1 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: Hi everyone, I'm Rachel Zoe and you're listening to Climbing 2 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 1: in Heels for your weekly dose of glamour, inspiration and 3 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: of course fun. Today's episode is definitely one that's a 4 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,760 Speaker 1: little outside of my comfort zone and probably most pupils. 5 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:26,120 Speaker 1: But I'm so excited to have the amazing Emily Moore's 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,480 Speaker 1: on the pod. You might know Emily from her incredibly 7 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,959 Speaker 1: successful podcast Sex with Emily, or from one of her 8 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: best selling books, Hot Sex, over two Hundred Things you 9 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: Can Try Tonight or Smart Sex. Emily is truly one 10 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 1: of the pioneers in the podcast space, I think twenty 11 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 1: years now, and her story is truly fascinating. So let's 12 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 1: get right into it. I'm very excited to have you on. 13 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: It's funny because I would say, don't ask Roger, but 14 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: I would say, I'm known to be a little bit 15 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 1: like I'm I'm definitely like a modest person in this 16 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 1: sense of It's weird because on the one hand, I'm 17 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: obviously not because I'm like loud and over the top 18 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: and constantly making fun of myself whatever. But I wanted 19 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,839 Speaker 1: to have you on because I think what you've done 20 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: is I think you've really helped to normalize, to revolutionize, 21 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 1: to make talking about sex your sex life and everything 22 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: else like basically like talking about what you ate for 23 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: dinner exactly. And so I'm very curious. I want to 24 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: go back to the beginning for a second, because you know, 25 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: I don't think you woke up as a little girl 26 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 1: and said I'm going to be a sex therapist. So 27 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 1: tell me a little like. I love to know because 28 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: Climbing and Heels is so much about really talking about 29 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: the journey of all the amazing women that I speak to. 30 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 1: And I think the journey is the hardest part, the 31 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: most challenging, and also the most exciting, and it is 32 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: obviously what gets you to where you are now. So 33 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: I want to talk about that. So tell me a 34 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 1: little bit, like give me you give me Emily, okay, 35 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:09,920 Speaker 1: tell me. 36 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 2: I'll tell you Okay. 37 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 3: So no, I did not come out of the womb 38 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 3: talking about sex knowing anything, just checking. 39 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:17,359 Speaker 1: Yeah. 40 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 2: No, this was later, much later. Let's look my third career. 41 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 3: So I it's really I was just looking so a 42 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:29,080 Speaker 3: group of Michigan in a suburb of Detroit, and I yeah, 43 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 3: and then as you know, I grew up in Michigan. 44 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 3: Then I went to University of Michigan, and in college 45 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,359 Speaker 3: I was always like it always it was really hard 46 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 3: for me to pick a major, and they were like, 47 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 3: you have to pick a major like sophomore year, and 48 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 3: I'm like, how do I know? 49 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 2: Like, I love that you always knew what you wanted 50 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 2: to do. 51 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: I know, like, no, I was a psyche major. I 52 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: was a psych major was psych. 53 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 2: And so okay, yeah, okay, so you did. You weren't 54 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,920 Speaker 2: always into fashion when you were a little. 55 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 1: I was, but at the time there was there was 56 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,560 Speaker 1: no world that I thought it could be a career 57 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 1: and that I could ever make a dollar doing it. 58 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 1: I associated working with being miserable, like I associated work 59 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 1: with being like serious and at a desk and like, 60 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: what is your career path? That's one of these ton things. 61 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 1: I did know that I didn't want to be corporate 62 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: and sit at a desk in under fluorescent light all 63 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 1: day and not be in the world that I knew. 64 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 1: But fashion, as much as I was obsessed with it, 65 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: it was my passion, but I had no idea it 66 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: could be a career. So that happened. By the accident. 67 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 2: Invented a path and then a path to get to 68 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,920 Speaker 2: live your passion. Well I was. 69 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,919 Speaker 3: I was always working, so my parents grew up like 70 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 3: I had a very strong work ethic. I had a 71 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 3: you know, I said, my first job at thirteen, wow, 72 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 3: you know, working in clothing stores in Michigan and doing 73 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 3: little things like. 74 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: That by choice because you had to define because there's 75 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: a dep you had to. 76 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 3: Okay, I wanted to like buy a car in a 77 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 3: prom dress, so that's basically it. 78 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: So you were in a spoiled brat. That's great. I 79 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: was not. 80 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 3: No, No, I wasn't. But you know, we had a 81 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 3: good note. I was always told like that was a 82 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 3: priority to work. And I went to college and I 83 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,000 Speaker 3: always worked really hard, but I was really looking for 84 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 3: that things with like you have to pick your major 85 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:03,280 Speaker 3: when you're a sophomore. 86 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 2: I was like, how do I know I. 87 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 3: Haven't done that much yet if I pick psychology because 88 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 3: I'm always interested in that. My family was a big 89 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 3: advocate of therapy from a young age for everybody. So 90 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 3: then I was my senior year, I was taking this 91 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 3: POLLISCI class and it was all about women in politics, 92 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 3: which there were none. There was two women in the 93 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 3: Senate and it just a few in Congress, and I 94 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,599 Speaker 3: started getting very passionate about women being elected to higher office. 95 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 3: And so my senior year I was reading it with 96 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 3: a year of the Woman in California. And I graduated 97 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 3: and I got in my car and I drove to 98 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 3: San Francisco and my first campaign was I worked for 99 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 3: Barbara Boxer on her first Senate campaign. So for ten 100 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,599 Speaker 3: years I worked in electoral politics in San Francisco, working 101 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,160 Speaker 3: for different candidates. I know you and know I, right, 102 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 3: So I was very like in a suit every day 103 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 3: going to city hall working on campaigns, very very different 104 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:56,680 Speaker 3: than where I am now. 105 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 2: But the one is that great, I know, right, who knew? 106 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: Well, it's amazing, actually amazing, Okay, So yeah, so that 107 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 1: was it. 108 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,680 Speaker 2: I was it, and I loved I did love working. 109 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 3: I loved mobilizing voters and getting people to you know, 110 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 3: educating them and working with the candidates. 111 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 2: But it was crazy. 112 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 3: It was like twenty four to seven and then I 113 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 3: worked for Willie Brown who was being elected to the 114 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 3: mayor of San Francisco. He was the first black mayor 115 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,159 Speaker 3: in San Francisco. And I was young, I was like 116 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 3: in my twenties, but I really became, you know, part 117 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 3: of the top of the campaign and started, you know, 118 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 3: just getting people out to vote, organizing as inaugural like 119 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 3: I did have fundraising, And while I loved all that 120 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 3: and it was insane, it still felt like it wasn't 121 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,520 Speaker 3: my passion. So my biggest thing when I graduated was like, 122 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,479 Speaker 3: what do I love to do? Because how I was 123 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 3: raised was my mom always said to me, you know, 124 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,720 Speaker 3: my parents got divorced and my mom was independent. 125 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 1: And your parents got divorced when, like, how old were you? 126 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:53,920 Speaker 3: I was eight when I was eight years old. Yeah, yeah, 127 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,799 Speaker 3: that's right, So that was you know, that was tough. 128 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:58,119 Speaker 3: It was rough, and my parents got remarried to people 129 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 3: that weren't great. So I was very has been very 130 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 3: very independent. I know, I've always going to have to 131 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 3: be sort of about my friends. Yeah, you have to be. Yeah, 132 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 3: I was raised to be like this is you know, 133 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 3: everyone's kind of out for that. It make it happen 134 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 3: very different than being raised now it's like total latchkey 135 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 3: kid and working and all the things. Not like a 136 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,919 Speaker 3: lot of independence. So then I was working, my parents 137 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,919 Speaker 3: were Oh my mom, so when I was she's like, 138 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,239 Speaker 3: you know, she always drilled into me because I remember 139 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 3: this one day when she's just gotten divorced, and she 140 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 3: was it was after her second husband, and she had 141 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 3: some financial stuff. She was a financial planner and she 142 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 3: went on to be very, very successful, and she just 143 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 3: retired at seventy nine during the pandemic because she couldn't work. 144 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 3: So everyone in my family, my brother runs really successful. 145 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,560 Speaker 3: He's a really successful lawyer in Michigan. So everyone has 146 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,280 Speaker 3: their own business. Everyone works for himself. So my mom 147 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 3: always said, you know, and I remember her standing over 148 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,560 Speaker 3: these thought of us in so long, like these credit 149 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 3: card bills, and it piled up, and she says, you know, Emily, 150 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 3: and she had this husband that wasn't a great guy, 151 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,400 Speaker 3: and things happened financially. She said, never ever rely on 152 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 3: anyone to take care of you. You always have to 153 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 3: be out making, you know, your own money and doing 154 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 3: your own thing. And I remember I took that in 155 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,240 Speaker 3: my brain. I thought, Okay, well, if I'm always going 156 00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 3: to be working, I better find my passion because I'm 157 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 3: someone who can't phone it in. You know, when I'm 158 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,400 Speaker 3: excited about it. You know, if I like you, you know, 159 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 3: if I want to talk to you, I can't. I'm 160 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 3: not like the kind of person who's like, oh, I 161 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 3: just want to get along. 162 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: To get along. 163 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 3: I can't focus if I'm not interested, you know. So 164 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 3: I kept pivoting. So I was like, is it politics? 165 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 3: Like first it was electoral politics then I so then 166 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 3: I pivoted and made a film about politics, a documentary 167 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 3: about San Francisco politics, And that's kind of what led 168 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 3: to what I do now. I started interviewing people because 169 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,280 Speaker 3: I was like, after working for somebody, I was like. 170 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: Wait, want to backtack. You made a documentary about politics, 171 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: about yes, politics, and that led you to tell me 172 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: San Francisco, which led you exactly, I'm dying to know 173 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 1: how politics led you to do this? 174 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 3: Okay, zero connection? Okay, So because I was so okay, 175 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 3: it's like, oh right, like because all these politicians, yeah, 176 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 3: by the way. 177 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 2: They're polarizing. 178 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 3: Most funny because all my friends, because it's a very 179 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 3: small town San Francisco, there's like less than a million 180 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 3: people there. If you work in politics, everyone knows everyone 181 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 3: and they're like, what do you what do you? What 182 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 3: do you mean you're doing that? Because I was definitely 183 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 3: on a career trajectory where I could I knew everybody, 184 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 3: I could run for office. I could do all these things, 185 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 3: but again going back to my passion, it just didn't 186 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 3: feel like it was my own thing and I wanted 187 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,040 Speaker 3: to create. 188 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 2: It wasn't happening right. So I made this film and 189 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:30,640 Speaker 2: I realized. 190 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 3: Oh, I love interviewing people, and I felt very comfortable 191 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 3: in that position and telling stories. And Okay, so at 192 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 3: this time, though I'm dating, I'm in relationships. I'm a 193 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 3: serial monogamous. But I always have these questions about and this. 194 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,840 Speaker 3: Since I was a little girl, I would meet couples 195 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 3: and I'd say, how did you meet? 196 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 2: You know, tell me about your relationship. 197 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 3: But just because I think where I were in my home, 198 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,959 Speaker 3: they weren't always so stable and interesting. So I thought, 199 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 3: how do you stay in a successful relationship for so long? 200 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 3: What is this secret to being happy and to being successful? 201 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 3: And that by this time sex people would always say 202 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 3: so no, Rachel. What I found out for many people 203 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,199 Speaker 3: with sex was the culprit of course, And I thought, 204 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 3: how do you stay married to somebody and want to 205 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 3: have sex with the same person Because in my long 206 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,839 Speaker 3: term relationship, right it's a total mystery. And nobody were 207 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 3: talking two thousand and three and there was nobody talking 208 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,560 Speaker 3: about it then, and I wasn't talking about it then either. 209 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:26,560 Speaker 2: I wasn't like guys. 210 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 3: But I would start asking people, and I realized there 211 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 3: was this big hole of information where I knew my 212 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 3: partners seemed to always be having a great time, but 213 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 3: I wasn't having and like, there's got to be more 214 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 3: to this. Sex just got boring after a while to 215 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 3: for me too, And I thought, why would I get 216 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 3: married and settle down with someone to be with someone 217 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 3: when this is going to be a problem. 218 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 2: So I really set out. 219 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 3: They always say researches, mesearch or I always say that, 220 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 3: and I thought, how do I get the answers? And 221 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 3: so it was the So at first I started a 222 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 3: documentary series on like a reality series on CAB TV 223 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 3: in San Francisco, which anybody can get a cable show. 224 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: By the way, and wait, what year is this some around? 225 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 1: Just so I understand that thousand and three? Oh okay, 226 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: three okay, okay, got it okay? 227 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 3: And I started going around San Francisco interviewing people about 228 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 3: their sex life and the relationships, like what makes great sex? 229 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 2: So what makes you happy? 230 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,679 Speaker 3: And then from there I had an intern. At that time, 231 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,719 Speaker 3: it was like, there's this thing called podcasting, why don't 232 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 3: you start that. You don't need a camera. I'm like, 233 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 3: that's amazing because it's the anonymity of talking about sex. 234 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 3: So I did my first podcast in two thousand and five, 235 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 3: didn't really know. I hired a sound guy of Craigslist. 236 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 3: He came over and I invited a bunch of friends, 237 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 3: like single Mary, dating dating online, and I just interviewed 238 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,680 Speaker 3: people one by one about their relationship with their sex life. 239 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 3: And I knew after that day because all these pivots 240 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 3: were like, what do I love? 241 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 2: What's going to change the world, Like that was the 242 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 2: other thing about politics. 243 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 3: I felt like it was very meaningful and it felt 244 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 3: important that I've had to be working. I want something 245 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,839 Speaker 3: that's really going to have an impact, because I think 246 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 3: that's what gets Casey passionate. 247 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:00,319 Speaker 2: And I just saw the people. 248 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 3: I could see their faces and how they were opening up, 249 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,719 Speaker 3: and I was like, this is just fascinating. 250 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:04,679 Speaker 2: And I knew that day. 251 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 3: It was kind of like how people say they find 252 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 3: the one and they knew it. Yep, that's never happened 253 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 3: to me in relationships. I don't even know that that exists. 254 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 3: But in my work, I was like, that's it. I 255 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 3: found it. I'm done and I for twenty years now. 256 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 3: Next year will be my twenty threeter I've been. 257 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: That is the wodgast. That is wild. So you were 258 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: doing podcasts before I even ever heard of a podcast, truthfully, 259 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 1: because well, I think for me, I was very obviously 260 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 1: like television and media and all of that, and people 261 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,080 Speaker 1: would talk about podcasts. But I've never been a commuter 262 00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 1: right here, because I always made a point to live 263 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: within five minutes of where I needed to be. So 264 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:48,440 Speaker 1: I found that people, my people in my life that 265 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: were the biggest pod listeners were commuters, right because it 266 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 1: was like their time and they could do whatever they wanted. 267 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 1: I never had that time, right And then I had kids, 268 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: and then I was like, yeah, right, I'm going to 269 00:11:57,679 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 1: sit there and listen to a podcast with my littles 270 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 1: like running, you know. 271 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 2: So there's no time, no, But but. 272 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:07,959 Speaker 1: Here's the interesting thing, so like you know, so again, 273 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,440 Speaker 1: I was a psych major, and I think, like you, 274 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 1: my obsession was talking to people. My obsession was learning 275 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 1: about people's minds and what makes them, you know, tick 276 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: and operate and why this and why that? I think 277 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: you know, from knowing you the way I do. I mean, 278 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 1: I think I think relationships are fascinating to you. I 279 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: think relationships are everything. I'm learning more and more as 280 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 1: an adult that the general words, because I think we 281 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 1: always thought about the term relationship as a couple word, 282 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 1: and it's actually not. Relationships are every single thing with 283 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: every person, every you can a relationship with your dog, 284 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: like it did, like and those relationships really dictate your 285 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: whole entire being, right, they do. But at the end 286 00:12:53,400 --> 00:13:03,240 Speaker 1: of the day, sex really is the the to your point, 287 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:08,479 Speaker 1: it is the absolute, I think, core of a successful relationship. 288 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: And even just as a friend to so many people 289 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: in my life that have gotten divorced or whatever, or 290 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 1: a guy they like or whatever, trying to like a 291 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 1: guy because they've been alone for so long. She's like, 292 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: I just don't want to even kiss him. I was like, well, 293 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 1: what what are you doing now? Yeah? 294 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:31,360 Speaker 3: Like okay, why away? Yeah, like walk away exactly. Well, 295 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 3: you know that's it. I mean, I was like, because 296 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 3: here's the thing is like, it's so misunderstood too, because 297 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 3: we don't know, Yeah, we don't know what even makes 298 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 3: good sex or why we get turned off from people. 299 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 3: How you have longevity, and so I've literally become a 300 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 3: student of it for twenty years. And it's like I 301 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 3: went back to grad school and I got my doctor 302 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:48,600 Speaker 3: in human sexuality. 303 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: I was going to ask you about that, Okay, Okay, 304 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: so you did. 305 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 3: So when I started, yeah, the first of the first 306 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 3: few years, it was like, Wow, I'm going to help people, 307 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 3: Like we're going to like we're going to get this 308 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 3: information out there. I want to liberate the conversation around sex. 309 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 3: There shouldn't be so much pain and suffering and taboo 310 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,840 Speaker 3: around it, because when we talk about it and we 311 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 3: come together as a community, we can actually help heal 312 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 3: each other. We can help each other. I Mean the 313 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 3: only conversations I had heard of then is like did 314 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 3: you have sex with them? 315 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 2: Did you not have sex with them? Wasn't good? 316 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 1: Was it bad? 317 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 3: But they're really My friends were like, oh my god, 318 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 3: had crazy sex last night. 319 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 2: And I used to always stop them and be like 320 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 2: back up, like what does that mean? 321 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:23,480 Speaker 3: Right? 322 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,520 Speaker 2: Can you explain it to me? What does great sex mean? 323 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 3: And it was always so different people, or always early 324 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 3: on in the relationship, and I just really kept drilling 325 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 3: down to try to understand what is the importance of sex, 326 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 3: because you're right to your point. You know, we have 327 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 3: relationships with everybody but the people. Like otherwise, you could 328 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 3: live with someone, but if you're not having sex with 329 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,720 Speaker 3: they're just your roommate or your children or your parents. 330 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 3: But when the sex comes into it, that's the intimacy. 331 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 3: And So through all these years, and I'm still always 332 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 3: learning because it's always changing, you know that we really 333 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 3: it was so shrouded in mystery for so long, and 334 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,680 Speaker 3: I think we're just finally starting to realize that women 335 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 3: deserve pleasure. We should understand our bodies. A lot of 336 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,600 Speaker 3: sex that we have is based on men's desires and 337 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 3: not on female desires. Shocker right, exactly like everything we do, 338 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 3: like even medications and healthcare. Like they used to just 339 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 3: look at women and feel like women are like small men, 340 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 3: they could take pills like men can. 341 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 2: It's like, no, we are very very different humans. 342 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 3: But you know, so like the clitterist wasn't even in 343 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 3: the medical journals until nineteen ninety eight. 344 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 2: So it's like all these things, so I just continue 345 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,400 Speaker 2: to unpack it and I just you know, I love it. 346 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 3: I want people to you know, how people prioritize their 347 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 3: pleasure liberating in the conversation because there's so much shame 348 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 3: around sex too, because people in relationships are like, I 349 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 3: don't know what's wrong, I don't know how to talk 350 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 3: about it, so people don't. 351 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 2: Talk about it. 352 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 3: So that's been the mission and it's but it's been, 353 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 3: you know, a journey like starting a podcast in two 354 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 3: thousand and five about a podcast which no one's ever 355 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 3: heard of, and talking about sex in two thousand and 356 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 3: five was a wild ride. But it was something that 357 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 3: I just knew, you know, when you know, I'm like, 358 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 3: I don't. I know it's hard, but I just know 359 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 3: it's gonna work. 360 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: So and I think, you know, I mean, you're helping 361 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: so many people, I mean, are so do most of 362 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 1: the people that come to you, obviously outside of the podcast, 363 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: but in your practice, like couples or individuals. 364 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 3: Everybody, couples and individuals practice Rachel at all. 365 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, eight ages. No, I have to I don't practice 366 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 2: at all. I have to say. 367 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 3: I mean I did, honestly on my on my friends. Yeah, 368 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 3: I did on my friend my friend kids. Oh, but 369 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 3: then it's couples, it's women, I mean, my audience. So 370 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 3: my podcast is so interesting because since the beginning, Rachel, 371 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 3: it's been split men and women. It's always been fifty 372 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 3: to fifty, right, and people always think it's all women, 373 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 3: But it's men too because men. 374 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 1: No, it's men. I sent someone to you. I sent 375 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 1: someone to you recently. I said, you need to call 376 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: my friend Emily because I can't help you with this. 377 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, I can try, but I can only so 378 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 1: Like I guess what I'm saying is like, I think 379 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: some people only want to talk about it. Some people 380 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:05,919 Speaker 1: won't even mention it. I think generationally, our parents. 381 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,159 Speaker 2: Would never very different. 382 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 1: Never are you kidding say the word sex in a room? What? 383 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 3: Like? 384 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 1: Ye a way? I mean my parents are very liberal, 385 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 1: so they would. I used to find crazy books around 386 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 1: my house. It made me throw up. But like you know, 387 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 1: I mean, you never want to know anything about your parents. 388 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 3: It's ever Oh well, well, I mean that's what I'm 389 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 3: trying to change you, because our society is so like that. 390 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 3: But if you normalize it and you start talking about 391 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,879 Speaker 3: a young age more than just like the birds and 392 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,360 Speaker 3: the bees talk, then it becomes less weird and less 393 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 3: But but we're not there yet. There's literally only one 394 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,439 Speaker 3: place in the Netherlands like in Amsterdam, they talk about it, 395 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 3: they start teaching sex ed when kids are like pre 396 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 3: verbal about consent in their bodies. 397 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,200 Speaker 1: But we're a locally there. 398 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 2: But my people I talked to it is like all 399 00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,680 Speaker 2: my friend's kids, all my friends, like you said in 400 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,399 Speaker 2: your friend to me drops a bomb and he at 401 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 2: a party. Clearly it's been a problem for him if 402 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:56,119 Speaker 2: he's telling you. 403 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 3: But like my brother called it and he's like, he's like, 404 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:00,320 Speaker 3: some friend of mine just said she hasn't you know 405 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 3: she's having problems. 406 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 2: It's a baby. Can I give her your number? 407 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 3: I'm like sure, because there aren't that many people you know, 408 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,719 Speaker 3: really talking about where else do you go? And it's like, 409 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,760 Speaker 3: if you think about it, if we have problems in 410 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,200 Speaker 3: any area of our life, we have an expert to call. 411 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 3: Like you got a toothache, you know, you call your 412 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 3: a dentist, or you have something your knee bread, you 413 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,080 Speaker 3: call your you know, knee person whatever they're calling again, 414 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 3: your knee doctor. Yeah, this huge, or the priece they 415 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 3: get or the police cert it. But with sex, it's 416 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 3: like and it's so multi layered because early on, like 417 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 3: people like I want to quick fix, what's the toy 418 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 3: what's the position, what's the loop? But sexual health is 419 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 3: part of your wellness. If you're Bret, if you have 420 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,280 Speaker 3: you know, confidence issues, you're on a certain medication, you know, 421 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 3: all these things are going to impact sex. 422 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: So it's it's complex, but that's really interesting. Actually I 423 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 1: want to talk about that because I think mental health 424 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,240 Speaker 1: I think has really I think now talk about sigma. 425 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,359 Speaker 1: I think I think mental health is the thing people 426 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,640 Speaker 1: are most talking about. So it's very interesting what you're 427 00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,280 Speaker 1: saying at Like, what a link it is because me 428 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 1: being a psych major, and I always argue the point 429 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,439 Speaker 1: that I've been practicing every day since because being a 430 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:12,120 Speaker 1: stylist for my whole adult life, boy, that's a that's 431 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:19,159 Speaker 1: a psychiatric experience, so psychological experience. But I think we're both. 432 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,440 Speaker 1: But I do want to just talk about that because 433 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: I think that what you're doing has changed the game. 434 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:33,919 Speaker 1: I think it's helping really desigmatize, normalize, democratize, you know, 435 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,159 Speaker 1: the conversation. I know you know Gwyneth and Goop, and 436 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,320 Speaker 1: I know you've you've been on there a bunch, and 437 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 1: I think all of these things, but I think you're 438 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 1: now going on like today's shows and talk shows and 439 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 1: like being on morning television, and I think that it's 440 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,160 Speaker 1: amazing and I wanted to have you on the pod 441 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 1: because I feel like so much so many of the 442 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,119 Speaker 1: women I talk to, you know, they're game changers in 443 00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 1: a lot of different fields, and I feel like you've 444 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:04,399 Speaker 1: obviously really changed the game here the conversation. And I 445 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 1: remember when I first met you. I mean, I'm pretty 446 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,959 Speaker 1: sure we were talking about sex within five minutes, and 447 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,199 Speaker 1: I was like, this is so funny, because like anyone 448 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,640 Speaker 1: who knows me is like, Rachel talked about sex, like what? 449 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,200 Speaker 1: And I think it's again. I think it because growing 450 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: up you're sort of like, ladies don't talk about that, right, 451 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 1: And not that my mom was like you need to 452 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 1: sit straight and walk like a certain lady. It was 453 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 1: just sort of I think it was considered to not 454 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,440 Speaker 1: be okay or classy to do such a thing. Yeah, 455 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,360 Speaker 1: and I think it wasn't. And I think now it's 456 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 1: more intelligent and less trashy and more I don't know. 457 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,119 Speaker 1: I think it's just I think it's becoming normal, you know, 458 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:48,680 Speaker 1: I think it's becoming normal twenty years it is, right, 459 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,160 Speaker 1: and they are talking about it at a young age 460 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: in school, they're starting in third grade for sure. So amazing. 461 00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:00,400 Speaker 1: But you think that this is really impacting mental health? Right? 462 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:01,880 Speaker 2: Yes? 463 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:02,639 Speaker 1: Absolutely? 464 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,720 Speaker 3: And here's the thing is that it's confidence and it's 465 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 3: so I wrote this book last year called Smart Sex, 466 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,840 Speaker 3: How to Boost your Sex Like you and Own your Pleasure. 467 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,240 Speaker 3: And I realized when I was writing the book that 468 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 3: it was all my best tips because people coming for 469 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 3: tips and there's twenty years and then I realized that 470 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 3: it's so whatever someone so a lot of on my 471 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,200 Speaker 3: podcast un Sex with Emily, people call with questions Today. 472 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,680 Speaker 2: I get hundreds of questions. 473 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 3: A day, and I realized that when they asked me 474 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 3: a question, I have to kind of go through this 475 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,160 Speaker 3: like these five In my mind, I would go through 476 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,960 Speaker 3: these five pillars, like how how in your body? The 477 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 3: first was like embodiment, like are you in your body 478 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,680 Speaker 3: during sex? Or are you leaving the room? Are you fantasizing? 479 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:38,959 Speaker 2: What's your health like? 480 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 3: If you're not moving your body, you're not in a 481 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 3: healthy place, you're not eating great foods. That's also going 482 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,199 Speaker 3: to impact your ability to feel aroused and turn on 483 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,080 Speaker 3: if you're stressed. Do you know the three biggest killers 484 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,600 Speaker 3: of our sex drive are stress? Trauma and shame, Like 485 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 3: if you're stressed and anxious, you got a spiking cortisole. 486 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,920 Speaker 3: It literally cannot live with being turned on? Yeah, can's 487 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,520 Speaker 3: each other all day? You're like, why can't I get 488 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 3: out in the bedroom. It's like, because you actually are stressed. 489 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 3: So they're just knowledge that people don't realize. Then the 490 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,439 Speaker 3: first one, Yeah, so your health and wellness, your health 491 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 3: and that it's your collaboration. How well do you communicate 492 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 3: about sex? So most people Rachel, never talk about sex, 493 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 3: like we're saying, and then they don't certainly don't talk 494 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 3: to their partners about it. So then they expect their 495 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,400 Speaker 3: partners a mind reader and they should know what they want. 496 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:21,760 Speaker 2: So I you know. 497 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,720 Speaker 3: And the next one is self knowledge, like how well 498 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 3: do you know yourself? Like I had to realize I 499 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,159 Speaker 3: know that there's certain times a day, maybe world I 500 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,960 Speaker 3: want sex. A lot of times I don't, and people 501 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,640 Speaker 3: assume that I'm like having sex all the time. 502 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,280 Speaker 1: No, I'm like anyone else that's like me get stressed 503 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 1: and changing twenty times a day? 504 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:40,719 Speaker 3: Hell Rachel, Well no, Hell, I'm like, are you kidding? 505 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 3: Like I do not want sex? In fact, I know 506 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 3: what I do What I do know is I know 507 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 3: how to handle it when I don't. I know when 508 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 3: and I want it when I don't. What has to 509 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,680 Speaker 3: be happening, Like if it's cold in the house, there's 510 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 3: no way. If it's past ten o'clock in the weekday, no, 511 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,160 Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, I sit down the barrier. 512 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,719 Speaker 2: But people make assumptions. 513 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:58,159 Speaker 1: It's just that No. 514 00:22:58,200 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 2: I know how to help people and help myself. 515 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,920 Speaker 3: Just literally think about It's like food, Like if you 516 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,479 Speaker 3: go to somebody and you're like deciding where to go, 517 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,640 Speaker 3: You're like, I know that I don't like the food here, 518 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,560 Speaker 3: but I like it here. 519 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,680 Speaker 2: Same thing with sex, but we just never think. 520 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,360 Speaker 3: About it because we just think it's it's like this 521 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:17,600 Speaker 3: mysterious closer eyes and for the best. It's like you 522 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,440 Speaker 3: have to It's like I help people kind of crack 523 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 3: the code on that so they could be their own 524 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,920 Speaker 3: best advocates for what they want. It is related to 525 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 3: mental health because if we're depressed, if we're anterest not 526 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,879 Speaker 3: feeling good in our bodies, all the things, which is 527 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,879 Speaker 3: a lifetime journey. By the way, you never get to 528 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 3: all five pillars and feel like now I'm the most 529 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,760 Speaker 3: sexually intelligent person out there's just a way to understand 530 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,199 Speaker 3: where you're at and then how to connect more with 531 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 3: yourself and with your partner. 532 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 1: But yeah, on journey, so fascinated, it's so it's it's 533 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 1: so impressive, honestly, and fearless in a lot of ways, 534 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:56,679 Speaker 1: because again, like I think anyone who can demystify and 535 00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 1: open up the you know, conversation but really make it 536 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,920 Speaker 1: like every day. I mean, I think it's it's not easy. 537 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: It's not easy to do, you know, but yet it's 538 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,320 Speaker 1: the thing that everybody needs to talk about. 539 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,040 Speaker 3: They need to Yeah, they do. They feel better. Like 540 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,679 Speaker 3: that's the thing about listening to the podcasts. People will 541 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,120 Speaker 3: say to me, Oh, my boyfriend and I were driving 542 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,920 Speaker 3: on a twelve hour road trip and we listen to 543 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 3: your podcast the whole time, And I was like, that 544 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 3: seems like a lot of time listening to my boy 545 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 3: But it's because if you listen a few times, it's 546 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,600 Speaker 3: going to normalize it. You're like, oh, she talks about 547 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 3: it like, you know, Sonny with a chance of war 548 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:33,400 Speaker 3: gas and you can do that. 549 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,439 Speaker 2: We can talk about it. That's not a problem. 550 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 3: So yeah, I have to normalize it. But the whole business. 551 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,080 Speaker 3: Like I'm an entrepreneur like you. That part has not 552 00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,399 Speaker 3: been easy. You know, I've been doing this for on 553 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 3: my own, Razor, you know, buy the bootstraps. Building a 554 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,200 Speaker 3: brand a business around it has been you know, that's 555 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,120 Speaker 3: a journey for sure. 556 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,399 Speaker 1: And how many books do you have, Emily? Now you 557 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: have more than one? 558 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 2: No, I have two bucks. I have two buffs, yes, And. 559 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 1: Can you tell our listeners what they're called, because I 560 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 1: think everybody's going to run out and grab it after. 561 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 3: Once called hot sex, one's called hot sex, and one's 562 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,200 Speaker 3: called smart sex. 563 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure all the dudes are buying hot sex. Yes, exactly. 564 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:12,840 Speaker 2: It's good. 565 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 3: It's actually pictures. It's great. It's like it's ten years old. 566 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 3: It was time for another book. It's like a lot 567 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,440 Speaker 3: of pictures. I'm like, don't even you don't. 568 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,960 Speaker 2: Have to read, just see what to do. That's we 569 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,920 Speaker 2: all need tips, Rachel. We never got tips or we did? 570 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 2: Are we watch porn? 571 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,119 Speaker 1: We just figured it out, girl, just figured it out. 572 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 2: It's no different. 573 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:34,360 Speaker 1: It's better though, Yeah, I mean yeah, but I mean something. 574 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: I think probably a lot of people ask you or 575 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:41,200 Speaker 1: would want to ask you, how do you suggest in 576 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: this day and age. And I know you don't have 577 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 1: your own kids, but I know you're around a lot 578 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: of kids and love kids, but a lot. How what 579 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:55,920 Speaker 1: is your best sort of advice on how to talk 580 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 1: to kids? What age? Or does it vary based on 581 00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: your like? What what is your like? Give me your 582 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: your thoughts on because I think that is the real 583 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,480 Speaker 1: struggle for parents, because the Internet now has pretty much 584 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 1: done all the work, and not in a good way. 585 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm with you. 586 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:15,359 Speaker 1: I'm with you. 587 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,439 Speaker 3: And so here's the thing I love you ass is 588 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,560 Speaker 3: now that all my friends have teenagers and kids. This 589 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,800 Speaker 3: is like I spend a lot of my time figuring 590 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,240 Speaker 3: this out. So and I'm is that well. First, the 591 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 3: biggest challenge why it's so hard for parents is because 592 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,840 Speaker 3: we haven't quite well. First, we were never having sex education, 593 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 3: and we've got issues around it too. We're like, maybe 594 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:37,199 Speaker 3: we have shame around it, or maybe we grew up 595 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,679 Speaker 3: in a religious upbringing where it wasn't okay, and so 596 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 3: we have to figure out why we're uncomfortable. 597 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 2: With it too. But it's also okay. 598 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,200 Speaker 3: So, like the best way to start with your kids 599 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,560 Speaker 3: is to say, you know, and your kids are twelve, 600 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:56,400 Speaker 3: and minors just thirteen and just ten just thirteen ten. Okay, 601 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 3: so it's like, yeah, we got to start. So it 602 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:03,640 Speaker 3: would mean like when you are watching something on TV. 603 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 3: For example, Let's say you're watching something and you see 604 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,160 Speaker 3: something and you it's like using social media or using 605 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 3: media to ask them a question. 606 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:12,360 Speaker 2: So let's say you're watching. 607 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 3: There's a relationship, and let's say there's a couple that 608 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 3: kisses or something happens, and you're like, you could stop 609 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 3: the TV and be like, so, what do you think 610 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 3: of that relationship? 611 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:20,919 Speaker 2: What did that make you think? Do you guys have 612 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 2: any you know, what do you think? Yeah? And then 613 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 2: just just you start, even though they're young and they're like, 614 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,520 Speaker 2: oh gross or whatever they do. 615 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,680 Speaker 1: I said to me, Mommy, that's how you made me right, 616 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 1: Like when they kiss, That's how you and Daddy made 617 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,960 Speaker 1: me right. And then and then you just pushed me 618 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: out and I came out with a big smile. Yep, 619 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 1: that's exactly what happened. And I looked at each other. 620 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: But but Skyler, funny enough is like I know everything, Mom, 621 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: don't worry. 622 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 2: They don't know. 623 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,439 Speaker 3: I mean, because what they're learning the mechanics, But so 624 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,440 Speaker 3: you use examples and you say, yeah, well, you know, 625 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,760 Speaker 3: there's a little more to it than that, would you 626 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,359 Speaker 3: like to you know, and then you just sort of 627 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,159 Speaker 3: it has to be do you want to know? 628 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:07,200 Speaker 2: Do you want to know? 629 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:10,120 Speaker 3: Know what happens? You know how I have a vagina 630 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 3: and your dad has a penis? I mean, I know 631 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:12,520 Speaker 3: it sounds like. 632 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,360 Speaker 2: But you just give it to the eight. 633 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,359 Speaker 3: You give them the information at the age is like 634 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,399 Speaker 3: commensurate with their age, and you just continue to listen 635 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,480 Speaker 3: and you ask questions and you use things, and so 636 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:24,960 Speaker 3: when they say something like that, you could say, well, 637 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,080 Speaker 3: let me just tell you actually what happens, but you 638 00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 3: don't have to judgment around it. You just sort of 639 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,880 Speaker 3: keep going and you could even say, you know, what's 640 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 3: so cool right now is that my parents didn't talk 641 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,639 Speaker 3: to me about it because it was you know, it 642 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 3: was a different times. I'm learning too, I'm figuring out 643 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 3: the best way to parent you on this because i 644 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 3: want you to have all the information. But even at 645 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,080 Speaker 3: this age, talking and about puberty, like letting them know 646 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 3: what to expect that you might have, you know, you 647 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,000 Speaker 3: might start to feel at night, start to feel, you know, 648 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 3: your your penis gets harder, you'll have a dream or 649 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 3: this thing will happen. I know, but you have to 650 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 3: be like, that's totally okay, and just you know, if 651 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 3: you you have a question about it, you can ask 652 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 3: me about it. But I want you to be expecting 653 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 3: that it's because you have hormones and your body starts 654 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 3: to change at this time and you might be having 655 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,600 Speaker 3: these thoughts and I just want you to feel okay, 656 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 3: And you have to bring it up often, like it's 657 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:17,240 Speaker 3: like not every day, but the more repeated you are 658 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 3: and the more you normalize it, the more comfortable they're 659 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 3: going to feel to ask you questions. And if you 660 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,520 Speaker 3: don't know the answer, it's okay to say let me 661 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:25,360 Speaker 3: get back to you on that. 662 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 2: But I'm so glad you asked me. 663 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 1: I did that once with my little one because he 664 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,440 Speaker 1: asked it such a young age, and I was like, 665 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,240 Speaker 1: what do you want to know? You know? And we 666 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 1: kept it. Yeah, we kept it light, We kept it, 667 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: We kept it light. I think I went to an 668 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,880 Speaker 1: animal reference. I think because they're really into animals and 669 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 1: they know animals and they understand that. So I was like, okay, 670 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 1: and then I was like, let me know when you 671 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,120 Speaker 1: want to know more, you know. 672 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 2: Like yeah, but sometimes they don't know. 673 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,320 Speaker 3: So it's kind of like like a lot of we 674 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,719 Speaker 3: talked abo about their periods, right, which like girls will 675 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:06,000 Speaker 3: start for developing breasts and you know boys, you could 676 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,080 Speaker 3: say to them, you know that you might have a 677 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,479 Speaker 3: growth spurt, or you might you know, have a penis 678 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 3: that grows, or your voice changes. 679 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,320 Speaker 2: You know, sometimes they have wet dreams. 680 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:16,840 Speaker 3: You could say, you might get I have wet dreams 681 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:18,640 Speaker 3: and this might happen in your sleep. But you just 682 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 3: are giving them the facts and you're just saying this 683 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 3: things could be happening. I want you to know that 684 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,840 Speaker 3: it's totally normal and you can ask me anything about it. 685 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 3: But the problem is on is we don't know the 686 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,160 Speaker 3: questions to ask. Like my mom always said to me, 687 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 3: you know, if you have any questions about sex, ask me, 688 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:34,479 Speaker 3: And much like your son, I was like, oh, I 689 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,320 Speaker 3: know it all, but we really, you know, we don't 690 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 3: know what we don't know. So they might ask them 691 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,920 Speaker 3: like why don't I have you know, puba carry out? 692 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 3: You can Everyone develops at their own time, so it's 693 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 3: just you can hit me just anytime. 694 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,479 Speaker 1: I was like, or if you're lucky enough to know Emily. 695 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:51,120 Speaker 1: You just pumped them to Emily too. 696 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:53,959 Speaker 2: But I would love it. I talked to my nieces. 697 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 3: I was literally on a zoom last week with my 698 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,240 Speaker 3: niece and like twenty five of her friends in college 699 00:30:58,400 --> 00:30:59,280 Speaker 3: like her is. 700 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 1: Like the thing in the whole entire I love it. 701 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,280 Speaker 3: I pull out my vulva puppet and I'm like, you 702 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,680 Speaker 3: know that's right behind me. I'm like, because they don't know, 703 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,800 Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, here's your vulve, like this is your 704 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 3: clear and I'm showing them and that I have the penis. 705 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,240 Speaker 3: Because they all want to know how to please their partners. 706 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,840 Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, but this is your vagina. They all 707 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,200 Speaker 3: look different, I literally do. And I'm like, they're like 708 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:23,240 Speaker 3: aunt Emery out. 709 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:25,560 Speaker 1: Just navigating. 710 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,680 Speaker 2: No, no, they really they don't want to look between 711 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:29,200 Speaker 2: their legs. 712 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 3: Women are grossed out. And here's a proble with women. 713 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 3: We are so disconnected from our bodies that we walk 714 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,400 Speaker 3: around like we hate my bodies. My thoughts a rubbing together. 715 00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 3: I forgot, And then we're like, but we think that 716 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 3: we should just get into the bedroom and feel amazing 717 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,320 Speaker 3: and know what to do if we don't spend the 718 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:46,880 Speaker 3: time being our own best. 719 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 1: Well I want it, okay, So I don't want to 720 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 1: take all your time, but I want to just ask 721 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:55,719 Speaker 1: one more thing. What what is the most common issues 722 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,920 Speaker 1: that you're presented with? Like what what are people constantly 723 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,239 Speaker 1: like wanting you to talk about, like for women in 724 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,720 Speaker 1: their like forties or fifties, Like, is there like I 725 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:09,080 Speaker 1: guess what I'm saying is like in relationship podcasts or 726 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,800 Speaker 1: or just in general and counseling or anything else. It 727 00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,680 Speaker 1: seems to be there is a mid life crisis, right, 728 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,560 Speaker 1: Like that is a very real thing, right, And whether 729 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: that's forty, whether that's fifty, whether it's fifty five, but 730 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:26,440 Speaker 1: I would imagine and just from like the people in 731 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:31,640 Speaker 1: my life. Yeah, there is common threads as too. Okay, 732 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,719 Speaker 1: sex drive don't you hear down I just hear a 733 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:38,840 Speaker 1: lot of like disinterest. There's a lot of medications people 734 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 1: are taking freight like anxieties and different things, and that 735 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 1: obviously I'm sure you know this better than anyone impacts 736 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 1: sex drips. So I think I'm curious sort of what 737 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,480 Speaker 1: the most common threads are that people come to like 738 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 1: females like age guys. I mean, I can sort of 739 00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 1: figure that one out. But like I think i'm. 740 00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 2: Girls, so like women. 741 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:02,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, women want to know, yeah, why they're not as 742 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,480 Speaker 3: turned on anymore, why that, Yeah they're libido, they don't 743 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 3: want to have sex as much, and they get older, perimenopause, menopause, 744 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,960 Speaker 3: they want to know why they're just like dry everywhere 745 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,960 Speaker 3: and why they don't yeah feel great or waking and 746 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,240 Speaker 3: all these things happen. So really I'm a big advocate 747 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:22,720 Speaker 3: for HRT or hormone replacement therapy for a lot of women. 748 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,640 Speaker 3: There was a lot of There was actually a really 749 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,720 Speaker 3: you know, bunk study that came out in the early 750 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,720 Speaker 3: two thousands that said that it was bad for women 751 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 3: to take estrogen, for which many many years before that 752 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,760 Speaker 3: women were so for the last twenty years, women were 753 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,280 Speaker 3: not getting this relief that they need because they were 754 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,120 Speaker 3: told that it was directly really the cancer. But we 755 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 3: have found out now that it's really not. It's really 756 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,240 Speaker 3: safe for most women to at least take vaginal estrogen 757 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,520 Speaker 3: because it doesn't really transfer as much into your body, 758 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,120 Speaker 3: but you could just use it. So anyway, I tell 759 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,800 Speaker 3: women to also if you're on a medication or you're 760 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 3: on an antidepressant that is going to impact your sex drives. 761 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,040 Speaker 3: So I think that what we find is later in 762 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,479 Speaker 3: life is that this is always the case, to be honest, 763 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,880 Speaker 3: because I hear from women in their twenties like I 764 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 3: moved with my boyfriend two years ago, and now I 765 00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,480 Speaker 3: don't want to have sex. So that's my challenges that 766 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 3: my listeners are all ages. You ask me, like, they're 767 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,920 Speaker 3: literally eighteen to eighty five. Wow, and they're all ages. 768 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,480 Speaker 3: And I think because it's so mysterious and we don't 769 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:19,520 Speaker 3: we never really like understand all of it. So I 770 00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,799 Speaker 3: think in all ages, it's like you get to decide 771 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,680 Speaker 3: what actually sex means to you. And the other thing 772 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:28,440 Speaker 3: is that so much of sex again is for was 773 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,520 Speaker 3: based on man a male's pleasure, like procreation. You can 774 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,600 Speaker 3: only have sex in this one position, but that's the 775 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,320 Speaker 3: position that actually doesn't feel the best for most women, 776 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,839 Speaker 3: and women don't have as much pleasure that way. So 777 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,480 Speaker 3: I just asked women, like, figure out what you actually 778 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 3: like by a vibrator, be okay not having sex as 779 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,760 Speaker 3: often too, Like there's no like sex police, it's gonna 780 00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:51,160 Speaker 3: knock on your door and be like I hear you 781 00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,360 Speaker 3: only having sex once a month, like what's wrong. 782 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 1: Your husband, your husband, your boyfriend. 783 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 2: Well then we exactly. 784 00:34:57,680 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 3: Well then you got to say, like this is actually 785 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,040 Speaker 3: what I need to feel. And that's what I tackle 786 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,640 Speaker 3: my book, like figure out what you if you still 787 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,400 Speaker 3: think that sex is important, because some people are like 788 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:07,879 Speaker 3: I'm done, I'm out, I've had enough. 789 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:09,760 Speaker 2: I actually don't ever need it again. 790 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:12,719 Speaker 3: But if you're like, no, I'm really curious on how 791 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,840 Speaker 3: I could start to like it again or start to 792 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 3: get into it, then then I've got tons in my 793 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,400 Speaker 3: book what I talk about all the time, Like you 794 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 3: got to break it down into it's not just one thing, 795 00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,520 Speaker 3: Like I could give you a million positions and toys 796 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:25,920 Speaker 3: and loops, but at the end of the day, it's 797 00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:26,719 Speaker 3: an inside job. 798 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,480 Speaker 2: Sure, you know, like everything so figuring it so layered. 799 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:33,799 Speaker 3: It's so layered it is, and so you know that's 800 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 3: I'm so glad you're having me on talk about but 801 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,279 Speaker 3: also like yeah, I mean it's but. 802 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,640 Speaker 2: It's it's so layered. But it's it's been a it's 803 00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 2: been a journey. 804 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,400 Speaker 3: They're also just being you know, having the business around 805 00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,680 Speaker 3: it too, and trying to it's amazing figure out how 806 00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,319 Speaker 3: to help more people when there's still so much shame 807 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,840 Speaker 3: around it, like even the world is opening up to it, 808 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,160 Speaker 3: but there's still like sponsors or brands or like I'm not. 809 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,760 Speaker 2: Going to touch it. Yeah, so so there's still shame. 810 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,880 Speaker 2: Like some parties people collect. You can tell when you go. 811 00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 3: To a party, like like people go to dinner party 812 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,319 Speaker 3: and there's like half rooms like I have a question, 813 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:02,840 Speaker 3: and the half rooms like leaving the room because they 814 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 3: don't want to talk to you about right, It's like 815 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 3: the fronting. 816 00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,440 Speaker 1: So that's so wild, but yes, it's it's absolutely one 817 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,560 Speaker 1: percent true, and I think getting less. So you know, 818 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,359 Speaker 1: even just saying the word vagina was like a thing, 819 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,320 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like really definitely, like if 820 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:25,000 Speaker 1: someone's saying on television, no, no, hell no. But somehow 821 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,359 Speaker 1: penis is susceptible. It is. 822 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,000 Speaker 3: When I started, I couldn't say it anyway. I was 823 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:30,840 Speaker 3: do television and radio, like you can't say it. You 824 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 3: can't say peens, vagina, you can't say master. But they 825 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 3: were like nothing on the radio, and you couldn't on 826 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 3: TV and the morning shows like you can't, like you 827 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,080 Speaker 3: can come on, you have to say intimacy. You know, 828 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,920 Speaker 3: it's like you say, now they are they let me 829 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:44,839 Speaker 3: bring vibrators on. 830 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 2: It's I know, it's the only day. 831 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,880 Speaker 1: Get it Emily. 832 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,080 Speaker 2: Long enough, ry long enough, people are ready for you. 833 00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:57,040 Speaker 1: I guess yeah, Well, I love having you on. You're 834 00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:00,279 Speaker 1: such honestly really are such a game change, and I 835 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,680 Speaker 1: love that you do this. I think so many people 836 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 1: are grateful that you do this. I think many people 837 00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:11,239 Speaker 1: are grateful and cult followers of sex with Emily, And 838 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:15,279 Speaker 1: I think you're really important for young people, older people, yes, 839 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:19,040 Speaker 1: but I really think that young people really need to 840 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 1: really need you the most, honestly, because it is this 841 00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,759 Speaker 1: weird thing. It's this weird thing. It's a weird thing 842 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:29,360 Speaker 1: to talk about. It's still this very like she's a slut, 843 00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:33,320 Speaker 1: he gets all the girls, Okay, what is a slut? Like? What? Okay? 844 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:34,080 Speaker 1: Why is she slut? 845 00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:34,200 Speaker 3: Like? 846 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,480 Speaker 1: All the things right, and and then it's sort of 847 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 1: like what does that even mean? And what should we 848 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,919 Speaker 1: be doing? And how is it you know, really hard? 849 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,680 Speaker 1: How can it be respectful versus trashy? And how you 850 00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:47,440 Speaker 1: know all all the things. So I think that's a 851 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:49,879 Speaker 1: whole nother layer and a whole nother book for you 852 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:50,680 Speaker 1: just saying. 853 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it is Rachel and I have to say 854 00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,799 Speaker 3: that is my greatest passion right now is talking to 855 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,560 Speaker 3: young people. And I do these little programs. So the 856 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:03,000 Speaker 3: problem is, though, parents, you have to teach kids about sex. No, 857 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:06,440 Speaker 3: you have to get parental signature to. 858 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:10,600 Speaker 2: Get to sign up for eight yep, so eighteen and over. 859 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,760 Speaker 3: Though, like I do these little boot camps for women 860 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:16,080 Speaker 3: before they go to school and college like women and 861 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 3: I and I've done that the last few years, just 862 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:19,840 Speaker 3: kind of tell them what they need to know, and 863 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,080 Speaker 3: I go round to college campuses and so really though, 864 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:23,600 Speaker 3: at the end of the day, my because this is 865 00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,480 Speaker 3: like our future of these youth that need to know. 866 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,480 Speaker 3: So I that is something I'm developing right now, developing 867 00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,520 Speaker 3: a course. And if anyone's listening and they're interested, like 868 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 3: they can just you know, email me DM me. But 869 00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 3: we are developing a course for parents and for kids, 870 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 3: because I know it's awkward. I'm like, yeah, just tell 871 00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,799 Speaker 3: your kids about this. It's not fucking easy. So I'm 872 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,240 Speaker 3: not I'm not like, yeah, just do this, turn. 873 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 2: Off the TV. 874 00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:47,319 Speaker 3: It's just it's so because parents again have to work 875 00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,759 Speaker 3: through their own stuff. Like I'm literally not there's very 876 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,120 Speaker 3: few people who are doing what I'm It's why it's 877 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,640 Speaker 3: so interesting because they're all coming up against it now, 878 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,440 Speaker 3: be like, what the hell do I do? So I 879 00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,239 Speaker 3: know that I'm I'd love to tell parents just like 880 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,760 Speaker 3: take this course and create and also get there. 881 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,279 Speaker 1: I also think kids don't want to necessarily talk to 882 00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:08,600 Speaker 1: their parents, and then they also don't want to sit 883 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,399 Speaker 1: there in a classroom with their peers, so. 884 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,160 Speaker 2: Les, what do you do? 885 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,400 Speaker 3: And then they might find porn on their phone and 886 00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:17,920 Speaker 3: you don't know they found poor And I think that 887 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:18,799 Speaker 3: sex like. 888 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:20,280 Speaker 2: That is not sex. 889 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,680 Speaker 3: That is a start of the movie that was created 890 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,560 Speaker 3: by a man for a man, and it's scripted, so like, no, 891 00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:28,040 Speaker 3: that's not sex. So the problem is when kids are like, well, 892 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:29,759 Speaker 3: what if that's not sex? 893 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:30,040 Speaker 1: What is? 894 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,160 Speaker 2: And then they're like how do I explain this? So 895 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:33,799 Speaker 2: I'm on it, Rachel, I'm on. 896 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:34,359 Speaker 1: It's good. 897 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,920 Speaker 2: I'm developing programs. But I love it. Really it's a problem. 898 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, I'm grateful for you. This was so much fun. 899 00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,520 Speaker 1: I love what you're doing. And I'm obviously everybody knows 900 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,360 Speaker 1: what you're doing. All right, you guys, everyone sex with Emily. 901 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,120 Speaker 1: You gotta listen, you gotta check it out. And got 902 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,640 Speaker 1: her new buck, got her new book all right Love. Thanks, 903 00:39:53,640 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 1: have an awesome day and a great week. Thank you 904 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:07,520 Speaker 1: so much to Emily for being on Clembian Hills. Truly, 905 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:11,000 Speaker 1: her work to destigmatize sex and change the conversation around 906 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,480 Speaker 1: it is so important. Yes, for us, I think as 907 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:18,439 Speaker 1: adults of any age. To me, I think even more 908 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:22,319 Speaker 1: so for young people because I think just the way 909 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,239 Speaker 1: we all grew up was like, don't talk about it, 910 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:27,480 Speaker 1: don't mention your private parts, don't mention this different nicknames 911 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,600 Speaker 1: for all your body parts, and don't talk about it 912 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:31,719 Speaker 1: in school, don't mention it to your friend, definitely don't 913 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:33,919 Speaker 1: say that around your dad, you know, that kind of thing. 914 00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,480 Speaker 1: And I think that ultimately, to Emily's point, I think 915 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,319 Speaker 1: it really impacts your mental your emotional health, and just 916 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,239 Speaker 1: your confidence in yourself, how you carry yourself. And like 917 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,320 Speaker 1: I think, similar to the way that I've always approached 918 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:51,239 Speaker 1: fashion and style and people's fear of it, you know, 919 00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,560 Speaker 1: and the way that I truly believe it affects your confidence, 920 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,600 Speaker 1: I believe it's the same here, honestly, And I think 921 00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:01,000 Speaker 1: the more that we normalize it, the more we really 922 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:04,000 Speaker 1: lift the stigmafit, say, the words, talk about it in 923 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,160 Speaker 1: a room, and make it normal. I think the more 924 00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,920 Speaker 1: relaxed and normal it will be, and the less weird 925 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,680 Speaker 1: and the less invasive and the less scary to everybody. 926 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,120 Speaker 1: So I want to thank you all so much for 927 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:17,560 Speaker 1: listening to Climbing and Heels. If you haven't already, please 928 00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:21,640 Speaker 1: subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, the iHeart app, 929 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,080 Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss 930 00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:28,239 Speaker 1: a single episode this season. It's going to be so good. 931 00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,799 Speaker 1: And be sure to follow me on Instagram at at 932 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,480 Speaker 1: Rachel z Oh and the show at Climbing Inhalepod for 933 00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,000 Speaker 1: the latest episodes and updates. I will talk to you 934 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:38,080 Speaker 1: all soon. Wow.