 How many women have endometriosis, like, is it one out 0:31:34.840 --> 0:31:35.920 of what I. 0:31:35.840 --> 0:31:37.880 Think it may be? Has eyes one out of ten? Wow, 0:31:37.920 --> 0:31:41.600 it's really common. And so we think that for many 0:31:41.640 --> 0:31:45.040 women who have unexplained infertility, which is a large proportion 0:31:45.720 --> 0:31:48.880 that a lot of those women probably have endometriosis, it's 0:31:48.920 --> 0:31:50.000 just undiagnosed. 0:31:51.320 --> 0:31:52.520 Interesting, maybe I have. 0:31:52.520 --> 0:31:53.680 That that down. 0:31:53.720 --> 0:31:57.200 Yea, my wife has endometrios. Oh yeah, and it's it's 0:31:57.200 --> 0:31:59.640 been quite just getting diagnosed with it was a huge struggle. 0:31:59.680 --> 0:32:02.520 She had problems with pain for a really long time 0:32:02.520 --> 0:32:04.920 in all the doctors or like all have male doctors, 0:32:04.960 --> 0:32:06.680 Like I don't know what the problem is. 0:32:06.720 --> 0:32:09.760 And she finally got diagnosed and she had the surgery. 0:32:10.040 --> 0:32:12.840 But so what does the surgery do. Did they take 0:32:12.880 --> 0:32:15.040 away the it's beads? 0:32:15.080 --> 0:32:17.680 I guess you can either little lesions they look like 0:32:17.800 --> 0:32:21.920 little red or brown spots and you burn them, or 0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:23.760 you can excize them and to grab them out. 0:32:24.040 --> 0:32:26.680 Yeah what what was it called? The something scopic? 0:32:28.320 --> 0:32:30.560 Yeah, that's it anyway, But she has to have that 0:32:30.600 --> 0:32:33.800 surgery again, like she had it three years four years ago. 0:32:33.840 --> 0:32:35.479 Why does she have to have it again because they 0:32:35.520 --> 0:32:35.960 come back? 0:32:36.160 --> 0:32:38.560 Oh yeah, it's a progressive disease. I mean, every time 0:32:38.600 --> 0:32:40.680 you have your period, there's just more cells that are 0:32:40.760 --> 0:32:43.280 floating back into the abdominal cavity. And so that's why 0:32:43.760 --> 0:32:47.040 being on birth control, for example, can slow that process down. 0:32:47.080 --> 0:32:49.160 So it can slow the progression of the disease, but 0:32:49.240 --> 0:32:51.880 it can't eradicate it unfortunately. 0:32:51.920 --> 0:32:53.000 So what are you guys gonna do then? 0:32:53.040 --> 0:32:53.080 For? 0:32:53.480 --> 0:32:55.400 For trying for baby? Is that something we've thought about 0:32:55.400 --> 0:32:56.000 IVF for? 0:32:56.600 --> 0:32:59.240 I mean, we're we we haven't we haven't tried yet, 0:32:59.240 --> 0:33:02.240 but we're preparing our We're just like when it happens 0:33:02.600 --> 0:33:04.719 when we're trying, we're going to have to do that, 0:33:04.880 --> 0:33:06.520 probably just because. 0:33:06.200 --> 0:33:10.360 Of are the odds better for endometriosis couples to do 0:33:10.480 --> 0:33:13.720 IVF versus trying to get pregnant on their own? 0:33:13.800 --> 0:33:16.320 Yeah, well, a lot of women with endometriosis will actually 0:33:16.360 --> 0:33:18.280 be able to get pregnant. So just because you have 0:33:18.440 --> 0:33:21.160 enumeutrisis doesn't mean that you're going to have infertility. And 0:33:21.200 --> 0:33:24.960 the interesting thing about endometriosis is that how much disease 0:33:25.200 --> 0:33:28.880 is in there is not necessarily predictive of how hard 0:33:28.960 --> 0:33:30.760 or easy it's going to be to get pregnant. 0:33:31.440 --> 0:33:33.880 Okay, so this is thank you by the way for 0:33:33.960 --> 0:33:35.880 being here. I want to get to some more emails. 0:33:35.920 --> 0:33:38.480 But first, Okay, look, you spend a third of your 0:33:38.480 --> 0:33:40.240 life in between your sheets, and now that Jana and 0:33:40.320 --> 0:33:42.800 I have two kids, that time in our bed is 0:33:42.840 --> 0:33:45.280 more important than ever, and for us, our choice is 0:33:45.280 --> 0:33:47.720 brooklyn and because their missions to make five star hotel 0:33:47.800 --> 0:33:51.240 quality sheets moreffordable and easy to order. 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Okay. 0:34:25.719 --> 0:34:27.319 One of the most important things we do for our 0:34:27.320 --> 0:34:29.560 health every day is brushing our teeth, yet most of 0:34:29.640 --> 0:34:32.040 us don't do it properly. So Quip has designed a 0:34:32.080 --> 0:34:35.200 toothbrush to make brushing more simple, affordable, and even enjoyable. 0:34:35.920 --> 0:34:37.680 Up to ninety percent of us don't brush for a 0:34:37.719 --> 0:34:41.200 full two minutes or clean evenly. But Quip has a 0:34:41.200 --> 0:34:43.440 built in two minute timer that pusses every thirty seconds 0:34:43.480 --> 0:34:45.719 to remind you win to switch sides, helping you get 0:34:45.719 --> 0:34:48.319 a full and even clean. And I was skeptical about 0:34:48.360 --> 0:34:50.080 this at first because I'm an old fashioned guy that 0:34:50.120 --> 0:34:51.879 just likes to grab a toothbrush and brush as hard 0:34:51.880 --> 0:34:54.440 as I can. But after watching Jan to use it 0:34:54.440 --> 0:34:56.839 in the easy use and how well it works not 0:34:56.840 --> 0:34:59.440 gonna last, she converted me. One of the other reasons 0:34:59.440 --> 0:35:01.239 that we love Quick so much is that they're backed 0:35:01.239 --> 0:35:04.920 by over twenty thousand dental professionals and Quip starts at 0:35:04.920 --> 0:35:06.680 just twenty five dollars. And if you go to get 0:35:06.719 --> 0:35:09.399 quip dot com slash Jana right now, you get your 0:35:09.400 --> 0:35:12.520 first refail pack for free with a Quip electric toothbrush. 0:35:13.040 --> 0:35:15.880 That's your first retail pack for free at G E T. 0:35:16.400 --> 0:35:21.600 Quip dot com slash Jenna. Go get your Quip all right. 0:35:21.640 --> 0:35:24.000 So this emails from Mollie and so why am I 0:35:24.040 --> 0:35:27.000 not ovulating? I am twenty six and I went off 0:35:27.040 --> 0:35:29.239 birth control two years ago and my cycle was non 0:35:29.280 --> 0:35:32.719 existent until about March. She put me on Privera and 0:35:32.800 --> 0:35:35.560 discovered I was not ovulating. She then put me on 0:35:35.640 --> 0:35:39.759 Privera and Klomid for three cycles, no success. She told 0:35:39.760 --> 0:35:41.640 me there's nothing more she can do for me and 0:35:41.719 --> 0:35:45.120 that I need to go to a fertility specialist. Excuse me, 0:35:45.560 --> 0:35:48.200 I was wondering what your thoughts were and what the 0:35:48.239 --> 0:35:49.160 next steps are to take. 0:35:50.560 --> 0:35:53.600 So for her, she's just not ovulating at all. Correct 0:35:53.800 --> 0:35:56.680 doesn't say why. I mean, you need to try and 0:35:56.719 --> 0:35:59.120 figure out why. So I'm sure her doctor did that. 0:35:59.160 --> 0:36:03.800 There are some hormonal imbalances that can cause problems with ovulation. 0:36:04.000 --> 0:36:07.000 The most common reason why women don't ovulate is something 0:36:07.040 --> 0:36:08.760 called polycystic ovarian syndrome. 0:36:08.800 --> 0:36:11.719 Oh that's another sing Yeah, that's that was a few 0:36:11.719 --> 0:36:14.160 other questions in here too, is the piece? Yeah what 0:36:14.280 --> 0:36:15.080 is that? Also? 0:36:15.160 --> 0:36:17.759 Really common? About one in ten women have it, and 0:36:17.800 --> 0:36:20.200 it's becoming more and more more and more of a 0:36:20.239 --> 0:36:24.960 problem as the average and ways of American women goes 0:36:25.040 --> 0:36:26.680 up because it can be weight related. 0:36:27.280 --> 0:36:28.640 Oh, is that what causes it? 0:36:29.040 --> 0:36:31.200 Not all the time. So PCUS is kind of the 0:36:31.400 --> 0:36:34.200 syndrome and where like the end result is that you 0:36:34.239 --> 0:36:38.439 don't have regular periods, And there's also hormonal imbalances where 0:36:38.520 --> 0:36:41.560 you just kind of have like higher balance of testosterone 0:36:41.640 --> 0:36:44.239 versus estrogens. Just the easiest way to think about it. 0:36:44.880 --> 0:36:47.880 Some women are kind of born genetically with it, and 0:36:47.920 --> 0:36:51.440 so they can be super thin, doesn't matter what their 0:36:51.440 --> 0:36:54.520 weight is, they will always have PCOS. There are other 0:36:54.600 --> 0:36:58.120 women that are maybe predisposed to having it, and it's 0:36:58.160 --> 0:37:00.560 only when they gain weight that they have all of 0:37:00.560 --> 0:37:04.080 these symptoms. And though for those women, and that's kind 0:37:04.120 --> 0:37:06.719 of where the higher proportion of PCOS is right now 0:37:06.760 --> 0:37:10.319 in this country. If they lose weight, all right, and 0:37:10.360 --> 0:37:12.600 it can be very challenging to lose weight, but if 0:37:12.600 --> 0:37:15.040 they lose weight, then their periods can go back and 0:37:15.160 --> 0:37:20.360 become regular again. Yeah, and so for all of those women, 0:37:20.760 --> 0:37:23.759 and in the end, whether you want to make sure 0:37:23.760 --> 0:37:25.799 you tackle something if they have a thyroid problem or 0:37:25.800 --> 0:37:28.799 whatever that's throwing their periods out of whack, but the 0:37:28.880 --> 0:37:30.799 end results is that you really have to give them 0:37:30.880 --> 0:37:33.839 medication to help them ovulate, and Clonid is one of 0:37:33.880 --> 0:37:36.839 them for women who have PCOS. It's actually not the 0:37:36.880 --> 0:37:40.680 first line therapy anymore. There's another medication called let resol 0:37:40.760 --> 0:37:44.479 that has now kind of supplanted. Clomid is the first 0:37:44.480 --> 0:37:48.320 line therapy for pcos. Are those hormone is that hormone 0:37:48.360 --> 0:37:52.000 there are, so both clomid and let resol work in 0:37:52.040 --> 0:37:54.960 a way where they are kind of tricking the brain 0:37:55.120 --> 0:37:58.960 to make this hormone that's called f SH focal stimulating hormone, 0:37:59.000 --> 0:38:01.319 and that's the thing the brain sends down to the 0:38:01.360 --> 0:38:05.480 ovary to make an egg grow. And so with PCOS, 0:38:05.640 --> 0:38:08.319 it's just you know, they have the capability of doing that. 0:38:08.400 --> 0:38:10.160 The signals are all just kind of messed up, like 0:38:10.200 --> 0:38:12.120 the bringing and I always think it tell patients like 0:38:12.120 --> 0:38:14.279 the brain and the ovaries are just not talking to 0:38:14.320 --> 0:38:15.920 each other and they're not in sync, and so we 0:38:16.000 --> 0:38:17.800 just kind of need to sync them up so that 0:38:17.880 --> 0:38:19.720 everything can work correctly. 0:38:20.280 --> 0:38:22.319 This is just so hard because as I'm hearing all 0:38:22.360 --> 0:38:25.239 this stuff, everything that us women have to go through 0:38:25.280 --> 0:38:26.880 with our bodies, I know you guys go through a 0:38:26.880 --> 0:38:28.839 lot too, babe. And I'm not saying that sarcastically at all. 0:38:28.880 --> 0:38:31.239 I know you guys have you know, your stuff, But 0:38:31.280 --> 0:38:34.000 when it comes to us having you know, trying to 0:38:34.000 --> 0:38:36.440 get pregnant and not being able to be pregnant, especially 0:38:36.480 --> 0:38:38.360 when we want to be mom, like, that's so it's hard. 0:38:38.400 --> 0:38:40.880 All these issues that could cause us not to be 0:38:40.920 --> 0:38:43.600 a mom. It's just makes me really sad, and that's 0:38:43.640 --> 0:38:46.400 what leads me kind of into this one from Amanda Shews. 0:38:46.440 --> 0:38:48.279 I have a wonderful husband who loves our little girl 0:38:48.320 --> 0:38:51.040 in a way that has exceeded every expectation I've had 0:38:51.040 --> 0:38:52.879 of him as a dad, So we decide to try 0:38:52.880 --> 0:38:55.640 for another baby. However, the first time around the test 0:38:55.680 --> 0:38:57.840 was negative, then the second, and then the third. We 0:38:57.920 --> 0:39:00.400 just got our six negative tests in a row. My 0:39:00.480 --> 0:39:02.759 husband is so great and supportive, but even this last time, 0:39:02.760 --> 0:39:04.719 you can tell it's starting to weigh on him. I'm 0:39:04.719 --> 0:39:06.759 trying so hard to stay positive. I was hoping you 0:39:06.760 --> 0:39:08.480 could talk about how to handle the situation and how 0:39:08.520 --> 0:39:10.440 to deal with loss in your day to day life. 0:39:11.280 --> 0:39:13.399 I think it's really hard for guys when they are 0:39:13.440 --> 0:39:16.200 going through this process. I think that many times they 0:39:16.320 --> 0:39:20.359 feel marginalized on the outside of it because I mean 0:39:20.400 --> 0:39:21.799 not that they want to have all the tests that 0:39:21.840 --> 0:39:23.799 we have to go through as women if we're having 0:39:23.800 --> 0:39:26.719 fertility issues, but they're not going through all those tests, 0:39:26.719 --> 0:39:28.160 and they're just kind of have to, you know, they 0:39:28.160 --> 0:39:30.040 have to do their semen analysis and that's it. And 0:39:30.080 --> 0:39:31.960 then the female has she has to get blood drawn 0:39:32.040 --> 0:39:36.520 and X rays and ultracentjections, sections and all of that stuff, 0:39:36.560 --> 0:39:38.759 and so they're kind of on the side a little bit. 0:39:38.840 --> 0:39:40.759 I think that that can be really hard. And this 0:39:40.800 --> 0:39:44.319 isn't really coming from where my medical training is, but 0:39:44.400 --> 0:39:46.359 it's more just kind of what I observe is that 0:39:46.560 --> 0:39:49.080 guys like to fix things and they can't fix it 0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:52.120 for you, and that's a problem, and so I think 0:39:52.160 --> 0:39:55.719 that it can be really helpful sometimes to kind of 0:39:55.719 --> 0:39:58.560 bring them into the process and whatever way you think 0:39:58.640 --> 0:40:01.040 it will help them to kind of cope with it 0:40:01.120 --> 0:40:03.600 and help you. So they want to help you, So 0:40:03.680 --> 0:40:05.640 if you can find a little thing that they can 0:40:05.680 --> 0:40:07.759 do that can help you, and whether that's giving you 0:40:07.800 --> 0:40:11.879 a massage every night, or doing your injections or mixing them, 0:40:12.080 --> 0:40:14.040 or holding your hand when you're doing your injections if 0:40:14.080 --> 0:40:16.799 you're going through IVF, just involving them in some way 0:40:16.800 --> 0:40:20.120 I think is really helpful. I think that guys deal 0:40:20.280 --> 0:40:24.000 with stress and grief in very different ways than women, 0:40:24.120 --> 0:40:26.319 and I think we have to respect that. And they 0:40:26.360 --> 0:40:29.719 may not want to emote and articulate how sad they 0:40:29.760 --> 0:40:32.040 are to you or even to their friends, but maybe 0:40:32.040 --> 0:40:34.080 they just need to spend time with their friends and 0:40:34.120 --> 0:40:37.080 so allowing them to have that space and get the 0:40:37.120 --> 0:40:39.319 support whatever it is that they need. 0:40:40.080 --> 0:40:44.440 That's that's fantastic advice. And just speaking from a guid perspective, 0:40:45.400 --> 0:40:50.040 if like Janner came to has done this before. We 0:40:50.080 --> 0:40:54.000 had our son Jas and we suffered from miscarriage, and 0:40:54.320 --> 0:40:56.280 you know, she asked me like how I was feeling, 0:40:56.880 --> 0:41:00.200 And not only does that allow me to not feel alone, 0:41:00.239 --> 0:41:02.440 like I just have to be strong and not let 0:41:02.440 --> 0:41:05.279 anything affect me, but in turn it helped her because 0:41:05.320 --> 0:41:07.400 then she doesn't feel like she's the only one with 0:41:07.480 --> 0:41:10.520 those feelings and those emotions. And so that just that 0:41:10.600 --> 0:41:14.640 simple question hearing from Jana, I mean, did wonders for 0:41:14.760 --> 0:41:17.799 us in our relationship moving forward? So we feel like 0:41:17.880 --> 0:41:21.319 eighteen because it is unfortunately you know, you all have 0:41:21.400 --> 0:41:24.120 to go through the more physical aspect of it. But 0:41:24.760 --> 0:41:26.520 you know when you have a loss, we have a 0:41:26.560 --> 0:41:28.719 loss too, and that kind of gets lost in translation 0:41:28.800 --> 0:41:29.319 a lot of time. 0:41:29.400 --> 0:41:31.919 So I think it's because we feel like it's our body, 0:41:31.960 --> 0:41:33.960 it's our fault, and that's how I always felt. It 0:41:34.000 --> 0:41:37.239 was my fault and I let him down again and 0:41:36.719 --> 0:41:39.160 I'm not a good enough wife or a good enough 0:41:39.200 --> 0:41:44.160 mother and not my body isn't good enough to birth 0:41:44.200 --> 0:41:46.080 a baby and to hold the baby, because I'm like, 0:41:46.120 --> 0:41:48.360 why can't I hold a child? Why do I keep losing? 0:41:48.360 --> 0:41:51.320 So I think we just put all that stress on ourselves. 0:41:50.960 --> 0:41:53.960 Which it's always I think it's always hard for the 0:41:54.000 --> 0:41:58.200 person who maybe has the bigger issue, and it's hard 0:41:58.200 --> 0:42:01.240 for everybody, but it's just a different type of hard. 0:42:01.520 --> 0:42:04.480 What amount of stress do you really think plays into 0:42:04.840 --> 0:42:08.600 not conceiving? Because I've had so many doctors and you know, 0:42:08.600 --> 0:42:11.400 the fertility doctors, to my g onecologists saying and to 0:42:11.560 --> 0:42:13.719 family and friends, and I'd say this to people, say like, 0:42:13.760 --> 0:42:16.640 don't stress, it's gonna happen. But it's hard not to stress. 0:42:16.680 --> 0:42:19.800 So is stress I mean, is it can that really 0:42:19.840 --> 0:42:20.840 cause a miscarriage? 0:42:21.680 --> 0:42:25.279 No, so stress can't. It can't cause a miscarriage, but 0:42:25.360 --> 0:42:26.720 it plays a role. 0:42:27.239 --> 0:42:27.919 It's still there. 0:42:28.000 --> 0:42:29.000 It's a little role. 0:42:29.120 --> 0:42:32.279 It's not maybe as big as age, but it's there. 0:42:33.120 --> 0:42:35.680 And so I think that's important to the extent that 0:42:35.719 --> 0:42:38.520 you can do anything to manage your stress during an 0:42:38.520 --> 0:42:41.839 IVF cycle. I have patients that feel like, sometimes, oh, 0:42:41.880 --> 0:42:44.880 I have to take herbs and acupuncture whatever, and I said, okay, well, 0:42:44.920 --> 0:42:46.799 if that makes you feel good, we think it could 0:42:46.840 --> 0:42:49.080 potentially be helpful. But if it's stressing you out to 0:42:49.120 --> 0:42:51.640 get to all those acupuncture appointments, then maybe it's not 0:42:51.760 --> 0:42:55.440 worth it. But you know, people are stressed all the 0:42:55.520 --> 0:42:57.920 time and they get pregnant. I mean, every patient that 0:42:57.960 --> 0:42:59.680 walks in my office who's not able to have a 0:42:59.680 --> 0:43:01.640 baby wants to Maybe they're stressed. 0:43:02.400 --> 0:43:05.800 Okay, So we actually have a wind down listener online 0:43:05.800 --> 0:43:10.080 with us right now. Caitlin. Hey, hey, Caitlyn, So you 0:43:10.120 --> 0:43:13.000 got the wind Down crew and a specialist because we're 0:43:13.480 --> 0:43:17.160 we're not the specialist, but doctor Kristen wants to help you. 0:43:17.239 --> 0:43:20.080 So could you tell her what's going on and then 0:43:20.320 --> 0:43:22.200 hopefully we can give you some good insight. 0:43:23.239 --> 0:43:23.640 Sure. 0:43:23.800 --> 0:43:24.160 Yeah. 0:43:24.440 --> 0:43:28.359 My husband and I we had a child seven years 0:43:28.400 --> 0:43:33.360 ago together and we were very young and we weren't married, 0:43:33.520 --> 0:43:36.520 and so we wanted to wait until we were married 0:43:36.560 --> 0:43:40.200 to have our second. So we waited about four and 0:43:40.239 --> 0:43:42.520 a half years to start trying again after we had 0:43:42.600 --> 0:43:46.279 actually gotten married, and we went on our honeymoon and 0:43:46.400 --> 0:43:50.080 we came back and so we started to try and 0:43:50.200 --> 0:43:52.440 it has been about two years and we have not 0:43:52.600 --> 0:43:55.760 had any luck, and it's gotten to the point where, 0:43:55.800 --> 0:43:58.520 you know, it's a little bit frustrating, and we've tried 0:43:58.600 --> 0:44:04.880 the natural way, and recently I was prescribed a drug 0:44:04.920 --> 0:44:08.640 called clomid that's supposed to help you with your ovulation 0:44:08.840 --> 0:44:12.560 to conceive, and currently I am doing that now. But 0:44:13.080 --> 0:44:17.319 I've just had a few questions for doctor Kristen specifically, 0:44:17.480 --> 0:44:21.680 at what point during me trying to conceive process should 0:44:21.760 --> 0:44:23.040 IVF become an option. 0:44:24.480 --> 0:44:28.719 So if you isn't working on your own, typically the 0:44:28.719 --> 0:44:31.600 most common form of kind of like a lesser treatment 0:44:31.600 --> 0:44:34.719 than IVF is doing clomid, which is what you're on, 0:44:34.960 --> 0:44:37.560 and the goal of clomid is to make you ovulate 0:44:38.040 --> 0:44:41.840 two or three eggs instead of just one. The clomid 0:44:41.880 --> 0:44:44.640 really should be coupled with an insemination, which is where 0:44:44.640 --> 0:44:46.600 we get the sperm sample from the guy get the 0:44:46.600 --> 0:44:48.600 best sperm, we place it at the top of the uterus, 0:44:48.600 --> 0:44:50.399 so it's much closer to where the egg is going 0:44:50.440 --> 0:44:55.759 to be. If clomid iuis haven't worked in three cycles, 0:44:55.840 --> 0:44:58.319 the chance that they're going to be effective for you 0:44:58.520 --> 0:45:01.640 is actually really low, and so at that point you're 0:45:01.760 --> 0:45:03.960 better off just saving your money. For IVF and just 0:45:04.200 --> 0:45:06.960 continuing to try to get pregnant on your own. In 0:45:07.080 --> 0:45:11.279 terms of thinking about IVF and understanding how useful it 0:45:11.360 --> 0:45:14.120 might be for you, there are kind of two main 0:45:14.200 --> 0:45:17.000 things that really contribute to the success of IVF, and 0:45:17.000 --> 0:45:20.719 that's the quality of the eggs that you're going to have, 0:45:20.760 --> 0:45:22.840 which is related to your age. And then also the 0:45:22.920 --> 0:45:25.440 number of eggs and the number of eggs that you're 0:45:25.440 --> 0:45:27.480 going to get in an IVF cycle that can be 0:45:28.600 --> 0:45:31.879 predicted by some simple tests that your doctor can do. 0:45:32.040 --> 0:45:34.359 So they can do an ultrasound and look at something 0:45:34.400 --> 0:45:38.080 called the anthrofolical count, and that's counting the number of 0:45:38.080 --> 0:45:40.320 eggs they think that are available in any given month. 0:45:40.719 --> 0:45:43.320 And then also understanding some of your hormone tests. So 0:45:43.360 --> 0:45:45.520 there are these two tests called AMH and FSH and 0:45:45.560 --> 0:45:48.040 those are predictors of how well your ovaries are functioning. 0:45:48.360 --> 0:45:51.200 And so if we give you medications, what proportion of 0:45:51.200 --> 0:45:52.720 those eggs are going to grow. So if you're starting 0:45:52.760 --> 0:45:54.839 out with ten eggs, or you're going to get nine 0:45:54.840 --> 0:45:56.560 to ten eggs and an IVF cycle, or you're going 0:45:56.600 --> 0:45:59.920 to get closer to only five, and so understanding the 0:46:00.120 --> 0:46:03.280 number of eggs that you individually might make in a cycle, 0:46:03.400 --> 0:46:06.520 and how old you are, and so therefore the chance 0:46:06.560 --> 0:46:08.160 that that egg is going to become an embryo and 0:46:08.200 --> 0:46:11.640 become a baby, that is really important in understanding how 0:46:11.760 --> 0:46:13.520 useful IVF will be for you. 0:46:14.640 --> 0:46:18.439 Okay, Okay, So there's not really a set timeframe as 0:46:18.440 --> 0:46:21.279 to where a couple should really consider it. 0:46:22.400 --> 0:46:25.719 Well, if you've done three cycles of the clomid with 0:46:26.600 --> 0:46:30.560 the iuys, then the chance that that clomid IUI is 0:46:30.600 --> 0:46:33.640 going to be effective is actually the same as if 0:46:33.680 --> 0:46:36.560 you're just having sex at home around ovulation and so 0:46:37.320 --> 0:46:40.279 really maxing out at three cycles, and this is for 0:46:40.360 --> 0:46:42.279 women who are already ovulating and we're just trying to 0:46:42.280 --> 0:46:44.799 make them ovulate more eggs. So maxing out at three 0:46:44.840 --> 0:46:46.920 cycles is really the point where you should move to IVF. 0:46:47.520 --> 0:46:52.400 And she was also saying to Caitlin timing wise to 0:46:52.719 --> 0:46:56.560 try to get the embryos and eggs before you're thirty five, right, 0:46:56.600 --> 0:46:57.240 doctor Kristen. 0:46:58.040 --> 0:47:00.279 Yeah, So if you're certainly if your egg freezing or 0:47:00.280 --> 0:47:03.279 embryo freezing, I have more couples that they themselves are 0:47:03.280 --> 0:47:05.279 not ready to actually have children, but they want to 0:47:05.320 --> 0:47:07.319 be proactive and make sure that it can happen in 0:47:07.360 --> 0:47:10.920 the future, and so couples can come in and freeze embryos, 0:47:11.040 --> 0:47:14.520 or if you are young and you haven't met a 0:47:14.600 --> 0:47:16.560 right partner and you're a woman and you want to 0:47:16.560 --> 0:47:19.200 preserve your ability to get pregnant, coming in and freezing eggs, 0:47:19.760 --> 0:47:21.960 doing that before the age of thirty five is ideal. 0:47:22.040 --> 0:47:23.840 But I have lots of women that are thirty eight, 0:47:23.880 --> 0:47:25.600 thirty nine and they haven't met the right guy and 0:47:25.920 --> 0:47:27.960 they just didn't think about freezing eggs before when they 0:47:28.000 --> 0:47:29.879 were younger, and so they're still coming in. It still 0:47:30.040 --> 0:47:33.000 can be useful. They may not have the same chance 0:47:33.000 --> 0:47:34.920 of success as someone who's doing it thirty two, but 0:47:34.960 --> 0:47:38.360 it's still useful, right, Yeah, that makes sense. 0:47:39.880 --> 0:47:41.320 Well, it helpful information. 0:47:41.560 --> 0:47:46.359 We're praying for you, guys, and we're all here for 0:47:46.400 --> 0:47:48.600 you if you know through it, because I've been through 0:47:48.600 --> 0:47:50.839 it and it's not fun. But at the same time, 0:47:51.040 --> 0:47:54.080 there's always how do I say it, like it's such 0:47:54.120 --> 0:47:58.439 a hard thing to say, There's always a possibility, yeah, 0:47:58.440 --> 0:48:00.799 because it's just in that moment. I remember watching our 0:48:00.840 --> 0:48:03.040 IVF when it failed, the videos that I took, and 0:48:03.160 --> 0:48:05.480 just like how destroyed I was. But then you know, 0:48:05.600 --> 0:48:09.120 eight months later, I'm holding our son, so sure. 0:48:09.320 --> 0:48:09.480 Yeah. 0:48:09.560 --> 0:48:12.279 I mean, it's it's tough to remain hopeful, I think 0:48:13.000 --> 0:48:16.520 with each passing month when you know you're you're hoping 0:48:16.560 --> 0:48:19.520 that it worked or that it took and of course 0:48:19.520 --> 0:48:21.839 you start your period and then it's here we go again, 0:48:21.920 --> 0:48:22.840 we start all over. 0:48:22.840 --> 0:48:25.959 So and a month seems like forever it does. 0:48:26.239 --> 0:48:28.640 Yeah, and so it feels like it's been a really 0:48:28.680 --> 0:48:31.759 long waiting game for the last twenty four months. And 0:48:31.840 --> 0:48:34.279 it's rough too when you know you're on social media 0:48:34.320 --> 0:48:38.240 and everyone you know or follow happened to be pregnant 0:48:38.360 --> 0:48:41.880 or is getting pregnant, and it seems so easy, and 0:48:41.920 --> 0:48:44.960 it's frustrating when you know you're doing everything that they 0:48:45.000 --> 0:48:47.560 say you should be doing, it's just not it's not working. 0:48:48.040 --> 0:48:51.240 And know that you're not alone, right, I mean, there's 0:48:51.600 --> 0:48:54.040 thousands of women and couples that are out there just 0:48:54.080 --> 0:48:56.880 like you that are going through similar circumstances. They're just 0:48:56.920 --> 0:49:01.440 not posting it on Instagram necessarily, and so you're not alone. 0:49:01.680 --> 0:49:03.360 And hang in there, And will. 0:49:03.200 --> 0:49:07.120 You please keep us posted to Yes, absolutely, and will 0:49:08.400 --> 0:49:10.600 thank you guys for the information. I really appreciate it. 0:49:10.680 --> 0:49:12.120 Of course, thanks Caitlin for listening. 0:49:13.200 --> 0:49:14.879 Okay, have a good one. Bye bye, guys. 0:49:15.960 --> 0:49:19.399 How many IVF cycles can you both through? 0:49:20.840 --> 0:49:25.440 There isn't a number, but we know that, you know, 0:49:25.560 --> 0:49:27.840 especially when you're older. Let's say you're forty two and 0:49:27.880 --> 0:49:30.480 you're going through IVF, it's not going to necessarily work 0:49:30.520 --> 0:49:32.399 the first time. And in fact, there are actually pretty 0:49:32.440 --> 0:49:34.800 good studies that show you can do it five times 0:49:34.800 --> 0:49:37.399 and your chances of getting pregnant are the same. It's 0:49:37.480 --> 0:49:41.120 just that it's a lower likelihood that it's going to help. 0:49:41.360 --> 0:49:44.040 I mean, IVF doesn't make your eggs better. We just 0:49:44.080 --> 0:49:46.799 improve your odds of getting pregnant by making you make 0:49:46.840 --> 0:49:48.759 more in the hopes that there's a normal one in 0:49:48.800 --> 0:49:51.279 there and then optimizing the chance that egg is going 0:49:51.360 --> 0:49:53.920 to get fertilized by a sperm. And so we're improving 0:49:53.920 --> 0:49:56.520 your odds of getting pregnant. But with one IVF cycles 0:49:56.560 --> 0:49:58.360 sometimes it's just not enough and you have to do 0:49:58.400 --> 0:49:59.360 it a couple of times. 0:50:00.440 --> 0:50:02.920 Well, doctor Kristen, where can our listeners find you, especially 0:50:02.920 --> 0:50:04.000 if they're in the LA area. 0:50:04.440 --> 0:50:08.080 Well, I work at usc SOO. Usc fertility dot Org 0:50:08.239 --> 0:50:11.920 is our website. I'm also on social media. So I 0:50:11.920 --> 0:50:15.640 have my own website at doctor Kristen Benison dot org. 0:50:15.800 --> 0:50:19.920 And I'm on Instagram and what's your Instagram Mandel, doctor 0:50:19.960 --> 0:50:20.720 Kristin Bendison. 0:50:20.880 --> 0:50:26.480 Okay, perfect, thank you so much. Okay, So, now that 0:50:26.560 --> 0:50:30.480 I don't have a baby anymore, my periods have officially 0:50:30.480 --> 0:50:33.600 come back, and so I'm a big advocate for Lola. 0:50:33.760 --> 0:50:35.840 So what I love about Lola is that there are 0:50:35.880 --> 0:50:39.000 one hundred percent natural and it's just easy to feel 0:50:39.000 --> 0:50:42.840 good about. There's no but yes, there's no mystery fibers 0:50:42.960 --> 0:50:46.760 or even doubt about what's going into your body. What's 0:50:46.880 --> 0:50:49.400 really great about it too is Lola would deliver exactly 0:50:49.440 --> 0:50:52.560 what you need, exactly when you need it. So for me, 0:50:52.680 --> 0:50:55.000 I always know now when my period's coming because Lola 0:50:55.040 --> 0:50:57.160 shows up at my door. And the great thing too 0:50:57.320 --> 0:51:00.480 is that you're able to customize your order, so sometimes 0:51:00.520 --> 0:51:02.680 I don't need all the supers or the regulars. I mean, 0:51:02.719 --> 0:51:05.760 you can one hundred percent customize it to however your 0:51:06.120 --> 0:51:11.240 period is. They have pads as well, cotton tampons, pads, liners, 0:51:11.280 --> 0:51:15.520 and all natural cleansing wipes. I love my Lola again. 0:51:15.600 --> 0:51:18.480 It's delivered right to my door in a very discrete box, 0:51:19.320 --> 0:51:23.040 so that's always nice. They're one hundred percent organic cotton 0:51:23.160 --> 0:51:26.920 BPA free Tampa and Apple Players leaves me worry free 0:51:27.000 --> 0:51:29.640 about what I'm putting in my body. For forty percent 0:51:29.640 --> 0:51:32.800 off all subscriptions, visit mylola dot com and entered Jana 0:51:32.960 --> 0:51:33.960 when you subscribe. 0:51:35.360 --> 0:51:39.000 I have some emails here, but Jena's mid apple right now. 0:51:39.880 --> 0:51:41.520 Apples kind of give me trauma, by the way, because 0:51:41.560 --> 0:51:45.040 my dad, you can, always chew apples really aggressively and 0:51:45.120 --> 0:51:50.719 heats smack you know, like smackers anyways, so I get traumatized. 0:51:51.200 --> 0:51:54.239 My dad eats apple whole. There is no core. When 0:51:54.280 --> 0:51:55.400 my dad finishes an apple. 0:51:55.640 --> 0:51:58.040 Oh, he eats the steeds. 0:51:58.600 --> 0:52:00.440 He will remove the stem before you it's it, but 0:52:00.480 --> 0:52:01.719 otherwise it's all going down. 0:52:02.680 --> 0:52:03.799 Oh that's disgusting. 0:52:05.080 --> 0:52:08.759 I love that it's a convenience thing because if my 0:52:08.840 --> 0:52:10.400 dad's on the couch eating the applay, he doesn't want 0:52:10.400 --> 0:52:11.399 to have to get up and go to the trash 0:52:11.400 --> 0:52:13.080 that throws coor away, so it just eats the whole 0:52:13.080 --> 0:52:13.839 thing or drive. 0:52:13.960 --> 0:52:15.080 That's such like an old man. 0:52:15.360 --> 0:52:18.520 Yeah, well, I'm just curious, now that we're on the 0:52:18.560 --> 0:52:20.919 apple topic, is are you a throw the apple out 0:52:20.920 --> 0:52:23.160 the window when you're driving, or keep it in your car. 0:52:23.920 --> 0:52:25.239 I keep it in my car. I used to be 0:52:25.320 --> 0:52:27.160 a thrower, but I feel weird about it. 0:52:27.200 --> 0:52:29.160 I'm in my car. Why not you're gonna you're feeding 0:52:29.200 --> 0:52:30.840 the animals. And then people say, well, the animals are 0:52:30.880 --> 0:52:31.839 gonna go in the middle of the road and they 0:52:31.840 --> 0:52:33.839 get hit by a car. But I throw it all 0:52:33.880 --> 0:52:35.399 the way to the side of the road. 0:52:35.680 --> 0:52:38.239 What's funny about you? And saying that though for the 0:52:38.280 --> 0:52:41.200 longest time, she'd have the worst luck throwing an apple 0:52:41.200 --> 0:52:43.960 core out the window. It could be a green passion, 0:52:44.120 --> 0:52:47.240 nothing in sight, baby, But when she throws it out, bim, 0:52:47.239 --> 0:52:49.800 it hits that one sign that's there for ten miles 0:52:50.239 --> 0:52:53.080 and it bounces back onto the road like there's a 0:52:53.080 --> 0:52:55.279 period of time where it just happened. Every time. 0:52:55.400 --> 0:52:56.200 It was amazing. 0:52:56.480 --> 0:52:56.960 Illegal. 0:52:57.520 --> 0:53:01.040 It's it's illegal to throw composed. 0:53:02.560 --> 0:53:03.399 It decomposes. 0:53:03.760 --> 0:53:05.120 The only thing you can throw out of a car 0:53:05.200 --> 0:53:07.920 is water and chicken feathers. That's the only two legal substances. 0:53:08.000 --> 0:53:08.719 I have heard that. 0:53:08.960 --> 0:53:13.240 Yeah, chicken feathers outside of a window. 0:53:13.560 --> 0:53:15.160 Farmers transporting chickens. 0:53:15.680 --> 0:53:17.920 Wait, I'm sorry, I don't understand why it's illegal to 0:53:17.920 --> 0:53:21.480 throw food out the window because it's not glittering. 0:53:21.680 --> 0:53:23.680 All right, there's one thing you said about food, like 0:53:23.719 --> 0:53:26.200 you can't be thrown out like your half eat McDonald 0:53:26.320 --> 0:53:26.600 and like. 0:53:26.760 --> 0:53:29.280 That biodegrada if it doesn't are considered litter. 0:53:30.560 --> 0:53:35.160 WoT it all the time. You can't throw a gum, well. 0:53:34.960 --> 0:53:37.560 Gom, I get, because then that's that's that's sticking to 0:53:37.640 --> 0:53:41.440 the orange peelsy. I get anything that anything an animal 0:53:41.440 --> 0:53:43.239 can eat at throwout. So I would throw out the 0:53:43.280 --> 0:53:46.200 burger because that animal would love like a coyote. 0:53:46.680 --> 0:53:51.720 Yeah, sidewalks and it's all fine. 0:53:52.000 --> 0:53:53.839 No, I just eat like apples and bananas, So I 0:53:53.880 --> 0:53:55.960 just throw the oh no, oh shoot, I do do the. 0:53:55.920 --> 0:53:59.759 Peel my dad I used to put it in her 0:53:59.760 --> 0:54:04.920 calm the file because the decomposes, if becomes compost, that 0:54:06.440 --> 0:54:08.640 dead it comes from it comes from the earth. 0:54:08.680 --> 0:54:10.960 We're putting it back and then you throw it on 0:54:10.960 --> 0:54:12.440 the road. And you got a Mario Kart situation. 0:54:15.920 --> 0:54:18.600 You can't throw it on the road because I'm eating 0:54:18.640 --> 0:54:23.160 an apple right now. Fantastic. Well, I really do try 0:54:23.280 --> 0:54:25.000 to throw it so that they don't come back in 0:54:25.080 --> 0:54:28.480 the road, because I know that that's not nice. But AnyWho, 0:54:28.560 --> 0:54:31.920 if not, I'm I leave so much crap in my car. Okay, anyway, 0:54:32.160 --> 0:54:32.839 the dirty car. 0:54:33.040 --> 0:54:36.520 Okay, So what's they say that people dirty cars have 0:54:36.520 --> 0:54:37.800 clean houses and vice versa. 0:54:38.480 --> 0:54:39.920 Oh wait, say that one more time. 0:54:39.960 --> 0:54:41.920 If you have a dirty, dirty car, you have a 0:54:41.960 --> 0:54:42.880 tidy clean house. 0:54:43.280 --> 0:54:44.399 What about those of us who have. 0:54:44.320 --> 0:54:51.200 A clean car and cuse no, no, no, zero. You 0:54:51.239 --> 0:54:53.520 have all that crap by the side of the bed 0:54:53.560 --> 0:54:57.279 that you do not clean. That's something there that's not mine. 0:54:57.320 --> 0:54:59.319 Oh you know what's there? Time out? You know it's there, 0:54:59.360 --> 0:55:02.040 the intimacy that I've placed next to his bed. Yet 0:55:02.080 --> 0:55:04.560 he's still He left it outside for like three days, 0:55:05.000 --> 0:55:08.399 didn't even bring it in. Wow, all right, I guess 0:55:08.480 --> 0:55:09.040 that's staying out. 0:55:09.560 --> 0:55:12.600 We have the fifteen swaddles that you can like, not swaddles, 0:55:12.600 --> 0:55:13.520 but the carriers. 0:55:13.600 --> 0:55:15.680 Oh, the raps wraps he couldn't figure. 0:55:15.400 --> 0:55:16.759 Out, and you just left them on my side of 0:55:16.760 --> 0:55:17.600 the bed behind the door. 0:55:17.760 --> 0:55:20.960 I could never figure the wraps out, but I loved 0:55:21.040 --> 0:55:24.759 my baby Bjorn or whatever. The clip's great. 0:55:24.600 --> 0:55:26.319 Yes, that's we have that once. 0:55:26.800 --> 0:55:28.520 I never could figure out how to put the baby 0:55:28.520 --> 0:55:29.520 in and then tie. 0:55:29.280 --> 0:55:31.359 It and come on over. I'll teach you something. 0:55:32.920 --> 0:55:35.280 You don't even know need to know. Mark email. 0:55:35.760 --> 0:55:37.799 This is from Leanna. I'm a new list and love 0:55:37.840 --> 0:55:42.080 the podcast. That's very nice. Been married five years and 0:55:42.239 --> 0:55:45.080 haven't had a year without catching my husband cheating on me. 0:55:45.239 --> 0:55:46.600 Oh, let's bringing the mood down. 0:55:46.760 --> 0:55:49.239 He will go to counseling. And I've tried for years 0:55:49.239 --> 0:55:50.719 to make this work, and now that I'm at my 0:55:50.760 --> 0:55:54.160 breaking point, he finally wants to try. What should I do? 0:55:54.440 --> 0:55:59.880 No kids yet? Thanks Leanna, leave no kids yet? Thank god, 0:56:00.400 --> 0:56:01.520 that's your opportunity. 0:56:01.960 --> 0:56:03.920 The fact that he doesn't want to get help, but 0:56:03.920 --> 0:56:07.640 then he just finally did. I don't think it looks 0:56:07.840 --> 0:56:09.759 too bright for you. What I need think? 0:56:10.120 --> 0:56:13.560 Yeah, she needs to find somebody who respects her and 0:56:13.840 --> 0:56:16.080 is one hundred percent into the relationship. 0:56:16.200 --> 0:56:19.239 As soon as he gets comfortable, if she gives him 0:56:19.239 --> 0:56:22.200 another chance, as soon as he gets comfortable again, he's 0:56:22.280 --> 0:56:25.000 counted to it. If he's done every year for five years. 0:56:25.239 --> 0:56:27.640 Yeah, this girl that I was talking to, I talked 0:56:27.680 --> 0:56:30.759 to a few girls on my DM on Instagram and 0:56:30.840 --> 0:56:33.520 she's said the same thing, like, my husband just will 0:56:33.560 --> 0:56:36.080 not go to therapy and he keeps cheating and it's like, honey, 0:56:36.200 --> 0:56:38.640 like you, if you're doing the work, you're trying. But 0:56:38.680 --> 0:56:40.399 if he's not doing it, like you have to leave. 0:56:40.840 --> 0:56:42.880 Yeah, you have to because. 0:56:42.480 --> 0:56:44.439 He's going to keep doing it and he's not getting help. 0:56:44.560 --> 0:56:50.160 So that's and she's allowing yeah, because she's staying and saying, oh, 0:56:50.200 --> 0:56:53.360 you're not going to therapy. Okay, well you know it's. 0:56:53.440 --> 0:56:55.960 And she needs to look internally and figure out what 0:56:56.040 --> 0:56:59.399 it is about her self esteem and situation. Dad would 0:56:59.440 --> 0:57:02.200 allow this to happen to her over and over and 0:57:02.239 --> 0:57:04.359 over again. Isserve better. 0:57:05.160 --> 0:57:07.200 Yes, we all do that though, I mean, come on, 0:57:08.320 --> 0:57:11.359 you know what I mean. Yeah, we do well and 0:57:11.440 --> 0:57:14.160 we'll time out. Though, in the defense of this guy, 0:57:14.160 --> 0:57:17.480 maybe he needed that last swift kick in the butt 0:57:17.520 --> 0:57:21.720 like you did. But plain Devil's Advocate, you messed up 0:57:21.720 --> 0:57:24.760 a couple of times, you know so, and it was 0:57:24.800 --> 0:57:27.000 that last swift kick in the butt that puts you there. 0:57:27.160 --> 0:57:29.360 So maybe this guy needed that last swift kick. 0:57:29.440 --> 0:57:32.120 I'd like to dig a little deeper with Leanna and 0:57:32.200 --> 0:57:37.520 he husband to find out what's going on, because there's 0:57:37.560 --> 0:57:41.160 something deeper there. It's not just like this guy goes 0:57:41.200 --> 0:57:41.920 out and gets. 0:57:41.880 --> 0:57:46.520 Hey, Leanne, if you're listening. Email email Jana kramantiheartmedia dot 0:57:46.520 --> 0:57:49.760 com and we'll have you call in to dig a 0:57:49.760 --> 0:57:51.880 little deeper to see if there's another side to that, 0:57:51.880 --> 0:57:53.880 because I'm saying, like the guy side, maybe he just 0:57:53.880 --> 0:57:56.160 needed that last bit. Maybe he really is ready now. 0:57:57.720 --> 0:57:59.760 I mean, yeah, obviously for me going through it, I 0:57:59.760 --> 0:58:01.760 want to be able to have the guys back and 0:58:01.800 --> 0:58:05.640 give him benefit of a doubt. But if every year 0:58:05.680 --> 0:58:07.160 for five years. 0:58:07.000 --> 0:58:08.360 That's yeah, that's right. 0:58:09.040 --> 0:58:09.280 Yeah. 0:58:09.960 --> 0:58:12.840 Also the history was he doing this when they were dating? 0:58:13.040 --> 0:58:15.240 Well exactly, we need to figure that out because it's 0:58:15.320 --> 0:58:17.880 dating them. Okay, you know, so I'm not right, but 0:58:19.120 --> 0:58:21.040 like Amy said, we need to get to the weeds 0:58:21.040 --> 0:58:23.160 of this land. Yep, give us a call. 0:58:23.840 --> 0:58:26.680 This is Danielle. She says, there's a topic I would 0:58:26.720 --> 0:58:28.360 like to see if you could discuss. I'm dealing with 0:58:28.400 --> 0:58:31.400 a very narcissistic mother in law and continue to be 0:58:31.480 --> 0:58:35.439 triggered by her toxic habits. That's quite a sentence right there. 0:58:35.840 --> 0:58:37.440 My husband and I've been trying to move on from 0:58:37.440 --> 0:58:38.880 it for quite some time, but we're always going in 0:58:38.880 --> 0:58:41.760 circles because she is his mom. She's very passive, aggressive 0:58:41.760 --> 0:58:44.720 and lashes out when we least expect it, for example, 0:58:44.760 --> 0:58:47.120 after our son was born at the hospital. I feel 0:58:47.120 --> 0:58:48.920 like this is a very common issue in many marriages. 0:58:48.960 --> 0:58:50.880 As his wife, I want to set boundaries, but I 0:58:50.920 --> 0:58:52.320 don't feel like he and I are truly on the 0:58:52.360 --> 0:58:55.000 same page when it comes to addressing the situation. I 0:58:55.080 --> 0:58:56.959 want to tackle it head on. He is a little 0:58:56.960 --> 0:58:59.640 more cautious than I am, and the advice would be helpful. 0:59:00.080 --> 0:59:02.960 Asked that swaddle story was so terrifying. Glad everything was 0:59:03.000 --> 0:59:05.600 okay and your mom's things set in Thank you for 0:59:05.640 --> 0:59:07.080 the podcast and the authenticity. 0:59:07.200 --> 0:59:09.400 Thanks Daniel John. Go ahead. 0:59:10.080 --> 0:59:13.000 I just I dealt with that for so many years, 0:59:13.400 --> 0:59:21.840 almost nineteen years, and I have never felt more free. 0:59:21.480 --> 0:59:23.880 Because you divorced him. Though I divorced him, but I'm 0:59:23.920 --> 0:59:25.560 seriously not to divorce him. 0:59:25.800 --> 0:59:28.760 No, I'm not saying that, but you when there is 0:59:28.800 --> 0:59:32.760 a narcissist in the family and the mother in law, 0:59:34.440 --> 0:59:38.280 it's you just you can't tackle it in any way 0:59:39.040 --> 0:59:44.480 except to put up your boundaries, which I took years, years, 0:59:45.080 --> 0:59:46.640 you know, for me to learn how to do that. 0:59:47.760 --> 0:59:51.680 But you aren't going to escape it. He's never going 0:59:51.720 --> 0:59:54.640 to be one hundred percent on your side because she's 0:59:54.680 --> 1:00:01.080 probably so manipulative that he's getting two stories. And he's 1:00:01.240 --> 1:00:05.240 always believed his mother as she's who cared for him. 1:00:06.000 --> 1:00:11.400 So you're never going to win. There is no I 1:00:11.440 --> 1:00:13.080 was going to say, there's no winner in this, but 1:00:13.160 --> 1:00:16.600 she's the winner. But if you do not give that 1:00:16.800 --> 1:00:22.080 the attention, and you cut the toxic energy off by 1:00:23.000 --> 1:00:26.320 don't go over there when she comes over to the house, 1:00:27.480 --> 1:00:30.480 have appointments, go to yoga, you're going to have to 1:00:30.640 --> 1:00:34.120 really not spend time with her. She is always going 1:00:34.160 --> 1:00:34.880 to feel that way. 1:00:35.560 --> 1:00:35.760 Yeah. 1:00:35.840 --> 1:00:36.280 Always. 1:00:36.400 --> 1:00:38.080 Our friend is kind of going through that. And you 1:00:38.080 --> 1:00:40.680 know they've been married for twenty is she twenty years? 1:00:40.680 --> 1:00:44.880 I think? And whereas she had to set massive boundaries 1:00:44.920 --> 1:00:47.120 around it. But it took a while for her husband 1:00:47.160 --> 1:00:49.640 to even see what the mom was doing because they're 1:00:49.680 --> 1:00:52.360 so blinded, like you said, by their mothers. 1:00:52.880 --> 1:00:55.440 It's that poor guy. I mean, you have the two 1:00:55.480 --> 1:00:58.160 most important women in your life pulling you two different directions. 1:00:58.200 --> 1:01:00.360 And it's like you said, Jay, I mean, there's been 1:01:00.360 --> 1:01:02.120 there his whole life. That's all he knows until he 1:01:02.200 --> 1:01:02.920 met his wife, right. 1:01:03.000 --> 1:01:07.880 So, and he's also programmed by her manipulation, right, because 1:01:07.920 --> 1:01:13.160 even your husband as a toddler was being manipulated because 1:01:13.160 --> 1:01:18.000 that's what narcissists do, so you know, it's so it's 1:01:18.000 --> 1:01:18.840 not his fault. 1:01:19.040 --> 1:01:22.000 No, if Danielle can have some empathy and look at 1:01:22.000 --> 1:01:24.320 it from that standpoint, be like, you know, this has 1:01:24.320 --> 1:01:25.720 to be hard that you feel like you're in the 1:01:25.720 --> 1:01:28.760 middle right and have to deal with this, like how 1:01:28.760 --> 1:01:31.600 can I help you? Instead of her being like you 1:01:31.640 --> 1:01:33.280 have to say no to your mother, we have to 1:01:33.320 --> 1:01:35.800 do this, being like, hey, how can I help you 1:01:35.920 --> 1:01:39.320 figure this out? What can we do? As opposed to attacking. 1:01:39.560 --> 1:01:42.880 I I'm kind of on two side this because before 1:01:42.920 --> 1:01:44.760 I had a son, I would say, oh, that mom's 1:01:44.800 --> 1:01:48.560 just enabling and she's being you know, he's just a 1:01:48.680 --> 1:01:51.720 mama's boy, and blah blah blah blah blah, and just 1:01:51.720 --> 1:01:53.640 make every excuse like how I always sayd with Pam. 1:01:53.720 --> 1:01:54.960 I was like, I can't believe Pam thinks that we 1:01:54.960 --> 1:01:56.880 should spend every Christmas at her house, you know, And 1:01:56.920 --> 1:02:01.520 then now you okay, but then but then now it's 1:02:01.960 --> 1:02:03.960 my son is spending every Christmas with me, and I'm 1:02:03.960 --> 1:02:05.280 going to have it by my side and I'm not 1:02:05.280 --> 1:02:07.880 going to So now it's like he's my boy, and 1:02:07.960 --> 1:02:10.560 I may not be a narcissist, but he's he's the 1:02:10.640 --> 1:02:12.600 love of my life. Like I'm his first and only 1:02:12.680 --> 1:02:17.560 woman he'll ever love. I mean, I'm and I'm reading. 1:02:17.640 --> 1:02:18.960 I'm like, oh, that's going to be me, Like I'm 1:02:19.000 --> 1:02:22.320 going to be I'm going to be terrible. I will. 1:02:22.760 --> 1:02:25.400 He's my boy, Like I am so literally obsessed with 1:02:25.400 --> 1:02:28.040 that boy that no girl will be perfect for him. 1:02:28.040 --> 1:02:29.560 Like it makes me want to cry, like no girl, 1:02:31.880 --> 1:02:39.160 Oh that comes in house, get out immediately, immediate. 1:02:40.520 --> 1:02:42.720 Room side. 1:02:44.200 --> 1:02:51.200 Yeah. Yeah, so I don't know, Sorry, daniel Just do that. 1:02:51.680 --> 1:02:53.600 You know what else, Danielle, what you need to do 1:02:54.320 --> 1:03:00.160 is educate yourself and your husband on narcissist and how 1:03:00.200 --> 1:03:03.520 they behave in how they are in relationships, and it 1:03:03.520 --> 1:03:06.600 will give you a better understanding and will also help 1:03:06.680 --> 1:03:09.920 your husband wrap his head around technology behavior. 1:03:10.120 --> 1:03:10.840 Yeah hopefully. 1:03:11.000 --> 1:03:13.440 Yeah, so huge. Thank you to Joybird. Go to joybird 1:03:13.440 --> 1:03:15.880 dot com slash Jana and receive an exclusive offer for 1:03:15.920 --> 1:03:18.400 twenty five percent off your first order by using the 1:03:18.440 --> 1:03:22.120 code Jana Brooklynning get twenty dollars off and free shipping 1:03:22.400 --> 1:03:25.920 when you use promo code Jana at Brooklynen dot com quip. 1:03:26.120 --> 1:03:29.040 That's your first refiel pack free at get quip g 1:03:29.120 --> 1:03:32.920 e t q u ip dot com. Slash Jana Lola 1:03:32.960 --> 1:03:35.560 for forty percent off all subscriptions. Visit mylola dot com 1:03:35.560 --> 1:03:38.680 and enter in Jana when you subscribe. Okay, this has 1:03:38.680 --> 1:03:41.080 been a really fun show. I've really enjoyed it. There's 1:03:41.080 --> 1:03:42.760 been some good emails. Doctor Kristen was great. 1:03:42.840 --> 1:03:45.400 Jen love fertility stuff. It is. 1:03:45.640 --> 1:03:48.680 It's sad. I just feel because we've been there, we've 1:03:48.680 --> 1:03:50.800 been not being able to have a baby. It's just 1:03:51.520 --> 1:03:53.920 there's so many women out there in this situation. So 1:03:54.440 --> 1:03:58.560 we love you, and uh, let's wind down again next week. 1:03:58.560 --> 1:04:00.360 Oh by the way, next week, for sure f g 1:04:00.520 --> 1:04:02.960 L one of them will be here. I messed up 1:04:02.960 --> 1:04:05.160 on my dates, But next week stay tuned. 1:04:11.400 --> 1:04:13.400 The Apple Crunk, The Apple