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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: story Time podcast host, and we got.

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Speaker 2: Some delicious, juicy stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 1: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 1: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: Our house stores are making me resent my husband.

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Speaker 2: Oh, make him do them.

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Speaker 3: Something has been really bothering me thirty two female with

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Speaker 3: my husband thirty four male lately, and I want to

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Speaker 3: get some serious perspective. This is a small issue in

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Speaker 3: an otherwise happy marriage. My husband is awesome, generally considerate,

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Speaker 3: and while we have minor incompatibilities, he's more play it

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Speaker 3: by year. I like schedules. We usually talk through things

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Speaker 3: without major problems. By the way, this comes from too

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Speaker 3: many chores throw And if you want to submit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it.

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Speaker 3: So I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and Opie says, However,

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Speaker 3: my husband drives me absolutely batty with something that affects

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Speaker 3: us almost daily, cooking. I've connected this to dishes and

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Speaker 3: general house chores in my head, and it feels like

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Speaker 3: it's gotten way worse lately. He seemed to slowly edge

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Speaker 3: towards this change, then went all in recently, last Thursday,

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Speaker 3: he got mad because I was tired, still working from home,

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Speaker 3: and didn't want to jump up to wash and cut vegetables.

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Speaker 3: Maybe I was being selfish, but if you wanted that done,

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Speaker 3: he should have told me earlier so I could have

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Speaker 3: handled it before work, not in the middle of my

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Speaker 3: work deck.

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Speaker 2: Well, why are you washing your vegetables. That's where all

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Speaker 2: their good microbes are.

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Speaker 3: See that's what I think about peeling your vegetables. For

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Speaker 3: eight years, our arrangement has been simple. My husband cooks,

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Speaker 3: I do dishes. There are occasional exceptions. I cook sometimes

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Speaker 3: and still do the dishes, and he helps with dishes

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Speaker 3: when I'm sick. He often makes a huge mess cooking lunch,

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Speaker 3: using every pot and never trying to conserve dishes, but

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Speaker 3: I usually handled the clean up anywhere. I just prefer

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Speaker 3: not to cook daily after work. Before we met, i'd

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Speaker 3: beal prep for the week or eat easy meals, which

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Speaker 3: worked fine for me. Here's the real problem. As the

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Speaker 3: years have gone on, two things have happened. First, he

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Speaker 3: treats me like his sooux chef. I wind up running

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Speaker 3: back and forth the kitchen, chopping and prepping while he

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Speaker 3: wants me to hover there for ten minutes at a

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Speaker 3: time with nothing to do, which I find infuriating. He

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Speaker 3: won't tell me what he wants to cook so I

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Speaker 3: can prep beforehand, when I first get home or in

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Speaker 3: the morning. Honestly, it feels like he just wants my

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Speaker 3: company while he cooks, but he doesn't actually talk to

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Speaker 3: me about non cooking things. This isn't like our date

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Speaker 3: nights when we cook together. This feels obligatory.

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Speaker 2: Second, have you told him?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Have we told him this?

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Speaker 2: Have you told Maybe it infuriates you.

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Speaker 3: Maybe the solution is like, you know, I've been helping

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Speaker 3: you sou chefing, so now you got to help me

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Speaker 3: with dishes. Second, he's gotten more stressed about daily cooking

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Speaker 3: and complains to the point where I agree to cook

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Speaker 3: and still do dishes. What makes this worse is he'll

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Speaker 3: say no, I'll cook when I first offer around four

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Speaker 3: thirty or five, then change his mind much later. By

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Speaker 3: seven PM or later, it's too late for me to

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Speaker 3: start cooking comfortably. If I'm going to cook after work,

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Speaker 3: I want to do it immediately when I get home

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Speaker 3: while I still have energy. I think whoever cook should

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Speaker 3: decide the timing, but he wouldn't want to eat that

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Speaker 3: early anyway, which is probably why we have the he

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Speaker 3: cook's arrangement. The scheduling situation means I have to snack

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Speaker 3: when I get home since my lunch is early eleven

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Speaker 3: thirty to noon. Because I go in early, I can't

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Speaker 3: control these timing since I also go to bed much

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Speaker 3: earlier than him. The snacking has contributed to some weight

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Speaker 3: gain over our relationship. My husband likes eating together and

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Speaker 3: eating later, but when I get upset about these late

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Speaker 3: cooking nights, he doesn't understand why, even though he knows

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Speaker 3: this context. This pattern extends to chores. Generally, I handle

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Speaker 3: most chores while he's sleeping, gaming, or relaxing. I do

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Speaker 3: more household tasks and even take care of some of

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Speaker 3: his things, like his laundry or tours that might hurt

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Speaker 3: his back due to his chronic pain. You know, it

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Speaker 3: is a chronic pain. Him not helping out, not out out.

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Speaker 3: I don't mind doing a little more, but what's frustrating

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Speaker 3: is that every time he decides some big chur needs doing,

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Speaker 3: he wants my help, usually last minute. It just feels

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Speaker 3: like you have this set up, this chur set up,

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Speaker 3: and whenever he wants to switch it up, you get

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Speaker 3: dumped with more tasks, but there's no actual like you know,

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Speaker 3: switching of the tasks, you just get more.

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Speaker 2: Rather like we should really hone in on the whole.

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Speaker 4: Like I'm more of a schedule type person and he's

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Speaker 4: more of a do it whenever like spontaneous person. It's like, well,

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Speaker 4: sounds like he's not really on the ball when it

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Speaker 4: comes to this kind of stuff.

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Speaker 3: I think you just need to say I can't. I

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Speaker 3: gotta eat earlier, or we gotta find some sort of compromise,

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Speaker 3: or you eat later.

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Speaker 2: He'd just be busting balls what he's Yeah, he's not

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Speaker 2: on it.

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Speaker 5: He'd just be busting it.

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Speaker 2: He's off the ball.

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Speaker 3: He's very much off the balls, getting off your balls

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Speaker 3: and getting off the ball. Okay, Well, I think that

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Speaker 3: you should tell him and say, hey, falls, I understand

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Speaker 3: that you know you can't cook every night, and it's

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Speaker 3: okay if you want me to cook, but like let's

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Speaker 3: make a schedule for that schedule and if I cook,

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Speaker 3: then you out to help me clean.

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Speaker 2: That's it.

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Speaker 3: Part of his unpredictability stems from legitimate back in health issues.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't know when it'll be in pain or how

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Speaker 3: severe it'll be. And I understand that when this happened

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Speaker 3: occasionally I attributed it to his health, but now it

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Speaker 3: feels like a habit that extends beyond pain.

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Speaker 2: Day.

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Speaker 3: The same thing happens with erins. We split them fairly.

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Speaker 3: But then he asks me to tag along on his

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Speaker 3: because he's behind schedule.

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Speaker 2: How is that going to speed up his errands? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: That that's a good question.

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Speaker 2: How much faster is he going to get his errands

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Speaker 2: done with you?

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Speaker 3: I mean the.

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Speaker 4: Actually my also, is he asking you to tag along

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Speaker 4: so you can get him done faster?

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Speaker 2: Or is he asking you to tag along because he

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Speaker 2: likes you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good question.

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Speaker 2: Same thing with the like is he like, does you

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Speaker 2: want you to hang out?

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Speaker 4: I know you said that it's like y'all don't talk

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Speaker 4: about like stuff besides cooking, But like, is that because

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Speaker 4: you're furious? Yeah, and so you're not really talking either,

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Speaker 4: Like I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I think you just need to talk about this more exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 3: Meanwhile, I've finished mine and just want to relax. I

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Speaker 3: don't see why I should have to come along because

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Speaker 3: he managed his time differently. I want to sit down

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Speaker 3: and unwind too. We spend plenty of recreational time together,

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Speaker 3: at which I love. I just want Aaron's done separately

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Speaker 3: sometimes because it's faster and less overwhelming. I have ADHD

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Speaker 3: and a stressful job, which doesn't help, though I think

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Speaker 3: this is normal thirty something overwhelming at least we don't

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Speaker 3: have kids and don't plan to. Basically, I want to

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Speaker 3: know is my irritation completely irrational or do I have

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Speaker 3: a point. I can feel how I feel, but I

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Speaker 3: wonder if I'm being lazy or childish since I don't

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Speaker 3: know what a successful double income, no kid's household should

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Speaker 3: look like. Why do you think my husband does this?

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Speaker 3: I want to approach him with empathy and will ask

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Speaker 3: him directly, but I really don't understand. It's like he

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Speaker 3: doesn't think he can do any chores or errand's without me.

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Speaker 3: Are there any practical solutions that might make us both

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Speaker 3: happier without feeling like overscheduling to my husband and real quick.

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Speaker 5: She's thirty two and he's thirty.

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Speaker 4: Four overscheduling, so having just a schedule is overscheduling to him.

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Speaker 3: That's concerning. If I can really can't have any sort

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Speaker 3: of schedule, especially because op he also kind of needs that.

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Speaker 3: If she's got ADHD, she probably kind of relies on

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Speaker 3: her schedule.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they would be helpful.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Every time I make a schedule, I'll make it

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Speaker 4: and then I just don't do it, and I'm like, dang,

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Speaker 4: I thought that would make me do that.

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Speaker 3: See, I have a bunch of notes things and it's

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Speaker 3: just like to do and I have so many of them.

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Speaker 3: I never have like I don't have like one to

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Speaker 3: do list that I come back to. I've got like

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Speaker 3: two hundred small to do lists and I need to

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Speaker 3: do them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, or I forget yeah, to do anything. I think.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think Africa decision with them. I

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Speaker 3: think you were saying it earlier. I think there is

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Speaker 3: a possibility that you guys just have like different kind

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Speaker 3: of social batteries because some people like, for me, I

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Speaker 3: really like doing chores with people, uh, and I think

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Speaker 3: it's really fun, whereas you know, some people are like,

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Speaker 3: I want this to be my alone time and I

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Speaker 3: need that. So maybe that's what he's thinking. Certainly, Sunshine says,

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Speaker 3: my ex and I stayed friends now that we don't

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Speaker 3: live together, he can suddenly take care of things himself

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Speaker 3: and knows to wash dishes as he goes when cooking.

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Speaker 2: I know that, but I can't do it.

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Speaker 3: You can't wash dishes while you cook.

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Speaker 6: Figure it out has to be after, figure it out after.

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Speaker 5: After, Sophia, You and I cook a lot, so we

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Speaker 5: kind of know the time of things. Dakota, you need

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Speaker 5: to cook salmon, potatoes, and asparagus.

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Speaker 2: What are you putting in first? Asparagus?

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Speaker 5: Okay, all right, see that's it right there.

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Speaker 3: That's why that's you can't with that.

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Speaker 2: I would follow the recipe. No, no, well that's okay.

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Speaker 2: But I guess that explains why you do the.

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Speaker 5: Dishes at the end, because it's sort of like you

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Speaker 5: don't like not that you don't understand, but it's like

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Speaker 5: you're not familiar with the time of things.

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Speaker 3: Do you want to know the answer?

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Speaker 2: Potato and then as is So I was close. I

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Speaker 2: would say I would.

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Speaker 3: And salmon at the same time personally, because both of

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Speaker 3: those don't take that long.

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Speaker 5: They both take her on thirteen minutes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, boom, boom.

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Speaker 3: Dakota doesn't cook guys.

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Speaker 2: Funny enough, funny enough, But it's okay.

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Speaker 5: See see that makes sense why you would do the

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Speaker 5: dishes at the end, but you still get the dishes done, right.

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Speaker 2: I don't koda that you get the dishes done Koto.

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Speaker 3: Riley was really trying to help you there. I got

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Speaker 3: some helpful advice and new ideas, though some suggestions were

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Speaker 3: things we already do or My husband is betoed in

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Speaker 3: the past. I sat down with him recently, but I'm

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Speaker 3: still not completely sure what to do. Here are the developments. First,

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Speaker 3: my husband doesn't really see the problem with spring projects

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Speaker 3: on me. He feels controlled when I ask for everything

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Speaker 3: to be so scheduled, though he said I wasn't trying

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Speaker 3: to be controlling, so I'm not sure what he means,

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Speaker 3: and neither does he. He's like, I don't really know

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Speaker 3: what I mean, but you're controlling, but you're not controlling.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know you're controlling. But I need you

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Speaker 2: to control exactly how I do all this stuff. I

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Speaker 2: won't know how to do it.

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Speaker 3: He seemed torn and felt bad about it, though he's

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Speaker 3: frustrated by this too, and says he thought we'd resolve

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Speaker 3: this incompatibility and that I'd learned to go with the

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Speaker 3: flow and relax, and he was disappointed. Go to the flow,

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Speaker 3: So why why does OPE have to make all of

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Speaker 3: the concessions and you don't?

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Speaker 2: Because we're going with the flow, and the flow is

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Speaker 2: my flow.

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Speaker 3: The flow is wherever I'm flowing to.

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Speaker 2: The flow is right here, the flow stage.

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Speaker 3: When I suggested counseling to find better middle ground, he

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Speaker 3: said he'd go for me, but we both kind of

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Speaker 3: paid the idea. We had a good talk. He wasn't

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Speaker 3: a knucklehead, but he says he feels almost as panicked

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Speaker 3: about schedule things as I do about last minute requests. Well,

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Speaker 3: he needs to get over them. His newer job is

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Speaker 3: much more schedule oriented and already burns him out. However,

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Speaker 3: he's willing to try fixing the dinner situation in several ways.

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Speaker 3: We're setting at dinner time and designating nights when I

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Speaker 3: help versus nights when I don't. I'll still do all dishes,

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Speaker 3: and we only cook about four nights per week. He

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Speaker 3: still doesn't want me to cook, but he agreed that

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Speaker 3: if his back problems flare up, he'll text me immediately,

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Speaker 3: so we can either swap a takeout night with a

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Speaker 3: cooking night, or I can plan to cook something simple

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Speaker 3: this feels amazing to me, and I might not even

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Speaker 3: care about the broader scheduling issues if this works. He's

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Speaker 3: committed to trying this, but worried he'll be miserable with

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Speaker 3: a dinner time window. My biggest concern now is the

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Speaker 3: underlying incompatibility. I worry that even though he's compromising with

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Speaker 3: the dinner schedule, he's sacrificing a lot of himself. He's

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Speaker 3: willing to change, but admitted it'll be frustrating for a

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Speaker 3: while and ask me to be patient. He's willing to adapt,

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Speaker 3: but now I realize he feel like I used to feel,

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Speaker 3: and I worry will eventually divorce because he has a

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Speaker 3: lower tolerance for being upset than I do.

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Speaker 2: Oh dang.

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Speaker 3: Both my parents had multiple marriages and divorces, which feeds

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Speaker 3: this fear.

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Speaker 5: Oh man, it sucks that you had parents that have

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Speaker 5: you know, had divorces, because it's it makes it seem

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Speaker 5: more like an option.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like my.

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Speaker 5: Parents did a divorce, but doesn't feel like that's an

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Speaker 5: option going into a relationship.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's not great that he's already going into

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Speaker 3: this with like, Oh, I don't know if I'm gonna do.

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Speaker 3: It's not like, it doesn't seem like he's really fully

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Speaker 3: committed into helping find a compromise. It feels like you

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Speaker 3: both are just like I want it this way and

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Speaker 3: there is no middle ground.

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Speaker 4: What was working for a while, wasn't it like before

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Speaker 4: this became a problem, it was working a little while,

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Speaker 4: and then and then he just started to stop and

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Speaker 4: then stop doing all the stuff that he actually did,

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Speaker 4: which is what.

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Speaker 3: I would worry about in this case, like is he

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Speaker 3: just gonna eventually stop? I'm going back to personal therapy

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Speaker 3: for my ADHD and depression to work on being more

283
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Speaker 3: assertive and figure out if I'm overthinking this. He also

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Speaker 3: proposed a solution I don't hate but find scary. We've

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Speaker 3: been married eight years, one of kids, and I'm currently

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Speaker 3: an ES teacher with summers off. He suggested I take

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Speaker 3: a leave of absence next year. I have tenure and

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Speaker 3: can keep my position temporarily for one year before deciding

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Speaker 3: permanently to see if we like me staying home. Since

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Speaker 3: I feel so overwhelmed, I don't think that's the solution.

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Speaker 2: He's like, I know what we need to do.

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Speaker 4: You create your job and then you'll have time to

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Speaker 4: do all this stuff.

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Speaker 2: I don't do exactly.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy. He's like, Oh, you can do all the

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Speaker 3: chores you want if you don't have a job. That's

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Speaker 3: a terrible solution.

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Speaker 5: Well, the only way to make the solution actually work

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Speaker 5: is if you pay her, because yeah, I feel like

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Speaker 5: when it comes to chores, I don't know why this

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Speaker 5: is such a heavy thing with relationships, because I guess traditionally,

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Speaker 5: you know, men would do the outside stuff and women

303
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Speaker 5: would do the inside stuff, and it would never but

304
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Speaker 5: men would also be for the house, and then you know,

305
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,520
Speaker 5: it would make more sense. But now it's just splitting chores. Like,

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Speaker 5: why is this such a hard thing to do?

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Speaker 3: Shouldn't be that hard. I don't hate this idea. I'd

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00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,160
Speaker 3: love to organize our house and handle everything. But I'm

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Speaker 3: really good at my job and mostly enjoy it. We

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Speaker 3: can definitely afford it, since his loan repayment just stopped

311
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,240
Speaker 3: and that payment was more than my entire salary. Don't

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00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,800
Speaker 3: quit your job because your partner says, hey, yeah, we're

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00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,360
Speaker 3: having too much trouble with all of these chores. Quit

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Speaker 3: your job. That's terrible. You don't have kids. You find

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Speaker 3: a lot of enjoyment and productivity and just like you're passionate.

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Speaker 3: It seems you know, we haven't heard everything, but it

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Speaker 3: seems like you enjoy this job. So don't quit.

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Speaker 6: Well, no one's saying you're quitting forever, but just the

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Speaker 6: fact that it's even to take a year off, that's

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Speaker 6: different and a little bit concerning that that's kind of

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Speaker 6: on the table.

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Speaker 2: And maybe just be like, maybe I need to figure

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Speaker 2: out what's some other stuff I like.

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Speaker 3: True, I don't know. He's probably right that I'm not

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Speaker 3: stressed about these things when I'm off work. I don't

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Speaker 3: like him.

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Speaker 4: Wait, yeah, hold on, everyone's saying, no, it's like just

328
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Speaker 4: hire a maid. Yeah, you got the money, like that,

329
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Speaker 4: You got the money like that.

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Speaker 2: Hired a maid.

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Speaker 3: I spend all of my chaos energy at work, just

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Speaker 3: like he spends all his order energy there. So then

333
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,640
Speaker 3: why he should quit. If he's getting so stressed by

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Speaker 3: all the scheduling there, he should quit. This would solve

335
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,120
Speaker 3: everyone's problems, and maybe I should do it. This would

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00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,320
Speaker 3: solve his problems, but it puts me in an impossible

337
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,560
Speaker 3: position if we divorce. When I raise this concern, my

338
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,880
Speaker 3: husband even offered to sign a post up agreement promising

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Speaker 3: lifetime alimony. But I don't think he understands what he's saying.

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Speaker 3: That seems really unwise. He has no concept of divorce.

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Speaker 3: His parents never divorced. You of his friend's parents divorced,

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Speaker 3: and he grew up much more financially secure than I did.

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Speaker 3: I'd love to hear from others about staying home for

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Speaker 3: these reasons, or especially from anyone with similar incompatibilities in

345
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Speaker 3: the relationship who made it work. And there is a

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Speaker 3: second update, But I I don't want this dab it.

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Speaker 5: Over just making a couple of snacks.

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Speaker 3: The thing is like, it's crazy that they're thinking about

349
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Speaker 3: her witting her job because he doesn't want to do.

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Speaker 4: Chores hiatus because you're overwhelmed by your husband's lack of

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Speaker 4: ability to do anything.

352
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Speaker 2: Yeah, without you. It seems like he's.

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Speaker 4: Even being like, yeah, you're gonna come with me on

354
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,400
Speaker 4: my errands because I'm running behind?

355
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Speaker 2: Is she flintstoning the car?

356
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Speaker 4: Like?

357
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Speaker 3: Is she got like a little like a little horse with.

358
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Speaker 4: Yaba Daba doing Like I'm confused? Yeah, what are you

359
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,320
Speaker 4: Yaba Daba do it?

360
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Speaker 5: I feel like if he accommodates around five hundred dollars

361
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaker 5: a month for cleaning around the house.

362
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Speaker 2: This would all be sold.

363
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:46,440
Speaker 3: I agree update too. Getting perspectives from others was helpful.

364
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,640
Speaker 3: It was nice to realize my husband was the unusual one.

365
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Speaker 2: The unusual, very unusual.

366
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Speaker 4: But I still think you should take that ear long

367
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Speaker 4: hiatus and go to dirks and cake.

368
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Speaker 2: Turks and cake turks and cake oats.

369
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Speaker 3: I'd always thought I was weird for one dinner times

370
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 3: and bedtime since I didn't know any other dink adults

371
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:07,240
Speaker 3: with those routines, and most of our childless friends leaned

372
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,600
Speaker 3: towards his approach. I'm not scheduled crazy by any means,

373
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Speaker 3: but that's how he made me feel. Recent developments. I

374
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,919
Speaker 3: got a promotion I've been working towards for four years,

375
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Speaker 3: so I'm definitely not quitting my job.

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Speaker 2: Okay, fair enough.

377
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:25,080
Speaker 3: The new role is ees coordinator, which means less chaos.

378
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,359
Speaker 3: No more twenty two classes per week or constant last

379
00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 3: minute meetings since I'll be organizing them instead. It also

380
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:36,000
Speaker 3: pays significantly more. This should help with my chaos quotient

381
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,719
Speaker 3: being max out before I even get home. My husband

382
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,280
Speaker 3: wasn't pressuring me to quit, he simply suggested it. When

383
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 3: I didn't know the answer. We went to counseling, and

384
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 3: my husband finally admitted some issues stemmed from his OCD

385
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:52,520
Speaker 3: mother and overly scheduled childhood, acknowledging that I'm not weird,

386
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,800
Speaker 3: even if I'm more structured than people he knows. However,

387
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,960
Speaker 3: he still feels he'd be miserable with too much structure.

388
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,200
Speaker 3: Didn't solve much beyond explaining the root cause. We did

389
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,000
Speaker 3: work out some smaller issues, though. We now have a

390
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,440
Speaker 3: set dinner time that he's maintained groceries. I handle all

391
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,119
Speaker 3: shopping with a shared Google list he adds to so

392
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,760
Speaker 3: he avoids the store but us to plan ahead. He

393
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,240
Speaker 3: still cooks four nights a week, but now cooks clean

394
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:23,840
Speaker 3: and I just handle dishwasher loading and finally pots. This

395
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,879
Speaker 3: means fewer dishes for me, fewer week day tours for

396
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,520
Speaker 3: both of us, and I can grocery shop when convenient

397
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,320
Speaker 3: instead of waiting for him to feel like it on Sundays.

398
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,600
Speaker 3: There is a little bit left of the story.

399
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Speaker 2: Any thoughts, any final thoughts? Yeam, guys, I'm glad you didn't. Yeah,

400
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 2: I'm glad.

401
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:45,480
Speaker 3: I'm glad you had a raise. It seems like you

402
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,160
Speaker 3: guys are working on it. That's good.

403
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, keep going to that there, because even though it's

404
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 4: just you guys, got to the root cause.

405
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,639
Speaker 3: And he's like, too much structure will ruin my life.

406
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,240
Speaker 4: It's like, well, you guys can keep chipping away, Yeah,

407
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:00,480
Speaker 4: chip chipping away.

408
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,600
Speaker 3: He working on that. He seems unhappy with the dinner

409
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,720
Speaker 3: time scheduling, but sticks to it without much complaining. My

410
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,400
Speaker 3: only remaining concern is that he doesn't want to continue

411
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 3: regular counseling. Uh oh, you should do that another routine appointment,

412
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,119
Speaker 3: and I think we need something to improve our communication.

413
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,760
Speaker 3: Is there anything besides scheduled counseling that might help. I'm

414
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 3: working with my therapist on being more assertive, and I'm

415
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 3: glad he recognizes his irregularity and is making concessions, but

416
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:34,160
Speaker 3: I want better communication tools for the future. I hate

417
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,879
Speaker 3: to add weekly or bi weekly counseling on top of

418
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,880
Speaker 3: all the new schedules and routines we're implementing for my benefit,

419
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,480
Speaker 3: even though he'd do it if I insisted we're attending

420
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 3: at least one more follow up appointment. But I'm scared

421
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 3: that once we stop, any improvements might disappear. I worry

422
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,680
Speaker 3: that without strong communication skills, all our April and may

423
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,000
Speaker 3: progress will wash away during summer when I don't maintain

424
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 3: strict routines or have work structure of forcing them. And

425
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 3: that's when, Yeah, you're gonna put it to the test.

426
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,480
Speaker 2: You should say all of that to your husband.

427
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 3: I agree, keep going to therapy, Keep going to therapy.

428
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 2: Make him. I don't care if he gets disgruntled by it.

429
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,880
Speaker 2: Make him. He said, I can hear he'll go if

430
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,520
Speaker 2: I force him. Then force him.

431
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, Rake, right now, you said, oh, I don't know

432
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 3: how it's gonna last. When we're in summer, that's when

433
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:23,480
Speaker 3: it's gonna be put to the test.

434
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 2: Force g force.

435
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,640
Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story, so we're gonna

436
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:28,719
Speaker 3: jump into the next one.

437
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:32,639
Speaker 4: My husband and our friend are flirting in front of me.

438
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 3: Do it behind me?

439
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 2: Background, that's where you should be doing the flirting. Yeah.

440
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 4: My husband and I have been married for twelve years

441
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 4: together for seventeen. Two nights ago, we went out for

442
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,160
Speaker 4: a friend's birthday, Jane. Jane is married to my husband's

443
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 4: childhood friend. They got married about a year and a

444
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,640
Speaker 4: half ago, and they have not been doing well due

445
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 4: to him breaking Jane's TRUSTO.

446
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,400
Speaker 2: They're in therapy, but it's getting close to divorce.

447
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 4: She is understandably very upset by the way this comes from.

448
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,399
Speaker 4: You should throw away twenty twenty five oh seven, and

449
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,159
Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

450
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 4: the r slash Showkay story Time, suburd it.

451
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,240
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm.

452
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:19,120
Speaker 4: Sophia, I'm Riley, and Op says more background that will

453
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 4: make sense later. My husband and I haven't had the

454
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 4: spases sleep in two months. I've recovered from an injury

455
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 4: that caused a lot of bleeding during a zispasis sleep.

456
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,880
Speaker 4: A couple of times during those two months. I offered

457
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:40,119
Speaker 4: a different form of zispasis sleep to him, but he declined,

458
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 4: that's crazy.

459
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,360
Speaker 2: It is kind of that's it really, is he? Okay?

460
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,159
Speaker 2: I didn't I didn't expect you to have that answer.

461
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 3: No, that is crazy.

462
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,199
Speaker 2: See all right, are you all right?

463
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,239
Speaker 5: It's he not like free money, like if you get

464
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,160
Speaker 5: him hundred ability decline that too.

465
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:55,680
Speaker 2: Is he like hate?

466
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,679
Speaker 4: And it's just not He said he wasn't feeling up

467
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 4: to it, and I offered, and I believe him.

468
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,879
Speaker 2: I just want to make it clear this is not

469
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,719
Speaker 2: a spicyless marriage.

470
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 3: Wasn't up to it.

471
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 4: My husband also has some self esteem issues from prior trauma,

472
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,399
Speaker 4: and he's in therapy for that. While we're out for

473
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 4: Jane's birthday with some other friends, everything is fine until

474
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 4: there are a few drinks in. I only had one

475
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 4: the entire night. Our other friends had to call it

476
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,479
Speaker 4: a night, so it's just me, my husband, and Jane.

477
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 4: This is where things get weird. They start flirting in

478
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 4: this weird power play for dominance. I don't know how

479
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 4: to describe it really.

480
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 2: Jane says something about putting herself.

481
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 4: In a box like spicy jail, because it's been so

482
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,360
Speaker 4: long since she's done the spicy sleep, and my husband

483
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:50,120
Speaker 4: jokingly grabs her by the throat and says, yeah, I'll

484
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:51,159
Speaker 4: put you in a box.

485
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:57,360
Speaker 2: Sorry shop, Wait, sorry, what does it even mean?

486
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 3: Sorry? He went? He went, yeah, I'll put you in

487
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 3: a box?

488
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 2: Huh yeah, like what underground? What? What kind of what

489
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 2: it's like? Like the undertaker?

490
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 6: What?

491
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:08,960
Speaker 2: Not?

492
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 3: Only did he say it?

493
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 2: He put he said I'll put you in a box.

494
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 4: I'd be like, uh no, any girls who talk to

495
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 4: me now that I have a whoa.

496
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 3: If that happened in front of me, I'd be like, whoa,

497
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 3: what just happened? Yeah?

498
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 2: No, I immediately call that out. I'd be like, uh,

499
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,199
Speaker 2: water splash.

500
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 4: So while all this is happening, there's this random dude

501
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,120
Speaker 4: that's hitting on Jane. It's karaoke night, and the random

502
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 4: serenades her and gives her a silly lap dance. So

503
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:44,919
Speaker 4: all fun and games, right, No, no, no, it just

504
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 4: keeps escalating from there. Later, Jane grabs my husband's hair

505
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 4: and shoves him into the wall, and he kind of moans, this.

506
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 3: Is not flirting. They're cheating on you in front of you.

507
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 3: This is not flagrant flirting.

508
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 2: This is they're this is flagrant.

509
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 3: It's it's certainly flagrant.

510
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:02,920
Speaker 2: I would say flagrant flirt.

511
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 4: He just moaned, Bro, no, it's about to get even

512
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 4: more flagrant. You guys thought that was flagrant of each other.

513
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 4: You guys thought that was flagrant you get ready for

514
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:12,400
Speaker 4: the next sentence.

515
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,679
Speaker 2: Oh no, he says, if you grab me by the hair.

516
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 3: Again, it will end with my ding a laying in

517
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 3: your hocktool. So that's not flagrant flirting. They're they're they're

518
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 3: full on cheating in front of you.

519
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 4: That's just saying I will have the spotsy relations with

520
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 4: you if you do that again.

521
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 2: He or something along those lines, is what was said?

522
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,159
Speaker 3: Why did you not?

523
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 2: Like?

524
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 3: Did you say anything?

525
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 2: Here we go this entire time. I'm awkwardly laughing.

526
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 4: At all because I know they're both wasted and they're laughing.

527
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 5: No, no, tell them what's the saying action, what's the

528
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:56,919
Speaker 5: saying divorce?

529
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's the saying? I don't know?

530
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 4: No, just like like one check to the gut, yea

531
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 4: real quick.

532
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 2: This is wild.

533
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 4: At the time, I think my husband is playing around,

534
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,880
Speaker 4: trying to make her feel better because it's her birthday

535
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 4: and her marriage is in the trash. I didn't realize

536
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 4: it until hours later. My husband wasn't giving me any

537
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 4: of the attention he usually does. Girl.

538
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 3: Come on, we need to open our eyes to the signs.

539
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 4: More flirting keeps happening, and my husband asks me multiple

540
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 4: times if I'm okay. Ah, I just quickly answer that

541
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 4: I'm fine.

542
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 2: No.

543
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,400
Speaker 4: If he's asking me that multiple times, doesn't that sound

544
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 4: like he knows something is wrong and he's just looking

545
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,199
Speaker 4: to see how far this would go?

546
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 3: Why are you saying you're okay? Like start yelling, I

547
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 3: don't know, do something, girl. They're cheating on you in

548
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 3: front of you.

549
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 4: When the bar is closing, I drive us home. Jane

550
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 4: doesn't want to go home because of things going on

551
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 4: in her marriage. She stayed with us before, so that's

552
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 4: not out of the ordinary.

553
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,120
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no no.

554
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 5: I think I figured out why he didn't want to

555
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 5: have a spicy relations with you earlier.

556
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's already having it.

557
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 2: He's shaving it for.

558
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:23,679
Speaker 4: You, and of course it just gets weirder. Jane pushes

559
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 4: my husband onto the couch, straddles him and it yeah.

560
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 2: Oh, He's like, huh oh pee, well girl, what are

561
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:32,679
Speaker 2: you doing.

562
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, they're cheating in front of you and you're

563
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 3: doing nothing. Ha hahu. Like to be clear, they're obviously

564
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 3: the ales in the situation, but what are you doing?

565
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 2: Find your backbone?

566
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:49,399
Speaker 3: Like backbone, come on laughing. This isn't flirting. They're cheating

567
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 3: on you in front of you.

568
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 4: You're like basically banging, banging in front of you.

569
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 3: Huh.

570
00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 4: My husband is enjoying this. I'm standing there, found it.

571
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 4: He kept saying how the dynamic was weird, but how

572
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 4: much he wanted it. Later, while my husband is in

573
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 4: the restroom, Jane tells me they are not spicily attracted

574
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 4: to each other, but they are both very attracted to me, like, yes,

575
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 4: I know my husband is attracted to me. He comes

576
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 4: out and at some point my husband says he wants

577
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 4: to throw us both down and f us and says,

578
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 4: go f my wife to Jane, what.

579
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 2: So is going on?

580
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 5: They've planned this?

581
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, they wanted threesome. They wanted.

582
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 2: Oh, he says, as soon as what was said involved

583
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 2: me directly, which.

584
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 3: By the way, all of this involved you directly.

585
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 2: Having you directly from the bar. I had something to

586
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:55,880
Speaker 2: say then ope.

587
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 6: He said, well wait a minute, I said, what if

588
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 6: maybe we'd what if well perhaps, oh, he said, what

589
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 6: if we didn't do that?

590
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 4: Maybe also, maybe we will do it. I said, I

591
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 4: think both of them sober. Wouldn't do anything behind Jane's husband,

592
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 4: who is my husband's best friend from childhood's back, regardless

593
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 4: of how much of an idiot he's being. And I

594
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:25,400
Speaker 4: wasn't down to do anything when Booze is involved. They said, Okay,

595
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 4: what I said was a cop out.

596
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable if Booze wasn't

597
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 2: involved either.

598
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 3: The answer is get out of my house.

599
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, the answer is smack dude.

600
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 3: Okay, again, not blaming you maybe the reason that they

601
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 3: think that you're into this is because the whole time

602
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 3: they've been doing it in front of you, and you've

603
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 3: been like a haha, me.

604
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 4: Like yeah, I'm fine, Yeah, I'm okay, So it's fine,

605
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 4: like which, I guess it makes sense.

606
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 2: You can dissociate as a dissociator. You can.

607
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 4: You are clearly when you get asked the director question

608
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 4: of hey, would you do what do you what's going

609
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 4: on here?

610
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 3: You say, no, get out of my house.

611
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't even know what's going on here. I

612
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 2: just know I want you to leave.

613
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 4: But I didn't know how to reasonably voice that, so

614
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 4: I used booze as an excuse. Later, I've come to

615
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 4: understand I was dissociating at the bar and was not

616
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 4: processing what was happening. I also didn't want to come

617
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 4: between whatever was happening because they are two adults.

618
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 3: One of them is your husband. I'm sorry, one of

619
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 3: those adults is your husband.

620
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 2: There's actually three adults there. You're one of them.

621
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 4: You're like, I didn't want to stop what was happening

622
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 4: because they're they're both adults, adults.

623
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 3: You're an adult, and you're in a relationship with one

624
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 3: of them.

625
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 2: What and it's your husband's best friend's wife.

626
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: Yikes.

627
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 4: I shouldn't have to be the sober person to stop

628
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 4: or otherwise prevent something happening by being a mother, hen

629
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 4: my husband should know better. Well, that's there's a true statement.

630
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 4: We had previously talked about how I was uncomfortable earlier

631
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 4: this month when she had put her hand on his

632
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 4: chest while laughing.

633
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 2: She was also wasted.

634
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 4: Then he apologized for not stopping that. So what would

635
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 4: the night have been like if I wasn't there? I

636
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 4: feel grimy or ashamed, but I didn't do anything, So

637
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 4: why do I feel that way? How much of this

638
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 4: is being wasted and silly and not having had spicy

639
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 4: sleep in a while, and how much of it is

640
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 4: something else?

641
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 3: All of it is something else? All of it. Yeah,

642
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 3: they're cheating on you. They have cheated on you. They

643
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 3: cheated on you in front of you.

644
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 2: That was like so weird. Remember, folks, it's the dangers

645
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 2: of being overly passive.

646
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 4: If you're passive to the point where you let your

647
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 4: husband cheat on you with his best friend's wife right

648
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 4: in front of you at the bar, that's too passive.

649
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 2: So is this going to happen?

650
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,959
Speaker 4: Anytime he has a few dreams and someone gives him attention.

651
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 2: I don't know.

652
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 4: I've communicated all of this to my husband once he

653
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 4: was sober, and he says he feels awful. He apologized

654
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 4: and made us an appointment with a marriage counselor. I'm

655
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 4: asking the above questions and does it seem like therapy

656
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 4: would even help good? Has anyone else dealt with something similar?

657
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 2: And what was the result.

658
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 4: I'm having nightmares about this. I'm so hurt and angry.

659
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 4: I can barely even look at my husband. Am I

660
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 4: being unreasonable? Is it my fault for not saying I

661
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 4: wasn't okay until later, even though I wasn't given the

662
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 4: chance to really think about it.

663
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 3: No, you're associating.

664
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 4: You were dissociated, but I didn't have to think about

665
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,239
Speaker 4: whether or not you're okay with your husband, being like,

666
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 4: I'm gonna d you down if you do that to

667
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 4: me one more time.

668
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 2: It really is another woman directly in front.

669
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 3: Of it, to be clear, Like, it doesn't really matter

670
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 3: what you should have done in the moment. The point

671
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 3: is that your husband cheated on you in front of you,

672
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 3: and now you should divorce him.

673
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's an edit It's four thirty in the morning here,

674
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 4: and I should really try to sleep. I've been trying

675
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 4: to read and reply to all of your comments, but

676
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 4: my head is pounding.

677
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 2: Me too, sister.

678
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 4: I'll pick this back up later on today. Thank you

679
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 4: to everyone. If I haven't replied to you yet. And

680
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 4: there are some comments, and boy, are they going to

681
00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 4: be nice and friendly? I'm sure, I'm sure coming number one,

682
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 4: I don't understand. How are you not freaking out? More dissociation.

683
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 4: I am not married, but my boyfriend and I have

684
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 4: been together for six years. If a friend was straddling him,

685
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 4: choking him, pushing him around, touching his hair, and making

686
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 4: these comments, he and that friend would be out of

687
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 4: the door so effing fast. I'd also be wondering if

688
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 4: something has been going on with them already, because this

689
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 4: seems pre planned almost, but obviously I wouldn't know.

690
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 2: Comment too.

691
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 4: For perspective, I'm a forty two year old man at

692
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 4: the time. I think my husband is playing around, trying

693
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 4: to make her feel better because it's her birthday. I

694
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,959
Speaker 4: literally said, what louder than my usual tone when I

695
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 4: read this. This is so whack that it's hard to

696
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 4: know where to start. First of all, you have a

697
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 4: very loose grip on playing around if it involves them

698
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 4: mind banging right in front of you while giving you

699
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 4: a play by play of their desires in their role playing. Yeah,

700
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 4: telling another woman, even your friend, that he would do

701
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 4: what he would do to her, is not trying to

702
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 4: cheer her up. This is lust that normally goes unspoken

703
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 4: alchemachaal slash. Being wasted doesn't give someone new desires, it

704
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 4: removes their inhibitions that were already there. I've been wasted

705
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 4: off my booty, but when I was younger and I

706
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 4: didn't act like this with other women, And of course

707
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 4: it just gets weirder. Jane pushes my husband on the

708
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 4: couch and straddles him. My husband's enjoying this. Nobody would

709
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 4: disagree that cheating while being wasted is still cheating. Many

710
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 4: people believe that there are different forms of cheating. To me,

711
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 4: they were cheating right in front of your eyes. I

712
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 4: literally said what out loud. Again, that is not normal

713
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 4: nor excusable. Don't let them blame it on the booze.

714
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 4: This woman is not your friend. She used booze as

715
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 4: an excuse to be forward with other men. I sincerely

716
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 4: doubt your husband is the first person she's pulled this

717
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 4: behavior on while still yet being married to somebody else.

718
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 4: Every day you can continue this friendship, you are letting

719
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 4: her spit in your face.

720
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 2: As for your.

721
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 4: Husband, I don't know what to tell you other than

722
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:10,400
Speaker 4: you are completely in the right and there is an update.

723
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 1: Sam here, We're gonna get back to the stories. But

724
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 1: here's three of minus bads from our sponsors.

725
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 3: Divorce doores, divorce, divorce.

726
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 2: Divorce were at least therapy, but divorce.

727
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 3: So much therapy and divorce double or nothing divorce. He

728
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 3: cheated on you. He cheat like I don't know how

729
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 3: to make it more clear. He cheated on you in

730
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 3: front of you. It's like in front of your face.

731
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 4: I wonder what would have happened though, if when he

732
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 4: had turned back to you and was like are you okay?

733
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 2: Yeah?

734
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 4: And if you would if you had said no, if

735
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 4: you would have shut it down instantaneously.

736
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 3: Probably, But it doesn't mean that he didn't cheat, right

737
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 3: because if op's sitting there going fine, I'm sure if

738
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,720
Speaker 3: he actually was paying attention and yeah, he's like drinking.

739
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 3: But like, there's no excuse.

740
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 2: For the update.

741
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 4: Not really much to add but I know people are

742
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 4: asking for an update. First therapy session went well. My

743
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 4: husband is genuinely remar and has no problem never communicating

744
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:03,439
Speaker 4: with Jane ever.

745
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 2: Again.

746
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,800
Speaker 4: I'm doing my best to work through how I feel

747
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 4: about all this and not compartmentalize. Time and hard work

748
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 4: will tell if our relationship survives. I've not had a

749
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:16,359
Speaker 4: conversation with Jane yet, but I know I need to.

750
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 4: She's asked me to go to lunch or dinner just us,

751
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 4: but I've had a migraine when she wanted to go,

752
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 4: so that was canceled.

753
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 3: I'd never talk to you again, there.

754
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:27,839
Speaker 2: Is no need to ever.

755
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 3: I'd be like, no, I'm good bye.

756
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 2: You figure out your marriage.

757
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,239
Speaker 3: I'll figure on mind, yes exactly that.

758
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 4: I've had one session with my own therapist so far,

759
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,280
Speaker 4: and I feel like i'll be better equipped to handle

760
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,359
Speaker 4: that conversation once I've had a couple more. If people

761
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 4: want to know how that goes, I guess I'll comment

762
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 4: on this post and post it to my profile.

763
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 2: Yep, we got a little bit more in this story here, lived,

764
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 2: but I think we maybe need to do a little

765
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 2: bit of separation.

766
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 3: I yep, don't talk to Jane anymore, and separate.

767
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 4: I think separate, and then if he immediately goes out

768
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 4: and finds another lady, you know there is no point

769
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:03,720
Speaker 4: in trying to keep this going.

770
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 2: Yep, because he is ruled by his.

771
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 3: China trader and he's got zero inhibitions just at standards respect, responsibility, responsibility,

772
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 3: none of that.

773
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 4: As far as I know, Jane has asked her husband

774
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 4: for a divorce. I only know this because he messaged

775
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 4: my husband about it. Jane has not told her soon

776
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 4: to be ex husband what happened on her birthday, and

777
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,799
Speaker 4: my husband wants to tell him.

778
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,760
Speaker 3: Of course, yeah, because that's his best friend. He's trader.

779
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,399
Speaker 2: Probably needs to come to light.

780
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, not sure when that will happen, but it definitely

781
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 4: needs to since they're already getting divorced. I could see

782
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 4: how people might feel like that would just be adding

783
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 4: salt to his wounds, but he has the right to know.

784
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 4: I'll also post a comment when that happens and post

785
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 4: it to my profile. I think that's everything, Just a

786
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 4: few developments to share, and there I forgot to add. Apparently,

787
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 4: Jane said to my husband in the car the next morning,

788
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:03,280
Speaker 4: if I were sober, I would have fed you, he said.

789
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 4: He just kept driving stone faced. Also, my doorbell camera

790
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 4: caught her asking him, do you think I fed up?

791
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 4: I haven't formulated what I'm going to say to her

792
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 4: about this yet.

793
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 3: You don't have to talk to her. She cheated with

794
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 3: your husband. You say, you don't have to talk to her.

795
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 2: You say, make you make bird noises?

796
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 3: You say uh, and you hang up the phone.

797
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 2: You say, hang.

798
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 3: Up the phone. That's it.

799
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 2: That is the end of that story. Oh my gosh,

800
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 2: thank you good, Thank the Lord. And we are going

801
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 2: to pull up the next one.

802
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,720
Speaker 3: My husband left me with nothing after he cheated.

803
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:46,840
Speaker 2: That's terrible.

804
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 3: Trigger warning for cancer and chemo. I fifty female was

805
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 3: married to my ex fifty one male let's call him

806
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:57,880
Speaker 3: Richard Wiener for short, for twenty five years, happily together

807
00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:58,839
Speaker 3: for thirty.

808
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 2: I bet it was for sure.

809
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, ooh ah.

810
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 3: We met at just eighteen years old and spent the

811
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 3: rest of our lives building a home and family. We

812
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 3: have two daughters now twenty and twenty three. He'd always

813
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 3: been an amazing hands on dad and affectionate husband. We

814
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 3: were far from perfect. We're human, after all, and I

815
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 3: could be a witch sometimes apparently.

816
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:23,880
Speaker 2: Yikes.

817
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from prof cancer patient on

818
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,360
Speaker 3: the r slash Charlotte do Bray YouTube subreddit, and if

819
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:30,800
Speaker 3: you want to smit your own stories, go to the

820
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime Separated It. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota,

821
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:37,879
Speaker 3: I'm Riley, and Op says. Nearly seventeen years ago, he

822
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 3: was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had surgery and was

823
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 3: fine after a few weeks of radiation. It was a shock,

824
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,320
Speaker 3: but we took care of him and made it through.

825
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 3: The cancer never came back. Then, in twenty fourteen, I

826
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 3: was diagnosed with stage four liver cancer at thirty nine

827
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,240
Speaker 3: years old and was considered terminal.

828
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:56,399
Speaker 2: Oh my glory, Wow.

829
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,720
Speaker 3: Our girls were nine and twelve. Then My cancer wasn't

830
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 3: just dreaded diagnosis with an ending. It became learning to

831
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 3: live with it while simultaneously living in fear of passing

832
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:10,760
Speaker 3: away every day, and that lasted the whole nine years.

833
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 3: It was a constant rollercoaster of emotions, good, bad, and scary,

834
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 3: but we stayed positive and did so many things as

835
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 3: a family to make memories and stay united. We were

836
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:24,800
Speaker 3: all pretty good at communicating, sharing feelings, and doing lots

837
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,959
Speaker 3: of listening, lots of I love yous all day, every day.

838
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,800
Speaker 3: Nine years of me going to weekly chemotherapy, the cancer

839
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 3: spread first to my lungs, then a few years later

840
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 3: to my brain. There were brain and lung radiations, multiple surgeries,

841
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:43,359
Speaker 3: endless doctor appointments, and hundreds of scans for me, for us,

842
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 3: it was a family affair and incredibly difficult, but we

843
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 3: made the best of our time.

844
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,839
Speaker 2: My god, I really am so I'm so hard, I'm

845
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 2: so glad. I feel like this didn't happen in the

846
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 2: United States.

847
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,359
Speaker 4: Oh my god, because if this happened in the US,

848
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:58,839
Speaker 4: you wouldn't be talking about how we made the best

849
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 4: of our time. You'd be talking about how generationally in

850
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 4: debt and destitution.

851
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, years of chemotherapy. My heart broke for him because

852
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 3: he was stuck. You know, no one signs up to

853
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 3: be a caregiver, and I felt he deserved so much more.

854
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 3: He was so caring, kind, strong, thoughtful and by my

855
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 3: side one hundred percent of the time, every appointment, every scan,

856
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 3: every hard day. We went through so many ups and

857
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 3: downs a couple, there's nothing more we can do, and

858
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 3: even made my funeral arrangements. Living in limbo was the

859
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,839
Speaker 3: hardest part it was torture and it took its toll. Then,

860
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 3: after nine long years, I was declared any deep, no

861
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 3: evidence of disease, and able to stop treatments. Ned ned,

862
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 3: you got ned ned, declassified H School survival Guide. Not

863
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,839
Speaker 3: cancer free just yet, but incredible news. I mean yeah,

864
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:54,959
Speaker 3: nine years our little family and community were over the moon,

865
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 3: and we looked excitedly ahead cautiously. Of course, my girls,

866
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 3: who become a young care givers, were able to have

867
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 3: this weight taken off their shoulders for the first time

868
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 3: in years. They weren't afraid to leave me anymore, and

869
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 3: we were just so grateful. There were no signs, no

870
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 3: talks of anything negative or upset feelings in any way.

871
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,240
Speaker 3: He was the same person he'd been all of our life.

872
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 3: One evening, my daughter seventeen at the time, and I

873
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 3: picked up my husband's phone to retrieve photos from the

874
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 3: day trip we'd just taken. I also went to look

875
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,240
Speaker 3: through the deleted photos, because each time he took a picture,

876
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 3: I was like, used up, I'm disgusting and made him

877
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,799
Speaker 3: delete them. I was bald and not feeling sassy at all,

878
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 3: so my thumbs were randomly hitting things when I came

879
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 3: across his deleted messages. No, I had no reason to

880
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 3: suspect him of anything. This man was my puppy dog

881
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 3: for thirty years. The world spun around me, and he

882
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 3: was not that guy. He was by my side one

883
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 3: thousand percent of the time, except while he was at work.

884
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 3: That's where she comes into the picture. We'll call her Jojo.

885
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 2: Jojo siwah oh na h jo Ju God.

886
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 3: She worked with my husband for about five years, and

887
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 3: I never knew she existed. She was married herself, with

888
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 3: three kids, all younger than mine, I later learned. Apparently

889
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:15,719
Speaker 3: my husband at the time was very fond of her.

890
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 3: Another coworker told me back to the deleted messages. I

891
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,239
Speaker 3: saw a photo of women's legs like she took it

892
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 3: to send to him, and I thought, no way. My

893
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 3: husband eights people and is very private. This had to

894
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 3: be sent in error. But I continued to scroll. There

895
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:34,320
Speaker 3: were thirty days worth of messages and a few boring picks.

896
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 3: They went back and forth, thirty where are we meeting up?

897
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 3: And meet up behind the building and I can't wait

898
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 3: to be unclothed with you again again? So much more.

899
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 3: I knew right then this was real. I woke his

900
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 3: butt up from a sound sleep. He was on the

901
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:54,839
Speaker 3: couch downstairs around nine pm, and he played dumb denial dang.

902
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,879
Speaker 4: I would have woken him up in the wildest way

903
00:42:57,920 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 4: I could have possibly am.

904
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 2: I would have tarred and feathered this man out of

905
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 2: his nap.

906
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 3: That's pretty brutal. He was acting all sorts of tired

907
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 3: and confused about what was going on. I told him

908
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 3: I saw the messages, and so did our daughter. She

909
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,759
Speaker 3: was with me while I looked for picks, and I

910
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,240
Speaker 3: actually asked her to help me find the folder I needed.

911
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 3: I hate that she saw this. It makes me sick

912
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 3: because I know how it's affected her. My other daughter

913
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 3: didn't see the messages. She was in another room. We

914
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 3: only told her about them, but she didn't want to

915
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:29,319
Speaker 3: hear the details. This is a man who treated us

916
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 3: all like we were so precious. He could never every

917
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 3: emotion under the sun multiplied by a million, then adds

918
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:40,280
Speaker 3: some more just for good measure. He devastated our family

919
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 3: and all our friends and extended family as well. No

920
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 3: one could believe he would ever be that guy. I

921
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 3: still can't. I punted him out. He slept on the couch,

922
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 3: then went to work at five am, then to his

923
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 3: father's house after work. The shame he felt making that

924
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 3: phone call must have been hard since his mother did

925
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 3: the exact same thing to his dad years ago, and

926
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 3: he hated his mom for it. Ironic I was in

927
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 3: the er coughing up blood that first night, and he

928
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 3: took Jojo out to dinner. I went from feeling like,

929
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 3: can you blame the poor guy He's been through so

930
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 3: much to screw him. I'm gonna make sure he's living

931
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,400
Speaker 3: under a bridge. In the blink of an eye, I

932
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 3: drew up a separation agreement and we signed it. He

933
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,879
Speaker 3: didn't argue anything. I thought, Wow, he must really want out.

934
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 3: I went from treasured wife to stranger in days. It's

935
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 3: obvious things changed for him. At some point. He was

936
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 3: under a lot of stress, but his boss paid him

937
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 3: his salary, gave him bonuses and time off for any reason,

938
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:39,319
Speaker 3: anytime he needed it. Our health insurance was amazing, so

939
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 3: we only had deductibles to pay once. I said, I'm

940
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 3: ned he flipped the switch. Now he can leave me

941
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,440
Speaker 3: and not look like a bad guy because I stopped chemo.

942
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 3: His reason. He didn't even know he was unhappy until

943
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:54,360
Speaker 3: he found himself embraced in a hug from a coworker

944
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 3: that turned into a kiss. That hug was a sorry

945
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 3: for your lost hug due to a passing in our family.

946
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 3: I spoke to three different divorce lawyers and they all

947
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 3: agreed that any healthy person has a hard time getting

948
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 3: through divorce proceedings, never mind a cancer patient in poor health.

949
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 3: It might be better for me if I could avoid

950
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 3: the hassle of it all, if we agreed on my terms,

951
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 3: that may be what works for now.

952
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 1: Hey it's Sam. We're going to get back to the stories.

953
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

954
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 3: Yes, I was off chemo, but after nearly nine years

955
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:27,760
Speaker 3: on it, my body was weak, never mind other serious

956
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:31,399
Speaker 3: issues I was having and still have. Ooh, she's a mess.

957
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:33,359
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh.

958
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 2: That is just.

959
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 3: So much like you just found out you're not cancer free,

960
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 3: but you know, no disease detected, and then you find

961
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 3: out that your husband's been cheating on you for a while.

962
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:48,280
Speaker 3: I mean, like, unfortunately, this is something that does happen.

963
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:51,280
Speaker 3: I feel like when you have long term diseases, because

964
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,959
Speaker 3: it's just like a person who is the caregiver either

965
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:58,800
Speaker 3: grows apart or feels the weight of like caregiving and stuff,

966
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 3: which never excuses it, but I feel like sometimes that

967
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 3: does happen, and it really really is awful that you

968
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 3: would trayed your trust, Like was this person that there's

969
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 3: some hearing for you?

970
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 4: Interesting psychology going on with his mom having done that

971
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 4: to his dad as well. I think that might have

972
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 4: riven him to do it in a way that he

973
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 4: probably doesn't fully understand.

974
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,479
Speaker 2: Is just like us. But it's weird that it was like.

975
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,839
Speaker 4: A hug over someone passing and then that turned into

976
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 4: again and he's like, that's when I realized I was unhappy.

977
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 4: It's like, I don't know, dude, just get away from me. Yeah,

978
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 4: at this point, just get away from me.

979
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 3: And he's probably rationalizing it, like, oh, well, I can't

980
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 3: leave her, you know. I can't break up with her

981
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 3: because she's going through all this things, so I have

982
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:50,239
Speaker 3: to cheat. I can't tell her like No, we decided

983
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 3: to stick to the agreement I made up. He needed

984
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 3: to leave but pay all the bills like he was

985
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 3: still here, and we would address it again after our

986
00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:00,920
Speaker 3: daughter graduated college. Currently is she my other daughter and

987
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 3: I live peacefully in our warm home, living our best lives,

988
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,720
Speaker 3: he's still in his dad's house. He makes good money,

989
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 3: has investments and an amazing four one K retirement and stocks.

990
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 4: I just giggled at this comment. Linda put in all caps,

991
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:19,400
Speaker 4: I wouldn't divorce. I'd stay married and make him suffer.

992
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 4: Honestly justified crash out about this. That's it's just an

993
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 4: insane thing to realize someone had been doing to you

994
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:27,360
Speaker 4: all that time.

995
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, well they were, like supposedly, you know, there for

996
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 3: you one hundred percent.

997
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:33,319
Speaker 2: I think he was just waiting for you to go.

998
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 3: Yeah.

999
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's just waiting for you to bite it, which

1000
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:37,760
Speaker 2: is awful.

1001
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 3: Awful. I can't work. I'm permanently disabled now. I have

1002
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 3: ongoing medical issues and can't lose my medical insurance, which

1003
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:48,399
Speaker 3: is through his job. I have nothing to my name.

1004
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 3: Even my jeep is in his name, and the transmission

1005
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 3: is shot. I'm thinking ahead about I'm going to get

1006
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:56,279
Speaker 3: a new car with nothing to my name. We share

1007
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 3: the house and that's it. I don't know what I'm

1008
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:00,839
Speaker 3: entitled to, but I I wanted to keep the peace

1009
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 3: for as long as possible so I could heal and

1010
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:05,880
Speaker 3: the girls could have a new foundation. Now I'm feeling

1011
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:07,960
Speaker 3: like I need to show the world what a dirtbag

1012
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:10,799
Speaker 3: he is. We all feel like he got away with this.

1013
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 3: He seems like nothing in the world bothers him and

1014
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 3: treats me like I did something wrong to him.

1015
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:19,439
Speaker 4: It's wild, okay, Yeah, no, run his whole pockets, Run

1016
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 4: all of his pockets.

1017
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah.

1018
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 4: If I don't know, I hope you're not in like

1019
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 4: Ireland or one of these countries where you can't like

1020
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 4: actually divorce someone even when they do this to you.

1021
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, hopefully you can get some sort of favorable

1022
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 3: outcome because he cheated. He has me convinced he's doing

1023
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 3: me a favor by allowing me to live here while

1024
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 3: he still pays the bills. I'm sure I would get

1025
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 3: more money in any divorce settlement than he pays now.

1026
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:43,879
Speaker 3: I continue to take the high ground so he has

1027
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 3: his privacy not to mention. My girls and her three

1028
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 3: kids didn't ask for this mess, and it embarrasses them

1029
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 3: as well. I also don't want him to lose his

1030
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:55,520
Speaker 3: job selfishly, even though I think he should. He's just

1031
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 3: waiting for me to pass away. It seems he's a

1032
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 3: not glad to my face, but perfect gentleman. When it's

1033
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 3: in writing like emails and texts. Yes, they both let

1034
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 3: their families and are still working together. I think they

1035
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 3: took a few little weekend trips and whatever else they do.

1036
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 3: I don't know anything. I choose not to. They have

1037
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 3: no shame and everyone knows what they did. Either way,

1038
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 3: I don't care about this. My issue is I know

1039
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 3: they will assure I have nothing if I fight him

1040
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,320
Speaker 3: in court, and I should be grateful I have anything.

1041
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 3: Plus I don't have the money for a lawyer anyway.

1042
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,720
Speaker 4: Now it does sound like it's happening in the States

1043
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:34,399
Speaker 4: because she needs his health insurance that he gets the job.

1044
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 3: Oh, this is terrible. He's terrible. He's so awful.

1045
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:43,720
Speaker 4: Honestly, I bet you you could find with your story

1046
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 4: really insanely good divorce attorneys who'd be like, I'd do this, yeah,

1047
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:51,440
Speaker 4: like pro bono worth Like I honestly, this is so

1048
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 4: unbelievably screwed.

1049
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 2: Up out, I will help you take all of his money. Yeah,

1050
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 2: And all we need to do is have dinner once

1051
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 2: a week, just once a week, like, just to just

1052
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:05,280
Speaker 2: so we can catch up and keep up. Because I

1053
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 2: that's crazy.

1054
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:07,240
Speaker 3: This is terrible.

1055
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:07,839
Speaker 4: Uh.

1056
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 3: Oh, PM's so sorry. That you had to go through

1057
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 3: all of this, you know, medical stuff, and then this terrible.

1058
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 3: I'd love to cause some trouble, but I don't want

1059
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,439
Speaker 3: to hurt my girls any further. However, they both said

1060
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,479
Speaker 3: they just want me to be happy. Plus he would

1061
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 3: be mortified if the courts got involved and he had

1062
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 3: to spend any extra money. That's my motivation. I think

1063
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,839
Speaker 3: he's still a good dad to the girls, sees them

1064
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 3: once a week for dinner and texts often. They feel

1065
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 3: bad that he chose to stay with this woman over them.

1066
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 3: I explained, it's not them he left, it's me, But

1067
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 3: they're hurt too. It's like they hate him for doing this,

1068
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 3: but still love him because he's their dad and was

1069
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,959
Speaker 3: great up until he wasn't. But it's all different now.

1070
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:49,399
Speaker 3: I don't even know if I have any options with this.

1071
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 3: He's just so smart and always ten steps ahead. So

1072
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 3: am I the ale thinking I can outlive divorce proceedings

1073
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,160
Speaker 3: and finally take my dirty X to the cleaners. I'd

1074
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 3: pass away happy seeing him cry over money.

1075
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 4: Though, Are you the a hole because you want to

1076
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 4: prosecute your your cheating husband, garbage bag husband?

1077
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 3: No demo, You're absolutely not the perminal liver can't no, no,

1078
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,280
Speaker 3: not the ale at all.

1079
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 2: I'd be more upset if you didn't do anything.

1080
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:26,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, get your money, get your money's worth, my goodness.

1081
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story and the

1082
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:33,080
Speaker 3: end of this episode. So if you love us, make

1083
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 3: sure to subscribe.

1084
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,279
Speaker 2: We love you and seeing tomorrow.