Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You may know
Speaker 1: us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading
Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll
Speaker 1: make you need derby most days. Wow. And one more
Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created
Speaker 1: this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most
Speaker 1: taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about
Speaker 1: through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead adds
Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about
Speaker 1: to take Phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: as starts right now. Listen, give yourselves some kudos. We
Speaker 1: just came home. This crowd right here is by far
Speaker 1: the best crowd we've got that did Philly three years ago. Yes,
Speaker 1: it was only about we only had my hundred ship
Speaker 1: was live the whole time. Yes, Yes, so yo, shout
Speaker 1: out to Philly. We love y'all, Philly. Yes, so listen,
Speaker 1: we told you guys, who's gonna make this about you?
Speaker 1: Not us? Right, So it's about that time to make
Speaker 1: this about y'all about to play a little game. All right,
Speaker 1: you already everybody nervous. Now, look everybody's in there yelling
Speaker 1: at me, getting the mix right, and they get what
Speaker 1: the fun? We played our money more now, we say,
Speaker 1: y'all and everybody like, what's not to look like? Don't
Speaker 1: pick me please? All right? So we want to get
Speaker 1: you guys involved. What we're gonna do now, According to
Speaker 1: Triple our producer who you meant earlier? Like you do
Speaker 1: like getting a chance to me? Trible, get trouble around,
Speaker 1: ye Trible. So Triple Triple is one of the main
Speaker 1: creators of how the show runs. She came up with
Speaker 1: karaoke time, we do story time. She's the master mind
Speaker 1: behind that. On top of that, she's just a really
Speaker 1: talented writer. Um, she tells Joe, she's just an adult person.
Speaker 1: So shout out the Triple. Everybody gives you a triple
Speaker 1: A round of applause. Trible. So I no Triple had
Speaker 1: people writing in couple of singles and all that, trying
Speaker 1: to see who would like to be involved in today's show.
Speaker 1: So we've selected, or she's selected rather three couples who
Speaker 1: will be coming to the stage and we will play
Speaker 1: a little game, be a little situation up here. So
Speaker 1: I don't believe you know how many dudes in the
Speaker 1: same enough you should you better not that's happened to me. Like, baby,
Speaker 1: I ain't writing about it. Don't worry about it. Ain't
Speaker 1: I getting up on that June right, all right, So
Speaker 1: we're not gonna say who it is. I won't give
Speaker 1: the names that I'm going to read the stories that
Speaker 1: you guys have submitted, and then if the story sounds familiar,
Speaker 1: like it's y'all, you're better nudge your man and be like, yo,
Speaker 1: that's us. We gotta get up. I'm saying, let's go.
Speaker 1: Let's go, all right, So we have press your contestants
Speaker 1: number one. We call this pressure because we're gonna push
Speaker 1: y'all pressure. Okay. Our love stories started when we met
Speaker 1: as children. I was eleven and he was twelve. My
Speaker 1: first crush, first boyfriend, just my older brother's friend. That
Speaker 1: sounds familiar to anybody, yet that freshet over. You're talking
Speaker 1: my system. I love you, don't married that, right. We
Speaker 1: dated for a while and then I moved to another town.
Speaker 1: He found me again. We dated for a few months
Speaker 1: and then I moved in. Finally, we saw each other
Speaker 1: again at six Flags, and we haven't let each other
Speaker 1: go since. In no way are we that perfect couple,
Speaker 1: but we've been able to grow together, to learn from
Speaker 1: one another, and what's most important to us, we are
Speaker 1: loyal to one another. We now have two beautiful boys,
Speaker 1: Brendan Jr. Or b J. Who was now three, in Landon,
Speaker 1: who is four months. Brendan is the love of Brandon
Speaker 1: is the love of my life. He is truly my
Speaker 1: best friend. Where you at? Where where y'all at? The late?
Speaker 1: That's why you can't do shows in Philly, But I
Speaker 1: swear the God bro I sweet. All right, welcome to
Speaker 1: the stage, y'all, let's go. Nice to meet you, Nice
Speaker 1: to meet you. Yes, drink because you don't know what
Speaker 1: to expect. Yes you are not side. All right, y'all
Speaker 1: can stand right over here, standing right over there us
Speaker 1: a real comfortable these drinks setting in alright. Couple number two,
Speaker 1: This is a short one. Here. We are two women
Speaker 1: who have been living together for eleven years and married
Speaker 1: for three. We are high school sweethearts. We got together
Speaker 1: our senior year of high school. We're currently employed, but
Speaker 1: also have our own businesses as well kids. Yet we
Speaker 1: have a dog, godchildren and lots of nieces and nephews.
Speaker 1: Who's that that's not familiar to anybody? Alright, com raw
Speaker 1: and less so for the state of time. Just so
Speaker 1: we can get the bull rolling, I'm gonna introduce the
Speaker 1: third couple so they can make their way to the
Speaker 1: station case stamptop two. All right, So we were both
Speaker 1: both born and raised in the Bronx, and I'm sorry
Speaker 1: to hear that, Brooklyn baby all day. We were born
Speaker 1: and raised in the Bronx and graduated high school in
Speaker 1: two thousand four together. Unbeknownst to me, Tony was watching
Speaker 1: me all four years of high school. Tony said, I
Speaker 1: told you about for me. Come on, damn it. Remember
Speaker 1: I did this. When we get home, you better not
Speaker 1: fall asleep in the can. While I wasn't watching watching
Speaker 1: him because I thought he was a nerd. In two
Speaker 1: thousand eighteen, he reached out on the face and then
Speaker 1: she she was a nerd. Bro Damn Tony. It was
Speaker 1: a tough one. In two thousand eighteen, he reached out
Speaker 1: on Facebook after making sure that I was single. At
Speaker 1: the beginning, I was dubbing him for a while not purposely,
Speaker 1: but when I realized that he was consistent, I gave
Speaker 1: him my number. That same night, you spoke on the
Speaker 1: phone for hours, and every night after that we slept
Speaker 1: on the phone together. One twenty any team is when
Speaker 1: my life changed for the better. In our tober one
Speaker 1: is when he proposted me our wedding is set for
Speaker 1: August five. Let's tell us how we're gonna set this up.
Speaker 1: Couple number one, see triple triple talked about being thick.
Speaker 1: Now she's gonna come on the stage and just show
Speaker 1: y'all all the thing, slick, trouble, single y'all. She trying,
Speaker 1: she trying to get clothes out here. Alright, The New
Speaker 1: Yorkers was getting in triples ms last night. Billy getting together.
Speaker 1: All right, Couple number one, I'm gonna up here. Want
Speaker 1: to read the rules of the game. Here's how it over.
Speaker 1: This is your box, right hand pound coming on the
Speaker 1: two coming on with two rules for no reason. All right,
Speaker 1: So each couple, we'll sit back to back. We're staying
Speaker 1: rather because we don't have seats up here, and they're
Speaker 1: gonna have a marker and no path with triple are
Speaker 1: given to them now and I will add ask the
Speaker 1: women and men questions respectively, allowing them to answer that
Speaker 1: their spouse would say, so all, you're married or about
Speaker 1: to be married, at least engaged or something okay, great, perfect.
Speaker 1: Each player will write down their answer without consulting with
Speaker 1: their significant other to see whose partner is best or
Speaker 1: knows the partner best. Each player will have fifteen seconds
Speaker 1: to answer, and the timer will go off when the
Speaker 1: music stops. All right, makes sense, we got five questions.
Speaker 1: That was time for the pressure. All right, all right,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask questions to the ladies or both of
Speaker 1: your ladies, y'all can answer, all right now? Before I
Speaker 1: ask these questions, there's one rule. Dead Ask podcast is
Speaker 1: a safe space of no judgment. So it takes a
Speaker 1: lot to come up here and participate in these games.
Speaker 1: Do not judge these people while you here, Wait till
Speaker 1: you go home, an't explain. Let's playdin and I enjoy
Speaker 1: doing this, doing this type of show because we want
Speaker 1: people to feel comfortable speaking about their truth and understanding
Speaker 1: that everybody's story is different. So I don't want you
Speaker 1: to feel uncomfortable if your truth is something that people
Speaker 1: aren't normal, is normal to people it's not fair. Let's
Speaker 1: normalize be giving grace and being accepting. Deal. Thank you,
Speaker 1: That's why I love y'all. Question number one, question no, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is for the latest. This is for the ladies.
Speaker 1: This is for the latest. Let's do it this way
Speaker 1: since we have you on the side, soever, we're standing,
Speaker 1: I guess towards the rights. Yes, yes, So I'm going
Speaker 1: to ask the ladies, and what's your name, ma'am ra?
Speaker 1: Now ask rock? So as ladies in the Rock's gonna
Speaker 1: ask you how many times per week? What your partners say?
Speaker 1: Y'all have sex? All right? Who's playing that? Work seven
Speaker 1: days a week? Pens down? Couple number one? When the
Speaker 1: count a three show everybody? Your answer? One to breathe
Speaker 1: every day? I smell a cat. I smell a cat.
Speaker 1: The mic again, okay, so you put the baby. Ain't
Speaker 1: no judgments here, so y'allocated in every day? She was like, god, damn,
Speaker 1: all right. We went on the secret come on number
Speaker 1: two three to what hit it? Stop? Stop cut cat cut,
Speaker 1: So that's got me zero. I was very clear. Was
Speaker 1: I'm not clear? I wasn't, so no, I said, So
Speaker 1: I said, I was, No, We're gonna were going to
Speaker 1: the French I said, I was gonna ask the ladies
Speaker 1: how many times will be would your partners say you
Speaker 1: have sex? That's what I said. Uh, I never said that, Bro,
Speaker 1: you're the only one that's Hey, let's take a boat.
Speaker 1: Who understood what I said? Y'all have a lot of arguments,
Speaker 1: don't you. He's an eries like you Devalacie. Right, Oh
Speaker 1: so you don't know your fault? Yeah, that's like me.
Speaker 1: It's cool though, it's cool though, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't like to make fault either. I'm I'm allied to
Speaker 1: take it to the grave. I heard what I heard?
Speaker 1: Are you with me? So about both of you are answering?
Speaker 1: But you're thinking about what your spouse are significant other with?
Speaker 1: Here you go. That's the clarity. That's why I give
Speaker 1: the directions. But he wants to give the directions. But whatever,
Speaker 1: here we are here, we are here, we are an
Speaker 1: ample opportunity to join, and she ain't saying nothing. You
Speaker 1: got it all right, So we're gonna give you all
Speaker 1: three more seconds because y'all still you've seen it already,
Speaker 1: all right, So y'all'll get on points, all right, covering
Speaker 1: on the three three to what she said, five times
Speaker 1: a day, you'll be having sex five times a day.
Speaker 1: Bro a week a week, A week a week, You'll
Speaker 1: y'all be having five times a week. What's what's what
Speaker 1: you do together? Keeping? I need to know the secret?
Speaker 1: Do you all want to know the secrets to have
Speaker 1: sex five times a week? Put me on? Oh, put
Speaker 1: me on? He said. She said that he cooks for her.
Speaker 1: That's easy. I'll put waffles in the toadst every day.
Speaker 1: I was about to say, yo, I would love for
Speaker 1: you to cook for me every day. Let's see how
Speaker 1: that work out. All right, let let's try that out
Speaker 1: for a week and see how it works out. No,
Speaker 1: you ain't gonna do let's trying for a week, all right.
Speaker 1: We got this on camera. Everybody on this. We're gonna
Speaker 1: try for cook every day for a week. The first
Speaker 1: time I'm gonna come in our room. I'm not letting down.
Speaker 1: That's every day anyway, that's every day anyway. Ship. That
Speaker 1: was just that stage. It's a question number two. So
Speaker 1: we got the rhythm of how things are going. Now
Speaker 1: everyone's writing something. We're writing big enough so the audience
Speaker 1: can see you good. Mr Ariy. Yeah, I'm good, good, good, good,
Speaker 1: y'all two over here. Okay, So question number two. If
Speaker 1: you were riding in the car with your spouse and
Speaker 1: their mom, who would your spouse want to sit in front?
Speaker 1: That This is not this is not even a question.
Speaker 1: There's not even a question. This is a true story.
Speaker 1: The minute I got engaged, my mother came up to
Speaker 1: me and said, hey, Tekadine, she can go on the front.
Speaker 1: That literally, shout out to my mother in law. Your
Speaker 1: wife always comes first. I'm your mama, understand that. Tell Codina.
Speaker 1: So it wasn't even I don't have a way about it.
Speaker 1: My mom told step back, shout out to Karen. Alright,
Speaker 1: a couple number two, all right, change it up a bit.
Speaker 1: Me and me say, period, that's one point in the middle.
Speaker 1: Who's keeping score? Triple you guys score, keep keeping score too.
Speaker 1: You're the person that keeps going on spaces, ain't you us?
Speaker 1: First time? Yeah? I know, coming on with three Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: a wife in front coming on one, Mom, listen, judgment.
Speaker 1: This is the this is the this is the I'm
Speaker 1: so glad it's happened, right, because we, as a community
Speaker 1: of people tend to do what judge people don't do
Speaker 1: things like us. Right, if they both agreed that their
Speaker 1: mom gonna sit in the front, that's all that matters,
Speaker 1: you see what I'm saying. So what's your mindset real
Speaker 1: quick about that? What my mom said in the front
Speaker 1: and her mom getting the cart in the back, and
Speaker 1: when my mom getting my just respect for my mom period.
Speaker 1: All right, that's a great point because a lot of
Speaker 1: people don't understand that they're looking at the people's marriage
Speaker 1: and I can't believe they did that. Well, you don't
Speaker 1: gotta believe you and ship they went in there. That's
Speaker 1: all I'm not. Social media make it worse. Social media
Speaker 1: people we comment on other people's marriages, don't managed all
Speaker 1: the time me while the marriage your home infloding like
Speaker 1: a motherfucker in bloating exploring number three. That's on you, baby,
Speaker 1: it's question number three. I'm trying to make sure make
Speaker 1: this public because this is this is inclusivity. It's important, right, inclusive. No,
Speaker 1: so ladies and right because I can't just say ladies
Speaker 1: because they're both ladies. Stop laughing. It's not difficult. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm trying. You're trying to make it right, Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: with this question directed towards you and the rest of you.
Speaker 1: He's just gonna starts happing on your shoulder. You answered,
Speaker 1: if your partner had to give you an A plus
Speaker 1: for a certain sex position, what would that sex position be? Yo?
Speaker 1: Let's listen, man, My wife finds she don't get dressed
Speaker 1: like this all the time you had to put off
Speaker 1: for y'all, and you know he's getting the benefits of it,
Speaker 1: so trust all right, all right, he's talk about coming
Speaker 1: number three, Yes, coming up to everybody? Got the answer down?
Speaker 1: Covered up, no cheating, covered up A three, show your
Speaker 1: answers in three to one, the old no, let shut up?
Speaker 1: What's about? Right? There? We go? There we go. I
Speaker 1: love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 1: I guess he ain't he ain't a nerd? No more,
Speaker 1: says is he ain't Harry no more? Do it in
Speaker 1: your back? That's what I'm doing. Hey, baby, sit out,
Speaker 1: don't you with somebody's gravy? Give you some extra stuff in?
Speaker 1: I love it. Couple number one in three two reverse
Speaker 1: cow riding back shots. Yeah, y'all, nsty that's how you
Speaker 1: got them boys. I know something about that. Two boys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if y'allre looking for the boy recipe. Clearly, that's what
Speaker 1: it is. Is Is. I happened to uh favor that myself
Speaker 1: last night. She was excited. Another story. Oh my god, Devo,
Speaker 1: please spare them. Coming over to three to one. Okay,
Speaker 1: now I don't trouple out here talking about some talking
Speaker 1: about getting away. I'm like, what the going on? I
Speaker 1: came out. We cares, no, no people care? Now the
Speaker 1: scissors all being good? All right? Number four, If your
Speaker 1: spouse gave you or your partner gave you a whole pass,
Speaker 1: what celebrity would they use it for? So let's have
Speaker 1: it reversed now, so we'll have the hall pass will
Speaker 1: be given to with a gentleman and also lex right, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: so if your spouse give you all pass for any celebrity,
Speaker 1: who would you piss? All right? What we got going
Speaker 1: on over here? We got the celebrity who's getting pass
Speaker 1: too many? Bro? What man? He's says on the paper?
Speaker 1: I do look at Hooty too. I do. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Like I said, there's no judgments if it go, I
Speaker 1: did judge met you' like arguing he are you all
Speaker 1: the time? Don't? It's like, I'm get on the mirror. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I'm looking hard to about absolutely mirror, mirror on the wall.
Speaker 1: All right, who's giving answers? First? Number one? Turn it Beyonce?
Speaker 1: He Holly bad and okay, writing everybody he's that he's
Speaker 1: that holly Berry. But really this one Beyonce? A right.
Speaker 1: That's how Ally's arguing, were you on the debate team
Speaker 1: because if that was on the big team too, were
Speaker 1: you in the let's be aries thing? Exactly? Exactly? See,
Speaker 1: you can't win a couple Number two, No one, no past,
Speaker 1: I'll be what you want. I smell, no role play. Okay,
Speaker 1: we ain't hall past. Now be whoever you want me
Speaker 1: to be. Baby like that. I can rock with that.
Speaker 1: I can rock with that. And that's two times Lexi
Speaker 1: said she wants some heads. Lexi focused on listening. It's
Speaker 1: going down, tot, I want some ask how about that? Right?
Speaker 1: Do you? Cat? I told you to stop touching here
Speaker 1: y'all judging? Wait till later at nine o'clock nine, you
Speaker 1: can touch motherfucker. Meanwhile, he's like, well, learn something new
Speaker 1: every day? Does your cat? Alright? Alright? And question number
Speaker 1: five ask questions, so where where are we at? With
Speaker 1: the score. Who's winning? Right now? She was ready? Four
Speaker 1: three two alright, four three two alright for the wind.
Speaker 1: Now rumber this last question. He needs to take a
Speaker 1: feet I remember, I don't listen. I don't even need
Speaker 1: calling I U. This is for both of y'all. Who's
Speaker 1: I love you first? And where did it happen? Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: we're gonna start with coping number two. Let me see
Speaker 1: your answering three to one, me getting head. It's all
Speaker 1: on the same paper, y'all trying to preserve trees. You'll
Speaker 1: could have flipped the page. But it's all right. Every
Speaker 1: time I seen the page. Just head on your words
Speaker 1: to me, because that's a that's obvious sign. Somebody worst
Speaker 1: into that when it comes to that. All right, me
Speaker 1: car smoking, They were in the car while y'all smoking tree.
Speaker 1: All right, they were smoking tree in a car, was right.
Speaker 1: They could have been smoking cigarettes. They could have been
Speaker 1: smoken hook up. It couldn't be mass though. No Juanna
Speaker 1: aka Sweeting's no marijuana. A couple of a couple of
Speaker 1: number three three to one back, he said me and
Speaker 1: my shot, you said me on the phone, and let
Speaker 1: me wait. But y'all both said me right, See how
Speaker 1: she came at me. I know who like to argue
Speaker 1: in this relationship? All right, cheer harries. That's why, that's why,
Speaker 1: that's why I shout out, my where's all the aries
Speaker 1: out there? Come get your people, Come get your people? Wait,
Speaker 1: so me and the shack? Is that? What does that
Speaker 1: mean in the house? Oh? Did y'all dub it the shack?
Speaker 1: Or is that like a is that a Philly thing? No,
Speaker 1: that's just a new thing. Sho. She was shocking up.
Speaker 1: That was he was married? Okay, y'all, mama'sn't know y'all
Speaker 1: was in the and being nasty. All right, But I
Speaker 1: guess it looks like we have a winner then, based
Speaker 1: off of the five questions that we asked, oh, true
Speaker 1: to one. Hearing her on the phone phone every day
Speaker 1: every day, I think, all right, text phone, I guess
Speaker 1: we've found a way to do it. Y'all got that
Speaker 1: couple one around applause, So check this out. We got
Speaker 1: a little bit of a surprise. There really is no winner,
Speaker 1: no loser. The winner and the losers all get drinks
Speaker 1: on me. So listen for the rest of the night.
Speaker 1: I got y'all for everybody else, hold that thought. We
Speaker 1: have so much more to say, but not before we
Speaker 1: get into these ads. Will be right back, y'all, Reilly,
Speaker 1: y'all enjoy the game. That's one of my favorite parts
Speaker 1: of the show because I'm like, you know, it's so
Speaker 1: interesting to see if couples are in sync what they're
Speaker 1: thinking about. It's always so funny. So there's a reason
Speaker 1: why we played this game, guys. And part of the
Speaker 1: reason why we played this game is to exercise something
Speaker 1: about relationships. Right, most couples that we've meant before, who
Speaker 1: asked this questions and listen to letters or whatever, they
Speaker 1: always start the question by saying something like, my partner
Speaker 1: says this or likes this, and other people feel so
Speaker 1: you end up tailor making your relationship with other people's expectations.
Speaker 1: And what we're trying to show people is that it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what everybody else feels. If you two are
Speaker 1: in agreement, that's all that matters. We both put ourselves
Speaker 1: in the front seat, but the first couple will put
Speaker 1: their moms in the front seat. And if everybody is happy,
Speaker 1: why are we arguing about who should be in the
Speaker 1: front seat in their an agreement? So the game is
Speaker 1: really just to get you guys are both to understand.
Speaker 1: It's how you communicate is most important, not what the
Speaker 1: final solution is. You know, I love that. So who
Speaker 1: was written into listener letters before anybody in the audience.
Speaker 1: You don't have to stay one letter it was you
Speaker 1: don't want to be embarrassed, but you have Okay, did
Speaker 1: we ever pick your letter? We have say which one
Speaker 1: it was? How about this season? Who's been listening to
Speaker 1: the season so far? Do we have a favorite episode yet?
Speaker 1: Which one? All the thank y'all discipline? Okay? A lot
Speaker 1: of people good one at Selling Granny's House that came
Speaker 1: on this week. A lot of people in New York
Speaker 1: like selling Granny's House. I know who got to listen
Speaker 1: so far, but so listen. We actually decided that we
Speaker 1: wanted to do a lot more crowd interaction. So we're
Speaker 1: gonna let you guys ask me questions yes live, so
Speaker 1: that we can add answer them live. Because we don't
Speaker 1: want you guys to think that we just sit up
Speaker 1: here and scripted everything. This is about an honor, an
Speaker 1: open space. That's why it's called dead ass. So now
Speaker 1: is your opportunity if you have a question, raise your
Speaker 1: hand with trouble all right, and they're gonna be out
Speaker 1: in the crowd. His hand was up here. I see
Speaker 1: that soon. Did you get the mic? Say your name
Speaker 1: a Ques? So this is like live listener letters, Yes,
Speaker 1: and we will do our best to give a Wesley.
Speaker 1: Give us your name Wesley, Wesley next Westley. We just
Speaker 1: wanted to know that he was not a part of
Speaker 1: the game. He just wants to make sure she did
Speaker 1: not submit him. But do you guys ever have a time?
Speaker 1: Y'all like at each other through y'all don't want to
Speaker 1: be talking or anything. I told you we don't even
Speaker 1: phone came out on the stage. She didn't even want
Speaker 1: to let me jump over the couch. But now you know,
Speaker 1: I mean we definitely, I mean what couple doesn't. And
Speaker 1: I feel like if we honestly didn't have those moments,
Speaker 1: then somebody was not being honest about how they feel. Right,
Speaker 1: There's not going to be moments where you agree on everything.
Speaker 1: We don't. But I feel like Deval and I first
Speaker 1: and foremost, this is something like best friendship. We gotta
Speaker 1: here like we're best friends. And I feel like if
Speaker 1: I cannot be completely honest with him about the way
Speaker 1: I feel about just anything, then what's the point. I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people nowadays walk around with
Speaker 1: the facade of who they are, what they expect, um,
Speaker 1: you know, what they want, and that just makes the
Speaker 1: things so much more difficult because there's layers that you
Speaker 1: didn't have to unpack. And if you're not being completely
Speaker 1: honest with yourself first and foremost, how can you even
Speaker 1: be honest with a spouse or a significant other. So
Speaker 1: I like the deval gives me a same space to
Speaker 1: feel like I can't express myself because I think at
Speaker 1: times we don't necessarily feel like we can't express ourselves
Speaker 1: to our significant other for a plus or reasons. Devil
Speaker 1: and I actually want to let you guys in on
Speaker 1: a little secret that you're hearing here at the show. First,
Speaker 1: I wasn't even think about that because my mind is
Speaker 1: so far from that. Um, Dakota is the baby of
Speaker 1: the family, y'all. Sorry to disupport you, but um, but
Speaker 1: we're actually writing a book, actually wrote a book, yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: published in the country, yes, so that we can look
Speaker 1: forward to at the top of the new year. Um.
Speaker 1: And in that book, we really try to just dive
Speaker 1: into how we as divalin cadenas individuals and how our upbringings,
Speaker 1: our families, our parents, everything that kind of molded us
Speaker 1: into being who we were as individuals than impacted us
Speaker 1: together in our relationship. Um So I say that to say,
Speaker 1: in those moments where we're at each other's throats, there's
Speaker 1: so many things to consider and we have to unpack.
Speaker 1: It's like, why is about in this moment acting this way?
Speaker 1: It can be something from his childhood that has been
Speaker 1: embedded in him or something that he had to deal
Speaker 1: with as a trauma that I may not know about
Speaker 1: that we then have to kind of go deeper tone
Speaker 1: and pack. So we always just try to keep it
Speaker 1: open line of communication with each other and if you know,
Speaker 1: like we said, Dad As podcasts our form of therapy
Speaker 1: you We literally talked through a lot of things with
Speaker 1: y'all and it's just an open forum where we feel
Speaker 1: comfortable with sharing. Because the biggest part about Dead as
Speaker 1: Podcast is not to preach that we know everything. It's
Speaker 1: not to give you guys a handbook. We didn't want
Speaker 1: to have it how to or these are the pillars
Speaker 1: of how you can have the perfect marriage because that
Speaker 1: does not exist. But we feel like if you can
Speaker 1: at least relate. And sometimes it's not even a man
Speaker 1: and woman thing like oh, you know the husbands are
Speaker 1: the males in the relationship relate to devol or the
Speaker 1: females and the women relate to me. It's a person
Speaker 1: to person thing. You know, some women be like, yo,
Speaker 1: I feel condin in that moment, or if some women's
Speaker 1: men say I feeled about in that moment. We want
Speaker 1: to be able to just have people feel like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I can relate to this, This happening within
Speaker 1: my relationship is not an anomaly. This is something that
Speaker 1: people go through. And we can't tell you how many
Speaker 1: people will roll in. Probably some of you have wroten
Speaker 1: to us, said d MS emails about how we have
Speaker 1: helped to impact positively their relationship. We've helped to save
Speaker 1: their marriage, We've helped to give them a perspective to
Speaker 1: think about that the event, had more comfortable conversing with
Speaker 1: their spouse about So just being able to create a
Speaker 1: space like that four year spouse a very significant other,
Speaker 1: I think it's probably the utmost important thing. And just
Speaker 1: being respectful in those interactions. Yeah, have the question how
Speaker 1: long have you all been together nine years, so but
Speaker 1: he did not have been together twenty years, um the
Speaker 1: first five years I'll say the first five years of
Speaker 1: my marriage, which would ultimately the first thirteen years of
Speaker 1: our relationship, and we did not know how to communicate
Speaker 1: in each other. And the reason why I say that
Speaker 1: is because I feel like too often people give up
Speaker 1: when their relationship when it's early, you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: a year, when two years and three years in and
Speaker 1: they're like, I've given this person so much time and
Speaker 1: they still don't give me. I give up, But I'm
Speaker 1: here to tell you leave with thirteen years in when
Speaker 1: it clipped to me how to start being a better
Speaker 1: husband and then expressing to her what I needed for
Speaker 1: her to be a better life. So I say that
Speaker 1: to that. You know, look at your significant other and said, hey,
Speaker 1: we've been together, for example, nine years and we still
Speaker 1: argue this ain't again because it's just part of it.
Speaker 1: You know, life is long. You know, hopefully everybody he
Speaker 1: lives to be seventy nine years old. If you think
Speaker 1: about that nine years, it's only ten percent of your life.
Speaker 1: You know, will you judge your partner based on what
Speaker 1: they do in ten percent of their life. That's unfair
Speaker 1: because we don't judge our parents our friends like that,
Speaker 1: so we shouldn't judge out saf you know it's question
Speaker 1: number two. Hope that helped you out. We got a
Speaker 1: question of me ask in the hand our real fast.
Speaker 1: M's like, what's up? Mean? You never get your younger
Speaker 1: your relationship, that your friend and your environment and take
Speaker 1: your relationship younger, your friends, people, young relationship. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: we've definitely been there. I remember toos mom the book,
Speaker 1: y'all are gonna learn a lot about our parents and
Speaker 1: realize how family the fucking people's relationship serious. And when
Speaker 1: y'all read the book, you're gonna say damn because being
Speaker 1: momir was how almost it is. I was almost out.
Speaker 1: I was like, get your mom's shout out to me.
Speaker 1: They have an amazing relationship now. But let me tell
Speaker 1: y'all it was not. It was always like that at all, um,
Speaker 1: But I remember to that was mom one time. I
Speaker 1: always like, I fell asleep upstairs in his sister's room
Speaker 1: right at cramps. Wasn't feeling well and she was working
Speaker 1: late and everything. So I felt asleep in her sister's room,
Speaker 1: not feeling well, and came upstairs and he had I
Speaker 1: think you had practice or something. You're like really really tired.
Speaker 1: So we kind of fell asleep, kind of cross way
Speaker 1: on the bed, right, very uninten you know, I was
Speaker 1: in the right, very unattap and we were already fucking
Speaker 1: so it didn't even matter this like whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: it was. Yeah, it was kind of like a cross
Speaker 1: wait thing, like yeah, we weren't even like you know.
Speaker 1: And I remember her coming and looking in the room
Speaker 1: and she saw us, and then she went back downstairs.
Speaker 1: And then uh so that went downstairs, and shortly I
Speaker 1: think he's like, my mom's want to talk to us.
Speaker 1: So I was like, okay about what about? What? Right?
Speaker 1: So we go downstairs and we're in the kitchen and
Speaker 1: she's sitting there and she likes pepsi, right, so she
Speaker 1: has a cannot pepsi and she has a cup of
Speaker 1: ice and she did we sit down? I was like, yes, Ma,
Speaker 1: Like wait, seriously, wanna talk about She pops open the
Speaker 1: canda soda mad dramatic. She's been quiet quiet. It was
Speaker 1: on some real Godfather type ship. So she pops over
Speaker 1: in the Canda solda and she pours it and she's
Speaker 1: looking at the team look at the fids go down
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at that and the understand and she
Speaker 1: pourth a little bit more that she puts a straw
Speaker 1: in thew she's stirring it, and then she looks up
Speaker 1: at us and she says, so did I miss the wedding?
Speaker 1: And I was like, what women married? What's the problem?
Speaker 1: Super combative, right, absolutely, So, to keep the long story short,
Speaker 1: she pretty much was just saying that she was disappointed
Speaker 1: in the fact that we were in the bed lame
Speaker 1: together and being a poor example to his sister who
Speaker 1: was also in the house, and she's ten years younger
Speaker 1: than the vo, and you know, we had that whole
Speaker 1: spield evident. You know, she pretty much in that conversation
Speaker 1: encouraged us to be individuals. We needed to continue to
Speaker 1: focus on each other, yes, but spend a little bit
Speaker 1: more time focusing on ourselves because we didn't know who
Speaker 1: we were. One thing about Val and I him being
Speaker 1: I guess the areas and BE being the Sagittarius both firesides.
Speaker 1: We feel like we know what we know, and we
Speaker 1: know it all and we aren't trying to hear what
Speaker 1: nobody else had to say. So when it came down
Speaker 1: to other people. Listen, I guess they're input in our
Speaker 1: relationship or their two cents. We really took it with
Speaker 1: a great assault and kept it pushing. We knew I
Speaker 1: didn't even take I didn't need to ship it from
Speaker 1: the time I was eighteen. No, I'm gonna be honest.
Speaker 1: From the time I was eighteen, I knew exactly what
Speaker 1: I'm wanted from my life. Everything you see happening for
Speaker 1: us now I had. I knew from the time I
Speaker 1: was young. I remember as early as nineteen eighty nine,
Speaker 1: I was watching Boys in the Hood. I wasn't supposed to.
Speaker 1: I was five years old. I was watching the dough Boys. Say, Yo,
Speaker 1: you want to see that body. I was watching the
Speaker 1: whole movie, and I said, damn, Cuba are gonna drink.
Speaker 1: He was throwing punches in the thing, and I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I want to match, Like, that's what I wanna do.
Speaker 1: I watched Bad Boys. A couple of years later, I
Speaker 1: watched Blue Smith run through the street with his shot
Speaker 1: over it, and that's what I knew I wanted to do.
Speaker 1: But outside of just knowing that, I always knew I
Speaker 1: wanted to be honest. Men. I just knew it. And
Speaker 1: the reason why I say that is because if you
Speaker 1: have a vision for yourself of what you want to be,
Speaker 1: don't let no money talk you out of here. Just don't.
Speaker 1: They can't see your vision. If it was their vision,
Speaker 1: God would have given into them. God gave it to you.
Speaker 1: So since it's mine and I got something I want.
Speaker 1: And at the time, the first time we went on
Speaker 1: the date, the kid was like, what you wanna do?
Speaker 1: Martin was on TV, as y'all can tell, I love Martin.
Speaker 1: I said, don't want to do that. I wanna have
Speaker 1: my own sitcom. She said to me, so how are
Speaker 1: we gonna do with it? That's the first day. But
Speaker 1: on the day the very first time, and that was
Speaker 1: the first time I told people I wanted to be
Speaker 1: on TV, and nobody laughed at Like nobody was laughing.
Speaker 1: She was dead serious about how I was gonna do it.
Speaker 1: So I gave her my plan and she was like,
Speaker 1: all right, I know that's that's what's up. But I
Speaker 1: knew that her being there was part of the plan.
Speaker 1: And guess what, y'all, my baby is a working actor. Okay,
Speaker 1: books from project to project to project. I cannot wait
Speaker 1: for y'all to see the catalogue of stuff that he's
Speaker 1: been working on. It's gonna come out the rest of
Speaker 1: this year and the top of next year. So I'm
Speaker 1: excited since keep that tunnel vision. But whoever you're with,
Speaker 1: I know it's particularly hard now in social media agent.
Speaker 1: I think the advantage to Down and I had was
Speaker 1: an eighteen and nineteen years old. We didn't have a
Speaker 1: lot of that influence, at least the digital influence. But
Speaker 1: we just knew from early on that this is where
Speaker 1: it was. And the decision that we made or whenever
Speaker 1: we talked about internally, was what was gonna happen anyway
Speaker 1: and everybody else? What does that have to deal with it?
Speaker 1: Who believes in God? Everybody right? Where does God exist?
Speaker 1: Where does God exist? Inside? Right? God is in you right?
Speaker 1: So when you're seeking answers for what's going on with you,
Speaker 1: where should you love it? Inside right? This is what
Speaker 1: God exists. My wife's God is here. If I'm seeking
Speaker 1: answers for how to deal with my wife, I can't
Speaker 1: look here. I need to look to my God who
Speaker 1: look at her God and say, I'm gonna figure that out.
Speaker 1: And that's just how I handle everything. I'm going against
Speaker 1: my parents. I'm going against her parents, I'm going against friends.
Speaker 1: I've done everything, she's done the same thing, and we're
Speaker 1: still here twenty years deep. So and I love it here.
Speaker 1: I love I'm not loving him all right, before you
Speaker 1: keep going, let's stop for a quick second. We're gonna
Speaker 1: go pay some bills. We're gonna be right back. So
Speaker 1: hold that thought. Another question, more questions. Yes, where you
Speaker 1: at trouble. I've seen some of the bat too, like
Speaker 1: you had one in the Bat Trouble triple getting her
Speaker 1: exercise in here. Okay, listen. Yes, I think it's adorable
Speaker 1: that you guys continuously say that your best friend. Um,
Speaker 1: but did that level of companionship was that authentic you
Speaker 1: or did you have to? So? I think she said
Speaker 1: we have continue to work on that best friend stuff.
Speaker 1: I feel like Dvalin had a very unusual spark early on.
Speaker 1: So we we we met in elementary school actually, and
Speaker 1: I was eyeing him to like the second third grade,
Speaker 1: and then I gets third grade. UM ended up seeing him,
Speaker 1: went to rival high schools. There was always something about him.
Speaker 1: I think I could just kind of feel his energy.
Speaker 1: I could feel the charisma. I was always attracted to
Speaker 1: that with him. UM, and I feel like from jump
Speaker 1: we were really really good friends, and I think that's
Speaker 1: what saved us a lot of the times when it
Speaker 1: came to those hard moments. So when Wesley asked about bickering,
Speaker 1: going back and forth, having those really tough times, the
Speaker 1: thing that saved us was the fact that we're freaking
Speaker 1: best friends. Like, we choose to be here. We wake
Speaker 1: up every single day choosing to be here to work
Speaker 1: at this and it may be slightly unhealthy, but I
Speaker 1: feel like we have a bit of a codependency on
Speaker 1: each other. I mean, to this day, he was filming
Speaker 1: on campus. He's at Tee Tyler Perry Studios and he's filming.
Speaker 1: I'm at home with the kids and he's gone for
Speaker 1: a week and I'm literally counting down the days. So
Speaker 1: he gets at home, blew up. My body doesn't respond
Speaker 1: well even when he's not here. UM. So that's something
Speaker 1: that I think that we continue to work on though. Um.
Speaker 1: We have moments where we're you know, we're fighting. We
Speaker 1: have moments where we're not necessarily in love with each
Speaker 1: other in the moment, because of course relationships have their
Speaker 1: ebbs and flows, but I said, Ultimately, the thing that
Speaker 1: does save us is that friendship and that genuine respect
Speaker 1: and love that we have for each other. Like that's
Speaker 1: never gonna go anywhere. I don't think that's ever going anywhere.
Speaker 1: To me, is this simple? This is what I learned.
Speaker 1: Like we were eighteen nineteen. You're experiencing new things in
Speaker 1: life because you go young, right, So you're in college together,
Speaker 1: you're going trips for the first time, you drive down
Speaker 1: to Virginia the first time. All of that stuff heightens
Speaker 1: the connection. But as you get older and you get
Speaker 1: married and you have kids, you lose sight of your friend. Right.
Speaker 1: Everything I do now is focused on me and a
Speaker 1: father and a provider, and I make a deliberate decision
Speaker 1: every day to be like yo yo yo yo yoa
Speaker 1: that's you. I'm your I'm your husband, you my wife
Speaker 1: than I am to write and and as a man,
Speaker 1: sometimes we don't want to have to say that to
Speaker 1: our women, right because we feel like we nagging. I
Speaker 1: want my woman to just be present when I needed.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have to say it. In the
Speaker 1: first five years of my marriage, I never wanted to
Speaker 1: say it because I felt like it wasn't masculine. I
Speaker 1: felt like I was being soft if I tell my
Speaker 1: wife like I need my woman now, No, no, I
Speaker 1: want my woman, which means put the kids to bathe
Speaker 1: my hate thirty. Go, put on some shorts, pop some popcorn,
Speaker 1: come out here and watch this movie. Let's just hug
Speaker 1: and cuddle and talking. Let me tell you what my
Speaker 1: dreams are for the next five years. I need my
Speaker 1: friend like that, you know what I'm saying. And a
Speaker 1: lot of times that leads to dope intimacy. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like we were talking about our dreams,
Speaker 1: we get excited about it, like real talk. We had
Speaker 1: probably one of the best sex sessions we had last
Speaker 1: night in a long time, because he's still talking about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was you was doing you was doing some things
Speaker 1: you do that. It might have been the Flora lags
Speaker 1: ponytail last night. I don't know what. Let's you drop
Speaker 1: all the way down to the Okay, baby, we really exciting.
Speaker 1: Round two? Thank you? Now? Is this tight? Isn't secure?
Speaker 1: But I've noticed with us, as we conquered dreams and
Speaker 1: goals together, it brings us closer. And there's nothing like
Speaker 1: like seeing something that seems so unattainable and have an
Speaker 1: apartment and being like, Yo, let's go get that, and
Speaker 1: then you actually get that, like nobody can take that
Speaker 1: from you. Like, and that's what's so dope about marriage.
Speaker 1: Like I hear so many people complain about marriages marriages hard.
Speaker 1: Marriage is not hard. It's not hard. All you need
Speaker 1: in the marriage is to people to work towards serving
Speaker 1: each other. I said, if one person is looking to
Speaker 1: serve and the other person isn't, that is hard. But
Speaker 1: if two people looking to serve, forget it. And I
Speaker 1: think I mean ex sites of something about dreams and
Speaker 1: goals and stuff. It's like, we don't just talk about
Speaker 1: dreams for like the next five, ten and twenty years,
Speaker 1: Like we have dreams and goals for the day. How
Speaker 1: are we going to get through this day? We have
Speaker 1: more things when we wait up, can we look at
Speaker 1: each other and we're like, here's the laundry list of
Speaker 1: things that have to get done for work, for personal,
Speaker 1: for kids independently, And when we tackle that day head on,
Speaker 1: and then we recap at the end of the thing,
Speaker 1: and then we plan for the week, and then you
Speaker 1: plan for the month. When you have somebody just my
Speaker 1: comrade over here, we just this. It's us against everything
Speaker 1: and everybody, even the kids. So out at the kids
Speaker 1: do sometimes you really want to do this. It's two
Speaker 1: of us. Trying means trying knighted, because which kid is
Speaker 1: gonna try us? The most cases, guys don't give about nothing.
Speaker 1: Cash straight told me. First of all, he looked just
Speaker 1: like Devance and you can see why he acts that way, right, Cas,
Speaker 1: me and Chasm, I'm a fist fight, and I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about I'm talking about tomorrow, guys. Y'all under story
Speaker 1: about when I threw the iPad and boom, Guys. I
Speaker 1: was looking at the iPad one day it. I said, Cash,
Speaker 1: didn't I tell you something at the iPad? He said yes.
Speaker 1: I said, so you're gonna keep looking at the iPad? Yes,
Speaker 1: so you're not gonna listen to me. No, he didn't
Speaker 1: blink or nothing. So I tried to threaten him and
Speaker 1: I snatched the iPad right, and he just did like this.
Speaker 1: I felt like I was losing, so you tough. You
Speaker 1: tough follow me walked out to the balcony. I said,
Speaker 1: he see the iPad right, Sure, he's looking at me
Speaker 1: like I don't care. Once he heard Google. I was like, yes,
Speaker 1: I said, I stopped trying to take your ass, and
Speaker 1: something came looking at me. I was like, almost lost, baby,
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. Guy's be
Speaker 1: giving us a hard tyro on Jackson the top of
Speaker 1: the steps, like, oh you don't want to did that work?
Speaker 1: Cayl will be listening. And then he had a sweet
Speaker 1: wave coming around a week later and be like daddy,
Speaker 1: that can I get any I think? And who ordered
Speaker 1: him a new iPad? No? Yes, you need softy. It's
Speaker 1: because he looked just like you asked. That's there's more
Speaker 1: questions out there. Where are you at trouble? We have
Speaker 1: some damn friend. Okay, Mike work shall that's what we
Speaker 1: wanted him. I have a question I want to know, then,
Speaker 1: did you pay any type of issues when he stowed
Speaker 1: a performance like sexual X exists? Look like I was
Speaker 1: waiting for somebody to ask that question. Question. Mike was
Speaker 1: clear as day. Do you know what's funny? I was?
Speaker 1: I was like, why is he? Nobody asked that yet? Read?
Speaker 1: So what's your name is? Is Jimmy? I'm nice to
Speaker 1: read y'all? So, yes, that is a common thing that
Speaker 1: I apparently here is an issue with people when it
Speaker 1: comes to having someone in the industry or spouts in
Speaker 1: the industry with acting. I think the thing that saves
Speaker 1: me um is two things right, particularly on sins this
Speaker 1: shout out to the show. Shout out to Crystal Hazelet,
Speaker 1: who plays for TV. Shout out to Crystal. Crystal is
Speaker 1: probably the most respectful, honest, just pure person that I've
Speaker 1: met in a very long time, very very and I
Speaker 1: think that's what helps because she's always looking to me
Speaker 1: first to be like, Sis, are you okay with this?
Speaker 1: And we have that relationship without devout involved, and that
Speaker 1: started very early on. But even if I didn't have
Speaker 1: that relationship with Crystal, I know what I signed up for, right,
Speaker 1: my husband an actor. We know how these these networks
Speaker 1: do nowadays. It's not like back in the day where
Speaker 1: you have these sex scenes that are very kind of
Speaker 1: just you know, very modest. They get it in y'all
Speaker 1: watch some of these Power of sex scenes. Okay, when
Speaker 1: he auditioned for Power and that he became Omari Stuntoe,
Speaker 1: but I was like, you're gonna be doing the sex
Speaker 1: stuns to ship. We'll learn a trick or two in
Speaker 1: that choreography and bring that ship back home. Um, but
Speaker 1: I know what I signed up for. And me also
Speaker 1: being in the industry as well, I think it's easier
Speaker 1: because we have the understanding of what actually is transpiring.
Speaker 1: It looks really, really real on camera, but it's probably
Speaker 1: the most unsexy thing to film a sex scene. Yo,
Speaker 1: let me tell you. Tell them about the process of
Speaker 1: how things go, so they get a little bit more
Speaker 1: more in depth. There's an intimacy coordinator, right, so the
Speaker 1: intimacy coordinating. They coordinate the intimacy. Were just like, hey,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna go over the scenes. She pulls out
Speaker 1: these little gummies that's supposed to be me and Crystal,
Speaker 1: and she plays the scene with the gunnies. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: like there's nothing sexy about seeing that. Right then she goes,
Speaker 1: I wish I had something here. She's like here, Um,
Speaker 1: this is going to be the patting. This is not
Speaker 1: the pattern. It's actually two and a half inches thick
Speaker 1: of patting that goes in between me and goes in
Speaker 1: between her, and it's cut out inside the thighs so
Speaker 1: that when they're filming you can't see it. So there's
Speaker 1: never any rubbing or touching, but you have to do
Speaker 1: chemistry scenes before that. So she and I have to
Speaker 1: kiss before we kiss on camera, because if you don't
Speaker 1: kiss someone first before you get on camera, it looks awkward.
Speaker 1: So she's like, are you comfortable, Crystal? Are you comfortable
Speaker 1: about are we doing tongue of no tongue. Both of
Speaker 1: us are like, no, tongue cool. So she's like, all right,
Speaker 1: go ahead, I'm gonna film us. Yeall can see it.
Speaker 1: This is Crystal. I'm like, so you gotta do this,
Speaker 1: Like I don you get paid to do this. I
Speaker 1: need this. I got four kids. I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: have this. Is that check clear? Kiss kiss the man please.
Speaker 1: So we're there for like a fold seven minutes and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't take this ship for more. Okay fast, okay,
Speaker 1: can you talk to us so we get this money
Speaker 1: because I talk? She said, Chris, to do what you
Speaker 1: gotta do is part of things. No, no, no, no no.
Speaker 1: So after she got the approval from k that it
Speaker 1: was okay, she was just like, all right, let's go
Speaker 1: and do this. But even on top of that, the
Speaker 1: scenes it'd be cold as a motherfucking there because you can't.
Speaker 1: You can't be in hot because they don't want you're
Speaker 1: sweating on camera, so they dropped the temperature. That's automatically
Speaker 1: not sexy. Right. Then you got the patty right, which
Speaker 1: is automatically not sexy. Then they make you put a
Speaker 1: sock one and they're tired at the top because they
Speaker 1: don't want your nuts or your your stuff if you
Speaker 1: come e wet to touch nobody because that's a lawsuit,
Speaker 1: so you get no blood flow to your joint, right,
Speaker 1: So there's nothing sexy about that. Then you've got Tyler
Speaker 1: Perry's big ass telling you, I pick a leg up,
Speaker 1: pick a leg up, holding like that? Can I get
Speaker 1: a two shot over there? Hold it devout? That's not
Speaker 1: sexy enough to vout, holding higher avout. There's nothing sexy
Speaker 1: about doing a sex scene. But I'll be getting cussed
Speaker 1: out on on Instagram from women who will be like,
Speaker 1: you're sold and I can't believe you get you a
Speaker 1: man of God and you have a wife and you're
Speaker 1: doing all these sex scenes and I just ignore it.
Speaker 1: But I do understand for people who don't understand the process,
Speaker 1: it looks like I'm just onto great sex with somebody.
Speaker 1: But her in Crystal have a great relationship, and y'all
Speaker 1: know she's the codest god for god mother. Excuse me,
Speaker 1: she got a man. Man, I can't say. Hold, it's
Speaker 1: a man is cool. He's an actor as well, so
Speaker 1: he understands the process. So it's no, he's picking up
Speaker 1: sticking together, Izzie, I do. It's really not sexy at all.
Speaker 1: And I mean not to sound a way or anything,
Speaker 1: but there's something kind of sexy to me about watching
Speaker 1: him in the sex scene. Anybody remember that blue light
Speaker 1: in the shower. That's a good story, right. So after that, right,
Speaker 1: I was like Wednesday. That blue eight cecil came on
Speaker 1: a Wednesday, right, And it was before Valentine's Day. We
Speaker 1: had just moved into our new home. A couple of
Speaker 1: days before that. I moved across country from California with
Speaker 1: the boys to meet me because he was still filming,
Speaker 1: and this is when the pandemic was still happening, so
Speaker 1: they would locked down for about three weeks filming. So
Speaker 1: I'm home and I'm just like, damn, my husband's not here.
Speaker 1: Is the new house I want to celebrate he's not here.
Speaker 1: I was expecting him to finish filming on I think
Speaker 1: the day after Valentine's Day. So that Wednesday before the
Speaker 1: Blue Light Special came on and I'm watching the two
Speaker 1: of them in the shower and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: all right. So he was just picking them up and
Speaker 1: flipping it all sorts of stuff and if you haven't
Speaker 1: seen it, this on YouTube, so put up. So I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, So I'm trying to think of a
Speaker 1: way to make this new house session that we're about
Speaker 1: to have a moment, right, So I go on Amazon
Speaker 1: and I bought me a blue light and a lamp
Speaker 1: for our room, and at that's how we had no
Speaker 1: furniture in the room. I got an air bed and
Speaker 1: the whole sit you makes this set up. And it's
Speaker 1: funny because I have a little Instagram boomerang I made
Speaker 1: with him sitting in the shadow and with this blue
Speaker 1: light around him because he surprised me and came home
Speaker 1: the day before Valentine's Day, so I wasn't even expecting it. Baby.
Speaker 1: Not months later, the color Marley Ellis was born and
Speaker 1: Kristo his godmother. Is that kind of weird that it's
Speaker 1: from the Blue Lights sex? I guess it kind of maze.
Speaker 1: We won't tell him that story though, we'll keep that
Speaker 1: here safe space, right, no judgment. Yeah, when I was
Speaker 1: a great question, good question. Another question, are right, brother,
Speaker 1: because he's do what as what's that Brooklyn's baby? As
Speaker 1: two cults were different people when y'all first moved there together,
Speaker 1: what do you think the most important thing was for
Speaker 1: the both culturally different? Yes, like you've being Jamaican in St.
Speaker 1: Vincent and him being American? What was the most important
Speaker 1: thing for you guys understand about the traditions of your
Speaker 1: health home? Ah, I mean did you say like that
Speaker 1: was it was no problems? It was problem? No, No,
Speaker 1: it wasn't no problem. But you know your problems used
Speaker 1: to say stuff that I used to know. Oh yeah, no,
Speaker 1: um as, I don't know if a lot of people
Speaker 1: don't know. There are a lot of West Indian people
Speaker 1: in Philadelphia, my island, massive Jamaicans here and in Jamaican's
Speaker 1: in the house or my fellow all right, but there's
Speaker 1: always been a little bit of a rivalry between Caribbean Americans,
Speaker 1: I mean Caribbeans Americans and also Africans. We actually did
Speaker 1: a podcast episode in might was such a culture flash.
Speaker 1: This is a couple of seasons back. So I was
Speaker 1: at our house one day and her dad and his
Speaker 1: friends were having a conversation about how lazy American blacks
Speaker 1: were right, and me, being an eighteen year old American Black,
Speaker 1: I don't think they expected me to be as outspoken
Speaker 1: and eloquent about my history because I know history because
Speaker 1: my mom made sure a new history. And I just
Speaker 1: explained to them, like, you can't talk about a cultural
Speaker 1: people without understanding their history first. For example, you and
Speaker 1: his his idea was we came here and we were
Speaker 1: willing to do jobs that you weren't willing to do.
Speaker 1: And I said, that made me true. But if you
Speaker 1: understand convict lea saying and mass incarceration, you would understand
Speaker 1: that American blacks had to put their foot down to
Speaker 1: not do jobs because they weren't being compensated. And so
Speaker 1: when other people from other cultures and not just coming
Speaker 1: to be and people, they did the same thing with
Speaker 1: age Americans and Irish Americans. There were so many different
Speaker 1: immigrants than they brought over to America during reconstruction in
Speaker 1: order to take place of slavery. American blacks were like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to then get back into servitude and
Speaker 1: what it's called for. People don't know what's called debt servitude.
Speaker 1: So after reconstruction, they told Black Americans or African amounts
Speaker 1: of time, you're free, pull yourselves up by your boots
Speaker 1: traps and make yourself existent America. You're free now. But
Speaker 1: then they created a bunch of laws that said that
Speaker 1: you couldn't work from state to state if he wasn't
Speaker 1: from that state. Most of these southern blacks trying to
Speaker 1: go where up northern So since they couldn't go back
Speaker 1: up north, they went back to the slave owners and said, listen,
Speaker 1: I'll work, but I want for a fair wage. The
Speaker 1: slave owners then said, fine, you'll work for a slave
Speaker 1: unfair wage, but you don't have housing. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: front you the housing. You don't have the holes, the pigs, detractors.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna front you all of that, and then we'll
Speaker 1: settle up at the end of the year. At the
Speaker 1: end of the year. Once the those Africans then said okay,
Speaker 1: we're all done, I want to conbey it, it was well,
Speaker 1: you owe me for housing, food, all the work, and
Speaker 1: you remained in debt. And then that debt existed to
Speaker 1: your who children and your children's children, and those children
Speaker 1: were the people in the sixties you said I'm not
Speaker 1: doing this ship anymore. Then Caribbeans and Africans and Asians
Speaker 1: start to migrate oka here and they're saying, well, I'm
Speaker 1: willing to do those jobs for small wages. So there
Speaker 1: was a clash there. If you don't understand American history,
Speaker 1: you start to feel like the other person is your enemy.
Speaker 1: So for me, I was like, you're not my enemy.
Speaker 1: We have to find a way to work together to
Speaker 1: fight against the actual enemy, which is the system that
Speaker 1: was created for none of us to survive or exist.
Speaker 1: And what I learned through that was that you can
Speaker 1: have intelligent conversations with people if you're willing to be
Speaker 1: open and honest in real time. Don't get offended. Don't say, oh,
Speaker 1: you said something to me that's insensitive. That's one thing
Speaker 1: I'll say. It's only twenty two. People will be so
Speaker 1: quick to get offended. How about we just not be
Speaker 1: offended to say, well, why did you feel it was
Speaker 1: okay to say that to me? If you can understand
Speaker 1: why they felt like it was okay, you can educate
Speaker 1: them on why it's not okay. But if you get
Speaker 1: offended and then trying to throw a label of hate
Speaker 1: on someone be getting nowhere. So when you're talking about
Speaker 1: different cultures and living with each other. When we got married,
Speaker 1: there with certain things in her that in her family
Speaker 1: they wanted for the wedding, certain things in my family.
Speaker 1: We got through it by having conversations and her parents
Speaker 1: educated me on things from the Caribbean Coach that I
Speaker 1: had no idea because in the Caribbean Coach they don't
Speaker 1: teach Black American history the same way in America. I
Speaker 1: never I did. An American I had never heard at all,
Speaker 1: you see what I'm saying. I mean even done on
Speaker 1: our own history so many of us. But I had
Speaker 1: never heard about Marcus Garvey in public school. So we
Speaker 1: don't know about the struggles of Caribbeans and that come
Speaker 1: over to America. So all we think as Americans is
Speaker 1: they're coming to take out you else they think they're
Speaker 1: better than the Africans, think they're better than us. We
Speaker 1: as a people have to start educating ourselves on world
Speaker 1: history so we get better communicate and exists like we
Speaker 1: do now. Our families, my mom, her mom, my dad,
Speaker 1: her dad, my brothers and sisters. You would think we
Speaker 1: were all just one big collective family because we do
Speaker 1: everything together. And then all it all happened through communication
Speaker 1: because in the beginning my mom was like and in
Speaker 1: just a little history, my mom was part of the
Speaker 1: first class that was integrated into white schools. That's why
Speaker 1: she's so big on teaching me African American history. So
Speaker 1: for her to hear that someone said African African Americans
Speaker 1: are lazy, you can imagine how that struck a chord
Speaker 1: with her. You see what I'm saying, But conversations get
Speaker 1: through everything. Never be afraid to say how you feel,
Speaker 1: but also have empathy for someone who's ignorant to what
Speaker 1: they don't know. Have empathy, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and just learn how to learn each other said they
Speaker 1: up and that low key thinks he's Jamaican too, So
Speaker 1: that helps bottle flat broke flat. But he thinks he's Jamaican, y'all,
Speaker 1: he actually is. We're all dual citizenships, citizens us in
Speaker 1: the boys looking US and the boys I got all
Speaker 1: of them, um citizenship to Jamaica. So because I said,
Speaker 1: have hit the fans up here, we out. I won't
Speaker 1: be selling coconuts, okay, and brainy here on the corner
Speaker 1: of the beach. Y'all seen the video I did where
Speaker 1: K had forgot the hen be got late and we
Speaker 1: missed a flight. Oh yah. So I started getting a
Speaker 1: lot of text measures from people like, Yo, I'm glad
Speaker 1: you did. That's pick up your wife? Right? I got
Speaker 1: a d M from guests food you say both boats
Speaker 1: yes on my line right, I was in a house
Speaker 1: like happen like it was the greatest. I'm like, he's
Speaker 1: the fast man in the world, probably outside of Bob Marley. Um,
Speaker 1: he's probably the most famous Jamaican. I love it. It's
Speaker 1: about Mary shine up something I guess said. But I
Speaker 1: love my Jamaican people. I love my Jamaican people, shot
Speaker 1: out to Jamaican mask. We gotta dosaka. All the stuff
Speaker 1: comes from conversation. I think we got talking about down
Speaker 1: front here. Where's the Nora of Donoran? Is the microphone? Yes?
Speaker 1: Hi guys, Hey, my name is Brianna. And this is
Speaker 1: more so of a romance business related type question. Um,
Speaker 1: I've been with my boyfriend for eight years, but at
Speaker 1: your six we started a business together and I just
Speaker 1: recently learned or he expressed to me that the business
Speaker 1: is overriding the romance UM and so how do you
Speaker 1: guys look that switch on and off or just take
Speaker 1: a falls. He never does, and that's always in business
Speaker 1: bow and that was a big issue for us as
Speaker 1: well too. While I'm grateful for DeVos business acumen and
Speaker 1: what he's been able to do, particularly with just even
Speaker 1: our social media presence, and now he's built that up
Speaker 1: because thank you, thank you, thank you for you to you.
Speaker 1: We're here because of that. So I understood that he
Speaker 1: had a vision. But I also too sometimes just missed
Speaker 1: my friend, like I missed my boyfriend, I missed my husband.
Speaker 1: I missed that, and he had no he didn't even
Speaker 1: realize I think in that time that he was not
Speaker 1: UM turning off. So the all switch was very important.
Speaker 1: And the things that I had to do purposely, like
Speaker 1: sometimes just contacting our manager for example and say Heyden
Speaker 1: or a block these days because the devot needs a
Speaker 1: family day or Devot needs to be tuned out, or
Speaker 1: I would have to say to him like they I'm
Speaker 1: planning a trip for us to be able to clock out.
Speaker 1: Another issue that we had within the business side of
Speaker 1: things is that our processes are very different and how
Speaker 1: we are able to arrive at the end of a
Speaker 1: task for to get things done are completely different. And
Speaker 1: he used to get on me about me not doing
Speaker 1: things the way he would have done it, and I
Speaker 1: would always be like, well, can you let me work
Speaker 1: through my process and get it done this way because
Speaker 1: that's how I work more efficiently. So that took a
Speaker 1: lot of conversation too, and a lot of him just
Speaker 1: saying to himself, you know, or saying to me, rather,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you do a thing because you're gonna
Speaker 1: be effecial efficient and you're gonna be effective of getting
Speaker 1: it done. But you're just doing differently than me. Um.
Speaker 1: So those are the two biggest issues that I think
Speaker 1: we had is not knowing when to turn it off
Speaker 1: and when to just be husband and wife, when to
Speaker 1: be partners, when to be friends and went to be
Speaker 1: business partners. And then also to just learning how our
Speaker 1: processes were different with getting tasks done. So that was
Speaker 1: a big issue for us. Also just not relying on
Speaker 1: the much of its business that has to come first.
Speaker 1: People find time for what's important to them. So when
Speaker 1: you have a business, and I was so guilty of
Speaker 1: not being president as a husband you know, like my
Speaker 1: biggest thing was I provide you got burging bag, you
Speaker 1: got this, you got that? What you're gonna work? Know?
Speaker 1: You know how to reckon bage? I want said that,
Speaker 1: what's the baggage you just got? What was the bag
Speaker 1: you just got? I don't know who was some kind
Speaker 1: of back No, it don't even matter. Thing was my
Speaker 1: thing was you get so much stuff from me working,
Speaker 1: and then with the time for me to work, you complain.
Speaker 1: But then I had to realize she's not asking for
Speaker 1: all of this stuff. I'm getting her the stuff because
Speaker 1: I'm trying to prove to everybody else that I'm a
Speaker 1: good husband, when realistically, my wife wants me to prove
Speaker 1: to her that I'm a good husband by doing the
Speaker 1: things she's required. You see what I'm saying. So I
Speaker 1: learned how to be a service to her and not
Speaker 1: be a service to myself for other people. Woman. And
Speaker 1: that comes to you. I said a lot of ego.
Speaker 1: You know, I was in my twenties and you know,
Speaker 1: early thirties, and yeah, I'm let me tell you, man,
Speaker 1: being a man being a woman is difficult. I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to discredit either one, but trying to be self
Speaker 1: made in America and coming from nothing, you always feel
Speaker 1: this pressure of having to provide for someone, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like there's no man that can walk
Speaker 1: around just broke and feel like I'm a catch because
Speaker 1: I look good, you know what I'm saying. Or I'm
Speaker 1: a catch because I can fuck like men can't say that. Men.
Speaker 1: You you only loved conditionally, right, Women only love you
Speaker 1: if you can provide something for them. So there was
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure. But my issue was I wasn't
Speaker 1: providing her what she needed, and I thought I was
Speaker 1: supposed to be providing her what I thought everybody else needed.
Speaker 1: But that goes back to what we said in the
Speaker 1: first one. So once I realized that, I realized that
Speaker 1: I have to make time to always give my wife
Speaker 1: what she needs. And the crazy part about it is
Speaker 1: the more I gave her what she needs, the more
Speaker 1: she gave me what I need and I was able
Speaker 1: to go about and get what we needed, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So it was it just worn't hailing here.
Speaker 1: That's how it is. You take care of me and
Speaker 1: I take care of us. Right, take care of me
Speaker 1: and take care of us. We're running it's nine, but
Speaker 1: I want to do this exercise that I do for
Speaker 1: myself in the morning from my wife. We do this
Speaker 1: together and to participate for all boys. I asked that
Speaker 1: everybody stand up. That's your knees. Damn. I thought it
Speaker 1: was just me. No judgment. We can no. I was
Speaker 1: relating to them because my listen. I asked it. Everyone
Speaker 1: just close your eyes for a second. All right. I
Speaker 1: want you to think about your wildest dream. Go somewhere
Speaker 1: that you never thought you go, making more money than
Speaker 1: you ever thought you made, meeting the man or the
Speaker 1: woman of your dreams. Have as many keys as you want.
Speaker 1: And I want you, in this moment to realize that
Speaker 1: if you can see it, God put that vision in you,
Speaker 1: because it's already happened. All you have to do is claiming.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest. We don't say goodbye in Ellis household.
Speaker 1: We go to Ellis goodbye because we know we're gonna
Speaker 1: see you later, right, But we do as we say
Speaker 1: Elis goodbye. We go three to one, we give you
Speaker 1: two paths on the chest, and we say peace. All right,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna give you all Ellis goodbye. Before we
Speaker 1: look at that beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Look at y'all, So everybody,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do the ellis goodbye on three one two three.
Speaker 1: Dead As is a production of Hard Media podcast Network
Speaker 1: and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast
Speaker 1: on social media at dead as, the podcasts and never
Speaker 1: miss a Thing.