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Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to the Therapy Gecko podcast. My name is Lyle.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for joining me here. Today. There will be

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Speaker 1: no phone calls and instead we are going to do

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Speaker 1: gek mail. For those of you who don't know what

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Speaker 1: gek mail is, gek mail is a thing where people

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Speaker 1: send me emails and then I read them, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: I say completely insane things in response that are not

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Speaker 1: helpful at all. Sometimes I say things that are that

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Speaker 1: are really helpful. Sometimes I tap into that part of myself,

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Speaker 1: and then sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't really have

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Speaker 1: anything to say to that at all, and I just

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Speaker 1: read it aloud for you to absorb without my commentary,

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Speaker 1: because I have respect for you as a listener that

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Speaker 1: I don't think you need my commentary on everything you know.

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Speaker 1: I'm honored, I'm happy to deliver you the words of

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Speaker 1: the email, but I don't you don't always need to

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Speaker 1: know what I think about it, because sometimes I don't

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Speaker 1: think about something about everything. You know. I think you're

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Speaker 1: insane if you have an opinion about every single thing. Right,

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to read a few emails that people

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Speaker 1: have sent me, and some of them I'll have opinions

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Speaker 1: about and when I do. I'll voice those opinions and

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Speaker 1: some of them I won't have opinions about. And when

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Speaker 1: I don't, I'll just go, oh, that was pretty crazy,

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Speaker 1: and then I'll move on to something else. I just

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Speaker 1: drank some coffee and I'm ready. I'm excited to talk

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Speaker 1: to you for however long we do this segment for.

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Speaker 1: If you want to be one of these emails, if

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Speaker 1: you want to, I mean, send one. I think being

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Speaker 1: an email would be horrible, or actually being an email

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Speaker 1: would be exactly the same as being dead, because you

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Speaker 1: would be unsentient. Okay, if you want to send an

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Speaker 1: email to me to read on this show, you can do.

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Speaker 1: You can send one to Therapy Gecko mail at gmail

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Speaker 1: dot com and I might read them. Some of these

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Speaker 1: emails are old. Some of these emails are like sometimes

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Speaker 1: someone will send me an email and I'll read it

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Speaker 1: like a year later. So that might happen to you.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, okay, let's read some emails. Is that cool

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Speaker 1: with you, guys? I hope it's cool with you, guys,

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Speaker 1: because it's what I'm about to do. All right. This

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Speaker 1: is from I'm I think I might stop saying, uh,

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Speaker 1: who they're from, because a lot of the times I

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Speaker 1: say who they're from, and then the first line of

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Speaker 1: the email is don't read my name, so you know

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Speaker 1: I have fuck it? Who cares? Okay, this is from

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Speaker 1: Ali subject line I like, what's wrong with me? Hi Gek.

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Speaker 1: While listening to this podcast and hearing people talk in

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Speaker 1: real life, it seems like so many people are upset

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Speaker 1: or depressed about wanting human connection. I agree with that sentiment.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like everyone is sad about not having friends

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Speaker 1: or not having a romantic partner, and some of the

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Speaker 1: people who do have friends or partners are upset because

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Speaker 1: they're not getting what they want or need out of

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Speaker 1: those people. Basically, it seems like a common theme is

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Speaker 1: that everyone is looking for more or better quality connections.

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Speaker 1: I agree with that sentiment. After hearing so many people

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Speaker 1: express these same feelings, I'm starting to wonder if something

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Speaker 1: is wrong with me because I have never felt these feelings.

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Speaker 1: I also thought back through my life and realized I've

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Speaker 1: never felt any sort of attachment or deep connection to

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Speaker 1: anyone else. Out of curiosity, I started seeing a therapist

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Speaker 1: this year to figure out if something is going on

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Speaker 1: with me, and to put it simple in non technical

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Speaker 1: terms ter. My brain just does not form emotional attachments

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Speaker 1: to other people. One effect of this is that I

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Speaker 1: have basically no desire to interact with other people. People

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Speaker 1: have expressed feeling pity for me because of this, but

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Speaker 1: I actually love it. I feel so free. I voluntarily

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Speaker 1: spend the vast majority of my time alone, and I

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Speaker 1: am so happy and content. I do whatever I want,

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Speaker 1: whenever I want, without having to consider anyone else. My

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Speaker 1: emotional state is not dictated by other people. It's self sufficient,

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Speaker 1: which means I'm happy almost all the time. That's crazy.

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Speaker 1: Hearing that most other people's emotional and mental states are

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Speaker 1: highly reliant upon other people makes me feel sad for them.

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Speaker 1: I just wish other people could feel as free and

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Speaker 1: happy and unburdened as I do. I could go into

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Speaker 1: more detail, but I feel like this email is already

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Speaker 1: pretty long, so I'll leave it at that. I love

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Speaker 1: this podcast because I get to learn about other people's

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Speaker 1: experiences of life without having to personally interact with them.

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Speaker 1: It's great. Thanks for everything you do for us listeners, callers,

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Speaker 1: and emailers. Ali interesting, very interesting. Yeah, I mean everyone's

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Speaker 1: wired really differently. It's kind of it's all this is

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Speaker 1: kind of like the equivalent of like, you know those

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Speaker 1: people who they their body has been designed to not

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Speaker 1: feel pain. You know, I don't know. I feel like

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Speaker 1: there's been like a TLC show about someone like that,

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Speaker 1: where like their body is just designed to like you

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Speaker 1: can punch them and you know, you can fucking take

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Speaker 1: a stapler to their head and they don't care. This

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Speaker 1: is kind of like an emotional version of that. I

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Speaker 1: guess I get why. Here's a thing is I get

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Speaker 1: why people say that they're they feel sorry for you,

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Speaker 1: but uh well, not wanting is the same thing as having,

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Speaker 1: So if you are, like I feel bad for the

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Speaker 1: people who like they are, you know, like they long

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Speaker 1: for things and they don't have them. The whole desiring

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Speaker 1: is the root of suffering type thing. But for you,

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you don't even want it, it's like, wow,

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Speaker 1: that's amazing. I know. I'm I I might. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say I envy you because I I

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Speaker 1: I enjoy I don't. I don't I enjoy wanting the

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Speaker 1: things I want, and I don't feel I'm okay with

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Speaker 1: accepting the pain and suffering that comes with the desire.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm okay with that, But I'm happy for you

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Speaker 1: that you don't have to do that because you don't

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Speaker 1: have the desire. There's a lot of freedom in that.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of freedom in not wanting fucking anything.

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Speaker 1: It is so much freedom if you because that's what

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Speaker 1: I guess, that's what the Buddha's shit is all about.

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Speaker 1: Right as he sat under a tree and I didn't

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Speaker 1: do anything, I don't don't say in the comments, don't

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Speaker 1: correct me on the story of the Buddha. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, and I'm making my own up. But

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Speaker 1: he sits under a tree and he doesn't want anything,

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Speaker 1: and he's pretty chill, and then he dies, and for

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Speaker 1: him that was a great life. For me, I would

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Speaker 1: kill myself. That'd be a horrible life to sit under

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Speaker 1: a tree forever and not do anything. But that's because

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Speaker 1: I'm me, and the buddhas the Buddha, and Ali is Ali,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know what it is that goes into

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Speaker 1: making some people want things and making other people not

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Speaker 1: want the things. And I also, I'm not sold on

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Speaker 1: the idea. Some people would disagree with me on this

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Speaker 1: and I and this I would welcome in the comments this.

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Speaker 1: I this is something I welcome a discussion about. But

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Speaker 1: I don't know if desire is like a choice, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? I think I think it may

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's maybe it's like a choice within reason, right,

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Speaker 1: because you could, Yeah, maybe it's a choice within reason, right,

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Speaker 1: because like I don't know. Maybe, like like if if

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Speaker 1: you want like twenty boyfriends or girlfriends, you're like, all right,

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Speaker 1: that's a lot of desire. That's a little too much.

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Speaker 1: If you want to get your asshole eaten and eat

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Speaker 1: McDonald's all day, that's a lot that's too much desire.

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Speaker 1: Scale it back. But if you want, like, if your

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Speaker 1: wants are reasonable, you want a friend, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you can choose to not want a friend. I

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Speaker 1: guess you could. I guess you could shut it out

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Speaker 1: and pretend to be the Buddha. But then how much

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Speaker 1: of you is pretending versus like, I actually don't want

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Speaker 1: a thing, you know what I mean. I'm happy for you, Ali,

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Speaker 1: It's it's interesting your emotion. You said, my emotional state

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Speaker 1: is not dictated by other people. That's very stoic. That's

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Speaker 1: very stoicism vibes. I used to be really into stoicism.

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Speaker 1: I maybe still am to some degree. There's parts of

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Speaker 1: it that I like. It's a strong protective veil. I think.

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Speaker 1: Desiring nothing, Yeah, that's a big stoicism thing, Like to

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Speaker 1: desire nothing. It's a strong protective veil that you can

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Speaker 1: use to protect yourself. But then I don't know. If

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Speaker 1: you want nothing, you just kind of vaguely floats. You're

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Speaker 1: like the boot the buddh had a shitty life just

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Speaker 1: sitting under a tree all day. It's a bad life.

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Speaker 1: You know, you want to be also desiring too much?

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Speaker 1: You know, you do heroin and you die, that's a

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Speaker 1: bad life. You know you have sex with a dog,

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Speaker 1: that's a bad life. You don't want to desire too

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Speaker 1: much stuff? Uh So you know what was I gonna say? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you you you you wanna you wanta do you want

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Speaker 1: to be? You want to be okay with taking it

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Speaker 1: all in and being like I'm understanding that because I

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Speaker 1: desire to have connections with other people and because I

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Speaker 1: want whatever material thing outside of myself, I'm okay with

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Speaker 1: the suffer that comes with that desire, and you just

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Speaker 1: take it versus the stoic thing of like I'm just

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Speaker 1: gonna not want anything, but maybe it is sto Maybe

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Speaker 1: actually there's an interpretation of stoicism that goes something like,

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Speaker 1: I'll I'm okay with the suffering. I think that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: I think everything I just said made a lot of

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Speaker 1: sense and was really and was really smart. Maybe Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ali, I think you're doing good.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna read another email. This is from David,

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Speaker 1: subject line life and movies. Hi GEK. Recently, I started

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Speaker 1: an IT internship as a twenty four year old and

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Speaker 1: an office where I sit for forty hours a week.

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Speaker 1: I've listened to you sporadically for years now, but these

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Speaker 1: first few weeks you've become my go to to help

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Speaker 1: pass the time. I appreciate you. I'm writing while sitting

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Speaker 1: at my desk. Thank you, David. I appreciate you. Besides

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Speaker 1: the internship, I enjoy smoking weed, walking around, and watching

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Speaker 1: movies pretty good. This past year, I actually lost about

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Speaker 1: thirteen kilograms mostly because of this. I would walk around

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Speaker 1: until late at night while smoking, and by the time

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Speaker 1: I got home again, it would be time for bed,

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Speaker 1: so that would help me avoid the munchies. You've talked

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Speaker 1: about losing weight often, so if I could give any wisdom,

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Speaker 1: it would be that I'm listen, David. I know, I'm

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Speaker 1: aware of the fact. I'm aware of the fact that

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to go to bed hungry or just like

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Speaker 1: be too tired to eat. Trust me, I've tried that before.

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Speaker 1: I've tried that before, But then I've also had a

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Speaker 1: thing where I'm like, fuck, you know what helped me

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Speaker 1: fall asleep is three thousand calories. Another thing you have

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Speaker 1: mentioned often is movies. Have I I feel like I

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Speaker 1: don't talk about I feel like I never talked about movies. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I love movies, but can honestly only watch them in

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Speaker 1: a cinema because at home I tend to go on

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Speaker 1: my phone because I have TikTok brain. So I go

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Speaker 1: to the cinema once a week, either alone or with

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Speaker 1: a friend, to scratch that itch. What are some of

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Speaker 1: your favorite movies? Do you have any recommendations or good

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Speaker 1: recent releases. I live close to Amsterdam, so if you

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Speaker 1: ever go on tour here again, I'll try to attend.

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Speaker 1: Keep geking, David. I love Amsterdam. It's one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite cities on the planet. Yeah. Oh, I'd get high

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Speaker 1: if I lived in Scorgish board gin Blurgen, Netherlands. Like

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Speaker 1: this person does. I would also get high and walk

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Speaker 1: around all the time. I'm not a movie guy. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know where you get the movie

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Speaker 1: thing from. Uh do I recommend any movies? What did

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Speaker 1: I just watch? I just watched the Lego movie. That

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Speaker 1: was good. I watched the Super Mario Brothers movie. I

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Speaker 1: like cartoons. I feel like a little boy most of

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Speaker 1: the time. I don't have the tension span for anything

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Speaker 1: except cartoons. No, I'm not a movie guy. I don't

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Speaker 1: know any movies. If you asked me to sit here

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Speaker 1: and name a hundred movies, I don't think I could

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Speaker 1: do it. Actually that no, I could probably do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do it because I think that, uh

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Speaker 1: that that maybe I'll do it at the very end.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I'll do it at the very end, so that

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Speaker 1: way I can be like, Okay, this podcast is over,

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Speaker 1: and I've have delivered you the hour of podcast that

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Speaker 1: I somewhat promised you by you clicking on this, and

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Speaker 1: then this next part of me trying to name a

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Speaker 1: hundred movies is like is like it's all, It's like

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Speaker 1: nothing list there's no, that's not anything. So that's I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't feel like I was wasting your time. I would

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't feel, but I feel it because if I

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Speaker 1: did it, if I try to do that right now,

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Speaker 1: I'd be wasting your time. But if I put it

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Speaker 1: at the very end, I'd be like, it's this is

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Speaker 1: on you that you're doing this. Okay, maybe I'll do that,

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Speaker 1: or or I absolutely won't. Okay. This is from john

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Speaker 1: subject line Christian Mingle story. I don't know if you're

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Speaker 1: familiar with Ray William Johnson. I am, but he does

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Speaker 1: a true crime podcast and he featured a Christian Mingle

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Speaker 1: story on his true crime podcast. And this lady talked

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Speaker 1: to a guy for a short while on Christian Mingle.

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Speaker 1: He agreed to fly out. She agreed to fly out

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Speaker 1: and stay with him for four days. The guy apparently

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Speaker 1: said this isn't working within a few hours of her

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Speaker 1: being there and said she had to leave. So now

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Speaker 1: she's stuck for four days with no place to live,

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Speaker 1: and the guy has to call the cops to come

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Speaker 1: make her leave. This is all, by the way, By

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Speaker 1: the way, this is a complete run on sentence. The

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Speaker 1: way that this guy's typing this. The cops get there,

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Speaker 1: she strips down naked and starts walking around the neighborhood nude.

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Speaker 1: They eventually get rid of her. But that's my funny

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Speaker 1: Christian Mingles story. This is the worst email I've ever

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Speaker 1: been sent in my life. No offense, John, but a

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Speaker 1: little bit offense. It's a run This is a run

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Speaker 1: on sentence of a story that happens to somebody else,

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Speaker 1: that someone else said on their podcast. John. Next time, John,

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Speaker 1: if you're reading this, if you're listening to this right now,

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Speaker 1: next time, I swear, I swear my life. John, Next time,

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Speaker 1: just send me an email that's like today. I went

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Speaker 1: to the store and I bought a cookie and I

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Speaker 1: went home and I ate it and I watched TV.

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Speaker 1: And I would appreciate that email so much more than

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Speaker 1: this one, because at least that's something that happened to you,

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Speaker 1: and it's nobody's and somebody's already. This is not only

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Speaker 1: do the story not happen to you, you're telling it

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Speaker 1: from a podcast that already covered it. I'd rather hear

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Speaker 1: I would rather be the first podcast to cover a

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Speaker 1: boring day in your life than the third one to

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Speaker 1: read a run on sentence that you wrote about a

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Speaker 1: thing that didn't happen to you. So send me another

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Speaker 1: E John, with just whatever happened to your day? Because

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Speaker 1: this I don't. I try that to be mean in

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Speaker 1: my in this show, but this and I don't, and

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Speaker 1: I'm actually not. I'm trying to be constructive. But this

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Speaker 1: is the worst email I've ever been sent in my

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Speaker 1: entire life. No offense, John, send me another one. I'll

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Speaker 1: read that. Just tell me something that happened to you,

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Speaker 1: all right? This is from Dalton subject line If you

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Speaker 1: read this, that'd be cool. Hey, Gek, I've been putting

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Speaker 1: off writing you for a while, but now there's no

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Speaker 1: time like the present. My name is Dalton and this

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Speaker 1: is no joke. I was literally named after Patrick Swayze

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Speaker 1: in Roadhouse. I've never seen Roadhouse? Is it good? And

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Speaker 1: I don't only know it from like family guy. I've

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Speaker 1: always thought that's kind of funny in a Squidbillies kind

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Speaker 1: of way. Does anyone knows Squidbillies? Squidbillies is an adult

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Speaker 1: swim show that ran for about thirteen years without a

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Speaker 1: single person that I've ever met in real life having

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Speaker 1: also seen it. Let me know if anyone says, I've

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Speaker 1: ever seen this show. I always wondered how it was

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Speaker 1: always on when nobody seems like they watched it. Okay, anyway,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to transition phase right now, coming out of

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Speaker 1: a pretty serious drug addiction, and I'm rebuilding my life

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Speaker 1: from the ground up. I just discovered you maybe a

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Speaker 1: year ago, but I listened to your show a lot

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Speaker 1: while I'm at work, and it makes the day more enjoyable.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Delton. Right now, I work at a fast

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Speaker 1: food place that you said you go to semi frequently. Really,

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Speaker 1: I wish that that narrowed it down up until this week.

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Speaker 1: We sold popcorn shrimp and you said you'd never tried.

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Speaker 1: Can you guess where I work? Oh? Fuck? Okay, popcorn shrimp.

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Speaker 1: It's gotta be like one of the fried chicken places Popeyes.

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Speaker 1: Does Popeyes sell popcorn shrimp? I'm gonna guess Popeyes, dude, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I went to fucking I went to Popeyes the other day.

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Speaker 1: They have a Freddy faz Bear five nights at Freddy's promotion,

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Speaker 1: and I went to Popeyes at like two am, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, do you have any And they have

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Speaker 1: a what's the name? What's the name of that bird

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Speaker 1: character from Five Nights at Freddy's. What's her name, Cheetah,

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Speaker 1: Cherita whatever, the bird, the yellow bird lady. They have

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Speaker 1: a thing with her and it's like she it's like

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Speaker 1: a cupcake. It's fucking it's disgusting. It's strawberry frosting on

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Speaker 1: one of their biscuits and it's like a cupcake bowl

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Speaker 1: cup thing. And I was there at three am, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, do you guys have one of those?

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Speaker 1: And he's like, let me check, and he goes deep

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Speaker 1: in the back of the restaurant and he pulls out

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Speaker 1: the last one from like a freezer and he gives

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Speaker 1: it to me. I go home, my microwave it and

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Speaker 1: it was the most delicious depression meal I've ever had

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Speaker 1: in my entire life. That Chickorita is a Chickorita. What's

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Speaker 1: her fucking name? Anyway, this anyway, I don't think it's

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Speaker 1: still out. I don't think you can still get it

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Speaker 1: unless if you can't still get a fresh one by

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Speaker 1: the time this airs, but maybe you can get one

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Speaker 1: that they're not supposed to sell you. I recommend it. Okay.

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Speaker 1: I'm about to be starting school at the local tech school.

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Speaker 1: Here on January fifth for industrial maintenance, so I'm pretty

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Speaker 1: excited about that. I'm also trying to teach myself how

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Speaker 1: to repair laptops. I play guitar, and I sing in

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Speaker 1: a band, and I'm preparing to grow a vegetable garden

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Speaker 1: when the season arrives. So I got a lot going on,

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Speaker 1: and I'm trying to find a balance so I don't

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Speaker 1: burn myself out. I guess because I'm thirty one now

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Speaker 1: and I spent so long in addiction, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to catch up, catch up to what though,

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Speaker 1: right I don't know. Ultimately, this is the best I've

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Speaker 1: ever done, and I'm glad to have you in my

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Speaker 1: year as part of it. Maybe one day I'll find

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Speaker 1: the courage to call in PS. I've been listening to

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Speaker 1: a lot of your old episodes and I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you realize this, but your accent has changed a

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Speaker 1: lot in five years. Happy Hanukkah. This's a nice email, Dalton.

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Speaker 1: That makes sense to me, the whole thing of trying

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Speaker 1: to catch up because you feel like you lost a

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Speaker 1: lot of time. But look at you, man, Goddamn build

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Speaker 1: in a fucking vegetable garden. You're in a band, you're

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Speaker 1: at a text school, you're a real guy, dude. I

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Speaker 1: love that so much. And we get a lot of

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Speaker 1: stories like this on the podcast that I love so much.

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Speaker 1: I really don't. I really I appreciate you, Dalton. I

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Speaker 1: love it so much. It's like that woman who went insane.

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Speaker 1: I think I called her or something. She went in

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Speaker 1: saying she was like drunk, like like cradling a bottle

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Speaker 1: of vodka in the park at like two am. And

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Speaker 1: then and now her life is normal because I know

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Speaker 1: what I really do feel like, I know what it's

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Speaker 1: like to I've never like done like hardcore drugs or anything,

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Speaker 1: but I kind of know what it's like to have

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Speaker 1: a long period of your like a like a like

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Speaker 1: a bender of some kind where you're like, I don't

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Speaker 1: feel like a normal person, like the kind of day

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Speaker 1: where like you try to save it by like talking

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Speaker 1: to someone and then you're like I can't pretend like

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Speaker 1: I'm not an insane person. But then this is great.

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Speaker 1: I love it. I really I the idea that you

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Speaker 1: can be like addicted to heroin and then not be

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Speaker 1: and be in like a band and have a vegetable

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Speaker 1: garden that's one of the coolest I'm dead serious, it's

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Speaker 1: one of the coolest things I've ever heard in my life.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know if you're dated to heroin, but

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Speaker 1: whatever it was, it's called neuroplasticity is the word. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna google this. Let's make this a sign. It's podcast neuroplasticity.

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Speaker 1: Neuroplasticity is the brain's amazing, lifelong ability to reorganize itself

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Speaker 1: by forming new neural connections, allowing it to adapt, learn

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Speaker 1: new skills, recoverment from injury, and change its structure and

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00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 1: function in response to experiences, environment and challenges. So that's exciting.

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Speaker 1: It means there's hope. It means biologically, our brains were

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Speaker 1: designed so that if even if we fucked up a lot,

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Speaker 1: we can we can get back there. So good on you, Delton.

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Speaker 1: I'm inspired by this. Okay. This is from uh what

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Speaker 1: the fuck? Okay? This is from Okay. The heading of

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Speaker 1: the email says call me Josh. The email title is

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00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 1: binky Fish. Okay, Hi gak, I'm Josh. I feel like

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Speaker 1: more people should know about what I'm about to tell you.

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00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 1: On Sundays, I make sure to text all my family

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Speaker 1: and friends that it's Binkie Fish Sunday and either an

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00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: I message sticker of a fish sucking on a binkie

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Speaker 1: or an entire video that is a collage of binkie

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Speaker 1: fish Sunday. I wish more people participated in Binkie Fish Sunday.

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Speaker 1: Happy Binkie Fish Sunday. That fish is a baby? What

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Speaker 1: the fuck is this? Okay, there's a YouTube video attached

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00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: to this. Oh, okay, Okay, that's a lot of music.

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Speaker 1: He sent me a YouTube video of a collage of

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Speaker 1: fish with binkies. And these appear to be real images

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00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 1: they just see. These appear to be ai manipulated or

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00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 1: even photoshopped. You guys remember, oh man, you guys remember

399
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: on the Internet when you would see something fake and

400
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 1: be like, is this photo shopped? That's gone now? Okay,

401
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: he's he sent me a bunch of stickers of fish

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00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: with binkies in them, and he did send this to

403
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 1: me on a Sunday. This is from December fourteenth. Okay,

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00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: I sent you a p I sent you a bunch

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00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 1: of pictures of binkie fish and my dog and an

406
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:46,879
Speaker 1: airline pilot named Joe that I know irl who was

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00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 1: featured on the hit show. The rehearsal, shout out the rehearsal. Okay,

408
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,880
Speaker 1: I remember this anyway. I'll try to call in next time.

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Speaker 1: Only answer if you want to know more about Binkie

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Speaker 1: Fish regards, Josh. Okay, you know what that was. I

411
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Speaker 1: don't know how long it took me to read that email.

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00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: I think it was about three minutes. But I don't

413
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: know about you, guys. I'm perfectly at peace with how

414
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 1: I just spent the last three minutes of my life.

415
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: I think that was a nice thing to now know about.

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00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: It's from Maggie. Subject line, I've moved to a small

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Speaker 1: island for a job I don't want. Hello, Gecko, my

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00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 1: name is Maggie and I need some career advice. Longtime listener,

419
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: first time emailer. I was wondering how to build a

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00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 1: career in something stable that I'll enjoy all my life.

421
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 1: I have worked in hospitality and tourism, and coming up

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00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: to the holidays, it reminds me how much I hate

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00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:57,359
Speaker 1: working in hospitality and tourism because I never get Christmas

424
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 1: off work. My schedules are never st and I've never

425
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: stayed in a job longer than two years. I do

426
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 1: have a degree in art history and try to do

427
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 1: some volunteer work in various museums to get my foot

428
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,160
Speaker 1: in the door, but nothing is panned out. My brother

429
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: is a manager in an office at twenty five, and

430
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: I'm twenty three and never had a proper job. I

431
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 1: know most people hate office work, but I would like

432
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,160
Speaker 1: to have a steady schedule and reliable hours. I've moved

433
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 1: to a small island for a job in tourism that

434
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,359
Speaker 1: has turned out to have really inconsistent hours. Do I

435
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 1: go back to school? Do I move to the city

436
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 1: where there's more regular work? Do I try to make

437
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 1: this job work? I would love to hear your thoughts

438
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: about this, Okay, I'm gonna I'll be honest with you, Maggie.

439
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 1: I think I'm not I don't feel I really don't

440
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: feel that qualified to talk about this stuff because I

441
00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 1: think that the job market in general h sucks ass

442
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 1: that I know. So do you go back to school?

443
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: Do you move to a city where there's more regular work?

444
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 1: Why did you move to an island so you want Okay,

445
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 1: it sounds like your goal, your dream, it sounds is

446
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: to just like have a normal ass job. You just

447
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: want a normal ass nine to five job, Like, that's

448
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 1: what you want? You want a normal ass nine to

449
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: five ass job you can reliably clock in at nine,

450
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: clock out at five, holidays and weekends off, live your

451
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: fucking life. You want a normal ass, middle class, white

452
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: collar job. How how does one get that? How did

453
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 1: your brother do it? Ask your brother for advice?

454
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 2: Not me.

455
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 1: I don't have a I don't ask your brother for advice.

456
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 1: He seems like he's doing a pretty good job at it.

457
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: Do you go back to school you have a degree

458
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 1: in art history? I don't know. I don't know how

459
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: do people get those like regular ass jobs? You probably

460
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: want to go to a city where that hat, where

461
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: that's a thing you could work out, Like a college.

462
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: They probably have a lot of shit like that. Why

463
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: don't you wait, Okay, well you have it? Okay, I mean,

464
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna throw some shit at the wall here.

465
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: You haven't you have a degree in art history, Why

466
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 1: don't you go to the alumni thing? Like, go to

467
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: go to your college's alumni network and be like, yo,

468
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 1: how do I get a regular ass job? And they

469
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: might be able to help you. That's what that actually

470
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 1: is what I would do if I were you. I

471
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,239
Speaker 1: would go to the alumni network and be like, Yo,

472
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: what's going on in the regular ass job universe? Ask

473
00:30:54,040 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: your brother you moved to a small island. Why did

474
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 1: you move to a small island? Do you like the

475
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 1: small island? All my life I have worked in hospitality

476
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: and tourism. I hate working in hospitality tourism because I

477
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: never get Christmas off work. Okay, yeah, sorry, I feel

478
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 1: like I don't I feel like I didn't say anything

479
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: useful about this, but uh, you know you could always

480
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 1: you could, Uh you could become a fish. I'm gonna

481
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 1: stop looking at this email. I don't think I think.

482
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: I don't think I've given I think I don't think.

483
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm good at advice. Right now, let's

484
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 1: let's do Let's read more emails. Subject line I just

485
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: had a baby. My dad was supposed to help with

486
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: childcare but relapsed. Hi, Gek, you can call me Polly.

487
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 1: Sorry if this is kind of long, but I am

488
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 1: interested to hear your thoughts on this situation. My dad

489
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: has struggled with alcoholism for the past decade. I'm thirty five,

490
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 1: so this didn't fuck up my childhood or anything. In fact,

491
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 1: he gave me a great life, was generally supportive and involved,

492
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 1: and even funded my higher education. He just seemed to

493
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: lose his way in his mid fifties. His addiction affected

494
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: me in a big way. I had periods of no

495
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: contact with him and have been to therapy about this

496
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: issue a few times. One of the boundaries I set

497
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 1: with him was that if slash when I had children,

498
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: he couldn't be around them if he wasn't sober. He

499
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: actually went to rehab in early twenty twenty four, at

500
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 1: the behest of my mom and his best friend. I

501
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 1: was no contact with him for a good chunk of

502
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, but reconnected with him later that year

503
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: as he had maintained sobriety and I felt that I

504
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: could let him into my life without detriment to my life.

505
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: Things were going great with our family for a while.

506
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: I got pregnant in early twenty twenty five, and my

507
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 1: parents were overjoyed and so excited to meet our baby.

508
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: Late in my pregnancy, my dad unfortunately lost his job.

509
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 1: He never really admitted it, basically said he was unexpectedly

510
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 1: starting retirement, but I suspect he was fired. He had

511
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,480
Speaker 1: this job for twenty five years. I don't really know

512
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: the specifics of why he lost his job, but my

513
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: mom doesn't think he was drinking on the job or anything.

514
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 1: My dad tried to spin it into a positive by

515
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: saying that now he'd be more available to help me

516
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: take care of my daughter once she arrived. I was

517
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: pretty happy about this because my dad is good with kids,

518
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: and honestly, my husband and I could use all the

519
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 1: help I can get. I just had my kid a

520
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 1: month ago. She's the best thing that's ever happened to

521
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 1: me and my husband. My parents fell in love with

522
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: her too, and they were coming to our house two

523
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: to three times per week with tons of food and

524
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: helped us care for the baby so we could do

525
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 1: other work or nap. It was awesome, and I was

526
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: super happy that our family had gotten so close. It

527
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,040
Speaker 1: all came crashing down last week, though. My dad it

528
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 1: actually outed himself and called me late at night, mumbling

529
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 1: about his granddaughter and slurring his words. I immediately told

530
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: him he's cut off from seeing my daughter. I told

531
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 1: my mom, who I guess wasn't with him when he

532
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 1: was drinking, and she searched our house and found an

533
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 1: empty wine bottle. I haven't talked to him since, but

534
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 1: this shit has been pretty devastating, especially with me and

535
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 1: my husband being in the newborn trenches and dealing with

536
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 1: tons of sleep deprivation on top of it. I don't

537
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 1: really know how to proceed. On one hand, I'm most

538
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: concerned with my kid's well being in safety, and I

539
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: don't want him here right now, and moving forward wouldn't

540
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,439
Speaker 1: allow him to be around my daughter alone. I'm also

541
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: so pissed that he relapsed in the time that I

542
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,359
Speaker 1: needed his help the most. On the other hand, I'm

543
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 1: heartbroken that our family has been so bonded for these

544
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,760
Speaker 1: few weeks that I didn't even know he was drinking,

545
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 1: and I know being away from the baby is probably

546
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: painful for him too. He and my mom really love her.

547
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:02,879
Speaker 1: Your thoughts are appreciated. Love Polly. Sorry this is really

548
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 1: inappropriate to say, but this is This reminds me, maybe

549
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 1: it's not inappropriate to say. This reminds me of that

550
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 1: Rick and Morty episode where you guys know exactly if

551
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 1: you okay, do you know what I'm talking about? Where like, uh,

552
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 1: it's like Christmas, and like all of a sudden, like

553
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 1: Rick starts like be He's like sober and everything, and

554
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 1: he starts like being really nice to everyone, and then

555
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: the family starts becoming like a more cohesive unit and

556
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 1: everyone's like, wow, Rick, you really changed, and he's like, yeah,

557
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 1: you know, I just I just realized that I love

558
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 1: my family and I'm trying to finally do what's right

559
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 1: and whatnot and all this stuff, and it's a great thing.

560
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 1: And then the family realizes that Rick has actually just

561
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: been down in the basement like like doing science and drinking,

562
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: and he created a clone of himself to like be

563
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: a good cool guy with the family, and then the

564
00:35:55,160 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 1: family's all pissed off. You guys watch Rick and Morty know, Okay, Anyway,

565
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 1: this reminded me of that. Um yeah, that's tough. I'm

566
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: really sorry to hear that, because the well, I you

567
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: know whatever. To continue my Brick and Morty analogy, the

568
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 1: bummer is the is that it is almost like your

569
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 1: dad created a clone or something like that, you know,

570
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 1: because like he he you have all this family bonding

571
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 1: time where you think everything is okay and great and amazing,

572
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 1: and then you fucking realize the whole time that he

573
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:40,479
Speaker 1: was still drinking. That's tough. That's really tough. Hmmm, hmmm, yeah, shit,

574
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, ah mmm, I mean it's

575
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: hard to get listen. Look, because like it's your dad's

576
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 1: because here's the thing. You're thirty five years old and

577
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:57,880
Speaker 1: you have a kid, and you have you have a

578
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: lot to do, right, You got so much to fuck do, right,

579
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 1: you got so much to do. And though it hurts

580
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:11,359
Speaker 1: that your father cannot be with your kid right now,

581
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 1: it's kind of on him, dude. It's kind of on him.

582
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 1: He kind of has to get his ship together if

583
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 1: he wants to be part of the family. And I

584
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: respect you, Polly, I do. I respect you for holding

585
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 1: firm yeah, not re enforcing boundaries like that. It is

586
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:35,280
Speaker 1: fucking it's it's tough. It's not easy. It's emotionally difficult.

587
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: That's why that's why people don't do it. You know,

588
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:46,840
Speaker 1: it's hard. But yeah, it's on him, dude, because you

589
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 1: don't want your daughter being around him while he's fucking drunk.

590
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:57,840
Speaker 1: And it's painful that, uh, he can't, he can't be

591
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 1: in the family, and so pay also fucking painful for

592
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: you that like that almost that like the few weeks

593
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 1: where everything was beautiful was like a lie, you know,

594
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: like that episode of Rick and Morty. But it's all

595
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: he's a fucking on him dude. Ugh, this is a bummer.

596
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 1: It's one of the one of the one of the

597
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 1: one of the main bummers of life is that you're

598
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: just having to accept that you can't really change the

599
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 1: behavior of other people as much as you can just

600
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 1: like reinforce your own boundaries around it and speak your

601
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 1: pieces and whatnot, and then everything else is just kind

602
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:49,439
Speaker 1: of with him, you know. So thank thanks for thanks

603
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 1: for sharing this email. I'm sorry that you're dealing with

604
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: all this crap, but it is on him. So don't

605
00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:59,880
Speaker 1: burn yourself too much because you got ship to do.

606
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: You know, you got a family to be with. You

607
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:07,920
Speaker 1: got a husband and a baby, and you know, tell

608
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 1: you tell your dad he's welcome back anytime, because I'm

609
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 1: sure that's how you feel. He's welcome back anytime. But

610
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 1: he's gotta he's got to just get his shit together,

611
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 1: you know. And and and that unfortunately is on him

612
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 1: as much as it sucks. This is from Kaya. Subject

613
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 1: line is weed causing my anxiety? Yes? Okay, next email, No,

614
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding, Hi, Liyah, I hope you're well, I've

615
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 1: been wondering for a while now whether my anxiety is

616
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:41,800
Speaker 1: general anxiety or weed induced. I'm not. I'm gonna preface

617
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 1: this by saying I am not a therapist or a psychiatrist.

618
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 1: I am a I am a guy who smokes weed

619
00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 1: and is a little crazy, and so I will and

620
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: so I will answer this email from that particular perspective,

621
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 1: not the perspective of a medical professional. Okay, I've been

622
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 1: wondering for a while now whether my anxiety is general

623
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 1: anxiety or weed induced. For context, I have suffered with

624
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 1: anxiety since before I started smoking, and I currently only

625
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,520
Speaker 1: smoke one gram a week. I get spells of overthinking,

626
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 1: crippling self doubt when I'm sober. When I smoke, it

627
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: goes away and I feel like I think more rationally

628
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 1: once the high dies off and the anxiety returns. I

629
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,800
Speaker 1: don't know whether it's the weed come down or the

630
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 1: general anxiety returning. Luckily, I have found that when that

631
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 1: time of the month comes around, smoking spins me so

632
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 1: spins me out so completely. So in that instance, I

633
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 1: know it's not good for me. As a fellow overthinker

634
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 1: and pot smoker. What do you think, I fully reap

635
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 1: the benefits of weed, but are they causing long term issues? PS.

636
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: I've been listening to you for five years. Love your content.

637
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 1: Thank you for the help. Please come back to England

638
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: and do a show in Bristol. Ooh maybe I have

639
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 1: heard Bristol's cool. Uh well, there's nothing listen kaya. There's

640
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:17,800
Speaker 1: nothing I can say about this email that's not gonna

641
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 1: make me just a giant hypocrite. There's not I can't.

642
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 1: I really can't answer this email without being a giant hypocrite.

643
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 1: If I were to answer this email by giving you advice,

644
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 1: I would be implying that I have solved my own

645
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 1: issues with marijuana, and I would it would it would

646
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:48,120
Speaker 1: be at my strong best to imply that by responding

647
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:55,479
Speaker 1: by giving you advice on this email. But I guess

648
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: I'll just tell you like, yeah, you know, yeah, I

649
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:04,399
Speaker 1: smoke weed and that makes me anxious and then yeah

650
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 1: it's yes, it's a cycle, of course, it's this fucking cycle. Yeah,

651
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: you get anxious and then you spoke weed and then

652
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 1: it comes down and then the anxiety like bounces back.

653
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: That's that's that's the whole thing with drugs. That's why

654
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:24,480
Speaker 1: people say that like doing drugs is like borrowing happiness

655
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 1: from the future, and then you go into like happiness

656
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: debt or like a calmness debt. Right, So that's all

657
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: that's all I got for you. I think you should

658
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: go see a real psychiatrist about this. But yeah, I

659
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: mean it causes issues for me. Sometimes it causes issues

660
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: for me. Sometimes it's nice and fun and awesome. Would

661
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,800
Speaker 1: I rather be like a cool guy who meditates and

662
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 1: takes cold showers every morning instead of getting high?

663
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 2: Uh?

664
00:42:55,960 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 1: Probably, But I'll let you know how that feels when

665
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:06,360
Speaker 1: I start doing it. But good luck. Kaya. This is

666
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 1: from Meta Hi Ghek. My name is Meta. It's Greek

667
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: for beyond. I'm a longtime listener of the show. Started

668
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty. I've been struggling with substance abuse, fueling

669
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 1: it with an abundance of poor relationship related decisions. I

670
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 1: feel helpless and like I'm nothing more than a loser

671
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 1: with a weird personality. Okay, I spent two years getting

672
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 1: to know a girl online, which was a poor decision

673
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,319
Speaker 1: to begin with. I don't know if it was how

674
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,359
Speaker 1: I hate feeling alone or what, but the whole deal

675
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:51,879
Speaker 1: left me distraught. Following our our repeated breaks in communication,

676
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 1: especially since I invested so much of myself into getting

677
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: to know this girl. Okay, I'm gonna read this whole email,

678
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,320
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna quickly put a pin and being like,

679
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: don't you know, I'll read the holy email first. I

680
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: was gonna say, I was gonna say, this sounds like

681
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 1: it's going into a sunk cost fallacy mindset thing, but

682
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: let's read the whole email. Following this, I got into

683
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 1: a sexual relationship with a different girl. This time she

684
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: had a boyfriend. I had been friends with her for

685
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: about a year leading up. I knew that she was

686
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:34,879
Speaker 1: using me for the emotional and physical attention or diversity

687
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 1: she wasn't getting from her boyfriend, which was immediately a

688
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:43,800
Speaker 1: red flag. Time and time again reiterating that she was

689
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: ruining her own relationship to retain whatever weird shit we

690
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 1: had going on. But all she would say is that

691
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: she felt bad for me for putting me in this situation,

692
00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 1: and that her boyfriend would never know about us unless

693
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: I told This left me pissed and broken, knowing that

694
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 1: I loved this girl, but that I was the second choice,

695
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 1: someone she could throw aside at any moment. And that

696
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 1: she was the one putting me in that situation, not

697
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 1: the other way around. However, I could see that being

698
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 1: the case. Ever since these relationships, if you could even

699
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 1: call them that, I've struggled to connect with people on

700
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 1: an intimate level, feeling like my soul has left me,

701
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,360
Speaker 1: which again wasn't being helped by the stupor of drugs

702
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 1: and alcohol. I was and still am in I've beat

703
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: death time and time again, sometimes wishing I haven't, sometimes

704
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 1: wishing I could just finish my time on this earth.

705
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 1: My life has been nothing but suffering. I don't remember

706
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 1: the last time I was happy. From an abusive stepfather

707
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 1: to the loss of loved ones to the loss of friends,

708
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 1: I feel like I have nothing left. I rely on

709
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 1: music when I'm not high to feel in some sense complete,

710
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 1: and other times staring at my ceiling contemplating my time

711
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 1: on this earth. I've come to hope death is like

712
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: revisiting a childhood memory, a happy one, being in that moment.

713
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 1: Maybe it's a park, maybe it's just being in the

714
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,880
Speaker 1: living room after dinner, being happy in a moment, and

715
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 1: then that moment passes and the next moment comes. But

716
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 1: that next moment is a mystery, and we can't discover

717
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 1: that moment until we travel across that barrier holding us

718
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 1: to this place we call home. I've been in more

719
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 1: relationships beyond the ones I've mentioned, However, those are the

720
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:33,479
Speaker 1: ones that stuck with me. I feel stupid, I feel

721
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 1: like I'm nothing, like I have nothing, and that people

722
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 1: use me but don't really care about me. GHEK. I

723
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,000
Speaker 1: know it's a lot, and I know you don't have

724
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 1: the answer. I know you don't have the answers to

725
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,720
Speaker 1: fix my issues, but damn it, man, I love listening

726
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 1: to your podcast and being reassured that I'm not the

727
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 1: only fucked up, bitch made person on this face of

728
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 1: the planet. Thank you. This is really random following all

729
00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 1: that tough shit. But there was a guy a couple

730
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 1: of years back talking about how he asks everyone he

731
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 1: meets if they would eat his amputated leg with him

732
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:08,879
Speaker 1: if he could get a five star chef to cook

733
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: it for him. I do remember that guy. For some reason,

734
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: that stuck with me, and I sort of used it

735
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 1: as a base philosophy for finding people like me, authentic

736
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 1: people that can vibe with my weirdness. Sometimes I'll ask

737
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 1: people that question and every time I'll get hit back

738
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 1: with some comment on how I'm fucking insane. But whatever.

739
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 1: I guess maybe I just haven't found someone out there

740
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:34,720
Speaker 1: who would hypothetically eat my amputated leg with me. Hopefully

741
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: that day comes. I'm grateful for every day I'm given

742
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 1: because I know I should be part of a statistic

743
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 1: right now. Even if life is bitter, and even if

744
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: I drown my problems out with shit that's gonna kill

745
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 1: me someday, I'm happy I get to experience that one

746
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:56,040
Speaker 1: more time. Every morning I wake up, GEK be with you. Meta.

747
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:01,920
Speaker 1: That was a lot. That was a lot, But I

748
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: have thoughts. I just have to think about what my

749
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 1: thoughts were. I wish I could actually I wish I

750
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 1: could actually like talk to this guy I do. I

751
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 1: wish I could actually talk to this guy, but I

752
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 1: can't because it's just an email. Hm hm hm hmmmmmm mmmmm. Well,

753
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:26,800
Speaker 1: a lot of the I'm gonna I'm gonna pretend like

754
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: I know anything right now, but the a lot of

755
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,759
Speaker 1: this stuff is classic meta. I'm just gonna talk as

756
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:35,359
Speaker 1: if I'm talking to you. A lot of this stuff

757
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 1: is classic of like this is a guy who seems

758
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: like his life is just like devoid of meaning or

759
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 1: friendship or like just the the classic things that give

760
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 1: life meaning, and uh, when life is devoid of meaning, Uh,

761
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:03,480
Speaker 1: it's kind of it's it's a classic because like, building

762
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 1: meaning in your life takes a lot of fucking uh

763
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:14,480
Speaker 1: work and a lot of knowledge.

764
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:19,320
Speaker 2: And whether you want to admit or not, uh, not

765
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:25,760
Speaker 2: a sprinkle of luck a sprinkle of luck, but also luck.

766
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,400
Speaker 1: Is something that I think can be created in some ways.

767
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:30,839
Speaker 1: So it's the classic because it's like, if your life

768
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 1: has no fucking meaning, you can fill it easily with

769
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:48,239
Speaker 1: the giant majority, the giant swath of short term dopamine

770
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:52,799
Speaker 1: distractions that exist to us in uh twenty twenty five

771
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 1: anywhere from you know, porn and jacking off and smoking

772
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 1: weed to scrolling on the whatever, to you know, alcohol

773
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:06,280
Speaker 1: to heroin to whatever the fuck right because it's easier,

774
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,680
Speaker 1: so of course you're gonna do it. It makes perfect sense.

775
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 1: But this, I mean, yeah, but this is this is

776
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 1: a guy who's just having trouble finding like, like clearly

777
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:22,839
Speaker 1: he wants just to like what everyone else fucking wants

778
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 1: is to be seen, to to feel like they fucking exist,

779
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:29,359
Speaker 1: to be like to be not but like not even

780
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 1: to be chosen or maybe to be chosen, Yeah, to

781
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: be chosen. I think this guy wants to be chosen,

782
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 1: but even before that, just to be acknowledged, you know,

783
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 1: like yeah, when you're like a fucking weirdo and you're like,

784
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 1: I just want to be I just want to I

785
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: feel I feel so insane. I just want to be

786
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:53,239
Speaker 1: acknowledged that exist outside of my own you know, as

787
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 1: this person calls himself a fucked up, bitch made person

788
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: on the face of this planet. But I think if

789
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:04,919
Speaker 1: I were a meta or if I were talking to meta,

790
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 1: and obviously this is a loaded thing, but like again,

791
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:16,880
Speaker 1: this strikes me as a guy with not a strong

792
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:20,919
Speaker 1: amount of meaning in his life, which, by the witch,

793
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: is not in which it doesn't make you a loser.

794
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: It really doesn't. It doesn't make you a loser if

795
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:29,279
Speaker 1: you feel like, oh, my life has no meaning, Like

796
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 1: you're not a loser, like you like you really can't.

797
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:34,880
Speaker 1: Like if you're listening to me talk right now, meta, like,

798
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 1: it's it's okay if you don't have a meeting in

799
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:39,880
Speaker 1: your life. I mean it's not it it's okay in

800
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 1: the sense of like like, don't freak out. You know,

801
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 1: it's not it's not a reason to freak out, like

802
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: when you look at your life, like when you like

803
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:52,920
Speaker 1: when you look at your life and you're like, uh shit,

804
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 1: I don't have really that many meaningful relationships, are meaningful

805
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,719
Speaker 1: things to do with my life and this and that

806
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 1: other thing. It's really easy to freak out and then

807
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:12,439
Speaker 1: from freaking out spiral into I'm a giant piece of shit.

808
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:15,439
Speaker 1: I should be dead, and I should I'm just gonna

809
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:18,800
Speaker 1: do a bunch of drugs and die. It's easy to

810
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 1: do it, but you could, but you could also meta

811
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,799
Speaker 1: if you're listening to me right now, you could also

812
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 1: just like be like, Okay, I don't really have any

813
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 1: meaning in my life, but like where am I at? Uh?

814
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 1: I'm you know, like look down at your body for

815
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 1: a second. I have hands. Okay, I assume you have hands.

816
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 1: That's pretty good. I don't know how old you are.

817
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:47,799
Speaker 1: I'm gonna assume you're not that old. I'm assume you're

818
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:54,160
Speaker 1: in your twenties probably, Okay, I'm in my twenties. I'm young.

819
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:58,279
Speaker 1: I have a mouth, I have legs, okay, all right,

820
00:52:58,320 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 1: where like where like where are we at, like just

821
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 1: taking inventory for a second, take a dict, like like

822
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 1: quit freaking out for like a second. Just take some inventory,

823
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And be like, Okay, I

824
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:14,840
Speaker 1: have hands, I know how to write an email, I

825
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:22,440
Speaker 1: have access to the internet. I I have an idea

826
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:30,800
Speaker 1: of what I want. I like music, I don't and

827
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,680
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't. I only know you from this email.

828
00:53:32,719 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 1: But like what I like? What you know? I know

829
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 1: Microsoft Excel, I like the sky. My brain has some

830
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 1: ability to feel happiness in some way sometimes like just

831
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: take in. So just like take take a second, take

832
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:56,760
Speaker 1: a day, take a write it down a piece of paper.

833
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 1: Just take inventory. I mean like okay, uh, now that

834
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:07,439
Speaker 1: I've taken inventory of like where I'm at, who's there?

835
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:10,360
Speaker 1: What can I? What do I? What can I do?

836
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:13,279
Speaker 1: Be like all right, what can I? What can I

837
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 1: do with this inventory that I've that I possess something little?

838
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 1: Even you know, what's the Okay? And then the part

839
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:25,919
Speaker 1: of taking inventory is like all right, well, what's out

840
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:28,360
Speaker 1: what's outside of myself that I can take inventory in?

841
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: What am I? Am? I am I near? Uh? I

842
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 1: don't know? Can I Can I go see a therapist?

843
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 1: Or can I go, Yeah, they just take a little inventory.

844
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:43,320
Speaker 1: That's that's my main takeaway from your things. Take a

845
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 1: ticket instead of freaking out and and like letting your

846
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:55,879
Speaker 1: like letting yourself like a drown in your in trying

847
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 1: to cure the fight or flight of your existence with

848
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:03,480
Speaker 1: and by the way, it's not a one and done that.

849
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: You don't you don't beat addiction by taking your inventory

850
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 1: and then realizing you're suddenly amazingly cured because you had

851
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 1: an epiphany. But you just day by day, you're just

852
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:22,040
Speaker 1: taking even if I don't know what you're doing, while

853
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 1: even when you're drunk, just take a little inventory, be like, Okay,

854
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:31,680
Speaker 1: where can I go from here? And maybe after take it,

855
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:34,440
Speaker 1: maybe if maybe, if you for a second you stop

856
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:35,920
Speaker 1: freaking out and you take it. I know I keep

857
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 1: repeating it, but you're taking an inventory could potentially lead

858
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,960
Speaker 1: you into places where you find more meaning in life.

859
00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:49,239
Speaker 1: And then once you're finding more meaning in life, you

860
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 1: kind of naturally gravitate more people around you, and then

861
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:56,399
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you're like, hey, I actually don't

862
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 1: even want to do all this crap because I'm busy,

863
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:06,120
Speaker 1: So this kuy, I think that's what I got for you, man,

864
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 1: just don't like, don't don't settle for the idea that

865
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:23,399
Speaker 1: you already know everything, because you don't. But that's good

866
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:27,759
Speaker 1: because if you if you want to like die, and

867
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:30,840
Speaker 1: and if you both A want to die and B

868
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 1: feel like you know everything, then yeah, that kind of

869
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 1: sort of takes you there. But if you want to

870
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:43,200
Speaker 1: die but you're like you, you surrender to the fact

871
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,920
Speaker 1: that you don't know everything, you might not want to die.

872
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 1: You might be like, oh, the guy could know things

873
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 1: that make me not want to die, but I just

874
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:52,359
Speaker 1: have to surrender to the fact that I don't fucking

875
00:56:52,440 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 1: know everything. So takes some inventory, surrendered fact you don't

876
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:01,960
Speaker 1: know everything that you feel like you need to know

877
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:09,840
Speaker 1: to determine that you want to die. And this, you know,

878
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:14,439
Speaker 1: calm down, hope, I hope. I hope what I said

879
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 1: just made sense. I hope it made sense. It made

880
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 1: a lot, It made sense to me, I guess. But

881
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 1: I'm rooting for you, meta, I am. Don't worry this

882
00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:25,440
Speaker 1: Also this girl that you met on discord or whatever, like,

883
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 1: it's okay, it'll be all right. There's more people. And

884
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: also by the way, you'll find by the way, you

885
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 1: know why I know that you you know why. I'm sorry,

886
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:39,680
Speaker 1: I'm still on this, but you know why Meta? You

887
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 1: know why I think you feel like you know everything

888
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 1: is because you're gonna find people who you can ask

889
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 1: if they would eat uh, your amputated leg that will

890
00:57:55,120 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 1: that would say yes, I've met I. And if you

891
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:02,280
Speaker 1: believe that you're never gonna find those people, you think

892
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:05,240
Speaker 1: you know everything. And you should stop thinking you know

893
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 1: everything because it will reinforce your nihilism and that's bad.

894
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:17,760
Speaker 1: So just so go ahead and ask one hundred thousand

895
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,760
Speaker 1: to more people if they would eat your leg, and

896
00:58:23,680 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 1: someone will be down. I guess that's what I mean. Okay,

897
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 1: that was meta. We are rooting for Meta. This is

898
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:43,120
Speaker 1: from Alejandra subject line just life, Hey, gek, things are

899
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:46,360
Speaker 1: just life And right now I'm a very wanderlust person

900
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 1: who likes to travel and see varying ways of life

901
00:58:49,280 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 1: and nature. Currently, I have moved away from all of

902
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,800
Speaker 1: my family to a smallish town that is foggy in

903
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:58,480
Speaker 1: the mornings and the winter sun is purple red. My

904
00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:00,920
Speaker 1: husband and I moved here a year ago and it

905
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 1: felt like we have been waiting our entire lives to

906
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 1: be in the position we are in. We don't have

907
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 1: much money, but we have a place slightly bigger than

908
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 1: the small studio we lived in four six years prior.

909
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 1: He is able to fulfill his dream of getting work

910
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:15,760
Speaker 1: as an artist, and I am able to fulfill mine

911
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 1: of living in the forest. Things have now turned for

912
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:24,600
Speaker 1: something unexpected. My mother in law got evicted and she

913
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: had to move in with us. It was a very

914
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 1: difficult decision for me, as my parents take very good

915
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,480
Speaker 1: care of themselves and always told me that I wouldn't

916
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 1: have to worry about them when they age. I did

917
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:38,600
Speaker 1: not even think twice that if they were ever unhoused

918
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:41,720
Speaker 1: I would take them in. Now I'm here with my

919
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,200
Speaker 1: mother in law, who has lived the majority of her

920
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 1: life in unsafe housing situations. Her children and now myself

921
00:59:49,200 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 1: have been paying for her rent during that time, so

922
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:55,200
Speaker 1: she has never really been entirely independent. It has been

923
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:57,600
Speaker 1: a real strain to have her living with us because

924
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:01,480
Speaker 1: of her coping behaviors. Our expense have increased immensely since

925
01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:04,200
Speaker 1: she has moved in, and my savings have been slowly

926
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 1: depleting because of this change. I'm really concerned because I'm

927
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:10,400
Speaker 1: also a student, and I have always had to work

928
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 1: full time while going to school. This past year, I

929
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: had the privilege to not only work this past year,

930
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:19,600
Speaker 1: I have had the privilege too. I'm sorry not work

931
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 1: and only focus on school, But now I am back

932
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 1: to working a job I don't like, just to stay afloat.

933
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 1: It is really unfortunate because I mostly made this decision

934
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 1: and hopes that my husband would be able to form

935
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:34,920
Speaker 1: a better bond with his mother ultimately help her get

936
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:38,720
Speaker 1: healthier and have an opportunity to have stable housing. She

937
01:00:38,840 --> 01:00:41,560
Speaker 1: has many mental health issues, and it is really scary

938
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,560
Speaker 1: to hear her say she wouldn't mind being on the

939
01:00:44,600 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 1: streets again if she were able to have a dog

940
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 1: or a cat with her. She is obsessed with dogs

941
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 1: and feels most safe with dogs because she says they

942
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:57,840
Speaker 1: protect her more than anything in the world. Now I'm

943
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:00,280
Speaker 1: not sure what to do because she has been doing

944
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 1: things but also not telling us the whole truth about

945
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:07,040
Speaker 1: her situation of getting medical help and stable housing opportunities.

946
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 1: She has a whole idea in her head that she

947
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:11,920
Speaker 1: is going to bring her dog from out of state,

948
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:15,400
Speaker 1: even if that means she ends up being homeless again again.

949
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:17,920
Speaker 1: We live in a small space and pets are not allowed.

950
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:20,760
Speaker 1: We have been helping her call and get her benefits

951
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:23,320
Speaker 1: and connected to a social worker, but we have little

952
01:01:23,360 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 1: time on our hands to do much else. We work

953
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 1: full time, have many side gigs, and are going to school. Anyway,

954
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:33,920
Speaker 1: just felt like sharing. Feel free to ponder or whatever

955
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 1: you may, Ala, Andre, this felt like the Rick and

956
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:43,480
Speaker 1: Morty lady. I you know what some bummers the Rick

957
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 1: and Morty lady in her email. She wasn't the Rick

958
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 1: and Morty lady. I may. I just in my head

959
01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 1: started talking about Rick and Morty, and now I have

960
01:01:54,720 --> 01:01:59,000
Speaker 1: That's how I remember her. Just the general thing of

961
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 1: like having an older relative be you know, what's the

962
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:19,080
Speaker 1: appropriate word, a conflict in your life. You know what

963
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:20,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be really, I'm gonna be honest with you.

964
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:23,520
Speaker 1: I promised at the beginning of this email. I promise

965
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:27,439
Speaker 1: at the beginning of reading this that I wouldn't try

966
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:32,280
Speaker 1: to give advice or ponder on things that I don't

967
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:38,920
Speaker 1: have the thing for, and I think this might be

968
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 1: one of them. But I appreciate you sharing this, Alejandra,

969
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:49,840
Speaker 1: and I wish you good luck, and I don't know,

970
01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:53,480
Speaker 1: maybe sharing your story will be helpful to the people

971
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:57,960
Speaker 1: who are listening. Sorry, I know it's a cop out,

972
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:00,439
Speaker 1: but I don't want to say a bunch of about

973
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:03,600
Speaker 1: some shit that I don't I don't have an answer to.

974
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:10,640
Speaker 1: This is from Nathaniel, subject line I committed unholy actions

975
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:15,280
Speaker 1: in church. Hello therapy Gecko. My name is Nathaniel, and

976
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:17,920
Speaker 1: I'm wondering what you think about these actions I committed.

977
01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:21,640
Speaker 1: When I was around fifteen, I got kicked out of

978
01:03:21,680 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 1: the house by my dad. I wandered around and made

979
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:26,800
Speaker 1: my way to a church that was pretty close by.

980
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:29,760
Speaker 1: I walked around and tried to open up the doors

981
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:32,600
Speaker 1: to see if one was unlocked, and it was. I

982
01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:35,680
Speaker 1: snooked around and found the main office where they probably

983
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:37,920
Speaker 1: used it as a conference room, and there was a

984
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:41,280
Speaker 1: computer hooked up to a TV. So at this point

985
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:45,000
Speaker 1: I gave into my intrusive thoughts and I looked up

986
01:03:45,400 --> 01:03:49,760
Speaker 1: porn on porn Hub, and I jacked off and busted

987
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:53,320
Speaker 1: all over the chair, did not clean it up, left

988
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:56,720
Speaker 1: the tab open on the computer, and turned the TV off.

989
01:03:57,440 --> 01:04:01,080
Speaker 1: Then I went into the church kitchen and took food

990
01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:10,320
Speaker 1: and a cookie. That's absolutely something I would have done

991
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 1: when I was fourteen. I'm not gonna I can't. I

992
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:15,440
Speaker 1: can't say that wasn't that. I can't. I really can't

993
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:19,080
Speaker 1: say that. That's not something I would have done when

994
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:23,360
Speaker 1: I was fourteen. I'm twice that age now. I wouldn't

995
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 1: do that now. I would not break into a church

996
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:34,320
Speaker 1: at the age of twenty eight and jack off. I

997
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:37,840
Speaker 1: think fortunate enough fourteen year old me. If me at

998
01:04:37,920 --> 01:04:41,640
Speaker 1: fourteen years old would have definitely like broken into a

999
01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:44,560
Speaker 1: church and jacked off. But I would have cleaned it up.

1000
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:51,080
Speaker 1: I think that's my thing. Yeah, I wouldn't have just

1001
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:55,280
Speaker 1: like left come on a church chair when I was fourteen.

1002
01:04:55,280 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 1: I would have cleaned it up at least. But yeah,

1003
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:03,680
Speaker 1: you know, it's stories like these where I'm like, yeah,

1004
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 1: I guess we all have the same existence, or or

1005
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:14,600
Speaker 1: I guess fucking crazy people did. But I mean, I hope, yeah,

1006
01:05:14,600 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 1: I hope you don't do that now. That's probably not

1007
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 1: a good idea. What kind of sweet treat? He actually

1008
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:22,280
Speaker 1: didn't say he took a cookie. He said he took

1009
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:25,080
Speaker 1: a sweet treat. What kind of sweet treat was it?

1010
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:32,840
Speaker 1: Was it a cookie? Yeah? When I was Yeah, when

1011
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:34,800
Speaker 1: I was fourteen, we would like I would like go

1012
01:05:34,920 --> 01:05:41,440
Speaker 1: into the fucking you know, what never mind. Anyway, we'll

1013
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:44,439
Speaker 1: save that for another episode. Yeah, you should have cleaned

1014
01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:48,720
Speaker 1: up the chair. I think cleaning up. You gotta clean up.

1015
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:51,840
Speaker 1: It's one thing to like jerk off at church, but

1016
01:05:52,040 --> 01:05:59,320
Speaker 1: you gotta clean it up. I think is important. Leaving

1017
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 1: the tab open on the computer is pretty funny, but

1018
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:07,960
Speaker 1: you gotta you should clean up the com Okay, this

1019
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:13,520
Speaker 1: is from Clark. Hello, you can call me Clark. I

1020
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:15,360
Speaker 1: have been thinking a lot lately about the amount of

1021
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:18,760
Speaker 1: sexual partners a person has had and how other people

1022
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:23,400
Speaker 1: view that. I am in a relationship with an amazing

1023
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:26,640
Speaker 1: woman and have been for the past two and a

1024
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:30,320
Speaker 1: half years. She is my first girlfriend and I plan

1025
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:33,840
Speaker 1: to marry her. The engagement ring is being created as

1026
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:37,600
Speaker 1: you read this for her. I am her fourth long

1027
01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:43,080
Speaker 1: lasting relationship. The other guys were all pieces of shit, abusers, cheaters.

1028
01:06:43,680 --> 01:06:46,160
Speaker 1: Not going to dive into those stories. But that's her biz.

1029
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:50,040
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I hate even thinking about it. This woman,

1030
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:54,920
Speaker 1: the love of my life, has had sex with sexes

1031
01:06:54,960 --> 01:07:00,280
Speaker 1: and old caps, has had sex with and kissed these

1032
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 1: other men, these scum. Who is to blame? What? Probably

1033
01:07:08,200 --> 01:07:12,120
Speaker 1: not important. She's with me now and in comparison to them,

1034
01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:16,960
Speaker 1: I am much more attractive, more intelligent, and better off.

1035
01:07:18,680 --> 01:07:22,720
Speaker 1: Why do I resent this part of her past so vehemently?

1036
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:26,720
Speaker 1: She was young, her parents never modeled what a good

1037
01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:31,440
Speaker 1: relationship should be like. When I run mental simulations to

1038
01:07:31,520 --> 01:07:33,720
Speaker 1: see how I would have acted in the same situations,

1039
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:37,240
Speaker 1: I understand why and how she made the decisions that

1040
01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:40,960
Speaker 1: led her to these places, and yet feelings of repulsion

1041
01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 1: creep in reflexively anytime I hear or think about these things.

1042
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:50,640
Speaker 1: Why I am not an idiot, I am not shallow.

1043
01:07:51,120 --> 01:07:54,040
Speaker 1: I know that these experiences she has had made her

1044
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:57,080
Speaker 1: the woman I love today. If we are to assume

1045
01:07:57,240 --> 01:08:00,560
Speaker 1: that all things are faded to happen, to be said,

1046
01:08:00,600 --> 01:08:04,480
Speaker 1: it was necessary for her to do these things, to

1047
01:08:05,560 --> 01:08:14,360
Speaker 1: learn and to grow. Okay, I, okay, you know what

1048
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:17,639
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I have a lot of thoughts. I guess

1049
01:08:17,680 --> 01:08:20,000
Speaker 1: I'll keep reading this email because maybe I have a

1050
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:22,200
Speaker 1: lot of thoughts on what the things that this guy's saying.

1051
01:08:22,280 --> 01:08:24,760
Speaker 1: But I guess I will finish reading this email because

1052
01:08:24,880 --> 01:08:30,400
Speaker 1: maybe it will address some of my thoughts. Okay, Am

1053
01:08:30,439 --> 01:08:35,160
Speaker 1: I jealous? Maybe? But in which way? Jealous over the

1054
01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:38,920
Speaker 1: difference in sexual partners? That sounds right, But When I

1055
01:08:39,080 --> 01:08:42,040
Speaker 1: dissect it, it just sounds stupid. I don't want to

1056
01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:46,000
Speaker 1: go fuck other women now. I don't really regret not

1057
01:08:46,200 --> 01:08:49,760
Speaker 1: having a previous girlfriend either, perhaps a little, but not

1058
01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:55,320
Speaker 1: enough to matter. Is the difference in sexual partners intimidating? Yes,

1059
01:08:56,000 --> 01:09:02,840
Speaker 1: to elaborate, I'll go caveman mode. Sex is power, status, power,

1060
01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:08,639
Speaker 1: emotional power, experience power. Me want to be big, strong man,

1061
01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:15,560
Speaker 1: strong like shield, strong like tree casting shade for a

1062
01:09:16,560 --> 01:09:23,559
Speaker 1: smaller plant. Fuck, there's more than Okay, all right, I'm

1063
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:26,439
Speaker 1: gonna all right, I'm gonna read the rest of this

1064
01:09:26,560 --> 01:09:30,120
Speaker 1: email just so I have a clear picture before I

1065
01:09:30,160 --> 01:09:37,519
Speaker 1: give any thoughts upon it. Okay, it feels patronizing in

1066
01:09:37,600 --> 01:09:41,680
Speaker 1: a way. Oh wait, hold on, but how can a

1067
01:09:41,840 --> 01:09:44,519
Speaker 1: tree be strong for a plant if the plant is

1068
01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:47,680
Speaker 1: bigger than the tree. To be a man is to

1069
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:51,960
Speaker 1: be powerful if your power. If your partner is more powerful,

1070
01:09:52,479 --> 01:10:04,160
Speaker 1: you fail as a man. Okay, it feels patronizing in

1071
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:06,680
Speaker 1: a way. That's just my own head doing that to me,

1072
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:10,280
Speaker 1: though not real enough to be valid. I don't even

1073
01:10:10,320 --> 01:10:14,479
Speaker 1: agree with this viewpoint. The Western portrayal of manhood. What

1074
01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:16,679
Speaker 1: it means to be a man lies in your actions

1075
01:10:16,760 --> 01:10:21,360
Speaker 1: and heart putting others before yourself, tolerating stresses and difficulty

1076
01:10:21,439 --> 01:10:26,200
Speaker 1: without complaint, being empathetic, But subconsciously, I think I still

1077
01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:29,479
Speaker 1: subscribe to society's portrayal of a man. Okay, by that

1078
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:34,679
Speaker 1: in public, I stifle actions or words that might appear unmanly.

1079
01:10:35,160 --> 01:10:38,639
Speaker 1: In these scenarios, I am simply trying to maintain public image.

1080
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:43,320
Speaker 1: However inconsequential it may be, it is an inevitable act

1081
01:10:43,400 --> 01:10:47,880
Speaker 1: of ego to protect myself from scrutiny. I think Heaven

1082
01:10:47,960 --> 01:10:52,000
Speaker 1: lies beyond this ego, a place unconforming to any individual

1083
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:56,560
Speaker 1: view or ideology. Only truth. But truth is so subjective

1084
01:10:57,000 --> 01:10:59,760
Speaker 1: it's impossible to capture. Okay, you're okay, we need this

1085
01:11:00,280 --> 01:11:03,760
Speaker 1: be over. The point is I am actually jealous of

1086
01:11:03,840 --> 01:11:07,719
Speaker 1: my girlfriend? Forget the point? Is am I actually jealous

1087
01:11:07,880 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 1: of my girlfriend forgetting more play than me? Maybe a little,

1088
01:11:13,439 --> 01:11:15,720
Speaker 1: But at its core, I believe it stems from how

1089
01:11:15,760 --> 01:11:19,160
Speaker 1: I think other people would view my situation, which I

1090
01:11:19,439 --> 01:11:23,639
Speaker 1: do agree is dumb, but I can't help it. However

1091
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:28,200
Speaker 1: dumb or unreasonable. The reason emotions persist is it then

1092
01:11:28,360 --> 01:11:33,320
Speaker 1: wrong to feel these things? It is wrong to act

1093
01:11:33,439 --> 01:11:37,080
Speaker 1: on them, but to simply thinking these things make me

1094
01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:40,599
Speaker 1: a bad person? Why do I care if you think

1095
01:11:40,640 --> 01:11:45,479
Speaker 1: I'm a bad person? The crux of humanity ego. In time,

1096
01:11:45,560 --> 01:11:47,680
Speaker 1: I pray I do not feel these things or think

1097
01:11:47,800 --> 01:11:50,920
Speaker 1: these things. I pray for my ego to cease to

1098
01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,519
Speaker 1: unbuckle me from this carousel of fate, faded to always

1099
01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:57,599
Speaker 1: return to the same spot, the same conclusions, no matter

1100
01:11:57,640 --> 01:12:02,920
Speaker 1: how far away from them you try to travel. Uh, Clark,

1101
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,040
Speaker 1: all right, we did it. We got through it. We

1102
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:09,720
Speaker 1: read the whole email, we got through it. I'm still here,

1103
01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:22,360
Speaker 1: you know what, Clark A, I'm really I'm not. I'm

1104
01:12:23,280 --> 01:12:25,800
Speaker 1: Here's the thing about. Here's the thing. I'm not in

1105
01:12:25,920 --> 01:12:31,800
Speaker 1: the business of calling people crazy, because I'm just I'm not.

1106
01:12:31,960 --> 01:12:33,120
Speaker 1: I'm not in the business of it.

1107
01:12:34,760 --> 01:12:34,920
Speaker 2: Uh.

1108
01:12:35,240 --> 01:12:40,640
Speaker 1: It's not my preferred way to approach people and situations.

1109
01:12:41,640 --> 01:12:46,240
Speaker 1: And also, I am willing to give you this benefit

1110
01:12:46,360 --> 01:12:51,920
Speaker 1: of the doubts, of this kind of natural thing of being,

1111
01:12:52,120 --> 01:13:00,240
Speaker 1: like having a crazy thought or feeling and then going, wait,

1112
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:02,040
Speaker 1: what the fuck? Why why did I think or feel

1113
01:13:02,080 --> 01:13:06,280
Speaker 1: that that was fucking crazy? I don't like this, and

1114
01:13:06,439 --> 01:13:14,920
Speaker 1: you're acknowledging that, and I'm hoping that these weird Okay,

1115
01:13:16,320 --> 01:13:18,160
Speaker 1: So let me. All right, all right, let me let

1116
01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:24,880
Speaker 1: me get all this straight. So your ex girlfriend had

1117
01:13:24,960 --> 01:13:29,799
Speaker 1: sex with other people before she met you, because she's

1118
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:35,720
Speaker 1: h her her own human being with a life that

1119
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:43,519
Speaker 1: is not inherently tied to yours. Yeah, somethings up, man,

1120
01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:47,000
Speaker 1: because listen, because whatever, here's the thing, right is like

1121
01:13:51,320 --> 01:13:54,800
Speaker 1: this thing of like her ex boyfriends were pieces of

1122
01:13:54,840 --> 01:13:57,080
Speaker 1: ship or whatever, whether or not they were pieces of ship,

1123
01:13:57,280 --> 01:13:59,320
Speaker 1: Like why do you why do you? Why do you

1124
01:13:59,479 --> 01:14:02,960
Speaker 1: care who she had sex with before you? If you

1125
01:14:03,600 --> 01:14:07,559
Speaker 1: like you said I you said, brother, you said, I'm

1126
01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:10,160
Speaker 1: in a relationship with an amazing woman for the past

1127
01:14:10,240 --> 01:14:12,960
Speaker 1: two and a half years and I plan to marry her.

1128
01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:16,040
Speaker 1: Why do you give a fuck? I'm I want to

1129
01:14:16,200 --> 01:14:18,960
Speaker 1: I'm of course, why do you give a fuck who

1130
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:23,360
Speaker 1: she slept with before you, regardless of whether they were

1131
01:14:23,479 --> 01:14:26,760
Speaker 1: fucking Nelson Mandela or a piece of shit? You know, like,

1132
01:14:26,840 --> 01:14:32,080
Speaker 1: why do you care? But I'm also look, I can yell,

1133
01:14:32,280 --> 01:14:35,120
Speaker 1: I can yell these things, but I you agree. You've

1134
01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:39,600
Speaker 1: demonstrated in this email that you agree with me, So

1135
01:14:39,760 --> 01:14:43,640
Speaker 1: it's irrelevant for me to say these things because you're like,

1136
01:14:43,760 --> 01:14:46,320
Speaker 1: why do I you? Why don't even fuck? Why do

1137
01:14:46,439 --> 01:14:48,519
Speaker 1: I even fucking feel this way? I shouldn't feel this way.

1138
01:14:48,560 --> 01:14:54,200
Speaker 1: That's that's what you're telling me. Bro, I don't know.

1139
01:14:54,360 --> 01:14:56,519
Speaker 1: This is a bit, this is this is a dense one.

1140
01:15:00,479 --> 01:15:02,560
Speaker 1: You you, first of all, you absolutely need to go

1141
01:15:02,600 --> 01:15:06,840
Speaker 1: talk to a real therapist. Uh you talk one hundred

1142
01:15:06,840 --> 01:15:12,559
Speaker 1: percent heed to talk to a real therapist. You wrote

1143
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:16,160
Speaker 1: a few that you wrote who is to blame? And

1144
01:15:16,240 --> 01:15:18,799
Speaker 1: it's like there's no blame. That is not I wouldn't

1145
01:15:18,840 --> 01:15:23,880
Speaker 1: even ask that question. Why does it matter? Clark? Clark?

1146
01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:31,479
Speaker 1: Clark Clark? Why does it matter? Clark? You like this lady?

1147
01:15:33,160 --> 01:15:36,800
Speaker 1: You want to marry her? Why does any Why does

1148
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:40,920
Speaker 1: any like? It's like she's cheating on you. You know,

1149
01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:46,400
Speaker 1: why do the relationships that she had before you matter?

1150
01:15:47,560 --> 01:15:51,519
Speaker 1: If she's fucking with you now, she is with you now.

1151
01:15:53,280 --> 01:15:57,240
Speaker 1: Live in the president, Clark, live in the pre live

1152
01:15:57,280 --> 01:15:59,360
Speaker 1: in the present, because if you don't, you're you're gonna

1153
01:16:00,560 --> 01:16:02,479
Speaker 1: you But okay, all right, you know what, you know

1154
01:16:02,520 --> 01:16:04,599
Speaker 1: what Clark? Okay, I figured it out. I figured it out.

1155
01:16:05,600 --> 01:16:09,200
Speaker 1: I figured it out because I figured it out, Clark,

1156
01:16:10,439 --> 01:16:17,679
Speaker 1: here's my answer to this. Okay, when you have a thought,

1157
01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:21,120
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm I'm about to go real therapist

1158
01:16:21,200 --> 01:16:24,560
Speaker 1: mode on you, Clark right now. I think this is

1159
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:28,960
Speaker 1: my solution to your ship. Sometimes in life it's actually

1160
01:16:29,080 --> 01:16:33,160
Speaker 1: I agree with you, Clark. It's perfectly natural and normal

1161
01:16:33,560 --> 01:16:38,920
Speaker 1: and not insane to have an insane thought or an

1162
01:16:38,960 --> 01:16:42,479
Speaker 1: insane feeling and then look at yourself and go, that

1163
01:16:42,720 --> 01:16:44,600
Speaker 1: was a crazy thought or feeling. What the fuck? I

1164
01:16:44,640 --> 01:16:48,920
Speaker 1: don't want to be thinking that. Right, Perfectly fine, perfectly normal,

1165
01:16:49,160 --> 01:16:51,240
Speaker 1: happens all the time, happens to me all the time,

1166
01:16:51,360 --> 01:16:53,000
Speaker 1: happens to everyone listening to this all the time, no

1167
01:16:53,080 --> 01:16:55,559
Speaker 1: matter how hard they'll judge you. This is a perfect

1168
01:16:55,560 --> 01:17:07,479
Speaker 1: and normal thing. From there, I think the goal becomes Okay,

1169
01:17:08,120 --> 01:17:10,760
Speaker 1: I recognize I have this thought that I don't like,

1170
01:17:14,479 --> 01:17:19,560
Speaker 1: So I guess what would be within your agency is

1171
01:17:20,280 --> 01:17:23,599
Speaker 1: deciding whether or not you want to feed it. Right,

1172
01:17:25,439 --> 01:17:28,400
Speaker 1: So you have this weird rabbit hole that you're going

1173
01:17:28,479 --> 01:17:31,320
Speaker 1: down where you're like like resentful and obsessed with like

1174
01:17:32,160 --> 01:17:35,880
Speaker 1: your ex girlfriend having sex with like these people that

1175
01:17:35,960 --> 01:17:38,960
Speaker 1: she says are bad and all these things right, and

1176
01:17:39,040 --> 01:17:42,960
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. It's like not remotely relevant to your

1177
01:17:43,080 --> 01:17:46,640
Speaker 1: individual relationship with her, and you're aware of that, so

1178
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:51,120
Speaker 1: you can kind of you can decide, like it might

1179
01:17:51,160 --> 01:17:52,760
Speaker 1: be so okay, So it might be out of your

1180
01:17:52,920 --> 01:17:57,760
Speaker 1: wheelhouse to just have that thought pop up in your brain,

1181
01:17:57,960 --> 01:18:00,880
Speaker 1: but it's within your wheelhouse to like kind of side like,

1182
01:18:01,120 --> 01:18:04,559
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna not feed that, and I'm gonna take

1183
01:18:05,080 --> 01:18:08,560
Speaker 1: the emotional energy that I would be feeding that and

1184
01:18:08,920 --> 01:18:14,600
Speaker 1: direct it towards just being in this relationship with this

1185
01:18:14,760 --> 01:18:19,559
Speaker 1: girl in the present, right fucking now, instead of feeding

1186
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:22,719
Speaker 1: the weird part of your brain that's fixated on the past.

1187
01:18:24,040 --> 01:18:30,479
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying. So that's my that's my

1188
01:18:30,680 --> 01:18:37,680
Speaker 1: Gecko therapy to you is just take your brain and

1189
01:18:38,240 --> 01:18:43,120
Speaker 1: start feeding the present instead of the past. I would say, uh,

1190
01:18:43,600 --> 01:18:45,400
Speaker 1: in time, you said in time, I pray I do

1191
01:18:45,520 --> 01:18:48,280
Speaker 1: not feel these things or think these things. I pray

1192
01:18:48,360 --> 01:18:52,920
Speaker 1: for my ego decease. And I get you, man, it's hard.

1193
01:18:52,960 --> 01:18:58,439
Speaker 1: I'm by the way I'm the things I'm saying. I

1194
01:18:58,479 --> 01:19:01,679
Speaker 1: don't want to sound like a hypocrite, because it's hard

1195
01:19:01,960 --> 01:19:05,160
Speaker 1: when you have a thoughts and feelings that you don't

1196
01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:09,320
Speaker 1: like having to not feed them. It's reads hard the

1197
01:19:09,360 --> 01:19:10,880
Speaker 1: way I'm talking about it, and I'm making it sound

1198
01:19:10,920 --> 01:19:13,840
Speaker 1: like it's easy, but it's Uh, it's a really difficult thing.

1199
01:19:14,520 --> 01:19:17,200
Speaker 1: But I think that's the only kind of fighting chance

1200
01:19:17,920 --> 01:19:20,280
Speaker 1: that you have against those thoughts and feelings that you

1201
01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:23,760
Speaker 1: don't like, is to just not feed them and and

1202
01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:32,760
Speaker 1: and direct your energy into something better deserving, such as

1203
01:19:32,920 --> 01:19:38,360
Speaker 1: your actual current experience with your relationship in the presence.

1204
01:19:39,760 --> 01:19:44,599
Speaker 1: So that's what I would do, Clark. I appreciate your honesty,

1205
01:19:45,360 --> 01:19:50,600
Speaker 1: but uh, yeah, try to try to feed the the

1206
01:19:50,680 --> 01:19:53,320
Speaker 1: good wolf, if you know what I mean. You know that, Uh,

1207
01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:56,720
Speaker 1: you know that? Fucking what's that? What's the wolf? You know?

1208
01:19:56,800 --> 01:20:05,280
Speaker 1: The wolf? Parable? Hold on the parable of the two wolves.

1209
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:06,760
Speaker 1: I think about this a lot. I think about the

1210
01:20:06,800 --> 01:20:10,600
Speaker 1: parable of the two wolves. We know the parable of

1211
01:20:10,640 --> 01:20:14,080
Speaker 1: the two Wolves. I'm gonna read it. I'm gonna read

1212
01:20:14,080 --> 01:20:16,320
Speaker 1: the Parable of the two Wolves. I'm gonna read the

1213
01:20:16,360 --> 01:20:18,160
Speaker 1: Parable of the two Wolves. And then I'm gonna name

1214
01:20:18,160 --> 01:20:21,040
Speaker 1: a hundred movies. No, I'm not gonna do that. I'm

1215
01:20:21,040 --> 01:20:23,080
Speaker 1: gonna read the parable the two Wolves. Though a young

1216
01:20:23,200 --> 01:20:28,240
Speaker 1: boy comes to his grandfather filled with anger at another

1217
01:20:28,320 --> 01:20:31,960
Speaker 1: boy who has done him an injustice. The grandfather says

1218
01:20:32,000 --> 01:20:35,559
Speaker 1: to his grandson, let me tell you a story. I too,

1219
01:20:36,120 --> 01:20:40,600
Speaker 1: at times have felt great hatred for those that have

1220
01:20:40,720 --> 01:20:43,560
Speaker 1: taken so much with no sorrow for what they do.

1221
01:20:45,120 --> 01:20:47,479
Speaker 1: The grandfather says something like, I too feel hatred. Blah

1222
01:20:47,479 --> 01:20:49,960
Speaker 1: blah blah. It is as if there are two wolves

1223
01:20:50,040 --> 01:20:53,920
Speaker 1: inside of me. One wolf is good and does no harm.

1224
01:20:54,400 --> 01:20:57,160
Speaker 1: He lives in harmony with all those around him. He

1225
01:20:57,240 --> 01:21:00,200
Speaker 1: does not take offense when offense was not intended. He

1226
01:21:00,280 --> 01:21:02,280
Speaker 1: will fight when it is right to do so and

1227
01:21:02,400 --> 01:21:05,040
Speaker 1: in the right way. And he is filled with love

1228
01:21:05,200 --> 01:21:10,320
Speaker 1: and light and all that other I'm just gonna paraphrase this.

1229
01:21:10,439 --> 01:21:12,320
Speaker 1: He's filled it. So there's a good wolf. He has

1230
01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:14,880
Speaker 1: two wolves in his brain. One wolf is like a

1231
01:21:14,960 --> 01:21:18,479
Speaker 1: good person and all the gain has good stuff and

1232
01:21:18,640 --> 01:21:22,040
Speaker 1: his understanding and empathetic and all that whatever, Okay. And

1233
01:21:22,200 --> 01:21:31,919
Speaker 1: then the other wolf is filled with anger, contempt, resentment, fear, loathing,

1234
01:21:36,400 --> 01:21:39,360
Speaker 1: bad stuff, the stuff you're talking about in this email.

1235
01:21:40,400 --> 01:21:45,439
Speaker 1: Sometimes that wolf comes out at you, okay. And so

1236
01:21:45,600 --> 01:21:48,280
Speaker 1: the grandfather is talking about these two wolves to the boy,

1237
01:21:49,600 --> 01:21:52,720
Speaker 1: and he's like, because the wolf, the wolves are going

1238
01:21:52,760 --> 01:21:58,519
Speaker 1: at each other in the grandfather's brain, right, And and

1239
01:21:58,600 --> 01:22:01,040
Speaker 1: the Grandfather's like, it's hard to live with these two

1240
01:22:01,120 --> 01:22:03,679
Speaker 1: wolves inside of me, because both of the wolves try

1241
01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:08,240
Speaker 1: to dominate my spirit. And the boy asks his grandfather

1242
01:22:08,720 --> 01:22:13,519
Speaker 1: which wolf will win, and the grandfather says, the one

1243
01:22:13,720 --> 01:22:18,200
Speaker 1: that I feed. I think I read that like ten

1244
01:22:18,320 --> 01:22:27,479
Speaker 1: fucking years ago or something like that, and that really

1245
01:22:27,760 --> 01:22:33,720
Speaker 1: it hit me. It hit me, Clark. So so, yeah,

1246
01:22:34,040 --> 01:22:37,560
Speaker 1: you have a dark wolf within you, but you have

1247
01:22:37,680 --> 01:22:39,800
Speaker 1: a nice wolf within you have a loving wolf within

1248
01:22:39,840 --> 01:22:42,200
Speaker 1: you that loves your girlfriend, wants to marry her, all

1249
01:22:42,240 --> 01:22:45,960
Speaker 1: these things, So pick which one you want to feed,

1250
01:22:46,040 --> 01:22:49,720
Speaker 1: I suppose. And that was gek Male and that was

1251
01:22:49,760 --> 01:22:54,560
Speaker 1: therapy Gecko. And I hope you enjoyed this podcast. I

1252
01:22:54,640 --> 01:23:00,120
Speaker 1: hope that this was helpful or entertaining or some I

1253
01:23:00,200 --> 01:23:02,120
Speaker 1: hope it was. I hope you enjoyed being I hope

1254
01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:04,160
Speaker 1: you enjoyed listening to this. Thank you, Thank you for

1255
01:23:04,280 --> 01:23:09,679
Speaker 1: being here. I'm trying my best in this crazy world

1256
01:23:10,680 --> 01:23:17,640
Speaker 1: to make podcasts and do stuff and live life and

1257
01:23:19,640 --> 01:23:22,960
Speaker 1: you know, just to be so thanks for listening, thanks

1258
01:23:23,000 --> 01:23:27,280
Speaker 1: for joining me on this journey across the email universe.

1259
01:23:28,400 --> 01:23:32,960
Speaker 1: And I think that's it. I think that's all I

1260
01:23:33,040 --> 01:23:35,960
Speaker 1: have to say. I go, I go watch my I'm

1261
01:23:36,000 --> 01:23:37,840
Speaker 1: gonna post it on Spotify at some point. I don't

1262
01:23:37,880 --> 01:23:46,280
Speaker 1: know when, but yeah, go watch my Iraq video. I

1263
01:23:46,320 --> 01:23:48,880
Speaker 1: don't know by the time I released this podcast, maybe

1264
01:23:48,880 --> 01:23:52,200
Speaker 1: it'll already be on Spotify. I have no idea. Go

1265
01:23:52,320 --> 01:23:56,960
Speaker 1: to therapy geckotour dot com because I'm uh going on

1266
01:23:57,080 --> 01:24:03,439
Speaker 1: tour again. I'm excited about that. If you want to

1267
01:24:03,479 --> 01:24:05,559
Speaker 1: be if you want to be in gek mail, if

1268
01:24:05,560 --> 01:24:09,160
Speaker 1: you want to be in one of these emails you

1269
01:24:09,240 --> 01:24:13,639
Speaker 1: can go to you can email me at therapy Gecko

1270
01:24:13,760 --> 01:24:18,519
Speaker 1: mail at gmail dot com. I'm sorry if I was mean.

1271
01:24:18,800 --> 01:24:20,880
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like when i'm I feel

1272
01:24:20,880 --> 01:24:23,320
Speaker 1: like when I'm just alone in a room, it's easier

1273
01:24:23,400 --> 01:24:30,200
Speaker 1: for me to just be me. I don't think I

1274
01:24:30,360 --> 01:24:34,960
Speaker 1: was mean. I don't know. I think I think I

1275
01:24:35,080 --> 01:24:36,800
Speaker 1: think this was good. I think this was a good

1276
01:24:37,200 --> 01:24:41,000
Speaker 1: gek mail session. I think it was I don't know.

1277
01:24:42,120 --> 01:24:45,160
Speaker 1: I'm trying my best to do to do this good.

1278
01:24:45,840 --> 01:24:49,240
Speaker 1: So yeah, send me an email Therapy Gecko mail at

1279
01:24:49,280 --> 01:24:53,519
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Ghak bless you all have a good

1280
01:24:53,560 --> 01:24:58,479
Speaker 1: rest of your entire life, and I'll see you guys

1281
01:24:58,479 --> 01:25:02,439
Speaker 1: around the universe. By everyone there, repeat cant goes on

1282
01:25:02,600 --> 01:25:05,200
Speaker 1: the line taking your phone calls every night.

1283
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:07,439
Speaker 2: The repeat can goes doing his eye.

1284
01:25:07,600 --> 01:25:10,120
Speaker 1: He's teaching you about and the liver your life, but

1285
01:25:10,360 --> 01:25:12,240
Speaker 1: he's not really an expert.