1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 1: I am Yamla, your host for this journey. I was 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:09,560 Speaker 1: a hopeless love aholic but just could not get my 3 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:14,159 Speaker 1: love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks and 4 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 1: deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love is 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: and what it is not. I want to share some 6 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:27,639 Speaker 1: of what I've learned about love a holism. Welcome to 7 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:31,840 Speaker 1: the R Spot, a production of shandaland Audio in partnership 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. Blessings and greetings. Welcome to the our Spot, 9 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 1: the place we come to discuss, explore, examine, and investigate 10 00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:02,280 Speaker 1: ourselves and other people about relationships, all kinds of relationships. 11 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: I am a Yemla, your host, your guide, and hopefully 12 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: your support for your journey into what can be one 13 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 1: of the most complicated areas of life. We all just 14 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,120 Speaker 1: want to be seen and heard and loved. We all 15 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: need to be accepted for who we are, just as 16 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: we are. When it comes to relationships, and whether it's 17 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:32,320 Speaker 1: a family relationship, a loving or intimate relationship, even the 18 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 1: relationship we're having with ourselves, acceptance and acknowledgement are the 19 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 1: two things that are often missing. The challenge is that 20 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: when we cannot or do not acknowledge the truth of 21 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: who we are, or accept ourselves just as we are. 22 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: It's pretty safe to consider that we cannot and will 23 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: not experience acceptance or the acknowledgement that we crave in 24 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: our relationships with others. So why is that? 25 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 2: Just? 26 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: Why is that, Missyambla. Well, what I've learned for myself, 27 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:14,519 Speaker 1: from myself and about myself is that if I don't 28 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,839 Speaker 1: have it, I cannot give it, and if I don't 29 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:23,079 Speaker 1: give it, I shall not receive it. Because every relationship 30 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: I have is a function of the relationship I am 31 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: having with myself. Now that's true for me. I think 32 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: it's true for everybody, but some of us don't recognize 33 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 1: that I have a deep need to know myself. That 34 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 1: means whatever is missing, broken and balanced is functional within me. 35 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: It's going to show up in every relationship around me, 36 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:53,959 Speaker 1: because it's called cause and effect, and that is one 37 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 1: of the laws of life, whether we know it or not, 38 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,239 Speaker 1: or believe it or not. Now, when it comes to intimate, 39 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: loving relationlationships, we often make the mistake of trying to 40 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 1: get what we want, what we need, what we think 41 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 1: will make us feel better from the outside, and we 42 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:16,079 Speaker 1: look for partners and we make them responsible to fill 43 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 1: the hole in our soul. A wrong, a bad approach. Okay, 44 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 1: you can never get from the outside what you believe 45 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:33,359 Speaker 1: is missing inside. Unfortunately, so many of us spend the 46 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: majority of our time and energy looking out and doing 47 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 1: out there that we have no clue, not an inkling, 48 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: or an idea about who we are on the inside. 49 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: And often that lack of knowledge, lack of awareness blindness 50 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: about self will delay, block, hinder, obstruct, or deny our 51 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: quests and desire to find love in a partnership with 52 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 1: another person. Well, we are gonna talk about that today. 53 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 1: We are going to explore what it means to live 54 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: and love from the soul and how you find your 55 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:22,599 Speaker 1: soul match. I like that soul match. Okay, my guest today, 56 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: I've got a guess. His name is Reginald Lewis and 57 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:32,919 Speaker 1: he is known as the soul Matchmaker, the real life hupid. 58 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: That means he brings folks together hard to harden soul 59 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: to soul. Now in today's world with dating and matchmaking 60 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 1: shows everywhere, with people meeting up online, I want you 61 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: to understand what makes Reginald different. You see, Reginald is 62 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 1: a mystic. That means he's had a mystical experience, or 63 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 1: as you will, a series of mystical experiences that have 64 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: allowed him to let go of his human identity and 65 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:14,679 Speaker 1: just be. And because he's had those experiences the union 66 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 1: with the One God, Source, Creator, Mother Earth, whatever you 67 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:24,720 Speaker 1: call it, it means he's had experiences with the cosmos, 68 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 1: the universe that have taken him beyond the realm of 69 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 1: human understanding and human limitation. It also means that our 70 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: brother Reginald is a psychic or spiritual medium. Now don't 71 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,480 Speaker 1: go clutching your pearls and running and hiding in the closet. 72 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 1: It just means that he can see and sense and 73 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 1: feel beyond the common human limitations and he uses that gift, 74 00:05:55,279 --> 00:06:01,159 Speaker 1: that ability to support people in match soul to soul. 75 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,840 Speaker 1: In his work in the world as a coach, a 76 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: love and relationship expert, he is called the Sole Teacher. 77 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:18,599 Speaker 1: He uses his mystical, spiritual practical experiences with a unique 78 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:23,840 Speaker 1: blend of skills that will take him far beyond matchmaking 79 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: and support you me, whoever he's working with in the 80 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:34,280 Speaker 1: healing of their soul that often blocks finding the love 81 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: that we want. Reginald is also the founder and CEO 82 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:45,159 Speaker 1: of my Sole Matchmaker. He's the creative mind behind Sole 83 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: match Making. Now you don't have to believe me, look 84 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 1: it up. He guides conscious singles, conscious singles to finding 85 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 1: their ideal partners. He's been doing this for over fifteen 86 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 1: years and he has assistance thousands in navigating personal relationships 87 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 1: and what happens when the souls are attracted to one another. 88 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: This is a fresh approach and that's why professionals go 89 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 1: after him, seeking his support in pursuit of love. Reginald Lewis, 90 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: welcome to. 91 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 2: The our spots. 92 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure, it's an 93 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 3: honor to be here. 94 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 1: It is so good to see you. And you know, 95 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: as a spiritual technician and one who knows the whole 96 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: realm of psychic phenomenon and mediumship, I am so honored 97 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: to see a man of color, a young man of color, 98 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 1: a beautiful young man. Okay, y'all can't see him, but 99 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 1: he finds his imported wine. 100 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 2: Thank you. 101 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: Good. So let's talk about what it is that you 102 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: do and how you support people in matching their souls 103 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: and why that's important. So let's start here. They say 104 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 1: you are a sole teacher. Tell me what that means, Recheald. 105 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 3: Yes, so every since I was a child, as earlier 106 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 3: as as I can remember, I've always been a person 107 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 3: who has always seen beyond the physical meaning. I've always 108 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 3: had an insight of people, situation circumstances through a knowing 109 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 3: and inner knowing. 110 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 1: Did you tell your mother? Did you tell your mother 111 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: what you could see or did she know? 112 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 2: Yes? 113 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,960 Speaker 3: I told my mom. I don't think she she saw 114 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,960 Speaker 3: signs and she recognized there was something different about me. 115 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 3: It was my grandmother who recognized it. Thank you God boy. 116 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: Don't you love a grandma exactly? 117 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 3: Yes, because in my family it is hereditary. I realized 118 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 3: it is a history on my maternal side. 119 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: I have a six year old great grandson who is 120 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:07,680 Speaker 1: empathic and he sees, he hears, you know, and he'll 121 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 1: tell you about it. So I guess he's in my 122 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 1: experience or in my sphere because, like you said, I 123 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 1: know about it. So now you're a sole teacher. Yes, 124 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: you work with people as a coach, work with people 125 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: as a soul matcher. What does that mean, sole teacher? 126 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 1: What does that mean? 127 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 2: So soul? 128 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 3: To me, the definition of soul is your essence who 129 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 3: you truly are your divine nature. Your divine being is 130 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 3: the expression of God. You are an expression of God. 131 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 3: That's what your soul is, the individualization of God that 132 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 3: hired being a source. 133 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:57,360 Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about relationships, because baby, yeah, I mean, 134 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 1: what's going on out here today is just so one wonderful. 135 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 1: We make the same mistake. I can say that I'm 136 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 1: married the same person three times because I didn't have 137 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 1: that internal awareness. How does not knowing who you are 138 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:21,079 Speaker 1: impact your ability to choose partners in relationships? 139 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 3: So when I have a person come to me and 140 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 3: they start to begin to define themself externally, but all 141 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 3: all the external things, their job, there, row, et cetera, 142 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,679 Speaker 3: I asked him a question, and I repeat it again. 143 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 3: I say who are you? And I say it slowly 144 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 3: and intentionally, But what happens? 145 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: And what happens? 146 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,840 Speaker 2: And they always think a pause. 147 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: I just told you, I just told you who are. 148 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 3: They take a pause and they think about it again, 149 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 3: and I say, who are you? Who are you beyond 150 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 3: your job? Who are you on your role? What is 151 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 3: it do you feel that you have to offer to 152 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 3: give to others, to the world. 153 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: That shuts them up, that shuts them up right, most definitely. 154 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 2: Yeah. 155 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 3: And a lot of people get their wants and their 156 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 3: needs mixed. Their priorities is backwards and they need to 157 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 3: reprioritize their life. 158 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: Talk. Let's break that down. They want in their needs 159 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,959 Speaker 1: backwards or mixed. People just want to you know, usually 160 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,440 Speaker 1: they want somebody to be with somebody so they don't 161 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 1: have to be by theirself. Is that a problem? Is 162 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: that a mistake? Oh? 163 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 2: Most most definitely. 164 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 1: That's That's why. Tell me why. 165 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 3: When someone wants instant gratification, it's like I want what 166 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 3: I want now, you know, it's like a baby or 167 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,439 Speaker 3: a kid, you know, just because he cries because he wants, 168 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 3: you know, or something. I don't mean you're supposed to 169 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 3: give it to all marries that's what he needs. I 170 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 3: feel like a lot of people, they a lot of 171 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 3: people don't know what they need, you know. They just 172 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 3: know what they want, you know, or they think that, well, 173 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 3: they don't know what they need because they haven't done 174 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 3: the work on themselves. They have not taken the time 175 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 3: to get to know who they are and what their 176 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 3: essential needs are. Because they're they're looking for everything outside 177 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,199 Speaker 3: of them, trying to grasp to this trying to grasp 178 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 3: for that out of desperation, and they become co dependent 179 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 3: to these things. They become co dependent and attached to individuals, relationships, 180 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 3: circumstances that aren't necessarily healthy for them. And that's how 181 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 3: people find themselves in broken patterns of relationships. Well, you know, 182 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,679 Speaker 3: I think a lot of what we're doing in relationships 183 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 3: today isn't about love. It's about it's about woundedness, brokenness, 184 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 3: it's about dysfunction. It's about those patterns. But you have 185 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 3: those blind, unaware of people who just can't see. I 186 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,120 Speaker 3: gave them everything and I was good to them, and 187 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 3: they lied, they cheated. 188 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 1: What do you say about that? 189 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 3: I always say, I want you to look at the mirror. 190 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 3: I want you to look at yourself and ask yourself, 191 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:29,319 Speaker 3: where is it that I can own my actions that 192 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:35,120 Speaker 3: led to the circumstances of the situation that I ended up. 193 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 3: And because it's always going to come back to you, 194 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 3: I call it pilling the layers. It's like killing that 195 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 3: eyen and pilling layers you got till you get to 196 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 3: the core, you know, And what led to them to 197 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 3: put themselves in that situation, to allow themselves to be 198 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 3: in that situation. 199 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,480 Speaker 1: Okay, so you want to put this to practice because 200 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: I got some callers who might need to hear that 201 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,080 Speaker 1: question and you can feel them out. You want to 202 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:01,360 Speaker 1: do that? 203 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm ready. 204 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, greetings beloved, and welcome to the art spot. 205 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: This is the Yamla and my guest today is the 206 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: soul matcher, Reginald Lewis, and he's here to support you 207 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 1: in getting clear about your soul and your relationship and 208 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: what it is that you want. So what is it 209 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 1: that you would want Reginald to help you with today? 210 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 4: I clarity about a relationship that I've kind of been 211 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 4: and on again off again in about was fifteen. 212 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,800 Speaker 1: And how old are you now? 213 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 4: I'm thirty seven. Now it's yielded. We have two children. 214 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 4: I'm a boy and a girl. I'm just in two 215 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 4: thousand and eighteen. All of you, like I guess, years 216 00:14:55,240 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 4: of pasticity that you've had built up. And it was 217 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 4: like a snapping point. So it was I confronted him. 218 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 4: It was kind of like a physical like tussle for 219 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 4: a minute. I ended up hitting him with a cup. 220 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 4: It was like a blackout mess. 221 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: I I kind of wait a minute, hold up, hold up, 222 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 1: Hold up, wait a minute, you ended up hitting him 223 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: with a car? Yeah, I don't need the story. I 224 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 1: just wanted to make sure I was hearing you that 225 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 1: you accidentally hit your love of seventeen years with a car. 226 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure that I was hearing 227 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 1: that correctly. 228 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 4: Yes, man had me correctly. I blacked out, yeah, and 229 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 4: in the that was that's not even a worse car. 230 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 4: As a result, right, he ended up the partial anti team. 231 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 4: So we got back together, and we were still broken. 232 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 4: Nobody seek counseling, So I think we got worse, right, 233 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,840 Speaker 4: Like the woman trusted even more. So we broke up 234 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 4: in twenty and twenty one and we were apart, like, 235 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 4: you know, no more financial support or anything like, you know, 236 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 4: I'll go your way, you go my way. After our 237 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 4: lives at the intrasponse like business and everything. So now 238 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 4: we're at the point where you know, we we the 239 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 4: last couple of months, we just got to a point 240 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 4: where we can like talk to each other without like 241 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 4: hating each other, right, And I feel like we're at 242 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 4: a point to not where we're flirting with each other, 243 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 4: but it feels like almost like a natural like it 244 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 4: feels like it feels like when I'm around him, it's 245 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 4: like old times again, right, And my when I'm telling 246 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 4: my fault is like I don't want my mind to 247 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 4: play tricks on me, like your imagination can be like 248 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 4: your worst friend sometimes. And I I don't, I don't, 249 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 4: I don't, I don't. I don't know how comfortable and 250 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:53,560 Speaker 4: with with the situation, am. But also I feel like 251 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 4: I don't. I love him and I don't want to 252 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 4: be without him, but I also don't want to go 253 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 4: back to the hurt and pain. So I'm like, I'm 254 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,399 Speaker 4: looking for advice because I feel stupid, but I also 255 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 4: feel like I'm just like intertwined and love, like I 256 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:11,920 Speaker 4: don't know what to do. 257 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: Reginald, this is our first call. 258 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:20,360 Speaker 2: We have lots of dissect he very god. 259 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back 260 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,240 Speaker 1: to the R Spot. Let's pick up where we left off. 261 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,119 Speaker 3: Okay, so the first thing I want to address is 262 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 3: you said that you met this person when you were fifteen, fourteen, 263 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,359 Speaker 3: fifteen years old. And the reason I'm bringing that up 264 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 3: is because that's a very I think in a woman's life, 265 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 3: that's a very important aspect of your life. You know, 266 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,800 Speaker 3: you're there's maturity, there's you're coming a young woman, You're 267 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 3: coming into your young womanhood. And I want to say 268 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 3: with that being said, is so I think that's an 269 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,879 Speaker 3: important point because you're young, You're still learning yourself. You 270 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,280 Speaker 3: have no idea what you want, you have aspirations, you 271 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,159 Speaker 3: have goals as far as life direction, and you end 272 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 3: up in this relationship. And I think at the age 273 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:17,640 Speaker 3: it's easy to get caught up in what I call 274 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:22,560 Speaker 3: an emotional pattern or state of drama at that age 275 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,200 Speaker 3: because you don't know what you want. And so I'm 276 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 3: guessing you just kind of went along with it because 277 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,119 Speaker 3: you were in love. You were heads over here with 278 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,280 Speaker 3: this person. People are in relationships at a young age 279 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,000 Speaker 3: and they have children a lot of the time they 280 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 3: tend to settle in that relationship because of the children, 281 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,639 Speaker 3: the bond of the children. And do you feel like, 282 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 3: do you feel like when the children came in that 283 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 3: that just kind of in a way kind of solidified 284 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 3: as far as the continuing to go with the relationship, 285 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,160 Speaker 3: because I just I just have this feeling that because 286 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 3: you were you did have signs and things are happening 287 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,399 Speaker 3: before the probably the children because the children happened. It 288 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 3: sort of seemed like it's something that you felt, probably 289 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 3: you wanted to stay in because you wanted to sort 290 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,200 Speaker 3: of keep you wanted to have a family. 291 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,000 Speaker 4: Yes, I wanted to have a family, and particularly I 292 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,800 Speaker 4: want to say have a family with him. So here's 293 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,919 Speaker 4: the thing, and this is why I say, like, I 294 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,959 Speaker 4: don't want to be I don't want to be stupid 295 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,959 Speaker 4: all over again. I always felt like it was a 296 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 4: fourth situation with him, right, and I don't and it's 297 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 4: hard for me to read him, like and I've even tried, 298 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 4: I've even stopped crying years ago. But I always felt 299 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 4: the situation was forced with him. But then when I 300 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,680 Speaker 4: felt like it was, and then I'll feel like it's forced, 301 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,680 Speaker 4: like you know, and I don't feel like I don't 302 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 4: feel like the relationship is serving me. And then he'll 303 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:42,960 Speaker 4: come and he'll do something spectacular and like make me 304 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,159 Speaker 4: feel amazing or awesome, like he'll notice he's black. You know, 305 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,919 Speaker 4: I'm feeling bad, and he'll do something amazing or awesome, 306 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,880 Speaker 4: and then it'll be okay, like for months, and then 307 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 4: it'll die off again, like you know, like it. 308 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 3: Just I'm going to interject right there, because The first 309 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 3: thing I want to address issistency. Okay, so you realize 310 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,879 Speaker 3: that there's inconsistency that this person, that there's inconsistent actions, 311 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:12,600 Speaker 3: inconsistent behaviors with this particular person. And the other thing 312 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,719 Speaker 3: I would say along with inconsistent actions, as long as 313 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,719 Speaker 3: you can remember, is do you feel like at an 314 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 3: early point you develop not trusting an ability to not 315 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 3: trust him? 316 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,880 Speaker 4: I'm at points yes, and then I feel like I'm 317 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,840 Speaker 4: a complete fool because all it takes is for like, 318 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 4: you know, a date of kids, like some conversations, can 319 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,680 Speaker 4: do light everything I like to do, And then is 320 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,160 Speaker 4: here you go again. 321 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,639 Speaker 3: You've grown from fifteen to the age that you're on. 322 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,920 Speaker 3: There's a lot of growth and evolution in between that time. 323 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,080 Speaker 3: You've grown in as an individual. You've grown in your 324 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:55,679 Speaker 3: needs and your desires. You have, you have a different perspective, 325 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 3: theore experience, having kids, being a mother, trying to be 326 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 3: a part a faithful partner. He has grown. You have 327 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,199 Speaker 3: to realize you're two different individuals. You're two different people. 328 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 3: People evolve and they grow over time, and their needs 329 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 3: evolve and grow over time. And it sounds like because 330 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:22,919 Speaker 3: you are so used to him, because that's how you 331 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 3: know since you were fifteen that it's like you're stuck 332 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:31,439 Speaker 3: in this pattern of hoping that some way, somehow that 333 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 3: he will change or he will become consistent. 334 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,680 Speaker 2: But always say, always. 335 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 3: Trust what someone shows you as far as who they are. 336 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 3: And so it's like you have a certain expectation of him, 337 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,679 Speaker 3: but at this point, it's kind of like all this 338 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 3: time has passed. It's like, do you believe that who 339 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,359 Speaker 3: you are now, the person that you've evolved to be 340 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 3: right now? Do you believe that he's what's in your 341 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:03,239 Speaker 3: best interest, he's what you need now? Because but what 342 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,960 Speaker 3: I'm seeing with you is like you're it seems like 343 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,159 Speaker 3: you're confused because it's like you don't know what you 344 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,200 Speaker 3: want at this point, and you're in you're you're holding 345 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,879 Speaker 3: or you're grasping on to the past and old patterns 346 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,679 Speaker 3: hoping that it changes into something new. And it's almost 347 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,399 Speaker 3: like you're waiting on him to change rather than you 348 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 3: making decisions and choices for yourself and being searching with 349 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,960 Speaker 3: what you need, what you desire and moving forward with that. 350 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question, who would you be 351 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 1: without him? 352 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 4: Without him in your. 353 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: Life as a woman, Yes, without him. If he were, 354 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: you know, Martians were to come down tomorrow take him away, 355 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:44,600 Speaker 1: who would. 356 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:45,160 Speaker 2: You be without him? 357 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:45,919 Speaker 4: I would still be. 358 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,040 Speaker 1: Well, but what does that mean? 359 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 4: I'm a mother, I have a loving person, I'm educated, work. 360 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 1: How would your life be without him? With a he's 361 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: not there, no financial support, no nookie on Saturday night 362 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,159 Speaker 1: when the movie is good? Who would you be? How 363 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 1: would your life be? 364 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 4: Oh? 365 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:14,920 Speaker 1: I don't know. 366 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 4: If I would have never met him, I would have contained, 367 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:23,840 Speaker 4: I would have like graduated. Well, I don't know. 368 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,119 Speaker 1: But you did meet him, and he left you. He 369 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 1: left you with the blessing of two children. But the 370 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 1: Martians got him. He's gone. He's gone, He's gone to Mars. 371 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,119 Speaker 4: I gotta move on. And I've been. 372 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:40,440 Speaker 1: Trying to what what would you move on to? What 373 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,639 Speaker 1: would you create? What would you do? What would you 374 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 1: be in your life if the Martians took him away? 375 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,640 Speaker 1: Can you see that? Can you see that possibility? Can 376 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 1: you see that for yourself? 377 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:57,159 Speaker 4: Really? Right now, I will see myself like where I 378 00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 4: had to do the legacy for my kids so I 379 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 4: would see my So I was working for them, trying 380 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 4: to trying to do things to make sure that they're 381 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 4: okay in life, you know, so they don't have to 382 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 4: work hard. And that's what that's what I see. I 383 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:14,600 Speaker 4: don't really see myself breaking anyone else around them or 384 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,639 Speaker 4: I'm too scared. 385 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 3: Reginald by losing him. What do you feel that you're losing? 386 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 4: And remember when I was when I first met him, right, 387 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 4: Like he had a lot of like he did a 388 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:34,439 Speaker 4: lot of stuff to remind me of like my the 389 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,679 Speaker 4: men in my life, like you know, my grandfather, Like 390 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,639 Speaker 4: you know, he would tell me I was pretty, and 391 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,880 Speaker 4: Corey did out a life like you know, Corey paid 392 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:44,040 Speaker 4: attention to what I had to say, like he listened 393 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 4: to me, like you know, he would give me feeds 394 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,200 Speaker 4: that it was a lot. Excided my father and out 395 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,879 Speaker 4: of my life. He really wasn't there. So I had 396 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,399 Speaker 4: like my grandfather and guys when. 397 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,119 Speaker 2: I was age. 398 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:56,359 Speaker 4: Okay, So talking with my therapist, I think that I 399 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 4: was looking like I think that I was looking for him, 400 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 4: like to hold on, like oh it was like comfort. 401 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 4: It was like comfort. 402 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:09,199 Speaker 3: So what I heard, if you don't mind me interjecting, 403 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 3: what I heard is attention. I needed attention. I was 404 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:25,080 Speaker 3: seeking attention to be loved, Yes, and that was your 405 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:29,199 Speaker 3: example of love based off what you grew up around, 406 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,120 Speaker 3: what you were conditioned to believe, what love. 407 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 1: Was, Reginald, let me ask you a question. Let me 408 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,879 Speaker 1: talk to you for a second, because in her speaking, 409 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 1: I hear her saying it reminds me of how things 410 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:49,280 Speaker 1: used to be when I first met him. It felt 411 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:53,120 Speaker 1: like it once did. Is she present in this relationship 412 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 1: or is she present in the past. 413 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 3: You're right, she's present in the past. She's focused in 414 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 3: the past, the past, ten the past. What was you're 415 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,919 Speaker 3: trying to hold on and grasp to the past and 416 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:08,440 Speaker 3: what sounds like it is because you have not developed 417 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 3: a certain confidence in yourself of what you are worthy 418 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 3: of and what you deserve beyond this relationship and what 419 00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 3: you've experienced. 420 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 1: But here's the sticky pot. It's difficult for her to 421 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: be present with her needs now when she never knew 422 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 1: what her needs were at fifteen. I don't even know 423 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,359 Speaker 1: what needs she's feeling. What need is she feeling? What 424 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:39,040 Speaker 1: need are you feeling in this relationship? Attention? Okay? What else? 425 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 4: Like I have retupit like depression and anxiety, like he 426 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 4: was a comfort zone for me, Like he knew, like 427 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 4: he knew how to call me down like it's everything, 428 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 4: like I missed, like the conversations, like my best friend. 429 00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:59,399 Speaker 3: What I heard is he was like a drug for you. Yep, 430 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:02,000 Speaker 3: that's like an addiction. 431 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:10,480 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back. 432 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:11,640 Speaker 1: I am ay, I'm learning. 433 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,720 Speaker 2: This is the R spot he said. 434 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:18,119 Speaker 3: He calmed me down, he relaxed me. So he became 435 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:18,960 Speaker 3: like a drug for you. 436 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 1: And and. 437 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:22,680 Speaker 2: It's an addiction. 438 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:28,119 Speaker 3: And with that addiction this cold dependency. So you became 439 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 3: addicted to the intention, and you became co dependent. And 440 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,400 Speaker 3: it seems like you need to be present to find 441 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,400 Speaker 3: and find what does independence look like for you? What 442 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,439 Speaker 3: does it look like to be dependent on yourself to 443 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:44,440 Speaker 3: know who you are? 444 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 2: I have a quature. 445 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,360 Speaker 3: Have you taken any time Do you feel like you've 446 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 3: taken any time as of now, in this present moment 447 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,400 Speaker 3: of your life for yourself to get to know you? 448 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 3: What it is that you want to prioritize yourself and 449 00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:58,440 Speaker 3: your needs? 450 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 4: No, I haven't. I had two kids I gotta take 451 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:10,440 Speaker 4: care of I know I haven't only and I see 452 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 4: it's cliche and like it does nothing for me. But 453 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,400 Speaker 4: as long as they're okay, I shouldn't complain. 454 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,959 Speaker 1: I think some of the One of the worst things 455 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 1: of a person can say is I'm in a relationship 456 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,520 Speaker 1: for the kids or I've got to do it for 457 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,880 Speaker 1: the kids, because whether you know it or not, then 458 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,240 Speaker 1: you make them obligated to fulfill a need for you. 459 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: And as a mom, I know what that looks like. 460 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 1: You make it obligated. They obligated to make you feel good, 461 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,640 Speaker 1: to do things for you, and it strips them of 462 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:49,360 Speaker 1: their own life. So when you first called, you said 463 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:54,640 Speaker 1: you were confused about the relationship you're in. Reginal helped 464 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 1: me because this don't sound like a relationship to me. 465 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 1: It sounds like an addictive, entangled man based on an 466 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 1: identity that may or may not still exist. You're talking 467 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,080 Speaker 1: about you. You want to be in relationship with him. 468 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 1: At fifteen he was your boyfriend. You're thirty something. Now 469 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 1: you want a husband. Is this the man who can 470 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,960 Speaker 1: provide for you, take care of you, help you grow 471 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,720 Speaker 1: in your vision? Does he have a vision? And you've 472 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,880 Speaker 1: got to explain to me why you want to be 473 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,840 Speaker 1: in relationship with somebody in some organized chaos that's so 474 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 1: toxic that it would force you to black out and 475 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,520 Speaker 1: run them over with your car. Why in the world 476 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:37,280 Speaker 1: would you want to. 477 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:41,959 Speaker 4: Be in that? And I don't, I don't know. I 478 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,800 Speaker 4: felt like I don't know. I felt like, this is 479 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,680 Speaker 4: the man I love. This is a man I suppose 480 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 4: to be this, Like you said, can't he go bide? 481 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 4: Can he take care of us? Yeah? He's done it, 482 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 4: like even after the accident, Like I'm just starting to 483 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,440 Speaker 4: go back to work like this in the last couple 484 00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,520 Speaker 4: of months, Like that's what I'm like. I don't know, 485 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:00,280 Speaker 4: Like maybe. 486 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:03,600 Speaker 1: But then you know, then you're speaking betrays you. You're 487 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: speaking betrays you because what I hear you saying is 488 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 1: I gotta do it for the kids. He ain't involved 489 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 1: in that, So how is he involved in it now? 490 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,880 Speaker 1: If your focus is on what you have to do 491 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 1: for the kids, not what we have to be for 492 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 1: our children, you're speaking betrays you. I was saying, if 493 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 1: the Martians took him, what would you do? And you 494 00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: couldn't identify what you would be? You still want to 495 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:33,880 Speaker 1: be in the sixteen year old love entanglement? And now 496 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,120 Speaker 1: you want to let me ask you something, Let me 497 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:39,040 Speaker 1: just ask you. Excuse me, Reginald. You know I'm just 498 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,520 Speaker 1: coming from the woman part, right, now you're coming from 499 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 1: the soul part. Is this the man you want to 500 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 1: spend the rest of his life, your rest of your 501 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:52,760 Speaker 1: life with? Is this the man you want to spend 502 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 1: Yes or no? It's a yes or no question, beloved. 503 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 1: Is this the man you want to spend the rest 504 00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:58,000 Speaker 1: of your life with? 505 00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 4: So? 506 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,440 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, So this is the man you want to 507 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,160 Speaker 1: spend Okay, so go do that. Go do it, Go 508 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,240 Speaker 1: spend the rest of your life with it. It's nothing 509 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 1: you'd be confused about. This is the man, the organized chaos, 510 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:15,000 Speaker 1: the toxicity, the whatever it is. This is how you 511 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of your life. That is 512 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,080 Speaker 1: the choice you making now. Will let serve your soul? 513 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 1: Maybe maybe not? Will let feel your heart? Maybe maybe not? 514 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,160 Speaker 1: But if that's the man you want to spend the 515 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,440 Speaker 1: rest of your life with, go do it. That's what 516 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 1: I say, Regimo, But I'm hardcore, you kind of more loving. 517 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:33,480 Speaker 1: What do you have to say? 518 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:35,880 Speaker 3: I would say, My thing is do you want to 519 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,560 Speaker 3: be happy? I would assume that you want to be happy? 520 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:42,240 Speaker 3: But your question ask yourself is is just making me happy? 521 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,600 Speaker 3: Does he make me happy? And if he's not making 522 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:50,840 Speaker 3: you happy or creating happiness, or adding happiness to your life, 523 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 3: adding peace, Then it's something that you need to refigure out, rethink, reevaluate, reprioritize, 524 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 3: because it sounds like you're prioritization. Are its backwards? It's 525 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,080 Speaker 3: backwards if you're focusing on to him the past, holding 526 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:09,880 Speaker 3: on you're trying to kid's an excuse that that's not 527 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:13,240 Speaker 3: an excuse. Where are you putting yourself first? Where are 528 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,360 Speaker 3: you standing up for yourself? Where are you making a 529 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,880 Speaker 3: decision for yourself to say, this is what I want, 530 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 3: this is what I desire. I'm going to take ownership 531 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,480 Speaker 3: of my happiness, of my peace and my joy and 532 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,200 Speaker 3: stop putting on everyone else. It sounds like you need 533 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,880 Speaker 3: to be clear and make decisions about what it is 534 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:33,480 Speaker 3: that you want and how you want to move forward 535 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 3: in your life. 536 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,880 Speaker 1: But you know what, he makes her sixteen year old happy, 537 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 1: And I don't even think thirty seven year old knows 538 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 1: what happiness is. Yeah, So then stay sixteen if that's 539 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,520 Speaker 1: what you want to do, because Reginald can talk to 540 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 1: you and spin you until your lips quiver, But you 541 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,600 Speaker 1: make some choices and decisions, and it sounds to me 542 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 1: like you know your sixteen year old is comfortable with him, 543 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,440 Speaker 1: which means that the thirty seven year old doesn't have 544 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 1: to grow up and go look and take responsibility for 545 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:09,640 Speaker 1: what she wants. So that's not confused, and that's clear all. 546 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 4: Right here to hear you, to hear you say, like, 547 00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,520 Speaker 4: you know, it's my sixteen year old self. Like it's 548 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,520 Speaker 4: a strong realization and I do want to be happy. 549 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:24,640 Speaker 4: So like, how do I saw it like that? 550 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,360 Speaker 1: But you're an addict, Reginald said to you. You are 551 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 1: addicted to the feel good of the sixteen year old 552 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:37,280 Speaker 1: and not current in the reality of the thirty seven 553 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,200 Speaker 1: year old. You're addicted. You're an addict. You need recovery. 554 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:44,240 Speaker 1: So how do I figure out who you are right now? 555 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,240 Speaker 1: What makes you happy right now? And if he does, 556 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 1: that's fine. We're not throwing him under the bus. You know, 557 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,280 Speaker 1: he's a brave soul, because I don't think I would 558 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,440 Speaker 1: want to be a relationship with nobody run me over 559 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 1: with no car, But that's just me. 560 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,960 Speaker 2: I'm you get a shot. 561 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:05,280 Speaker 1: You only get what shot. Do not miss your chance. Okay, 562 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,839 Speaker 1: if you didn't take me out, I'm leaving. Okay, that's 563 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,120 Speaker 1: just me, all right. But Reginald said to you. You're 564 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,799 Speaker 1: addicted and you're code dependent. He asked you, you know 565 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,160 Speaker 1: what makes you happy? You don't know. You haven't taken 566 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,040 Speaker 1: time for yourself. That's what he's say and that's what 567 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:25,000 Speaker 1: your soul needs to grow. And you haven't taken the 568 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,440 Speaker 1: time to do that because you're focusing on him. You're 569 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,680 Speaker 1: focusing on the kids, you're focusing on the past. So 570 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,360 Speaker 1: the lights are on. But nobody's home, baby, ain't nobody 571 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:40,880 Speaker 1: home in your house? That thirty seven year old woman house. Okay, 572 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,040 Speaker 1: you got that, Go ahead and miss the coach. 573 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,400 Speaker 2: So you need to cleanse, You need to detoxify. What 574 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,759 Speaker 2: does that that? What does that look like for you? 575 00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:58,760 Speaker 3: Cleansing emotionally cleansing, mentally, cleansing, spiritually cleansing, detoxing, releasing, letting 576 00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,240 Speaker 3: go so that you can renew your mind. 577 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 2: Do you know your worth? Do you know your value? 578 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,040 Speaker 4: I mean I did, like when I was younger, Like 579 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,520 Speaker 4: I thought I was the highest smoking. 580 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,799 Speaker 2: Like now not when you're younger. You keep going back 581 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 2: to when you were younger? 582 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:19,880 Speaker 3: Now, what is your worth? What's your value? If you 583 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:21,520 Speaker 3: don't know what that is, you need to figure that out. 584 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:22,799 Speaker 3: You need to find out, you need to do some 585 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:23,560 Speaker 3: soul searching. 586 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:27,319 Speaker 4: Other than big cameon in Corey's mother like, I don't 587 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,239 Speaker 4: I don't know. I need to figure it out. 588 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:34,040 Speaker 1: Can I give her prescription? Reginald? Please, Okay, I'm gonna 589 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,880 Speaker 1: put you on a ninety day fast from him, a 590 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,359 Speaker 1: ninety day fast, and you can do it or not 591 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,400 Speaker 1: do it. And what does that ninety day fast look like? 592 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,400 Speaker 1: Now that's the children's father. All do you live together? 593 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:51,160 Speaker 1: Did the two of you live together? Okay? Fine, great, 594 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,880 Speaker 1: here's a ninety day fast. He can see the kids, 595 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,520 Speaker 1: but you don't look to him for you know, if 596 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,200 Speaker 1: you all have a financial arrangement, he can do that 597 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,200 Speaker 1: through the mail or through cash app or PayPal. But 598 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,719 Speaker 1: you don't talk your personal business to him. You don't 599 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:10,200 Speaker 1: ask his opinion, you don't ask his questions. You start 600 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,560 Speaker 1: doing that for yourself. Him and the children are one thing. 601 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 1: But begin to, like Reginald said, detox, cleanse, purify. See 602 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 1: what comes up when you can't pick up the phone 603 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,439 Speaker 1: and call in. See how you feel when you don't 604 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,520 Speaker 1: get to talk to him. And I heard you say 605 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,160 Speaker 1: that you're in therapy. Is that accurate? 606 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:27,720 Speaker 4: Yes? 607 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:32,319 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, So take this to your therapist, and as 608 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 1: the feelings come up, the thoughts come up, you know, 609 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 1: the missing come up. Remember the Martians got it and 610 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,720 Speaker 1: they only let him out to come see the kids. 611 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:43,319 Speaker 1: And if he asks you, you know, what are you doing. 612 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,400 Speaker 1: I'm cleansing. I'm cleansing myself. It don't have nothing to 613 00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 1: do with you. You know you can say that to him, 614 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:50,520 Speaker 1: It doesn't have anything do with you. But do a 615 00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 1: ninety day fast when you begin to detox and recover 616 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,319 Speaker 1: from him and find out who you are today. You're 617 00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 1: thirty seven, you're not sixteen, and he's not the Knight 618 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,200 Speaker 1: in white armor, and you don't need that kind of 619 00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:09,880 Speaker 1: feel good. You need to grow. You got to grow 620 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 1: yourself up and become current with who you are now. 621 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:15,680 Speaker 1: Does that make sense, Reginal? 622 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:17,760 Speaker 2: It makes total sense. 623 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:19,920 Speaker 3: And I think another part of it is being an 624 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:25,120 Speaker 3: adult now is that realizing you have children and you 625 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:28,000 Speaker 3: said your focus is the children. If their children are 626 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,120 Speaker 3: your focus, you have to realize that you are an 627 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,000 Speaker 3: example for your children. You are an example. And just 628 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 3: like you made decisions based off what you grew up 629 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,440 Speaker 3: and you saw what was conditioning you of your example 630 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 3: of love with your family, you have to realize that 631 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:46,760 Speaker 3: your kids observing and they're taking in exactly what you're doing. 632 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,719 Speaker 3: And so that's something to think about as well. Since 633 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,920 Speaker 3: you want to talk about the children, is how is 634 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,319 Speaker 3: this being an example for my children? What do I 635 00:37:55,480 --> 00:38:01,279 Speaker 3: want them to be able to exude exempt semplify that 636 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:04,799 Speaker 3: their happiness and their joy of what love looks like, 637 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:08,200 Speaker 3: what happiness looks like, what joy looks like, what peace 638 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:08,799 Speaker 3: looks like. 639 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:10,759 Speaker 2: Use that as a form of. 640 00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:17,560 Speaker 3: Motivation and inspiration along your detoxification, your purification process. 641 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:21,120 Speaker 1: I want to offer you, if you have an opportunity 642 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:24,719 Speaker 1: to support you in this ninety day fast, in the 643 00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,040 Speaker 1: first forty days of it, you take a look at 644 00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:30,680 Speaker 1: one day, my soul just opened up. One day, my 645 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,799 Speaker 1: soul just opened up. It's a book that'll give you 646 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: a daily practice for forty days so that you're filling 647 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,319 Speaker 1: your soul up with something other than him. And it's 648 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,520 Speaker 1: not that any of this is wrong, but the mere 649 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,680 Speaker 1: fact that you're calling today, I think, Reginald, you can 650 00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:48,880 Speaker 1: agree with me that her soul may be ready for 651 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,279 Speaker 1: something else. Yes, So tell me, beloved, what do you 652 00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,719 Speaker 1: know now that you didn't know when you called. 653 00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,200 Speaker 4: My sixty year olds? So I'm trying to satisfy that. 654 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:16,400 Speaker 4: I'm trying to say it indeed, good. 655 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,520 Speaker 1: Why are you crying? Tell me why you're crying? You 656 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,479 Speaker 1: can cry, but I want to know why? 657 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:24,880 Speaker 4: Why are you crying? Of everything that happened? 658 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:33,400 Speaker 1: A cry? Oh? Good? So you're detoxing. It's starting already. Good, Okay, 659 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,920 Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure you weren't in breakdown. 660 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:41,640 Speaker 1: You're detoxing. Good, excellent. So now you know that you've 661 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:45,080 Speaker 1: been satisfying your sixteen year old self. Do you also 662 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,759 Speaker 1: know or can you receive the possibility that you've been 663 00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:52,920 Speaker 1: addicted to this man because of the need he filled 664 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:54,399 Speaker 1: for you when you first met him. 665 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:56,680 Speaker 4: Yes? 666 00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,839 Speaker 1: And do you know that you gave away so much 667 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,360 Speaker 1: of your power as a woman, as an adult? Do 668 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:02,920 Speaker 1: you know that? 669 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 4: Yes? 670 00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:07,040 Speaker 1: And are you willing to do this ninety day fast 671 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:11,080 Speaker 1: or detox so that you can figure out who you 672 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 1: are without him? And you may figure out who you 673 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 1: are without him? And look at him and he looks 674 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:20,239 Speaker 1: like a good roasted goose and you just go over 675 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:24,160 Speaker 1: and take a bite, or he may he may look 676 00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,480 Speaker 1: like dog food and you don't want no part of him, 677 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,719 Speaker 1: But you can't make that decision right now, you've got 678 00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:32,960 Speaker 1: to do the detox and do the recovery from the addiction. 679 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:36,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, and there's another part of to add to that 680 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:42,520 Speaker 3: is forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. Don't beat up on yourself, 681 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:47,359 Speaker 3: judge yourself, turn yourself apart. Because you were young, you 682 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,760 Speaker 3: didn't know better. You were just doing what you thought 683 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,920 Speaker 3: best how to do what you did. So love on yourself, 684 00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,920 Speaker 3: forgive yourself. Love that aspect of who you were back 685 00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,000 Speaker 3: then and the decisions that you made, because you've already 686 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,480 Speaker 3: made those decisions and those choices and you are where 687 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:03,400 Speaker 3: you are right now. 688 00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:04,640 Speaker 2: You can't live in the past. 689 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:06,920 Speaker 3: You can't live in regrets and it could have sh 690 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:12,480 Speaker 3: waters be present and love where you are now. 691 00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:15,279 Speaker 1: Let me tell you three things that I appreciate about you. 692 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,600 Speaker 1: First of all, I appreciate that you called and that 693 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:22,760 Speaker 1: you were willing to share yourself so vulnerably and authentically 694 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,880 Speaker 1: in the public. We can't see you, but that's okay. 695 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:28,520 Speaker 1: Your story is still out there. I appreciate that. I 696 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:32,160 Speaker 1: appreciate you trusting Reginald and I with your story. That's 697 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,600 Speaker 1: really beautiful. And I appreciate that in the midst of 698 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,000 Speaker 1: it all, although you got it a little twisted. It's 699 00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,319 Speaker 1: a little twisted. I appreciate that you know that you're 700 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:45,040 Speaker 1: still honoring yourself as a mother. You know, one of 701 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,560 Speaker 1: the most important roles a woman can play in her life. 702 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,919 Speaker 1: One of that you still appreciate yourself as a mother. 703 00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,799 Speaker 1: And you know what else I appreciate. I appreciate that, 704 00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,360 Speaker 1: even though you're weeping, you didn't blow your nose in 705 00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:05,200 Speaker 1: the phone. I still appreciate that. I just think that 706 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,440 Speaker 1: was so because that would have been just a horrible 707 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:10,200 Speaker 1: sound that we would have had to edit out. I 708 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:17,520 Speaker 1: just appreciate that so much. Thank you so much. Even 709 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:21,359 Speaker 1: in the midst there's something to celebrate, there's something to appreciate. 710 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,240 Speaker 1: The longest journey is from the head to the heart, 711 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:28,759 Speaker 1: and it begins with one step. And this is your 712 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,919 Speaker 1: one step. So I want to wish you well. Get 713 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:35,600 Speaker 1: that book. Get one day my soldiers opened up. Take 714 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,040 Speaker 1: it to your therapist with you so she can help 715 00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:39,799 Speaker 1: you work through it, or he can help you work 716 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:44,880 Speaker 1: do it, and don't make any life altering decisions. Decide 717 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,359 Speaker 1: when you want to start your fast and really just 718 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:51,200 Speaker 1: begin to separate yourself easily, gently so that you can 719 00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:53,920 Speaker 1: begin to see who you are without him. Reginald, do 720 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,279 Speaker 1: you want to give her any tips to go home on. 721 00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,440 Speaker 3: I just want to say I do. I appreciate you, 722 00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:03,000 Speaker 3: and I see you. When I say I see, I 723 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:06,120 Speaker 3: don't see you physically, but I feel you. 724 00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:07,719 Speaker 2: And you need to know. 725 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:09,799 Speaker 3: That you're not alone, because I know a lot of 726 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,279 Speaker 3: times you can feel like I'm alone and I don't 727 00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:16,799 Speaker 3: have the support, especially with you being a mom of 728 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:20,240 Speaker 3: two kids. You just need to know that you're not alone, 729 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:25,920 Speaker 3: that you're seeing, that you're heard, that you're loved, and 730 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:29,000 Speaker 3: that you're respected. And it begins with you. 731 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:36,759 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, okay, beloved, Thank you, Thank you both. I 732 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,799 Speaker 4: appreciate everything I would say, and I take it it 733 00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:41,359 Speaker 4: is and check in. 734 00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:42,920 Speaker 1: With us and let me know how you're doing it 735 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:44,320 Speaker 1: at the end of your fast. 736 00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:47,640 Speaker 4: Okay, thank you both. Thank you all right. 737 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:54,560 Speaker 1: Bye bye. So, Reginald, what did you hear in her story? 738 00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:59,040 Speaker 1: That's common, that's a common eraror people make in their relationships. 739 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:03,320 Speaker 3: What did you hear being so young and giving herself 740 00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,279 Speaker 3: up at such a young age when she she's just 741 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,680 Speaker 3: coming to a woman, she's figuring out she is puberty, 742 00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:14,280 Speaker 3: you know, as a teenager and giving herself fully away 743 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,800 Speaker 3: in that way that she put her trust and everything 744 00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,320 Speaker 3: within this person. That's very common and because of that, naturally, 745 00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,880 Speaker 3: of course there will be an attachment. Yeah, there wouldn't 746 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:28,040 Speaker 3: because you're a child. Yeah, you know, and all she 747 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,919 Speaker 3: wanted was attention, she said it. I just was looking 748 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:31,640 Speaker 3: for that attention. 749 00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:32,040 Speaker 2: You know. 750 00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:35,440 Speaker 3: People seek attention in all the wrong places. 751 00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:41,520 Speaker 1: And also make commitments at an age that they try 752 00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:47,360 Speaker 1: to hold themselves too long after is a necessary or requirement, 753 00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:51,160 Speaker 1: because she made that commitment at fifteen, but at thirty, 754 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:55,040 Speaker 1: she might have been a completely different person, holding herself 755 00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:58,880 Speaker 1: to the commitment she made at fifteen or the decision. Yeah, 756 00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:03,560 Speaker 1: that is a common thing relationships, holding ourselves to agreements 757 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:06,520 Speaker 1: that we made at one time that no longer serve us. 758 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and then becoming addicted because that was the 759 00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:14,000 Speaker 3: main thing she became addicted. It laterally became an addiction, 760 00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:17,600 Speaker 3: the codependency to the point of not knowing how to 761 00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,359 Speaker 3: let go, how to release it. 762 00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:20,879 Speaker 2: You know, people. 763 00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:24,640 Speaker 3: Become addicted to each other, they become co dependent on 764 00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:28,000 Speaker 3: each other, especially when they started the relationship at a 765 00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:31,000 Speaker 3: very young age, and that's because it becomes all that 766 00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:33,680 Speaker 3: they know. It becomes a pattern, you know, and something 767 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:37,279 Speaker 3: that they don't know how to break unless it takes 768 00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:40,440 Speaker 3: something drastic, a life situation to wake them up. 769 00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,400 Speaker 1: You know, Wait a minute, she ran over him with 770 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,279 Speaker 1: the car and that didn't break them up. 771 00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:48,600 Speaker 2: We would have woke up. 772 00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:54,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, well obviously that didn't happen. Now that conversation was 773 00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:58,600 Speaker 1: so deep and so nice, I say we do it twice. 774 00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,759 Speaker 1: We'll be back next week with part two of my 775 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:06,080 Speaker 1: interview with Reginald Lewis The Soul Matter. I hope that 776 00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,520 Speaker 1: you know something now that you didn't know when you 777 00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:13,400 Speaker 1: tuned in. And until we meet again, stay in peace 778 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:22,040 Speaker 1: and not pieces. The R Spot is a production of 779 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:27,560 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from 780 00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:33,000 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 781 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,200 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.