1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:05,440 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, what's going on Emily about a year? Popping 2 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:09,119 Speaker 1: into your feed with another hurdle moment from Hurdle, a 3 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,600 Speaker 1: podcast that talks to everyone from entrepreneurs to top CEOs 4 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: and athletes about how they've gotten through tough times hurdles 5 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:20,080 Speaker 1: of sorts by leaning in to wellness. For this week's 6 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,800 Speaker 1: Hurdle moment, I'm talking about something that was a really 7 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 1: really big hurdle for me, and that's therapy. This isn't 8 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 1: something that is really necessarily openly talked about on the 9 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: regular It's definitely a little taboo. But the thing is 10 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 1: is that it's important. I share endlessly on this feed 11 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 1: and on my social media about running and exercise and 12 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: the hurdles that I've overcome being an entrepreneur, but it 13 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 1: is so rare for me to get into the mental 14 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 1: side of things to break down that barrier. About a 15 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 1: month ago, I started talking to a therapist for the 16 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: first time. I've been going once a week. This is 17 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: my fifth week, and for years now I wanted to 18 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: take this junk and go to therapy, but there were 19 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 1: a number of things that were holding me back, and 20 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 1: we'll get into what those were in today's episode. I'm 21 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 1: also going to share a few helpful steps that I 22 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 1: took to get over the hurdle of getting into the 23 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,880 Speaker 1: office in the first place, because if you ask me, 24 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: that is the hardest fucking part expletive totally necessary. So 25 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: let's make this a conversation, Okay, DM me or email 26 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: me to talk. It's at Emilybody at Hurdle Podcast, Emily 27 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: at hurdle dot us. And really, the biggest takeaway I 28 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: hope you can get from today's episode is that if 29 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: this is something you've been wanting to do, if it's 30 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: something you've done and you've walked away from it, whatever 31 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: the case may be, you are not alone. It's what 32 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 1: my mission has been since starting Hurdle. But sharing these 33 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: stories and being so open and so vulnerable with all 34 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: of you is that I think about the Emily that 35 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: was overweight back in college and she felt so lonely 36 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: and like no one understood her. And I'm here to 37 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: tell you is that when it comes to this topic, 38 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:08,520 Speaker 1: which can just be so overwhelming and really alienating, it's 39 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: okay to feel that way and you're not the only one. 40 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: So with that, let's get to hurdling. I probably first 41 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 1: googled New York City therapists about six years ago. Now 42 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 1: there are a lot of them here. A lot of 43 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: people are going to therapy, but a lot of people, 44 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: myself included, have this idea that you can get by 45 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: without it. For years now, every time I thought about 46 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 1: finally going in to see someone, I just kind of 47 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: brush it off, thinking that if I can connect with 48 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: my good friends and rant about all the things and 49 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: get it all out over a glass of wine, it's 50 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:56,919 Speaker 1: just exactly the same thing, right, it's not therapists. Well, 51 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 1: they go to school for this, And I'm not going 52 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: to run down the complete list of different types of therapists, 53 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 1: but what I will tell you is that the very 54 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: minimum a therapist needs a bachelor's degree, which is four 55 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,960 Speaker 1: years of school, plus a master's or a doctor degree, 56 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: and both of those take between an additional two and 57 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: seven more years of school. A therapist is different than 58 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: sitting down with your best friend and eating thing Chris 59 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 1: Pizza and drinking a bottle of malbec because they are 60 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 1: an unbiased opinion. Now, I say this knowing that I 61 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: am blessed with great friends who take my word. They 62 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,280 Speaker 1: talk to me honestly, and they do not judge me, 63 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 1: and I am so grateful for that. But when you 64 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 1: go to a therapist's office, there is no need for niceties, 65 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 1: for lack of a better word, right, it's like this hour, 66 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: it's all about you, which is important because for me, 67 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: over the last couple of years especially, I have been 68 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:57,119 Speaker 1: really emphasizing this idea in my relationships that the give 69 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: and take should be equal, in that all conversations, you know, 70 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 1: both people should have an opportunity to express their ideas 71 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: to be heard equally. And of course there are going 72 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: to be things that happen on both sides where one 73 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,360 Speaker 1: person needs to dominate a conversation more than the other. 74 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 1: But a good relationship, in my opinion, is about that 75 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: give and take and listening. With a therapist, however, it 76 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,760 Speaker 1: doesn't need to be like that, and it's just one 77 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: big exhale. It's a time that it's specifically dedicated to 78 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: talking about your own shit. In two thousand and seven, 79 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 1: when I stepped on the scale and I saw a 80 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,119 Speaker 1: number over two hundred pounds, I worked really really hard 81 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,919 Speaker 1: to flip the script and believe that I was worthy 82 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,799 Speaker 1: of my own investment. I knew that if I didn't 83 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: take some time to give back to myself that I 84 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 1: was never going to be truly happy and living my 85 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,600 Speaker 1: life the way that I wanted to. So I made 86 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 1: the time to work on eating better and working out. 87 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 1: I found myself when I started running, and I am 88 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: so so much better today because I made those changes. 89 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 1: Now on the side of things, I have done a 90 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: lot of work there too. I've read a bazillion self 91 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: help books like I thought it was just me but 92 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: it isn't by Brune Brown and Grit by Angela Duckworth 93 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: and Twelve Rules for Life by Jordan P. Peterson. I've 94 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: taken full weeks off of work to do some self 95 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: care of sorts and write and reflect. I've confronted some 96 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 1: of my weaknesses in workshops and man have I had 97 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 1: a shit ton of breakdowns on the run. But there's 98 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 1: still more to do. And for me, that really hit 99 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 1: about a month ago. Now. I won't get into the 100 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 1: particulars of what made me finally reach my I've got 101 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: to talk to someone breaking point, but what I will 102 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 1: say is that I had an interaction with someone that 103 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: put me back in my high school cafeteria. I felt 104 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: lesser than I felt like there was a group of 105 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: guys that were talking about me as I walked by, 106 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 1: criticizing my body and making me feel as though I 107 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: wasn't worthy as a woman in her early thirties who 108 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,479 Speaker 1: knows damn well that she has a lot to offer 109 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 1: the world. I was fed up that I was allowing 110 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,280 Speaker 1: myself to go back to this place that I am 111 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 1: no longer in, and so I decided to make a 112 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 1: fucking change. Now. Typically this is the part where I 113 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: call a friend crying and we get wine, and then 114 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 1: I go to bed, and after I sleep it off, 115 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: I start over the next day. But I just knew 116 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: I needed more. So I messaged about fifteen different girlfriends 117 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 1: and I asked them instead if they wanted to get wine, 118 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,359 Speaker 1: if they had any therapist recommendations. I followed up on 119 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 1: three of them. I made an initial consultation appointment with 120 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,360 Speaker 1: one woman, and I was in there the following week. 121 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,720 Speaker 1: The biggest reason why I avoided therapy for so long 122 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: is not because of the time, commitment, or a lack 123 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: of a desire to go, but because of the cost. 124 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: And in this moment, I finally got to a place 125 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 1: where I understood that the cost, although great, was necessary. 126 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 1: I deserved this. I thought, I'm ready for this. I 127 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,919 Speaker 1: can do this now. I won't get into the particulars 128 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: about what I'm dealing with in therapy, but there are 129 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: two things I want to address. Firstly, you don't need 130 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: to go through some big, huge life traumatic event to 131 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: be someone who can benefit from talking to someone else. 132 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,200 Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I lost seventy pounds, which was a 133 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: mind fuck in itself. I'm a child of divorced despite 134 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 1: being really really fortunate that my parents are both the 135 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: most loving, passionate humans ever who really treat each other 136 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 1: with kindness and support me unconditionally regardless. My personal goal 137 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: of seeking therapy is so that I can show up 138 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: better for both myself and my relationships going forward. You 139 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: don't have to have again some awful skeletons in your 140 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 1: closet to want the same thing. We have two homes. 141 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 1: Someone once said to me, our body and our mind. 142 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: Now you are the person who talks to yourself the 143 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 1: most in any given day, and you deserve to make 144 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: that conversation a good one. You deserve to feel valued, 145 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 1: to feel important, and to feel needed. The second thing 146 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: I want to address the biggest reason I didn't go 147 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 1: see a therapist for the longest time, was that I 148 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: didn't think I could afford it, despite understanding that I 149 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 1: am worthy of my own investment. When it comes to 150 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 1: an actual financial investment, therapy is, without a doubt, the 151 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 1: greatest cost I have ever spent on myself in my 152 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: life period. When talking about the price per session with 153 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: my therapist, I actually completely broke down, which was really unexpected. 154 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 1: She told me what her typical rate is and I 155 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 1: told her that I was hoping to spend about double 156 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: that for the month and come every other week. And 157 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 1: this is where she'd hit the fan. Basically we disagreed 158 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,080 Speaker 1: on that. With her telling me she felt that I 159 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: should come every week, I told her that that wasn't 160 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 1: possible for me because I couldn't afford it. Then I 161 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: started crying. I felt like, how do I say this? 162 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 1: I felt like I had jumped the hurdle of finally 163 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: getting there, of showing up, of being ready to take 164 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: on like this extra cost because I knew that it 165 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:04,480 Speaker 1: was worth it, And then I was just met with 166 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: this idea that despite being ready to take on the 167 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: burden and the cost and show up for myself, that 168 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 1: I just couldn't do it like I financially could not 169 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 1: do it and that sucked. Who Well, I'm really grateful 170 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 1: because in my instance, and I know this doesn't happen 171 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 1: every time, I was able to get to a place 172 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: with my therapist where I felt truly comfortable in a 173 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: rate that we agreed on. I feel as though I 174 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,840 Speaker 1: try so badly to show up for other people and 175 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 1: be kind and do good and be a good person. 176 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,200 Speaker 1: And for the first time in a long time, and 177 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,079 Speaker 1: I say this as someone who is spiritual but definitely 178 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: not religious, it was like God was looking down on 179 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: me in this situation and just said I got you 180 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: with this said, yes, money is a hurdle for therapy. 181 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,199 Speaker 1: The good news is that there are certain practitioners who 182 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,320 Speaker 1: take insurance. I know I have a girl friend who 183 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,360 Speaker 1: pays about thirty dollars a session. She used to go 184 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,680 Speaker 1: twice weekly. And if I was paying thirty dollars a session, God, 185 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: I'd probably do the same thing. There are also online 186 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 1: apps like talk Space and Betterhelp where you can do 187 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: everything from text message with the therapist to chat with 188 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 1: them regularly on the phone or on FaceTime. And again 189 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: a lot of these individuals will work with you if 190 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 1: they don't take insurance to find something that makes you 191 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 1: comfortable because they want to help. I also think it's 192 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: important to bring up when the woman had originally told 193 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: me her rate and I looked at her with so 194 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: much sincerity, and I was like, listen, I'm a contractor. 195 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,679 Speaker 1: I understand that your time is valuable. I built by 196 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:40,080 Speaker 1: the hour. I don't expect you to have flexibility with me. 197 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: And she looked at me and she said something really poignant, 198 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: which was, listen, you told me your boundary, and now 199 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you mine. You cannot decide how 200 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 1: I handle your boundaries. I get to make those decisions. 201 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 1: And I was like, well, all right then, man, I 202 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,560 Speaker 1: feel like I spilled my guts to a bunch of 203 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:04,720 Speaker 1: strangers on the internet, and that's because I did. I 204 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,840 Speaker 1: don't know if this is helpful for you. I really 205 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: hope that it is. Again, my biggest goal here in 206 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: sharing my getting to therapy story with you is that 207 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: you feel a not alone and b and power to 208 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:20,960 Speaker 1: take some space up for yourself. We all deserve to 209 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 1: take up space, and sometimes, in this case with therapy, 210 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: that helps me understand better that I am worthy of 211 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 1: this opportunity. I deserve my own investment. I am worthy 212 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,719 Speaker 1: of my own investment. Again. I'd love to hear from 213 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: you guys. I'd love to know what your interactions with 214 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: therapy have been. If it's something that you have done, 215 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: if it's something that you're scared to do, share with me. 216 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: And that's it. Another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.