1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:02,240 Speaker 1: Cut booms. 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:05,360 Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 3 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a sole fastion of fairness. He 5 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the 6 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,600 Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of 7 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour 8 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 2: with Ben Maller starts right now. 9 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:39,560 Speaker 1: In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with me, Ben Mahllor, 10 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 1: as we hang out together on this Final four Saturday, 11 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: it is the fourth day of April. As we were 12 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: doing this together here the final four later today the 13 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 1: early game Illinois and Connecticut and then followed by Michigan 14 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 1: in Arizona. And I was curious where the money is, 15 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,279 Speaker 1: the public is, where the wise guys are on the 16 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: games tonight, and so I thought we would start with 17 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,120 Speaker 1: that and then we'll get into it. We have some 18 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: tales from the week to share with you on this 19 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,120 Speaker 1: edition of the Fifth Hour. But as far as the 20 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: final four today, Connecticut, Yukon and Illinois. That matchup now, 21 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: originally Connecticut was favored by four and a half points. 22 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 1: Now they are a two point underdog Illinois. The fighting 23 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,199 Speaker 1: Alni are a two point favorite in that game. Now, 24 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: in this game, the wise guys, the professional gamblers are 25 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:36,399 Speaker 1: in favor of Connecticut, and the public is also in 26 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: favor of Connecticut. So there's no real shock in that game. 27 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: It's the other matchup which is the main event in 28 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: the final four, Michigan in Arizona. Now that that's where 29 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: the surprises. I surprises the right word. But Michigan, that 30 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 1: game was a pick'em. Michigan is favored by I believe 31 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: a point and a half last I checked. Now, in 32 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: this matchup, the professional gamblers, the wise guys are on 33 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: the side of Michigan. The public is taking Arizona. So 34 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: you've got to split in that game. Normally it's pretty 35 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,360 Speaker 1: much the same. In this case, it is not. It 36 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: is not the same. In Indianapolis, You've got Illinois and Connecticut, 37 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: which which is the same slightly more in terms of 38 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,920 Speaker 1: the professional gamblers liking Connecticut than the public. But the 39 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: Michigan Arizona game, that is Michigan getting the money from 40 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: the professional gamblers and Arizona getting the confidence of the public. 41 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: So remember I'm currently winning the bracket challenge and would 42 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 1: really like, really like Connecticut to get her done. That 43 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: would be really cool. That would be pretty cool. All right, 44 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,520 Speaker 1: So on this Saturday, pot, before we get into it, 45 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:56,799 Speaker 1: I wanted to say Happy National Picky Eaters Day, which 46 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 1: is today. That's apparently a thing, one of these fugazy holidays, 47 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: and the statistics on this are pretty impressive. So some 48 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: kids are just born to not eat anything. I was 49 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: mostly one of those cause I feel like it's it's 50 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 1: more of a case where if you eat everything, you're 51 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: the weirdo. You know what I'm saying. I feel like, 52 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 1: as a kid, it's if you're eating all kinds of 53 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: stuff and being very adventurous with your palette. That's not normal. 54 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:34,079 Speaker 1: That's not normal. So occurring some research. According to some research, 55 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: the meal time meltdowns. I don't know if you saw this 56 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: or not. They say that most often. I think it's 57 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: kind of obvious. What causes kids to snap? Yeah, Vegetables. 58 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: Thirty seven percent of meal time meltdowns are said to 59 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: be caused because parents said, you gotta eat your vegetables. 60 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: I ate eating my vegetables, Mom, why not you need 61 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 1: to eat your vegetables? Well, I don't like vegetables, but 62 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: off to eat your vegetables or else you're not getting 63 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 1: assert Yeah, also thirty three percent of kids complaining about 64 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: the smell of their food, the smell of the food 65 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,680 Speaker 1: that doesn't smell good. There's also thirty two percent who 66 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: complained that it doesn't look good. We've talked about this 67 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: before on the podcast, that a lot of eating is presentation, 68 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 1: how it looks, and you consider stuff tasting better based 69 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: on how it looks. And there's also about fourteen percent 70 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: of kids that just don't want to try anything new. 71 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,839 Speaker 1: So happy National Picky Eater's Day. And while that is 72 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 1: going on, it is also International firewalk Day. The earliest 73 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: record that was written down of a firewalking goes back 74 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:55,720 Speaker 1: to twelve hundred BC. Firewalking was mentioned in writing during 75 00:04:55,760 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 1: the Iron Age in India back in the hundred range, 76 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: and there's a bunch of other random factoids. Tribes throughout 77 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: Polynesia were recorded in the eighteen hundreds. In the early 78 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:15,719 Speaker 1: nineteen hundreds, there was a island chain that became a 79 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:20,240 Speaker 1: tourist destination because of firewalking, So there was that. So anyway, 80 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: National fire Walking Day. Now, I've never walked on fire 81 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 1: However I have walked in the desert Southwest, which oftentimes 82 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:35,040 Speaker 1: does feel like you're walking on fire. So on this 83 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 1: edition of the Fifth Hour, we've got the suburbs of 84 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: Death Valley, the one man tribute to Vaudeville, and who 85 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,800 Speaker 1: knows what else. We begin with this. Though we begin 86 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 1: with this, it's twenty twenty six. Now we've got cars 87 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 1: that drive themselves, these self driving Teslas, watches that tell 88 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: us when to breathe. You've got telescopes that can see 89 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: the beginning of time allegedly. And yet here I was 90 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: last weekend, finding myself in a place so remote, how 91 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: remote was it, so God forsake and so devoid of 92 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 1: humanity that the cell signal did not exist. I am 93 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 1: convinced the local coyotes are still debating whether fire is 94 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: a good idea. It was wild, so completely for part 95 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: of this completely off the grid, not not all of it, 96 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: not all, but but part of it off the grid. 97 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 1: I'm talking about Baker, Baker, Baker, not the touchdown Maker, or, 98 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,720 Speaker 1: as I like to call it, the desert version of Siberia. 99 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: If there was a desert version of Siberia, this would 100 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: be it, except with more sand and fewer fuzzy hats. 101 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 1: So how did I get here? How did I end 102 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 1: up here? Last weekend? Well, let me tell you why. 103 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: All right, I was a man on a mission, and 104 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: normally I don't do much other than get ready for 105 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 1: the show and maybe a few minutes on the treadmill 106 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 1: and all that stuff. And so here I am standing 107 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: in the middle of a nuclear powered hair dryer, questioning 108 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: my decisions. The answer is, as it usually is in 109 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 1: my life, is marriage. Now, my wife is a nine 110 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: to one one operator. She spends her days and nights 111 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: dealing with the great unwashed people that have genuine emergencies, 112 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: genuine emergencies, and then she will come home to me, 113 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: whose emergency usually involves the remote control slightly out of reach, 114 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,679 Speaker 1: slightly out of reach. I need a little more water, 115 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,239 Speaker 1: a little more water. Now she works at the local 116 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: police station, a secret station I do not name on 117 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 1: these podcasts. So that means that for me, I was 118 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 1: a volunteer through marriage. I'm the plus one. And yeah, 119 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 1: so a few years ago, if you listen to this podcast, 120 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,880 Speaker 1: you know that we did this race, the Baker to 121 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 1: Vegas race, and after that first time she swore my wife, 122 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 1: it was over. Never again. She told me too hot, 123 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: too many bugs, sand everywhere, in the air, everywhere, And 124 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: it was a blood oath, a definite listen, legally blinding 125 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 1: marital decree. So naturally we were back. We were back 126 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: doing the thing that she said she would never do. 127 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: We drove out Thursday, a whirlwind trip to Vegas, hanging 128 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: in the suburbs, not on the Strip, not in downtown Vegas, 129 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 1: and hanging involving a slow speed chase through a landscape 130 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 1: that looks like the surface of a like a burned 131 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: up waffle. Now on the way to Vegas, we stopped 132 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 1: in Henderson at the Twisted Sour Dough. And if you 133 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: have not been to Vegas and had the Cheese log 134 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: and the Philly Cheese steak cone, you haven't really lived, 135 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 1: though your cardiologist might might disagree with that. So I 136 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: did the show that night from the Fox Sports radio affiliate, 137 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,080 Speaker 1: which happens to be the home of the Vegas Golden Knights, 138 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: and for a brief moment I felt like a profession 139 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: a man of the world. And then I headed to 140 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 1: the desert. It all came back, It all came back. 141 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: So Friday was a day of leisure. The final taste 142 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 1: of civilization before the slow speed chase began. Now, we 143 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 1: did have a nice lunch. I hit mister Bees Barbecue 144 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: and Henderson for my favorite brisket burger, which is a 145 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 1: burger covered in brisket and an onion ring. It's kind 146 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 1: of like the z Man sandwich, except it's the Vegas version. 147 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: And that was just the opening act. Then came the 148 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: team meeting, because I'm part of a team, you see, 149 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:08,239 Speaker 1: followed shortly after by a steak dinner at Herbs and Rye. 150 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 1: Now I have the palette of a child. I normally 151 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:16,319 Speaker 1: do not consume the steak. I'm not a steakhouse guy. 152 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: I find the whole choose your cut process to be 153 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure, unnecessary pressure. 154 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: But I chose properly. This was the well done ribbi 155 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: with peppercorn and onions on top, deliciol bon apetites, right, 156 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: all those things, all those things. It was the kind 157 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,079 Speaker 1: of a meal that makes you forget about the fact 158 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: that you're about to spend hours and hours and hours 159 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:48,520 Speaker 1: in a place whose primary local industry is heat stroke. Yeah, 160 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: so I'll be back for the steak, by the way, 161 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: not the sand That was a really good steakhouse, really 162 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: really good so Baker to Vegas. The event that I 163 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: was part of has been called the largest police foot 164 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:07,439 Speaker 1: pursuit in the world, and it's essentially comic Con for cops. 165 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:08,679 Speaker 1: That's what it is. 166 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 2: Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in 167 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,319 Speaker 2: the nation. Catch all of our shows at Foxsports Radio 168 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 2: dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to 169 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,319 Speaker 2: listen live. 170 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: And instead of dressing up like Batman or Spider Man, 171 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:28,280 Speaker 1: everyone is wearing compression socks, carrying as much gatorad as 172 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 1: they possibly can. They got their phones out, the whole thing, hydrating, 173 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: trying to hydrate like they're a small elephant. Now, the 174 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: logistics are simple on this thing, in the way that 175 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: invading a small country is simple. The numbers are mind boggling. 176 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 1: One hundred and twenty miles in the blistering hot Nevada desert, 177 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: twenty stages, two hundred and sixty teams, two hundred sixty. 178 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: There were teams from Canada and other random places outside. 179 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 1: I think there was a team from Brazil. The NYPD 180 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: has been in this thing. There were eight thousand participants, 181 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: which I guess I'm part of that eight thousand. It 182 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: started way back in nineteen eighty five with nineteen teams, 183 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,520 Speaker 1: and that's how it began. It started at Baker High 184 00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: School and now it ends at the Rio, not actual 185 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:24,959 Speaker 1: Rio Dejaneio, but the Rio hotel and casino, providing an 186 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,199 Speaker 1: opportunity for you to see the finish and all that. Now, 187 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: my job I was the follow vehicle, a quasi faux 188 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: celebrity driver, if you will, much like the Long Beach 189 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 1: Grand Prix and other races where celebrities get to enter. 190 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 1: Not a celebrity though. The gig is pretty basic. You 191 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: drive behind the runner at a blistering one to five 192 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:52,440 Speaker 1: miles per hour. That's it. That's it. Just follow them along. 193 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 1: It's a slow speed chase. OJ was not involved. The 194 00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: suspect is actually trying to get away from you. Yeah, 195 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,440 Speaker 1: yeah like that, and it I was, As I mentioned, 196 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 1: I was a supports staff. Think of me also like 197 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: the water boy with Adam Sandler back in the day. 198 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,320 Speaker 1: My primary responsibility was to keep track of times to 199 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: make sure there were no fentanyl fiends that wandered out 200 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,839 Speaker 1: in the desert or coyotes decided to take a bite 201 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 1: out of a runner. Sweaty appetizer and all that. So 202 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 1: we met at the Staging Era staging area in Henderson, 203 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 1: spent a lot of time in Henderson, grabbed the keys 204 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 1: to a company vehicle where was given the instructions. The 205 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: flag is up and we were off to the races. 206 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: And then came the drive to Baker ninety minutes of 207 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: absolute silence, right and it was oh my god, me 208 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 1: and my wife and we had a backup runner that 209 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,839 Speaker 1: would be tapped in if one of the runners had 210 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: a medical situation. We had the backup runner in the 211 00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 1: back of our car, a nice gentleman, pleaseolice officer. He 212 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 1: was there so fine. There were all police officers running, 213 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:09,679 Speaker 1: so that took place. We rean the police station had 214 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 1: rented SUVs and so we did that. We took some 215 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 1: snacks and we went out and did our thing, and 216 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 1: again ninety minutes. It's a ridiculously long drive to get 217 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: out there. So we followed three runners, each going six 218 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:25,560 Speaker 1: to nine or six to ten hours to miles, not 219 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 1: hours six to nine miles. Let's say the sun was brutal. 220 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:36,040 Speaker 1: It wasn't just hot, it was personally offended by our presence. 221 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 1: Hot and then disaster struck or rather, Benny's bladder became 222 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 1: a problem. And I remember the slogan back in that 223 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 1: nobody beats the whiz it's a biological fact, which is 224 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:54,920 Speaker 1: still true. And I needed to use the bank of 225 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: porta potties at stage eight twenty stages that I remember. 226 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 1: Stage eight pull over, I parked. I go do my 227 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:09,120 Speaker 1: business in the powder porta potty, if you will. However, 228 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 1: because I didn't have the proper parking pass, the bathroom 229 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: hall monitor a man whose life's mission was apparently to 230 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 1: guard plastic toilets that smell like death, and this douche 231 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 1: dinged us with a five minute penalty five minutes because 232 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: my kidneys needed to continue to function, and so it 233 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 1: got worse. So then we we finally get to the 234 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: point where we have to do the handoff. So there 235 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 1: had been a team prior to us that was the 236 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 1: follow vehicle. Then we replaced them. It was like stage six, 237 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: I think it was. We replaced them. So within literally 238 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 1: three minutes, I've got these San Jose cops, the follow 239 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: vehicle from San Jose, who are barking at me, giving 240 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 1: off major hart O energy. There was a bottleneck. I 241 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 1: was stuck. I couldn't move. I got my runner in 242 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 1: front of me, I got this other runner to my right. 243 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,400 Speaker 1: I don't know what the hell's going on. It's all 244 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 1: kinds of cluster blank and so that's going on. And 245 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: it was it was wild. I was I was stuck. 246 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,320 Speaker 1: I couldn't move without hitting the runner, so I stopped. 247 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: You'd think I'd get a hey at a boy, way 248 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: to go. Instead, it was like I committed a felony. 249 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,200 Speaker 1: These guys were nuts. They were yelling, gesturing, dude, I'm 250 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 1: a volunteer, people, I am a volunteer. I'm here for 251 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 1: the love of the game, the love of the game. Now, 252 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:45,200 Speaker 1: eventually we hit Parump. What a perfect name for a town, Parump, Perump, Parump, 253 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: which is the halfway point, I am told And let 254 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 1: me tell you, it is a special place as much 255 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: as a special place can be. That's that level of town. 256 00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: It's located in Nye County, which was famous by late 257 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:05,760 Speaker 1: night conspiracy theorists known as the Kingdom of Nye, the 258 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 1: Kingdom of Nine. And this was the stopping grounds of 259 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 1: the goat of radio art Bell. And this is where 260 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 1: he sat in that darkened room broadcasting about shadow people, 261 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:20,879 Speaker 1: kim trails and Area fifty one, all of those things. 262 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,880 Speaker 1: It is a remote outpost. It feels like it's held 263 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:29,359 Speaker 1: together by duct tape and cosmic energy. A town that 264 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 1: has such a unique archaeological blend of brand new trailer 265 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: park homes and well, there's some whorehouses over there. It's 266 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 1: the only playoff lace on Earth I know of that 267 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: you can buy a double wide, get a legal date, 268 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:50,719 Speaker 1: and keep an I out for a UFO, all on 269 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,520 Speaker 1: the same block. The town goes all in for the 270 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 1: race as cookies, coffee, smiles, all that stuff. There was 271 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: a snicker doodle thing, I'm a jig and all that 272 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 1: all right now. Meanwhile, despite my many neurotic complaints about 273 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:12,920 Speaker 1: parking in Vegas and crumpy officers and all this, this 274 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: thing is serious business with a capital S. We saw 275 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 1: an emergency helicopter airlift a runner who had fallen ill, 276 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: and tragically we heard that one of the officers suffered 277 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 1: heat stroke and passed away as a result of their injuries. 278 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:33,040 Speaker 1: It's a sombering reminder that you're out there in the 279 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 1: suburbs of Death Valley, pushing the human body to the 280 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: limits and all that while the desert tries to reclaim 281 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 1: the body. I want the body back. It's man, it's 282 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:52,360 Speaker 1: pretty wild, It's pretty pretty wild. And anyway, I sat there, 283 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:57,359 Speaker 1: the taste of ribbi a distant memory, thinking about the sand, 284 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,399 Speaker 1: the bugs, the heart O cops from San Jose, and 285 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: the five minute whiz penalty. And then I realized my 286 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,920 Speaker 1: wife was right. I'll never ever doing this thing again 287 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,840 Speaker 1: until next year when my wife says, you know, my 288 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 1: friend's gonna do it, and I think we should do it. Okay, 289 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,119 Speaker 1: we'll do it. Why not, we'll go there around the clock. 290 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 1: Who says, no, we'll go on a rampage. Speaking of rampages, 291 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:26,879 Speaker 1: it was a moment of serendipity, a moment of serendipity 292 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: that happened this week on the radio. So Moving Man Matt, 293 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,960 Speaker 1: a senior Brigadier general in the Malle Militia, the Great 294 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,920 Speaker 1: Moving Man Matt, he called up to complain. He was 295 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,000 Speaker 1: on his way back to Boston from Texas, and he 296 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: complained about things breaking down. And then I went back 297 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: and I said, oh yeah, how about this the humdinger 298 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:51,119 Speaker 1: of the week. And anyway, we went back and forth 299 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 1: and all that, but Moving Man Matt inform me the 300 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: mobile Mallard billboard, the pride and joy of the Mallard Militia, 301 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: the rolling monument to eight financial decisions. Wink wink, wink, 302 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,800 Speaker 1: wink wink. So it's in the repair shop somewhere in Texas, 303 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:11,439 Speaker 1: eighteen wheeler repairs. Not for the faint of heart. He 304 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 1: said on the air, moving Mad Matt, it's like twenty 305 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:19,040 Speaker 1: thousand dollars to fix this car. Twenty grand, Holy crap. Yikes. 306 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: But wait, there's more. Now Murphy's Law decided to move 307 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: in unpackaged bags and start rearranging the furniture. On my end, 308 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 1: the primary mallardmobile is in the shop, so we pivot 309 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 1: to the backup og malardmobile. This is the blue one, 310 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 1: the car that was beloved by Family Feud and America's 311 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:48,920 Speaker 1: entertainer Steve Harvey, who once complimented the color of that maladmobile. 312 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: It's a high point of the story. It's all downhill 313 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: from there, like a wheelbarrow with vertigo. So my wife 314 00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 1: takes the car to the top secrets workplace. Fine, and 315 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,160 Speaker 1: then I was like, well, wait a minute, I don't 316 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,560 Speaker 1: know if I want to stay here and and all that, 317 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 1: because you know, who knows what's going to happen. So anyway, 318 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,879 Speaker 1: it was, it was interesting, it was wild, it was 319 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 1: crazy and all that stuff. So the mention the repairs 320 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:24,919 Speaker 1: twenty thousand dollars, and on my end, the primary malamobile 321 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,919 Speaker 1: was a couple of days away, so we didn't want 322 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 1: to rent a car. We just, like I said, we 323 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: just used that and my wife takes the car to 324 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: her top secret workplace. It's either a police station, government 325 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,399 Speaker 1: facility of some other kind, or a very intense target. 326 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: So about thirty five minutes later, I get the call, 327 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 1: not a call, the call, the one where the tone 328 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:55,280 Speaker 1: of voice immediately tells you this is not hey, can 329 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,920 Speaker 1: you pick up some milk? That was not that situation. 330 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,520 Speaker 1: The car is dead, not running a little rough, not 331 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: making any funny noises. 332 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 2: Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in 333 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,160 Speaker 2: the nation. Catch all of our shows at foxsports Radio 334 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,399 Speaker 2: dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to 335 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,480 Speaker 2: listen live right. 336 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,240 Speaker 1: Not doing any of that stuff, and just debt d 337 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: E A D dad on the freeway in Los Angeles 338 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:27,239 Speaker 1: during rush hour, which, for those unfamiliar, is less a 339 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,720 Speaker 1: traffic pattern and more a lifestyle choice which I have 340 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 1: chosen it is, and So now we've got a stalled 341 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 1: vehicle marinating bumper to bumper while I'm pacing around like 342 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:46,360 Speaker 1: the house like a substitute teacher at the house there 343 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,359 Speaker 1: has lost control of everything, and the tow truck has 344 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: been called. Stress level is rising, blood measure is okay. 345 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: I guess I don't know why, but that was mentioned. 346 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: So I decided the best course of action as good 347 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,919 Speaker 1: as all the rest. The best course of action is 348 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 1: what what do you think that is the best course 349 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 1: of action is to step away for a moment, clear 350 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 1: your head, regroup, give yourself the raw ross beach. And 351 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:23,840 Speaker 1: so I pause my show that I'm watching, I put 352 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,359 Speaker 1: the Cleveland feet on, and sure enough, there it was. 353 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: I was watching the Dodgers play the Guardians, which felt 354 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:36,920 Speaker 1: relaxing compared to my life last year. And yeah, I'm 355 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:42,679 Speaker 1: glad you're You're okay. So the story here, naturally, I 356 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 1: decided the best course of action is to step away 357 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,719 Speaker 1: for a moment, clear the head, regroup, all that stuff 358 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:55,879 Speaker 1: you're supposed to do. Now. Moxie, my beloved English bulldog 359 00:23:56,119 --> 00:24:01,280 Speaker 1: whose main hobby is competitive lounging. Competitive of lounging, following 360 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:06,080 Speaker 1: me with the enthusiasm of someone being asked to afford 361 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:10,680 Speaker 1: a meeting that could have been an email. So I 362 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 1: reach for the front door handle and it comes off 363 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,639 Speaker 1: in my hand, not loose, not loose, not wobbly, like 364 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: fully detached from the front door, Like who would do that? 365 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,120 Speaker 1: Why would you do that? That's no good. You shouldn't 366 00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 1: do that. And they did it. They absolutely did it. 367 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: And so yeah, no gambling and smoking continued unless you 368 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:36,240 Speaker 1: go to these certain casinos in Vegas where they smoke. Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke. 369 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:42,600 Speaker 1: So that's how that went. And I'm standing there holding 370 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:47,720 Speaker 1: a door handle that came off. I'm staring at those 371 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,359 Speaker 1: puppy dog guys who are staring back at me and like, 372 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: this is leadership. How did you get out of here? 373 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,320 Speaker 1: I don't understand what are you doing? And so it 374 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:03,159 Speaker 1: was that kind of thing and Moxie, which you know 375 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,680 Speaker 1: Moxie has been I would describe it as fifty shades 376 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 1: of lazy. Uh, even for her standards. She seemed disappointed, 377 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 1: though not angry, more disappointed, which is somehow I guess worse. 378 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: So I do what my homeowner with no structural value 379 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: would would do. Uh. And and that is uh, you know, 380 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: head out there and what's around. So we go back inside. 381 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,920 Speaker 1: All right, we're at this this thing. We go back inside. 382 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,960 Speaker 1: At this point, I'm thinking, okay, we've hit the quota 383 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 1: for nonsense today. That's adorable, very very cute. Okay, let's 384 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,399 Speaker 1: open the refrigerator. Beep b b b b b b 385 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 1: b b Yeah, not a friendly beep, yes, not that friendly. 386 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 1: Uh no, no, no. Then the door opened, and that 387 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,640 Speaker 1: was a reminder that this is a blown electronic protest. 388 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: The refrigerator a very expensive powder blue moment to modern 389 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,440 Speaker 1: living in you know, that's my wife's pride and joy, 390 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:15,000 Speaker 1: and it decided to join the rebellion. So sure enough, 391 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 1: as I mentioned, there was get some you know, water, 392 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 1: and that didn't work. And then apparently I violated some 393 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 1: unspoken agreement which I didn't know about, and I go 394 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,400 Speaker 1: get some ice. You know, some people offended by ice. 395 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,439 Speaker 1: I go get my ice. And then because of course, 396 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:38,639 Speaker 1: I dropped the entire tray, like everywhere, ice, ice everywhere. 397 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 1: The kitchen floor turns into a low budget skating rink. 398 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:49,120 Speaker 1: I'm doing a one man tribute to Vaudeville, slipping and 399 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,239 Speaker 1: sliding and all that, and for about ten minutes, I 400 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:57,400 Speaker 1: am living inside a silent film and I am missing 401 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,480 Speaker 1: the piano player. Where could the piano player have been? 402 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 1: Where could he have gone? So anyway, listen, there was 403 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:09,399 Speaker 1: no people are posting weird signs. I guess I don't know. 404 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: These things are about the late night sunset and all 405 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 1: that in Seattle. And at one point there was a 406 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,840 Speaker 1: person at the bar that stopped me and my buddy 407 00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:27,919 Speaker 1: and they said, you know, wait a minute here, you 408 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:33,719 Speaker 1: look very familiar, very very familiar. I guess a lot 409 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:38,200 Speaker 1: of people looked just like me a little bit. Anyway, whatever, 410 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,880 Speaker 1: So I go to get some water, and next thing 411 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 1: I know, they're closing up to each other. And at 412 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,840 Speaker 1: some point you stop asking why me, and you start 413 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:53,359 Speaker 1: asking which one of the three stooges am I? And 414 00:27:53,400 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: it's really only one answer. It's clearly curly, just just 415 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 1: the way it is. And so yeah, this was just 416 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,639 Speaker 1: kind of the way it went and crazy wild and 417 00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:14,560 Speaker 1: all that, and well that's the adventure. Now we will 418 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:18,480 Speaker 1: have the mail bag tomorrow, and I don't want to 419 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 1: reveal who the celebrity mail bag correspondent is going to be. 420 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,960 Speaker 1: I just promise you we're gonna have a grand old time, 421 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:31,439 Speaker 1: a grand old time on that episode. So of the 422 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:35,120 Speaker 1: of the mail bag, have a great Saturday, enjoy the 423 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:39,400 Speaker 1: Final four. Yes, I'll be checking that out. I do 424 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,520 Speaker 1: not know the menu yet for the Final four, but 425 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: I will be watching. And then the championship game is 426 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 1: on Monday, Monday, which I will be watching. That's a 427 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,760 Speaker 1: school night. That is a school night. And you gotta 428 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:54,040 Speaker 1: get that work done otherwise you'll have hell to pay. 429 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 1: You gotta get the work done. That's the key, and 430 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:02,080 Speaker 1: that is all. I have a again wonderful Saturday. We'll 431 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: talk to you next time. I did want to thank 432 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 1: producer and he's filling in today and we'll see how 433 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 1: long this goes. But I did want to thank producer Brandon, 434 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 1: who has been very helpful and making sure everything is 435 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,040 Speaker 1: good to go. It's all about the good to go, 436 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: the good to go, the good to go, the good 437 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 1: to go. All right, we'll talk to you next time. 438 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 1: Heloha bah Hello,