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Speaker 1: Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but

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Speaker 1: before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive. My fiance betrayed

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Speaker 1: me with my sister. I don't know how to move on.

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Speaker 2: Move on without your sister and him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like you got to move on without

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Speaker 1: any of them. Hello, Reddit, I'm posting here in the

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Speaker 1: hope that someone can give me some advice, share their experiences.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just completely at a loss. I

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Speaker 1: feel like my heart has been ripped out my fiance

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Speaker 1: let's just call him Jake. Another Jake Jake. We've been

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Speaker 1: together for seven years and I don't know a life

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Speaker 1: without him. By the way, this comes from music broken

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Speaker 1: Hearted Sister, And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash okay Storytime subreddit and submit

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Speaker 1: them there. So. I met him at university. We stayed

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Speaker 1: together past graduation and moved into a flat, which we

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Speaker 1: brought together two years ago. He proposed last summer and

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Speaker 1: we were set to wed in July twenty seventeen. Who

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Speaker 1: this is an old story. We have had very few

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Speaker 1: problems until now. My sister, let's call her Sarah, Dude,

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Speaker 1: Jake and Sarah what a crazy combo is an extremely

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Speaker 1: volatile person. Growing up, I doted on her completely, but

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Speaker 1: she had a lot of personal issues that made our

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Speaker 1: home life turbulent. Her childhood was very different to mine.

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Speaker 1: My parents had very little money, They were on the

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Speaker 1: brink of a divorce. My dad was physically violent on

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Speaker 1: a number of occasions. Whilst things improved drastically in the

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Speaker 1: years after I was born, she has an abundance of

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Speaker 1: problems that stem back to this. My parents feel a

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Speaker 1: lot of guilt about Sarah's upbringing and used to let

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Speaker 1: her get away with some shocking behavior.

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh, conspiracy theory. No, I see you, I see you.

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Speaker 2: I'm feeling I see you.

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Speaker 1: I know exactly where the story is go call it.

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Speaker 1: Call it. I mean, I know we're supposed to forget

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Speaker 1: the title. The sister's gonna with the fiance.

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Speaker 2: Ah, she gets what she wants, and I also, I

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Speaker 2: see you. On top of that, we're probably going to

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Speaker 2: see a history of sister getting with Op's exes.

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Speaker 1: Mmmh oh oh, So it's a thing that's been happening

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Speaker 1: and this is like the final straw, because.

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Speaker 2: She gets away with some shocking behavior. If she can

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Speaker 2: get away with shocking behavior at home, what is she

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Speaker 2: doing outside at home?

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Speaker 1: Do you know what they're doing outside of the home.

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Speaker 1: It's ten pm? Do you know where your children are? Sarah?

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Speaker 1: I had the same boyfriend for as long as I

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Speaker 1: can remember. They dated from when they were sixteen, and

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Speaker 1: their relationship was toxic. They habitually broke up and got

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Speaker 1: back together when they were good. They were crazy in love,

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Speaker 1: but more often than not, she would have these insane arguments,

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Speaker 1: sometimes physical, with him, and then take out her frustrations

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Speaker 1: in despair on myself and my parents. I remember spending

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Speaker 1: many a night lying by her side in bed while

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Speaker 1: she cried so hard she would wretch. Oh God. After

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Speaker 1: their arguments, she would throw plates and glasses at the wall,

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Speaker 1: hit herself. Sometimes she would hit me and my parents too.

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Speaker 1: It's like he was always a substance to her, and

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Speaker 1: she was emotionally stunted and didn't know how to see

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Speaker 1: anything past their relationship, oh dependency. Two months ago, her

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Speaker 1: boyfriend called things off for good. I don't know what gave,

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Speaker 1: but after nearly two decades together, he finally had enough.

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Speaker 1: He booked a one way ticket to another tree, changed

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Speaker 1: his number, deleted all social media profiles, and essentially disappeared

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Speaker 1: from Sarah's life.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is where he went. He went

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Speaker 2: to Japan because the inn is also very low, and

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Speaker 2: I see a lot of I don't know why. I

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Speaker 2: see a lot of stuff on TikTok. I'm not part

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Speaker 2: of this community. I'm not about it. But the passport

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Speaker 2: bros Are like, Hey, go to a different country, you

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Speaker 2: can get with these women, you can do this dollar

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Speaker 2: goes so much. YadA, YadA, YadA. That's what happened. He

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Speaker 2: moved to Japan. He's getting with another gal or whatever.

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Speaker 2: I moved to a foreign country, passport browing.

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Speaker 1: This way, he's a passport brow Now. Up to this day,

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Speaker 1: she still won't explain what caused this. But it was

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Speaker 1: long overdue. I mean was it? It was probably everything.

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Speaker 1: It was probably realizing I've wasted twenty years with this

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Speaker 1: woman I don't enjoy spending time with. Or yes this

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Speaker 1: conspiracy go, oh, yes, he he's a spy.

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Speaker 2: No he someone? Oh he did the he knocked someone out?

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Speaker 1: What's the police call when it's not knocked Sorry, h M,

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Speaker 1: I see ide.

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Speaker 2: Yeah he did that and now he's fleeing and won't

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Speaker 2: to anyone, and she knows, but she loves them, won't say.

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Speaker 1: That would actually be a crazy like just forever. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm backing you up, bib.

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Speaker 2: I got you go to another country.

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Speaker 1: To say Sarah was devastated is an understatement. She moved

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Speaker 1: out of their shared rented apartment and in with my parents.

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Speaker 1: I would visit her most days after work, where she

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Speaker 1: would flit in between explosive rage and in almost catatonic silence,

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Speaker 1: staring at the walls with tears streaming down her face.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. At one point, we were all extremely

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Speaker 1: worried she might see some harm herself and organized for

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Speaker 1: her to see a therapist, something I had suggested for years.

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Speaker 1: Of course, she backed out days before her appointment, and

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Speaker 1: there were no consequences. She is, after all, a grown woman.

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Speaker 1: She just hadn't changed emotionally in the entire time I've

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Speaker 1: known her, and still acts like a teenager. Two days ago,

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Speaker 1: I went to visit Sarah, who was in bed in

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Speaker 1: her darkened room. You know, I'm not enjoying the vibe

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Speaker 1: I'm getting here where it's like we're shaming somebody going

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Speaker 1: through like an intense depressive episode. That's not very cool.

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Speaker 2: I agree with that. We also understand OPI and her

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Speaker 2: do not have like the right like situations, so Opie's

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Speaker 2: going to be kind.

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Speaker 1: Of biased though there is there's a lot more cons

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Speaker 1: agree with you, though with you, but let's not bash

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Speaker 1: people at their lowest point, even if they do kind of.

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Speaker 1: I let myself in and attempted to speak to her,

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Speaker 1: telling her about my day at work. She immediately exploded,

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Speaker 1: screaming at me, throwing her pillows across the room, crying uncontrollably.

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Speaker 1: She told me life was unfair, that I had everything

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Speaker 1: and she was left alone to rot, that everything wrong

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Speaker 1: in her life was because she was a bad person.

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Speaker 1: She heard her boyfriend and drove him away, and she's

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Speaker 1: ruined our family. She fed Jake and didn't even feel

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Speaker 1: guilty at the time.

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Speaker 2: Oh what, oh what?

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Speaker 1: Wait? So wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: wait wait was that it? She just casually drops it

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Speaker 1: like that? Did she just say it? She said it?

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Speaker 1: Wait a minute, wait a minute. She fed Jake and

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Speaker 1: didn't even feel guilty at the time. I initially thought

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Speaker 1: I had misheard her, but then she said it again.

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Speaker 1: It was like she had poured a bucket of ice

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Speaker 1: water over me. I silently left, shaking. When I got home,

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Speaker 1: Jake was there watching it. Oh my god, it came

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Speaker 1: out of my mouth the second I saw him, and

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Speaker 1: I could see in his eyes it was true. So

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Speaker 1: she didn't say this just to get out of you.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna to see a picture of this whole family.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna need a picture of everyone. I want to

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Speaker 2: see what happens. I want to see I want to

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Speaker 2: understand this.

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Speaker 1: He Jake broke down and told me it happened three

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Speaker 1: years ago. Wow, that's honestly, that's not what I expected.

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Speaker 1: I feel. I I thought they were gonna hook up.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think it was gonna be like from ghosts

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Speaker 1: of three years past when I hooked up with your sister.

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Speaker 1: Sarah had had another blazing row with her boyfriend and

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Speaker 1: decided to drive round to Jake's looking for me. I

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Speaker 1: was at our parents at the time, and Jake attempted

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Speaker 1: to pacify Sarah. He comforted her while she sobbed in

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Speaker 1: his arms. One thing led to another. They had spicy,

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Speaker 1: One thing led to another, and they had the icy sleep.

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Speaker 1: He put the pacifier in the pacifier in You're insane

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Speaker 1: that he had pacifier. It is the craziest bar I've

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Speaker 1: ever heard. Oh my god, he did he passed. He

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Speaker 1: clearly pass as a vider. Oh goodness, gracious.

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Speaker 2: I mean I didn't like it. I didn't like that

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Speaker 2: he did this. I'm just saying, I'm just speaking of truth.

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Speaker 1: I packed an overnight bag while he followed me from

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Speaker 1: room to room, sobbing and telling me it was the

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Speaker 1: worst mistake of his life and that he still had

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Speaker 1: no idea how it happened. Okay, So when a man

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Speaker 1: and a woman love each other very much, they smash

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Speaker 1: each other's fun parts together. What and to make a baby? Yep.

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Speaker 2: And you were a part of that fun time, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: the fun parts.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's how it happened. You made a conscious

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Speaker 1: decision to have spicy sleep with your girlfriend's sister. She

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Speaker 1: is a whole friend. No, you were married at that time, right,

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Speaker 1: I think they were married, already married, So with your

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Speaker 1: wife's sister, with your sister in law. Great, you did that.

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Speaker 1: Now that we're all caught up on how that happened,

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Speaker 1: he felt unbelievably guilty. The second it was over that

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Speaker 1: it feels like it wasn't even real. I left him

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Speaker 1: in the doorway, begging me not to leave. I've checked

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Speaker 1: into a hotel and have swe which my phone off.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to do, who to tell, or

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Speaker 1: where to begin. I feel sick, like this is a

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Speaker 1: bad dream. My heart feels like it's been ripped into

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Speaker 1: a million pieces. For all of Sarah's faults, I love

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Speaker 1: her more than anything. Are we still doing that though

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Speaker 1: it's the two people who are more to me than

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Speaker 1: anything else in the world. How the f do I

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Speaker 1: move on from this? One day at a time, Sweetie,

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Speaker 1: That's how you do it. I feel like I'm in

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Speaker 1: a bubble. I don't know what's going on in the

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Speaker 1: outside world. All I do is cry and sleep in

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Speaker 1: this room. Someone please help me make sense of this.

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Speaker 1: And there's an update.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to pull what Sarah's What was this

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Speaker 2: guy with hair X's name? You have to pull it

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Speaker 2: Sarah's exit and move to a different country of new life.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna have to make a new life. You gotta

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Speaker 2: you gotta stay away from this woman because she's gonna

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Speaker 2: come after everything you got.

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Speaker 1: Everywhere She goes, yeah, well, that's why the thing I'm

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Speaker 1: hung up on is it's like, I get it's your sister,

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Speaker 1: and I know you love her, but your sister just

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Speaker 1: did this consciously. First of all, she's love with your husband,

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Speaker 1: but beyond that moment that we're in right now, where

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Speaker 1: it's like, now you have this whole revelation. She didn't

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Speaker 1: come to you and like, look, I gotta get this

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Speaker 1: off my chest. I can't live with myself anymore. You

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Speaker 1: literally so that she could bring you down to her

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Speaker 1: emotional dishare level. She was playing victim lope literally.

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Speaker 2: Just asked, hey, how's your day.

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Speaker 1: She is like, it's terrible. I after your husband three

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Speaker 1: years ago. I'm rotting and I've been left to rot,

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Speaker 1: but I after your husband, I'll double down. I said,

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Speaker 1: you heard me, did I stutter no? Yeah, So you

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Speaker 1: don't want anything to do with your sister, because honestly,

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Speaker 1: this circle's a the way back at the very beginning

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Speaker 1: of the stream when I said my least favorite quality

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Speaker 1: in a person is someone who has to bring other

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Speaker 1: people down to their level if they're feeling bad. She

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Speaker 1: just did this but with like a nuclear bomb, which

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Speaker 1: you know at the end of the day. It's still

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Speaker 1: good that you know the reality of the situation now,

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Speaker 1: but she did it to hurt you, not to help you,

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Speaker 1: which is important to realize. Anyway, let's get into the update.

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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, I logged in this afternoon to find three

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Speaker 1: hundred replies and messages to my post. I am unbelievably

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Speaker 1: touched by all the people who reached out to me,

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Speaker 1: particularly incredible spons from Fractal Fay, which spoke to me

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Speaker 1: on a level I didn't think possible from a stranger.

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Speaker 1: I'd like to thank every one of you who took

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Speaker 1: the time out of their day for me. I was

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Speaker 1: so overwhelmed that I haven't responded to a single one

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Speaker 1: as of yet, but it is really truly appreciated. Now

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Speaker 1: onto the update. It has only been a day or

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Speaker 1: so since I made my post, but it feels like

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Speaker 1: I'd been in that hotel room for weeks, crying in

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Speaker 1: the dark, buried under the covers. At some point this morning,

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Speaker 1: I decided to draw the curtains open and let the

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Speaker 1: sunlight in. I went and sat on the balcony and

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Speaker 1: switched my phone on for the first time, and it

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Speaker 1: started ringing within thirty seconds. It was my mother, who

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Speaker 1: burst into tears as soon as I answered Burn. My

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Speaker 1: parents had obviously been desperately worried, as this is the

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Speaker 1: longest I had ever gone without contact, and had even

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Speaker 1: contemplated calling the police had I failed to contact him

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Speaker 1: By this evening. My mom informed me that as I

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Speaker 1: was walking out of Sarah's room, down the stairs, and

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Speaker 1: out the front door, Sarah was screaming and wailing that

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Speaker 1: She's sorry. Funny enough, I didn't hear this. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how. I think I was in such a state

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Speaker 1: of shock that I couldn't process anything around me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you were getting a little bit of that derealization depersonalization

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Speaker 1: fun time. Honestly, I can't even remember the dry home.

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Speaker 1: After I shut the door behind me, my mom, who

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Speaker 1: was the only other person at home, rushed into Sarah's

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Speaker 1: room and caught her in an episode of attempted self harm.

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Speaker 1: She was fine, it barely caused a scratch, but this

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Speaker 1: did jump start my mom into action. She drove Sarah

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Speaker 1: to the hospital, where I understand she underwent some kind

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Speaker 1: of assessment and was kept overnight. She has incredibly agreed

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Speaker 1: to undergo treatment for whatever it is that is wrong

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Speaker 1: with her again, I don't like that vibe. It's a

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Speaker 1: bad vibe. Person needs support. They probably don't need it

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Speaker 1: from you, but whatever, you know what, NA sorry to say.

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Speaker 1: I just don't like bashing people who are so low.

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Speaker 1: My mom was surprised she was so compliant on the

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Speaker 1: drive down, willingly entering the car and saying nothing other

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Speaker 1: than asking where I am. Sarah seems resigned and completely deflated.

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Speaker 1: My mom spoke to me at length, or the first

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Speaker 1: time in my life, about the hardships that they had

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Speaker 1: undergone during Sarah's childhood. I'm unwilling to go into detail,

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Speaker 1: as I am still in shock about some of the

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Speaker 1: things I heard.

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Speaker 2: In goodness well.

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Speaker 1: I mean, and also, you're not obligated to tell the internet.

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Speaker 1: They're your family's darkest, deepest secrets as well. Sarah is

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Speaker 1: not devoid of responsibility. She has long surpassed the age

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Speaker 1: where she can blame her childhood for her behavior, but

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Speaker 1: my mom admitted through tears that not sending her to

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Speaker 1: therapy at an early age was the biggest regret of

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Speaker 1: her life so far. I asked my mom if she

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Speaker 1: knew why I had left, and she admitted that she

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Speaker 1: had known since Sarah's ex left two months ago.

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Speaker 2: Read that one more time, one more time.

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Speaker 1: Op's mother has known about the uh, the hookup since

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Speaker 1: Sarah's X left two months ago. That's sixty days. What

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Speaker 1: and acting like everything's chill. I think what's uh? I

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Speaker 1: think it's what Riley said. It's time to just go

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Speaker 1: to another country. I'm sorry, time to go, New life Reset,

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Speaker 1: New Life News Deeper Start knew me. I'm not forgiving

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Speaker 1: my mom.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, the mom knew for sixty effing days.

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Speaker 1: Yep. Never trusting her again.

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Speaker 2: But she always said that her parents had her side.

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Speaker 2: But like, dude, no, you got leave.

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Speaker 1: Leave me like nine times out of ten, when you

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Speaker 1: know someone's getting cheated on, let them know. Yeah, let them.

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Speaker 2: Know, especially if they're what your your daughter?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that would.

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Speaker 1: I think they deserve her right to know, you know,

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Speaker 1: just maybe. At this point, I had to struggle not

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Speaker 1: to hang up, and I suddenly felt myself going back

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Speaker 1: into the pit. But she begged me to listen. After

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Speaker 1: her ex Harry, I'm too drained to invent an am

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Speaker 1: hi Harry. After her ex Harry left, Sarah told my

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Speaker 1: mom exactly what had happened. It was not the reason

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Speaker 1: for Harry's departure, although he did know about it. Rather,

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Speaker 1: he had had enough of being Sarah's career and years

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Speaker 1: of begging her to seek help had fallen on deaf

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Speaker 1: ears one too many times.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's uh. I don't understand what is wrong with

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Speaker 2: this woman. She's just taking everyone with her down.

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Speaker 1: When Sarah informed my mom, my mom told Sarah I

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Speaker 1: have to know immediately. Sarah refused to tell me, and

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Speaker 1: I still don't know why she changed her mind in

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Speaker 1: that moment. My dad doesn't know for anyone wondering and

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Speaker 1: thinks I've left as I've also finally had enough of

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Speaker 1: Sarah's behavior. Now here's where the home truths came out.

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Speaker 1: I asked my mom if she knew the details. She

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Speaker 1: was reluctant to tell me anything, stating that it had

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Speaker 1: happened and that was all I needed to know. But

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Speaker 1: I told her I refused to step foot in the

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Speaker 1: house until I knew. She then proceeded to tell me

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Speaker 1: that a few months before they slept together, Sarah and

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Speaker 1: Jake had kissed at my dad's sixtieth birthday party.

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Speaker 2: And I know for a fact, I know for a

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Speaker 2: fact that your mom is seventy six, So in return

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Speaker 2: of their close to relative and ages, this happened ten

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Speaker 2: years ago or more. I'm gonna say maybe sixteen years ago,

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Speaker 2: but if your dad's a little older, probably thirteen years ago.

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Speaker 2: This happened thirteen years ago. Anyways, both of these things

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Speaker 2: happened ten years ago. Right, this happened ten years ago. No,

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Speaker 2: I'm super over analytical. Anyways, keep going, I wouldn't know

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Speaker 2: what's happening.

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Speaker 1: Well, I remember Jake getting very wasted with my cousins.

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Speaker 1: Sarah had a crying tantrum prior to arriving, as her

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Speaker 1: and Harry had an argument and he refused to come.

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Speaker 1: She called me sobbing before she arrived. At some point

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Speaker 1: during the night, Jake asked her if she was okay

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00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,800
Speaker 1: and hugged Heerry once again. One thing led to another,

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Speaker 1: and they shared a kiss in the kitchen. Sarah told

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Speaker 1: my mom that they were both immediately remorseful and vowed

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Speaker 1: never to speak of it again. Oh, as you do

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Speaker 1: when you cheat on your partner and your what does

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Speaker 1: that mean? Well, I'm so sorry I kissed your sister.

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Speaker 1: I'll I guess I'll just never tell anybody about it.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't make you good with them. I felt bad.

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Speaker 2: He kissed his sister.

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Speaker 1: He kissed his sister. I quote that all the time.

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00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,360
Speaker 1: Sarah told my mom that they were both immediately revorceable

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Speaker 1: and vowed never to speak of it again. But Sarah

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00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,480
Speaker 1: deliberately sought him out the night they slept together, knowing

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Speaker 1: he was unlikely to turn her down. She openly admitted

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Speaker 1: she did it to get back at Harry, who had

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Speaker 1: cheated on her during one of their many infamous breaks. Hey,

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Speaker 1: guess what, you were on a break? They were on

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Speaker 1: a break. They were on a break.

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Speaker 2: But wait time out.

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Speaker 1: If they were on a break but Jake was not

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Speaker 1: on a break, does that mean that Jake cheated?

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Speaker 2: So but if if Sarah and Harry want to break,

356
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Speaker 2: does that mean that Jake didn't cheat?

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Speaker 1: No congratulations, loophole, But there's no loophole.

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Speaker 2: And Sarah, your mind doesn't even work.

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Speaker 1: Right lay gentlemen, you broke them, And in a way,

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Speaker 1: it's even worse that Sarah like knowing that that's her

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Speaker 1: sister's husband when he did that.

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Speaker 2: As a homewreker, she didn't even care. He's laughing at

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Speaker 2: this right now.

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Speaker 1: But also, your husband is he's cheating on you with

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Speaker 1: your sister, special kind of ski he kissed. He kissed

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00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,720
Speaker 1: your sister during the cheating. I don't even think I

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00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,480
Speaker 1: entered her thoughts. At this point, I'd heard enough. We'd

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00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,000
Speaker 1: spoken on the phone for over four hours, and I

369
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:15,560
Speaker 1: felt mentally drained and physically sick. Any hope I had

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Speaker 1: of salvaging my relationship with Jake has completely gone. I

371
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,760
Speaker 1: feel like the last three years have been tainted by

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Speaker 1: their betrayal and the many years before that. I wonder

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Speaker 1: did he like Sarah this whole time? Yes, part of

374
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,480
Speaker 1: me doesn't even want to know he did. It's worth

375
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,480
Speaker 1: noting that he has made absolutely no attempt to contact me,

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Speaker 1: other than a single text stating I'm sorry, take as

377
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 1: long as you need, as if it's inevitable, I will

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00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,120
Speaker 1: come back to him. Will you know why he doesn't

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00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,000
Speaker 1: care so much because he's gonna go get with your sister.

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Speaker 2: Yes, since Harry's done the bug.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like, take as long as you need, I'm

382
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Speaker 1: gonna hang out.

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00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,960
Speaker 2: With yours telling me like that I could not be

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Speaker 2: with you but still be in the same family.

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Speaker 1: Done. Things are still up in the air. I don't

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00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 1: feel ready to check out of the hotel as I

387
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,240
Speaker 1: don't know where I'm gonna go next. I feel my

388
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,680
Speaker 1: relationship with my mom has been run these revelations. I

389
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,680
Speaker 1: don't know what's going to become of Sarah. I have

390
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,720
Speaker 1: no idea what I'm going to do about me and

391
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,080
Speaker 1: Jake's flat where I'm going to live. I don't know

392
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,760
Speaker 1: if I have a job anymore. I just haven't showed

393
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,199
Speaker 1: up to work. That's bad, but I know the truth,

394
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:17,080
Speaker 1: and the smallest part of me is grateful for that.

395
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,480
Speaker 1: The rest of me is consumed by a pain I

396
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,159
Speaker 1: never imagined possible yet. I guess there's nothing else to

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00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,199
Speaker 1: do now except wait and see how things unfold. But

398
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 1: reading through your comments and messages have been more help

399
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,720
Speaker 1: than you can imagine. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you,

400
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,639
Speaker 1: And for anyone who has ever experienced symptoms like Sarah's

401
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 1: or has been around someone who is so visibly troubled,

402
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,680
Speaker 1: I beg of you to seek help before it's too late.

403
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,840
Speaker 1: We have another update I everyone. I thought I would

404
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,040
Speaker 1: make a final update as I received a lot of

405
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,360
Speaker 1: messages over the last few days wondering how I am

406
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,680
Speaker 1: over the holiday period. Once again, I'd like to thank

407
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,720
Speaker 1: you all for the outpouring of support I've received over

408
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:56,160
Speaker 1: the last month. The number of messages, links to help

409
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,359
Speaker 1: and offers for a shoulder to crown We're overwhelming and touching.

410
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,840
Speaker 1: I apologize if I never got around to replying to

411
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,119
Speaker 1: them all. The last few weeks have been a blur,

412
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 1: but I am eternally grateful. Nonetheless, so after my conversation

413
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,640
Speaker 1: with my mom where I found out she had known

414
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 1: about Jake and Sarah, I went back to square one.

415
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,439
Speaker 1: I switched my phone off again and retreated back to

416
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Speaker 1: my hotel for a further five days. From the comments

417
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 1: on my last post, I should clear up one thing.

418
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,440
Speaker 1: My mom hadn't known about Jake and Sarah from the

419
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,800
Speaker 1: very beginning. Rather, Sarah had told her about it at

420
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 1: the time of Harry's sudden departure, meaning she had known

421
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 1: for a couple of months. Eventually, I decided enough was

422
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,439
Speaker 1: enough and decided to call work. My boss wasn't angry

423
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,000
Speaker 1: or even surprised to hear from me. My mom had

424
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 1: called him after our conversation, told him there had been

425
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,480
Speaker 1: a family emergency and I would be unavailable for the

426
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 1: foreseeable future. He advised I'd take until the end of

427
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,800
Speaker 1: the week but would have to come to a meeting

428
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,880
Speaker 1: if I required any more time off work than I

429
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,520
Speaker 1: had already given myself. So my job was safe ish

430
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Speaker 1: and I'm back at work and trying to get on

431
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,920
Speaker 1: with things. After this, I went back to my parents.

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Speaker 1: Sarah was also home but hold up in her room.

433
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 1: I went in to see her and she was up painting.

434
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,800
Speaker 1: As a number of you guests, it is likely she

435
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,439
Speaker 1: has BPD, although my parents are waiting on a second opinion.

436
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 1: She's going to counseling weekly and seems slightly better. She

437
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,399
Speaker 1: broke down in tears when she saw me, and we

438
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 1: had a long, long talk where she spoke to me

439
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 1: in depth about how truly consumed she was by her

440
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 1: Harry's toxic relationship. She understands it's for the best that

441
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 1: it's over, but she describes the pain as unrelenting. It

442
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 1: hurt when he was with me, and it hurts now

443
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 1: that he's gone. I know a lot of you will

444
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 1: feel disappointed that I haven't cut her or my mom

445
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,040
Speaker 1: out of my life for good. Not disappointed is probably

446
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:29,880
Speaker 1: the wrong word there.

447
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds rational, more like I'm kind of surprised

448
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 2: she may be talking like she may have said, some

449
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,680
Speaker 2: of you may be disappointed. She's probably disappointed, like a

450
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 2: version of herself was disappointed that she hasn't caught her

451
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 2: mom and her sister off.

452
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,880
Speaker 1: It's whack. I still think I would have to talk

453
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,760
Speaker 1: to my mom about being like, why did you not

454
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,320
Speaker 1: feel the need to immediately tell me you're gonna leave

455
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,320
Speaker 1: it up to Sarah. You know she's not gonna tell me.

456
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 1: I don't know. That feels it just feels like a

457
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:56,280
Speaker 1: betrayal as well. I still feel resentment from the pit

458
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: of my stomach when I think about it. But truly

459
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 1: I blame Jake were than I anyone else. Okay, why fair?

460
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 1: Actually fair? I'm gonna say fair on that Jake was

461
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,400
Speaker 1: with me for long enough to see some of Sarah's behavior.

462
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,719
Speaker 1: She is not well, and he still chose to do

463
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 1: what he did. It's a slow process. She's my sister

464
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 1: and I can't cut them out of my life forever.

465
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 1: It will never be the same again. But maybe that's

466
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 1: a good thing. How do you do you feel like

467
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,440
Speaker 1: Jake has more blame? How do you feel about that?

468
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,840
Speaker 1: I feel like we need to talk about that right now.

469
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 2: I think the reason why we're more disappointed in Jake

470
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,399
Speaker 2: is because the level of respect and trust we have

471
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 2: for Jake's here and the sister throughout Opie's whole life

472
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,479
Speaker 2: has always been here, like the sister's gonna do something crazy,

473
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,040
Speaker 2: She's always going to act out. You know, I'm not

474
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,680
Speaker 2: gonna expect much out of her. I'm not going to

475
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 2: lean on her much, but we lean a lot on Jake.

476
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,960
Speaker 2: We go home and we sleep in the same bed

477
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 2: as Jake. We go home and relax with Jake. That's

478
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 2: why we put a lot of the blame on him,

479
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 2: because they would still be in a relationship. If Jake

480
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 2: didn't cheat with Sarah, Sarah's gonna go off and do

481
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,200
Speaker 2: whatever and be oh Pie's crazy sister.

482
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:49,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

483
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 2: If Jake did not cheat on ope with Sarah or cheat.

484
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 1: At all, they Oh I thought you meant if he

485
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 1: had cheated with someone who wasn't your sister, they together.

486
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 2: If Jake just didn't cheat whatsoever. Yeah, So it makes

487
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 2: sense why she's the most disappointed at Jake.

488
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: I also agree, and I don't like saying I don't

489
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: like doing the thing where it's like well like mental

490
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 1: health problems, like excuse behavior. I like to more like

491
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 1: it it informs behavior. But like I think, given the context,

492
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 1: that Jake knows how Sarah is, and then both of

493
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: these were in moments where she was like emotionally distraught

494
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 1: and he was like, Hey, I'm gonna hug you and

495
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,880
Speaker 1: help you through this, and then immediately they're making out.

496
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,159
Speaker 1: And then the second round, it's like, you know, that

497
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 1: doesn't happen by accident, you know, So Jake knew what

498
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 1: he was doing, oh yeah, and had more mastery over

499
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,159
Speaker 1: his mind and emotions to a way higher degree than

500
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 1: Sarah does. So it's like, at any point he could

501
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 1: have said this is wrong, we can't do this, and

502
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 1: it would have been the end of it. But he didn't,

503
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 1: so he did.

504
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 2: And whatsoever.

505
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 1: My dad, who had been newly informed on this whole situation,

506
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:53,880
Speaker 1: drove to my apartment and gathered some clothes in an

507
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,399
Speaker 1: overnight back. Jake was not home, and my parents have

508
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: not heard from him since I left. I have no

509
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 1: idea where he is, and neither he nor his family

510
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 1: have attempted any contact with me. Since this came out.

511
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 1: His social media profiles have disappeared, and I have not

512
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: attempted any contact with him, his family, or his friends.

513
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 1: I began the slow process of telling my friends last week.

514
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 1: I did not explain what happened, other than to say

515
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 1: Jake was not the person I thought he was. They

516
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: have all assumed cheating, but there is no reason for

517
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 1: them to know who was involved. I've switched back and

518
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 1: forth between staying with my parents and sleeping at my apartment.

519
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: I sleep on the sofa bed as the memories are

520
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,239
Speaker 1: too painful. At the moment, I'm in the process of

521
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 1: looking into selling the place. However, this means contacting Jake

522
00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 1: at some point in the near future, as the apartment

523
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 1: is joint owned. I will cross that bridge when I

524
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,119
Speaker 1: come to it. By the way, you can come to

525
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 1: our bridge, and on that bridge is our full episodes.

526
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,919
Speaker 1: With stories like this. All you have to do is

527
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: go to Spotify or Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio or wherever

528
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,679
Speaker 1: you listen to the podcasts and you know what, Just

529
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 1: search Okay story time, and there you will find the

530
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 1: archives and they are not and complete. Let's go ahead

531
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: and finish her off, shall we. Christmas Day was a

532
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 1: strange and sad one for both myself and Sarah, but

533
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,400
Speaker 1: we spent it as a family and for the few

534
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 1: hours we were sat around, eating and watching movies. The

535
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: pain was dulled, even if it was just a small bit.

536
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,640
Speaker 1: As we were flicking through the various movies and TV

537
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 1: episodes we'd recorded, I came across the scene that stuck

538
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 1: with me, a scene that ended with the words la

539
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,639
Speaker 1: familia estro, which means family is everything. I still spend

540
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 1: most days with a whole in my heart. It hurts

541
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: more than anything I've ever felt in my life. But

542
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,200
Speaker 1: it gets better. I know I've got a long way

543
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 1: to go. For the first time, I'm confident I'll get there. Yes,

544
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 1: that's what I'm talking about. Thank you for reading. And

545
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 1: here's to twenty sixteen. And that is the end of

546
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,880
Speaker 1: that story. That story, and you know what, things will

547
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 1: get better. You're on the upswing. I wonder if there

548
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: is actually I don't think there is an update for that,

549
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 1: because that was a throwaway account, and I'm sure that

550
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 1: they probably want to put that in the past.

551
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 3: A mother at my daughter's kindergarten brainwashed her and it worked.

552
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 1: You gotta throw some dirt in that brain make it

553
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: unwashed again.

554
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 3: I am a working mother of an adorable four year

555
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,120
Speaker 3: old girl, Katie, and have a really good job, which

556
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,959
Speaker 3: I landed straight. My partner and her father, let's call

557
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 3: him Jay, is completing his PhD. Due to our workload.

558
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 3: Our little one is going to a small kindergarten near

559
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 3: our place. By the way, this comes from thromum and

560
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 3: if you want to spit your own stories, got our

561
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 3: slash okay, storytime separate it. One day, my daughter came

562
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 3: up to me for cuddles after work and asked me, Mammy,

563
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 3: when are you going to stop whacking? I assumed she

564
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 3: meant when I'm taking my summer holidays off, and I

565
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 3: told her in a few months so we can visit

566
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 3: Grandma and Grandpa. After further discussion, I realized she meant

567
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 3: when am I quitting my job? Permantly, I asked her

568
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 3: when I made her think that, and she said, Mammy's

569
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 3: alpha hum and Duddy's alfa work. I was dumbfounded and

570
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 3: asked her where she heard this. I was pretty upset

571
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 3: as that was the opposite of what I want to

572
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 3: teach my kid and she definitely did not hear this

573
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 3: from my partner or myself. Visibly upset, I asked her

574
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 3: how did this occur to her, but got no answer

575
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,399
Speaker 3: from her. I went the next day at school and

576
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 3: asked the teacher whether such discussions have been made in class.

577
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 3: She said no, and I went on my way. The

578
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 3: next few days, my daughter became more distant and started

579
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 3: saying that I'm not a good mummy and that she

580
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:05,959
Speaker 3: doesn't like out daddy. Oh Anna, a babysitter picked her

581
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 3: up from care, I am the one who drops her off,

582
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 3: and in general complaining mostly about me having to work.

583
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 3: I sat her down again calmly and asked her what's

584
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,920
Speaker 3: going on. Those things had never been a problem before

585
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 3: my family, and she seemed to enjoy her after school

586
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,960
Speaker 3: time with her dad or babysitter. Again, she didn't say

587
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,400
Speaker 3: anything and just asked me when she can go play

588
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 3: with her new friend from daycare. Being at my ropes end,

589
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:30,959
Speaker 3: I asked my pedo's psychologist friend to sit down and

590
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 3: have a chat with my daughter and see where the

591
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 3: problem lies. Lo and behold May's mom, who had been

592
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,160
Speaker 3: supervising he had played times a couple of times and

593
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 3: at whose place my daughter has been was making digs

594
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 3: about me being a working mother. May's mom, Jen thirty, female,

595
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 3: is a homemaker while her husband works in the banking sector.

596
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 3: She seemed quite pleasant and we've been around their place

597
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,959
Speaker 3: a couple of times before accompanying my daughter. Due to this,

598
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 3: I trusted her to supervise my kid and have her

599
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 3: at her place. I should mention that she's been insisting

600
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 3: that my partner and I visit their place more often,

601
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 3: but with a job, a PhD, and a kid, it's

602
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 3: impossible anyway. From what my friend told me, the drilling

603
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 3: has been going on for a couple of months, and

604
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 3: Katie told her that her mom's friend always does all

605
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 3: these nice things and asks her if she likes that

606
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 3: she's always home making all those nice things and making

607
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 3: herself pretty. Really, I can't even believe I'm typing these things.

608
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 3: I cannot believe this is happening. I haven't confronted gen yet,

609
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 3: but I think I should. What do I say? I

610
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 3: don't want my daughter to lose her friend due to

611
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 3: her crazy mom, but these two haven't been hanging out

612
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,959
Speaker 3: much outside of daycare. My daughter is still pissy and

613
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 3: complains at her dad and Anna when they come to

614
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 3: pick her up every single day. And there is an

615
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 3: update I posted a few weeks ago about a mother

616
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,959
Speaker 3: in my daughter's kindergarten that made comments about stay at

617
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 3: home moms being better than working moms. Nothing could prepare

618
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 3: me for what followed. Warning very long post head. One

619
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 3: thing I'd like to clarify from the comments I receive

620
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 3: was that I am not an absentee mother from my

621
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 3: daughter's life. Despite being a working mom, I am as

622
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,919
Speaker 3: involved as a get. Katie has spent as many times

623
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 3: at Jen's as May has spent at ours. I've been

624
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 3: playing with the girls quite often when they're about and

625
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 3: took them to the park, museums, et cetera. But this

626
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 3: isn't the point on the Katie frontier. Our relationship has

627
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 3: made a full of recovery and we are a strong

628
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 3: unit again. I am so so happy to have my

629
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 3: daughter back and we enjoy our moments together. She has

630
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,959
Speaker 3: even been asking to come to the office again and

631
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 3: take her to my next outreach event. So the day

632
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 3: after I made this post, Jay goes to pick Katie

633
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,400
Speaker 3: from kindergarten and our favorite mom is there. She asks

634
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 3: whether Katie wants to come over to play and her

635
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 3: and my partner can grab a coffee in the meantime.

636
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 3: Jay declines, but she insists. Finally the girls come out.

637
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 3: Then Jen asks the girls whether they want to go play.

638
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,679
Speaker 3: Both of the little ones agree enthusiastically. Jay asked to

639
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 3: be the bad cop and say another time because of

640
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 3: other plans. He said he thought of letting Jen know why,

641
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 3: but he's not very confrontational.

642
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 1: See like she's already weaponizing the children. Yeah, do you

643
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 1: said no?

644
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 3: And then and then she's like, okay, well I'm gonna

645
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 3: ask them anyway and they're gonna hate you. A couple

646
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 3: of days go by and Anna has been doing the

647
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 3: kindergarten run due to Jay running experiments late. Jen asks

648
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 3: again for a playdate and Anna knows to say no.

649
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 3: Weekend comes and Jay gets a text from Jen asking

650
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 3: if he's busy and maybe he could bring Katie over.

651
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 3: Do you reply that we want some time with our

652
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,199
Speaker 3: daughter for the weekend as a family. No reply. In

653
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 3: the meantime, Katie had another session with my psychology friend.

654
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 3: One of the things that got out is that Jen

655
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 3: asks a lot about Duddy. I took the next few

656
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,119
Speaker 3: days off as Jay was working from home, and I

657
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,400
Speaker 3: decided it would be nice to spend some extra time

658
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 3: as a family. Hence duty of picking Katie up became mine.

659
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 3: Jen is there and I try to start some sort

660
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 3: of conversation by politely saying hi, she just briefly turns

661
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 3: at me, replies with hi, and turns her head again.

662
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 3: That's completely uncharacteristic of her, but I suspect she realizes

663
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 3: that we are avoiding any further playdates. I thought of

664
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 3: asking if May could come over, but her cold demeanor

665
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 3: discouraged me completely. She says bye bye to Katie.

666
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 1: When we are leaving.

667
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 3: Okay. A few days after I'm back from work, comes

668
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 3: back with two cupcakes two one for me, one for duty.

669
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 3: She explains Anna said that Jen gave them to her

670
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 3: a pickup time and explained who gets what, No cupcake

671
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 3: for me. I start joining the dots. At that point,

672
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 3: we discussed with Jay her odd behavior, and we thought

673
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 3: that the best idea was to ignore her, not even

674
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 3: thank her for the cupcakes, and have Anna pick Katy

675
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 3: from school. Jay is getting his final results for a publication,

676
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 3: so he cannot do it from now on anyway, So

677
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 3: Jen keeps texting and even calling Jay, never me I'm

678
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 3: an invisible working mother. Jay stops replying and picking up

679
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 3: until two days ago he asked Jen what's the matter

680
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 3: with the calls and texts? And Jen starts with, oh,

681
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 3: you know, May's missing a child friend and has been

682
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 3: pestering me the whole time. Only children need the friends,

683
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. Then my dear partner decides he's had

684
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 3: enough and he has a go at her properly. He

685
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 3: starts off with how we don't appreciate her comments aimed

686
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 3: towards me being a working mother and that singling me

687
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 3: out on various occasions is not okay at all, And

688
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 3: then it started. After a while, Jay put her on

689
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 3: loud speaker so I could hear the spectacle. Jen starts

690
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 3: saying how unfair it is for him that his woman

691
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 3: cannot take care of him, and how she's trying to

692
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 3: be sympathetic of him being stuck with a Korea witch

693
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 3: who only cares about her job and not her man

694
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 3: and child. Jay is flabbergasted, but he manages to reply

695
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 3: that that is not the case and he is happy

696
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 3: with all this and he needs no sympathy. Thanks, but

697
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 3: no thanks. He prefers other people to stay out of

698
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 3: our business. Then she goes on about how our daughters

699
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 3: starved a motherly love and how she can see it

700
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 3: in her eyes and that she's trying to be a

701
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 3: mother figure for her. Jay again replies that he does

702
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 3: not understand her motivation behind this, and that what she's

703
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 3: talking about is completely unfounded. By that point, she's on loudspeaker,

704
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 3: but didn't realize She went on a terrade no about

705
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 3: how she and Jay would be perfect and understand each other,

706
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 3: they have both been neglected by their career stave spouses,

707
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 3: and that she can tell from the way he looks

708
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 3: at her that he wants her too. He spent the

709
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 3: next few minutes going on about all the signals that

710
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 3: were there, and how Katie and May are practically sisters already,

711
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 3: and that she knew they could make it all together

712
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 3: and be happy. Jay and I were just looking at

713
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 3: each other. I suspected that Jen had a crush on

714
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 3: him after the cupcake incident, but that was too much.

715
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 3: Jay finally spoke up and said that she was being

716
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 3: absurd and that he would prefer that she stays away

717
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 3: from our daughter and our family in general. I took

718
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 3: my turn, saying that I heard most of the conversation

719
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 3: and I wanted her to delete our numbers and never

720
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 3: bother us again. She said that Jay has been lying

721
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,479
Speaker 3: all this time to me, and they have been sleeping together.

722
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, sure, okay, buddy, okay, yeah, all right, and

723
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: I Queen of England. Yeah, save the Queen. Call me

724
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 1: King Charles because I'm not real God, save the Queen.

725
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: She then hung up.

726
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 3: That was some crazy crap that we never saw coming.

727
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 3: We both blocked her mobile and home number and decided

728
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 3: to pull Katie from the kindergarten. Will be temporarily attending

729
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 3: the daycare program at Jay's University. Our phones have been

730
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 3: receiving some anonymous calls and texts from another number. We

731
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 3: are unsure how to proceed on that. Anyway. That was

732
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 3: some fatal attraction crap right there. I hope that this

733
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 3: is all behind us, and there is a second update,

734
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,719
Speaker 3: so I reckon it probably isn't all behind us.

735
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: Are the police getting involved? It's not all teas and crumpets.

736
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 3: I posted these a few months ago, and given it

737
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 3: all generated some interest, I decided to post the conclusion.

738
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 3: In the end, things kind of solved themselves. After all

739
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 3: the advice you guys gave me. I decided to speak

740
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 3: with May's dad and tell him what happened. Before ordering

741
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 3: a restraining order on Jen. We needed to look into

742
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 3: that as well, as we are not US residents. The

743
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 3: harassment continued for a couple of days, and it prompted

744
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 3: me to write him an email. His work email was

745
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 3: the only contact detail I had. Turns out I didn't

746
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,959
Speaker 3: have to. Three days after my post, May and her

747
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 3: dad appeared on our doorstep. He was apologizing profusely. Before

748
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 3: we said anything, we just sort of stood there. He

749
00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 3: appeared calm and composed, but you could tell he was

750
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 3: quite distraught. Apparently he knew that something was off for

751
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 3: a while, and she's been mentioning Jay as an example

752
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 3: father for a while. Lately, he noticed Jen getting out

753
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 3: of bed in the middle of the night with her phone.

754
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 3: She was indeed calling in the night sometimes and being

755
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 3: irritable in general. At first, he suspected an affair between

756
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 3: her and Jay and decided he should contact me. He

757
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 3: snooped her phone laptop and found a second phone he

758
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 3: didn't know about and started looking into things. When he

759
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 3: saw all those messages, he decided to confront her, and

760
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 3: all heck broke loose. They had a screaming match where

761
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 3: Jen was verbally attacking him with May present poor kid.

762
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 3: She was also talking crop about me about how awesome

763
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 3: Jay would be the whole jabang. At the end, she

764
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 3: tried to attack him in front of their kid, and

765
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 3: that's when he grabbed May and left yes her to

766
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 3: leave in three hours or else he'd call the cops

767
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 3: on her. He then mentioned that Jen and himself had

768
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 3: marital problems for a while. She was supposed to be

769
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 3: a Stato mother in order to raise their daughter, take

770
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 3: care of their amazing place, and potentially expand their family.

771
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 3: He comes from old money, he didn't say it that way,

772
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,120
Speaker 3: and he was happy that he found a woman and

773
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 3: to share his values with. Instead, he had to pay

774
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 3: people to do most of the things around the house,

775
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 3: have May and the kindergarten, while Jen focused on her image.

776
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 3: Expanding their family became soon out of the question, and

777
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,880
Speaker 3: she has been quite resentful and neurotic for a while.

778
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 3: We laid out the timeline of events and he took

779
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 3: it calmly. He made sure no one was hurt and

780
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:20,400
Speaker 3: that Jen hadn't been around our place. She somehow hadn't,

781
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,280
Speaker 3: and asked whether we wanted to press charges. We mentioned

782
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 3: the restraining order and he said that it would actually

783
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,479
Speaker 3: be beneficial for everyone involved. He was very apologetic about

784
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 3: us having to pull Katie out of the kindergarten and

785
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 3: all that we sustained. He seemed to have learnt his

786
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 3: lesson about being so absent from home. I forgot to

787
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 3: mention that while he was at ours, Jay's phone blew

788
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 3: up with texts and calls from a random number. The

789
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 3: messages ranged from how Jay had real ent her life

790
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,439
Speaker 3: to how her heartless has been left her and took

791
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 3: that kid didn't she needs support and somewhat to stay

792
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,760
Speaker 3: what the actual We set the motions for the restraining

793
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:57,040
Speaker 3: order the next day and she stopped initiating any sort

794
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 3: of contact. After a while, her now ex husband called

795
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 3: us to thank us for everything and give us a

796
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,240
Speaker 3: small update. Well the fact that Jen got a restraining

797
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 3: order on top of him having access to top lawyers

798
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 3: and the whole harmful Act incident. I assume has granted

799
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,719
Speaker 3: him temporary custody of their daughter and he hopes to

800
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 3: make it permanent.

801
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: I feel like only temporary.

802
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's insane. I feel like you would be. Maybe

803
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 3: it's only temporary because they have to go through more.

804
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 1: She was trying to steal someone's husband at our child's

805
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 1: daycare and then verbally and physically assaulted me in front

806
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 1: of our child. Yeah, yeah, we'll let you have a

807
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: kid for a week.

808
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,399
Speaker 3: And also she's got like they've got a restraining order

809
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 3: against her now, so I feel like one should help

810
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 3: give the man that child. He intends to move to

811
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 3: a country home near his parents Bremeez for now. From

812
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:45,919
Speaker 3: what I have seen from him, I bet she will

813
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: soon be educated at some of the best boating schools around.

814
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 1: Indeed, by the.

815
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 3: Way, you can listen to some of the best full

816
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 3: episodes with stories just like this. Just go to Spotify,

817
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast stap and search a

818
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 3: Pogey story time. As for Jen and it seems she

819
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,799
Speaker 3: won't get much custody of their daughter In the end.

820
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 3: Didn't mention much about her, and I don't want to

821
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 3: hear about her either. My family is doing well. We

822
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 3: have left all those things behind us, but I am

823
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,520
Speaker 3: willing to leave a door open for May and her father,

824
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 3: and my partner is happy with that as well.

825
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 1: We also have a new puppy.

826
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

827
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 3: Anyway, thank you for all the advice. I wonder if

828
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 3: they was like the puppy always gonna happen, or was

829
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,760
Speaker 3: your daughter like why can't I see my friend?

830
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: You were like, puppy, this is your friend.

831
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 3: Now this is your friend. Naw, puppy, No, but that

832
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 3: is the end of that story.

833
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,720
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to this episode,

834
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break with aswermre sponsors. My

835
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 1: father chose my wicked stepmother over me. I want to

836
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 1: exclude them from my wedding.

837
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 3: Who are you marrying a prince?

838
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,320
Speaker 1: Hey? Everyone, I learned the reddit community gives honest advice,

839
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 1: and that's what I need from you. I have some

840
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 1: family wedding drama to discuss, So here we go. My

841
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,399
Speaker 1: mom and dad separated when I was around twelve years old.

842
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 1: My mom decided the split. I, twenty five female, stayed

843
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 1: with my mom. By the way, this comes from user

844
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 1: Emily fifteen oh three, and if you want to submit

845
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,240
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

846
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 1: I didn't see my dad very often because he was

847
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,520
Speaker 1: working a lot. Whenever he would pick me up from

848
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 1: my mom's, he would leave rude comments about her. I

849
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: hated to hear this and told him to stop. I

850
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 1: think he was just very immature about their split. As

851
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: I was around fourteen years old, my dad started dating

852
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 1: his now wife. Let's call her Karen. This would be

853
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 1: a very suitable name for her. When I met Karen

854
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 1: for the first time, I instantly felt off. I think

855
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:34,879
Speaker 1: this is the feeling when you just know you are

856
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,319
Speaker 1: not going to get along with this person. It was

857
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: a gut feeling and it never went away. My dad

858
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,960
Speaker 1: moved in with her. She was living in another city,

859
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 1: so it got even more rare that I got to

860
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 1: see my dad. One time. I stayed with them for

861
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,799
Speaker 1: a few days, and it got worse. Whenever she just

862
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 1: looked at me, I wanted to cry and couldn't really talk.

863
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 1: I just had this feeling of tearing up. She would

864
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,839
Speaker 1: do these little things to me, like make comments about

865
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 1: my eating behavior, or my looks or my body, just

866
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: the things that you really shouldn't say to a teenager.

867
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: I'd call it inconsiderate and disrespectful. My dad never noticed it.

868
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 1: What he did notice, though, was that we just couldn't

869
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: get along. But Dad treated me like a princess when

870
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,800
Speaker 1: I was visiting. When I was visiting with my cousin,

871
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 1: Karen would favor my cousin in front of me. I

872
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 1: think one of her issues with me is about money.

873
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,360
Speaker 1: My dad paid child support for me and she didn't

874
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 1: like that. When I was visiting, he was spending money

875
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 1: on me again, like for food and going out, and

876
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 1: I don't think she likes it. She makes a lot

877
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 1: of comments about money. This one time, though, I couldn't

878
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: bear it anymore and just started crying in front of her.

879
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: She had this judgy, grumpy face on her. She knew

880
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 1: my dad would see this and no, we still didn't

881
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 1: get along, so she just left the room. But after

882
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 1: that both of them knew the issue was bigger than expected.

883
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 1: I didn't see them for a year and a half.

884
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 1: After that. My dad didn't call me. He just doesn't

885
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 1: like confrontation. When I came back to visit, they just

886
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,879
Speaker 1: pretended nothing happened and that we're a happy family. Well,

887
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 1: when I was around seventeen years old, I went abroad

888
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 1: for a few months and during that time I got

889
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: a text from Karen saying we had fun at the

890
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 1: wedding and sends a picture of her and my dad. Yes, what,

891
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: they got married when I was away and didn't tell

892
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:15,360
Speaker 1: me about it. That so messed up? Surged That is wicked.

893
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 1: They didn't invite me. They didn't tell me anything and silently.

894
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:21,399
Speaker 1: I never forgave them for this behavior. My dad has

895
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,840
Speaker 1: a son from his previous marriage before my mom. His son,

896
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: male thirty five. Kevin is older than me. I didn't

897
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: know my half brother existed until I was eleven years old.

898
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 1: When my parents separated, my dad started to get more

899
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 1: in contact with Kevin. Kevin and his girlfriend Lou frequently

900
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,800
Speaker 1: visit my dad and Karen now that they seem to

901
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:43,359
Speaker 1: get along just fine. Oh and Lou is Karen's favorite.

902
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: They're in contact over the phone all the time and

903
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 1: update each other on life every few hours. I think

904
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 1: Karen liked Kevin more than me because my dad never

905
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 1: paid child support for him. I never did get close

906
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 1: to Lou, but I did to Kevin. I mean, he

907
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 1: is my half brother and such a funny guy. We

908
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 1: casually text once in a while. Okay, now hold that

909
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:06,320
Speaker 1: thought of Kevin and Lou. When I was around nineteen

910
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 1: years old, I did a work internship for three months

911
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 1: in the city that my dad and Karen live in.

912
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: They offered me to stay with them and I accepted.

913
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 1: Bad decision. I had to pay for my room and

914
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 1: my dad was gone. All the time. I was alone

915
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: with Karen in the house a lot. She made me

916
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 1: feel unwelcome through the little things she did. For example,

917
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 1: I do not like Karen and she does not like me,

918
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 1: and when I came to visit, I would tell her hi,

919
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 1: and how are you and bring my things into my room.

920
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,360
Speaker 1: Ten minutes later, my dad approaches me, asking why I

921
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: didn't hug Karen for a welcome. Dad showed me how

922
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 1: to mow the grass on a lawn mower. I mowed

923
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: when dad was gone and Karen watched me. Ten minutes later,

924
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 1: my dad calls me and asks me if I ran

925
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 1: over the garden hose with the mower. Karen told him that,

926
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: but I did not. I told him I'm mowing the

927
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 1: grass just how he showed me, and Karen could have

928
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 1: asked me herself. She always goes straight to my dad

929
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: to complain about me. Okay. When I was with the

930
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 1: work internship, I just felt uncomfortable all the time and

931
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 1: moved out after one month. I told my dad I

932
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: couldn't stay with him and I felt unwelcome because of Karen.

933
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 1: Karen cried, and I cried, Oh well, I told my

934
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: dad I'd love to see him and visit him and

935
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 1: meet him. But know Karen, he told me straight to

936
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 1: my face that he wants to spend the time he

937
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 1: has off work with his wife, and this hurt a lot.

938
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 1: I called Kevin for advice that day, because he is

939
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:25,879
Speaker 1: better in contact with Karen and maybe he can tell

940
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,880
Speaker 1: me what's the problem. But he never picked up or

941
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 1: texted back. He still hasn't even to this day. I

942
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:32,879
Speaker 1: think Karen complained about me, and now my half brother

943
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 1: and his girlfriend don't want anything to do with me. Unfortunately,

944
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: about two years ago, I started working in the city

945
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 1: my dad lives in, so I started to visit him

946
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,320
Speaker 1: again a few times. You know, he is my dad

947
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: and I love him. Whenever I'm with him, he treats

948
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: me like his little princess. Karen doesn't like that, and

949
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 1: I feel happy and comfortable around him, just not with Karen.

950
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: I think she's influencing him a lot in what he

951
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 1: should feel or do. When we are all together in

952
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,359
Speaker 1: one room, it's okay. But as soon as my dad

953
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: leaves the room and I'm alone with Karen and I

954
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 1: feel so uncomfortable and sick to my stomach. I think

955
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,239
Speaker 1: my dad just wants to ignore this. Well does he know?

956
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:08,160
Speaker 1: Does he know this? Because it's like he leaves the

957
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 1: room and then you become viscerally uncomfortable, So he can't

958
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 1: know that that happens unless you talk to him.

959
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 3: I do want to know how much actual conversation OPI

960
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 3: has had with her dad, because he does seem like

961
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,760
Speaker 3: he's doing a lot of wrong things, like parenting wise,

962
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,279
Speaker 3: like he doesn't seem like a great dad. And you

963
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 3: shouldn't have to tell him this, but I think if

964
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:29,359
Speaker 3: you want anything to change, you do.

965
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: It's true, like conversation is the only way through these circumstances.

966
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: It seems clear to me. Here's another thing. Karen's kids

967
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 1: are no contact with her. Her daughter lives just one

968
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 1: block away from her house, but they never see her.

969
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 1: I met her a few times because when she had

970
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 1: her first child, I think she felt obligated to visit

971
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 1: her mother. But now it's no contact at all. Her

972
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 1: son is also in no contact, I think since he

973
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 1: turned eighteen years old. I wonder why. When I was

974
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 1: visiting in twenty twenty three, I saw an invitation for

975
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 1: a wedding on their dining table, And guess what Kevin

976
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: and Lou are getting married in twenty twenty five. Even

977
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 1: my cousin got an invitation. I told Dad that his

978
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 1: son doesn't want any contact with me and that I

979
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 1: do not know why. I asked him a lot of

980
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,319
Speaker 1: times if you could please ask Kevin what the matter is,

981
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: since he's in contact with him so much. He just

982
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 1: tells me every time that Karen is in contact with

983
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 1: him and wouldn't know. These are all things hurting me

984
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 1: from time to time. He gets weird every time I

985
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 1: ask him to please solve this problem between his son

986
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 1: and his daughter. I am sure he doesn't like that confrontation,

987
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,240
Speaker 1: and I'm sure he knows what's going on. Fast forward.

988
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:34,359
Speaker 1: I'm getting married next year. Weddings, Okay, back back, There's

989
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 1: a lot going on in here in twenty twenty five,

990
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,360
Speaker 1: the same year my half brother is getting married. I

991
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 1: love my dad and he loves me, but still I

992
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: do not have a good feeling about inviting him in

993
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,240
Speaker 1: Karen to the wedding. First of all, he would totally

994
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 1: leave bad comments about my mother when he sees her.

995
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 1: And second of all, I don't feel comfortable with Karen.

996
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 1: She would just pretend to be happy for me and

997
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 1: give me a hug and I'd know it's fate. If

998
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: I tell my dad, I'd like him at the wedding ceremony,

999
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: but not Karen. Maybe he wouldn't attend. He definitely wouldn't attend.

1000
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: But this would hurt him a lot, I think, and

1001
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 1: would cause a lot of drama afterwards. Just do give

1002
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 1: them exactly what they gave you, I think, which is

1003
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 1: no invitation or knowledge about the wedding.

1004
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 3: And then you text them after you and say and

1005
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 3: say like, oh, such a fun wedding.

1006
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such a fun wedding. Thought you'd like to

1007
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 1: know how it feels to be excluded from something like that. Yeah, anyways,

1008
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: bye forever. I will not invite them to the wedding

1009
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: party because it's at my mother's that's for a fact.

1010
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 1: But this ceremony, I mean, he is my dad. I

1011
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: haven't told him yet that I'm getting married, and I

1012
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 1: think I really want to tell them at the last second.

1013
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 1: So they might already have plans that day. Maybe Kevin

1014
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 1: is getting married that day. We all know they would

1015
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,480
Speaker 1: attend his wedding rather than mine. Or I could just

1016
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: be like, well you didn't tell me you were getting

1017
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,399
Speaker 1: married either, that's hah. Yes, you should do that. Yes,

1018
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 1: and you should also you right there, you should listen

1019
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 1: to full episodes with stories like this. Just go to

1020
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or Apple podcasts or Spotify wherever you listen to

1021
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 1: podcasts and search. Okay, storytime, and we do have a

1022
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 1: little bit of story left here. Do you have any

1023
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 1: fun thoughts? So I think I agree with you.

1024
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 3: I think that you don't need to invite them. I

1025
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 3: think you don't need to tell them. The only thing

1026
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 3: I would say that the other option you could go.

1027
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 3: I think you have kind of multiple routes that you

1028
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 3: could You could go down. One you could do the

1029
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 3: don't tell them, don't invite them, or to you go

1030
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 3: to your dad and you say, hey, these are the

1031
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,320
Speaker 3: reasons that I don't want to invite you to my wedding.

1032
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 3: If I see enough change, maybe we can fix that

1033
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 3: or something. But right now, I don't think I can

1034
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:28,239
Speaker 3: have you at my wedding. But also, that's like, you know,

1035
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:29,760
Speaker 3: a little bit of a harder route.

1036
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 1: I think the direct communication like that could be good,

1037
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:37,680
Speaker 1: you know, just being like, hey, X, Y and Z

1038
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,879
Speaker 1: has been happening. Yeah, ball is in your court. Now,

1039
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 1: how do you feel about these things?

1040
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 3: That's like, really, just if you want to, if you

1041
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,359
Speaker 3: feel that you need closure in a way, to talk

1042
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 3: to your dad, because I think that not inviting him

1043
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,399
Speaker 3: is a pretty big step in kind of going low

1044
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 3: to no contact, and maybe that is that like that

1045
00:45:57,800 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 3: might be the right mood for you. But if you

1046
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 3: want to kind of get some sort of closure, have

1047
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 3: that conversation with him, even if it ends with low

1048
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 3: contact and no contact, and say, hey, these are the

1049
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:07,240
Speaker 3: reasons why you're not invited.

1050
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: What do you think about all of this? Do you

1051
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: have some advice? As I wrote, he is my dad

1052
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 1: and I love him. This is just something hurting me

1053
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:15,879
Speaker 1: for years now, and with my wedding, I really want

1054
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,239
Speaker 1: to make a cut. I am a grown up now.

1055
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 1: I'm making choices for myself and to feel good about myself.

1056
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 1: I only surround myself with people I love and feel

1057
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: secure about that I can be myself. But then there's Karen,

1058
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,320
Speaker 1: and she is a part of my dad. I really

1059
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 1: need your opinion on this, and that is the end

1060
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,719
Speaker 1: of the story. Let's put a poll up. Do we

1061
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: invite dad or nah? Hey it's Sam. We're going to

1062
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: get back to these stories. But here's three bnues of

1063
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:43,280
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1064
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 3: I scolded my daughter after she paid someone to do

1065
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,920
Speaker 3: a chore that I had asked her to do.

1066
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 1: You're gonna scold your daughter for being a young intrepid

1067
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 1: entrepreneur called delegation.

1068
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 3: I'm a single dad to a fifteen year old girl.

1069
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 3: We live in an area where we get a lot

1070
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:06,840
Speaker 3: of donation. Just got get in a membership around the

1071
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 3: time she was eleven. I taught her how to shovel,

1072
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 3: and usually we do it together. We have a decent

1073
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:14,799
Speaker 3: sized driveway and walkway. Sometimes if it's too icy, I'll

1074
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 3: do the whole thing myself. By the way, this comes

1075
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Speaker 3: from Okay Nectarine seven nine to one, and if you

1076
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:20,719
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to our slashokey

1077
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 3: story time Separate it. So over the weekend we got

1078
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 3: some unexpected snow. While I was at work, I called

1079
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 3: my daughter and asked that she shovel out a bit

1080
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:29,840
Speaker 3: of the driveway so I'll have room to park and

1081
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 3: get out the next day, as well as shovel the

1082
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 3: walkway and steps. He said yes. When I came home,

1083
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 3: the entire driveway was shoveled and the walkway and steps

1084
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 3: were cleared perfectly. I thanked her and said she did

1085
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 3: a good job. She then told me that when she

1086
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 3: went out to shovel, she saw our neighbor, who's a

1087
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 3: couple of years older than her, was shoveling his walkway.

1088
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 3: She offered him forty dollars of her own money to

1089
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 3: shovel for her, and he accepted. I told her that

1090
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 3: I had asked her to shovel, not the neighbor, and

1091
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 3: it was something assigned to her. She asked what the

1092
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,919
Speaker 3: big deal was as what got done. She also pointed

1093
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 3: out when she has her own house someday, she can

1094
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 3: easily just pay someone to do it so she doesn't

1095
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 3: have to do it. I told her she wasn't in trouble,

1096
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,240
Speaker 3: but next time it's snowed, she was helping me shovel,

1097
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 3: and going forward, if I asked her to do it,

1098
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 3: she was expected to do it. She seemed a little disappointed,

1099
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 3: but didn't argue. I was talking to my mom about

1100
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 3: the situation, and she told me I completely overreacted and

1101
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:22,400
Speaker 3: pointed out my daughter as a point. The job got

1102
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:24,920
Speaker 3: done and it shouldn't matter how it gets done as

1103
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 3: long as it does and the neighbor kid willingly did it,

1104
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 3: which I confirmed with him later that he was happy

1105
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 3: to do it for the extra cash. My mom says

1106
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:35,319
Speaker 3: I should have praised my daughter's initiative. So now I'm

1107
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,840
Speaker 3: left wondering if I was the ale for lecturing my

1108
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 3: daughter on this. To those asking she got the money

1109
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,440
Speaker 3: from babysitting, she works for a different neighbor twice a

1110
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 3: week and is paid eighteen dollars an hour. We've had

1111
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 3: talks about money constantly over the years, ever since she

1112
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 3: was old enough to receive Birthday and Christmas money and

1113
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 3: decide how to spend it. She knows the value of

1114
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 3: the dollar, that once you spend money, it's gone, and

1115
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 3: to think before you buy. She says, to her this

1116
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:00,120
Speaker 3: was worth the forty dollars. And to those asking why

1117
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,800
Speaker 3: bug me, I thank you because I wasn't even sure myself.

1118
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 3: I think I just want to make sure that she

1119
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 3: has these skills. But I also understand people's points that

1120
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 3: she has the skill and she can now decide to

1121
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 3: use it if she's in a situation like this one.

1122
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,520
Speaker 3: But there is in comments top comment you're the ale. Look,

1123
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 3: it wasn't until you said it was something assigned to

1124
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 3: her that I realized it was a sign to her

1125
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 3: and not a task you wanted done. I think you

1126
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 3: weren't ever clear this was a chore, something that, yes,

1127
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 3: can be passed off, but there's value in doing yourself

1128
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 3: something that just needs to get done. Opie says, you

1129
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 3: have a good point there, and I didn't look at

1130
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 3: it that way. Commoner says, usually we do it together,

1131
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 3: so she can and does shovel the snow sometimes, just

1132
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 3: this one time, she didn't feel like doing the physical labor.

1133
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 3: Shoveling snow is tiring for some reason, so she used

1134
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:41,360
Speaker 3: her own means to ensure the task was completed, and

1135
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 3: you're mad at her? Did you even ask her why

1136
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,320
Speaker 3: she felt the need to do so, Yeah, you're the ale.

1137
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 3: Next time, she just won't tell you someone helped out,

1138
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 3: and Opie says, yes, usually she will do it and

1139
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:52,759
Speaker 3: never give me a hard time about that or any

1140
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 3: of her chores. I asked her why she did it,

1141
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 3: and she said she'd rather be in the warmth than

1142
00:49:57,080 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 3: shovel in the freezing snow, which I did admit was fair.

1143
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 3: Commoner says, did you ever sit down with your daughter

1144
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:04,760
Speaker 3: and talk about the worth of money saving, et cetera?

1145
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,919
Speaker 3: Does she have a job or does she get pocket money.

1146
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 3: Is forty dollars a reasonable amount for the time spent

1147
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 3: shuffling a driveway? Does she know how long you would

1148
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 3: have to work to earn forty dollars? Obi says, yes.

1149
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 3: We have lots of talks about money. She earned the

1150
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 3: money from babysitting. We're always talking about the value of

1151
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 3: a dollar and saving, even back when she was a

1152
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 3: kid and was just getting birth money. And like, I

1153
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:25,520
Speaker 3: also mentioned to her that now this money is gone,

1154
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,279
Speaker 3: and she says it's worth it to her, as she'd

1155
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 3: rather have been warm than freezing and wet. I don't

1156
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 3: know if she understands how much it cost to hire

1157
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:34,360
Speaker 3: housekeepers and stuff, but she also didn't say she wanted

1158
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:36,359
Speaker 3: to hire one when she was older, just that she'd

1159
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 3: hire someone to shovel. I checked that going rate in

1160
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 3: our area, and it seems to be forty dollars depending

1161
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 3: on the length of time, so it was fair. I

1162
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 3: think it's good people are forcing me to see the

1163
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 3: why here, because I'm not sure if I even know

1164
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 3: why I was perturbed by it. I guess a part

1165
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 3: of me just wants her to have these skills and

1166
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:52,760
Speaker 3: to use them, which we already know if she does, because.

1167
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:55,319
Speaker 1: She's troubled the right she has the skills. This is

1168
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 1: just a matter of like, what is it you want

1169
00:50:57,760 --> 00:50:59,320
Speaker 1: to even try to talk to her about?

1170
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, you alway discribe out what you're upset about.

1171
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 3: And then is it like, you know, making sure that

1172
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 3: she doesn't keep doing this and spending money, which she

1173
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:09,560
Speaker 3: could be saving money, you know, but it seems like.

1174
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: She's not just like you wasted, which is just you

1175
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: should pay that kid fifteen dollars, yeah, and giving him

1176
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: a cookie? All right?

1177
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 3: Like what if someone can't shovel for her one day

1178
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:20,800
Speaker 3: and she needs to do it. But she is a

1179
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 3: very responsible kid otherwise, So maybe I was too harsh.

1180
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:26,239
Speaker 3: Commoner says, also, not for nothing. She used part of

1181
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:28,759
Speaker 3: the forty dollars she earned babysitting to cover the other

1182
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 3: half of the driveway that you would have done. So

1183
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 3: basically she subsidized you with say twenty nine.

1184
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, so basically you owed notey dollars were Yeah, there's

1185
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,560
Speaker 1: way too much focus on the forty dollars here. It's

1186
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: really like this is ridiculous.

1187
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:41,719
Speaker 3: Then she does know how to shovel, and she knows

1188
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:43,959
Speaker 3: that a babysit. If she chooses to recoup that forty

1189
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 3: dollars babysitting in exchange for leisure instead of shoveling, why

1190
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:49,440
Speaker 3: wouldn't that be Okay, it's the basis of an economy.

1191
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 3: Ob says, you raise a very good point. She still

1192
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 3: worked either way and learned the value of money. Commoner says,

1193
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 3: why does it matter to you that she followed your

1194
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:59,360
Speaker 3: example by hiring someone to do unpleasant work at fifteen

1195
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:01,839
Speaker 3: rather than twenty five? Is this one of those I

1196
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:03,759
Speaker 3: had to do this when I was your age? You

1197
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 3: after suffer two kind of things? Opie says, No, it's

1198
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 3: not that I admitted I was wrong and I was

1199
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:11,920
Speaker 3: shortsighted to think this way. I just think I was

1200
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 3: caught off guard by her doing it so young. But

1201
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 3: you're right, it's not a big deal, and I'm going

1202
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 3: to apologize and tell her she can do it again

1203
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 3: if she so chooses. Not Everything is some malicious game.

1204
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 3: Sometimes parents just make mistakes and there is an update.

1205
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:25,840
Speaker 1: How is there an update? This is crazy? There's so

1206
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:29,959
Speaker 1: Why is this much this snow is important? I think

1207
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 1: that last comment really touched on what I'm getting at,

1208
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:35,879
Speaker 1: which is that like She's like, why does it matter

1209
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:38,840
Speaker 1: that she pays to do like this like miserable work.

1210
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 1: But it's like, if you can just like do the work,

1211
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 1: then it's not miserable. I don't know, it's hard to

1212
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:47,359
Speaker 1: exp I'm having a difficult time expressing what I think

1213
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 1: I'm thinking here. But it's like like a my tie, Like, okay,

1214
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 1: my tie is like a martial art and they like

1215
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 1: do a lot of kicks, right these my tie people

1216
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 1: will like, I don't like kick like a tree and

1217
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: there's shins. It hurts their shins so bad. But after

1218
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: they've the tree like a lot, so I'm sorry. The

1219
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:06,719
Speaker 1: same concept of that, it's that like, sure something can

1220
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 1: be miserable, but if you just never do it, of

1221
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:10,840
Speaker 1: course it's gonna be miserable forever. But if you do

1222
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,240
Speaker 1: it to the point where now it's not miserable anymore,

1223
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 1: you've developed almost to the misery that life will throw

1224
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: at you every day of your life. My tie, yeah,

1225
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 1: mouy tie whatever. Drink.

1226
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,360
Speaker 3: Go back to respond to that really quick before we

1227
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 3: get into this update. So basically, snow is I mean,

1228
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,840
Speaker 3: getting the snow out of the driveway is the wax

1229
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 3: on wax off?

1230
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 1: In your mind, getting the snow out of the driveway

1231
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:38,719
Speaker 1: is kicking the iron bars with your leg and it's

1232
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:41,040
Speaker 1: gonna Yeah, it's but not great.

1233
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 3: My thing is, My point is I've never shoveled the

1234
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 3: driveway of snow, but I feel like it never gets better.

1235
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 1: But see, that's but exactly. But that's that's what I'm

1236
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 1: talking about.

1237
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:52,240
Speaker 3: I feel like it never gets better. And my second

1238
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 3: point is if I have the option to go take

1239
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 3: my car to drive through car wash instead of washing

1240
00:53:59,520 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 3: it by.

1241
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:01,759
Speaker 1: Hand, I will do that so you'll always get a

1242
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 1: better wash washing it.

1243
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 3: Absolutely I will, but I don't have to do it.

1244
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,560
Speaker 1: That's fair. All I'm saying is that, like I know

1245
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:09,839
Speaker 1: for a fact, it gets easier because of that job.

1246
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,319
Speaker 1: And at the beginning of that job, shoveling out the

1247
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 1: front of that restaurant. A month into it, it was

1248
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 1: like we had it down to a science. It wasn't

1249
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 1: anything anymore, but.

1250
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 3: There is more three hours later. I want to thank

1251
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,200
Speaker 3: everyone who talks some sense and too me. You all

1252
00:54:23,239 --> 00:54:25,359
Speaker 3: were right. It really doesn't matter how it gets done.

1253
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 3: As well as the fact that, yes, there are times

1254
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:29,840
Speaker 3: I contract outwork of my own, so it's unfair to

1255
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:32,360
Speaker 3: expect otherwise of her. One of my main priorities is

1256
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 3: that she's able to do things on her own. I

1257
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:36,040
Speaker 3: won't always be around to help, and I want her

1258
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 3: to be independent. But I realize now this was her

1259
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:41,600
Speaker 3: being independent and getting something done, just in a different way.

1260
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 3: I spoke with her and apologized for lecturing her. I

1261
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:46,400
Speaker 3: also added I was proud of her for taking initiative

1262
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:48,920
Speaker 3: and explained why I reacted the way I did. Additionally,

1263
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:51,279
Speaker 3: I thanked her for getting it done, regardless about it

1264
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 3: was you forgave me and everything is good now. We

1265
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 3: did have another talk about money, but she insists that's

1266
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 3: how she wanted to spend it. So I'm going to

1267
00:54:57,719 --> 00:54:59,959
Speaker 3: leave it alone for now, but she says she appreciates me.

1268
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:00,879
Speaker 1: I was wrong.

1269
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 3: I told her next time she can either hire the

1270
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:04,839
Speaker 3: neighbor again or do it herself. I don't care as

1271
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 3: long as it's what they both want. And what I

1272
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 3: want is for you to listen to full episodes with

1273
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:11,280
Speaker 3: stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

1274
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:13,880
Speaker 3: or your favorite podcast app and search up Okay Storytime.

1275
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 3: And there is a little bit left of this.

1276
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 1: To be clear, No one literally there's no I don't

1277
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,080
Speaker 1: even know why there was ever a problem in this story,

1278
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:24,160
Speaker 1: Like they should have just been like, oh wow, that

1279
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 1: was clever of you hiring the neighbor, and then you

1280
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:29,720
Speaker 1: could just be like, here's what I think about doing

1281
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:33,000
Speaker 1: a job whatever. Like it's it's not even like you

1282
00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:35,240
Speaker 1: did something wrong, you did something bad at all.

1283
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 3: It's just like, let's talk about this.

1284
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1285
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,320
Speaker 3: My only my last point on this before we finish

1286
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 3: this story off is how much do you order out?

1287
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:44,879
Speaker 1: What do you mean?

1288
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:46,879
Speaker 3: How much do you pick up food day to day?

1289
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:48,879
Speaker 1: It's ready to way too much.

1290
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:51,479
Speaker 3: Let's finish the story off. Some people said I should

1291
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 3: force her to put more into savings. She already puts

1292
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:55,720
Speaker 3: a good amount away on her own, going to continue

1293
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:57,960
Speaker 3: to let her decide what works for Also to those

1294
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,719
Speaker 3: going to either extremes that either want I was wrong

1295
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 3: for having her shovel because she's a girl, or two

1296
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:05,759
Speaker 3: assuming I only make her do tours and expecting her

1297
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 3: to do them herself because she's a girl. I love

1298
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 3: the two sides of the comments. It's like you shouldn't

1299
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 3: make her do that because she's a girl, or you're

1300
00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:16,040
Speaker 3: making her do that because she's a girl. You're wrong

1301
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 3: I do everything that I ask her to do, and

1302
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 3: I also occasionally contract out tasks. I don't care if

1303
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 3: she does in the future. This was a genuine mistake

1304
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 3: on my part and not anything malicious where I expect

1305
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 3: more slash less of my daughter because she's a girl

1306
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 3: and that's the end of that story.

1307
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:31,680
Speaker 1: Girl or girl