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Speaker 2: I grew up in a world where it's so competitive.

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Speaker 2: Even if I'm not the most talented, I'm the hardest

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Speaker 2: worker until you're burnt out and you don't have anything

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Speaker 2: else to give, And then what But I'm trying to

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Speaker 2: talk to you about a job opportunity? Do I look

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Speaker 2: an employed to you?

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Speaker 1: You are emerging in Hollywood in such a real way.

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Speaker 2: Give it up for la I have there when my

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Speaker 2: whole marriage came crumbling down and I was in their bed.

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Speaker 2: I was there by myself. Nobody gets married and I'm

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Speaker 2: getting divorced. You get married because you feel like you

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Speaker 2: found your person and this is what the rest of

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Speaker 2: your life is going to be.

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: What can I do? I have to.

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Speaker 1: Adjust Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to

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Speaker 1: invite you to join this community to hear more interviews

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Speaker 1: that will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed.

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Speaker 1: All I want you to do is click on the

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Speaker 1: subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see

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Speaker 1: all your comments, and we're just getting started. I can't

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Speaker 1: wait to go on this journey with you. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for subscribing. It means the world to me.

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Speaker 1: The best selling authoring post the number one health and

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Speaker 1: wellness podcast On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome

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Speaker 1: back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for trusting

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Speaker 1: me with your ears and eyes and for spending your

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Speaker 1: valuable time here to listen, learn and grow. Today's guest

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Speaker 1: is someone that we've had on the show before, but

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Speaker 1: she came on the show so early on as an

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Speaker 1: avid supporter, someone who is cheering me on. I was

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Speaker 1: so grateful to have that conversation. Clips of it have

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Speaker 1: gone viral over the years, again and again and again,

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Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful that I get to sit down

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Speaker 1: again with her right now. In New York City. Lala

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Speaker 1: is an actress, producer, New York Times best selling author,

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Speaker 1: and entrepreneur. Lala is best known for her role on

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Speaker 1: the hit show Power, which wrapped its six and the

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Speaker 1: final season on Stars. In twenty twenty, Lala joined the

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Speaker 1: cast of Showtimes The Shy in twenty twenty and later

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Speaker 1: received an NAACP Image Award nomination in the Outstanding Guest

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Speaker 1: Performance category. In twenty twenty two, Lala's teamed up with

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Speaker 1: Isa Ray to executive produce the forthcoming horror comedy for

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Speaker 1: Universal Pictures, Juju, Please Welcome to the show, Lala, Lala,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for doing this.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, like I will always show up for you.

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Speaker 1: You literally like you came on the show when like

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Speaker 1: I don't even know anyone knew what the show was

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Speaker 1: and you. I think we just connected online and we'd

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Speaker 1: started messaging and I was so grateful when you came on,

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Speaker 1: and since then we've stayed in touch. We can always

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Speaker 1: just ye.

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Speaker 2: Thank you saying you're my friend and someone I could

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Speaker 2: depend on, and you always say the right things at

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Speaker 2: Like you just said something to you right now. I

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Speaker 2: was like I needed to hear that. I needed to

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Speaker 2: hear that has been sometimes one of those days, and

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Speaker 2: I was like I needed that. You always like know

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Speaker 2: exactly what to say.

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Speaker 1: You're very sweet and I appreciate that, and I want

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Speaker 1: to let's start there. Actually, Like one thing I've been

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Speaker 1: encouraging my friends to do. People that I love people

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Speaker 1: I care about is reflecting on difficult things they've got through,

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Speaker 1: difficult things they've broken through, because I think often we

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Speaker 1: do a lot of difficult things. And I realized this

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Speaker 1: through my mom. Actually, so my mom is a superwoman.

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Speaker 1: She has done so many difficult things in her life,

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Speaker 1: but she sees them as normal. So she never stops

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Speaker 1: to think, oh, I'm powerful and I'm strong.

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Speaker 2: Part of life, just a part of life.

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Speaker 1: So what's something difficult or hard that you've done in

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Speaker 1: the last twelve months or recently that you want to

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Speaker 1: take a moment to just honor yourself?

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Speaker 2: Phone, that is so nice. I should honor myself, I think,

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Speaker 2: you know. Learning that healing is messy, that's something that

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Speaker 2: I'm dealing with and it comes and goes, it's not

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Speaker 2: always there. But under standing that there's no time limit

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Speaker 2: on healing, and giving myself credit for healing and going

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Speaker 2: through everything that I've been through, and learning that I

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Speaker 2: don't always have to act like everything's okay if it's not.

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Speaker 2: I have a tendency to do that, Like it's one

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Speaker 2: thing to not let people see you sweat, which I

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Speaker 2: do understand that, and you don't need to put all

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Speaker 2: your business on social media or whatever, but it's okay

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Speaker 2: to feel things and understand that healing is messy. So

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Speaker 2: my mom sent me something recently that was like, you know,

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Speaker 2: be kind to yourself, give yourself grace because healing is messy.

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Speaker 2: As soon as you think like, oh, I'm done with that,

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Speaker 2: over that, all of a sudden like well, why is

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Speaker 2: this still making me feel like that? Or you're here

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Speaker 2: to hear something or see something, and like why am

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Speaker 2: I still a little bothered by that? And I hear

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Speaker 2: you talk about this. You know, there's no like time

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Speaker 2: frame like Okay, once it's been two months, you're done

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Speaker 2: with whatever the difficult thing was. You shouldn't even be

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Speaker 2: thinking about it anymore. Could be years and something can

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Speaker 2: still pop up and trigger you or whatever, and being

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Speaker 2: kind to yourself during those periods. So I want to

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Speaker 2: honor myself for just finally understanding healing is messy and

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Speaker 2: not being so hard on myself on certain things to

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Speaker 2: not say you should have been done with that already.

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Speaker 2: Why are you still thinking about that? Or why did

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Speaker 2: that still bother you? Is life? We're human, we have feelings.

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Speaker 2: Things happen.

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Speaker 1: As you said when you walked in life is life.

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Speaker 2: Life is lifing, Life is lifing, and you know, there's

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Speaker 2: so many blessings in this beautiful life and I'm blessed

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Speaker 2: to have the life that i have, and I'm constantly,

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Speaker 2: you know, thanking God for this beautiful life. And sometimes

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Speaker 2: you feel ungrateful or like what do you have to

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Speaker 2: complain about? Like, you have a beautiful life, You're doing well.

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Speaker 2: Might not have some of the financial troubles or issues

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Speaker 2: that a lot of people are going through that I

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Speaker 2: have had, you know before in my life, but it

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Speaker 2: doesn't shield you from feelings and going through things. And

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of time people kind of confuse that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think different platforms in different levels have different

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Speaker 1: problems and they keep changing. Definitely, the problems you have

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Speaker 1: to they want the problems you had then, and the

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Speaker 1: problems you had then are not problems you have today.

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Speaker 1: I feel like healing is an interesting word because everyone's

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Speaker 1: looking at what happens on the outside, But what do

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Speaker 1: you think you're trying to heal on the inside, Like

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Speaker 1: what have you discovered about what you are trying to heal?

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Speaker 2: I think on the inside, I'm just trying to heal

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Speaker 2: a person who probably has dealt with feelings of like abandonment,

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Speaker 2: a person who has dealt with feelings of not feeling

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Speaker 2: good enough, or definitely always having the questions of like

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Speaker 2: why me, Why did this have to happen to me?

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Speaker 2: Why me? Why did I have to go through this?

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Speaker 2: I give so much good in the world. I do

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Speaker 2: so much for so many people, Like why do I

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Speaker 2: have to suffer or go through what I feel like

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Speaker 2: at times is some of the hardest things to go through.

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Speaker 2: But still keep a brave face, still keep a smile,

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Speaker 2: so understanding that, like I really do believe when people say,

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Speaker 2: you know that God gives his toughest battles to his

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Speaker 2: strongest soldiers. And I remind myself of that, like you

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Speaker 2: went through it because you could, and you come out

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Speaker 2: better and people can learn from you, and this can

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Speaker 2: help somebody else. And I just have to remind myself

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Speaker 2: of those things because you do get caught up in

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Speaker 2: the why me, and like, look at everyone else. They

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Speaker 2: have this, they have that why me? Why am I?

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Speaker 2: You know? Whatever? It is? So just getting better at that, I.

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Speaker 1: Think, and when you talk to people, because I'm assuming

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Speaker 1: that you know, sometimes when we have that view of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: they have it all or they have it all. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you talk to people behind the scenes and realize

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Speaker 1: they don't have it all right, right, And then how

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Speaker 1: does that make you feel when you realize, oh, wait

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Speaker 1: a minute, they don't have it Well, yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean it doesn't make me feel good. I'm not

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Speaker 2: wishing for anyone to be struggling or not happy, but

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Speaker 2: you just reelize that things are just not always what

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Speaker 2: they seem. And you know, in the world of social media,

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Speaker 2: in the world of just constantly like looking at everyone else,

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Speaker 2: whether it's how they look, their bodies or their lives

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Speaker 2: and saying, oh, I wish that could be me. It's

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Speaker 2: like it's not reality. You don't know what people are

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Speaker 2: dealing with. You don't know what people go home to,

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Speaker 2: you don't know what's happening on the inside. And sometimes

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Speaker 2: you do know because you'll hear things or see things

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Speaker 2: and you're like, oh, I thought this person had like

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Speaker 2: the perfect life. Now there whatever. You know, So it's

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Speaker 2: just like really honing in on making yourself happy, figuring

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Speaker 2: out what it is that you need, and not comparing

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Speaker 2: or always looking at something else, because if we do that,

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Speaker 2: I just feel like you'll never be happy, and you'll

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Speaker 2: never be satisfied because there's always going to be somebody

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Speaker 2: that looks better, dresses better, younger, more talented, whatever it is. Like,

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Speaker 2: So if you're looking for a reason to knock yourself down,

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Speaker 2: you're gonna find it. Like it's not that hard, You're

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Speaker 2: gonna find it. So you have to be whole within yourself.

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Speaker 2: And I am confident within myself. I'm not insecure. I'm

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Speaker 2: confident and I do walk with a certain level of confidence.

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Speaker 2: So that part I'm good at dealing with the kind

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Speaker 2: of just like wow, like why me do certain things

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Speaker 2: happen too? I'm still, you know, pushing through that and

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Speaker 2: learning every day, Like life is about learning. I don't

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Speaker 2: think you're supposed to ever have it all figured out.

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Speaker 2: You strike me as somebody that has it all figured out,

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Speaker 2: But you're learning every day. And I think when we

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Speaker 2: have these conversations, you learn from us and vice versa,

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Speaker 2: Like it's a constant learning experience.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm constantly trying. It's really interesting, isn't it. When

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Speaker 1: you are in a position of influence, people often assume

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Speaker 1: that you do have it all figured out right, And

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Speaker 1: I'm constantly I think people who listen to the podcast,

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Speaker 1: they know me very deeply and intimately because they hear

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Speaker 1: me say I struggled with this this week, or this

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Speaker 1: is something I'm going through. But if someone just sees

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Speaker 1: a post on social media, they think, oh, yeah, everything

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Speaker 1: must be perfect. And I find that I encourage everyone,

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Speaker 1: And this is why you coming on the podcast is

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Speaker 1: so great because I encourage everyone to study people they

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Speaker 1: follow a bit deeper, not to take them down or

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Speaker 1: to think happy that they've got problems too. Not that reason,

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Speaker 1: but the reason of like, when you really study someone

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Speaker 1: or you get to know someone, you start to realize

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Speaker 1: we're all actually in a much more similar place. Right.

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Speaker 2: It's so true. And what I've learned in my journey

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Speaker 2: of life is you start realizing, no matter how much money,

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Speaker 2: how much status, or whatever, like my friends that I

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Speaker 2: grew up with when I had, you know, nothing, are

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Speaker 2: going through similar issues as friends of mine who have

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Speaker 2: all the money in the world, all the success, all

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Speaker 2: the people are people. What you deal with every day

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Speaker 2: is what you deal with every day. Money status doesn't

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Speaker 2: change that. And I think we live in a society

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Speaker 2: where people automatically assume money fixes everything, or influence fixes everything,

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Speaker 2: or fame fixes everything, not understanding that there's so many

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Speaker 2: amazing things that come with I'm not gonna sit here

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Speaker 2: and be like, oh, being successful, being famous, being whatever

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Speaker 2: is like the worst thing in the world. I'm not

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Speaker 2: that person. I'm so grateful for my success, my fame,

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Speaker 2: my influence, and I don't take it lightly. But it

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Speaker 2: doesn't mean that it protects me or stops me from

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Speaker 2: dealing with other things. And fame influence comes with other

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Speaker 2: sets of problems, you know, people feeling like they can

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Speaker 2: criticize you, people feeling like your life is an open

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Speaker 2: book and they can say anything. A lot of us,

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Speaker 2: when we go through things, the whole world doesn't have

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Speaker 2: to know about it. When people like us go through things,

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Speaker 2: it's open for discussion for the whole world, and everyone

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Speaker 2: has an opinion. And that's not easy either. So you

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Speaker 2: just have to continue to kind of strengthen yourself to

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Speaker 2: be able to do with you know, all that that

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Speaker 2: that comes with it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love what you said there, Like, I've thought

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Speaker 1: about that a lot too, because you know, last time

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Speaker 1: you came, we were tracking your whole career journey. Like

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Speaker 1: you've done, You've hustled, you've worked hard. You've done so

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Speaker 1: much to get to where you are today, and I

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Speaker 1: want to get to that. But for me, as I've

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Speaker 1: been on this journey, I've been reflecting on what's changed

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Speaker 1: over time as my external situation has changed, and what

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Speaker 1: makes me feel protected and use that word protection, And

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Speaker 1: I've realized that, of course we have to have our

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Speaker 1: internal protection or how we feel about ourselves, our confidence,

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Speaker 1: our own practices. But I found that the thing that

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Speaker 1: makes me feel the most protected is knowing the people

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Speaker 1: around me who really know me, and how much closer

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Speaker 1: we get through that process. Right, Like, I have to

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Speaker 1: take so much strength in the fact that the people

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Speaker 1: around me not only do they have my back, but

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Speaker 1: they actually know me and understand me at a core,

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Speaker 1: and I kind of take a lot of energy from that.

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Speaker 1: Do you do the same.

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Speaker 2: I've taken so much energy from that. I'm like the

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Speaker 2: people who know, they know the people that I need

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Speaker 2: to depend on, They're always there. I'm blessed to have

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Speaker 2: an amazing family, amazing group of friends that are like

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Speaker 2: ride or die that I know are there no matter what,

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Speaker 2: and it's something that I don't take lightly. So it's

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Speaker 2: not about proving to the world. Anything like if my

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Speaker 2: core group gets it, knows me inside and out, knows

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Speaker 2: my ups, knows my downs, and are there for me,

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Speaker 2: that's the energy I pull from as well.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to about friendship. I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of people feel quite even when you're close friends,

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Speaker 1: and I'm sure you felt this. It's hard to open

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Speaker 1: up about things that are going wrong in your life.

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Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people are listening or

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Speaker 1: watching that's something that they can relate to. Where it's

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Speaker 1: like I have my friends, but I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to tell them right that I'm going through this, or

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Speaker 1: I know they'd care about me, but I don't want

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Speaker 1: them to feel sorry for me. Yeah, or maybe they're

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Speaker 1: going through so much stuff that I don't want to

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Speaker 1: put my stuff on them. How have you managed to

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Speaker 1: keep strong relationships as you've grown in life, as you've

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Speaker 1: built your career. How have you managed to keep that

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Speaker 1: instead of losing it as you get more busy.

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Speaker 2: I think that my friendships have gotten even stronger because

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Speaker 2: of those moments. I don't base my friendships off of

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Speaker 2: you know, this person has only been around when everything's

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Speaker 2: been great, or we only talk about sunshine and flowers

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Speaker 2: and cupcakes. Like, friends have to be there through everything,

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Speaker 2: and you have to be able to be okay with

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Speaker 2: being raw and real with people that you consider your

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Speaker 2: friend and don't throw that word around likely if you're

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Speaker 2: saying this is my friend, this is my go to.

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Speaker 2: You should be able to share whatever's happening in your life,

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Speaker 2: whether it's good or bad, and those are the things

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Speaker 2: that bond you, you know, through those I remember the

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Speaker 2: friends that were there for me when I was going

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Speaker 2: through my divorce, when I was publicly you know, going

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Speaker 2: through what I was going through as a result of

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Speaker 2: what happened in my marriage. Like, I remember my friends

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Speaker 2: that were there. I remember when my son was really

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Speaker 2: young and had to have surgery and who was there

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Speaker 2: in that moment? Like I remember all of that and

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Speaker 2: those were the strengthening moments of our friendship. Now the

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Speaker 2: fun stuff is great too. I remember my friends had

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Speaker 2: been on vacation with me and got drunk and had

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Speaker 2: a great time. But it's a balance, you know, the

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Speaker 2: real friendships had a mix of all of that stuff,

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Speaker 2: because that's what life is. Life is not always just

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Speaker 2: fun in games. Life is up and down and up

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Speaker 2: and down. That's that's what life is.

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Speaker 1: Was there anything that a friend said to you, or

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Speaker 1: guidance you heard when you were going through a divorce

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Speaker 1: that really helped, or that really stayed with you, or

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Speaker 1: that you kind of carry around in your heart.

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Speaker 2: Just not to blame myself, you know, this isn't your fault.

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Speaker 2: Not to blame myself. That always kind of stuck with

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Speaker 2: me because it's easy to just blame yourself or get

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Speaker 2: down on yourself. Or what was it you know that

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Speaker 2: I did? And when I say not blaming yourself, I'm

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Speaker 2: not saying don't take accountability for whatever you might have

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Speaker 2: had to do with the situation. Like it's important to

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Speaker 2: sit back and say, Okay, where could I have been better?

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Speaker 2: Because life is about being better and learning. You don't

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Speaker 2: want to just say, oh, this happened, it had nothing

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Speaker 2: to do with me. You want to understand, like where

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Speaker 2: could I have done better? Or where did maybe I

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Speaker 2: fall short on some things? But that's different than blaming

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Speaker 2: yourself for what happened. And I think by taking accountability,

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Speaker 2: I was able to grow and become a better person

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Speaker 2: for whatever happens in my life in the future. You

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Speaker 2: don't go through these experiences not to learn, then what

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Speaker 2: was the point, Like, you don't go through these experiences

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Speaker 2: to then duplicate the same issues in your next relationship

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Speaker 2: or your next marriage or whatever it is. That's not

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Speaker 2: what that was there for. It was to learn to

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Speaker 2: get better and then to apply that knowledge to the

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Speaker 2: next situation, whether it's a friendship, relationship, marriage, whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: I love what you brought out there, and I want

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Speaker 1: everyone to just take note of that, because I think

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Speaker 1: we think we either have to take full responsibility or

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Speaker 1: no responsibility, so we either blame the other person, right,

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Speaker 1: or we blame ourselves, and it's only either or, And

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Speaker 1: the truth is it's so much more balanced where it's like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to blame myself and beat myself up

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Speaker 1: because that's going to set me down. Yes, yeah, terrible spiral.

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Speaker 1: At the same time, I'm not going to sit here

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Speaker 1: and just blame everything on the other because that's not

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Speaker 1: true and there's accountability on both sides. And so let

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Speaker 1: me look at how can I be better? But how

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Speaker 1: can I not beat myself up? What is it that

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Speaker 1: you think you learned or what about you do you

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Speaker 1: think has become better or healed or what have you

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Speaker 1: worked on because of that? Shift in your life, just.

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Speaker 2: A balance, you know, understanding balance. I'm such a career driven,

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Speaker 2: work driven person that that could just take over my

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Speaker 2: life and that becomes what's, you know, the most important

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Speaker 2: to me outside of my son. There's never been anything

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Speaker 2: that's more important than Cayenne. And you know this, you

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Speaker 2: just get caught up in the work and next thing

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Speaker 2: you know, friends or partners or whatever are feeling neglected

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Speaker 2: or like I just feel like you never have time

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Speaker 2: or you're not making them feel special in their you know,

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Speaker 2: moments and being there for them because it's like you

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Speaker 2: got to film one more podcast, I gotta go to set,

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Speaker 2: I gotta film one more episode. I gotta go do

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Speaker 2: this really fast, but it'll be quick and I'll come

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Speaker 2: right back, you know. And then you realize when people

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Speaker 2: friends as well are feeling like neglected in those departments,

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Speaker 2: problems can happen because of that. You start looking for

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Speaker 2: other ways to fulfill that void and that need, and

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Speaker 2: that's how things happen. So again, it's not blaming myself,

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Speaker 2: but just being aware of things that happen and finding

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Speaker 2: that balance and getting better at that balance. And I

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Speaker 2: need the balance j for myself. It's not even for

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Speaker 2: a partner, for myself, because I should be okay with

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Speaker 2: having a personal life and a professional life and not

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Speaker 2: feel guilty. I was the person that if I went

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Speaker 2: on a vacation, I felt guilty, like I gotta work.

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Speaker 2: I can't be doing this, Like I don't want people

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Speaker 2: to think I'm just having a good time. I should

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Speaker 2: be on set. I should be doing and like really

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Speaker 2: beating myself up. Meanwhile, I work my ass off. I

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Speaker 2: should be able to take a vacation. If I want

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Speaker 2: to take a month off, I should be able to

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Speaker 2: do that. I've worked. I've been in this industry since

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Speaker 2: I was sixteen years old. I should be able to

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Speaker 2: do that. I have enough equity in the game with

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Speaker 2: all I've given it to be able to do that.

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Speaker 2: But I still would feel so guilty over that. So

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Speaker 2: that's the balance that I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I'm really glad that you went that step

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Speaker 1: further of life, Like it's giving yourself to your friends,

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Speaker 1: a potential partner, but also to yourself. What do you

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Speaker 1: think it was for you that blocked you from giving

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Speaker 1: yourself that permission? And the reason I asked that is

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Speaker 1: because I was looking at the studies in the US,

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Speaker 1: and it was saying, how so many people don't take

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Speaker 1: all of their leave from work, Like most people are

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Speaker 1: not taking their leave, and there's not even that much

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Speaker 1: leave in the US to take. So when I was

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Speaker 1: in the UK, you get like thirty days off a year. Wow,

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Speaker 1: And I think here, yeah, and here it's not that many.

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Speaker 1: And so when I moved here and I remember looking

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Speaker 1: at that, I was thinking, Wow, and still people aren't

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Speaker 1: taking time off. I think that's something that people can

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Speaker 1: relate to that a lot of people struggle to think, Well,

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Speaker 1: maybe when I come back, I'll have so many more emails.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm movie so behind. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I won't get promoted this year. Oh my gosh, I

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Speaker 1: might get let go. I'm competing with this person. I

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Speaker 1: may become irrelevant. I have to stay on top of stuff.

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Speaker 1: What was it for you that kind of do you

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Speaker 1: think stopped you from giving yourself permission to have a balance.

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Speaker 2: Definitely a fear and you and I always talk about fear.

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Speaker 2: A fear of someone's going to come and take my job,

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Speaker 2: or someone's gonna come and take my place, or I

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Speaker 2: used to take so much pride in being like, you know,

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Speaker 2: even if I'm not the most talented, I'm the hardest worker.

432
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,359
Speaker 2: No one can outwork me. And that was like my

433
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:14,160
Speaker 2: badge of honor, like I will outwork everyone until you're

434
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,040
Speaker 2: burnt out and you don't have anything else to give,

435
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 2: and then what they move on to the next person anyway,

436
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 2: So it's like you have to take care of yourself.

437
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,399
Speaker 2: And I had to learn that because I would just

438
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 2: go until I couldn't go anymore and then not have

439
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,959
Speaker 2: anything to give to anyone because I didn't have that balance.

440
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,440
Speaker 2: But that was all because of fear and not also

441
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,960
Speaker 2: believing in myself enough to say I'm enough and if

442
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 2: someone is able to just come and take this from me,

443
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 2: it was never mine to begin with, and really being

444
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:44,199
Speaker 2: okay with that. But I just think we well, I

445
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 2: grew up in a world where it's so competitive and

446
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, you can't take your foot off

447
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 2: the gas. As soon as you do it, somebody else

448
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 2: is coming, or don't even give you know, somebody else

449
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,840
Speaker 2: a chance to take your spot, whatever that even means.

450
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,199
Speaker 2: But that's the culture I grew up in and what

451
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,199
Speaker 2: I was condition and brainwashed to always believe. So it

452
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 2: was like go to you can't go anymore. And now

453
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm not doing that anymore. Have I reached

454
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,879
Speaker 2: the place where I found the perfect balance. No, but

455
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,679
Speaker 2: I am getting better at it. I just told you

456
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 2: I took a trip. I was at a couple different

457
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,959
Speaker 2: places prior to that. I took Cayenne to the Cayman

458
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 2: Islands and we had a great time, and I felt happy.

459
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 2: I felt not guilty for doing that, and I felt

460
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,479
Speaker 2: okay with posting about it and not thinking like, oh,

461
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 2: they're gonna think this girl she's always on vacation or

462
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,879
Speaker 2: something like that. I felt good about that because I

463
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 2: deserve it and I need to.

464
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 1: Do that absolutely absolutely, And I love hearing the practical

465
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 1: ways in which it's actually taking part. It's really interesting.

466
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 1: It's so much about like what we get our significance from,

467
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 1: like what makes us feel worthy. And for some of

468
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,119
Speaker 1: us it's overworking, for some of us it's overgiving, for

469
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 1: some of us it's oversharing. And it's like, what makes

470
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 1: you feel worthy today? What makes you feel worthy and

471
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 1: happy today?

472
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:59,360
Speaker 2: Definitely my son, Like he makes me so happy because

473
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 2: you still really seeing the influence you have over your

474
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,920
Speaker 2: child at a certain age where it's like, Wow, everything

475
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,960
Speaker 2: I've taught him or things I've tried to drill in

476
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 2: his head, now I'm seeing it actually come to for wishing.

477
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 2: Or he's repeating things to me that I'm like, oh,

478
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 2: he was listening to me when I said that, or

479
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 2: he is following my guidance or advice. You know, he's

480
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 2: sixteen years old now and he's making a career and

481
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,160
Speaker 2: a lane for himself in basketball, and you know, he's

482
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 2: doing so well. But I just see how humble he is,

483
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,719
Speaker 2: how kind he is, how he's all about, you know,

484
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 2: giving back to the community, and all the things that

485
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,159
Speaker 2: are so important to me. Now I'm just seeing him

486
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 2: take on all of that same stuff, and that makes

487
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,199
Speaker 2: me so happy because I feel like, you know, I

488
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 2: did a great job. And it's not like I'm done

489
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 2: being a parent, but I did a great job thus

490
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 2: far of being a parent and never allowing whatever was

491
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 2: happening in my life or to affect my parenting or

492
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 2: affect how I was with, you know, my child. That's

493
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 2: something that makes me happy and something I'm really proud

494
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,360
Speaker 2: of because that's not easy, you know, to deal with

495
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 2: day to day life and ups and downs and then

496
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 2: come home and be, you know, there for your child

497
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,679
Speaker 2: and be willing to just listen to their needs and

498
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 2: what they have going on. That's not easy.

499
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 1: What's been the biggest thing you think he's taught you?

500
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 2: Definitely patience. Everyone says like, you don't experience love till

501
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 2: you have a child, and you're like, well, what does

502
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,639
Speaker 2: that really mean? Like, I know what it's like to

503
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:26,640
Speaker 2: love someone, but it definitely is a different kind of love.

504
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 2: So just unconditional love, patience, and you know, I always

505
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,880
Speaker 2: say that my son is my best friend. Now it's

506
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 2: interesting because people will say that, and I don't know

507
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 2: if you've read about this, Jay, I'm curious to know

508
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 2: your tape. People will say that your children should not

509
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,159
Speaker 2: be your best friend, that you should be a parent

510
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,440
Speaker 2: and your child should not be your best friend. I'm

511
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 2: on the other side of it. My son is my

512
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 2: best friend, and I'm still able to be a parent

513
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 2: and have him as my best friend and best friend.

514
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 2: I mean, I spend more time with my son than

515
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:57,119
Speaker 2: anyone else. I live with my child, so he's the

516
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 2: person I live for. He's my roommate essentially, and know

517
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 2: me in every shape and form. Happy days, the sad days, everything,

518
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 2: and there's nothing I don't feel like we can talk

519
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 2: about on his side on my side. To me, those

520
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,439
Speaker 2: are all the qualities of a best friend. Do I

521
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 2: still parent him and discipline him? And of course I do.

522
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,639
Speaker 2: But there's a lot of type read a lot of

523
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 2: talk about that, and sometimes when I write like hanging

524
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 2: with my best friends, like, ah, your son shouldn't be

525
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 2: your best friend, like you should just be a parent.

526
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 2: That's the problem these days, parents trying to be their

527
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,440
Speaker 2: kids friends. And isn't that I come from a different.

528
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I can't. I'm obviously I'm not a parent,

529
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: so I can't answer it from that perspective. But if

530
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: I think about it with my parents, I would say

531
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 1: at this point, I'm good friends with my parents. I

532
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 1: would say I wish we were best friends growing up, okay,

533
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,359
Speaker 1: And I felt that I was parented, which made me

534
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: actually not tell them stuff and keep secrets and do

535
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: my own thing and not really have that open relationship

536
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: with them, which I wish I think would have been

537
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 1: healthier for me, right and for them. And now I'm

538
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: glad that it's evolved to where it has. But I

539
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: agree I would have liked to have to have that

540
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 1: been friendlier with my parents when I was younger, because

541
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,000
Speaker 1: I think I could have avoided a lot of the

542
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: mistakes I made had I had that relationship with them.

543
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 2: And felt comfortable talking to them about.

544
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was always scared to tell them anything trouble

545
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,879
Speaker 1: exactly so, and I don't think that that was a

546
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 1: healthy feeling as a child of oh I'm going to

547
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: get into trouble if I did not as a child

548
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 1: as a teenager, but as a child I was obedient anyway.

549
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 1: But when I was a teenager, it's like, I think

550
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: that's the age. If you can be friends with your

551
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 1: sixteen year old, that's pretty dope.

552
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,479
Speaker 2: Because and being friend Jay doesn't mean he doesn't get

553
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 2: in trouble, because if he does something wrong, he gets

554
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 2: in trouble, or you know, I have to sit down

555
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 2: and taught to him. But I think it's the approach

556
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 2: and the way because sometimes just yelling or it's not effective,

557
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 2: at least from what I've seen with other people parenting,

558
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 2: you know, and I don't judge anyone's parenting, but yelling,

559
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 2: screaming like they're not hearing you. So sometimes just having

560
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 2: an honest conversation on why you shouldn't have done that

561
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 2: or why that was wrong for me. That gets me

562
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 2: further than like what the hell are you? Like they're

563
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,640
Speaker 2: blocking you out, they're not hearing you anyway.

564
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 1: I actually went through something like that the other day.

565
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 1: So I bumped into someone and I was talking to

566
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: their teenager. He was probably like maybe like fourteen fifteen,

567
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 1: and his mom was like behind me, like telling him

568
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 1: what to ask me, and it was almost like she

569
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,679
Speaker 1: was making it out like he wouldn't ask good questions right.

570
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,199
Speaker 2: Like not giving him the opportunity.

571
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, And the thing is he was actually asking really

572
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: smart questions and I was like really engaged, but I

573
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 1: could see that she kept distracting him, and he kept

574
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: me like, Mom, I'm.

575
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 2: Talking, got it, I got it right.

576
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 1: And it was just really interesting. And I'd look back

577
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 1: and I'd smile and be like he's cool, Like you know,

578
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 1: it's all right. And it was just really interesting to me,

579
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 1: like she didn't trust that she'd actually been an amazing.

580
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 2: Parent right and taught him well and put him in

581
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 2: a situation where he can handle her.

582
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he was doing great, And I turned I

583
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,160
Speaker 1: said to her afterwards, I was like, I just want

584
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 1: you to know, like you must have raised us on

585
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 1: really well because he was so present, he asked me.

586
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 1: I was so impressed by a fifteen year old asking

587
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 1: those kind of questions, Like I wanted her to know

588
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,439
Speaker 1: that too, because I guess, mom, girl and reflecting and

589
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: like kind of feeling like it's never good enough must

590
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 1: be a big part of what you carry too.

591
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, that's a real thing, you know, mom,

592
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 2: guilt and just everything you just said is just so

593
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 2: real because again, we get in the habit of beating

594
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 2: ourselves up for everything, so it's like blaming ourselves for everything.

595
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,160
Speaker 2: So you know, my son's like this because of whatever.

596
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 2: So it is nice when I always say the biggest

597
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 2: complement I've ever heard is when people tell me your

598
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 2: son so well mannered, he's so humble, he's so down

599
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 2: to earth, he cares about people. Like that makes me

600
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 2: feel better than anything any award, any you know, high

601
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 2: rated TV show, what movie, anything, Like someone to tell

602
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 2: me that my kid is kind and humble and well mannered.

603
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 2: That's like the best thing I could ever hear.

604
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful. I love hearing that. And I want

605
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: to talk about your career because last time he came.

606
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: We kind of did a full like biography of life,

607
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,680
Speaker 1: all the jobs and like how you started. We talked

608
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 1: about your first job and how you broke through. What

609
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: about you're a driven, ambitious person still despite everything you've achieved.

610
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 1: What is that drive pursuing today? Like, what does that

611
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 1: look like right now?

612
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 2: I'm always trying to figure out what my next thing is.

613
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 2: I'm always working extremely hard. I think I still am

614
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 2: close enough to remember what not having felt like to

615
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,199
Speaker 2: continue to push myself the way I do. I'm not

616
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 2: that far removed from remembering what that felt like, and

617
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 2: it lives in me and it's close to me. So

618
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't like that. I don't want to

619
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 2: go back there. So that's the motivation and drive to

620
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 2: continue to push forward and I enjoy it. Like I

621
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 2: like working. I mean, my mom tells me all the time,

622
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 2: like you don't think you should just like take a break,

623
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 2: And I'm like, Mom, I like working. Some people like

624
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 2: other things. I like working. Some people, you know, rather

625
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 2: be at home and do certain things, which is fine.

626
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 2: Everyone has a different motivation. I like working. That brings

627
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 2: me happiness, that brings me joy, So I push myself

628
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 2: in that department. But for me, I'm always trying to

629
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 2: see what's next right now. You know, I'm heavy in

630
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 2: the acting space, producing space, really big on my prison

631
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 2: reform charity, which takes up a lot of my time,

632
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 2: and you know, giving back in that way is so

633
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 2: important to me. So those are kind of where my

634
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 2: immediate focuses are right now. But there's always so many things,

635
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 2: you know, happening.

636
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: With the acting and production, Like what part of it

637
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: right now do you feel most immersed and in love

638
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: with Because you've done both for a while now, it's like,

639
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: what's the project that's kind of like bringing you a live.

640
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 2: Right So, you know, just finding projects that I'm interested

641
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 2: in producing is so amazing because you can now bring

642
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 2: something that you love to life and you can be

643
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 2: in control of that ip or whatever it is and

644
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 2: bring it to life. So producing just puts you in control.

645
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 2: For so long as an actor, you're waiting for someone

646
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 2: else to give you an opportunity. You're auditioning with ten

647
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 2: other girls that look very similar to you and just

648
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 2: hoping that hey, pick me, pick me. I'm the right

649
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,240
Speaker 2: person for the role, and nine times out of ten

650
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 2: you never you don't get picked me. Get those lucky times,

651
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 2: but for the most part, you don't get you don't

652
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 2: always get picked. So by producing, you're not waiting. Now

653
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 2: you're creating, and you're also putting yourself in a position

654
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 2: to create jobs and opportunities for other people. And that's

655
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 2: what I'm about, opening the doors for other people to

656
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 2: come in and you know, have these experiences and be

657
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,719
Speaker 2: able to give them, you know, a piece of what

658
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 2: I have going on. So that's what I love about

659
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 2: producing and just going out there and finding projects that

660
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 2: mean something to me. And it's not always about like, oh,

661
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 2: I want to produce this because I want it to

662
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 2: be this huge success. Of course, you want things you

663
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 2: do to be a huge success, but sometimes you want

664
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 2: to do it for you like this, I'm passionate about this.

665
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 2: I want to tell this story and whoever gets it

666
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 2: gets it. Maybe this is not the billion dollar hit

667
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 2: or whatever. Maybe this is just for a small group

668
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: of people that are into this, but that matters to me.

669
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 2: So that's what gets me excited. From the producing standpoint

670
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 2: and acting. I am on a show, so it's great

671
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 2: to just have steady work and I love, you know,

672
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 2: the people I work with. I love the show I'm

673
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 2: a part of It's it's incredible and it's not to

674
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 2: just always have that kind of in the stash.

675
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, you speak about rejection there again another thing

676
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 1: I think people relate to whether they're auditioning, applying for jobs,

677
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 1: Like it's one of those things that we will face

678
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 1: in life in different realms. And I think people often

679
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: think that when you get to a certain level of success,

680
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: you don't get rejection. That is, how does that feel

681
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 1: like after having I don't know how many auditions you.

682
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 2: Must, god, more than I could ever count.

683
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 1: Right, Like how many like taped to auditions, like in.

684
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 2: Person, signing the contract before thinking that I definitely had

685
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 2: the job, just to find out that they're not going

686
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 2: with me. I mean, I've had everything happening.

687
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 1: It does it get easier? And how do you react

688
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 1: to rejection differently today than you did sixteen years ago?

689
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 2: So today I realized that most of the time it

690
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 2: has nothing to do with you. There's so many other factors.

691
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 2: And now being on the producing side, I see the

692
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 2: other factors could be anything, could be height, just could

693
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 2: be how you you stand next to your co star,

694
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 2: could be a million things that out of your control.

695
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 2: Is not a decision based on you weren't good enough

696
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 2: or you weren't talented enough. And once I realized that,

697
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 2: I got better with dealing with it and also being

698
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 2: happy and grateful for the person who did at the

699
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 2: job because for whatever reason, they were the right person

700
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 2: for that job, not feeling like, oh why did they

701
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 2: give it to them and not me, like actually leading

702
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 2: with grace and kindness and realizing that because I started

703
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 2: doing that, more good things started happening for me. But

704
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 2: in the beginning, it was like, Oh, they don't like me,

705
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 2: or I didn't do a good job. Oh they think

706
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 2: I suck. I shouldn't be doing this. Like I was

707
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 2: ready to keep up on acting one hundred times. I

708
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 2: was like, clearly, this is the one thing that's never

709
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 2: gonna happen for me, Like I had to have one

710
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 2: thing that just wasn't gonna go. This is it. But

711
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 2: I just kept being persistent, kept learning, kept getting better,

712
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 2: and then realizing now a lot of the decisions are

713
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 2: not based on talent. There's just so many other factors.

714
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 1: When my videos were first seen like seven years ago,

715
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: around a year later, a TV P diduction company had

716
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 1: reached out and said we want to make a TV

717
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 1: show about your work, and I was like, this is

718
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 1: so cool. I never imagined a million years that that

719
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 1: would even be possible. And so we made the deck.

720
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 1: We went and pitched it all these companies, and it

721
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 1: was really interesting because no one took the show. I

722
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: was really passionate about the idea we'd created. I thought

723
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 1: it was really cool and different, and no one cared,

724
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: like it didn't even go beyond the first meeting. Like

725
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: from the first meeting, I was like, we're not sure.

726
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 1: And it's really interesting to me because I was talking

727
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: about this with a friend a couple of weeks ago

728
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 1: and I was saying that one thing that happened was

729
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 1: it built a number of long term friendships. So everyone

730
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: I met at those pitches, not everyone, but some of

731
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: the people have become long term friends that I actually

732
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: still see now socially, even though we never did anything professionally,

733
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 1: So there was a massive win. The other thing was

734
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: it gave me a great experience of what that process

735
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 1: is like. I'd never done it before, and now I

736
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 1: actually understand what that looks like. And it was a

737
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 1: complete learning curve. But the third one, which is the

738
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: best one, is I often say to people, had I

739
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 1: had been given that show, I potentially may never have

740
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: started this podcast. I potentially may never have written my book.

741
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: I potentially may never have gone on tour this year

742
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 1: because I wouldn't have had this opportunity to have to

743
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 1: build my own work. So true, That's what I want

744
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,720
Speaker 1: to remind people, is like, just trust in the timing.

745
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: As long as you're moving forward, that's it. And I

746
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 1: think that's the mistake that we often make, is that

747
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:26,400
Speaker 1: our disappointment slows us down, or like our feeling of

748
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 1: failure forces us to just switch off. Yeah, and instead

749
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: when you're moving, shifting, figuring things out, discovering anything's possible.

750
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:37,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so true. And it's funny because on our

751
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 2: last podcast, yeah I've still there's been years, you said,

752
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 2: that clip is still viral. But we talk about fear,

753
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 2: and we always say that people stop because they're disappointed

754
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 2: of fear right before something great is going to happen, Like,

755
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 2: you stop and don't even realize right past that if

756
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 2: you push past that feeling, if you push past that,

757
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 2: amazing things are going to happen. And because of our

758
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 2: I realized how much that resonated with people like don't

759
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,879
Speaker 2: let the fear and disappointment stop you because you don't

760
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 2: know what's gonna happen after that. Let it build you,

761
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,800
Speaker 2: Let it build your character, Let it build your armor

762
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 2: to be strong to go through these things so that

763
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 2: you can keep. Like you said, as long as you're

764
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 2: moving forward, it's just so important.

765
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: What fear are you trying to push forward from right

766
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:21,880
Speaker 1: now in your life.

767
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 2: I'm such a people pleaser and I've always wanted to

768
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 2: even as a young kid, I've always wanted to be

769
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,719
Speaker 2: liked by everyone. I was that person like I wanted

770
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 2: everybody to be my friend. And it's funny because people

771
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:34,800
Speaker 2: say all the time, oh, a lot's friends with everybody.

772
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 2: Everybody loves la Lah, which is great. I don't think

773
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,280
Speaker 2: everybody loves you, but that's great. But also being okay

774
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 2: with understanding that you'll never be able to please everyone,

775
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 2: especially in this day and age of we talked about

776
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 2: social media, everyone now having a platform to comment to

777
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 2: tell you what you're doing wrong and speak about who

778
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 2: you are as a person, people that don't even know you.

779
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: There was a time where that would have really rattled

780
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 2: me and bother me because it's like, well, you don't

781
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 2: even know me. You never had a conversation with me.

782
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 2: If you knew me, you would love me. You would

783
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 2: see I'm this type person. Now it's like I'm secure myself.

784
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 2: Like so, I'm continuing to push through that fear of

785
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 2: wanting to be liked or the fear of someone not

786
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 2: liking me. I should say that the fear of someone

787
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 2: not liking me. I've gotten so much better at that

788
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,960
Speaker 2: and just embracing the people that love me and care

789
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 2: about me. Another thing my mom's always told me. I

790
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 2: quote my mom a lot. She's a very smart person.

791
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 2: Another thing my mom always told me is celebrate the

792
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 2: people that are there. You know, you can have a

793
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 2: party or a get together and the first thing you'll

794
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 2: say is, well, why didn't someone so come? Damn I

795
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,239
Speaker 2: invited so and so. Why aren't they here? You're not

796
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 2: even acknowledging the ten, fifteen, twenty people that came to

797
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 2: support you on your birthday or whatever the occasion was. Well,

798
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 2: Damn I invited so and so they didn't even come.

799
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,320
Speaker 2: Like I always remind myself for that, Celebrate the people

800
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 2: who are there for your moments, who want to be

801
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,399
Speaker 2: there with you. Want to stop worrying about the person

802
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,359
Speaker 2: who wasn't there. Same thing with comments everyone, Hey, we

803
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 2: love you, You're the greatest, listen to everything. That one person

804
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 2: was like, Jay, what the hell are you talking about?

805
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 2: You don't know what you tell me. You're like zooming

806
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 2: in on that. I want to find out. You want

807
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 2: to respond, you want to go to their page, see

808
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 2: how they looking. But you just had a thousand comments

809
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 2: about how wonderful you are and that one or just

810
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,879
Speaker 2: throw people off. I've just gotten so much better at that. Yeah,

811
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 2: I won't give somebody that much power over me. And again,

812
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: I want to celebrate the people who are celebrating me.

813
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:27,439
Speaker 2: That's what I'm getting better.

814
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I love that you said that. I literally

815
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 1: it was a habit that I used to have where

816
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 1: you'd see all these good reviews or good comments and

817
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: you would literally just scroll past them, just waiting for

818
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: the negative one. And I've literally right like you're just

819
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 1: you're treating the good ones like oh yeah, sure, yeah,

820
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 1: of course you don't really mean that. And then when

821
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 1: someone says something bad, and I've trained myself now like

822
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 1: I genuinely do this, and I talk about in the

823
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: podcast a lot, I will sit there and I will

824
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: read a positive review or read a comment a positive comment,

825
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: and I'll let it sit here, and I'll just let

826
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,879
Speaker 1: it sit there, and I'll let myself accept it, because

827
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 1: for so long I just tried to like not let

828
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 1: myself accept it. And I don't mean let it go

829
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,479
Speaker 1: to your head. I mean, like feel it in your heart,

830
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,840
Speaker 1: like someone felt like telling you that your work or

831
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 1: your words or whatever it was, your life or that

832
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 1: clip of you on the last podcast like that that

833
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,839
Speaker 1: made a difference in their lives. Let that. Just let

834
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 1: yourself receive that. And I wish all of us would

835
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 1: allow ourselves to receive love as seriously as we receive hate.

836
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:28,919
Speaker 2: True.

837
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 1: When you see hate, you don't think that might not

838
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: be true. You just accept that it must be true.

839
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: Whereas when you see love, you think, oh, yeah, they

840
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 1: didn't really mean that. Oh it probably isn't that real. Right.

841
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 2: It's so interesting, And it's interesting because we'll believe that

842
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 2: hate is true from someone who doesn't even know us.

843
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:49,239
Speaker 2: This is coming from as all who they ever had

844
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 2: a conversation with you, who knows nothing about you. So

845
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 2: it's like it's it's the wrong way to think. But

846
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 2: you had to train yourself to think differently. I had

847
00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 2: to train myself to think differently. For me, A lot

848
00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 2: of times, it's better for me just not to read

849
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 2: anything I still can get hyper focused on, so I don't.

850
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,359
Speaker 2: I don't really get caught up in that. I get

851
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 2: caught up in more like when people stop me and say,

852
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 2: you know, love you lot, thanks for this or whatever

853
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 2: it is. Those are my genuine you know moments, and

854
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 2: I do still sometimes, you know, take a peek, but

855
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 2: I don't go too deep.

856
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 1: That's safer, I think.

857
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 2: But I don't go too deep.

858
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 1: I think that's safer. And often and sometimes when I

859
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 1: see criticism, I'll also allow myself if I'm in a

860
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 1: good space because I agree with you. Like what I'm

861
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: sharing is when you're in a good space, if you're

862
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,879
Speaker 1: really struggling with it, just turn it off and get

863
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 1: away from it. I'm fully with you. But if I

864
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 1: am in a good place, I'll look at criticism and

865
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: I'll say, let me take the feedback and leave the criticism,

866
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,240
Speaker 1: Like how do I do that? Like how do I

867
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 1: listen to this? Allow it in, but then leave the

868
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: part that that is kind of the venom in it

869
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,839
Speaker 1: or the spite or the ferociousness, like keep that out

870
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 1: and take the feedback because there could be something for

871
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 1: me to learn.

872
00:39:56,480 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 2: And constructive, the constructive part constructive, constructive. But I do

873
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 2: understand that I don't think all of us are there

874
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:04,839
Speaker 2: yet neither.

875
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,280
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just I'm trying, yeah.

876
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 2: Exactly, or trying, and a lot of us, you know,

877
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 2: are still struggling with understanding what being love feels like

878
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,839
Speaker 2: or never being loved growing up. You know, I work

879
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:21,960
Speaker 2: with so many people through my charity and just people

880
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 2: I know who you realize some of the basic principles

881
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,839
Speaker 2: of just love they've never experienced and don't understand what

882
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 2: that is. But they do understand hate, being told you're

883
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 2: not good enough, being ignored, not being paid attention to,

884
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 2: so they gravitate more to that because that's what they're

885
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 2: used to. So it's just about changing the narrative. And

886
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 2: I talk about that with you know, the group that

887
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 2: I work with through through my charity three sixty all

888
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 2: the time. Is like changing the narrative, changing those negative

889
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,799
Speaker 2: thoughts into positive thoughts. So those that's really important.

890
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 1: What got you involved in the prison reform work and

891
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,720
Speaker 1: what is the thing that you think would surprise us

892
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 1: to learn about it because you've actually spent time, you're

893
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,760
Speaker 1: working with people that it's your charity, it's your project.

894
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 1: What do you think would surprise us?

895
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 2: I think that people would be surprised how simply changing

896
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 2: a person's environment and simply loving someone can be all

897
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 2: you need to actually see a complete change in a person.

898
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 2: Telling someone you love them, telling someone you're proud of

899
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:24,320
Speaker 2: them is sometimes enough to just completely change a person.

900
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 2: And realizing that those simple words a lot of people

901
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 2: have never even heard before. It's mind blowing that I'll

902
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,360
Speaker 2: sit with the young men in my program and mostly

903
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 2: work with young men ages eighteen to twenty one, and

904
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 2: they will tell me they've never heard someone say I

905
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 2: love you before. They've never heard definitely never heard someone

906
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 2: say I'm proud of you. What have I ever done

907
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 2: for someone to be proud of me? Or definitely just

908
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 2: never knew what feeling important to somebody was. And when

909
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:53,879
Speaker 2: they start feeling that, the change you see in them

910
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 2: when I put them in situations whether it's jobs or

911
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 2: things to thrive, like, how amazing they've been doing just

912
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 2: because the environment is different. You can love somebody all

913
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 2: you want and then put them back in that same toxic,

914
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 2: you know, dysfunctional environment, and then like, well, why are

915
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 2: they acting like this? They shouldn't be acting like this.

916
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,279
Speaker 2: Why are they being a menace to society? I mean,

917
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 2: but we wouldn't last one day in a household like that,

918
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 2: you know, and just being compassionate. So love and a

919
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 2: change in environment are like two of the key things

920
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 2: that I've seen where I've seen the most success and

921
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:27,280
Speaker 2: the most changed for sure.

922
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is that is fascinating. And how do you

923
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 1: get like I guess the external perception is everyone would

924
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:38,359
Speaker 1: be quite hard in prison and be quite cold. How

925
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 1: do you have a conversation about love and compassion and

926
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 1: empathy with someone who hasn't had it before? Like, how

927
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 1: do you even start that conversation? Because I think the

928
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,399
Speaker 1: perception would be they just be like I don't need

929
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,839
Speaker 1: to be loved, Like there'd be a certain like kind

930
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 1: of shield to it. Is that real? Is that true?

931
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:58,280
Speaker 1: Or do you find it's quite easy.

932
00:42:58,120 --> 00:42:59,759
Speaker 2: To take when when our first come in is not

933
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 2: there's like if it's a new group, it's kind of

934
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,719
Speaker 2: the stone fash me. Yeah we know, la, la, but

935
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 2: what's she gonna talk to us about? But it's really

936
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 2: just having real authentic conversations. When you talk to somebody Jay,

937
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:16,319
Speaker 2: you just have that talent to where they know you're

938
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 2: speaking from a genuine place. When you talk to me,

939
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:20,880
Speaker 2: I'm like, I gotta listen to what Jay saying, Like

940
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,319
Speaker 2: I got what would Jay do in this situation? You

941
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 2: just have that. So it's like when you're speaking from

942
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 2: your heart and you're leading with love. People feel that,

943
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 2: even the hardest people feel that because at everyone's core,

944
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 2: what do we want? We want to be loved. Everyone

945
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 2: wants to be loved, whether they've experienced or not. At

946
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,880
Speaker 2: everyone's core, they want to be loved. So I'm gonna

947
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:43,720
Speaker 2: hit you in that place that just wants to be loved.

948
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,839
Speaker 2: And I'm also gonna make you understand that I understand

949
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 2: what you've been through. I understand why you may have

950
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 2: made some of these choices, and guess what, I'm not

951
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 2: judging you, but I'm pushing you to do better. And

952
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 2: that's how I kind of run my group and what

953
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 2: we talk about. And once they hear that and feel that,

954
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,359
Speaker 2: it just melts away. They just want to hug. They

955
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 2: just want you to tell them you love them. They

956
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 2: just want to sit down and have some food with you.

957
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 2: It just melts away and it's emotional. It's incredible to see,

958
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 2: and I wish that more people could be involved in

959
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 2: the work and see this instead of just, you know,

960
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 2: writing certain people off because of whatever they've been through.

961
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 2: Because one thing I always say is, hey, these guys

962
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 2: in my program are not going anywhere. So you got

963
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 2: two choices. They can either be an asset to our

964
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:32,719
Speaker 2: communities or they can be a problem. Which one do

965
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 2: you want? Because they're not going anywhere, So I'd rather

966
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 2: mold them and work with them to be assets and

967
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 2: great fathers and great community leaders and great workers in

968
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,440
Speaker 2: our community than be a problem. And sometimes all they

969
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,240
Speaker 2: really need is to feel supported and to feel loved.

970
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 2: That's been my experience.

971
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 1: What drew you to that work specifically? I mean you

972
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,879
Speaker 1: could have started something about anything in the world. Why

973
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: was it deeply inside of you that was like this

974
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,280
Speaker 1: is where I want to put my energy and efforts.

975
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 2: I think just just growing up, that's always been a

976
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 2: part of life, like knowing someone who's in jail, seeing

977
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 2: different things but feeling helpless, like what can I do?

978
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 2: I can just go visit, write a letter here and there.

979
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,839
Speaker 2: I'm not in a position to do anything, you would

980
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 2: see things that you wanted to change but feel helpless.

981
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 2: And now I'm in a position where I can actually

982
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 2: make change, you know, I can actually use my voice

983
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 2: on my platform to make a change and help people

984
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 2: I care about who are still incarcerated or people who

985
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 2: have been incarcerated, you know, help them change their experience

986
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 2: and provide them with different things that people before us

987
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,359
Speaker 2: didn't have. So I'm going to use my platform for that.

988
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 2: And also as a mom of a sixteen year old,

989
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 2: a young black man, I understand, you know, how all

990
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:50,480
Speaker 2: of us are one decision or one bad moment away

991
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 2: from being any of the kids that I deal with

992
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 2: who are incarcerated right now. How many of my kids

993
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,320
Speaker 2: it was just wrong place at the wrong time, hanging

994
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 2: with the wrong crowd. Can relate to that. I have

995
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 2: a son like he could be at the wrong place

996
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 2: at the wrong time, trying to be cool, running with

997
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 2: a certain group of kids. Anything can happen. So I'm

998
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,240
Speaker 2: sympathetic to that, and I think that's where I draw

999
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:13,240
Speaker 2: my inspiration from to wanna do the work.

1000
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: Did you see the lack of support like breaking families?

1001
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: Like did it? How bad? Did it get it got bad.

1002
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 2: It got bad. I saw it, it got bad. I

1003
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 2: had you know, one of the closest people to me,

1004
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 2: mother was incarcerated for many, many years, and just seeing

1005
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 2: what it was like for him to grow up without

1006
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 2: his mom, you know, being there. She was there in

1007
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,800
Speaker 2: every way, but she was incarcerated. She was an amazing

1008
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 2: she is an amazing mother, but she was incarcerated. And

1009
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:44,280
Speaker 2: just watching what that felt like and feeling like there's

1010
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 2: got to be a way to still hold the family

1011
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 2: bonds even with this going on. So just seeing things

1012
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 2: and like this doesn't make sense, or this is supposed

1013
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 2: to be a rehabilitation, but there's no rehabilitation going on.

1014
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 2: Where are the programs? Where are the things so that

1015
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 2: people can come out and not do the same mistakes

1016
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 2: or be better equipped to make better decisions? Like what

1017
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:06,760
Speaker 2: are we doing? And now again being in a position

1018
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 2: I would see all of that, Yeah, but again feel helpless,

1019
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:11,840
Speaker 2: like what am I going to do? I can't do anything.

1020
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 2: All I could do is go visit on the visiting days,

1021
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 2: buy some food out the vendor machine and call it

1022
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 2: a day, Like what am I going to do? But

1023
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 2: now I can do something, So it's just what I've

1024
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 2: become so passionate about. And when I look at the

1025
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:26,720
Speaker 2: young men in my program, I always say I speak

1026
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 2: to them and look at them the same way I

1027
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 2: talk to Cayenne, my son, who's sixteen years old. Because

1028
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 2: they're eighteen, they're two years away from Cayenne and dealing

1029
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 2: with some of the same struggles and issues that I

1030
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,799
Speaker 2: see Kyenne goes through, you know, insecure, trying to fit in,

1031
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 2: trying to be the cool kid, you know, all of

1032
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:44,399
Speaker 2: these things that you know sometimes can lead to bad

1033
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 2: decisions and trouble if you don't have strong family and

1034
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 2: strong support and they don't have that.

1035
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, could you tell us maybe some of the stories

1036
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: that you've seen of people you know coming back into

1037
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: society and some of the moments where you're like, wow,

1038
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 1: this is like it's inspiring and hope forgiving.

1039
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I did. I had a kid in my program.

1040
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 2: His name is Rondo, and while he was incarcerated, I

1041
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 2: bought someone who worked for a Reform Alliance, which is

1042
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 2: founded by Michael Rubin, Meek Mill jay Z. I had

1043
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:15,799
Speaker 2: Jessica Jackson, who works really close with Kim I'm Kardashian.

1044
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 2: So they came and they visited and Rondo just stood

1045
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 2: out to them, and I remember Jessica telling him, when

1046
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 2: you get out, I'm going to have a job for you.

1047
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:27,440
Speaker 2: You really have blew me away, won me over, And

1048
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:29,879
Speaker 2: they waited and waited for him to come out. When

1049
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 2: he came out, he came out like on a Thursday.

1050
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 2: I was at the court when they released him. He

1051
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 2: came out on Thursday. He was in that office on

1052
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:41,439
Speaker 2: Monday starting his job, working so hard. And now when

1053
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 2: you see this kid, Jay, it's unbelievable. He's traveled the

1054
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 2: whole country. He's spoken on platforms with Kim, who's my

1055
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,959
Speaker 2: best friend obviously, so I'm like Kim and Rondo side

1056
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:54,320
Speaker 2: by side talking about prison reform, him speaking to the

1057
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 2: gen Z population about you know, what needs to be done,

1058
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,319
Speaker 2: his experiences. I'm just mind blown. I found on this

1059
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 2: kid in Riker's Island fighting, you know, dealing with so

1060
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 2: many different things. And now he's side by side with

1061
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 2: Kim and Michael Rubin not too long ago. I'm like,

1062
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 2: he's at Michael Rubin's house like hosting a panel and different.

1063
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,399
Speaker 2: It's just it's mind blowing. And what was it? Opportunity

1064
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 2: change of environment, love that made the change, and we

1065
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,280
Speaker 2: have others you know, that are following in the same path.

1066
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 2: But it's amazing to see. It's like it makes you

1067
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 2: just feel like it's all worth it, like you just

1068
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 2: like everything I'm doing is worth it.

1069
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that

1070
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:34,839
Speaker 1: with this. I think it's it's hard sometimes to you know,

1071
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 1: connect the dots I was talking to. I think you

1072
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:40,920
Speaker 1: probably know Scott as well. Scott, Butneck, yes, Scott, Scott

1073
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 1: like a couple of weeks ago.

1074
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 2: And he's so passional space.

1075
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 1: And for those people who don't know, Scott made the

1076
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 1: three Hangover movies but then also made Just Mercy. Yeah,

1077
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 1: you know that movie for him was all about prison

1078
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,959
Speaker 1: reform and changing the narrative and trying to give people

1079
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 1: an opportunity and rethinking you know, how we feel about

1080
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:03,080
Speaker 1: people right, and how we treat people who've made certain decisions.

1081
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:08,280
Speaker 1: And it's so phenomenal to hear that so many people, also,

1082
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 1: all of you are collaborating. Yeah, for sure in order

1083
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 1: to do.

1084
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 2: Sure, you can't do this type of work alone. Yet

1085
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 2: you need a support system. And my charity again is

1086
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,400
Speaker 2: three sixty and I'm so happy to have Reform Alliance

1087
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 2: as a partner who really guide me and helped me

1088
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 2: because I'm new to the space. I'm not new to

1089
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 2: the experience, but I'm new to the space and just

1090
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 2: learning and navigating and them just really holding my hand

1091
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 2: through the whole thing has been great. You can't do it,

1092
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 2: you know, alone, but it's a challenging space but such

1093
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:36,840
Speaker 2: a rewarding space at the same time.

1094
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, Lala, what's you know? You've had such a career

1095
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:42,320
Speaker 1: in the public eye, life of the public eye. What's

1096
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,759
Speaker 1: something about you that you think people don't know that

1097
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:46,120
Speaker 1: you'd love them to know.

1098
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 2: People around me always say, like, people don't know how

1099
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,720
Speaker 2: funny you are, Like I'm joking around all the time,

1100
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 2: Like I'm always up for having a good time, Like

1101
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,839
Speaker 2: I want to be the life of the party, and

1102
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 2: I love seeing everyone around have a good time. Those

1103
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:03,840
Speaker 2: are somethings like I'm just learning to just enjoy you know,

1104
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 2: life and the new chapter in my life. You know,

1105
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:10,560
Speaker 2: it still is new, coming from you know, being married

1106
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:12,840
Speaker 2: not anymore, and just like what does that look like?

1107
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:14,920
Speaker 2: And that's why I said, you know, you can't put

1108
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 2: a time frame on things. People would think, Oh, by

1109
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 2: now she would already be in another relationship or be

1110
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,879
Speaker 2: married again or whatever, and none of that has happened yet,

1111
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 2: And I'm okay with that. I'm just going with the

1112
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,200
Speaker 2: flow and whichever way life takes me, I'm just I'm

1113
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:30,280
Speaker 2: just going that way and just understanding that everything happens

1114
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:34,760
Speaker 2: when it's supposed to, not rushing things, just enjoying the moment.

1115
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely found your humor came through when I

1116
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,320
Speaker 1: first met you. Yeah, I was just cracking out and

1117
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,759
Speaker 1: everything you're saying, and I was just like, you know,

1118
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,800
Speaker 1: it's you definitely feel that when you meet someone. Yeah,

1119
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:48,879
Speaker 1: And it's it's interesting because, yeah, I feel like people

1120
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: say the same when I when I'm on stage or

1121
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 1: when I'm in person. I'm hopefully a lot funnier than

1122
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:55,920
Speaker 1: I have on my social media page. When I'm with

1123
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 1: my wife, I'm definitely funnier because I'm borrowing from her

1124
00:51:58,080 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 1: because she's hilarious.

1125
00:51:59,160 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 2: Right.

1126
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 1: But it's so hard transitioning, and it's so hard transitioning

1127
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 1: in the public eye because it's almost like you have

1128
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:09,319
Speaker 1: all these opinions, you have other people's narratives, You're still

1129
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 1: trying to figure things out yourself and it's almost like

1130
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 1: I almost like in it. Always say to people, imagine

1131
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 1: you're going through something, and ever in your family, ever

1132
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 1: in your friend circle is talking about it, and everyone

1133
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 1: has their version. That's what you're experiencing at a news

1134
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 1: level or a world level, right, And that's very difficult

1135
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 1: when you are either in that space yourself or you

1136
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 1: have friends in that space, and you see how challenging

1137
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:34,400
Speaker 1: it is, and you're saying you're trying to enjoy the

1138
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 1: moment and you haven't. Obviously, like you're saying, you haven't

1139
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,839
Speaker 1: just moved on and it's not as easy. Is the

1140
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 1: hardest thing about it? That you thought life was going

1141
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 1: a certain way and then it didn't. Is that the

1142
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 1: hardest thing about it?

1143
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 2: That's the hardest thing. You don't get married to get divorced.

1144
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 2: Nobody gets married and I'm getting divorced. You get married

1145
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 2: because you feel like you found your person and this

1146
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 2: is what the rest of your life is going to

1147
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:58,359
Speaker 2: be like. And you start building a life with this

1148
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 2: person and then something changed that you weren't prepared for.

1149
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 2: That you don't have the tools and skills to No

1150
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 2: one's just going to prepare you for a divorce. You're

1151
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 2: married right now, Jay, No one's selling you, Jay, comes

1152
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 2: to down. Let me tell you what's gonna happen when

1153
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 2: you get divorced. Nobody's doing that. We're wishing you and

1154
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 2: your wife the best to ride off into the sunset

1155
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 2: forever together. So you're not equipped with the knowledge and

1156
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 2: the tools on what to do emotionally or anything when

1157
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 2: that happens, and you just find yourself in a position

1158
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:29,680
Speaker 2: to just figure it out. So that's that's really difficult.

1159
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 2: And life for me looks different right now, and I

1160
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 2: still have those moments where I can be at home

1161
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you could never told me that this

1162
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,279
Speaker 2: would be my life right now. And I'm not saying

1163
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 2: that's a bad thing. I love my life right now,

1164
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 2: but you know, owning a home by myself, my son

1165
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 2: and I, you know, living together, then on certain days

1166
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:47,200
Speaker 2: him going to stay with his dad, and then I'm

1167
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 2: home alone and it's still a family, but separate in

1168
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 2: a sense, you know, and just okay, well what time

1169
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 2: are you coming home today? Like you could have never

1170
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 2: told me that that was gonna be my life. But

1171
00:53:58,040 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 2: what can I do? I have to adjust, Like I

1172
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 2: have to adjust and be strong and figure out what

1173
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:06,359
Speaker 2: the new norm is. This is my new normal, and

1174
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 2: I just had to adjust to it. Was it easy?

1175
00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 2: Of course not? And are there still days where it

1176
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:14,239
Speaker 2: can hit you and be really hard. Yeah. And I

1177
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,359
Speaker 2: want to be honest and tell people that because it's

1178
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 2: been a while for me, and you would really think

1179
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 2: that by now, like that's something I never think about anymore.

1180
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:25,720
Speaker 2: Of course I do had a family, like a beautiful family,

1181
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 2: and now I still have a family, but it just

1182
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 2: looks a little bit different, and I'm okay with that.

1183
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 2: But it's still your moments where you're like, wow, this

1184
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:34,760
Speaker 2: is this is different.

1185
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, And I guess it sounds like both of

1186
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 1: you have been able to be there full Kyenne so

1187
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 1: that he's having.

1188
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:43,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, the co parenting is strong with us, and that's

1189
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:47,120
Speaker 2: something I'm very grateful for because whatever happened between me

1190
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:49,320
Speaker 2: and his dad, I don't feel like Kayane should have

1191
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 2: to suffer because of that. So we try to do

1192
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:54,719
Speaker 2: a good job at co parenting and still, you know,

1193
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:57,440
Speaker 2: leading with love, and kids are going to be a

1194
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,480
Speaker 2: reflection of what they see. Like I can tell them

1195
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:01,319
Speaker 2: all day no no, me and your dad, but if

1196
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:03,880
Speaker 2: he sees us arguing all the time or never around

1197
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 2: each other, then it doesn't matter what I say, But

1198
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:07,919
Speaker 2: we make it a point for him to see us

1199
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:11,360
Speaker 2: getting along and both being there for his moments, his

1200
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,880
Speaker 2: basketball games, his school plays, you know, parent teacher conference,

1201
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:18,399
Speaker 2: whatever it is. So he always feels supportive because one day,

1202
00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:20,719
Speaker 2: Kayane's going to have a family, and I want him

1203
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 2: to understand, you know, what having a family means. And

1204
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:25,959
Speaker 2: even though mom and dad might not have been able

1205
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 2: to figure it out in the traditional way, we still

1206
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:31,719
Speaker 2: loved you. And my hope is that he can do

1207
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:32,839
Speaker 2: better than we did.

1208
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:35,320
Speaker 1: And you know what it is, what's really interesting about

1209
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: that is I don't know anyone whose life is actually

1210
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:43,320
Speaker 1: traditional in the traditional way like me, even me stay

1211
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:46,719
Speaker 1: together forever, Like I don't know. It's so interesting, right,

1212
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 1: like how we have these stereotypes and these views of

1213
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 1: like what a healthy, successful relationship looks like between a family,

1214
00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 1: people friendships, Like my relationship with my parents is very

1215
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 1: different to what I would can the traditional perlationship with

1216
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 1: your parents, because I just that wasn't our way. Yeah,

1217
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 1: And it's so interesting because you kind of almost always

1218
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 1: make yourself feel guilty or shamed for not having the

1219
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,919
Speaker 1: traditional thing true But then when I actually think about

1220
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:16,280
Speaker 1: like who has the traditional setup, I don't.

1221
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 2: Know, And I think the more you go through life,

1222
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:21,320
Speaker 2: you start understanding and realizing that. And now my saying

1223
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 2: is like whatever works for them, like whatever, Like who

1224
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:25,920
Speaker 2: am I to judge and say it shouldn't be this way?

1225
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 2: It should only be this way. I mean, nothing is

1226
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:30,520
Speaker 2: traditional anymore. People just have to figure out what works

1227
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 2: for them and what that looks like for them. Like,

1228
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:35,759
Speaker 2: if it works for you, that's what matters. Because at

1229
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:37,759
Speaker 2: the end of the day, I always say, when you're

1230
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:41,719
Speaker 2: going through something, when you're down, when you're depressed, more

1231
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,319
Speaker 2: times than not you're dealing with that alone. You have

1232
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 2: your friend support, But I'm saying in those critical moments,

1233
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:48,920
Speaker 2: when you're in that bathroom looking in that mirror and

1234
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:51,799
Speaker 2: you're crying and going through stuff, you're going through that alone.

1235
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 2: So make decisions that make you happy and not worrying

1236
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:57,319
Speaker 2: about what everybody else is gonna say or how people

1237
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 2: are going to view me, because in those quiet you

1238
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:04,520
Speaker 2: are by yourself and you have to face yourself whatever

1239
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:06,400
Speaker 2: that looks like. And I had to learn that because

1240
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:09,279
Speaker 2: again the people pleaser me, what is this one gonna say?

1241
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 2: Or is this one gonna be mad if I do this.

1242
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:12,200
Speaker 2: I got to make this one happy. And it was

1243
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:15,920
Speaker 2: always about everybody else and putting myself last. And then

1244
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 2: when my whole, you know, marriage came crumbling down and

1245
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 2: I was in that bed, I was there by myself

1246
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 2: and I had to deal with that by myself.

1247
00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:28,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the truth. What is being loved by yourself

1248
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 1: and someone else? Look like now, for you, what have

1249
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 1: you learned about how you want to be loved by

1250
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 1: yourself and potentially by anyone else?

1251
00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 2: Words hold so much power getting better at like speaking

1252
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,560
Speaker 2: nicely to myself, being content, Not that I used to

1253
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:46,439
Speaker 2: just like beat myself up and say negative things, but like, wow,

1254
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:49,320
Speaker 2: look how much you've accomplished. Look how many people you've helped.

1255
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,479
Speaker 2: Look at the sun you've raised, Like you've done really

1256
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 2: really good in the public eye. You've never like just

1257
00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 2: crumbled and fell apart. You were able to keep it together.

1258
00:57:57,920 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 2: You went through something that would break most people, Like

1259
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 2: what I went through would have broken a lot of people,

1260
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 2: and I handled it with as much grace as I

1261
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 2: possibly could. And afterwards it didn't make me change how

1262
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 2: I feel about like love. I don't know if marriage

1263
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 2: is still in the cards for me. It's kind of

1264
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,640
Speaker 2: changed my perception on that. One of my friends is like,

1265
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 2: you cannot go on podcasts and say you're never getting

1266
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 2: married again. I'm like, so I'm open. I'm just saying

1267
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 2: that I don't know if that's in the cards, but

1268
00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 2: I'm being open to whatever happens. And being loved by

1269
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:35,400
Speaker 2: somebody else at this point to me, is just really

1270
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:39,280
Speaker 2: aligning with somebody that makes me feel happy, makes me

1271
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 2: feel like I can be myself, and somebody who I

1272
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:45,760
Speaker 2: just enjoy being around. It's not like I'm looking for

1273
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:48,600
Speaker 2: someone to take care of me. It's not like I'm

1274
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 2: looking for a father for my son. And we have

1275
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:53,320
Speaker 2: all of those things. Now, it's about how are you

1276
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:56,760
Speaker 2: connecting with me? How are you making me feel? And

1277
00:58:57,200 --> 00:59:00,200
Speaker 2: I get excited when I think that, believe that that

1278
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 2: person is out there somewhere, and who is it gonna

1279
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 2: be like and when are they gonna confind me? Like

1280
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:08,160
Speaker 2: you know, I get excited about those things because who

1281
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 2: doesn't want that in their life? I don't think you're

1282
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 2: meant to just go through life alone. Like, who doesn't

1283
00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 2: want that?

1284
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 1: There's so much of what you've said today which is

1285
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:20,080
Speaker 1: so relatable to so many so connected to so many

1286
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 1: people's hearts.

1287
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 2: You bring it out of me. Jay, You just make

1288
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 2: it so comfortable. And I just I mean, I follow you,

1289
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:28,280
Speaker 2: I follow your words, your podcasts. I'm on your page

1290
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,439
Speaker 2: all the time. I'm always looking for quotes for your page.

1291
00:59:30,560 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 2: But then sometimes I gotta be careful because I'm like,

1292
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 2: if I post this quote, they're gonna think I'm talking

1293
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:36,800
Speaker 2: about so and so like this. I'm always like, because

1294
00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 2: some of your quotes are just so spot on, I'm like,

1295
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:42,280
Speaker 2: that's exactly what I was thinking. So I'm always going

1296
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:45,800
Speaker 2: to your page finding quotes. I have a million screenshots

1297
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:48,920
Speaker 2: of your quotes in my phone. But just thank you

1298
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:51,160
Speaker 2: for being there for all of us in the way

1299
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 2: that you are and just making everybody feel so comfortable

1300
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:58,320
Speaker 2: and loved. And you know, I've read your book, I

1301
00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 2: follow what you say. In some of my hard moments,

1302
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:04,560
Speaker 2: I refer to your podcasts and different things, and it

1303
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,560
Speaker 2: just really helps me. So I just appreciate that.

1304
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 1: You're just going to pick up the phone.

1305
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:14,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so then I'll no.

1306
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:18,440
Speaker 1: I just really, really really believe that if we just

1307
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 1: look at the essence of the humanness and everyone that

1308
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:25,120
Speaker 1: we meet, and you just realize, like everyone is so

1309
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:30,040
Speaker 1: beautiful and wonderful and powerful and phenomenal, but we just

1310
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 1: we've missed it because we've all been covered over by

1311
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 1: everything else. And even that person may not be able

1312
01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 1: to see that in themselves. And I just I try

1313
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,800
Speaker 1: and see people through the eyes that I hope one

1314
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:43,840
Speaker 1: day they'll be able to see themselves through. And that's

1315
01:00:43,840 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: my only goal really in how I try and live.

1316
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:49,520
Speaker 1: I don't want to live to judge or criticize, or

1317
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 1: compare or be better than anyone or holier than anyone.

1318
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 1: Like it's if we could always look at each other

1319
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 1: as equals, like true equals, because we are, at our essence,

1320
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 1: we're exactly the same. Every single person, every single animal

1321
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,480
Speaker 1: being on this planet is exactly the same in the

1322
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 1: essence and the pure sense of it all. And I

1323
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 1: think all we can do for each other is provide

1324
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 1: a safe space. The world's hard enough.

1325
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 2: Anyway, It's so hard.

1326
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 1: It's hard. It's all hard enough anyway. So thank you

1327
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:19,440
Speaker 1: for saying those kind words, but thank you for always

1328
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:22,160
Speaker 1: opening your heart with me, opening your mind. And I

1329
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 1: know this is going to help so many people who

1330
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:25,360
Speaker 1: listen to it. Is there anything that I didn't ask

1331
01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:27,240
Speaker 1: you that you wanted to share that we always get

1332
01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 1: it right.

1333
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:32,000
Speaker 2: And we get right to it. I think we hit

1334
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:35,160
Speaker 2: on so many points and I just hope anyone listening

1335
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:40,040
Speaker 2: watching can take something away from this. Not perfect. I've

1336
01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 2: been through a lot, still figuring life out. I don't

1337
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:44,840
Speaker 2: think you ever just have it figured out, and just

1338
01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:48,720
Speaker 2: be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself, love yourself.

1339
01:01:48,760 --> 01:01:52,160
Speaker 2: It is so important and definitely one thing we talked

1340
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:54,480
Speaker 2: about is, you know, don't blame yourself. You know we're

1341
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:56,280
Speaker 2: all doing the best we can with what we have.

1342
01:01:56,560 --> 01:01:58,280
Speaker 1: No, you can hear that in your voice. It's it's

1343
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 1: not even today, It's not just about what you've said.

1344
01:02:01,280 --> 01:02:04,000
Speaker 1: It's like you can hear that genuineness and that sincerity

1345
01:02:04,040 --> 01:02:06,480
Speaker 1: in your voice. It's like, I think it's really going

1346
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:08,840
Speaker 1: to land with people. So I hope everyone listens to

1347
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,640
Speaker 1: this not once but twice. Yes, same twice, And everyone

1348
01:02:11,680 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 1: who's listening and watching, make sure that you cut the

1349
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 1: I know you guys do a great job cutting stuff

1350
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:18,919
Speaker 1: for TikTok, yourself, Instagram, Like, cut the stuff that really

1351
01:02:18,960 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 1: resonated with you, that connected with you. And share it

1352
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:23,640
Speaker 1: with someone, because I'm sure you've got friends who are

1353
01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:25,600
Speaker 1: going through breakups. Maybe they're going through a divorce, maybe

1354
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:27,400
Speaker 1: they're raising a kid on their own. Maybe you know

1355
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:31,600
Speaker 1: everything that Lala's going through. There are so many things

1356
01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:33,560
Speaker 1: that I know, so many of you are connected to

1357
01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 1: in your ecosystems and your lives, and I hope that

1358
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:39,520
Speaker 1: you'll clip the bits that stand out to you, that

1359
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:41,040
Speaker 1: connect to you, and I hope you'll share it with

1360
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:44,080
Speaker 1: others because sometimes we just need to feel seen, heard

1361
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:46,400
Speaker 1: and understood, and I think today a lot of people

1362
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:47,960
Speaker 1: will feel seen, heard and understood.

1363
01:02:48,040 --> 01:02:50,680
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you, Mom, love you, appreciate you, thank

1364
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:51,600
Speaker 2: you so much, thank you.

1365
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:52,560
Speaker 1: Pick up the phone.

1366
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 2: I promise you have to.

1367
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:58,520
Speaker 1: I mean, if you love this episode, you will also

1368
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 1: love my interview with Jenna on setting boundaries to increase

1369
01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:05,600
Speaker 1: happiness and healing you're inner child.

1370
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:07,920
Speaker 2: You could be reading something that someone is saying about

1371
01:03:07,920 --> 01:03:09,920
Speaker 2: you and being like, that is so unfair because that's

1372
01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:12,960
Speaker 2: not who I am, and that really gets to me sometimes.

1373
01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:14,760
Speaker 2: But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like,

1374
01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:16,959
Speaker 2: but I know who I am. Why does anything else

1375
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 2: matter