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Speaker 1: Let's talk about the Andy Griffith Show.

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Speaker 2: First.

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Speaker 1: Let's start with the fact that the Andy Griffith Show

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Speaker 1: ran eight years and Matt Locke ran nine. Now there's

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Speaker 1: just something wrong with that. Think about that. I loved

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Speaker 1: the Andy Griffith Show. So I gave as a challenge

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Speaker 1: to Jim Mudd, our newest team member. I said, I

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Speaker 1: want you to tell me the top five Andy Griffith characters.

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Speaker 1: I don't care who they are, and I want you

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Speaker 1: to pull one clip that represents each one of them.

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Speaker 1: And he did so, and so here we go. Now

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Speaker 1: you listen to this. Don't call in, because I got

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Speaker 1: a lot more to get to this show, but you

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Speaker 1: can email when you got to take one off and

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Speaker 1: put one on. This is Jim Mudd's list of the

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Speaker 1: top five Andy Griffith characters from five to one, and

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Speaker 1: we'll start with number five, Floyd the barber.

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Speaker 3: Now, when I pay a man good money to fill

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Speaker 3: my tank, I want.

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Speaker 4: Him back there filling out, not some gadget.

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Speaker 2: That's the same in barbering, because there's little electric machines now,

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Speaker 2: you know where you just push a button and it

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Speaker 2: oozes out ready made ladder. Can you imagine that.

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Speaker 5: What's wrong without Floyd?

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Speaker 2: What's wrong? Well, I'd rather mix my own lad and

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Speaker 2: the shaving muggy. I kind of like this how the

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Speaker 2: brush mixed against the muggy. Yours are kind of a clip,

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Speaker 2: clep once. I got to do with what I was

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Speaker 2: just talking about. But just like you said, gadgets, everything's gadgets.

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Speaker 4: Well, it ain't the same thing, Floyd.

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Speaker 2: I can understand an electric ladder maker, but you're not

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Speaker 2: a barber. You don't know about mixing ladder and mug

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Speaker 2: with a brush and everything. Oh, Cliff, that's such a

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Speaker 2: nice You.

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Speaker 1: Know what the truth is. I love those electric ladder makers,

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Speaker 1: and I bought them probably two or three times in

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Speaker 1: my life because I think but because you know, you

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Speaker 1: go to get a cut and but the problem with

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Speaker 1: that is you gotta keep it fired up all the time,

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Speaker 1: and it makes a mess. Number five Floyd Floyd the

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Speaker 1: Barber on Jim Mudd's Top five Andy Griffith Characters. Number

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Speaker 1: four Ernest T.

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Speaker 6: Bass All a'm ryan jump in the fire, fire too hot,

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Speaker 6: jump in the bot pot, you black jump in the

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Speaker 6: crack back, you high jump in the sky, you floo

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Speaker 6: jump in canoe can do too shallow jump into taller

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Speaker 6: too soft, jump in the loft, loft to rotten, jump

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Speaker 6: in the cotton, cotton, Joe whiteche staying there all night,

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Speaker 6: tell them it was good.

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Speaker 7: That's good, ernest tea.

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Speaker 8: Now you want to everything eating.

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Speaker 9: Cooper pitch, No thanks, good night.

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Speaker 6: Wait a minute, look at here, I can do eight

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Speaker 6: teen shops.

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Speaker 7: That's good, good night. It up. I'm the best rock

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Speaker 7: throwing to count it.

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Speaker 6: And I'm saving up for gold too.

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Speaker 9: I'm the man for you, Charlie, and you know it.

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Speaker 6: Now I'm gonna to move there s on the jaw.

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Speaker 5: Earn his tea mask.

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Speaker 3: This here's my feed rod, and tomorrow we're having a

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Speaker 3: preacher winding.

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Speaker 6: Just a statisfy you my gold rule. You just to

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Speaker 6: thank you having the wind tomorrow. Maybe ain't what do

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Speaker 6: you say? I don't chew me cabbage twice and you

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Speaker 6: ain't earned the last earn his.

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Speaker 8: Tea bag.

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Speaker 1: And coming in at number three. And this is where

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Speaker 1: the Andy Griffith Show was so good, creating characters that

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Speaker 1: could last. You could create all these scenario. Otis the

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Speaker 1: town drunk?

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Speaker 10: All right? Let me step outside.

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Speaker 11: You ain't gonna string me up for just a little drinking.

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Speaker 3: That ain't right, Sally, This is a jump rope, jump rolls,

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Speaker 3: sobriety test.

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Speaker 7: I here, hold this in.

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Speaker 11: I'll show you. Oh do I have to end it?

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Speaker 9: It looks like.

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Speaker 3: Either that or you tell us where you've been getting

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Speaker 3: all that moonshine.

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Speaker 11: Oh I can't do that.

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Speaker 1: Well, then you have to jump.

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Speaker 6: It's just that simple.

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Speaker 1: You help to turn.

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Speaker 7: I watch careful of us.

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Speaker 4: Okay, go ahead, turn.

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Speaker 1: Call for them, the call for the nurse.

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Speaker 12: Call for the lady with the eligated purse.

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Speaker 11: Don't see me doing that.

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Speaker 13: I think I'm really drunk.

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Speaker 14: Who don't lean.

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Speaker 15: I'll get over that.

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Speaker 11: Oh come on, turn it, slow it down and let

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Speaker 11: me in, or I'll go out and get some jute.

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Speaker 1: Come and a number two goomer pile.

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Speaker 3: Now the law must be upheld.

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Speaker 9: Now.

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Speaker 3: If I is just plain John Doe, an ordinary citizen

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Speaker 3: were to see you making a U turn, I'd have

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Speaker 3: to make a citizens arrest. Glomer you'll be a better

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Speaker 3: man if you're trying to think of us all working

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Speaker 3: together for a common cause.

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Speaker 14: Everybody, bring it up.

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Speaker 3: Let's go back to your homes and places of business.

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Speaker 4: Come on, bring it up.

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Speaker 6: What's go.

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Speaker 16: Barney times?

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Speaker 4: What are you yelling about like you said, you broach

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Speaker 4: the law by making an illegal U turn and I

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Speaker 4: hear by as the citizen of the town of may

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Speaker 4: Bury in the United States of America.

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Speaker 1: The risk Hurry character is so good had to create

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Speaker 1: his own show, and finally, Jim Mudd's list of five

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Speaker 1: greatest Andy Griff the show characters. Number one is not

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Speaker 1: Andy but Barney Fife.

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Speaker 4: OTU scamble, You picked up some bootleg liquors. Where did

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Speaker 4: you gap the liquor? Where did you get the liquor?

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Speaker 17: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Why not turn? Test?

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Speaker 4: Where is the race? Hollister? Still? Otis oda scamble? This

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Speaker 4: is your subconscious Come.

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Speaker 9: In please, what do you wand where's the step?

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Speaker 4: Where is the stell?

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Speaker 17: You go out Route twenty two past Wansboro, Midville, Thorndyke option.

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Speaker 7: A little slower.

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Speaker 17: D Virginia, Pennsylvania, Ohio.

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Speaker 4: He's making for Canada.

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Speaker 17: And back through West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee into Maybury en

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Speaker 17: Route ten where then to Elm Street for one one

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Speaker 17: Elm Street.

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Speaker 6: I got I got cool, Let's go, Let's get the access.

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Speaker 16: Go where where he's said the four eleven Elm Street.

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Speaker 1: Thank you very much?

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Speaker 17: Hey, Barty, don't kind of dress sound a little familiar

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Speaker 17: to you?

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Speaker 14: Familiar?

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Speaker 16: How did it sound familiar?

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Speaker 9: You're just now told to me the second.

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Speaker 1: Wait a minute, four eleven Elm Street.

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Speaker 6: That's why.

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Speaker 2: Maybe a subconscious took the wrong turn in Ohio.

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Speaker 17: The owner of the still is Barney five.

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Speaker 11: Yet that's the buying system you.

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Speaker 2: Got there, Barney.

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Speaker 3: You ought to write a book, call it The Barney

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Speaker 3: five Subconscious progra Primers.

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Speaker 5: The Michael Barry Show, Michael Barry Show.

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Speaker 1: So I asked our talented show to as we lurch

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Speaker 1: toward the end of the year, during this the Christmas

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Speaker 1: season in preparation for our Christmas special, which we began

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Speaker 1: back in October, to send me their favorite Christmas movie

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Speaker 1: and a clip from that movie. And we have a

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Speaker 1: lot to get to so let's get to it. I

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Speaker 1: want to I want to make sure we get every

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Speaker 1: one of them in here. First up is Chad Knock,

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Speaker 1: Aishi's movie. He is the executive producer. He gets to

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Speaker 1: go first. He loves Charlie Brown Christmas. In this scene,

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Speaker 1: Charlie Brown gets increasingly disgusted with the commercialization of Christmas

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Speaker 1: and wonders whether anyone even remembers the true meaning of Christmas.

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Speaker 1: Linus recites his memorable meaning of Christmas. After he finishes,

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Speaker 1: he steps off stage and says, that's what Christmas is

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Speaker 1: all about, Charlie Brown.

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Speaker 9: Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about? Sure,

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Speaker 9: Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about.

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Speaker 14: Life Poe.

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Speaker 9: And there were in the same country, shepherds abiding in

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Speaker 9: the field, keeping watch over their flock. By night. Loo

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Speaker 9: the Angel of the Lord came upon them. The glory

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Speaker 9: of the Lord till round about them, and they were

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Speaker 9: sore afraid. And the Angel said, unto them, fear not,

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Speaker 9: for behold, I bring you tiding for great joy which

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Speaker 9: will be to all people. For unto you is born

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Speaker 9: this day in the City of David, a savior, just

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Speaker 9: Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign on

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Speaker 9: t he you. You shall find the way wrapped in

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Speaker 9: swaddling clothes, lying in an angel. And suddenly there was

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Speaker 9: with the Angel and multitude of the heavenly host, praising

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Speaker 9: God and saying glory to God in the highest and

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Speaker 9: on earth. Peace would will toward me. That's what Christmas

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Speaker 9: is all about, Charlie Brown.

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Speaker 1: It's a wonderful life. In this scene, George, played by

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Speaker 1: the awesome Jimmy Stewart maybe my favorite Jimmy Stewart role,

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Speaker 1: is doing some courting of Donna Reed's character.

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Speaker 5: Mary.

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Speaker 1: Let's get this out of the way right now. We're

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Speaker 1: all friends here, we can talk openly about this. Well,

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Speaker 1: Donna Reed was a looker haul, Yes, a stoned cold fox,

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Speaker 1: as my friend Jesse Kelly says, a dime. Anyways, that's all.

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Speaker 1: George is walking Marry home when he promises to lasts

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Speaker 1: the moon for her. This really is a great scene.

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Speaker 5: Mary.

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Speaker 8: I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow and the next day,

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Speaker 8: and next year and a year after that. I'm shaking

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Speaker 8: the dust of the crumby little town off my feet,

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Speaker 8: and I'm gonna see the world Italy, Greece, the Parthenon,

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Speaker 8: the Colosseum, and then I'm coming back here and go

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Speaker 8: to college and see what they know. And then I'm

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Speaker 8: gonna build things. I'm gonna build airfield, I'm gonna build

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Speaker 8: skyscrapers one hundred stories high. I'm gonna build bridges a

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Speaker 8: mile long. Were you gonna throw a rock? Hey, that's

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Speaker 8: pretty good. What do you wish Mary Huffalo, Girls, can't

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Speaker 8: you come out to me?

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Speaker 7: Can't you come out?

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Speaker 1: Come out?

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Speaker 2: Girls?

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Speaker 8: Can't you come out tonight? Dance by the light of

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Speaker 8: the moon. What do you wish when you threw that rack? No?

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Speaker 8: If I told you might not come through?

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Speaker 2: What does you want?

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Speaker 4: Mary?

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Speaker 2: What do you want?

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Speaker 8: You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll

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Speaker 8: throw a lassole around and pull it.

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Speaker 14: Hey, that's a pretty good idea.

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Speaker 8: I'll give you the moon, right, I'll take it. Then

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Speaker 8: what well, then you could swallow it and it all dissolves.

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Speaker 8: See and the moon beams that shoot out of your

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Speaker 8: fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair.

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Speaker 8: Am I talking too much?

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Speaker 11: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Why don't you Kisser set talking of a death?

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Speaker 5: How was I?

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Speaker 2: Why don't Chuck Kissers set.

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Speaker 17: Up talking at a death.

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Speaker 8: One way to kiss her?

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Speaker 11: Huh?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 17: You just washing on the wrong people.

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Speaker 1: Our research director Sandy Peterson loves a Christmas story. She

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Speaker 1: wrote in her submission as to why this was her

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Speaker 1: choice of what she wanted it to be known by quote,

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Speaker 1: I think that this movie perfectly captures the aching desire

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Speaker 1: for that one gift that you know it's highly unlikely

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Speaker 1: you'll ever get for Ralphie, it was the Red Rider

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Speaker 1: be begun. For me, it was a pony. Sandy didn't

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Speaker 1: ever say if she got that pony. Maybe the story

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Speaker 1: is better if she didn't.

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Speaker 14: Are you kidding?

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Speaker 15: Stick my tongue to stupid poets? Dug, that's cause you

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Speaker 15: know him stick here full of it? Oh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 15: like double dog darey I triple dog dairya. All right,

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Speaker 15: all right, we'll go on smart Joey.

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Speaker 7: I'm going, I'm going this isn't it that really part?

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Speaker 8: Yeah?

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Speaker 18: Come back, come back?

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Speaker 5: Can wait?

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Speaker 9: The poet?

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Speaker 8: What are you doing?

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Speaker 5: I'm all a joy.

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Speaker 1: Jim Mudd's favorite Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation because he's brilliant.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that's a good one. Not my favorite,

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Speaker 1: but a good one. The only sequel to National Lampoons

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Speaker 1: Vacation that holds up to the original Fight me. In

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Speaker 1: this film, our hero Clark Griswold is hosting the family

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Speaker 1: Christmas celebration at his house for the first time. It's

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Speaker 1: a huge to do and Clark wants it to be perfect.

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Speaker 1: That's the setup for all of the National Lampoons, right. Well,

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Speaker 1: nothing goes as plan, especially when cousin Eddie shows up

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Speaker 1: in an RV unannounced with his family in tow. When

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Speaker 1: Clark finds out that Eddie is broke, he offers to

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Speaker 1: buy gifts for Eddie's kids.

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Speaker 14: Here we go, Eddie, Ellen, and I want to help

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Speaker 14: you give the kids a nice Christmas.

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Speaker 5: Clark.

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Speaker 17: I couldn't do that.

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Speaker 5: No, no, we insists.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm not one for charity.

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Speaker 4: Now I know that, Eddie.

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Speaker 9: This is a charity.

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Speaker 5: It's family.

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Speaker 6: Now, come on, if you don't tell me what they want,

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Speaker 6: I'll go out and get it on my own.

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Speaker 7: Boy, this is a surprise, Clark, just a real nice surprise,

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Speaker 7: Just a real nice surprise. Here's a little less alphabetical,

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Speaker 7: starting with Catherine. And if it wouldn't be too much,

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Speaker 7: I'd like to get something for you, Clark, something really nice.

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Speaker 1: So Ramone's favorite submission for some reason was or is.

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Speaker 1: I guess it's active today, but you submitted this a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. Ramone's favorite submission as a movie.

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: You gotta tell us which version, but anyway, it's Scrooge.

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Speaker 9: Hello you that boy me, sir?

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Speaker 5: Yes, you a good fellow.

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Speaker 7: What day is today? Today?

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Speaker 9: What's Christmas Day.

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Speaker 14: Of course, Christmas Day.

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Speaker 2: I haven't missed it.

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Speaker 11: The spirits did it all in one night.

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Speaker 14: Well, they can do anything they like, of course the case.

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Speaker 11: Hello, my fine fellow.

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Speaker 7: Hello.

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Speaker 14: Do you know the poulterers in the next street, but

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Speaker 14: one on the corner? I should hope I did. Intelligent boy,

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Speaker 14: remarkable boy.

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Speaker 6: Do you know if they've sold the prize turkey that

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Speaker 6: was hanging there?

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Speaker 9: What the one's biggest me?

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Speaker 2: Delightful boy, the pleasure talking to the.

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Speaker 8: One as big as you.

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Speaker 10: It's hanging there.

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Speaker 14: Now we're going by it, Yes, going by it and

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Speaker 14: bring them round so that I may tell them where

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Speaker 14: to deliver it.

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Speaker 9: Come back with the man.

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Speaker 1: I'll give you a shilling.

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Speaker 14: Come back in less than five minutes.

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Speaker 2: I'll give you half a crown.

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Speaker 14: I mus dressing myself so much to do so much

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Speaker 14: loose anytime, I was like, I'm just happy. It is

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Speaker 14: an eden.

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Speaker 1: I'm is made.

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Speaker 5: That he just gidey? Is he drunken man? Merry Christmas

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Speaker 5: to everybody and not happy.

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Speaker 18: Yeah to the world.

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Speaker 1: This is the Michael Bay Show. The news is so

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Speaker 1: bad these days that one of the things we do

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Speaker 1: here at the Michael Berry Show, or at least we

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Speaker 1: try is to make you laugh. Liberals, the woke mob,

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Speaker 1: all of it. It can be infuriating, so we try

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Speaker 1: to laugh at it because when you laugh at it,

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Speaker 1: you own it, and that wounds them the worst one

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Speaker 1: of the days. One of the ways we do this

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Speaker 1: is with parodies. We try to take the worst news

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Speaker 1: and make a joke out of it, not because we

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Speaker 1: don't take it seriously, but because we want to expose

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Speaker 1: how ridiculous and absurd it is. And I don't like

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Speaker 1: to get all braggadocious or anything, but I think we

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Speaker 1: do is find a job as anyone in the country

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Speaker 1: at making parodies. We certainly make more. Not that quality

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Speaker 1: is quantity, but we see humor in a lot of

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Speaker 1: the crazy that's going on, and it's our goal to

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Speaker 1: make a joke of it, because sometimes you can get

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Speaker 1: through with a joke in ways that you can't if

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Speaker 1: you're dead. Pen So let's look back on some of

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Speaker 1: our favorite parodies, in no particular order. Let's start at

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Speaker 1: the top. This first one was one we did when

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Speaker 1: Paul Pelosi was arrested for dui. This was the first

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Speaker 1: time he was hammered.

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Speaker 19: Oh, mister Pelosi, do you know why I pulled you

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Speaker 19: over that because my wife wanted to defund the funnel.

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Speaker 20: No, that's not that defund you.

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00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,360
Speaker 18: No, sir, you were speeding and driving radically.

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Speaker 20: I bear your pardoner, officer. I'm many two years old

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Speaker 20: and i haven't been ratic in many years. Please step

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Speaker 20: out of the car, sir.

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Speaker 21: Okay, Josie, sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?

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Speaker 18: I'm married to a Dorian Gray painting.

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Speaker 5: How much do you think I've had to drink him?

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Speaker 14: Young man, I've gotta pree, sir.

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Speaker 18: Let's have a seat in the back of my cruiser.

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Speaker 5: There you go.

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Speaker 18: Watch your head. No, you watch your head might.

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Speaker 5: Tell you what to do? You not tell me?

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Speaker 17: My tell you.

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Speaker 19: I've got a okay, sir, We're gonna take you down

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Speaker 19: to the precinct. You'll have to catchway first, popper. You're

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Speaker 19: already in my car, sir.

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Speaker 18: I'm getting way too old for this.

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Speaker 1: The lawn burn Lawn, I seem I'll be even since

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Speaker 1: I don't know where, I think the production value of

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Speaker 1: that parody was outstanding, if I may say soone So

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Speaker 1: this next one took it to the next level. This

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Speaker 1: was a parody featuring the fictitious hood Rat Airlines when

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Speaker 1: LaToya the Destroyer, the mayor of New Orleans had to

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Speaker 1: pay back thirty thousand dollars for her flight to France.

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Speaker 13: This is your captain speaking, thank you again for flying

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Speaker 13: Hoodratt Airlines. We'll be landing in New Orleans in just

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Speaker 13: about twenty minutes or so, where the temperature is currently

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Speaker 13: eighty five degrees with a little bit of an overcast.

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Speaker 13: By the way, just a quick reminder that flying in

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Speaker 13: coach is never a safe place, especially if you're the

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Speaker 13: mayor of New Orleans. That's why here at Hoodrat Beer Lines,

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Speaker 13: we are always happy to upgrade any female democrat mayor

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Speaker 13: of a city in the South for free to first class.

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Speaker 13: That's our policy and we're sticking to it. You got

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Speaker 13: a problem with that, cracker?

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Speaker 7: Will a study out.

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Speaker 6: Done?

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Speaker 8: A dirty road.

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Speaker 14: Study out?

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Speaker 18: All in the sunway down?

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Speaker 14: It's across the hill.

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Speaker 8: In the town the world gods.

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Speaker 1: Still remember when Ron DeSantis sent a planeload of illegals

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Speaker 1: to Martha's vineyard and the left lost their minds. Well,

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Speaker 1: if you remember, our very own correspondent, Sleepy Fernando, was

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Speaker 1: on that plane.

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Speaker 16: Olah, it's me sleepy Fernando.

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Speaker 14: I know it's been a while.

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Speaker 12: Some of you are probably.

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Speaker 16: Wondering why I haven't been showing my face down at

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Speaker 16: the border lately. Did I get kidnapped? Did my cousin

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Speaker 16: stabby Pedro get mad and stab me? No, I mean,

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Speaker 16: no more stabbing than usual. What lately I've been busy

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Speaker 16: chilling up, not for a place called Vinito de Marta,

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Speaker 16: the lorcals calling Martha's vineyard. I'm not so sure why

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Speaker 16: they call you that. There is no vineyards or wineries.

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Speaker 16: It's just a bunch of gringos, well, gringos and Obama.

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Speaker 16: But now I'm being redundant. Anyway, I'm having a great time.

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Speaker 16: He's very nice here. They give you free lunch, and

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00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 16: if you wave hello to the people on the street,

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00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 16: they scream at the top of their lungs before throwing

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Speaker 16: money at you and running.

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Speaker 13: And the up is it direction?

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Speaker 16: I enjoy being here so much that I'm going to

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Speaker 16: use the money they gave me to fly more of

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Speaker 16: my family members here from down South. Anyway, I gotta go,

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00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 16: he scring goes. I'm going to rob themselves. See what

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Speaker 16: mother's vineyor.

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Speaker 1: And remember when WHOOPI Goldberg on that stupid hen party

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00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 1: of the view said that we can keep our yeehaul

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00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 1: guns but not our ar fifteens. So our friends at

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Speaker 1: Ballistic Bob's seized on that publicity.

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Speaker 12: Ballistic Bob here reminding you that Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, we're

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Speaker 12: having a big sale on the most popular atom here.

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Speaker 12: Y'all go uns. Yeah, come get your guns, wather getting's good.

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Speaker 12: We are keey all guns and all makes and models.

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00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 12: We've got your runneck revolvers. He met the handguns net

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00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 12: job nine millimeters hot from Mega Magazines, Flora ball derringers,

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00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 12: white supremacist suppressors, and right wing Reminton's our yee all

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Speaker 12: gun selection is overflowing with slave owning shut guns or

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Speaker 12: presser optics and gold plated Grand Wizard clocks. We don't

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Speaker 12: have many chiefs, but we got lots of guns down

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Speaker 12: here at Holistic Bobs. If we ain't got it, you

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Speaker 12: ain't shutting.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Michael Berry Show, let's do one more segment looking

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Speaker 1: back at some of the best parodies from the Michael

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Speaker 1: Berry Show. Yeah, we're kind of proud of them, and

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Speaker 1: hopefully for some of you who have a sense of humor,

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Speaker 1: you'll remember that, and oh, I'd forgotten. That's a good one.

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00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,200
Speaker 1: This next parody was a major coup for us. Remember

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Speaker 1: when Joe Biden was ushered around by the Easter Bunny. Well,

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00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 1: we received an insider communication from the person wearing that

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Speaker 1: bunny costume.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I was in the bunny costume that day at

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Speaker 5: the White House. It was my job to shadow the president.

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00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 5: It was easter, so someone thought that it'd be a

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Speaker 5: good idea to dress me in a bunny outfit. They

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00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 5: thought that if I'd dressed up like the Easter Bunny,

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00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 5: I could blend it in the crowd, and if the

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00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 5: President went off script, I would be able to steer

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Speaker 5: him back to a more appropriate conversation. Now it's time

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00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 5: for the event on the White House long Things were

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00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,640
Speaker 5: going pretty well at first, but then the President decided

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Speaker 5: to mingle with the people. First, he saw a man

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00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 5: in the crowd that was, how do I say it? Slow?

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00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 5: So the President kind of leaned in any stage whispered

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00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 5: to me, tell me about the radit's George. I think

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00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,040
Speaker 5: he thought that referencing Lenny of Mice and Mine And

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Speaker 5: when he saw someone that was a little slow was

451
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 5: funny because I was dressed like a giant rabbit. However,

452
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 5: this is the type of situation that I was there

453
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 5: to steer him away from. My job in that scenario

454
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 5: was to mention how much his dead son Bo loved Easter.

455
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 5: I mean that always works to get the President back

456
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 5: on course. If he strays away from the script, we

457
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:24,400
Speaker 5: always bring it back to Bow always. And later when

458
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 5: he tried to talk about Pakistan with a toddler, I

459
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 5: mentioned Bo. Nothing this time it didn't work. He was

460
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 5: going to talk about Pakistan with that toddler no matter what.

461
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 5: I'll admit I panicked. At this point. I start waving

462
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 5: my arms and I say the code word Lansbury. See

463
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 5: Lansbury is the code we have with the President. When

464
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,399
Speaker 5: we see he's starting to get a little tired or

465
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 5: maybe end over his head, we say Lansbury. He knows

466
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 5: it's time to go up to the residents and lay

467
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 5: down and watch murder. She wrote. The President loves a

468
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,679
Speaker 5: good who done it? We play that same episode right

469
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 5: before his nap every day. He never remembers that he's

470
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 5: seen it, and it's his favorite episode. So it's a

471
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 5: win win for us. But I'm telling you right now,

472
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 5: if they asked me to dress up like his mother

473
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,639
Speaker 5: again for Mother's Day, and he trains to breastfeed like

474
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,159
Speaker 5: last year. I'm out of here. I don't need this

475
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 5: job that bad.

476
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 1: Next up, New Orleans Mayor LaToya the Destroyer. She was

477
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 1: involved in another scandal with her quote unquote charity Face

478
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 1: Forward New Orleans.

479
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 10: Hello, it's me LaToya Cantrell, the Mayor of New Orleans.

480
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 13: I just wanted to clean some things up for gotten.

481
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 10: My non profitable organization called Forward Together New Orleans, and

482
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 10: my nowgure fund also name Forward Together New Orleans. You see,

483
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:56,119
Speaker 10: I strongly believe that New Orleans needs to face forward,

484
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 10: and we need to do that together. We don't need

485
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 10: none of y'all to be faced and backwards now, no way.

486
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 3: No how.

487
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 10: I'm sure this hell ain't facing backwards. Ever since I

488
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 10: was a little girl, people always said, girl, why are

489
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 10: you facing forward?

490
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 18: That's just how my mama raised me. Can't help it,

491
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:14,479
Speaker 18: Thank you Jesus.

492
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 10: That's why I name everything I do Forward Together, New

493
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,399
Speaker 10: Orleans for my mama. I ain't heard no one complain

494
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 10: when George Foreman name all his children George not once.

495
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,880
Speaker 10: Some people say that I'm cooking they wrong. Some people

496
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 10: say that I'm making myself rich day round. Some people

497
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,640
Speaker 10: say that I'm a nightmare. But I'm here to tell

498
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 10: you that I'm a mayor during the daytime too. Lord Jesus,

499
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 10: I'm the toy of the destroyer. Peace y'all.

500
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 5: I walk into the new world.

501
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 18: I'm doing the man to Perversham.

502
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 5: When not yet through, walking in boo when not getting.

503
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 1: Back to There are so many to choose from. Let's

504
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: go with Pedo Pete. If you'll recall, Hunter Biden's cell

505
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: phone was hacked and it was discovered that he had

506
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 1: his father in his phone, not as Dad Pops Joe Biden,

507
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 1: the President. He had his father in his phone as

508
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 1: Pedo Pete. Joe Biden has referred to himself as Pete

509
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 1: from a movie character. I won't waste your time on

510
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: all that, but the pedo as in short for pedophile.

511
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: His own son knows he's a pedophile.

512
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 21: Hello, everybody, This is Pete Henderson, a friend in close

513
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 21: associate of first son Hunter Biden.

514
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 18: He calls me Peto Pete.

515
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 21: He only calls me that because I've always liked the

516
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 21: company of small children.

517
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: That's not a crime, is it.

518
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 21: At least I'm not his daddy. Joe Biden has been

519
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 21: screwing this country for fifty years and nobody says.

520
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 18: Boom, I like to smell the hell of little kids.

521
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 21: And suddenly I'm the He's pimped out Ukraine for billions. Yeah, sir,

522
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 21: I'd like to shower with my teenage daughter to save

523
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 21: on the water bill. Money doesn't grow on trees, you know.

524
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 21: The big guy has sold the country out to the

525
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 21: Chinese for ten percent of the take. I'm not fond

526
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 21: of the nickname Pete O Pete.

527
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 18: However, I'm just glad I'm not Jill Biden. Hunter has

528
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 18: some choice nicknames for her.

529
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 21: He once said to me, Pete, if you are a

530
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 21: blues musician, they call you Bud Didley, but I call

531
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 21: my mom Hank Williams Junior.

532
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 18: Do you know why he called her that?

533
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 21: Because he said she was a.

534
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 9: Real country bore Cancer VI.

535
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: Count Bob's Cancer VI. This next parody saw the debut

536
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 1: of one of our favorite characters who has become a

537
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: recurring theme, and that is Kyle Feather, the host of

538
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: an NPR show called Guns Are Scary.

539
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 5: The following program is only made possible by contributions from listeners.

540
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 14: Like you.

541
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,959
Speaker 18: Namaste to you. You're listening to why guns are scary.

542
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 18: I'm your host, Kyle Featherbottom. Today we will examine the

543
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 18: effect that bullets and assault bullets have on the human

544
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 18: body for those of you in our listening audience that

545
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 18: are unfamiliar with guns. A bullet is a projectile that

546
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 18: is spit out of a gun's barrel or its front,

547
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 18: as it were. Handgun bullets are smaller than larger, scarier

548
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 18: military weapon assault bullets like those spit out by the

549
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 18: AR fifteen. While still dangerous, a handgun bullet will often

550
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 18: pass through the person that has been shot, unless, of course,

551
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 18: the handgun has been used by a police officer against

552
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 18: a person of color. The officer's inherent racism adds extra

553
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 18: power to the velocity of the bullet, turning it into

554
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 18: a mini assault bullets, causing more damage than if the

555
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 18: bullet was used by a person of color against another

556
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 18: person of color. The assault bullet of a high caliber

557
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 18: weapon like an AR fifteen is so powerful that it

558
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 18: has the heat of molten lava. It will literally liquefy

559
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 18: any organ it hits. The effects on smaller humans are

560
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 18: much worse, those lava bullets have been known to vaporize

561
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 18: an entire little person. We are nearing the end of

562
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 18: this violent program, so let's take a moment to clear

563
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 18: our minds with any fear that this discussion may have caused.

564
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 18: But first I have to remind you that following this show,

565
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 18: Kelly Gleeson will tell you how to preserve root vegetables

566
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 18: for the winner. Now, let's close our eyes and think

567
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 18: about whatever it is that brings you joy.

568
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 4: Oh oh,