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Speaker 1: Two hopeless daters one dating app then dares you, guys,

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Speaker 1: swipe right. The question is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tender Dates.

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Speaker 3: It's the dating game show that just pitch paramount on

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Speaker 3: the modern version of the notebook called the iPad. Noah

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Speaker 3: can't find the right charging cable in his giant drawer

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Speaker 3: of electronics.

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Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tender Dates.

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Speaker 3: Where two of our listeners square off to find out

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Speaker 3: whose love life is the most tragic. We'll explain the

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Speaker 3: rules in just a second, but first let's meet today's contestants.

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Speaker 2: In this corner, his favorite.

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Speaker 3: First date activity is playing tug of war, then tandem

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Speaker 3: licking peanut butter out of a giant rubber ball. That's

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Speaker 3: why they call him Marmaduke Looms.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to answer that, Luke.

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Speaker 3: And in the other corner, after spending a night with

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Speaker 3: a woman, he enjoys sitting down and writing a heartfelt apology.

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Speaker 2: Letter for what just happened. So let's meet Fountain Penn Bad. Sorry,

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Speaker 2: then it wouldn't have happened in the first place. Okay,

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Speaker 2: here's how the game works.

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Speaker 3: One contestant is going to start by telling one of

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Speaker 3: their worst dating stories. The other will try and come

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Speaker 3: back to counter with a nightmare story of their own.

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Speaker 2: People going back.

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Speaker 3: And forth for three rounds until we declara winner. You're

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Speaker 3: going to start things off with Marma Duke Luke.

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Speaker 2: Let's go.

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Speaker 4: Okay. So I took my date skiing and it was

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Speaker 4: her first time, so she asked me to teach her.

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Speaker 2: Right, okay, bold date.

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Speaker 1: From her point, you look so dumb when you're starting

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Speaker 1: to learn.

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Speaker 4: I didn't think that you're falling until we get there early,

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Speaker 4: and I spent hours teaching her and she's getting like

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Speaker 4: super into it.

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Speaker 2: Nice, that's awesome.

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Speaker 4: And then it gets to lunchtime. Right, uh huh, that

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Speaker 4: are going to the lodge. She thanks me and skis

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Speaker 4: off to the chair lift where her afternoon date is waiting.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, she knew.

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Speaker 1: Dude, girl has figured out how to get private lessons for.

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Speaker 4: Three Yeah, she got a free lesson from me so

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Speaker 4: that she could go on a date knowing how to

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Speaker 4: ski in the afternoon.

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Speaker 3: Good guys, let's move over down, Ben, Ben, can you

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Speaker 3: come back from that?

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Speaker 1: I mean that was brutal. That kind of seems like

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Speaker 1: it was on you.

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Speaker 2: We need story just try and do better. Fun.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so I met a girl who actually lived in

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Speaker 1: the same apartment complex as me. I wake up and

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Speaker 1: all of my furniture has been moved around.

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Speaker 2: She fussuaded your apartment to me, it probably looks better.

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Speaker 1: Why she told me, it's so she could see me

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Speaker 1: better when she walks outside my apartment to make sure

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Speaker 1: I don't have another girl in there.

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Speaker 3: Oh, both of you are giving the women in this

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Speaker 3: room way too many ideas.

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Speaker 2: So Psycho around to Luke, we're back to you.

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Speaker 4: I had a date planned. Girl asks me if I

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Speaker 4: could pick her up for it, right, okay, But when

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Speaker 4: I do, she gets in the back seat with two

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Speaker 4: other girls.

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Speaker 2: Are you like, yes, yeah, Actually that's a good.

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Speaker 1: Thing, you'd think.

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Speaker 4: But she tells me that her and her roomies need

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Speaker 4: a ride to the grocery store, Target and the nail

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Speaker 4: salon so that we can then have our date.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie too bad in the work first,

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Speaker 2: So did you do it? Did you take him?

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Speaker 3: Mother?

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Speaker 1: Errands?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: I did it?

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Speaker 2: You did guy?

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Speaker 4: So I go to bring her friends to the nail salon,

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Speaker 4: and then she changes her mind says she's gonna go

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Speaker 4: with her friends too.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, wait cancels your date.

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Speaker 3: You're doing free ski lessons and free now too, and

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Speaker 3: we're not paying you to be on this segment either,

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Speaker 3: so good job.

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Speaker 2: Over to What do you got?

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Speaker 1: So one girl and I bonded over collecting sneakers. Oh okay,

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Speaker 1: and she told me she can actually customize them.

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Speaker 2: Marry her.

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Speaker 1: I know, right to compare home. She was going to

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Speaker 1: decorate them for free. And I mean, I know what

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Speaker 1: you're thinking. You're thinking she made off with my shoes.

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Speaker 2: I actually wasn't thinking enough. I would have given her too.

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Speaker 1: No, she did give them back, but my four hundred

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Speaker 1: dollars shoes had the word Cheapo painted on the side.

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Speaker 1: Because you wanted to customize for free? I think? No, No,

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Speaker 1: she told me it was for not tipping enough on

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Speaker 1: the date.

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Speaker 2: It's really close right now.

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Speaker 3: We're on to the third and final round, so we

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Speaker 3: need your best stories, gentlemen.

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Speaker 2: Luke, what do you got?

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Speaker 3: So?

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Speaker 4: I'm asked with this girl online? Right, she's got a

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Speaker 4: pick of a giant stuffed panda that we bonded over.

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Speaker 4: I was like, that's so cute. So what does she do?

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Speaker 4: You already know? She brings it to dinner on our date.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know that.

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Speaker 2: I like a four year old child, and I don't

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Speaker 2: see that coming at all.

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Speaker 4: Actually, I'm like, is she joking? And apparently not, because

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Speaker 4: she told the waiter that the panda wanted it to

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Speaker 4: steak to.

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Speaker 2: No okay ste pandas only eat like leaves. And but

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Speaker 2: you know what, who am I?

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Speaker 3: What do you know about stuffed giants?

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Speaker 2: Totally different?

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Speaker 3: So you bought this stuffed panda steak?

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah? Not surprisingly, it wasn't very hungry, so she

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Speaker 4: took an extra meal home.

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Speaker 2: And free steak for panda. Ben. This is your last

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Speaker 2: good luck, so good.

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Speaker 1: I was with this girl and she said she wanted

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Speaker 1: to play a fun game with me, but this one

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Speaker 1: was at the grocery.

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Speaker 2: Store, okay.

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Speaker 1: We ended up going to the cereal aisle okay, and

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Speaker 1: she pulls out a box and there are four missing

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Speaker 1: kids on the back.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: She turns to me and says, you got to guess

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Speaker 1: which one of these kids is me?

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 3: Well that took a weird dark turn at the end there,

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Speaker 3: So thank god for the final bell that means.

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Speaker 2: The match is over. Judges. We need to score at

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Speaker 2: Alexis I gotta go, Luke.

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Speaker 4: I mean honestly started skiing, but all of them, I

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Speaker 4: have so many new ideas.

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Speaker 2: It's one for Luke Brook. I'm going for Luke. All right.

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Speaker 2: Congratulations Marmaduke Kaloup.

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Speaker 3: Yeah you're awarded the Brook and Jeffrey Crown of Commiseration.

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Speaker 2: Yeah that's right, Luke.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm honored, and I'm also a little offended.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think you're just poorer because of the dates you've

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Speaker 1: gone on.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but you can send us free stakes to the

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Speaker 3: studio anytime you want to buy it.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for playing text

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Speaker 3: In seventy five nine to you if you want up

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Speaker 3: here on the next edition of Battle of the Tinder

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Speaker 3: Dates your phone TAP's coming up next.