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Speaker 1: Before we jump in a note on our content. This

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Speaker 1: episode discusses explicit topics that are more appropriate for an

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Speaker 1: adult audience. Listener discretion advised. Hi everyone, and welcome back

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Speaker 1: to Wide Open with Ashland Harris. I have the one

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Speaker 1: and only guests today. You guys are going to be

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Speaker 1: so excited to hear from Rashan Elias. Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Wide Open.

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: First of all, this is amazing.

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Speaker 4: I'm super proud of you. I want you to know that,

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Speaker 4: so proud. It feels good to be here. It feels good.

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Speaker 4: Today is a good day and we are about to

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Speaker 4: get in. We woke up, Yes, we woke up, and

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Speaker 4: here's all we could do.

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Speaker 1: I did a heavy poor because I thought you might

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Speaker 1: need it.

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Speaker 3: You're a bad influence.

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Speaker 1: I really am. Welcome to New York. Welcome to New York.

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Speaker 3: Cheers to that.

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Speaker 1: We welcome to Oh that's a little Taylor Swift.

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Speaker 2: I'm a little okay.

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Speaker 3: I didn't know how it was getting serenaded today. What

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Speaker 3: are we getting into?

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Speaker 1: Well, it just depends how far you want to take it. Honey,

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Speaker 1: your story is out of this world, like you have

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Speaker 1: lived such a full life and you have so many

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Speaker 1: years ahead of you. I like, clearly I know you, right,

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Speaker 1: who doesn't if you live under a rock?

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Speaker 3: Maybe right?

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Speaker 1: You have two point four million TikTok followers. Yes, you

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Speaker 1: go viral all the time. I like your videos give

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Speaker 1: me joy, laughter, education, and it's just so like it's

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Speaker 1: you don't put effort into it at all. I can

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Speaker 1: genuinely see this is just who you are.

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Speaker 3: This is just who I am.

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Speaker 4: And I tell people all the time, right when brands

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Speaker 4: approach me and people approach me to do something, I'm like,

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Speaker 4: nothing I do is script it. When I get up

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Speaker 4: at the board, I have no idea what I'm gonna say.

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Speaker 4: I may have a thought like, oh I want to

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Speaker 4: talk about thes. I don't know what I'm going to

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Speaker 4: say or how. I just wanted to be funny and

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Speaker 4: hopefully offend the people that it needs to offend.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely, And I you have such a beautiful story.

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Speaker 1: I mean you've lived a life, honey, Yes, a life.

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Speaker 1: A lot has happened, and we're going to get into

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Speaker 1: that because I really feel, or at least I assume

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Speaker 1: it has shaped you a lot and who you are,

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Speaker 1: your identity, how you move in the world, but I

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Speaker 1: always start each episode with a pretty heavy, deep question

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Speaker 1: which will lead us into the conversation. You know, the

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Speaker 1: reason why this show is called wide open is not

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Speaker 1: only because of the context in sports of like seizing

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Speaker 1: the moment and that moment of awareness to execute, but

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Speaker 1: it's really peeling back the layers, like really being vulnerable

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Speaker 1: and raw and letting people into under stand what we

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Speaker 1: do is not who we are exactly. And with that,

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Speaker 1: I want to ask and what moment in your life

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Speaker 1: has split you wide open? What moment changed everything for you?

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Speaker 1: It was do you need a sip pony? Because we

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Speaker 1: get deep real quick.

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Speaker 3: December of twenty eleven.

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Speaker 4: Now, prior to December twenty eleven, I put in my

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Speaker 4: resignation at thirty years old. I had worked at Kentucky

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Speaker 4: State University in the financial aid office. After coming to

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Speaker 4: Kentucky in beginning of six. Hurricane Katrina was five August five.

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Speaker 4: I was in Mississippi, so coming there doing the things

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Speaker 4: completing my degree that I had started while I was

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Speaker 4: in the military. I went home with these high hopes

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Speaker 4: I had about being an author. I'm going to write

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Speaker 4: a book. I don't want to work for anybody anymore.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to cash out my foe when one came

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Speaker 4: my retirement, my army benefits, and I'm going to save

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Speaker 4: the world. I was going to go start a nonprofit

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Speaker 4: back home in Mississippi. One of my friends had just

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Speaker 4: became a grandmother at the age of thirty, and I

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Speaker 4: had my oldest son at just thirteen years old. I

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Speaker 4: remember there was a program for teen moms, and I said,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to go back home and start this nonprofit.

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Speaker 4: And that was on my birthday. July twenty nine is

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Speaker 4: when I resigned. And within four months I had about

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Speaker 4: thirty thousand dollars stolen from me by a family member.

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Speaker 4: I had given access them access to my funds because

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Speaker 4: my children were there, and it was gambled away. And

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Speaker 4: I found out Christmas Eve that I had nothing but

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Speaker 4: the money that I had on me, and in my anger,

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Speaker 4: I got my children up out of the bed and

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Speaker 4: I just drove in the middle of the night from

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Speaker 4: Mississippi back to Kentucky. And though I had lived in Frankfort,

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Speaker 4: Kentucky and worked at Kentucky State, I probably had been

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Speaker 4: to Louisville maybe once, which is the biggest city in

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Speaker 4: the state. And I drove to Louisville, never been had

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Speaker 4: a few friends I had made through the years, but

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Speaker 4: I didn't know anybody. And we stopped at this pay

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Speaker 4: by the week motel and that's where my life started over.

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Speaker 4: I got a temp job, I looked for a look

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Speaker 4: for housing, and the people that I had made friends

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Speaker 4: with really rallied around me to try to help, because

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Speaker 4: we can't do this thing alone, right.

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Speaker 3: So even though it was a few, we were mighty.

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Speaker 4: They made sure that I at least had a place

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Speaker 4: and came by the pay by the week motel and

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Speaker 4: my friend was like, I'll help you because again, you

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Speaker 4: still have to pay for it. I don't have that

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Speaker 4: much money. And going into that bathroom, in that motel

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Speaker 4: hotel room and getting on my I just said, God,

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Speaker 4: you gonna have to fix this because I can't fix it.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: I had been through a lot of my life, you know,

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Speaker 4: team pregnancy, rate, molestation, divorce, domestic violence, but I had

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Speaker 4: never been broke. I had never had zero dollars and

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Speaker 4: you got four children, right, how do you explain to

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Speaker 4: them what is happening? And that was my turning moment,

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Speaker 4: that was me going back to the basics. I knew

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Speaker 4: I needed a job, so I started through a tempt

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Speaker 4: service and I got hired at Republic Bank.

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Speaker 3: During tax season. So this was, you know, January February.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, and here I am at this point

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Speaker 4: in my life and I don't know what I'm doing,

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Speaker 4: don't know what to do, and I find a place right,

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Speaker 4: and somebody was like, oh, you don't.

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Speaker 3: Want to live in West Louisville.

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Speaker 4: One of the ladies at my job, I had the

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Speaker 4: newspaper opening circling places, and she was like, you don't

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Speaker 4: want to live there. And I was like, why wouldn't

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Speaker 4: I want to live there? I don't know the city.

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Speaker 4: She was like, oh, no, that's a bad area, and

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Speaker 4: then turning found that it was not. It's just predominantly black.

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Speaker 4: And the landlord was super understanding. I told him I

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Speaker 4: had this job that was turning into a permanent job,

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Speaker 4: and I went from this one room motel to a

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Speaker 4: five bedroom house with my children, full basement. I was excited.

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Speaker 4: I didn't care where it was. We had housing, right.

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Speaker 4: And then my old job called me and was like,

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Speaker 4: we heard you're in town and we would like to

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Speaker 4: hire you back. Now I'm at the bank working and

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Speaker 4: they was like, well, we'll pay you twenty dollars an

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Speaker 4: hour and I'm going to drive from Louisville back to

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Speaker 4: my old job. And I said, are you sure, because

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Speaker 4: if I leave this job with no notice, I can't

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Speaker 4: come back because it's tim job. And they worked me

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Speaker 4: for one day and told me that they couldn't pay

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Speaker 4: me what they had agreed to pay me. I am

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Speaker 4: now gotten a home, fresh out of homelessness, and left

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Speaker 4: a job for a quote unquote better job, and you

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Speaker 4: all let me go on day one. So I had

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Speaker 4: to go through a lot, but I didn't go quietly,

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Speaker 4: so they had to end up paying me and they

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Speaker 4: had to pay me for the agreed upon time and

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Speaker 4: agreed upon amount. And I said, you know what, I'm

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Speaker 4: going to start my own business. And I started a

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Speaker 4: Facebook page called all This Fair and Love and Fashion

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Speaker 4: like all this Fair and Love War and it went viral.

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Speaker 4: It was going viral before it was viral. And I

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Speaker 4: was literally just putting together style ideas for women. I

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Speaker 4: wasn't selling anything. So if you ever saw the little

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Speaker 4: collages with the boots, the hat, the purse, all the

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Speaker 4: things together, but no person in it. Those things That's

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Speaker 4: what I started doing on this app called Polyboard on

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Speaker 4: my phone and it took off and somebody said you

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Speaker 4: should open a boutique.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 4: I was like, I retail now. I don't want to

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Speaker 4: do retail and just a follower. That's why I said,

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Speaker 4: we can't do this thing along a follower. And she

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Speaker 4: said she called my house. She was like, well, I'll

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Speaker 4: hire you. I have a boutique in Atlanta. I'll hire

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Speaker 4: you to be a buyer because you have a good eye.

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Speaker 4: And we tried it for maybe two months and she

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Speaker 4: was like, no, your following is growing. You should really

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Speaker 4: do this. A stranger she drove her from Atlanta. We

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Speaker 4: went to Las Vegas to a show, the Magic Show

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Speaker 4: is what they call it, where all the manufacturers, all

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Speaker 4: of the products are. She taught me how to price them,

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Speaker 4: how to pick them out, all the things, and I

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Speaker 4: literally asked, I went from twenty thirteen is when I

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Speaker 4: launched a boutique. March twenty thirteen, I went from selling

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Speaker 4: plasma to pay bills to a six figure business in

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Speaker 4: ten months from Facebook. And when January came and I

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Speaker 4: got my ten ninety nine k from payper, I said, oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to jail. I said, I'm going to jail

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Speaker 4: because I ain't no way I made this much money

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Speaker 4: on the internet, and I went, got my business registered,

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Speaker 4: did all the things, made sure my taxes were in order,

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Speaker 4: and it changed my life. But it's coming from nothing.

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Speaker 4: All this fair love and fashion really changed my life

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Speaker 4: and my children's life because I didn't see it. I

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Speaker 4: didn't see how I was gonna get out of this

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Speaker 4: thing that I was put in. And the crazy part

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Speaker 4: is the first grant that I ever got after lunch

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Speaker 4: of my business, the largest grant was because I lived

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Speaker 4: in West Louisville, and had I listened to that lady

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Speaker 4: about not moving to that area, I would have never

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Speaker 4: won that grant. And I was packing the shipping everywhere

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Speaker 4: from LA to Singapore, like people were buying my stuff

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Speaker 4: just from online.

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Speaker 3: I actually, this is so crazy. You know.

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Speaker 4: She and is one of the top retailers now. But

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Speaker 4: back then, in twenty twelve twenty thirteen, they were paying

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Speaker 4: to advertise on my page. They were paying me to

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Speaker 4: advertise on my page. And I had to make a

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Speaker 4: decision if I was going to launch my boutique and

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Speaker 4: get paid that way or get paid just for advertising

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Speaker 4: on my page and now to see them as big

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Speaker 4: as they are, as crazy. But that was my big,

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Speaker 4: like wide open moment, because what do you do when

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Speaker 4: you don't have anything, when you have mouths to feed?

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Speaker 3: What do you do?

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Speaker 4: And in those moments you can see grace and you

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Speaker 4: can see community and people show up because the only

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Speaker 4: reason why I found that home is because I didn't

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Speaker 4: have any other options but to hear somebody say, oh,

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Speaker 4: you don't want to live there and turn down. I

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Speaker 4: never had a problem.

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Speaker 3: In that area.

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Speaker 4: And I went and bought a Jag after that, and

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Speaker 4: I parked that jack in the West End in front

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Speaker 4: of that house and it never got bothered. So it

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Speaker 4: is these things, these misconceptions that people have about certain

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Speaker 4: areas or certain people to certain things that I continue

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Speaker 4: to break. And that was one of those things. But

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Speaker 4: that was my wide open moment to go from nothing

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Speaker 4: to not even I had no idea what I was

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Speaker 4: going to do.

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Speaker 1: This is wide open, and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.

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Speaker 2: We'll be right back.

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Speaker 1: There is something inside you that is so beautiful that

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Speaker 1: you don't even have to say it.

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Speaker 2: I feel it.

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Speaker 1: There's something that has made you exactly who you are

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Speaker 1: and I'm curious, did you know that was there someone

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Speaker 1: who shaped you in this way or was it life's

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Speaker 1: circumstances where you had no choice.

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Speaker 4: I knew nobody was coming to say, nobody was coming

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Speaker 4: to fix it for me.

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Speaker 3: I had to fix it.

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Speaker 4: Just even after my first marriage, I knew I had.

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Speaker 4: I made that decision, so I had to fix it right.

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Speaker 4: I made the decision because I knew going into the

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Speaker 4: marriage that I was gay. I told him that I was,

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Speaker 4: and I had to make a decision. Do I stay

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Speaker 4: in this marriage unhappy or do I leave and hurt

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Speaker 4: him in the process, even though I was honest and upfront.

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Speaker 4: So all the decisions we make once we're in those

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Speaker 4: things and we have to know. Some people have that

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Speaker 4: but I don't have. I didn't have anybody coming for me,

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Speaker 4: and little Rashonda knew that there's something better out there.

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Speaker 4: This is not the end for me. Something in that

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Speaker 4: motel room told me this is not the end. I

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Speaker 4: just have to figure out the next day. I have

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Speaker 4: to figure out the next step. The first thing is

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Speaker 4: I have a vehicle. I just need a job, so

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Speaker 4: I have to because most people don't have either, which

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Speaker 4: makes it even more difficult. So at least in my

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Speaker 4: lowest I still was privileged to have transport. So I said, oh,

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Speaker 4: I have to get a job, because.

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Speaker 3: Here's the thing.

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Speaker 4: There you are a children are looking at you, mama,

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Speaker 4: this is we never been in a motel before, a

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Speaker 4: hotel before. What is this a matter? And even though

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Speaker 4: they were young, they knew, like, this is not us.

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Speaker 4: You're gonna have to fix it. So even though they

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Speaker 4: didn't say it, I knew I had to fix it

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Speaker 4: and nobody was coming to save me.

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Speaker 3: Just like now, no, it's something to save it us.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna have to fix it.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna have to fix it. And that's what we do,

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Speaker 1: and we do it with community.

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Speaker 2: We do it together.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I think your story is so special

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Speaker 1: and so important because so many people out there. You

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Speaker 1: will give them the strength to not quit, to not

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Speaker 1: give up, to not feel alone. And I think that's invaluable.

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Speaker 1: And as a young thirteen year old who gets pregnant, yes.

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Speaker 2: I say that.

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Speaker 1: I'm a thirty nine year old who started adopting children

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Speaker 1: a few years ago, and it's I've done a lot

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Speaker 1: of hard shit in my life and nowhere near what

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Speaker 1: you've done. It is the hardest thing I've ever done.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, it is the hardest thing I've ever done.

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Speaker 1: And to know you were thirteen, you're doing this alone.

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Speaker 1: You decide, you know, you really confront your sexuality, right, yes,

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Speaker 1: And then you decide, I'm going to go to the military.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, girl, you get what this couldn't play out?

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Speaker 1: Then you're you go to the military. I think you're

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Speaker 1: in Frankfurt, Germany, yes, and you're like, Frankfurt.

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Speaker 2: Kids, I'm now going to marry a man.

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Speaker 1: I'm now having more children. I'm going to come home

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Speaker 1: now that I'm out of that bubble, and I can

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Speaker 1: see clearly what you know. I would assume you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh fuck this this mean for me?

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Speaker 3: And here's the thing I knew then. I knew.

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Speaker 4: I told him that. I told him when he asked

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Speaker 4: me I had a girl friend. I was like, this

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Speaker 4: is not But my family was like, well, this is

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Speaker 4: just a phase, you know. And I'm nineteen, by the way,

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Speaker 4: I'm nineteen at the time, and I'm like, you don't

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Speaker 4: want to marry me, Like, it's not even because I'm gay,

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Speaker 4: it's because I'm not anybody's wife. I've been reading a Bible, sir.

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Speaker 4: It's a lot of instructions in there for wives, and

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Speaker 4: I don't want to do any of that. So that

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Speaker 4: is not what I want in my life. Like I literally,

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Speaker 4: and because I am so funny of being I've always

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Speaker 4: been this way, people.

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Speaker 3: Don't take me serre. But I was literally. I said

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Speaker 3: I was in second grade that I like girls.

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Speaker 4: I knew that, but who was I going to come

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Speaker 4: out to And in high school watching older gay men

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Speaker 4: come out and trans men come out and be berated,

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Speaker 4: I was like, oh no, I can't, you know. So

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Speaker 4: when I finally did to my mom at eighteen, I

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Speaker 4: was like, okay. But at thirteen, I got pregnant the

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Speaker 4: first time having sex. Listening to my friends, I was

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Speaker 4: a cheerleader and they were talking about that's what they

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Speaker 4: were doing.

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Speaker 3: No, no, I said, it can't be.

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Speaker 4: It hurt, it was awkward, it's clear. It's not what

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Speaker 4: they show in the movies. It's none of that. It's

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Speaker 4: not And for me to get pregnant, and my aunt

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Speaker 4: kept asking me, you know, after I missed my cycle

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Speaker 4: and my mom knew because she wore tampons and I didn't.

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Speaker 4: She was like, I haven't seen any sanitary napkins in

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Speaker 4: the trash. This is my mom, FBI agent. And I

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Speaker 4: was like, so I went and wrapped one up, and

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Speaker 4: that nasty little lady went in there and opened that

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Speaker 4: went through that trash and opened that pad and was like,

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Speaker 4: there's nothing in this pad. Fine, I'm pregnant.

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Speaker 3: You got me. I'm busted.

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Speaker 4: But prior to that, my aunt asking me, asked me,

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Speaker 4: I knew why she was asking me. I didn't know,

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Speaker 4: but I knew because she kept saying, if you are,

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Speaker 4: we can fix it, you know. But she wasn't saying

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Speaker 4: and I'm thirteen, so I'm not knowing that she's talking

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Speaker 4: about abortion or whatever. She's like, we could fix it

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Speaker 4: if you are. But the door is cracked in my room.

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Speaker 4: I can see my mom sitting in her room looking

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Speaker 4: at me. So I kept saying, no, I'm not until

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Speaker 4: it was too late, right, So I finally said it

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Speaker 4: three months I was like, yes I am. And for

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Speaker 4: my friends, I lost all of them, right. They judged

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Speaker 4: my mom, my dad, my family. Teachers didn't want me

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Speaker 4: in the classroom pregnant. I had some teachers that really

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Speaker 4: did stand up for me, but it changed everything. And

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Speaker 4: my best friend her at the time. She laid in

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Speaker 4: the hospital bed with me the day I had him,

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Speaker 4: and his dad was always present, his grandmother always present,

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Speaker 4: and I lost him. He was died in a car accident.

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Speaker 4: My oldest son's father died in a car accident when

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Speaker 4: he was two. And then my boyfriend after that passed away.

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Speaker 4: And then my mom was like, well, maybe me and

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Speaker 4: aren't for you, Maybe you should try women. But so

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Speaker 4: I had already experienced loss early on in my life

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Speaker 4: and that probably kind of made me numb to just

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Speaker 4: you know, or I don't even save people's numbers even now.

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Speaker 4: People are temporary. Things are temporary, and I think it

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Speaker 4: stems from that. But being thirteen and going through that

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Speaker 4: and seeing you learn really fast who your friends are

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Speaker 4: and you have to grow up fast. And my mom

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Speaker 4: I had my son in July eighteenth and school started

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Speaker 4: back allus eighth My mom would just wrap me and

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Speaker 4: surround rap and put me on a girdle and was

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Speaker 4: like you have to go, Like now you have to

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Speaker 4: go even harder.

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Speaker 3: So I didn't get six or eight weeks rest.

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Speaker 4: I got about two and a half three weeks rest,

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Speaker 4: and then it was back to school ninth grade. I

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Speaker 4: started ninth grade and I went ahead and graduated. I

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Speaker 4: graduated in the top ten of my class, and I

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Speaker 4: went to the military. I said, I have to, but

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Speaker 4: it had to be my uncles and aunts and the community.

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Speaker 4: My mom would drag that crib into her room every

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Speaker 4: night during the week, so I had no excuse not

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Speaker 4: to get up in the morning because the baby's on

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Speaker 4: you know, three four hours sleep schedule.

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Speaker 3: My mom has to and she's still doing this.

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Speaker 4: Why my mom has my brother because we're ten years apart,

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Speaker 4: so I just added another child to her household. Right,

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Speaker 4: But she went so hard for me, which is why

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Speaker 4: now take care of her. I cannot not take care

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Speaker 4: of my mom, right, I cannot not. She sacrificed for

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Speaker 4: me to be where I am, and it's sad.

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Speaker 3: Now I'm getting why.

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Speaker 4: I open sea because she's in stage five dementia and

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Speaker 4: she doesn't know that I'm doing the things that she

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Speaker 4: prayed that I would be doing.

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Speaker 3: But she helped me get there, Yeah, by not giving up.

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Speaker 4: Because a lot of my friends who got pregnant after me,

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Speaker 4: and they did not walk across that stage. Their parents

390
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 4: put them out. They did not graduate. I don't know

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Speaker 4: where they are, But I'm glad my mam didn't give

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Speaker 4: up on me and I didn't give up on myself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that, and that's beautiful and I appreciate

394
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Speaker 1: you sharing that.

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Speaker 2: But what I will say is she knows, Yeah, she knows.

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Speaker 1: She knows exactly what you were destined to do, and

397
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Speaker 1: that's why she made the sacrifices she did and believed

398
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Speaker 1: in you and every turn of your life. Okay, sorry, honey,

399
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 1: this is wide open and you're really bringing it, and

400
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Speaker 1: I just I'm grateful for your honesty and I'm grateful

401
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 1: for your story because so many people would quit and

402
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,919
Speaker 1: that was never an option, and it was never an

403
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,720
Speaker 1: option for your mother either and for your family. And

404
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,880
Speaker 1: I always say it didn't happen to you, it happened

405
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Speaker 1: for you, yea. And you were built for this moment.

406
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 1: You were built for the spotlight. You were built for,

407
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 1: you know, being a part of people's home to bring

408
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Speaker 1: them joy and honesty and realness. And I imagine because

409
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Speaker 1: of the life you've walked, you have this way of

410
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 1: carrying yourself and you're so wise, way beyond your years.

411
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 1: Clearly you could be so reserved, so shut off, and

412
00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 1: rightfully so at every turn, You've been knocked down, but

413
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 1: you choose joy every day, you choose laughter, you choose light,

414
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Speaker 1: And I think that is a really special gift and

415
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 1: you deserve this moment. You're building this beautiful boutique which

416
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 1: makes people happy. And I think what separates you so much?

417
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 1: How has your journey, how has your experiences really like

418
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 1: affected your children of knowing exactly who they are and

419
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 1: giving them the strength to be like, look what my

420
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: mom went through and look where she's at, Like talk

421
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 1: about that, talk about you know, your your family is beautiful.

422
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 1: You have a trand son, and you have a pan

423
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,880
Speaker 1: sexual daughter, correct, and you.

424
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 2: Identify as gay.

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Speaker 1: So I'm curious of You've got this beautiful family that

426
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: has gone through so much. How has that, this queerness,

427
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 1: this identity of queerness for you shape them.

428
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Speaker 4: I wanted my children to have a happy parent. I

429
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 4: was not going to be happy masking who I was,

430
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 4: and that does not display freedom to them. Then they

431
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 4: wouldn't be able to be truly who they are. So

432
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 4: me being fully who I am before I even knew

433
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 4: them allowed them to be who they are. So when

434
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Speaker 4: my son first came out to me and I was like,

435
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:25,120
Speaker 4: you know I'm on lesbian. I was like, okay, we'll

436
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 4: see it's more but all right, but I'm glad that

437
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 4: he did. Or my youngest. So it's my oldest and

438
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 4: my youngest. We call the twins the straits, but my

439
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 4: oldest and my youngest being able to and they're one

440
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 4: and the same, they are the I always say that

441
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 4: the my youngest is the untampered with version of me,

442
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:57,119
Speaker 4: the one that I probably would have been had I

443
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 4: not gone through everything now because she is the epitome

444
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 4: of freedom and over sharing. Oh my lord, but I

445
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 4: am glad so because of that, and because of my

446
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 4: twins being who they are, and we were just raised

447
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 4: to love right. Even in the big family that I'm

448
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 4: talking about, my mom and her siblings, my uncles marrying

449
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 4: Caucasian women, and my cousins being lighter or and mixed

450
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:30,239
Speaker 4: and seeing loved, seeing love in a melting pot, and

451
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 4: nobody is judged right. Even after divorces and things happen.

452
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,640
Speaker 4: They're still family, they still show up to the family union.

453
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,639
Speaker 4: We're still everything is still loved. That's how I was

454
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:46,399
Speaker 4: raised right. Everybody goes through their things, my uncles and

455
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:52,199
Speaker 4: making sure that they reaffirmed who I was, even in

456
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:55,640
Speaker 4: my darker skin than the rest of my family. Right, Oh,

457
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 4: we love you, We love your full lips, we love

458
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 4: your not like it was all love my dad pouring

459
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,719
Speaker 4: into me. So I did that to my children. We

460
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,640
Speaker 4: are loving, We say I love you all through the day.

461
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 4: We give kisses, we give hugs. I broke the cycle

462
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 4: of because my mom can't help how she grew up. Right,

463
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 4: growing up in the eighties, you just can't tell your

464
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:20,439
Speaker 4: parents how you feel.

465
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:20,880
Speaker 3: Right.

466
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 4: It's seen us talking back, or it's seen as you

467
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,160
Speaker 4: don't have nothing to stress about because you don't pay bills.

468
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:27,640
Speaker 3: Right.

469
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 4: But as I got older, my mom listened, like seventeen

470
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 4: eighteen nineteen, but I started earlier with my children. It's

471
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 4: okay to have feelings. It's okay to tell me how

472
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 4: you feel right in a respectful manner. It's okay if

473
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 4: you don't like spaghetti, right, because here's the thing. We

474
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 4: grew up and you eat what you eat, or you

475
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 4: don't eat right. Finding out that they are not just

476
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 4: extensions of you like they're not.

477
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 3: They are their own people.

478
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 4: When you realize your children are just little people growing up,

479
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 4: they can be and do whatever so that's why I

480
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 4: go back to little Ray. One of my aunts was

481
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 4: a librarian. I would be in the library all the

482
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,159
Speaker 4: time in my little nook reading. Reading can take you

483
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 4: anywhere you want to go, which is why I say,

484
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 4: I've never been told that I can't. That's why I

485
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 4: do it is that freedom in it and raising queer children.

486
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 4: I just had to say be here. I'm here to

487
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,400
Speaker 4: particular if the world don't like you, fuck oh exactly okay,

488
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 4: because I'm here. And I was glad when I came

489
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 4: out to my mom and my dad that they were

490
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 4: just like okay, And it's nothing new because people forget

491
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:41,920
Speaker 4: queer people have always been here.

492
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 3: So I give that to my children.

493
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 4: Right, you are exactly who you're supposed to be, and

494
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 4: you are perfect just that way.

495
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 2: That's so beautiful.

496
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 1: And I can imagine what those dinner table talks off

497
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: feel like, sound like. I mean, it is so beautiful

498
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 1: to hear that, because not everyone has that type of

499
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: coming out experience, and especially in this political climate that

500
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: you and I are working, yes so hard to change

501
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,120
Speaker 1: for people to understand that.

502
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 3: Because it's simply business.

503
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 4: It's just not it's not And the moment that you

504
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 4: tell somebody that you're gay or lesbian or trans or whatever,

505
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 4: then it becomes all about that, when it's simply it's not.

506
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 4: I am still smart, I am still funny. I'm still

507
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,360
Speaker 4: doing my job. That's why I say incorporate. If you're

508
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 4: in corporate and.

509
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 3: You're gay, you're still doing your job. Everything.

510
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 4: Nothing is attached to it about people automatically go to

511
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 4: our bedrooms. That's not where you're supposed to be.

512
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 3: That's not your business, Karen.

513
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about you what you and Donald are

514
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 1: doing in your bedroom.

515
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 3: Stop worrying, moment.

516
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:53,880
Speaker 2: Stop worrying about what I'm doing.

517
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 4: I don't understand it. When I walk into a room,

518
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 4: I walk in there all the things that I am.

519
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 4: I don't separate my blackness and my queerness and my

520
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 4: being a veteran and a business owner. And when I

521
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 4: walk in, I'm all those things. The first thing you're

522
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 4: going to see is that I'm a black woman. Whatever

523
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 4: I give you after that is you know, you find

524
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 4: that out. But when I walk in, I'm still walking

525
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 4: in all of those things. You treat me differently when

526
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 4: you start finding out who I am.

527
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 3: That's the problem. Yeah, I know who I am, which.

528
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,840
Speaker 1: Is also what I say all the time when we

529
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: are so quick to judge our youth trans can you

530
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: imagine being their age and knowing exactly who they fucking

531
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: are and owning it when you're in your forties.

532
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,960
Speaker 2: And fifties and still there and you still.

533
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 1: Don't know who the fuck you are, and you want

534
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 1: to judge a young child for being so brave because

535
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: they know exactly who they are.

536
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 4: And then we can't tell them because remember I said,

537
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 4: I knew in second grade, somebody would be like, you.

538
00:28:58,840 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 3: Don't know anything.

539
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 4: We don't listen to them because we write them off, right,

540
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 4: even when they're eighteen nineteen. It's like, oh, your frontal

541
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 4: lobe has to develop, you wait till you're twenty five.

542
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 4: But I knew who I was back then, and you

543
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 4: stifled me, even me getting married.

544
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: Right.

545
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 4: My family was like, oh, it's just a phase. You

546
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 4: should just try to try. What you're doing is bringing

547
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 4: in somebody else's feelings and emotions, and I wasn't about

548
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 4: to play with them, which is why I was trying

549
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 4: to be upfront and honest. It's okay that you love me,

550
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 4: it's okay that you like me. What I'm trying to

551
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 4: tell you you want me to stuff down a part

552
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 4: of myself that's just not gonna go anywhere. It's just

553
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 4: gonna bubble back up, and then we're gonna be at

554
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 4: this crossroads. I believe that for a lot of people,

555
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 4: which is also why it offends them when they see us,

556
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 4: like you said that you were gonna do this, and

557
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 4: this is the life you chose.

558
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 3: We chose a different path and it's okay. Yeah, it's okay.

559
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: And that's what makes us all so beautiful. Yes, right,

560
00:29:56,440 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: And I think some people need to watch your stories

561
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 1: for a little education. Your your your social media content

562
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: is so good. But during this does it scare you?

563
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 1: During this political climate with Trump in office and the

564
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 1: things that he's you know, he's been saying this for

565
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 1: a long time of what he plans to do, and

566
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 1: you know, you your family is very colorful, yes, And

567
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 1: what are you scared living in Kentucky in a very

568
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 1: very conservative place that is a red state and the

569
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 1: potential of the harm that he's going to put on

570
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: our community and personally your son?

571
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 2: Yes, how do you feel?

572
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 3: Like?

573
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 2: How are you coping?

574
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 4: I now that terrifies me, right because we just had

575
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 4: he came over last night and watched his clothes as

576
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 4: the children do, and you know, shopping your refrigerator, and

577
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 4: that was one of the things we talked about. We

578
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 4: talked about la We talked about Chicago, not so much

579
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 4: New York because it's cod Okay, but also Chicago is

580
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 4: but that's where my dad is. But we know, we

581
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 4: were like, we have to and I'm going to visit

582
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 4: Colorado Denver too. We have to get to a blue state.

583
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 4: I don't want my children's freedom restricted at all. I

584
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 4: set them free.

585
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that the HRC brought us together.

586
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 1: Yes, and I love that you have found your voice

587
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 1: and your activism for our community, for yourself, for women.

588
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 2: Do your kids are they proud of you?

589
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 1: They look at do They look at you and they're like, damn, mom,

590
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 1: you're really doing it.

591
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 3: They tell me that all the time. It is so

592
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 3: now I'm gonna cry.

593
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 4: It is so because I was so scared that I

594
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 4: just fucked them up so bad because in me finding myself,

595
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 4: I'm raising children right because there's no instructions. But you're

596
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 4: also even for me learning the things that happened to

597
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 4: my mom in her life and then her having me

598
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,479
Speaker 4: at twenty three years old. I can see myself at

599
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 4: twenty three, even though I was married. But just imagine

600
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 4: you at twenty three. We was out here wilding at

601
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 4: twenty three, So imagine.

602
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 1: And no social media, right.

603
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 4: No social media and raising a child or raising children.

604
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 4: So I was the only child until I was ten.

605
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 4: And my mom, she said, I always knew I wanted

606
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 4: to be a mom. I always wanted to live on you.

607
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 4: But I look back and there were days that my

608
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 4: mom would come home. I'll say this. My grandmother passed

609
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 4: when I was five in nineteen eighty six. That means

610
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 4: that if I was five, my mom was twenty eight

611
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 4: losing her mom. There was a point in my mom's

612
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 4: life where she said that she didn't remember dressing me,

613
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 4: putting me on the school bus. She did those things,

614
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:05,719
Speaker 4: but she slept most of the day. She took nerve pills,

615
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 4: she took her but she was going through something. She

616
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 4: lost her mom, and nothing stops. The world doesn't stop

617
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 4: in grief. So she's raising me through grief. She's raising

618
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 4: me through trauma that she's been through prior to me

619
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 4: getting here. She's working through all that. So I was

620
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 4: terrified that my children wouldn't understand, and they were like, no, Mama,

621
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 4: we're in our twenties now, we understand. We're all just

622
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 4: figuring this. We're all just figuring this things out, and

623
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 4: you have to give yourself grace. And I could only

624
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 4: just apologize, like I'm so sorry for whatever, and if

625
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 4: you need to go to counseling or about me or

626
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 4: talk about I found out when they were little they

627
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 4: used to have group meetings about me. Not bad, but

628
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 4: just how are we gonna infiltrate today? Are we gonna

629
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 4: send the baby nacy? Are we gonna send herry in

630
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 4: and ask for what we want today like they had.

631
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 3: If they were smart.

632
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 4: So even now being older, I'm like, I hope you

633
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 4: all know that I did the best that I could.

634
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 4: You know, everybody's grown now. My youngest is twenty one

635
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 4: and twins are twenty three, and my oldest is twenty nine.

636
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 4: So I'm like, I did it, and I hope you

637
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 4: all are proud. So for them to be like Mama,

638
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 4: we are. We understand now that you only can do

639
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 4: what you know, right, you only and when I learned better,

640
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 4: I did better and I'm grateful for that.

641
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, And what your experiences and the life you've walked

642
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: and led are going to make them the most incredible humans.

643
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 2: Because they got a front row. They got a front

644
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 2: row seat.

645
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 3: I hope so.

646
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: And that's why I love this show so much, because

647
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: we're here to share our scars. We're here to protect

648
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 1: people to not walk the hardship, the hard parts of

649
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: our life. If we can talk about it and we

650
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 1: can help, we're more of a success than anything else

651
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 1: we've ever done. Absolutely, I'll be back in just a

652
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:20,400
Speaker 1: moment after this brief message from our sponsors. I always

653
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 1: say this, there's a difference between having kids and being

654
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 1: a parent. Yes, there is a big fucking difference on

655
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,919
Speaker 1: how you show up. Yes, And I love the way

656
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: you show up in Parent and I think your kids

657
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: are able to see that and when they look at

658
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 1: themselves like you are their superhero. You're still choosing to advocate,

659
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 1: You're still choosing to show up and use your voice

660
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 1: in your platform. And now you have this audience where

661
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: people are listening.

662
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 3: What is that like? Is crazy? What is that like?

663
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 2: On this side?

664
00:35:54,360 --> 00:36:00,240
Speaker 4: It's crazy? It's crazy because I didn't imagine, right. I'm

665
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 4: going to tell you a quick story walking through Dubai

666
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 4: twenty twenty one, my first time going walking through the mall,

667
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 4: I'm just in awe because it's Dubai and I'm like,

668
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 4: oh my god.

669
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 3: And I say out of my mouth.

670
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 4: I was like, I wonder what it's like to open

671
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 4: a boutique over here, Like what does it take exactly?

672
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 4: And I remember one of my friends saying, well, you

673
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 4: have to know somebody that already lives there, and they

674
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 4: have to own at least fifty one percent of your business,

675
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 4: all the things, and.

676
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,880
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm going to open a boutique over

677
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 3: here one day.

678
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 4: And that was in March of twenty twenty one and

679
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 4: May of twenty twenty one, I was contacted via Instagram

680
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:47,319
Speaker 4: and I.

681
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 3: Want to say this.

682
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:51,359
Speaker 4: While I was in Dubai, people were sending me tiktoks

683
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 4: and I still wasn't on TikTok right now.

684
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 3: I'm behind. I was like, I'm not downloading another app.

685
00:36:59,239 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 3: I'm not.

686
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 4: I'm refusing and I get back in March of twenty

687
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 4: twenty one, and at the end of March, I posted

688
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 4: my first video and I think my second video went

689
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:13,760
Speaker 4: viral when I did rules for my Funeral or something

690
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 4: like that, and I was contacted by a lady who's

691
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 4: a teacher in Dubai, and she was like, I'm reading

692
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 4: this book called Girl on Fire by carral Alwell. Right,

693
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,919
Speaker 4: she wrote Champagne die here. She's here in New York.

694
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:31,839
Speaker 3: I love her.

695
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:35,879
Speaker 4: She wrote about me when she met me, about going

696
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:39,280
Speaker 4: from homeless to six figures in her book. This lady

697
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 4: is in Dubai reading about my story and she's a

698
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 4: teacher and she's like, I want to open a boutique

699
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 4: over here, not knowing I had just spoken out of

700
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 4: my mouth it two months before, in March March April May,

701
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 4: three months before saying I wonder what to be like

702
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 4: because sometimes your thoughts and her dreams aren't for you,

703
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 4: there for you to help other people. So in doing that,

704
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 4: I said I'm going to start a TikTok and had

705
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 4: no idea that it would grow the way that they

706
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 4: did in these three years and be in these spaces

707
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 4: and be booked at the and working with the dream

708
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 4: brands that I want to work with. But to be able,

709
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 4: the biggest thing is walking through anywhere. It doesn't matter where.

710
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 4: The second time I went to do Bai, I'm on

711
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:37,879
Speaker 4: the plane and I simply asked for water. I had

712
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 4: masks on, so it was still. So it was in

713
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 4: of twenty twenty one. So I've been on TikTok at

714
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:47,240
Speaker 4: this point six months, seven months, and this lady says,

715
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 4: say that again, and I said, I just wanted on water.

716
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 4: She said, oh my god, it's you. So this was

717
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 4: March of twenty twenty two, so it had been a year.

718
00:38:56,719 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 4: And I said what she was like. My mother followed,

719
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 4: I'm about to call it right now. We're on an

720
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 4: Emirates flight in Dubai flying back to the States and

721
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 4: there's somebody that recognized me by my voice and it

722
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 4: has not stopped.

723
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 3: So all the love, all.

724
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 4: The hugs, even the flight attendants when they recognize me,

725
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 4: giving me my extra snacks. It is so crazy. But

726
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 4: also for people to say thank you, thank you for

727
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,959
Speaker 4: being a voice, thank you for standing up, because who's

728
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 4: going to do it right, even in the political climate

729
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 4: we were in, They was like, thank you for sacrificing

730
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 4: your platform.

731
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,440
Speaker 3: I was like, it's no sacrifice.

732
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 4: When people tell you, oh, I liked you until you

733
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 4: got political or all the things, they don't realize that

734
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 4: everything we do is political, from where you live to.

735
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 3: Where you work to what you drive.

736
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 4: All of that is dictated by politics, and you are

737
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 4: foolish if you don't think that it is. Everything is

738
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 4: political because everything, every law has to be passed in

739
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 4: order for something to take place, in order for it

740
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 4: to be what it is. And I'm not sure why

741
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 4: people don't understand it. So it was no sacrifice to me.

742
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 4: I have enjoyed it thoroughly, dragging who needs to be dressed.

743
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 4: It's standing up for those who needs to be sit

744
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:17,879
Speaker 4: up for it because it affects us all.

745
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: What people don't realize with this incredible gift of success

746
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 1: and fame comes a lot of responsibility. Oh yeah, right,

747
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:31,959
Speaker 1: and you lived out a very public, oh my god,

748
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 1: very public divorce. You were married, and we share this together.

749
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 2: I love you.

750
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: You can have to be your wife, yes, thank you.

751
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 2: But yeah, what the hardest part is is you.

752
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,399
Speaker 1: You you build this platform, right, you build this success

753
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 1: where people are willing to listen. Yes, and you know,

754
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:55,760
Speaker 1: in twenty nineteen, you get married and you start bringing

755
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: you know, your wife at the time on your TikTok,

756
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 1: and then you know, things happen and you get a

757
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 1: divorce and now you have to live this publicly which

758
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:11,359
Speaker 1: is people don't understand. Once you open your life up

759
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 1: to the media, to success, to people following you, they

760
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,279
Speaker 1: want more, they want more, they want more, they want

761
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 1: it all. Yes, and they're not entitled to that. But

762
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,360
Speaker 1: you got on your platform and you just told it

763
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: how it was. Yes, And I respect that, and I

764
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: can take a lesson in your book. I stood in

765
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 1: my integrity because I didn't want to say anything, and

766
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: the media and tabloids went haywire because my silence was

767
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 1: a admission of guilt or of wrongdoing, or of all

768
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,440
Speaker 1: these things that they could draw up. And I guess

769
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 1: that is my biggest mistake. My biggest regret is not

770
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,399
Speaker 1: sitting in my truth because I was so fearful of

771
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 1: who it might hurt. Oh, yes, but it hurt me

772
00:41:58,920 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 1: in the process.

773
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 2: See, so how does that like?

774
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 1: That is my question to you, Like, what is it

775
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: like to now sit in such a famous space where

776
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:12,280
Speaker 1: people recognize you and go through such a public separation

777
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: and divorce.

778
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 4: I knew that I was gonna have to say something, right,

779
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 4: it's social media, but also people were the major reason

780
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 4: that I brought up the divorce itself was because people

781
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 4: were asking, like, where are we sending the decorations this

782
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 4: year because she would decorate and it was coming up

783
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 4: on Halloween and we hadn't said anything, and they hadn't

784
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 4: seen her because they pay attention to everything. They pay

785
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 4: attention to everything. So I was like, I'm just gonna

786
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 4: get on here and simply say, hey, we're filing for

787
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,240
Speaker 4: And this was I did.

788
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 1: It twenty twenty three, right, yes, the.

789
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 4: Inner September, after I had filed for a divorce, I

790
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,120
Speaker 4: went on there and just simply said I fout for

791
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 4: a divorce.

792
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 3: Right. I wasn't dragging.

793
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 4: I didn't want to. I didn't want to do it,

794
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 4: but I had to do it because it had to

795
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,959
Speaker 4: be done. I was like, I and I locked off.

796
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 4: So then it comes about that, oh she Rashonda must

797
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 4: have been cheating or she's had this weight loss surgery

798
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 4: and now she's leaving her behind. And then she went

799
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 4: on there running her mouth and I was like.

800
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,320
Speaker 3: Well, okay.

801
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,919
Speaker 4: Then I went to my best friend's house and I said, well,

802
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 4: best friend, give me a glass of wine, and I'm

803
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 4: gonna go live and I'm gonna say this one time

804
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,719
Speaker 4: and one time only. I'm just gonna put it all

805
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,280
Speaker 4: out on the table. With time stamps, dates and everything,

806
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:50,279
Speaker 4: because I remember, and I just let it go. The

807
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 4: thing is, people drug me for it, just like they

808
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 4: drug you for not saying anything.

809
00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 3: Right.

810
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 4: The people that drugged me for saying something, I can't

811
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 4: worry about it. I never gave a damn, not one, two, three, four, five,

812
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:09,479
Speaker 4: six damns. I couldn't worry about it. I had, which

813
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 4: is what I said on there. I have no problem

814
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 4: with a burning a bridge while I'm standing on it

815
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 4: to let people know that I'm not to be fucked with.

816
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 4: Because and I said that because I knew social media.

817
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,399
Speaker 4: I've been on social media since twenty eleven, well before then,

818
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 4: but as far as being viral and people knowing me

819
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 4: since twenty eleven twenty twelve when I started my All

820
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,400
Speaker 4: is Fair in Love and Fashion. So I knew that

821
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:36,959
Speaker 4: with me saying something that I would be I would

822
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 4: get kind of burned too, and I had to be

823
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 4: okay with that. So once I accepted that I'm gonna

824
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 4: tell my truth, I can't help it if you believe

825
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 4: it or not. I'm telling you this and I'm only

826
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 4: repeating myself. I'm only saying it. One time, I had

827
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 4: to be okay with that I don't want you to

828
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 4: regret not saying anything. But for me, I knew I

829
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 4: had to, and the way I I was raised, I

830
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 4: just had to. I wish I had that thing that

831
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:07,279
Speaker 4: Beyonce has. Well, she doesn't address anything about it. Let

832
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 4: you think what you want to think. But for me,

833
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 4: I knew our wedding was gonna say yes to the dress,

834
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 4: so we got married publicly. This was gonna have to

835
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 4: end publicly, right, and I believe that it had to

836
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 4: be that bad, as bad as it was to be unfixable.

837
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 4: It had to be so broken that I didn't even

838
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 4: want to try, and I didn't. I didn't try. I

839
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 4: didn't want to fix it. I didn't want it back.

840
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,800
Speaker 4: I wanted it to be exactly what it was. Because

841
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 4: every day since then, actually I've been blessed beyond me.

842
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 4: Every day I wake up to another blessing. So over

843
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,359
Speaker 4: three hundred and sixty five days ago, I have been

844
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 4: blessed every day since then. And I knew that it

845
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 4: was gonna be bad, and I had and it could

846
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 4: have been worse right because I had big media to

847
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 4: reach out to me, that wanted to interview me, but

848
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 4: I didn't want to drag it.

849
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:02,280
Speaker 3: I said what I said.

850
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:05,839
Speaker 4: She knew exactly who I was talking to, and then

851
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 4: it was a rap for me in my mind because

852
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 4: I'm divorced that day. The moment that you bring something

853
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 4: to social media, it's a rap. We were never gonna

854
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 4: come back from it, so we might as wear air

855
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:23,359
Speaker 4: the shit out right now. I'm not a crash out

856
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 4: person like on the internet, go crazy. I just wanted

857
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:29,799
Speaker 4: to say my piece and be done. And then I

858
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:33,320
Speaker 4: got the backlash about you didn't think about her son.

859
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,839
Speaker 4: I said, she didn't think about her son. Everybody knows

860
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 4: I'm a fool. Don't fucking play with me. My children

861
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 4: are grown. They were like, oh, well, she doesn't care

862
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 4: because her children are grown. I care period, because they

863
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 4: still have feelings. They still see their mom out here

864
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 4: in public. But the good outweigh the bad. You can

865
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 4: never never focus on the negative. I'm telling you now.

866
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 4: I said what I said, and I logged off. I

867
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 4: went to bed just like any other night, did my

868
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:05,640
Speaker 4: skincare routine, put my lip gloss on. Couldn't be bothered

869
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 4: because I don't give a damn.

870
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 3: I don't care.

871
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 4: And then so when asks, well, that means you never

872
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 4: loved her, You must didn't love her. The moment that

873
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 4: betrayal enters something, it doesn't matter at all, And that

874
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 4: is my way of compartmentalizing things, maybe from trauma.

875
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 3: But no, I didn't shed a tear. I did not

876
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 3: shed one tear.

877
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,839
Speaker 4: I felt a weight lifted up off of me, and

878
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 4: I walked through the door that was open, and I

879
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 4: couldn't worry about it. As much as I've been through,

880
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:44,320
Speaker 4: this was a cake walk compared to what I've been through.

881
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:46,799
Speaker 4: So I don't want you to regret not saying it

882
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,439
Speaker 4: in that moment. That's what you felt. But I felt

883
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:54,240
Speaker 4: the need to protect nobody, nobody at all. I wanted

884
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 4: to say what I needed to say in order for

885
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:59,439
Speaker 4: me to sleep better. So now sher tern Okay.

886
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:05,839
Speaker 1: I just appreciate the realness. And I feel that when

887
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:07,839
Speaker 1: you say it, because once you start telling the truth,

888
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 1: you can't stop. I think that's the thing for me,

889
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:15,239
Speaker 1: is one I finally acknowledge that this wasn't working, and

890
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 1: I started saying it out loud because we say it

891
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 1: internally for far too long. Yes, and we sit and

892
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: we suffer, and we do the work, and we do

893
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:25,800
Speaker 1: all the things, and we do things for the kids,

894
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 1: and at some point you stand up and you're like, well,

895
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:29,360
Speaker 1: what the fuck about me?

896
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 3: Yes?

897
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 1: What about me? Yes, you bend, you curve, you do

898
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 1: the cave, you do all these things. You look in

899
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 1: the mirror and I'm like, I look in the mirror.

900
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, who the fuck are you?

901
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 1: You've completely lost yourself.

902
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 4: My best friend said that to me. She didn't say

903
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 4: who are you? She was like, Rishonda, I know you,

904
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 4: and you would have never allowed any of it, because see,

905
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 4: when you start compromising, like you say it, bending bending,

906
00:48:54,400 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 4: but takers are gonna always take. They and you don't

907
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 4: tell them that they are taking. You have now turned

908
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:06,359
Speaker 4: them into a thief that they didn't know because you didn't.

909
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 4: You didn't tell the honey, So I said, I don't

910
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:09,959
Speaker 4: tell you right now.

911
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:10,760
Speaker 3: It's a rap.

912
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,719
Speaker 1: We are done, we are moving. So tell me now.

913
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 1: What is dating like?

914
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 3: Oh, it's so fun, so fun. It's a plethora of options.

915
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 3: The roster is just amazing.

916
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: I'm just getting you a little juice before maybe some dates.

917
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 2: Yes, weekend in New York.

918
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm super excited to see her two. Yeah, I'm excited.

919
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:41,760
Speaker 4: But here's the thing. I don't know if I don't know.

920
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 1: You don't know what if you'll ever get married? Is

921
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:46,239
Speaker 1: that what we're going to.

922
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 3: Ever get married or do anything like that again?

923
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 4: Because here's the thing I always tell people, and I

924
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:54,440
Speaker 4: think I heard Oprah say this or somebody say that,

925
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:57,359
Speaker 4: But for me, the biggest mistakes that I've ever made

926
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:01,320
Speaker 4: in my life have always been to a piece of people.

927
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 4: The first time I got married, I knew I was gay.

928
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 4: I got married anyway because he liked me, he loved me,

929
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:11,760
Speaker 4: so he's asking me I might as well even though

930
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 4: you don't. That is a red flag, right there, not

931
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 4: a might as well marriage? And I just can't say

932
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,439
Speaker 4: that I didn't like him, but I knew. And then

933
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 4: for her my second marriage, and on my first date,

934
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 4: I said I never want to be remarried again. And

935
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 4: I got married again even though I knew, and she

936
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 4: asked me in front of all of my friends.

937
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 3: So what do you do?

938
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:38,960
Speaker 4: So, because I can do relationships, I'm good in relationships.

939
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:43,360
Speaker 4: That's easy work. I'm faithful, I'm kind, I'm funny, that's easy.

940
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 3: I don't have a problem with relationships.

941
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,719
Speaker 4: But it has to be at a point where you

942
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 4: love that person, you like them too, it's not just oh,

943
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 4: they like me, and I don't want to hurt their feelings.

944
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 4: And that's where I was right. Everything that I've ever

945
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 4: done that was a mistake was not following my intuition

946
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 4: and appeasing somebody else because I don't want to hurt

947
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 4: their feelings. So now I'm at a point where I'm like,

948
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,920
Speaker 4: if I feel it, then maybe if I don't feel it,

949
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,359
Speaker 4: I'm not going to force it or act like it's there. No,

950
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:17,680
Speaker 4: because to spare somebody else. No, because in the end

951
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 4: you end up harding yourself.

952
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and you lose that first Yeah, you rail everything

953
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: and everyone in the way. It's like every time I

954
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:29,759
Speaker 1: hear Miley Cyrus, I'm like, okay, man, life run.

955
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 3: Well girl, I understand right now.

956
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 2: Understand I do too.

957
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:40,399
Speaker 1: Until you've lived it and you're like, oh, someone rolled

958
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 1: the carpet for me to run a little bit. I'm

959
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 1: fucking sprinting. I felt like I was being chased. I

960
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,880
Speaker 1: was like, I don't care who's in my way. I'm running.

961
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 2: Really, Oh god, I had to.

962
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 1: I was like, the second I saw the light and

963
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:57,320
Speaker 1: the sense of freedom to get.

964
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,399
Speaker 2: Out, I fucking took off.

965
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 1: I just ran and I didn't care who I hurt

966
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 1: in the process because I was so broken and damage

967
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:11,760
Speaker 1: that I was running to save myself because I didn't

968
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 1: recognize who was standing in the mirror. So it's just

969
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 1: an interesting thing that you say. It's like you're gonna

970
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:23,719
Speaker 1: hurt people in the process of choosing you, yes, right,

971
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:27,760
Speaker 1: or you're gonna cave and you're gonna choose someone else's

972
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 1: joy and happiness over yourself. And how long is that

973
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 1: gonna last?

974
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 3: My goodness, Now, I.

975
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,759
Speaker 1: Won't sell my worth anymore. That's what I've learned. That

976
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:38,800
Speaker 1: is not negotiable anymore.

977
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:42,399
Speaker 3: I love that. Oh you just spoke a word.

978
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, honey, come on, cheers to that.

979
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:48,759
Speaker 2: Cheers cheers to that.

980
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 1: So to end on a lighter note, I saw recently

981
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:58,640
Speaker 1: that you went to your first sports ball game. Yes,

982
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:04,839
Speaker 1: tell me everything, because you had me rolling. You went

983
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 1: to the Washington Commander's LGBTQ IA plus game, correct, which great.

984
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 1: I'm glad to see we're actually even doing that.

985
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 2: I've never even heard.

986
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:16,239
Speaker 3: Of it, I know.

987
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 4: And they had T shirts. On the back of the

988
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 4: T shirts it says football is for everybody with a

989
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 4: rainbow in a football And you're right, and I'm so

990
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:28,239
Speaker 4: glad that the Washington Commanders was able to have a

991
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:31,520
Speaker 4: day like that. We had our owntailgating area, even though

992
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 4: we were in there dancing, because again, we don't know

993
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 4: what's happening. Most of us do not. I do know

994
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:43,319
Speaker 4: when you run into the logo where the big U is,

995
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 4: that's a touchdown area.

996
00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 2: That's called the in zone.

997
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 3: Uh huh see.

998
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:51,439
Speaker 4: There's something about a two point conversion. Somebody's ponting. There's

999
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 4: a lot of terminology that I learned. I don't know

1000
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,719
Speaker 4: how to put it together. But I did have a

1001
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 4: football purse, earrings, and necklace, which made the day better

1002
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 4: to be coordinated with the event. But as far as

1003
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 4: sports ball, honey, I heard something about a tight end

1004
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,640
Speaker 4: a wide receiver. I was like, oh, this is very

1005
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 4: something's not right. But I'm glad that I was able

1006
00:54:14,239 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 4: to be a part of that. But you know, I

1007
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 4: learned some stuff.

1008
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 3: I learned what a down was down.

1009
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:21,839
Speaker 2: Okay, do you want should I take you to your

1010
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 2: next sports ball game?

1011
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:24,240
Speaker 3: Please?

1012
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:26,239
Speaker 1: Do you want to go to like maybe like a

1013
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 1: w NBA basketball game?

1014
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:29,480
Speaker 3: You know what? That would be more of my speed.

1015
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 2: I feel like that would be your speed.

1016
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 4: Yes, Okay, the indoor events, indoor with girls chic, Let's

1017
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:36,840
Speaker 4: get you court side.

1018
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 1: Let's see honey, with that fashion. Those cameras are going

1019
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 1: to be not worrying about the girlies on the court.

1020
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 1: They're gonna be worrying about you.

1021
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 3: What is wrong with you?

1022
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:47,160
Speaker 2: Listen, you're my date. I'm taking.

1023
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:47,960
Speaker 3: I will go.

1024
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 1: You got to come back to New York when the Liberty,

1025
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:53,279
Speaker 1: you know, because New York just won the championships. Bro,

1026
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 1: We're out here, We're winning all the things.

1027
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:56,400
Speaker 3: Guess we're fabulous.

1028
00:54:56,719 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 1: We are see and I'm going to take because I

1029
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:03,359
Speaker 1: want you to learn more about the sports ball okay with.

1030
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:08,320
Speaker 3: The girlies, Yeah, I think I know more basketball terminal.

1031
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, Well, thank you so much for coming

1032
00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 1: on the show.

1033
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:14,319
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me, Thank you so.

1034
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 1: Much for showing up in this world exactly who the

1035
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 1: fuck you are. It is the most beautiful gift you

1036
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:22,799
Speaker 1: can give to everyone. And I'm so grateful for your

1037
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:26,840
Speaker 1: vulnerability and also this friendship that we've started. You're coming

1038
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:29,840
Speaker 1: to friends Giving, Yes, we are doing this together.

1039
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 4: Don't be a bad influence at friends giving too, Okay.

1040
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:38,600
Speaker 1: I'll try not to. We're gonna hit the Hollywood Hills together.

1041
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:40,800
Speaker 1: You're single, I'm a good wing woman.

1042
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:42,439
Speaker 3: Oh well that's good.

1043
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:46,719
Speaker 1: See, I'm gonna bring all of my people that are

1044
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 1: single and ready to mingle for you. Okay, so you

1045
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:54,239
Speaker 1: better not that I worry, but you could be fly okay, fly,

1046
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 1: but chic but comfortable.

1047
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:56,040
Speaker 3: Okay.

1048
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 2: We're gonna have a little fire pit.

1049
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 1: You know, we're gonna be eating all the things.

1050
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 2: You just bring your happy self. The babies will be there,

1051
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 2: so they will.

1052
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 1: Meet Auntie a baby. They will be ripping around the

1053
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 1: backyard thinking that this party is for them. Sloan will

1054
00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:17,600
Speaker 1: probably think it's her birthday because anytime there's a gathering,

1055
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:19,280
Speaker 1: it's about her, because she's the princess.

1056
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 2: And we already spook about that.

1057
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:22,760
Speaker 3: Okay, that's true. I'm ready.

1058
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:26,280
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being Thanks everyone, Thank you babe.

1059
00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 1: Thanks for tuning in everyone, and we will see you

1060
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:30,680
Speaker 1: next week.

1061
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:32,760
Speaker 3: Bye.

1062
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:37,400
Speaker 1: Wide Open with Ashland Harris is an iHeart women's sports production.

1063
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 2: You can find us on.

1064
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:43,520
Speaker 1: The iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1065
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:49,800
Speaker 1: Our producers are Carmen Borca Coreo, Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones.

1066
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 1: Production assistants from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz,

1067
00:56:56,760 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 1: Jenny Kaplan, and Emily Rudder. Our editors are are Jenny

1068
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 1: Kaplan and Emily Rudder and I'm Your Host Ashlyn Harris