WEBVTT - Tommy Talk: LET’S LIVE WHILE WE’RE ALIVE 

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. And today's topic is

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<v Speaker 1>we have to live while we're alive. Oooh. This is

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<v Speaker 1>a big topic and a big theme. But it's something

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<v Speaker 1>I've been thinking a lot about lately, mainly because I

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<v Speaker 1>just finished a book this morning, a book called The

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<v Speaker 1>Midnight Train. It's written by Matt Haig. He is one

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<v Speaker 1>of my most favorite authors in the world. You may

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<v Speaker 1>know him from The Midnight Library. So this book is

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<v Speaker 1>not a sequel to that, but it's kind of in

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<v Speaker 1>the same world and it has some similar themes, but

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of very different themes. And man, when I

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<v Speaker 1>tell you, I was crying when I put this book down,

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<v Speaker 1>like ugly tears streaming down my face, crying because so

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<v Speaker 1>many of the themes hit home. And one of those

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<v Speaker 1>themes is the importance of living, living in the moment,

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<v Speaker 1>living now, and making decisions throughout the course of your

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<v Speaker 1>life that allows you to really feel like you're living

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<v Speaker 1>the life that you want to live. And you know,

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<v Speaker 1>none of us are perfect, and we all have to

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<v Speaker 1>make decisions and choices in life, and that's part of

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<v Speaker 1>the human experience, right But reading this book was a

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<v Speaker 1>reminder to really focus more and try to fight for

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<v Speaker 1>the things that matter. So the reason why I've been

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<v Speaker 1>thinking a lot about this is because and I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>going to give spoilers of this book, because if you

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<v Speaker 1>want to read it, I want you to read it

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<v Speaker 1>and enjoy it. But just some of the overall themes

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<v Speaker 1>that doesn't really ruin anything. Is the main character in

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<v Speaker 1>this book is a millionaire or a billionaire, one of those,

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<v Speaker 1>and he becomes this successful bookshop entrepreneur and has a

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<v Speaker 1>million bookshops all over and while he's pursuing this big dream,

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<v Speaker 1>this big business dream, he kind of misses out on

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<v Speaker 1>many things in his life, and relationships crumble, and he

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't deal with family matters that he's supposed to be

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<v Speaker 1>dealing with in a healthy sort of way, and there's

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<v Speaker 1>trauma in his life that he's not addressing. And all

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<v Speaker 1>of this ultimately ends up having him alienate himself from

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<v Speaker 1>loved ones, and like I said, relationships really crumble and falter,

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<v Speaker 1>and that includes his marriage. So Okay, I guess there

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<v Speaker 1>are some spoilers, so I'm sorry if you haven't read

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<v Speaker 1>it yet, but that's not a main spoiler. That's pretty

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<v Speaker 1>obvious in the book from the beginning but you know,

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<v Speaker 1>his marriage crumbles as well because of the decisions he made,

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<v Speaker 1>mostly related to putting his career first. And man career

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<v Speaker 1>is a tough one because so many of you listening,

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<v Speaker 1>like myself, are ambitious, and we have dreams and we

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<v Speaker 1>have goals, and there's always this level of sacrifice that

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<v Speaker 1>you have to make when you're pursuing your dreams and

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<v Speaker 1>your goals, especially if it's in an industry or a

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<v Speaker 1>world that has a funky schedule or that's you know,

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<v Speaker 1>just not your average nine to five, you know, Monday

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<v Speaker 1>through Friday routine, which so many jobs aren't. So there

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<v Speaker 1>is always a level of sacrifice. I've certainly had to

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<v Speaker 1>sacrifice things over the course of my life. I've had

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<v Speaker 1>to miss birthday parties or get togethers or family events,

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<v Speaker 1>and it hasn't always made me happy, but I've had

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<v Speaker 1>to do it to get to a level of where

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to be. But then the question gets posed,

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<v Speaker 1>when is it too much? Like? When when is it enough?

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<v Speaker 1>Like you've put in the time, you've missed things along

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<v Speaker 1>your life, When do you get to turn around and say,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I did all that I paid my

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<v Speaker 1>dues no like no to work. I'm not doing that

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<v Speaker 1>because I have this to do in my personal life,

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<v Speaker 1>Like when does that start to sink in? And when

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<v Speaker 1>does that feel like it's okay to say no? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>So it's like these questions that we all have to

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<v Speaker 1>start asking ourselves, because the truth is is we go

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<v Speaker 1>through life more and more monumental things happen. People get married, sadly,

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<v Speaker 1>there are debts and the family or friends. There's just

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<v Speaker 1>so much and we want to be able to be

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<v Speaker 1>present for the people that matter to us, for the

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<v Speaker 1>relationships that matter to us, and we can't always put

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<v Speaker 1>things by the wayside because we're so worried about career.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, there is a cost of ambition, and what

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<v Speaker 1>I should say is there's a cost of material ambition.

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<v Speaker 1>So again, I am one of the most driven people

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<v Speaker 1>you'll ever meet. I hope you all are too, And

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<v Speaker 1>we should have our goals and we should work our

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<v Speaker 1>butts off for them. And I am a workhorse. I

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<v Speaker 1>love to work, but I also know that I don't

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<v Speaker 1>have goals that are based on material things. I have

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<v Speaker 1>goals based in my professional life. On the job, I

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<v Speaker 1>want to do, not what it can buy me or

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<v Speaker 1>get me or mansions or cars, like, that's not why

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<v Speaker 1>I do what I do, and that's hopefully not why

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<v Speaker 1>you do what you do. You want to do work

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<v Speaker 1>that you love. So I think there's a fine line there,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think sadly a lot of people in this

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<v Speaker 1>world get very doide and glassed over, thinking like, oh man,

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<v Speaker 1>that is the end goal, and then they get there

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<v Speaker 1>and they're like, wait a minute, where's everybody? Why do

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<v Speaker 1>I feel so alone? My life is not what I

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<v Speaker 1>thought it would be. And let me tell you. I

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<v Speaker 1>interview people from you know, actors to singers to reality

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<v Speaker 1>people for all the different jobs I have in the

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<v Speaker 1>entertainment space, and some of the loneliest people I have

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<v Speaker 1>ever spoken to in my life are actors. And it

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<v Speaker 1>breaks my heart and it doesn't it doesn't phase me

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<v Speaker 1>because I know that to be an actor requires a

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<v Speaker 1>tremendous amount of sacrifice, and once you get in, you're

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<v Speaker 1>one of the few people that are in, so you

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<v Speaker 1>have to do everything you can to stay in and

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<v Speaker 1>keep that position going. And you're on shoots for seven

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<v Speaker 1>or eight months, stranded away from people that you love.

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<v Speaker 1>Is so naturally you get in your work cycle and

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you don't reach out to people all the time,

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<v Speaker 1>and it becomes a very insular job. So I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>surprised that so many actors I meet are so lonely.

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<v Speaker 1>Not everybody, of course, I can't generalize it, but many.

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<v Speaker 1>I've even had actors on my show who just after

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<v Speaker 1>meeting for forty five minutes, are then sending me voice memos,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, on social media, kind of sharing their problems

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<v Speaker 1>or what's going on in their life. If we're saying

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<v Speaker 1>things that in the hands of the wrong person, they

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<v Speaker 1>could sell to a page six or to press and

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<v Speaker 1>expose them. And I'm not that person, and I would

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<v Speaker 1>never do that, and I would never even say who

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<v Speaker 1>it is, because I believe in protecting people, and I

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<v Speaker 1>believe in, you know, honoring people's deepest feelings. Like why

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<v Speaker 1>would I ever do that? I know a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>people would, but I want it. But my point is

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<v Speaker 1>there's an extreme level of loneliness. So there is a

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<v Speaker 1>cost of ambition. And I don't know the right or

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<v Speaker 1>wrong answer. I just think it's something we all have

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<v Speaker 1>to be aware of because in our own journeys, in

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<v Speaker 1>our professional lives and careers, we have to know where

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<v Speaker 1>we draw the line. We have to know when we

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<v Speaker 1>want to say no. If we're someone who says yes

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<v Speaker 1>ninety percent of the time, which I tend to do,

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<v Speaker 1>there might be ten percent of the time where I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to say no. For the things that really matter

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<v Speaker 1>that I don't want to miss, I'm going to say no.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's okay. That's okay because we have to live

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<v Speaker 1>our lives. We absolutely have to live while we're alive,

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<v Speaker 1>and work is a big part of many of our lives.

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<v Speaker 1>I get it, and I feel that way. It certainly

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<v Speaker 1>is a big part of me and my identity, but

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<v Speaker 1>it's not the only part. It really isn't, and I

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<v Speaker 1>do find when people make that the sole identity of

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<v Speaker 1>who they are, there's a lot of sadness and a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of loneliness. So that's one really interesting theme in

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<v Speaker 1>this book, The Midnight Train. There's also there are many themes,

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<v Speaker 1>but some of the other ones that stand out are

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<v Speaker 1>this idea of regret and what ifs right. So this

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<v Speaker 1>character is kind of going back throughout their life when

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<v Speaker 1>they're on the brink of death, seeing how things played

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<v Speaker 1>out that maybe they forgot about, and often feeling like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh man, I wish I handled that differently or did

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<v Speaker 1>that differently, and he kind of has to reckon with

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<v Speaker 1>the consequences of his choices. And I think I think

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<v Speaker 1>that we all as humans do feel like there are

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<v Speaker 1>moments in our lives where we wish we handle things differently,

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<v Speaker 1>but we can't beat ourselves up over it. We just

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<v Speaker 1>hopefully have to learn from it, right, We have to

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<v Speaker 1>learn from it, and that's a life, that's a life,

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<v Speaker 1>that's a living. And maybe we make these decisions that

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<v Speaker 1>we regret or don't feel great about in the past

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<v Speaker 1>based from a place of selfishness or feeling like we

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<v Speaker 1>have to do it for career again, like there are

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<v Speaker 1>there are many reasons why, but I think it's okay

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<v Speaker 1>to have regrets. One of the things I hate the

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<v Speaker 1>most is when people say I have no regrets in life.

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<v Speaker 1>And maybe that's true. Maybe that's true, So I'm sorry

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<v Speaker 1>if you're like I genuinely don't have regrets in life.

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<v Speaker 1>I just think that's kind of a cop out. I

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<v Speaker 1>think that there are things that we all maybe wish

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<v Speaker 1>we handle differently, and we don't want to admit it

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<v Speaker 1>because it's either painful to think we've fucked up that badly. Sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>but there's no better way to say it, or we

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<v Speaker 1>just don't want to admit we did. And I can

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<v Speaker 1>think of things in my life where I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I could have handled that better, or I regret that,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's okay, that's okay. It doesn't mean I walk

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<v Speaker 1>around every day like harping on it. I think that's

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<v Speaker 1>dangerous and we can't do that because again, you have

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<v Speaker 1>to move on and live your life. But I think

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<v Speaker 1>that's perfectly normal and healthy in a way to feel

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<v Speaker 1>like that, because to me, it shows growth. It means

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<v Speaker 1>you're not the person you were back then, and in

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<v Speaker 1>this book, the guy who's on the brink of death

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<v Speaker 1>isn't the person he was back then anymore. So I

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<v Speaker 1>think that's really really important and a theme that I

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<v Speaker 1>certainly relate to, because it's not when we talk about

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<v Speaker 1>there's so much toxic positivity out there, like no regrets,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't regret anything. Okay, that's nice in theory, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not always realistic. It's not always realistic. And I guess

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<v Speaker 1>the last thing that's on my mind about all of this,

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<v Speaker 1>like living while We're Alive, is that in this book,

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<v Speaker 1>the protagonist realizes that the moments he spent with his wife,

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<v Speaker 1>his ex wife were literally like the biggest highlights of

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<v Speaker 1>his life, and they're the moments that have stayed with

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<v Speaker 1>him while he's on the brink of death. And I

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<v Speaker 1>think that's really powerful because whether it's a lover, a partner,

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<v Speaker 1>a husband, a wife, a best friend, anyone that just

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<v Speaker 1>means something to you, those are the moments in your

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<v Speaker 1>life that are going to matter the most at the

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<v Speaker 1>end of it all. Those are the moments. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>the accolades. Yes, you'll feel proud of them, and you'll

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<v Speaker 1>feel proud of where what you've accomplished in your career,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, and I hope you do. But it's the

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<v Speaker 1>moments you spend with the people you love that's what matters.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what truly matters. That is what living while you're

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<v Speaker 1>alive is all about. It's making those moments, it's making

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<v Speaker 1>those memories, it's filling your cup, it's working your ass

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<v Speaker 1>off and not neglecting your personal life to make sure

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<v Speaker 1>you have someone to celebrate your wins and successes with

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<v Speaker 1>and then someone that you can unplug from work with.

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<v Speaker 1>Right So, I just I love this book so much.

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<v Speaker 1>I can go on and on about it. If you're

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<v Speaker 1>looking for a summer read, I highly recommend it. I

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<v Speaker 1>think it's just such a beautiful book with so many

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<v Speaker 1>important themes. And again, the biggest thing that made me

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<v Speaker 1>think about is living while we're alive, living while we're alive,

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<v Speaker 1>And it's in the small moments of life that sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>the real living happens, the real living happens. And I

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<v Speaker 1>just want to end with one thing that I started

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<v Speaker 1>really being conscious of, and that's every day when I

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<v Speaker 1>do my little walk to the gym, I say, I

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<v Speaker 1>am so grateful I was chosen to be here. And

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<v Speaker 1>whatever that means to you, I don't know. It could

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<v Speaker 1>mean something different to all of us, right, and I

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<v Speaker 1>know what it means to me, But it makes me

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<v Speaker 1>remember that I need to appreciate this life that I'm living,

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<v Speaker 1>and that I need to live it because not everybody

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<v Speaker 1>gets to do that. Not everybody has the privilege of

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<v Speaker 1>living a full life. Right. Sometimes people get sick, or

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<v Speaker 1>they're depressed, or whatever the case may be that takes

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<v Speaker 1>you out of the real living. And to be here

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<v Speaker 1>with my feet on the ground, appreciating the fact that

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<v Speaker 1>the sun is shining and the birds are chirping, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm living, and I'm chosen to be here. I truly

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<v Speaker 1>am grateful for that. So all of this is to

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<v Speaker 1>say we have to keep fighting to live while we

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<v Speaker 1>are alive, so that we don't wake up one day

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<v Speaker 1>when we're Granny's and Grandpa's and say, oh God, I

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<v Speaker 1>wish I did everything differently. Because we can have some

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<v Speaker 1>regrets in life, we don't want to regret our whole lives.

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<v Speaker 1>We definitely don't want to regret our whole lives. So

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<v Speaker 1>this is just a little reminder for everyone to live

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<v Speaker 1>while we're still alive. I've Never Said This Before is

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<v Speaker 1>hosted by Me Tommy Diderio. This podcast is executive produced

0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:46.440
<v Speaker 1>by Andrew Piglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, with

0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:50.560
<v Speaker 1>editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is

0:12:50.600 --> 0:12:54.160
<v Speaker 1>part of the Elvis Durram podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts.

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<v Speaker 1>For more, rate review and subscribe to our show and

0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.440
<v Speaker 1>if you like this episode, tell your friend. Until next time,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Tommy di Dario m HM.