1 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous, Welcome back to the Get Them Lalla Podcast. 2 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:13,159 Speaker 1: I am so excited for today's guest. Her name is 3 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: Alyssa Silaski, aka the real life Carrie Bradshaw. We are 4 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:23,040 Speaker 1: going to dive in to her amazing modern day life 5 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,080 Speaker 1: and talk about her book This might be Too personal 6 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: and other intimate stories which came out April fifth. You 7 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: guys have to get it. So let's just get it popping. 8 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: We have Alyssa Shilaski. All Right, you guys, I am 9 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,760 Speaker 1: about ready to have a heyday with Alissa Shlaski, the 10 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 1: real life Carrie Bradshaw. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. 11 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 2: I mean, I'm gonna take it. Let's go with it. 12 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,279 Speaker 2: But I don't know if it's like I don't think 13 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 2: they based the show. They did not base the show 14 00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 2: on me like that. My took of the column seven 15 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 2: years ago, Sex Diaries for New York Magazine, where I 16 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 2: profile a different New Yorker's love and sex life every 17 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:09,039 Speaker 2: single week of the year. But the show came before 18 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 2: the column. 19 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 1: Okay, so other But I mean, I'm Marie, I've read 20 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: your bio and all of us outsiders. I know that 21 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: the show came before, but we're all pegging you as 22 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,960 Speaker 1: the real life Carrie Bradshaw. 23 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 2: I mean, I love it. It's been a life even 24 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:30,399 Speaker 2: like when I was a I don't know, twenties, in 25 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,479 Speaker 2: my twenties in New York twenty two. So I moved 26 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 2: to New York when I was eighteen. I was always 27 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 2: doing this and I was always talking about love and 28 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 2: sex and writing about love and sex and keeping it real. 29 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 2: And then the show came out and everybody was just like, 30 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 2: how did they know about you? And how did you 31 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 2: inspire this character? And it's like I didn't. I really 32 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 2: can't take credit for it. It was based on Candice Bush, 33 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 2: now another you know, another New York writer, but I've 34 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 2: just lived this parallel life with that, with that character 35 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 2: for so long that at this point it seems to 36 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 2: be sort of like conflated. So I mean, there are 37 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 2: worse things. I love it, and I love it for you, Parker. 38 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 2: I know, the few times I've met her interviewed her, 39 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 2: I always want to be like, you know, like I'm 40 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 2: you and you're me, and we're and I and you're 41 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 2: Carrie and I'm caring, and then I just don't say 42 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,920 Speaker 2: anything because it's just too weird. And she's such a 43 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 2: lovely she's such a classy person that you just don't 44 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:30,440 Speaker 2: want to be like remotely, you know, too gross or 45 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 2: like aggressive in any way. 46 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: So I'm not intimidated by many people, but if I 47 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: were to run into her, that would be I would 48 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,839 Speaker 1: be immediately intimidated. 49 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 2: You wouldn't, though. I think it's like when somebody meets you, 50 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 2: like there is something disarming about you and something I mean, 51 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 2: I'm just meaning you for the first time, but I've 52 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 2: certainly followed you. I it's surreal to be talking to you. 53 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:56,960 Speaker 2: She's very warm and yeah she's beautiful and you know, 54 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,960 Speaker 2: teeny and chic as hell, but she's so warm and 55 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 2: so cool, and she's like the type of person who 56 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,799 Speaker 2: wants to know about you and rather than make it 57 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 2: about her. I don't know. I think that you would 58 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 2: not you would be thrilled. But I think in a second, 59 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,360 Speaker 2: you guys are probably I mean, I'm talking about it 60 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 2: her like she's my best friend. Yeah, you're like literally twice, 61 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:20,239 Speaker 2: but I think you share a spirit. Oh my god, Laala, 62 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 2: I love you. I have so there's so much I've 63 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 2: wanted to say to you. Throughout the years. 64 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: Oh, I love that. 65 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 2: I really am a big fan of a big Bravo fan, 66 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:33,680 Speaker 2: and I've been loyal to you since like your first 67 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 2: appearance on Vander Pomphlick before it was cool to like 68 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 2: be obsessed with you. Do you know what I mean? 69 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: You you were when it was an unpopular opinion. You 70 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 1: were still down for La La. I love that. 71 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 2: I knew it. I knew it, I knew you were magical, 72 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,800 Speaker 2: and I knew you'd have your moment. It didn't take 73 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 2: long for the rest of the world to catch on. 74 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,120 Speaker 2: But no, I love you. I hated seeing you, well, 75 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 2: you look so good in the at the reunion, but 76 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 2: I hated seeing you in pain. And I'm so proud 77 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 2: of your sobriety and fuck anybody who came for you 78 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 2: at every I'm very fierce. I have two young kids 79 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 2: and I'm a mama bear, and totally we don't have 80 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 2: to talk about it. But like anybody who thought that, 81 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 2: like you deserve what happened to you because of the circumstances, 82 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,880 Speaker 2: so fucking heartless, you know. 83 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: What, in that moment, I'm glad I wasn't actually physically 84 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 1: at the reunion because the side comments I wasn't able 85 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: to hear because I was via zoom and you know, 86 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: so I watched myself and I was like, damn, I 87 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 1: was so poised during those moments, but I can't take 88 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: credit because I didn't hear what was going on on 89 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:40,480 Speaker 1: the side. 90 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 2: That's amazing, although I will say that's what I love 91 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,160 Speaker 2: about you. It's not your darkness, it's your lightness, like 92 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,359 Speaker 2: it's your grace. Honestly, thank you. 93 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: I so appreciate you saying that. 94 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 2: I mean, it's just such bullshit that anybody would come 95 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 2: for you on that show, as if they're all such purists. 96 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,560 Speaker 1: I know, you know what though, I'm a tough bitch. Yeah, 97 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: And I know so that you can relate to that 98 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: because your resume is insane and it's not easy to 99 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 1: get where you are. And I'm definitely inspired. That's the 100 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,599 Speaker 1: word of this entire When I, you know, revamped the 101 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,119 Speaker 1: Give Them La La podcast, it was like, I want 102 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,839 Speaker 1: people on who inspire me in some way. Let's talk 103 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: about this, Okay. I have a baby, obviously, and I 104 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 1: know that I would like another one, and I would 105 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: like it in a certain time period. If I don't 106 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 1: meet somebody, I'm absolutely getting a sperm donor. 107 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,359 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're ready for it. You're made for it. 108 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:41,480 Speaker 1: Made for it. So you've been there, you've been there, 109 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:46,440 Speaker 1: let's talk about it. What is going through that process? 110 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 2: Like, well, it takes obviously a tough bitch like we are, 111 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 2: somebody who does not care, you know, it has such 112 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 2: a strong sense of self and a strong village and 113 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 2: a strong foundation. It really doesn't matter what anybody's going 114 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 2: to say. It's really a tough decision to make. If 115 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 2: you're going to worry that people are going to gossip 116 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 2: or feel bad for you, like you, you really have 117 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 2: to be above all that, which like you're already there. 118 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 2: I was definitely already there, you know, I don't beyond that. 119 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:22,039 Speaker 2: It doesn't take much more than just like inner strength, okay, 120 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 2: a decision that you are ready to be a mother, 121 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 2: and then nothing's going to get in your way. For me, 122 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 2: I was there. I mean I was thirty eight and 123 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 2: I'd wanted to have kids my whole life, so I 124 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 2: was more than there. I guess I was thirty seven 125 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 2: when I started the process. So I made up my mind. 126 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 2: I made up my mind because I met another single 127 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 2: mother by choice who was the sexiest, coolest woman I'd 128 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,359 Speaker 2: ever met in my life, totally, and I didn't have 129 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 2: many examples of what a single mother by choice looked like. 130 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 2: And I met her and it's it was like, yes, 131 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,479 Speaker 2: that that that's me. That's who I aspire to be. 132 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 2: That's my definition of what it is to be a 133 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 2: cool woman in the world like that. And so she 134 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 2: she was my mentor, and she said, go to this 135 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,799 Speaker 2: doctor and this sperm bank and she and she's very successful, 136 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 2: she's she's rich and I'm not. And I was like, okay, 137 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:12,400 Speaker 2: but let's talk about the reality of it. And honestly, 138 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 2: it cost me. I'm very transparent about these things. It 139 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,120 Speaker 2: cost me ten thousand dollars at the end of the day, 140 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 2: which is a lot. It was a lot for me, 141 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 2: and it's a lot for a lot of women. But 142 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 2: it's not what you might expect, right, Like it's like 143 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 2: it's not like you don't need one hundred thousand dollars, 144 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 2: you don't need a million dollars. And then the question 145 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 2: is can you raise a baby? A lot of people 146 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 2: are like, well, how we raise a baby without the 147 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 2: you know, the income of a man or whatever. And 148 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 2: the truth is like, there's many creative ways to raise 149 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,679 Speaker 2: a family. There's many vest things in life are phrase 150 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 2: sorry for the cliche, but now that you have a baby, 151 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 2: you know, it's sitting on a picnic blanket and watching 152 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 2: the sunset. You know, it's we live in great cities 153 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 2: where there's museums and classes and so anyway, once I 154 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 2: was like, yes I can afford this, and yes I'm 155 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 2: doing this. That's the hardest part is just to be 156 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 2: like I'm in because like anything in life, it's you 157 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 2: have to be super responsible and go to your go 158 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 2: to the doctors and do fertility and not fuck around 159 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 2: and not sort of like question yourself. You gotta have 160 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 2: that faith in yourself and like faith in your baby 161 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 2: who's not even there yet, but just faith that the 162 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 2: two of you will be okay. 163 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that sends chills, Like I love that 164 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: and so and I love that you took me through 165 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: that aspect of it, of the the emotional part, because actually, 166 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,960 Speaker 1: when I was thinking about, you know, in a year 167 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,360 Speaker 1: or two, if I don't have somebody, I will get 168 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: a sperm donor. I didn't even think about the outside 169 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 1: world and what people might say, is that so weird. 170 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: I didn't even think that. 171 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 2: I think you've you've exercised that muscle, Like you couldn't 172 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,320 Speaker 2: do what you do if you weren't already evolved enough 173 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 2: to handle that. 174 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: Shit, right. Is it basically like shopping for a baby 175 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 1: daddy when you go when you get a sperm donor. 176 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I had fun with it. I saw 177 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 2: all of this as just the like, the greatest thing 178 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 2: in the world. I was dying to become a mother, 179 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 2: and I figured out a way how. But I think 180 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 2: a lot of other people of the sperm donor. Picking 181 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 2: the donor really freaks them out. For me, it was 182 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 2: just like, oh my god, like do I want my 183 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,760 Speaker 2: daughter to do? I want my future child to be 184 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 2: really tall or really athletic, or brilliant, or speak for 185 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 2: languages or like be a great great dancer whenever. There's 186 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 2: all these you know, descriptions. So it was fun because 187 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 2: it's sort of like looking around a room. You know, 188 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 2: you've dated all of these guys and some wanted kids 189 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 2: or didn't want kids, or you weren't sure if you 190 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 2: want to have a baby with them, and it's like, 191 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 2: here's one hundred thousand men who all who like you 192 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 2: can have a baby with any of them proctly like 193 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 2: assuming God willing, like you're you're healthy and stuff. So yeah, 194 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:00,200 Speaker 2: I went for I mean, I'll be very honest, like 195 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,959 Speaker 2: I went for looks and I went for genetics because 196 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 2: I knew that I would make my child kind and 197 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 2: funny and smart and spiritual. Like I knew I had 198 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 2: all that covered to give somebody like great cheekbones or 199 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 2: eyebrows or like creemy skin or whatever. I was like, 200 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 2: why not. Life is hard enough, Like let them be tall, 201 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 2: like let them have like a really cool, you know, 202 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:32,560 Speaker 2: mixed background. So I just had fun. And what I 203 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 2: did was I narrowed it down to three different donors, 204 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,199 Speaker 2: and then I like included my family and we had 205 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 2: like a little viewing party and I sort of presented 206 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 2: the donors and and we you can hear their voices. 207 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 2: You can hear like a Q and A with each 208 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 2: donor and we listened. 209 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 1: So but do you see do you okay? So it 210 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,679 Speaker 1: wasn't like a Q and A where you guys were 211 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 1: like seeing each other. This was just like the sperm 212 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: donor place what do you call the sperm bank? 213 00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, yea. 214 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: They conduct in interviews with these uh sperm donors. And 215 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: then when you decide okay, this one, I like the 216 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 1: look of it, and then they send over like their 217 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:10,400 Speaker 1: interview process. 218 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 2: You get a membership, so of course, like you get 219 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 2: the highest, like you don't skimp on this, like you 220 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 2: get the VIP membership totally, because there's no better money spent. 221 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 2: You know you're not going to do like clearance rack sperm, 222 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 2: so rack sperm, like you go to the top. 223 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,959 Speaker 1: You go to fucking Bergdorf Sperm. 224 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 2: Absolutely kind, that's my favorite store. So with the good package, 225 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 2: you get the voice recording. So you see baby pictures. 226 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 2: In my case, I did not choose a sperm thing 227 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 2: where you can see adult pictures. I just didn't want to. 228 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:45,079 Speaker 2: I didn't care. I like the fantasy of it all. 229 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 2: Like you see pictures, I think age ten and under, 230 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,719 Speaker 2: so I like sort of just imagining what they grew 231 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 2: up to be. And I didn't want to look for 232 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 2: this guy like all around America and like have a 233 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 2: I'd rather discreet. I call him Vince Vaughan in my 234 00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 2: book because I love that they also have celebrity look alone, 235 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 2: and that was his celebrity lookalike. You gotta go on, 236 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 2: it's so fun. I'll get your code. 237 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 1: I would love to do this. This sounds fucking awesome. 238 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,560 Speaker 2: Like we have the same attitude. I thought it was 239 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,120 Speaker 2: just fucking awesome. I thought it was fabulous, and we're 240 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 2: joking about it and talking about sort of the superficial stuff. 241 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 2: But there's also like so much blood work done and 242 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 2: so much health which, of course, like you do need 243 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 2: to know that part. There's a little bit of a 244 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 2: question mark with a sperm donor where it's just like, 245 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 2: you know, health history, mental health history, schizophrenia, things that 246 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 2: like don't even necessarily show up in blood work. But 247 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 2: as much as you can know about pretty much any 248 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 2: guy you're going to sleep with or you know, date 249 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 2: or make a baby with you, you do know about 250 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 2: the sperm donors because of like the high level health 251 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 2: info they have to put out there. So it's like 252 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,319 Speaker 2: once that part's done, they've got all the good health stuff. Yeah, 253 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 2: you can have fun with it. You can pick some 254 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,720 Speaker 2: like Matt Damon sperm or like Ryan Seacres lookalike sperm. 255 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 2: There's so many. 256 00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 1: I would pick maybe like a Denzel washing and sperm. 257 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 2: So that's on. There goes fast. That shit goes fast. 258 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sure, yeah, like a Michael B. Jordan, Like 259 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,559 Speaker 1: if I and I'm sure it goes fast. 260 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 2: Those would go fast. I definitely thought about, like, that's 261 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 2: my type of guy, for sure, And I was even 262 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 2: though like I ended up my partner now as like 263 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 2: a white boy from Maine, like the opposite. But I 264 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 2: sort of always thought like I ended up choosing a 265 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 2: donor who looked some somewhat like my family because I, 266 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 2: for me personally, I just felt like my kid would. 267 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 2: I didn't know what it would be like and if 268 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 2: they were he or she or they were faced with 269 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,600 Speaker 2: a million questions about who's your real dad and the 270 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 2: biology of it all. As it turns out, none of 271 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 2: that matters, and nobody cares, nobody says anything. But just 272 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:51,079 Speaker 2: to protect my kid from having one more question that 273 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,200 Speaker 2: they had to answer in other words, like why are 274 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 2: you black and your mother's white? Or why you know, 275 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,000 Speaker 2: why do you look Korean and your mother's Jewish, whatever 276 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 2: it was, I decided to eliminate one question from their 277 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:05,640 Speaker 2: life in case it was something that continued to come 278 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 2: up for them here in Brooklyn and where you are 279 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 2: in LA and honestly, hopefully more and more everywhere nobody cares. 280 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,959 Speaker 2: Nobody like gives a shit that Hazel. My partner has 281 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 2: now adopted Hazel. He's not her biological father, but he's 282 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 2: been with us since she was seven months old. She 283 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 2: knows her whole story. It's frankly, it's like boring to her. 284 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? 285 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: Like, so, how how old is Hazel? 286 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 2: So she's six? And then Sam and I had a 287 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 2: two year have a two year old who, like I 288 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 2: had through sex. It's so it's embarrassing because we just 289 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 2: like had sex and got pregnant. It's so uninteresting. So 290 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 2: it's so retro it's like there's there's no Uh, it's 291 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 2: not as modern as I want my brand to be, 292 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,160 Speaker 2: but I love it. It's a blessing. No, So he's adorable. 293 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 1: Well the first the first round was very modern day 294 00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: of year totally. Did Hazel have questions or did you 295 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,040 Speaker 1: just when did you decide to tell her about you know, 296 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 1: her backstory? 297 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 2: So I told her and I would say this advice 298 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 2: is like any mother in whatever situation, Like I've always 299 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 2: been one hundred percent honest, but to the extent that 300 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,960 Speaker 2: like her brain could handle it, do you know what 301 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 2: I mean? So what I always did, was say, and 302 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 2: I made it sound like a beautiful story, like a 303 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 2: fairy tale, like a like enchanted and magical. And I 304 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 2: would just say, you know, like in the beginning, it 305 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 2: was just like Mommy and Hazy, it was just the 306 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 2: two of us, and then we met Daddy and he's 307 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 2: he begged and begged to be your father, and and 308 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 2: we had a little family meeting just the two of 309 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 2: us when you were seven months old, and you were like, yes, Mommy, 310 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 2: I want you know, like I turned. I made it 311 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 2: all something happy and fun instead of dark and scary. 312 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 2: And even like about how she's born or how she 313 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 2: was created. I'll now I use the word sperm because 314 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 2: she kind of gets it that she's like gross, mom, 315 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,720 Speaker 2: don't say that word. But I used to say, like 316 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 2: thank God for this doctor, he doctor Griffa, like he 317 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 2: he put a seed in Mommy's tummy, like I picked 318 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 2: the best seed and he put the seed in Mommy's tummy. 319 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 2: And and you we grew you like the doctors. And 320 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,160 Speaker 2: I grew you and and then I had you. And 321 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 2: so she always knew that she was kind of conceived 322 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:26,480 Speaker 2: through this I don't know, this like magical way that was. 323 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,120 Speaker 1: It is magical. I mean, as you're talking about it, 324 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 1: I wish that everyone could see my face because I 325 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 1: just like my face hurts because I'm just like, tell 326 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: me more about this magical story of how Hazel came 327 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 1: to be. I love that. And by the way, I 328 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: feel like the way that you explained it to her 329 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: is very much how it happened. Like you're saying, like 330 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,280 Speaker 1: you put it in a very magical way, but you're 331 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: just putting it the way it happened, like the honest truth. 332 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, the honest truth. And I think because I U 333 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 2: such warm feelings, I have such gratitude for like the 334 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 2: doctors and and and honestly for the sperm donor who 335 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,880 Speaker 2: I will probably never meet him. I don't know him, 336 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 2: I I don't know anything about him, but I love 337 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 2: him so much, Lalla. It's it's the most like unconventional 338 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,760 Speaker 2: love story of all because I never need to meet him, 339 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 2: and yet like I hold him in my heart and 340 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,240 Speaker 2: like in such a safe spot forever and ever. He 341 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 2: gave me the greatest gift of all, you know. And 342 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,400 Speaker 2: she's perfect, she's she's unbelievable, and I owe I owe 343 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 2: that to him. So it's a really unusual thing because 344 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 2: it's in a way he's my great love story even wow, 345 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,439 Speaker 2: you know, and uh, and he's a stranger and a 346 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 2: mystery and I am okay if I if he remains 347 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,160 Speaker 2: that way for the rest of my life. 348 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,639 Speaker 1: Ohlisa, that is so beautiful what you just said. 349 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 2: Thank you. 350 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: I have never heard that story before, for even a 351 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,919 Speaker 1: version of that story from anybody, And the way that 352 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,880 Speaker 1: you just explained it, that was beautiful. 353 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,959 Speaker 2: It's all perspective. And you know this now with ocean. Like, 354 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,440 Speaker 2: by the way, my son's name is River. I can't believe. 355 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 2: I love the name Ocean so much. I can't believe 356 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 2: it was not on my radar when I was pregnant 357 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,080 Speaker 2: with him. I mean, I'm glad I chose River and 358 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 2: he's a boy, But I fucking love the name ocean 359 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 2: so much. 360 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,360 Speaker 1: Thank you. Can I tell you I have always been 361 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,440 Speaker 1: obsessed with the ocean and everything in it. It was 362 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 1: after I saw the documentary Blackfish. I don't know if 363 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 1: you ever saw that, it's about Orca's in captivity, and 364 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 1: just something started pulling at me and I said, this 365 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 1: is my passion and I have to be a voice 366 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:44,400 Speaker 1: for animals in captivity, and I developed a deep love 367 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 1: for the ocean, but it never crossed my mind for 368 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:50,160 Speaker 1: a name until I was in the Bahamas walking through 369 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,959 Speaker 1: the marina and there was a yacht called the Ocean Alexander, 370 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,919 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, the name Ocean. 371 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,800 Speaker 1: It has to be my first baby. 372 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 2: Right because it could be boy or girl, and like like, oh, 373 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,119 Speaker 2: is such a cool nickname. I don't know if you 374 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:04,160 Speaker 2: call her or we. 375 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 1: Do we call her? 376 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 2: Oh, it's just so perfect. You know this now as 377 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 2: a mother who has had to sort of rewrite your 378 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,199 Speaker 2: own story a bit, like it is all about the 379 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:20,600 Speaker 2: perspective and the narrative we tell ourselves and when once 380 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 2: we can make peace with it and we find the 381 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 2: beauty around it, Like you already said, you've done where 382 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:28,360 Speaker 2: you have you found, you have your gratitude and you 383 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 2: know how lucky you are. You know, once you have 384 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:35,719 Speaker 2: that beautiful perspective around your unique story, as complicated as 385 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,240 Speaker 2: it is, you just infuse that into everything you give 386 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 2: your kids. Right, you know, you're not pretending that everything 387 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:47,359 Speaker 2: is normal. I mean, who cares about normal? Right? Or 388 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,359 Speaker 2: easy even? But it's if you make it, you know, 389 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:55,639 Speaker 2: enchanted and blessed and just like filled with spirit, you know, 390 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,919 Speaker 2: and grace, like it makes it so much easier and 391 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 2: like sets the tone for the rest of their lives. 392 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 1: I agree with you. And so many people ask me, 393 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: are you worried about what Ocean may read? And I'm like, no, 394 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:13,120 Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm her mother, and no matter what, she's 395 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 1: always gonna be okay because I'm her mother. She's surrounded 396 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:20,239 Speaker 1: with love, She's surrounded with positivity. And even though I 397 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: look at the big picture and I think, you know, 398 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 1: how did I end up here? I look at Ocean 399 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 1: and I go, this is exactly why. Every choice that 400 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: I made, every move that I made, it was all 401 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: leading to this little girl right here. 402 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,440 Speaker 2: And you got pregnant, Like something was right about it 403 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 2: that you got pregnant, you stayed pregnant. This daughter is 404 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:48,280 Speaker 2: just perfection. Yeah, think about it. I feel like you 405 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:48,879 Speaker 2: were ready to be. 406 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:53,400 Speaker 1: A mom too, right absolutely. I was like, let's do this. Yeah, yes, 407 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,840 Speaker 1: I mine's uneventful too, and very like you said, you 408 00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,960 Speaker 1: have one cool story. One not so cool mind was 409 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,840 Speaker 1: like we downloaded the fertility app and I was like, 410 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 1: time for bank sessions, Like I'm ready to have a baby. 411 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:17,280 Speaker 1: And be a mother. So that's my story. It wouldn't 412 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: be li live if I didn't get a little raunchy. 413 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 2: I need I pay my rent writing about low jobs 414 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,200 Speaker 2: and rim jobs and you know. 415 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,639 Speaker 1: So let's talk about that. What are you doing with 416 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 1: that mouth to be engaged multiple times? Like, what are 417 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,520 Speaker 1: you doing to make a man put a ring on 418 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: it more than once? 419 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 2: I think it's because I never wanted to get married, 420 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 2: so they all came, you know what I mean, I 421 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 2: never cared, which, by the way, being pregnant also was 422 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,080 Speaker 2: like everyone was like, who's going to date you now? 423 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,679 Speaker 2: And it's like, who's not gonna date me now? Like 424 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 2: I literally need nothing from a man, and they all 425 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:59,159 Speaker 2: were like so captivated by that. Right, I don't know 426 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 2: why I do date. I have a wild side. My 427 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 2: poor Sam missed like my slutty years. But I used 428 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,879 Speaker 2: to I used to love, you know, I was very lucky, 429 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,959 Speaker 2: Like I think I I think I like had an 430 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,159 Speaker 2: orgasm the night I lost my virginity. I think I 431 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,639 Speaker 2: had three orgasms that night. Like I had a very 432 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,600 Speaker 2: healthy relationship with sex and you know adult you know, 433 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,160 Speaker 2: adult consensual, safe sex. But nevertheless, I had a very 434 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 2: good relationship with sex. I loved it. It changes in 435 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 2: your forties, it changes. It sucks like. 436 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:35,119 Speaker 1: It does change when you get older. I feel after kids. 437 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 1: I don't know, it's still nice. It's still nice, but 438 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,480 Speaker 1: I used to really like, you know, crave it. 439 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:43,199 Speaker 2: You know what? What? What? Where were we with? 440 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,640 Speaker 1: We were talking about how we were talking about how 441 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: you've been engaged so many times and I have to like, 442 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 1: I have this right here. You were engaged to us 443 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,719 Speaker 1: Celebrity Chef and you moved to Italy. 444 00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:01,240 Speaker 2: I was engaged to Spike from Top Chef when Brothers 445 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,359 Speaker 2: of Bravo. Yeah. I don't know if you remember him or. 446 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 1: If you watch the Top Chef, but of course I do. 447 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,359 Speaker 2: He's wonderful, He's I had a crush on him on 448 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,399 Speaker 2: the show, and I interviewed him for a story for 449 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,680 Speaker 2: a magazine kind of like I manipulated this interview because 450 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 2: I was just dying to meet him. Said like a 451 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:23,479 Speaker 2: feeling that we would have chemistry, and we did so. 452 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,439 Speaker 2: I was engaged to Spike for a couple of years. 453 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,800 Speaker 2: I have nothing but wonderful things to say about him. 454 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 2: He's as like delicious as he appears to be on TV. 455 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,679 Speaker 2: It just life with a chef was not for me, 456 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 2: and I was ready to have kids even then, like 457 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 2: in my late twenties early thirties, and he was on 458 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 2: a completely different road to stardom or you know, this 459 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 2: sort of sexy chef life, and we kind of crashed 460 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 2: and burned. But he has kids now and I have 461 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 2: kids now, and it's all good. We don't work like 462 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 2: it's strange, right, nothing bad to say about him. 463 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,640 Speaker 1: I love Yeah, the timing was just off. 464 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,399 Speaker 2: The timing was off. You know, it looks like he 465 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 2: really found his soulmate. I'm not sure. We had a 466 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,320 Speaker 2: lot of heat, and we had a lot of connection 467 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:12,480 Speaker 2: and certainly friendship. And yeah, he's hot, He's really hot. 468 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 2: I love me. I loved being his girlfriend. But it 469 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,080 Speaker 2: looks like he found his soulmate and so I'm happy 470 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 2: for him. 471 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that for him. And what about this 472 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,679 Speaker 1: the random guy on a vest ba You asked him 473 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: for directions and it turned into a two year relationship. 474 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. So after Spike, I became a food writer. When 475 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,160 Speaker 2: I was with him, part I wanted to integrate into 476 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 2: his life, like I never knew how to even like 477 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,440 Speaker 2: make toast, you know what I mean, Like I couldn't 478 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,200 Speaker 2: boil water. And here I was with a chef who 479 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,959 Speaker 2: was surrounded like Tom Calichio was always visiting and all 480 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,960 Speaker 2: these big time chefs, and I just I hated feeling 481 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 2: like a wallflower. I hate that feeling, and so I 482 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,840 Speaker 2: just sort of like integrate into the food world. So 483 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 2: I became a food writer, which was great, and that 484 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 2: got me. After a Spike and I broke up, I 485 00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,000 Speaker 2: was like, I'm gonna do my eat prey love thing 486 00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:02,040 Speaker 2: and moved to Italy and right through the pain and 487 00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 2: you know, and the first human being, literally the first 488 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:08,000 Speaker 2: part Italian I spoke to asking for directions to my 489 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:15,160 Speaker 2: Airbnb ended up being this ugly yet sexy, dark brooding 490 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,880 Speaker 2: guy on a Vespa hand rolling cigarette who I ended 491 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 2: up staying with for three years. 492 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 1: That is insane. So he wasn't physically he wasn't physically attractive. 493 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,479 Speaker 2: I think you get what I mean when I say 494 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 2: ugly sexy. 495 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 1: Ugly sexy. I'll be honest, bless, I don't know what 496 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 1: that means, all right. I was just kind of thinking, 497 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:37,880 Speaker 1: you have an example. 498 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 2: He was really tall. He was Oh god, who would 499 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,960 Speaker 2: we both know? I don't want to not like a 500 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 2: Jax because he wasn't cheesy. He was Italian. He was 501 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,840 Speaker 2: like very sotistic, totally a snob and all, you know, 502 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,680 Speaker 2: I don't know, just like a dark, rooting European man 503 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 2: like Javier brought Bardem or. 504 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,240 Speaker 1: Something like it, you know what I mean. Yes, I 505 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,240 Speaker 1: totally not, but. 506 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 2: Like presents as a hot, confident and real you know, 507 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:11,240 Speaker 2: but he was. It was just like this Italian dream. 508 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,160 Speaker 2: I was a fever dream and I was taking Italian 509 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 2: and we were cooking together and we were drinking a 510 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,359 Speaker 2: lot of new cronies and sex was good, but he 511 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 2: was he was really dark. That was the last guy. 512 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,200 Speaker 2: Like that was the final straw for me in terms 513 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:30,160 Speaker 2: of like difficult men, like this guy had demons. Yeah, 514 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 2: and you know I was then like by then thirty 515 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,200 Speaker 2: two and then thirty four, and then suddenly you're thirty five, 516 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 2: and it's just like, get me off the vespa, Like, 517 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:38,720 Speaker 2: get me. 518 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 1: Off the fucking vespa. Okay, what about what about this 519 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 1: CFO close talker with a deadly stinky cheese habit. 520 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:52,080 Speaker 2: Oh that poor guy. Yeah, that was just that was 521 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 2: like an unfortunate he had hygiene issues. 522 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about that. You say, is a close talker. 523 00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: Did did the stinky cheese breath? 524 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was real bad, and he was super confident 525 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 2: and he was like it went. I won't say where 526 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 2: he went, but he had like he was a very 527 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,199 Speaker 2: polished guy, and he would like he probably read some 528 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 2: leadership book at some point where it's like shake some 529 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 2: of his hand and look them in the eye and 530 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,760 Speaker 2: of a really like present conversation. I was like, maybe 531 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,879 Speaker 2: not that present, like maybe like back it up a 532 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 2: little distant. 533 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 1: I was with this guy. I won't mention his name, 534 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:28,639 Speaker 1: but and I told him this on multiple occasions. He 535 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 1: smelled like a farm animal most of the time. And 536 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,320 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be so rude right now, but I'm not 537 00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 1: saying his name, so it doesn't matter, Melissa. His breath 538 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 1: smelled like a dead animal shit in it. And you 539 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:48,679 Speaker 1: told him that, Yeah, I did. I tried to be kind. 540 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 1: I was like, hey, when you bathe, you should like 541 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,200 Speaker 1: you soap like. I was trying to be nice and 542 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:56,320 Speaker 1: be like, hey, we should we should brush our teeth 543 00:27:56,560 --> 00:28:01,720 Speaker 1: like more than just once a week. And it wasn't. 544 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 1: It wasn't hitten right. So then I just lost my 545 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 1: mind and I told him all about. 546 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 2: Oh my god, that is so because it sounds like 547 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 2: it was because of like a lack of trying, Like 548 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,119 Speaker 2: I do think maybe every now and then there's like 549 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 2: a guttural like they say, there's like you know, there's 550 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 2: a something deeper like a gut situation. 551 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, can I tell you this person. I got 552 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,640 Speaker 1: into a fight one time when we were dating, and 553 00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:30,439 Speaker 1: I made a comment about him brushing his teeth and 554 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: he said, I do brush my teeth and I said, well, 555 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:37,399 Speaker 1: then maybe you have stomach issues. Okay, Then the last 556 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 1: one we're going to talk about is your husband, who 557 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,760 Speaker 1: you met on Tinder. 558 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:43,840 Speaker 2: And who I refuse to marry. 559 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 1: So he's not your hut. 560 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:48,240 Speaker 2: Oh we might as well be. I'm not against like 561 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 2: I am against marriage, but I'm not. It doesn't offend 562 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 2: me in any way because I love him. We're monogamous. 563 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:55,479 Speaker 2: I hope to do with him forever. 564 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,240 Speaker 1: Your life partner. He's my life partner's father of your 565 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 1: children exactly. 566 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 2: He legally adopted Hazel this year in the middle of 567 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:08,520 Speaker 2: the pandemic. We changed her last name to his act 568 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 2: so because I really wanted my kids to have the 569 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,960 Speaker 2: same last name. I just didn't want there to be 570 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 2: any question about like are they I used to hate 571 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 2: when people be like, so is River like her half 572 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 2: or her step and he got to her fucking brother. 573 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 2: I know. Do you have siblings that are from different parents? 574 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,560 Speaker 1: Yes, I have a half brother and we have the 575 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: same last name. We come, we have the same same dad, 576 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,720 Speaker 1: but he we're fifteen years apart. So a lot of 577 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,000 Speaker 1: people I have to explain because they're like, wow, so 578 00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 1: your mom had him when she was like fifteen, and 579 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, no, right, so then I have to go 580 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 1: into the whole thing. But it's like, no, he's not 581 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,440 Speaker 1: my Oh so he's your half brother. No, he's my 582 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 1: fucking brother exactly. 583 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 2: He's your family. He's your family. 584 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 1: I don't half anything here. 585 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 2: No, I don't like that at all. And I just didn't. 586 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,400 Speaker 2: I wanted to. I don't know. I just wanted to 587 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,640 Speaker 2: prevent them from happening. And also I have Sam has 588 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 2: a great His last name is Russell. It was just 589 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 2: like such a that's a great last name. 590 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 1: That's a great last name. 591 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 2: I know, I'm like Schlaskiam a mouthful, but like Russell's 592 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 2: Russell is so classy. 593 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 1: Would you ever change your last name? 594 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,480 Speaker 2: I've been a right professional writer my entire life, and 595 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,280 Speaker 2: I just like, you know, my byline and my books 596 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,239 Speaker 2: and stuff, So I don't think I would although like 597 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 2: I think my being Alyssa Russell would have like been 598 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,160 Speaker 2: given me an entirely different life, you know than like 599 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,600 Speaker 2: Melissa Shilaski. I sound like inherently like this, like you know, 600 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:34,000 Speaker 2: gossipy Jewish lady from the Upper West Side or something. 601 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:35,160 Speaker 1: But oh, I love it. 602 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 2: Thank you for your name. 603 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,840 Speaker 1: What's the time? What's the why am I blinking? The 604 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 1: age difference between River and Hazel four. 605 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 2: Years apart, which was more than I wanted. But I 606 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 2: so I had Hazel at thirty eight, Sam and I 607 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 2: sort of trying. I had a miscarriage. I had a 608 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 2: bunch of chemical pregnancies, which I don't know if you've 609 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,680 Speaker 2: ever had them. That's weird because you like, you get 610 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 2: the positive pregnancy result, right, and then like you get 611 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 2: a really heavy period ten days later, you know, So 612 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 2: it's a little bit of a mind fuck, but it's not, 613 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,680 Speaker 2: you know, it happens. And then I did IVF, which 614 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,480 Speaker 2: I found to be like our unique form of human torture. 615 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,200 Speaker 2: And I had my daughter. So I was sort of like, 616 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,560 Speaker 2: do I want to put myself through this. I already 617 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 2: have a kid, Like, I'll be okay if it's well, 618 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 2: of course we'll be okay. So I didn't do another 619 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 2: round of IVF, and then we gave up, and then 620 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 2: we got pregnant. It's like very you know, classic, that. 621 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,840 Speaker 1: Is everyone's story. Do you think it's because the like 622 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,480 Speaker 1: the pressure is gone, like your body feels relaxed for. 623 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 2: Me, yes, one hundred percent. Yeah, we were back to 624 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 2: having sex for the sake of pleasure again totally. And yeah, 625 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:43,000 Speaker 2: my body was relaxed exactly. And I remember it was 626 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 2: really good sex. I don't know if there's any science 627 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,480 Speaker 2: behind that, but it was like it was all flowing, 628 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like and we and I 629 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:55,040 Speaker 2: was forty two, So I got pregnant that time and 630 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 2: had a beautiful pregnancy and then came River. 631 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 1: So no complations with your pregnancy with River I had. 632 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:03,800 Speaker 2: It's so funny because I know Sheena had it to. 633 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,240 Speaker 2: I'd pre clamsya with both my pregnancies. 634 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: That is so scary. 635 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,320 Speaker 2: It's it's the only reason. I mean now I'm forty four, 636 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 2: but I would never I would never do it again 637 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,360 Speaker 2: because I like how many times you want to press 638 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 2: your love, but you should tell Shina you do get it, 639 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:18,840 Speaker 2: Like chances are you'll get it with your second pregnancy, 640 00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 2: and it's okay. You just have to like be really 641 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 2: diligent about checking your blood pressure. You got it, like 642 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:27,000 Speaker 2: you it's not a joke. It's it's not a joke 643 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:27,320 Speaker 2: at all. 644 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I remember sheen at the reunion, like 645 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: she she said, I believe she said she could have died. 646 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you definitely can die if it's not if 647 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 2: you don't catch it or have a stroke. It's serious. 648 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,640 Speaker 2: It's very scary. I know I felt for her. I'm 649 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 2: not like the biggest sena empathize. I mean, I like 650 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,080 Speaker 2: her a lot, but I'm always you know, she's dramatic. 651 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,959 Speaker 2: But then like when I heard her say that, I 652 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 2: was like, oh, no, she's been she was she went 653 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:50,640 Speaker 2: through hell. 654 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: That's absolutely yeah, so you said you I'm loving this conversation. 655 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,240 Speaker 1: By the way, I said, you don't believe in marriage? 656 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,239 Speaker 1: Can you elaborate, like what makes you not believe in it? 657 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,560 Speaker 2: Okay? Well, the three times I was engaged, I didn't 658 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,520 Speaker 2: It did nothing for me, Like I didn't care about 659 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,800 Speaker 2: the rings were all beautiful, Fine, I just didn't fulfill 660 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 2: something that I've been waiting for my whole life anything 661 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 2: like that. And on top of that, I just felt 662 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,920 Speaker 2: an enormous amount of pressure. Maybe it was because they 663 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,560 Speaker 2: all you know it was with the wrong person all 664 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 2: three times, or my gut, my intuition knew something. But 665 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 2: I just felt this pressure, like I don't know, I 666 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:33,240 Speaker 2: felt trapped, and that took away the point for me, 667 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 2: which was just to feel lifted up by the relationship 668 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,480 Speaker 2: and like your life was only enhanced and like you're 669 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 2: this was I don't know. I always wanted, like my 670 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,480 Speaker 2: soul to be watered by the person I'm with, and 671 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 2: I always staid started to feel like claustrophobic and kind 672 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,640 Speaker 2: of nervous, and I didn't like all the attention on 673 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 2: like us being perfect forever and ever. So after I 674 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,600 Speaker 2: called off the third one, I was like, also, I 675 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,800 Speaker 2: could never call my mother again and be like I'm engaged, 676 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,680 Speaker 2: Like I can never like I can't do that to 677 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 2: the people I love ever again. I come from tons 678 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,240 Speaker 2: of aunts and they all like would take their dresses 679 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 2: out from the basement and like air out the moth 680 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,759 Speaker 2: claws and then bring the dresses right back down to 681 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,400 Speaker 2: the basement, you know. And then when I met when 682 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,680 Speaker 2: I was pregnant with Hazel, I had a boyfriend in LA. 683 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 2: I was in New York. He's in LA, lived in 684 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:28,960 Speaker 2: Echo Park. And it was the first truly non monogamous, 685 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,640 Speaker 2: super unique, way out of the box relationship. And it 686 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:37,640 Speaker 2: was the best love story of my life because he 687 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,840 Speaker 2: was my person. I adored him. I didn't care what 688 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 2: he was doing. He fulfilled everything I needed, and I 689 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:45,000 Speaker 2: didn't care what he was doing when we weren't together. 690 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:48,239 Speaker 2: Blah blah, blah blah. You'll have to read the chapter 691 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 2: in my book. It's actually really heartbreaking because his roommate, 692 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,719 Speaker 2: they were like these two women, gorgeous womanizers living in 693 00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:58,040 Speaker 2: Echo Park, musicians, and his roommate had struggled with the addiction. 694 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:03,000 Speaker 2: And by the time Hazel's life began, like his roommate 695 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:06,920 Speaker 2: Ben's life ended. I mean, it's like it's it was 696 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,360 Speaker 2: the most beautiful, romantic, and heartbreaking time on so many levels. 697 00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:13,759 Speaker 2: So all that to say, by the time Ed, He's 698 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,520 Speaker 2: like come off that relationship, and I was like, I 699 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,840 Speaker 2: I do best with relationships that are like on the fringe, 700 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,960 Speaker 2: Like I don't need the non monogamy because I've just 701 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 2: never I'm like, a, I'm just not personally, I'm not 702 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,759 Speaker 2: interested in sleeping with more than one person at once. 703 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:32,480 Speaker 2: You know. Yeah, it's it's not for me. And it 704 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:36,000 Speaker 2: gets messy. I mean we're like, we're the last people 705 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,440 Speaker 2: out there who I feel like are not like like 706 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:43,200 Speaker 2: you know, ethically non monogamous or whatever. But but I 707 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 2: found after that, I was like, that works for me, 708 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,640 Speaker 2: like whatever. That was like a relationship that has its 709 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,920 Speaker 2: own set of rules and moves at its own speed 710 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,840 Speaker 2: and pace and and sort of like just grows and 711 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,279 Speaker 2: evolves on it organically. Like that's for me, right, No, 712 00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,520 Speaker 2: I it's something changed. And I was like, I'll never 713 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,520 Speaker 2: get married. And then when I met Sam, I said 714 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:03,920 Speaker 2: that on our first day, Well, I was like, well, 715 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:05,520 Speaker 2: first of all, I have a baby at home, she's 716 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 2: six months old. Also, I'm never gonna get married, so 717 00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,319 Speaker 2: that's what you're looking for, you know, good luck? And 718 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,960 Speaker 2: he was like cool, cool and cool, you know, I 719 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,319 Speaker 2: love it, right, And so it just it was off 720 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 2: the table from the beginning for us, and it still is. 721 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,880 Speaker 2: I don't know. I get like, here's what I know, 722 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,880 Speaker 2: and you know this as well as anybody. Love is 723 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:31,880 Speaker 2: really complicated and it can often be cruel, and it 724 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,439 Speaker 2: is just the only thing like we can't ever really 725 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,919 Speaker 2: understand or control. And knowing what I know about that, 726 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:43,239 Speaker 2: I don't understand why why anybody would like lock in 727 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,960 Speaker 2: for life with one person, knowing that life throws you 728 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:51,960 Speaker 2: curveballs and people change, and you know, people start to 729 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,759 Speaker 2: hate each other or you've thought you find somebody else, 730 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,040 Speaker 2: and like you can't help but what you're feeling, and 731 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,640 Speaker 2: you know whatever, I'm as traditional as the next person. 732 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,840 Speaker 2: I'm super I don't want if they're say I'm cheated 733 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,239 Speaker 2: on me, it would not be good. Like I'm not 734 00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:09,719 Speaker 2: saying I want this crazy free love kind of like 735 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:14,440 Speaker 2: nineteen seventies lifestyle. I want the grounded traditional values and 736 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,160 Speaker 2: all that. I just I don't want to be legally 737 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:21,799 Speaker 2: bound to someone, knowing that life fucks with you sometimes. 738 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,799 Speaker 1: You know, I'm on your same page, by the way, 739 00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: I just wanted to get your perspective. I remember after 740 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:33,440 Speaker 1: my wedding was postponed at that time due to the pandemic, 741 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 1: my mom she kept trying to say it in a 742 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,399 Speaker 1: very soft way, and keep in mind my parents were 743 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:44,040 Speaker 1: married for forty years before my dad passed away, and 744 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,919 Speaker 1: so I come from successful marriages. You know, I've seen 745 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:51,040 Speaker 1: it with right, so you know, so it has nothing 746 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 1: to do with me being traumatized by marriage. But she 747 00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 1: kept saying, if you marry him, you're going to lose 748 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 1: your power because we kept trying to put a new 749 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,440 Speaker 1: day on the calendar and it kept getting canceled because 750 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:07,000 Speaker 1: COVID was just not allowing it to happen. And now 751 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 1: you know, cut to where we are now and everything 752 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:14,640 Speaker 1: I know. I'm just so I will do a ceremony 753 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 1: that we can celebrate our love. But when it comes 754 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,799 Speaker 1: down to the marriage, I am not having it. I 755 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:26,120 Speaker 1: will never get married to somebody. We will be together forever. 756 00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,560 Speaker 1: That's that's what I want, just like that's what you want. 757 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:32,000 Speaker 1: I don't want to mess around with anybody. I just 758 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:36,320 Speaker 1: want a partner for life. But they're no contract involved. 759 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:39,560 Speaker 1: I don't need that, no contract. It adds so much pressure. 760 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,560 Speaker 1: And it's just like I hate all my friends are 761 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,200 Speaker 1: married and they're happily married. And I hate to sound 762 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,480 Speaker 1: like a hater, but I honestly find it to be 763 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:50,440 Speaker 1: like foolish, like really like knowing what we know? 764 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,600 Speaker 2: Why do that? It's it's hard. It takes a really 765 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 2: like evolved mind to understand that both things can exist, 766 00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,840 Speaker 2: That you can want to be with someone forever and 767 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 2: still believe in love and all of that, and yet 768 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:07,480 Speaker 2: feel that marriage is bullshit. Like you both can exist totally. 769 00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:11,080 Speaker 1: I had the best time with you on on my podcast. 770 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:12,560 Speaker 1: You have no idea, me too. 771 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,399 Speaker 2: I also just want to say I really love DJ 772 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,400 Speaker 2: James Kennedy. I just have to say that, and I 773 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,440 Speaker 2: think that you. I know you too. For you. I 774 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,080 Speaker 2: love how you have man like taken care of him, 775 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:23,839 Speaker 2: and I love the friend you've been to him, even 776 00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,160 Speaker 2: when it's he's made it impossible for you. 777 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:29,719 Speaker 1: You know what, James Kennedy is such a fabulous soul. 778 00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,719 Speaker 1: And if I always tell him, whoever is not your 779 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 1: friend is missing out because he is the funnest friends 780 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,080 Speaker 1: you'll ever have. You got to be tough, you got 781 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,360 Speaker 1: to be able to take some insults. Yeah, but he 782 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:44,319 Speaker 1: doesn't mean them. He loves hard, so that means he 783 00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:47,400 Speaker 1: fights hard. But I adore DJ James Kennedy. 784 00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,759 Speaker 2: I know he's he's he's on your level. He's on 785 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:52,960 Speaker 2: your well not quite. No one's quite on your level. 786 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,840 Speaker 2: But he's yeah, he's a good he's a good soul. 787 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:57,680 Speaker 2: I could tell and you should go on. I want 788 00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,439 Speaker 2: you to go switch to real houses with Beverly Hills. 789 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,040 Speaker 2: That's the last name going to say about my right. 790 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:04,080 Speaker 1: Can can you write into Anti Cohen and tell him that, yeah. 791 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,200 Speaker 2: You belong there, like it's time for you to elevate. 792 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,799 Speaker 1: You know that I want to elevate. Where where can 793 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,719 Speaker 1: people get your book? This might be too personal and 794 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:14,480 Speaker 1: other intimate stories. 795 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:16,920 Speaker 2: So it's everywhere you can get on Amazon or your 796 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:21,879 Speaker 2: local bookstore, and you please follow me at Alyssa Shlaski. 797 00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 1: I can't wait to read your book. 798 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,000 Speaker 2: Oh my god, Lalla, I really love your rooting for 799 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:26,920 Speaker 2: you and you got this. 800 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,040 Speaker 1: I really love you too. Thank you so much, babe. Okay, 801 00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:31,960 Speaker 1: bye bye