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Speaker 1: All right time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if

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Speaker 1: you need advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to STEVEHARVEFM dot com and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter

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Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're going to read

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Speaker 1: this one right here, right now. It could be yours.

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Speaker 1: You never know, you never know.

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Speaker 2: Bucket up and hold on tight. We got it for

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Speaker 2: you here. It is Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: Subject She's in the middle stirring up mess. Dear Stephen Shirley.

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Speaker 1: I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for eight years.

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Speaker 1: I've been divorced for two years, and I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: get on with my life. My ex husband talked down

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Speaker 1: to me and call me names, but I chalked it

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Speaker 1: up to him being selfish and inadequate as a man,

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Speaker 1: so I was able to be friendly toward him for

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Speaker 1: the sake of our eight year old daughter until recently.

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Speaker 1: He adores our daughter, and he got to keep the

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Speaker 1: house in the divorce because he owned it outright. My

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Speaker 1: daughter's room is still there as she left it, and

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Speaker 1: I also left a lot of my personal belongings in

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Speaker 1: the house because they wouldn't fit in my apartment. My

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Speaker 1: grandmother's sewing machine and a lot of my family photo

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Speaker 1: albums are a few of my prize possessions that I

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Speaker 1: had to leave behind. We share custody of our daughter,

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Speaker 1: and when I go to pick her up, he never

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Speaker 1: invites me inside. My daughter got in the car Sunday

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Speaker 1: and said her daddy was painting the house and put

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Speaker 1: a lot of stuff in boxes so he could sell it.

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Speaker 1: I asked her what was in the boxes, and she

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Speaker 1: said it was a lot of my things. I called

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Speaker 1: him when we got home and asked him if he

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Speaker 1: was putting my things out. He said that it was

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Speaker 1: time to rid his house of my junk, especially since

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Speaker 1: I was with a new man now. I asked why

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Speaker 1: he thought I had a new man, and he said

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Speaker 1: that my daughter told him. He bragged that he and

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Speaker 1: my child have an unbreakable bond and she tells him everything.

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Speaker 1: I thought I was dating discreetly, but apparently she's been

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Speaker 1: listening to my conversations. I asked him if I could

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Speaker 1: pick up my belonging soon, and he said no. He

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Speaker 1: told me to focus on my new relationship and leave

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Speaker 1: him alone. This is another form of abuse, and my

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Speaker 1: daughter started all of this. What should I do now?

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Speaker 1: And how can I get my stuff? Wow? Okay, come

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Speaker 1: on now, Mom, you can't really be serious about blaming

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Speaker 1: your daughter in this one. Don't you see what's happening here.

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Speaker 1: I mean, your ex is clearly the culprit. He's the

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Speaker 1: mean guy, and that's why you left him. That's the

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Speaker 1: main reason you left him, because he was emotionally abusive

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Speaker 1: to you and called you names and all of that.

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Speaker 1: Remember he said there was an unbreakable bond between him

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Speaker 1: and your daughter. But I think what he's doing is

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Speaker 1: of course, manipulating your baby into telling him everything that

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Speaker 1: you're doing. Your daughter's eight years old. She doesn't know

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Speaker 1: what he's doing, and she doesn't know any better because

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Speaker 1: she's eight years old. She's just a baby. She's just

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Speaker 1: doing when her dad asks. So she's not messy, as

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Speaker 1: your letter title suggests. She's just doing what her dad

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Speaker 1: tells her to do. She sees nothing wrong with what

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Speaker 1: she's doing. And as a matter of fact, he's probably

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Speaker 1: got her thinking she's doing the right thing by going

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Speaker 1: to him and telling him everything when he has so

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Speaker 1: I say, be careful, mom, about what he's doing, and

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Speaker 1: don't let him use your child to play you, because

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Speaker 1: that's what it is. And so what if you are

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Speaker 1: dating someone else you can date. You're divorced two years now.

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Speaker 1: You know you want your stuff honestly, because he's so

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Speaker 1: petty and vindictive. Don't know I'll if he'll ever give

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Speaker 1: it your things back, but I will say you could

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Speaker 1: take your new man over there, and if he's selling

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Speaker 1: this stuff, you can buy this stuff. You know, he's

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Speaker 1: just crazy and controlling and takes pleasure in hurting and

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Speaker 1: humiliating you, and he's used your daughter to help him

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Speaker 1: do it. Well, I just say to avoid that. You

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Speaker 1: can let those things go if you can. You know,

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Speaker 1: I know they mean a lot to you, But you know,

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Speaker 1: this guy's so crazy. You may not want to bring

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Speaker 1: all this drama into your life. And if you, if

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Speaker 1: you leave the stuff and let it go and make

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Speaker 1: new memories, that way, you don't have to interact with

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Speaker 1: him about anything other than your daughter.

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Speaker 3: Steve, she's in the middle staring up mess an eight

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Speaker 3: year old. Really, really, lady, you're ridiculous this entire letter,

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Speaker 3: and Shirley put it to you mildly, but I'm not

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Speaker 3: so I'm gonna go down the letter and I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: show you what you've done this entire time. You've been

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Speaker 3: divorced for two years. You trying to get on with

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Speaker 3: your life. Two years, get on with it. Max Helban

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Speaker 3: talked down to me and called me names, and I

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Speaker 3: chopped it up to him being childish and inadequate as

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Speaker 3: a man.

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Speaker 2: Now, you were said you were in a.

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Speaker 3: Usive marriage, emotionally abusive marriage, that's what you said. So

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Speaker 3: you tried to remain freely towards him for the sake

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Speaker 3: of our eight year old daughter to recently here doors

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Speaker 3: our order and got to keep the house the voice

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Speaker 3: go all that time, and they wouldn't. And now here's

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Speaker 3: this the part I'm star trip on. I left a

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Speaker 3: lot of my personal belongings in the house because they

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Speaker 3: wouldn't fit in my apartment.

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Speaker 2: My grandmother's sewing machine. What somebody want? No old throwing machine?

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Speaker 2: You don't even sew? Next?

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Speaker 3: And a lot of my family photo albums. How small

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Speaker 3: is her apartment? Where the photo albums don't fit in it?

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Speaker 3: And I don't even understand what you leave this stuff

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Speaker 3: over here? And a few of my prize possessions. If

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Speaker 3: something has been somewhere sitting in a storage or his

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Speaker 3: house for two years. How prize of a possession wasn't

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Speaker 3: I found that if I ain't seen or use something

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Speaker 3: in two years, I probably don't need it. That's including

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Speaker 3: that old raggedar throwing machine. I'm just being real with

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Speaker 3: you now. We share a custod of our daughter. When

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Speaker 3: I go pick up, he never invites me in.

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Speaker 2: Why you won't in there? Didn't you say he was abusive?

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Speaker 3: But I think that's why you left the stuff over

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Speaker 3: there so you can have some type of little tie.

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Speaker 2: To get back in the house. Besides the baby.

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Speaker 3: That's why you ain't moving on with your life. You'd

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Speaker 3: have left all your stuff over there. That's tying you

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Speaker 3: to his life. I got, I'm sure.

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Speaker 2: Hold on.

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Speaker 1: We'll have part two of Steve's response coming up at

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Speaker 1: twenty three minutes after the hours subject. She's in the

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Speaker 1: middle stirring up mess. We'll get back into it right

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Speaker 1: after this. You're listening Steve Hardy Morning Show.

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Speaker 1: All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry Letters subject.

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Speaker 1: She's in the middle stirring up mess.

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Speaker 3: This ridiculous woman is blaming an eight year old girl

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Speaker 3: for staring up mess in her house and relationship that

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Speaker 3: don't exist.

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Speaker 2: You don't even have a relationship.

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Speaker 3: You said you were in any emotionally abusive marriage for

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Speaker 3: eight years. Your husband talked down to you, call you names,

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Speaker 3: and you chopped it up to him being childish and

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Speaker 3: childish and inadequate. We'll come back to that in a minute.

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Speaker 3: And then you try to be friendly because of your

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Speaker 3: daughter and to recently eight year old here dooze. Our

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Speaker 3: daughter got kept the room in the house and everything,

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Speaker 3: and you left some of your person belongings in the

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Speaker 3: house because they wouldn't fit in my apartment. Well, let's

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Speaker 3: talk about the stuff you left it don't fit then apartment? No,

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Speaker 3: A sewer machine don't fit an apartment, I bet he do.

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Speaker 3: And how small of an apartment you got where you

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Speaker 3: can't get a photo album in?

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Speaker 2: Now? What you leave a photo album for?

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Speaker 3: Cause you're trying to have some times to keep going

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Speaker 3: over there? And I'm gonna prove that to you in

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Speaker 3: a minute. And a few of my prize possessions that

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Speaker 3: I had to leave behind.

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Speaker 2: Wait a minute.

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Speaker 3: If you haven't seen this stuff or had possession of

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Speaker 3: it in two years, how prized of a possession is it?

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Speaker 3: I doubt it. We share accusto our daughter. When I

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Speaker 3: go to pick up he never invites me inside. It's

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Speaker 3: his house, y'all divorced. He don't like you and you

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Speaker 3: don't like him, And why are you trying to go

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Speaker 3: in this house of this abusive man? For My daughter

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Speaker 3: got in the car Sunday and said her daddy was

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Speaker 3: painting the house and put a lot of stuff in

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Speaker 3: boxes and he could sell it. I asked her what

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Speaker 3: was in the box, and she said a lot of

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Speaker 3: your stuff. I called him when I got home, and

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Speaker 3: after he was putting my things out, he said it

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Speaker 3: was time to rid his house to yore junk, especially

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Speaker 3: since I was with a new man now. I asked

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Speaker 3: him why he thought I had a new man. He said,

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Speaker 3: my daughter told him. He bragged that he and my

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Speaker 3: child have an unbreakable bond, and she tells him everything.

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Speaker 3: Like Shirley said, he manipulates her into telling her everything.

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Speaker 2: The baby is eight.

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Speaker 3: How this grown man can't get information out of eight

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Speaker 3: year old. She ain't a hostage. All you got to

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Speaker 3: do is buy some candy a doll and she started talking.

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Speaker 3: But she don't even know she hurting you. She just

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Speaker 3: telling her daddy the truth. I thought I was dating discreetly,

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Speaker 3: but apparently she's been listening to my conversation. What you

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Speaker 3: ain't dating discreetly and she ain't been listening. You been

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Speaker 3: talking in front.

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Speaker 2: Of the baby?

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Speaker 3: And what you tripping? You've been divorced two years. You

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Speaker 3: can date. Why you got to be discreet? Why are

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Speaker 3: you holding on to something God has clearly gotten you

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Speaker 3: out of, but you keep tying yourself back to the

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Speaker 3: past by leaving all your prize possessions over there. That

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Speaker 3: ain't that prize after all. I asked him if I

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Speaker 3: could pick up my belonging sooner. He said no. He

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Speaker 3: told me I could pick up. He told me to

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Speaker 3: focus on my new relationship and leave him alone. This

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Speaker 3: is another form of abuse. And my daughter started all

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Speaker 3: of this. What should I do and how can I

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Speaker 3: get myself? Your daughter didn't start nothing. He was abusing

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Speaker 3: you before y'all had the baby. And let me ask

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Speaker 3: you something else. What makes you think he's still not

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Speaker 3: verbally abusive? What did it stop at the divorce? Because

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Speaker 3: it sound like you doing it still. But now you

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Speaker 3: blaming the eight year old baby. Stop blaming other people

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Speaker 3: for yo mistake. You picked this nothing to do. Now

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Speaker 3: you're blaming the baby for the baby just got you

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Speaker 3: as the mama and him as the daddy. It ain't

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Speaker 3: her fault. Now I'm with Shirley, he's probably manipulating her,

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Speaker 3: so don't blame the girl. I've also found it in

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Speaker 3: my life that if I ain't used something in two years,

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Speaker 3: I probably.

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Speaker 2: Don't need it or missing.

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Speaker 3: And when I start looking at my cabinets and stuff

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Speaker 3: like that, and I see stuff I ain't seen in

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Speaker 3: a long time, I throw it away because it ain't

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Speaker 3: that much. You hanging on to something that ain't nothing.

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Speaker 3: Photo album Sewing machine. What?

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Speaker 2: How old are you? Who got a photo album?

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Speaker 1: It?

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Speaker 2: Anyway? Where your iPhone? At eighty eight?

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Speaker 3: The iPhone been out for all your pictures? Ought to

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Speaker 3: be an our cloud? What did you got a photo

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Speaker 3: album for? Who got a polar rod?

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Speaker 4: What?

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Speaker 2: Lady? What?

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Speaker 3: This letter is ridiculous from top to bottom.

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Speaker 2: And you scared after two years to say you in

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Speaker 2: a relationship.

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Speaker 1: I really don't get that, lady.

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Speaker 3: Two years you're supposed to be dating. Tell him so

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Speaker 3: I'm with Shirley.

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Speaker 2: Tell your new boyfriend you need to go over there

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Speaker 2: and pick up some stuff.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and all of this is because didn't you say

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Speaker 3: at the top of the letter you chalked it up

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Speaker 3: to him being childish and inadequate as a man. Don't

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Speaker 3: you still see the childish and inadequate behavior acting out

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Speaker 3: even now? But you gonna blame it on the real

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Speaker 3: child that's eight years old?

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Speaker 2: Are you ridiculous?

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Speaker 3: Man?

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Speaker 2: Don't nobody give it about your stuff? You really don't.

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Speaker 2: You made that clear.

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Speaker 3: So when the last time you made something, I don't

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Speaker 3: want to wear your little regular clothes you made.

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Speaker 2: And the baby show don't want to wear it.

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Speaker 3: So she probably helped with the sewing machine in the box, lady,

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Speaker 3: miss Me and.

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Speaker 2: Shirley with this ridiculous letter you just wrote up.

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Speaker 3: You need to grow up and stop acting childish and

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Speaker 3: inadequate and forget that man that was abusive to you

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Speaker 3: and gon live your life. You ain't gonna hand no

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Speaker 3: new man because you're worrying about that photo album.

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Speaker 2: Who got her where your iPhone?

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Speaker 1: Comments of Today's Strawberry Letter photovfm on Instagram and Facebook.

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Speaker 1: Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast one demand you're listening

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Speaker 1: to the Steve Harvey Morning Show