WEBVTT - GECKMAIL: “I’M JEALOUS OF MY GIRLFRIEND” 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:05.080 Hello, Welcome to the Therapy Gecko podcast. My name is Lyle. 0:00:05.160 --> 0:00:09.360 Thank you for joining me here. Today. There will be 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:12.960 no phone calls and instead we are going to do 0:00:13.440 --> 0:00:15.720 gek mail. For those of you who don't know what 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:19.880 gek mail is, gek mail is a thing where people 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:26.520 send me emails and then I read them, and sometimes 0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:33.800 I say completely insane things in response that are not 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:36.440 helpful at all. Sometimes I say things that are that 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:39.440 are really helpful. Sometimes I tap into that part of myself, 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:41.800 and then sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't really have 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.159 anything to say to that at all, and I just 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:50.040 read it aloud for you to absorb without my commentary, 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:53.319 because I have respect for you as a listener that 0:00:53.520 --> 0:01:00.520 I don't think you need my commentary on everything you know. 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:04.840 I'm honored, I'm happy to deliver you the words of 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:07.920 the email, but I don't you don't always need to 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:09.759 know what I think about it, because sometimes I don't 0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:15.440 think about something about everything. You know. I think you're 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:21.640 insane if you have an opinion about every single thing. Right, 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.080 So I'm going to read a few emails that people 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:27.000 have sent me, and some of them I'll have opinions 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:30.000 about and when I do. I'll voice those opinions and 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:33.120 some of them I won't have opinions about. And when 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:35.679 I don't, I'll just go, oh, that was pretty crazy, 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:40.280 and then I'll move on to something else. I just 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:44.720 drank some coffee and I'm ready. I'm excited to talk 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:49.120 to you for however long we do this segment for. 0:01:50.080 --> 0:01:52.600 If you want to be one of these emails, if 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:55.360 you want to, I mean, send one. I think being 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:59.680 an email would be horrible, or actually being an email 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:05.320 would be exactly the same as being dead, because you 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:10.440 would be unsentient. Okay, if you want to send an 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:13.480 email to me to read on this show, you can do. 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:17.680 You can send one to Therapy Gecko mail at gmail 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:20.960 dot com and I might read them. Some of these 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.680 emails are old. Some of these emails are like sometimes 0:02:23.720 --> 0:02:25.240 someone will send me an email and I'll read it 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:30.880 like a year later. So that might happen to you. 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:34.040 But anyway, okay, let's read some emails. Is that cool 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:35.960 with you, guys? I hope it's cool with you, guys, 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:39.480 because it's what I'm about to do. All right. This 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:44.600 is from I'm I think I might stop saying, uh, 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:48.560 who they're from, because a lot of the times I 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:50.720 say who they're from, and then the first line of 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:54.880 the email is don't read my name, so you know 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:56.240 I have fuck it? Who cares? Okay, this is from 0:02:56.280 --> 0:03:02.080 Ali subject line I like, what's wrong with me? Hi Gek. 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.080 While listening to this podcast and hearing people talk in 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.760 real life, it seems like so many people are upset 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:11.720 or depressed about wanting human connection. I agree with that sentiment. 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:14.600 It sounds like everyone is sad about not having friends 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:17.240 or not having a romantic partner, and some of the 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:19.600 people who do have friends or partners are upset because 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:22.360 they're not getting what they want or need out of 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:26.000 those people. Basically, it seems like a common theme is 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:30.400 that everyone is looking for more or better quality connections. 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:35.240 I agree with that sentiment. After hearing so many people 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:39.120 express these same feelings, I'm starting to wonder if something 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.680 is wrong with me because I have never felt these feelings. 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:45.600 I also thought back through my life and realized I've 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:49.680 never felt any sort of attachment or deep connection to 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:53.640 anyone else. Out of curiosity, I started seeing a therapist 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:56.040 this year to figure out if something is going on 0:03:56.120 --> 0:03:59.720 with me, and to put it simple in non technical 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:04.040 terms ter. My brain just does not form emotional attachments 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:07.080 to other people. One effect of this is that I 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:11.600 have basically no desire to interact with other people. People 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:14.560 have expressed feeling pity for me because of this, but 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:21.120 I actually love it. I feel so free. I voluntarily 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:25.640 spend the vast majority of my time alone, and I 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:29.200 am so happy and content. I do whatever I want, 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:33.320 whenever I want, without having to consider anyone else. My 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:37.760 emotional state is not dictated by other people. It's self sufficient, 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:41.680 which means I'm happy almost all the time. That's crazy. 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:46.240 Hearing that most other people's emotional and mental states are 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:51.240 highly reliant upon other people makes me feel sad for them. 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:53.960 I just wish other people could feel as free and 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.120 happy and unburdened as I do. I could go into 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:59.120 more detail, but I feel like this email is already 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:01.560 pretty long, so I'll leave it at that. I love 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:03.760 this podcast because I get to learn about other people's 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:07.599 experiences of life without having to personally interact with them. 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:11.520 It's great. Thanks for everything you do for us listeners, callers, 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:24.080 and emailers. Ali interesting, very interesting. Yeah, I mean everyone's 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:28.000 wired really differently. It's kind of it's all this is 0:05:28.080 --> 0:05:30.440 kind of like the equivalent of like, you know those 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:34.279 people who they their body has been designed to not 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:38.200 feel pain. You know, I don't know. I feel like 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:41.800 there's been like a TLC show about someone like that, 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:45.440 where like their body is just designed to like you 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:49.400 can punch them and you know, you can fucking take 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:52.880 a stapler to their head and they don't care. This 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:55.640 is kind of like an emotional version of that. I 0:05:55.680 --> 0:06:00.520 guess I get why. Here's a thing is I get 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.279 why people say that they're they feel sorry for you, 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:11.080 but uh well, not wanting is the same thing as having, 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:15.160 So if you are, like I feel bad for the 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:17.719 people who like they are, you know, like they long 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:22.440 for things and they don't have them. The whole desiring 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:28.560 is the root of suffering type thing. But for you, 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:30.800 I mean, if you don't even want it, it's like, wow, 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:36.200 that's amazing. I know. I'm I I might. I don't. 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:39.920 I'm not gonna say I envy you because I I 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:45.120 I enjoy I don't. I don't I enjoy wanting the 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:48.479 things I want, and I don't feel I'm okay with 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:52.760 accepting the pain and suffering that comes with the desire. 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:56.120 Like I'm okay with that, But I'm happy for you 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:57.760 that you don't have to do that because you don't 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:01.160 have the desire. There's a lot of freedom in that. 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:06.560 There's a lot of freedom in not wanting fucking anything. 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:10.680 It is so much freedom if you because that's what 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:12.920 I guess, that's what the Buddha's shit is all about. 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:16.440 Right as he sat under a tree and I didn't 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:19.760 do anything, I don't don't say in the comments, don't 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:21.640 correct me on the story of the Buddha. I don't know. 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:25.040 I don't know, and I'm making my own up. But 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:29.840 he sits under a tree and he doesn't want anything, 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:34.680 and he's pretty chill, and then he dies, and for 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:38.160 him that was a great life. For me, I would 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:40.400 kill myself. That'd be a horrible life to sit under 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:42.400 a tree forever and not do anything. But that's because 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:45.120 I'm me, and the buddhas the Buddha, and Ali is Ali, 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:48.640 and I don't know what it is that goes into 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:51.280 making some people want things and making other people not 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:58.320 want the things. And I also, I'm not sold on 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:00.640 the idea. Some people would disagree with me on this 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:02.600 and I and this I would welcome in the comments this. 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:06.840 I this is something I welcome a discussion about. But 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:15.480 I don't know if desire is like a choice, you 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:18.880 know what I mean? I think I think it may 0:08:19.000 --> 0:08:22.400 Maybe it's maybe it's like a choice within reason, right, 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:27.000 because you could, Yeah, maybe it's a choice within reason, right, 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:30.960 because like I don't know. Maybe, like like if if 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:35.480 you want like twenty boyfriends or girlfriends, you're like, all right, 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:38.000 that's a lot of desire. That's a little too much. 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:45.080 If you want to get your asshole eaten and eat 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:48.880 McDonald's all day, that's a lot that's too much desire. 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:58.040 Scale it back. But if you want, like, if your 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:02.240 wants are reasonable, you want a friend, I don't know 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:06.000 if you can choose to not want a friend. I 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.199 guess you could. I guess you could shut it out 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:12.400 and pretend to be the Buddha. But then how much 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:15.440 of you is pretending versus like, I actually don't want 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:20.440 a thing, you know what I mean. I'm happy for you, Ali, 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.320 It's it's interesting your emotion. You said, my emotional state 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:28.880 is not dictated by other people. That's very stoic. That's 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.840 very stoicism vibes. I used to be really into stoicism. 0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:36.360 I maybe still am to some degree. There's parts of 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:42.959 it that I like. It's a strong protective veil. I think. 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.080 Desiring nothing, Yeah, that's a big stoicism thing, Like to 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:53.760 desire nothing. It's a strong protective veil that you can 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:58.040 use to protect yourself. But then I don't know. If 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:05.040 you want nothing, you just kind of vaguely floats. You're 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:07.960 like the boot the buddh had a shitty life just 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:09.840 sitting under a tree all day. It's a bad life. 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:15.800 You know, you want to be also desiring too much? 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:19.720 You know, you do heroin and you die, that's a 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:25.640 bad life. You know you have sex with a dog, 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:29.840 that's a bad life. You don't want to desire too 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:39.320 much stuff? Uh So you know what was I gonna say? Yeah? Yeah, 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.199 you you you you wanna you wanta do you want 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:45.240 to be? You want to be okay with taking it 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:49.400 all in and being like I'm understanding that because I 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:53.720 desire to have connections with other people and because I 0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:59.440 want whatever material thing outside of myself, I'm okay with 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:02.600 the suffer that comes with that desire, and you just 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:08.360 take it versus the stoic thing of like I'm just 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:14.960 gonna not want anything, but maybe it is sto Maybe 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:20.560 actually there's an interpretation of stoicism that goes something like, 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:30.000 I'll I'm okay with the suffering. I think that makes sense. 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:32.520 I think everything I just said made a lot of 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:38.440 sense and was really and was really smart. Maybe Okay, 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:41.560 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ali, I think you're doing good. 0:11:42.040 --> 0:11:46.040 I'm gonna I'm gonna read another email. This is from David, 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:52.000 subject line life and movies. Hi GEK. Recently, I started 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:54.800 an IT internship as a twenty four year old and 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:57.680 an office where I sit for forty hours a week. 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:01.360 I've listened to you sporadically for years now, but these 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:03.760 first few weeks you've become my go to to help 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.040 pass the time. I appreciate you. I'm writing while sitting 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:10.120 at my desk. Thank you, David. I appreciate you. Besides 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:15.040 the internship, I enjoy smoking weed, walking around, and watching 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:19.240 movies pretty good. This past year, I actually lost about 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:24.199 thirteen kilograms mostly because of this. I would walk around 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:28.520 until late at night while smoking, and by the time 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.320 I got home again, it would be time for bed, 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:34.440 so that would help me avoid the munchies. You've talked 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:37.720 about losing weight often, so if I could give any wisdom, 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:40.880 it would be that I'm listen, David. I know, I'm 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:44.360 aware of the fact. I'm aware of the fact that 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:48.000 you're supposed to go to bed hungry or just like 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:51.280 be too tired to eat. Trust me, I've tried that before. 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.199 I've tried that before, But then I've also had a 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:55.680 thing where I'm like, fuck, you know what helped me 0:12:55.679 --> 0:13:00.720 fall asleep is three thousand calories. Another thing you have 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:05.360 mentioned often is movies. Have I I feel like I 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:07.480 don't talk about I feel like I never talked about movies. Okay, 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.000 I love movies, but can honestly only watch them in 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:12.880 a cinema because at home I tend to go on 0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:16.040 my phone because I have TikTok brain. So I go 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:20.160 to the cinema once a week, either alone or with 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:23.280 a friend, to scratch that itch. What are some of 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:28.040 your favorite movies? Do you have any recommendations or good 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:31.360 recent releases. I live close to Amsterdam, so if you 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:33.400 ever go on tour here again, I'll try to attend. 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:36.839 Keep geking, David. I love Amsterdam. It's one of my 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:41.520 favorite cities on the planet. Yeah. Oh, I'd get high 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:47.040 if I lived in Scorgish board gin Blurgen, Netherlands. Like 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:49.840 this person does. I would also get high and walk 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:54.880 around all the time. I'm not a movie guy. I 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:56.520 don't know. I don't know where you get the movie 0:13:56.520 --> 0:14:00.720 thing from. Uh do I recommend any movies? What did 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:05.400 I just watch? I just watched the Lego movie. That 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:10.200 was good. I watched the Super Mario Brothers movie. I 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:14.440 like cartoons. I feel like a little boy most of 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:17.480 the time. I don't have the tension span for anything 0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:23.680 except cartoons. No, I'm not a movie guy. I don't 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:27.320 know any movies. If you asked me to sit here 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:29.880 and name a hundred movies, I don't think I could 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:33.080 do it. Actually that no, I could probably do it. 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.960 I'm not gonna do it because I think that, uh 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:41.280 that that maybe I'll do it at the very end. 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.440 Maybe I'll do it at the very end, so that 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:47.880 way I can be like, Okay, this podcast is over, 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:53.600 and I've have delivered you the hour of podcast that 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:57.440 I somewhat promised you by you clicking on this, and 0:14:57.480 --> 0:14:59.320 then this next part of me trying to name a 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:02.560 hundred movies is like is like it's all, It's like 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:06.640 nothing list there's no, that's not anything. So that's I 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:09.920 wouldn't feel like I was wasting your time. I would 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:11.640 I wouldn't feel, but I feel it because if I 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:13.040 did it, if I try to do that right now, 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:15.320 I'd be wasting your time. But if I put it 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:17.800 at the very end, I'd be like, it's this is 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:21.160 on you that you're doing this. Okay, maybe I'll do that, 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:27.480 or or I absolutely won't. Okay. This is from john 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:35.440 subject line Christian Mingle story. I don't know if you're 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:39.000 familiar with Ray William Johnson. I am, but he does 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:44.520 a true crime podcast and he featured a Christian Mingle 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:49.920 story on his true crime podcast. And this lady talked 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:53.000 to a guy for a short while on Christian Mingle. 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:58.160 He agreed to fly out. She agreed to fly out 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:02.840 and stay with him for four days. The guy apparently 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:07.600 said this isn't working within a few hours of her 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:11.120 being there and said she had to leave. So now 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:14.160 she's stuck for four days with no place to live, 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:17.200 and the guy has to call the cops to come 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:19.760 make her leave. This is all, by the way, By 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:21.680 the way, this is a complete run on sentence. The 0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:25.560 way that this guy's typing this. The cops get there, 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:29.120 she strips down naked and starts walking around the neighborhood nude. 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:33.320 They eventually get rid of her. But that's my funny 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:37.200 Christian Mingles story. This is the worst email I've ever 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:41.200 been sent in my life. No offense, John, but a 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:43.320 little bit offense. It's a run This is a run 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:48.160 on sentence of a story that happens to somebody else, 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:57.000 that someone else said on their podcast. John. Next time, John, 0:16:57.560 --> 0:16:59.880 if you're reading this, if you're listening to this right now, 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.760 next time, I swear, I swear my life. John, Next time, 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:07.080 just send me an email that's like today. I went 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:11.439 to the store and I bought a cookie and I 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:13.520 went home and I ate it and I watched TV. 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:17.240 And I would appreciate that email so much more than 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:21.960 this one, because at least that's something that happened to you, 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:30.120 and it's nobody's and somebody's already. This is not only 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:32.920 do the story not happen to you, you're telling it 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:38.800 from a podcast that already covered it. I'd rather hear 0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:44.080 I would rather be the first podcast to cover a 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:49.280 boring day in your life than the third one to 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:54.080 read a run on sentence that you wrote about a 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:59.760 thing that didn't happen to you. So send me another 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.280 E John, with just whatever happened to your day? Because 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:06.640 this I don't. I try that to be mean in 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:08.719 my in this show, but this and I don't, and 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:11.760 I'm actually not. I'm trying to be constructive. But this 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:13.480 is the worst email I've ever been sent in my 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:17.400 entire life. No offense, John, send me another one. I'll 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:19.760 read that. Just tell me something that happened to you, 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:27.320 all right? This is from Dalton subject line If you 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:31.800 read this, that'd be cool. Hey, Gek, I've been putting 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.760 off writing you for a while, but now there's no 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.920 time like the present. My name is Dalton and this 0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:41.439 is no joke. I was literally named after Patrick Swayze 0:18:41.440 --> 0:18:45.199 in Roadhouse. I've never seen Roadhouse? Is it good? And 0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:48.440 I don't only know it from like family guy. I've 0:18:48.440 --> 0:18:51.199 always thought that's kind of funny in a Squidbillies kind 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:56.560 of way. Does anyone knows Squidbillies? Squidbillies is an adult 0:18:56.640 --> 0:19:01.720 swim show that ran for about thirteen years without a 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:04.720 single person that I've ever met in real life having 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:08.600 also seen it. Let me know if anyone says, I've 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.320 ever seen this show. I always wondered how it was 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:15.320 always on when nobody seems like they watched it. Okay, anyway, 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:17.440 I'm going to transition phase right now, coming out of 0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:21.000 a pretty serious drug addiction, and I'm rebuilding my life 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:23.800 from the ground up. I just discovered you maybe a 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:25.680 year ago, but I listened to your show a lot 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.080 while I'm at work, and it makes the day more enjoyable. 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.920 Thank you, Delton. Right now, I work at a fast 0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:36.520 food place that you said you go to semi frequently. Really, 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:42.000 I wish that that narrowed it down up until this week. 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:45.399 We sold popcorn shrimp and you said you'd never tried. 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:51.520 Can you guess where I work? Oh? Fuck? Okay, popcorn shrimp. 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:55.200 It's gotta be like one of the fried chicken places Popeyes. 0:19:56.720 --> 0:20:03.879 Does Popeyes sell popcorn shrimp? I'm gonna guess Popeyes, dude, Okay, 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:08.720 I went to fucking I went to Popeyes the other day. 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:13.040 They have a Freddy faz Bear five nights at Freddy's promotion, 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:17.000 and I went to Popeyes at like two am, and 0:20:17.080 --> 0:20:18.399 I was like, do you have any And they have 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:20.200 a what's the name? What's the name of that bird 0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:26.120 character from Five Nights at Freddy's. What's her name, Cheetah, 0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:31.040 Cherita whatever, the bird, the yellow bird lady. They have 0:20:31.080 --> 0:20:32.760 a thing with her and it's like she it's like 0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:40.280 a cupcake. It's fucking it's disgusting. It's strawberry frosting on 0:20:40.640 --> 0:20:45.320 one of their biscuits and it's like a cupcake bowl 0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:49.359 cup thing. And I was there at three am, and 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:51.480 I was like, do you guys have one of those? 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:54.760 And he's like, let me check, and he goes deep 0:20:54.840 --> 0:20:56.520 in the back of the restaurant and he pulls out 0:20:56.560 --> 0:20:59.600 the last one from like a freezer and he gives 0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:03.680 it to me. I go home, my microwave it and 0:21:03.800 --> 0:21:09.560 it was the most delicious depression meal I've ever had 0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:12.240 in my entire life. That Chickorita is a Chickorita. What's 0:21:12.280 --> 0:21:16.600 her fucking name? Anyway, this anyway, I don't think it's 0:21:16.600 --> 0:21:18.000 still out. I don't think you can still get it 0:21:18.160 --> 0:21:21.399 unless if you can't still get a fresh one by 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:24.600 the time this airs, but maybe you can get one 0:21:25.920 --> 0:21:29.639 that they're not supposed to sell you. I recommend it. Okay. 0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:34.439 I'm about to be starting school at the local tech school. 0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:39.160 Here on January fifth for industrial maintenance, so I'm pretty 0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:41.840 excited about that. I'm also trying to teach myself how 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:45.000 to repair laptops. I play guitar, and I sing in 0:21:45.040 --> 0:21:47.720 a band, and I'm preparing to grow a vegetable garden 0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:50.960 when the season arrives. So I got a lot going on, 0:21:51.440 --> 0:21:53.160 and I'm trying to find a balance so I don't 0:21:53.240 --> 0:21:56.840 burn myself out. I guess because I'm thirty one now 0:21:56.960 --> 0:21:58.879 and I spent so long in addiction, I feel like 0:21:58.880 --> 0:22:01.560 I'm trying to catch up, catch up to what though, 0:22:01.840 --> 0:22:05.200 right I don't know. Ultimately, this is the best I've 0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:07.040 ever done, and I'm glad to have you in my 0:22:07.200 --> 0:22:09.200 year as part of it. Maybe one day I'll find 0:22:09.240 --> 0:22:12.359 the courage to call in PS. I've been listening to 0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:14.119 a lot of your old episodes and I don't know 0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:16.200 if you realize this, but your accent has changed a 0:22:16.280 --> 0:22:20.679 lot in five years. Happy Hanukkah. This's a nice email, Dalton. 0:22:21.119 --> 0:22:24.560 That makes sense to me, the whole thing of trying 0:22:24.600 --> 0:22:27.159 to catch up because you feel like you lost a 0:22:27.200 --> 0:22:30.960 lot of time. But look at you, man, Goddamn build 0:22:31.000 --> 0:22:35.960 in a fucking vegetable garden. You're in a band, you're 0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:38.920 at a text school, you're a real guy, dude. I 0:22:39.040 --> 0:22:40.680 love that so much. And we get a lot of 0:22:40.800 --> 0:22:43.920 stories like this on the podcast that I love so much. 0:22:44.119 --> 0:22:46.480 I really don't. I really I appreciate you, Dalton. I 0:22:46.560 --> 0:22:48.920 love it so much. It's like that woman who went insane. 0:22:49.880 --> 0:22:51.520 I think I called her or something. She went in 0:22:51.600 --> 0:22:56.000 saying she was like drunk, like like cradling a bottle 0:22:56.080 --> 0:23:02.159 of vodka in the park at like two am. And 0:23:02.240 --> 0:23:05.680 then and now her life is normal because I know 0:23:05.760 --> 0:23:07.159 what I really do feel like, I know what it's 0:23:07.240 --> 0:23:09.760 like to I've never like done like hardcore drugs or anything, 0:23:09.760 --> 0:23:11.760 but I kind of know what it's like to have 0:23:11.920 --> 0:23:15.720 a long period of your like a like a like 0:23:15.800 --> 0:23:17.840 a bender of some kind where you're like, I don't 0:23:17.880 --> 0:23:20.199 feel like a normal person, like the kind of day 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:22.680 where like you try to save it by like talking 0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:25.879 to someone and then you're like I can't pretend like 0:23:26.000 --> 0:23:30.800 I'm not an insane person. But then this is great. 0:23:30.880 --> 0:23:33.560 I love it. I really I the idea that you 0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:37.399 can be like addicted to heroin and then not be 0:23:38.359 --> 0:23:41.600 and be in like a band and have a vegetable 0:23:41.640 --> 0:23:44.560 garden that's one of the coolest I'm dead serious, it's 0:23:44.560 --> 0:23:49.240 one of the coolest things I've ever heard in my life. 0:23:49.280 --> 0:23:50.600 And I don't know if you're dated to heroin, but 0:23:50.680 --> 0:23:58.440 whatever it was, it's called neuroplasticity is the word. I'm 0:23:58.440 --> 0:24:02.119 gonna google this. Let's make this a sign. It's podcast neuroplasticity. 0:24:03.240 --> 0:24:08.760 Neuroplasticity is the brain's amazing, lifelong ability to reorganize itself 0:24:08.960 --> 0:24:12.960 by forming new neural connections, allowing it to adapt, learn 0:24:13.080 --> 0:24:16.960 new skills, recoverment from injury, and change its structure and 0:24:17.040 --> 0:24:25.040 function in response to experiences, environment and challenges. So that's exciting. 0:24:25.320 --> 0:24:32.160 It means there's hope. It means biologically, our brains were 0:24:32.240 --> 0:24:36.560 designed so that if even if we fucked up a lot, 0:24:36.720 --> 0:24:42.320 we can we can get back there. So good on you, Delton. 0:24:42.359 --> 0:24:52.200 I'm inspired by this. Okay. This is from uh what 0:24:52.400 --> 0:24:57.280 the fuck? Okay? This is from Okay. The heading of 0:24:57.320 --> 0:25:01.840 the email says call me Josh. The email title is 0:25:02.080 --> 0:25:07.359 binky Fish. Okay, Hi gak, I'm Josh. I feel like 0:25:07.480 --> 0:25:10.040 more people should know about what I'm about to tell you. 0:25:10.800 --> 0:25:13.879 On Sundays, I make sure to text all my family 0:25:13.960 --> 0:25:19.560 and friends that it's Binkie Fish Sunday and either an 0:25:19.640 --> 0:25:22.960 I message sticker of a fish sucking on a binkie 0:25:23.720 --> 0:25:28.480 or an entire video that is a collage of binkie 0:25:28.560 --> 0:25:34.640 fish Sunday. I wish more people participated in Binkie Fish Sunday. 0:25:35.359 --> 0:25:38.600 Happy Binkie Fish Sunday. That fish is a baby? What 0:25:38.720 --> 0:25:42.880 the fuck is this? Okay, there's a YouTube video attached 0:25:42.920 --> 0:25:45.760 to this. Oh, okay, Okay, that's a lot of music. 0:25:47.160 --> 0:25:52.280 He sent me a YouTube video of a collage of 0:25:54.520 --> 0:25:59.359 fish with binkies. And these appear to be real images 0:25:59.440 --> 0:26:02.920 they just see. These appear to be ai manipulated or 0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:06.800 even photoshopped. You guys remember, oh man, you guys remember 0:26:06.840 --> 0:26:08.960 on the Internet when you would see something fake and 0:26:09.119 --> 0:26:16.119 be like, is this photo shopped? That's gone now? Okay, 0:26:18.920 --> 0:26:22.760 he's he sent me a bunch of stickers of fish 0:26:22.840 --> 0:26:26.600 with binkies in them, and he did send this to 0:26:26.680 --> 0:26:33.480 me on a Sunday. This is from December fourteenth. Okay, 0:26:34.000 --> 0:26:36.359 I sent you a p I sent you a bunch 0:26:36.440 --> 0:26:42.159 of pictures of binkie fish and my dog and an 0:26:42.240 --> 0:26:46.879 airline pilot named Joe that I know irl who was 0:26:47.040 --> 0:26:52.040 featured on the hit show. The rehearsal, shout out the rehearsal. Okay, 0:26:52.040 --> 0:26:55.880 I remember this anyway. I'll try to call in next time. 0:26:57.000 --> 0:26:59.439 Only answer if you want to know more about Binkie 0:26:59.480 --> 0:27:08.639 Fish regards, Josh. Okay, you know what that was. I 0:27:08.680 --> 0:27:10.160 don't know how long it took me to read that email. 0:27:10.200 --> 0:27:14.480 I think it was about three minutes. But I don't 0:27:14.480 --> 0:27:18.520 know about you, guys. I'm perfectly at peace with how 0:27:18.560 --> 0:27:20.400 I just spent the last three minutes of my life. 0:27:21.960 --> 0:27:24.000 I think that was a nice thing to now know about. 0:27:26.760 --> 0:27:31.040 It's from Maggie. Subject line, I've moved to a small 0:27:31.200 --> 0:27:36.320 island for a job I don't want. Hello, Gecko, my 0:27:36.440 --> 0:27:40.520 name is Maggie and I need some career advice. Longtime listener, 0:27:40.720 --> 0:27:43.720 first time emailer. I was wondering how to build a 0:27:43.800 --> 0:27:47.720 career in something stable that I'll enjoy all my life. 0:27:47.840 --> 0:27:51.119 I have worked in hospitality and tourism, and coming up 0:27:51.160 --> 0:27:53.480 to the holidays, it reminds me how much I hate 0:27:53.520 --> 0:27:57.359 working in hospitality and tourism because I never get Christmas 0:27:57.480 --> 0:28:01.080 off work. My schedules are never st and I've never 0:28:01.200 --> 0:28:04.040 stayed in a job longer than two years. I do 0:28:04.200 --> 0:28:06.480 have a degree in art history and try to do 0:28:06.600 --> 0:28:09.960 some volunteer work in various museums to get my foot 0:28:10.000 --> 0:28:13.160 in the door, but nothing is panned out. My brother 0:28:13.320 --> 0:28:16.240 is a manager in an office at twenty five, and 0:28:16.359 --> 0:28:19.800 I'm twenty three and never had a proper job. I 0:28:19.960 --> 0:28:22.680 know most people hate office work, but I would like 0:28:22.760 --> 0:28:26.160 to have a steady schedule and reliable hours. I've moved 0:28:26.280 --> 0:28:29.480 to a small island for a job in tourism that 0:28:29.600 --> 0:28:33.359 has turned out to have really inconsistent hours. Do I 0:28:33.440 --> 0:28:35.720 go back to school? Do I move to the city 0:28:35.720 --> 0:28:38.080 where there's more regular work? Do I try to make 0:28:38.200 --> 0:28:41.040 this job work? I would love to hear your thoughts 0:28:41.080 --> 0:28:49.960 about this, Okay, I'm gonna I'll be honest with you, Maggie. 0:28:50.040 --> 0:28:53.480 I think I'm not I don't feel I really don't 0:28:53.520 --> 0:28:56.280 feel that qualified to talk about this stuff because I 0:28:56.560 --> 0:29:03.280 think that the job market in general h sucks ass 0:29:04.560 --> 0:29:08.680 that I know. So do you go back to school? 0:29:08.720 --> 0:29:10.560 Do you move to a city where there's more regular work? 0:29:10.680 --> 0:29:13.880 Why did you move to an island so you want Okay, 0:29:13.920 --> 0:29:17.120 it sounds like your goal, your dream, it sounds is 0:29:17.200 --> 0:29:20.840 to just like have a normal ass job. You just 0:29:20.880 --> 0:29:24.280 want a normal ass nine to five job, Like, that's 0:29:24.280 --> 0:29:28.120 what you want? You want a normal ass nine to 0:29:28.240 --> 0:29:33.200 five ass job you can reliably clock in at nine, 0:29:34.120 --> 0:29:38.880 clock out at five, holidays and weekends off, live your 0:29:38.920 --> 0:29:44.200 fucking life. You want a normal ass, middle class, white 0:29:44.240 --> 0:29:49.120 collar job. How how does one get that? How did 0:29:49.120 --> 0:29:51.400 your brother do it? Ask your brother for advice? 0:29:51.520 --> 0:29:51.680 Not me. 0:29:51.800 --> 0:29:55.360 I don't have a I don't ask your brother for advice. 0:29:55.440 --> 0:29:57.080 He seems like he's doing a pretty good job at it. 0:29:57.360 --> 0:29:59.200 Do you go back to school you have a degree 0:29:59.200 --> 0:30:05.360 in art history? I don't know. I don't know how 0:30:05.400 --> 0:30:08.840 do people get those like regular ass jobs? You probably 0:30:08.880 --> 0:30:10.680 want to go to a city where that hat, where 0:30:10.720 --> 0:30:15.600 that's a thing you could work out, Like a college. 0:30:16.040 --> 0:30:18.640 They probably have a lot of shit like that. Why 0:30:18.640 --> 0:30:20.320 don't you wait, Okay, well you have it? Okay, I mean, 0:30:20.480 --> 0:30:21.920 I'm just gonna throw some shit at the wall here. 0:30:21.960 --> 0:30:26.200 You haven't you have a degree in art history, Why 0:30:26.240 --> 0:30:34.080 don't you go to the alumni thing? Like, go to 0:30:34.280 --> 0:30:39.120 go to your college's alumni network and be like, yo, 0:30:40.000 --> 0:30:43.120 how do I get a regular ass job? And they 0:30:43.200 --> 0:30:45.560 might be able to help you. That's what that actually 0:30:45.640 --> 0:30:47.360 is what I would do if I were you. I 0:30:47.400 --> 0:30:49.239 would go to the alumni network and be like, Yo, 0:30:50.400 --> 0:30:54.000 what's going on in the regular ass job universe? Ask 0:30:54.040 --> 0:31:01.080 your brother you moved to a small island. Why did 0:31:01.120 --> 0:31:04.640 you move to a small island? Do you like the 0:31:04.680 --> 0:31:14.920 small island? All my life I have worked in hospitality 0:31:14.920 --> 0:31:18.200 and tourism. I hate working in hospitality tourism because I 0:31:18.240 --> 0:31:25.640 never get Christmas off work. Okay, yeah, sorry, I feel 0:31:25.640 --> 0:31:27.560 like I don't I feel like I didn't say anything 0:31:27.640 --> 0:31:32.400 useful about this, but uh, you know you could always 0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:38.360 you could, Uh you could become a fish. I'm gonna 0:31:38.360 --> 0:31:40.320 stop looking at this email. I don't think I think. 0:31:40.320 --> 0:31:43.320 I don't think I've given I think I don't think. 0:31:43.320 --> 0:31:45.160 I don't think I'm good at advice. Right now, let's 0:31:45.240 --> 0:31:48.480 let's do Let's read more emails. Subject line I just 0:31:48.600 --> 0:31:51.560 had a baby. My dad was supposed to help with 0:31:51.840 --> 0:31:57.920 childcare but relapsed. Hi, Gek, you can call me Polly. 0:31:58.960 --> 0:32:00.760 Sorry if this is kind of long, but I am 0:32:00.760 --> 0:32:03.800 interested to hear your thoughts on this situation. My dad 0:32:03.880 --> 0:32:07.560 has struggled with alcoholism for the past decade. I'm thirty five, 0:32:07.920 --> 0:32:10.720 so this didn't fuck up my childhood or anything. In fact, 0:32:10.800 --> 0:32:14.320 he gave me a great life, was generally supportive and involved, 0:32:14.600 --> 0:32:18.160 and even funded my higher education. He just seemed to 0:32:18.240 --> 0:32:21.800 lose his way in his mid fifties. His addiction affected 0:32:21.840 --> 0:32:24.040 me in a big way. I had periods of no 0:32:24.200 --> 0:32:26.680 contact with him and have been to therapy about this 0:32:26.840 --> 0:32:29.720 issue a few times. One of the boundaries I set 0:32:29.760 --> 0:32:32.960 with him was that if slash when I had children, 0:32:33.640 --> 0:32:36.440 he couldn't be around them if he wasn't sober. He 0:32:36.520 --> 0:32:39.120 actually went to rehab in early twenty twenty four, at 0:32:39.160 --> 0:32:42.080 the behest of my mom and his best friend. I 0:32:42.240 --> 0:32:44.560 was no contact with him for a good chunk of 0:32:44.640 --> 0:32:47.760 twenty twenty four, but reconnected with him later that year 0:32:48.120 --> 0:32:50.560 as he had maintained sobriety and I felt that I 0:32:50.600 --> 0:32:54.440 could let him into my life without detriment to my life. 0:32:55.080 --> 0:32:57.280 Things were going great with our family for a while. 0:32:57.680 --> 0:33:00.320 I got pregnant in early twenty twenty five, and my 0:33:00.480 --> 0:33:03.360 parents were overjoyed and so excited to meet our baby. 0:33:03.960 --> 0:33:07.320 Late in my pregnancy, my dad unfortunately lost his job. 0:33:07.920 --> 0:33:11.920 He never really admitted it, basically said he was unexpectedly 0:33:12.040 --> 0:33:15.840 starting retirement, but I suspect he was fired. He had 0:33:15.920 --> 0:33:18.480 this job for twenty five years. I don't really know 0:33:18.560 --> 0:33:21.200 the specifics of why he lost his job, but my 0:33:21.320 --> 0:33:23.760 mom doesn't think he was drinking on the job or anything. 0:33:24.360 --> 0:33:26.800 My dad tried to spin it into a positive by 0:33:26.840 --> 0:33:28.880 saying that now he'd be more available to help me 0:33:28.960 --> 0:33:31.720 take care of my daughter once she arrived. I was 0:33:31.760 --> 0:33:34.400 pretty happy about this because my dad is good with kids, 0:33:34.720 --> 0:33:36.720 and honestly, my husband and I could use all the 0:33:36.800 --> 0:33:39.160 help I can get. I just had my kid a 0:33:39.240 --> 0:33:41.760 month ago. She's the best thing that's ever happened to 0:33:41.840 --> 0:33:44.160 me and my husband. My parents fell in love with 0:33:44.200 --> 0:33:46.360 her too, and they were coming to our house two 0:33:46.440 --> 0:33:48.840 to three times per week with tons of food and 0:33:48.960 --> 0:33:50.680 helped us care for the baby so we could do 0:33:50.760 --> 0:33:53.640 other work or nap. It was awesome, and I was 0:33:53.760 --> 0:33:57.040 super happy that our family had gotten so close. It 0:33:57.120 --> 0:34:00.040 all came crashing down last week, though. My dad it 0:34:00.160 --> 0:34:04.240 actually outed himself and called me late at night, mumbling 0:34:04.320 --> 0:34:08.640 about his granddaughter and slurring his words. I immediately told 0:34:08.719 --> 0:34:11.680 him he's cut off from seeing my daughter. I told 0:34:11.760 --> 0:34:13.960 my mom, who I guess wasn't with him when he 0:34:14.080 --> 0:34:16.880 was drinking, and she searched our house and found an 0:34:16.920 --> 0:34:20.520 empty wine bottle. I haven't talked to him since, but 0:34:20.640 --> 0:34:23.400 this shit has been pretty devastating, especially with me and 0:34:23.480 --> 0:34:26.160 my husband being in the newborn trenches and dealing with 0:34:26.280 --> 0:34:28.919 tons of sleep deprivation on top of it. I don't 0:34:28.920 --> 0:34:31.839 really know how to proceed. On one hand, I'm most 0:34:31.920 --> 0:34:34.440 concerned with my kid's well being in safety, and I 0:34:34.480 --> 0:34:37.520 don't want him here right now, and moving forward wouldn't 0:34:37.520 --> 0:34:40.439 allow him to be around my daughter alone. I'm also 0:34:40.520 --> 0:34:43.239 so pissed that he relapsed in the time that I 0:34:43.360 --> 0:34:46.359 needed his help the most. On the other hand, I'm 0:34:46.400 --> 0:34:49.040 heartbroken that our family has been so bonded for these 0:34:49.120 --> 0:34:51.760 few weeks that I didn't even know he was drinking, 0:34:52.320 --> 0:34:54.480 and I know being away from the baby is probably 0:34:54.560 --> 0:34:57.600 painful for him too. He and my mom really love her. 0:34:58.080 --> 0:35:02.879 Your thoughts are appreciated. Love Polly. Sorry this is really 0:35:02.920 --> 0:35:05.839 inappropriate to say, but this is This reminds me, maybe 0:35:05.880 --> 0:35:08.239 it's not inappropriate to say. This reminds me of that 0:35:08.440 --> 0:35:12.640 Rick and Morty episode where you guys know exactly if 0:35:12.680 --> 0:35:15.040 you okay, do you know what I'm talking about? Where like, uh, 0:35:16.280 --> 0:35:19.440 it's like Christmas, and like all of a sudden, like 0:35:19.640 --> 0:35:23.880 Rick starts like be He's like sober and everything, and 0:35:24.080 --> 0:35:26.759 he starts like being really nice to everyone, and then 0:35:26.840 --> 0:35:30.680 the family starts becoming like a more cohesive unit and 0:35:30.760 --> 0:35:33.200 everyone's like, wow, Rick, you really changed, and he's like, yeah, 0:35:33.360 --> 0:35:36.440 you know, I just I just realized that I love 0:35:36.560 --> 0:35:39.080 my family and I'm trying to finally do what's right 0:35:39.520 --> 0:35:41.640 and whatnot and all this stuff, and it's a great thing. 0:35:42.120 --> 0:35:44.400 And then the family realizes that Rick has actually just 0:35:44.480 --> 0:35:48.000 been down in the basement like like doing science and drinking, 0:35:48.320 --> 0:35:52.000 and he created a clone of himself to like be 0:35:52.200 --> 0:35:55.120 a good cool guy with the family, and then the 0:35:55.160 --> 0:36:01.880 family's all pissed off. You guys watch Rick and Morty know, Okay, Anyway, 0:36:01.920 --> 0:36:06.160 this reminded me of that. Um yeah, that's tough. I'm 0:36:06.160 --> 0:36:08.520 really sorry to hear that, because the well, I you 0:36:08.600 --> 0:36:10.880 know whatever. To continue my Brick and Morty analogy, the 0:36:11.040 --> 0:36:16.080 bummer is the is that it is almost like your 0:36:16.160 --> 0:36:18.840 dad created a clone or something like that, you know, 0:36:19.040 --> 0:36:22.920 because like he he you have all this family bonding 0:36:23.000 --> 0:36:25.640 time where you think everything is okay and great and amazing, 0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:27.960 and then you fucking realize the whole time that he 0:36:28.080 --> 0:36:40.479 was still drinking. That's tough. That's really tough. Hmmm, hmmm, yeah, shit, 0:36:41.360 --> 0:36:49.480 I don't know. I mean, ah mmm, I mean it's 0:36:49.520 --> 0:36:51.640 hard to get listen. Look, because like it's your dad's 0:36:52.520 --> 0:36:55.680 because here's the thing. You're thirty five years old and 0:36:55.840 --> 0:36:57.880 you have a kid, and you have you have a 0:36:57.960 --> 0:37:00.680 lot to do, right, You got so much to fuck do, right, 0:37:01.600 --> 0:37:06.000 you got so much to do. And though it hurts 0:37:07.040 --> 0:37:11.359 that your father cannot be with your kid right now, 0:37:12.880 --> 0:37:15.600 it's kind of on him, dude. It's kind of on him. 0:37:15.960 --> 0:37:17.920 He kind of has to get his ship together if 0:37:17.960 --> 0:37:20.160 he wants to be part of the family. And I 0:37:20.360 --> 0:37:26.600 respect you, Polly, I do. I respect you for holding 0:37:26.680 --> 0:37:31.759 firm yeah, not re enforcing boundaries like that. It is 0:37:31.840 --> 0:37:35.280 fucking it's it's tough. It's not easy. It's emotionally difficult. 0:37:35.360 --> 0:37:41.520 That's why that's why people don't do it. You know, 0:37:41.840 --> 0:37:46.840 it's hard. But yeah, it's on him, dude, because you 0:37:46.840 --> 0:37:49.319 don't want your daughter being around him while he's fucking drunk. 0:37:50.360 --> 0:37:57.840 And it's painful that, uh, he can't, he can't be 0:37:58.000 --> 0:38:01.520 in the family, and so pay also fucking painful for 0:38:01.600 --> 0:38:04.040 you that like that almost that like the few weeks 0:38:04.080 --> 0:38:06.920 where everything was beautiful was like a lie, you know, 0:38:07.520 --> 0:38:15.160 like that episode of Rick and Morty. But it's all 0:38:15.239 --> 0:38:19.600 he's a fucking on him dude. Ugh, this is a bummer. 0:38:20.760 --> 0:38:21.800 It's one of the one of the one of the 0:38:21.840 --> 0:38:25.200 one of the main bummers of life is that you're 0:38:25.239 --> 0:38:31.480 just having to accept that you can't really change the 0:38:31.560 --> 0:38:34.040 behavior of other people as much as you can just 0:38:34.160 --> 0:38:42.279 like reinforce your own boundaries around it and speak your 0:38:42.360 --> 0:38:44.839 pieces and whatnot, and then everything else is just kind 0:38:44.840 --> 0:38:49.439 of with him, you know. So thank thanks for thanks 0:38:49.480 --> 0:38:54.239 for sharing this email. I'm sorry that you're dealing with 0:38:54.280 --> 0:38:57.600 all this crap, but it is on him. So don't 0:38:57.640 --> 0:38:59.880 burn yourself too much because you got ship to do. 0:39:00.440 --> 0:39:03.520 You know, you got a family to be with. You 0:39:03.600 --> 0:39:07.920 got a husband and a baby, and you know, tell 0:39:07.920 --> 0:39:11.040 you tell your dad he's welcome back anytime, because I'm 0:39:11.040 --> 0:39:14.080 sure that's how you feel. He's welcome back anytime. But 0:39:14.200 --> 0:39:16.040 he's gotta he's got to just get his shit together, 0:39:16.120 --> 0:39:19.920 you know. And and and that unfortunately is on him 0:39:20.560 --> 0:39:25.200 as much as it sucks. This is from Kaya. Subject 0:39:25.280 --> 0:39:30.000 line is weed causing my anxiety? Yes? Okay, next email, No, 0:39:30.040 --> 0:39:33.520 I'm just kidding, Hi, Liyah, I hope you're well, I've 0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:35.560 been wondering for a while now whether my anxiety is 0:39:35.640 --> 0:39:41.800 general anxiety or weed induced. I'm not. I'm gonna preface 0:39:41.880 --> 0:39:45.000 this by saying I am not a therapist or a psychiatrist. 0:39:45.719 --> 0:39:55.760 I am a I am a guy who smokes weed 0:39:56.840 --> 0:40:00.840 and is a little crazy, and so I will and 0:40:01.440 --> 0:40:06.680 so I will answer this email from that particular perspective, 0:40:07.760 --> 0:40:12.200 not the perspective of a medical professional. Okay, I've been 0:40:12.239 --> 0:40:14.239 wondering for a while now whether my anxiety is general 0:40:14.239 --> 0:40:16.920 anxiety or weed induced. For context, I have suffered with 0:40:16.960 --> 0:40:19.440 anxiety since before I started smoking, and I currently only 0:40:19.480 --> 0:40:22.520 smoke one gram a week. I get spells of overthinking, 0:40:22.640 --> 0:40:25.000 crippling self doubt when I'm sober. When I smoke, it 0:40:25.080 --> 0:40:27.040 goes away and I feel like I think more rationally 0:40:27.480 --> 0:40:29.800 once the high dies off and the anxiety returns. I 0:40:29.840 --> 0:40:31.800 don't know whether it's the weed come down or the 0:40:31.880 --> 0:40:35.480 general anxiety returning. Luckily, I have found that when that 0:40:35.640 --> 0:40:39.080 time of the month comes around, smoking spins me so 0:40:40.040 --> 0:40:43.120 spins me out so completely. So in that instance, I 0:40:43.320 --> 0:40:46.440 know it's not good for me. As a fellow overthinker 0:40:46.520 --> 0:40:49.239 and pot smoker. What do you think, I fully reap 0:40:49.320 --> 0:40:55.080 the benefits of weed, but are they causing long term issues? PS. 0:40:55.120 --> 0:40:56.960 I've been listening to you for five years. Love your content. 0:40:57.000 --> 0:40:58.880 Thank you for the help. Please come back to England 0:40:58.920 --> 0:41:01.680 and do a show in Bristol. Ooh maybe I have 0:41:01.760 --> 0:41:13.480 heard Bristol's cool. Uh well, there's nothing listen kaya. There's 0:41:13.600 --> 0:41:17.800 nothing I can say about this email that's not gonna 0:41:17.840 --> 0:41:22.000 make me just a giant hypocrite. There's not I can't. 0:41:22.320 --> 0:41:25.520 I really can't answer this email without being a giant hypocrite. 0:41:27.239 --> 0:41:30.560 If I were to answer this email by giving you advice, 0:41:31.200 --> 0:41:35.279 I would be implying that I have solved my own 0:41:35.480 --> 0:41:42.319 issues with marijuana, and I would it would it would 0:41:43.200 --> 0:41:48.120 be at my strong best to imply that by responding 0:41:48.160 --> 0:41:55.479 by giving you advice on this email. But I guess 0:41:55.520 --> 0:41:58.040 I'll just tell you like, yeah, you know, yeah, I 0:41:58.200 --> 0:42:04.399 smoke weed and that makes me anxious and then yeah 0:42:04.440 --> 0:42:07.160 it's yes, it's a cycle, of course, it's this fucking cycle. Yeah, 0:42:07.200 --> 0:42:13.000 you get anxious and then you spoke weed and then 0:42:13.040 --> 0:42:16.000 it comes down and then the anxiety like bounces back. 0:42:16.880 --> 0:42:19.120 That's that's that's the whole thing with drugs. That's why 0:42:19.160 --> 0:42:24.480 people say that like doing drugs is like borrowing happiness 0:42:24.600 --> 0:42:27.719 from the future, and then you go into like happiness 0:42:27.880 --> 0:42:34.239 debt or like a calmness debt. Right, So that's all 0:42:34.320 --> 0:42:35.680 that's all I got for you. I think you should 0:42:35.680 --> 0:42:40.719 go see a real psychiatrist about this. But yeah, I 0:42:40.760 --> 0:42:42.960 mean it causes issues for me. Sometimes it causes issues 0:42:42.960 --> 0:42:48.120 for me. Sometimes it's nice and fun and awesome. Would 0:42:48.160 --> 0:42:51.800 I rather be like a cool guy who meditates and 0:42:51.920 --> 0:42:54.440 takes cold showers every morning instead of getting high? 0:42:55.400 --> 0:42:55.520 Uh? 0:42:55.960 --> 0:43:01.000 Probably, But I'll let you know how that feels when 0:43:01.000 --> 0:43:06.360 I start doing it. But good luck. Kaya. This is 0:43:07.080 --> 0:43:15.560 from Meta Hi Ghek. My name is Meta. It's Greek 0:43:15.800 --> 0:43:19.600 for beyond. I'm a longtime listener of the show. Started 0:43:19.640 --> 0:43:24.120 in twenty twenty. I've been struggling with substance abuse, fueling 0:43:24.160 --> 0:43:29.400 it with an abundance of poor relationship related decisions. I 0:43:29.560 --> 0:43:32.440 feel helpless and like I'm nothing more than a loser 0:43:32.560 --> 0:43:37.040 with a weird personality. Okay, I spent two years getting 0:43:37.080 --> 0:43:39.560 to know a girl online, which was a poor decision 0:43:39.640 --> 0:43:42.319 to begin with. I don't know if it was how 0:43:42.400 --> 0:43:45.359 I hate feeling alone or what, but the whole deal 0:43:45.560 --> 0:43:51.879 left me distraught. Following our our repeated breaks in communication, 0:43:52.520 --> 0:43:56.880 especially since I invested so much of myself into getting 0:43:56.920 --> 0:43:59.960 to know this girl. Okay, I'm gonna read this whole email, 0:44:00.080 --> 0:44:03.320 but I'm gonna quickly put a pin and being like, 0:44:06.520 --> 0:44:09.360 don't you know, I'll read the holy email first. I 0:44:09.480 --> 0:44:12.160 was gonna say, I was gonna say, this sounds like 0:44:12.200 --> 0:44:19.080 it's going into a sunk cost fallacy mindset thing, but 0:44:19.160 --> 0:44:21.560 let's read the whole email. Following this, I got into 0:44:21.600 --> 0:44:24.480 a sexual relationship with a different girl. This time she 0:44:24.640 --> 0:44:27.560 had a boyfriend. I had been friends with her for 0:44:27.640 --> 0:44:30.719 about a year leading up. I knew that she was 0:44:30.880 --> 0:44:34.879 using me for the emotional and physical attention or diversity 0:44:35.160 --> 0:44:38.400 she wasn't getting from her boyfriend, which was immediately a 0:44:38.520 --> 0:44:43.800 red flag. Time and time again reiterating that she was 0:44:44.000 --> 0:44:48.600 ruining her own relationship to retain whatever weird shit we 0:44:48.760 --> 0:44:51.560 had going on. But all she would say is that 0:44:51.680 --> 0:44:54.680 she felt bad for me for putting me in this situation, 0:44:55.440 --> 0:44:58.520 and that her boyfriend would never know about us unless 0:44:58.680 --> 0:45:03.120 I told This left me pissed and broken, knowing that 0:45:03.239 --> 0:45:06.040 I loved this girl, but that I was the second choice, 0:45:06.560 --> 0:45:09.960 someone she could throw aside at any moment. And that 0:45:10.160 --> 0:45:13.040 she was the one putting me in that situation, not 0:45:13.200 --> 0:45:16.239 the other way around. However, I could see that being 0:45:16.320 --> 0:45:19.560 the case. Ever since these relationships, if you could even 0:45:19.680 --> 0:45:22.480 call them that, I've struggled to connect with people on 0:45:22.560 --> 0:45:25.920 an intimate level, feeling like my soul has left me, 0:45:26.400 --> 0:45:29.360 which again wasn't being helped by the stupor of drugs 0:45:29.400 --> 0:45:33.000 and alcohol. I was and still am in I've beat 0:45:33.239 --> 0:45:38.680 death time and time again, sometimes wishing I haven't, sometimes 0:45:38.719 --> 0:45:41.480 wishing I could just finish my time on this earth. 0:45:42.120 --> 0:45:45.040 My life has been nothing but suffering. I don't remember 0:45:45.080 --> 0:45:48.239 the last time I was happy. From an abusive stepfather 0:45:48.400 --> 0:45:50.800 to the loss of loved ones to the loss of friends, 0:45:50.920 --> 0:45:53.520 I feel like I have nothing left. I rely on 0:45:53.760 --> 0:45:56.640 music when I'm not high to feel in some sense complete, 0:45:57.000 --> 0:46:00.640 and other times staring at my ceiling contemplating my time 0:46:00.719 --> 0:46:03.360 on this earth. I've come to hope death is like 0:46:03.520 --> 0:46:08.120 revisiting a childhood memory, a happy one, being in that moment. 0:46:08.760 --> 0:46:11.040 Maybe it's a park, maybe it's just being in the 0:46:11.160 --> 0:46:14.880 living room after dinner, being happy in a moment, and 0:46:14.960 --> 0:46:17.759 then that moment passes and the next moment comes. But 0:46:17.880 --> 0:46:20.640 that next moment is a mystery, and we can't discover 0:46:20.760 --> 0:46:24.279 that moment until we travel across that barrier holding us 0:46:24.320 --> 0:46:26.880 to this place we call home. I've been in more 0:46:26.920 --> 0:46:30.239 relationships beyond the ones I've mentioned, However, those are the 0:46:30.280 --> 0:46:33.479 ones that stuck with me. I feel stupid, I feel 0:46:33.520 --> 0:46:36.120 like I'm nothing, like I have nothing, and that people 0:46:36.360 --> 0:46:39.080 use me but don't really care about me. GHEK. I 0:46:39.200 --> 0:46:41.000 know it's a lot, and I know you don't have 0:46:41.080 --> 0:46:43.640 the answer. I know you don't have the answers to 0:46:43.760 --> 0:46:46.720 fix my issues, but damn it, man, I love listening 0:46:46.760 --> 0:46:49.000 to your podcast and being reassured that I'm not the 0:46:49.040 --> 0:46:51.960 only fucked up, bitch made person on this face of 0:46:52.040 --> 0:46:57.520 the planet. Thank you. This is really random following all 0:46:57.600 --> 0:46:59.640 that tough shit. But there was a guy a couple 0:46:59.680 --> 0:47:02.560 of years back talking about how he asks everyone he 0:47:02.760 --> 0:47:06.120 meets if they would eat his amputated leg with him 0:47:06.719 --> 0:47:08.879 if he could get a five star chef to cook 0:47:08.920 --> 0:47:11.640 it for him. I do remember that guy. For some reason, 0:47:11.719 --> 0:47:13.440 that stuck with me, and I sort of used it 0:47:13.480 --> 0:47:17.560 as a base philosophy for finding people like me, authentic 0:47:17.680 --> 0:47:21.239 people that can vibe with my weirdness. Sometimes I'll ask 0:47:21.280 --> 0:47:23.799 people that question and every time I'll get hit back 0:47:23.880 --> 0:47:27.200 with some comment on how I'm fucking insane. But whatever. 0:47:27.320 --> 0:47:30.120 I guess maybe I just haven't found someone out there 0:47:30.160 --> 0:47:34.720 who would hypothetically eat my amputated leg with me. Hopefully 0:47:34.760 --> 0:47:37.600 that day comes. I'm grateful for every day I'm given 0:47:37.680 --> 0:47:39.640 because I know I should be part of a statistic 0:47:39.760 --> 0:47:42.120 right now. Even if life is bitter, and even if 0:47:42.160 --> 0:47:45.160 I drown my problems out with shit that's gonna kill 0:47:45.239 --> 0:47:50.640 me someday, I'm happy I get to experience that one 0:47:50.760 --> 0:47:56.040 more time. Every morning I wake up, GEK be with you. Meta. 0:47:58.120 --> 0:48:01.920 That was a lot. That was a lot, But I 0:48:02.000 --> 0:48:04.160 have thoughts. I just have to think about what my 0:48:04.200 --> 0:48:09.440 thoughts were. I wish I could actually I wish I 0:48:09.480 --> 0:48:12.560 could actually like talk to this guy I do. I 0:48:12.560 --> 0:48:14.000 wish I could actually talk to this guy, but I 0:48:14.080 --> 0:48:24.799 can't because it's just an email. Hm hm hm hmmmmmm mmmmm. Well, 0:48:24.880 --> 0:48:26.800 a lot of the I'm gonna I'm gonna pretend like 0:48:26.880 --> 0:48:29.120 I know anything right now, but the a lot of 0:48:29.160 --> 0:48:32.759 this stuff is classic meta. I'm just gonna talk as 0:48:32.760 --> 0:48:35.359 if I'm talking to you. A lot of this stuff 0:48:35.480 --> 0:48:43.200 is classic of like this is a guy who seems 0:48:43.320 --> 0:48:46.640 like his life is just like devoid of meaning or 0:48:46.800 --> 0:48:52.520 friendship or like just the the classic things that give 0:48:52.680 --> 0:48:58.040 life meaning, and uh, when life is devoid of meaning, Uh, 0:48:58.920 --> 0:49:03.480 it's kind of it's it's a classic because like, building 0:49:04.000 --> 0:49:10.680 meaning in your life takes a lot of fucking uh 0:49:11.400 --> 0:49:14.480 work and a lot of knowledge. 0:49:14.920 --> 0:49:19.320 And whether you want to admit or not, uh, not 0:49:20.239 --> 0:49:25.760 a sprinkle of luck a sprinkle of luck, but also luck. 0:49:25.640 --> 0:49:28.400 Is something that I think can be created in some ways. 0:49:28.760 --> 0:49:30.839 So it's the classic because it's like, if your life 0:49:30.880 --> 0:49:37.600 has no fucking meaning, you can fill it easily with 0:49:39.239 --> 0:49:48.239 the giant majority, the giant swath of short term dopamine 0:49:48.320 --> 0:49:52.799 distractions that exist to us in uh twenty twenty five 0:49:53.160 --> 0:49:57.920 anywhere from you know, porn and jacking off and smoking 0:49:58.000 --> 0:50:02.600 weed to scrolling on the whatever, to you know, alcohol 0:50:02.800 --> 0:50:06.280 to heroin to whatever the fuck right because it's easier, 0:50:06.840 --> 0:50:09.680 so of course you're gonna do it. It makes perfect sense. 0:50:10.160 --> 0:50:11.480 But this, I mean, yeah, but this is this is 0:50:11.480 --> 0:50:18.040 a guy who's just having trouble finding like, like clearly 0:50:18.200 --> 0:50:22.839 he wants just to like what everyone else fucking wants 0:50:23.160 --> 0:50:26.600 is to be seen, to to feel like they fucking exist, 0:50:26.840 --> 0:50:29.359 to be like to be not but like not even 0:50:29.400 --> 0:50:32.239 to be chosen or maybe to be chosen, Yeah, to 0:50:32.320 --> 0:50:35.040 be chosen. I think this guy wants to be chosen, 0:50:35.800 --> 0:50:39.400 but even before that, just to be acknowledged, you know, 0:50:40.760 --> 0:50:42.840 like yeah, when you're like a fucking weirdo and you're like, 0:50:42.920 --> 0:50:44.440 I just want to be I just want to I 0:50:44.560 --> 0:50:46.600 feel I feel so insane. I just want to be 0:50:46.640 --> 0:50:53.239 acknowledged that exist outside of my own you know, as 0:50:53.320 --> 0:50:56.560 this person calls himself a fucked up, bitch made person 0:50:56.640 --> 0:51:02.719 on the face of this planet. But I think if 0:51:02.800 --> 0:51:04.919 I were a meta or if I were talking to meta, 0:51:05.840 --> 0:51:12.120 and obviously this is a loaded thing, but like again, 0:51:12.200 --> 0:51:16.880 this strikes me as a guy with not a strong 0:51:16.960 --> 0:51:20.919 amount of meaning in his life, which, by the witch, 0:51:21.080 --> 0:51:24.600 is not in which it doesn't make you a loser. 0:51:24.800 --> 0:51:27.600 It really doesn't. It doesn't make you a loser if 0:51:27.640 --> 0:51:29.279 you feel like, oh, my life has no meaning, Like 0:51:29.320 --> 0:51:32.120 you're not a loser, like you like you really can't. 0:51:32.680 --> 0:51:34.880 Like if you're listening to me talk right now, meta, like, 0:51:35.000 --> 0:51:36.920 it's it's okay if you don't have a meeting in 0:51:36.960 --> 0:51:39.880 your life. I mean it's not it it's okay in 0:51:39.920 --> 0:51:45.040 the sense of like like, don't freak out. You know, 0:51:45.200 --> 0:51:48.080 it's not it's not a reason to freak out, like 0:51:49.040 --> 0:51:50.960 when you look at your life, like when you like 0:51:51.000 --> 0:51:52.920 when you look at your life and you're like, uh shit, 0:51:53.120 --> 0:51:57.680 I don't have really that many meaningful relationships, are meaningful 0:51:58.880 --> 0:52:00.719 things to do with my life and this and that 0:52:00.800 --> 0:52:08.279 other thing. It's really easy to freak out and then 0:52:08.400 --> 0:52:12.439 from freaking out spiral into I'm a giant piece of shit. 0:52:12.480 --> 0:52:15.439 I should be dead, and I should I'm just gonna 0:52:15.480 --> 0:52:18.800 do a bunch of drugs and die. It's easy to 0:52:18.880 --> 0:52:22.160 do it, but you could, but you could also meta 0:52:22.400 --> 0:52:24.799 if you're listening to me right now, you could also 0:52:24.960 --> 0:52:28.640 just like be like, Okay, I don't really have any 0:52:28.760 --> 0:52:32.000 meaning in my life, but like where am I at? Uh? 0:52:32.719 --> 0:52:35.440 I'm you know, like look down at your body for 0:52:35.560 --> 0:52:40.440 a second. I have hands. Okay, I assume you have hands. 0:52:40.560 --> 0:52:45.000 That's pretty good. I don't know how old you are. 0:52:45.840 --> 0:52:47.799 I'm gonna assume you're not that old. I'm assume you're 0:52:47.800 --> 0:52:54.160 in your twenties probably, Okay, I'm in my twenties. I'm young. 0:52:55.800 --> 0:52:58.279 I have a mouth, I have legs, okay, all right, 0:52:58.320 --> 0:52:59.640 where like where like where are we at, like just 0:52:59.680 --> 0:53:03.880 taking inventory for a second, take a dict, like like 0:53:04.120 --> 0:53:08.120 quit freaking out for like a second. Just take some inventory, 0:53:09.200 --> 0:53:10.520 you know what I mean? And be like, Okay, I 0:53:10.520 --> 0:53:14.840 have hands, I know how to write an email, I 0:53:14.880 --> 0:53:22.440 have access to the internet. I I have an idea 0:53:22.480 --> 0:53:30.800 of what I want. I like music, I don't and 0:53:30.840 --> 0:53:32.680 I don't. I don't. I only know you from this email. 0:53:32.719 --> 0:53:34.880 But like what I like? What you know? I know 0:53:35.040 --> 0:53:45.560 Microsoft Excel, I like the sky. My brain has some 0:53:45.920 --> 0:53:51.640 ability to feel happiness in some way sometimes like just 0:53:51.719 --> 0:53:54.080 take in. So just like take take a second, take 0:53:54.120 --> 0:53:56.760 a day, take a write it down a piece of paper. 0:53:57.280 --> 0:54:03.080 Just take inventory. I mean like okay, uh, now that 0:54:03.080 --> 0:54:07.439 I've taken inventory of like where I'm at, who's there? 0:54:08.800 --> 0:54:10.360 What can I? What do I? What can I do? 0:54:11.440 --> 0:54:13.279 Be like all right, what can I? What can I 0:54:13.440 --> 0:54:20.040 do with this inventory that I've that I possess something little? 0:54:20.080 --> 0:54:24.239 Even you know, what's the Okay? And then the part 0:54:24.280 --> 0:54:25.919 of taking inventory is like all right, well, what's out 0:54:26.120 --> 0:54:28.360 what's outside of myself that I can take inventory in? 0:54:29.640 --> 0:54:33.480 What am I? Am? I am I near? Uh? I 0:54:33.520 --> 0:54:36.600 don't know? Can I Can I go see a therapist? 0:54:36.800 --> 0:54:39.680 Or can I go, Yeah, they just take a little inventory. 0:54:39.719 --> 0:54:43.320 That's that's my main takeaway from your things. Take a 0:54:43.440 --> 0:54:48.239 ticket instead of freaking out and and like letting your 0:54:48.520 --> 0:54:55.879 like letting yourself like a drown in your in trying 0:54:55.920 --> 0:54:58.600 to cure the fight or flight of your existence with 0:55:02.120 --> 0:55:03.480 and by the way, it's not a one and done that. 0:55:03.560 --> 0:55:06.960 You don't you don't beat addiction by taking your inventory 0:55:07.040 --> 0:55:14.040 and then realizing you're suddenly amazingly cured because you had 0:55:14.080 --> 0:55:19.279 an epiphany. But you just day by day, you're just 0:55:19.400 --> 0:55:22.040 taking even if I don't know what you're doing, while 0:55:22.080 --> 0:55:28.520 even when you're drunk, just take a little inventory, be like, Okay, 0:55:28.560 --> 0:55:31.680 where can I go from here? And maybe after take it, 0:55:31.800 --> 0:55:34.440 maybe if maybe, if you for a second you stop 0:55:34.480 --> 0:55:35.920 freaking out and you take it. I know I keep 0:55:35.960 --> 0:55:44.239 repeating it, but you're taking an inventory could potentially lead 0:55:44.320 --> 0:55:46.960 you into places where you find more meaning in life. 0:55:47.080 --> 0:55:49.239 And then once you're finding more meaning in life, you 0:55:49.440 --> 0:55:52.640 kind of naturally gravitate more people around you, and then 0:55:52.640 --> 0:55:56.399 all of a sudden you're like, hey, I actually don't 0:55:56.400 --> 0:55:59.560 even want to do all this crap because I'm busy, 0:56:02.080 --> 0:56:06.120 So this kuy, I think that's what I got for you, man, 0:56:09.840 --> 0:56:16.120 just don't like, don't don't settle for the idea that 0:56:16.200 --> 0:56:23.399 you already know everything, because you don't. But that's good 0:56:24.280 --> 0:56:27.759 because if you if you want to like die, and 0:56:28.080 --> 0:56:30.840 and if you both A want to die and B 0:56:31.080 --> 0:56:37.200 feel like you know everything, then yeah, that kind of 0:56:37.440 --> 0:56:39.400 sort of takes you there. But if you want to 0:56:39.480 --> 0:56:43.200 die but you're like you, you surrender to the fact 0:56:43.200 --> 0:56:45.920 that you don't know everything, you might not want to die. 0:56:45.960 --> 0:56:47.520 You might be like, oh, the guy could know things 0:56:47.560 --> 0:56:49.440 that make me not want to die, but I just 0:56:49.520 --> 0:56:52.359 have to surrender to the fact that I don't fucking 0:56:52.440 --> 0:57:00.560 know everything. So takes some inventory, surrendered fact you don't 0:57:00.600 --> 0:57:01.960 know everything that you feel like you need to know 0:57:02.120 --> 0:57:09.840 to determine that you want to die. And this, you know, 0:57:10.480 --> 0:57:14.439 calm down, hope, I hope. I hope what I said 0:57:14.719 --> 0:57:17.400 just made sense. I hope it made sense. It made 0:57:17.400 --> 0:57:19.240 a lot, It made sense to me, I guess. But 0:57:19.960 --> 0:57:22.800 I'm rooting for you, meta, I am. Don't worry this 0:57:22.920 --> 0:57:25.440 Also this girl that you met on discord or whatever, like, 0:57:26.040 --> 0:57:32.240 it's okay, it'll be all right. There's more people. And 0:57:32.360 --> 0:57:34.720 also by the way, you'll find by the way, you 0:57:34.800 --> 0:57:37.480 know why I know that you you know why. I'm sorry, 0:57:37.480 --> 0:57:39.680 I'm still on this, but you know why Meta? You 0:57:39.760 --> 0:57:41.640 know why I think you feel like you know everything 0:57:42.520 --> 0:57:49.840 is because you're gonna find people who you can ask 0:57:50.000 --> 0:57:54.960 if they would eat uh, your amputated leg that will 0:57:55.120 --> 0:57:59.000 that would say yes, I've met I. And if you 0:57:59.280 --> 0:58:02.280 believe that you're never gonna find those people, you think 0:58:02.360 --> 0:58:05.240 you know everything. And you should stop thinking you know 0:58:05.360 --> 0:58:12.000 everything because it will reinforce your nihilism and that's bad. 0:58:14.200 --> 0:58:17.760 So just so go ahead and ask one hundred thousand 0:58:17.800 --> 0:58:20.760 to more people if they would eat your leg, and 0:58:23.680 --> 0:58:28.800 someone will be down. I guess that's what I mean. Okay, 0:58:29.560 --> 0:58:32.920 that was meta. We are rooting for Meta. This is 0:58:33.040 --> 0:58:43.120 from Alejandra subject line just life, Hey, gek, things are 0:58:43.200 --> 0:58:46.360 just life And right now I'm a very wanderlust person 0:58:46.480 --> 0:58:49.200 who likes to travel and see varying ways of life 0:58:49.280 --> 0:58:52.240 and nature. Currently, I have moved away from all of 0:58:52.320 --> 0:58:54.800 my family to a smallish town that is foggy in 0:58:54.880 --> 0:58:58.480 the mornings and the winter sun is purple red. My 0:58:58.640 --> 0:59:00.920 husband and I moved here a year ago and it 0:59:01.000 --> 0:59:03.440 felt like we have been waiting our entire lives to 0:59:03.480 --> 0:59:05.480 be in the position we are in. We don't have 0:59:05.640 --> 0:59:07.840 much money, but we have a place slightly bigger than 0:59:07.880 --> 0:59:10.520 the small studio we lived in four six years prior. 0:59:11.280 --> 0:59:13.400 He is able to fulfill his dream of getting work 0:59:13.440 --> 0:59:15.760 as an artist, and I am able to fulfill mine 0:59:15.840 --> 0:59:19.960 of living in the forest. Things have now turned for 0:59:20.560 --> 0:59:24.600 something unexpected. My mother in law got evicted and she 0:59:24.640 --> 0:59:26.600 had to move in with us. It was a very 0:59:26.680 --> 0:59:29.560 difficult decision for me, as my parents take very good 0:59:29.680 --> 0:59:32.480 care of themselves and always told me that I wouldn't 0:59:32.520 --> 0:59:35.560 have to worry about them when they age. I did 0:59:35.600 --> 0:59:38.600 not even think twice that if they were ever unhoused 0:59:38.840 --> 0:59:41.720 I would take them in. Now I'm here with my 0:59:41.840 --> 0:59:44.200 mother in law, who has lived the majority of her 0:59:44.280 --> 0:59:48.840 life in unsafe housing situations. Her children and now myself 0:59:49.200 --> 0:59:51.760 have been paying for her rent during that time, so 0:59:51.880 --> 0:59:55.200 she has never really been entirely independent. It has been 0:59:55.200 --> 0:59:57.600 a real strain to have her living with us because 0:59:57.640 --> 1:00:01.480 of her coping behaviors. Our expense have increased immensely since 1:00:01.520 --> 1:00:04.200 she has moved in, and my savings have been slowly 1:00:04.320 --> 1:00:07.880 depleting because of this change. I'm really concerned because I'm 1:00:07.880 --> 1:00:10.400 also a student, and I have always had to work 1:00:10.520 --> 1:00:13.720 full time while going to school. This past year, I 1:00:13.800 --> 1:00:16.960 had the privilege to not only work this past year, 1:00:17.000 --> 1:00:19.600 I have had the privilege too. I'm sorry not work 1:00:20.160 --> 1:00:23.200 and only focus on school, But now I am back 1:00:23.280 --> 1:00:25.760 to working a job I don't like, just to stay afloat. 1:00:26.280 --> 1:00:29.000 It is really unfortunate because I mostly made this decision 1:00:29.080 --> 1:00:31.480 and hopes that my husband would be able to form 1:00:31.520 --> 1:00:34.920 a better bond with his mother ultimately help her get 1:00:35.000 --> 1:00:38.720 healthier and have an opportunity to have stable housing. She 1:00:38.840 --> 1:00:41.560 has many mental health issues, and it is really scary 1:00:42.000 --> 1:00:44.560 to hear her say she wouldn't mind being on the 1:00:44.600 --> 1:00:46.880 streets again if she were able to have a dog 1:00:47.120 --> 1:00:50.360 or a cat with her. She is obsessed with dogs 1:00:50.760 --> 1:00:53.720 and feels most safe with dogs because she says they 1:00:53.800 --> 1:00:57.840 protect her more than anything in the world. Now I'm 1:00:57.920 --> 1:01:00.280 not sure what to do because she has been doing 1:01:00.400 --> 1:01:02.680 things but also not telling us the whole truth about 1:01:02.680 --> 1:01:07.040 her situation of getting medical help and stable housing opportunities. 1:01:07.680 --> 1:01:09.760 She has a whole idea in her head that she 1:01:09.880 --> 1:01:11.920 is going to bring her dog from out of state, 1:01:12.360 --> 1:01:15.400 even if that means she ends up being homeless again again. 1:01:15.480 --> 1:01:17.920 We live in a small space and pets are not allowed. 1:01:18.400 --> 1:01:20.760 We have been helping her call and get her benefits 1:01:20.800 --> 1:01:23.320 and connected to a social worker, but we have little 1:01:23.360 --> 1:01:25.920 time on our hands to do much else. We work 1:01:26.000 --> 1:01:30.480 full time, have many side gigs, and are going to school. Anyway, 1:01:30.960 --> 1:01:33.920 just felt like sharing. Feel free to ponder or whatever 1:01:34.000 --> 1:01:40.160 you may, Ala, Andre, this felt like the Rick and 1:01:40.240 --> 1:01:43.480 Morty lady. I you know what some bummers the Rick 1:01:43.520 --> 1:01:49.000 and Morty lady in her email. She wasn't the Rick 1:01:49.040 --> 1:01:51.880 and Morty lady. I may. I just in my head 1:01:52.760 --> 1:01:54.600 started talking about Rick and Morty, and now I have 1:01:54.720 --> 1:01:59.000 That's how I remember her. Just the general thing of 1:01:59.240 --> 1:02:08.600 like having an older relative be you know, what's the 1:02:08.680 --> 1:02:19.080 appropriate word, a conflict in your life. You know what 1:02:19.120 --> 1:02:20.760 I'm gonna be really, I'm gonna be honest with you. 1:02:20.840 --> 1:02:23.520 I promised at the beginning of this email. I promise 1:02:23.560 --> 1:02:27.439 at the beginning of reading this that I wouldn't try 1:02:27.520 --> 1:02:32.280 to give advice or ponder on things that I don't 1:02:33.840 --> 1:02:38.920 have the thing for, and I think this might be 1:02:39.000 --> 1:02:44.840 one of them. But I appreciate you sharing this, Alejandra, 1:02:46.160 --> 1:02:49.840 and I wish you good luck, and I don't know, 1:02:49.920 --> 1:02:53.480 maybe sharing your story will be helpful to the people 1:02:53.880 --> 1:02:57.960 who are listening. Sorry, I know it's a cop out, 1:02:58.000 --> 1:03:00.439 but I don't want to say a bunch of about 1:03:00.440 --> 1:03:03.600 some shit that I don't I don't have an answer to. 1:03:05.840 --> 1:03:10.640 This is from Nathaniel, subject line I committed unholy actions 1:03:10.760 --> 1:03:15.280 in church. Hello therapy Gecko. My name is Nathaniel, and 1:03:15.320 --> 1:03:17.920 I'm wondering what you think about these actions I committed. 1:03:18.640 --> 1:03:21.640 When I was around fifteen, I got kicked out of 1:03:21.680 --> 1:03:24.720 the house by my dad. I wandered around and made 1:03:24.760 --> 1:03:26.800 my way to a church that was pretty close by. 1:03:27.520 --> 1:03:29.760 I walked around and tried to open up the doors 1:03:29.840 --> 1:03:32.600 to see if one was unlocked, and it was. I 1:03:32.760 --> 1:03:35.680 snooked around and found the main office where they probably 1:03:35.800 --> 1:03:37.920 used it as a conference room, and there was a 1:03:38.000 --> 1:03:41.280 computer hooked up to a TV. So at this point 1:03:41.680 --> 1:03:45.000 I gave into my intrusive thoughts and I looked up 1:03:45.400 --> 1:03:49.760 porn on porn Hub, and I jacked off and busted 1:03:49.960 --> 1:03:53.320 all over the chair, did not clean it up, left 1:03:53.400 --> 1:03:56.720 the tab open on the computer, and turned the TV off. 1:03:57.440 --> 1:04:01.080 Then I went into the church kitchen and took food 1:04:01.840 --> 1:04:10.320 and a cookie. That's absolutely something I would have done 1:04:10.320 --> 1:04:12.720 when I was fourteen. I'm not gonna I can't. I 1:04:12.840 --> 1:04:15.440 can't say that wasn't that. I can't. I really can't 1:04:15.520 --> 1:04:19.080 say that. That's not something I would have done when 1:04:19.120 --> 1:04:23.360 I was fourteen. I'm twice that age now. I wouldn't 1:04:23.400 --> 1:04:30.240 do that now. I would not break into a church 1:04:30.320 --> 1:04:34.320 at the age of twenty eight and jack off. I 1:04:34.640 --> 1:04:37.840 think fortunate enough fourteen year old me. If me at 1:04:37.920 --> 1:04:41.640 fourteen years old would have definitely like broken into a 1:04:41.760 --> 1:04:44.560 church and jacked off. But I would have cleaned it up. 1:04:48.000 --> 1:04:51.080 I think that's my thing. Yeah, I wouldn't have just 1:04:51.160 --> 1:04:55.280 like left come on a church chair when I was fourteen. 1:04:55.280 --> 1:05:00.560 I would have cleaned it up at least. But yeah, 1:05:01.120 --> 1:05:03.680 you know, it's stories like these where I'm like, yeah, 1:05:03.680 --> 1:05:06.800 I guess we all have the same existence, or or 1:05:06.840 --> 1:05:14.600 I guess fucking crazy people did. But I mean, I hope, yeah, 1:05:14.600 --> 1:05:17.400 I hope you don't do that now. That's probably not 1:05:17.480 --> 1:05:20.840 a good idea. What kind of sweet treat? He actually 1:05:20.840 --> 1:05:22.280 didn't say he took a cookie. He said he took 1:05:22.320 --> 1:05:25.080 a sweet treat. What kind of sweet treat was it? 1:05:25.200 --> 1:05:32.840 Was it a cookie? Yeah? When I was Yeah, when 1:05:32.880 --> 1:05:34.800 I was fourteen, we would like I would like go 1:05:34.920 --> 1:05:41.440 into the fucking you know, what never mind. Anyway, we'll 1:05:41.480 --> 1:05:44.439 save that for another episode. Yeah, you should have cleaned 1:05:44.520 --> 1:05:48.720 up the chair. I think cleaning up. You gotta clean up. 1:05:49.680 --> 1:05:51.840 It's one thing to like jerk off at church, but 1:05:52.040 --> 1:05:59.320 you gotta clean it up. I think is important. Leaving 1:05:59.360 --> 1:06:04.160 the tab open on the computer is pretty funny, but 1:06:04.240 --> 1:06:07.960 you gotta you should clean up the com Okay, this 1:06:08.120 --> 1:06:13.520 is from Clark. Hello, you can call me Clark. I 1:06:13.600 --> 1:06:15.360 have been thinking a lot lately about the amount of 1:06:15.440 --> 1:06:18.760 sexual partners a person has had and how other people 1:06:18.920 --> 1:06:23.400 view that. I am in a relationship with an amazing 1:06:23.480 --> 1:06:26.640 woman and have been for the past two and a 1:06:26.720 --> 1:06:30.320 half years. She is my first girlfriend and I plan 1:06:30.480 --> 1:06:33.840 to marry her. The engagement ring is being created as 1:06:33.920 --> 1:06:37.600 you read this for her. I am her fourth long 1:06:37.720 --> 1:06:43.080 lasting relationship. The other guys were all pieces of shit, abusers, cheaters. 1:06:43.680 --> 1:06:46.160 Not going to dive into those stories. But that's her biz. 1:06:47.320 --> 1:06:50.040 Yeah yeah, yeah, I hate even thinking about it. This woman, 1:06:50.600 --> 1:06:54.920 the love of my life, has had sex with sexes 1:06:54.960 --> 1:07:00.280 and old caps, has had sex with and kissed these 1:07:00.400 --> 1:07:08.080 other men, these scum. Who is to blame? What? Probably 1:07:08.200 --> 1:07:12.120 not important. She's with me now and in comparison to them, 1:07:12.720 --> 1:07:16.960 I am much more attractive, more intelligent, and better off. 1:07:18.680 --> 1:07:22.720 Why do I resent this part of her past so vehemently? 1:07:23.520 --> 1:07:26.720 She was young, her parents never modeled what a good 1:07:26.800 --> 1:07:31.440 relationship should be like. When I run mental simulations to 1:07:31.520 --> 1:07:33.720 see how I would have acted in the same situations, 1:07:34.200 --> 1:07:37.240 I understand why and how she made the decisions that 1:07:37.360 --> 1:07:40.960 led her to these places, and yet feelings of repulsion 1:07:41.120 --> 1:07:45.320 creep in reflexively anytime I hear or think about these things. 1:07:46.360 --> 1:07:50.640 Why I am not an idiot, I am not shallow. 1:07:51.120 --> 1:07:54.040 I know that these experiences she has had made her 1:07:54.120 --> 1:07:57.080 the woman I love today. If we are to assume 1:07:57.240 --> 1:08:00.560 that all things are faded to happen, to be said, 1:08:00.600 --> 1:08:04.480 it was necessary for her to do these things, to 1:08:05.560 --> 1:08:14.360 learn and to grow. Okay, I, okay, you know what 1:08:14.840 --> 1:08:17.639 I'm gonna I have a lot of thoughts. I guess 1:08:17.680 --> 1:08:20.000 I'll keep reading this email because maybe I have a 1:08:20.080 --> 1:08:22.200 lot of thoughts on what the things that this guy's saying. 1:08:22.280 --> 1:08:24.760 But I guess I will finish reading this email because 1:08:24.880 --> 1:08:30.400 maybe it will address some of my thoughts. Okay, Am 1:08:30.439 --> 1:08:35.160 I jealous? Maybe? But in which way? Jealous over the 1:08:35.280 --> 1:08:38.920 difference in sexual partners? That sounds right, But When I 1:08:39.080 --> 1:08:42.040 dissect it, it just sounds stupid. I don't want to 1:08:42.080 --> 1:08:46.000 go fuck other women now. I don't really regret not 1:08:46.200 --> 1:08:49.760 having a previous girlfriend either, perhaps a little, but not 1:08:50.000 --> 1:08:55.320 enough to matter. Is the difference in sexual partners intimidating? Yes, 1:08:56.000 --> 1:09:02.840 to elaborate, I'll go caveman mode. Sex is power, status, power, 1:09:03.080 --> 1:09:08.639 emotional power, experience power. Me want to be big, strong man, 1:09:09.120 --> 1:09:15.560 strong like shield, strong like tree casting shade for a 1:09:16.560 --> 1:09:23.559 smaller plant. Fuck, there's more than Okay, all right, I'm 1:09:23.560 --> 1:09:26.439 gonna all right, I'm gonna read the rest of this 1:09:26.560 --> 1:09:30.120 email just so I have a clear picture before I 1:09:30.160 --> 1:09:37.519 give any thoughts upon it. Okay, it feels patronizing in 1:09:37.600 --> 1:09:41.680 a way. Oh wait, hold on, but how can a 1:09:41.840 --> 1:09:44.519 tree be strong for a plant if the plant is 1:09:44.640 --> 1:09:47.680 bigger than the tree. To be a man is to 1:09:47.800 --> 1:09:51.960 be powerful if your power. If your partner is more powerful, 1:09:52.479 --> 1:10:04.160 you fail as a man. Okay, it feels patronizing in 1:10:04.240 --> 1:10:06.680 a way. That's just my own head doing that to me, 1:10:07.000 --> 1:10:10.280 though not real enough to be valid. I don't even 1:10:10.320 --> 1:10:14.479 agree with this viewpoint. The Western portrayal of manhood. What 1:10:14.600 --> 1:10:16.679 it means to be a man lies in your actions 1:10:16.760 --> 1:10:21.360 and heart putting others before yourself, tolerating stresses and difficulty 1:10:21.439 --> 1:10:26.200 without complaint, being empathetic, But subconsciously, I think I still 1:10:26.240 --> 1:10:29.479 subscribe to society's portrayal of a man. Okay, by that 1:10:30.680 --> 1:10:34.679 in public, I stifle actions or words that might appear unmanly. 1:10:35.160 --> 1:10:38.639 In these scenarios, I am simply trying to maintain public image. 1:10:39.080 --> 1:10:43.320 However inconsequential it may be, it is an inevitable act 1:10:43.400 --> 1:10:47.880 of ego to protect myself from scrutiny. I think Heaven 1:10:47.960 --> 1:10:52.000 lies beyond this ego, a place unconforming to any individual 1:10:52.160 --> 1:10:56.560 view or ideology. Only truth. But truth is so subjective 1:10:57.000 --> 1:10:59.760 it's impossible to capture. Okay, you're okay, we need this 1:11:00.280 --> 1:11:03.760 be over. The point is I am actually jealous of 1:11:03.840 --> 1:11:07.719 my girlfriend? Forget the point? Is am I actually jealous 1:11:07.880 --> 1:11:13.040 of my girlfriend forgetting more play than me? Maybe a little, 1:11:13.439 --> 1:11:15.720 But at its core, I believe it stems from how 1:11:15.760 --> 1:11:19.160 I think other people would view my situation, which I 1:11:19.439 --> 1:11:23.639 do agree is dumb, but I can't help it. However 1:11:23.840 --> 1:11:28.200 dumb or unreasonable. The reason emotions persist is it then 1:11:28.360 --> 1:11:33.320 wrong to feel these things? It is wrong to act 1:11:33.439 --> 1:11:37.080 on them, but to simply thinking these things make me 1:11:37.200 --> 1:11:40.599 a bad person? Why do I care if you think 1:11:40.640 --> 1:11:45.479 I'm a bad person? The crux of humanity ego. In time, 1:11:45.560 --> 1:11:47.680 I pray I do not feel these things or think 1:11:47.800 --> 1:11:50.920 these things. I pray for my ego to cease to 1:11:51.080 --> 1:11:54.519 unbuckle me from this carousel of fate, faded to always 1:11:54.600 --> 1:11:57.599 return to the same spot, the same conclusions, no matter 1:11:57.640 --> 1:12:02.920 how far away from them you try to travel. Uh, Clark, 1:12:04.600 --> 1:12:06.040 all right, we did it. We got through it. We 1:12:06.120 --> 1:12:09.720 read the whole email, we got through it. I'm still here, 1:12:13.080 --> 1:12:22.360 you know what, Clark A, I'm really I'm not. I'm 1:12:23.280 --> 1:12:25.800 Here's the thing about. Here's the thing. I'm not in 1:12:25.920 --> 1:12:31.800 the business of calling people crazy, because I'm just I'm not. 1:12:31.960 --> 1:12:33.120 I'm not in the business of it. 1:12:34.760 --> 1:12:34.920 Uh. 1:12:35.240 --> 1:12:40.640 It's not my preferred way to approach people and situations. 1:12:41.640 --> 1:12:46.240 And also, I am willing to give you this benefit 1:12:46.360 --> 1:12:51.920 of the doubts, of this kind of natural thing of being, 1:12:52.120 --> 1:13:00.240 like having a crazy thought or feeling and then going, wait, 1:13:00.320 --> 1:13:02.040 what the fuck? Why why did I think or feel 1:13:02.080 --> 1:13:06.280 that that was fucking crazy? I don't like this, and 1:13:06.439 --> 1:13:14.920 you're acknowledging that, and I'm hoping that these weird Okay, 1:13:16.320 --> 1:13:18.160 So let me. All right, all right, let me let 1:13:18.200 --> 1:13:24.880 me get all this straight. So your ex girlfriend had 1:13:24.960 --> 1:13:29.799 sex with other people before she met you, because she's 1:13:30.720 --> 1:13:35.720 h her her own human being with a life that 1:13:36.000 --> 1:13:43.519 is not inherently tied to yours. Yeah, somethings up, man, 1:13:43.560 --> 1:13:47.000 because listen, because whatever, here's the thing, right is like 1:13:51.320 --> 1:13:54.800 this thing of like her ex boyfriends were pieces of 1:13:54.840 --> 1:13:57.080 ship or whatever, whether or not they were pieces of ship, 1:13:57.280 --> 1:13:59.320 Like why do you why do you? Why do you 1:13:59.479 --> 1:14:02.960 care who she had sex with before you? If you 1:14:03.600 --> 1:14:07.559 like you said I you said, brother, you said, I'm 1:14:07.600 --> 1:14:10.160 in a relationship with an amazing woman for the past 1:14:10.240 --> 1:14:12.960 two and a half years and I plan to marry her. 1:14:13.800 --> 1:14:16.040 Why do you give a fuck? I'm I want to 1:14:16.200 --> 1:14:18.960 I'm of course, why do you give a fuck who 1:14:19.080 --> 1:14:23.360 she slept with before you, regardless of whether they were 1:14:23.479 --> 1:14:26.760 fucking Nelson Mandela or a piece of shit? You know, like, 1:14:26.840 --> 1:14:32.080 why do you care? But I'm also look, I can yell, 1:14:32.280 --> 1:14:35.120 I can yell these things, but I you agree. You've 1:14:35.320 --> 1:14:39.600 demonstrated in this email that you agree with me, So 1:14:39.760 --> 1:14:43.640 it's irrelevant for me to say these things because you're like, 1:14:43.760 --> 1:14:46.320 why do I you? Why don't even fuck? Why do 1:14:46.439 --> 1:14:48.519 I even fucking feel this way? I shouldn't feel this way. 1:14:48.560 --> 1:14:54.200 That's that's what you're telling me. Bro, I don't know. 1:14:54.360 --> 1:14:56.519 This is a bit, this is this is a dense one. 1:15:00.479 --> 1:15:02.560 You you, first of all, you absolutely need to go 1:15:02.600 --> 1:15:06.840 talk to a real therapist. Uh you talk one hundred 1:15:06.840 --> 1:15:12.559 percent heed to talk to a real therapist. You wrote 1:15:12.680 --> 1:15:16.160 a few that you wrote who is to blame? And 1:15:16.240 --> 1:15:18.799 it's like there's no blame. That is not I wouldn't 1:15:18.840 --> 1:15:23.880 even ask that question. Why does it matter? Clark? Clark? 1:15:25.200 --> 1:15:31.479 Clark Clark? Why does it matter? Clark? You like this lady? 1:15:33.160 --> 1:15:36.800 You want to marry her? Why does any Why does 1:15:36.960 --> 1:15:40.920 any like? It's like she's cheating on you. You know, 1:15:41.760 --> 1:15:46.400 why do the relationships that she had before you matter? 1:15:47.560 --> 1:15:51.519 If she's fucking with you now, she is with you now. 1:15:53.280 --> 1:15:57.240 Live in the president, Clark, live in the pre live 1:15:57.280 --> 1:15:59.360 in the present, because if you don't, you're you're gonna 1:16:00.560 --> 1:16:02.479 you But okay, all right, you know what, you know 1:16:02.520 --> 1:16:04.599 what Clark? Okay, I figured it out. I figured it out. 1:16:05.600 --> 1:16:09.200 I figured it out because I figured it out, Clark, 1:16:10.439 --> 1:16:17.679 here's my answer to this. Okay, when you have a thought, 1:16:19.080 --> 1:16:21.120 oh my god, I'm I'm about to go real therapist 1:16:21.200 --> 1:16:24.560 mode on you, Clark right now. I think this is 1:16:24.640 --> 1:16:28.960 my solution to your ship. Sometimes in life it's actually 1:16:29.080 --> 1:16:33.160 I agree with you, Clark. It's perfectly natural and normal 1:16:33.560 --> 1:16:38.920 and not insane to have an insane thought or an 1:16:38.960 --> 1:16:42.479 insane feeling and then look at yourself and go, that 1:16:42.720 --> 1:16:44.600 was a crazy thought or feeling. What the fuck? I 1:16:44.640 --> 1:16:48.920 don't want to be thinking that. Right, Perfectly fine, perfectly normal, 1:16:49.160 --> 1:16:51.240 happens all the time, happens to me all the time, 1:16:51.360 --> 1:16:53.000 happens to everyone listening to this all the time, no 1:16:53.080 --> 1:16:55.559 matter how hard they'll judge you. This is a perfect 1:16:55.560 --> 1:17:07.479 and normal thing. From there, I think the goal becomes Okay, 1:17:08.120 --> 1:17:10.760 I recognize I have this thought that I don't like, 1:17:14.479 --> 1:17:19.560 So I guess what would be within your agency is 1:17:20.280 --> 1:17:23.599 deciding whether or not you want to feed it. Right, 1:17:25.439 --> 1:17:28.400 So you have this weird rabbit hole that you're going 1:17:28.479 --> 1:17:31.320 down where you're like like resentful and obsessed with like 1:17:32.160 --> 1:17:35.880 your ex girlfriend having sex with like these people that 1:17:35.960 --> 1:17:38.960 she says are bad and all these things right, and 1:17:39.040 --> 1:17:42.960 it doesn't matter. It's like not remotely relevant to your 1:17:43.080 --> 1:17:46.640 individual relationship with her, and you're aware of that, so 1:17:47.080 --> 1:17:51.120 you can kind of you can decide, like it might 1:17:51.160 --> 1:17:52.760 be so okay, So it might be out of your 1:17:52.920 --> 1:17:57.760 wheelhouse to just have that thought pop up in your brain, 1:17:57.960 --> 1:18:00.880 but it's within your wheelhouse to like kind of side like, 1:18:01.120 --> 1:18:04.559 I'm just gonna not feed that, and I'm gonna take 1:18:05.080 --> 1:18:08.560 the emotional energy that I would be feeding that and 1:18:08.920 --> 1:18:14.600 direct it towards just being in this relationship with this 1:18:14.760 --> 1:18:19.559 girl in the present, right fucking now, instead of feeding 1:18:19.640 --> 1:18:22.719 the weird part of your brain that's fixated on the past. 1:18:24.040 --> 1:18:30.479 You get what I'm saying. So that's my that's my 1:18:30.680 --> 1:18:37.680 Gecko therapy to you is just take your brain and 1:18:38.240 --> 1:18:43.120 start feeding the present instead of the past. I would say, uh, 1:18:43.600 --> 1:18:45.400 in time, you said in time, I pray I do 1:18:45.520 --> 1:18:48.280 not feel these things or think these things. I pray 1:18:48.360 --> 1:18:52.920 for my ego decease. And I get you, man, it's hard. 1:18:52.960 --> 1:18:58.439 I'm by the way I'm the things I'm saying. I 1:18:58.479 --> 1:19:01.679 don't want to sound like a hypocrite, because it's hard 1:19:01.960 --> 1:19:05.160 when you have a thoughts and feelings that you don't 1:19:05.240 --> 1:19:09.320 like having to not feed them. It's reads hard the 1:19:09.360 --> 1:19:10.880 way I'm talking about it, and I'm making it sound 1:19:10.920 --> 1:19:13.840 like it's easy, but it's Uh, it's a really difficult thing. 1:19:14.520 --> 1:19:17.200 But I think that's the only kind of fighting chance 1:19:17.920 --> 1:19:20.280 that you have against those thoughts and feelings that you 1:19:20.320 --> 1:19:23.760 don't like, is to just not feed them and and 1:19:23.960 --> 1:19:32.760 and direct your energy into something better deserving, such as 1:19:32.920 --> 1:19:38.360 your actual current experience with your relationship in the presence. 1:19:39.760 --> 1:19:44.599 So that's what I would do, Clark. I appreciate your honesty, 1:19:45.360 --> 1:19:50.600 but uh, yeah, try to try to feed the the 1:19:50.680 --> 1:19:53.320 good wolf, if you know what I mean. You know that, Uh, 1:19:53.400 --> 1:19:56.720 you know that? Fucking what's that? What's the wolf? You know? 1:19:56.800 --> 1:20:05.280 The wolf? Parable? Hold on the parable of the two wolves. 1:20:05.400 --> 1:20:06.760 I think about this a lot. I think about the 1:20:06.800 --> 1:20:10.600 parable of the two wolves. We know the parable of 1:20:10.640 --> 1:20:14.080 the two Wolves. I'm gonna read it. I'm gonna read 1:20:14.080 --> 1:20:16.320 the Parable of the two Wolves. I'm gonna read the 1:20:16.360 --> 1:20:18.160 Parable of the two Wolves. And then I'm gonna name 1:20:18.160 --> 1:20:21.040 a hundred movies. No, I'm not gonna do that. I'm 1:20:21.040 --> 1:20:23.080 gonna read the parable the two Wolves. Though a young 1:20:23.200 --> 1:20:28.240 boy comes to his grandfather filled with anger at another 1:20:28.320 --> 1:20:31.960 boy who has done him an injustice. The grandfather says 1:20:32.000 --> 1:20:35.559 to his grandson, let me tell you a story. I too, 1:20:36.120 --> 1:20:40.600 at times have felt great hatred for those that have 1:20:40.720 --> 1:20:43.560 taken so much with no sorrow for what they do. 1:20:45.120 --> 1:20:47.479 The grandfather says something like, I too feel hatred. Blah 1:20:47.479 --> 1:20:49.960 blah blah. It is as if there are two wolves 1:20:50.040 --> 1:20:53.920 inside of me. One wolf is good and does no harm. 1:20:54.400 --> 1:20:57.160 He lives in harmony with all those around him. He 1:20:57.240 --> 1:21:00.200 does not take offense when offense was not intended. He 1:21:00.280 --> 1:21:02.280 will fight when it is right to do so and 1:21:02.400 --> 1:21:05.040 in the right way. And he is filled with love 1:21:05.200 --> 1:21:10.320 and light and all that other I'm just gonna paraphrase this. 1:21:10.439 --> 1:21:12.320 He's filled it. So there's a good wolf. He has 1:21:12.360 --> 1:21:14.880 two wolves in his brain. One wolf is like a 1:21:14.960 --> 1:21:18.479 good person and all the gain has good stuff and 1:21:18.640 --> 1:21:22.040 his understanding and empathetic and all that whatever, Okay. And 1:21:22.200 --> 1:21:31.919 then the other wolf is filled with anger, contempt, resentment, fear, loathing, 1:21:36.400 --> 1:21:39.360 bad stuff, the stuff you're talking about in this email. 1:21:40.400 --> 1:21:45.439 Sometimes that wolf comes out at you, okay. And so 1:21:45.600 --> 1:21:48.280 the grandfather is talking about these two wolves to the boy, 1:21:49.600 --> 1:21:52.720 and he's like, because the wolf, the wolves are going 1:21:52.760 --> 1:21:58.519 at each other in the grandfather's brain, right, And and 1:21:58.600 --> 1:22:01.040 the Grandfather's like, it's hard to live with these two 1:22:01.120 --> 1:22:03.679 wolves inside of me, because both of the wolves try 1:22:03.720 --> 1:22:08.240 to dominate my spirit. And the boy asks his grandfather 1:22:08.720 --> 1:22:13.519 which wolf will win, and the grandfather says, the one 1:22:13.720 --> 1:22:18.200 that I feed. I think I read that like ten 1:22:18.320 --> 1:22:27.479 fucking years ago or something like that, and that really 1:22:27.760 --> 1:22:33.720 it hit me. It hit me, Clark. So so, yeah, 1:22:34.040 --> 1:22:37.560 you have a dark wolf within you, but you have 1:22:37.680 --> 1:22:39.800 a nice wolf within you have a loving wolf within 1:22:39.840 --> 1:22:42.200 you that loves your girlfriend, wants to marry her, all 1:22:42.240 --> 1:22:45.960 these things, So pick which one you want to feed, 1:22:46.040 --> 1:22:49.720 I suppose. And that was gek Male and that was 1:22:49.760 --> 1:22:54.560 therapy Gecko. And I hope you enjoyed this podcast. I 1:22:54.640 --> 1:23:00.120 hope that this was helpful or entertaining or some I 1:23:00.200 --> 1:23:02.120 hope it was. I hope you enjoyed being I hope 1:23:02.160 --> 1:23:04.160 you enjoyed listening to this. Thank you, Thank you for 1:23:04.280 --> 1:23:09.679 being here. I'm trying my best in this crazy world 1:23:10.680 --> 1:23:17.640 to make podcasts and do stuff and live life and 1:23:19.640 --> 1:23:22.960 you know, just to be so thanks for listening, thanks 1:23:23.000 --> 1:23:27.280 for joining me on this journey across the email universe. 1:23:28.400 --> 1:23:32.960 And I think that's it. I think that's all I 1:23:33.040 --> 1:23:35.960 have to say. I go, I go watch my I'm 1:23:36.000 --> 1:23:37.840 gonna post it on Spotify at some point. I don't 1:23:37.880 --> 1:23:46.280 know when, but yeah, go watch my Iraq video. I 1:23:46.320 --> 1:23:48.880 don't know by the time I released this podcast, maybe 1:23:48.880 --> 1:23:52.200 it'll already be on Spotify. I have no idea. Go 1:23:52.320 --> 1:23:56.960 to therapy geckotour dot com because I'm uh going on 1:23:57.080 --> 1:24:03.439 tour again. I'm excited about that. If you want to 1:24:03.479 --> 1:24:05.559 be if you want to be in gek mail, if 1:24:05.560 --> 1:24:09.160 you want to be in one of these emails you 1:24:09.240 --> 1:24:13.639 can go to you can email me at therapy Gecko 1:24:13.760 --> 1:24:18.519 mail at gmail dot com. I'm sorry if I was mean. 1:24:18.800 --> 1:24:20.880 I feel like I feel like when i'm I feel 1:24:20.880 --> 1:24:23.320 like when I'm just alone in a room, it's easier 1:24:23.400 --> 1:24:30.200 for me to just be me. I don't think I 1:24:30.360 --> 1:24:34.960 was mean. I don't know. I think I think I 1:24:35.080 --> 1:24:36.800 think this was good. I think this was a good 1:24:37.200 --> 1:24:41.000 gek mail session. I think it was I don't know. 1:24:42.120 --> 1:24:45.160 I'm trying my best to do to do this good. 1:24:45.840 --> 1:24:49.240 So yeah, send me an email Therapy Gecko mail at 1:24:49.280 --> 1:24:53.519 gmail dot com. Ghak bless you all have a good 1:24:53.560 --> 1:24:58.479 rest of your entire life, and I'll see you guys 1:24:58.479 --> 1:25:02.439 around the universe. By everyone there, repeat cant goes on 1:25:02.600 --> 1:25:05.200 the line taking your phone calls every night. 1:25:05.600 --> 1:25:07.439 The repeat can goes doing his eye. 1:25:07.600 --> 1:25:10.120 He's teaching you about and the liver your life, but 1:25:10.360 --> 1:25:12.240 he's not really an expert.