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Speaker 1: On one hand, I have my son's dad is very

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Speaker 1: much present, and then I have my husband who's very

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Speaker 1: much present, and so sometimes I feel like I get

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Speaker 1: lost a little bit in trying to make sure that

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Speaker 1: everyone's you know, it's like a mine feel exactly. And

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Speaker 1: so I feel like I have had to work on

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Speaker 1: not shrinking myself and my desires in this whole experience

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Speaker 1: because there's two very strong alpha males, and then I'm

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Speaker 1: raising a son too.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 2: I'm Mila, and it's Wednesday. It's my favorite.

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Speaker 3: Day, my favorite day, favorite day. Happy hump Day, y'all,

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Speaker 3: Happy hump Day. I hope y'all are humping and fucking,

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Speaker 3: humping and fucking, not just fucking, but hemping in fucking.

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Speaker 2: For the love of God, someone fuck for me. It's

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Speaker 2: been a long time. It's been a dry season.

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Speaker 3: Not a dry season, very very dry. The pussy is parched.

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't say the pussy is parched. Push pussy is

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Speaker 3: very wet. You can get if you get v vitamins,

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Speaker 3: you push the bumpy parched.

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Speaker 2: My VI vitamins keeps my pussy very moisturized. And activated.

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Speaker 2: But the season of sex.

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Speaker 3: Is dry moisturize, not fertilized. Just want to be clear, fertilization,

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Speaker 3: the pussy is moisturize, are not fertilized.

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Speaker 2: There would be no fertilization happening in the next four

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Speaker 2: hundred and thirty five days plus.

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Speaker 3: Do you remember that song how you like your eggs

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Speaker 3: fry to fertilized?

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Speaker 2: No? I do not remember. No, Why would anyone want

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Speaker 2: their eggs fertilized?

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Speaker 3: It was just a funny song.

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Speaker 2: I was like, were they talking about overreas, Yes.

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Speaker 3: How you like your eggs fried to fertilized?

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Speaker 2: Why would I want to fry my over it?

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Speaker 3: It was just a funny joke.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, Okay, I'm just that question.

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Speaker 3: Maybe if you don't want'm fertilized, you're fry them. That

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Speaker 3: sounds like a like a hysterectomy or something. Oh no, yeah,

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Speaker 3: no fertilized eggs over here. God do you hear that?

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Speaker 3: Dear Jesus, No fertilized eggs and the next two to

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Speaker 3: three years, please God, please, no.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, I'm gonna stop talking like this is it? Because

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Speaker 2: we're in Georgia, We're in Georgia. I don't think that

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Speaker 2: people talk like this here.

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Speaker 3: Now, they don't. They talk like that. But you're like,

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Speaker 3: over now, how about you say about now? I go'n

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Speaker 3: hold on to sin Like what? That's how Atlanta people talk.

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Speaker 3: You don't you have to really listen? Oh okay, well

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Speaker 3: down the makea straet, make a laugh, the megapizing.

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Speaker 2: Talk.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, got it. I'm fluent in it because

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Speaker 3: I used to live here. So if you have any

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Speaker 3: if you need to be translated, just let me know.

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Speaker 2: If Neila's gonna let everyone know and you've ever met her,

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Speaker 2: that she lived here, she has a real Atlanta resident.

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Speaker 2: She lived here for seven years.

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Speaker 3: I was a hot girl in the streets.

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Speaker 2: Everyone knows.

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Speaker 3: I went out last night. I ran into someone.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 3: You know why pop it in these streets.

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Speaker 2: You are a legend. I am legend.

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Speaker 3: You're here in the early two thousands, two thousand and

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Speaker 3: six and seven years after that, you know me, that's

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Speaker 3: like the late two thousands.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well, don't age yourself. I'm not even gonna think

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Speaker 2: you were.

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Speaker 3: Hearing oh one, no, I all know you were just

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Speaker 3: getting into high school. Maybe now I just got out

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Speaker 3: of high school. Oh right, two thousand and six, oh one,

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Speaker 3: two thousand and one. Oh no, I don't know where

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Speaker 3: I was in my journey then junior high. I don't know. Anyways,

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Speaker 3: don't be hating on me, because I'm trying to tell

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Speaker 3: everybody I used to be in these streets. I am

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Speaker 3: by console. Well anyway, what's up?

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Speaker 4: Nothing?

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Speaker 3: Just being a New York Times bestselling author.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, me too, bitch too.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's crazy.

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Speaker 3: Feel it feels great, it does right. Yeah, I feel

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Speaker 3: like a boss, bitch. I feel like I feel like

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Speaker 3: this just for visuals. This is like mine.

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Speaker 2: This is is that an author?

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Speaker 3: Look, oh, I was like a season like they're smart.

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Speaker 3: I write books and I drink tea like that.

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Speaker 2: If you're not watching on YouTube, I really want to

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Speaker 2: go to YouTube. To pause right now and go to

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Speaker 2: our YouTube so you can see whatever the fuck you

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Speaker 2: just did. Shout out to our Shout out to our

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Speaker 2: subscribers on YouTube. We love you guys. You guys show

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Speaker 2: us level every week and keep leading comments, keep sharing,

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Speaker 2: keep subscribing, share the reels the shorts as they call them,

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Speaker 2: I think on the YouTube's.

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Speaker 3: If you're just listening, you gotta go to YouTube because

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Speaker 3: we're fine as fuck.

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Speaker 2: I know, And I bought a shirt that I'm going

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Speaker 2: to return at Northroom's next week, so you should check

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Speaker 2: it out.

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Speaker 4: Now.

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Speaker 3: Now that you're an author, you can't say stuff like that,

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Speaker 3: she's keeping it.

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Speaker 2: We're rich and she's keeping it. I see the receipt away.

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Speaker 2: You don't need a receipt, you don't need much. Anything

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Speaker 2: you just need has makeup on it. Then don't give

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Speaker 2: a fuck. I wore this last night. I just want

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Speaker 2: to know what they do with all the ship that

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Speaker 2: they get back. That's fucked up.

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Speaker 3: I know because Norsehriam has been the wash it. Do

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Speaker 3: they on the map for this reason? For hundreds of ys?

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Speaker 2: No, they do this on purpose. But like I don't

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Speaker 2: know if it's good for taxes or whatever, but like

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Speaker 2: they must have like an in house dry clean, right

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Speaker 2: that means like ship that people bring back.

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Speaker 3: I don't know that would makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Let us know, norum. Anyway, how are you feeling. I'm

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Speaker 2: feeling good. I'm great. I got I was I didn't

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Speaker 2: go out last night, but I was still up when

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Speaker 2: you came back.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, I was like, I'm gonna be

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Speaker 3: locked out of the house and then you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: it's like perfect, man, I was up.

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Speaker 2: I was hanging out with Sa Maya shout out to Smaya.

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Speaker 2: Sexual Essentials were actually sitting in her content house in Atlanta.

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Speaker 2: You guys, it's officially open, so make sure if you

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Speaker 2: are a podcaster, a content creator. She has a beautiful,

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Speaker 2: beautiful home with multiple rooms, multiple vibes. If you saw

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Speaker 2: our episode with Somaya, we were in a whole other

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Speaker 2: space and now we're in a NewSpace. So just definitely

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Speaker 2: check out at se content House on Instagram and support

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Speaker 2: black women.

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Speaker 3: You know she got sets on sets on sett Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But anyway, let's just get into it.

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Speaker 3: Let's do it.

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Speaker 2: I'm really excited you guys because we have a special

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Speaker 2: guessed a ily connected because I've been trying to get

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Speaker 2: this bitch on my show for a long time, long

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Speaker 2: ass time since I discovered she listened to the show.

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Speaker 2: I was like.

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Speaker 1: You every Wednesday. This is how I knew to shut

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Speaker 1: the fuck up, because I know the drill.

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Speaker 2: You hear that YouTube, you see that YouTube. We're not

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Speaker 2: We're not rude.

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Speaker 1: They're not rude. It's their thing.

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Speaker 3: This is an audio show that has ventured to visuals.

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Speaker 3: We are not rude people. We actually talked to the

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Speaker 3: guests before they even sit down on the camera. I

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Speaker 3: know it's crazy to believe, but we're existing before this

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Speaker 3: very moment.

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Speaker 1: They gave me tea.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I would love to welcome to the guest,

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Speaker 2: the amazing artist herself, creator, singer, songstress, actress, supreme impersonator,

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Speaker 2: vocal impersonator. I don't know what else I'm.

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Speaker 3: Missing, mama, wife, daughter, Yes, Jade Nova, Hey.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited. This is so surreal. I promise I'll

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Speaker 1: listened to you guys every single Wednesday. It's like my, my,

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Speaker 1: my lone time a time. I'm serious, I have my

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Speaker 1: headphones on, I'm juicing. No one knows what's going on

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Speaker 1: in the house. I'm just cracking the fuck up. So, yes,

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Speaker 1: this is surreal.

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Speaker 3: I'm so happier here. That makes me feel so good

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Speaker 3: that you listen and that you enjoy it.

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Speaker 1: I do, I really do.

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Speaker 3: I love that. Erica told me like, Jade Nova listens

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Speaker 3: to the show, huh. And then we ran into you

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Speaker 3: last year at Spotify party as a fest and I'm

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Speaker 3: really I told her when she walked in, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I'm so happy that you still like us. I can't

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Speaker 3: you still like us? We're still cool because we were

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Speaker 3: drunk as fuck, like on one, like on one you

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Speaker 3: can't tell us shit.

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Speaker 2: We had just left Jana Jackson. Is that where we were? Okay,

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Speaker 2: shut up? We were. We had went to go see

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Speaker 2: Janna Jackson. We took some magic mushrooms, yesh, also drank alcohol.

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Speaker 3: We were at Essence Fest, so like I feel like

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Speaker 3: when black people get around, like a lot of black people,

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Speaker 3: you get like energized.

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Speaker 2: Well, see, the alcohol was kind of like beyond my

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Speaker 2: control because uh uh no, it was because at Essence Fest,

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Speaker 2: if you've ever been, or if you've just ever been

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Speaker 2: to New Orleans, you can't go there without becoming an

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Speaker 2: alcoholic for the time that you're there. Avoid it like

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Speaker 2: it's crazy, Like if you don't drink, like what are

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Speaker 2: you gonna do doing? If you're not eating all fried foods?

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Speaker 2: Like I literally had to walk like a mile to

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Speaker 2: find a vegetable. I went to a restaurant because I

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Speaker 2: was like, where the fuck are salads?

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Speaker 1: And it balances itself out.

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Speaker 2: It did, but I fell ill after. It took me

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Speaker 2: about two weeks to recover from that trip.

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Speaker 3: It was intense, but we also did the maximum amount,

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Speaker 3: like no and just everything, just like every.

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Speaker 2: Event, every possible thing that we could, like just do

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Speaker 2: every party, every bar, every person we could connect with.

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Speaker 2: It was a lot, but I'm so happy we connected

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Speaker 2: with you and that you're still a friend because we did.

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Speaker 2: We were drunk, and I have like brief moments of

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Speaker 2: remembrance of the night. I do remember us smoking. Then

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Speaker 2: I remember me behind the Spotify bar because the bars

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Speaker 2: tender stepped away for like I probably went to the

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Speaker 2: bathroom and I said, fuck her, I'm the bartender now,

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Speaker 2: and I started pouring drinks for the party, and then

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Speaker 2: I got kicked out. I got in trouble. Was like

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Speaker 2: she grabbed a bottle out of my maniac.

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Speaker 3: Are just cracking up, Like why would you even be

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Speaker 3: back there?

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Speaker 1: They kicked out the party.

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Speaker 2: You just got kicked out of the Thankfully the party

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Speaker 2: was like close to end.

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Speaker 1: Yeah we would have.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad we showed up at the end and not

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Speaker 2: anywhere near the beginning. And then we the girl home

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Speaker 2: invited us to the Spotify party that then kidnapped her

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Speaker 2: and took her to the strip club, in which I

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Speaker 2: was having like these really dark thoughts, and Jamila was

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Speaker 2: getting mad at me because I just triggered disclaimer here.

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Speaker 2: The strip club was like, where was it?

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Speaker 3: We're pressure pressure pressure with the good friend fish.

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Speaker 2: The food was bomb at pressure. I be clear about that.

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Speaker 2: But the vibes were strange and it seemed like a

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Speaker 2: wedding haul of some sort. And everyone was kind of

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Speaker 2: just standing on the edges. And I told me, I

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Speaker 2: was like, this is where people go to get raped.

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Speaker 3: And she looked like I was like, you are so negative.

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Speaker 2: And She's like, you're so negative. She like didn't want

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Speaker 2: to talk to me.

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Speaker 3: Why are you being so negative?

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Speaker 2: Get away from my mushroom? High went dark? Okay, I

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Speaker 2: started seeing visuals. I was felt bad for the strippers.

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Speaker 2: Like everyone was on the edges. It was like just weird.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't it didn't seem like a celebration. It seemed like,

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Speaker 2: I mean, I've been there several times Wana Mexico there

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Speaker 2: the other time I went, and like I'm saying that

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Speaker 2: the highlight is the fish.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what the hoes are doing there. They're

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Speaker 3: not doing much dancing. There's not a lot of money

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Speaker 3: being thrown.

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Speaker 2: It was too big. They need to downside, and then

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Speaker 2: they have the nerve to be super ridiculously overpriced.

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Speaker 3: Okay, let's not.

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Speaker 2: Sorry anyway, thanks for being here with.

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Speaker 1: Us, Thank you for having me. I wore this mushroom

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Speaker 1: shirt because of you, guys, because it's like commemorative of

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Speaker 1: the first time I met you.

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Speaker 2: Guys.

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Speaker 3: Do you do mushrooms?

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Speaker 1: I have done mushrooms and it's amazing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah I did. I did.

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Speaker 1: When is the last time my husband I were in Mexico? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's We were just in the ocean listening to Stevie

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Speaker 1: Wonder and then I cried. And the lady who worked

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Speaker 1: there was like, you were so beautiful when you cry,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. Yeah, I know it's I've had

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Speaker 1: a few trips.

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Speaker 2: Mushrooms will definitely bring the tears, that's for sure.

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Speaker 3: It will also bring the love. Like if you're in

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Speaker 3: love with someone and you do mushrooms, you're gonna be

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Speaker 3: in love times four hundred. Oh my god, I really

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Speaker 3: do love.

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Speaker 1: You, girl.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was in love with nature. The water felt like

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Speaker 1: a little mermaid and Devin was just standing in the

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Speaker 1: water like this.

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Speaker 2: He's like, I am king.

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Speaker 1: I'm like why, He's like this is I can just

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Speaker 1: keep all the energy inside of me.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, nigga, do you like Meanwhile, You're.

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Speaker 1: Like, yo, it was it was great.

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Speaker 3: I could just see you too, Dang.

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Speaker 1: I should have bought you all some of the chocolates

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Speaker 1: I have. I have like two bars of mushroom chocolate. Okay, yes, ma'am,

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Speaker 1: you're telling me to travel international chocolate.

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Speaker 3: You're talking to the smuggler herself.

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Speaker 1: Teach me your ways.

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Speaker 3: Well, I have Nature's Pocket. This is actually the first you.

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Speaker 2: Think you should put mushroom chocolate. I don't think I

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Speaker 2: was telling Nature's Pocket. Is your pussy by the way, No, no, no,

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Speaker 2: that would be a good brand Nature's Pocket.

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Speaker 3: Oh so you I'm not putting mushroom chocolates in my pussy.

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Speaker 3: Probably weed. I'll put it in my vagina.

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Speaker 2: Would you put raw mushrooms in your pussy?

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Speaker 1: You might get high.

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Speaker 2: I would take chances.

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Speaker 3: Know you wrap it correctly, wrap it in a way that.

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Speaker 2: Put it in the condom, the more you know.

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Speaker 3: Don't just say the condom, because the bites are gonna

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Speaker 3: just put like straight drugs in a condom. They're gonna

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Speaker 3: be smoking like in spermicide. Ass Listen, there's instructions we

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Speaker 3: This are all for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 1: Correct.

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Speaker 3: I don't smuggle drugs.

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Speaker 2: Nothing happened of the sort.

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Speaker 1: But if you were to, hypothetically speaking, I mean your authors,

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Speaker 1: so you guys can create.

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Speaker 3: These so hypothetically speaking, if you're going to do it,

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Speaker 3: you need a couple of ziploc bags. You need to

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Speaker 3: remove all the air out of them. You need to

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Speaker 3: roll them like a burrito. They need to roll them

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Speaker 3: in some paper towels to soften them. And then you

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Speaker 3: take the burrito, roll the ziploc bag covered in paper towels,

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Speaker 3: and then you pop that into a condom and then

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Speaker 3: you tie one side of the condom with other air out.

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Speaker 3: Don't get the air in this.

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Speaker 1: The hand gestures for me, and then you tie it.

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Speaker 3: Like a balloon and then you insert it.

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Speaker 2: You put lub on it or something.

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Speaker 3: Well, you know, this condom already has that weird smelly shit,

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Speaker 3: and then you put it up. I mean, if you

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Speaker 3: need lube. I've had to use that when I had

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Speaker 3: to take a lot one time.

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Speaker 2: Again, this didn't happen. This never happened.

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Speaker 3: And then you have a little tie hanging, and then

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Speaker 3: when you get to your destination, perfectly when you're you know,

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Speaker 3: it depends how you're feeling. I've done in the air.

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Speaker 3: I haven't done it. You could do it all you

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Speaker 3: figure it out from there?

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Speaker 2: Can you remove it? Figure it out from there? Cough?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I've had people contact me and my dms like, hey,

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Speaker 3: can you tell me how to you know?

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Speaker 2: In the theme of all of this, this is a

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Speaker 2: good Mom's Guide too. This month's theme is a Good

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Speaker 2: Mom's Guide too, not necessarily stuffing weed in your pussy,

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Speaker 2: but all things, other things, all things, all things, other things.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm really excited to have you on the

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Speaker 2: show this month. And as we dive into our book,

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Speaker 2: which is out now, you guys, a Good Mom's Guide

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Speaker 2: to Making Bad Choices of officially out, make sure you

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Speaker 2: pick up a book for your your sister, your mama, whoever,

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Speaker 2: your cousin, your cousin. But Jade, I don't like know

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Speaker 2: that much about you. It into we let's do it.

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Speaker 2: Where are you from?

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Speaker 1: Jane tell us, I'm from Cleveland, h origin story my

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Speaker 1: mama and my dadd Yes they I'm from Cleveland, Ohio.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, have you always been like? How did you get

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Speaker 2: into I guess entertainment and music and writing and being

337
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Speaker 2: an artist was something that you were into as a

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Speaker 2: young young child.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like both my parents are pretty musical. And then

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Speaker 1: I was in a girl group from the time I

341
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Speaker 1: was like eight to eighteen years old. Really yeah, it

342
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Speaker 1: was really intense. Oh god, it was called I didn't

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Speaker 1: name it. I was the child Total Package, that was

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Speaker 1: the name of it. Yeah, so you know, we did

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Speaker 1: all the stuff that girl groups do minus the success.

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Speaker 2: Yeah did you have was your mom? Like Tina knows

347
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Speaker 2: and how Sidaria? No, she was not obsion.

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Speaker 1: No, I was obsessed. Remember the little hoodie from that

349
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Speaker 1: Beyonce had and the Irreplaceable video, Like I wanted it

350
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Speaker 1: so bad and yeah, the fur on the hood and

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Speaker 1: I wanted it and it was sold out, so like

352
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Speaker 1: I bought it off someone and gave them like double

353
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Speaker 1: such a stupid thing.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, but yeah, I.

355
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Speaker 1: Know I was in a group.

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Speaker 4: And then.

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Speaker 1: It was a weird time with the industry. That was

358
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Speaker 1: when you hadn't had to go through the major label system.

359
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Speaker 1: There wasn't much social media, so I was sort of

360
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Speaker 1: turned off from the industry because it was very much

361
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,480
Speaker 1: a controlled space telling me what to We're telling me

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00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,600
Speaker 1: the songs that I had to sing, telling me how

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Speaker 1: I had to act. So it really fucked me up. Honestly,

364
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Speaker 1: I'm still like have some residual shit from the way

365
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Speaker 1: that you had to present yourself or don't eat that

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Speaker 1: and oh like at twelve, you know, like it was

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00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,880
Speaker 1: a lot of shit with that. But then yeah, so

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Speaker 1: once I got out of that group around eighteen nineteen,

369
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Speaker 1: I started writing. That's how I felt like, Okay, this

370
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Speaker 1: is the way I can get my foot in the

371
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Speaker 1: door with music without having to be an artist or

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Speaker 1: a puppet. And then a few years later I met

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Speaker 1: my now husband at a writing camp. It was like

374
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Speaker 1: a Rock Nation writing camp, and he's like, yo, like

375
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Speaker 1: why aren't you an artist? And you know, so we

376
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,000
Speaker 1: just started working together use social media, and that just

377
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Speaker 1: changed my whole shit. Like we've been work and ever since.

378
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,680
Speaker 2: I love that, like you took control of your career. Yes,

379
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,080
Speaker 2: like those days too, because I was telling you off

380
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Speaker 2: off camera that I used to work at Geffen and

381
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Speaker 2: I just remember like just the machine and just the

382
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Speaker 2: control and like artists not having any say on the songs.

383
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,919
Speaker 2: They couldn't even write their own songs even if they

384
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Speaker 2: had the talent like, no, we've commissioned these people to

385
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:25,199
Speaker 2: write for you. This is your artist expression. So I

386
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,080
Speaker 2: mean it's it's that's like I guess the blessing of

387
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:30,080
Speaker 2: social media is that it really has allowed creatives to

388
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Speaker 2: really take control of their.

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Speaker 1: Creative process, seem independent artists by choice, no desire to

390
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Speaker 1: be in that major label system.

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Speaker 3: Well it's like robbery. They like they like own you

392
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Speaker 3: and they still they still your voice.

393
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Speaker 1: Man, they take your masters. Yeah, like the like the

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Speaker 1: Little Mermaid Little.

395
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Speaker 3: I was thinking that, like, just like Little Mermaid, that's

396
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:53,639
Speaker 3: movie was really about.

397
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Speaker 1: Master Ursula taking your masters.

398
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Speaker 3: Ursula is the major record label.

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Speaker 1: Ursula is the man.

400
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Speaker 3: Absolutely, you guys move here together to Atlanta.

401
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,600
Speaker 1: No, so, I had just moved to Atlanta. I met

402
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,400
Speaker 1: him like two weeks into moving here, and he lived

403
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 1: here already. He lived here, he was already here a

404
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,280
Speaker 1: few years. He's from Georgia.

405
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,440
Speaker 3: And did you guys know initially like that, like, did

406
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,200
Speaker 3: you it was solely your work relationship or did it

407
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,679
Speaker 3: then you knew from the gut like jump like this

408
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:18,320
Speaker 3: is romantic?

409
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,639
Speaker 1: I knew. I mean, we were friends for a while,

410
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 1: but I was very much attracted to him. He's three

411
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,639
Speaker 1: years younger than me though, and like my relationship before

412
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,119
Speaker 1: him was a dude who was fourteen years older than me.

413
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,320
Speaker 1: So it was such a huge contrast. I'm thinking, like, oh,

414
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,560
Speaker 1: I could never date anyone younger than me, you know,

415
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,480
Speaker 1: But yeah, I was into him. He was not into

416
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,280
Speaker 1: me that way. Really, Yeah, I made the first move.

417
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 1: I remember we went to a restaurant. I went to Russan's.

418
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 1: If you're in Atlantah, yeah, no I do now for sure.

419
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,159
Speaker 1: I didn't know any but we were like twenty two

420
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,880
Speaker 1: reason four, I'm like saying all the ages, but yeah,

421
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,439
Speaker 1: we went there and then I pretended to get tipsy

422
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,399
Speaker 1: off Asaki and then we were in the car and

423
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,159
Speaker 1: I like jumped on him and kissed him. I was like,

424
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Speaker 1: oh my god, now like every to yeah, I'm never

425
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,000
Speaker 1: gonna remember this. Why And he's just like, you know,

426
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,359
Speaker 1: like hey, like slow down. It's really embarrassing. And then

427
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: I blamed it on the soaky.

428
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,359
Speaker 2: That kind of being rejected as a woman, I feel like,

429
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 2: do not envyment. In the process of having to figure

430
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,880
Speaker 2: that part out, I got rejected one time by one

431
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 2: white man because of that. It was it was like

432
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,400
Speaker 2: the first time I ever like really, because I feel

433
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 2: like with black people, you just kind of know, you

434
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,880
Speaker 2: get the eye contact. We have our we have our

435
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 2: own our own our own flirting communication. White people are confusing.

436
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,119
Speaker 2: I don't I still don't get it, don't understand the

437
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 2: social so you're just starting to get it. I don't

438
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 2: understand the social cues. And I, yeah, I thought he

439
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,440
Speaker 2: was coming to my room. I was on tour. I

440
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 2: used to work for Asic Gray and so we were

441
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,919
Speaker 2: on tour and he was like on tour with us,

442
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 2: so he would always come to my room or I'd

443
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 2: go to his room late night and we'd hang out.

444
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,800
Speaker 2: We'd talk. So I was like green flllow, like you

445
00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,199
Speaker 2: want to kiss me? Done, look at me? And then

446
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,199
Speaker 2: I just like one day, just like drunk too, was

447
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 2: like and we were drinking. So I was like, this

448
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 2: is the perfect and I leaned and I tried to

449
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,199
Speaker 2: kis him.

450
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 3: He's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa.

451
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,919
Speaker 2: And I was like, whoa what did you say? What

452
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 2: do you do? And I was like, oh, sorry, my bad,

453
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 2: I don't know my room. And after that, oh my god,

454
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,480
Speaker 2: this is why this is traumatic. Also, now I'm mavy

455
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 2: flashback so we were also on tour. He brought his

456
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 2: friend who was like an Indian guy, a short, little

457
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 2: Indian man, a really nice guy. He tried to pass

458
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 2: me off to his brown friend after that, like, yeah, Australian.

459
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 2: I should have known that. Australians they don't have a

460
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 2: lot of expot like exposure to black people. They are

461
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,159
Speaker 2: look you racist, but yes, Loki, and we don't have

462
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 2: high kings.

463
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,480
Speaker 1: They just all Australian.

464
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,480
Speaker 2: They don't know they're racist because they don't. There's not

465
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 2: a lot of black people there.

466
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,679
Speaker 3: Like the black people that are there, they're like, I

467
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 3: can't forget this out of my mind, like every time Eric,

468
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 3: I've never been in Australia. But she went and then

469
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 3: she like everybody kept asking me if I was Serena Williams.

470
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 2: No, and I was like, what.

471
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 3: The fuck are you talking about. She's like, seriously, there's

472
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 3: no black people. They just assumed that I was. I

473
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,360
Speaker 3: was like, but Serena like a celebrities. She was like yeah,

474
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 3: like several people, and I was like, are they blind?

475
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 3: So after that, I was just like I don't need

476
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 3: to ever go to Australia because.

477
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 2: It's beautiful, wow, beautiful. Bit yeah, it was definitely.

478
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,200
Speaker 1: But was Serena in town?

479
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 2: No? No, you was right, But my first time trying

480
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 2: to kisse a white man, I was passed off to

481
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 2: the brown man.

482
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: Yeah that's okay, it wasn't for you.

483
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:36,920
Speaker 2: But anyway, I don't know how we got here.

484
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:41,400
Speaker 1: Oh because I had the rejection of my husband. Yes, yeah, so.

485
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:42,199
Speaker 3: Obviously he warmed up.

486
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he warmed it.

487
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,439
Speaker 2: Wait, so you know, we were talking and I was like,

488
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,399
Speaker 2: I didn't really even realize that, Jade, you were a

489
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 2: mother and you have a I was.

490
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,199
Speaker 1: Fourteen years old.

491
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 2: So you had your son before you married your husband. Yes,

492
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 2: so what was like, what was life like before that? Like,

493
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,639
Speaker 2: tell me about your pri and see and oh wow?

494
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 2: And was it intentional or was it kind of like?

495
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 1: Okay, so I was in college, I was about to

496
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 1: be engaged to was dad and you know.

497
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 2: Aged in college.

498
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 3: Was he the fourteen year old the guy who was

499
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 3: fourteen years older?

500
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:17,119
Speaker 4: No?

501
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, there was a man between them. They

502
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 1: were men between that. But yeah, no, we were in

503
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:27,919
Speaker 1: college together. Embarrassingly, we did kind of plan it. We

504
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,640
Speaker 1: did kind of plan embarrassing Oh yeah, because like what

505
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: were we thinking?

506
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 2: You don't know anything.

507
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 3: You're in college, you're dumb.

508
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 1: We were so young, and we were like, yeah, like

509
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,120
Speaker 1: let's do this, like it was like getting a dog

510
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 1: or something like really really dumb.

511
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,200
Speaker 3: Were you almost done with college?

512
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 1: We were like yeah, yeah, yeah, we were.

513
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 2: We were.

514
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,480
Speaker 1: I was a senior in college, like this is the time. Yeah,

515
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 1: I thought that that was what the thing to do.

516
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 1: And so silly, silly me. So we planned it. We

517
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 1: were excited we were having this baby.

518
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:54,640
Speaker 2: I mean, my.

519
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,920
Speaker 1: Pregnancy was it was it was nice, like he was there,

520
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 1: he was supportive. You know, all the things found out later.

521
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 2: Was your family supportive of even knowing that, like you.

522
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:07,439
Speaker 1: Were young, Yeah, they were. They were supportive. And I

523
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 1: finished school, you know, my son was in classes with

524
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 1: me all that, you know. But yeah, it wasn't it

525
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,639
Speaker 1: wasn't a smart choice. It was a bad choice. I mean,

526
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for my son. I'm so grateful, you know.

527
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 2: Of course, of course, this kind of I think that

528
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,959
Speaker 2: like when when when we as mothers like share our

529
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 2: like indiscretions around around like the choices we made around

530
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 2: birth and having a child, we often feel like we

531
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 2: need to defend ourselves in ways and make sure people

532
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,120
Speaker 2: know we love our kids, Like, don't worry, love, We're

533
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 2: glad we're here. But it's okay to like have regrets.

534
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's okay to like to be like I was dumb. Yeah,

535
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 3: Like that was a dumbast.

536
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: It was a really dumb ass decision because you don't

537
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,920
Speaker 1: really like I was pregnant when I was twenty one

538
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 1: years old, Like I had just got this freedom over

539
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 1: my life, and then I just gave it away, Like

540
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: and then shortly after I had our son, Like we

541
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 1: lasted maybe a year, and then we broke up, and

542
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,880
Speaker 1: like this is so crazy because I never really talk

543
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: about this relationship, and you know, I appreciate all that

544
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 1: he does for our son, and you know, the support

545
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 1: that he gave me after we broke up, but us together,

546
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,359
Speaker 1: like he didn't really want me to do music. Like

547
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 1: when we first got together, he didn't even really knew.

548
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 1: He didn't even really know that I did sing or

549
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: that I had an interest in being a creative. And

550
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 1: so as I started to like find myself and like

551
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 1: get back to myself, he didn't enjoy that part, you know,

552
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 1: And so after we broke up, like maybe two weeks later,

553
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: Tyler Perry reached out I saw like a YouTube I

554
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 1: did and invited me to go on tour with Medea's

555
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 1: big happy family, and so I told him about it.

556
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, I have to go. I have to

557
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 1: take this opportunity. And he was with our like thirteen

558
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 1: month old son while I was gone, and there was

559
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: so much guilt and there were so many people who

560
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: were like judging me for choosing myself. And it was

561
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 1: like the first big opportunity that I ever had. I'm

562
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 1: like twenty one to twenty two years old, and it's

563
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: like I can't really choose myself without feeling guilt now

564
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: that I'm a mom, and that's just a constant, you know,

565
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 1: from that point on the first moment I'm an adult

566
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,439
Speaker 1: and the first opportunity I have, everything comes with that

567
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 1: like asterisk of like, well, bitch, everyone's gonna be judging you,

568
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 1: and you really really can't choose yourself.

569
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 3: Peacefully even when you're like a baby too.

570
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

571
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm just a kid trying to have my

572
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 3: dreams come. Yeah, are you sure?

573
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

574
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 3: Like what do you mean this little baby's more important

575
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 3: than me?

576
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 2: I'm a baby too.

577
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 1: No, for real, for real, it's it's.

578
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 2: Wild, but imagine like saying no to that, like where you'd.

579
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 1: Be now right, it changed my life though it gave

580
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: me the financial freedom to then move to Atlanta, and

581
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,479
Speaker 1: then I got a publishing deal as a writer, Like

582
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 1: it just changed my whole life. And if I hadn't

583
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 1: done that, girl, I was like a manager at lacost No,

584
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 1: like no shade to that at all, but like it

585
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 1: would have been a completely different world. Like if even

586
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 1: I had married my son's dad, Like my life would

587
00:25:58,920 --> 00:25:59,679
Speaker 1: have been so different.

588
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 3: That's that's so crazy, like to think about like the alternate,

589
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 3: the alternate journey that could happen, you know, when you're

590
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 3: like I just like, choosing yourself is so fucking important.

591
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 3: Say that again, Choosing yourself is so fucking important as

592
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 3: a woman, Like it literally can change your whole trajectory.

593
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 3: And like it's like those like those moments you know,

594
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,959
Speaker 3: if you like guilt or shame fuck you up, you

595
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 3: may have a whole different path.

596
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 1: And I'm so grateful that even though I was young,

597
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: I knew even then that the people who were discouraging

598
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:34,360
Speaker 1: me from choosing myself, or people who were projecting their own.

599
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 2: Fears yes, who didn't choose it.

600
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,120
Speaker 1: And then the crazy thing is those are the same

601
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:42,440
Speaker 1: women who complain so much about not choosing themselves. It's

602
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: the weirdest thing. It's like, you guys want me to

603
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: do the shit y'all did, and you're shaming me for

604
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: doing what you didn't do that you wanted to do,

605
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 1: Like it makes no sense.

606
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 3: Well they I don't think people when you project, you

607
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 3: don't even realize that you have resentment or anger or

608
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 3: like jealousy and envy in a way that like it's

609
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 3: just like nature to you because like damn, like you're

610
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 3: doing too much because I didn't get to do it,

611
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 3: and like that that guilt and shame that comes with

612
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 3: motherhood is like it's it's just like here's a baby.

613
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 3: Here's your shame and.

614
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 2: Guilt, baby shame and guilt, And don't you dare choose

615
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 2: anything outside the will you know, if you choose yourself,

616
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 2: you're a terrible human being.

617
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 1: You're a selfish bitch, your selfish period.

618
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 2: Wild It's really I never thought about it like that.

619
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 2: It's like this little cute package of baby noess, shame, guilt, confusion, joy.

620
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,160
Speaker 3: Even to the point like you're saying like your baby

621
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 3: daddy like holding you to it, and it's like okay,

622
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 3: like like there's gonna be parents that do it, moms

623
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 3: who didn't live their life be free, like because we're

624
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:52,199
Speaker 3: the generation that's shifting ship, right like, but like for

625
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,920
Speaker 3: the men who are oftentimes like our peers and our

626
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 3: age and ship, that ship is so wrapped up in

627
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:04,640
Speaker 3: like the patriarchy because it's like there's also this understanding.

628
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 3: It's like once you're my you're my baby mama, you

629
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:09,919
Speaker 3: and that baby belong to me. And then there's like

630
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:15,120
Speaker 3: and there's this like automatic like the like not every man,

631
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 3: but like a lot of men because my baby I

632
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 3: did this to me too, is like yeah, and now

633
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 3: like you're indebted to this baby. And it's like it's

634
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 3: like a it's like a way to control you, like

635
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 3: I can now I can now manipulate you through calling

636
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 3: you like insinuating you're a bad mom. Like it's a

637
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 3: it's a way. It's a way a man can manipulate

638
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 3: a woman by shaming you into believing like you're like

639
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 3: you're guilt for doing things for yourself through the baby, you.

640
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: Know what I mean. The crazy thing is like if

641
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: it were reversed, like if my son's dad got an

642
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: opportunity to travel, like he's a provider, Like he's a

643
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: great father.

644
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 2: You're playing role. Yeah, this is exactly the role that

645
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 2: you've you know, you've chosen for yourself. Yeah, it's wild.

646
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 1: It is wild.

647
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 3: Wild.

648
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 2: So after that choice and coming back, like, what was

649
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 2: the what was the state of your relationship at that point.

650
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 1: With my son's dad. Yeah, I mean it was like

651
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: it was bittersweet because on one hand, he did hold

652
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: it down while I was gone, But on the other hand,

653
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: it wasn't without like you said, letting you know that, Hey,

654
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: I did this thing, you know. So, I mean our

655
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 1: relationship was good, we co parented, it was it was fine.

656
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: But after that situation and then I decided to move

657
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: to Atlanta, that opened up a whole other thing because

658
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,239
Speaker 1: then it's like, how are you leaving your son? And

659
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: it's like, I'm not leaving him, I'm just moving somewhere

660
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: else and we're gonna co parent. This is just the

661
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: way that it will always be. It's just I'm gonna

662
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 1: be here and you're gonna be there. And again, like

663
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: if he had decided that he got a job in

664
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,479
Speaker 1: North Carolina or something. It wouldn't be like, how are

665
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: you leaving your child to be like this is the

666
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 1: way your life is going. So there was a lot

667
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: of guilt and shame around that, like me not allowing

668
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: our son to be in one space always but Cleveland

669
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: what I'm a goa in Cleveland, Ohio?

670
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 2: And all right, I mean your son too. I was

671
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 2: pretty young at that point. Yeah, like that you actually

672
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 2: did at the perfect time. Yeah, as your child gets older,

673
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 2: when they're really in school and the schools are calling

674
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 2: you and ship.

675
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 3: And even then they could be relocated.

676
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 2: Absolutely.

677
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 3: I encourage all the moms to think like the dad,

678
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,719
Speaker 3: Think like a dad. Like like, if you're feeling if

679
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 3: you're feeling away, you're making decision and you're feeling guilt,

680
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 3: put be the dad. Put yourself as the dad, and

681
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 3: then shift your then shifts your perspective.

682
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: Think like a dad, act like a mom.

683
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 3: Think like a dad, Act like a mom. That's a

684
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 3: good one. At the title of the show.

685
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 2: I'm writing it down, okay, because a bitch will forget.

686
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 2: And I didn't even smoke it. You mentioned before you

687
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 2: had a sea section. What was that like? Because I

688
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 2: had a sea section also, and it was not. I

689
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 2: was not prepared. No, I did not plan on having

690
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 2: a sea section. Now that I've been in this space of,

691
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 2: you know, speaking to so many women about birth experiences,

692
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 2: I realized I was grossly overlooked in my in my

693
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 2: in the process of birth and my pregnancy in ways

694
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 2: by my doctor. I to actually talk about it a

695
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 2: lot in the book, and I really I hope she

696
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 2: doesn't sue me. She can't fucking see, because I really

697
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 2: did basically say she malpracticed me.

698
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's lucky you didn't sue her.

699
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I really didn't say her name. I didn't,

700
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 2: but she's the Kardashian doctor, so y'all figured out. Oh,

701
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 2: but I didn't know that at the time. I wasn't

702
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 2: like seeking the Kardashian doctor. Like my friend my friend's

703
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 2: mom worked in ses and she's like, she's amazing and

704
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 2: and she was cool. She was cool until like they're

705
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 2: now looking back. She preyed upon my naiveness because I

706
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 2: did not have any friends with children. I had no

707
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 2: blueprint of what advocating for myself looked like. I was scared.

708
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 2: My family medicalizes everything, so like I don't know about you,

709
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,959
Speaker 2: but like my family something's wrong, go the doctor, you know.

710
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 2: And so I mean she was talking about ccies like

711
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 2: while I like I was like five months pregnant, like

712
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 2: saying like, oh, if you get a sea section, like

713
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 2: I can do the tiniest little scar and so slight,

714
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 2: it's so easy. Like she was prepping me for this shit,

715
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 2: and I was like, well, I'm not doing that, so

716
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 2: it don't matter, you know. And I even talk about

717
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 2: her me sharing my I had watched the Business of

718
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 2: being born with Ricky Lake, and I really wanted to

719
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,959
Speaker 2: have a home birth, and like my idea that like

720
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 2: I was going to go share this with my female

721
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 2: doctor who had children, and she was going to be

722
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,000
Speaker 2: excited for me. That was dumb and naive of me,

723
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 2: because I was basically removing her role from the process

724
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 2: and she wasn't gonna make no money. So she was like, bitch,

725
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 2: do you know men dead babies I've delivered. And I

726
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 2: was like, whoa, Okay, well I'm a terrible parent. I'm

727
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 2: already I'm already like ruined, I'm already stepping into this

728
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 2: role a in a in a I guess in a

729
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 2: selfish way, trying to have this experience at the sake

730
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 2: of my child's safety is what I basically felt like

731
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 2: she was projecting onto me. And then my sea section

732
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 2: experience was it was it wasn't that she did a

733
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 2: bad job at all. That wasn't even it. It was

734
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 2: just like I was not prepared. No one told me, Okay,

735
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 2: so this is what happens afterwards. Whereas I've talked to

736
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 2: some women, maybe I don't know, I want to hear

737
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 2: your experience, but someone were like, oh it was great,

738
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 2: it was easy.

739
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,239
Speaker 1: It was horrible. It was horrible, And I think I

740
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: have a very similar situation.

741
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 2: Like I didn't.

742
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: I didn't have as much education or even thinking about

743
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 1: alternatives to traditional medicine of like a home birth. It's

744
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 1: so crazy because if I were to be pregnant now,

745
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 1: it would be a completely different experience for me. You know,

746
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: like the drugs they make you take, all these different

747
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: stuff that they do in western medicine is like kind

748
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: of wild. And you're right, they're incentivized, like they make

749
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: money from giving you a C section, And they took

750
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: advantage of me being naive, like you said, not really

751
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: having a blueprint of anybody that I knew who was

752
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: having kids, and like three weeks before my due date.

753
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, your blood pressure is a little high.

754
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 1: I think you might have toxemia. And I'm like, oh,

755
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: thank you. M Yeah, I'm like, oh my god, what

756
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 1: is that. And I'm just like that's crazy. And she's like, yeah,

757
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 1: we're we're probably gonna have to take him.

758
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 2: My ass, your young, healthy ass. You know what I'm saying.

759
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, they they She scared me and made me feel

760
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 1: like I had no other choice. And I didn't even

761
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: fight for it. I didn't consider that there was an

762
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: alternative or like maybe we can wait this thing out.

763
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:16,959
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, cool.

764
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 2: They say like your baby could be in danger, your baby,

765
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: you could have a seizure, you could die. Yeah, baby

766
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 2: could die, and then immediately like, okay, we'll do what

767
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 2: you have to do. Correct.

768
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought we were gonna die. So I did it.

769
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 1: And it was the worst. The recovery was horrible. I

770
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:32,760
Speaker 1: was doubled over and then I had an allergic reaction

771
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:38,760
Speaker 1: to the medication so I'm vomiting. No, it was the worst.

772
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 1: It was the worst. So yeah, I would not would

773
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: not recommend I would not recommend it.

774
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:44,879
Speaker 3: I know, before we started talking about this, we were

775
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 3: talking about like if we would have second children. Hell no,

776
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 3: And I was like air goes like you just said

777
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 3: last month, and I was like, it's traumatic, like thinking

778
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 3: about birth, like whether you've gotten you had a c section,

779
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 3: whether you pushed a human at your pussy, if you

780
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 3: got to have an decision, Like, it's traumatic and I

781
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 3: think it doesn't have to be. But like the shift

782
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 3: that your body goes through to bring a human through,

783
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 3: like is it's intense?

784
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 2: Well, it's traumatic when you don't have the things in

785
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 2: place that we as women should have, you know, like

786
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 2: there is no real care, real true before and after

787
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 2: care of pregnancy and birth, like for the women that

788
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 2: have had these incredible birthing experiences and these beautiful support

789
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 2: systems and you know, packs like gaste, you know, just

790
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 2: like the celebration of you and this new birth of you,

791
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 2: and like, I think that there can be a lot

792
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 2: of beauty in it. Unfortunately, once that baby comes out,

793
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 2: you're kind of discarded and the focus is on the child. Yep,

794
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 2: you're like, okay, well thanks for your services. Figure it out,

795
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:58,799
Speaker 2: Like here's this icy icy pad. What do I do

796
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 2: with this? Where does this go? In my head?

797
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: Like that's for your pussy, and even what to do

798
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: with the baby once it comes. I didn't know what to.

799
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,399
Speaker 2: Do with it. I remember, like I remember, I wanted

800
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 2: to leave the hospital so bad because they just kept

801
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,760
Speaker 2: waking me up every five second. Yes, but I also

802
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 2: remember that moment, like looking at my baby. I remember

803
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 2: I can see it vividly, exactly what she was wearing,

804
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 2: putting her in the car seat for the first time,

805
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,799
Speaker 2: not knowing what the fuck I'm doing and saying, and

806
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 2: then being like bye, and I was like, oh my.

807
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 1: God, they're trusting me.

808
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:35,879
Speaker 2: But we're leaving as three. Ye we came as too,

809
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 2: well sort of, and then now we're leaving as three,

810
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 2: and I'm I'm a child myself. Why did I do her?

811
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 3: I remember that ship too. In the hospital, they kept

812
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 3: they played this video like showing you how to care

813
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 3: for your baby, but like you're fucking delirious so you

814
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 3: don't really watch it, and like they're like they're coming

815
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 3: in every five seconds, so you're not really sleeping in

816
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 3: that dumb ass bed. And then I got home and

817
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 3: that same thing. I went to for a regular checkup

818
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 3: and they're like, your blood pressure, we're gonna check you in.

819
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 3: I'm like, what, bitch, I have three more weeks. My

820
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 3: house was dirty because I didn't think I was coming

821
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 3: home with no goddamn baby. And I remember just being like,

822
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 3: oh fuck. I didn't look at I didn't pay attention

823
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,320
Speaker 3: to the video, Like what the fuck was the video

824
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,200
Speaker 3: telling me to do? And I was like, am I

825
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 3: gonna kill it?

826
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 4: Oh?

827
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think I bathed him like five times. I

828
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,280
Speaker 1: just thought, yeah, it was I didn't know what to do.

829
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 3: I was afraid I bathed her, but I was like,

830
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:24,840
Speaker 3: this is a this she could break, this is a

831
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 3: lot of movement. Let me just tuck her back in.

832
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 3: And I remember like cleaning the house and like getting

833
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 3: like sidetracks and then be like the baby, what is

834
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 3: it alive? Like you like, there's moments where I literally

835
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 3: forgot that there was another person there and I had

836
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:37,879
Speaker 3: to remember to go check on it.

837
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,839
Speaker 1: I definitely put my finger under his nose like all

838
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: the time to make sure he was still.

839
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 3: Breathing, because if something happened to the baby, it was

840
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:44,839
Speaker 3: just totally your fault.

841
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

842
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 2: Like and then becoming a parent, and you know, we

843
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 2: talked about this on our episode with Somaya. Is that

844
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 2: like you know that inner child work that kind of

845
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 2: starts to come up for you and really thinking about

846
00:37:56,040 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 2: your childhood and like what things you want to adopt

847
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 2: and what things you want to edit out of your

848
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 2: experience with your parents, and like you being faced with

849
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 2: this little person that you're responsible for nurturing and guiding

850
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 2: and then realizing like you don't know shit, and especially

851
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 2: being so young as well, like, yeah, I'm curious to

852
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 2: know like what kind of like things came up for

853
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 2: you from like I don't know, like inner child stuff

854
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 2: or like, I mean things that you were I mean,

855
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 2: I don't know what your relationship is with your parents

856
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 2: or how you were raised, but how did that influence

857
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 2: how you showed up as a mother.

858
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, my parents they got married at like seventeen

859
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 1: years old, so they were kids themselves, and we didn't

860
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 1: have much discipline at all, Like we pretty much kind

861
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 1: of and you know, shout out to mom and dad,

862
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 1: I love you all. I know you did the best

863
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: that you could. However, however, you know, our house was disgusting.

864
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 1: You know, my mom was a bit of a hoarder,

865
00:38:55,680 --> 00:39:00,120
Speaker 1: so there was shit everywhere. We ate horribly. They never

866
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,280
Speaker 1: knew where we were coming or going.

867
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 3: You know.

868
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 1: And so since three, there's three of us. So I

869
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:09,400
Speaker 1: have two older sisters, yeah, all girls, all girls. Yeah,

870
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 1: And we just were kind of just figuring that shit out,

871
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 1: all of us together. And so I knew that we

872
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 1: didn't have a kitchen table, like, we didn't sit down

873
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: and eat dinners, like, it was none of that Cosby

874
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 1: show shit. So when I had my son, I was

875
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:25,760
Speaker 1: I wanted to give him more of what I thought

876
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: was this traditional like proper upbringing, you know. I and

877
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 1: maybe to a fault, you know, because I think that

878
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 1: I helicopter him. And I don't know if you all

879
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: can relate to this by having just one, because everyone's like, oh,

880
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: the remedy to that is having another kid, you know,

881
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, thanks for that. But yeah, I

882
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: think I might have been overly protected because, like you

883
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,160
Speaker 1: said that in a child, thing that came up for

884
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 1: me was that I didn't feel safe. I didn't feel

885
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 1: like I was protected. So I'm just you know, and

886
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: I might have made him a little too cautious because

887
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,240
Speaker 1: I'm projecting that fear of what I had on to him.

888
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 1: So yeah, and now that he's older, the inner the

889
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,799
Speaker 1: mirror stuff comes up all the time, you know, like

890
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 1: he doesn't always take up space, and I'm like telling

891
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 1: him things and I'm like, oh shit, like this is

892
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: for me.

893
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 2: You know.

894
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,359
Speaker 1: There's so many lessons that I'm learning. And it's crazy

895
00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: because he's fourteen, and that's around the time when I

896
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: was in that girl group and I was shrinking myself

897
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 1: or always in my head, and I see him do

898
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 1: that all the time, just overthinking everything, being so calculated

899
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: and so yeah, it's constantly and I'm like, Okay, I

900
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,879
Speaker 1: have to do the work so that we can break

901
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 1: this thing. It's on me. Everything I'm telling him is

902
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 1: things that I need to tell myself constantly.

903
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:39,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think to his parents, who when we see

904
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:45,800
Speaker 2: our children kind of reenacting or behaviors that feel similar

905
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 2: to us, we often go into like how to fix

906
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 2: mode or like how to like basically seeing seeing ourselves

907
00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:02,240
Speaker 2: and our children. But also there is a definite need

908
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 2: to remember that the kids will will will struggle, like

909
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 2: they'll they'll have insecurities about showing taking up space, But

910
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 2: that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be the same

911
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 2: trajectory as yours, you know what I mean. It might

912
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 2: just be a moment in his in this in his

913
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 2: development at this moment. It doesn't mean.

914
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 3: That like this is how it's like his end is

915
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 3: his end? All they all.

916
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,240
Speaker 2: Because I think, I know, for for me and even

917
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 2: like I think about you know, my mom too, like

918
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 2: her seeing certain things play out, or even my daughter,

919
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 2: like I'm my mom is a single mom. I'm a

920
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,840
Speaker 2: single mom and I didn't really have a good relationship

921
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,759
Speaker 2: with my father. I had really no relationship with my

922
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 2: father from very early parts of my life. And her,

923
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: my daughter and her father, I mean, they do have

924
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,760
Speaker 2: a relationship. It's not maybe like the relationship I dreamed

925
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 2: of or for them, but she doesn't know any different,

926
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, And so it's good for her.

927
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 2: But for me, and I'm thinking about my childhood and

928
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 2: my relationship with my father, me wanting it to be

929
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 2: a certain way, and like how it affected me is

930
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 2: not the same as like how it's going to affect her.

931
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,400
Speaker 2: And I think as parents sometimes we see kids like

932
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 2: doing shit that we did and we're like, oh my god,

933
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 2: it's showing up. It's the same. What are we going

934
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 2: to do? We have to combat it, we have to

935
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 2: you know, and we like give ourselves all this anxiety

936
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:26,320
Speaker 2: and pressure to protect them or like teach them something different,

937
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 2: which that's our that's our job is at least to

938
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 2: check in and say like are you good? You okay?

939
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:33,919
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think that that's something that I think

940
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 2: all parents we struggle with.

941
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, once you have a kid, like there's

942
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:39,959
Speaker 3: shadow work that shows up. You start to think about

943
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 3: your relationship with your parents and if you want to

944
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 3: show up like them, and then like how are you

945
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,799
Speaker 3: going to edit it out? But then there's this other

946
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 3: challenge too of like you don't sometimes you're doing shit

947
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 3: and you don't even realize that you've inherited those parts

948
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 3: of you until you look you check yourself and you're

949
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 3: like why am I fucking doing this? Like why am

950
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,280
Speaker 3: I showing up this way? And it's like, oh, because

951
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 3: you like you showed up this way, like even like

952
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:05,360
Speaker 3: I resonated with what you said earlier, is like my

953
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 3: my parents, Like our love language is just like it's

954
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,439
Speaker 3: it's we're like we love. Obviously there's love, but like girl,

955
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 3: you where your earrings at?

956
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 2: Hey?

957
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:14,520
Speaker 3: Ugly?

958
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,759
Speaker 1: Like that's how we talk about literally yeah, and it's like.

959
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 3: Like that's our like love language also, but it's like

960
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,360
Speaker 3: it's almost like I'm gonna talk shit to you and

961
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:23,880
Speaker 3: put you down a little bit, but you know, I

962
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 3: love you, but I'm not you know what I mean.

963
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 3: And so like with my daughter, I'm not like I

964
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 3: wouldn't say I'm like a super tough mom, but like

965
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:32,759
Speaker 3: I will talk to her like I'm talking to one

966
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 3: of y'all, like, girl, don't fucking play with me, like

967
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 3: you're a bad actress stuff, you know, like and like,

968
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,919
Speaker 3: but like I've had to check myself on like, you know,

969
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,920
Speaker 3: not being too harsh because I believe, like not that

970
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 3: I have to be harsh because the world is harsh,

971
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,680
Speaker 3: but like having to check myself to be softer be

972
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 3: like she's she's like you know, like.

973
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 1: See I'm the opposite. I need some more balance. I'm

974
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 1: I I coddled too much. And like you said, like

975
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:03,400
Speaker 1: my family, we my my my dad wasn't very verbal

976
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 1: about love or like you're very pretty? Are any of

977
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: those sorts.

978
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 2: Of a girl, especially with your father's in your house? Yeah,

979
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 2: and three girls at that and it's like now you

980
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:16,760
Speaker 2: had three chances.

981
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he had his own social anxieties, like you know,

982
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 1: and like he just didn't he told me, like not

983
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 1: long ago that hearing I love you in the house

984
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 1: is like something he only thought happened on television, Like

985
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 1: he didn't. That's just how his mother wasn't. And my

986
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: grandma she's a horrible person. I'm sorry she's still alive.

987
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:37,880
Speaker 1: Grandma Baddy is a horrible person. Sorry Grandma, but you are.

988
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 4: I know it.

989
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 1: Like she she's she's but I mean that's her life,

990
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 1: and I'm sure these experiences hardened her, but she I

991
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 1: couldn't imagine growing up in that household. So he's just

992
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 1: going through his own stuff. But then like for me,

993
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: I overly like, oh I love you? Are you okay?

994
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 1: And and my husband's like, yo, you have to like

995
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 1: relax like he's a young man now, like you still

996
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 1: kind of talk to him like he's a baby. And

997
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 1: I just I'm overcompensating for that.

998
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 3: You know, did you did you have a conversation with

999
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 3: your dad or with your mom? Like listen, I realized

1000
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 3: like in our household, you didn't do a lot of

1001
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 3: I love yous, and did he have? He was like,

1002
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 3: well that's not what I got. So you've had the

1003
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 3: opportunity to have this conversation.

1004
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had this conversation with him. I think the

1005
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,040
Speaker 1: first time he finally said it, I was like twenty

1006
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 1: four to twenty five is the first time I've heard

1007
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:25,360
Speaker 1: him say.

1008
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 2: It, and actually the album fast time he ever said

1009
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:28,279
Speaker 2: I love you.

1010
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't remember verbally now, you know, he in

1011
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,799
Speaker 1: his mind is like, I'm showing up every day. I'm here,

1012
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:36,800
Speaker 1: you know, I'm doing the best that I can. But yeah,

1013
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 1: the first time I heard it out loud, and I think, well,

1014
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:39,880
Speaker 1: the first time I heard it, he put in a

1015
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 1: card he wrote it, and I'm like, holy shit, I'm like,

1016
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:43,760
Speaker 1: did you write this? You know, it's kind of weird,

1017
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 1: but yeah, I was. I was in my like mid

1018
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 1: to late twenties. And now he says it, but when

1019
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 1: he does, he says it uncomfortably. It's like I love you.

1020
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, seriously, it's just this, Yeah, it never is

1021
00:45:57,680 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 1: just like a I love you, you know. It's just

1022
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:01,880
Speaker 1: very like uncomfortable for him, and I get it, like

1023
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: that's just my dad, you know. But my I'm working

1024
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,360
Speaker 1: on an album now, and the whole thing is about

1025
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: that is about uh, words of affirmation being my love language.

1026
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 1: Because I didn't hear I love you a lot as

1027
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: a child and how that affected my relationships and even

1028
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,360
Speaker 1: my friendships, you know, like I was looking for validation

1029
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 1: and anyone who would give it to me. So the

1030
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:22,879
Speaker 1: moment a guy would be like, oh you pretty, I'm like, oh,

1031
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: marry me, you know, because that's all I needed, you know.

1032
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 1: And then ultimately learning how to use that power of words,

1033
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 1: because like y'all say, words of spells. I've said that

1034
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,919
Speaker 1: I need that merch by the way, but yeah, using

1035
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 1: that same power on myself and that I don't need

1036
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 1: anybody to do it, that I can do this very

1037
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:40,719
Speaker 1: thing for me. And that's the message is called where

1038
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:42,920
Speaker 1: have I been? Like where have I been? All my life?

1039
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:46,280
Speaker 3: Like you for yourself, like getting at like affirmed outside

1040
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 3: of me, but like I have the power to do

1041
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 3: that for myself. Absolutely, That's that's that's powerful. I didn't

1042
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 3: think about it. I mean I have thought about that

1043
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 3: because it's like it feels awkward to say nice things

1044
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 3: to yourself. Me and Erica did like ten minutes of

1045
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,320
Speaker 3: like talking really affirmative to each other is really uncomfortable,

1046
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 3: and you are so fucking bombed. Yes I am, but

1047
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 3: it's like even thinking about what you said, like I

1048
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 3: think our parents come from. Their parents come from a

1049
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 3: place where I don't think there were a lot of

1050
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 3: like super verbal emotional conversations, probably because of the height

1051
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 3: of like you know, the times like mm hmm. Shit

1052
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 3: is rough and tough because we're are you know, our

1053
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 3: existence is complicated in America.

1054
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're the product of the silent generation.

1055
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's literally a silent generation. And like my dad

1056
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:31,279
Speaker 3: said that to me. He's like, you know, parent like

1057
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 3: a lot of my like my parents, and like they

1058
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 3: didn't come from that like that error. Like even my

1059
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,240
Speaker 3: baby Daddy's parents are like significantly older than my parents.

1060
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 3: And he had mentioned it to me one time that

1061
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,280
Speaker 3: his parents, his mom had never said like really doesn't

1062
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 3: say I love you. And I had to tell her

1063
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 3: like take her aside, and so you know, like he

1064
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 3: noticed this, and then I noticed her start to say it,

1065
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 3: you know, and he like she would he would say it,

1066
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 3: and she would just hang up the phone and I

1067
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 3: and I noticed that, and I had to let her know, like,

1068
00:47:57,400 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 3: you know, he said this to me, and then I

1069
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 3: noticed her has start to you know integrated. But it

1070
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 3: was interesting, like it is. It may be a generational thing.

1071
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,319
Speaker 3: It's just like an uncom and it's like, why would

1072
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 3: that be uncomfortable to tell your kid you love them?

1073
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 3: I know it's like so strange, but it's like because

1074
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 3: because it's implied and if you applied and if you

1075
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:16,160
Speaker 3: haven't received that, then it's it's difficult to offer it

1076
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,279
Speaker 3: to someone, even if it is implied, and even if

1077
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,439
Speaker 3: you think, like you know, I love you, But it's

1078
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 3: just like, like you said, those words are powerful as fuck,

1079
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 3: you know, and like shout out to you for like

1080
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:29,840
Speaker 3: transmuting that that experience to loving the fuck out of

1081
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 3: your son verbally out loud, you know.

1082
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 2: So yeah, I.

1083
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 1: Gotta find the balance, though I do. I'm like, I'm

1084
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: a love bomber. Yeah, it's a lie.

1085
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 2: It's a lot.

1086
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:42,359
Speaker 1: He's like, Okay, Mom, I know, I know you love me. Mom.

1087
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 3: You know we tried and like my trauma is my

1088
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:51,040
Speaker 3: mom over looves me. I check in with.

1089
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: Them sometimes, like do what trigger? Are you good? Because

1090
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 1: I don't want to be that but we're all you know,

1091
00:48:58,360 --> 00:48:59,359
Speaker 1: it's it's gonna be something.

1092
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's true. It's true. I'm curious to know about

1093
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:07,279
Speaker 2: the transition into you know, having your son and then

1094
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 2: meeting your husband and him kind of taking on this

1095
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 2: role too, of being his father, and what that was

1096
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:15,359
Speaker 2: like for you and andrew Son. I don't know how

1097
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 2: old he was when he was three.

1098
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 1: When we got together, so he was relatively young. I mean,

1099
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: it's interesting because it's my son's dad isn't like a

1100
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,880
Speaker 1: deadbe dad, like he very much is present in his life.

1101
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,279
Speaker 1: But my husband is also very much one who if

1102
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 1: I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it

1103
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:35,800
Speaker 1: all the way like he is textbook aries. So even

1104
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 1: he before we got together, he was hesitant because he

1105
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 1: understood that if he got with me, it was a

1106
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: package deal, and he wanted to make sure, like even

1107
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 1: back then, that if I do this, that I'm doing

1108
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:49,279
Speaker 1: this the right way. So he adopted that whole I

1109
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 1: am the father as well sort of way of navigating

1110
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: our dynamic like right away. And so for me it

1111
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 1: was like it's an interesting balance because on one hand, I

1112
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 1: have my son's dad is very much present, and then

1113
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 1: I have my husband who's very much present, and so

1114
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like I get lost a little bit

1115
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 1: in trying to make sure that everyone's you know, it's

1116
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 1: like a mind feel exactly. And so I feel like

1117
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 1: I have had to work on not shrinking myself and

1118
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: my desires in this whole experience because there's two very

1119
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 1: strong alpha males and then I'm raising a son too,

1120
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 1: so there's a thing of like, well, I guess they know,

1121
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:29,799
Speaker 1: you know, and it's just getting lost in it.

1122
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 2: And does your son call your husband dad as well?

1123
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 1: No, he calls him Devin, and he calls his dad dad.

1124
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 1: But Devin calls our son his son when he introduces

1125
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 1: him to people, this is our son. Like right now,

1126
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,839
Speaker 1: he's coaching our son's team, you know, like he's very

1127
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 1: much all the things that a dad should be, you know.

1128
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's just interesting trying to balance all of

1129
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 1: the pieces.

1130
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:54,920
Speaker 2: Does your son like allow him to take on that

1131
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:56,799
Speaker 2: I said and he's coaching right now? But does has

1132
00:50:56,840 --> 00:51:00,920
Speaker 2: there been a I guess like a period of time

1133
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,440
Speaker 2: in which maybe your son kind of rebelled it was

1134
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 2: like you're not my dad?

1135
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 3: Mmm?

1136
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:06,840
Speaker 2: I'm curious because I know for me, as like I

1137
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:10,360
Speaker 2: grew up with my stepfather and definitely I had those feelings.

1138
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 2: I think even more so because my dad wasn't showing

1139
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 2: up and I really wanted him to, and then I

1140
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 2: just wasn't ready to allow him to show up for me.

1141
00:51:18,719 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 2: I was like holding It was like a placeholder I

1142
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 2: was holding for my father, like he's gonna show up,

1143
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 2: He's gonna be here, and you, I don't really need you.

1144
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 2: I appreciate you, but like I don't really need you.

1145
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 2: And he took that to heart and he wasn't able

1146
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:32,279
Speaker 2: to kind of like transcend that.

1147
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, you just made me see something though in myself.

1148
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 1: That's so interesting because that's more so me, like I've

1149
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 1: been waiting for my dad to show up and be

1150
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:46,320
Speaker 1: like assertive, and so it's difficult for me to allow

1151
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 1: my husband to be assertive in our household sometimes because

1152
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 1: maybe that like you saying that, it just makes so

1153
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 1: much sense, like I'm waiting, I haven't seen that, and

1154
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:57,400
Speaker 1: I haven't seen so I don't even know. I'm like

1155
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,840
Speaker 1: is it submission or control? Like walking that fine line

1156
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 1: that fear, but like he's very much dominant alpha, like

1157
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,879
Speaker 1: this is what we're doing, and so I'm the one

1158
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,359
Speaker 1: who kind of pushes up like, well, is that what

1159
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:10,920
Speaker 1: we're doing?

1160
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 2: You know?

1161
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:13,399
Speaker 1: And then on top of the fact that we work

1162
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:17,279
Speaker 1: together too, so there's that dynamic of like feeling like

1163
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 1: is this how it's supposed to go or is this

1164
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:22,440
Speaker 1: like the act of submission? And I just don't know

1165
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 1: how because it's I've never seen it before, you know,

1166
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 1: so really more so on me than our son, you know, girl,

1167
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 1: like right now, Like Devin that's my husband's name for

1168
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:34,759
Speaker 1: those who don't know, But Devin, he is very much

1169
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 1: on this health journey, like, uh, he wants to be

1170
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 1: raw vegan eventually, and I think this is a girl.

1171
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 1: He took a deep breath and I'm there, like, and

1172
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 1: we did we did a cleanse together and it was beautiful.

1173
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,040
Speaker 1: I love how y'all both sit at the same time.

1174
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 1: It was it was beautiful. But it's just not something

1175
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:56,240
Speaker 1: that I am ready and wanting to do right now.

1176
00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 1: But my husband, you know, he's very much in that space.

1177
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 1: So if we eat something, you know, and we're all

1178
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 1: plant based in the house, mind you, but he's like,

1179
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 1: I don't want to do golute in anymore. I don't

1180
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: want to do brown rice anymore. I don't want to

1181
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 1: do anything fried. I don't want to do anything processed,

1182
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:12,360
Speaker 1: you know.

1183
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 3: And I'm like, that's everything that we have in America,

1184
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:16,759
Speaker 3: you know, and we need to move. We're starting up

1185
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 3: building a.

1186
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,240
Speaker 1: Farm from here, no, like and that's not that far

1187
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 1: from like we need to grow our own stuff. Like yeah,

1188
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 1: like he's very much that's the trajectory. That's where he's

1189
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 1: trying to go. And this is sort of the first

1190
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,800
Speaker 1: time that we're not like eye to eye like normally

1191
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:31,919
Speaker 1: we're just close. I'm like, we're going vegan, We're moving

1192
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,320
Speaker 1: to la we're moving back to Atlanta, like everything's always

1193
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:36,880
Speaker 1: in alignment, and so now it's really showing up for

1194
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 1: me that rebellious thing of like, well, I don't know

1195
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 1: that I want to and then he's like, well I

1196
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 1: want our son to well, like how do you get

1197
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 1: to make this decision? I know this is yeah, and

1198
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:50,040
Speaker 1: so I'm sort of like rebelling because I feel triggered

1199
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 1: and someone leading me is somewhere. You know. It's kind

1200
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,480
Speaker 1: of wild because at the end of the day, I

1201
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:57,520
Speaker 1: think to myself like, well, damn, he wants me to

1202
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 1: live longer, like he wants me you know what I mean,

1203
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:02,120
Speaker 1: he wants to be like drink water. And I'm like,

1204
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 1: you know it, you know what I mean, Like it's

1205
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:08,399
Speaker 1: wild though, So yeah, I mean I'm grateful, but this

1206
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 1: is the first time we're kind of like not in alignment,

1207
00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:15,880
Speaker 1: and I'm just like really triggered by someone trying to

1208
00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 1: make me do something great.

1209
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 2: That kind of goes back to I think that inner

1210
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 2: child war too, because I mean I resonate with that too.

1211
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,840
Speaker 2: I never had like a strong male figure leading me.

1212
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 2: I had a very strong female figure leading me, and

1213
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 2: I watched her take on all the roles and all

1214
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:36,239
Speaker 2: the responsibilities, and she was the leader. And so I've

1215
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 2: adopted those principles as well, and it has not served

1216
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 2: me in relationships at all because I've literally had no

1217
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:47,320
Speaker 2: blueprint for the alternative. Yeah, and you know, I've really

1218
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:52,040
Speaker 2: had to fight against myself and the triggers of like,

1219
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 2: I'm not a docile bitch, I'm not. I don't really

1220
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 2: think that you. I trust you to lead like that part,

1221
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 2: you know, and like, yeah, you made up a few

1222
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 2: bad choices, so nigga, I don't know. But then again, bitch,

1223
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 2: so did you? Yeah? So like but like, it's it's

1224
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 2: been very difficult for me in relationships to allow a

1225
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:16,919
Speaker 2: man to be a man in ways, and I've heard

1226
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:20,680
Speaker 2: that from multiple men. I would say my most recent

1227
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 2: relationship is probably the most soft I've been. And I

1228
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:31,760
Speaker 2: enjoyed it. I was like, Okay, I can do this,

1229
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:38,560
Speaker 2: and and then but inevitably, people, you know, they make mistakes,

1230
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 2: and then it's like, oh, not falling back into that

1231
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,879
Speaker 2: mindset again, like not allowing people's fuck ups and their

1232
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:51,920
Speaker 2: discretions or indiscretions to like harden me and make me

1233
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,440
Speaker 2: revert back to this person that or revert back to

1234
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 2: these habits that I know have not served me and

1235
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:59,279
Speaker 2: I know are not going to serve my child. And

1236
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:01,799
Speaker 2: I don't want her to see. I want her to

1237
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:06,600
Speaker 2: see Mommy was you know, she was powerful, she was patient,

1238
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 2: she was humble, she was strong, but also like she

1239
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:15,920
Speaker 2: lets a man lead. She let her man lead. She

1240
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:18,960
Speaker 2: let her man make decisions, and her man made good

1241
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:23,880
Speaker 2: decisions hopefully, But it's it's a hard it's literally fighting

1242
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 2: against myself, Like everything Amy is like this feels wrong?

1243
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 2: Is it wrong?

1244
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 1: I'm lichy, Yeah.

1245
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:33,839
Speaker 3: I think Also like if you've been in relationships where

1246
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 3: you've you've been like been led by niggas that didn't

1247
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 3: really deserve to be leading, or you've you've you've backed

1248
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:44,359
Speaker 3: down from yourself in ways, and then it's like you're

1249
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:48,160
Speaker 3: in relationships and you're triggered by the people trying to

1250
00:56:48,239 --> 00:56:50,400
Speaker 3: lead you or you've never seen it or whatever. And

1251
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:52,960
Speaker 3: it's like we also have to be conscious of like

1252
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:56,960
Speaker 3: what we're asking for and if we're ready to receive it,

1253
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 3: you know, because obviously we don't, like we do want

1254
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:02,000
Speaker 3: men to kind We love men and you know, we

1255
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:03,759
Speaker 3: want to be married and we want a man to

1256
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 3: take a strong position and know what to do and lead.

1257
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:08,160
Speaker 3: And then it's like when that happens, you're like, wait,

1258
00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:09,800
Speaker 3: hold on, this is uncomfortable, Like what the fuck do

1259
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 3: you mean? You know, like, what are you I think.

1260
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 2: It's also like humanizing the man too, because he will

1261
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 2: fuck up, oh, will lead you astray at some point,

1262
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 2: and then not holding him to this mistake stake and

1263
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 2: weaponizing it.

1264
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 3: No, I mean, humanizing is a good word, but it's true.

1265
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,640
Speaker 3: It's like he's not a fairy tale. This is a

1266
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 3: real human and there are going to be flaws and

1267
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 3: like and just yeah, just like kind of accepting that

1268
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 3: and like letting your guard down because.

1269
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 2: They are learning to be leaders. They are not born

1270
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:46,720
Speaker 2: just knowing how to lead a bitch, you know, and

1271
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 2: we expect that in ways we're like, okay, well you're

1272
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 2: want to lead me, then leave me. Don't make no mistakes, nigga,

1273
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 2: like show up and show like be the head of

1274
00:57:54,080 --> 00:57:56,360
Speaker 2: the household and make all the decisions and da da

1275
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 2: da da. And it's like that's there's all. That's an

1276
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:02,040
Speaker 2: immense amount of pressure on a man as well, even

1277
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 2: if that's the role that they chose to take and

1278
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 2: that's the role that society made for them, but like

1279
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 2: they will be flawed leaders at times.

1280
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: And it's so wild though, because like with Devin, like

1281
00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 1: he is very much a natural born leader, and he

1282
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 1: has very rarely led us astray, like he like invest

1283
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: in bitcoin. I'm like, thank you so much, or like

1284
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 1: do this or you know, purchase bitcoin or do this thing.

1285
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:32,080
Speaker 1: Like he is very much he hasn't really fucked up

1286
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 1: in the leadership department. I think it's also because I

1287
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:39,080
Speaker 1: had a child so young, you know, and then I

1288
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:44,040
Speaker 1: got married you know, youngish, and then I'm looking back

1289
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 1: and it's like I never really had an opportunity to

1290
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 1: just have full autonomy over my life. And so that's

1291
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:51,240
Speaker 1: what I mean when it's like that thin line between

1292
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:54,240
Speaker 1: submission and control, because I don't know what life feels

1293
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:57,760
Speaker 1: like navigating it, making my own choices, me saying, Okay,

1294
00:58:58,160 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 1: I want to be raw because I want to be raw,

1295
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:01,800
Speaker 1: not because my husband thinks it's the greatest thing in

1296
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 1: the world. And I'm going to try and like cater

1297
00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 1: to this lifestyle because you know, we're a unit and

1298
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 1: we're a family, you know, or I may not make

1299
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:11,440
Speaker 1: this take this job because I have to consider my

1300
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 1: child or consider my husband.

1301
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 4: You know.

1302
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:16,480
Speaker 1: It's just I've always been considering someone the fuck else, and.

1303
00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 3: You're like, it's I'm gonna consider to be what the

1304
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 3: fuck do I want to do?

1305
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 4: You know?

1306
00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 1: And I don't know what that looks like, because, like

1307
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:23,280
Speaker 1: it was saying earlier, it's like son, my son's dad,

1308
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 1: my son, and my husband, and I'm just.

1309
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:27,040
Speaker 4: Like, what really this?

1310
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 1: That's like I need to go to your retreat. I'd

1311
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 1: be like a week to not have to like consider

1312
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:34,800
Speaker 1: anybody else, because I don't know what that looks like.

1313
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 3: Most women don't, Like, that's the crazy thing, Like most

1314
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 3: adult women don't. And like even if you had, like

1315
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 3: cause you know, like that brief time in your twenties,

1316
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:44,000
Speaker 3: what you did not have, you probably weren't.

1317
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 1: Oh I had a whole face, well, honey, college, college

1318
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 1: was my.

1319
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 2: Wh fast so freshman to.

1320
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:56,880
Speaker 3: You got it in those three years are strong.

1321
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 2: They were strong, and then you planned the baby.

1322
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:05,480
Speaker 3: I'm retiring. I'm retiring over now I'm having a baby.

1323
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 2: Everyone totally normal.

1324
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:11,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't get it. It wasn't long enough my whole face. No,

1325
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 1: I didn't have an adult whole face.

1326
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:16,680
Speaker 3: Right where you're smarter. I mean, pickens are slim. It's

1327
01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:17,720
Speaker 3: not as. It's not as funny.

1328
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:18,800
Speaker 1: It's not fun it's not as.

1329
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:21,000
Speaker 2: Do you think a whole face is like a like

1330
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:22,760
Speaker 2: it's a requirement for women?

1331
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:23,360
Speaker 3: I think so.

1332
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 1: I think so too.

1333
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:26,760
Speaker 3: I do because you don't. You know, my thing was

1334
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 3: is like I don't want to be like forty five

1335
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:31,000
Speaker 3: trying to hold it out like because then it's but

1336
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 3: then it's like, bitch, you late, Well you might never.

1337
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 2: Get the whole I'm just saying, some bitches just never

1338
01:00:35,120 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 2: get the whole phase at all. And I'm just wondering

1339
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:42,760
Speaker 2: if that is, like, is that uh bad for them?

1340
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 3: Like someone I don't some women don't desire a whole face,

1341
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 3: But I just urge you to try and tap into

1342
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:50,560
Speaker 3: it because you may one day desire it and then

1343
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 3: be like fuck I didn't. I like, I'm maybe late

1344
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:55,280
Speaker 3: to the party because I thought, I like, you have

1345
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:57,160
Speaker 3: to really dissect of why you don't want to have

1346
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:58,760
Speaker 3: a whole face. Is it because someone told you that

1347
01:00:58,800 --> 01:00:59,840
Speaker 3: you're gonna be a hell forever?

1348
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 1: That's a religion.

1349
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:03,360
Speaker 3: Because Dreya said you can delete your wholeness and.

1350
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:05,480
Speaker 2: He says, I've got to see is this a tweet

1351
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:09,280
Speaker 2: on camera? It's it's on camera. You don't remember this,

1352
01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:11,560
Speaker 2: no girl? She said it.

1353
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 3: I mean, and I agree, but I do think, like

1354
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:19,080
Speaker 3: I think men get the opportunity to explore their sexuality

1355
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 3: freely and women are shamed and guilted. And then this

1356
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 3: is a whole big thing. So I mean, I don't

1357
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:28,520
Speaker 3: not everyone, but like ninety nine point nine percent of people.

1358
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:30,680
Speaker 3: I think she'd explore their whole phase. My aunt told

1359
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:33,080
Speaker 3: me that I went to school here. Before I went

1360
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:34,040
Speaker 3: to school, she was like, you have to go to

1361
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:35,680
Speaker 3: black school because you're around to men, to white people

1362
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 3: and you have to go hol it up. And I

1363
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:39,800
Speaker 3: was like what. She's like, trust me, you're not going

1364
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 3: to marry that guy. And this is my baby daddy

1365
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 3: because I was his my high school sweetheart. She was like,

1366
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:44,800
Speaker 3: you should go be a hoe. And in my mind,

1367
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:46,160
Speaker 3: I was like, I gotta go to black school and

1368
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:48,600
Speaker 3: I got to go hold up and that's what I did.

1369
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:52,320
Speaker 2: Check check. I was like perfect better, and I'm happy

1370
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 2: I got permissioned, like from my aunt, you know, Like

1371
01:01:54,760 --> 01:01:56,240
Speaker 2: I mean, I would have probably done it either way,

1372
01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:58,960
Speaker 2: but it was like clearer for me that this needed

1373
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 2: to happen to like, you know, like figure it out.

1374
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:03,960
Speaker 2: So what does one do who's married and is not

1375
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 2: going to have their whole phase? What do they do?

1376
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think you should try and hold

1377
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:09,160
Speaker 3: up with your husband, and you can do that, yeah,

1378
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:12,560
Speaker 3: like act like a hope for your husband, and like

1379
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:14,640
Speaker 3: maybe go to the club and let someone like fill

1380
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 3: on your booty and then leave.

1381
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:19,600
Speaker 2: This This is the remedy these are. You're offhwing up

1382
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 2: for your husband, go to the club, let them feel

1383
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:24,120
Speaker 2: on your booty. Don't tell your husband, because that's what

1384
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:27,520
Speaker 2: real ho does. Maybe make out, I don't know, don't

1385
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,880
Speaker 2: have sex though it's not going to be worth it,

1386
01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:34,960
Speaker 2: or come to the good vibrantory because I do feel like, yes,

1387
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:37,440
Speaker 2: I agree that I think there's healing in the holling.

1388
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 2: We talk about that in the book. And we even

1389
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 2: had a whole merchant launch that said heal first, hold later.

1390
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:46,680
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I forgot that we launched that the

1391
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:49,840
Speaker 3: ship that we make that that was the best seller,

1392
01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:52,280
Speaker 3: didn't didn't fly off the shelves, off the show, and

1393
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 3: I thought that I was like, this is this is it?

1394
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:58,000
Speaker 2: This is a hit. Heel now, ho later. But I

1395
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:01,680
Speaker 2: also think, like, you know, being like you said, like

1396
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:04,360
Speaker 2: you haven't You've been a mom, you've been a wife,

1397
01:03:04,520 --> 01:03:07,800
Speaker 2: you've been building your career, You've been like, you know,

1398
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 2: this chameleon of sorts and ways, you haven't really had

1399
01:03:11,480 --> 01:03:15,760
Speaker 2: the time to be still, be quiet and like not

1400
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:18,200
Speaker 2: have to make any choices. And I think that's like

1401
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:21,600
Speaker 2: what is the beauty of our retreat is like we

1402
01:03:21,680 --> 01:03:25,080
Speaker 2: really create this environment where you don't have to do shit,

1403
01:03:25,720 --> 01:03:29,320
Speaker 2: You don't have to decide anything We've decided for you,

1404
01:03:29,720 --> 01:03:31,920
Speaker 2: and you can also choose not to do that also,

1405
01:03:32,480 --> 01:03:34,960
Speaker 2: you know, And I think when we do these retreats,

1406
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:38,200
Speaker 2: I just see how these women it's very hard at

1407
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:41,760
Speaker 2: first for them to relinquish control. They must know every

1408
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:45,120
Speaker 2: step of the way, what is happening, Who is my roommate?

1409
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 2: If that's what you know, if they've chosen to, you know,

1410
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:50,440
Speaker 2: do a double occupancy room. Who is my roommate? What

1411
01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:52,600
Speaker 2: are we doing? Even though I sent you the schedule, bitch,

1412
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 2: look at the schedule, like what's like? What what can

1413
01:03:55,920 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 2: we expect? Like all these things? I'm like, girl, just surrender, yeah,

1414
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:05,200
Speaker 2: be still, Just turn your phone off, disconnect like sh

1415
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:11,320
Speaker 2: you know. And it's once people do and they're forced

1416
01:04:11,320 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 2: to surrender, you will surrender. You have no choice. That's

1417
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:19,480
Speaker 2: like where the transformation happens, and like the remembrance of

1418
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:23,160
Speaker 2: yourself or the reintroduction or maybe not even remembrance because

1419
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:25,920
Speaker 2: maybe you didn't even know what it was in the beginning.

1420
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:28,919
Speaker 2: It's like the meeting of this person, which is you,

1421
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:33,920
Speaker 2: And a lot of that has to happen with leaving

1422
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:39,840
Speaker 2: your child, leaving your husband, and taking time off of work,

1423
01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:42,280
Speaker 2: taking time off of world, and possibly leaving all this

1424
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:46,000
Speaker 2: together the state or country that you're in, Like I

1425
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:48,800
Speaker 2: do believe you can do these things at home, but

1426
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 2: the likelihood of you doing them are very low, very

1427
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 2: very slow. Like we could say next week is it?

1428
01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:55,880
Speaker 2: Next week is the week that I'm going to like

1429
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 2: be in silence, and then they'll find an excuse like

1430
01:04:57,920 --> 01:04:59,600
Speaker 2: Oh my god, wait, I gotta send that one more email.

1431
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:01,200
Speaker 2: Hold on it and you see, oh shit, someone else

1432
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:02,800
Speaker 2: leave me. Oh I wait someone called. Oh it is

1433
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:05,160
Speaker 2: an evergen me call. You know, like you'll start making excuses.

1434
01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:08,040
Speaker 2: So sometimes you literally need to go tap out to

1435
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:13,200
Speaker 2: tap in, and and I'm just I know that I

1436
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:17,000
Speaker 2: you know, I stuff. I still have to remember that myself.

1437
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:21,400
Speaker 2: I'm not a perfect leader, not a perfect healer by

1438
01:05:21,440 --> 01:05:25,080
Speaker 2: any means. You know, I overwork myself constantly. I put

1439
01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 2: people in front before me all the time. People's needs.

1440
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:32,920
Speaker 2: My boundaries sometimes are blurry, you know, and you know

1441
01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:36,120
Speaker 2: there's it's about the check in. It's about the check

1442
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:39,680
Speaker 2: in and knowing that, like, hey, I need to come

1443
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:40,800
Speaker 2: back to myself real quick.

1444
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:44,520
Speaker 3: The check in is really where the healing happens, because

1445
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 3: like I heard you say something earlier, and I've really

1446
01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:50,320
Speaker 3: been thinking about this a lot lately. Is like a

1447
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:54,800
Speaker 3: lot oftentimes if you don't get quiet, you don't even

1448
01:05:55,520 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 3: you can't even check and balance the trauma that's happened.

1449
01:05:58,520 --> 01:06:01,160
Speaker 3: You can't even process that shit, like like things are

1450
01:06:01,200 --> 01:06:03,440
Speaker 3: affecting you a certain way, and like you know, you

1451
01:06:03,480 --> 01:06:07,920
Speaker 3: made a comment about like you know, the like emotional

1452
01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:10,720
Speaker 3: abuse or abuse that you experienced in previous relationship and

1453
01:06:10,760 --> 01:06:12,560
Speaker 3: how you're still in ways recovering that or even the

1454
01:06:12,560 --> 01:06:14,600
Speaker 3: group you know, and like how you felt like you

1455
01:06:14,640 --> 01:06:16,640
Speaker 3: had to dim your light in ways or like but

1456
01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:18,560
Speaker 3: like look at you now, I wouldn't. I don't see

1457
01:06:18,560 --> 01:06:20,360
Speaker 3: that sitting in front of you. You know what I mean?

1458
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:23,960
Speaker 3: But like you know, only you know what you've experienced

1459
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:25,520
Speaker 3: and how it lives in your body and how it

1460
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:27,320
Speaker 3: plays out and your you know how you are right

1461
01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 3: now and how you've had to work against that. But

1462
01:06:29,320 --> 01:06:32,280
Speaker 3: a lot of times, as women, especially as black women,

1463
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:34,440
Speaker 3: we have so many things to take care of and

1464
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:36,920
Speaker 3: so think so many things that are prioritized over our

1465
01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 3: own healing. Is that we're not even in the position

1466
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:42,680
Speaker 3: to be like, damn, this happened and it really hurt me,

1467
01:06:43,160 --> 01:06:45,280
Speaker 3: and I have to really check in with myself like damn,

1468
01:06:45,680 --> 01:06:48,080
Speaker 3: like am I faar my feelings hurt? How am I affected?

1469
01:06:48,160 --> 01:06:50,720
Speaker 3: Like how is this like giving me anxiety? Because we

1470
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:52,920
Speaker 3: don't even recognize, like we don't even give ourselves the

1471
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:57,840
Speaker 3: opportunity to feel the hurt or the pain or process

1472
01:06:57,920 --> 01:06:59,800
Speaker 3: the trauma to even begin to heal from it. Because

1473
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 3: we're not quiet enough, and there's always something more important

1474
01:07:02,560 --> 01:07:04,560
Speaker 3: than you, you know what I mean, And like being

1475
01:07:04,600 --> 01:07:06,640
Speaker 3: silent and crying for two hours is not on the

1476
01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:07,280
Speaker 3: fucking agenda.

1477
01:07:07,280 --> 01:07:07,840
Speaker 1: There's no time.

1478
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:10,240
Speaker 3: There's no time for that, like witch clean that shit up.

1479
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:12,680
Speaker 3: And it's like even right now in my life as

1480
01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:16,040
Speaker 3: like I'm you know, I'm I'm in a good position.

1481
01:07:16,080 --> 01:07:19,600
Speaker 3: I'm in a really like healthy relationship, and there's still

1482
01:07:19,680 --> 01:07:22,920
Speaker 3: like remnants is of like paranoia from a relationship I

1483
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:26,360
Speaker 3: had fucking five years ago, and I'm still paranoid in

1484
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:27,960
Speaker 3: ways and I'm still moving a certain way and I'm

1485
01:07:27,960 --> 01:07:30,200
Speaker 3: like why the fuck is this living in my body?

1486
01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:33,760
Speaker 3: But I'm only realizing it because I've taken the opportunity

1487
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:35,880
Speaker 3: to sit down and be like, Okay, how has this

1488
01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:38,640
Speaker 3: affected me? And even like the book, like writing the

1489
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:41,800
Speaker 3: book made me realize, like, bitch, you haven't healed any

1490
01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:44,160
Speaker 3: of this shit, like you've talked about it, but like

1491
01:07:44,240 --> 01:07:46,560
Speaker 3: have you really sad in it? How has this affected you?

1492
01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:48,760
Speaker 3: Like that got you know, like someone hits you in

1493
01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 3: the face one time while you're holding your baby, you

1494
01:07:51,840 --> 01:07:53,920
Speaker 3: know what I mean, and it's like you could like

1495
01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:57,640
Speaker 3: live through it quickly and like know it happened, but

1496
01:07:57,760 --> 01:08:01,480
Speaker 3: like the processing of that is a completely different looks

1497
01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:04,840
Speaker 3: completely different than like maybe telling your homegirl like this, nigga,

1498
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:06,680
Speaker 3: then you know what I mean, that's one part of it,

1499
01:08:06,720 --> 01:08:09,800
Speaker 3: and even like acknowledging it, but then like really sitting

1500
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:12,160
Speaker 3: in it and like letting it sink in and letting

1501
01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:14,320
Speaker 3: like yourself go there again, because a lot of times

1502
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:16,640
Speaker 3: trauma is so painful you don't even want to revisit it.

1503
01:08:17,040 --> 01:08:20,360
Speaker 3: And even as women who are business women and strong

1504
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:23,360
Speaker 3: women and boss women and moms and like, you know, successful,

1505
01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:25,040
Speaker 3: it's like, oh, I don't, like I don't really want

1506
01:08:25,080 --> 01:08:27,240
Speaker 3: to dwell on that because I'm not a victim. I'm

1507
01:08:27,240 --> 01:08:29,280
Speaker 3: not an abut, I'm not from a Lifetime movie.

1508
01:08:29,320 --> 01:08:32,040
Speaker 1: But it's like you two were also a dumb bitch,

1509
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:33,960
Speaker 1: and like I was a dumb bitch.

1510
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:36,719
Speaker 3: I was a dumb bitch. Hi, I'm Jamila, and I'm

1511
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 3: five years free of being a dumb bitch. Maybe five months,

1512
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:43,200
Speaker 3: I don't know, but but it's true. And it's just

1513
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:45,120
Speaker 3: like even I've said this a couple of times because

1514
01:08:45,120 --> 01:08:48,320
Speaker 3: I was so I was so moved. I was shocked,

1515
01:08:48,400 --> 01:08:51,120
Speaker 3: Like when me and Erica did this audible because the

1516
01:08:51,200 --> 01:08:56,320
Speaker 3: headphones are on, I can hear myself and hearing myself

1517
01:08:56,880 --> 01:08:59,679
Speaker 3: read the words of the experiences that bitch I had,

1518
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:02,240
Speaker 3: like hold on, I need a minute, and I wasn't

1519
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:03,200
Speaker 3: expecting it to read.

1520
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:07,120
Speaker 2: It's that hearing your own voice. It's the hearing of

1521
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:11,439
Speaker 2: your own voice without interference, without even you telling someone

1522
01:09:11,720 --> 01:09:14,719
Speaker 2: this happened to me and then validating you or saying

1523
01:09:14,760 --> 01:09:17,040
Speaker 2: something to you. It's just this is what happened, and

1524
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:19,439
Speaker 2: it's there, and it's there, and no one's gonna comment,

1525
01:09:19,720 --> 01:09:22,960
Speaker 2: and you have to just decide how do you feel?

1526
01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:25,000
Speaker 3: How'd that make you feel? How do you feel right now?

1527
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:27,280
Speaker 3: Are you over it? Like where is that stored in

1528
01:09:27,320 --> 01:09:29,519
Speaker 3: your body? Like in your chest and your stomach? Like

1529
01:09:29,680 --> 01:09:31,400
Speaker 3: why are you crying right now? Bit shat that you're

1530
01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:34,840
Speaker 3: over it? And I was like, I guess not, you know,

1531
01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:40,200
Speaker 3: And it's like that is really that, Like that quietness

1532
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:43,680
Speaker 3: is like what women don't grant themselves. And it's definitely

1533
01:09:43,720 --> 01:09:47,760
Speaker 3: like the like the fact, like you really need that

1534
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:51,000
Speaker 3: to move forward, You really need that silence. And I'm

1535
01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:54,880
Speaker 3: so grateful for the retreat because we create and it

1536
01:09:55,000 --> 01:09:57,240
Speaker 3: even sounds funny talking about it because we joke a lot,

1537
01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:59,280
Speaker 3: and we're joking joking, but like it's some deep shit

1538
01:09:59,360 --> 01:10:03,040
Speaker 3: happening over there, and we've created a space where we're like, okay, bitches,

1539
01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:05,599
Speaker 3: we're getting deep, you know what I mean, like ready

1540
01:10:05,640 --> 01:10:08,080
Speaker 3: to heal, And like that feels uncomfortable for like a

1541
01:10:08,120 --> 01:10:09,920
Speaker 3: bunch of women you don't know, sitting in a circle

1542
01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:12,000
Speaker 3: like now we're gonna get deep. Now you're gonna cry,

1543
01:10:12,479 --> 01:10:15,040
Speaker 3: and everyone's like, hold up, what the fuck do you mean?

1544
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:17,920
Speaker 3: You know, but it's like no, It sometimes requires for

1545
01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:20,400
Speaker 3: some stranger bitch to tell you in the jungle, we're

1546
01:10:20,400 --> 01:10:23,519
Speaker 3: gonna cry now, and then you then you have to submit.

1547
01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:25,160
Speaker 3: And that's why it's uncomfortable for a lot of women,

1548
01:10:25,200 --> 01:10:27,519
Speaker 3: because we haven't given ourselves the space to.

1549
01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:31,439
Speaker 1: Just like to just feel the permission literally to just.

1550
01:10:31,439 --> 01:10:35,480
Speaker 3: Feel like cry. I know you have something to cry about.

1551
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:38,120
Speaker 2: I knew, you know.

1552
01:10:38,200 --> 01:10:41,240
Speaker 3: Like it's heavy, it's heavy carrying this and we don't

1553
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:44,840
Speaker 3: have to. But we haven't been given permission to to

1554
01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:47,760
Speaker 3: to remove the luggage and to undress and to like

1555
01:10:47,840 --> 01:10:50,360
Speaker 3: literally get naked and to be like oh shit, like

1556
01:10:50,400 --> 01:10:51,960
Speaker 3: this is me. This is like it's not that pain,

1557
01:10:52,040 --> 01:10:53,800
Speaker 3: it's not that nigga who hit me. It's not that

1558
01:10:53,840 --> 01:10:56,040
Speaker 3: person who called said I was a hoe, Like, it's

1559
01:10:56,080 --> 01:10:58,920
Speaker 3: not you know all these things. Oh there I am there,

1560
01:10:58,920 --> 01:11:01,639
Speaker 3: I am underneath the if I just get down there.

1561
01:11:02,040 --> 01:11:07,479
Speaker 3: But we're so like distracted and sometimes choosing distraction because

1562
01:11:07,520 --> 01:11:12,439
Speaker 3: it's it hurts to heal, mmm, it hurts to heal,

1563
01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:15,000
Speaker 3: but the other side is so much better.

1564
01:11:15,920 --> 01:11:17,080
Speaker 1: And it's a constant journey.

1565
01:11:17,479 --> 01:11:19,360
Speaker 3: And you can't be a soft woman if you don't

1566
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:22,280
Speaker 3: really like go through the healing, Like you can't be vulnerable.

1567
01:11:22,479 --> 01:11:26,240
Speaker 2: You'll just be hard, a hard ass bitch, a hardened hope.

1568
01:11:28,360 --> 01:11:31,600
Speaker 3: But what was like the last straw for you? Like,

1569
01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:33,640
Speaker 3: was there last straw? Or you guys just cordially be

1570
01:11:33,720 --> 01:11:35,519
Speaker 3: like okay and I'm gonna be famous.

1571
01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:36,200
Speaker 2: Catch you later.

1572
01:11:36,360 --> 01:11:40,960
Speaker 1: Moving with my son's dad, Oh it was really I

1573
01:11:41,040 --> 01:11:44,000
Speaker 1: just we were in our apartment and I was just

1574
01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:47,920
Speaker 1: sitting there and I said, are you happy? And he's

1575
01:11:48,000 --> 01:11:52,000
Speaker 1: like I was like, yeah, I'm not happy, Like maybe

1576
01:11:52,040 --> 01:11:54,920
Speaker 1: we shouldn't get married, Like what are we doing? And

1577
01:11:54,960 --> 01:11:57,280
Speaker 1: we just kind of gave ourselves permission to choose what

1578
01:11:57,320 --> 01:12:00,720
Speaker 1: everyone you know, the opposite of what everyone expected us to.

1579
01:12:00,800 --> 01:12:02,760
Speaker 1: And it was such a thing like you're not going

1580
01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:04,600
Speaker 1: to marry your son's dad, Like, oh my god, you

1581
01:12:04,640 --> 01:12:08,519
Speaker 1: have this opportunity, and I'm like, no, I'm not seriously,

1582
01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:10,400
Speaker 1: because they're like, you know, how many people would would

1583
01:12:10,479 --> 01:12:12,080
Speaker 1: love to be able to be married to the person

1584
01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:13,559
Speaker 1: they have a kid with, And I'm like, well, more

1585
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:14,280
Speaker 1: power to them.

1586
01:12:14,560 --> 01:12:18,680
Speaker 2: How many people are unhappy.

1587
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:24,240
Speaker 1: But that's literally what family members said, you know, knowing

1588
01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:27,320
Speaker 1: some of the trauma that we experienced in our relationship,

1589
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:31,240
Speaker 1: despite the fact that we just weren't good together, that

1590
01:12:31,320 --> 01:12:35,960
Speaker 1: I could not be self actualized in that relationship at all,

1591
01:12:36,200 --> 01:12:40,760
Speaker 1: you know, So I knew and I gave us permission

1592
01:12:40,840 --> 01:12:44,280
Speaker 1: to choose ourselves, you know. And I don't know, granted,

1593
01:12:44,320 --> 01:12:45,719
Speaker 1: I don't know if at the time he was truly

1594
01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:48,680
Speaker 1: ready to let go of that, but I was, And

1595
01:12:48,800 --> 01:12:52,360
Speaker 1: I promise you the moment I made that choice, everything

1596
01:12:52,600 --> 01:12:55,360
Speaker 1: just start. It was like, oh, there you are, Now I.

1597
01:12:55,360 --> 01:13:01,080
Speaker 2: Can choose yourself. There's literally never a that's never going

1598
01:13:01,120 --> 01:13:03,680
Speaker 2: to be a bad choice. We talk about that on

1599
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:06,960
Speaker 2: the book too, about like sometimes people wait for relationships

1600
01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:09,800
Speaker 2: to blow up in their face for them to be over. Yeah,

1601
01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:13,000
Speaker 2: and then sometimes you know, like we interviewed this girl,

1602
01:13:13,160 --> 01:13:15,519
Speaker 2: her name's a Birds Papaya, and she talks about how

1603
01:13:15,840 --> 01:13:18,400
Speaker 2: she decided to leave her husband on a very uneventful

1604
01:13:18,400 --> 01:13:21,720
Speaker 2: Wednesday and it was just like I'm done. And it

1605
01:13:21,760 --> 01:13:25,160
Speaker 2: wasn't like anything crazy happened. It was just like we're

1606
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:28,200
Speaker 2: not happy. Yeah, And then when making that choice, but

1607
01:13:28,280 --> 01:13:32,000
Speaker 2: then like how like the peanut gallery comes in and

1608
01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:34,600
Speaker 2: they're like they're not but they're not there. They're not

1609
01:13:35,320 --> 01:13:37,439
Speaker 2: with you day to day. Nope, they do not know

1610
01:13:37,520 --> 01:13:39,680
Speaker 2: how you feel in your body day to day. They

1611
01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:42,759
Speaker 2: do not know the you know, the way your husband

1612
01:13:42,800 --> 01:13:46,200
Speaker 2: has ignored your pleasure, or the way that you're not

1613
01:13:46,320 --> 01:13:49,679
Speaker 2: pleased sexually, or you don't feel heard. They just see

1614
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:52,040
Speaker 2: you show up at holiday events and smile with your

1615
01:13:52,120 --> 01:13:54,760
Speaker 2: kid and take these cute pictures and you're married, and

1616
01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:57,639
Speaker 2: that you're married. Did it writing crossed off the boxes?

1617
01:13:57,680 --> 01:14:01,240
Speaker 2: They're not there, So you know, it's really it's such

1618
01:14:01,280 --> 01:14:04,760
Speaker 2: a personal choice, and I mean, I commend you for

1619
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:06,840
Speaker 2: making such a big choice at such a young age.

1620
01:14:06,880 --> 01:14:11,799
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm so grateful that I that I called it.

1621
01:14:11,800 --> 01:14:15,240
Speaker 3: It's not popular for women to choose their happiness, so

1622
01:14:15,320 --> 01:14:17,760
Speaker 3: you have to really be adamant about it. It's it's

1623
01:14:17,880 --> 01:14:22,480
Speaker 3: almost highly discouraged. Yeah, it's like you are the third

1624
01:14:22,840 --> 01:14:24,599
Speaker 3: and who cares if you're not happy? Is your baby

1625
01:14:24,600 --> 01:14:25,240
Speaker 3: happy and fed?

1626
01:14:27,120 --> 01:14:28,640
Speaker 2: Well? Jade, I know we got to get out of here,

1627
01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:31,080
Speaker 2: but there's three things I want to get too. Because

1628
01:14:31,640 --> 01:14:33,439
Speaker 2: since you listen to our show, yes I do all

1629
01:14:33,479 --> 01:14:35,280
Speaker 2: the time, I know that there is something that you

1630
01:14:35,439 --> 01:14:37,080
Speaker 2: probably have heard, and I feel like we should do

1631
01:14:37,120 --> 01:14:39,960
Speaker 2: it because it's gonna be fun. Okay, and we've had,

1632
01:14:39,960 --> 01:14:41,720
Speaker 2: you know, a little heavy conversation. Let's lighten it up

1633
01:14:41,720 --> 01:14:42,120
Speaker 2: a little bit.

1634
01:14:42,200 --> 01:14:42,680
Speaker 1: Let's do it.

1635
01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:48,840
Speaker 2: Let's play Trigger. So you guys, if you don't know,

1636
01:14:48,920 --> 01:14:51,000
Speaker 2: you've never heard heard of this game. Trigger is a

1637
01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:52,519
Speaker 2: game we play with our guests and we just say

1638
01:14:52,520 --> 01:14:54,160
Speaker 2: one word and they say the first thing that comes

1639
01:14:54,200 --> 01:14:58,400
Speaker 2: to their mind. Don't overthink it, just go for it. Ready,

1640
01:14:59,280 --> 01:15:05,240
Speaker 2: Let spin our squa mm hmm, depends depends what day

1641
01:15:05,280 --> 01:15:22,639
Speaker 2: it is. Edibles, nice, religion, a construct, masturbation, awesome, non monogamy, natural, mushrooms.

1642
01:15:21,400 --> 01:15:25,720
Speaker 1: Fun, childhood, your childhood traumatic.

1643
01:15:26,160 --> 01:15:28,240
Speaker 2: Beyonce the Queen.

1644
01:15:28,160 --> 01:15:30,320
Speaker 1: Cardi Bi you know I love her.

1645
01:15:33,600 --> 01:15:35,559
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm going to get it out of here.

1646
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:38,240
Speaker 3: Major goal.

1647
01:15:39,600 --> 01:15:51,800
Speaker 1: Love language words of affirmation worst choice. Oh, oh my god,

1648
01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:53,360
Speaker 1: you said don't overthink it.

1649
01:15:53,880 --> 01:15:54,679
Speaker 2: That's a big question.

1650
01:15:55,360 --> 01:15:58,000
Speaker 1: I mean I'll keep it light, like not getting locks sooner.

1651
01:15:59,400 --> 01:16:07,519
Speaker 1: I mean I love it, pet Peeve mm hmm being corrected,

1652
01:16:08,320 --> 01:16:08,679
Speaker 1: mm hmm.

1653
01:16:10,120 --> 01:16:10,960
Speaker 2: Let's you sign again.

1654
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:17,200
Speaker 1: Gemini, Pisces moon cancer, rising's a lot of.

1655
01:16:17,160 --> 01:16:24,679
Speaker 2: Water, watery, favorite position, m dotty style, her face, college,

1656
01:16:25,439 --> 01:16:35,480
Speaker 2: bad habits, a lot most toxic trait, messy, Harry pussy.

1657
01:16:35,320 --> 01:16:37,960
Speaker 1: And I mean messy, not like oh girl, I mean

1658
01:16:38,040 --> 01:16:41,000
Speaker 1: like I am. I will leave my clothes on the floor.

1659
01:16:41,720 --> 01:16:43,720
Speaker 2: You think that's because you grew up with a messy home.

1660
01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:46,600
Speaker 1: Perhaps, Yeah, it's just easy. It's like, what do you

1661
01:16:46,640 --> 01:16:55,640
Speaker 1: mean there's chaos? You said Harry Pussy has not for me.

1662
01:16:55,960 --> 01:16:58,400
Speaker 1: I like, I like it nice and clean period sex.

1663
01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:02,720
Speaker 1: I'm getting better with it.

1664
01:17:03,280 --> 01:17:04,160
Speaker 2: Acting or music?

1665
01:17:04,760 --> 01:17:05,120
Speaker 1: Music?

1666
01:17:06,400 --> 01:17:07,640
Speaker 2: Uh hard, No.

1667
01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:09,680
Speaker 1: Difficult.

1668
01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:11,960
Speaker 2: Celebrity girl crush.

1669
01:17:12,479 --> 01:17:17,000
Speaker 1: Oh there's so many. Oh my god, who am I

1670
01:17:17,120 --> 01:17:20,000
Speaker 1: like obsessed with you? Guys?

1671
01:17:20,240 --> 01:17:27,640
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, celebrity guy crash.

1672
01:17:27,800 --> 01:17:31,280
Speaker 1: Guys, who's my celebrity guy crush? And I'm not gonna

1673
01:17:31,280 --> 01:17:38,160
Speaker 1: be like my husband. I think who is hot? Y'all

1674
01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:40,439
Speaker 1: help me? I'm like having a like I can't tell

1675
01:17:40,479 --> 01:17:41,080
Speaker 1: you who.

1676
01:17:42,400 --> 01:17:42,679
Speaker 2: You said?

1677
01:17:42,680 --> 01:17:43,520
Speaker 1: Who knows?

1678
01:17:43,720 --> 01:17:46,280
Speaker 2: I don't know him no more. What do you mean him?

1679
01:17:46,640 --> 01:17:48,760
Speaker 3: His last season were over girls.

1680
01:17:49,320 --> 01:17:51,800
Speaker 2: He's getting older and you don't like a little like

1681
01:17:51,880 --> 01:17:57,120
Speaker 2: something happens. I like his wife's cute, y'all.

1682
01:17:57,160 --> 01:17:58,720
Speaker 1: I'm really stuck on this and I don't want to

1683
01:17:58,760 --> 01:18:00,080
Speaker 1: ruin it.

1684
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:00,439
Speaker 2: Does mean?

1685
01:18:01,320 --> 01:18:04,280
Speaker 1: Oh, Damon does Lori Harvey's I think he looks like

1686
01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:05,080
Speaker 1: Na's X.

1687
01:18:06,439 --> 01:18:06,880
Speaker 2: He does.

1688
01:18:09,400 --> 01:18:10,600
Speaker 3: He looks just like that.

1689
01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:12,280
Speaker 1: Never thought about that.

1690
01:18:12,360 --> 01:18:14,280
Speaker 3: As soon as I saw I thought they're the same person.

1691
01:18:14,439 --> 01:18:15,280
Speaker 1: I could see that.

1692
01:18:15,520 --> 01:18:15,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why.

1693
01:18:16,040 --> 01:18:18,880
Speaker 2: Don It was my old man celebrity crush. Harrison Ford.

1694
01:18:19,080 --> 01:18:19,559
Speaker 2: He's fun.

1695
01:18:19,720 --> 01:18:21,280
Speaker 1: Harrison Ford could get it.

1696
01:18:21,320 --> 01:18:24,120
Speaker 3: We'll go with him over in album.

1697
01:18:24,360 --> 01:18:26,840
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm not really into I saw that

1698
01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:28,400
Speaker 2: maye if I saw the person you just see this.

1699
01:18:28,439 --> 01:18:32,200
Speaker 2: You didn't see the print. I saw the prince. I

1700
01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:36,559
Speaker 2: don't know if Harrison got that print. Probably not. Biggest

1701
01:18:36,560 --> 01:18:38,040
Speaker 2: regret mm hmm.

1702
01:18:40,840 --> 01:18:50,160
Speaker 1: Biggest regret not taking up space owner. Yeah.

1703
01:18:50,640 --> 01:18:56,760
Speaker 2: Motherhood a balancing act and that concludes trigger. Thank you

1704
01:18:56,760 --> 01:19:00,320
Speaker 2: for playing with us, Jade. Before we get out of here,

1705
01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:02,280
Speaker 2: do you have an affirmation that you can share with

1706
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:03,160
Speaker 2: our guests, I.

1707
01:19:03,200 --> 01:19:09,720
Speaker 1: Do okay, I came prepared, let me find it, okay.

1708
01:19:10,560 --> 01:19:14,960
Speaker 1: So this is one I needed for myself because speaking

1709
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:19,639
Speaker 1: gives me anxiety, and I think it comes from fear

1710
01:19:19,680 --> 01:19:23,600
Speaker 1: of being judged. And you know, I was doing like

1711
01:19:23,640 --> 01:19:25,559
Speaker 1: I mentioned the girl group, and so there was a

1712
01:19:25,560 --> 01:19:28,679
Speaker 1: polish and like a poise and a very calculated way

1713
01:19:28,720 --> 01:19:32,479
Speaker 1: of being that I haven't shook all the way yet

1714
01:19:32,840 --> 01:19:36,840
Speaker 1: and I'm really ready to just show up completely, completely,

1715
01:19:36,880 --> 01:19:40,479
Speaker 1: authentically uninhibited. That's why I listened to you all so much,

1716
01:19:40,520 --> 01:19:43,360
Speaker 1: because you are like goals. And I know it's a

1717
01:19:43,439 --> 01:19:46,240
Speaker 1: pricess You're looking at me like you know, but.

1718
01:19:46,400 --> 01:19:47,120
Speaker 2: I'm telling you.

1719
01:19:47,200 --> 01:19:50,160
Speaker 1: Like the way that you're able to be transparent about

1720
01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:52,360
Speaker 1: who you are, things that you guys have, guys have

1721
01:19:52,400 --> 01:19:56,360
Speaker 1: gone through. You know, that's goals for me. So I

1722
01:19:56,439 --> 01:20:00,120
Speaker 1: needed this. I am allowed to be myself and o

1723
01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:01,240
Speaker 1: people who I am.

1724
01:20:01,880 --> 01:20:05,400
Speaker 3: I am allowed to be myself and show people who

1725
01:20:05,520 --> 01:20:06,240
Speaker 3: I am.

1726
01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:08,080
Speaker 1: Because man, that shit's scary.

1727
01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:08,560
Speaker 2: It is.

1728
01:20:09,120 --> 01:20:10,599
Speaker 1: It's scary, be very scary.

1729
01:20:10,640 --> 01:20:13,880
Speaker 2: I love that. Thank you for sharing that. I also

1730
01:20:13,880 --> 01:20:16,120
Speaker 2: want to share an affirmation we have in the book.

1731
01:20:16,160 --> 01:20:19,200
Speaker 2: Once you guys buy the book, write this moment right now,

1732
01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:22,000
Speaker 2: and then the leak in the bio right this moment.

1733
01:20:23,240 --> 01:20:25,720
Speaker 2: The book is filled with a lot of affirmations. In

1734
01:20:25,760 --> 01:20:28,439
Speaker 2: each chapter, me and Mila each share an affirmation as

1735
01:20:28,479 --> 01:20:31,920
Speaker 2: it pertains to whatever we're talking about. And in the

1736
01:20:32,000 --> 01:20:37,160
Speaker 2: chapter titled post Traumatic Baby Daddy Disorder, Oh girl, p

1737
01:20:37,439 --> 01:20:38,200
Speaker 2: T B d D.

1738
01:20:38,400 --> 01:20:39,439
Speaker 3: Do we need to trademark that?

1739
01:20:40,320 --> 01:20:42,560
Speaker 2: Yes, Okay, don't say it. Don't say it.

1740
01:20:42,840 --> 01:20:44,040
Speaker 3: By the time I hear this, this is going to

1741
01:20:44,080 --> 01:20:44,519
Speaker 3: be trademark.

1742
01:20:44,960 --> 01:20:50,519
Speaker 2: Sorry, started a website, go go daddy everything. So this

1743
01:20:50,640 --> 01:20:54,240
Speaker 2: affirmation is Mela's affirmation actually from your chapter.

1744
01:20:54,360 --> 01:20:56,479
Speaker 3: Oh wow, because I know I feel like I feel

1745
01:20:56,479 --> 01:20:57,920
Speaker 3: like you're much better at the affirmation.

1746
01:20:58,240 --> 01:21:00,600
Speaker 2: I really love this one, and I think it's it

1747
01:21:01,040 --> 01:21:04,000
Speaker 2: relates to what we were talking about here. I forgive

1748
01:21:04,080 --> 01:21:07,120
Speaker 2: myself for choosing other people's safety over my own.

1749
01:21:08,360 --> 01:21:13,240
Speaker 1: I forgive myself for choosing other people's safety over my own.

1750
01:21:13,960 --> 01:21:16,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, you did that.

1751
01:21:19,680 --> 01:21:22,639
Speaker 3: I did write a book, y'all is an author.

1752
01:21:24,400 --> 01:21:29,360
Speaker 2: So yes, remember the Remember both of those affirmations. Anyone

1753
01:21:29,400 --> 01:21:32,160
Speaker 2: who's listening, and if that resonates, write it on a

1754
01:21:32,200 --> 01:21:34,519
Speaker 2: piece of paper, put it on a mirror, writing your phone,

1755
01:21:34,520 --> 01:21:37,320
Speaker 2: make it your screensaver, or just buy our book on

1756
01:21:37,360 --> 01:21:38,800
Speaker 2: Audible and screenshot it and.

1757
01:21:38,840 --> 01:21:41,000
Speaker 1: Send it to us buy their book.

1758
01:21:41,560 --> 01:21:42,000
Speaker 2: Period.

1759
01:21:43,680 --> 01:21:46,720
Speaker 3: Of course, it's Tarot time, and we had our dear

1760
01:21:46,800 --> 01:21:49,800
Speaker 3: friend pick a card, and because she's a rich bitch,

1761
01:21:49,920 --> 01:21:53,280
Speaker 3: she chose the King of Pinnacles, And so I'm gonna

1762
01:21:53,280 --> 01:21:55,360
Speaker 3: tell you what that is real quick. The King of

1763
01:21:55,400 --> 01:22:00,519
Speaker 3: Pentacles represents material wealth, financial abundance, and worldly success. This

1764
01:22:00,720 --> 01:22:03,640
Speaker 3: king is a faithful provider. He uses his ambition and

1765
01:22:03,680 --> 01:22:06,639
Speaker 3: confidence to create wealth for himself and others, and generates

1766
01:22:06,640 --> 01:22:09,360
Speaker 3: his self worth from what he has accumulated and can

1767
01:22:09,400 --> 01:22:13,000
Speaker 3: share with others. He is also fatherly figure who provides

1768
01:22:13,080 --> 01:22:17,280
Speaker 3: others with advice, guidance, and wisdom, especially in financial and

1769
01:22:17,320 --> 01:22:20,080
Speaker 3: work related matters. When the King of Pentacles appears in

1770
01:22:20,120 --> 01:22:23,040
Speaker 3: a tarot reading, you are confident and successful at attracting

1771
01:22:23,080 --> 01:22:27,000
Speaker 3: and managing wealth. Not only do you identify opportunities for

1772
01:22:27,080 --> 01:22:29,840
Speaker 3: growth and success, but you also draw upon your self

1773
01:22:29,840 --> 01:22:33,479
Speaker 3: discipline and control to manage your wealth and invest it

1774
01:22:33,520 --> 01:22:34,840
Speaker 3: wisely for the long term.

1775
01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:40,200
Speaker 1: Because you got look, come on, thank you baby.

1776
01:22:40,120 --> 01:22:42,000
Speaker 2: Yes, And I just want to put all of this

1777
01:22:42,200 --> 01:22:44,760
Speaker 2: wealth into your next project that you have coming out

1778
01:22:44,800 --> 01:22:46,800
Speaker 2: in August. Can you tell the people where they can

1779
01:22:46,800 --> 01:22:48,640
Speaker 2: find you and all the things that you have coming up.

1780
01:22:48,840 --> 01:22:52,360
Speaker 1: Yes, my name's Jade Nova, y'all. At Jade Nova everywhere.

1781
01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:55,519
Speaker 1: I have a new song out it's called Butterfly, which

1782
01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:58,040
Speaker 1: is honestly so in alignment with all of this, and

1783
01:22:58,520 --> 01:23:01,559
Speaker 1: my album Where Have I Been will be around very soon,

1784
01:23:01,800 --> 01:23:03,040
Speaker 1: so stay tuned, y'all.

1785
01:23:03,240 --> 01:23:05,760
Speaker 2: Yes, I can't wait, and y'all know where to find us.

1786
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:07,799
Speaker 2: If you're watching this on YouTube, make sure you're subscribed

1787
01:23:07,800 --> 01:23:11,120
Speaker 2: to our YouTube channel. Leave us a comment, tell us

1788
01:23:11,120 --> 01:23:12,120
Speaker 2: how beautiful we all are.

1789
01:23:13,280 --> 01:23:16,120
Speaker 3: Only nice comments, please, I will.

1790
01:23:16,320 --> 01:23:18,080
Speaker 2: I will curse you out in the comments. When people

1791
01:23:18,120 --> 01:23:20,599
Speaker 2: are responding in the comments. It's me. It's me, it's

1792
01:23:20,640 --> 01:23:23,960
Speaker 2: the one responding. I get the YouTube alerts on my phone.

1793
01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:30,639
Speaker 2: She'd like said, if you don't stop, mostly they're good, though.

1794
01:23:31,320 --> 01:23:34,000
Speaker 2: If you haven't rated and review us on Apple Podcasts,

1795
01:23:34,000 --> 01:23:36,519
Speaker 2: please do, because all these white podcasts got like eleven

1796
01:23:36,600 --> 01:23:38,240
Speaker 2: thousand reviews, and I'm like, how the fuck We've been

1797
01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:39,800
Speaker 2: doing this for five years and we ain't even broke

1798
01:23:39,800 --> 01:23:42,080
Speaker 2: two k. Come on, y'all, I really need you to

1799
01:23:42,160 --> 01:23:44,080
Speaker 2: go and leave us a rating and review it takes

1800
01:23:44,120 --> 01:23:46,080
Speaker 2: five seconds and it really really helps and it really

1801
01:23:46,080 --> 01:23:48,840
Speaker 2: really matters, so please do that. Also, you heard us

1802
01:23:48,840 --> 01:23:51,320
Speaker 2: talk about the retreat. We have one coming up in July,

1803
01:23:51,520 --> 01:23:54,760
Speaker 2: two dates, July fifth and July twelfth. We're taking you

1804
01:23:55,120 --> 01:23:59,560
Speaker 2: to Mexico Saluti the Mexico also known as Pueblo Maico,

1805
01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:03,000
Speaker 2: Magic Pueblo because we're some magical bitches over here.

1806
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:03,439
Speaker 1: Period.

1807
01:24:03,439 --> 01:24:07,840
Speaker 2: The property is gorgeous, it's ocean view, every single room

1808
01:24:08,320 --> 01:24:12,120
Speaker 2: all inclusive, minusor flight, and there's just going to be

1809
01:24:12,200 --> 01:24:15,360
Speaker 2: a lot of magic and beautiful experiences, lots of healing,

1810
01:24:15,439 --> 01:24:18,120
Speaker 2: lots of fun. So this is the summer trip you've

1811
01:24:18,120 --> 01:24:20,439
Speaker 2: been waiting for. Everything's in this episode description, so make

1812
01:24:20,439 --> 01:24:23,280
Speaker 2: sure you check it out. Follow me my personal page

1813
01:24:23,280 --> 01:24:24,760
Speaker 2: at watch Erica, and.

1814
01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:27,680
Speaker 3: You can follow me at Mila Underscore map. And I

1815
01:24:27,720 --> 01:24:29,639
Speaker 3: know you're heard us talking about the book all fucking

1816
01:24:29,680 --> 01:24:32,519
Speaker 3: month and all fucking episodes, So please you guys support

1817
01:24:32,600 --> 01:24:36,640
Speaker 3: us by buying our book and supporting two black women authors.

1818
01:24:36,720 --> 01:24:38,439
Speaker 2: It's our first book. It means a lot to us,

1819
01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:42,320
Speaker 2: so thank you. Oh and lastly, make sure you subscribe

1820
01:24:42,320 --> 01:24:44,880
Speaker 2: to our Patreon. We have a few special lessons over there,

1821
01:24:44,920 --> 01:24:49,160
Speaker 2: like how to navigate a sex party, how to RELI,

1822
01:24:49,920 --> 01:24:51,679
Speaker 2: how to talk about cannabis with your kids.

1823
01:24:51,800 --> 01:24:53,040
Speaker 3: Out of date is a single mom?

1824
01:24:53,200 --> 01:24:57,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, So if you need some how to guidance, make

1825
01:24:57,160 --> 01:25:00,640
Speaker 2: sure you join our patreon that's patreon dot com backslash

1826
01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:03,720
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Bad Choices And we love you and we'll

1827
01:25:03,720 --> 01:25:04,519
Speaker 2: see you next week.

1828
01:25:04,920 --> 01:25:28,759
Speaker 4: Bye and so record

1829
01:25:31,280 --> 01:25:31,479
Speaker 2: Las