1 00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:21,115 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Okay, 2 00:00:21,315 --> 00:00:24,915 Speaker 1: Which atrocity do you want to get enraged about? First? 3 00:00:25,835 --> 00:00:28,115 Speaker 1: The fact that yesterday I began by saying, today we 4 00:00:28,155 --> 00:00:30,115 Speaker 1: begin to find out if we still have a constitution. 5 00:00:30,235 --> 00:00:32,755 Speaker 1: It turns out, sorry, I guess we don't. And the 6 00:00:32,835 --> 00:00:37,915 Speaker 1: three liberal justices are complicit in that. Or the fact 7 00:00:37,915 --> 00:00:41,475 Speaker 1: that a partisan hack appointed by Trump managed to turn 8 00:00:41,555 --> 00:00:45,955 Speaker 1: his nothing burger investigation of Biden and the returned documents 9 00:00:46,115 --> 00:00:52,875 Speaker 1: into Christmas for the fascists by inserting unwarranted, unjustifiable, indefensible 10 00:00:53,195 --> 00:00:56,835 Speaker 1: medical opinions about the president's memory into it. And that's 11 00:00:56,875 --> 00:01:00,035 Speaker 1: the headline. And oh, by the way, where's the goddamned 12 00:01:00,035 --> 00:01:06,515 Speaker 1: Attorney General on this? You now already know which troscity 13 00:01:06,515 --> 00:01:10,275 Speaker 1: I'm going to enrage you about. First, Honest to God, 14 00:01:10,435 --> 00:01:13,155 Speaker 1: let me start at that second point. Where did we 15 00:01:13,275 --> 00:01:18,115 Speaker 1: get this asshole? Merrick Garland? I mean bending over too 16 00:01:18,275 --> 00:01:21,675 Speaker 1: far backwards only so you can fall flat on your 17 00:01:21,755 --> 00:01:25,555 Speaker 1: face week after week and month after month and year 18 00:01:25,595 --> 00:01:28,995 Speaker 1: after year is one thing. But to let the special 19 00:01:29,075 --> 00:01:33,435 Speaker 1: counsel you named to do a bullshit investigation into some 20 00:01:33,595 --> 00:01:38,515 Speaker 1: bullshit misplaced papers, misplaced and return papers, seven million documents, 21 00:01:38,635 --> 00:01:42,315 Speaker 1: couple of hundred witnesses, and investigation lasting year. Not only 22 00:01:42,395 --> 00:01:46,915 Speaker 1: no charges, but even this political whore Robert Hurr, felt 23 00:01:46,955 --> 00:01:51,235 Speaker 1: compelled to contrast it to Trump's treachery and probable espionage 24 00:01:51,235 --> 00:01:54,275 Speaker 1: by noting that Biden cooperated fully and reported the missing 25 00:01:54,355 --> 00:01:57,515 Speaker 1: papers himself and returned everything, and there was no evidence 26 00:01:57,555 --> 00:02:00,395 Speaker 1: with which to make a case that he deliberately kept anything. 27 00:02:00,675 --> 00:02:05,835 Speaker 1: To let your appointee then inject his opinion of the 28 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:09,395 Speaker 1: president's memory as if he were a doctor, and I 29 00:02:09,435 --> 00:02:11,595 Speaker 1: mean doctor. Hell, this guy should not be a lawyer, 30 00:02:12,075 --> 00:02:14,835 Speaker 1: and turn this report into a hammer with which he 31 00:02:14,915 --> 00:02:17,355 Speaker 1: sneaks up behind the President of the United States and 32 00:02:17,435 --> 00:02:19,715 Speaker 1: hits him in the back of the head while he's 33 00:02:19,755 --> 00:02:23,395 Speaker 1: not looking. What the hell kind of attorney general are you? Garland? 34 00:02:25,635 --> 00:02:29,195 Speaker 1: Merrick Garland would never have had the requisite courage, about 35 00:02:29,195 --> 00:02:31,675 Speaker 1: as much courage as a dog needs to pee on 36 00:02:31,755 --> 00:02:35,115 Speaker 1: a fire hydrant, to charge Trump for trying to overturn 37 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:38,635 Speaker 1: the election and overthrow the government and done who knows 38 00:02:38,955 --> 00:02:41,395 Speaker 1: what to the duly elected president he would have had 39 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:44,475 Speaker 1: to get rid of somehow, Garland would never have done 40 00:02:44,475 --> 00:02:49,515 Speaker 1: that if Trump hadn't also stolen classified documents so secret 41 00:02:49,595 --> 00:02:52,915 Speaker 1: that most investigators and prosecutors had to get special clearance 42 00:02:53,035 --> 00:02:56,075 Speaker 1: just to know what their names were. Garland should have 43 00:02:56,195 --> 00:02:59,915 Speaker 1: appointed a special council to prosecute Trump for January sixth, 44 00:02:59,995 --> 00:03:03,115 Speaker 1: within ten minutes of his confirmation, but instead he waited 45 00:03:03,155 --> 00:03:08,355 Speaker 1: nearly two years. Now entirely because of Merrick Garland, we 46 00:03:08,435 --> 00:03:11,515 Speaker 1: are racing the clock to put the greatest criminal in 47 00:03:11,555 --> 00:03:15,795 Speaker 1: American history in jail rather than back in command of everything, 48 00:03:16,075 --> 00:03:18,955 Speaker 1: including the Justice Department, where one of the first people 49 00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:25,715 Speaker 1: he would try to crucify would be Merrick Garland. Nice work, idiot. 50 00:03:26,195 --> 00:03:29,915 Speaker 1: And now this, and now a document comes out of 51 00:03:30,075 --> 00:03:35,835 Speaker 1: Merrick Garland's Justice Department questioning the president's memory. Is the 52 00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:40,355 Speaker 1: document from a doctor? Is the document from a non politician? 53 00:03:40,675 --> 00:03:45,355 Speaker 1: Is the document full of context? Like Trump keeps forgetting 54 00:03:45,395 --> 00:03:49,515 Speaker 1: the president is Biden and not Obama or Hillary Clinton? 55 00:03:49,835 --> 00:03:54,195 Speaker 1: And he says by Bama Clinton was president in twenty 56 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:56,355 Speaker 1: twenty and not him, and showing a picture of e 57 00:03:56,595 --> 00:04:00,475 Speaker 1: Gene Carroll who he raped. By the way, Trump identifies 58 00:04:00,515 --> 00:04:03,995 Speaker 1: her as his second wife, Marla Maples. Oh, and when 59 00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:06,275 Speaker 1: he actually had to answer the questions of a special 60 00:04:06,275 --> 00:04:09,635 Speaker 1: counsel Robert Muller. Trump said I don't recall, or I 61 00:04:09,715 --> 00:04:14,395 Speaker 1: don't remember or I cannot recollect thirty times, and Trump 62 00:04:14,475 --> 00:04:17,475 Speaker 1: Junior said it fifty four times. And Pence didn't recall 63 00:04:17,475 --> 00:04:19,675 Speaker 1: whether or not they told him beforehand about his role 64 00:04:19,675 --> 00:04:21,755 Speaker 1: in the fake elector scheme. Oh in, the Speaker of 65 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:26,275 Speaker 1: the House Mike Johnson just celebrated his birthday by calling 66 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:32,595 Speaker 1: Israel iran. Because everybody makes that mistake, and because Johnson 67 00:04:32,675 --> 00:04:36,075 Speaker 1: making that impossible to rationalize error, must be proof that 68 00:04:36,195 --> 00:04:38,755 Speaker 1: the Speaker is an elderly man with a poor memory, 69 00:04:38,795 --> 00:04:41,955 Speaker 1: an elderly man at age fifty two. Because not having 70 00:04:41,995 --> 00:04:44,075 Speaker 1: every fact right off the top of your head at 71 00:04:44,115 --> 00:04:48,235 Speaker 1: all times is a reason for a Justice Department employee 72 00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:51,795 Speaker 1: to put his schlung on the political scale and try 73 00:04:51,835 --> 00:04:54,275 Speaker 1: to throw the election to the guy who plans to 74 00:04:54,355 --> 00:05:00,635 Speaker 1: be a dictator. Thank you, Merrek Garland, resign or flee 75 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:04,595 Speaker 1: the country. You have just out, Bill Bard, Bill Barr, 76 00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:17,075 Speaker 1: Merrick Garland, shameful, incompetent, gutless, dilettante, shaking, shrinking sheep in 77 00:05:17,235 --> 00:05:24,755 Speaker 1: sheep's clothing. And as to this, special council and Special 78 00:05:24,835 --> 00:05:29,755 Speaker 1: is a brand name mister Her having spent a year 79 00:05:29,995 --> 00:05:34,555 Speaker 1: desperately searching for a crime and finding none, and having 80 00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:38,275 Speaker 1: to say he has found none. Mister Her, the William 81 00:05:38,395 --> 00:05:42,475 Speaker 1: Rehnquist law clerk, and the special assistant to Christopher Ray, 82 00:05:42,995 --> 00:05:46,675 Speaker 1: and the top aide to Rod Rosenstein, and an appointee 83 00:05:46,675 --> 00:05:50,835 Speaker 1: of Dementia J. Trump, and a contributor to the Federalist Society. 84 00:05:51,475 --> 00:05:53,355 Speaker 1: And oh, by the way, he's not a doctor, but 85 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:57,475 Speaker 1: he plays one in Department of Justice documents, mister Her 86 00:05:57,915 --> 00:06:01,475 Speaker 1: has violated an amazing number of ethical minimums. I mean, 87 00:06:01,515 --> 00:06:05,355 Speaker 1: even for a lawyer, even for a Republican. He has 88 00:06:05,395 --> 00:06:10,435 Speaker 1: gone so above and beyond his rights that disbarment procedures 89 00:06:10,475 --> 00:06:17,155 Speaker 1: should begin against him today. I understand that there is 90 00:06:17,195 --> 00:06:20,275 Speaker 1: a silver lining built into this fiasco if the Biden 91 00:06:20,315 --> 00:06:23,835 Speaker 1: campaign will simply grab it, and that silver lining is 92 00:06:24,075 --> 00:06:30,555 Speaker 1: those Interior poll numbers last October overwhelmingly showed that if 93 00:06:30,635 --> 00:06:35,155 Speaker 1: voters think both Biden and Trump are considered old, those 94 00:06:35,235 --> 00:06:39,235 Speaker 1: voters will vote for Biden by sixty one percent to 95 00:06:39,395 --> 00:06:45,075 Speaker 1: thirteen percent. I get it. I get it. This might 96 00:06:45,635 --> 00:06:54,555 Speaker 1: help me calm down by Monday or Tuesday. And I 97 00:06:54,635 --> 00:06:57,115 Speaker 1: get it that as desperately as nine out of ten 98 00:06:57,155 --> 00:07:00,435 Speaker 1: reporters could not have dreamed there could possibly be such 99 00:07:00,475 --> 00:07:05,155 Speaker 1: a wonderful both sidesest shield to protect themselves and their 100 00:07:05,275 --> 00:07:08,475 Speaker 1: editors against Trump and the far right. As a Biden 101 00:07:08,675 --> 00:07:12,995 Speaker 1: DOJ document claiming Biden is elderly with a poor memory, 102 00:07:13,115 --> 00:07:18,035 Speaker 1: the shiny object chasers of our hapless political media will 103 00:07:18,075 --> 00:07:22,355 Speaker 1: in fact grab on to something new by next Monday 104 00:07:22,435 --> 00:07:27,795 Speaker 1: or Tuesday. And I understand that Biden's best play here 105 00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:31,355 Speaker 1: is not just to do the super Bowl interview Sunday, 106 00:07:31,435 --> 00:07:33,475 Speaker 1: after all, but then I don't know, do it do 107 00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:38,555 Speaker 1: it while? Do it while he's bicycling, or while he's blindfolded, 108 00:07:39,115 --> 00:07:42,995 Speaker 1: or while he is simultaneously translating his own answers into Spanish. 109 00:07:44,475 --> 00:07:47,155 Speaker 1: And I understand that Biden's play after that is to 110 00:07:47,315 --> 00:07:49,635 Speaker 1: order his people to take the gloves off, and not 111 00:07:49,715 --> 00:07:53,195 Speaker 1: only from behind the scenes destroy this claude Robert Hurr, 112 00:07:53,755 --> 00:07:55,955 Speaker 1: but to make sure that every day until the election 113 00:07:56,595 --> 00:07:59,715 Speaker 1: they put out meme after meme and guest after guest, 114 00:07:59,955 --> 00:08:03,635 Speaker 1: and interview after interview, and story bait after story bait 115 00:08:03,675 --> 00:08:07,275 Speaker 1: in which somebody rom minds America that Donald John Trump 116 00:08:07,315 --> 00:08:11,155 Speaker 1: has dementia and personality disorders and he is a trader 117 00:08:11,195 --> 00:08:14,915 Speaker 1: who read our war plans out loud to some publishers. 118 00:08:15,315 --> 00:08:18,035 Speaker 1: And he is a racist, and he is a dictator 119 00:08:18,075 --> 00:08:21,035 Speaker 1: waiting to happen. And he is a compulsive liar, and 120 00:08:21,275 --> 00:08:28,835 Speaker 1: he is a rapist. And I understand that to have 121 00:08:29,235 --> 00:08:37,115 Speaker 1: Merrick Garland fire Robert her today, and then to have 122 00:08:37,235 --> 00:08:40,555 Speaker 1: Biden himself fire Merrick Garland today, that would be to 123 00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:45,995 Speaker 1: exacerbate this system and turn a dumpster fire into an inferno. 124 00:08:46,195 --> 00:08:49,115 Speaker 1: But god damn, how I wish Biden could do both 125 00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:54,595 Speaker 1: of these things today. Hers malfeasan's in this case may 126 00:08:54,675 --> 00:08:58,915 Speaker 1: end only one way, with him appointed to the Supreme Court. 127 00:08:59,035 --> 00:09:03,435 Speaker 1: If a Republican regains the White House. Hell, if that's Trump, 128 00:09:04,115 --> 00:09:06,115 Speaker 1: her might go a pardon at a spot on the 129 00:09:06,115 --> 00:09:12,675 Speaker 1: Supreme Court. Which reminds me the entire Mitch McConnell dance 130 00:09:13,395 --> 00:09:17,715 Speaker 1: about Merrick Garland eight years ago. This now makes no 131 00:09:17,795 --> 00:09:22,275 Speaker 1: sense to me whatsoever. Why did Mitch McConnell oppose his nomination. 132 00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:26,195 Speaker 1: Merrick Garland would have been a reliable conservative vote on 133 00:09:26,235 --> 00:09:31,635 Speaker 1: the Supreme Court, only better than a conservative making conservative 134 00:09:31,675 --> 00:09:34,915 Speaker 1: votes on the Supreme Court. He would have dressed it 135 00:09:34,995 --> 00:09:37,675 Speaker 1: up and furrowed his brow in such a way that 136 00:09:37,835 --> 00:09:41,075 Speaker 1: while issuing conservative opinions, he could have pretended he was 137 00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:48,035 Speaker 1: a liberal, you know, like Elena Kagan. Ellie Mistahal, the 138 00:09:48,115 --> 00:09:51,115 Speaker 1: Supreme Court expert of the nation on whose judgment I 139 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:54,875 Speaker 1: rely thinks that after yesterday's oral arguments in the Fourteenth 140 00:09:54,915 --> 00:09:59,595 Speaker 1: Amendment case Trump v. Anderson, that Kagan could vote for Trump, 141 00:10:00,995 --> 00:10:04,435 Speaker 1: and so do my Ore might vote for Trump, and 142 00:10:04,755 --> 00:10:09,235 Speaker 1: Tanji Brown Jackson will vote for Trump. That after their questions, 143 00:10:09,635 --> 00:10:13,115 Speaker 1: the vote could be nine nothing for Trump and against 144 00:10:14,515 --> 00:10:17,435 Speaker 1: you know, the Constitution of the United States, the fourteenth Amendment. 145 00:10:19,275 --> 00:10:21,955 Speaker 1: Kagan and Soda, my Or and Jackson cannot stop a 146 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,675 Speaker 1: religious nut, a hapless chief justice, a crooked old man, 147 00:10:25,915 --> 00:10:29,915 Speaker 1: and three Trump employees from giving him this verdict. But 148 00:10:29,995 --> 00:10:34,195 Speaker 1: if it is unanimous, if Kagan and Sodamayor and Jackson 149 00:10:35,115 --> 00:10:39,675 Speaker 1: don't oppose and don't write a searing descent, they should resign. 150 00:10:40,435 --> 00:10:42,795 Speaker 1: Because what they did yesterday made me wonder if I 151 00:10:42,835 --> 00:10:44,715 Speaker 1: could somehow demand to see proof that they did not 152 00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:47,155 Speaker 1: get their law degrees out of boxes of cracker jack. 153 00:10:50,115 --> 00:10:53,795 Speaker 1: I mean, I half expected a statement from one of 154 00:10:53,835 --> 00:10:56,995 Speaker 1: the justices like this quote. I think that the question 155 00:10:57,035 --> 00:10:59,555 Speaker 1: that you have to confront is why a single state 156 00:10:59,795 --> 00:11:02,555 Speaker 1: should decide who gets to be president of the United States, 157 00:11:03,315 --> 00:11:06,955 Speaker 1: Because that's exactly the kind of thing I believe Brett 158 00:11:06,995 --> 00:11:11,955 Speaker 1: Kavanaugh says while drunk. Except that was not said by 159 00:11:12,035 --> 00:11:15,235 Speaker 1: Brett Kavanaugh. It was Elena Kagan who said that a 160 00:11:15,315 --> 00:11:21,835 Speaker 1: single state deciding who gets to be president. Seriously, Madam Justice, 161 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:26,195 Speaker 1: it isn't a single goddamn state deciding this. Just because 162 00:11:26,235 --> 00:11:29,915 Speaker 1: the officials and the attorneys from one state have more 163 00:11:29,915 --> 00:11:32,995 Speaker 1: intelligence and guts than you do, that doesn't mean they 164 00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:36,155 Speaker 1: are deciding who's president. The state of Colorado is not 165 00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:40,435 Speaker 1: deciding who's president. You are deciding a case. The Supreme 166 00:11:40,475 --> 00:11:43,795 Speaker 1: Court is deciding this, and you, Justice Kagan, are on 167 00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:47,075 Speaker 1: the Supreme Court. Doesn't that say so on your letter head? 168 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,515 Speaker 1: And by the way, it's not even really you Justice 169 00:11:50,595 --> 00:11:55,075 Speaker 1: is deciding it. It's the Constitution, the fourteenth Amendment. It's 170 00:11:55,075 --> 00:11:57,315 Speaker 1: there in black and white, and you have a bathtub 171 00:11:57,355 --> 00:12:00,595 Speaker 1: full of evidence about the actual debates that went on 172 00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:03,955 Speaker 1: in real time before it and the meaning of every 173 00:12:04,035 --> 00:12:08,555 Speaker 1: word in it. But you say, whyan's Colorado deciding who's president? 174 00:12:08,635 --> 00:12:12,715 Speaker 1: Rather than saying Colorado is giving the Constitution the chance 175 00:12:12,795 --> 00:12:17,635 Speaker 1: to decide who's eligible and who is ineligible to be president. 176 00:12:20,835 --> 00:12:24,715 Speaker 1: And while mister mss Stall says Sodamayor did make points 177 00:12:24,755 --> 00:12:29,835 Speaker 1: on behalf of the Constitution and you know, not letting 178 00:12:30,515 --> 00:12:37,195 Speaker 1: traitorous presidents run again. The Tanji Brown Jackson also shamed herself. 179 00:12:38,075 --> 00:12:42,875 Speaker 1: She bought into the entire nonsensical argument that because the 180 00:12:42,955 --> 00:12:45,995 Speaker 1: list of people in the Fourteenth Amendment who are said 181 00:12:45,995 --> 00:12:48,835 Speaker 1: to take oaths as officers of the United States does 182 00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:51,595 Speaker 1: not explicitly include the President of the United States, and 183 00:12:51,635 --> 00:12:54,395 Speaker 1: the president is not an officer, therefore Trump was not 184 00:12:54,435 --> 00:12:58,035 Speaker 1: an officer. Therefore Trump did not violate the fourteenth Amendment. Therefore, 185 00:12:58,075 --> 00:13:08,395 Speaker 1: whatever the Amendment says, it's not saying it about him. 186 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,915 Speaker 1: There was more intellectual fervor at a model United Nations 187 00:13:11,915 --> 00:13:18,155 Speaker 1: I attended in the year nineteen seventy four, Antonin Scalia 188 00:13:18,355 --> 00:13:21,875 Speaker 1: said the president was an officer of the United States. 189 00:13:21,915 --> 00:13:24,915 Speaker 1: He wrote it down. He wrote it down and sent 190 00:13:24,955 --> 00:13:27,235 Speaker 1: it to two conservative scholars who had said he was not, 191 00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:32,115 Speaker 1: and he told them they were wrong. And now Scalia 192 00:13:32,155 --> 00:13:35,635 Speaker 1: seems likelier to vote against Trump than Katanji Brown Jackson does. 193 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:41,235 Speaker 1: And Scalia is dead right now and in hell Ohen. 194 00:13:41,315 --> 00:13:43,355 Speaker 1: Just last year, some lawyers told the court in New 195 00:13:43,395 --> 00:13:46,515 Speaker 1: York that the criminal charges against Trump should be moved 196 00:13:46,555 --> 00:13:51,635 Speaker 1: to federal court because, wait for it, he was a 197 00:13:51,795 --> 00:13:59,395 Speaker 1: federal officer. The lawyers were Trump lawyers. Trump, through his lawyers, 198 00:13:59,795 --> 00:14:02,195 Speaker 1: said he was an officer of the United States. But 199 00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:09,075 Speaker 1: Katanji Brown Jackson isn't shoe. And if that isn't bad enough, 200 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:14,315 Speaker 1: I haven't even mentioned the conservatives arguments here, and the 201 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:18,715 Speaker 1: worst of them was about whether Trump was actually involved 202 00:14:19,315 --> 00:14:25,875 Speaker 1: in an insurrection. Pope Samuel Alito, the first said Trump 203 00:14:25,955 --> 00:14:32,315 Speaker 1: never engaged in an insurrection. John Roberts, who's called Justice 204 00:14:32,395 --> 00:14:34,635 Speaker 1: John Roberts because I think he changed his first name 205 00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:37,715 Speaker 1: to justice, because he sure isn't running this court. John 206 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:42,275 Speaker 1: Roberts said that if they ruled against Trump, every Republican 207 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,595 Speaker 1: state would start defining insurrection as one thing, and every 208 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,915 Speaker 1: Democratic state would start defining it as another, and soon 209 00:14:49,395 --> 00:14:53,635 Speaker 1: you'd have to find one definition. And uh, hey, Johnny, 210 00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:56,435 Speaker 1: good idea. Why don't you go do that and start 211 00:14:56,475 --> 00:15:00,035 Speaker 1: on the list with uh insurrection being trying to stop 212 00:15:00,075 --> 00:15:06,515 Speaker 1: the peaceful transfer of power via armed rebellion. So Roberts said, Basically, 213 00:15:06,595 --> 00:15:09,635 Speaker 1: he's not sure January sixth was an insurrection. And as 214 00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:13,995 Speaker 1: soon as the Supreme Court adjourned yesterday, you know who 215 00:15:14,075 --> 00:15:20,475 Speaker 1: said January sixth was an insurrection? Trump did. Trump said 216 00:15:20,915 --> 00:15:28,155 Speaker 1: January sixth was an insurrection. He said it twice. Listen carefully, 217 00:15:28,475 --> 00:15:30,195 Speaker 1: and the one thing I'll say is they kept saying 218 00:15:30,235 --> 00:15:32,835 Speaker 1: about what I said right after the insurrection. 219 00:15:35,115 --> 00:15:36,635 Speaker 2: I think it was an insurrection, was. 220 00:15:36,675 --> 00:15:44,715 Speaker 1: My Nancy Melosi? Jesus H. Christ. Trump thinks it was 221 00:15:44,755 --> 00:15:48,475 Speaker 1: an insurrection, and of course he attaches his insane bullshit 222 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:52,795 Speaker 1: to it about Pelosi. But Trump thinks it was an insurrection. 223 00:15:56,195 --> 00:16:01,635 Speaker 1: Sam Alito doesn't no to answer my question. We don't 224 00:16:01,675 --> 00:16:05,275 Speaker 1: have a constitution anymore, Ellie, miss Staal, it's going to 225 00:16:05,275 --> 00:16:08,515 Speaker 1: be nine nothing, and they're going to say, well, true, 226 00:16:08,915 --> 00:16:12,635 Speaker 1: that disqualification clause in there that does not require a 227 00:16:12,675 --> 00:16:17,235 Speaker 1: criminal trial. The Constitution is all powerful and that clause 228 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:22,235 Speaker 1: is self executing. But individual states do not have the 229 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:28,715 Speaker 1: power to enforce because, as Ellie put it, quote reasons, 230 00:16:30,755 --> 00:16:33,395 Speaker 1: this point doesn't matter what the reasons are. They're like 231 00:16:33,555 --> 00:16:37,875 Speaker 1: Merrick Garland. They are only there just so this suit 232 00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:41,155 Speaker 1: of clothes has something to hang on and does not 233 00:16:41,355 --> 00:16:46,835 Speaker 1: fall to the floor in a heap. But if you're 234 00:16:46,835 --> 00:16:50,595 Speaker 1: planning ahead, your options for why the Supreme Court votes 235 00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:52,555 Speaker 1: nine nothing or maybe eight to one. I still have 236 00:16:52,555 --> 00:16:56,115 Speaker 1: hopes for sona mayor are. One that the president is 237 00:16:56,195 --> 00:16:58,715 Speaker 1: not an officer, or in Trump's case, that he was 238 00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:04,235 Speaker 1: not an officer or a gentleman. Two that maybe he 239 00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:08,995 Speaker 1: wasn't a officer, but Trump didn't engage an insurrection. Three 240 00:17:09,035 --> 00:17:12,275 Speaker 1: that maybe he was a bad boy, but January sixth 241 00:17:12,315 --> 00:17:16,035 Speaker 1: itself was not an insurrection, even though Trump now says 242 00:17:16,075 --> 00:17:21,195 Speaker 1: it was an insurrection. Four that you can't disqualify a 243 00:17:21,275 --> 00:17:25,435 Speaker 1: candidate without a law defining insurrection and who could violate it? 244 00:17:26,995 --> 00:17:31,995 Speaker 1: And or five that Judge Gabby Kagan is right Colorado 245 00:17:32,075 --> 00:17:34,875 Speaker 1: doesn't get to choose the president because we can't live 246 00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:38,235 Speaker 1: in a country in which one state chooses the president. 247 00:17:40,955 --> 00:17:44,715 Speaker 1: And if it's that last one, Clarence Thomas will just 248 00:17:45,115 --> 00:17:50,675 Speaker 1: smile quietly to himself and say, that's right, m Effers. 249 00:17:51,315 --> 00:17:55,275 Speaker 1: I'm the only one left who ruled on Bush vigor 250 00:17:56,675 --> 00:18:15,315 Speaker 1: when one state, Florida, chose the president. And sadly, in 251 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,915 Speaker 1: our new Trump Trials theme there it turns out that 252 00:18:18,035 --> 00:18:21,635 Speaker 1: cell door appears to be closing on you and me. 253 00:18:24,835 --> 00:18:27,795 Speaker 1: Also of interest here there is a New York Times 254 00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:31,115 Speaker 1: reporter who claims that the good news in Robert Hurri's 255 00:18:31,115 --> 00:18:33,875 Speaker 1: medical evaluation of Joe Biden is that it will end 256 00:18:34,435 --> 00:18:39,035 Speaker 1: the gentleman's agreement under which reporters never brought up President 257 00:18:39,075 --> 00:18:43,315 Speaker 1: Biden's age. And my only guess is that that reporter 258 00:18:43,475 --> 00:18:48,755 Speaker 1: is high as a kite. But before the break, I 259 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:53,395 Speaker 1: have to offer something upbeat. I mean, the naked incompetence 260 00:18:53,395 --> 00:18:56,595 Speaker 1: of Merrick Garland and the spinelessness of the justices of 261 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,995 Speaker 1: the Supreme Court might be bad, but how about that. 262 00:19:00,075 --> 00:19:03,995 Speaker 1: Nominating committee for the iHeart Podcast Awards twenty twenty four 263 00:19:04,315 --> 00:19:07,315 Speaker 1: to be is edited south by Southwest in Austin, Texas 264 00:19:07,315 --> 00:19:10,275 Speaker 1: on the eleventh of next month. Five nominees for the 265 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:16,875 Speaker 1: Best political Podcast pod Save America, NPR Politics, CNN Inside Politics, 266 00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:26,035 Speaker 1: The Ben Shapiro Show, and Countdown with the Keith. I 267 00:19:26,035 --> 00:19:29,955 Speaker 1: can't pronounce the rest of it. Countdown with Somebody, Yes, 268 00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:35,155 Speaker 1: you can vote. Yes, it's on the iHeart website. I'm 269 00:19:35,155 --> 00:19:37,355 Speaker 1: not going to give you an address here on audio. 270 00:19:37,475 --> 00:19:40,555 Speaker 1: Just google iHeart Podcast Awards and no, I'm not gonna win. 271 00:19:40,995 --> 00:19:44,035 Speaker 1: I never win these things. It's just an honor to 272 00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:50,395 Speaker 1: be nominated. And when I say honor, I'm lying. This 273 00:19:50,915 --> 00:20:00,035 Speaker 1: is countdown. Nominated for a prestigious award. 274 00:20:00,635 --> 00:20:18,955 Speaker 3: This is countdown with Keith Olberman. This is Sports Senate. Wait, 275 00:20:19,155 --> 00:20:21,235 Speaker 3: check that not anymore. 276 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:29,595 Speaker 1: This is countdown with Keith Ulberman in Sports Dateline, Washington, 277 00:20:29,675 --> 00:20:37,075 Speaker 1: Capitol Hills, Senate Gallery ex Crappy Football Coaches Division. If 278 00:20:37,115 --> 00:20:39,635 Speaker 1: you think Tommy Tuberville does not know what he's doing 279 00:20:39,675 --> 00:20:42,675 Speaker 1: in the Senate, take comfort. He is not even finished 280 00:20:42,795 --> 00:20:45,635 Speaker 1: not knowing what he's doing in football. Went on a 281 00:20:45,715 --> 00:20:50,555 Speaker 1: right wing propaganda network bashing Biden's memory, and literally seconds later, 282 00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:54,595 Speaker 1: Tubby could not remember the names of the teams or 283 00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:56,755 Speaker 1: the quarterbacks in the Super Bowl. 284 00:20:57,115 --> 00:21:00,075 Speaker 2: He can't remember names, he can't care on a conversation. 285 00:21:00,275 --> 00:21:02,315 Speaker 2: He has to listen to the press corps to give 286 00:21:02,355 --> 00:21:06,235 Speaker 2: him hands about what he's talking about. We're really bad 287 00:21:06,275 --> 00:21:08,755 Speaker 2: trouble when it comes to Joe Biden, and hopefully we've 288 00:21:08,755 --> 00:21:10,915 Speaker 2: only got ten twelve more months with him. 289 00:21:11,915 --> 00:21:13,835 Speaker 1: Well, do you want to make a pick in the 290 00:21:13,875 --> 00:21:16,075 Speaker 1: Super Bowl or not? 291 00:21:18,355 --> 00:21:22,955 Speaker 2: Well, San Francisco has got the best defense, Obviously, the 292 00:21:22,955 --> 00:21:24,875 Speaker 2: best quarterback is going to be on the side of 293 00:21:24,915 --> 00:21:29,755 Speaker 2: the of Kansas City Chiefs, but they got a running 294 00:21:29,795 --> 00:21:32,435 Speaker 2: back in San Francisco is pretty dang good. 295 00:21:32,795 --> 00:21:38,275 Speaker 1: Can't remember names, needs hints from the press. Cracker, asshole, 296 00:21:38,515 --> 00:21:41,195 Speaker 1: nice work coach. By the way, it's Joe Montana of 297 00:21:41,195 --> 00:21:44,075 Speaker 1: the Niners versus Lenn Dawson of the Chiefs. Why don't 298 00:21:44,075 --> 00:21:46,235 Speaker 1: you go make a bet on that coach and stop 299 00:21:46,235 --> 00:21:53,555 Speaker 1: wasting everybody else's time? Dateline Oakland or Las Vegas, Nevada 300 00:21:53,715 --> 00:21:57,035 Speaker 1: or both. The move of Baseball's Oakland A's to Las 301 00:21:57,115 --> 00:22:00,635 Speaker 1: Vegas is so messed up that even Baseball Commissioner Rob 302 00:22:00,755 --> 00:22:04,635 Speaker 1: Manfred has noticed. A day after the mayor of Black 303 00:22:04,795 --> 00:22:08,195 Speaker 1: Vegas said the A's plans in his town made no sense, 304 00:22:08,515 --> 00:22:11,395 Speaker 1: the commissioner said, the team and the sport need clarity 305 00:22:11,395 --> 00:22:15,155 Speaker 1: in the next few weeks. Or he's still Rob Manfred, 306 00:22:15,235 --> 00:22:18,075 Speaker 1: so he didn't say or have the second half of 307 00:22:18,075 --> 00:22:21,715 Speaker 1: that sentence mapped out. He made vague references to having 308 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,875 Speaker 1: the A's have to play some or all their home 309 00:22:23,915 --> 00:22:28,155 Speaker 1: games in Sacramento, maybe with a goal of finally being 310 00:22:28,235 --> 00:22:30,315 Speaker 1: ready to go to Vegas by opening day of twenty 311 00:22:30,395 --> 00:22:33,155 Speaker 1: twenty eight in a stadium that would be built by 312 00:22:33,235 --> 00:22:36,235 Speaker 1: then in a place where at this exact moment they 313 00:22:36,275 --> 00:22:39,275 Speaker 1: have a big old hotel that's still there. If you 314 00:22:39,435 --> 00:22:43,515 Speaker 1: think this with the homeless A's, this can't go on forever, 315 00:22:43,955 --> 00:22:49,275 Speaker 1: wrong again, Connie mack Breath. In late nineteen seventy seven, 316 00:22:49,795 --> 00:22:52,515 Speaker 1: the man who had brought the A's from Kansas City 317 00:22:52,555 --> 00:22:56,155 Speaker 1: to Oakland, Charles O. Finley, made a deal to move 318 00:22:56,235 --> 00:22:59,995 Speaker 1: the team to Denver, and for the next three seasons, 319 00:23:00,435 --> 00:23:03,315 Speaker 1: the Oakland A's were basically thought to be about to 320 00:23:03,395 --> 00:23:06,675 Speaker 1: move to Denver to be the Denver A's during the 321 00:23:06,715 --> 00:23:09,875 Speaker 1: winter during the season of nineteen seventy eight, during the 322 00:23:09,915 --> 00:23:12,995 Speaker 1: next winter, during the season of nineteen seventy nine, during 323 00:23:12,995 --> 00:23:15,875 Speaker 1: the winter after that, during the season of nineteen eighty, 324 00:23:16,115 --> 00:23:18,915 Speaker 1: with Finley as the owner, with Finley selling the A's 325 00:23:18,955 --> 00:23:22,235 Speaker 1: to somebody, with Finley selling the A's to businessman Marvin Davis. 326 00:23:22,715 --> 00:23:27,715 Speaker 1: This went on so long, so unresolved that when it 327 00:23:27,795 --> 00:23:30,635 Speaker 1: started I was a junior in college, and when it 328 00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:33,715 Speaker 1: finally ended, I was about to start my new job 329 00:23:33,795 --> 00:23:38,835 Speaker 1: with my second radio network. And if history really repeats itself, 330 00:23:38,995 --> 00:23:43,155 Speaker 1: note well it ended in August nineteen eighty with the 331 00:23:43,195 --> 00:24:09,915 Speaker 1: A's staying in Oakland, still ahead on countdown. Well, hell, 332 00:24:09,955 --> 00:24:12,235 Speaker 1: I got nominated for a major award, and as I've 333 00:24:12,235 --> 00:24:15,515 Speaker 1: said previously, I don't win the awards. I'm like, oh 334 00:24:15,675 --> 00:24:18,915 Speaker 1: since nineteen eighty five, just in the Emmys. So let's 335 00:24:18,915 --> 00:24:22,235 Speaker 1: devote Fridays with Thurber to his greatest short story about 336 00:24:22,275 --> 00:24:25,675 Speaker 1: what it's like when a novice goes into a broadcasting 337 00:24:25,715 --> 00:24:29,875 Speaker 1: studio for the first time, How to relax while broadcasting 338 00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:33,795 Speaker 1: next first time. For the daily roundup of the miss grants, morons, 339 00:24:33,795 --> 00:24:38,555 Speaker 1: and dunning Kruger effects specimens who constitute today's worse parsons 340 00:24:38,555 --> 00:24:42,955 Speaker 1: in the world Lebron's worse. I may get emotional here 341 00:24:43,555 --> 00:24:47,835 Speaker 1: because an old friend of worse persons is back. Yes, 342 00:24:48,155 --> 00:24:52,955 Speaker 1: it's Sarah Palin, and I'm happy to say that woman 343 00:24:53,075 --> 00:24:56,635 Speaker 1: is still an idiot, and still an idiot about Russia. 344 00:24:57,275 --> 00:25:00,715 Speaker 1: She's posted the graveside meme the two guys throwing the 345 00:25:00,795 --> 00:25:03,715 Speaker 1: V for victory fingers while crouch down next to the 346 00:25:03,715 --> 00:25:07,795 Speaker 1: freshly dug gray that tasteless thing. This time the grave 347 00:25:07,915 --> 00:25:11,475 Speaker 1: is marked quote fake news, and the guys are putin 348 00:25:12,075 --> 00:25:15,915 Speaker 1: and his favorite American not really useful idiot, Tucker Carlson 349 00:25:16,995 --> 00:25:21,195 Speaker 1: I can see Russian propaganda from my house, I'm happy 350 00:25:21,235 --> 00:25:24,395 Speaker 1: to say. Sarah Palin also attended a fascist conference last week, 351 00:25:24,395 --> 00:25:27,035 Speaker 1: in which the sign behind her gave the date as 352 00:25:27,155 --> 00:25:32,435 Speaker 1: February Thirth February thirth a three with a T and 353 00:25:32,475 --> 00:25:36,675 Speaker 1: an H after it. That woman is still an idiot. 354 00:25:36,915 --> 00:25:40,475 Speaker 1: The runner up worser Charlie Kirk and Marjorie Taylor Barney 355 00:25:40,515 --> 00:25:46,155 Speaker 1: Rubble Indictable Green. They examined Mike Johnson's failure to get 356 00:25:46,155 --> 00:25:49,355 Speaker 1: the majorcas impeachment vote passed, and they deduced that there 357 00:25:49,395 --> 00:25:53,355 Speaker 1: was only one possible explanation that the three Republican NO 358 00:25:53,595 --> 00:25:58,635 Speaker 1: voters were from blackmail victims. Marjorie, do you think these 359 00:25:58,635 --> 00:26:01,195 Speaker 1: people are being blackmailed by the intel agencies? They might 360 00:26:01,235 --> 00:26:04,635 Speaker 1: have had relations with certain people and pictures in common. 361 00:26:05,595 --> 00:26:07,515 Speaker 1: Do you think that they're currently being blackmailed? 362 00:26:09,435 --> 00:26:13,315 Speaker 4: You know, I have no proof of that, But I again, 363 00:26:13,395 --> 00:26:17,515 Speaker 4: I can't understand the vote. So nothing surprises me in Washington, 364 00:26:17,635 --> 00:26:23,835 Speaker 4: DC anymore. Charlie, Literally nothing surprises me because it doesn't 365 00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:26,755 Speaker 4: make sense to anyone, right, Why would anyone vote, know, 366 00:26:26,955 --> 00:26:31,155 Speaker 4: why would anyone protect may Orchis unless they're being bribed, 367 00:26:31,275 --> 00:26:34,555 Speaker 4: Unless there's something going on unless they're making a deal. 368 00:26:35,355 --> 00:26:39,595 Speaker 1: Nothing surprises Marge anymore except that the sun comes up 369 00:26:39,635 --> 00:26:45,475 Speaker 1: on the same side every day. Blackmail about pedophilia. You 370 00:26:45,515 --> 00:26:50,315 Speaker 1: say pedophilia blackmail, will remember Charlie Kirk and Marjorie. Politics 371 00:26:50,435 --> 00:26:53,355 Speaker 1: is ugly, and so am I Green. It is well 372 00:26:53,475 --> 00:26:59,875 Speaker 1: established that every Republican accusation is actually a confession. But 373 00:26:59,995 --> 00:27:05,795 Speaker 1: the winner the worst, osted W. Herndon emphasis on the 374 00:27:05,915 --> 00:27:08,475 Speaker 1: oss of the New York Times. Now there are a 375 00:27:08,555 --> 00:27:10,475 Speaker 1: lot of people who could have won this award for 376 00:27:10,515 --> 00:27:16,275 Speaker 1: this same reason, but mister Herndon's entry stood below the rest, succinct, 377 00:27:16,595 --> 00:27:22,075 Speaker 1: lacking morality, both sizest and mostly untrue and dishonest. After 378 00:27:22,115 --> 00:27:25,795 Speaker 1: the Special Council's political attack on President Biden's memory, which 379 00:27:25,835 --> 00:27:28,675 Speaker 1: had no business being in his report, which is in 380 00:27:28,715 --> 00:27:31,595 Speaker 1: there because the Special Council, a Republican, was trying to 381 00:27:31,595 --> 00:27:35,155 Speaker 1: help Trump and the Republicans because it restarts a right 382 00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,795 Speaker 1: wing and fascist talking point that they have trotted out 383 00:27:37,835 --> 00:27:41,315 Speaker 1: every day since Joe Biden declared his candidacy for the 384 00:27:41,355 --> 00:27:46,595 Speaker 1: presidency April twenty fifth, twenty nineteen, every god damned days 385 00:27:46,715 --> 00:27:49,955 Speaker 1: since in three months, it'll be five years. Every god 386 00:27:50,155 --> 00:27:54,035 Speaker 1: damned day with this, This buffoon. Herndon of The Times 387 00:27:54,075 --> 00:27:58,155 Speaker 1: posts Biden's age is very clearly the most important non 388 00:27:58,315 --> 00:28:02,715 Speaker 1: Trump issue in this elect Polling says so, voters say so. 389 00:28:03,035 --> 00:28:06,995 Speaker 1: It's just the wh Select DC, which I assume he 390 00:28:07,075 --> 00:28:11,435 Speaker 1: means White House and District of Columbia have had a 391 00:28:11,515 --> 00:28:15,115 Speaker 1: sort of a gentleman's agreement for the last year. To 392 00:28:15,355 --> 00:28:22,835 Speaker 1: pretend like it's not maybe that ends now, bullshit, You're 393 00:28:22,875 --> 00:28:25,995 Speaker 1: an idiot. It is one thing to point at Joe 394 00:28:26,035 --> 00:28:29,835 Speaker 1: Biden and say old, as if Trump would not be 395 00:28:29,955 --> 00:28:32,555 Speaker 1: seventy eight and a half if he sees his power 396 00:28:32,635 --> 00:28:35,795 Speaker 1: next January. It's one thing to do that, mister Herndon, 397 00:28:36,395 --> 00:28:38,715 Speaker 1: like your ability to supply context is less than that 398 00:28:38,795 --> 00:28:42,155 Speaker 1: of a talking seal, And it's quite another to point 399 00:28:42,195 --> 00:28:45,275 Speaker 1: at him and say old and then claim you are 400 00:28:45,315 --> 00:28:48,035 Speaker 1: the only one willing to say that when every other 401 00:28:48,275 --> 00:28:52,235 Speaker 1: goddamned reporter at the goddamn New York Times and every 402 00:28:52,235 --> 00:28:55,475 Speaker 1: other goddamn reporter in Washington and New York and anywhere 403 00:28:55,475 --> 00:28:58,875 Speaker 1: else has been hitting this again and again every day, 404 00:28:59,075 --> 00:29:03,275 Speaker 1: every hour, like they invented it, minus the context, minus 405 00:29:03,315 --> 00:29:06,795 Speaker 1: Trump mistaking egen care for Marlow Mapers, or forgetting what 406 00:29:07,195 --> 00:29:10,475 Speaker 1: year it is, or forgetting who Joe Biden is, and 407 00:29:10,555 --> 00:29:13,475 Speaker 1: to say there has been a gentleman's agreement to somehow 408 00:29:13,515 --> 00:29:16,955 Speaker 1: minimize this. Do they pay you or are you a 409 00:29:17,035 --> 00:29:21,675 Speaker 1: volunteer for that job? Because you ain't worth shit. Pal. Firstly, 410 00:29:21,715 --> 00:29:24,835 Speaker 1: there are no gentlemen among political reporters. Each one of 411 00:29:24,875 --> 00:29:28,635 Speaker 1: you would sell your spouse to be Carl Bernstein for 412 00:29:28,755 --> 00:29:32,955 Speaker 1: ten minutes. Secondly, if there is a gentleman's agreement to 413 00:29:33,035 --> 00:29:36,875 Speaker 1: pretend like it's not, it ain't working. And I guess 414 00:29:36,875 --> 00:29:40,475 Speaker 1: only you, Osted w Herndon of The New York Times, 415 00:29:40,675 --> 00:29:43,635 Speaker 1: You are the only moron who signed up for it, 416 00:29:44,875 --> 00:29:48,555 Speaker 1: Osted w Herndon, Oh yeah, he's also a contributor for 417 00:29:49,475 --> 00:29:56,715 Speaker 1: I want to guess CNN naturally two days worst person 418 00:29:57,515 --> 00:30:13,715 Speaker 1: in the world? Did I add f you to the 419 00:30:13,795 --> 00:30:16,235 Speaker 1: number one story on the Countdown? And it's Friday and 420 00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:19,115 Speaker 1: the weekend edition, so that means a little more James 421 00:30:19,115 --> 00:30:23,155 Speaker 1: Thurber for you. James Thurber had many full time jobs. 422 00:30:23,155 --> 00:30:26,355 Speaker 1: He was a street reporter for the Columbus Dispatch and 423 00:30:26,515 --> 00:30:29,555 Speaker 1: later the New York Post, and he was an editor 424 00:30:29,595 --> 00:30:31,635 Speaker 1: of The New Yorker Long before he was a writer 425 00:30:31,795 --> 00:30:35,115 Speaker 1: or cartoonist there, and people kept trying to make him 426 00:30:35,115 --> 00:30:39,715 Speaker 1: into a radio star, leading to a short story which 427 00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:43,915 Speaker 1: is understandably one of my favorites. A lot of it 428 00:30:43,955 --> 00:30:47,835 Speaker 1: speaks of broadcasting in another world and of course another century. 429 00:30:48,355 --> 00:30:50,275 Speaker 1: But it is amazing how much of what you will 430 00:30:50,315 --> 00:30:54,235 Speaker 1: hear now is still true today. From the May fifth, 431 00:30:54,315 --> 00:30:58,075 Speaker 1: nineteen thirty four edition of The New Yorker, How to 432 00:30:58,275 --> 00:31:05,715 Speaker 1: Relax while Broadcasting by James Thurber. The evening I went 433 00:31:05,795 --> 00:31:08,715 Speaker 1: up to the studios for my first radio broadcast. I 434 00:31:08,715 --> 00:31:11,315 Speaker 1: got off by mistake, at the sixteenth floor instead of 435 00:31:11,355 --> 00:31:14,715 Speaker 1: the seventeenth. I decided not to wait for the elevator, 436 00:31:14,715 --> 00:31:17,115 Speaker 1: but just run up the stairs to the seventeenth floor, 437 00:31:17,435 --> 00:31:22,635 Speaker 1: because elevators in broadcasting buildings are always crowded with small 438 00:31:22,715 --> 00:31:27,155 Speaker 1: Italian musicians carrying cellos. And furthermore, when the up sign 439 00:31:27,195 --> 00:31:29,715 Speaker 1: above the elevators in these buildings lights the operator of 440 00:31:29,715 --> 00:31:33,515 Speaker 1: the car that stops where he usually says down, and 441 00:31:33,595 --> 00:31:35,995 Speaker 1: before you can think, you find yourself on the first 442 00:31:36,035 --> 00:31:38,955 Speaker 1: floor again without any way of getting back up, because 443 00:31:38,995 --> 00:31:42,155 Speaker 1: you surrendered your pass to the man at the desk 444 00:31:42,275 --> 00:31:45,155 Speaker 1: in the lobby the first time. You went up. I 445 00:31:45,235 --> 00:31:48,355 Speaker 1: walked to a door on the sixteenth floor marked stairs, 446 00:31:48,395 --> 00:31:51,555 Speaker 1: and stepped out into a cold, dark staircase shaft and 447 00:31:51,635 --> 00:31:54,675 Speaker 1: walked up one flight. I found that the door on 448 00:31:54,755 --> 00:31:58,835 Speaker 1: that floor wouldn't open. It was after seven o'clock in 449 00:31:58,875 --> 00:32:02,515 Speaker 1: the evening and the door had been officially locked. I 450 00:32:02,595 --> 00:32:05,315 Speaker 1: hurried back down to the sixteenth floor and discovered that 451 00:32:05,395 --> 00:32:08,835 Speaker 1: the door there had locked behind me too. I began 452 00:32:08,875 --> 00:32:12,155 Speaker 1: to beat on it and kick it from far off. 453 00:32:12,315 --> 00:32:17,475 Speaker 1: A faint voice came to me, finally saying, got that out. 454 00:32:19,075 --> 00:32:21,755 Speaker 1: The only thing to do was walk down fifteen flights 455 00:32:21,995 --> 00:32:25,155 Speaker 1: to the main floor, which I did, but the door 456 00:32:25,315 --> 00:32:28,635 Speaker 1: out into the lobby was also locked, and nobody answered 457 00:32:28,675 --> 00:32:34,795 Speaker 1: my screams and poundings. Screaming and pounding is not radio, 458 00:32:35,195 --> 00:32:39,075 Speaker 1: as the broadcasting people say. I went down into the basement, 459 00:32:39,075 --> 00:32:42,355 Speaker 1: which was dark and gloomy, and hunted for the elevator shaft. 460 00:32:42,555 --> 00:32:44,635 Speaker 1: I found it, but there was no bell to push, 461 00:32:45,035 --> 00:32:47,435 Speaker 1: so I sat on an old chair until the car 462 00:32:47,515 --> 00:32:50,875 Speaker 1: came down. The operator was surprised to see me and 463 00:32:50,955 --> 00:32:54,675 Speaker 1: asked me for my pass. I told him I didn't 464 00:32:54,715 --> 00:32:57,635 Speaker 1: have a pass. He thought awhile, and then asked if 465 00:32:57,675 --> 00:33:00,555 Speaker 1: mister Hayman knew I was down there. I said I 466 00:33:00,595 --> 00:33:03,915 Speaker 1: didn't think so. He was pretty much alarmed by that, 467 00:33:04,035 --> 00:33:05,875 Speaker 1: but he took me up to the seventeenth floor after 468 00:33:05,915 --> 00:33:09,035 Speaker 1: warning me never to come down to the basement again 469 00:33:09,275 --> 00:33:14,355 Speaker 1: without a pass. There was nobody on the seventeenth floor 470 00:33:14,355 --> 00:33:17,915 Speaker 1: who understood my case, although the people I talked to 471 00:33:17,955 --> 00:33:21,235 Speaker 1: were patient and courteous. They said the seventeenth floor was 472 00:33:21,395 --> 00:33:23,755 Speaker 1: entirely given over to the business department and had no 473 00:33:24,075 --> 00:33:27,675 Speaker 1: studios or microphones. What I probably wanted was the twenty 474 00:33:27,875 --> 00:33:31,395 Speaker 1: seventh floor. Up there, I found some people I had 475 00:33:31,435 --> 00:33:33,715 Speaker 1: met before, but they were pretty busy and seemed to 476 00:33:33,715 --> 00:33:37,235 Speaker 1: think it was the wrong night. I sat down in 477 00:33:37,275 --> 00:33:39,235 Speaker 1: a chair, and presently a man came up to me 478 00:33:39,275 --> 00:33:44,435 Speaker 1: and asked me if I was mister Ttherer. I said 479 00:33:44,715 --> 00:33:49,555 Speaker 1: I wasn't sure, and he said to follow him. I 480 00:33:49,675 --> 00:33:51,755 Speaker 1: was shown into an office where there were some officials 481 00:33:51,795 --> 00:33:53,275 Speaker 1: I knew and some friends of mine. One of the 482 00:33:53,275 --> 00:33:56,275 Speaker 1: officials was denying the story somebody had been telling about 483 00:33:56,275 --> 00:33:59,795 Speaker 1: a man who fell dead in front of the microphone. 484 00:34:00,715 --> 00:34:06,155 Speaker 1: It seems he had merely had a stroke. In a 485 00:34:06,195 --> 00:34:09,355 Speaker 1: little while, I was led in a solemn march to 486 00:34:09,435 --> 00:34:14,155 Speaker 1: a small and lonely studio, heavily draped and silent. I 487 00:34:14,195 --> 00:34:17,035 Speaker 1: took out a cigarette but saw a sign saying no smoking, 488 00:34:17,595 --> 00:34:20,675 Speaker 1: so I put the cigarette away again. Some men in 489 00:34:20,715 --> 00:34:23,155 Speaker 1: the glass in control room began to look at me. 490 00:34:23,195 --> 00:34:26,395 Speaker 1: I could see their lips move, but I couldn't hear anything. 491 00:34:27,155 --> 00:34:29,635 Speaker 1: A man tiptoed into the room where I was and 492 00:34:29,675 --> 00:34:33,795 Speaker 1: shook hands with me, and tiptoed out again. He never 493 00:34:34,275 --> 00:34:38,435 Speaker 1: came back. I walked over to a regular microphone, such 494 00:34:38,435 --> 00:34:40,995 Speaker 1: as I had talked over once or twice before and 495 00:34:41,075 --> 00:34:43,195 Speaker 1: had got used to. But somebody led me away from 496 00:34:43,235 --> 00:34:46,355 Speaker 1: that said I was to talk over a table microphone 497 00:34:46,595 --> 00:34:50,395 Speaker 1: because it would help me to relax. This turned out 498 00:34:50,435 --> 00:34:53,035 Speaker 1: to be a table about the size of a card 499 00:34:53,155 --> 00:34:56,795 Speaker 1: table with a microphone set innocently in its center, face up, 500 00:34:56,875 --> 00:35:02,035 Speaker 1: more or less like an ashtray. Its studied simplicity caused 501 00:35:02,035 --> 00:35:04,315 Speaker 1: me to tighten up slightly, and I mentioned this to 502 00:35:04,395 --> 00:35:10,675 Speaker 1: a man. Be it your ease, he said. I stood 503 00:35:10,715 --> 00:35:14,675 Speaker 1: over the table, grasped its edges firmly, and leaned down 504 00:35:14,795 --> 00:35:18,315 Speaker 1: toward the microphone. Someone grasped me no, no, he said, 505 00:35:18,635 --> 00:35:20,355 Speaker 1: you just sit down at the table. As if you 506 00:35:20,395 --> 00:35:22,315 Speaker 1: were sitting in a chair at any table and talk. 507 00:35:23,635 --> 00:35:27,475 Speaker 1: I sat down, trying to remember how I sit in 508 00:35:27,555 --> 00:35:30,315 Speaker 1: a chair at a table, especially a card table, at 509 00:35:30,315 --> 00:35:34,875 Speaker 1: which nobody else is sitting. Relax, said someone with a 510 00:35:34,915 --> 00:35:37,755 Speaker 1: note of command. I slumped back in the chair and 511 00:35:38,475 --> 00:35:40,835 Speaker 1: placed on the table the papers I was going to 512 00:35:40,915 --> 00:35:44,035 Speaker 1: use and began fussing with them. Sh somebody hissed, don't 513 00:35:44,075 --> 00:35:47,995 Speaker 1: rustle them. This is a very highly sensitized mic which 514 00:35:48,035 --> 00:35:51,075 Speaker 1: picks up every slightest sound. It would sound like a 515 00:35:51,995 --> 00:35:57,155 Speaker 1: waterfalls if you rustled them. I began to drum my 516 00:35:57,195 --> 00:36:00,115 Speaker 1: fingers on the tabletop, but a courteous official put his 517 00:36:00,155 --> 00:36:04,195 Speaker 1: hand on mine and stopped. That tapping would sound like 518 00:36:05,035 --> 00:36:10,835 Speaker 1: recrossing a bridge to your listeners. He explained, just take 519 00:36:10,915 --> 00:36:14,995 Speaker 1: it easy. I leaned back in my chair and adjusted 520 00:36:15,035 --> 00:36:17,835 Speaker 1: my tie, doubtless giving the effect of someone trying to 521 00:36:17,835 --> 00:36:22,475 Speaker 1: take a leather belt away from a bulldog. In a moment, 522 00:36:22,755 --> 00:36:25,035 Speaker 1: an announcer came in and said we were all ready 523 00:36:25,035 --> 00:36:28,795 Speaker 1: to go. Okay, I said, standing up, let's get out. 524 00:36:29,555 --> 00:36:32,635 Speaker 1: He smiled with calm assurance and said no, He meant 525 00:36:32,635 --> 00:36:36,355 Speaker 1: that we were about to start the program. Everybody but 526 00:36:36,555 --> 00:36:39,275 Speaker 1: him tiptoed out of the room. I sat down at 527 00:36:39,275 --> 00:36:41,435 Speaker 1: the table again. I could see them all watching me 528 00:36:41,515 --> 00:36:44,195 Speaker 1: from the control room. Somebody in there raised his hand 529 00:36:44,275 --> 00:36:46,795 Speaker 1: sharply and let it drop sharply. I expected to hear 530 00:36:46,795 --> 00:36:50,155 Speaker 1: the faint hiss of lethal gas escaping into the chamber, 531 00:36:50,235 --> 00:36:53,755 Speaker 1: but instead the announcer started to talk. I creaked nervously 532 00:36:53,755 --> 00:36:56,235 Speaker 1: in the chair at this, and the listeners heard, along 533 00:36:56,275 --> 00:37:00,315 Speaker 1: with his calm announcement, the sound of a buckboard falling 534 00:37:00,355 --> 00:37:03,395 Speaker 1: over a cliff. Finally, he pointed a finger at me. 535 00:37:03,755 --> 00:37:08,195 Speaker 1: I sat bolt up and began to talk to the ashtray. 536 00:37:10,755 --> 00:37:14,595 Speaker 1: When it was all over, everybody tiptoed whisperingly into the 537 00:37:14,635 --> 00:37:19,115 Speaker 1: room and congratulated me on being only five seconds too slow. 538 00:37:19,715 --> 00:37:23,835 Speaker 1: Not bad for a beginner. The record is one five 539 00:37:23,995 --> 00:37:27,835 Speaker 1: hundredth of a second. I got up and started it 540 00:37:27,875 --> 00:37:29,715 Speaker 1: out of the room, but a man followed me and 541 00:37:29,715 --> 00:37:32,875 Speaker 1: took me by the arm. Where are you going, he asked, 542 00:37:33,715 --> 00:37:36,635 Speaker 1: Let's all go out and get a drink. I said, 543 00:37:37,115 --> 00:37:40,835 Speaker 1: but you haven't got time, he said, All this has 544 00:37:41,035 --> 00:37:45,995 Speaker 1: just been the rehearsal. I must have tightened up horribly 545 00:37:46,035 --> 00:37:49,715 Speaker 1: at that, for he said soothingly take it easy. You 546 00:37:49,835 --> 00:37:52,435 Speaker 1: got plenty of time to relax in he looked at 547 00:37:52,475 --> 00:37:58,795 Speaker 1: his wristwatch. You got four minutes how to relax while 548 00:37:58,835 --> 00:38:16,235 Speaker 1: broadcasting by James thurber So. I've done all the damage 549 00:38:16,275 --> 00:38:19,515 Speaker 1: I can do here. Thank you for listening. Send this 550 00:38:19,795 --> 00:38:23,555 Speaker 1: award nominated podcast to somebody who hasn't heard it and 551 00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:27,315 Speaker 1: would like it. And again that's asking a lot. Somebody 552 00:38:27,315 --> 00:38:31,795 Speaker 1: who'll subscribe to it. Liking it is optional. Send it 553 00:38:31,795 --> 00:38:35,635 Speaker 1: to mister Herndon of The Times Countdown. Musical directors Brian 554 00:38:35,715 --> 00:38:38,355 Speaker 1: Ray and John Phillip Shanelle arranged, produced, and performed most 555 00:38:38,355 --> 00:38:41,395 Speaker 1: of our music, including our brand new Trump Trials theme 556 00:38:41,635 --> 00:38:45,195 Speaker 1: ninety one trombones. Mister Ray was on the guitars, bass 557 00:38:45,235 --> 00:38:48,315 Speaker 1: and drums, Mister Shanelle handled orchestration and keyboards, and it 558 00:38:48,355 --> 00:38:50,995 Speaker 1: was produced by TKO Brothers, which is the two of 559 00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:54,795 Speaker 1: them and basically me. My job in producing the music 560 00:38:54,955 --> 00:38:57,715 Speaker 1: is to copy it. Other music, including some of the 561 00:38:57,755 --> 00:39:01,435 Speaker 1: Beethoven compositions, arranged and performed by No Horns allowed. The 562 00:39:01,475 --> 00:39:04,955 Speaker 1: sports music is the Olderman theme from ESPN two by 563 00:39:04,955 --> 00:39:08,515 Speaker 1: Mitch Warren Davis, courtesy of ESPN Inc. Our satirical and 564 00:39:08,595 --> 00:39:11,355 Speaker 1: pithy musical comments are by Nancy Fauss, the best baseball 565 00:39:11,355 --> 00:39:14,475 Speaker 1: stadium organist ever. Our announcer today was my friend Stevie 566 00:39:14,595 --> 00:39:17,715 Speaker 1: van Zandt and everything else was pretty much my fault. 567 00:39:18,395 --> 00:39:20,435 Speaker 1: So that's countdown for this the two hundred and seventy 568 00:39:20,475 --> 00:39:24,155 Speaker 1: first day until the twenty twenty four US presidential election 569 00:39:24,715 --> 00:39:28,595 Speaker 1: and the twenty eighth day since dementia j Trump's first 570 00:39:28,635 --> 00:39:32,595 Speaker 1: attempted coup against the democratically elected government of the United States. 571 00:39:33,235 --> 00:39:36,795 Speaker 1: Use the fourteenth Amendment, I mean file it again. If 572 00:39:36,835 --> 00:39:40,355 Speaker 1: he gets elected. Use the fourteenth Amendment, the Insurrection Act, 573 00:39:40,395 --> 00:39:43,155 Speaker 1: the justice system, and the mental health system to stop 574 00:39:43,235 --> 00:39:46,955 Speaker 1: him from trying to kill us all yet again while 575 00:39:46,995 --> 00:39:51,795 Speaker 1: we still can. The next scheduled countdown is Tuesday. Bulletins 576 00:39:51,835 --> 00:39:54,795 Speaker 1: as the news warrants till then, I'm Keith Oldrimman. Good morning, 577 00:39:54,835 --> 00:40:11,915 Speaker 1: good afternoon, good night, and good luck. Countdown with Keith 578 00:40:11,915 --> 00:40:16,995 Speaker 1: Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, 579 00:40:17,155 --> 00:40:21,155 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get 580 00:40:21,195 --> 00:40:22,115 Speaker 1: your podcasts.