1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,840 Speaker 1: Don't tell me about your childhood. I don't want to 2 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:03,159 Speaker 1: hear it. It's one more thing. 3 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 2: I'm strong andedy, one more thing. 4 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: So I have for a year several years now, been 5 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: aware of the study of happiness in the world of psychology, 6 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 1: because it was figured out by a couple of terrific 7 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 1: authors Martin Seligmann, among others. And I think I have 8 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 1: his landmark book some or other that Hey, it just 9 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: occurred to me that everybody in my field studies unhappiness. 10 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,400 Speaker 1: Has anybody studied happiness? 11 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 2: I read The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama 12 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,599 Speaker 2: Jeez twenty five years ago, one of the most important 13 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 2: books I've read in my life, definitely. His main theses 14 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 2: was it's perfectly okay to pursue happiness. You just got 15 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 2: to put a little thought into what actually makes you happy. 16 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: We do want to on your own business. We're on 17 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: some pants. 18 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 2: We do things all the time that don't actually make 19 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 2: us happy. We know they don't make us happy, but 20 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 2: we do them anyway. 21 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 1: Ah. Yeah, Yeah, that's funny. That's a pretty good statement 22 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 1: of how I feel about technology in the modern world. 23 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: Just because everybody's doing it doesn't mean I should be 24 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: doing it anyway. So back to Seligman and one other 25 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: guy like him whose name is flitted out of my 26 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 1: head because I'm old. But a lot of their colleagues 27 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,320 Speaker 1: responded that, well, yeah, or how you get happy by 28 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 1: getting rid of the unhappy? And they're like and Seligman 29 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: and others, including Arthur Brooks who wrote this, who has 30 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 1: written several famous books about this, say no, I think 31 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: those are kind of two different things. They're related. But 32 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: you can not be psychotic or neurotic, or have anxiety 33 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: or severe depression still be unhappy. Let's study happiness. 34 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,559 Speaker 2: Did at any point anybody say turn your frown upside 35 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 2: down or you let a smile be your umbrella? 36 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: Oh that first one is especially good because at rhymes, Katie, 37 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: did you actually vomit? I thought that it might have 38 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 1: been mourning sickness, but I did. 39 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 2: No, that was that was actual vomit. 40 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 1: That was terrible. 41 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 2: You never had anybody tell you to smile? I am oh. 42 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 2: I was just going to say, hey, guys, here's a tip. 43 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,959 Speaker 2: Don't ever tell a woman you should smile more or dude, 44 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:15,959 Speaker 2: I've been told to smile. Hey smile. Let's say you 45 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 2: have murder face. 46 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: You yeah, murder face says you. Yeah, that's interesting. Trump 47 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: said that to some female reporter a week or two ago, 48 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 1: and there was a big flap about that. There was 49 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,800 Speaker 1: a big flap every damn day, so who can keep track? 50 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 1: So anyway, Arthur Brooks is writing columns for the Free 51 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 1: Press these days, and this one is entitled Therapy Won't 52 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:41,639 Speaker 1: make You Happier? And that's okay, and he leads off 53 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: with he had just gone back to academia after a 54 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,639 Speaker 1: number of years away from it, and first day of class, 55 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 1: some female students says to him, I've been in therapy 56 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 1: for five years, and he was like, oh boy, times 57 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: have changed. People used to keep that to themselves quickly 58 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: became aware of No, everybody talks about it all the time. 59 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 2: All of it sudden, and it's a badge of honor. 60 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, right. Therapy is no longer a private matter, and 61 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,639 Speaker 1: it is utterly ubiquitous, especially among younger, college educated adults. 62 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: Fifty five percent of Gen Zers and millennials have attended 63 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,359 Speaker 1: at least one therapy session, and eighty three percent of 64 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 1: them openly tell others that they are in therapy. 65 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 2: What if they feel like it doesn't any good? I 66 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,839 Speaker 2: feel like it's mostly worthless. I really do, and I've 67 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 2: paid for plenty of it. 68 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:27,639 Speaker 1: You and mister Brooks should get together and chat. So anyway, 69 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 1: this gal's actual question was, I've been in therapy for 70 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 1: five years. Should it be making me happier? Do I 71 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 1: need to keep going if I am taking this class, 72 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 1: which is really kind of a funny story. It's a 73 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: class about the psychology of happiness. And he says, I 74 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: fear this betrays a fundamental misunderstanding what therapy is for. 75 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: For those who don't know, therapy generally involves regular speaking 76 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 1: sessions with trained professionals dedicated to addressing one's emotional, behavioral, 77 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: and mental health challenges and teaching techniques to build coping 78 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: skills and make positive changes. In lay terms, it helps 79 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: to help a patient manage whatever is making humor her miserable, 80 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 1: such as depression or anxiety. And he gives actually, a 81 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: couple we don't have time limitations. That's what I love 82 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 1: about this doing this podcast at the end of the 83 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: radio show, so we'll go ahead and get into details. 84 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 1: There are many therapy types. One example is mindfulness based 85 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: cognitive therapy, which I'm a big fan of. By proxy, 86 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 1: which uses exposure techniques to teach patients to accept their 87 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:29,840 Speaker 1: distresses painful but neither irremediable nor catastrophic. For instance, consider 88 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 1: a twenty two year old who has just been blindsided 89 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,159 Speaker 1: by a breakup and truly believes he will die loveless 90 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:39,280 Speaker 1: and alone mcbt this cognitive therapy will help him see 91 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,800 Speaker 1: that his grief and sadness are real and terrible, but 92 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 1: that with time, loving a new person is not only possible, 93 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 1: but probable. And then he goes into therapy's critics, which 94 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 1: include the fabulous Abigail Schreyer, who's argued that a good 95 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 1: deal of therapy administered adolescents and young adults today is 96 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,799 Speaker 1: making the problems worse rather than better by encouraging rumination. 97 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:05,480 Speaker 1: That means constantly thinking about your problems right, pathologizing normal experiences, 98 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,520 Speaker 1: and undermining resilience. Sometimes. In other words, the heartbroken twenty 99 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 1: two year old needs to stop talking about how he 100 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: failed in his relationship. 101 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 2: That's one of my favorite ones because that word came 102 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 2: up with a mentor who told me this after my divorce. 103 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:24,360 Speaker 2: I was really really unhappy. He said, don't pathologize grief. 104 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 2: Something bad happened. You're supposed to feel bad maybe for 105 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: a while. Yeah, no, it's not weird that you feel bad. 106 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,160 Speaker 2: Something really bad happened, so now you feel bad. That's 107 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,279 Speaker 2: the way it works, you know. 108 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: I don't want to overdo this statement slash sentiment, but 109 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: simple truth like that. We need more of that and 110 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,680 Speaker 1: less of intellectual multi paragraph rambling. And I'm not one 111 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 1: of those guys who rejects all experts and all learning 112 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: or anything like that, but man, that is there's a 113 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 1: lot of truth right there. Ah bah bah buh buh 114 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: buh buh. So to return to my student's query, and 115 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:02,560 Speaker 1: I'm going to add this in because it's one of 116 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 1: my favorite jokes. It's stupid and simple, but I like it. 117 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 1: Can take a class on happiness For place therapy, an 118 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 1: old joke proves instructive. Here man breaks his hands in 119 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: an accident, undergoes reconstructive surgery, and afterward ask the doctor 120 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: if he'll be able to play the piano. I don't 121 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: see why not, replies his physician. Great, says the man 122 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:23,920 Speaker 1: I've always wanted to like. Surgery. Therapy is not a 123 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 1: miracle worker. It can diminish and help you manage your 124 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: own happiness, but it won't increase your capacity for happiness 125 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 1: at least not very much, nor will it help you 126 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: to play the piano. And then he says, look, it 127 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 1: may sound like I'm splitting hairs, but I'm really not, 128 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,719 Speaker 1: because happiness and unhappiness are neither opposites nor mutually exclusive. 129 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: Humans experienced both positive and negat negative emotions all day long, 130 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: sometimes even at the same time. According to one study, 131 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: an average woman spends thirty nine percent of a typical 132 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: day experiencing predominantly positive emotions thirty nine percent negative emotions. 133 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: Is about seventeen person. 134 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 2: Made a number, eady, Is that sound right? The exact 135 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 2: numbers your typical day? Do I keep a chart? You 136 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 2: should keep a chart? 137 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,720 Speaker 1: I do, And about a third of the time is 138 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: a mixed state that is both positive and negative. Interestingly, 139 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: the other ten percent they can't kneel down. For men, 140 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: it's another six percent on positive emotions, just three percent 141 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: less on negative emotions, and very similar number that are 142 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: kind of ambivalent. I don't know. 143 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 2: I'm trying to wrap my head around the both at 144 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 2: the same time, feeling happy and unhappy at the same time. 145 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 2: Could that be like happy but exhausted? Kind of like 146 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 2: that maybe, or you know, how about I'm angry but drunk. 147 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 1: What are you looking at me when you say that? 148 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: Like recently, we were in a conversation with one of 149 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 1: the folks working on the house, and it was a 150 00:07:55,840 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: frustrating conversation in the context of something that was good. 151 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: So I wouldn't describe myself at the time as just like, 152 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: oh my god, seriously, we've got to deal with this. 153 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 1: It's okay, it'll be done soon. I love what we're 154 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: having done, blah blah blah. So I don't know. But 155 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: then now he's going to get to the business end 156 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 1: of his proposition. Unhappiness isn't a sign that anything's wrong, 157 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: and it's not something you can fix no matter how 158 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: much time you spend in therapy. The reality is that 159 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: the majority of people are mentally healthy. They just want 160 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: to make their lives happier. And then he gets into 161 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 1: the history of it that there was no study of that, 162 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: and Martin Seligman thought that was crazy, and it led 163 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: him to champion the discipline of positive psychology, based on 164 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 1: the hypothesis that an absence of negativity does not imply 165 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 1: the presence of positivity. Psychologists do he argued, should develop 166 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: tools and interventions not only to lower on happiness, but 167 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: to raise happiness as well. And here's speaking of simple 168 00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 1: ancient wisdom that you will ignore at your peril, and 169 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 1: you will deserve to be unhappy if you do. I'm 170 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 1: yelling at me, not you. So if therapy won't make 171 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: you happy, what does positive psychologist say will do so? 172 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: A good place to start is to get out of 173 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: the house and mix with people. Published research finds great 174 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 1: happiness increases from, for example, investing time with friends and family, 175 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: joining a club, staying active, practicing your religion, trying new things. 176 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,439 Speaker 1: The reason for this is that these activities stimulate the 177 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 1: three macro nutrients of happiness enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. 178 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 2: To a certain extent, it just interrupts your negative thought 179 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,439 Speaker 2: patterns because you're just You're engaging in a conversation. See, 180 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,199 Speaker 2: it's just not ruminating about whatever was making you unhappy. 181 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And I haven't actually talked about this much, 182 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: but I have been prone at times to occasions of 183 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 1: a spiral of nasty, nasty thoughts, not like, you know, 184 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,839 Speaker 1: I want her to wear a cowgirl outfit, and you know, 185 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: maybe I'll have a w no, like, it's more like 186 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,199 Speaker 1: you want to put them in a pit crazy negative 187 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,120 Speaker 1: thoughts about myself mostly and about you know, just you 188 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,960 Speaker 1: know how it is. You just get into these pits. 189 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 1: And the one thing I finally realized was get out, 190 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: get away from yourself, engage with other people and other things. 191 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 1: That ruminative spiral. That's the one thing you have to avoid. 192 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: It's amazing though, even go to a freaking store and 193 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:25,959 Speaker 1: walk around. 194 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,679 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think we've all had this experience. But you 195 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,719 Speaker 2: can be ruminating about something and feel pretty down, overwhelmed 196 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,560 Speaker 2: or whatever, and then we get out of it because 197 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 2: you got a phone call or somebody knocked at the 198 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,760 Speaker 2: door and a maaleman, I want to sell you site, 199 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 2: whatever it is. It's almost when you're out of it, 200 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 2: it's like, Wow, the gem rips me out of those 201 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,559 Speaker 2: every time, A good one. 202 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually, there's another study I've got around here somewhere 203 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: that actually we had I think we had audio of 204 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:59,839 Speaker 1: it maybe yesterday, that aerobic exercise was found to be 205 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: about equal with antidepressants. 206 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,319 Speaker 2: That doesn't surprise me yet. 207 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:07,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, just get some exercise. So anyway, those again those 208 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 1: three mac no oh, I was going to say and 209 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:13,559 Speaker 1: also the whole engage outside yourself thing. Sometimes you'll just go, 210 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to take a walk and go to the 211 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,199 Speaker 1: store whatever, and you'll see somebody who is truly unfortunate, 212 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 1: and your heart will go out to them. And it's 213 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: not like, oh, I'm not so bad off, they're really 214 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: bad off, because that's that cheapens the emotion. It's more like, oh, 215 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 1: my god, there are people really suffering in the world, 216 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: and I would sure like to be able to help them, 217 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: at least if I could. And that just gets you 218 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 1: out shot side yourself. But anyway, the three macro nutrients 219 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: of happiness enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. Uh. You might be 220 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 1: a tempted to ask whether you really need a PhD 221 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: to know that you'll be happier if you have a 222 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: couple of friends. Try not to be a jerk and 223 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: go get off the couch from time to time. Bah 224 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,679 Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. But please, He's writes, consider that 225 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 1: I spent a very long time in school, so listen 226 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: to me. Essentially, you want to be happy, act nicely. 227 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,559 Speaker 1: As one of the po positive interventions that scholars have 228 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 1: proven to be effective, just be kind. 229 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 2: I had the luxury of getting to do the experiment 230 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 2: that a lot of people don't get to do because 231 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 2: I made the mistake of not having children until later 232 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:22,559 Speaker 2: than I should have. But I had plenty of time 233 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 2: to be I had no responsibilities, I had money and time, 234 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 2: and I was miserable. I got to do the experiment 235 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 2: and no, at least for me, money time and freedom 236 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,280 Speaker 2: with no responsibility, which gives you no meaning, made me miserable. 237 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,760 Speaker 2: I got to do the experience for a lot of 238 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 2: spend a lot of time doing that, and there is 239 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 2: nothing there there, So I at least don't have that 240 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 2: like because I think a lot of people. You know, 241 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,720 Speaker 2: you're busy with your you have kids at a normal age, 242 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,319 Speaker 2: whatever your job. You think. Man, someday when I got 243 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 2: all these kids are out of the house and I 244 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,839 Speaker 2: got free time, it's gonna be so awesome. Maybe it 245 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 2: won't be for you, but you got to come up 246 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 2: with something to give you a meaning, because right the self, 247 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 2: the looking for pleasure every day wears off really freaking fast. 248 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, that pleasure is not meaning enjoyment. That can be 249 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: pleasure things you just like doing, but satisfaction and meaning 250 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: going out to a really nice meal is enjoyment. But 251 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 1: are are you like proud of yourself that you did 252 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,839 Speaker 1: it and reflect back on it thinking wow, I really 253 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 1: learned something. No, no, indeed, let me do I finished. Yeah, 254 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,719 Speaker 1: here's this is close, which brings me backing into my 255 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,199 Speaker 1: student's question. Much of what I teach in that class 256 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,839 Speaker 1: and what I will be writing about in this column 257 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:42,199 Speaker 1: falls under the banter of positive psychology, introducing tools to 258 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: you can use to make yourself happier rather than just 259 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 1: less unhappy. So don't fire your therapist for not making 260 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,319 Speaker 1: you happier, just as you wouldn't fire her for not 261 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 1: fixing your dishwasher. That's not her job. And one last point, 262 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: if you don't have a real problem to fix but 263 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 1: just want to get happier, you might not need therapy 264 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: at all, even if it seems as if everyone else 265 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: is doing it. 266 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 2: If you went on a Saturday morning and help them 267 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 2: do the food kitchen thing or whatever like that, I 268 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 2: would be shocked if that doesn't do the average person 269 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 2: more good than seeing a therapist once a week. Oh 270 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 2: without a doubt or anything similar. 271 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 1: Too. Yeah, useless or bad? Yeah, yeah, take a brisk 272 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: walk to the food kitchen back. It'll be more effective 273 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,640 Speaker 1: than any drug your doctor will tell you to stick 274 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 1: down your throat. 275 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,840 Speaker 2: Yeah. My final thought on that would be, I understand 276 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 2: what you were saying about that. You run into somebody 277 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:45,600 Speaker 2: who's got a really bad problem. There's something too just 278 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 2: the plane, Okay, my problem is not as bad as that, guys. 279 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 2: I mean, just a perspective. Does a perspective that's not useless? Oh, 280 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 2: you're right, pretty good, you're right. Yeah, Well, I guess 281 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 2: that's it.