1 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, where we 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 1: discussed all things mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford, 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:24,640 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information 6 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:28,920 Speaker 1: and resources, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls 7 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: dot com. And while I hope you love listening to 8 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to 9 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 1: be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental 10 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 1: health professional. Hey, y'all, welcome back for session fifteen of 11 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 1: the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. So today I have 12 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 1: a great episode for you, all about healthy relationships and 13 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,400 Speaker 1: effective communication with a special guest therapist. But before I 14 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 1: do that, I want to let you know that I 15 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,480 Speaker 1: have opened a private Facebook community for the listeners of 16 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: the show. So if you want to get together and 17 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: chat with other women who listen to the show and 18 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: really take the lessons that you're learning from the episodes 19 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: to the next level, head on over to Therapy for 20 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com backslash tribe, where you can get 21 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: an invitation to join the Therapy for Black Girls Thrive tribe, 22 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 1: so that group will be a place where we can 23 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: discuss the highlights of the episodes as well as any 24 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: issues that come up for you related to the episodes, 25 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: to provide some support for each other and some accountability. 26 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 1: So again, head on over to Therapy for Black Girls 27 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 1: dot Com backslash tribe. So today I am joined by 28 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: Kei Andre Jackson. She is the visionary of kW Couples 29 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: Therapy and the co founder of kW Essential Services and 30 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 1: Black Speakers Rock. She has been featured in the Huffing 31 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 1: To posts as one of the ten Black female Therapists 32 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 1: you Should Know. She is a trusted and license the 33 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: marriage and family therapist that gets results. As a graduate 34 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 1: of a Zousa Pacific University, she is currently serving as 35 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: private practitioner working with a broad spectrum of clients. Among 36 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:25,400 Speaker 1: her areas of expertise are premarrital and marital issues, anger management, addiction, 37 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:32,520 Speaker 1: anxiety and depression, life transitions, grief, loss and bereath it, 38 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 1: and faith based counseling. Her therapeutic approach is holistic, eclectic, 39 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,520 Speaker 1: and tailor to clients needs to make sure each person 40 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 1: is cared for biologically, emotionally, and spiritually through her early work, 41 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: she discovered the importance of having healthy relationships. From that 42 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 1: point on, she chose to specialize in helping couples strengthen 43 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: and repair their relationships. She specializes in improving intimacy with 44 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 1: couples by increasing effective two way communication. She is dedicated 45 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: to helping couples increased sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. 46 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: She also specializes in working with couples who truly desire 47 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 1: to maintain a healthy, long lasting relationship and uncover their 48 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: true potential. So, Kiandra, talk with me about how you 49 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: can have a healthy relationship even if you've not ever 50 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: seen that model for you, and also dropped some real 51 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: gems about the key elements of effective communication with your partner. 52 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: So Kiandra, I'm very happy to have you on the 53 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: podcast with me today. Thanks so much for joining me, 54 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: so much for having me. I'm super excited to be 55 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: with you today. Yeah. So, I'm very excited that you 56 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: wanted to talk about how we could have a healthy 57 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 1: relationship even if we've never seen one, because I think 58 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 1: many women who are listening probably are struggling with the 59 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: same kind of thing. So I'm very excited to hear 60 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: what you have to offer us in terms of like 61 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 1: some tips and suggestions around this. Absolutely, this is one 62 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 1: of the topics that I'm super passionate about about relationships, 63 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 1: whether they're intimate or just platonic. I think it's super 64 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: important in our lives to make sure that we are 65 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 1: having healthy relationships and maintaining them as well. Got you, So, 66 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: how do we know that we that what we've seen 67 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: from my parents or other loved ones may not constitute 68 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,880 Speaker 1: a healthy relationship. Do you think that there are some 69 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: signs that we should look out for to kind of say, oh, 70 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: my parents didn't actually have the best kind of relationship. Totally. 71 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,279 Speaker 1: I think before we even go there, it's important to 72 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,600 Speaker 1: really kind of break down what a healthy relationship is 73 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:43,560 Speaker 1: because I think that helps people understand what unhealthy relationships are. So, 74 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 1: a healthy relationship really consists of a number of things, 75 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,039 Speaker 1: to be honest with you, But the two things that 76 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: I like to mention our communication and boundaries. UM. I 77 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 1: know you recently did UM a session about boundaries. Yes, 78 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: so I was like, this is actually right on point. 79 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 1: So communication is one of the biggest ones. I mean, 80 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,680 Speaker 1: that's something that you want to make sure that, UM, 81 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: you and your partner UM clearly understand each other. It 82 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:14,240 Speaker 1: allows you to connect on different levels. It consists of 83 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 1: really treating each other with respect UM and having open 84 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: dialogues and conversation about thoughts and feelings and being able 85 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 1: to actively listen UM. And then boundaries, of course, those 86 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 1: are the invisible lines that we set up for ourselves 87 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 1: and for others, and we have to really be be 88 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: open because there's sometimes where UM you have to really 89 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,000 Speaker 1: express what you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with, 90 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: and that includes finances, sex, money, family, friends, time, personal space. 91 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,360 Speaker 1: Those are all things we have to consider when we're 92 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,920 Speaker 1: thinking about boundaries. So I think some of the signs 93 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: of an unhealthy relationship is when those things, when communication 94 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 1: and boundaries, they kind of get mixed up or flipped 95 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,719 Speaker 1: on its head. So of course, anything that has to 96 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,720 Speaker 1: do with any type of safety concerns, that definitely will 97 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,239 Speaker 1: potentially constitute as an unhealthy relationship. So we're talking about 98 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:09,719 Speaker 1: any type of physical or verbal abuse UM. Feeling pressure 99 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:14,159 Speaker 1: to change who you are, that's something that's actually UM 100 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 1: can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Lack of privacy, 101 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:23,039 Speaker 1: lack of autonomy, UM control and criticism of how you 102 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,480 Speaker 1: dress or how you carry yourself, m lack of respect 103 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: for your friends or family. I mean, I can go 104 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:32,480 Speaker 1: on and on. Then the list of what you know, 105 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 1: some what characterizes an unhealthy relationship, but I think one 106 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,600 Speaker 1: of the main ones that I've seen, um, it's just 107 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 1: a lack of fairness and equality in the relationship. So 108 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: can you can you talk more about what you mean 109 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: when you say a lack of fairness inequality? Yeah, because 110 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: there's sometimes when there's an unhealthy relationship where there may 111 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,760 Speaker 1: be um, a little bit of unbalanced So say, for instance, 112 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 1: um or regards to money, our cars, sex, home life. 113 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,560 Speaker 1: Let's let's give an example. So say, for instance, UM, 114 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: let's let's go there, is it okay for me to 115 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 1: talk about sex? Absolutely okay, perfect years that might be listening. 116 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: For instance, you know, there's one person who wants sex 117 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: in a relationship way more frequently than the other, and 118 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 1: then there's a pressure or um and over expectance for 119 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: that person to perform or to do exactly what just 120 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: they want to do, and the other person's needs are 121 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: not getting met. So that's what I mean about a 122 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:40,119 Speaker 1: little bit of unfairness or inequality. There's like it's off kilter, 123 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,239 Speaker 1: just a little bit of regards to money. It's okay 124 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,119 Speaker 1: for one person to just spend a certain amount of money, 125 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: but it's not okay for the other. Um, just some 126 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: things that does that make sense. It's just some things 127 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 1: that are a little bit off Yeah. Yeah, So I 128 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,600 Speaker 1: mean so it sounds like what you're really talking about 129 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: is one person's priorities are getting met and then the 130 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,120 Speaker 1: other person has to kind of sacrifice their probor It 131 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 1: is absolutely That's exactly what I was trying to say. Okay, Okay, 132 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: so you also touched a little bit um, And I 133 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,200 Speaker 1: think this would be really important to talk more about 134 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: these ideas around, um, somebody like kind of trying to 135 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 1: control your appearance and like what you're wearing and who 136 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 1: you're hanging out with. And I think sometimes, um, there 137 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 1: may be a fine line in some people's minds around 138 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: what is controlling and what is like my partner just 139 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: wanting the best for me or I really want to 140 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 1: look nice for my partner. Um. Can you talk about, 141 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 1: you know, like the difference between maybe those two things. Yeah, 142 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: I think there is. You're right, there is a fine 143 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 1: line between control and you know, my person, my partner 144 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: just wants the best for me. Um. However, those are 145 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,840 Speaker 1: just dialogues that mean it goes back, It goes back 146 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,199 Speaker 1: to that conference, that communication piece and dialogues that need 147 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 1: to take place saying, hey, if you want to look 148 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 1: nice for your partner, and you want to wear a 149 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,960 Speaker 1: nice dress and it might be a little bit too 150 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: tight or too small or you know, too short, or 151 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 1: whatever the case may be, and that's just a once 152 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: and just on a separate occasion. I don't think that 153 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 1: that's really considered controlling versus every day UM. It's more 154 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:12,959 Speaker 1: about the frequency of how the control happens. So if 155 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: it's a day in and day out, whether it's like 156 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 1: you know, what you're showing to a skin, you're going 157 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: out like this, you're not doing this. I think it's 158 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:23,600 Speaker 1: more so about the lack of freedom that you have 159 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: to be able to express yourself. So it's almost like 160 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 1: you lose a little bit of your autonomy in a 161 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,959 Speaker 1: sense where you're not able to express yourself through through dress, 162 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 1: through the styling of your hair, through makeup. Things are 163 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: more restricted based on what the other person um expects 164 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 1: or what they desire. Okay, got you, so you have 165 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,200 Speaker 1: talked about communication quite a bit, and I know in 166 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: a lot of your work you do a lot of 167 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: work with couples around healthy communication, and I don't think 168 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 1: we often know exactly what that means. So what are 169 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 1: like the elements of healthy communication in a couple. Yeah, 170 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: I think how the communication consists of a whole but 171 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: a whole bunch of things, um, And we can't talked 172 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: for days and days about that, but I think healthy 173 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: communication is a gift and a take. Um, it's more 174 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,839 Speaker 1: so about both people. And I always talk about effective 175 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: two way communication because those are the components that we 176 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: don't really break down and understand a lot of the 177 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 1: times it's more so like one way and what we 178 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,080 Speaker 1: want to get across, but sometimes we're not able to 179 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: listen to what the other person has to say, so 180 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,960 Speaker 1: it can It consists of verbal communication, clearly, but sometimes 181 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: it consists of body language and nonverbal communication kind of 182 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: like the things that we don't say. I mean, it 183 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 1: consists of active listening and being able to understand and 184 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: empathize with your partner. Um. So in a nutshell, I 185 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: think it includes all of those things, and we can, 186 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 1: you know, break those down a little bit more but 187 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 1: it encompasses so many components. To help you have a healthy, 188 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: long lasting relationship, you have to be okay and open 189 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: enough to share every aspect of what's going on in 190 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: your thoughts and your feelings sometimes to be able to 191 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: make sure that your partner is thoroughly understanding what you 192 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:10,079 Speaker 1: have to say. Okay, so let's just start with something 193 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 1: you throughout the active listening. So I know you and 194 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: I know what that means. But what does that mean 195 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: in terms of like a partnership, Um, how would you 196 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:23,080 Speaker 1: actively listen to your partner? I think active active listening 197 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: is one of the things that I teach a lot 198 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 1: of clients, UM, and couples that come to my office, 199 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,439 Speaker 1: because you're right, it's something that's not really talked about. 200 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: It's not really taught either. UM. I have read a 201 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: really a really powerful statistic and is said that only 202 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:42,359 Speaker 1: two percent of us two percent in the US population 203 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: have been taught how to actively listen properly. So I 204 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 1: don't I'm not sure how accurate that is, right per 205 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:53,199 Speaker 1: cent of us? If that is accurate, that is struggling 206 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,720 Speaker 1: in this area. Who doesn't really know that we're not 207 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: really taught, you know? I think we're taught how to hear. Um, 208 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 1: We're we're not always taught how to listen. And I 209 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: think listening consists of, um, being able to first understand 210 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,959 Speaker 1: what the other person is trying to say and really 211 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 1: get to a place where you're seeking to understand the 212 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: person and then seek to be understood. So it's about paraphrasing, 213 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,880 Speaker 1: it's about saying back to the other person and using 214 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 1: language that reflects exactly what they were trying to say 215 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 1: so you can get clarity. Um, it's about making sure 216 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 1: that you're trying to understand the person and not just 217 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: wait for them to stop talking so you can so 218 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 1: you can get a word in right. Like that's a 219 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 1: lot of the times of the things that we do, 220 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,319 Speaker 1: you know, we wait for the other person to paul's 221 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 1: or to stop speaking in order for us to just 222 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:47,959 Speaker 1: say a reply or respond. So it's really about understanding 223 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 1: and seeking to be understood. So it's a gift and 224 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,199 Speaker 1: a take in regards to activists, and and keeping your 225 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: ear to be able to empathize with whatever the person 226 00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 1: is saying as well. Um, So it's all about clarity 227 00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: in a sense. Yeah, I think that that's a really 228 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: hard habit to break because you know, if especially if 229 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: it's like a heated kind of a conversation and you 230 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 1: want to kind of just maybe be right or you know, 231 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 1: make sure that your point is heard, you really probably 232 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: are spending a lot of time in your head like Okay, 233 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this and I know that this will 234 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 1: get him kind of thing. Um. So that's definitely real 235 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: talkt But so what kind of exercises, UM, can we 236 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,680 Speaker 1: do to kind of maybe slow down that process, to 237 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 1: get out of our head and make sure we're actually 238 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: listening and not just formulating our argument totally. So I 239 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: actually have UM. I actually created a free PDF download. 240 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 1: It's called the Couple's Edition of The Dudes and Don't 241 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: Sell Effective Communication, and it really breaks down some of 242 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,280 Speaker 1: the things that that you should do that sus your 243 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: relationship on a healthier path. And then there's some things 244 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: on there that you should not do and stuff that 245 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 1: you should literally just be avoiding, like the plague in 246 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,120 Speaker 1: your relationship. It and so what I love about that 247 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: is that there's an action plan that's attached to it, 248 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,319 Speaker 1: because I wanted people to not just get the information, 249 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: but learn how to implement that. So it's actually a 250 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 1: one page worksheet that you can get and it's about 251 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 1: a give and take. It breaks down what active listening 252 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 1: is and it gives you a concrete exercise of three 253 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: different topics that you and your partner um can choose. 254 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 1: And then it's um a reciprocity of one person sharing 255 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 1: exactly what they want to say, the other person listening, 256 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,680 Speaker 1: and then making sure that the other person is paraphrasing 257 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 1: what you say to be able to have that clarity 258 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: in doing vice versa. So it's almost like a little 259 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: couple's exercise that I included for people to be able 260 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,640 Speaker 1: to implement all of the things that they get on 261 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 1: the Dudes and Dots of Affective Communication. Okay, and we 262 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 1: definitely is that something that's available on your website? Oh? Absolutely, Okay, 263 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: we'll make that available in the show notes forcial totally. Yeah, 264 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: we get that because that's that's good stuff. Okay, okay, So, 265 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 1: what are some of the areas maybe like in the 266 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,600 Speaker 1: couples that you work with that you see couple struggling 267 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: with the most, Like what kinds of areas keep coming 268 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: up in terms of like difficulty communicating around I think 269 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: one of the major things that I'm seeing right now 270 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: is trust and vulnerability, and I know that those are 271 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 1: two things that it's almost like, especially with trust, like 272 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: sometimes it takes a long time to build depending on 273 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 1: how you are. Um, it can take a long time 274 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: to build. But that's something that can be broken, I 275 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,680 Speaker 1: mean immediately, just like that, you know. And so it's 276 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 1: a fine line because a lot of clients that I 277 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,160 Speaker 1: work with, they always come in with trust of vulnerability 278 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: issues and sometimes infidelity. But in the same aspect, at 279 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 1: the root of it, when I break down everything and 280 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: I go, I start digging and we get down to 281 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,160 Speaker 1: the root cause of it, it actually boils back down 282 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: to communication. Most of the time. It's like, you know 283 00:15:55,960 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: what a simple small conversation wasn't had a while all 284 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,760 Speaker 1: ago that could have really resolved or put things on 285 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: a different path. And so that's why I'm so passionate 286 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 1: about communication because I noticed that that tends to be 287 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: a lot of the route the cause of a lot 288 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:16,040 Speaker 1: of the the issues that you know are happening. So UM, 289 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,680 Speaker 1: to answer your question, infidelity, trust and most of the 290 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: times people just being scared to be vulnerable and open. Yeah, 291 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 1: that's a big one. I mean, so what kinds of 292 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: things do you feel like we can do to become 293 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:33,360 Speaker 1: more vulnerable in relationships. I think it's about just being honest, honestly, 294 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 1: and I know that's a hard one from most people. Um, 295 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: but when you're in a relationship with someone, you're on 296 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: the same team. Like, you guys are not enemies. You 297 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 1: guys are not competitors. You guys are not a components. 298 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 1: You guys are on the same team. So understanding that 299 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: that person loves you, cares about you, wants the best 300 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 1: for you, and having that in the forefront of your 301 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: mind at all times should help you be able to 302 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,200 Speaker 1: get to a place where you're slightly open enough to 303 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 1: share some of those things that may not be difficult 304 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: that may be extremely difficult to share, you know, I 305 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 1: mean stuff from your childhood, or stuff from a previous relationship, 306 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 1: or even stuff that's currently going on in your relationship. Um, 307 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 1: you should get to a point where you're kind of 308 00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 1: like just slowly but surely. It's almost like an onion, right, 309 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 1: You're just like pilling that layer by layer by layer 310 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 1: just to get to the core of it. And once 311 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,160 Speaker 1: that happens, I mean, I've seen relationships that are very 312 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,440 Speaker 1: closed off and they don't have that trust and they 313 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,480 Speaker 1: don't have that vulnerability. But when I do a little 314 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: bit of coaching and saying, hey, maybe that's something that 315 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 1: you can start sharing with your partners small bit by bit, 316 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 1: piece by piece, and over time, um, the relationship blossoms 317 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: into something that's just extremely beautiful. I can't really explain 318 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,199 Speaker 1: it in any other words. It's about a vulnerability and 319 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,280 Speaker 1: being able to just share some of the small things, 320 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:58,199 Speaker 1: just a little small things, and then making sure that 321 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,359 Speaker 1: that's received on the other end, and you know, in 322 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 1: a productive manner, and then that opens the door for 323 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 1: more sharing, more bigger things, more trust, more vulnerability, and 324 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,679 Speaker 1: that ultimately brings couples to a place of a greater 325 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 1: emotional connection. Yeah, and it does sound like that goes 326 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,120 Speaker 1: back to the communication piece that you talk about, because 327 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,879 Speaker 1: if I'm sharing things with you and i'm, you know, 328 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: kind of finding myself being vulnerable, then I need to 329 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: know that you can handle that. I need to know 330 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 1: that if I say that to you, that you won't 331 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,440 Speaker 1: throw that back in my face in an argument or 332 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 1: something like that. That's very true. So you have to 333 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:41,119 Speaker 1: create a space, a safe space for your partner to 334 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 1: the point where it's like, Okay, everything that I tell you. 335 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,920 Speaker 1: That's why, that's why it's important to build that foundation first, right. 336 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 1: I mean, we don't want to get into a relationship 337 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 1: with someone and then we found out that they're just 338 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: extremely not trustworthy, untrustworthy. We can't share anything with them, 339 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: they throw it back in our face. That doesn't create 340 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: an environment we're open communication can happen. That doesn't create 341 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,360 Speaker 1: an environment to have a healthy relationship because the other 342 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: person is not gonna want to share, and ultimately it's 343 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 1: going to be a breakdown in communication and then eventually 344 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: a breakdown in the relationship. So what are your thoughts about, 345 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,400 Speaker 1: because you know some of these communication patterns that you're 346 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 1: talking about, you know, whether I want to be more 347 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 1: kind of closed off in the relationship or do I 348 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 1: share certain things with you? A lot of that comes 349 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,720 Speaker 1: from how we're brought up, Like what are the communication 350 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,679 Speaker 1: patterns and our families? Um, So what are your thoughts 351 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 1: around do you feel like sometimes, um, people who are 352 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 1: in therapy with you need individual counseling to work through 353 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,679 Speaker 1: some of that before they can really be effective in 354 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:47,120 Speaker 1: a couple. You don't know how many times that couples 355 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: have come to me expecting me to work on a 356 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 1: couple of stuff, and after doing the initial assessment, I say, 357 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,640 Speaker 1: you know what, I think it's best that you guys 358 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 1: actually do individual counseling UM first prior to couples. I mean, 359 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,159 Speaker 1: there's so many sometimes a lot of deep rooted and 360 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,640 Speaker 1: seated things that even from our childhood um that come 361 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,680 Speaker 1: up in the relationship, and so it's those things needs 362 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,360 Speaker 1: to be worked on first in order to make sure 363 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 1: that the couple of therapy is more effective. So I 364 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: agree that a lot of the things that we experience 365 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: come from our childhood, and that could be a good 366 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,919 Speaker 1: thing or a bad thing, right, Because some people have 367 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 1: came from two parent homes and things were just peaches 368 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: and they had great communication and things are great. But 369 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 1: that's really not everyone's story. I know that's not my story, 370 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 1: to be honest with you. So I know what it's 371 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 1: like to come from a broken home where there was 372 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 1: verbal and physical abuse and it wasn't the healthiest environment 373 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 1: for me and my sister. And so I like to 374 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 1: tell people that most people are are in two camps. 375 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:55,840 Speaker 1: They either want to be the complete opposite of their parents. 376 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,119 Speaker 1: I mean just the complete opposite and say I'm just 377 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: not doing anything that you've got to did. I'm straight 378 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: far away from that. Or what happens is even though 379 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,160 Speaker 1: they tried to do that, they wind up still being 380 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,439 Speaker 1: just like their parents. And I find that that's just 381 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,639 Speaker 1: a really interesting dynamic that tends to happen because we 382 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,399 Speaker 1: fight so hard to do the opposite of what you know, 383 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,880 Speaker 1: we were brought up with. But then sometimes those things 384 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: tend to seek through some some of something. Yeah, I 385 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,879 Speaker 1: see through a lot of the times, to be honest 386 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 1: with you, and it's like, wow, I can't even depart 387 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 1: from this. This is very interesting. So I think you're 388 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 1: a hundred percent right, you know, parents, and even sometimes 389 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,600 Speaker 1: the things that weren't actually said or weren't done can 390 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: be just as as effective as you know, people who experienced, um, 391 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 1: the opposite effect where there were you know, arguments and 392 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 1: abuse and things of that nature. So um, understanding where 393 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,679 Speaker 1: your family history and where that came from, and understanding 394 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: the family dynamics and breaking down what you saw growing 395 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,360 Speaker 1: up in your household, I think that can really be 396 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 1: bene official and current relationships and even sharing that with 397 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 1: your partner because I'm sure ninety percent of the time, 398 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,400 Speaker 1: your partner had a completely different experience than you had 399 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: in their household growing up as well. Yeah, so how 400 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 1: do we get in touch with that? How do we 401 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,159 Speaker 1: get to know like what kinds of things need to 402 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,280 Speaker 1: be in check so that we can bring our best 403 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 1: self to a relationship. Yeah, I mean that's I think 404 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,840 Speaker 1: that's that's a really good question, honestly. And so I 405 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:32,000 Speaker 1: think everything starts with acknowledgement, right, So, if you know 406 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:38,400 Speaker 1: you had a tough childhood, or you know something's happen 407 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,960 Speaker 1: in your life where it's very, very difficult for you 408 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 1: to continue moving forward, just be real about them, and 409 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 1: be real about them with yourself and with your partner. 410 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:52,399 Speaker 1: And because and ultimately, you can't really heal what you 411 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,399 Speaker 1: aren't really willing to reveal. So the things that you 412 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,840 Speaker 1: keep secret, the things that you don't tell anybody oftentimes, 413 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,399 Speaker 1: those are the things that eat away at as so much, 414 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 1: like almost to our core. And then we're wondering why, 415 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,920 Speaker 1: you know, we're not able to have healthy relationships at work, 416 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 1: at school, with our partner, with our children. It's because, 417 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,600 Speaker 1: you know what, we're not dealing that dealing with that 418 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,320 Speaker 1: inner healing, that needs to take place. So some of 419 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 1: the best relationships, UM have to have that vulnerability piece 420 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 1: that I just talked about and being able to unpack 421 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,440 Speaker 1: some of that stuff. And that's why I'm so glad 422 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 1: you and I are on here today, because I mean, 423 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,719 Speaker 1: sometimes professional health is needed, right, Like sometimes you have 424 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 1: to go or you have to see a counselor and say, hey, 425 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 1: you know what, I've seen a pattern in my life 426 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 1: where I can't have healthy relationships. I'm having difficulty with 427 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 1: my children, I'm having issues at work, like what's going on. 428 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 1: And having someone from an objective perspective be able to 429 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,679 Speaker 1: walk you through some of that and unpack it and 430 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,679 Speaker 1: reveal some of the things that you're not able to 431 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 1: see is extremely powerful. Yeah, I mean, I I completely 432 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: agree with you, and I do think that that is 433 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,959 Speaker 1: one of the main reasons, UM, that a lot of 434 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 1: women will begin to seek therapy, is because something has 435 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 1: happened in relationship, right, so they realize they kind of 436 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 1: keep dating the same kind of person and it doesn't 437 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 1: get the results that they want. UM. So I think that, 438 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,800 Speaker 1: you know, difficulties and relationships are probably one of the 439 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: main reasons why people realize, like, oh, I probably should 440 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: talk with someone about this. I think you're a percent right. 441 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: And sometimes we always tell people like, before you even 442 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,800 Speaker 1: get into a relationship, you really want to take an 443 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:34,159 Speaker 1: inventory of yourself, like get to know yourself first before 444 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,400 Speaker 1: you bring someone else into your world. Because what happens 445 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,000 Speaker 1: is a lot of the times we think that we 446 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,919 Speaker 1: get into these relationships, are we get into marriage and 447 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,080 Speaker 1: that all of the issues that we have prior to 448 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: that they just disappear like wo be gone, you know. 449 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:51,080 Speaker 1: But that's the biggest lie and the biggest misconception that 450 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 1: I've seen, because what happens is all of those issues 451 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,160 Speaker 1: that we dealt with when we were single or when 452 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,639 Speaker 1: we were just dating, they tend to be magnified in 453 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,919 Speaker 1: our relationships. They tend to be magnified and greater in 454 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 1: our marriage. And so that's why it's important to kind 455 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,560 Speaker 1: of like work on yourself before like when you're in 456 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:10,879 Speaker 1: I tell people now, like I'm single, right, I'm a 457 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:15,679 Speaker 1: single marriage of family therapist. What irony? Irony is this? 458 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,679 Speaker 1: But I tell people being single is one of the 459 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,399 Speaker 1: best seasons because I'm able to work on myself and 460 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,159 Speaker 1: prepare so when that time comes for me to be 461 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,280 Speaker 1: in a relationship or to be in the marriage. I've 462 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,440 Speaker 1: been worked. I've worked on a lot of my stuff. 463 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,800 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I'm perfect and that my partner 464 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 1: will be perfect, but I know that I'll get to 465 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,600 Speaker 1: get to a place where I'm saying, Okay, I've already 466 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 1: taken an inventory of how i am emotionally and spiritually, physically, psychologically, 467 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: UM and being ready to receive the person when they 468 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 1: come into my life. So it's a great season to 469 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: be in. Yeah, And have you found any kind of 470 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,199 Speaker 1: like formal inventories that you're talking about or is this 471 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,399 Speaker 1: something that you would craft with your client about like 472 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,879 Speaker 1: how to take an inventory of the things that they 473 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:04,680 Speaker 1: me not be recognizing for themselves. Yeah, I haven't come 474 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,000 Speaker 1: across one that I've really like loved to you out 475 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,159 Speaker 1: that's out there. So I tend to kind of like 476 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:13,679 Speaker 1: craft my own and make it kind of tailored to 477 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:18,240 Speaker 1: each person's UM situation because everyone's different, and so everyone 478 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,399 Speaker 1: has UM specific areas that they you know, may or 479 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 1: may not be you know, important to them. So say, 480 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,520 Speaker 1: for instance, someone who's not as spiritual, I really wouldn't 481 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:32,040 Speaker 1: always come include that component. Uh, it'll just be noted like, 482 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,119 Speaker 1: you know what this is in an area where you know, 483 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 1: I want to you know, grow in or I feel 484 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,680 Speaker 1: like I'm good in this area or whatever the case 485 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,400 Speaker 1: may be. So I like to do scaling. I'm very 486 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,200 Speaker 1: solution focused and like everything that I do, right, I'm 487 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 1: I'm one of those therapists, So I like to I 488 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: like to do skills and ratings and things of that 489 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,240 Speaker 1: nature to say, you know, well, where are you at 490 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,679 Speaker 1: now with this, like is this something are you? Do 491 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,240 Speaker 1: you feel like you are good in this area? So 492 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: emotionally or psychologically, your fisically you know, like do you 493 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,200 Speaker 1: feel like you're good in this area? If you are okay, 494 00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 1: what number would you give that? Alright? Cool? And then 495 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 1: as we progress and we go through counseling and we 496 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,920 Speaker 1: go through the process taking an inventory again and assessing 497 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,880 Speaker 1: where we're at and if we're making progress and if 498 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,720 Speaker 1: that number went up or went down or stayed the same, 499 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: and making adjustments that's necessary. So I haven't found one 500 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: that I'm completely like ranting and raving about, but I 501 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 1: tend to tailor them to my clients, um, just to 502 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 1: get a really good inventory of where they're at. So 503 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: I do want to backtrack a little, because, Um, I 504 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,640 Speaker 1: feel like we had a missed opportunity to really dive 505 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,880 Speaker 1: into something that I think is probably really important, especially 506 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 1: with your couples. UM. So you talked a lot about 507 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 1: like the trust peace, and I think something that really 508 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:49,480 Speaker 1: highlights UM trust issues is around like social media and technology, right, 509 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,320 Speaker 1: And I know you had a recent yes, yes, you 510 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,679 Speaker 1: had a recent Facebook post talking about like snooping and 511 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: looking through your partners phones and those kinds of things. 512 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,679 Speaker 1: So I do want to hear more about um how 513 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,400 Speaker 1: like the technology things play out for couples and how 514 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:12,200 Speaker 1: that is related to trust. I think in this newfound 515 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 1: season where technology is to go to for everything, I 516 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:21,360 Speaker 1: think has created a very interesting UM dynamic and relationships 517 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,000 Speaker 1: that wasn't technically there before in generations past, right, Like 518 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: cell phones and texting and social media wasn't that big 519 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 1: in the past, but now it seems to be like rampant. 520 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,800 Speaker 1: That's all we do all day. We get notifications and 521 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 1: we respond to people and all of that good stuff. 522 00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 1: And so I've seen an increase in people's level of 523 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 1: trust when it comes to social media and their phone 524 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 1: and is it okay to have the you know, the 525 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:50,000 Speaker 1: password to your partner's cell phone, or is it okay 526 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 1: to check their social media? And it's just over it's 527 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:59,240 Speaker 1: this over suspicion that I've seen where it has placed 528 00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 1: people in a position where they don't trust their partner 529 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,120 Speaker 1: as much as previously in a sense. And so I 530 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:10,720 Speaker 1: created that post about respecting your partner's privacy because you 531 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,640 Speaker 1: have to have those conversations about you know, what is 532 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 1: it okay for? Is it okay for us to have 533 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:20,400 Speaker 1: each other's UM password to their phone? You know, like 534 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 1: each couple is very different. I tell them that, like 535 00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 1: what is okay for one couple may not necessarily fit 536 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 1: for the next one. So there may be a couple 537 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,960 Speaker 1: who have each other's password to their phone and check 538 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 1: each other social media and it's not a big deal 539 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,160 Speaker 1: because they trust each other and it's fine and there's 540 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 1: no issues there. But there may be an issue in 541 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 1: another relationship where one person wants that and the other 542 00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 1: person doesn't. So how can you have those conversations, UM 543 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:49,040 Speaker 1: and where there's an equal imbalance or in between the middle? UM, 544 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 1: it can be rough. So I've seen it take its 545 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 1: told because social media is not always like filtered, right, 546 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,600 Speaker 1: there's beautiful women on there, there's beautiful men on there. 547 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 1: Some people don't really respect other people's relationships, whether they're 548 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 1: married or not. I've seen that be the case, and 549 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,479 Speaker 1: it can be very risky. So you have to be 550 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,719 Speaker 1: solid in your relationship first in order to be able 551 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:14,200 Speaker 1: to I guess deter or to push away or deny 552 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,160 Speaker 1: some of the requests that maybe out there, and that 553 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 1: makes some of your way. Yeah, it almost feels like 554 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 1: there needs to be like this conversation on the front end. 555 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 1: Um and and it feels like, you know, maybe dating 556 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,080 Speaker 1: myself a little bit, right, but um like when Facebook 557 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 1: first came out and you knew that this is how 558 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 1: a relationship was official, like if we linked our profiles together, right, 559 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 1: So these all these conversations about like even presenting yourself 560 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,640 Speaker 1: as a couple on social media. Um So, like on 561 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:46,240 Speaker 1: the front end, having conversations about okay, can you follow 562 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,720 Speaker 1: people of the opposite sex, Like what kinds of things 563 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,479 Speaker 1: are okay for you to direct message people around? You know, 564 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,960 Speaker 1: like really having some of those conversations early on it 565 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:57,280 Speaker 1: seems like could be helpful, I mean extremely early on 566 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,120 Speaker 1: in the relationship. I know. It's so funny because yeah, 567 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 1: I remember when you know, it was a big thing 568 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: to be, you know, in a relationship on Facebook and 569 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,920 Speaker 1: you know, just got engaged and married and all of 570 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 1: that stuff and are dating this person, um, And now 571 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: I don't see that as much. It's almost like people 572 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,360 Speaker 1: want to keep that aspect of them away from social media, 573 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,200 Speaker 1: probably for this very reason. But I think on the 574 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 1: flip side, it cause it's more confusion because if you 575 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:28,680 Speaker 1: don't have on your profile that you're married and people, 576 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: and you never post pictures of your significant other, of 577 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,000 Speaker 1: your kids or whatever the case may be, you give 578 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,480 Speaker 1: off this impression of a lifestyle that you don't really have, 579 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 1: and you have to be careful about how you present 580 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 1: yourself out there on social media and how your view Definitely, yeah, 581 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: I mean I've also seen even a lot of conversation 582 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:50,400 Speaker 1: around um, like people not following their significant other on 583 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,280 Speaker 1: like maybe Twitter or Instagram just to kind of keep 584 00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 1: down any confusion around like seeing them interact with other 585 00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 1: people on the platform and things like that. Yeah, very interesting, 586 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:06,960 Speaker 1: That's not my style. I would totally follow, not to 587 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:09,880 Speaker 1: snoop for it to you know, to be looking for something, 588 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,000 Speaker 1: but I would totally want to follow my significant other 589 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,040 Speaker 1: and my partner just to see, you know, we're doing 590 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,320 Speaker 1: life together in one aspect or another, So I want 591 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,520 Speaker 1: to be a part of that world. Um. But it 592 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 1: definitely can cause a lot of confusion. Definitely, for sure. 593 00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,480 Speaker 1: I've seen I've seen a lot of heated arguments and 594 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,440 Speaker 1: discussions and I even made posts like that about you 595 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 1: know that on Facebook to see what other people say. 596 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,200 Speaker 1: And it's pretty pretty consistent across the board that each 597 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:38,600 Speaker 1: relationship has its own specifications when it comes to social media, 598 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,520 Speaker 1: just like with everything else. Yeah, I mean, I do 599 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 1: think that that raises a good point that you talked 600 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 1: about even before, um, that your relationship is just that 601 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,960 Speaker 1: it's yours. So when we get caught up in trying 602 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,640 Speaker 1: to compare what my best friends relationship looks like with 603 00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,960 Speaker 1: their partner, um, you can kind of get into some 604 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,040 Speaker 1: trouble because what is healthy and works for them may 605 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 1: not be the same for you. Absolutely. I tell people 606 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 1: all the time, like comparison is like sometimes one of 607 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 1: the best the worst things that we do, um, because 608 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,000 Speaker 1: we start comparing our life and our business and our 609 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,000 Speaker 1: relationship and our money and all of these things to 610 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,520 Speaker 1: other people. But you never know what's really really really 611 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 1: going on um in that relationship, in that business, and 612 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:24,240 Speaker 1: that in their bank account and all of these things. 613 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,520 Speaker 1: What we see is so superficial um on the surface 614 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 1: of time, especially on social media, like people put up 615 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,160 Speaker 1: a front all the time to be honest with you, 616 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,480 Speaker 1: and they have this lavish lifestyle, but they're really you know, 617 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,480 Speaker 1: wrote and living at home with your mom and catching 618 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 1: the bus like you know, like those are some of 619 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,200 Speaker 1: the things that we see sometimes and we think that 620 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,720 Speaker 1: they lived this you know, high life with this beautiful 621 00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:48,680 Speaker 1: home and all of these things, but it's it's not 622 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:52,880 Speaker 1: always accurate. And so it's important for us to not 623 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 1: always compare ourselves to each other because we don't know 624 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,880 Speaker 1: what the other person is truly truly going on, that's 625 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,360 Speaker 1: going on with them, or that they're doing, and so 626 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,720 Speaker 1: it can be very it could almost be like a 627 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,400 Speaker 1: blow to our own like self esteem as well, because 628 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,719 Speaker 1: when we start comparing ourselves um, and if we feel 629 00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,759 Speaker 1: inadequate or you know, not up to par in a 630 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,560 Speaker 1: certain area, it can really like damage our self esteem. 631 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,799 Speaker 1: And ultimately we're comparing ourselves to something that's not even 632 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,680 Speaker 1: real half of the time. So it's it's a fine 633 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 1: line you have to be very very careful about comparison, right, yeah, 634 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,560 Speaker 1: because there's no way you can never measure up to 635 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 1: something that doesn't actually exist in the first place. Actually, So, Candrew, 636 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 1: what are some of your favorite resources around healthy relationships, 637 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,839 Speaker 1: like maybe some books or work cheats or podcasts, um, 638 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,160 Speaker 1: what kinds of things do you really love that talk 639 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:49,560 Speaker 1: like will about healthy relationships. Well, first of all, of course, 640 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,040 Speaker 1: the couple's edition of The Dudes and Don't Some Effective 641 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:56,319 Speaker 1: Communication that I created one of my favorite resources that 642 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: you should definitely go out and grab. But the two 643 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:04,719 Speaker 1: will that I find myself consistently going back to is 644 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:08,239 Speaker 1: the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I mean that 645 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,640 Speaker 1: book has really actually not only transfer my life, but 646 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:14,160 Speaker 1: I use that with all of my couples. It's super 647 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,280 Speaker 1: important to know your love language and know your partner's 648 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,680 Speaker 1: love language because that keeps you in a place where 649 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:23,760 Speaker 1: you're actually speaking and fulfilling their quote unquote love tank 650 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 1: and so UM. I love teaching that I love, you know, 651 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,240 Speaker 1: having them do the exercises and giving them the tools 652 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 1: that they need to make sure that they're having a 653 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,440 Speaker 1: healthy relationship. The second one I use UM and it's 654 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:38,680 Speaker 1: not always for marriages, but I've implemented some of these 655 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:42,000 Speaker 1: with my couples that are not married. Married is The 656 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:46,560 Speaker 1: Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and that's by John Gottman. Um. 657 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:50,120 Speaker 1: That book is super super powerful. I love it's practicality 658 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,400 Speaker 1: because sometimes these books about relationships and all of this 659 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: stuff is kind of like, Okay, that's great, that's nice, 660 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 1: but how do I this into my real life, my 661 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 1: day to day life. I think he does a great 662 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,680 Speaker 1: job with giving us practical tools that we can use, 663 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,520 Speaker 1: like starting today to make sure that you have a 664 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,239 Speaker 1: healthy marriage, and then sometimes those things applied when you're 665 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,239 Speaker 1: not married as well. So those are the two um 666 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,120 Speaker 1: resources that I tend to use like a lot, a 667 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:18,359 Speaker 1: lot a lot. So tell us where we can find 668 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,520 Speaker 1: more information about your work and everything that you're doing. 669 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 1: Absolutely so, of course I am on Facebook and Instagram 670 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,239 Speaker 1: as key Andrew Jackson. You can find me there, follow me, 671 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,359 Speaker 1: and then you can also visit my website at kW 672 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:35,359 Speaker 1: Couples with an S Therapy dot com. That's www dot 673 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:39,120 Speaker 1: kW couples Therapy dot com. Perfect and all that information 674 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,879 Speaker 1: again will be included in the show notes. So any 675 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 1: final parting words that you feel like you want to 676 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:48,120 Speaker 1: leave us on Canada. M final parting words. I just 677 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:51,919 Speaker 1: wanted to let you all know that healthy relationships are 678 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,200 Speaker 1: a key component in our lives and that that's something 679 00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:58,759 Speaker 1: that we should strive for no matter what aspects we're in, 680 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,239 Speaker 1: because when we think about relationships, we're always thinking about 681 00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 1: an intimate relationship. But like I said, there's work, relationship, colleague, family, friends, 682 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:09,080 Speaker 1: with your children, and it's important because a lot of 683 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,799 Speaker 1: the things I actually talked about today with communication and 684 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:15,680 Speaker 1: boundaries and what's healthy and what's not in comparison, those 685 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,160 Speaker 1: are things that can be used in every aspect of 686 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,920 Speaker 1: your life. So I want you guys to take the 687 00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,960 Speaker 1: the information that I provided and kind of like plugging 688 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,480 Speaker 1: in where it fits in, because it's super important when 689 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,640 Speaker 1: you have a healthy relationship, trust me, eliminates a lot 690 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 1: of you know, stress and anxiety in other areas of 691 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:38,719 Speaker 1: your life. So definitely relationships, healthy relationships are key. Perfect. 692 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,719 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today, Candre. Thank 693 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 1: you so much for having me. I truly appreciate it. 694 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,800 Speaker 1: I have such a good time. I am loving Therapy 695 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,319 Speaker 1: for Black Girls, and I hope you will have you 696 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:55,839 Speaker 1: on again soon. A thank you too. So if you 697 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,560 Speaker 1: love the knowledge that Canrew dropped in that episode, then 698 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: you absolutely wanted check out her pamphlet that she developed 699 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 1: for the dues and don't of effective Communication. You can 700 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,880 Speaker 1: find that link as well as all the other resources 701 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,720 Speaker 1: that she mentioned in the show notes. That's that Therapy 702 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:16,520 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash Session fifteen and as always, 703 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,040 Speaker 1: I would love to hear your feedback about the episode, 704 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:20,920 Speaker 1: so please make sure to share that with me on 705 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:25,040 Speaker 1: social media. You can use the hashtag tb G in session. 706 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,640 Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at Therapy for the 707 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,880 Speaker 1: Number four be Girls, and you can find us on 708 00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for Black Girls. And again, 709 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,399 Speaker 1: if you'd like to join in with other women who 710 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,480 Speaker 1: are catching up with the episodes, make sure to join 711 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:45,080 Speaker 1: the Thrive tribe at Therapy for Black Girls dot com 712 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:49,319 Speaker 1: backslash tribe. I'm looking forward to continue in this conversation 713 00:38:49,360 --> 00:39:12,160 Speaker 1: with you all real soon. Take good care, oft oft 714 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:17,640 Speaker 1: oft