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Speaker 1: I I how are you loaded?

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Speaker 2: Question?

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Speaker 1: My friend, I'm just kidding the fucking eclipse. Man. If

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Speaker 1: you haven't listened to our astrology podcast with Marv yet

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Speaker 1: and you're just feeling fine, I don't know what kind

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Speaker 1: of robot or alien you might be, but I think

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Speaker 1: everyone's kind of going through it in some capacity right now.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully it's good things. And for me it has been

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Speaker 1: like some really great realizations and releases that I need

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Speaker 1: to have or needed to have, and also just so

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Speaker 1: many tears. I told you, I'm like, I've cried every day.

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Speaker 1: I can't remember the last time I've cried. Crash though

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Speaker 1: probably released. It probably won't.

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Speaker 3: Stand up on camera, but it is a party down bottom,

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Speaker 3: party down bottom in or sweatpants right now.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'll show the people this is there.

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Speaker 3: You go, oh, tell him the phrase that you coined.

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Speaker 1: So for the listeners who are just listening on the

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Speaker 1: podcast and not watching on YouTube. I have on a

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Speaker 1: really cute vintaged tea and I got on Chip goes, oh,

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Speaker 1: you look so cute, and then I stood up and

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Speaker 1: I go, no, it's business up top party when you drop,

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Speaker 1: because it's so good.

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Speaker 3: Team registered trademark all the.

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Speaker 1: Thing I should. Should I make a shirt that says.

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Speaker 4: That, I mean it kind of is amazing.

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Speaker 1: I really could have capitalized during COVID like Zoomdred days,

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Speaker 1: because everyone did that, you know, you made sure the

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Speaker 1: top half was like good. So I'm a little late

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Speaker 1: to the game maybe, But anyway, that's about the level

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Speaker 1: we are today or I am. But this week on

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Speaker 1: the podcast, on Wednesday's podcast, we talked to Kim Anami,

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Speaker 1: and she is this amazing sex expert, but her stuff

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Speaker 1: is a little different to me because I find it,

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Speaker 1: you know, I can't say it's a blanket across the board.

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Speaker 1: I feel like most sex experts are very like pro

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Speaker 1: female sex and owning their sexuality and all of those

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Speaker 1: things in a good way, not just like pitching it

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Speaker 1: out to the world and kind of being like what

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Speaker 1: we would call maybe like a hoe you know, right

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Speaker 1: right a moment but it's free. Yeah, because like that's

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Speaker 1: not always actually the most empowered thing. If it is

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Speaker 1: for you, great, But like there's a lot of ways

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Speaker 1: that I think it can get a little bit twisted.

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Speaker 1: And I find that Kim's work is just so much

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Speaker 1: about embracing your own pleasure. So I really liked that. Like,

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Speaker 1: we've talked about the female orgasm. We talked about all

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Speaker 1: the different kinds of orgasms you can have. We talked

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Speaker 1: about when a woman is well fucked, like she coined

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Speaker 1: a term, the well fucked woman, and it's about the

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Speaker 1: way that a woman shows up in life and relationships

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Speaker 1: is so different when she's well fucked, like just she

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Speaker 1: just talks about it that way. It's amazing. Even talked

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Speaker 1: about how having orgasms as a woman can really help

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Speaker 1: with menopause symptoms. Wow.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's been a lot thom since I've been

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Speaker 3: with a woman, and chances are I mean, my memory

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Speaker 3: is foggy from college, but I don't know that anyone

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Speaker 3: ever reached orgasm but me.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's shocking to me right now, is of

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Speaker 1: all people, you're gonna sit here and have the audacity

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Speaker 1: to tell me that we can't talk about this topic

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Speaker 1: that you pretend to know so much. We've told the listeners.

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Speaker 4: That breaking out into a culture.

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Speaker 1: He literally, his face is right right now. We've told

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Speaker 1: the listeners about how much you only send me memes

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Speaker 1: or videos that are like about a vagina pretty much

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Speaker 1: lots of clans. Why don't you do the noise that

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Speaker 1: you do. We can hear it. Do it one more song?

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Speaker 1: There you go, because you keep doing it over me talking,

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Speaker 1: say it one more to do? I actually think Zoom

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Speaker 1: is meeting you for Yeah.

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Speaker 3: It probably is like what is that earthquake sound?

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Speaker 1: So you guys might have to go watch that on YouTube. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Ship likes like he's an expert on vaginas all the time.

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Speaker 1: So the audacity for you right now?

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm I guess my cover is blown and I

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Speaker 3: don't know that lot of this topic.

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Speaker 4: So should I step out of the room?

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Speaker 1: You know what, let's not waste the listener's time. I

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Speaker 1: actually have an episode that you did contribute to when

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Speaker 1: you still were thinking or acting like you knew everything

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Speaker 1: about vaginas. It's with one of our favorite sex experts,

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Speaker 1: Susan Bratton. So this week on the podcast is just

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Speaker 1: all about sex. Let's talk about sex, baby, but Susan.

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Speaker 1: Susan also gives a very empowered version of sex and

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Speaker 1: it's a little bit more across the board. She was

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Speaker 1: one of our favorite guests of all times. So here's

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Speaker 1: that episode. Basically, I went to Suthan, I love your

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Speaker 1: story about not being satisfied at forty and finding a

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Speaker 1: way to really include sex and enhance sex in your marriage,

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Speaker 1: and you said, oh, I still deal with that. My

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Speaker 1: pussy's never satisfied.

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Speaker 2: Never satisfied. The minute she's satisfied, she's all purring and happy,

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Speaker 2: and then two hours later she's like, I'm not kidding enough.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what it is, but she's jealous, she's judgmental,

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Speaker 2: she's ornery, she's bossy, she's sassy, she's hungry. She's like, ah,

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Speaker 2: living with this thing in my pants. I mean guys,

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Speaker 2: we think guys are the only ones that have experience

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Speaker 2: like this where they like can't control themselves. Just the

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Speaker 2: other day, I found myself giving my husband a shit test,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, that's a shit test. How did

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Speaker 2: I do that? Like I thought I was so involved

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Speaker 2: that I could go not do these. It's ridiculous. What's

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Speaker 2: a fundamental our physiology is? Oh, I don't know. When

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Speaker 2: you're like, well, you obviously don't love me, you would

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Speaker 2: have you know whatever, I don't know. I don't even

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Speaker 2: remember what it was. I'm really bad. I'm one of

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Speaker 2: those kind of people where I can have like a

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Speaker 2: knockdown drag outfight, I get it all out of me,

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Speaker 2: I'm all done, and then the other person can remember

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Speaker 2: every single word I said forever and I can't remember.

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Speaker 2: Don't you hate that?

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Speaker 1: Yes, I'm actually the person that remembers every single word though,

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Speaker 1: so you and I would really go at it.

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Speaker 2: Do then I want to disadvantage.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I'm a cancer and that's like a huge

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Speaker 1: part of our personality. So there you.

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Speaker 2: Go, Lucky.

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Speaker 1: I try not to when I'm in my evolved self. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I mean it's hard.

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Speaker 3: Susan listen, if she does, she's good about being.

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Speaker 2: Called out on it, so this is true.

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Speaker 1: I can take criticism. So there you go. Well we

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Speaker 1: are here with Susan Bratton. That was quite the introduction.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure people are like, what is happening right now?

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Speaker 1: But you're an intimacy expert and coach and I want

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Speaker 1: to talk through a lot of coach. I'm sorry, an

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Speaker 1: intimacy expert. Would that be the proper The reason I say.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a coach is that I don't do any

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Speaker 2: one on one work. I have to run a publishing

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Speaker 2: company where I've published passionate love making techniques and bedroom

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Speaker 2: communication skills, so Basically, I'm like, I give you the DIY,

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Speaker 2: I give you the workshop in a box if you will,

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Speaker 2: And I give you the videos, the audios, the ebooks,

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Speaker 2: the workbooks to work your shit out yourself, yeah, step

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Speaker 2: by step by step, or to learn new skills and

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Speaker 2: increment your knowledge yourself so you can do what I

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Speaker 2: like to call transforming having sex into making love. Kind

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Speaker 2: of my thing is heart connected love making techniques, which

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Speaker 2: include communication skills.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think that's a really good place to start.

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Speaker 1: So what would you say are the main differences between

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Speaker 1: love making and just having sex?

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Speaker 2: Well, I think that having sex is kind of like

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Speaker 2: a friction event. You know, it's like, okay, if we

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Speaker 2: rub our parts together, whatever parts they are, we'll get

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Speaker 2: to have orgasms, hopefully please God. Right, And that's not

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Speaker 2: intimate connection. The reason I say that I'm an intimacy

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Speaker 2: expert is that when you have heart connection, when you

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Speaker 2: can look each other in the eyes instead of having sex,

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Speaker 2: that is, you know, your eyes are closed and you're

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Speaker 2: checked out and you're just feeling it and they're just

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Speaker 2: feeling it. That's not that's not intimacy. When you don't

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Speaker 2: hold each other and stroke each other's bodies, when you

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Speaker 2: don't cherish the person, if you're not deep breathing, if

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Speaker 2: that's not you know, if you're not just like really

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Speaker 2: connecting with each other's breath and being super close and

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Speaker 2: having really sexy kissing and rubbing your hands all over

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Speaker 2: your lover because they feel so good to you. Those

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Speaker 2: are what I would consider heart connected, and the other

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Speaker 2: piece of my kind of little phrase heart connected. Conscious

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Speaker 2: love making techniques is conscious means the communication piece. It

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Speaker 2: means I'm here, I'm with you, I've chosen you, I'm present,

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Speaker 2: I'm invested in our love making. I'm I'm here through

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Speaker 2: the fix and the thins, the rocky moments when your

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Speaker 2: yoni gets cranky and it's all bitchy or whatever it

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Speaker 2: might be. That's the conscious piece, which is that I'm

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Speaker 2: not ashamed about my sex. I'm surrendered to my pleasure

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Speaker 2: with you. I'm not trying to suck my stomach in,

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Speaker 2: I'm not fake, I'm not performative. I mean, one of

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Speaker 2: the things that I think pornography has done is that

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Speaker 2: it's really hurt sex because pornography's made for men to

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Speaker 2: jerk off too, because men need to keep their sperm

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Speaker 2: topped off because at any moment they're going to be

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Speaker 2: called on to perform, and they can't tell. In the

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Speaker 2: heterosexual world, they can't tell when their woman is going

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Speaker 2: to want them because she's on this moon cycle, so

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Speaker 2: they got to be ready. So that's why they're so

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Speaker 2: driven to masturbate. So porn grew up to provide the

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Speaker 2: things that they want to watch to get off. But

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Speaker 2: then everybody thinks that's what sex is, and it ends

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Speaker 2: up being performance and friction rather than what I think

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Speaker 2: lovers want, which is intimacy, connection, surrender to pleasure, a

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Speaker 2: co mingling of orgasmic pleasure, multiple male orgasm, full body

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Speaker 2: energy orgasms, touching you everywhere, not having shame, having joy

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Speaker 2: and pleasure and laughter and touch and fun. And so

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Speaker 2: the conscious piece of it is, I'm totally showing up

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Speaker 2: in my heart and my connection for you right now

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Speaker 2: in this moment of our love making.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I have a friend who says

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Speaker 1: that a lot of the things like that pornography kind

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Speaker 1: of provides for our culture has made our culture think,

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Speaker 1: is that basically to people masturbating together is sex, and

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Speaker 1: it's like, that's not at all the connection I just

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Speaker 1: heard you talk about which, like, I want that? That

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Speaker 1: sounds amazing.

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Speaker 3: Is that possible in a casual setting or do you

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Speaker 3: think that's only possible in sort of a zoned in

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Speaker 3: relationship where the people fully know each other.

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Speaker 2: I think it's possible to have casual, heart connected sex

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Speaker 2: because I think what you bring is your vulnerability and

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Speaker 2: a loving heart and soul to the person in the moment,

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Speaker 2: and you can have that. I mean, you've had one

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Speaker 2: night stance that touched your heart, You've had a long

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Speaker 2: fuck fest flings in remote perhaps Jamaica.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to Jamaica, and that's why.

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Speaker 2: I said that, Like Church Lady, Jamaica's kind of manifest

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Speaker 2: it for me. I'm manifesting for you. What do you want?

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Speaker 2: What would be like the perfect you're making sexual fantasy?

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Speaker 1: Actually, I'm doing an intentional celibacy right now, and so

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Speaker 1: for me it would only involve myself.

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Speaker 2: Susan, all right, great, So you need to take the

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Speaker 2: four different kinds of vibrators that I recommend for women

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Speaker 2: for orgasmic cross training.

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Speaker 1: Oh now this is getting into Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I didn't care about this.

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Speaker 1: I want to know what they are, of course I do.

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Speaker 2: Well. The first one, of course, we all know there's vibrators, right,

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Speaker 2: so some kinds of vibrators. There's vibrators that are buzzy

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Speaker 2: and vibrators that are rumbling and things like that, and

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Speaker 2: that's great. The second kind is what's called a thruster,

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Speaker 2: and a thruster is actually a vibrator that goes inside

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Speaker 2: you and it rocks back and forth, so it's kind

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Speaker 2: of like intercourse done for you. Yeah, I can tickle

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Speaker 2: the G spot at the same time, and it can

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Speaker 2: be hands free, so you could you could be playing

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Speaker 2: with your own breasts while the thruster is doing its

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Speaker 2: thing to you. Those are really good for women who

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Speaker 2: haven't been actively sexual recently and they're like, I hope

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Speaker 2: this thing's not broken. You know, you got to get

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Speaker 2: some blood flow going.

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Speaker 1: To get the cobs out of there.

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Speaker 2: It's right, yeah, thrust the cob webs out. And then

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Speaker 2: there's what's called an air stimulatory and that is kind

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Speaker 2: of the Womanizers, the most famous brand. It's like the

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Speaker 2: it sucks and blows the clitter.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, yes, those are nice.

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Speaker 2: And they have a new one called the Duo, which

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Speaker 2: actually also has a G spot vibrator, so you can

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Speaker 2: get your clip sucked while you're vibrating your G spot

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Speaker 2: at the same time, and that's a really nice blended orgasm.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: And then the fourth kind is essentially a motor boat

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Speaker 2: for your clip. It's like a liquor. And my favorite

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Speaker 2: one of those is called the Volta by fun Factory.

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Speaker 2: That's a really nice one. So if you have all

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Speaker 2: these different types of sex tools, something to stimulate your

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Speaker 2: G spots, something to stimulate your clitters, something that goes

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Speaker 2: inside your vagina, something that goes outside, something that's a

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Speaker 2: big buzz, something that's a small kind of buzz or

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Speaker 2: big rumble, a small buzz, you know, something super power

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Speaker 2: packed air stimulate. You know, you've got all this different stuff.

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Speaker 2: Number one thing it does is it teaches your body

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Speaker 2: how to come from a lot of different stimulation, which

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Speaker 2: means you just generally become a better comer so that

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Speaker 2: when you're with a partner, you're able to come more easily.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people think I'm funny. I'm writing an

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Speaker 2: article for a website right now about how sex toys

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Speaker 2: don't decrease your orgasmic ability, they increase it even when

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Speaker 2: you're with a partner.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's so interesting. I'm sorry to cut you off.

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Speaker 1: I'd have always heard that that, Like, if you were

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Speaker 1: using a vibrator when you're by yourself, then you're going

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Speaker 1: to have a harder time orgasming with your partner because

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Speaker 1: you get so used to that artificial stimulation.

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Speaker 2: That's how learning how to come from different types of

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Speaker 2: stimulation is the trick, right, So we start to cross

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Speaker 2: train with different vibrators. Usually people have one path to

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Speaker 2: orgasm when they start, because orgasms are a learned skill.

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Speaker 2: I mean, there are twenty kinds of orgasms for the

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Speaker 2: male body for chip look for the female for twenty yeah,

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Speaker 2: and the twentieth one is wild card, so it's really unlimited.

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Speaker 2: There are ways people are coming that I haven't even

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Speaker 2: heard about, and I heard about a lot of them.

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Speaker 2: So what's great is I mean, whether you're an XX

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Speaker 2: or x Y chromosome person, no matter where you are

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Speaker 2: across the gender spectrum, all sexual gender identity expression, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't really matter what it is because we come the

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Speaker 2: same way, the masculine and feminine bodies. The different genders

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Speaker 2: come the same way. Men have a prostate, women have

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Speaker 2: a g spot, women have an inni in their vagina

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Speaker 2: where we go internal. Men are external with their penis,

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Speaker 2: but we still all can have nipplegasms and throatgasms and

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Speaker 2: footgasms and be coorgasms or belly gasms. We can have

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Speaker 2: orgasms from prostate stimulation, from penis stimulation. Men can be

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Speaker 2: multi orgasmic, they can have full body orgasms. I mean,

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Speaker 2: there's so many different kinds of and what's interesting is

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Speaker 2: that there's actually three categories of orgasms. There's the places

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Speaker 2: to touch, which is a lot of what I've been listening,

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Speaker 2: and each time, if you start out with the one way,

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Speaker 2: you come like some guys. Some guys stroke they're penis

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Speaker 2: just at the base and hardly touch the top. Other

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Speaker 2: guys they're just really at the top. Other guys super

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Speaker 2: light touch, got to get the ball. Other guys are

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Speaker 2: like it's got to be like practically you're squeeze, you're

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Speaker 2: squeezing it to death. And then you know, so everybody

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Speaker 2: has such a different experience. But the touch locations are

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Speaker 2: one thing. And then there's the kind of techniques like

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Speaker 2: becoming the multi orgasmic man without you know, learning to

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Speaker 2: have orgasms without ejaculating, because they're two separate systems in

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Speaker 2: the body. So any man can come and come and

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Speaker 2: come and come and come. Any male body penis owner

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Speaker 2: can have unlimited orgasms, and then he can choose when

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Speaker 2: he wants to ejaculate. He can gain ejaculatory choice, so

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Speaker 2: that or you know, expanded orgasm practice learning how to

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Speaker 2: get into an orgasm and take that moment of climax

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Speaker 2: and just stretch time out like taffy. Any body can

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Speaker 2: do that. You can come and come and come. These

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Speaker 2: are all learned skills, including the third kind of orgasms,

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Speaker 2: which are orgasms that are generated from objects, whether those

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Speaker 2: be you know, still letto heels get me off, or

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Speaker 2: I love leather chaps, or I'm sitting on a scybyan

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Speaker 2: or I have these sex toys or whatever it is.

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Speaker 2: They really can create orgasmic release for you. So when

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Speaker 2: you learn orgasm, you usually have one way you start.

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Speaker 2: But then if you keep trying, and if you're aware

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Speaker 2: that there are all these orgasms and you are the

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Speaker 2: kind of person who wants to have those experiences, then

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Speaker 2: it's as simple as learning how to do it. It's

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Speaker 2: like once you know that it's there and you know

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Speaker 2: how to do it, your body is available to have it.

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Speaker 2: I did a series this summer called Come with Me

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Speaker 2: The Twenty Kinds of Orgasms, and I describe that to

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Speaker 2: have each one so you can just start adding to

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Speaker 2: your skill set.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so is this a mental or a physical thing?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 4: How? Yeah? I mean, can you walk us through like

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Speaker 4: some of them.

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Speaker 3: I'm just I'm curious because it's.

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Speaker 1: Like, well she did she just an example of what?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like how to relearn something I don't know? Like

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Speaker 3: if if you as a male, if you feel like

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Speaker 3: you're about to ejaculate, how do you extend that is

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Speaker 3: not a physical thing?

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Speaker 4: How's that mental? Well?

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Speaker 2: The first thing that's mental about it is that you

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Speaker 2: have to understand that ejaculation and orgasm are separate systems

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Speaker 2: in the male body. So most guys think, when I

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Speaker 2: have an orgasm, I ejaculate. That's just how it is. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's not just what you do because you learn that

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Speaker 2: because that's what's endemic in our culture. But the Taoists

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Speaker 2: have been separating ejaculation in orgasm for thousands of years,

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Speaker 2: you know. So then you're like, oh, okay, so I

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Speaker 2: don't actually have to ejaculate, and I can have an

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Speaker 2: orgasm in my body, but ejaculate doesn't have to come

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Speaker 2: out of my penis. Okay, so how do I do that?

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Speaker 2: So one of my programs, it's called the Multi Orgasmic

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Speaker 2: Lover for Men, which teaches men a whole series of things.

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Speaker 2: The first is to be present because for a lot

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Speaker 2: of men, they've trained themselves. They started masturbating at an

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Speaker 2: early age, and they did it furtively, and they did

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Speaker 2: it quickly, and so men have kind of trained themselves

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Speaker 2: to come fast. Men's number one sexual problem is that

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Speaker 2: they come too fast. Women's number one sexual problem is

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Speaker 2: that they can't come right. It's like we're so at

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Speaker 2: the opposite ends of the spectrum, and yet we can

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Speaker 2: all come the same, and they're all learned skills. So

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Speaker 2: what I like to do is just make people aware.

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Speaker 2: And what you're aware, I call myself an orgasma knot

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Speaker 2: like an astronaut that goes to the far.

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Speaker 1: Is a fucking epic. I love that.

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Speaker 2: Silver Lemmace jumpsuit, of course, naturally super cute spaceship with

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Speaker 2: very sexy modern futurisms.

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Speaker 1: You should be yes.

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Speaker 2: And once someone shows you the map to the territory,

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Speaker 2: when some tells you it's possible and shows you how

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Speaker 2: to do it, then you can start practicing. So the

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Speaker 2: Multi Orgasmic Lover for Men program which you can get

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Speaker 2: at tuning or tip dot com. The tuning fork concept

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Speaker 2: is that once you bring once, you can get beyond

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Speaker 2: worrying about coming too fast with these techniques which I'm

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Speaker 2: about to tell you, and you can bring your presence

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Speaker 2: to your partner. Then you can show your turn on

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Speaker 2: because it's not going to make you come too fast.

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Speaker 2: And when you show your arousal, then that turns your

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Speaker 2: partner on. Just like you're holding two tuning forks and

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Speaker 2: you wrap one against something hard and hold it against

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Speaker 2: the other one and the other one starts to resonate.

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Speaker 2: That's how turn on is the hotter the person, you know,

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Speaker 2: the sexier and more turned on one person is and

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Speaker 2: shows that that allows the other person to get into

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Speaker 2: their turn on more until you're really getting turned on together. Wow,

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Speaker 2: So you have Yeah, you have to learn to separate

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Speaker 2: orgasm from ejaculation. And essentially what you do is you

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Speaker 2: learn how to do this during masturbation, but then you

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Speaker 2: can use this during intercourse or penetration I will just

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Speaker 2: say penetration. And the way that it works is you

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Speaker 2: start to stimulate yourself and you get yourself close to coming,

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Speaker 2: but then you learn to back off and you learn

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Speaker 2: how to take yourself up and down your arousal ladder.

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Speaker 2: And you do that through something we call the mee breath,

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Speaker 2: and the mee breath is a squeezing, a breath and

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Speaker 2: a thrusting technique. The squeeze helps you keep from ejaculating.

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Speaker 2: The breathing makes everything calm down when you're getting close

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Speaker 2: to that point of no return. And the thrust is

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Speaker 2: actually a hip rock that allows you to calm down

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Speaker 2: the pelvis while continuing to deliver pleasure to your partner.

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Speaker 2: That you can do while you're doing the squeezing and

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Speaker 2: the breathing and to pull your arousal back while you're

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Speaker 2: staying present with your partner. And it's a learned skill

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Speaker 2: that you start with step one and you build. It's

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Speaker 2: kind of like a golf swing or learning how to

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Speaker 2: drive a car. When you started learning how to drive

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Speaker 2: a car, you were looking out the front, you were

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00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 2: looking in the rear view mirror, you were learning how

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Speaker 2: to shift. You had your foot on the gas, your

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Speaker 2: foot foot on the brake. It's a lot of things,

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Speaker 2: and you're like sixteen or fifteen or whenever you learn

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Speaker 2: how to drive, and you're like, this is a lot

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Speaker 2: of stuff I have the dooel it wants. And that's

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Speaker 2: how learning to become a multirogasmic ban is. You go

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Speaker 2: from being able to calm down your urge to ejaculate

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Speaker 2: to being able to gain ejaculatory choice and to be

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Speaker 2: able to draw the turn on in to your body

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Speaker 2: and up your body through breath and awareness and spreading

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Speaker 2: the pleasure rather than it exit out your body. You

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Speaker 2: can come whenever you want to. You don't have it's

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Speaker 2: not Seaman retention. It's just being able to control. It's

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Speaker 2: like owning the gassing and the breaking of your turn

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Speaker 2: on system in your body.

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Speaker 1: It's so interesting to me to listen to you talk

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Speaker 1: about this stuff. Well, first of all, I was sitting

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Speaker 1: here thinking, happy Friday morning, y'all, and then they're like

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Speaker 1: what wow. But the second thing I'm thinking is there's

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Speaker 1: so much intention behind what you're saying, Like you can

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Speaker 1: practice this technique, you can learn about this. There's so

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Speaker 1: many other factors and facets to our bodies that we're

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Speaker 1: even talking about. And like, sort of to go back

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Speaker 1: to the porn thing, we're just talking about like bumping

432
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,400
Speaker 1: up against each other till we come kind of thing.

433
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: And it's like the reason people probably get bored in

434
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: sex and their relationships is because they're not diving deeper

435
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 1: in to the stuff. Like you're saying, like, we don't

436
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 1: practice sex or learning about sex in the same way

437
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,360
Speaker 1: we do anything else in our lives. It's so kind

438
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 1: of crazy that we just like missed the mark on

439
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 1: this thing.

440
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 4: Well, it's almost like.

441
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 3: We all feel like you have to come into a

442
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 3: relationship a professional and be madd it already rather than

443
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,479
Speaker 3: figuring out how to make sex with your partner the

444
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,639
Speaker 3: best that it can be because everyone performs differently. So

445
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 3: it's like, yeah, absolutely.

446
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,159
Speaker 1: Right, You've already talked about how moody your pussy is.

447
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's different every day.

448
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 2: She's a cunt.

449
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,880
Speaker 1: Well, actually I want to work take that yeah, take

450
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 1: that topic though a little bit. Because the way that

451
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 1: I found you, I was listening to you on another

452
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 1: podcast and you were talking about your story and you

453
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: said your whole business started when you were what the

454
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 1: age of forty? Is that accurate? Because you were unsatisfied

455
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 1: in your own sexual relationship with your husband and this

456
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 1: is not a knock on him, because I think it's shifting.

457
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 2: We just didn't know. We didn't know exactly.

458
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: And so talk us through your journey and how that started,

459
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 1: what you were going through then, what you were bumping

460
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: up against in your marriage.

461
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 2: Well, when I was in my early forties and i'd

462
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,919
Speaker 2: been married for about a decade to my husband, I

463
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 2: really wasn't enjoying having sex with him because at the time,

464
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 2: sex for us was intercourse and I mean I could

465
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 2: get myself off with a vibrator, so it wasn't that

466
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 2: I couldn't come, but I wasn't coming from intercourse, and

467
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 2: I just wanted less and less and less of it

468
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 2: over the years because it really just wasn't that satisfying

469
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,439
Speaker 2: for me. I felt, honestly like a masturbatory sock, like

470
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 2: he could have just masturbated into He was just masturbating

471
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 2: into me. He was getting off that I wasn't. And

472
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 2: doctor Lorie Mintz did a TED talk called the Orgasm

473
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 2: Gap about how easy it is for men to come

474
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 2: during penetration and how difficult it is for women to

475
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 2: come from penetration, and what I think is interesting about that,

476
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 2: That is what I said earlier men come too fast

477
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,880
Speaker 2: and women take forever to get there. And a part

478
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 2: of that is that men have some natural competitive advantages sexually, okay,

479
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 2: which is why I think gay men have such great

480
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 2: sex because there are a few stumbling blocks that aren't

481
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 2: in the way for them because they're on the same

482
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 2: page physiologically, and that is that men are testosterone dominant,

483
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 2: which is the hormone of sex drive, so they're both

484
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 2: hornier than two women who would get together. That's why

485
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 2: there's such a thing as lesbian bed death right. And

486
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 2: women we go through this twenty eight day moon cycle,

487
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,199
Speaker 2: so we go into astris and we have, you know,

488
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 2: our kind of five day horny window, and we're willing

489
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 2: to have sex at other times, but we tend to

490
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,400
Speaker 2: be more more warning on certain days than others, where

491
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 2: men are more steady state horny every day if they're healthy.

492
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 2: And then for the masculine, because he's got that audi

493
00:27:55,880 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 2: that penis with three long shafts, essentially, these these spongy

494
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 2: shafts that they're so long and straight it's like a

495
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 2: straight shot. They just the blood goes down into their

496
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 2: pelvic bowl and it shoots right in and gives them

497
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 2: a big heart on rural fast where a female anatomy

498
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:19,439
Speaker 2: it's more like a pachinko game. It's it's it's like

499
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 2: I always say, it's like an English muffin. You have.

500
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 2: This is our erectile tissue network is completely circling our

501
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 2: vaginal opening. So we have all this erectile tissue, but

502
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 2: it's it's like nooks and crannies where it just takes

503
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 2: a while for the blood to get into those nooks

504
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 2: and crannies. And so often women are having penetrative sex

505
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 2: way before they're fully in gorged, so they're basically having

506
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 2: flaccid or non erective sex. And if you think about

507
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 2: what an erection is, it's a stiffy that goes from

508
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 2: you being small to you being big, and when you're big,

509
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 2: you've got all the surface area sending all these signals

510
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 2: of pleasure to the brain, which is why guys come

511
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 2: too fast because it got all these pleasure signals where

512
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 2: she needs all this time to get turned on, and

513
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 2: then when her yoni is nice and plump and fluffed up,

514
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 2: then the pleasure signals start going. That's why day two

515
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 2: sex is often better for women than day one sex.

516
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 2: Or like if you have a weekend's worth of sex.

517
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 2: The orgasms at the on Sunday are better than the

518
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 2: ones on Friday because you've gotten the blood flow going.

519
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 2: But we didn't know this. Nobody knows these things. And

520
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 2: so we were having sex. He was ready to go.

521
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 2: He penetrate me, he'd orgasm. I wasn't even turned on yet, right,

522
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 2: I didn't know, And so this is all hindsight is

523
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 2: twenty twenty. What happened was we said, all right, well,

524
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 2: we see all our friends getting divorced, and we know

525
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 2: it's not money for them either, because we were all employed,

526
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 2: we all had good jobs, and we knew it was sexuality.

527
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 2: And we're like, we're not going to be one of

528
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 2: those people. We're not getting divorced. We're great together. We're

529
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 2: best friends. We are we're so we're good together. Let's

530
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 2: not fuck this up over sex. Let's go learn how

531
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,239
Speaker 2: to have sex. At you learn everything, so let's go

532
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 2: learn how to do it. So we ended up because

533
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 2: we live in the Bay Area of California, and so

534
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 2: we live in kind of the nexus of human potential

535
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 2: and sexuality, and so we started enrolling in sex workshops

536
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 2: and we learned how to have female ejaculatory orgasms. We

537
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 2: did seven levels of the Human Awareness Institute of Sex,

538
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 2: Love and Intimacy. We did orgasmic meditation, we did Ton

539
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 2: Trick workshops, and we just started feeling more comfortable about

540
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 2: our sexuality. I had never even looked at my cranky

541
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 2: little Yoni before I was forty two. I mean, I

542
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 2: took compete now and then, but I was all like,

543
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's got weird now there. Now it's like,

544
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 2: she's a magnificent creature. Behold, and I love everything about

545
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 2: my Yoni, and I love how beautiful she is and

546
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 2: all the changes she go through. And I just and

547
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 2: and she's more juicy and alive and activated. And I'm

548
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 2: sixty years old than she's ever been. And so what

549
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 2: I've realized, what we realized, was that we quickly got

550
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 2: very good in bed. I started having orgasms, and then

551
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 2: I was like, what other kinds of orgasms gonna have?

552
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 2: You know? And that's what healed Our relationship was just

553
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 2: learning how to have great sex together. And we had

554
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 2: such good sex, and we learned it so quickly that

555
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 2: we were like, what the what we need to put

556
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 2: this stuff on the interwebs, so anyone anywhere in the

557
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 2: world who's a sexual seeker can come and download the

558
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 2: programs and learn from home, because very few people are

559
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 2: going to go to northern California and get naked and

560
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 2: go to a sex workshop for thousands of dollars. I mean,

561
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 2: we spent thirty grand in our sexual education just going

562
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 2: to everything Walking on Fire with Tony Robbins and you know,

563
00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 2: like everything. It was a massive time. I'm of massive

564
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 2: personal growth for us and your sexual growth. Is this

565
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 2: the other side of the same coin as your personal growth.

566
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 2: If you're a personal growth mindset person, you're like, well,

567
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 2: I should learn something about sex to then. I mean,

568
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 2: this all this entrepreneurial stuff I'm doing in the morning

569
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 2: with my meditation and my ice bath and all this stuff,

570
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 2: maybe I should learn how to stroke a pussy there's

571
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 2: a good idea, right, Or how to stroke a cock,

572
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 2: there's a good idea. So that's what we did. We

573
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 2: started a business together because we had such a renaissance

574
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 2: of our relationship.

575
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: I love that it's tied because I mean, I think

576
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people in our culture, and I

577
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 1: know probably a lot of people listening to this podcast

578
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: that can get you know, kind of uncomfortable with these topics.

579
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: And I'm actually coming into the phase like what you

580
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: just described of where I'm curious and I'm like open

581
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 1: and just wanting to learn more and not feel shame

582
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 1: around sex or my body or anything like that. And

583
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: I'm a person who truly desires deep connection. And so

584
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:01,239
Speaker 1: for me, it's not like I want to go out

585
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 1: and just have sex with a bunch of random people

586
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 1: like I would like to be exploring this with a

587
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: partner like what you're describing, And so I want to

588
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 1: make sure that people understand I guess, like that whole

589
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: piece of it, because it's like, do you bump up

590
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 1: against a lot of people just being scared of the

591
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 1: topic of sex.

592
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 4: Oh?

593
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, our culture is so religiously repressed, societally repressed, slut

594
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 2: shamed yeh ti LBTQ. We're basically screwing up everything about

595
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 2: our sexuality in our culture. Thank god, there's some of

596
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 2: us who are actually willing to get together and talk

597
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 2: about it and you even do it. Yeah, So what

598
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 2: I realized early on, I mean, it's so funny people

599
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 2: said to me, Oh, you're in the sex business, Well,

600
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 2: sex cells, You're just gonna be you're gonna be a

601
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 2: trainaire because everybody loves sex. And I'm like, oh, contrare.

602
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 2: If you put one hundred people in the room, maybe

603
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 2: five or ten of them would be even willing to

604
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 2: learn how to make love. So it's just what I

605
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 2: do is I'm like, hey, if I appeal to you,

606
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,839
Speaker 2: if you like the way I mean. The people who

607
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 2: like Susan Bratton are the people who are like, I

608
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 2: like you, could you just straight talk? I like you

609
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 2: because you let it out. I like it. Could you

610
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,720
Speaker 2: give me steps? I like it because you give me hope.

611
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 2: And that's what I've really learned over the last nearly

612
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 2: twenty years is that my job is to inspire you,

613
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 2: to inform and educate you, and to cheer you on

614
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,399
Speaker 2: and to let you know that it is possible. That's

615
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 2: why I'm not a coach or a therapist. What I

616
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 2: am as somebody who teaches you techniques that are going

617
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 2: to work. And once one works, and then you're like, oh,

618
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 2: she taught me something. I did it. It was fantastic.

619
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 2: What else does she have? And then they're like, oh, wow,

620
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 2: I've got a lifetime of learning ahead of me. Oh,

621
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 2: this is going to be fun. Because even me right

622
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 2: now today, after twenty years of doing it, trying it everything,

623
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 2: I still have things on my list that I want

624
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 2: to try that i'm doing that are new. Because what

625
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,359
Speaker 2: you want in your twenties is different than your thirties, forties, fifty.

626
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 2: As you mature as your sexual As you go through

627
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:19,439
Speaker 2: your sexual maturation, your desires change, what turns you on

628
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 2: change is like twenty years ago, I thought wearing lingerie

629
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 2: was like a disrespectful thing for women. Why should I

630
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 2: have to put on lingerie? And now I'm like, get

631
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 2: me some stripper shoes, Daddy, I'm all put them off

632
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 2: shirts and spanking. I was like spanking it just seems

633
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 2: so violent. I don't know why anyone would want to

634
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 2: do it. I would never want to be spanked for

635
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 2: Valentine's Day. I wanted us spanking for my present. I

636
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:51,839
Speaker 2: just want to you know, all this stuff that's available

637
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 2: to us. We were like, oh, I'm into that. Ooh,

638
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 2: now I'm into this. Oh now that looks interesting. It's

639
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 2: like you can be a kid in the Sexual Candy

640
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,800
Speaker 2: Story your whole life, and you can have great sex

641
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:06,400
Speaker 2: till the day you die. We're born sexual and we

642
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 2: die sexual if we allow ourselves the pleasure.

643
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like so many people are just scared

644
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 1: of sex. Like Chip and I do one podcast each

645
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: month dedicated to sex, dating, relationships, or any any topics

646
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 1: that fall under kind of those categories. And the last

647
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,959
Speaker 1: one we did a lot of the questions we got

648
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 1: were from people in marriages who hadn't had sex in

649
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: years or you know, and those were the kind of questions.

650
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: But the main underlying thing that I realized was like

651
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,800
Speaker 1: they were not able to actually talk to their partner

652
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 1: about any of these issues, and they're like coming to

653
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,959
Speaker 1: us to be like, hey, what do we do about this?

654
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 1: You know? And it's like, wait, if you're not talking

655
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 1: to your partner, why are you talking to us about it?

656
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 2: Like?

657
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 1: How important is communication in all of this stuff?

658
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,760
Speaker 2: It's the foundation. Your sexuality is a three legged stool.

659
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 2: The first leg is the sex techniques and the skills

660
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 2: and the knowledge and the awareness of what is possible.

661
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 2: The second leg is the communication skills, not only how

662
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 2: to ask for what you want confidently, but to know

663
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 2: that your partner is not going to take it as

664
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 2: criticism and is going to take it as valuable feedback.

665
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 2: Pearls of momentary wisdom to pleasure you better. And then

666
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 2: the third leg of the stool is actually your sexual health,

667
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 2: and that runs everything from STDs to UTIs and bladder

668
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 2: infections and prostate problems and directile dysfunction and painful sex

669
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 2: and all of the things that can happen to our

670
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 2: sexual plumbing systems. Because for a lot of people, one

671
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 2: of the programs that one of the free gifts I

672
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,720
Speaker 2: give away, I give away a lot of free things

673
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 2: again to earn people's trust and to meet them where

674
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 2: they are. One of the things that I give away

675
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 2: is a technique called the magic Pill method, because what

676
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 2: I found is that when people stop having sex, they

677
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:09,879
Speaker 2: hit a roadblock and they didn't know how to solve it,

678
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 2: and so because they couldn't have and it's usually penetration.

679
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,479
Speaker 2: For whatever reason, I can't have penetration, I got long

680
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 2: haul COVID, I've got cancer, I've got ed, I've got

681
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:24,919
Speaker 2: a million things. The one thing that people stop having

682
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 2: sex about that requires a therapist is betrayal. That's about

683
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 2: twenty percent of the time when people stop having sex,

684
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:38,240
Speaker 2: it's because one person betrayed the other. And there's about

685
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 2: twenty percent of people it's always the eighty twenty the

686
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 2: Pareto principle. There's about twenty percent of people that just

687
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 2: cannot let go of things, they can't get over it,

688
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:50,280
Speaker 2: and there are eighty percent that can work through betrayal

689
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:53,240
Speaker 2: and go on to have good relationships again. But twenty percent,

690
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 2: like need some serious support in getting over it. But

691
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 2: then there's the whole other people who are its health emotional,

692
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 2: physical issues that often people think that oh, okay, I

693
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 2: can't have sex anymore because they're thinking sex is penetration,

694
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 2: or they don't know how to fix the problem that

695
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 2: they have. When there's so many solutions to genital pain

696
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:17,840
Speaker 2: and issues and dysfunctions and all of those things, so

697
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 2: many ways to fix it. Gains, wave treatments, penis pumps,

698
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 2: the Phoenix Black, the vFit, gold PRP, the P shot,

699
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 2: the O shot, the CO two lasers, the RF devices.

700
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 2: I mean, there's just so many things that are very

701
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 2: easy fixes for sexual issues. And so when they hit

702
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 2: this obstacle, it's like they just stop having sex, they

703
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 2: stop touching each other, they become platonic, and then he

704
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 2: emotionally checks out, she emotionally checks out. They've lost their intimacy,

705
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 2: it's not as fun for them anymore, and ultimately they

706
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 2: either have a marriage where it's seated in deep frustration

707
00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 2: and anger and resentment and rejection by one person, with

708
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:05,280
Speaker 2: the other person basically just stone cold, emotionally checked out,

709
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 2: not even caring about what the other partner's going through

710
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:12,720
Speaker 2: from this loss of intimacy. So the Magic Pill method

711
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:17,479
Speaker 2: is a three step structure for communicating what you used

712
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 2: to do that you miss, what you could still do

713
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 2: even with your problems, and how to fix some of

714
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,320
Speaker 2: the problems that you have so you can go back

715
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 2: to work in the whole list rather than part of

716
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 2: the list. People forget to compromise and work around and

717
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 2: solve and fix things. They just throw up their hands

718
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,239
Speaker 2: and give up because they can't talk about it. So

719
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 2: I created the structure for safe conversation so couples could

720
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 2: work through it themselves. Ninety percent of things can be

721
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 2: solved without a therapist, but the therapists are fantastic for

722
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 2: those times when you just need some guidance.

723
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny because yesterday when we were recording that,

724
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 1: I literally said to Chip, I mean, the only thing

725
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 1: I know how to say is like go get a

726
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:05,879
Speaker 1: third party involved, and sometimes maybe a therapist does seem

727
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 1: a little extreme or intimidating to people. And so there

728
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 1: is an interesting idea here of like maybe it's something

729
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 1: that you can break down into these little steps or

730
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 1: even just start having the conversations to see where the

731
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 1: big issue is because there just has to be some

732
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:22,360
Speaker 1: sort of communication.

733
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 2: Well it all, yeah, and you can download oh sarchip

734
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 2: I was just going to say, you can download that

735
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 2: at magicpill method dot com a free Yeah, go.

736
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 1: Check that out.

737
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 3: What I was going to say is, you know, you

738
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:37,839
Speaker 3: mentioned that there's a lot of shame around sex just

739
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 3: because of you know, our sort of Quaker ways in

740
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 3: the US. But I mean it's also true, or at

741
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,320
Speaker 3: least it appears to me to be true, that people

742
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,880
Speaker 3: who have a lot of sex are really good at

743
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 3: sex or put out that energy or there's like they're

744
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 3: put on a bit of a pedestal. And so I

745
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 3: would imagine that when there is a problem with sex

746
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 3: or it starts to die off, there's a around that too.

747
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 4: So how do people get over that?

748
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,359
Speaker 3: I mean, it's so interesting because Kelly and we get

749
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 3: these questions all the time, and obviously we don't know.

750
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,360
Speaker 4: The intimate details of what's happening in their lives.

751
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 3: Are just like, we stopped having sex eight months ago,

752
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 3: and it's like, well, are you talking about it? Like

753
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:21,320
Speaker 3: it seems like the most obvious response is to be like, well,

754
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,439
Speaker 3: talk about it and then you can figure it out.

755
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 3: But like, how do you get over that shame hump?

756
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 2: Well, the only way you can do it is to

757
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 2: get really clear about what it is that you want,

758
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 2: what it is that you can do, and what it

759
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 2: is that you miss. And that's what the magic pill

760
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:39,800
Speaker 2: method does is it helps you clarify your thoughts because generally,

761
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:43,279
Speaker 2: when you're upset about something, you're emotionally flooded and it's

762
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 2: very difficult to even think clearly. So you can know

763
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 2: that you have a problem but not know what you want.

764
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:51,799
Speaker 2: As the solution, like, Okay, you're pissed off, what do

765
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 2: you want? You know? Right? I don't know. I just

766
00:42:55,200 --> 00:43:00,400
Speaker 2: know what I'm getting, isn't it? That's very common, super

767
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 2: super common is I don't know what I want, so

768
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 2: I don't ask for anything because I just what am

769
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 2: I going to say? And the actual fact is that

770
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 2: you know what you want and you understand that your

771
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 2: body is wise, and you can listen to her or

772
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 2: him as well. You can listen to or they. You

773
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 2: can listen to your intuitive, the intuitive conversation of what

774
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 2: your body is telling you it needs. I need to

775
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:31,839
Speaker 2: be held, I need to be fingerfucked, whatever it is.

776
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 2: And you want things, and so once you can get

777
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 2: clear about what they are, then you can find the

778
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 2: courage to share that with your partner. And if you

779
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 2: can find the courage, then you do need to have

780
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 2: some support. And my favorite place to send people for

781
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 2: sexuality therapy is the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists.

782
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 2: It's a sect aa ECT dot org and they have

783
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 2: a directory so you can find someone in your area

784
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 2: or just someone that you like who you could have

785
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 2: zoom calls with who can help guide you through releasing

786
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:17,720
Speaker 2: your shame and asking for what you want and helping

787
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 2: you find your way to back Eleve.

788
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 1: When we first started talking, you mentioned something about how

789
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 1: to know what you want in bed and how to

790
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: ask for it with confidence. And I think, especially as

791
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 1: a woman, I mean, and I don't know, I mean,

792
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 1: it's kind of interesting, like I'm thinking about this stuff

793
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:42,319
Speaker 1: and I guessaid I'm about to be forty. You kind

794
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 1: of mentioned really getting to this discovery place with yourself

795
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,359
Speaker 1: at forty. So I don't know if there's something around

796
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,759
Speaker 1: that age group for women, but that is something, Well

797
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:51,759
Speaker 1: tell me about that. That's the first thing. And then

798
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 1: there is just something that I know for me personally,

799
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 1: it has been a harder thing to be like I

800
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,840
Speaker 1: need more of this or I like to communicate those things,

801
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,799
Speaker 1: or to even be aware like you're talking about, of

802
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 1: like what I want because I'm so concerned usually with

803
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:12,560
Speaker 1: like my partner enjoying it, that I haven't even been

804
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 1: able to think about that that's gotten better with age.

805
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 1: But I think that that's a very common thing amongst women.

806
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,879
Speaker 1: So one talk me through this age thing is that

807
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 1: is that something at around the age of forty for women?

808
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 1: And then two would be how do we know what

809
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 1: we want? And then ask for it?

810
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: I'll give you both of those answers. Okay, At first

811
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:36,319
Speaker 2: I wanted to ask Chip how you do asking for

812
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 2: what you want?

813
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:39,720
Speaker 4: Am I good at it? Is that what you're asking

814
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 4: or do.

815
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:41,719
Speaker 2: You feel like you are able to ask for what

816
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 2: you want?

817
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 4: I don't think I'm very good at it.

818
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't think it's a women's issue. Okay,

819
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,359
Speaker 2: it's a few perfect people, and I think we're all

820
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 2: in this together, and this allows us to bring our

821
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:57,800
Speaker 2: vulnerable hearts and realize that none of us feel comfortable

822
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 2: asking for what we want, and none of us are

823
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 2: quite getting everything we want, and none of us are

824
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 2: quite sure what we want. One of the favorite things

825
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 2: that people love about me the most. I know that

826
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,399
Speaker 2: sounds so conceited, but I don't care.

827
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: I actually loved that about you that you just said that,

828
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 1: So there you go.

829
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 2: One of the things that people love about me the

830
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 2: most is that I'm like a source of fun. I'm

831
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 2: a source of fun ideas because one of the things

832
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 2: that I found is that what people really want is

833
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 2: ideas for having more fun and pleasure together. I call

834
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 2: them erotic play dates. It's funny. Do I have it

835
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:30,360
Speaker 2: right here? I think we moved it out of the background.

836
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:32,919
Speaker 2: But I have this new thing I'm working on that's

837
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 2: called a sexual self assessment that you take this quiz

838
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 2: if you will, you take this questionnaire and it asks you,

839
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 2: you know, have you ever done any have you done this?

840
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:44,239
Speaker 2: Have you done this? Have you done would you be

841
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 2: willing to do this. Would you be willing to do this?

842
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 2: Would you be willing to do this? Would you be

843
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 2: willing to do and then it gives you this list

844
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 2: of all of the things that you would be interested

845
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:56,800
Speaker 2: in doing sexually, and then it has you label them ABC.

846
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 2: A is it's definitely going on my sexual bucket list.

847
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 2: B is I'd be open to doing it. It's I'm

848
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 2: not called to do it right now. It's not on

849
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 2: my bucket list. But if my partner wanted me to

850
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 2: do it with them, I would for sureseys do it

851
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 2: with them and give them that as a gift. That

852
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 2: sounds good. And my cee is, this is not for

853
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,360
Speaker 2: me right now, although I would be willing to consider

854
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 2: it in the future, because you should always be willing

855
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 2: to consider everything, because you'll be surprised. I'd wear a

856
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 2: laundry and I like to gets baked. So you know,

857
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 2: it's we are evolving. If we're not, I mean, if

858
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,400
Speaker 2: we're not evolving, what are we doing, We're dying. So

859
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:30,880
Speaker 2: then you end up with rank ordering the things you

860
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 2: want to try most, and there's your list of things

861
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 2: to work on with yourself or your partner. It's super fun.

862
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 2: So when you're twenty. Everything is new. It's the blind

863
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 2: leading the blind. You don't know what you're doing. It's

864
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:46,839
Speaker 2: all pretty good. You want some more. You probably don't

865
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 2: have as much as you want, but you know you're discovering.

866
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 2: You're having expirits. In your thirties, you're focusing on your career,

867
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 2: maybe you're having a family. You're kind of build, you're

868
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 2: in your building time. By the time you hit your

869
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 2: four years, you've got a little bit of a base

870
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:04,759
Speaker 2: and you're beginning to look at your mortality. You see

871
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:09,760
Speaker 2: it coming in the distance. You see you know, Andrew pause, menopause.

872
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 2: You see you start to look at your parents looking old,

873
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 2: and you're like, ooh, sheet it's now or never. By

874
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 2: the time you get to your fifties, you're like, it's

875
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 2: not now or never, but maybe I can push off dying.

876
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:25,759
Speaker 2: But I still need to have great sex. And this

877
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:27,960
Speaker 2: is when people start getting rid of the partner. This's

878
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 2: and satisfying them. They go back out into the dating world.

879
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 2: In this timeframe a lot and you know they're starting

880
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 2: over and there's a lot of fear, but there's a

881
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 2: lot of desire. By the time people get to their sixties,

882
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 2: they're usually quite proficient in bed. If they've kept up

883
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:50,760
Speaker 2: with their sexuality, they're starting to be more relaxed, more vulnerable.

884
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 2: They're starting to realize that they don't have to have

885
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 2: body image issues, they don't need to be perfect, that

886
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 2: it's an impossible task, So let it go. I'll just

887
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 2: be who I am. And if you love me for that,

888
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 2: thank you so much. I love you back, you know.

889
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 2: And then by the time you're in your seventies, if

890
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 2: you've kept yourself in good health, you're having some good

891
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:12,160
Speaker 2: sex with your partner. By the time you're in your eighties, you're.

892
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:17,840
Speaker 1: Like, look, Grandma and grandpa, where'st I mean, I love it? Yes,

893
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 1: So you have this arc.

894
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 2: So for your forties, you are starting to realize that

895
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 2: you don't know what you don't know. You didn't get

896
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 2: all the satisfaction you wanted. You'd like to have some

897
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 2: more experiences. You want them to be on your terms.

898
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 2: And you're looking for partners or a partner. It can

899
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,240
Speaker 2: be any number you Maybe you want to get more

900
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 2: experiences with more people. Maybe you don't and you just

901
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 2: want one partner. Maybe you want research partner. You know,

902
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:45,839
Speaker 2: I don't know, Maybe you want you This is where

903
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:49,840
Speaker 2: you're you know, doing a new gender expression or whatever

904
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:51,360
Speaker 2: it might be. You know, oh, no, I want to

905
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:52,839
Speaker 2: do Paulie. I want to date a bunch of people.

906
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:54,959
Speaker 2: You know, you're you're more experimental because you're a little

907
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:59,200
Speaker 2: bit more confident in yourself and your ability to deal

908
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:02,319
Speaker 2: with whatever happened. Yeah, you know in your heart that

909
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 2: I'll be fine even if it gets all screwed up.

910
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 2: I'll be able to manage through it. Right, You've got

911
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:11,000
Speaker 2: that sense of yourself. And in your thirties also, you're

912
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 2: super judgy. You're really judgy. It's a it's a time

913
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 2: of individuation that makes you very judgmental. By the time

914
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 2: you hit your forties that wanes a little bit. You

915
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:29,799
Speaker 2: like people better. It's crazy. The tricks are hormones play

916
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 2: on us. So that's that's the story. Is by the

917
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 2: time you get to forty, you're like, well they're not

918
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 2: so bad. Yeah, everything was to be perfect.

919
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was just thinking too, there's a and I

920
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 1: don't know if this is like a societal thing or

921
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: the age thing, like I said, but there's a huge

922
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 1: part of me right now and this is just now

923
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 1: happening to me, and I'm almost forty. But that's like, Hey,

924
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:55,280
Speaker 1: there's these parts of my body that were made for pleasure,

925
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: and why have I been not like like I think

926
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: i've almost maybe it's carried aim or maybe you know,

927
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:02,879
Speaker 1: we grew up in the South and it's just like

928
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:05,359
Speaker 1: a woman doesn't act a certain way, and there's all

929
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 1: these like rules around sex, and like I said, a

930
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,360
Speaker 1: lot of it for me has been around pleasing my partner,

931
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 1: Whereas now I'm like, like really leaning into the fact

932
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,399
Speaker 1: that I have these pleasure centers too, and I want

933
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:17,439
Speaker 1: to maximize those.

934
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 2: Girl, you got to get it.

935
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 1: I mean, Okay, Susan she readying come my mom is

936
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 1: like Jesus, what's happening right now? Celibacy is over?

937
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 2: No, I really do think you should consider having a

938
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 2: romance in Jamaica. It's not going to hurt you a bit.

939
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 2: You don't need to be intentionally celibate. You can be

940
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 2: intentionally finding a lover that you'll have fond memories about

941
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,400
Speaker 2: for the rest of your life. And it can be

942
00:51:54,560 --> 00:52:00,040
Speaker 2: just an incredible moment or a series of days that

943
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,360
Speaker 2: you never forget, and they could be a love of

944
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 2: your life. And so why would you be putting all

945
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 2: these conditions on your pleasure. Why not? Why wouldn't you

946
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 2: be just exalting in your pleasure and offering pleasure and

947
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 2: receiving pleasure and practicing those things with someone.

948
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:22,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's an interesting thought. I'll think about that. What

949
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 1: is the second part of the question, question?

950
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:26,960
Speaker 2: How do you ask for what you want?

951
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 3: Oh?

952
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:27,479
Speaker 4: Yeah?

953
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: And so then how do you ask if? I mean,

954
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,080
Speaker 1: if you're pushing this Jamaica thing, I need to know

955
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 1: right exactly?

956
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 2: I know it's all me. I will take all the

957
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 2: boy fabulous that's soaked weak in Jamaica on me.

958
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:48,359
Speaker 4: You might Pandora's Box, Kelly's Box.

959
00:52:48,640 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 1: Kelly's Box. Right, Wow, how did we get here? We ask? Yes?

960
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:04,440
Speaker 2: Okay? So one of my most popular books, and I've

961
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 2: written more than thirty five. I can't even keep up

962
00:53:07,719 --> 00:53:09,360
Speaker 2: with them in my bio. I don't even have the

963
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 2: time to count them all up. But one of them

964
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 2: is called sexual Soulmates, the Six Essentials for Connected Sex.

965
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 2: And in that one of the six essentials is the

966
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 2: communication technique for all communication techniques, and it's called the

967
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 2: sexual Soulmate Packed. Like an agreement, a pact, I give

968
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:39,239
Speaker 2: it away for free at sexual Soulmatepacked dot com. So

969
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 2: if you like this, you can download it, because there's

970
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:43,600
Speaker 2: more nuance than I'll be able to get to in

971
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:47,200
Speaker 2: a podcast. But essentially, you download it, you read it,

972
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 2: you give it to your lover, they read it, you

973
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 2: have the discussion about the agreement, you make the agreement,

974
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 2: and you agree to try it and practice it. And

975
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:58,920
Speaker 2: it's essentially this. We are Homo sapiens. And I've already

976
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:00,680
Speaker 2: established the fact that though one of us has an

977
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,800
Speaker 2: XX chromosome and the other has an X y, we

978
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 2: have all the same parts arranged in different order. Some

979
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:07,279
Speaker 2: of us are lucky enough to have a little bit

980
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 2: more testosterone on a daily basis than others of us.

981
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 2: But we all want sex. We all have pleasure circuits,

982
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:17,920
Speaker 2: we all have a rectile tissue. We all want to

983
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:22,640
Speaker 2: be loved and connected with and well fucked and well comed.

984
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 2: That's what we want. And yet, the Homo sapien, if

985
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,839
Speaker 2: you look in the tree of life with all of

986
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:34,359
Speaker 2: the animals, there's the dolphins and the whales, and the

987
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:38,560
Speaker 2: puppies and the ponies, and the bacterias and ladybugs and

988
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 2: all those things. There's a branch on that tree that's

989
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 2: called the Great ape there's the bonobos and the chimpanzees

990
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 2: and the orangutans and the Homo sapiens. That be you

991
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 2: and that be me. We beat a monkey's into tree,

992
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:57,799
Speaker 2: so we live in an animal body. We are not

993
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:00,640
Speaker 2: above the animal kingdom. We are in the animal kingdom.

994
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 2: We are animals. And when we are animals, it means

995
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:08,880
Speaker 2: that our bodies are run on hormones, blood sugar, how

996
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 2: much sleep we got, whether we're depressed or not, et cetera,

997
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera. And that is a constantly moving

998
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:19,400
Speaker 2: target about how much energy we have and how we feel.

999
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:23,960
Speaker 2: That impacts what we want our sex to be like

1000
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:27,399
Speaker 2: in that date, in that date, that sex date, or

1001
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:31,000
Speaker 2: in that moment in that sex date, you could start

1002
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 2: out feeling vulnerable, a little bit low, a little quiet,

1003
00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:40,560
Speaker 2: a little introspective, and you could be held and loved

1004
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:44,760
Speaker 2: and kissed and stroked, and then your fluids can start

1005
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 2: to run, and then you can let go of some emotion,

1006
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:52,399
Speaker 2: and then you can connect your hearts together and then

1007
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:55,320
Speaker 2: you can start making out, and then you can start

1008
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 2: feeling more turn on, and then you can say, okay,

1009
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 2: now would like to have my feet rubbed. My dick

1010
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 2: sucked my back, rubbed my whatever. You know, you can

1011
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 2: say what your body wants because it talks to you

1012
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 2: all the time. You always know, oh god, I got

1013
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,799
Speaker 2: a fart coming out. Oh man, my right toe. I

1014
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 2: heard it so bad the other day's stubbing it. You

1015
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 2: always are scanning your body and knowing what's going on.

1016
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 2: So all you have to do is understand that you

1017
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:31,320
Speaker 2: and your partner are these little animals that are constantly changing,

1018
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 2: and that all that you need to do is feed

1019
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,200
Speaker 2: each other the information to know what the body is

1020
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:39,319
Speaker 2: asking for and what it wants in the moment your

1021
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:42,319
Speaker 2: partner is wanting to give you this. They just need

1022
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:46,719
Speaker 2: the clues and they can't read your mind. So you

1023
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 2: must use your mouth. And I call it reporting in

1024
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 2: from your animal. You live in this body. It is

1025
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 2: your job because you have the mouth to say to

1026
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:58,279
Speaker 2: your partner what the body is asking for, and it

1027
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 2: changes constantly. Oh and now I want this, Oh now

1028
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 2: I want that a little higher, a little lower? Can

1029
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 2: you twingle my right nipple harder? You know, whatever it

1030
00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 2: might be. The more feedback that you can give to

1031
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:14,000
Speaker 2: your partner, the more that they can do a great job.

1032
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 2: The masculine especially wants he wants to win. He wants

1033
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 2: you to respect him for the great job that he does.

1034
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 2: He needs that feedback, but he fights you for it

1035
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:30,439
Speaker 2: because the testosterone coursing through his body makes him think

1036
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 2: he's better in bed than he is. And the masculine culture.

1037
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 2: This is from my friend doctor Terry Reel. Terry explains

1038
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 2: that women are tribal and they have community and they

1039
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 2: work together. Men work in a packing order, and if

1040
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 2: you say something to them that they can strue as criticism,

1041
00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:55,400
Speaker 2: which is pretty much any feedback you give them, then

1042
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,840
Speaker 2: they feel like you just made them go down in

1043
00:57:57,880 --> 00:58:02,040
Speaker 2: the packing order. And then they fall apart and get

1044
00:58:02,040 --> 00:58:05,680
Speaker 2: emotionally flooded and they check out and they're overwhelmed. And

1045
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 2: so if a guy understands, oh, I see that's the

1046
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 2: packing order. That's not me. I want the feedback. It's

1047
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:16,080
Speaker 2: just your body. I'm not doing anything wrong. You're actually

1048
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:17,960
Speaker 2: giving me what I need to do a great job.

1049
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 2: I get that. And not only that, when you give

1050
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:25,919
Speaker 2: me the feedback, I'm gonna literally thank you. Yeah, when

1051
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:31,280
Speaker 2: you thank a person, especially the feminine, because and I'm

1052
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 2: not saying man or woman, I'm saying the masculine feminine

1053
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 2: now right, the feminine. The feminine needs encouragement because the

1054
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 2: feminine has been so subjugated. She needs you to pull

1055
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:50,920
Speaker 2: her out. She needs you to know it's oh. She

1056
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,520
Speaker 2: needs to know it's okay with you if she tells

1057
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:57,840
Speaker 2: you things. And so when you thank her, thank you baby,

1058
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:01,440
Speaker 2: how is this you know? That lets her know it's

1059
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 2: okay to say things to you. And it doesn't matter

1060
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:07,920
Speaker 2: where you are on the gender spectrum, but we all

1061
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 2: need both of those things. We don't want to do

1062
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:11,640
Speaker 2: anything wrong. We want to be the winners. We want

1063
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:13,840
Speaker 2: to be respected and appreciated. We also want to be

1064
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 2: adored and encouraged and found sexually irresistible. And we want

1065
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:21,760
Speaker 2: those things constantly and all the time during our love

1066
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:25,560
Speaker 2: making with each other. So the sexual soulmate pact is

1067
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:28,280
Speaker 2: the agreement that I'm going to listen to my little

1068
00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 2: animal tell you what he or she wants. You're going

1069
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 2: to thank me for that and do a course correction,

1070
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:37,000
Speaker 2: or we're going to do something different or lighter or

1071
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:39,480
Speaker 2: softer or up or down or whatever it is, and

1072
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 2: thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting to

1073
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:47,080
Speaker 2: give me what I need to know to give you

1074
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 2: the pleasure I want to give.

1075
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 1: I love that thank you because I think that that

1076
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:06,560
Speaker 1: really helps it not become criticism. And also it's like

1077
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:09,160
Speaker 1: I was thinking about, like in long term relationships, it's

1078
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 1: like you kind of learn, you know, the thing that

1079
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:13,200
Speaker 1: gets the person off or like it's like and so

1080
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 1: then you get stuck in these ruts of just doing that,

1081
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:18,040
Speaker 1: like let's just go back to that one move, and

1082
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:21,000
Speaker 1: eventually that gets really boring. And I like what you're

1083
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:23,240
Speaker 1: saying about, Like our bodies are just different, and so

1084
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 1: especially with women, the way our hormones work, it's like

1085
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 1: certain times certain touch feels good and certain times other

1086
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:30,760
Speaker 1: touch feels good. And so I don't know what it

1087
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:32,240
Speaker 1: feels like to be a man, but I would imagine

1088
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:35,479
Speaker 1: there's similar feels good, mix feels good.

1089
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1090
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think that that is such a good

1091
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 1: easy communication tip that that actually could make it really

1092
01:00:45,280 --> 01:00:48,400
Speaker 1: exciting to share with your partner. Like when you're just like,

1093
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:51,640
Speaker 1: hey this, you know, add this to the regimen and

1094
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 1: they say thank you. My ups guy just came as

1095
01:00:55,120 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 1: I'm talking about what's happening here? Yeah, But I just

1096
01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:03,760
Speaker 1: like that because then there's no shame. It's not like

1097
01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:06,040
Speaker 1: you're doing something wrong, it's just like, hey, my body

1098
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 1: wants something different today.

1099
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have a question.

1100
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 3: So a lot of what we've talked about today has

1101
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 3: sort of been from the perspective of, like, you know,

1102
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:21,000
Speaker 3: you have a partner, So how do you arrive at

1103
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:24,240
Speaker 3: sexual encounter as a single person. Maybe it is like

1104
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:26,600
Speaker 3: a weekends thing that Kelly's going to have in Jamaica.

1105
01:01:26,760 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 1: Maybe I love that this has become the thing.

1106
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:30,959
Speaker 4: Maybe it's a one night fan.

1107
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:33,000
Speaker 3: Maybe it is like the first time you're having sex

1108
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 3: with someone that you've been dating.

1109
01:01:34,360 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 4: Like, how do you.

1110
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:40,520
Speaker 3: Arrive at those opportunities or those moments and make them

1111
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:42,200
Speaker 3: like not sound like a freak?

1112
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:43,600
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know a better way.

1113
01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:45,479
Speaker 1: To like, Yeah, I give what you're saying.

1114
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:47,400
Speaker 3: If if I start, if I went to have sex

1115
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:51,000
Speaker 3: with someone that had like your level of knowledge and

1116
01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 3: talk the way, I would be so freaked out.

1117
01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:56,240
Speaker 4: I'd be like I am in kindergarten.

1118
01:01:56,920 --> 01:01:59,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, So how do you break down those

1119
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 3: that those walls.

1120
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:04,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think there's a couple of things. Number One,

1121
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 2: you can say to them, you know, we're really just

1122
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:10,880
Speaker 2: it's our first time together, so let's have low expectations

1123
01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:15,120
Speaker 2: and high laughs. Number one, you want to diffuse the energy.

1124
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 2: The second thing you want to say is I love feedback,

1125
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:20,280
Speaker 2: and I want you to tell me anything and everything

1126
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:22,880
Speaker 2: all the time. I am always here for you and

1127
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:25,360
Speaker 2: your pleasure. And the more that you tell me things,

1128
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:27,480
Speaker 2: the more I'll thank you and be happy with it.

1129
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,320
Speaker 2: So don't worry about giving me any feedback at all,

1130
01:02:29,360 --> 01:02:31,040
Speaker 2: because we just don't know each other. We don't know

1131
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:33,640
Speaker 2: what kind of touch we like, we don't know anything.

1132
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:38,160
Speaker 2: The second thing is that I think slowing down is

1133
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 2: very important. You know, we were talking very early in

1134
01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:47,200
Speaker 2: the episode about friction versus connection, and if we're just

1135
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:50,960
Speaker 2: having performative sex, I'm just going to stick my slot

1136
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:55,520
Speaker 2: a into your tab b. Then you miss the joy

1137
01:02:55,760 --> 01:02:59,840
Speaker 2: of the connection. And I think slowing down and have

1138
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:05,520
Speaker 2: a lot of time for talking and holding and stroking

1139
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:11,000
Speaker 2: and connecting and exploring each other's bodies and expressing verbal

1140
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:14,200
Speaker 2: appreciation for their attractiveness to you. I really love this

1141
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 2: about you. I love I love your hair. I love

1142
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:19,280
Speaker 2: the way you have it tipped blonde on the end.

1143
01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:24,200
Speaker 2: Your your face is so handsome and masculine and beautiful,

1144
01:03:24,280 --> 01:03:27,240
Speaker 2: and I love your voice. The sound of your voice

1145
01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 2: is so nice, and you just are so easy to

1146
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:32,240
Speaker 2: be with and such a such a you seem like

1147
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:35,560
Speaker 2: such a kind spirit. I'm really enjoying just relaxing with you.

1148
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:42,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Susan, are you kidding on tip right now?

1149
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:44,600
Speaker 1: I just I just had I was watching this happen.

1150
01:03:44,680 --> 01:03:46,920
Speaker 1: I just needed to point it out to the listeners.

1151
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 4: The same room.

1152
01:03:53,440 --> 01:03:56,720
Speaker 2: Okay, I am a fabulous flirt.

1153
01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 4: She's a pro. She just heard me straight.

1154
01:04:02,720 --> 01:04:04,040
Speaker 1: I never thought i'd see the day.

1155
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 2: Don't worry, Chip, I'm super switchy. Well, when you get

1156
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:14,960
Speaker 2: really good at sex, you can run the whole spectrum.

1157
01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:17,160
Speaker 2: And I think that's another thing that you can look

1158
01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 2: forward to with your practice for sexuality. But the tips

1159
01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:25,480
Speaker 2: for first time sex are what's off limits? What do

1160
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 2: you like to do? What would you like to do

1161
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:31,160
Speaker 2: with me? Now? Any ideas you know, throw down some offers,

1162
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 2: Let's make it a safe space. Let's communicate and learn

1163
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:38,360
Speaker 2: each other and appreciate each other and co create some

1164
01:04:38,520 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 2: joy and you know, tell me anything. I'm good. That

1165
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:47,520
Speaker 2: kind of stuff can really bring people down and their worry,

1166
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 2: because there as worried as you are. And then a

1167
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 2: lot of grounding touch a lot of touching, squeezing, weight,

1168
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 2: hands on, you know, you down so you don't fly away,

1169
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:07,240
Speaker 2: and your fears can be very good. Sensual massage is

1170
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 2: a great place to start with a person. It's body exploration, grounding,

1171
01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 2: and coregulation. Yeah, so that helps a lot too.

1172
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:21,120
Speaker 1: I love how slow all of that sounds, because I

1173
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 1: think that's something at the beginning of a relationship or

1174
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:25,320
Speaker 1: with a new person we do better at and then

1175
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 1: you kind of like skip that piece later. And for

1176
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:30,840
Speaker 1: a woman that is like the biggest turn on is

1177
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:33,320
Speaker 1: all of the things you just described, the body touch,

1178
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:36,000
Speaker 1: the sensual nature, even if it was a massage or

1179
01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:39,680
Speaker 1: anything like that, like that really does help. I think

1180
01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:42,320
Speaker 1: a woman get really turned on into the place that

1181
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 1: maybe a man can get a little bit quicker.

1182
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:47,320
Speaker 2: Well, he's ready to go because he's fistosterone dominant. He

1183
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:50,200
Speaker 2: got that hard on right away, right, so he's much

1184
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:53,160
Speaker 2: more ready to go. That being said, men are as

1185
01:05:53,960 --> 01:05:59,840
Speaker 2: desirous for intimate connection, heart connection, love, slowness, sensuality as

1186
01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:03,680
Speaker 2: the feminine is, as the woman is. Men are really

1187
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:08,240
Speaker 2: very similar to us as women. I think men get

1188
01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:11,920
Speaker 2: a lot of you know, like we make fun of them,

1189
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:14,720
Speaker 2: you know, they're only in to get off or whatever.

1190
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 2: But that's not actually really true. Men have hearts as

1191
01:06:18,880 --> 01:06:23,440
Speaker 2: big as ours as the women. So it's creating a

1192
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:25,960
Speaker 2: place for them to have that too and showing them

1193
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:28,400
Speaker 2: the pathway to it that they appreciate very much.

1194
01:06:28,760 --> 01:06:31,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, just letting go of that old programming. I agree

1195
01:06:31,120 --> 01:06:33,200
Speaker 1: with you. I just don't think that that's really how

1196
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:35,040
Speaker 1: men are wired. And it's just been the way our

1197
01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:37,640
Speaker 1: society has created that mentality.

1198
01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 2: And well, we raise them and we say to them,

1199
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:43,080
Speaker 2: you don't cry, don't be a baby stocking, you know,

1200
01:06:43,120 --> 01:06:44,880
Speaker 2: like we take the emotion out of them. For a

1201
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:48,000
Speaker 2: lot of men, they've never had any emotional expression beyond

1202
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 2: anger victimhood. You know that that's like the only ones

1203
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:58,560
Speaker 2: they get to have, which is shitty, so shitty.

1204
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:00,800
Speaker 1: It's shitty to be on the other sid of too.

1205
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:02,120
Speaker 1: It's for all of us.

1206
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So the more we use women as

1207
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:11,520
Speaker 2: lovers to men can help heal their wounds of being

1208
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:15,520
Speaker 2: cut off from their emotional expression and help them find

1209
01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 2: their words and express themselves and understand that they're just

1210
01:07:20,200 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 2: like us. They just didn't even get the benefits of

1211
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:26,920
Speaker 2: having emotional expression. And I'm owing that for them.

1212
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,040
Speaker 1: Susan, thank you so much. I feel like I could

1213
01:07:29,040 --> 01:07:30,480
Speaker 1: talk to you all day, so we may just have to.

1214
01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:31,760
Speaker 2: Have you back one.

1215
01:07:33,360 --> 01:07:38,520
Speaker 1: I have had some things to do. Where can people

1216
01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:42,080
Speaker 1: find you? Because I know you have so many amazing resources,

1217
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:44,880
Speaker 1: Like we've discussed a couple, but you have tons, tons

1218
01:07:44,920 --> 01:07:48,240
Speaker 1: of books, tons of different programs people can download. So

1219
01:07:48,280 --> 01:07:50,400
Speaker 1: where can people find you? That's the easiest access to

1220
01:07:50,440 --> 01:07:51,240
Speaker 1: all of that stuff.

1221
01:07:52,120 --> 01:07:55,560
Speaker 2: Well, if you go to personal life Media, that's a

1222
01:07:55,560 --> 01:08:00,400
Speaker 2: good place. I'm Susan Bratton on Instagram. I have a

1223
01:08:00,400 --> 01:08:03,880
Speaker 2: website called Better Lover with hundreds of free videos on

1224
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:06,320
Speaker 2: any subject you could imagine. If you like the sound

1225
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:10,760
Speaker 2: of what I've said so far, there's lots more. And then,

1226
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:14,600
Speaker 2: of course we talked about the sexuals Impact dot com.

1227
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:19,040
Speaker 2: We talked about magicpillmethod dot com. And we talked about

1228
01:08:19,040 --> 01:08:22,880
Speaker 2: tuning fork tip dot com and I don't know if

1229
01:08:22,920 --> 01:08:26,200
Speaker 2: it's tip or tips, but try one and it's not

1230
01:08:26,479 --> 01:08:29,960
Speaker 2: a the s. Yeah, those are three good things to

1231
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:32,320
Speaker 2: get you started if they appealed to you. And there's

1232
01:08:32,439 --> 01:08:34,360
Speaker 2: plenty more where that came from. So thank you for

1233
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:37,200
Speaker 2: having me. I really enjoyed being on your show with

1234
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:41,280
Speaker 2: both of you, and it was a lot of fun, really.

1235
01:08:42,160 --> 01:08:45,599
Speaker 1: So informative and so fun. I think this is such

1236
01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:47,800
Speaker 1: an important topic, so I'm so glad that you're really

1237
01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:50,280
Speaker 1: talking about this. But we just need to learn about this,

1238
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:52,960
Speaker 1: like we're learning about everything else, y'all. Oart of growth.

1239
01:08:53,680 --> 01:08:56,280
Speaker 1: Let's lean in, all right, Susan, thank you so much

1240
01:08:56,360 --> 01:08:57,920
Speaker 1: for being here, and thank you guys for listening.