Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. And today's topic is
Speaker 1: we have to live while we're alive. Oooh. This is
Speaker 1: a big topic and a big theme. But it's something
Speaker 1: I've been thinking a lot about lately, mainly because I
Speaker 1: just finished a book this morning, a book called The
Speaker 1: Midnight Train. It's written by Matt Haig. He is one
Speaker 1: of my most favorite authors in the world. You may
Speaker 1: know him from The Midnight Library. So this book is
Speaker 1: not a sequel to that, but it's kind of in
Speaker 1: the same world and it has some similar themes, but
Speaker 1: a lot of very different themes. And man, when I
Speaker 1: tell you, I was crying when I put this book down,
Speaker 1: like ugly tears streaming down my face, crying because so
Speaker 1: many of the themes hit home. And one of those
Speaker 1: themes is the importance of living, living in the moment,
Speaker 1: living now, and making decisions throughout the course of your
Speaker 1: life that allows you to really feel like you're living
Speaker 1: the life that you want to live. And you know,
Speaker 1: none of us are perfect, and we all have to
Speaker 1: make decisions and choices in life, and that's part of
Speaker 1: the human experience, right But reading this book was a
Speaker 1: reminder to really focus more and try to fight for
Speaker 1: the things that matter. So the reason why I've been
Speaker 1: thinking a lot about this is because and I'm not
Speaker 1: going to give spoilers of this book, because if you
Speaker 1: want to read it, I want you to read it
Speaker 1: and enjoy it. But just some of the overall themes
Speaker 1: that doesn't really ruin anything. Is the main character in
Speaker 1: this book is a millionaire or a billionaire, one of those,
Speaker 1: and he becomes this successful bookshop entrepreneur and has a
Speaker 1: million bookshops all over and while he's pursuing this big dream,
Speaker 1: this big business dream, he kind of misses out on
Speaker 1: many things in his life, and relationships crumble, and he
Speaker 1: doesn't deal with family matters that he's supposed to be
Speaker 1: dealing with in a healthy sort of way, and there's
Speaker 1: trauma in his life that he's not addressing. And all
Speaker 1: of this ultimately ends up having him alienate himself from
Speaker 1: loved ones, and like I said, relationships really crumble and falter,
Speaker 1: and that includes his marriage. So Okay, I guess there
Speaker 1: are some spoilers, so I'm sorry if you haven't read
Speaker 1: it yet, but that's not a main spoiler. That's pretty
Speaker 1: obvious in the book from the beginning but you know,
Speaker 1: his marriage crumbles as well because of the decisions he made,
Speaker 1: mostly related to putting his career first. And man career
Speaker 1: is a tough one because so many of you listening,
Speaker 1: like myself, are ambitious, and we have dreams and we
Speaker 1: have goals, and there's always this level of sacrifice that
Speaker 1: you have to make when you're pursuing your dreams and
Speaker 1: your goals, especially if it's in an industry or a
Speaker 1: world that has a funky schedule or that's you know,
Speaker 1: just not your average nine to five, you know, Monday
Speaker 1: through Friday routine, which so many jobs aren't. So there
Speaker 1: is always a level of sacrifice. I've certainly had to
Speaker 1: sacrifice things over the course of my life. I've had
Speaker 1: to miss birthday parties or get togethers or family events,
Speaker 1: and it hasn't always made me happy, but I've had
Speaker 1: to do it to get to a level of where
Speaker 1: I wanted to be. But then the question gets posed,
Speaker 1: when is it too much? Like? When when is it enough?
Speaker 1: Like you've put in the time, you've missed things along
Speaker 1: your life, When do you get to turn around and say,
Speaker 1: you know what I did all that I paid my
Speaker 1: dues no like no to work. I'm not doing that
Speaker 1: because I have this to do in my personal life,
Speaker 1: Like when does that start to sink in? And when
Speaker 1: does that feel like it's okay to say no? Right?
Speaker 1: So it's like these questions that we all have to
Speaker 1: start asking ourselves, because the truth is is we go
Speaker 1: through life more and more monumental things happen. People get married, sadly,
Speaker 1: there are debts and the family or friends. There's just
Speaker 1: so much and we want to be able to be
Speaker 1: present for the people that matter to us, for the
Speaker 1: relationships that matter to us, and we can't always put
Speaker 1: things by the wayside because we're so worried about career.
Speaker 1: I mean, there is a cost of ambition, and what
Speaker 1: I should say is there's a cost of material ambition.
Speaker 1: So again, I am one of the most driven people
Speaker 1: you'll ever meet. I hope you all are too, And
Speaker 1: we should have our goals and we should work our
Speaker 1: butts off for them. And I am a workhorse. I
Speaker 1: love to work, but I also know that I don't
Speaker 1: have goals that are based on material things. I have
Speaker 1: goals based in my professional life. On the job, I
Speaker 1: want to do, not what it can buy me or
Speaker 1: get me or mansions or cars, like, that's not why
Speaker 1: I do what I do, and that's hopefully not why
Speaker 1: you do what you do. You want to do work
Speaker 1: that you love. So I think there's a fine line there,
Speaker 1: and I think sadly a lot of people in this
Speaker 1: world get very doide and glassed over, thinking like, oh man,
Speaker 1: that is the end goal, and then they get there
Speaker 1: and they're like, wait a minute, where's everybody? Why do
Speaker 1: I feel so alone? My life is not what I
Speaker 1: thought it would be. And let me tell you. I
Speaker 1: interview people from you know, actors to singers to reality
Speaker 1: people for all the different jobs I have in the
Speaker 1: entertainment space, and some of the loneliest people I have
Speaker 1: ever spoken to in my life are actors. And it
Speaker 1: breaks my heart and it doesn't it doesn't phase me
Speaker 1: because I know that to be an actor requires a
Speaker 1: tremendous amount of sacrifice, and once you get in, you're
Speaker 1: one of the few people that are in, so you
Speaker 1: have to do everything you can to stay in and
Speaker 1: keep that position going. And you're on shoots for seven
Speaker 1: or eight months, stranded away from people that you love.
Speaker 1: Is so naturally you get in your work cycle and
Speaker 1: maybe you don't reach out to people all the time,
Speaker 1: and it becomes a very insular job. So I'm not
Speaker 1: surprised that so many actors I meet are so lonely.
Speaker 1: Not everybody, of course, I can't generalize it, but many.
Speaker 1: I've even had actors on my show who just after
Speaker 1: meeting for forty five minutes, are then sending me voice memos,
Speaker 1: you know, on social media, kind of sharing their problems
Speaker 1: or what's going on in their life. If we're saying
Speaker 1: things that in the hands of the wrong person, they
Speaker 1: could sell to a page six or to press and
Speaker 1: expose them. And I'm not that person, and I would
Speaker 1: never do that, and I would never even say who
Speaker 1: it is, because I believe in protecting people, and I
Speaker 1: believe in, you know, honoring people's deepest feelings. Like why
Speaker 1: would I ever do that? I know a lot of
Speaker 1: people would, but I want it. But my point is
Speaker 1: there's an extreme level of loneliness. So there is a
Speaker 1: cost of ambition. And I don't know the right or
Speaker 1: wrong answer. I just think it's something we all have
Speaker 1: to be aware of because in our own journeys, in
Speaker 1: our professional lives and careers, we have to know where
Speaker 1: we draw the line. We have to know when we
Speaker 1: want to say no. If we're someone who says yes
Speaker 1: ninety percent of the time, which I tend to do,
Speaker 1: there might be ten percent of the time where I'm
Speaker 1: going to say no. For the things that really matter
Speaker 1: that I don't want to miss, I'm going to say no.
Speaker 1: And that's okay. That's okay because we have to live
Speaker 1: our lives. We absolutely have to live while we're alive,
Speaker 1: and work is a big part of many of our lives.
Speaker 1: I get it, and I feel that way. It certainly
Speaker 1: is a big part of me and my identity, but
Speaker 1: it's not the only part. It really isn't, and I
Speaker 1: do find when people make that the sole identity of
Speaker 1: who they are, there's a lot of sadness and a
Speaker 1: lot of loneliness. So that's one really interesting theme in
Speaker 1: this book, The Midnight Train. There's also there are many themes,
Speaker 1: but some of the other ones that stand out are
Speaker 1: this idea of regret and what ifs right. So this
Speaker 1: character is kind of going back throughout their life when
Speaker 1: they're on the brink of death, seeing how things played
Speaker 1: out that maybe they forgot about, and often feeling like,
Speaker 1: oh man, I wish I handled that differently or did
Speaker 1: that differently, and he kind of has to reckon with
Speaker 1: the consequences of his choices. And I think I think
Speaker 1: that we all as humans do feel like there are
Speaker 1: moments in our lives where we wish we handle things differently,
Speaker 1: but we can't beat ourselves up over it. We just
Speaker 1: hopefully have to learn from it, right, We have to
Speaker 1: learn from it, and that's a life, that's a life,
Speaker 1: that's a living. And maybe we make these decisions that
Speaker 1: we regret or don't feel great about in the past
Speaker 1: based from a place of selfishness or feeling like we
Speaker 1: have to do it for career again, like there are
Speaker 1: there are many reasons why, but I think it's okay
Speaker 1: to have regrets. One of the things I hate the
Speaker 1: most is when people say I have no regrets in life.
Speaker 1: And maybe that's true. Maybe that's true, So I'm sorry
Speaker 1: if you're like I genuinely don't have regrets in life.
Speaker 1: I just think that's kind of a cop out. I
Speaker 1: think that there are things that we all maybe wish
Speaker 1: we handle differently, and we don't want to admit it
Speaker 1: because it's either painful to think we've fucked up that badly. Sorry,
Speaker 1: but there's no better way to say it, or we
Speaker 1: just don't want to admit we did. And I can
Speaker 1: think of things in my life where I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I could have handled that better, or I regret that,
Speaker 1: and that's okay, that's okay. It doesn't mean I walk
Speaker 1: around every day like harping on it. I think that's
Speaker 1: dangerous and we can't do that because again, you have
Speaker 1: to move on and live your life. But I think
Speaker 1: that's perfectly normal and healthy in a way to feel
Speaker 1: like that, because to me, it shows growth. It means
Speaker 1: you're not the person you were back then, and in
Speaker 1: this book, the guy who's on the brink of death
Speaker 1: isn't the person he was back then anymore. So I
Speaker 1: think that's really really important and a theme that I
Speaker 1: certainly relate to, because it's not when we talk about
Speaker 1: there's so much toxic positivity out there, like no regrets,
Speaker 1: you can't regret anything. Okay, that's nice in theory, it's
Speaker 1: not always realistic. It's not always realistic. And I guess
Speaker 1: the last thing that's on my mind about all of this,
Speaker 1: like living while We're Alive, is that in this book,
Speaker 1: the protagonist realizes that the moments he spent with his wife,
Speaker 1: his ex wife were literally like the biggest highlights of
Speaker 1: his life, and they're the moments that have stayed with
Speaker 1: him while he's on the brink of death. And I
Speaker 1: think that's really powerful because whether it's a lover, a partner,
Speaker 1: a husband, a wife, a best friend, anyone that just
Speaker 1: means something to you, those are the moments in your
Speaker 1: life that are going to matter the most at the
Speaker 1: end of it all. Those are the moments. It's not
Speaker 1: the accolades. Yes, you'll feel proud of them, and you'll
Speaker 1: feel proud of where what you've accomplished in your career,
Speaker 1: of course, and I hope you do. But it's the
Speaker 1: moments you spend with the people you love that's what matters.
Speaker 1: That's what truly matters. That is what living while you're
Speaker 1: alive is all about. It's making those moments, it's making
Speaker 1: those memories, it's filling your cup, it's working your ass
Speaker 1: off and not neglecting your personal life to make sure
Speaker 1: you have someone to celebrate your wins and successes with
Speaker 1: and then someone that you can unplug from work with.
Speaker 1: Right So, I just I love this book so much.
Speaker 1: I can go on and on about it. If you're
Speaker 1: looking for a summer read, I highly recommend it. I
Speaker 1: think it's just such a beautiful book with so many
Speaker 1: important themes. And again, the biggest thing that made me
Speaker 1: think about is living while we're alive, living while we're alive,
Speaker 1: And it's in the small moments of life that sometimes
Speaker 1: the real living happens, the real living happens. And I
Speaker 1: just want to end with one thing that I started
Speaker 1: really being conscious of, and that's every day when I
Speaker 1: do my little walk to the gym, I say, I
Speaker 1: am so grateful I was chosen to be here. And
Speaker 1: whatever that means to you, I don't know. It could
Speaker 1: mean something different to all of us, right, and I
Speaker 1: know what it means to me, But it makes me
Speaker 1: remember that I need to appreciate this life that I'm living,
Speaker 1: and that I need to live it because not everybody
Speaker 1: gets to do that. Not everybody has the privilege of
Speaker 1: living a full life. Right. Sometimes people get sick, or
Speaker 1: they're depressed, or whatever the case may be that takes
Speaker 1: you out of the real living. And to be here
Speaker 1: with my feet on the ground, appreciating the fact that
Speaker 1: the sun is shining and the birds are chirping, and
Speaker 1: I'm living, and I'm chosen to be here. I truly
Speaker 1: am grateful for that. So all of this is to
Speaker 1: say we have to keep fighting to live while we
Speaker 1: are alive, so that we don't wake up one day
Speaker 1: when we're Granny's and Grandpa's and say, oh God, I
Speaker 1: wish I did everything differently. Because we can have some
Speaker 1: regrets in life, we don't want to regret our whole lives.
Speaker 1: We definitely don't want to regret our whole lives. So
Speaker 1: this is just a little reminder for everyone to live
Speaker 1: while we're still alive. I've Never Said This Before is
Speaker 1: hosted by Me Tommy Diderio. This podcast is executive produced
Speaker 1: by Andrew Piglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, with
Speaker 1: editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is
Speaker 1: part of the Elvis Durram podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 1: For more, rate review and subscribe to our show and
Speaker 1: if you like this episode, tell your friend. Until next time,
Speaker 1: I'm Tommy di Dario m HM.