WEBVTT - Spin the Bottle 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:10.520 Hell I Suck Dating with Jared Haven Heart Radio podcast. Hey, 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:12.400 welcome to an all new episode of Help I Suck 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:17.279 a Dating. I'm Jared, have ben still in self isolation 0:00:17.560 --> 0:00:21.079 with my wife Ashley, joined of course, across the country 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:25.599 by the wonderful Dean Anglert. Dean, how are you doing, buddy, 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:28.280 I'm good. Hey. I apologize for my audio today to 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:32.320 the listeners and to you Jared of course, Tory, my condolences. 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:35.520 I'm doing good though. I'm happy to be here talking 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:38.280 to you. Guys. You've got another big week of Help 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:39.879 I Sucked Dating. That lays ahead of us a lot 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:42.080 of topical events to discuss, a lot of listening to 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:45.240 emails to get to Jared's wearing a bandana across his 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:46.840 head like he's straight at the top. Gun. I don't 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:49.280 know why he's doing that, but here we are. I 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:51.960 was getting like Outer Banks vibes. Yeah, I can see that, 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:56.240 Outer Banks. What's that? Oh? Just to television sEH on Netflix. 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:58.440 I gotta start watching TV. You know what I gotta 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:01.520 start watching is Ozark because I over the weekend obviously 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:04.120 I heard all about the Lakes of Ozarks, which apparently 0:01:04.400 --> 0:01:06.120 that's what the show is about I don't really know, 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:08.920 but anyway, point is, I'm wearing a bandana because my 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:11.000 hair is getting really long and it gets in my face. 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:15.320 And Ashley's sister Lauren gave me this bandanna. Aware I'm 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:16.560 not gonna lie. I kind of like you guys, I'm 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:18.920 kind of digging it. You look cool. I'll tell you 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:20.840 that I think I look cool. I think some people 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:26.560 look like I think that I look like a a douche. 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:30.759 I think that's term, for lack of a better term, 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:33.080 trying to think, but I don't know. It doesn't really 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:36.040 fit my overall vibe. Like you never think of Jared 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:39.160 wearing a bandana. I'm just like a very plain vanilla guy. 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:42.000 But I'm digging it. I'm not gonna lie. Um, it 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:44.000 really spices yup a little bit of the press, and 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:46.319 we just gotta change things up, like not much is 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:49.440 happening in our lives, so you know, a bandana spices 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:50.960 it up every once in a while. So I'm gonna 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:53.440 start wearing the bandana more often. Uh. We do have 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:56.720 some topics, uh that Dean and I are going to 0:01:56.800 --> 0:01:59.760 get into. The first one is about our very own 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:04.600 bachelor family. Alum Clay Harbor Dean. Did you hear about 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:08.280 Clay and his new fling? He's dating someone from ninety 0:02:08.360 --> 0:02:11.280 Day Fiance? Do you watch nine D Fiance. I hadn't 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:13.640 heard about it until I read what We're Gonna talk 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:15.560 About Today, and I looked into it a little bit. 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:18.400 And my first gut reaction when I read it that 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:20.520 Clay was dating someone from Nina Fiance was that he 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:22.720 was dating the same girl that was dating a guy 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:24.519 that we had on our podcast a couple of weeks 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:28.120 ago ed and I was like, all everything was thrown 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:29.840 out of wack. I was so confused for a second, 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:32.000 but I looked it up. I think that the term 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:35.040 dating is pretty loosely used, Like it sounds like they 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:36.959 were on one real life date and now they're like 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:39.400 going to Skype a couple of times. And she likes 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:42.000 his big muscles and she likes that he used to 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:44.680 be a football player. That's about all that I gathered from. 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:46.720 I mean, I like his big muscles. I get it. Well, 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:48.440 first of all, it's ninety days, so her name is 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:52.680 Fernando Flores and she was on Fiance and then obviously 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:57.120 Clay was on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise and she 0:02:57.320 --> 0:03:01.320 was divorced, so she was Her divorce got finalized in March, 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:04.720 so only like three months ago. You know what's crazy? 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:07.919 There started dating via zoom like they I don't think 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:10.240 they've ever met in real life, right, I think that 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:12.079 they have been real life once, That's what I gathered, 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:14.360 but I couldn't be mistaken. But it doesn't look like 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:16.480 they have once in a photo that they are together 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:19.920 at like a concert or a bar. Yes, but like 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:23.560 I said, my mind immediately went to Ed's fiance from 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:26.280 the show Dave Fiance, and I was so confused, so 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:29.000 I looked it up. But apparently this woman is from 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:31.960 Mexico if I understand that correctly, she's a model like 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:35.680 she uh, she's an attractive woman. And I looked up 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:38.200 her ex husband, the guy that she was on Today 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.840 Fiance with, and I couldn't find much about him, So 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:43.240 I don't really know. I don't know how she was 0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:46.480 on on Dave Fiance. I guess I don't really understand 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:48.720 the whole show in the sense. But I mean, good 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.720 for Clay, happy for him for for for branching out. 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:55.880 It's funny that he uh reading that article and like 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:58.840 kind of looking at Fernando's Instagram a little bit. She 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:01.680 gives me a lot of Nicole eyes, like I see 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:04.720 a lot of seces between her and and Clay's ex 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:08.360 from Bachelor in Paradise, Right, I think I think she's 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:13.080 Latin as well. Yes, I believe, but it's just I 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.880 guess Clays has got a type. You know? Yeah, I mean, hey, 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:19.160 don't we all my friend? Uh? So, she says her 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:21.760 ex is Jonathan Rivera. Do you know who that is? Tor? Yeah, 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:25.080 he's no, but he's very attractive. Let me let me 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:26.760 click on this guy. Hold on, let me find out 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:29.880 who this guy is. Very very attractive couple. They were. 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:32.360 I told you I looked him up. I couldn't find him. 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.599 Oh he's handsome. He kind of gives me Chris Randome 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:38.560 vibes a little bit. Huh. Yeah, he's got a great beard. 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:40.960 He was a good beard. Good beard they are. They 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:44.320 were very attractive couple, weren't they. What? Jared, are you 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:45.920 shocked by this news? And how do you feel about it? 0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:49.160 I guess really like that. Well, I don't know. I mean, 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:51.440 good for him. I'm happy for him. I'm very curious 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:54.760 how this whole thing started, because they they met, they 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.960 obviously met in real life once because they're, like you said, 0:04:58.000 --> 0:05:00.160 Tori is a picture of them. So I'm curio us 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:03.920 that they met when she was still with her husband, 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:09.039 which I mean, I'm not saying that shady, but you know, 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:11.240 I wonder if there's any flirtation back then, and then 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:13.360 she got divorced in March, and then I wonder if 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:15.520 they've I wonder if they've like snuck out and try 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:17.280 to see each other during quarantine because they both live 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:22.080 in Chicago, m and surprise. I feel like that's kind 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:26.000 of uh, what's what's the word? Not acceptable behavior but 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:30.520 expected behavior? You know. I'm confused though, it's because on 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:34.080 the bottom it's it says a quote from Fernanda. I'm 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:38.479 saying that right, correct, Fernanda. Fernanda, am I an idiot? 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:41.840 I hope you got it right. She says, I do 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:46.920 want kids. Fernanda says, after Clay ass on the show, 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:50.360 what what does that mean? Were they on a show together? 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:54.200 Maybe their first zoom date was tell was tell? I 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.480 think that's what it was. It was something a show 0:05:56.520 --> 0:06:00.120 in quarantine, and they met on that show after I've 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:03.440 already met in person and that's probably where they're pulling 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:06.000 that quote from. She says, if you ask me this 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:08.440 question when I was fresh out of my separation, I 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:13.239 would say no, I will never date again. I don't 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:15.800 believe in men, but you know, I'm ready to give 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:19.240 love a chance again. She said, she's looking forward to 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:24.640 her future and uh, she's excited to touch his muscles 0:06:24.760 --> 0:06:27.920 and have physical contact once this whole thing is over. 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:31.240 She's Mexican. Yes, yes, she's, because it says the Mexican Beauty. 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:36.000 Uh yeah, I mean she changed her mind pretty quickly 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:38.520 after March. I mean good for them. Whatever, if you 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:42.040 can somehow find a girlfriend through quarantine, I mean good 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:45.000 for you. Yeah. I mean she's kind of objectifying his 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:47.080 muscles a little bit. But other than that, I guess 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:49.240 here the question for you as it as it pertains 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.279 to dating and kind of uh you know. Obviously, the 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.200 central root of our podcast is do you think having 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:58.000 just divorced her husband in March, is it too soon 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.719 for her to be especially like public be dating now? 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:03.320 Like privately dating, I guess is one thing, but now 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:05.560 to be like so vocal about wanting to meet someone new, 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:08.039 is that a bad luckty thing? I wonder if they're 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:10.000 actually dating or if this whole thing is being blown 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:11.760 out of abortion because they had a really good zoom 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:15.080 date and they made it public. Because you're right, she 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:17.440 just got divorced in March. Maybe they were separated for 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:19.440 a while, so maybe she was ready to move on. 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:24.240 But a divorce is a pretty exhausting experience to go through, 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:26.640 so I'm sure she was pretty excited to have it 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:30.840 over And then I'm just curious. I guess the bigger 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:34.560 question for me is, like you said, Dean, can you, 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:39.600 like I guess you could be boyfriend girlfriend via virtual dates? Tori? 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.920 Would you ever say you had a boyfriend if you 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:46.760 never met them before and only talk to them via zoom? Like, 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:48.800 would you feel comfortable saying that? No? I think that 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:52.120 you have to have that conversation in order to use it. 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.000 Let me pitch you a hypothetical scenario. You're real quick, Tory. 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:57.000 Let's say you and Brad Pitt are all of a 0:07:57.040 --> 0:08:01.160 sudden zoom dating like once a day every day during 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.920 this whole quarantine. He asks you to be his girlfriends. 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.000 What do you respond? Because you haven't really met him 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:09.360 in person yet, but you've just been zooming with you know, 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:13.160 skyping with him every single day. The emotional connection is there. 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.000 You're interested in his life, he's interested in yours. But 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:19.560 obviously we understand it's kind of like the um love 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:22.920 is blind thing in a sense, you know, where uh, 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:24.720 all you really get is to be able to talk 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:26.080 to them, and you don't really get to explore the 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:29.160 physical complaintance. I feel like that makes it more exciting 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:31.240 where I would be like, yeah, for sure, we're confident 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:33.640 that we don't need any of that other stuff besides 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:38.640 just communication and not having the physical aspect of it 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:41.080 and still being entertained by each other. It's like a 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:44.920 huge quality you'd want in a relationship. So I'd be like, hell, yeah, 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:47.320 I'm your girlfriend. Listen, I'm gonna say I'm gonna play 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:51.200 Devil's advocate here, so don't This is not my whole 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:55.720 opinion on this. Do you think we downplay physical attraction? 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:57.760 Do you think we downplay the physical part of a 0:08:57.800 --> 0:09:01.840 relationship Sometimes I mean to downplay it because we always 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:04.280 talk about like love is blind or like, you know, 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:09.040 a physical uh part of the relationship is you know, 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:11.920 not the most important. And you know you can believe 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:13.920 in love because you can get to know someone before 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:17.680 the physical attraction comes. But like, isn't the difference between 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:21.840 being friends and being in a romantic relationship the physical aspect? 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:24.240 So once you say that's pretty important because what if 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.800 you found a husband or a wife and you were 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:31.040 just you like had the friend part of it, but 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:33.480 you didn't have the romance part of it. So aren't 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:35.800 you guys just friends? At that point you tell me, 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.600 what do you think? Well, I don't know, Dean. I'm 0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:40.560 I'm gonna want to ask you the questions here. Okay, 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.000 well let me ask you. Let me ask you this, uh, 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:45.160 not to get too personal, but I think I remember 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:47.280 seeing that you said that you and Ashley are not 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.720 being intimate while you're staying at her parents house, which 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:53.800 is very reasonable, understandable. Right, So as you consider over 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:56.440 the past two months just actually as a friend or 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:58.320 do you still consider her as your wife? I wouldn't 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:00.200 say we haven't been intimate, but what I would say 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:03.360 that you know the parents are close by, so it's 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:09.320 a little m it's not as uh uh how do 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:13.720 I phrase this? Not as a not a like it's 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.680 always you know, no know how to say that, not 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:20.400 as promiscy with in your own home. Maybe you just 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:23.199 you know, you keep things down. I don't know, um, 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:24.920 but do you feel like that you have to communicate 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:27.000 a lot more with each other to get through those times? 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.080 Like did it change into feeling like does every kind 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:30.560 of sometimes feel like, Oh, I feel like I'm more 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:33.040 friendly with my wife right now than like an actual wife. 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:36.240 We've had conversations about that where we've because we've been 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:40.680 friends for so long that sometimes you know this, if 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:42.400 I'm being honest, it comes from actually more than me 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:44.680 where she feels more like a friend sometimes and that 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:48.080 makes you know, that makes her sad, and it's it's 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:50.640 we kiss all the time, and we kiss constantly, but 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:52.680 you know, she've been told me she was like, I 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:55.320 want to be objectified sometimes, and I was like, all right, 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:57.640 I can do that. It's hard, though. It's hard to 0:10:57.640 --> 0:11:01.079 objectify someone that you care so much about, um and 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.120 that you you're so comfortable and close with, you know, 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.400 it's hard to kind of like that. I guess I 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:10.040 can speak from my own experience. After I broke my leg, 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.720 I was pretty incapacitated for a long time, and uh, 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:17.200 my physical connection with Kaylin took it. You know, took 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:19.120 a bit of a hit, but I will I want 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:21.040 to say that I felt even closer to her during 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:23.840 during that time than I would than I did before, 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:27.880 when intimacy was never really a front of mine issue. 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:30.360 It was, you know, even though we were less intimate. 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:33.200 I kind of feel we were talking about this obviously, 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:35.080 even though we were being less intimate because I had 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.520 like that was incapable of it because my hip was 0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:41.439 you know, rehabbing, I still felt more connected to her 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:44.560 than I had in the nine months of our relationship prior. 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:48.600 Was it easy to flip the switch back on? Uh, 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:54.480 not necessarily. I like him going throught. I'm like going 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:56.520 through some like self worth issues at the moment because 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:58.840 I like put on some facts. Since breaking my leg 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.200 and not really being as act of I feel like 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:03.880 I'm not like as uh as cool as I used 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:05.480 to be. So I'm like going through some self worth 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:07.079 stuff right now. So it's not just like a switch 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:09.360 that you can get flipped right back on. What's you know, 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:12.120 It's it's just it's a steady progression. I think a 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.360 lot of girls, I think when you think of a 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.880 heterosexual relationship, you would assume that girl struggles like self 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.040 esteem wise, like way more than men do. But do 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.880 men actually do that, They just don't vocalize. Like it's 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.559 interesting hearing Dean saying skills and secure because like you 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:30.000 would never know. Yeah, I mean from my experience, I 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:32.760 can only speak from that. I definitely, like, I know 0:12:32.760 --> 0:12:37.160 it's a direct increase in just like general not just happiness, 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:39.360 but like self esteem becauseually, like when I'm going to 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:41.200 the gym a lot, or like if I'm climbing a 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:43.280 lot more, or if I'm doing things that interests me 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:45.839 a lot more, I think that generally makes me happier, 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:48.880 which then in turn boosts my sex drive, you know, 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:52.800 oh totally, especially like not being able to like even 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:54.679 go outside and go on a hike during the course 0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:56.520 of the past three months or however long since I 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:59.320 broke my leg, Like it definitely just like lowered my 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:01.599 libido to a point that it's kind of probably like 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:03.600 the lowest tropics ever been in. And I would say, 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:07.199 so what happened after that? Like I'm curious because I 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:11.120 can relate. You know, Uh, Ashley and I were friends 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.560 for so long. I'm sure a lot of couples go 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:17.640 through this where they have lulls lulls in the intimacy department, 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.240 and it's hard to talk about It's very awkward to 0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:24.800 talk about um, both as men and women. I think 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.040 as a guy can only speak upon it or like, 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:29.320 in my opinion, the reason it's so awkward is because 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:33.800 I I grew up in in like a world where like, 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:36.600 as a guy, you're supposed to be able to have 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:39.439 sex twenty five times a day and enjoy it every 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:42.000 single time, you know, like that's kind of the way, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.559 you know, growing up in my teenage years, and then 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:49.599 that's what girls kind of I think, always uh expected 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:54.160 or assumed because it's so easy for a guy to orgasm, 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:56.840 not to like go you know, deep down this road, 0:13:56.880 --> 0:14:01.000 but to or anything. But yeah, I mean everybody knows 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.319 that it's it's it's far easier for a mail to 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:06.360 to reach the point of pleasure than than a female. 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:10.559 And and so I think at times when you know, 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:13.560 I'm not feeling good about myself, like Dean says, you know, 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:15.680 where I'm not working out or I'm just not confident 0:14:15.679 --> 0:14:17.640 about myself, and so my sex drive is down, and 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:19.840 there are times where I just kind of, you know, 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:25.240 I don't feel like having sex and Uh, that causes issues, 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:28.600 you know, and and because then it creates insecurities for 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:32.160 your partner, creates insecurities for yourself. Intimacy is a very 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:35.480 interesting part of a relationship because you know, it's not 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:38.600 the only thing that separates friendship from a relationship, but 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:42.640 it's obviously a big factor. You know. I think that 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.560 like men kind of know how to navigate women better 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:48.040 with their insecurities because that's more of like our stigma. 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.560 It's like, Okay, make a girl feel special, Like for 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:52.680 us to like orgasm, you like have to really like 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:55.000 value the woman and make her feel special and loved 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:57.720 in romance or whatever. But how do we, like, how 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:00.480 do women take care of their men if they're feeling secure? 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.360 Like what helps you guys feel like, Oh I feel 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:06.120 special and feel important? Like our words cheap in those times? 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:08.120 Or that is that the time to build up your 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:13.400 guy more? See a great question. I love Oh God, 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:19.080 don't judge me from this podcast alone. I love when 0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:28.760 Ashley like craves me. Uh, that's what really turns me on. Uh. 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:31.440 And I think a lot of guys, at least my 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:35.320 friends that I felt comfortable enough to talk about sex with, uh, 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:40.680 feel very similar to me, when a girl like acts 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.400 in a way or says things in a way where 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:47.600 it feels like like she just doesn't want you, she 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:53.320 like she needs you. Uh And honestly, for a guy, 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:58.040 like that's the sexiest thing, uh that's ever happened to 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:05.320 me when I've encountered situations like that. Um and uh. 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:08.080 So I think that's maybe, you know, a piece of 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:11.320 advice I could give to women. It's not easy. It's 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:14.320 not like you know, I think, especially as a guy, 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:18.360 I think guys are they're very afraid to open up, 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:23.760 very very afraid to talk about certain topics. I find 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:26.240 that women, and you know, I'm not trying to generalize, 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:28.960 but just in my experience, I feel that women are 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:34.160 more open to talking about uh, difficult things or uncomfortable things, 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:37.840 whether it be about sex or other issues within the relationship. 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:40.480 So it's hard to get a guy to open up. Um. 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:45.560 And I would say that's why, uh, you know, there 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:47.880 might be a wall or a problem because I feel, 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:50.760 like you said, Tori, you know, in my experience, I 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:53.400 feel like women are much more open to saying, hey, 0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:56.760 this is uh, this is what I need, uh, this 0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:59.920 is how I you know, get in the mood, or 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:02.000 it doesn't even have to be about sex. It just 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:03.760 could be a lot of different things in a relationship, 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:05.679 like hey, I need this, like this is what I 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:09.000 need from you. Uh And for some reason, guys, I 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:12.280 include myself in this refused to say that, Like I 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:14.560 have a very difficult time, you know, talking to Ashley 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:16.520 been like this is what I need. A lot of 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:18.320 times I'm just like I'm fine, I'm fine, even though 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:21.560 in my head, I'm like, I know I should just 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:23.840 be saying what I what I want to say, which 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:25.919 is this is what I need you to do. But 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:28.639 for some reason, it's hard. On the contrary, though, I 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:32.320 like uh to to kind of answer Torrictoria question a 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:35.720 little bit. Is even though Calin tells me all the 0:17:35.720 --> 0:17:37.760 time that she thinks I'm the most handsome man in 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:40.800 the world or whatever, I don't feel like I am 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:44.160 in like good shape or handsom. Then I think it's 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:45.879 just kind of like falling on deaf years in the 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:47.760 sense where it's like it kind of comes from with it. Then, like, 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:49.640 if I don't feel that way, then no matter what 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.280 you tell me, it's not gonna get me to feel 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:53.320 any sort of way. You know what I mean, so 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:55.399 it's like, yes, it's nice to be like wanted and 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:58.239 yearned for, but at the end of the day, at 0:17:58.280 --> 0:18:00.760 least in my experience, in my opinion, if it's like, 0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:04.119 if it's not starting from within, then it's not gonna 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:06.160 like really do much for me. Like we have kind 0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:07.879 of this run and get running gag Calin and I 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:12.080 where she'll like compliment you know, either the way that 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:14.280 I look at the moment, or like something that like 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:16.359 a nice gesture that I did for her, or like 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.639 something stupid, and I always respond, but don't patronize me 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.880 because it's always like I always feel like unless I'm 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:23.639 actually proud of like the way that I look or 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:25.520 the way that I feel, or the way like this 0:18:25.560 --> 0:18:29.520 project that I just completed, Uh, then I don't necessarily 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:33.240 think that boosting me up is gonna necessarily get me there. 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:35.800 And it's like, obviously, you know, I know that she's appreciative, 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:37.520 and you know she actually does think that I'm handsome, 0:18:37.560 --> 0:18:39.120 but it all kind of like starts from I guess 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:43.359 my like bludding insecurities of all these things. So how 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:45.840 do you how does she deal with that? Though? What 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:49.920 should she do? That's a that's a hard question. Uh well, 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:52.320 I mean we've basically established what we what we're gonna 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:56.520 do moving forward is she will continue to either will 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:58.359 there to be complimentary. We just and then I like 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:01.240 crack a joke at it, and then we like both 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:03.280 understand each other, Like I understand that she really does 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:06.879 feel that way, and she understands that I'm appreciative of it. 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:09.760 It's just our way of like kind of thing with it, 0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:14.120 you know what I mean. Yeah, guys are stupid. We're 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:19.720 all dumb. Yeah, Oh my gosh, I absolutely I agree. Yeah, 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:21.320 what else do we have on the docket for today? 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:22.840 Because I feel like we need to take a quick break. 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:24.800 Let's take a quick break and then we can talk 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:28.480 about something that I found very upsetting and it really 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:32.639 just left me pained. I can't wait to hear what 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:35.439 it is. I'm excited for the listeners. Stay tuned. We 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:37.120 are going to take one quick break and we're gonna 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:41.119 jump back in to what Jared cannot get off of 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:44.440 his brain. In addition to that, we're gonna play another 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:48.040 Last week we played seven Minutes at Heaven, and through 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:53.359 this quarantine, we're gonna be playing some fun dating, kissing, Uh, 0:19:53.960 --> 0:19:55.480 how do I what do I want to call these 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:58.720 teenager esque games? So this week we're playing spin the Bottle. 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:02.840 It's gonna get real hot, real heavy. You're not gonna 0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:05.240 wanna miss that. That's gonna come later on the episode two. 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:19.240 To stay tuned. All right, welcome back. We were just 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:22.960 about to talk to Jared about what has been keeping 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:25.960