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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: I chose to ignore my cousin because he's problematic.

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Speaker 4: Get out of here with your problems.

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Speaker 3: Am I dy overstolen walling. My second cousin, forty seven Mel.

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Speaker 3: We'll call him Bert, who is also my next door neighbor.

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Speaker 3: For a little background, I live in my childhood home

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Speaker 3: with my boyfriend twenty six Mel, which we rent from

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Speaker 3: my dad fifty three mil, who lives out of state.

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Speaker 3: My cousin lives in the house that my great great

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Speaker 3: grandfather built that his next door. He previously lived there

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Speaker 3: with his mom, my great aunt, and so she passed

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Speaker 3: after her battle with kids. My cousin only pays the

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Speaker 3: power bill and the yearly property tax that is twenty

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Speaker 3: nine hundred a year, which he hasn't paid the last

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Speaker 3: four years, and other family and another family had to

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Speaker 3: pay at least the years so we did not lose

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Speaker 3: their property. By the way, this comes from Cassie and

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Speaker 3: the wing Daddy on the r slash Charlotte do Bray

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Speaker 3: YouTube subreddit, and if you want to spend your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit. So a

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Speaker 3: couple of years ago, in twenty twenty two, when my

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Speaker 3: dad was still in my childhood home, we had a

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Speaker 3: hurricane that knocked out the transformer next to our house,

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Speaker 3: which blew a couple of breakers. Apparently also fried Bert's

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Speaker 3: washer and dryer. So my dad, being the kind human

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Speaker 3: he is, let Bert use his washer and dryer until

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Speaker 3: his got fixed.

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Speaker 2: Uh oh, I see you.

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Speaker 4: Uh oh.

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Speaker 2: Guess who's not going to fix their washer or dryer?

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Speaker 4: Uh oh, I think I know.

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Speaker 3: I should add that the laundery room is not inside,

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Speaker 3: but outside in a separate room in our car port. Well,

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Speaker 3: fast forward to the end of twenty twenty three, my

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Speaker 3: dad moves out of state and I moved into my

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Speaker 3: childhood home with my boyfriend. The house from the forties

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Speaker 3: or fifties and definitely needs a remodel. My dad paid

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Speaker 3: for some things before he moved, fresh paint, new insulation

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Speaker 3: in the roof, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: With the two.

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Speaker 3: Bathrooms being remodeled. In twenty twenty two and a new roof.

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Speaker 3: Prior to my dad and stepmam moving out. My boyfriend

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Speaker 3: and I did the most of the work and have

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Speaker 3: continued to pay for other remodeling needed, like new flooring,

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Speaker 3: which we laid ourselves to save on labor costs any hoosies.

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Speaker 3: Bert was still using the washer and dryer when we

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Speaker 3: moved in, and I was kind of uncomfortable with it

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Speaker 3: since I'm a young woman, and he would go use

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Speaker 3: it but would occasionally still have clothes in the dryer

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Speaker 3: or washer. I have ADHD and out of sight, out

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Speaker 3: of mind loll but he would sometimes move my clothes

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Speaker 3: out of the washer, just set them in a basket

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Speaker 3: without putting the back so he could do the laundry.

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Speaker 3: I'm sure he meant no harm from this. The mind

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Speaker 3: things were one hundred percent in those loads. At the

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Speaker 3: end of twenty twenty four, the washer decided to go capout,

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Speaker 3: so we got a washer off Facebook marketplace since we

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Speaker 3: didn't have funds for a brand new one. After like

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Speaker 3: two months, that one decided he didn't want to work

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Speaker 3: properly and we had to hold the lid down until

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Speaker 3: it started its cycle. He was kind of annoying as

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Speaker 3: my boyfriend and I worked five to seven days a

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Speaker 3: week with fourteen hour shifts at an outdoor job, so

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Speaker 3: not only did we rarely have time to do anything

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Speaker 3: besides eat and sleep, but we also had a lot

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Speaker 3: of laundry. A family member gifted us one of their

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Speaker 3: old washers, so we offered the one where you had

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Speaker 3: to hold the lid down to Burt, which he took,

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Speaker 3: but after a couple of weeks he said it was

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Speaker 3: too hard and put it outside of his house, so

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Speaker 3: he has once again started back to ask us to

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Speaker 3: use our washer. Well, the gifted washer decided not to

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Speaker 3: drain the water, so we would have to wring the

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Speaker 3: clothes out before putting them in the dryer, which Bert

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Speaker 3: complained about and said we should get that fixed. That

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Speaker 3: was my breaking point for being the kind family member.

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Speaker 3: I'm a recently paid for a brand new washer for me,

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Speaker 3: which I will be paying her back in installments. I

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Speaker 3: decided I didn't really want Bert to use this washer,

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Speaker 3: so anytime he texted asking you for a washer was fixed,

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Speaker 3: I would always say no. Then once he started asking

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Speaker 3: every day, I started ignoring him. He would also ask

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Speaker 3: to borrow a couple of scoops of bird seed until

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Speaker 3: you could get some more. I would tell my dad

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Speaker 3: each time he would text me, and my dad said

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Speaker 3: that I could do whatever I was comfortable with.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like you could be a good neighbor, but

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Speaker 4: you can't. You don't want to, like never buy milk

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Speaker 4: and only have your neighbor's milk whenever you need it.

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Speaker 3: I will add that Bert grew up rich but also

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Speaker 3: struggle with regular use on both substances and booze after

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Speaker 3: finding his dad passing away in his early twenties. Well,

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Speaker 3: I understand that it's definitely traumatizing because I have been

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Speaker 3: through the ringer with family deaths and trauma. I think

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Speaker 3: he has definitely used it to his advantage, as his mom, brother,

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Speaker 3: or other family members would bel him out of any

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Speaker 3: trouble he got into or give him money anytime he

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Speaker 3: needed it.

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Speaker 2: Listen, I understand people go through hard things, but.

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Speaker 4: If you give your dog a little bity food ever

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Speaker 4: time he begs, he's never gonna stop.

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Speaker 3: My dad would also let Bert use our riding lawnmower,

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Speaker 3: which broke recently after multiple tips to fix it and

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Speaker 3: over one thousand dollars spent on repairs or gave up

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Speaker 3: and my boyfriend's parents gave me and him their old

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Speaker 3: push mower since the old mower is broken or as

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Speaker 3: yet to mow his lawn. He also never cleans up

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Speaker 3: any hurricane debris or tree limbs in the yard, so

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Speaker 3: he would mow ride over all the limbs, which definitely

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Speaker 3: is not good for the mower, but all's so did

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Speaker 3: not pay for any repairs, minus occasionally put a gas

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Speaker 3: in the mower, adding that Burt also always had the

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Speaker 3: blinds in his room open, which faces the side of

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Speaker 3: our house where the laundry room is, so I feel

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Speaker 3: like he was watching us go out to do the

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Speaker 3: laundry well. Bert finally reached out to my dad asking

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Speaker 3: to get a hold of me about using the washer.

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Speaker 3: My dad let him know that I didn't want him

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Speaker 3: using the washer as I didn't want he added wear

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Speaker 3: and tear to the added energy as we pay rent

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Speaker 3: and the power bill, which we don't have insulated walls

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Speaker 3: in Florida, so you can imagine in the summer how

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Speaker 3: high that power bill is. Bert told him, okay, and

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Speaker 3: thanks for letting him know. The next day, Bert sent

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Speaker 3: me a petty text and said thanks for getting back

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Speaker 3: to me, which we all know I didn't since I

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Speaker 3: was ignoring him, so I blocked his number, which I

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Speaker 3: didn't want to do since we're neighbors and family, just

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Speaker 3: in case of emergency. He did tech my dad that

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Speaker 3: he had put his cat down, which was kind of

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Speaker 3: the last tie to his mom. He sold most of

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Speaker 3: her jewelry to my job. I now work at a

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Speaker 3: jewelry store and no longer work at the outside job

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Speaker 3: to get money. He has also asked me a couple

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Speaker 3: of times for one hundred bucks, which I didn't even have,

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Speaker 3: but if I did, I'm pretty sure my dad would

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Speaker 3: have warned me against doing so.

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Speaker 2: Burt no longer waves.

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Speaker 3: If we're leaving the house and he's outside, he sort

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Speaker 3: of just glares. So am I the a hole? Or

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Speaker 3: am I just a Karen? I do have screenshots of

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Speaker 3: the text between Burt and me, if anyone would like

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Speaker 3: some receipts. We got some comments left here, Angie, how's

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Speaker 3: your washer doing? And would you let him one lend it?

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Speaker 4: My washer is doing great. I would let someone lend it.

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Speaker 2: And you know, oh use it, sorry, you use it

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Speaker 2: on like.

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Speaker 4: You know certain terms. It's the kind of thing where

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Speaker 4: it's like, yeah, it's just a washer and dryer, So

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Speaker 4: I could see how you could feel like Karen. But

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Speaker 4: at the same time, it's like John, Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 4: it's like, yeah, these little things like they add up

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Speaker 4: and if you're not respecting them in a way that

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Speaker 4: Opie's okay with, then it's like, yeah, you gotta set

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Speaker 4: those boundaries. It's okay to be upset about these little things.

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Speaker 4: And yeah, Karen a little bit.

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Speaker 3: Well, guess in comments here, Comment's not the a hole.

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Speaker 3: Did he even check with you that the arrangement he

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Speaker 3: had with your father was transferable to you once you

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Speaker 3: moved in? If he just assumed because it was family,

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Speaker 3: he didn't need to ask. He'll only ever care what

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Speaker 3: he could get out of it. From the sounds of it,

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Speaker 3: at least, Opie says he didn't. He really only started

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Speaker 3: asking after our last washer broke, and he only kept

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Speaker 3: asking if it was fixed. Yet, I grew up watching

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Speaker 3: family help each other out all the time, so I

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Speaker 3: thought that this was what was expected from me. If

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Speaker 3: it hindered me in any way, I was also a

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Speaker 3: people pleaser too. Comment Too says Burtney needs to put

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Speaker 3: his big boy pants on and get his own appliances

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Speaker 3: and long care equipment. Bumbing off family and or neighbors

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Speaker 3: is not a long term solution. Should you have been

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Speaker 3: more direct with him, yes? Should he have taken the

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Speaker 3: hint and found out another solution? Also, yes, it may

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Speaker 3: not hurt to be direct with him now. Brief and

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Speaker 3: kind but firm, Hibert, I apologize for not clarifying sooner.

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Speaker 3: Sharing our washer and drying longbower no longer works for us.

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Speaker 3: It's best if we can run our household independently. I

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Speaker 3: hope you understand, and there are no hard feelings. If

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Speaker 3: he complains, ignore him. If he asks for money, Hibert,

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Speaker 3: Unfortunately we aren't comfortable lending money. I hope you can understand.

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Speaker 3: No opportunity for discussion, quick, simple facts and if you've

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Speaker 3: made yourself clear, so we can move on to come

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Speaker 3: up with different solution, not the a hole.

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Speaker 2: We got a small update, guys. Update.

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Speaker 4: Ah, that was a really good way to word that

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Speaker 4: in that comment. Yeah, hopefully this includes a really good

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Speaker 4: response to a you know a statement like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, fully.

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Speaker 3: Uh hope so, And if you didn't know a listener

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Speaker 3: or anyone that is listening right now, you can set

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Speaker 3: boundaries with your family.

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Speaker 2: That's an option.

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Speaker 4: What? Yeah, what an idea?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't know you could do that until I

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Speaker 2: read a few stories.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's like whoa update.

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Speaker 3: I will comment some photos and texts of this recent

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Speaker 3: arrest with all this personal information crossed out. I will

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Speaker 3: add that I did respond to the one where he

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Speaker 3: was asking for a hundred bucks, where I politely let

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Speaker 3: him know that I did not have the funds for

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Speaker 3: lending him that money at the moment. I hate texting,

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Speaker 3: by the way. I'd rather not talk on the phone

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Speaker 3: at all. Texts or call, so sometimes I'm sure my

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Speaker 3: text come off as harsh, but talking to me in

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Speaker 3: persons but talking to me in person is completely different. Yes,

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Speaker 3: I should have gone right out and told him that

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Speaker 3: I did not want him using my new washing machine.

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Speaker 3: If I could go back, I would be straightforward instead

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Speaker 3: of being afraid of how he would react.

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Speaker 4: My husband's aunt kept meddling in our wedding, so she

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Speaker 4: was banned from future weddings.

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Speaker 2: You're banned.

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Speaker 4: My sister kJ asked me to share her wedding nightmare

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Speaker 4: on Reddit since she doesn't have an account. Fair warning,

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Speaker 4: this gets absolutely wild for context on our blended family.

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Speaker 4: I'm the oldest then kJ, of fraternal twins Kylie and

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Speaker 4: Jen and youngest sister Cat. Rose is Cat's mom and

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Speaker 4: our dad's wife. So a couple of years back, kJ

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Speaker 4: married her best friend Nick. They'd been together since elementary school,

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Speaker 4: started dating in high school, and everyone knew that they

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Speaker 4: were endgame. That's super sweet. As broke college students, Nick

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Speaker 4: training to be an EMT slash volunteer firefighter, kJ studying

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Speaker 4: business and finance, they planned a simple church wedding to

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Speaker 4: save money. By the way, this comes from zero Miss

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Speaker 4: Kitty Cat on the r slash Okay story Time subpredits.

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Speaker 4: This is one of our own directly to us, but

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Speaker 4: if you want to see your own stories, go to

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Speaker 4: the ur slash Okay story Time separated it and we

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Speaker 4: will obviously read them for you. The second they announced

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Speaker 4: their engagement, Nick's aunt and Nick's aunt Karen, started inserting

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Speaker 4: herself into everything, now I mean everything, the colors, the bridesmaids,

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Speaker 4: the groomsmen, where they were getting the cake, every single detail.

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Speaker 4: Nick told her repeatedly to stop, but Karen always insisted

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Speaker 4: that she was just trying to help. Unfortunately, she was

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Speaker 4: constantly at Nick's parents' house helping with his grandparents, so

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Speaker 4: she had front row seats to all their wedding planning.

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Speaker 4: Since they were funding most of the wedding themselves, kJ

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Speaker 4: and Nick made the practical decision to have a child

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Speaker 4: free ceremony with all the kids and both families, they

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Speaker 4: would have had over three hundred people Otherwise, on Nick's

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Speaker 4: side alone, every cousin had at least two kids. They

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Speaker 4: hired babysitters and offered my dad in Rosa's house for childcare,

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Speaker 4: but Karen wasn't having it. When Karen asked about the

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Speaker 4: ring bearer, kJ told her it would be their dogs

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Speaker 4: in little outfit walking down the aisle. That's cursing i've

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Speaker 4: ever heard. Karen didn't want to leave her five year

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Speaker 4: old son Benny with strangers. Here's what you should know

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Speaker 4: about Benny.

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Speaker 2: Oh boy, you need to know.

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Speaker 4: Something about this five year old. Oh boy, this kid

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Speaker 4: could do absolutely no wrong. In Karen's eyes. If he

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Speaker 4: pushed another child somehow, it was the other kid's fault

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Speaker 4: for making Benny push them. He screwed a whole lot

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Speaker 4: we need, didn't get his way, didn't understand the word no,

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Speaker 4: and was one of the few kids suspended from kindergarten

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Speaker 4: for hitting other children. This kidneys to go to therapy

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Speaker 4: of five years old. This kid, my goodness, this is

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Speaker 4: not a way to raise a Child's and Karen's solutioned

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Speaker 4: him getting suspended from kindergarten blamed the teacher for not

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Speaker 4: watching him closely enough. She never punished or even scolded him.

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Speaker 4: Her husband, Bob, basically lived at work over time to

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Speaker 4: avoid dealing with them both. After their cake testing, kJ

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Speaker 4: and Nick chose a gorgeous three tier cake, red velvet

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Speaker 4: vanilla and chocolate layers with red frosting and black flowers.

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Speaker 4: It was stunning and perfect for their September wedding. Karen

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Speaker 4: absolutely hated it, calling it tacki and saying it was

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Speaker 4: for goth people, not church going people like us. She

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Speaker 4: kept pushing for something more traditional. Weeks later, the cake

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Speaker 4: maker called, asking if they really wanted to change their order.

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Speaker 4: Someone claiming to be Rose, my dad's wife, had supposedly called,

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Speaker 4: wanting to switch it to a plain vanilla cake with

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Speaker 4: white frosting and flowers. kJ freaked out and immediately called Rose,

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Speaker 4: who had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

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Speaker 4: Rose was so upset that kJ would suspect her that

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Speaker 4: She offered to bring her phone over so kJ could

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Speaker 4: check her call log. They went through everything together, no

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Speaker 4: calls to the bakery, no searches for cake companies. The

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Speaker 4: mystery caller had used a fake phone number. She's going

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Speaker 4: through lengths to do this. My dad was furious and

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Speaker 4: went to the bakery to check their caller ID, but

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Speaker 4: there was no way to trace it back. kJ apologized

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Speaker 4: profusely to Rose for suspecting her, but someone was definitely

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Speaker 4: sabotaging their wedding. She cried to make that night, feeling

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Speaker 4: terrible for accusing Rose, but having no idea who would

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Speaker 4: do such a thing. Her bridesmaid stresses. kJ chose black

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Speaker 4: so that the girls could rewear them. All three sisters

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Speaker 4: ended up picking similar off shoulder styles with leg slits,

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Speaker 4: each with different sparkly details. Kat with silver glitter, while

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Speaker 4: twins Kylie and Jen had purple and black reflective underskirt respectively.

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Speaker 4: Kj's college friend got a flowy, black off the shoulder dress.

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Speaker 4: Everyone was happy with their choices and the reasonable prices.

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Speaker 4: Then Karen showed up uninvited to the dress fitting my

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Speaker 4: mom and Rose asked her to leave since she had

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Speaker 4: no business being there, but Karen played innocent, Why don't

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Speaker 4: you want me here? I just want to be part

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Speaker 4: of this beautiful occasion. After much eye rolling, Rose said

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Speaker 4: that she could stay if she kept her mouth shut.

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Speaker 4: The second she said anything out of line, she was gone.

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Speaker 4: These are the boundaries I like to see. Let's go.

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Speaker 4: Karen immediately started complaining, first about sticking with black. First,

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Speaker 4: the cake, now your dress is Then about why the

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Speaker 4: dresses weren't all identical like bridesmaids usually do. The real

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Speaker 4: drama started to when seventeen year old Kat was getting alterations.

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Speaker 4: She's the most blessed in chest of all the sisters,

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Speaker 4: and they were adjusting the neckline to make her more comfortable.

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Speaker 4: That's when Karen decided to announce, you're going to let

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Speaker 4: Kat look like a spicy dancer at your wedding. Her

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Speaker 4: front airbags are out. You might as well give her

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Speaker 4: a spicy dancer pull. She should wear a high neck dress.

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Speaker 4: This is a wedding, after all, Karen, Well, well, like

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Speaker 4: you said something out of line, I hope you are

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Speaker 4: forced to leave. Now those are the boundaries, decided. It's like, well,

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Speaker 4: what do you want me to do? Get a breast

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Speaker 4: reduction so that I don't look like a spicy dancer,

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Speaker 4: because clothes they just show them, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 4: and they're already altering it to make it to make

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Speaker 4: her more comfortable. Kat whipped around, Who even invited you?

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Speaker 4: What's your problem? We're literally fixing the dress right now.

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Speaker 4: Do you understand what altered means? Why are you so

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Speaker 4: concerned about my front airbags?

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Speaker 2: Anyway?

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Speaker 4: Isn't that effing weird to be talking about a miner's body?

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Speaker 4: Who she got her? Dude, she's a miner.

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Speaker 2: Arrest her.

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Speaker 4: When Karen doubled down about not wanting Kat to attract

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Speaker 4: the wrong kind of attention, Kat exploded, the wrong attention

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Speaker 4: at my sister's wedding where my family will be. What

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Speaker 4: the heck does that mean? That's when Kylie jumped in.

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Speaker 4: She was having the exact same fitting as you, but

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Speaker 4: Karen hadn't said a word to her. Why are you

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Speaker 4: talking about a miner's chest but not saying anything to

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Speaker 4: me as an adult having the same problem. My mom

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Speaker 4: and Rose had heard enough. They told Karen she was

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Speaker 4: salute shaming their daughters and escorted her out. Immediately. Jen

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Speaker 4: looked at kJ and said, are you really having that

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Speaker 4: woman at your wedding? And Kat declared that if Karen

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Speaker 4: caused any problems at the wedding, I'm throwing hands on

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Speaker 4: front airbags. Will we swing it? I don't care. I

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Speaker 4: love that you just you just if anything happens, you

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Speaker 4: wol that's what's gonna happen at the wedding. Dude fights

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Speaker 4: with the wrong girl. Before kJ could even get home

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Speaker 4: to tell Nick what happened, Karen had already called him

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Speaker 4: at work, complaining that they took what she said out

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Speaker 4: of context and we're bullying her. She conveniently left out

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Speaker 4: the part about calling a minor a slute. Wedding day

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Speaker 4: was pure chaos from the start. The best man fell

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Speaker 4: up the church steps and broke his teeth. What he

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Speaker 4: stood up anyway? Hi on bank the limb on tire popped,

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Speaker 4: making them late. Jen had an allergic reaction to the

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Speaker 4: makeup artists mascara and her eyes swelled up. In all

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Speaker 4: the panic, they forgot their ring bear dog Diamond at home,

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Speaker 4: so my mom had to race back and get her.

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00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:01,520
Speaker 4: Nick locked his key in the car with the vows

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Speaker 4: and rings inside. Yikes. Kj's younger brother tripped walking down

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Speaker 4: the aisle and gave himself rugburn on his face. Despite everything,

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00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,199
Speaker 4: kJ was wearing her beloved grandmother's vintage wedding dress, not

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Speaker 4: perfectly white and clearly aged, but absolutely beautiful. She had

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Speaker 4: it carefully tailored so that kat could wear it for

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Speaker 4: her future wedding too. During the ceremony photos, they noticed

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00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,080
Speaker 4: Karen wasn't there. Bob showed up briefly, but left before

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Speaker 4: the reception, just shrugging when asked about Karen's whereabouts. They

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Speaker 4: hoped she would actually stay at home for once, but

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Speaker 4: she had it.

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Speaker 3: No enlightning strikes with everything going on, She's just waiting

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Speaker 3: for interests.

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Speaker 4: Karen had snuck into the reception early with Benny, figuring

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Speaker 4: that they couldn't punt her out once she was already there.

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Speaker 4: During the speeches, everyone could hear little feet running around

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Speaker 4: and screaming at full volume. Benny was causing absolute chaos.

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Speaker 4: My dad went over and told Karen that she needed

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Speaker 4: to control her son or leave. Good on you, Dad.

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Speaker 4: This was supposed to be a child free wedding. After

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Speaker 4: Karen claimed that she didn't feel comfortable leaving Benny with

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Speaker 4: strangers and just wanted to support the family. She promised

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00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,360
Speaker 4: that he would behave he was just excited. Dad gave

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Speaker 4: her an ultimatum. Any more disruptions and she was gone.

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00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 4: Karen claimed that she'd been dropped off and had no

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Speaker 4: ride home, so Dad said that he'd find her a

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Speaker 4: sober driver. I kept her quiet for a while. Then

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Speaker 4: came time to cut the beautiful red velvet cake with

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Speaker 4: its red frosting and black flowers. They brought it out

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Speaker 4: early so guests could admire it, and it was truly gorgeous.

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Speaker 4: Right before Caj and Nick, who were about to make

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Speaker 4: the ceremonial first cut, Benny stuck his hands directly into

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Speaker 4: the cake and ran straight to Caj, wiping his frosting

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Speaker 4: covered hands all down the back inside of her grandmother's

394
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Speaker 4: vintage dress. Yikes, dude, there's.

395
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Speaker 2: A light nearby. Hopefully you can swim.

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Speaker 4: Yikes. That is so much worse than I thought it

397
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Speaker 4: was gonna be. I thought he was just gonna get

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Speaker 4: into the cake and that's it. This is when I'm

399
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 4: going to Karen with with my front airbags. Boom bool.

400
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Speaker 4: This is when we're fighting with those with those uh.

401
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Speaker 2: My girlfriend, everyone, that's.

402
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Speaker 4: What you gotta do. Okay, Karen asked for it. kJ

403
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:21,199
Speaker 4: screamed when she felt the frosting hit, Nick spun around.

404
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Speaker 2: Her.

405
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 4: Sisters came running, and Kylie grabbed Benny while kJ started crying.

406
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 4: Everyone rushed over as Jen took kJ to the bathroom

407
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 4: with my mom, Nick's mother and rose to try desperately

408
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Speaker 4: to clean the dress. Meanwhile, Cat went absolutely nuclear on Karen.

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Speaker 4: That's right, that's our miss Katie. Kat let's go. According

410
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Speaker 4: to my dad's later account, Cat sprinted across the room

411
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 4: and grabbed Karen, screaming like Regina, George, your effing son

412
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 4: just wiped frosting down my sister's wedding dress because you

413
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Speaker 4: weren't watching your kid. What the f is your problem?

414
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 4: Karen's response, Well, if they will have gotten a white

415
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Speaker 4: wedding cake, like I said, it wouldn't have mattered if

416
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,919
Speaker 4: he wiped it on her. But she had to go

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Speaker 4: with that god awful goth looking cake.

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Speaker 2: I knew she was gonna do.

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Speaker 3: Say that it soon would.

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Speaker 5: Have been bad if you wiped a white cake onto

421
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Speaker 5: her dress.

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00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I mean she said that, like the dress

423
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,000
Speaker 4: wasn't even perfectly white, it was aged and old. It's

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Speaker 4: a vintage dress. White lace doesn't stay that white.

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Speaker 2: Of course, Benny didn't do anything wrong.

426
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Speaker 4: Crazy. That's when Kat completely lost it. You are god

427
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 4: effing awful. You've called me a slut. You've made my

428
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 4: sister's life heck over a wedding that's not even yours.

429
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Speaker 4: Nobody wanted you here. We were relieved when you weren't

430
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Speaker 4: at the church, and you just ruined our grandmother's dress.

431
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 4: You selfish, effing witch. When Karen said she was trying

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Speaker 4: to enjoy her meal and that he's a child he

433
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,919
Speaker 4: gets into stuff, Kat screamed that he was her child,

434
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 4: that she should have been watching. Before my dad could intervene,

435
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 4: Kat slapped Karen straight across the face. Honestly, we don't

436
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 4: promote violence here, but Kat, I support everything you're doing.

437
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 4: Dad had to physically remove Kat while an uncle escorted

438
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 4: Karen out. Jen drove them home since she was the

439
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,359
Speaker 4: only one with a car seat. In the bathroom, kJ

440
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 4: sat in her spanks, crying while everyone tried desperately to

441
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 4: save the dress her college friend. Her college friend ran

442
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 4: to the only nearby store, a Goodwill, and grabbed any

443
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 4: dress that would fit. Mom and Rose drove an hour

444
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 4: to an emergency dry cleaner with the wedding dress. Meanwhile,

445
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 4: poor Grandpa was outside trying to entertain the shocked guests

446
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 4: after what he described as the biggest SmackDown he'd ever seen.

447
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 4: Everyone was stunned. The bride screaming and running out, another

448
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,360
Speaker 4: girl screaming and slapping, an older woman, a kid clapping

449
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 4: his hands happily while licking cake frosting off his fingers.

450
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 4: Nick asked if kJ wanted to just leave, but she refused.

451
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 4: They'd spent so much time and money on the venue

452
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 4: and she wanted the day to be perfect. Karen had

453
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 4: ruined everything, but kJ wasn't going to let her ruin

454
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 4: the rest of their celebration. Eventually, Kat came into the bathroom,

455
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 4: looking just as destroyed as kJ, giant black raccoon eyes

456
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 4: and in red splotches everywhere. She sat on the floor

457
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 4: and cried with her sister. When the makeup artist came

458
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 4: back Jen and called her to explain the situation, Kat

459
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 4: joked through her tears, well, look who's the salute now

460
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 4: that witch was worried about my front airbags being out,

461
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 4: and you're here in just spanks For the rest of

462
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 4: her wedding, kJ wore an early two thousands blue prom

463
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 4: dress from Goodwill with straps tied together to keep it up.

464
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,399
Speaker 4: Despite everything, they danced and celebrated. At the end of

465
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 4: the day, she'd married her best friend, and that's what

466
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,400
Speaker 4: mattered most. Two days after the wedding, Dad, Rose, Jen,

467
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,360
Speaker 4: and Kat came to kJ with a confession. During the chaos,

468
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,359
Speaker 4: Karen had admitted something crucial. If they would have just

469
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,680
Speaker 4: let me changed the wedding cake to a white one,

470
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 4: this wouldn't have been an issue. I wonder if she

471
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 4: told him, like your hands in the cake. Oh yes,

472
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 4: I did it on her dress.

473
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:03,400
Speaker 2: She definitely did.

474
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 3: She definitely called to try to change the cake. She

475
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,359
Speaker 3: definitely told Bennie to do that. Oh yeah, this is

476
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 3: all planned by her.

477
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:12,239
Speaker 4: Dude. I know revenge is never a good idea, but

478
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 4: I really am fighting the urge to seek revenge on

479
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 4: this woman. Karen had been the mysterious caller who tried

480
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 4: to sabotage the cake order. kJ was furious, but also

481
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 4: believed to finally know the truth. They wouldn't know contact

482
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,919
Speaker 4: with Karen immediately and informed Nick's parents about everything she

483
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 4: had done. The dry cleaners tried their best, but the

484
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 4: vintage dress was too old and delicate. There are permanent

485
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,120
Speaker 4: black and red streaks that will never come out. Both

486
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 4: kJ and Cat were heartbroken. They'd been so close to

487
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 4: their grandmother who used to tell stories about saving up

488
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,880
Speaker 4: for that dress and how beautiful she felt wearing it.

489
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 4: It was like seeing Cinderella's dress in person. Oh my gosh.

490
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,400
Speaker 2: Sah, no ah, this is heartbreaking.

491
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,400
Speaker 3: Miskiddy Gat says, they keep Benny far far away from

492
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 3: me since I am an officer.

493
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,919
Speaker 4: Now, okay, that tells us all we need to know

494
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 4: about what Benny's up to at fifteen. Yikes, there is

495
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 4: a little bit more to this story. They took Karen

496
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:12,440
Speaker 4: to court for the destroyed cake. Oh wow, venue cleanup costs,

497
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 4: dress cleaning, and emotional damages. Karen launched a Facebook campaign

498
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,919
Speaker 4: about how ungrateful they were for taking it out on

499
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 4: a child, but they won the case. The venue even

500
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 4: provided video evidence. You can actually hear Kat's Regina George

501
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 4: scream and see the slap. They never spoke to Karen again.

502
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 4: She was banned from all future of family weddings. Bob

503
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 4: still shows up to some family gatherings, but Karen is

504
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 4: persona non grota. kJ and Nick plan to renew their

505
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,440
Speaker 4: vows someday, hopefully with less drama. She kept that blue

506
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 4: prom dress as a trophy from the nightmare wedding, and

507
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,160
Speaker 4: fortunately has photos of her grandmother's dress from the alterations

508
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 4: before it was ruined. Looking back, kJ says she's grateful

509
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 4: everyone pulled together during the chaos. The after photos of

510
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 4: her in the prom dress are pretty crazy, and someday

511
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,639
Speaker 4: when they show their kids the wedding album, they'll have

512
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 4: quite the story to tell about how absolutely insane their

513
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 4: wedding got. But at the end of the day, she

514
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 4: married her best friend and that made all the drama

515
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 4: worth it. And that's the end of that story. Wow, dude, Wow.

516
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 3: That's craziest Karen's story I've read.

517
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, minute, that's beautiful, beautiful, ending, beautiful, ending, beautiful that

518
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 4: the love is so powerful that even I Karen can't

519
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 4: can't ruin their day.

520
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 3: They think this may have inspired Katz even become an officer.

521
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam og host. We're going to get back

522
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 1: to these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads

523
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: from our sponsors to help support the show.

524
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 3: My girlfriend's mother has a key to our apartment. I

525
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 3: want to take it back, take it back?

526
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 4: What's mine?

527
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 3: My girlfriend's mom visited a few weeks ago and we

528
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 3: lend her our guests set of keys because she stayed

529
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 3: the weekend and we did not want her to be

530
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 3: stuck outside of the apartment if we were out. We're

531
00:27:56,359 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 3: both in post back programs with crazy hours. We made

532
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 3: it very clear we needed the keys back after she

533
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 3: left because they were specifically our guest keys.

534
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 2: By the way, this.

535
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 3: Comes from classroom swimming fourteen to one and if you

536
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,159
Speaker 3: want to spit your own stories, what are the r

537
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 3: side showcase stories?

538
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 2: I'm subredded. So one Monday before we left for.

539
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 3: School, she made a big show about how she was

540
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,399
Speaker 3: putting the keys back into our key bowl. It wasn't

541
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 3: like she was mean or aggressive or anything, but the

542
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 3: way she was saying it felt like she was trying

543
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,679
Speaker 3: to guild us into letting her keep the keys. She

544
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,360
Speaker 3: was like, Oh, I think I'll get my hair done today,

545
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 3: How will I get back to the apartment, et cetera.

546
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 3: We doubled down on keeping the keys, but said she

547
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 3: can use them until she leaves and just to drop

548
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 3: them in the bowl, which she left for good.

549
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 2: Anyway, she calls.

550
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 3: Me in the middle of the school day asking where

551
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 3: the keys were. I explain exactly where they were step

552
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 3: by step. Seemingly she forgot that she put them in

553
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 3: the key bowl. Then after like five minutes of that,

554
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 3: she's said she couldn't find them and she was just

555
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 3: going to leave the apartment. I was like, all right,

556
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 3: let me know if you need anything, and suddenly she

557
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,120
Speaker 3: was like, oh, I think I found them. But after

558
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 3: I reiterated what my partner and I wanted, she reaffirmed

559
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 3: that she was not going to take the keys, almost

560
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 3: forcing the idea down my throat. We say, ah, goodbyes.

561
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 3: The phone call ended. I got a really weird vibe

562
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 3: about the situation, but thought nothing of it. I let

563
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 3: my partner know on the way home from school about it.

564
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 3: She was kind of dismissive of the vibes. I got

565
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 3: more worried that she left the apartment completely unlocked. We

566
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 3: went home and saw that the apartment was left unlocked.

567
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 3: Just the basic lock was engaged and none of the

568
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 3: deadlocks that required keys, so we figured she left the keys.

569
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 3: The next day, my partner is talking to her mom

570
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 3: and she casually mentions, oh, I think I took the

571
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 3: apartment keys, then started saying of like, oh, I must

572
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 3: have dropped them in my purse, and the one that

573
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 3: really got me was, oh, that must be why I

574
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 3: couldn't find them.

575
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 2: Obviously.

576
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 3: I was eternally freaking out after she said that, because

577
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 3: it directly conflicted with the story I heard from her

578
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 3: when I was alone when she was done talking to

579
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 3: her mom, I was kind of freaked out and made

580
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 3: it known exactly how I felt and what I thought

581
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 3: she was doing. She kind of dismissed everything I said

582
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 3: and said that her mom was dumb and ditzie and

583
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 3: that she was incapable of scheming. She later promised that

584
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 3: she would go to her mom's house to pick them

585
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 3: up because I was freaked out in the invasion of Prophecy,

586
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 3: and even told her that if she comes back with

587
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 3: a new set of keys, it would be a problem.

588
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 3: That's when I found out that there is some special

589
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 3: card that needs to be used to copy the key,

590
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 3: otherwise it would be illegal. We talked about it again

591
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,959
Speaker 3: a few weeks later. Was some of our mutual friends

592
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 3: over drinks, and they were kind of acting like I'm crazy,

593
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 3: but one was like, it's understandable. Because that is something

594
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 3: my mom would do now. She visited again about two

595
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 3: months later, this time saying she was going to stay

596
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,719
Speaker 3: with one of her friends for the weekend. My partner

597
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 3: planned to have dinner with her, but she got home

598
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 3: a bit late. In preparation for the dinner, and after

599
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 3: my showers all right, the air dry, I guess on

600
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 3: the bed, I hear someone come in the door and

601
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 3: assume it's my partner. I thought it was weird that

602
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 3: she didn't come in to say hi to me, but

603
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 3: either way, my very smart cat cracks the door open

604
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 3: to say hi. I walk out to hang my towel

605
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 3: on the bathroom completely unclothed, mind you, and get dressed.

606
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 3: Then I go to the living room to say hi,

607
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 3: thinking it was my partner, but it was, in fact

608
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 3: my partner's mother. I crap, you not. The first word

609
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 3: that comes out of her mouth was I thought I

610
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 3: was alone. I'm internally freaking out, but decided to stay

611
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 3: because I'm mad sussed out at this point and didn't

612
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 3: want her going through our stop. She says she made

613
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 3: a copy of the keys and that she put our

614
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 3: set back. When my partner got home. She repeated the

615
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 3: same lines but added that the locksmith liked her, so

616
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 3: she was able to get a copy without the special

617
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 3: card because my partner was sussed out about the legality of.

618
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 2: Copying the key top it.

619
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 3: Eventually my partner admitted I was right, but doesn't seem

620
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 3: to be creeped out at all by it. To add

621
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 3: to this, the landlord is my partner's father and my

622
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 3: partner's mother's ex who apparently went through a vicious divorce

623
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 3: that took years to resolve, and it still triggers my

624
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 3: partner to this day.

625
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 2: To add to it, she started.

626
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 3: Asking about how much we pay for utilities and asked

627
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 3: to get an apartment with us off handily a few

628
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 3: months ago. I'm ready to ask the landlord to change

629
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 3: all the locks and cut off from her as much

630
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 3: as humanly possible. But it feels like I'm alone in

631
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 3: what feels like a serious convasion of privacy. All right,

632
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 3: Comment number one huge girlfriend problem. Her mother stole your key,

633
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 3: a key that legally should not have been copied. Then

634
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 3: she entered your apartment without permission and even admitted that

635
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 3: she thought she was alone.

636
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: Why was she there?

637
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: You need to replace the doorknob with a special keypad.

638
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 2: That alerts your.

639
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:15,239
Speaker 3: Phone anytime the door is opened. Each person has their

640
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 3: own code. You can deactivate any code from your phone,

641
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 3: and if you are the one setting up the lock,

642
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 3: then you're the only one who can assign a code

643
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 3: or deactivate them. You already have her mother hinting that

644
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 3: she wants to move in with you, so it would

645
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 3: be so it's way past time to have an in

646
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 3: depth conversation with your girlfriend about your shared vision for

647
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 3: your future and what's appropriate for visitors and overnight guests.

648
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 3: Also address the future scenarios where a parent might need

649
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 3: financial assistance or a place to stay. Will it be

650
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 3: your house? Figure all this out and get her thoughts

651
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 3: on her family and their expectations, as they might not

652
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 3: align with yours, and you need to know this sooner

653
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 3: rather than later. The fact that her mother literally broke

654
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 3: into your house without warning and felt entitled to do so,

655
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 3: it's a huge red flag her daughter, it's not thinking

656
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 3: it's a big deal. It's an even bigger red flag.

657
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 3: Do we agree with that? Maybe it's just like, ah,

658
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 3: it's my mom whatever, Okay, Well it's.

659
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 4: Weird because I mean the girlfriend is kind of like,

660
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 4: uh yeah, like I get it. This is an invasion

661
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 4: of privacy, but she's not really doing much about it.

662
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 4: That's the only difference, it seems.

663
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 3: Another reply says rop could just break up with his

664
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 3: girlfriend and save himself a lot of stress and angst.

665
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,720
Speaker 3: Given that the girlfriend doesn't think that her mother's behavior

666
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 3: is problematic, why exactly do you think a conversation with

667
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 3: her would make a difference. We got an update here

668
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 3: my partner and her mom talks about how at the

669
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 3: end of the day, the partner is her the apartment

670
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 3: is her father's property, also mother's ex husband. It is

671
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 3: sketchy that she went out of her way to make

672
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:59,399
Speaker 3: an illegal copy and did not ask for permission to enter.

673
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,279
Speaker 3: When they were back from their walk, she made up

674
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,880
Speaker 3: separate excuses to each of us about why she was

675
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 3: in the apartment. She texted my girlfriend that she had

676
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 3: to pee as one excuse, while my girlfriend admitted the

677
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 3: last text she got was that she was on her

678
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 3: way and did not and did not get any info

679
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 3: about her entering the apartment. Then she tried appealing to me,

680
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 3: saying next time she would let us both know, even

681
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 3: though neither of us knew. After that, she said something

682
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 3: like she wasn't trying to ruin our lives and that

683
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,239
Speaker 3: I should have talked to her about it. I'm kind

684
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 3: of glad I did it, though, because it would have

685
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: ended badly for everyone. I'm happy my partner came around

686
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 3: to getting the keys back and working on securing the apartment.

687
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 2: Sophia, any thoughts left here?

688
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 3: We got change locks, man, change locks, change girlfriends.

689
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 4: Change your friends, does automatically change you know? Future mother

690
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 4: in law?

691
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 3: Kind of a two birds, one stone getting to the

692
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 3: last little bit here. One thing that threw me off, though,

693
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 3: is as she was talking about the keys, which we

694
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,320
Speaker 3: are now placed on our coffee table, she keeps repeating

695
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:08,720
Speaker 3: that this is a trial run of not having the keys.

696
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,520
Speaker 3: I could tell my partner wasn't comfortable about that part,

697
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 3: but I'm not sure if she will bend again in

698
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 3: the future. One key was made with a blank from

699
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 3: the key company, which is high security, requiring her cards

700
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:25,240
Speaker 3: certifying permission, but it did not have a serial number,

701
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 3: and the other one, which is less secure key from

702
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 3: the same brand, was made on a master lock key,

703
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 3: also not traceable. The locksmith stupidly cut the low security

704
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 3: key with their company name and phone number on it.

705
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,800
Speaker 3: So you bet they are getting reported. My partner also

706
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,320
Speaker 3: does not want to change the locks because the keys

707
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 3: are back in our possession, but we will be setting

708
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 3: up a camera.

709
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 2: Wow, I like this. I like these steps.

710
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:54,920
Speaker 3: I you know, I'm not a big fan of cameras

711
00:36:54,960 --> 00:37:00,080
Speaker 3: being around. Really, I don't know. It was like it

712
00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 3: if it's like this, Like if it's this camera I

713
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 3: can control. Yes, I don't mind that camera, but it

714
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 3: rings a part of it and someone can log into

715
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 3: my app and see who's coming in and there.

716
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 4: Oh interesting, I never thought about that before. We denied

717
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 4: my in law's request for my wedding and they didn't

718
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 4: like it.

719
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 5: What kind of crazy requests are you asking for?

720
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 4: Me? Twenty three female and my fiance twenty seven male,

721
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 4: are getting married in December. We got engaged in April,

722
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 4: and I pretty much did all the planning myself with

723
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 4: the help of my mom in the first few weeks.

724
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 4: From the very beginning. My fiance and I had planned

725
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,800
Speaker 4: laid out after the brid old party. This that was

726
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 4: one of the first things decided, even before I had

727
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,320
Speaker 4: the ring on my finger, including flower girls and ring bearers.

728
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 4: And by the way, this comes from a final estimate

729
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,760
Speaker 4: seventy one sixty six and if you want to submit

730
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

731
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 4: separate it. So we decided that the flower girl would

732
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 4: be my sister who's also my matron of honors baby

733
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 4: who will be pushed in a stroller down the aisle

734
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 4: by my ten year old cousin who could be considered

735
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 4: a junior bridesmaid for the Ring Bears. My fiance really

736
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 4: wanted to include his best friend's son for contact. His

737
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 4: friend has not had custody of his child for most

738
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 4: of his life long story, and it could be a

739
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 4: little difficult to arrange his attendants. He will be around

740
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 4: a year and a half at the time of the wedding,

741
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 4: and as a result, we decided that we would also

742
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,960
Speaker 4: have my two cousins, five mail and seven male, the

743
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 4: brothers of the junior bridesmaid be the ring bears as well.

744
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 4: This way, it's no pressure on the friend and everything

745
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 4: will go smoothly whether his child can come or not.

746
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 4: The older boys will help the younger boy walk down

747
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 4: the aisle holding his hands. That's so cute. We decided

748
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 4: on these specific children because they are closely related or

749
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 4: close to us. And are the right age. Shortly after

750
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 4: the engagement, I asked my sister and my cousin, the

751
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 4: moms of the children, if their kids could be in

752
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 4: the wedding and give details of what they should wear, etc.

753
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 4: The kids and parents were both so excited. This was

754
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 4: great and everything was going to according to plan until

755
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 4: a few weeks ago when my mother in law asked

756
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,240
Speaker 4: us if we would con that her adding another flower girl.

757
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:07,760
Speaker 4: Yeoh uh oh. For context, my fiance's brother slash best

758
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 4: man twenty four male, lives across the country and recently

759
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 4: told us about four months ago that he has a

760
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 4: new girlfriend, twenty one female. This girlfriend has a child

761
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 4: from a previous relationship, female ten months. They have now

762
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 4: known each other about seven or eight months. He is

763
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 4: very serious about her and we are very happy for them.

764
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 4: He has taken a sort of father role in her

765
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 4: daughter's life, which is adorable. He is expressing interest in

766
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:32,800
Speaker 4: marrying her in the future, but they are taking it slow.

767
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 4: My fiance and I have never met this girlfriend or

768
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 4: her child, but we are thrilled for his brother, so

769
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,839
Speaker 4: of course we invited them both to the wedding. Now,

770
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 4: this is where things get a little messy. I have

771
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 4: always gotten along great with my fiance's family. They have

772
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 4: always been so sweet, kind, accepting, and well meeting. They

773
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 4: welcome newcomers with open arms, including me, and have really

774
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 4: become my family. I especially had a great relationship with

775
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 4: my mother in law. She is the sweetest lady and

776
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,280
Speaker 4: would do anything for me and any one of her children.

777
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 4: It was very close to us and my family lives far.

778
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 4: She was always the first to say that it's our

779
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 4: wedding meeting mine and my fiances to encourage me to

780
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,399
Speaker 4: make my own decisions and wedding planning and not let

781
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,879
Speaker 4: my mother sway them. She has become like a mother

782
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 4: to me in so many ways. With that being said,

783
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 4: they are also very loving and accepting of my fiance's

784
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 4: brother's girlfriend and her baby from Afar, which is great.

785
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 4: I'm so glad they are so supportive. They even started

786
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 4: calling her baby their first grandchild and flew across the

787
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 4: country to meet them. Oh that's cute with this context

788
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 4: in mine. A couple weeks ago, when my mother in

789
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 4: law and I were hanging out just the two of us,

790
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 4: she asked me if I would consider adding the girlfriend's

791
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 4: baby as a flower girl. She said, my fiance's brother

792
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 4: keeps bringing it up and that it would be really cute.

793
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 4: I politely told her that we already had a flower girl,

794
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 4: my niece and her junior bridesmaid a signed to push

795
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 4: her in a carriage. She responded by saying, essentially, what's

796
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,720
Speaker 4: one more. She'll probably be able to walk by herself

797
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 4: down the aisle by then fourteen to fifteen months, and

798
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 4: I kind of just said that I would think about

799
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 4: it with my fiance changed the subject. Later on, I

800
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 4: told my fiance about it, and we both agreed that

801
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 4: it wasn't a good idea because we already had the

802
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 4: role filled and it would be sort of awkward to

803
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 4: have a baby randomly walking next to the stroller with

804
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:14,240
Speaker 4: the other baby if she needed help walking. It wouldn't

805
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 4: be easy for the ten year old to juggle two

806
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 4: kids down the aisle. We have never met her, and

807
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 4: she might not be comfortable walking down the aisle of

808
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 4: a wedding where she knows nobody. They aren't married. In

809
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 4: worst case scenario, if they break up, she's in all

810
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 4: the pictures. That's what I was thinking. They've only been

811
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 4: together for seven eight months. Yeah, I know that sounds harsh.

812
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:33,719
Speaker 4: But I come from a family where traditionally, if you're

813
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 4: not engaged, you don't get a plus one no matter

814
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 4: who you are. I'm not following this rule, and everyone's

815
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 4: significant other is invited, but that doesn't mean they get

816
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,760
Speaker 4: to be in the wedding. I mean, that's totally different. Yeah,

817
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 4: my fiance and I were on the same page about this.

818
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 4: We agreed to keep the bridal party the way it was.

819
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 4: He talked to his brother and essentially told him it

820
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 4: was a no, and everything was fine and everyone was

821
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 4: on the same page until the other nights. We were

822
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 4: at mother in law's house again, but this time my

823
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 4: fiance was there too. Once again, mother in law brings

824
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 4: up the flower girl thing. My fiance tells her that

825
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 4: we already have the position filled and that's that. But

826
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 4: then my mother in law tells my fiance how much

827
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 4: it must mean to his brother since he keeps bringing

828
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 4: it up. It brings out the mpath in my fiance

829
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 4: and he starts to have an open mind about it. Meanwhile,

830
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 4: I'm still against it, and I start to say so

831
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 4: with some of the reasons that I listed above. My

832
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 4: mother in law points out that all of the children

833
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,439
Speaker 4: in the wedding are from my side except one, and

834
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 4: that their side doesn't have any representation. Meanwhile, this is

835
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 4: because there are no children on his side. Also, there's

836
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 4: only like three kids in the thing.

837
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is not someone that either Opie or her

838
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 5: fiance are close to.

839
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:41,320
Speaker 4: Yeah exactly.

840
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 5: This is someone that her fiance's brother is now close

841
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 5: to in the past year. Right, it's not someone that

842
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 5: they know really exactly.

843
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 4: So it's like maybe if that was like three years

844
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 4: ago they started dating and they haven't gotten married yet,

845
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:59,399
Speaker 4: you know, maybe, but you know this is too too soon.

846
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 4: Points out that there are three little boys in the

847
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 4: wedding and why can't there be three little girls. At

848
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,760
Speaker 4: this point, she's convinced my fiance and I'm an idh, No,

849
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 4: I'm still defending my position alone. She wasn't being rude

850
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 4: or anything, but every reason I had seems to have

851
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 4: a rebuttal. She's saying things like they will get married

852
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,240
Speaker 4: one day anyways, and she's already part of the family.

853
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 4: Then I start saying, we will think about it, and

854
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 4: she is like, so that sounds like a no, And

855
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 4: I was like, we will consider it. It was awkward

856
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 4: and I was about to cry so I changed the

857
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 4: subject the whole time. I felt like I looked like

858
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 4: a major a hole. It was really bad. My fiance

859
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:37,439
Speaker 4: since apologized to me for being open to the idea

860
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:40,399
Speaker 4: in front of his mother when we had decided against it.

861
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 4: From what we believed about his mother, he figured that

862
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 4: she would just have an open conversation with us and

863
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 4: not try to push her away. I figured it would

864
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 4: not go that way. Later that night, he called his

865
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 4: brother and told him that it was for sure no,

866
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 4: and we already asked other people. His brother was sad

867
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 4: but understood, okay, so maybe he does have some feelings

868
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,439
Speaker 4: about it. I felt really bad and guilty for making

869
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 4: my fiance feel bad. In hindsight, I really should not

870
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 4: have because of what followed afterwards. H oh no, I

871
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 4: was shared. I'm so scared. Guy, is the fiance gonna

872
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 4: do something? I feel like either what's gonna happen is

873
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:18,440
Speaker 4: they either cave or the mother in law tries to

874
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,040
Speaker 4: put her put her in there anyway, m M, you

875
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 4: know what I mean? Yeah, or the girlfriend maybe blows

876
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:27,319
Speaker 4: up about it. I don't know, I don't know. This

877
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 4: is where my previous posts left off. A lot has

878
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 4: happened in the last few days. I was worried immediately

879
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 4: after that conversation that its mother would tell his brother

880
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 4: that my fiance was for it and I was against it.

881
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 4: While we were at her place, my fiance said that

882
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 4: he knows his mother well and that she wouldn't do that.

883
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 4: The next morning, his brother calls him, wanting to talk.

884
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,400
Speaker 4: First words out of his mouth are, after our conversation

885
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 4: last night, I talked to mom and she said that

886
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 4: you were wanting to have her as a flower girl,

887
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 4: and your fiance wasn't. Oh no, exactly. She did the

888
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 4: old throw you under the bust. Yeah, just as I

889
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 4: thought would happen. And he goes on to say, as

890
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 4: your brother, I want to make sure that you get

891
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 4: what you want, since it's your wedding. I was pissed.

892
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,799
Speaker 4: My fiance told him that we would still talk about it,

893
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 4: but that we already agreed to not have her as

894
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 4: a flower girl, and that he should not have seemed

895
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 4: so open to it last night. That whole day we

896
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,840
Speaker 4: discussed it, I felt like an a hole and was

897
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 4: tempted to cave to keep the peace. But the only

898
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 4: reason and my fiance was wanting it was because it

899
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 4: meant a lot to his brother. Yeah, so it's not

900
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 4: what he wants. No again was the brother wants. But

901
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 4: the conclusion we came to was that it's not his

902
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 4: brother's wedding. So we called him up a few hours

903
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 4: later and told him no for the third time.

904
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 5: Man.

905
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 4: He was upset, but at least it was over, or

906
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 4: so we thought. Stop, never gonna end, not even after

907
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 4: the wedding. Is this gonna end?

908
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:53,280
Speaker 5: Your child can be a flower girl in your own wedding,

909
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 5: literally whenever you guys get married.

910
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, there you go. He texted him the next morning,

911
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 4: again expressing how her he was by it. But at

912
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,399
Speaker 4: that point we were like, the decision is made. It's

913
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 4: our wedding. Please get over it. And then my fiance's

914
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 4: brother enlisted my mother, and then my fiance's brother enlisted

915
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 4: their mother. She calls my fiance and basically attacks him

916
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:14,720
Speaker 4: for almost an hour on the phone.

917
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,359
Speaker 5: The only thing I will say, though, Yeah, I think

918
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 5: what I'd do if they kept my ma ma ma. Yeah,

919
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 5: I say, okay, prove it, prove that she can do this.

920
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:22,880
Speaker 4: Right now.

921
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:24,879
Speaker 5: They'd be like ooh, but she's I'll be like oh,

922
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 5: it's like, well, then she can't do it.

923
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,040
Speaker 4: If she can't do it right now, she can't do it. Yeah,

924
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,360
Speaker 4: my fiance did a great job of sticking up for

925
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:34,960
Speaker 4: us and sticking to his pupews. His mom went as

926
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 4: far as to say that my relationships with his whole

927
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 4: family will forever be affected by this decision. That one hurt,

928
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 4: and that my fiance's relationship with his brother will forever

929
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 4: be altered. At this point, this is all going way

930
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 4: too far. We ended up talking to my fiance's sister

931
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,160
Speaker 4: and found out that his brother no longer wants to

932
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 4: be best man anymore, and that neither of them want

933
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 4: to speak to us for a while. They said that

934
00:46:56,680 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 4: this won't be resolved until we give in. I'm out

935
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 4: of loss for words. This doesn't even feel like a

936
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 4: real situation, to be honest, I feel like I'm in

937
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 4: the twilight zone. We're definitely not going to give in

938
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,719
Speaker 4: at this point. All that it would tell them is

939
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 4: that if they push hard enough, they can manipulate us.

940
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 4: It just really hurts because we had such a great

941
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,919
Speaker 4: relationship before this. Am I the a hole for saying

942
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 4: no to their requests? I need some advice on this

943
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 4: situation from an unbiased source. That's the end of that story.

944
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 4: What do we think. The answer to that is, you're

945
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 4: not the ale at your wedding. No, it's your wedding.

946
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 4: If they're asking like, oh, what's the big deal, it's like,

947
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:37,840
Speaker 4: what's the big ideas my wedding? Yeah, that was always

948
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 4: something I hated whenever I had an argument with a child.

949
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 4: When I was also a child, it was whenever like

950
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 4: we're having an argument and I'm like, no, I want

951
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 4: it this way, and they're like, oh my gosh, like

952
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 4: it doesn't even matter, and like then why are you

953
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 4: arguing about it? That misses me off right. It's like

954
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 4: I could say that your way too.

955
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 2: Yeah.

956
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 5: When people are like it's not that serious, I'm like,

957
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 5: it's like, then then don't tell us about it.

958
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:03,480
Speaker 4: Yeave me you pay like that. Oh I'm so morally superior.

959
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 5: No you're not.

960
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 4: You're not because you are not two people in this

961
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 4: argument right now. It's like, might not be serious for you,

962
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 4: it's serious for me, and I even care about that.

963
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:13,440
Speaker 4: I don't even care that's serious for me. It is, yeah,

964
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 4: But if it doesn't matter to you, then just let

965
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 4: it go. Let it go. So yeah, that's it's definitely

966
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 4: not uop that's escalating the situation. You've decided, You've planned

967
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 4: things out very early. They are the ones ruining this

968
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 4: relationship because they're letting it ruin your relationship. You would

969
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 4: be cool with continuing the relationship after all this. They're not, though,

970
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:37,480
Speaker 4: so definitely not the a hole. Do what you want,

971
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,399
Speaker 4: Screw all them.

972
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 5: My in laws keep treating me badly, so I told

973
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:46,399
Speaker 5: my husband to step up, step up, or step out

974
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 5: to sum up my m law's, particularly my mother in law,

975
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 5: have a pattern of treating me slash us disrespectfully, and

976
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 5: I'm at the point where either husband needs to have

977
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 5: a frank talk with them or I for my own

978
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 5: mental health, both want to go low contact. They both

979
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:06,280
Speaker 5: have control issues and can be manipulative, and my husband

980
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,760
Speaker 5: is mother in law's baby despite not being the youngest.

981
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 5: I'll set up with a bit of timeline. I'll be

982
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 5: as concise as possible, but it's a lot, so.

983
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:14,360
Speaker 4: Bear with me.

984
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 5: We'll call mother in law Jane and father in law Steve.

985
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 5: Husband will be John. By the way, this comes from

986
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 5: Relief known thirty four on the Charlotte Nobray YouTube. Separate

987
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 5: it and if you want to spit your own stories,

988
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 5: go to the r slash Okay, storytime separate it, so

989
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 5: just a disclaimer. I do love these people, and they're

990
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 5: not awful all the time. We have plenty of shallow,

991
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:39,280
Speaker 5: pleasant interactions, and I don't believe they're behaving from malice

992
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:42,440
Speaker 5: so much as self defense. Despite all their kids being adults,

993
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 5: my in laws think they still have the right to

994
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 5: tell their kids how to live. All four of their

995
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,720
Speaker 5: kids don't usually say no or set boundaries, so firm

996
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:54,280
Speaker 5: pushback comes as a huge shock to them. Jane's mom

997
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:57,240
Speaker 5: is the exact same way, and so is her sister,

998
00:49:57,840 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 5: So essentially, the Darling family exists to keep those three

999
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 5: women happy, or no one is happy. When John and

1000
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 5: I started dating, he was living with his parents. I

1001
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 5: didn't see Jane for the first several months because any

1002
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,479
Speaker 5: time I came over, she would hide in her craft room.

1003
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 5: That's so opposite to how my mom would react. Mind you,

1004
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 5: we were long distance, so I'd spend entire weekends there

1005
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 5: without seeing her.

1006
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:21,240
Speaker 4: Once.

1007
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 5: A year into our relationship, John moved back with his

1008
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:27,760
Speaker 5: parents to attend school. While he was away, we decided

1009
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 5: to get married. Here's where the incidents really begin. For context,

1010
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 5: all of my family and most of my friends are

1011
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 5: either overseas or halfway across the country. Steve casually told

1012
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 5: me one day they were going to book extra rooms

1013
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,920
Speaker 5: at our venue and turn it into a family reunion

1014
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 5: slash getaway for the Darlings, who all live locally. I

1015
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:50,760
Speaker 5: was surprised, but politely shut it down. This didn't matter anyway,

1016
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 5: because the VID hit and we had to change everything.

1017
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 5: My dad was going through health problems and we weren't

1018
00:50:57,160 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 5: willing to risk himplying. So John and I decided we

1019
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 5: would to lope quietly with just us, our witnesses, efficient

1020
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 5: and photographer, then have a ceremony later where we could

1021
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 5: celebrate with everyone.

1022
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 4: Jane and Steve lost it first.

1023
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 5: They suggested having the wedding with just the darlings and

1024
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 5: having my family watch on zoom. I wasn't into that,

1025
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 5: especially since they had already hosted a surprise wedding shower

1026
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 5: for me without including or even letting my family know

1027
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 5: what was happening, which meant it was the Darlings and

1028
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:30,799
Speaker 5: then me, not even any of my local friends. They

1029
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 5: came back with, well, if it were at your parents' place,

1030
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 5: then it was your family there. I'm sure you'd be

1031
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 5: willing to have the darlings watch on zoom. I said

1032
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:41,480
Speaker 5: that wasn't true, because I wouldn't ask John to go

1033
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 5: through that. I reminded them this was because of my

1034
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,879
Speaker 5: dad's health problems, not just on a whim. Then they

1035
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 5: suggested we drive halfway across the country to my parents.

1036
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 5: I said I was willing. Then they backtracked, saying john

1037
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 5: siblings wouldn't be able to afford it. After several days

1038
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,240
Speaker 5: of back and forth, I told them firmly but politely,

1039
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 5: that we were sticking to our elopement plan. Jane spent

1040
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:06,760
Speaker 5: the next two days crying, to the point that Steve

1041
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 5: messaged me saying I really should consider letting them attend,

1042
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 5: even if it were just the two of them. This

1043
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 5: whole situation was already hard for me. The VID had

1044
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 5: already ruined my wedding dreams and I was grieving a lot. Again, politely,

1045
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 5: but firmly told him plans were going ahead as decided.

1046
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 5: John supported me, but not willingly. He was trying to

1047
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,360
Speaker 5: convince me to let his parents be there, and it

1048
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:31,240
Speaker 5: got to a point where we almost broke up. Eventually,

1049
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 5: John told me he was choosing me over her, and

1050
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 5: we eloped as planned. All that to say, my relationship

1051
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 5: with my in laws didn't get off to a great start.

1052
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 5: John's parents, especially his mom, visited often for three weeks

1053
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:43,320
Speaker 5: at a time.

1054
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:44,839
Speaker 4: They said, and I.

1055
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:48,480
Speaker 5: Quote, when we're visiting, we're selfish and do expect everyone

1056
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 5: to hang out with us all the time, or as

1057
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:53,400
Speaker 5: often as they can. They're spending three weeks at a

1058
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 5: time a lot. John, who is very much a people

1059
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:59,919
Speaker 5: pleaser and loves his parents, inevitably ends up spending way

1060
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 5: more time with them than we agree on beforehand. John

1061
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,879
Speaker 5: is in the military. When he gets deployed, we take

1062
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,279
Speaker 5: the week before and after to be with just us.

1063
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:12,640
Speaker 5: His parents know this, however, they just happened to come

1064
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 5: visit before and after every deployment. During one of his

1065
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:19,839
Speaker 5: first deployments, they came to visit and stayed with us

1066
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:23,360
Speaker 5: for the first and last time. They brought their untrained dog,

1067
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 5: who pestered our dog and tried to scold our dog

1068
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,440
Speaker 5: for defending herself. They also tried telling us not to

1069
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 5: swear or smoke in our own No. John sent them

1070
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 5: a polite text asking them not to give us rules

1071
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 5: in our house. Steve's response was absolutely disgusting. I have

1072
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 5: anaphylactic allergies and had Dairian gluten intolerances at the time.

1073
00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 5: One thing he texted was that we were a horrible

1074
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:49,960
Speaker 5: house and they had to bend over backwards, providing special

1075
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 5: food every time he visit them. This was untrue because

1076
00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 5: I always bought my own groceries.

1077
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 4: For different meals.

1078
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 5: He said things like decision, how we raised you, and

1079
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 5: other personal attacks aimed at John. Jane, of course, started

1080
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:07,719
Speaker 5: crying for several days, and John was shook. He has

1081
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,239
Speaker 5: struggled since then to stand up to them at all,

1082
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 5: although he at least now will gently hint to them,

1083
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:16,800
Speaker 5: which is huge progress. Because of that incident, they spent

1084
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:20,120
Speaker 5: their last few nights at a friend's place. But one

1085
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 5: day we came home from work the night before John

1086
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 5: was supposed to leave, and they had just dropped their

1087
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,800
Speaker 5: dog off at our house but no warning, not asking.

1088
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 5: Their reasoning was that their friends didn't have a fenced

1089
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 5: yard and Jane was too afraid.

1090
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 4: To walk the dog.

1091
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 5: The irony is their friends live in a gated community

1092
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 5: with minimal crime. The plan was for John and I

1093
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 5: dab one last breakfast together before I dropped him off,

1094
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 5: but I spent the morning cleaning their dogs pee and

1095
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 5: crap off our basement floor and cleaning up household items.

1096
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 4: The dog ate. Uh, she was a puppy, so no

1097
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 4: hard feelings to the dog. We would have prepared had

1098
00:54:57,239 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 4: we known her.

1099
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 5: No longer stay at our place, which is fine with me,

1100
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 5: but still visit way too often. The last time John

1101
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:09,799
Speaker 5: was deployed and coming back, his mom came for a

1102
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 5: solo trip that just happened to coincide with his return.

1103
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,080
Speaker 5: We were leaving on her honeymoon two days after he

1104
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,799
Speaker 5: got back to have some time to ourselves. We may

1105
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 5: have given her a slightly false info and said John

1106
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,680
Speaker 5: would be back on the twenty first, when he wasn't

1107
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:24,879
Speaker 5: back until the twenty fourth.

1108
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:28,879
Speaker 4: Dude, dude, literally, my guy, He's doing great. I support this.

1109
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 5: When she found out which day was actually coming back,

1110
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 5: she delayed her return home by three days, despite him

1111
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:39,279
Speaker 5: telling her gently via text he wants to spend that

1112
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 5: time with me. She ignores hints or intentionally misinterprets them.

1113
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:47,960
Speaker 5: This last year, she's also started digitally pretending I don't exist.

1114
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:50,120
Speaker 5: She made a family Day post and I was the

1115
00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 5: only in law not included. I don't care about being posted.

1116
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 5: It's about being the only one left out. She's visited

1117
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 5: me for coffee three times when John was deployed, and

1118
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:02,760
Speaker 5: each time sent a picture of our cat, a handsome

1119
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,319
Speaker 5: boy to be sure to the group shot, saying it

1120
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 5: was thou good to see the kiddie boy again.

1121
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 4: She didn't mention even seeing me.

1122
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:14,800
Speaker 2: Dude, this woman does not respect you. She doesn't.

1123
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 3: And I've been a part of a similar situation like this.

1124
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 3: I don't even know if i'd want to marry this person. Yeah,

1125
00:56:22,239 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 3: because every single holiday.

1126
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:26,080
Speaker 5: May Nope, he's already married him.

1127
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 2: I know, but I would have probably went back and

1128
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 2: not even.

1129
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:30,520
Speaker 4: Done that incident.

1130
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,760
Speaker 5: One last New Year's Eve, I was at his sister's

1131
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 5: house with my dog, who does not like being petted

1132
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,160
Speaker 5: on the head. She was socially tapped out, and when

1133
00:56:39,239 --> 00:56:42,120
Speaker 5: John's brother went to pet her goodbye, she snapped at

1134
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:42,439
Speaker 5: the air.

1135
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,200
Speaker 4: I had her lay down.

1136
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 5: And said, please don't touch her right now, she's pretty

1137
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 5: topped out. Steve, in front of everyone, said oh no,

1138
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:53,480
Speaker 5: she's fine, leaned over and started rubbing and shaking her

1139
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 5: head in his hands. I moved her away, but couldn't

1140
00:56:56,640 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 5: believe his disrespect. John talked to him about it, but

1141
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:04,960
Speaker 5: I never received any apology or acknowledgment. Incident too. This spring,

1142
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 5: John and I finally went on our honeymoon. While we

1143
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:11,200
Speaker 5: were there, Jane created a group chat for photos and updates,

1144
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:14,560
Speaker 5: except the members were her, Steve, and John, and it

1145
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 5: was called John's Adventures, as if I don't even exist.

1146
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 4: We were honeymooning in my home country.

1147
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 5: So he could meet my extended family. When John showed me,

1148
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:27,320
Speaker 5: he was wondering why I hadn't seen a post. It

1149
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 5: hurts so much. I broke down crying in the shower. Ugh,

1150
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:32,000
Speaker 5: I am not a crier.

1151
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 4: Oh.

1152
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:36,920
Speaker 5: John was clearly hurt too. He asked his sister about it,

1153
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 5: and her response was that it's normal for families and

1154
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:42,240
Speaker 5: in laws not to do everything together. But it still

1155
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 5: hasn't been sitting right with either of us. Recently, his

1156
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 5: parents visited again, looking at houses to move back. Yes,

1157
00:57:48,680 --> 00:57:50,840
Speaker 5: I had a small meltdown when I heard that news.

1158
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 5: I chose not to go to any hangouts except two

1159
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:57,760
Speaker 5: where his sisters would be there too, making it more bearable.

1160
00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 5: Jane noticed my absence and asked, John, is.

1161
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 4: Something wrong with Opee?

1162
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:04,360
Speaker 5: We've barely seen her all week, He told her, my

1163
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:06,040
Speaker 5: feelings were hurt by the group chat.

1164
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 4: Her response, h I forgot to add her to it.

1165
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:11,960
Speaker 4: Hmmm hmm sure, and that's it.

1166
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 5: That's it, just worrying, which would make sense if she

1167
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:19,920
Speaker 5: hadn't named it John's adventures. She never apologized or acknowledged

1168
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:23,960
Speaker 5: doing anything wrong. They also walked into our house unannounced

1169
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:27,600
Speaker 5: multiple times, despite John texting something like, by the way,

1170
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 5: send a textra call before you come over because I

1171
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 5: might be unclothed.

1172
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:32,080
Speaker 4: Lol.

1173
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 5: I'm at the point where I want to go no contact.

1174
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:38,360
Speaker 5: I'm already feeling disrespected while they live far away, and

1175
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 5: I can't imagine how much worse it'll be when they

1176
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 5: live here. Both his sisters mentioned that when they did

1177
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 5: live here, they expected the kids to do something with

1178
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:50,880
Speaker 5: them every weekend, and something tells me they'll have similar

1179
00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 5: expectations now, especially since they'll both be retired.

1180
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 4: I just feel bad for Ope.

1181
00:58:58,000 --> 00:58:58,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1182
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 5: Just her husband's like not stay ending up to his parents,

1183
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 5: and because of that, you have to bear the brunt

1184
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:06,880
Speaker 5: of all of their mistreatment, which is not cool.

1185
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then like being judged for standing up for yourself. Yeah,

1186
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 4: they're like, oh, why are you?

1187
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:15,240
Speaker 5: Why are you being rude to your partner's parents. It's like,

1188
00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 5: I'm I wouldn't have to be if he said something.

1189
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean they're being rude, hurt, and it's like

1190
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 4: you're leaving me out of pictures. Yeah, from our trip,

1191
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:28,640
Speaker 4: our trip, it's like our honeymoon. Yeah, they're like, what's this?

1192
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:31,280
Speaker 4: The reason that we're here is because I just got

1193
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 4: married into your.

1194
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 5: Family, like literally, but uh, there is a little bit

1195
00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 5: left to this story. John doesn't think he should say

1196
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:42,520
Speaker 5: anything unless another incident pops up, and he'll address things

1197
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 5: as they happen. However, I think he needs to tell

1198
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:48,760
Speaker 5: his parents, particularly Jane, right now, something like this is

1199
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:51,440
Speaker 5: my wife. I love her and you need to stop

1200
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 5: treating her with disrespect. John thinks he's doing enough, and

1201
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,880
Speaker 5: it's upset that I'm asking him to do more. Oh John,

1202
00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 5: I have had enough. I've told John, if you won't

1203
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,320
Speaker 5: have my back in a firm way, even if it

1204
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 5: pisses them off, I'll be going no contact. He doesn't

1205
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 5: want that either, and thinks I should be the one

1206
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 5: to talk to her.

1207
01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 3: It's your mom, buddy, it's your mom, and she has

1208
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:14,440
Speaker 3: said things to them in front of them, and they

1209
01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:15,919
Speaker 3: keep disregarding her.

1210
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:18,720
Speaker 5: But my thinking is they both know they've hurt me

1211
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:22,200
Speaker 5: and still haven't apologized or acknowledged it. So I don't

1212
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 5: see the point. I want to have a good relationship

1213
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 5: with them, but I just don't think it's possible. They're

1214
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 5: not evil or monsters, but they're just not people I

1215
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:31,800
Speaker 5: want to have in my life. There have been other

1216
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:34,640
Speaker 5: incidents as well. I've just included the bigger ones for

1217
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:37,240
Speaker 5: the sake of keeping this manageable. So am I the

1218
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 5: ale for asking John to talk to his parents? And Angie,

1219
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:41,400
Speaker 5: what's the answer?

1220
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:45,520
Speaker 4: Big fat no, big fat no one, big fat capital

1221
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 4: and capitally, wow, we.

1222
01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:52,800
Speaker 5: Uhache talk to your parents truly?

1223
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 4: Like what's so bad? Like he's they're your parents, Why

1224
01:00:56,480 --> 01:00:58,600
Speaker 4: can't you talk to them? It's like, well, I just

1225
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 4: married you. Like we gotta be a team, yeah, and

1226
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:03,960
Speaker 4: we gotta be a team when we're like standing up

1227
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:05,840
Speaker 4: to people like you gotta be there to support me.

1228
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 4: And when you're doing this, it's gonna present to other

1229
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:11,280
Speaker 4: people that you're not supporting me and then pits them

1230
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 4: against me. You gotta can't be doing that.

1231
01:01:13,240 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 3: Exactly, because don't you realize on your family? Why are

1232
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 3: you laying family, disrespect family. I'm your immediate family, this

1233
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 3: is your extended family. Now, I'm exactly I should be

1234
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:23,760
Speaker 3: the priority.

1235
01:01:24,080 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 4: Exactly.

1236
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:25,680
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here.

1237
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

1238
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 1: three minute break with asramre sponsors.

1239
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:32,600
Speaker 4: I don't want my mother in law to move in

1240
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:36,120
Speaker 4: with us because I keep getting ignored. Well, then she

1241
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 4: can't move in. Trigger warning. This does have mentions of

1242
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 4: domestic violence. I twenty six female Chikana, and my husband

1243
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:47,720
Speaker 4: twenty six male Chicano, have been married for less than

1244
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:50,240
Speaker 4: a year. We were long distance for a while, but

1245
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:52,800
Speaker 4: in twenty twenty four we finally started our lives together.

1246
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:54,880
Speaker 4: He moved to my state and we lived with my

1247
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:56,919
Speaker 4: mom rent free for a few months so we could

1248
01:01:56,960 --> 01:01:59,280
Speaker 4: save for a house in our wedding. By the way,

1249
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 4: this comes from It's Tough Corgi twenty five eighty one

1250
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:04,320
Speaker 4: on the Comfort Level pod. Subread it, and if you

1251
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:05,840
Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

1252
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:09,919
Speaker 4: slash Okay storytime separated. So he's never been super close

1253
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:12,600
Speaker 4: with my mom. While they get along better now, he's

1254
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:14,919
Speaker 4: told me he only tolerates her because he doesn't see

1255
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:18,000
Speaker 4: her often. I get it. They both have strong personalities

1256
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:20,480
Speaker 4: and living with her was always meant to be temporary,

1257
01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 4: but that time was short and it really helped us

1258
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:26,000
Speaker 4: when we were both house When we were house hunting,

1259
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,040
Speaker 4: he was eager to buy a home, even one that

1260
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 4: we weren't totally sure about. He said he missed his

1261
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 4: family and wanted a space where they could visit. So

1262
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 4: we bought a home together. But just two weeks after

1263
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:37,439
Speaker 4: moving in, he told me he wanted his younger brother

1264
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,560
Speaker 4: to live with us. He said it felt unfair that

1265
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 4: my family lived close while his didn't. I understood and agreed,

1266
01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 4: so his brother moved in. He's okay, but I feel

1267
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 4: like I lost a chance to enjoy being newly wet.

1268
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 4: My husband and I just started getting settled into our life,

1269
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:54,480
Speaker 4: and suddenly I was sidelined. We used to spend a

1270
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:56,720
Speaker 4: lot of time together. I even distanced myself from my

1271
01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:59,240
Speaker 4: own family to make more space for him, because he

1272
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:02,200
Speaker 4: would say, you're all I have here. But when his

1273
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:06,000
Speaker 4: brother moved in, everything changed. When the fire Nation attacked,

1274
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:10,439
Speaker 4: they bonded over sports while I sat alone in another room,

1275
01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 4: and for the record, I tried to connect. I made

1276
01:03:13,760 --> 01:03:16,479
Speaker 4: an effort to bond with him over sports, even though

1277
01:03:16,520 --> 01:03:19,160
Speaker 4: it's not really my thing. I watched games with him

1278
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:21,400
Speaker 4: and tried to learn. For our first Super Bowl together,

1279
01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:24,480
Speaker 4: I even wore his team's jersey, but when they started losing,

1280
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:28,480
Speaker 4: he made me take it off mid game. What stop?

1281
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:32,680
Speaker 4: So what is he wearing? Is he not wearing his

1282
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:37,360
Speaker 4: team's jersey like he's taken off too? Dang? He said

1283
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:42,040
Speaker 4: I was bad luck. That's not cool, dude, who I

1284
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:43,680
Speaker 4: told him if I had to take it off, I'd

1285
01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:46,040
Speaker 4: never watch sports again, and he still made ude.

1286
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 5: I would cry if someone said I was bad luck. Yeah,

1287
01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:51,120
Speaker 5: your husband, I would cry.

1288
01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:54,520
Speaker 4: So I did take it off, and for the record,

1289
01:03:54,760 --> 01:03:57,920
Speaker 4: I was glad. His team lost and lost again to

1290
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:00,400
Speaker 4: the same team and the next Super Bowl. If you know,

1291
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:03,520
Speaker 4: you know. Eventually I told my husband I felt like

1292
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:06,160
Speaker 4: I was just there to cook and be ignored. Things

1293
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:08,600
Speaker 4: have improved, but even now his brother comes along on

1294
01:04:08,640 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 4: most dinners, outings, even dates. I include him so he

1295
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:14,560
Speaker 4: doesn't feel left out. But honestly, I miss having time

1296
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:17,160
Speaker 4: with just my husband. I feel guilty admitting it, but

1297
01:04:17,200 --> 01:04:21,479
Speaker 4: I want that one on one connection back. Oh pee ah.

1298
01:04:21,720 --> 01:04:24,400
Speaker 4: Now his mom has been hinting about moving in for months.

1299
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:27,240
Speaker 4: At first, she mentioned coming with her husband and mother

1300
01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:29,800
Speaker 4: in law. I couldn't agree to that, and my husband

1301
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:32,440
Speaker 4: was upset. He said I was being rude and that

1302
01:04:32,560 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 4: his mom had sacrificed so much. I know his background.

1303
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,480
Speaker 4: His mom worked multiple jobs and his dad wasn't involved.

1304
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:40,959
Speaker 4: I respect the struggle, but she's never made me feel

1305
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:43,680
Speaker 4: like I owe her anything personally. She avoided meeting my

1306
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:46,720
Speaker 4: family twice, even though they flew across the country and

1307
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:50,120
Speaker 4: she had confirmed she'd attend. Later, my husband admitted that

1308
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:53,400
Speaker 4: she just didn't want to meet them. That's stung. My

1309
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:56,880
Speaker 4: family has always been welcoming and involved. They helped out

1310
01:04:56,920 --> 01:05:00,200
Speaker 4: with our wedding. Some gave money, others helped set up

1311
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:03,080
Speaker 4: and support where we needed. His family mostly just showed

1312
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,680
Speaker 4: up and left early. His cousin and youngest brother, who

1313
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:08,760
Speaker 4: lives with us, even disappeared for hours during key parts

1314
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:11,360
Speaker 4: of the event. It was my family who stepped up.

1315
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:14,560
Speaker 4: Only his oldest brother and sister in law truly helped

1316
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:17,480
Speaker 4: and were present. They didn't contribute financially, but they made

1317
01:05:17,520 --> 01:05:22,200
Speaker 4: sure that everything ran smoothly. Everyone noticed how amazing they were. Meanwhile,

1318
01:05:22,240 --> 01:05:24,200
Speaker 4: the rest of his family left by ten PM, while

1319
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:26,760
Speaker 4: the party went on till one am. A few weeks ago,

1320
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:29,200
Speaker 4: my husband and his brother were drinking and his brother

1321
01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:31,720
Speaker 4: said that if we ever broke up, my husband would

1322
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:34,120
Speaker 4: keep the house and I would just go back to

1323
01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:35,560
Speaker 4: my mom's crazy.

1324
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:38,480
Speaker 5: I'm sorry you said in front of in front of

1325
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:40,400
Speaker 5: your your brother's partner.

1326
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:41,280
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1327
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:43,720
Speaker 5: One, you're bringing up if they're breaking up. You're bringing

1328
01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:45,800
Speaker 5: up about them breaking up. Why is that coming up?

1329
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 4: Weird?

1330
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:49,680
Speaker 5: And then you're saying, oh, yeah, we're gonna kick you out.

1331
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:52,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, ever break up? It's like you're not in this.

1332
01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:56,520
Speaker 4: You're not in this situation. Lady. Are you even paying

1333
01:05:56,520 --> 01:06:00,000
Speaker 4: rent or contributing to, like paying for the house? Yeah?

1334
01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:02,600
Speaker 5: Girl, dude, I'd be like, if we ever break up,

1335
01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:05,360
Speaker 5: I'm wearing your team's jersey every day.

1336
01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:08,280
Speaker 4: Yeah. Then he added that when my husband bought the house,

1337
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:10,680
Speaker 4: it was a great opportunity for him and their mom.

1338
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:13,960
Speaker 4: What hurt the most was that my husband didn't correct him,

1339
01:06:14,320 --> 01:06:18,040
Speaker 4: not even that's not true, or we bought it together. Ooh,

1340
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:21,640
Speaker 4: this house isn't just his. I pay half the mortgage

1341
01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:24,920
Speaker 4: even though he earns more. I thought this was supposed

1342
01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:27,240
Speaker 4: to be ours, But I'm starting to feel like I'm

1343
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 4: just a placeholder for his family's future, not a partner

1344
01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:33,760
Speaker 4: building one of our own. Then his mom called, asking

1345
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:36,120
Speaker 4: to move in for six months because she might not

1346
01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:38,919
Speaker 4: have a job. I overheard my husband saying things like yeah,

1347
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:42,080
Speaker 4: no problem, and only later mentioning he'd need to talk

1348
01:06:42,120 --> 01:06:45,240
Speaker 4: to me. It felt like I didn't really have a say.

1349
01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 4: This morning, I hit a breaking point. I felt so upset,

1350
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:51,400
Speaker 4: like my life and my home were being hijacked. I

1351
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:54,280
Speaker 4: wasn't my usual loving self. My husband asked me to

1352
01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:58,000
Speaker 4: unlive a spider. Uh, he's terrified of them, and I

1353
01:06:58,160 --> 01:06:59,920
Speaker 4: just looked at him and said, this is your house,

1354
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:03,560
Speaker 4: right you shouldn't be able to unlive it. Oo Nomember

1355
01:07:04,080 --> 01:07:08,040
Speaker 4: seventy five, twenty five. Oh, right back at him.

1356
01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:09,520
Speaker 2: But it's a spider though.

1357
01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:12,880
Speaker 4: Too, first seventy five ownage of the house.

1358
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,520
Speaker 5: You gotta sign it up. Figure out that spider situation,

1359
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:16,680
Speaker 5: don't kill it.

1360
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:19,520
Speaker 4: He looked hurt, but didn't say anything. I left for

1361
01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:22,520
Speaker 4: work feeling awful. Later, I texted him to apologize for

1362
01:07:22,560 --> 01:07:24,680
Speaker 4: my tone and explained how I've been feeling like an

1363
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:28,280
Speaker 4: outsider in my own home. And I hear him, but

1364
01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 4: at what point do I get to feel supported too.

1365
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,720
Speaker 4: Never so am I the a hole for not wanting

1366
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:36,400
Speaker 4: my mother in law to move in with this? It

1367
01:07:36,520 --> 01:07:41,240
Speaker 4: is an update. We're like barely halfway through this news update. First,

1368
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:43,680
Speaker 4: thank you to everyone who who commented on my post

1369
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:46,000
Speaker 4: and gave me space to vent. I really needed it.

1370
01:07:46,080 --> 01:07:47,800
Speaker 4: I've taken in a lot of what was said and

1371
01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:50,600
Speaker 4: tried to reflect my husband too. I wanted to share

1372
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:52,440
Speaker 4: a few things that I that I've come up since.

1373
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:54,640
Speaker 4: It's not that I don't care about his mom or

1374
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:56,800
Speaker 4: want to support him. I just feel like this home

1375
01:07:57,040 --> 01:07:59,200
Speaker 4: was that was supposed to be Are this slowly becoming

1376
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:01,440
Speaker 4: a space I know long recognized or feel safe in.

1377
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:05,200
Speaker 4: I keep bending, making room, staying quiet, and it's starting

1378
01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:07,760
Speaker 4: to wear me down. We talked about the topic of children,

1379
01:08:07,800 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 4: and I said I didn't feel ready. That upset both

1380
01:08:10,160 --> 01:08:12,600
Speaker 4: my husband and his brother. Get the brother out of here.

1381
01:08:12,640 --> 01:08:16,080
Speaker 4: Why does he have any say over anything? What is

1382
01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:19,480
Speaker 4: he doing? He's like that upset me and my brother. Yeah,

1383
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:22,000
Speaker 4: but honestly, if I don't fully understand the man I'm

1384
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,240
Speaker 4: with or feel like he fully shares himself with me,

1385
01:08:24,400 --> 01:08:26,519
Speaker 4: how can I feel safe enough to carry and raise

1386
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:29,840
Speaker 4: a child with him, that's not me being mean, that's

1387
01:08:29,880 --> 01:08:33,640
Speaker 4: me being honest. As for his brother, he pays utilities

1388
01:08:33,720 --> 01:08:36,760
Speaker 4: one third of the groceries, with washing dishes occasionally. As

1389
01:08:36,760 --> 01:08:38,639
Speaker 4: for his mom, he told me that she might lose

1390
01:08:38,640 --> 01:08:40,640
Speaker 4: her job and that's why she wants to stay with us.

1391
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:43,360
Speaker 4: I brought up that she has a husband and another

1392
01:08:43,439 --> 01:08:48,800
Speaker 4: son nearby. Yeah, good point, huh. I wasn't trying to

1393
01:08:48,840 --> 01:08:51,880
Speaker 4: be dismissive, just logical. If she has a support system,

1394
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:54,320
Speaker 4: why are we the only ones being asked to solve it?

1395
01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:57,479
Speaker 4: He said, if she had real support, she wouldn't be

1396
01:08:57,479 --> 01:08:59,960
Speaker 4: coming to us, and I get that, but it also

1397
01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,559
Speaker 4: made me wonder if she's not even asking them, then

1398
01:09:02,640 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 4: what are they doing and why does the solution always

1399
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:08,400
Speaker 4: fall on us. I told him maybe this is something

1400
01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:10,840
Speaker 4: that needs to be handled within her marriage and with

1401
01:09:10,960 --> 01:09:13,080
Speaker 4: the rest of the family too. Maybe all three of

1402
01:09:13,120 --> 01:09:14,760
Speaker 4: them can come up with a plan to support her.

1403
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:17,280
Speaker 4: I'm not against helping. I just want us to ask

1404
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:20,080
Speaker 4: if this is really the best only way to help her,

1405
01:09:20,360 --> 01:09:22,519
Speaker 4: because I shouldn't have to give up my piece to

1406
01:09:22,600 --> 01:09:25,440
Speaker 4: prove that I care. At one point in our conversation,

1407
01:09:25,520 --> 01:09:28,240
Speaker 4: he made a really hurtful comment saying he wouldn't be

1408
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:31,160
Speaker 4: like his older brother and let his wife take his balls.

1409
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:38,599
Speaker 3: Dan, Dan, WHOA, I don't understand this.

1410
01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:43,360
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know spec relationship. That was crushing. I

1411
01:09:43,439 --> 01:09:45,439
Speaker 4: told him that when he jokes like that, it makes

1412
01:09:45,479 --> 01:09:48,160
Speaker 4: it feel like I'm not a partner when he jokes,

1413
01:09:48,240 --> 01:09:52,360
Speaker 4: he's definitely not joking. I'm just someone trying to overpower him,

1414
01:09:52,640 --> 01:09:55,400
Speaker 4: and that's not what I want. I'm not here to win,

1415
01:09:55,560 --> 01:09:58,879
Speaker 4: I'm here to be heard. And there is another update?

1416
01:09:59,200 --> 01:10:02,000
Speaker 2: Yeah this grace really Yeah?

1417
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,200
Speaker 5: No, at this point, it's like your entire his entire

1418
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:06,680
Speaker 5: family is trying to tell him what to do in

1419
01:10:06,720 --> 01:10:10,800
Speaker 5: your relationship and inserting themselves into your relationship.

1420
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:14,880
Speaker 4: Yep, and he's letting them do it. Yeah, if there

1421
01:10:15,000 --> 01:10:18,599
Speaker 4: is another update, So okay. You know when you suddenly

1422
01:10:18,640 --> 01:10:21,479
Speaker 4: snap out of a trance and realize, wait, hold on,

1423
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:25,200
Speaker 4: what's actually happening here? That's been me for a while.

1424
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:28,200
Speaker 4: I really thought I was in the wrong. I kept thinking, dang,

1425
01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:31,160
Speaker 4: maybe I'm the worst wife, the worst daughter in law,

1426
01:10:31,200 --> 01:10:34,639
Speaker 4: maybe I'm being difficult. But then I read every single

1427
01:10:34,680 --> 01:10:38,160
Speaker 4: one of your comments and started realizing, no, this isn't normal.

1428
01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:41,760
Speaker 4: I'm not crazy. What's happening is messed up. Let me

1429
01:10:41,880 --> 01:10:45,880
Speaker 4: rewind to the conversation. Every Friday, we hang out with

1430
01:10:45,920 --> 01:10:48,120
Speaker 4: my brother in law and a friend. They were drinking,

1431
01:10:48,200 --> 01:10:50,840
Speaker 4: so people were a little more open. That's where the

1432
01:10:50,880 --> 01:10:55,000
Speaker 4: conversation about having kids and who owns the house came up.

1433
01:10:55,439 --> 01:10:57,920
Speaker 4: My husband was venting, saying that it's hard for him

1434
01:10:57,960 --> 01:11:01,679
Speaker 4: to be upbeat because I'm constantly upset. Screw you, dude,

1435
01:11:02,160 --> 01:11:05,080
Speaker 4: And yeah, he's not wrong. I was upset because the

1436
01:11:05,160 --> 01:11:08,120
Speaker 4: night before we were watching a movie together, his phone rang,

1437
01:11:08,240 --> 01:11:11,040
Speaker 4: his friend was calling. I teased him to answer, poked

1438
01:11:11,040 --> 01:11:14,640
Speaker 4: his ribs playfully, asking is there someone else? All lightheartedly,

1439
01:11:15,120 --> 01:11:18,200
Speaker 4: but suddenly he stood up, raised his fist in the

1440
01:11:18,240 --> 01:11:24,240
Speaker 4: air and his face changed. Oh yikes. Okay, nothing happened

1441
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:26,880
Speaker 4: after that, but in that moment, I did not feel safe.

1442
01:11:27,040 --> 01:11:30,320
Speaker 4: I just froze. He apologized, and he went to bed

1443
01:11:30,479 --> 01:11:33,400
Speaker 4: with that feeling. I tried to brush it off. No,

1444
01:11:33,680 --> 01:11:37,160
Speaker 4: he wouldn't hurt me, right, WHOA? But then I remembered

1445
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:39,400
Speaker 4: something else. Yeah, get out of there.

1446
01:11:39,600 --> 01:11:42,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean he's shown you red flag after red flag,

1447
01:11:42,960 --> 01:11:46,120
Speaker 5: and now we have the worst thing of all.

1448
01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:49,040
Speaker 4: You get out of there, your safety you're safety involved. Yeah,

1449
01:11:49,240 --> 01:11:52,640
Speaker 4: there was one time he was wasted watching sports and

1450
01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:54,639
Speaker 4: I was in another room using an app to bet

1451
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:57,320
Speaker 4: on the game, trying to surprise him. I came in

1452
01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:58,960
Speaker 4: to be a part of it, and I don't remember

1453
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:03,080
Speaker 4: how exactly, but he smacked me in the face. Not hard,

1454
01:12:03,520 --> 01:12:06,120
Speaker 4: not the old one too, but enough that I froze.

1455
01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:09,400
Speaker 4: He apologized immediately, saying he didn't know why he did it.

1456
01:12:09,479 --> 01:12:10,320
Speaker 5: That's even worse.

1457
01:12:10,479 --> 01:12:11,640
Speaker 4: And I never brought it up.

1458
01:12:11,880 --> 01:12:15,160
Speaker 5: That's even worse. I don't know why it did that. Yeah,

1459
01:12:15,280 --> 01:12:17,160
Speaker 5: I mean, you really bury the lead there.

1460
01:12:17,479 --> 01:12:17,800
Speaker 4: M hm.

1461
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:22,880
Speaker 5: There is no ever, never, any any excuse for hitting

1462
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:24,800
Speaker 5: your partner or anyone, never, never, never.

1463
01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:27,320
Speaker 4: So yeah, when he raised his fist the other night,

1464
01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:29,800
Speaker 4: I felt that same feeling in my body again, like,

1465
01:12:30,040 --> 01:12:32,800
Speaker 4: will this be the moment it crosses the line? Now

1466
01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:35,479
Speaker 4: here's where I really messed me up. He brought that

1467
01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:37,960
Speaker 4: moment up to others, in front of his brother and

1468
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:40,599
Speaker 4: our friend. He said I was always upset and hard

1469
01:12:40,600 --> 01:12:43,000
Speaker 4: to be around, but he left out what happened the

1470
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:46,640
Speaker 4: night before, the raised fist, the fear, the tension. That's right,

1471
01:12:46,680 --> 01:12:48,800
Speaker 4: because he's the only reason she's talking about this is

1472
01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:51,559
Speaker 4: because he was like, Oh, you're so upset all the time,

1473
01:12:51,760 --> 01:12:55,200
Speaker 4: and you're you're I'm upset because you're bringing down the mood. Yeah,

1474
01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:57,559
Speaker 4: blaming it on you. You gotta get out of there.

1475
01:12:57,960 --> 01:13:00,519
Speaker 4: So I snapped and said, well, if you're going to

1476
01:13:00,520 --> 01:13:02,840
Speaker 4: bring it up, maybe also mentioned that you raise your

1477
01:13:02,840 --> 01:13:05,799
Speaker 4: hand at me, and in that second I felt unsafe,

1478
01:13:06,200 --> 01:13:09,679
Speaker 4: calm out good, and suddenly I was the problem. Wow.

1479
01:13:09,680 --> 01:13:12,760
Speaker 4: His brother said that that comment was herd for that

1480
01:13:12,920 --> 01:13:15,759
Speaker 4: saying I felt unsafe around his brother was too much.

1481
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:18,880
Speaker 4: She does feel unsafe. Sorry, if it hurts you, it's

1482
01:13:19,280 --> 01:13:22,360
Speaker 4: what it is. My husband said it wasn't fair and

1483
01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:25,400
Speaker 4: that I was judging him. My friend chimed in, trying

1484
01:13:25,439 --> 01:13:27,559
Speaker 4: to smooth things over, saying, maybe I didn't mean to

1485
01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:31,439
Speaker 4: use that phrase. No, she did. What are you talking about?

1486
01:13:31,479 --> 01:13:33,639
Speaker 5: Hope you meant it exactly as she said it, because

1487
01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:34,519
Speaker 5: that's what happened.

1488
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:38,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not even like she was exaggerating anything or

1489
01:13:38,479 --> 01:13:41,160
Speaker 4: using any sort of like phrase or saying or anything

1490
01:13:41,160 --> 01:13:43,880
Speaker 4: like that. She literally just said you should mention that,

1491
01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:47,360
Speaker 4: like you raised your hand at me. I felt unsafe,

1492
01:13:47,400 --> 01:13:50,719
Speaker 4: that's all she said. It's not that much, and it's true.

1493
01:13:51,240 --> 01:13:53,920
Speaker 4: Maybe fill them in a little bit about why, try

1494
01:13:53,960 --> 01:13:54,960
Speaker 4: to understand why?

1495
01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:57,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, literally, like my only advice is to get out

1496
01:13:57,920 --> 01:14:01,160
Speaker 5: of there. Yeah, and it sounds like she's heading in

1497
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:01,639
Speaker 5: that direction.

1498
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:05,280
Speaker 4: So everyone started talking over me, telling me how I felt,

1499
01:14:05,640 --> 01:14:07,400
Speaker 4: saying that I didn't mean it like that, or that

1500
01:14:07,439 --> 01:14:10,080
Speaker 4: I shouldn't have said it that way. Meanwhile I was

1501
01:14:10,120 --> 01:14:13,000
Speaker 4: sitting there thinking, wait, how are all of you telling

1502
01:14:13,040 --> 01:14:15,680
Speaker 4: me how I felt? In that moment? I meant what

1503
01:14:15,720 --> 01:14:19,000
Speaker 4: I said, I felt unsafe, and instead of being heard,

1504
01:14:19,160 --> 01:14:21,000
Speaker 4: I was made to feel like I had just betrayed

1505
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:23,599
Speaker 4: him by admitting that, and I started to believe it.

1506
01:14:23,800 --> 01:14:26,919
Speaker 4: I started thinking, maybe I'm a knucklehead. Maybe I shouldn't

1507
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,920
Speaker 4: have said anything. That's why I came back here, because

1508
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:32,040
Speaker 4: I needed to hear from someone outside of that bubble.

1509
01:14:32,080 --> 01:14:34,519
Speaker 4: And the thing is, you all snapped me out of it.

1510
01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:38,080
Speaker 4: Everything you said, whether a kind, blunt, or hard to hear,

1511
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:40,799
Speaker 4: it gave me language for things I've felt but didn't

1512
01:14:40,800 --> 01:14:44,200
Speaker 4: know how to name. That's important, stuff I've brushed off

1513
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:47,280
Speaker 4: for years suddenly clicked, And now I'm here thinking what

1514
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:51,280
Speaker 4: kind of gaslighting crap is this? This update goes beyond

1515
01:14:51,360 --> 01:14:53,200
Speaker 4: just saying no to my mother in law moving in.

1516
01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:56,320
Speaker 4: That's where it started, sure, but this weekend's conversation opened

1517
01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:58,960
Speaker 4: a door that showed me something deeper is going on.

1518
01:14:59,240 --> 01:15:03,439
Speaker 4: And that is the end of that story. There you go, wow, wow,

1519
01:15:04,120 --> 01:15:08,120
Speaker 4: I am very proud of you. Op. Yeah, it's hard

1520
01:15:08,160 --> 01:15:11,680
Speaker 4: to lead that kind of stuff. I'm glad you're realizing

1521
01:15:11,720 --> 01:15:14,880
Speaker 4: it for yourself. Yeah, glad that reddit has helped. The

1522
01:15:14,960 --> 01:15:17,120
Speaker 4: good people have read it have helped.

1523
01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:21,000
Speaker 5: And just anyone like whenever you have in laws and

1524
01:15:21,080 --> 01:15:25,200
Speaker 5: stuff who are saying things about you and stepping over

1525
01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:27,479
Speaker 5: all your boundaries and your partner's not doing anything, those

1526
01:15:27,479 --> 01:15:28,519
Speaker 5: are those are red flags?

1527
01:15:28,840 --> 01:15:31,360
Speaker 4: Yeah? Absolutely, And my mom is in chat. Hey mom,

1528
01:15:31,840 --> 01:15:33,880
Speaker 4: because she owns a home with him, she needs to

1529
01:15:33,960 --> 01:15:36,479
Speaker 4: keep notes about all these things, date time, what happens.

1530
01:15:36,520 --> 01:15:39,080
Speaker 4: She also needs to call an attorney right away before

1531
01:15:39,200 --> 01:15:42,000
Speaker 4: she moves out. Yep, yeah, yep, yep, yep.