WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Hobgoblin 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:01.440 Cutbooms. 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:05.360 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:09.200 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.480 of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.480 treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:19.440 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:23.200 of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:30.680 Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:34.920 In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:39.400 Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Friday, and is 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:43.400 the sixteenth day of May. And we are hanging out 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:49.159 together here early live on tape, as Tom Looney used 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:51.159 to say, live on He hated that. He used to 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:53.560 get upset. You kids go live on tape. You can't 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:55.800 be live in on tape. If it's live, it's not 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:59.880 on tape. Anyway. We're here either way. A jam packed 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:05.240 weekend of The Fifth Hour. New episodes Saturday and Sunday. 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:07.640 But we're worried about today. We do the show today. 0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:12.040 We're worried about the show today. Normally we start out 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:13.960 with some dope holidays and all that, but I'm not 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:18.759 gonna even bother with that. We have the Hobgoblin, hobnob awaken, 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:22.720 the beast, foody fun, the phrase of the weekend. Who 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:24.440 knows what else we'll get to, but we'll start with 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:31.240 this the Friday Special. Friday Special. Is it true? Is 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:36.080 it true that an unexpected visitor stop by the Overnight 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:41.400 Show just hours ago? Just hours ago? That would be 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:45.440 one thousand percent true. So we start out the new 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:50.520 weekend of the podcast looking back at a snaff who 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:53.720 heard round the audio world if you were with me 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:58.800 on the Overnight Show, the Friday Overnight Show, you heard 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:05.120 the thing of a jig, that snap that wasn't supposed 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:08.880 to snap, that the watcher mccollet, that didn't really work out. 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:13.760 So exclusive details. Nobody else has these details. None of 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:17.520 the other other networks, none of the podcaster Joe Rogan 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:19.720 doesn't have it. None of the people that do these 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:22.840 podcasts have it. We're the only pod that has this information. 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.480 The rest of the story. As the late great Paul 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:28.920 Harvey would say, you know what the news is, but 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:31.440 now you're about to find out the rest of the story. 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:37.280 This is must consume content for the p Ones and 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:39.959 the Malon militia. I'm talking about alf the Allen, Pineter, 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:44.239 ferg Dog and all the rest, Kathy and Madison, all 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:49.440 of them. So working from the remote studio. We have 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:52.920 the world's changed since COVID. So we do the show 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:56.920 from the main studio most of the time, but occasionally 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.840 during the week we will broadcast from the remote studio, 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:04.160 which is located at the Malor Mansion, yapping away in 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:06.920 the middle of the night. Happens to be the studio 0:03:07.000 --> 0:03:11.240 that I'm in right now. So in the rant that 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:15.360 I was doing in hour now very three hour three, 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:20.600 So this is the four am Eastern hour. This is 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:28.040 the one am Pacific hour, ranting poetic about Bill Belichick 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:32.519 and his young Fluozy and the latest on them having 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:35.800 a best selling book. Well, Belichick having a best selling book, 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:39.840 and I was building up to a crescendo. I thought 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:44.160 it was very funny that Bill Belichick wrote a book 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:46.640 and is promoting the book. And the reason the book 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:50.200 is now a New York Times bestseller is because many 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:53.440 of the people going to buy the book believe they're 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:57.240 going to get some kind of amazing details on Bill 0:03:57.280 --> 0:04:02.040 Belichick and his young late friend, when that is not 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:05.760 the topic of the book. So I'm building up to this, right, 0:04:05.840 --> 0:04:07.760 I'm building up to this, I'm setting it up. I'm 0:04:07.840 --> 0:04:10.600 laying the groundwork, and of course you want to know 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.120 everything I have to say about the creative muse of 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:16.520 Bill Belichick. So I'm doing my thing, building up to 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:20.520 the great quote from W. C. Fields, who said, you 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:22.799 can fool some of the people some of the time, 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:25.760 and that's enough to make a decent living, which is 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:30.200 a kin what Belichick's doing here, suckering people in to 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:34.279 get the book, thinking they're going to hear all this tabooed, 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:39.960 tawdry stuff about old dude, young woman, and no, so 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:44.279 you don't. You don't get that anyway. So as I 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:48.360 am doing this rant, I get a text on the 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:52.560 malorphone and it says something like you're off the air 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:55.560 line dropped. You're off the air line dropped. And my 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:58.640 immediate reaction is, oh, this is probably a joke. I 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:01.080 know we're into May. It's a l April Fools joke. 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:04.200 And so I off to my left in the studio. 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:08.440 I have all the equipment in the remote studio that 0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:12.279 connects me to wherever I need to be connected, and 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:16.080 there's a decent amount of stuff in here that I 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:19.920 purchased I actually bought all this stuff in the remote studio. 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:22.200 If you've been with the show all on time. I 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:26.000 was doing some fill in work at WEI in Boston, 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:29.520 and I did it remote most of the time, and 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:34.200 so I built a studio out in twenty seventeen. I 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:36.920 guess it was twenty seventeen. So that was the year 0:05:37.000 --> 0:05:44.960 the pro cheated in the World Series, and Rob Manford, 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:47.560 the commissioner of Major League Baseball, thought, Oh, that's no 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:50.560 big deal. It's just to hunk a metal. We'll protect them. 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:53.960 So I built a studio in twenty seventeen. I've moved 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:57.000 all the equipment for the studio since then. I've moved 0:05:57.040 --> 0:06:01.279 to a new humble abode during that time, anyway, So 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:04.080 I have all this stuff in here, and off to 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:08.039 my left, I have the equipment that tells me whether 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:11.200 I'm connected. It's really just a series of lights that 0:06:11.600 --> 0:06:15.200 connect me. So I look over and if it's a 0:06:15.240 --> 0:06:18.240 green light, I'm connected. And if it's not a green light, 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:20.960 or if it's a red light, something has gone terribly wrong. 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:25.200 And I look over in my periphial vision, thinking that 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:28.400 this was fake, and I do not see the green light. 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.400 I don't see the red light. I see no light, 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:35.200 and I'm like, oh boy, Well, it turns out that 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:38.560 this was not some kind of rogue gremlin attack. There 0:06:38.600 --> 0:06:44.719 was no gremlin attacked. Instead, the FSR Mothership had a 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:51.120 hiccup the hob goblin hob knob if you will, those 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:56.240 hob goblins. The goblins attacked the Sherman Oaks studios of 0:06:57.160 --> 0:07:00.960 the Ben Mathers Show. And as we like to say, 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:04.880 the show must go on. You just got to keep going, right. 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:10.720 We fought the attack of the hobgoblin. We bludgeoned several hobgoblins. 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.720 It was like playing whack a mole with the hob goblins. 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:15.960 But you have to roll with the dice that land 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:18.280 wherever the dice land, and the show turned out to be. 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:19.480 I thought it was all right. I thought it was 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:22.320 pretty good. Some parts of it were great. My favorite 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:24.800 parts of last night show because we just did last 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:27.080 Night Show, so that's what I'm thinking of. Pam and 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:31.640 Seattle loved the call. Pam and Seattle called up and 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:33.880 she agreed to take the oath. She wanted to take 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:38.120 the oath. She then was so flustered she couldn't handle 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:41.320 the oath. She did not pass the oath. We had 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:43.800 to fail, Pam. You can hear that on the podcast. 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:46.920 And I'm pretty sure that was a bit because Pam 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:53.000 and Seattle, very calm, professional woman, not like the people 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:55.800 that normally call the show, and she's a classically trained 0:07:55.920 --> 0:07:58.960 musician like Inka Terra and a very nice woman. She 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:03.400 would not do that unless that that punk inca terror 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:06.360 had her do that. So I enjoyed. I enjoyed Pam's 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:10.520 phone call. I thought that was good. Charlie totally flamed 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:14.320 out on his call from Dallas, the Charlie from Dallas. 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:17.880 And then we had hollering James, a vintage hollering James 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:24.120 throwback call where he was just snoring, and it wasn't agony, 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:27.160 it was joy. It was joy listening to him snore. 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:30.840 Meg My god, was that great? So anyway, that was 0:08:30.880 --> 0:08:33.560 the hobgoblin hobb now now turning the page on that 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:39.120 to page two. And once upon a time, a couple 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.720 days ago, that's right, Once upon a time, a couple 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:46.960 of days ago, a slapstick comedy broke out. Not on radio, no, no, no, 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:50.160 not on radio. It was not on television. It was 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:53.040 not a concert, It wasn't a lot of palooza. It 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:56.800 was a Vaudvillian event that very few people know about, 0:08:57.880 --> 0:08:59.720 and I will share that with you right now. So 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:04.040 it's started out simple enough, as most stories do. It 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:08.160 was just a casual event and one thing led to another. 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:13.000 So following the radio show, I made the long trek 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:16.720 back to the north Woods. This was when I was 0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:20.079 in studio, So I made my way back, and following 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:23.840 the radio show, I put my bags. I have two 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:26.439 bags I take with me. I put them down. I 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:30.599 got a thing of water. I then got my headphones 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:34.480 that I use and a couple of items, and I 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:37.800 went to the dungeon at the Malor Mansion. Went down 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:40.640 to the dungeon, which is not a basement because they 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:43.800 don't have basements in California. It's a literal dungeon. So 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:46.320 I went into the dungeon. I decided I was going 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.200 to hop on the treadmill. I said, you know what 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:52.000 I need. I need to be productive. Let me hop 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:55.680 on the treadmill and I'll knock out a little workout. 0:09:55.679 --> 0:09:58.120 Why not? So I hopped on the treadmill in the dungeon, 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:01.040 not bragging. The thing was real fixed. It was down 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:04.360 for like three years A gentleman came over cost us 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:06.760 an arm and a leg. But the treadmill is not working. 0:10:07.320 --> 0:10:09.680 So my goal is ten thousand steps today. My goal 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:11.720 often is a lot more than that. My goal often 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:13.640 is close to twenty thousand, but I try to get 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:16.800 a minimum of ten thousand. So remember I'm here at 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:22.240 the Malar you know, Malar Mansion. My my pal Moxie 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:26.600 is holding down the fort, the mascot of the Malar Militia. 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:29.120 She's on the sofa and this is her throne. This 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:32.120 is where she hangs out. She cannot be bothered to 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:34.280 go into the dungeon. She does not want to hang 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:37.040 out with me. While I'm on the treadmill. She looks 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:40.400 down upon me and my dog Moxie working out. So 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:44.640 Moxie is so lazy. How lazy is she? She's so lazy. 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:48.160 I'm glad you asked. Moxy is so lazy that if 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.280 you have a bulldog, I'm guessing they're all like this. 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:53.240 I just I've never had a bulldog before. Moxie so 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:57.280 as she is. She's so lazy. She doesn't even move 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:59.920 her body when you enter the room. I've had dog 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.520 that would run and try to jump through Bella, the 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:05.080 old dog we had Bella. We'll try to run through 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:08.200 the freaking door to get you. Knew that you were 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:09.480 on the other side of the door, and we try 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:13.520 to literally run and jump like some kind of matador, 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:16.520 like ill Matta door and the bull trying to get 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:21.240 through the door. So Moxie is the antithesis of that. 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:26.360 She's the complete opposite of that. And she's so lazy. 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:28.360 She will not move her body when you're in the room. 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:32.400 She moves her eyeballs, and sometimes she's so lazy she 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:34.640 will not even move her eyeballs, so like track you 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:39.000 with her eyes. So this was just your normal night 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:41.559 again once upon a time, a couple of days ago. 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:45.280 And I'm doing my routine on the tread. I'm not 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:48.520 really running, but I'm not walking. I guess that's jogging. 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:50.760 I guess it's called fast walking. Whatever you want to 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:53.960 call it, I don't care. So I'm doing that. And 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.880 I did a decent amount of time. I put some 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:00.680 audio on. I was listening to something podcast asked or something. 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:04.960 And then after about forty five minutes, I said, you 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.560 know what, I got to answer a call. I'm not 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:09.160 doing a talk show. I had to answer the call. 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:14.440 And so I had to answer nature's call. So I 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:20.640 paused the treadmill. I headed to the powder room. As 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:24.760 they say in Canada, Oh come, we'll be in Vancouver. 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:30.120 Coming up man, less than two weeks from today. We 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:32.960 will be in Vancouver. Cannot wait, Mouther meet and greet 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:37.480 Canadian style. Anyway, so I decided I had to go bathroom. 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:40.120 My body told me I had to go bathroom. So 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:43.960 I made my way out of the dungeon, and Justin 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.240 and Cincinnati tells me Robbie the Mariner fan lives in 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:48.600 the dungeon. Anyway, So I made my way out of 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:52.760 the dungeon. I walked up some stairs, then down a hall, 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:56.280 and then down a different set of stairs. And as 0:12:56.360 --> 0:13:00.720 I was walking in this room, I saw Moxie who 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:05.079 was sleeping. And again no acknowledgement. It's in the dark. 0:13:05.120 --> 0:13:07.560 And of course I'm such a loser. I was like, 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.560 I don't want to I did not want to wake 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:13.640 up Moxie. I did not want to wake her up. Yeah, 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:15.880 so maybe she'll wake up if I turned the lights on. 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:19.160 So I went over to the to the powder room, 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:22.960 to the bathroom, and I made my way to the crapper, 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:26.520 crap on, crap off the crapper. So I took care 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:30.439 of business, and then I had to reverse the trip 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:33.520 in the dark, so I made sure to flush. I 0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:37.200 washed my hands in the dark. So I go out 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:41.240 and I walk and it's a normal walk, nothing really interesting. 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:45.320 I walked back up the stairs down to the to 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:47.640 the left, and now I go down another set of 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:50.800 stairs and then I go down into my dungeon and 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:54.400 I'm on my way. So as I was making this trip, 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:59.000 about midway through, I started smelling something that didn't really 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:03.719 smell proper, smelled a little foul, so I thought, but 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.760 it must be Moxie. Moxie must have let one ript 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:09.760 flashlens for Moxie. Bulldogs are known to have a lot 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.720 of gas, so I didn't think much of it. I 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:16.319 kept going and going and going, and I kept smelling it. 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:21.520 And it turns out that Moxie had decided that she 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:23.560 needed to go to the bathroom and she couldn't make 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:27.400 it out in time, and so she went poopy in 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:32.520 the Houseye And as the famous line goes, watch that 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:37.360 last step, it's a doozy. It is a doozy, And 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:42.160 it was so here I am very proud of myself. 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:44.160 I'm like, oh, I'm getting some exercise. I'm being a 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:46.000 grown up, you know, being an adult. I just had a 0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:48.120 big birthday. People tell me I'm old. 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:48.400 Now. 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:53.440 So I got on the treadmill. Fine, so I'm now 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.680 standing here. I looked down at my shoes covered in 0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:01.920 fecal matter. It's pitch black. Other I had to turn 0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:05.200 my light on my phone on. Now I'm like, these 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:07.400 are the pair of shoes that I use on the treadmill. 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:10.640 I got to get these things cleaned as ap. These 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:14.200 things must be clean. I had options. I said, well, 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.120 I can put on the sink, but then that's the sink, 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.440 the kitchen sink we use for the dishes. I don't 0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:21.200 want to put dog shit in the kitchen sink. And 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.600 I was like, I go to the bathroom and use 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:25.640 the sink there, but it's the same concept we wash 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:27.240 our hands there. I don't know if I want that, 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:29.960 so I, ah, you know, I'll just go out in 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.200 the back and I'll turn on the hose. I'll go 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.560 behind the mallor mansion, and I'll turn on the hose 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:37.280 and that'll be that. Yay, it's the middle of the night. 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:41.320 It's pitch black. Everyone's sleeping. I'm awake, Moxie is sleeping. 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:46.720 So I go down outside. I go around to where 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:50.320 the hose is, and again, this is just all going 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:52.040 on in the span of you know, a short amount 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:56.760 of time. Moxie is so unbothered by the situation. She decides, 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.440 I'm not getting up. You know, I'm good, I'm I'm 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:03.240 not doing that. So I go out and I take 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:06.520 the shoes off, and I turned the hose on and 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:11.360 I rinse away the Moxie waste off the sneakers. And 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:14.840 as I am doing this, and it's only been about 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:18.800 twenty seconds since I started deciding to wash the sneakers 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.440 because I need them, all of a sudden I hear 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:27.480 this galloping and this barking from a distance, and I'm like, 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:31.040 what the F is that? Now? It turns out the 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:35.840 rest of the story, our friend Moxie my pal. I 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:41.160 spend almost every night during the week enjoying the company 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:43.800 of Moxie. She keeps me company. My wife works as well, 0:16:43.880 --> 0:16:48.560 so she's not around and I'm with mox We're enjoying ourselves. 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:53.600 And so it turns out that galloping I heard was 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:56.680 Moxie who went from zero to hero. She was into 0:16:56.760 --> 0:17:02.520 hero mode, clearly triggered in a paste by Poseidon, the 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:07.119 Greek god of the sea. The Moxie that we knew 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:09.679 that was sleeping, that is so lazy, she would not 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:13.720 move her anything more than her eyeballs. It turns out 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:17.080 we awoken the beast. We did. We awoken the beast, 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:21.359 and so now here we are. I mentioned this was 0:17:21.359 --> 0:17:24.399 a Vaudvillian comedy, more like The Three Stooges, which is 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:29.240 Vaudvillian old comedy Troupe Three Stooges. So it's the middle 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:33.320 of the night. I'm now standing outside barefoot holding a 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:38.280 shoe covered in shit Moxie muffins full of crap ole. 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:44.400 I'm washing the shoe off. Behind me is Moxie, who 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:48.119 is waking up all of the neighbors of the Malor 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:52.520 mansion in a time that is not a time to 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:56.879 be awake for most. She's then turning her attention to me. 0:17:56.960 --> 0:18:00.560 She's trying to attack me. Well, not really. She wanted 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:03.560 to get to the source of the water, so the 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:05.679 goal was to get to the source of the water. 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:10.399 I was in between the source of the water and Moxie, 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:15.400 so I've got my shoes covered. I've got water now 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:18.639 everywhere because of the hose. I've got Moxie trying to 0:18:18.640 --> 0:18:23.040 attack the water, ready to fight to the death, ready 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:27.000 to fight to the death. And just another night, just 0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:32.240 another random night in paradise. God, it was. It was 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:34.639 like I couldn't go back on the treadmill because the 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:37.280 shoes were covered in the crap. And then I got 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:40.200 the crap off of Maxie. Was Moxie was of upset. Now. 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:44.200 My mistake, the fatal mistake I made, was I left 0:18:44.200 --> 0:18:47.680 the door open, because that got the wheels in motion. 0:18:48.400 --> 0:18:51.560 I left the door open because I assumed, like a 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.680 dumb ass, that my dog Moxie would just stay asleep. 0:18:56.320 --> 0:18:57.879 I didn't think we were going to have a turf 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:03.719 war between Moxie and the Greek god of the sea Poseidon. 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:05.800 I did not expect that to happen. I figure, well, 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:08.520 she's sleeping, the host doesn't even make that much noise. 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:11.159 There's no way this is gonna end up in a 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:13.240 bad situation. And sure enough, it ended up in a 0:19:13.240 --> 0:19:15.879 bad situation. So that was. That was one of the 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:19.560 tales I am promoting ahead, my man, you gotta tease 0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:22.680 mam man you gotta tease, all right, So tomorrow I'm 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:25.720 gonna save all the wedding stories. Danny produces the spot, 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:27.800 but he's not with me on Friday, is really much 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:30.520 anymore at all. So I'll save some of that stuff 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:34.080 to Saturday, because I Danny's been to a lot of 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:36.520 like weddings and stuff. And I was at a wedding 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:41.080 last weekend and I saved a couple of stories. One 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:46.240 of them, one of the five funniest moments I've had 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:50.480 in my life, happened at that wedding, and I will 0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:53.640 share that with you tomorrow. We'll go down that road, 0:19:53.680 --> 0:19:56.720 will go off the beaten path. Is that a good 0:19:56.760 --> 0:19:59.600 tease getting people to listen to a story about a wedding? 0:19:59.680 --> 0:20:01.640 I don't know that that's a good teast that will 0:20:01.680 --> 0:20:09.240 be going on tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow's another day. Time out 0:20:09.240 --> 0:20:12.240 for some food he fun, all right, for food he fun. 0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:15.200 That's right, it's food he fun. So the Foody Fund 0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:17.800 these are different food items. Various food items that we 0:20:17.920 --> 0:20:22.760 have discovered are either on sale or there's new items out. 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:29.840 For example, Krispy Kream, Krispy Kreme, they're everywhere, not as 0:20:29.840 --> 0:20:32.119 everywhere as they used to be, but that Krispy Cream 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:34.520 is all over the place. Well, they have debuted in 0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:39.080 honor of pac Man and the video game pac Man's 0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:44.880 forty fifth birthday. Man, I'm older than pac Man. Holy crap. Anyway, 0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:49.240 Chrispy Kream is celebrating Krispy Kreme is celebrating Pacman's forty 0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:53.040 fifth birthday, and they have teamed up with the owner 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:56.520 of the pac Man brand and they are now hawking 0:20:57.240 --> 0:21:03.639 pac Man Donuts a pac Man donut donut collection which 0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:08.679 started this week four four days ago. They have the 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:12.520 pac Man Party Donut, the original glazed donut covered with 0:21:12.640 --> 0:21:18.000 yellow butter cream flavored iceling, top with celebration sprinkles, and 0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:21.000 finished with a pac Man piece. They have the Team 0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:28.399 Ghost Donut that is unglazed with chocolate flavored cream, dipped 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:32.719 in black icing, decorated with a classic pac Man maize, 0:21:33.400 --> 0:21:36.720 and top with a Team Ghost piece. And then you 0:21:36.800 --> 0:21:42.800 have Strawberry powder Berry Donut that's a mouthful unglazed shell 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:47.400 donut filled with strawberry flavored cream, top with red icing, 0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:54.320 and finished with white sprinkles. So all this available, and 0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:58.400 there's even more. They have a Light Hot Light donut 0:21:58.560 --> 0:22:04.080 giveaway and Strawberry Glaze Challenge is that started May twelfth. 0:22:04.080 --> 0:22:09.720 It goes through the end of the weekend. On Sunday, 0:22:09.200 --> 0:22:11.840 they claim they will hand out a total of forty 0:22:11.880 --> 0:22:18.120 five thousand free original glazed donuts and hot light hours 0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:22.439 seven to nine am and five to seven pm. So 0:22:22.520 --> 0:22:24.399 you got that. I mean there's other promotions there, but 0:22:24.880 --> 0:22:27.359 the whole point of is they're going to have the 0:22:27.560 --> 0:22:29.840 pac Man. They have it right now, the Pacman Donut 0:22:29.880 --> 0:22:32.040 collection Pan Express. I used to be a big Pan 0:22:32.200 --> 0:22:35.840 Express guy. Every Christmas I would eat Panda Express because 0:22:35.880 --> 0:22:38.760 it was the only thing open. So Pan Express launched 0:22:38.840 --> 0:22:44.560 a new Chili Crisp Chicken featuring Mike's Hot Honey in 0:22:44.640 --> 0:22:49.400 select markets. So if you're into pand Express, you can 0:22:49.480 --> 0:22:53.720 have a big day, big day there at Pan Express. 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:56.359 What Marcus is it? I you did to say what 0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:02.360 markets are? Right? So this item is available on Albuquerque, Atlanta, Chicago, 0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:09.040 Sweet Home, Chicago, Houston, Las Vegas, and Santa Fe. So 0:23:09.160 --> 0:23:12.840 you can get your hands on the new item at 0:23:12.880 --> 0:23:18.200 Panda Express. The new Chili Chris Chicken does seem a 0:23:18.200 --> 0:23:24.440 litt odd The cities that were chosen medium sized cities 0:23:24.760 --> 0:23:27.240 like Las Vegas I guess it's bigger than that. Now, 0:23:27.760 --> 0:23:31.320 massive cities like Atlanta, Chicago, and Houston, and then you 0:23:31.400 --> 0:23:35.919 have Albuquerque and Santa Fe seems rather odd to me. 0:23:36.040 --> 0:23:38.960 But I don't work for I don't work for them. 0:23:39.440 --> 0:23:42.800 I do not What else do we have on foody fun? 0:23:42.960 --> 0:23:47.520 Denny's has introduced the new Red, White and Berry Pancake Slam, 0:23:47.680 --> 0:23:54.359 alongside the new Bacon Ranch Cheeseburger and Cookie Dough Lovers Pie. Hello, 0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:57.520 sign me up for some of that Cookie do Lovers Pie. 0:23:57.560 --> 0:24:01.159 I'm in, I'm in now. I realized that this next item. 0:24:01.520 --> 0:24:04.119 Half of the country has Hearty's, half of the country 0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:06.960 has Carls Junior. So I'm not sure if these deals 0:24:07.000 --> 0:24:10.240 apply at Harty's. I know at Carl's Junior they have 0:24:10.320 --> 0:24:16.159 welcome back the Sour Dough Star. O MG, the Sourdough 0:24:16.280 --> 0:24:20.120 Star is back on the menu at Carls Junior. Yeah, 0:24:20.560 --> 0:24:24.399 that's right now, available in a triple size. Thank god, 0:24:24.920 --> 0:24:28.040 my prayers have been answered. Carls Jr. Also launched a 0:24:28.200 --> 0:24:34.200 five ninety nine build your Own Bag byob deal Carls Jr. 0:24:35.200 --> 0:24:40.639 Allowing you to customize your meal nationwide. Debut five ninety 0:24:40.720 --> 0:24:47.199 nine Build Your own bag at participating locations. What's in 0:24:47.280 --> 0:24:50.040 the bag? What you ask me? What's in the bag? 0:24:50.080 --> 0:24:52.640