Speaker 1: I am Yamla, your host for this journey. I was
Speaker 1: a hopeless love aholic but just could not get my
Speaker 1: love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks and
Speaker 1: deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love is
Speaker 1: and what it is not. I want to share some
Speaker 1: of what I've learned about love a holism. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the R Spot, a production of shandaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. Blessings and greetings. Welcome to the our Spot,
Speaker 1: the place we come to discuss, explore, examine, and investigate
Speaker 1: ourselves and other people about relationships, all kinds of relationships.
Speaker 1: I am a Yemla, your host, your guide, and hopefully
Speaker 1: your support for your journey into what can be one
Speaker 1: of the most complicated areas of life. We all just
Speaker 1: want to be seen and heard and loved. We all
Speaker 1: need to be accepted for who we are, just as
Speaker 1: we are. When it comes to relationships, and whether it's
Speaker 1: a family relationship, a loving or intimate relationship, even the
Speaker 1: relationship we're having with ourselves, acceptance and acknowledgement are the
Speaker 1: two things that are often missing. The challenge is that
Speaker 1: when we cannot or do not acknowledge the truth of
Speaker 1: who we are, or accept ourselves just as we are.
Speaker 1: It's pretty safe to consider that we cannot and will
Speaker 1: not experience acceptance or the acknowledgement that we crave in
Speaker 1: our relationships with others. So why is that?
Speaker 2: Just?
Speaker 1: Why is that, Missyambla. Well, what I've learned for myself,
Speaker 1: from myself and about myself is that if I don't
Speaker 1: have it, I cannot give it, and if I don't
Speaker 1: give it, I shall not receive it. Because every relationship
Speaker 1: I have is a function of the relationship I am
Speaker 1: having with myself. Now that's true for me. I think
Speaker 1: it's true for everybody, but some of us don't recognize
Speaker 1: that I have a deep need to know myself. That
Speaker 1: means whatever is missing, broken and balanced is functional within me.
Speaker 1: It's going to show up in every relationship around me,
Speaker 1: because it's called cause and effect, and that is one
Speaker 1: of the laws of life, whether we know it or not,
Speaker 1: or believe it or not. Now, when it comes to intimate,
Speaker 1: loving relationlationships, we often make the mistake of trying to
Speaker 1: get what we want, what we need, what we think
Speaker 1: will make us feel better from the outside, and we
Speaker 1: look for partners and we make them responsible to fill
Speaker 1: the hole in our soul. A wrong, a bad approach. Okay,
Speaker 1: you can never get from the outside what you believe
Speaker 1: is missing inside. Unfortunately, so many of us spend the
Speaker 1: majority of our time and energy looking out and doing
Speaker 1: out there that we have no clue, not an inkling,
Speaker 1: or an idea about who we are on the inside.
Speaker 1: And often that lack of knowledge, lack of awareness blindness
Speaker 1: about self will delay, block, hinder, obstruct, or deny our
Speaker 1: quests and desire to find love in a partnership with
Speaker 1: another person. Well, we are gonna talk about that today.
Speaker 1: We are going to explore what it means to live
Speaker 1: and love from the soul and how you find your
Speaker 1: soul match. I like that soul match. Okay, my guest today,
Speaker 1: I've got a guess. His name is Reginald Lewis and
Speaker 1: he is known as the soul Matchmaker, the real life hupid.
Speaker 1: That means he brings folks together hard to harden soul
Speaker 1: to soul. Now in today's world with dating and matchmaking
Speaker 1: shows everywhere, with people meeting up online, I want you
Speaker 1: to understand what makes Reginald different. You see, Reginald is
Speaker 1: a mystic. That means he's had a mystical experience, or
Speaker 1: as you will, a series of mystical experiences that have
Speaker 1: allowed him to let go of his human identity and
Speaker 1: just be. And because he's had those experiences the union
Speaker 1: with the One God, Source, Creator, Mother Earth, whatever you
Speaker 1: call it, it means he's had experiences with the cosmos,
Speaker 1: the universe that have taken him beyond the realm of
Speaker 1: human understanding and human limitation. It also means that our
Speaker 1: brother Reginald is a psychic or spiritual medium. Now don't
Speaker 1: go clutching your pearls and running and hiding in the closet.
Speaker 1: It just means that he can see and sense and
Speaker 1: feel beyond the common human limitations and he uses that gift,
Speaker 1: that ability to support people in match soul to soul.
Speaker 1: In his work in the world as a coach, a
Speaker 1: love and relationship expert, he is called the Sole Teacher.
Speaker 1: He uses his mystical, spiritual practical experiences with a unique
Speaker 1: blend of skills that will take him far beyond matchmaking
Speaker 1: and support you me, whoever he's working with in the
Speaker 1: healing of their soul that often blocks finding the love
Speaker 1: that we want. Reginald is also the founder and CEO
Speaker 1: of my Sole Matchmaker. He's the creative mind behind Sole
Speaker 1: match Making. Now you don't have to believe me, look
Speaker 1: it up. He guides conscious singles, conscious singles to finding
Speaker 1: their ideal partners. He's been doing this for over fifteen
Speaker 1: years and he has assistance thousands in navigating personal relationships
Speaker 1: and what happens when the souls are attracted to one another.
Speaker 1: This is a fresh approach and that's why professionals go
Speaker 1: after him, seeking his support in pursuit of love. Reginald Lewis,
Speaker 1: welcome to.
Speaker 2: The our spots.
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure, it's an
Speaker 3: honor to be here.
Speaker 1: It is so good to see you. And you know,
Speaker 1: as a spiritual technician and one who knows the whole
Speaker 1: realm of psychic phenomenon and mediumship, I am so honored
Speaker 1: to see a man of color, a young man of color,
Speaker 1: a beautiful young man. Okay, y'all can't see him, but
Speaker 1: he finds his imported wine.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Good. So let's talk about what it is that you
Speaker 1: do and how you support people in matching their souls
Speaker 1: and why that's important. So let's start here. They say
Speaker 1: you are a sole teacher. Tell me what that means, Recheald.
Speaker 3: Yes, so every since I was a child, as earlier
Speaker 3: as as I can remember, I've always been a person
Speaker 3: who has always seen beyond the physical meaning. I've always
Speaker 3: had an insight of people, situation circumstances through a knowing
Speaker 3: and inner knowing.
Speaker 1: Did you tell your mother? Did you tell your mother
Speaker 1: what you could see or did she know?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: I told my mom. I don't think she she saw
Speaker 3: signs and she recognized there was something different about me.
Speaker 3: It was my grandmother who recognized it. Thank you God boy.
Speaker 1: Don't you love a grandma exactly?
Speaker 3: Yes, because in my family it is hereditary. I realized
Speaker 3: it is a history on my maternal side.
Speaker 1: I have a six year old great grandson who is
Speaker 1: empathic and he sees, he hears, you know, and he'll
Speaker 1: tell you about it. So I guess he's in my
Speaker 1: experience or in my sphere because, like you said, I
Speaker 1: know about it. So now you're a sole teacher. Yes,
Speaker 1: you work with people as a coach, work with people
Speaker 1: as a soul matcher. What does that mean, sole teacher?
Speaker 1: What does that mean?
Speaker 2: So soul?
Speaker 3: To me, the definition of soul is your essence who
Speaker 3: you truly are your divine nature. Your divine being is
Speaker 3: the expression of God. You are an expression of God.
Speaker 3: That's what your soul is, the individualization of God that
Speaker 3: hired being a source.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about relationships, because baby, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: what's going on out here today is just so one wonderful.
Speaker 1: We make the same mistake. I can say that I'm
Speaker 1: married the same person three times because I didn't have
Speaker 1: that internal awareness. How does not knowing who you are
Speaker 1: impact your ability to choose partners in relationships?
Speaker 3: So when I have a person come to me and
Speaker 3: they start to begin to define themself externally, but all
Speaker 3: all the external things, their job, there, row, et cetera,
Speaker 3: I asked him a question, and I repeat it again.
Speaker 3: I say who are you? And I say it slowly
Speaker 3: and intentionally, But what happens?
Speaker 1: And what happens?
Speaker 2: And they always think a pause.
Speaker 1: I just told you, I just told you who are.
Speaker 3: They take a pause and they think about it again,
Speaker 3: and I say, who are you? Who are you beyond
Speaker 3: your job? Who are you on your role? What is
Speaker 3: it do you feel that you have to offer to
Speaker 3: give to others, to the world.
Speaker 1: That shuts them up, that shuts them up right, most definitely.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And a lot of people get their wants and their
Speaker 3: needs mixed. Their priorities is backwards and they need to
Speaker 3: reprioritize their life.
Speaker 1: Talk. Let's break that down. They want in their needs
Speaker 1: backwards or mixed. People just want to you know, usually
Speaker 1: they want somebody to be with somebody so they don't
Speaker 1: have to be by theirself. Is that a problem? Is
Speaker 1: that a mistake? Oh?
Speaker 2: Most most definitely.
Speaker 1: That's That's why. Tell me why.
Speaker 3: When someone wants instant gratification, it's like I want what
Speaker 3: I want now, you know, it's like a baby or
Speaker 3: a kid, you know, just because he cries because he wants,
Speaker 3: you know, or something. I don't mean you're supposed to
Speaker 3: give it to all marries that's what he needs. I
Speaker 3: feel like a lot of people, they a lot of
Speaker 3: people don't know what they need, you know. They just
Speaker 3: know what they want, you know, or they think that, well,
Speaker 3: they don't know what they need because they haven't done
Speaker 3: the work on themselves. They have not taken the time
Speaker 3: to get to know who they are and what their
Speaker 3: essential needs are. Because they're they're looking for everything outside
Speaker 3: of them, trying to grasp to this trying to grasp
Speaker 3: for that out of desperation, and they become co dependent
Speaker 3: to these things. They become co dependent and attached to individuals, relationships,
Speaker 3: circumstances that aren't necessarily healthy for them. And that's how
Speaker 3: people find themselves in broken patterns of relationships. Well, you know,
Speaker 3: I think a lot of what we're doing in relationships
Speaker 3: today isn't about love. It's about it's about woundedness, brokenness,
Speaker 3: it's about dysfunction. It's about those patterns. But you have
Speaker 3: those blind, unaware of people who just can't see. I
Speaker 3: gave them everything and I was good to them, and
Speaker 3: they lied, they cheated.
Speaker 1: What do you say about that?
Speaker 3: I always say, I want you to look at the mirror.
Speaker 3: I want you to look at yourself and ask yourself,
Speaker 3: where is it that I can own my actions that
Speaker 3: led to the circumstances of the situation that I ended up.
Speaker 3: And because it's always going to come back to you,
Speaker 3: I call it pilling the layers. It's like killing that
Speaker 3: eyen and pilling layers you got till you get to
Speaker 3: the core, you know, And what led to them to
Speaker 3: put themselves in that situation, to allow themselves to be
Speaker 3: in that situation.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you want to put this to practice because
Speaker 1: I got some callers who might need to hear that
Speaker 1: question and you can feel them out. You want to
Speaker 1: do that?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, greetings beloved, and welcome to the art spot.
Speaker 1: This is the Yamla and my guest today is the
Speaker 1: soul matcher, Reginald Lewis, and he's here to support you
Speaker 1: in getting clear about your soul and your relationship and
Speaker 1: what it is that you want. So what is it
Speaker 1: that you would want Reginald to help you with today?
Speaker 4: I clarity about a relationship that I've kind of been
Speaker 4: and on again off again in about was fifteen.
Speaker 1: And how old are you now?
Speaker 4: I'm thirty seven. Now it's yielded. We have two children.
Speaker 4: I'm a boy and a girl. I'm just in two
Speaker 4: thousand and eighteen. All of you, like I guess, years
Speaker 4: of pasticity that you've had built up. And it was
Speaker 4: like a snapping point. So it was I confronted him.
Speaker 4: It was kind of like a physical like tussle for
Speaker 4: a minute. I ended up hitting him with a cup.
Speaker 4: It was like a blackout mess.
Speaker 1: I I kind of wait a minute, hold up, hold up,
Speaker 1: Hold up, wait a minute, you ended up hitting him
Speaker 1: with a car? Yeah, I don't need the story. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to make sure I was hearing you that
Speaker 1: you accidentally hit your love of seventeen years with a car.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure that I was hearing
Speaker 1: that correctly.
Speaker 4: Yes, man had me correctly. I blacked out, yeah, and
Speaker 4: in the that was that's not even a worse car.
Speaker 4: As a result, right, he ended up the partial anti team.
Speaker 4: So we got back together, and we were still broken.
Speaker 4: Nobody seek counseling, So I think we got worse, right,
Speaker 4: Like the woman trusted even more. So we broke up
Speaker 4: in twenty and twenty one and we were apart, like,
Speaker 4: you know, no more financial support or anything like, you know,
Speaker 4: I'll go your way, you go my way. After our
Speaker 4: lives at the intrasponse like business and everything. So now
Speaker 4: we're at the point where you know, we we the
Speaker 4: last couple of months, we just got to a point
Speaker 4: where we can like talk to each other without like
Speaker 4: hating each other, right, And I feel like we're at
Speaker 4: a point to not where we're flirting with each other,
Speaker 4: but it feels like almost like a natural like it
Speaker 4: feels like it feels like when I'm around him, it's
Speaker 4: like old times again, right, And my when I'm telling
Speaker 4: my fault is like I don't want my mind to
Speaker 4: play tricks on me, like your imagination can be like
Speaker 4: your worst friend sometimes. And I I don't, I don't,
Speaker 4: I don't, I don't. I don't know how comfortable and
Speaker 4: with with the situation, am. But also I feel like
Speaker 4: I don't. I love him and I don't want to
Speaker 4: be without him, but I also don't want to go
Speaker 4: back to the hurt and pain. So I'm like, I'm
Speaker 4: looking for advice because I feel stupid, but I also
Speaker 4: feel like I'm just like intertwined and love, like I
Speaker 4: don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: Reginald, this is our first call.
Speaker 2: We have lots of dissect he very god.
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to the R Spot. Let's pick up where we left off.
Speaker 3: Okay, so the first thing I want to address is
Speaker 3: you said that you met this person when you were fifteen, fourteen,
Speaker 3: fifteen years old. And the reason I'm bringing that up
Speaker 3: is because that's a very I think in a woman's life,
Speaker 3: that's a very important aspect of your life. You know,
Speaker 3: you're there's maturity, there's you're coming a young woman, You're
Speaker 3: coming into your young womanhood. And I want to say
Speaker 3: with that being said, is so I think that's an
Speaker 3: important point because you're young, You're still learning yourself. You
Speaker 3: have no idea what you want, you have aspirations, you
Speaker 3: have goals as far as life direction, and you end
Speaker 3: up in this relationship. And I think at the age
Speaker 3: it's easy to get caught up in what I call
Speaker 3: an emotional pattern or state of drama at that age
Speaker 3: because you don't know what you want. And so I'm
Speaker 3: guessing you just kind of went along with it because
Speaker 3: you were in love. You were heads over here with
Speaker 3: this person. People are in relationships at a young age
Speaker 3: and they have children a lot of the time they
Speaker 3: tend to settle in that relationship because of the children,
Speaker 3: the bond of the children. And do you feel like,
Speaker 3: do you feel like when the children came in that
Speaker 3: that just kind of in a way kind of solidified
Speaker 3: as far as the continuing to go with the relationship,
Speaker 3: because I just I just have this feeling that because
Speaker 3: you were you did have signs and things are happening
Speaker 3: before the probably the children because the children happened. It
Speaker 3: sort of seemed like it's something that you felt, probably
Speaker 3: you wanted to stay in because you wanted to sort
Speaker 3: of keep you wanted to have a family.
Speaker 4: Yes, I wanted to have a family, and particularly I
Speaker 4: want to say have a family with him. So here's
Speaker 4: the thing, and this is why I say, like, I
Speaker 4: don't want to be I don't want to be stupid
Speaker 4: all over again. I always felt like it was a
Speaker 4: fourth situation with him, right, and I don't and it's
Speaker 4: hard for me to read him, like and I've even tried,
Speaker 4: I've even stopped crying years ago. But I always felt
Speaker 4: the situation was forced with him. But then when I
Speaker 4: felt like it was, and then I'll feel like it's forced,
Speaker 4: like you know, and I don't feel like I don't
Speaker 4: feel like the relationship is serving me. And then he'll
Speaker 4: come and he'll do something spectacular and like make me
Speaker 4: feel amazing or awesome, like he'll notice he's black. You know,
Speaker 4: I'm feeling bad, and he'll do something amazing or awesome,
Speaker 4: and then it'll be okay, like for months, and then
Speaker 4: it'll die off again, like you know, like it.
Speaker 3: Just I'm going to interject right there, because The first
Speaker 3: thing I want to address issistency. Okay, so you realize
Speaker 3: that there's inconsistency that this person, that there's inconsistent actions,
Speaker 3: inconsistent behaviors with this particular person. And the other thing
Speaker 3: I would say along with inconsistent actions, as long as
Speaker 3: you can remember, is do you feel like at an
Speaker 3: early point you develop not trusting an ability to not
Speaker 3: trust him?
Speaker 4: I'm at points yes, and then I feel like I'm
Speaker 4: a complete fool because all it takes is for like,
Speaker 4: you know, a date of kids, like some conversations, can
Speaker 4: do light everything I like to do, And then is
Speaker 4: here you go again.
Speaker 3: You've grown from fifteen to the age that you're on.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of growth and evolution in between that time.
Speaker 3: You've grown in as an individual. You've grown in your
Speaker 3: needs and your desires. You have, you have a different perspective,
Speaker 3: theore experience, having kids, being a mother, trying to be
Speaker 3: a part a faithful partner. He has grown. You have
Speaker 3: to realize you're two different individuals. You're two different people.
Speaker 3: People evolve and they grow over time, and their needs
Speaker 3: evolve and grow over time. And it sounds like because
Speaker 3: you are so used to him, because that's how you
Speaker 3: know since you were fifteen that it's like you're stuck
Speaker 3: in this pattern of hoping that some way, somehow that
Speaker 3: he will change or he will become consistent.
Speaker 2: But always say, always.
Speaker 3: Trust what someone shows you as far as who they are.
Speaker 3: And so it's like you have a certain expectation of him,
Speaker 3: but at this point, it's kind of like all this
Speaker 3: time has passed. It's like, do you believe that who
Speaker 3: you are now, the person that you've evolved to be
Speaker 3: right now? Do you believe that he's what's in your
Speaker 3: best interest, he's what you need now? Because but what
Speaker 3: I'm seeing with you is like you're it seems like
Speaker 3: you're confused because it's like you don't know what you
Speaker 3: want at this point, and you're in you're you're holding
Speaker 3: or you're grasping on to the past and old patterns
Speaker 3: hoping that it changes into something new. And it's almost
Speaker 3: like you're waiting on him to change rather than you
Speaker 3: making decisions and choices for yourself and being searching with
Speaker 3: what you need, what you desire and moving forward with that.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question, who would you be
Speaker 1: without him?
Speaker 4: Without him in your.
Speaker 1: Life as a woman, Yes, without him. If he were,
Speaker 1: you know, Martians were to come down tomorrow take him away,
Speaker 1: who would.
Speaker 2: You be without him?
Speaker 4: I would still be.
Speaker 1: Well, but what does that mean?
Speaker 4: I'm a mother, I have a loving person, I'm educated, work.
Speaker 1: How would your life be without him? With a he's
Speaker 1: not there, no financial support, no nookie on Saturday night
Speaker 1: when the movie is good? Who would you be? How
Speaker 1: would your life be?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: If I would have never met him, I would have contained,
Speaker 4: I would have like graduated. Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1: But you did meet him, and he left you. He
Speaker 1: left you with the blessing of two children. But the
Speaker 1: Martians got him. He's gone. He's gone, He's gone to Mars.
Speaker 4: I gotta move on. And I've been.
Speaker 1: Trying to what what would you move on to? What
Speaker 1: would you create? What would you do? What would you
Speaker 1: be in your life if the Martians took him away?
Speaker 1: Can you see that? Can you see that possibility? Can
Speaker 1: you see that for yourself?
Speaker 4: Really? Right now, I will see myself like where I
Speaker 4: had to do the legacy for my kids so I
Speaker 4: would see my So I was working for them, trying
Speaker 4: to trying to do things to make sure that they're
Speaker 4: okay in life, you know, so they don't have to
Speaker 4: work hard. And that's what that's what I see. I
Speaker 4: don't really see myself breaking anyone else around them or
Speaker 4: I'm too scared.
Speaker 3: Reginald by losing him. What do you feel that you're losing?
Speaker 4: And remember when I was when I first met him, right,
Speaker 4: Like he had a lot of like he did a
Speaker 4: lot of stuff to remind me of like my the
Speaker 4: men in my life, like you know, my grandfather, Like
Speaker 4: you know, he would tell me I was pretty, and
Speaker 4: Corey did out a life like you know, Corey paid
Speaker 4: attention to what I had to say, like he listened
Speaker 4: to me, like you know, he would give me feeds
Speaker 4: that it was a lot. Excided my father and out
Speaker 4: of my life. He really wasn't there. So I had
Speaker 4: like my grandfather and guys when.
Speaker 2: I was age.
Speaker 4: Okay, So talking with my therapist, I think that I
Speaker 4: was looking like I think that I was looking for him,
Speaker 4: like to hold on, like oh it was like comfort.
Speaker 4: It was like comfort.
Speaker 3: So what I heard, if you don't mind me interjecting,
Speaker 3: what I heard is attention. I needed attention. I was
Speaker 3: seeking attention to be loved, Yes, and that was your
Speaker 3: example of love based off what you grew up around,
Speaker 3: what you were conditioned to believe, what love.
Speaker 1: Was, Reginald, let me ask you a question. Let me
Speaker 1: talk to you for a second, because in her speaking,
Speaker 1: I hear her saying it reminds me of how things
Speaker 1: used to be when I first met him. It felt
Speaker 1: like it once did. Is she present in this relationship
Speaker 1: or is she present in the past.
Speaker 3: You're right, she's present in the past. She's focused in
Speaker 3: the past, the past, ten the past. What was you're
Speaker 3: trying to hold on and grasp to the past and
Speaker 3: what sounds like it is because you have not developed
Speaker 3: a certain confidence in yourself of what you are worthy
Speaker 3: of and what you deserve beyond this relationship and what
Speaker 3: you've experienced.
Speaker 1: But here's the sticky pot. It's difficult for her to
Speaker 1: be present with her needs now when she never knew
Speaker 1: what her needs were at fifteen. I don't even know
Speaker 1: what needs she's feeling. What need is she feeling? What
Speaker 1: need are you feeling in this relationship? Attention? Okay? What else?
Speaker 4: Like I have retupit like depression and anxiety, like he
Speaker 4: was a comfort zone for me, Like he knew, like
Speaker 4: he knew how to call me down like it's everything,
Speaker 4: like I missed, like the conversations, like my best friend.
Speaker 3: What I heard is he was like a drug for you. Yep,
Speaker 3: that's like an addiction.
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back.
Speaker 1: I am ay, I'm learning.
Speaker 2: This is the R spot he said.
Speaker 3: He calmed me down, he relaxed me. So he became
Speaker 3: like a drug for you.
Speaker 1: And and.
Speaker 2: It's an addiction.
Speaker 3: And with that addiction this cold dependency. So you became
Speaker 3: addicted to the intention, and you became co dependent. And
Speaker 3: it seems like you need to be present to find
Speaker 3: and find what does independence look like for you? What
Speaker 3: does it look like to be dependent on yourself to
Speaker 3: know who you are?
Speaker 2: I have a quature.
Speaker 3: Have you taken any time Do you feel like you've
Speaker 3: taken any time as of now, in this present moment
Speaker 3: of your life for yourself to get to know you?
Speaker 3: What it is that you want to prioritize yourself and
Speaker 3: your needs?
Speaker 4: No, I haven't. I had two kids I gotta take
Speaker 4: care of I know I haven't only and I see
Speaker 4: it's cliche and like it does nothing for me. But
Speaker 4: as long as they're okay, I shouldn't complain.
Speaker 1: I think some of the One of the worst things
Speaker 1: of a person can say is I'm in a relationship
Speaker 1: for the kids or I've got to do it for
Speaker 1: the kids, because whether you know it or not, then
Speaker 1: you make them obligated to fulfill a need for you.
Speaker 1: And as a mom, I know what that looks like.
Speaker 1: You make it obligated. They obligated to make you feel good,
Speaker 1: to do things for you, and it strips them of
Speaker 1: their own life. So when you first called, you said
Speaker 1: you were confused about the relationship you're in. Reginal helped
Speaker 1: me because this don't sound like a relationship to me.
Speaker 1: It sounds like an addictive, entangled man based on an
Speaker 1: identity that may or may not still exist. You're talking
Speaker 1: about you. You want to be in relationship with him.
Speaker 1: At fifteen he was your boyfriend. You're thirty something. Now
Speaker 1: you want a husband. Is this the man who can
Speaker 1: provide for you, take care of you, help you grow
Speaker 1: in your vision? Does he have a vision? And you've
Speaker 1: got to explain to me why you want to be
Speaker 1: in relationship with somebody in some organized chaos that's so
Speaker 1: toxic that it would force you to black out and
Speaker 1: run them over with your car. Why in the world
Speaker 1: would you want to.
Speaker 4: Be in that? And I don't, I don't know. I
Speaker 4: felt like I don't know. I felt like, this is
Speaker 4: the man I love. This is a man I suppose
Speaker 4: to be this, Like you said, can't he go bide?
Speaker 4: Can he take care of us? Yeah? He's done it,
Speaker 4: like even after the accident, Like I'm just starting to
Speaker 4: go back to work like this in the last couple
Speaker 4: of months, Like that's what I'm like. I don't know,
Speaker 4: Like maybe.
Speaker 1: But then you know, then you're speaking betrays you. You're
Speaker 1: speaking betrays you because what I hear you saying is
Speaker 1: I gotta do it for the kids. He ain't involved
Speaker 1: in that, So how is he involved in it now?
Speaker 1: If your focus is on what you have to do
Speaker 1: for the kids, not what we have to be for
Speaker 1: our children, you're speaking betrays you. I was saying, if
Speaker 1: the Martians took him, what would you do? And you
Speaker 1: couldn't identify what you would be? You still want to
Speaker 1: be in the sixteen year old love entanglement? And now
Speaker 1: you want to let me ask you something, Let me
Speaker 1: just ask you. Excuse me, Reginald. You know I'm just
Speaker 1: coming from the woman part, right, now you're coming from
Speaker 1: the soul part. Is this the man you want to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of his life, your rest of your
Speaker 1: life with? Is this the man you want to spend
Speaker 1: Yes or no? It's a yes or no question, beloved.
Speaker 1: Is this the man you want to spend the rest
Speaker 1: of your life with?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, So this is the man you want to
Speaker 1: spend Okay, so go do that. Go do it, Go
Speaker 1: spend the rest of your life with it. It's nothing
Speaker 1: you'd be confused about. This is the man, the organized chaos,
Speaker 1: the toxicity, the whatever it is. This is how you
Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of your life. That is
Speaker 1: the choice you making now. Will let serve your soul?
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe not? Will let feel your heart? Maybe maybe not?
Speaker 1: But if that's the man you want to spend the
Speaker 1: rest of your life with, go do it. That's what
Speaker 1: I say, Regimo, But I'm hardcore, you kind of more loving.
Speaker 1: What do you have to say?
Speaker 3: I would say, My thing is do you want to
Speaker 3: be happy? I would assume that you want to be happy?
Speaker 3: But your question ask yourself is is just making me happy?
Speaker 3: Does he make me happy? And if he's not making
Speaker 3: you happy or creating happiness, or adding happiness to your life,
Speaker 3: adding peace, Then it's something that you need to refigure out, rethink, reevaluate, reprioritize,
Speaker 3: because it sounds like you're prioritization. Are its backwards? It's
Speaker 3: backwards if you're focusing on to him the past, holding
Speaker 3: on you're trying to kid's an excuse that that's not
Speaker 3: an excuse. Where are you putting yourself first? Where are
Speaker 3: you standing up for yourself? Where are you making a
Speaker 3: decision for yourself to say, this is what I want,
Speaker 3: this is what I desire. I'm going to take ownership
Speaker 3: of my happiness, of my peace and my joy and
Speaker 3: stop putting on everyone else. It sounds like you need
Speaker 3: to be clear and make decisions about what it is
Speaker 3: that you want and how you want to move forward
Speaker 3: in your life.
Speaker 1: But you know what, he makes her sixteen year old happy,
Speaker 1: And I don't even think thirty seven year old knows
Speaker 1: what happiness is. Yeah, So then stay sixteen if that's
Speaker 1: what you want to do, because Reginald can talk to
Speaker 1: you and spin you until your lips quiver, But you
Speaker 1: make some choices and decisions, and it sounds to me
Speaker 1: like you know your sixteen year old is comfortable with him,
Speaker 1: which means that the thirty seven year old doesn't have
Speaker 1: to grow up and go look and take responsibility for
Speaker 1: what she wants. So that's not confused, and that's clear all.
Speaker 4: Right here to hear you, to hear you say, like,
Speaker 4: you know, it's my sixteen year old self. Like it's
Speaker 4: a strong realization and I do want to be happy.
Speaker 4: So like, how do I saw it like that?
Speaker 1: But you're an addict, Reginald said to you. You are
Speaker 1: addicted to the feel good of the sixteen year old
Speaker 1: and not current in the reality of the thirty seven
Speaker 1: year old. You're addicted. You're an addict. You need recovery.
Speaker 1: So how do I figure out who you are right now?
Speaker 1: What makes you happy right now? And if he does,
Speaker 1: that's fine. We're not throwing him under the bus. You know,
Speaker 1: he's a brave soul, because I don't think I would
Speaker 1: want to be a relationship with nobody run me over
Speaker 1: with no car, But that's just me.
Speaker 2: I'm you get a shot.
Speaker 1: You only get what shot. Do not miss your chance. Okay,
Speaker 1: if you didn't take me out, I'm leaving. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: just me, all right. But Reginald said to you. You're
Speaker 1: addicted and you're code dependent. He asked you, you know
Speaker 1: what makes you happy? You don't know. You haven't taken
Speaker 1: time for yourself. That's what he's say and that's what
Speaker 1: your soul needs to grow. And you haven't taken the
Speaker 1: time to do that because you're focusing on him. You're
Speaker 1: focusing on the kids, you're focusing on the past. So
Speaker 1: the lights are on. But nobody's home, baby, ain't nobody
Speaker 1: home in your house? That thirty seven year old woman house. Okay,
Speaker 1: you got that, Go ahead and miss the coach.
Speaker 2: So you need to cleanse, You need to detoxify. What
Speaker 2: does that that? What does that look like for you?
Speaker 3: Cleansing emotionally cleansing, mentally, cleansing, spiritually cleansing, detoxing, releasing, letting
Speaker 3: go so that you can renew your mind.
Speaker 2: Do you know your worth? Do you know your value?
Speaker 4: I mean I did, like when I was younger, Like
Speaker 4: I thought I was the highest smoking.
Speaker 2: Like now not when you're younger. You keep going back
Speaker 2: to when you were younger?
Speaker 3: Now, what is your worth? What's your value? If you
Speaker 3: don't know what that is, you need to figure that out.
Speaker 3: You need to find out, you need to do some
Speaker 3: soul searching.
Speaker 4: Other than big cameon in Corey's mother like, I don't
Speaker 4: I don't know. I need to figure it out.
Speaker 1: Can I give her prescription? Reginald? Please, Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: put you on a ninety day fast from him, a
Speaker 1: ninety day fast, and you can do it or not
Speaker 1: do it. And what does that ninety day fast look like?
Speaker 1: Now that's the children's father. All do you live together?
Speaker 1: Did the two of you live together? Okay? Fine, great,
Speaker 1: here's a ninety day fast. He can see the kids,
Speaker 1: but you don't look to him for you know, if
Speaker 1: you all have a financial arrangement, he can do that
Speaker 1: through the mail or through cash app or PayPal. But
Speaker 1: you don't talk your personal business to him. You don't
Speaker 1: ask his opinion, you don't ask his questions. You start
Speaker 1: doing that for yourself. Him and the children are one thing.
Speaker 1: But begin to, like Reginald said, detox, cleanse, purify. See
Speaker 1: what comes up when you can't pick up the phone
Speaker 1: and call in. See how you feel when you don't
Speaker 1: get to talk to him. And I heard you say
Speaker 1: that you're in therapy. Is that accurate?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, So take this to your therapist, and as
Speaker 1: the feelings come up, the thoughts come up, you know,
Speaker 1: the missing come up. Remember the Martians got it and
Speaker 1: they only let him out to come see the kids.
Speaker 1: And if he asks you, you know, what are you doing.
Speaker 1: I'm cleansing. I'm cleansing myself. It don't have nothing to
Speaker 1: do with you. You know you can say that to him,
Speaker 1: It doesn't have anything do with you. But do a
Speaker 1: ninety day fast when you begin to detox and recover
Speaker 1: from him and find out who you are today. You're
Speaker 1: thirty seven, you're not sixteen, and he's not the Knight
Speaker 1: in white armor, and you don't need that kind of
Speaker 1: feel good. You need to grow. You got to grow
Speaker 1: yourself up and become current with who you are now.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense, Reginal?
Speaker 2: It makes total sense.
Speaker 3: And I think another part of it is being an
Speaker 3: adult now is that realizing you have children and you
Speaker 3: said your focus is the children. If their children are
Speaker 3: your focus, you have to realize that you are an
Speaker 3: example for your children. You are an example. And just
Speaker 3: like you made decisions based off what you grew up
Speaker 3: and you saw what was conditioning you of your example
Speaker 3: of love with your family, you have to realize that
Speaker 3: your kids observing and they're taking in exactly what you're doing.
Speaker 3: And so that's something to think about as well. Since
Speaker 3: you want to talk about the children, is how is
Speaker 3: this being an example for my children? What do I
Speaker 3: want them to be able to exude exempt semplify that
Speaker 3: their happiness and their joy of what love looks like,
Speaker 3: what happiness looks like, what joy looks like, what peace
Speaker 3: looks like.
Speaker 2: Use that as a form of.
Speaker 3: Motivation and inspiration along your detoxification, your purification process.
Speaker 1: I want to offer you, if you have an opportunity
Speaker 1: to support you in this ninety day fast, in the
Speaker 1: first forty days of it, you take a look at
Speaker 1: one day, my soul just opened up. One day, my
Speaker 1: soul just opened up. It's a book that'll give you
Speaker 1: a daily practice for forty days so that you're filling
Speaker 1: your soul up with something other than him. And it's
Speaker 1: not that any of this is wrong, but the mere
Speaker 1: fact that you're calling today, I think, Reginald, you can
Speaker 1: agree with me that her soul may be ready for
Speaker 1: something else. Yes, So tell me, beloved, what do you
Speaker 1: know now that you didn't know when you called.
Speaker 4: My sixty year olds? So I'm trying to satisfy that.
Speaker 4: I'm trying to say it indeed, good.
Speaker 1: Why are you crying? Tell me why you're crying? You
Speaker 1: can cry, but I want to know why?
Speaker 4: Why are you crying? Of everything that happened?
Speaker 1: A cry? Oh? Good? So you're detoxing. It's starting already. Good, Okay,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure you weren't in breakdown.
Speaker 1: You're detoxing. Good, excellent. So now you know that you've
Speaker 1: been satisfying your sixteen year old self. Do you also
Speaker 1: know or can you receive the possibility that you've been
Speaker 1: addicted to this man because of the need he filled
Speaker 1: for you when you first met him.
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: And do you know that you gave away so much
Speaker 1: of your power as a woman, as an adult? Do
Speaker 1: you know that?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: And are you willing to do this ninety day fast
Speaker 1: or detox so that you can figure out who you
Speaker 1: are without him? And you may figure out who you
Speaker 1: are without him? And look at him and he looks
Speaker 1: like a good roasted goose and you just go over
Speaker 1: and take a bite, or he may he may look
Speaker 1: like dog food and you don't want no part of him,
Speaker 1: But you can't make that decision right now, you've got
Speaker 1: to do the detox and do the recovery from the addiction.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and there's another part of to add to that
Speaker 3: is forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. Don't beat up on yourself,
Speaker 3: judge yourself, turn yourself apart. Because you were young, you
Speaker 3: didn't know better. You were just doing what you thought
Speaker 3: best how to do what you did. So love on yourself,
Speaker 3: forgive yourself. Love that aspect of who you were back
Speaker 3: then and the decisions that you made, because you've already
Speaker 3: made those decisions and those choices and you are where
Speaker 3: you are right now.
Speaker 2: You can't live in the past.
Speaker 3: You can't live in regrets and it could have sh
Speaker 3: waters be present and love where you are now.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you three things that I appreciate about you.
Speaker 1: First of all, I appreciate that you called and that
Speaker 1: you were willing to share yourself so vulnerably and authentically
Speaker 1: in the public. We can't see you, but that's okay.
Speaker 1: Your story is still out there. I appreciate that. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you trusting Reginald and I with your story. That's
Speaker 1: really beautiful. And I appreciate that in the midst of
Speaker 1: it all, although you got it a little twisted. It's
Speaker 1: a little twisted. I appreciate that you know that you're
Speaker 1: still honoring yourself as a mother. You know, one of
Speaker 1: the most important roles a woman can play in her life.
Speaker 1: One of that you still appreciate yourself as a mother.
Speaker 1: And you know what else I appreciate. I appreciate that,
Speaker 1: even though you're weeping, you didn't blow your nose in
Speaker 1: the phone. I still appreciate that. I just think that
Speaker 1: was so because that would have been just a horrible
Speaker 1: sound that we would have had to edit out. I
Speaker 1: just appreciate that so much. Thank you so much. Even
Speaker 1: in the midst there's something to celebrate, there's something to appreciate.
Speaker 1: The longest journey is from the head to the heart,
Speaker 1: and it begins with one step. And this is your
Speaker 1: one step. So I want to wish you well. Get
Speaker 1: that book. Get one day my soldiers opened up. Take
Speaker 1: it to your therapist with you so she can help
Speaker 1: you work through it, or he can help you work
Speaker 1: do it, and don't make any life altering decisions. Decide
Speaker 1: when you want to start your fast and really just
Speaker 1: begin to separate yourself easily, gently so that you can
Speaker 1: begin to see who you are without him. Reginald, do
Speaker 1: you want to give her any tips to go home on.
Speaker 3: I just want to say I do. I appreciate you,
Speaker 3: and I see you. When I say I see, I
Speaker 3: don't see you physically, but I feel you.
Speaker 2: And you need to know.
Speaker 3: That you're not alone, because I know a lot of
Speaker 3: times you can feel like I'm alone and I don't
Speaker 3: have the support, especially with you being a mom of
Speaker 3: two kids. You just need to know that you're not alone,
Speaker 3: that you're seeing, that you're heard, that you're loved, and
Speaker 3: that you're respected. And it begins with you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, okay, beloved, Thank you, Thank you both. I
Speaker 4: appreciate everything I would say, and I take it it
Speaker 4: is and check in.
Speaker 1: With us and let me know how you're doing it
Speaker 1: at the end of your fast.
Speaker 4: Okay, thank you both. Thank you all right.
Speaker 1: Bye bye. So, Reginald, what did you hear in her story?
Speaker 1: That's common, that's a common eraror people make in their relationships.
Speaker 3: What did you hear being so young and giving herself
Speaker 3: up at such a young age when she she's just
Speaker 3: coming to a woman, she's figuring out she is puberty,
Speaker 3: you know, as a teenager and giving herself fully away
Speaker 3: in that way that she put her trust and everything
Speaker 3: within this person. That's very common and because of that, naturally,
Speaker 3: of course there will be an attachment. Yeah, there wouldn't
Speaker 3: because you're a child. Yeah, you know, and all she
Speaker 3: wanted was attention, she said it. I just was looking
Speaker 3: for that attention.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: People seek attention in all the wrong places.
Speaker 1: And also make commitments at an age that they try
Speaker 1: to hold themselves too long after is a necessary or requirement,
Speaker 1: because she made that commitment at fifteen, but at thirty,
Speaker 1: she might have been a completely different person, holding herself
Speaker 1: to the commitment she made at fifteen or the decision. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is a common thing relationships, holding ourselves to agreements
Speaker 1: that we made at one time that no longer serve us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and then becoming addicted because that was the
Speaker 3: main thing she became addicted. It laterally became an addiction,
Speaker 3: the codependency to the point of not knowing how to
Speaker 3: let go, how to release it.
Speaker 2: You know, people.
Speaker 3: Become addicted to each other, they become co dependent on
Speaker 3: each other, especially when they started the relationship at a
Speaker 3: very young age, and that's because it becomes all that
Speaker 3: they know. It becomes a pattern, you know, and something
Speaker 3: that they don't know how to break unless it takes
Speaker 3: something drastic, a life situation to wake them up.
Speaker 1: You know, Wait a minute, she ran over him with
Speaker 1: the car and that didn't break them up.
Speaker 2: We would have woke up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well obviously that didn't happen. Now that conversation was
Speaker 1: so deep and so nice, I say we do it twice.
Speaker 1: We'll be back next week with part two of my
Speaker 1: interview with Reginald Lewis The Soul Matter. I hope that
Speaker 1: you know something now that you didn't know when you
Speaker 1: tuned in. And until we meet again, stay in peace
Speaker 1: and not pieces. The R Spot is a production of
Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.